#self analysis

[bloomingsoul333]

Untitled Thought

Here they go again.

Anxiety arguing inside my heart.

How do I sweat them out of my heart is such a frozen state?

How do I sooth their souls when mine is so tangled?

...

I thought it would feel nice to enjoy a bit of normalcy before the commotion.

But it's too late. Been too late for a while...

All these moments to myself and in my head and on the floor and wet from tears-

Today I am strong.

I feel it deep in me, immersing into my soul.

Strength...

I used to run from her in fear of the things she would do to me; the things she would say in my head.

The person I would turn into.

Who I would leave behind-

Jaded into Peace.

I didn't recognize myself, and I still can't...

Who is that looking at me through my forehead?

Peering at the skin like a mirror and smiling through me...

Why can't I stop looking back?

What is this warmth I feel-

I felt so much that I froze in my thoughts.

And now I feel my right shoulder becoming warm. But I cannot see. Which I hate to admit...frightens me.

Am I thawing out or freezing into silence?

[fishnapple]

List of questions for personal reading (ref.)

This is a list for reference of the possible questions you can ask in your personal readings. It doesn't mean you can only choose these questions, you can choose them or ask your own.

Click Keep reading to see the questions.

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💧WHAT I DON'T DO READING ON : my readings focus mostly on promoting self development and self awareness. So I don't do readings that :

Are meant to harm, abuse others

Reading about celebrity

Religious, world issues

Health, legal matters (please seek professional help for these matters)

Yes/no questions (you could ask "how" instead) 

Specific time

You must be 18 years old or older to purchase my reading.

About yourself

The map to your soul, getting to know your deepest self

Your life purpose

Your biggest strength, your biggest weakness

Your masculine & feminine side

Your energetic field, what makes you magnetic?

Your most attractive traits

What hidden talents of yours that you’re not noticing?

Your inner child

Getting in touch with your creativity, the themes, what you do best

What is lurking in your shadow?

What you are repressing and how it affects you

The part that you neglected, your unexplored side

How to feel more secure and confident in yourself

What should you cultivate more in yourself?

How to heal from the past, what lessons can you learn from the past

The letter, from you to you, what can you do more for yourself

Career, study, growth and success

What would bring you good luck?

What can you bring to the world? Your gift to the world

Messages from the Universe to you

Where should you travel (career, spirituality, relationship, relaxation)

What kind of career suits you best?

The career of your choice, how will it be?

How to improve in your career/study

How will you accomplish a successful life?

Qualities that make you successful

Qualities that are detrimental to your success

What should you study?

What hobbies should you adopt ?

How to move forward in your spiritual journey

Your future home

People's perception

You through the eyes of others vs yourself

People’s first impressions of you

People's assumptions of you

How strangers view you vs how admirers view you

What people secretly think about you

Things people secretly find attractive about you

Things people wish you to know

People's projections on you

How your friends view you?

How do your colleagues view you?

How does your employer/employee view you?

How does you teacher view you?

How does a specific family member view you?

Relationships

What kind of people are you attracting into your life?

New friendship, who are they?

What blockages are there in your relationships with people?

How to heal relationship wounds?

Your fears about love and how to heal them

What kind of partner will best match you, can fulfill your soul's needs

What kind of partner won't match well with you

How does a healthy love for you feel like?

How can you find love?

Current relationship, what you need to know

Why is this person in your life? The meaning of their existence in your life

Describe your future lover

Who will you marry?

Why will they choose you?

Random things about them

Their strengths and weakness

Your married life

Future children

You as a parent

They as a parent

How will you meet them? The first meeting

First impression of each other: you vs them

The moment they fall in love with you

Did they have a particular type before meeting you?

How they will pursue you?

How will you pursue them?

How will they confess?

First date

First kiss

How will their love feel like? How will they treat you?

How do they show love?

What they love about you/ What they don’t like about you

What you love about them/ What you don’t like about them

Their love letter for you (channeled letter)         

The things they would say and do to comfort you

How will they protect the relationship?

Your needs vs their needs in relationship

How you affect each other

How you view them vs how they actually are

You in their eyes

Their hidden fears and shadow side

Their jealousy

Possible conflicts and challenges in your relationship

What do people think about you two?

18+ questions

(only about people whom you share a sexual relationship with or your future spouse/partner)

How others perceive your sexual energy?

Is there a blockage in your sexual energy?

The ideal sexual partner for you

The moment they feel desire for you & their fantasy

First time

Their sexual style, kinks, fantasy, desires

Their fantasies about you

How they will seduce you

Your sex life with them

What do they assume about you sexually?

[usedtobethelegendcreator]

Why do I like Alastor?

Listen. When your therapist starts psychoanalyzing you and it sounds like an Alastor analysis, you gotta do some soul searching. So, I’m going to list off all of our similarities. This is going to be more unorganized than usual.

1. We like being in control:

We’re both puppeteers! We like having people obey us, not the other way around. We’re very anti-submission (my therapist’s word) and don’t like being told what to do. We don’t like having people more powerful than us in the room or even in the area, because something more powerful than us is something that can override our will—and, by extension, our comfort zone and boundaries.

When it comes to romantic relationships, the healthiest solution is to find someone who’s into being dominated. (Cough cough, Vox. I told you guys I write my own kinks.)

2. We have trouble feeling sympathy and empathy:

It’s something I had to practice, but I get the feeling Alastor never bothered. I’m not very good at it, either. Then again, I’m not killing people.

3. We have violent urges:

Yeah, that is very much a thing for me. The difference is that Alastor carries them out without remorse. I usually just ignore those thoughts, or try to think of something else.

4. We mostly stick to one era of music:

Alastor has the Jazz Age, I have the 2010s. Pretty much nothing after 2020 appeals to me, outside of fan songs.

5. We don’t have breakdowns often, but when we do, it’s wild:

Alastor monologued during his. I hyperventilate during mine and feel like I’m not inside my body. Like I said, it’s wild.

6. We pull our hair:

If my hands aren’t occupied, I’ll end up with a hairball in them. But the way Alastor was tugging? With those claws? Yeesh.

7. People see our rage as impotent:

Yes, this is about the people that think Alastor’s frustration with Lucifer was “pathetic”. Yes, that did hit a powerful nerve in me. If you yell right in my ear the moment you open the door, even if I don’t already know you’re the reason there are yearly mass murders, I will immediately hate you. And contrary to a lot of bad-faith fanfiction, buttering up our ego or something is not the solution. The best way to calm us down is to be taken seriously. With Alastor, of course, the ego thing will certainly help, but it’s not the root.

8. We feel impotent when we’re enraged:

This ties in with the last one. Alastor literally grows several hundred times in size when he’s truly angry, that’s pretty obviously a self-comforting action. If I’m bigger than them, they can’t hurt me. If I’m bigger than them, nothing at all can hurt me. That kind of thing.

9. We don’t like constant change:

Alastor’s outfit (which isn’t era-accurate, according to someone much more knowledgeable than I am) is evidence that he isn’t adverse to change as a whole, but someone like Vox is a constant source of anxiety for us. It’s very hard to keep up with something that’s always changing, and we can’t get our feet on the ground and a moment to breathe. I can change which jacket I wear, but never wearing the same jacket twice? Kill me now.

10. We put on a facade around people we want to be in the good graces of:

Alastor with the hotel residents, and me with pretty much everyone. This ‘facade’ I’m talking about isn’t necessarily a fake personality, it’s a facet of our real personalities that will best appeal to the people we’re talking to. That’s another thing my therapist brought up: I’m always putting on a mask, and there’s so many that no one knows who I really am. Hell, even I don’t know at this point. Alastor’s been putting on masks for over a century. I don’t think he knows anymore, either.

I think he thinks he knows who he is, but if someone poked a hole in that image of himself as the Radio Demon, he’d shatter as easily as glass. Because he’s not 100% evil, as much as he wants to be.

11. People think we’re a danger to others, even when we’re not:

*gestures to Vaggie* *gestures to the entire fucking fandom* *gestures to my mother* *gestures to unnamed family members that didn’t even have the guts to say it to my face* It sucks. Like, thank you for taking me seriously for once??? But also no.

12. We have dramatic body language to make up for stunted facial expressions:

Alastor has his eternal smile, and I have my eternal frown. The facial expressions thing was actually brought up by a previous therapist. I’ve had to throw my arms out like a theatre kid to make sure a family member knew I wasn’t being sarcastic…I’m not a theatre kid.

13. We switch between being extreme extroverts and extreme introverts:

I’ve said before that I’m low functioning in almost everything except social interaction. I can keep up with the fastest mouths and the longest-winded, but I’ll disappear for a week and only emerge for water. Meanwhile, Alastor keeps up his overly-cheerful facade up for the whole series and disappears for two episodes. And for seven years before that.

14. When people talk shit to us, we fly off the handle at the speed of light:

Husk in the hallway scene. Lucifer, period. Vox at the end of episode two. Everyone on Tumblr and Wattpad that’s ever picked a fight with me. That one anon in particular. The list goes on.

15. We have very stunted emotions, except for anger:

I don’t know why anger is an exception, either. But we don’t see any strong emotions from Alastor besides rage (and maybe amusement), so it’s clearly a thing for him too.

16. We enjoy the smell of death:

Death smells pretty nice, actually. There’s nothing quite like it. Alastor gets it. If anyone wants the full story of Larry the Rotting Deer Carcass, let me know. I’d love to tell it.

And that’s all I can think of right now. This definitely veered into a bit of character analysis for Alastor, but then again, I was analyzing myself, so that just proves my point.

[starway7]

Y'know, when I got to the yttd memory thing in Chapter 3...B? When Gin was confirmed autistic, I was so fucking happy. Like, giddy excited. This game just outright said it, he's a person outside of it but it also makes sense with the traits we'd seen before, and that kind of rep is so hard to come by too. And a while after that, I was like, huh, why was I so elated? Like, all for representation and all that, I don't mean to take away from that. But the joy I felt was a bit strange for someone who didn't know that they could be autistic too at the time.

Anyway, now... Yeah, makes sense. Not confirmed autistic, the actual exam isn't for a couple months, but the neurologist didn't hesitate to say that I probably was. So that's a story I've got.

[shadowqueenjude]

I'm starting to realize that the reason people either absolutely love me or absolutely despise me is that some people love brutal honesty and some people hate it. And when I get comfortable with people I'm suuuuuper sarcastic and brutally honest.

[gent-illmatic]

THIS COMEBACK IS PERSONAL, ITS AN APOLOGY TO MYSELF.

[pebiejeebies]

Talking to yourself is fun, but what I do with that is a bit odd..

I like to talk to myself, role play with myself, daydream while whispering/talking to myself

I’m a very creepy person… is what I would say if I actually listened to “these” kind of neurotypicals

I know im not 100% autistic / or have adhd,, but I am DEFINITELY NOT neurotypical… (and everything about my social interaction irl will explain everything :,] )

But there are just times I randomly talk.. you know?

Talk to nothing, like just talk and talk as if someone is listening to me

Talk with my cat, if he’s being annoying or too cute for me to shut up

Talk to my iPad, when I get angry that something isn’t working right on it

Talk to my.. tics..? Like when I get a tic and tell my self afterwards “it’s alright” or “calm down” as if it does something..

It’s kinda fun when I analyze myself, because now I’ve learned that I’ve become so lonely to the point I’m making up things for myself to talk to

it’s sad but I can’t help myself, I know something is wrong with me and the only thing I can do is just research and research until someone stops me and says what’s wrong with me

I know there’s something wrong, and it’s not physically, it’s mentally

I just wish I could go to some mental health professional so they can figure it out

or maybe I’m just fine

[happysadflower]

I was desperate for someone to adore me… so desperate that it was absolutely off putting.

But even if someone were to adore me, I would question their authenticity, “how could you adore someone like me?”

[wanderingmind867]

It's really hard to describe my stomach issues, because I barely ever know how to describe my own personal issues on a good day. But let me see: it usually ends up manifesting as constipation. I get constipated, and then it ends up really hurting when I do end up going bathroom. Sometimes a lot comes out, sometimes very little comes out. It doesn't feel like there's any regularity to it in that respect. Sometimes I'll feel this random feeling, almost as if i'm sore or mildly nauseous or empty stomached or something. That feeling always goes away, but I've experienced it a few times in the last little while.

But that's my best attempt at analyzing all this. Nothing about it seems life threatening or fatal. Mostly it just feels like annoying, painful and chronic stomach aches and constipation. So... I really don't know what's causing it. But I'm going to continue complaining about dealing with it, because it feels miserable to deal with.

[landofmoa]

If you know in your heart that you’re meant for something, you better fight and never give up until you achieve it!

Fuck the negative thoughts and fuck self doubt.

[sstarparade]

Why I'm a Hater

A deep and lengthy self-analysis.

I love to hate.

Thank you for reading I hope you found this enjoyable and helpful!

[saganssorcery]

Tonight's the shadow moon 🌑

I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about my practice and what I focus on during the shadow moon phase:

Artist: 🎨Peggy Ann Mourot 🔥🖌️

Each shadow moon before the moon turns new and Luna begins to reveal her face once again, I focus on shadow work:

I have a method which I call blue booking, each day I write about the events that have taken place. The blue book is essentially a glorified diary, kinda like a book of shadows but also not. Within it I document any magick, meditations, mundane day to day life, any intense social interactions that affect me in any way, or simply my progress whatsoever, such as workout or anything else I work towards. I try to be completely honest with myself, not holding anything back. If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?

When the shadow moon comes I go back over the previous moon tide and look for any patterns in behavior, look at my workings and document my results, or lack of, and see myself and my surroundings for what they really are. This can be a very difficult thing to do, being honest with yourself and the world at large can be a painful experience, but the truth often is, but not always. The idea is to take the obsidian knife to the soul, take a good long look at it, analyse the experiences so I am better able, in the new moon cycle, to adjust myself accordingly and approach life with an unwavering truth and honesty. It's crazy the cycles you notice when you take up such an undertaking. You are able to spot negative patterns of behaviour and learn from them, and with a bit of work change them now that you're aware. Though it's tougher when you spot these things in others that you surround yourself with, or in your environment as a whole, and realise that they are perhaps doing nothing to help you as a person, and instead realise what ever is happening is bringing the worst out of us.

Knowledge is power. When you know something is wrong because you have been observing it, especially over multiple moon cycles, you have to come to a point where you need to do something about it for the sake of your own happiness. That's probably the hardest part. That's gonna be something you'll have to be honest with yourself and others with during the next cycle to fix. It takes an extraordinary amount of courage and bravery. Exposing your own or other people's shadow you run the risk of a lash out. The shadow being revealed is often a very uncomfortable experience. By doing so you run the risk of changing your entire world as a result. People do not like it when you are brutally honest, especially when you're the type of person who usually lets things slide to keep the peace. But it's these people who probably need a practice like this most so they can spot when they are being abused in any way.

At the end of this analysis period, once it is known what the focus should be for the next cycle so we can change our experiences for the better, I cleanse myself from the previous tide and start the next tide fresh, but with more knowledge and understanding.

Shadow work can be hard, but it is an incredibly potent way at healing.

At a larger scale, when the year is over, I go back over all the summaries I do on the shadow moon and see the even longer patterns that take place. There are patterns that are so deeply rooted in the day to day they often go unnoticed. By doing this we can see how far we have come, and pat ourselves on the back, but also see what else we need to work towards for even better healing.

So on this shadow moon perhaps it would be worth having a look yourself, see everything that is taking place and perhaps start a practice like this yourself, if you haven't already. It might be hard but it's helped me become a better person, and changed my life for the better more so than almost anything else I practice.

©️Sagans Sorcery 🔥🖋️

[fishnapple]

About me | Masterpost

Hi, I'm currently offering these paid personal reading service.

Your can book a reading through my KO-FI (if you book through KO-FI, make sure to confirm the questions with me before booking)

or Book through message or email. Please refer to below for details.

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1. Send me a message or email me (fishnapple168@gmail.com) with your information

- Your name & Paypal name - Email  - The reading you want to book & your question(s), context for the question, specific request etc. You can choose your questions from the reference list below or ask your own. - Your favourite colours - Describe a scene or a thing that you find beautiful (just a sentence to help me connect with you better) - (Optional) Your gender (if you want to specify for the reading, in case of love reading, please provide your gender and the gender you're attracted to)

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You can make the payment through the Paypal link for each reading below. After that I will send the payment received confirmation.

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After you pay, you will receive your order within the specified time frame.

What you will get : An in-depth written crystal reading tailored specifically for you will be delivered to your email in PDF format.

💡 Reading for specific questions

If you have a specific question in mind about love, career, goal, purpose, hidden talents, a specific situation etc. this reading is for you. You can choose from the list of ref. questions below or ask your own.

💧 Length of reading: 400 words minimum/question

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6$ per question/ 15$ for 3 questions (please choose the options in the Paypal link) - Link to Paypal 1 Questions - Link to KO-FI 3 Questions - Link to KO-FI

💧 List of reference questions

(please don't group various questions into one)

About yourself

The map to your soul, getting to know your deepest self

Your life purpose

Your biggest strength, your biggest weakness

Your masculine & feminine side

Your energetic field, what makes you magnetic?

Your most attractive traits

What hidden talents of yours that you’re not noticing?

Your inner child

Getting in touch with your creativity, the themes, what you do best

What is lurking in your shadow?

What you are repressing and how it affects you

The part that you neglected, your unexplored side

How to feel more secure and confident in yourself

What should you cultivate more in yourself?

How to heal from the past, what lessons can you learn from the past

The letter, from you to you, what can you do more for yourself

Career, study, growth and success

What would bring you good luck?

What can you bring to the world? Your gift to the world

Messages from the Universe to you

Where should you travel (career, spirituality, relationship, relaxation)

What kind of career suits you best?

The career of your choice, how will it be?

How to improve in your career/study

How will you accomplish a successful life?

Qualities that make you successful

Qualities that are detrimental to your success

What should you study?

What hobbies should you adopt ?

How to move forward in your spiritual journey

Your future home

Perception of people

You through the eyes of others vs yourself

People’s first impressions of you

People's assumptions of you

How strangers view you vs how admirers view you

What people secretly think about you

Things people secretly find attractive about you

Things people wish you to know

People's projections on you

How your friends view you?

How do your colleagues view you?

How does your employer/employee view you?

How does you teacher view you?

How does a specific family member view you?

Relationships

What kind of people are you attracting into your life?

New friendship, who are they?

What blockages are there in your relationships with people?

How to heal relationship wounds?

Your fears about love and how to heal them

What kind of partner will best match you, can fulfill your soul’s needs

What kind of partner won't match well with you

How does a healthy love for you feel like?

How can you find love?

Current relationship, what you need to know

Why is this person in your life? The meaning of their existence in your life

Describe your future lover

Who will you marry?

Why will they choose you?

Random things about them

Their strengths and weakness

Your married life

Future children

You as a parent

They as a parent

How will you meet them? The first meeting

First impression of each other: you vs them

The moment they fall in love with you

Did they have a particular type before meeting you?

How they will pursue you?

How will you pursue them?

How will they confess?

First date

First kiss

How will their love feel like? How will they treat you?

How do they show love?

What they love about you/ What they don’t like about you

What you love about them/ What you don’t like about them

Their love letter for you (channeled letter)         

The things they would say and do to comfort you

How will they protect the relationship?

Your needs vs their needs in relationship

How you affect each other

How you view them vs how they actually are

You in their eyes

Their hidden fears and shadow side

Their jealousy

Possible conflicts and challenges in your relationship

What do people think about you two?

18+ questions

(only about people whom you share a sexual relationship with or your future spouse/partner)

How others perceive your sexual energy?

Is there a blockage in your sexual energy?

The ideal sexual partner for you

The moment they feel desire for you & their fantasy

First time

Their sexual style, kinks, fantasy, desires

Their fantasies about you

How they will seduce you

Your sex life with them

What do they assume about you sexually?

🪞Self-portrait reading

Similar to an astrological natal chart analysis, an overall image of you, in-depth analysis of your characters, your weakness, strength, abilities, what you should focus on, what to develop, what to be more aware of etc.

💧 Word or PDF format, delivery within 3 days after payment

25$ Link to Paypal Link to KO-FI

What I don't do reading on

My readings focus mostly on promoting self development and self awareness. So I don't do readings that :

Are meant to harm, abuse others

Reading about celebrity

Religious, world issues

Health, legal matters (please seek professional help for these matters)

Yes/no questions (you could ask "how" instead) 

Specific time

I do the reading based on the current energy, ultimately the energy can change and you are the one making the decisions so take the reading as a way to help you be more aware of the situation.

Standard Terms

1. You have to be 18 years old or older to purchase my reading

2. Refund: All purchases are final. I offer no refund (the only exception is when an emergency/illness prevents me from doing the reading and you have already paid)

3. Reading usage: The reading is for your personal use only, do not resell or use it for other commercial uses.

4. Disclaimer : The readings are for entertainment and educational purpose only, they are not meant to substitute medical or psychological treatment.

Thank you for your support.

[witlesswitnesstm]

My girlfriend gave me this idea yesterday and now I feel like going in depth.

Which Marvin Trilogy songs am I? (Non ranked)

• Unlikey Lovers

Marvin in this song reminds me a lot of myself. He constantly deflects his feelings, trying to convince both himself and Whizzer that he’s doing totally fine, which just hits way too hard. Although, Whizzer does something similar by telling Marvin to go home and stop thinking about it, neglecting his own needs, so I kind of relate to both of them in this. Just the general vibe of denial in this reminds me a lot of myself. I have some online friends (and one online partner) who I love to pieces, and my feelings towards them reminds me a lot of Cordelia, Marvin, Charlotte, and Whizzer as a friend group.

• I Have A Family

I am queer and not out of my family. That’s pretty much it. Really related to the line “In my mind I’m kissing… a man… NO, NO, NO NO, START AGAIN.” Like bro is so quick to backtrack and be like, NOPE I THOUGHT WRONG, which is a lot like me.

• Marvin’s Giddy Seizures

This connection isn’t as strong, but I tend to laugh a lot in situations that don’t call for it at all. I just laugh a lot in general. It’s probably some coping mechanism/trauma response or whatever but yeah. I remember in 7th grade, my class was watching ATLA during lunch, and the characters were like, drowning or smth, and for whatever reason, I just started laughing, and I swear to god, everyone glared at me like I was crazy.

• What More Can I Say?

Marvin’s general surprise about finally being happy sounds a lot like me. I have a wonderful girlfriend, as I’ve mentioned previously, and sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve someone like her. This whole song is basically Marvin reflecting on his own thoughts privately, and I feel that man. He only really examines who he is while alone, which is how I used to do things. (I say alone, because Whizzer is basically asleep in that song.) “We laugh, we fumble, we take it day by day” is just my approach to life in general. Also I’d definitely pull that shit of looking under the covers, that’s hilarious.

• I Can’t Sleep

I pulled an all nighter to watch In Trousers, does that explain it enough?

Notice how it’s mostly Marvin. Yeah I don’t know why god made it so I relate to this gay middle aged divorcee either.

[starway7]

Sometimes I think I relate to Tsukasa's inner psyche a bit too much. Sometimes I think "man I'm like Saki but I got chronically ill later that she did." Truth is, I'm THE TENMA.

I am the world's future star and I wanna do my best to improve our band! I'm lonely at home and I'm tired of all the doctors appointments. I want to stride forward to stand out and I trail behind my friends while I cope with my health.

Take Saki's shell, Tsukasa's inside, put a dash of Toya in there, and you have me: the Ultimate Tenma.

[belog-grada-crna-princeza]

[24.08.2024.]

In the spirit of self analysis again.. people haven't been very nice (to me), in life. Maybe that's just how people are, or I am too idealistic in what I want reality to be and it always falls short, or I am too sensitive as I've been told time and time again by those exact people that kept hurting me. So when you're nice to me, even bare minimum decency, I (will) idealize you. I (will) make you into an Angel sent from Heavens above. I (will), like an abandoned stray dog, quickly be at your feet, loyal and devoted and ready to go to the ends of the damn Earth for you. I (will) excuse, paint over, and shut my eyes at anything else because you have been nice to me, once upon a time. Why? You've given me relief. A break from the world I perceive as cold, cruel, thoughtless, you've proven to me some existential truth I want to see as reality that not everyone is like that. I am not aware of this, my black & white thinking distortions. You're all good, and even worse if you get close to me, because now my survival depends on this being true. And if it isn't, I will feel self-destructive, I will feel like jumping off some tall building in the middle of a regular conversation in which I sense my safe haven has now become my greatest peril. Maybe I am asking you to be more than human, giving you all the power to hurt me, but begging you not to use it, begging you to 'be my mirror, my sword and shield' as the song says. I can never tell if there are actual monsters outside of my window or if they're just trees in a windy night. I am realizing lately though that I'm my own worst enemy in that sense. In my obsession with safety, I have become blindsided, never realizing the harm I have been doing to myself all these years, that I've always kept my enemies the closest because better the Devil you know, right? If they're all Devils anyway, what's the use in trying to claw your way out, if it's all always going to end up the same? I still need a reason to believe in human kindness, selflessness, good intentions, honesty, empathy, love... They say be what you want more of in the world and that's all fine and dandy, but I have been blinded by my ideals and my actually selfish need to see people as better than they are while simultaneously always breaking my own heart. I am not pretending to have a solution. Except maybe, just maybe, admitting that yes, it IS messed up how many shitty humans exist, and also good and evil ultimately comes down to personal choice. And also, maybe even more importantly, I realized I am *someone* too and evil towards myself is still causing someone harm. I can't be a good person if I'm causing myself harm and justifying it in any way. I always hurt for anyone who's hurting because I think, no one deserves the pain. And maybe, that includes me, too.

-Katarina