#self ship whump
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me imagining my f/o getting absolutely destroyed in a fight/injured badly from outside circumstances and having to be taken care of by me
#waves.txt#whump#selfship whump#self ship whump#<< pretty sure#i Need to take care of them so bad#selfship#self ship#ficto
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(cracks knuckles)
the best I can offer now is a selfshipper whumpee who got isekai'ed to their favorite media lol.
perhaps their f/o was the villain. they don't care about whumpee, all they want is to reach their goals, and they do anything to reach them. even if means destroying the only person who loves them.
or perhaps their f/o dies a horrible way in canon media. infront of their eyes, they were so close to finally be with them. life is cruel.
or the source media is not something they can handle- a zombie apocalypse? a post-doomsday earth? a war infested city? or maybe the media takes place in the past and whumpee is just a technology addicted teen lol.
Maybe, they got stolen by whumper in their source, trying to stay hopeful because their hero! f/o will come to save them....they don't. such side characters were meant to die to keep the plot going. or maybe they do? good ending (recovery whump my beloved)
hmmm I'll send more if I remember... are these good offerings 🙏?
can I be teeth anon btw
VERY good offerings, thank you so much!!! I absolutely LOVE these prompts OMG!!!! Selfship and whump my beloved ❤️🧡💛
I especially love the F/O who dies canonically. Imagine if Whumpee knew it was coming, but they tried everything they could to save their F/O... but it was all for naught.
And PLEASE. Send more selfship whump prompts 👀
(And of course! Just let me know it's you whenever you send an ask with "Teeth Anon" or a tooth emoji or similar; it'd be so awkward if I mistook another anon for you haha)
#whump#whump prompt#wow answers#death mention#self ship whump#???? how the FUCK is that not a tag??????#teeth anon
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Imagine sewing up a serious cut on your F/O.
They’re bleeding heavily and it covers their clothes and is sticky on the skin around the wound. They’re pale, shaking, and they look to you with adoration as you help tend to them.
You peel away their damaged clothes, washing the blood away with a damp cloth to expose the injury. You don’t have any painkillers for them, and you don’t have any time to find any.
You squeeze their hand, and give them something to bite down on. You reassure them that it’s going to be okay.
With needle and thread you carefully and slowly knit their torn flesh back together. Their breathing is heavy– do they make noises of pain, or stay stoic and silent as you work? You can feel them trembling against you.
It’s hard to hurt them like this, but you know if you don’t, it will be so, so much worse. You might lose them.
Finally, it’s done. Their flesh bears your stitchery, and the bleeding has stopped to a mere ooze. You bandage it up.
And then you hold them close. It takes you a long time to let go.
#self ship#selfship#self shipping#fictional other#f/o imagine#self ship imagine#imagine your self ship#imagine your f/o#whump#self ship whump#cw injury#cw blood#cw medical#cw stitches#hurt comfort
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i’m sick rn so have this
Your f/o notices you’re sick one morning when they hear your coughing while you’re sleeping. They feel your head lightly, you don’t have a fever, but you’re clearly not well. They prop you up slightly so you can breathe better, and gives you a kiss on the forehead before setting up a humidifier or something similar. They come back and curl up next to you, kissing your head before they fall back asleep as well.
i’ve been sick the past 3 days including today. wish me luck lol.
#f/o#self ship#imagine your f/o#f/o comfort#sickfic prompts#f/o sick#whump scenario#cold whump#sickfic whump#sicknario#i feel sick#sickfic#f/o community#f/o imagines#romantic f/o#whump sick#i’m sick#imagine your comfort character#self ship imagine
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Ship Strife & Angst Prompts
Feel free to use these prompts for OTPs, self ship F/Os, whump, or anything else.
Have followers send a number and a ship, or just do the prompts you want.
A minor argument between A and B.
A major argument between A and B.
An argument one person started deliberately.
An argument where someone resorts to violence.
A needs time after an argument and B is forced to spend time apart.
A realizes with horror they have hurt B.
A takes satisfaction in having hurt B.
A unintentionally emotionally manipulates B.
A emotionally manipulates B knowing full well they're doing it.
A marches into danger alone after an argument with B.
A loses control of their emotions around B for the first time.
A destroys something that belongs to B, accidentally or intentionally.
A and B don't know when they'll be able to see one another again.
A and B are forcibly separated from one another.
A finds B injured and possibly unconscious after B went off alone.
A tells B they believe they're dying.
A is screaming B's name, but B won't or can't answer.
A has to leave B or something terrible will happen to B.
A tries to contact B and inadvertently exposes them or causes an accident.
A has a flaw or trait that is causing a problem for B.
A accidentally triggers a point of B's trauma.
A deliberately uses a point of B's trauma to hurt them.
A is forced to hurt B due to mind control or manipulation.
A is tricked or manipulated into believing B doesn't care about them.
A and B find themselves on opposite sides of a serious conflict.
A declares an ultimatum to B.
A finds themselves in a situation where they feel jealous and possessive of B.
A is forced to watch while B is hurt, and is unable to intervene.
A gets the call that B is in the hospital in critical condition.
A and B are running out of time
#self ship#self ship prompts#selfship#f/o prompts#whump#whump prompts#angst prompts#otp prompts#relationship prompts#hurt no comfort#angst#enemies to lovers#writing prompts#ship prompts#shipping prompts#character prompts
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(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)
(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)
(If the OP would prefer this post not link back to the OG post or is otherwise is not okay w/ this post in reference to theirs, please let me know in some form so I can delete/edit it as needed.)
Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?
For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.
A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.
And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)
Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."
And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.
...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.
In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.
#leonard bones mccoy#star trek tos#star trek aos#whump#back on my bullshit#aos bones fretting over Jim and Spock and their injuries; completely forgetting that hes also a little worse for wear#thinking back to dustykneed's post abt him being fucked up and grieving after ST:ID and. Lets just make it even more physical#After the issues they face from that; Spirk are more aware of Bones' tendency to brush things off. are more equipped to take care of him#when he needs it; just as he does for them. He's so stubbornly self sufficient and it worries them. But they're equally as stubborn and#loving. Unstoppable Force meets Immovable Object. I feel like post ST:ID is where they kind of Learn that Bones keeps shit on the down low#Because like. Bones will complain. Unless it's smth that's just affecting him. And then he suddenly keeps it to himself. When he complains#abt that whole fiasco he complains abt Jim dying. Abt Spock almost dying on that planet. About how they all almost died. But he doesn't tal#about how HE almost died from that fucking torpedo almost blowing up on him. Not a word. Jim forgot it had even happened until like. Carol#brings it up in passing. Maybe she has nightmares on the incident. But he realises Bones has just NEVER fucking mentioned it despite him#being the master complainer. That sets off the first alarm bells. And then maybe Uhura asks Jim how Bones is doing bc she knows that Bones#would just say he's fine. But Jim is like ??? Bc why wouldn't Bones be okay. And then she realises that HE HASN'T realised that Bones is th#kind of motherfucker to suffer in silence. and she's like Jim. Jim he literally ran himself to the ground trying to revive you. Jim. Are yo#kidding me have you NOT TALKED ABOUT THAT??? ANY OF IT??? Thus... Jim realises or maybe even Remembers what Bones is like#bc maybe at some point he DID know Bones well enough to know when he's fucking himself over. But all the Bullshit that theyve gone through#and the fact they work in entirely different parts of the ship kind of. Alienated them a bit. And suddenly hes like. Oh. Oh No. Oh FUCK.#because Jesus how the FUCK does he even approach this. But he manages it. And Spock gets in on it too as he slowly gets to know the doctor#And then post-beyond its like. Yeah. All three of them gang up on each other. That includes Spock and Kirk making sure Bones is as Fine as#he always says he is.#anyway. Yeah. I just think Bones probably stresses and overthinks too much but god forbid anyone comfort him. Self sacrificing bastard#wow this is a lot of alphabet soup im so sorry AHAHA
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TW: Implied Abuse, Strong Language
Caretaker couldn’t find Whumpee anywhere. They'd been searching the seedy part of the city— this is where they lived?— all night after they had stormed out after an argument, and still nothing. Caretaker didn't like this place, all grimy and full of faces that smiled with too many fangs to be human. The bars clamored with the worst type of clientele, and though their coat did little to protect from the cold, and the warmth enticed them, they ignored it.
They heard some murmuring from a small crowd, and their stomach turned to lead. They pawed their way through the crowd, glaring up at the jostling gossipers. They parted through the sea of people, finally able to see.
Whumpee laid there, still dressed in the less-than-winter-appropriate outfit from earlier, blood matted into their hair, skin all scraped up and bruised. One of their eyes appeared swollen shut, blood dripping from their split lip as they trembled in their unconscious state.
Caretaker shoved the people around them back. "Get the fuck out of here! Don't you have places to be?!"
The crowd grumbled but dispersed upon seeing Caretaker's gun. They crouched before Whumpee, cautious not to touch them. They didn’t want to scare them, instead letting Whumpee see their hands.
"Whumpee?"
They let out what sounded like a whimper, eyelids fluttering but never fully opening. Caretaker had a million questions, but sighed, pinching the bridge of their nose. They already knew have the answers, and besides, they weren't going to get much out of them like this anyway.
Caretaker stood up, shrugging off their coat, thankful for the thick top they had on underneath. They laid it over Whumpee, holding back a cry at how small they looked like that. They weren't supposed to be small.
"Whumpee, I'm going to pick you up now. I'm going to bring you home, alright?"
Their face scrunched up, voice too hoarse. "Whumper... No, please..."
Caretaker knelt back down, eyes burning as Whumpee's arm flailed, not hitting anything, just revealing more bruises and cigarette burns.
"I'm here now, Whumpee. Whumper won't hurt you while I'm here. I'm right here."
They gingerly scooped Whumpee up into their arms, wincing at how hollow they felt, like a strong breeze would blow them away. Whumpee's face nestled into Caretaker's shoulder, and as Caretaker carried them back home— their real home— they let that act as the smallest insurance that they might be okay.
#whump prompt#whumpee#tw: trauma#caretaker#tw: angst#whumper#tw: crying#tw: guilt#tw: abuse#tw: blood#tw: bruises#tw: injury#tw: hypothermia#tw: missing#tw: strong language#tw: violence#tw: self destruction#definitely not based on a new ship I love#nope definitely not
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Hii. I'm currently writing some svsss ff's and I want to do luo binghe's trauma and just how bad shen Jiu treated him justice. I feel like it gets brushed off by fans sometimes, but I really don't want to diminish the gravity of shen jius actions and the very real repercussions they had on luo binghe and the other kids he bullied out of the peak.
So if you guys have any ideas or just any tools on how to properly write abuse and trauma I'd appreciate it :)
#svsss#whump writing#whump#im gonna be writing so much hurt/comfort after i master that#i feel like luo binghes pain isnt talked about enough cause of the fandoms love for shen jiu#college au#luo bingge#cause hes the one who lived through the worst of it#on a side note i cant believe people ship them thats kinda depraved#anyways#ao3#scum villian self saving system#healing#writing#shen qingqiu#hes gonna give so much love and devotion to his husband by the time im done with him#just#luo binghe appreciation damnit
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The GritsandBrits Tinies 👻
Or, putting my favorite characters & f/os through it :)
A for Ahkmenrah ran through with a sword
B is for Bill divided by Ford.
C is for Clark who fought to a standstill
D is for Duke from a venomous drill.
E is for Erik on the dreaded M-Day
F is for Frost who melted away.
G for Gourmand eating undercooked mole
H is for Henry who ran out of coal.
I is for Ipkiss playing dangerous games
J is for Junior ran over by James.
K for King Koopa ganged up by a duo
L is for Loki trapped by a foe.
M for Macaque sliced up by Wukong
N is for Naruto who worked hours too long.
O is for Optimus who turned murky gray
P is for Prince crushed during a play.
Q is for Quentin whose writers forgetten
R is for Ratigan who fell off Big Ben.
S is for Steve who aged like a coward
T is for Todd, brought back by strange powers.
U is for Unity unavailable in stores
V is for Vlad smashed by a meteor.
W for Waspinator, sat on by Rhinox
X for Xavier mandated by Fox.
Y is for Young stuck in legal befuddle
Z is for Zurg who stepped in a puddle.
#gb asks#meme#poetry#tw death#parody#comfort character#whump writing#the gashlycrumb tinies#edward gorey#self shipping#f/o
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"I'd die for you."
"Would you live for me? No, I mean would you live for me? Would you change yourself in every conceivable way to better fit my desires? Would you abandon any principle you ever had and pervert yourself until you've forgotten what you once were, all for my love?"
#whump#whump dialogue#shipping dynamics#toxic yaoi#yandere#darkfic#dark fic#villain f/o#villain self ship#villain fucker#romantic whump
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About Me
Hello selfship community and fandom community around Obey Me! I'm someone who played the first game when it came out and I met my partner through Obey Me! It holds a super special place in my heart. I absolutely am happy to be in the fandom once again, I sadly was dealing with a bad situation but now I'm able to have fun again!
Also-
Hello whump community! This is my first time ever being in the actual community and though my original goal was just to do things centered on Obey Me, I've decided to also do more OC whump here too! I'm super interested in learning more in the community and also continuing my writing!
My main account is: @corviddusk
We are a system (I have DID)
I am 20 years old
I am NOT involved in shipcourse I have no side.
Oriented AroAce
Multigender (Intersex BoyGirl Enby)
₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊
About This Blog
What will this blog be for? I'll make a variety of posts about my own OCs in the OM universe and some selfship posts. I may also post some headcannons I have. I sadly know nothing about characters who were added beyond the main seven brothers and side characters who were originally in the first game. I'll also be using this for a lot of whump on various topics!
Topics included/Content Warnings
Whump
NSFW textposts
Mentions of child abuse
Cultic abuse
Sexual abuse
Human trafficking
Consensual sexual gore
Emotional and psychological abuse
Drug use
Heavy amounts of queer sex
This blog is 18+
The abusive situations in my fanfictions are not with the OM characters being abusive, rather characters in my own OCs background. This is mostly for professing my own traumas + having comfort during a period in my life while I'm in recovery from my own trauma with cults and trafficking.
#obey me#obey me one master to rule them all#selfship#self ship#self shipper#shipping#self shipping#whump
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SAD F/O IMAGINE imagine your f/o slowly realizing you dont love them anymore and desperately trying to keep your relationship together for as long as possible because they just cant let go. theyre desperate for your love and feel like they cant live without you. even though it hurts them knowing you dont love them anymore, they need you. they would do anything to bring back the feelings you used to have for them, but they know there's no chance and theyre doomed to end up heartbroken. they feel like theyre dying.
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In the Hands of the Enemy: Tarkin/Leia darkfic
CW: noncon elements; creepy, obsessive Tarkin
Summary: At last, Tarkin has Princess Leia right where he wants her...
Caught and imprisoned in the Death Star, it seems the proud rebel is his at last, to tease and to torture...
But Vader finds himself disagreeing with the Governor's methods. Why does the young Organa seem so familiar? And why is he suddenly so protective of this... traitor?
Relying only on her wits and strength, Leia is unsure what to make of the ordeal, but she knows one thing...
For a rebel spy to have drawn the pointed attentions of two of the Empire's most powerful men, it can never mean anything good. ✨ ✨ ✨
" She glared at him– her gaze ice cold– refusing to be intimidated.
'Tyranny,' Tarkin repeated, softly touching the Princess’s cheek, 'what a charming little epitaph… But tell me, my dear— what is it that you would prefer? How are the masses to be kept in line, without the firm hand of a so-called tyrant?'
Oh, how she seethed– how she must burn – to see her foolish ideals called into question. (And when they at last crumbled, he would rebuild her in the image he saw fit.)
'Fear,' she declared, 'will never deter those who are fighting to stop you, Governor. We are not animals who can simply be beaten into submission.'
Tarkin merely smiled at her– a chilling gesture. How he longed to touch and tease the young, foolish girl– the way her cheeks flushed with passion and rage–
A stray lock of dark, brunette hair fell loose from those neatly coiled braids. Tarkin reached out and tucked it behind her ear.
(The urge to tug, to pull, on those long, thick tresses suddenly appeared in the Governor’s mind. Such a forbidden fruit. A warm little body, pressed so tightly to his…
Alone. In his offices. He could have her right now, if he so wished.
Hmm. Perhaps… )
'You are terribly naive, Your Highness,' Tarkin remarked. 'Consider– throughout the galaxy; through all forms of life. Who are the ones that hold the power? The prey, or the predators?' "
#tarkin x leia#villain x heroine#fanfic#wilhuff tarkin#leia organa#darth vader#willeia#leia and vader#star wars whump#star wars fanfiction#self promotion#cw noncon#darkfic#rarepair#problematic ships
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I’ll be attempting this with a full-length fic in The Blacklist fandom! It’ll be my first major story outside of BttF in a LONG time, but I’ve always wanted to make a long fic out of an entire prompt list, and there is A LOT of Whump in that fandom! Even though it’ll also be romance/ humor/ angst/ hurt/ comfort lol.
It won’t be that long; I’m only doing 1K per prompt, so it’ll be novella length. Already got 18.5K done! This thing came out of nowhere and I’m excited to give it a go!
AUGUSTOFWHUMP ’24
A new whump event/challenge set in August, run by @painonthebrain!
Write-up of prompts & rules under the cut!
AUGUSTOFWHUMP PROMPTS:
Day 1: food / risk / overexertion
Day 2: iv / shock / cry for help
Day 3: poison / shady business / freezing
Day 4: filth / screams / open wounds
Day 5: stranded / power tools / ache
Day 6: confusion / spark / veins
Day 7: time loop / rot / promise
Day 8: rejected apology / trap / attack
Day 9: role reversal / caged / body modification
Day 10: secret / exhaustion / publicity
Day 11: freedom / scars / insecurity
Day 12: deal / monstrous / anger
Day 13: witness / resigned obedience / bootlicking
Day 14: dehumanization / darkness / alone
Day 15: salt in wounds / phobia / revenge
Day 16: hunt / disaster / dread
Day 17: experimental serum / cramps / stress position
Day 18: came back wrong / unavoidable / muzzle
Day 19: salvation / midnight / mistake
Day 20: contaminated / escape / test
Day 21: set up to fail / bitter / creep
Day 22: stitches / robbery / insects
Day 23: feral / possession / fate
Day 24: humiliation / gilded cage / jewelry
Day 25: barbed wire / insults / tear stains
Day 26: sensory deprivation / heartbeat / tape
Day 27: proof / memory / machine
Day 28: bloody nose / medic / abandoned
Day 29: control / touchstarved / broken glass
Day 30: blindfolded / obsession / gift
EDIT: I forgot day 31 so that’s “fuck it we ball” day. Make whatever you want. LMAO
ALT PROMPTS:
Drowning
Broken trust
Claustrophobia
Guilt
Human shield
Locked outside
Whipping
Collapse
The only survivor
Scraps
Outcast
GUIDELINES:
Prompts should ideally be responded to in the form of whump
Creators can make any type of media they want (Yes, this includes any kind of media, no matter how niche. As long as it’s creative, it’s allowed)
You can do as few or as many prompts as you like
You can complete these prompts in tandem with any other event or other prompts (such as in combination with Bad Things Happen Bingo, @randowhump’s Birthday Whump Event, AU-gust, etc.)
DO NOT use ai. I can’t be entirely sure what is or isn’t, but I trust you to at least put some type of effort in your creations. These events are no fun otherwise!
Tag & trigger warn your content accordingly
NSFW is allowed, however because I’m currently a minor, I will not look at or reblog it (Again, tag and label it!)
Tag your works as #augustofwhump and #augustofwhump2024. In addition to that, you can also tag this account — @augustofwhump. (Do not @ me in NSFW works.) I’ll try to reblog whatever I can!
EDIT: The August of Whump 2024 ao3 collection is here! It will be open for submissions on August 1.
I’m really excited (and nervous) to do this and I know it’s a bit early to post these prompts but whatever — it just means more time for people to work on prompts if they choose to do this event, right?
#august of Whump#the blacklist#cruise ship fic#keenler#this will be the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written#I’ve done so much whump and angst lately that I miss my romantic subplots#it’s going to be a mess but it’s MY mess#whump#whump community#whump challenge#angst#whump event#augustofwhump#whump prompts#augustofwhump2024#hurt/comfort
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Alone, Secret, and Betrayal for the ask meme >:3 (dramatic eyebrows on the emoticon for Zell)
For the OC Asks - Not-So-Nice Edition
Darling you spoil me as much as I must spoiler tag these answers! You know I’m feral and this is all gonna be about the ship; surely this was unplanned on your part. But here's a fucking NOVEL I guess you DEVIL(love you)
alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?
Zell is practiced at being alone if not completely isolated, but that doesn't mean he enjoys it. If he's forced to be alone and can find something to keep his hands occupied, he's generally okay, but without something to do he can get into pacing/stress workout mode pretty quickly. Gotta do push-ups to keep evil (self-destructive) boredom at bay or else he starts trying to chew his own limbs off. He's not necessarily claustrophobic, but he doesn't like being caged.
If he's alone on his own terms and relaxing, IE winding down in his room or somesuch, that's generally when he'll be playing a little music or spinning up yarn with a drop spindle; usually muttering to himself about whatever crosses his mind. If it's a high pain day (and he has the luxury), he'll be isolated because it makes him real twitchy and reactive. The last thing he wants to do is bite someone because of a migraine.
Loneliness is another beast, however. He can handle Being Alone, to an extent, but he isn't great at it. In being lonely he is an *expert.* He's used to being isolated while surrounded by people; his youth in Ustalav was being one of a small handful of teenagers among hundreds of severe adults with no patience for his whimsy. Meanwhile the ones his age were distant and wary of their Dhampir cohort, as all Ustlavians rightly are. The overall vibe of Mendev’s military is quite similar, which is something that truly bothers him about being Commander, and the mythical status he’s gained. The charisma he cultivated to bright people closer as a regular person has become far too isolating for someone at his… level.
During the first few days in Kenabras, before the attack on Gray Garrison, he really enjoyed the bizarre camaraderie that had begun to form among what would become his, well, followers. Or his *subordinate* for fuck's sake, for a job he never wanted and didn't ask for! However, as soon as he realized there was no escaping the job, the necessity of formality started to slip into everything, depressing the hell out of him. He tries not to be too dismissive of what his rank means to people, but it really is god-damned lonely at the top. Being unwanted but kept anyway isn't the act of love some people think it is.*
It's hard to make friends when every interaction has the background radiation of being the last hope of mortalkind as well as a terrifying and alluring monster. Rare are those who don't elevate or mythologize his existence; in fact he can count those people on one hand.
When no one's around the mask finally slips away and the worry shows through. He drops the cool half-smile and all the stress lines start showing; he talks himself through his own stress and tries to strategize around the insanity of his life, to the point where it can be something of a one-man show. His monologues would be excellent theater if he was of a mind to put that much raw emotion on a page, but that's never really been his thing. This is when he engages with his most difficult and secret of tasks: Research.
secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?
Zell is something of a collector of secrets, so exploring what he keeps close to the vest is fun.
It seems so minor in the grand scheme of things, but hiding the fact that he's dyslexic and has a migraine disorder has been one of his Major Efforts since being conscripted. He plays it off by saying he refuses to read or learn anything that is uninteresting to him; in reality it's just hard for him to read at all. It makes him feel deeply self conscious and fuels a lot of the imposter syndrome. Unfortunately he just can't do it without giving himself a terrible migraine. He gets around this by encouraging other people to read aloud; or when handed an important document that's for his eyes only, he gives it a brief context scan, says 'everything is clear to me,' then takes the doc to read it later very slowly with a cutout bookmark and frequent breaks. Later, Aivu reads for him.
It does make certain things especially difficult, such as the aforementioned private research he does while alone in the dead of night. The war is a big distraction to be sure, but this man operates on a level of ADHD unfathomable to most mortals and he is also a NOSY bitch.
For example, the secrets surrounding the Arendae family and Mendev's noble legacy are far too enticing for him to ignore, so he opts to pull a few strings of his own and see if he can spot anything that escaped Liotr's notice. Eventually, Zell's secret folio becomes less about his own curiosity and more about securing The Hawkblade's attention somewhere other than assuring Galfrey's heir is conveniently put away and insensate. It's no longer just about helping Liotr destroy The Other - it's about making sure Daeran is safe after.
Of course, he keeps The Other's existence a secret. Of course it terrifies him that anyone else would discover and reveal it. But none of these are his secret.
Zell asks, after their first night together, if Daeran wants to keep what happens between them just between them. Not that he's ashamed, or worried about either of their reputations, but because it can be theirs. They're both public figures, both beholden to sharing if not a genuine facet of themselves at least a carefully curated face to the public at all times. Daeran's willingness to be vulnerable with him in those private moments feels precious; he doesn't want to turn that into being some kind of... propagandistic power couple for Crusaders and Socialites to speculate.
Certainly there will be rumors; they have a habit of outrageous flirting when they aren't throwing barbs at each other.
But the true secret isn't the relationship. It’s that he realizes he’s rapidly falling for Daeran. Completely unspoken but secretly shared in a dozen small, silent ways, in a coded language of glances; hidden under layers of quips and gab.
Zell wants to keep their relationship a secret, so they can both pretend it’s just a casual tryst, because he fears no one – even Daeran, at first - would understand where the love comes from, if it were ever to be known. He's an outsider, a usurper, a monster. He betrayed Daeran’s trust by leveraging their friendship to access his secrets; he has to make up for the fact that it's him.
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betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?
In the abstract, he can certainly remember the sensation of being betrayed, but cannot remember the details clearly. He knows that he's had vulnerabilities exploited; knows it Feels Bad in such a way that thinking about deliberately making someone trust him for the explicit purpose of betraying them makes him feel ill. He also knows how easy it would be to do, for him especially. With that being said...
Zell is, at heart, a man of the theater. A man of comedy. He is primed to always Commit To The Bit. He is extraordinarily good at not breaking character. However. Something about casually asking Daeran if he could tour Heaven’s Edge felt… wrong. He already liked Daeran. They were already rather friendly with each other, in their own way. Therefore the invite was surprisingly easy to win, which made him feel even more guilty.
He had been teasing at the party, when he'd said it was destiny that brought them together. He wasn't expecting Daeran to bring it up later, with the unspoken assurance that he hadn't really dismissed the thought before. Or for Daeran to agree to that it should remain just their secret - for now. The trust and friendship between them would always be marred by that first lie by omission.
(To say he did not secretly hope that Daeran would pick up on the meaning of him always wearing the key would also be a lie.)
When Daeran reveals his fears during their time in the abyss, Zell’s love turns to absolute devotion. Even so, he knows that as soon as they escape; Liotr will be waiting, and his very first task will be to betray Daeran’s trust again to save his life.
What’s worse is the method of that betrayal. Yes he’s doing it to help and of course he doesn’t mean a single cruel word. But succeeding, admitting he’s known the whole time, that he leveraged their friendship to gain access to something so volatile… even the best outcome seems to reinforce the idea that his nature is to hurt the ones he loves, even if he’s trying to be kind.****
*The first few months as Commander were really hard, and put a big strain on those blossoming friendships. He really gets in his own head about this shit, but he does eventually figure it out.
**Previous incarnations he's been a bard when he wasn't a druid; but I just wasn't thrilled by the available builds so I went bloodrager. Imagine my delight when the Azata allows him to have a little bit of both anyway!
***funny story, the head generation mechanic for the severed heads showing up during rests is broken for me, so the heads only show up from Kenabras to Leper's Smile and then don't show up again until act 4. Zell wakes up after the first sleep in the abyss to find a severed demon head The Other left like some sort of horrible cat leaving him food in the night. He thought the first heads back at camp were someone hazing him for being a Dhampir and straight up did not put two and two together until Daeran's birthday, but at that point they'd stopped showing up so he didn't snitch about it to Liotr. When they started showing up in the Abyss it was like 'is... is it trying to feed me? Are these gifts? A warning? b...both????' This game is so much funnier when you're half vampire I am just saying.
****Daeran: ‘“I’m soooo sorry I stumbled upon your deepest secret because your Cousin had the Inquisition on your ass and I wanted to help. PLEASE forgive me for saving your life and having the sheer charisma to convince them not to throw you away forever.” That’s you. That’s what you sound like. IDIOT.’
Folks, they love each other.
#pathfinder wotr#pf wotr#wotr daeran#kc zell#navel gazing#oc: zell#commander x daeran#wotr#oc asks#oc ask game#oc ask not so nice edition#whump#whump asks#Zell's life is a tragicomedy of truly epic proportions#he's so strategically minded in everything except interpersonal shit#he is so good with people and SO BAD with maintaining close relationships#he's actually not that's just the mad self loathing talking#he gets through it eventually but man it sure is a complicated journey#fun fact their ship song is Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode#god this really is just about his relationship anxiety#BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE IT BABY#hedgehog's dilemma#you asked
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beating you over the head with my oc like we are middle schoolers in swim practice and I have assumed dominion over the pool noodles. bonk
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