#self aware. not self critical

[bookwyrminspiration]

dira bookwyrminspiration mcquillington i'm so sorry in advance the way i'm writing this fic feels so mid but i don't know how to fix it. spiritually banging my head against the wall. rocking back and forth. staring at this google doc and going How The Fuck Do I Resolve This Conflict. praying the qpr keefex fluff at the end makes up for how mid this is probably gonna turn out on the hurt/comfort-esque end-

Izzy i am shaking you shaking you shaking you. please! stop! undervaluing your work and apologizing for it!

You are a talented, capable writer, and I know I'm going to greatly enjoy whatever you create regardless because you've created it. Even if it's mid, I'm still going to. To be more serious for a moment (I'm not upset or mad, I promise): what situation have you put me in here?

It may seem innocuous, as you're criticizing yourself and expressing frustration with your own writing, but you're doing so publicly in a self-deprecating way about a fic you've shared you're writing as a gift for me. There's nothing wrong with being critical of your work, acknowledging its flaws and admitting when it's not satisfying to you, working to improve and change it. But this isn't quite that; you're being mean to yourself! And because of how you've reached out to me to say it, I'm now also affected by it. What response options do I have? To let it slide and in that way reaffirm your perspective? To once again remind you that I'm going to be happy no matter what you make or its quality? To tell you I'm sure it's not mid and dismiss legitimate critique? It's not the best position to be put in, though I know it wasn't intentional.

This is my polite, humble request for you to be nicer to yourself in critiquing your work and being frustrated with it, both for your sake and that of those around you, because it affects more than just you. I've found that when I notice a flaw in something I've done and want to point it out first so I don't feel as bad if someone else notices (as opposed to neutral, legitimate critique), just say nothing. You don't need to say something positive in it's place, just don't point it out, and odds are no one else is even going to notice or say anything. We're here to enjoy what everyone creates, not pick it apart, and pointing out that flaw gives it a foothold it wouldn't have had otherwise, and others may now have to contend with it too. That works for me, but that doesn't mean it's the best option for everyone; just sharing as an example of an alternative

Anyway, I saw you started a new draft and am very curious and excited to see it whenever you finish! I'm sure I'm going to love it :)

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[cassafrasscr]

Taliesin on 4SD: "Orym is the only one in this group with a working moral compass."

Ashton: Never take copper. You take gold regardless, and silver if they're an asshole, but you never take copper.

Ashton: It doesn't matter if the Ruby Vanguard are making good points about the gods. They're hurting innocent people to get what they want, and that's reason enough to stop them.

Ashton: *is super apologetic and upset that they have to knock out Elder Barthie to protect him from being discovered by the Imperium*

Ashton: Remember that we're here as guests. We are going to follow the instructions of the people who have already figured out what they need.

Me: *side-eyeing Ashton real hard* Orym’s the only one with a working moral compass? Mm'kay. 🤨

[mayasaura]

Harrow got so unbelievablely horny dreaming about Gideon's rolled up sleeves exposing her lean, taut muscle, a little dewy with sweat and steam but you know what.... thinking about it. Gideon does not disrobe basically ever, except in private to bathe. A tantalizing glimpse of forearm may legitimately be the most Harrow's imagination has to work with

[liberatingreality]

People who have a creative side and do not live it out are most disagreeable. They make a mountain out of a molehill, fuss about unnecessary things, are too passionately in love with somebody who is not worth so much attention, and so on.

There is a kind of floating charge of energy in them which is not attached to its right object and therefore tends to apply exaggerated dynamism to the wrong situation.

Marie-Louise von Franz, Shadow and Evil in Fairy Tales

[spiritualseeker777]

[xxplastic-cubexx]

erik will genuinely jump at any chance he can to steal charles' last name and be so catty about it i know this for a fact WHAT is his deal

[Magneto (2011)]

[lilithism1848]

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

But fuck yeah with all the excellent discussion about this today the angrier I get at Izzy for the absolute nerve he had in telling Ed the atmosphere on the ship was bad in s2e1.

Because. Whose fault is that, Izzy??? Last I checked everyone was hangin' out and vibing and planning a talent show until something happened, Izzy. Last I checked Ed was starting to feel better and was taking active steps to make himself happier until someone started yelling at him Izzy. What was it that made Ed feel so unsafe Izzy. Why does Ed now immediately assume any invitation to talk about his feelings is the leadup to a threat on his life Izzy. Why do you think this could be Izzy.

[lupuslikethewolf]

first hundred lines of the iliad book one presents with achilles as the voice of reason and that’s how you know the greeks were fucked icl

[sapphic-agent]

"If I was surprised at anything, it may have been that it seemed like people were less willing to let her make mistakes than they were with Aang."

I hate Bryke's guts, but the one thing I will agree with him (Bryan) on is this.

I've gotten heat from Aang stans for saying this, but for me Korra will always be a better written character for me. Not because Aang's childish and optimistic and naive or anything like that. That doesn't matter to me. Hell, it's not even for his actions during DOBS or EIP or Kataang. Sure, those things aren't great, but they aren't the issue with his character.

It's not about Aang's actions, it's about how Aang's actions are treated by the narrative.

This is nothing new obviously, I've said this before. Many times. Aang kissing Katara in EIP is treated as him messing up his chances with her, not because he forced something on her she didn't want. The kiss in DOBS doesn't even come up again in the show (and when it did in the comics, Aang blew up and nearly melted her face off so-). I've spoken enough about his holier-than-thou attitude in TSR too and how his message of forgiveness is perpetuated as the right one.

It's one thing that is 100% better in LOK; Korra is held accountable for her actions, by the narrative, the other characters, and herself. A big part of LOK is Korra acknowledging her actions and making the effort to change and be better.

A great counter to Aang repeatedly crossing boundaries with Katara is in Reunion when she warns Asami about trusting Hiroshi and Asami calls her out on giving unsolicited advice. Korra immediately backs off and tries to apologize when she sees that she upset her.

Now compare this to Aang's behavior in TSR or EIP.

And before anyone says it, I know Korra's older. I also know Asami reconnecting with her father is different than Katara wanting to kill Yon Rha. I get all of that.

But honestly? That doesn't matter to me. Because when you're talking about fictional characters- especially character progression and development for the protagonist- addressing flaws is important. Accountability is important. Especially when it comes to how they treat the people around them (love interests like Asami and Korra probably being the most important).

This is what solidifies Korra's character development as being better than Aang's for me.

However, I do think it's because of this framing (and the fact that she's a woman, but shh) that Korra gets more hate. Her flaws being addressed also means that they're constantly apparent. The audience is always aware of them. Whereas Aang's worse actions tended to be brushed over or excused. Or the context of those mistakes were maneuvered to make the audience feel bad for him instead of the one affected by his actions (EIP EIP EIP EIP).

So yes, Bryan, people were more willing to let Aang make mistakes because you and your bestie failed to actually address them

[mihai-florescu]

"Fiction isnt reality itself, but it does affect reality, so you have to be mindful of your own consumption and how you interact with it after, especially if you're going in a fandom setting" is not a crazy statement to understand, and yet it feels like it on the internet

[whats-your-initiative]

The way the YouTube lore experts have just accept Veilguard wholesale without any complaints and are actively making excuses for it's flaws disappoints me... but I suppose that's on me for assuming people interested in something published by EA would hold it to a standard

[pratchettquotes]

And the trouble with Polly was that she had a mind that asked questions even when she really, really didn't want to know the answers.

Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

[liberatingreality]

If you’re only trying to be the opposite of a thing, you’re still letting that thing define you.

Claudia Gray

[greenteacology]

I feel like Imogen still tries to align herself with orym in the “haha we’re the only two normal people here” kinda way which is so funny coming from the biggest freak (affectionate) of the whole group