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#seeing him sad and depressed killed me
imafraidoftomorrow · 1 year
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If anything ever happened to Adrian Alucard Tepes I would kill every single person and then I would kill myself
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sysig · 5 months
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Blood sugar levels (Patreon)
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olasketches · 5 months
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me and like two other sukuna stans making posts about how miserable he is
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thebirdandhersong · 1 month
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:')
Y'all it has been such a joyful and incredible week but today has just been. So much. Too many emotions too many people and three occasions in which I said something to a large group of people and received blank and distant and in some cases even judgmental stares back (perfectly valid things and questions and it was all to people I love, and i felt smaller and smaller as it happened again and again), not to mention feeling the pressure of being needed by two different friends and being unable to give anything to either due to having no capacity to give anything, and trying to figure out why I don't want to spend time with a childhood friend anymore while she keeps trying to maintain contact (and why her love feels smothering and burdensome, and feeling guilty because of how I feel and how quick I am to try to avoid talking to her), and feeling a great deal of body insecurity again very suddenly, and trying to come to terms with the fact that the boy HAS at least once approached my friend to talk to her, which he rarely does with any other girls, and has admitted to finding her attractive, and in the midst of sudden unexpected anguish wondering if this old pain will always always be with me long after I say goodbye
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apocalypticdemon · 3 months
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so i'm finally reading through the terror scripts and i think this was designed to cause me physical pain.
crozier was supposed to be drinking to schubert..... god
#it's honest to god so interesting to see what was cut and what was rearranged#but the uh. the descriptions of the emotions that were not to be spoken?#the internal thought processes that can't be precisely conveyed without words?#i am Dying. this is Killing Me.#fucking *schubert*. god.#'it is not romantic or charismatic. it is hard to watch.' SEND HELP#the terror#i wish i had more coherent thoughts but like. jesus christ.#schubert also had some truly wretched parts of his life.#he wasn't able to marry women of higher classes than him. this was bc of a law that prohibited it but he was still restrained by his financ#*finances#a thing that sophia specifically points out to crozier in the show#aside from that there isn't much that i know off the top of my head#but his 'winterreise' is truly depressing. and 'die schone mullerin' isn't much better#actually die schone mullerin might be very apt for this.#the narrative follows a man falling in love with a woman that is beyond his grasp. and eventually ends in him fantasizing about his death.#uh. presumably the singer drowns in a brook at the end.#so! yeah! that one line in the script is making me lose my mind.#i am gonna keep reading them but i also think i will be a very sad puddle by the end of it#forgive the tag rambling. schubert isn't a main focus of mine#but i know a bit about him and a good bit about his music. it's. painful. also schubert died very young. like 31 years old young.#but anyway i guess i will find the damndest of parallels everywhere.
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gh-0-stcup · 1 year
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One of the worst things about season 7 is Buffy saying she'd kill Dawn if she had to make that choice now.
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todayisafridaynight · 9 months
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What’s a moment from Jo that gives you emotional damage?
all two scenes he's alone with aoki like bruh i feeeeeel the kicked puppy energy practically oozing off of him
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nico-di-genova · 2 months
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Thinking about ALiB Alex in relation to Ethel Cain again.
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the good place
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saw some art of hunter making a grimwalker of belos to cope and man am i glad the owl crew made belos into a writhing pile of goo so he doesn’t have any more bones to make grimwalkers with. like i can imagine hunter’s mental state getting bad enough somehow that he’d think to do something like that, to raise belos so he’d turn out good. and that’s the same pitfall phillip fell into when creating grimwalkers of caleb.
and damn what a cruel thing to do to a kid. to the grimwalker, hunter-his creator and probably father figure-would have created him to prove a point to himself. that someone evil in his past could have grown up to be good. that hunter could shape the grimwalker into what hunter wanted him to be. and everything the grimwalker does, he would have to wonder if phillip did the same in life, and if hunter would approve.
its the exact kind of existential crisis hunter is having in the show from being the clone of caleb. except the theoretical belos grimwalker would have to live with the fact that his ortet almost committed genocide on his entire civilization. im sure hunter would avoid being an abusive parent the way belos was. he might even be a good dad. but the act of making the grimwalker means hunter is giving the kid the same kind of trauma he struggled through. belos couldn’t accept that caleb left him, so he tried to reshape innocent kids into filling that void. if hunter creates a grimwalker, he would be doing the same with belos. he would have turned into his uncle, which to me is a very depressing way to end his story arc.
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ajax-mew · 4 months
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when i back in uni
me think
i do uni updates again
#i used to do them#and was basically like day 1 i made friend she uggo and she basically torture her dog#(it was a tiny dog and she would send it to a trainer and not see it for weeks and she also missgender me a LOT)#day 2 everyone was uggo and big meanies and missgender me#day 5 sm gurl call me Konstantina (not my deadname ir clos to it and a girls name)#day 6 that same girl called me amy and a girl name (not close ti Damien and a girls name)#day 6 again i correct that girl and said is Damien and am a boy in front of ppl#day 10 that girl from b4 called me 'that uhh little boy over there ' we were the same age maybe i was a yr older than her#day 15 i wore 2 binders qnd went to the bathroom coz i couldn't breath#day idk anymore sm teacher called me girl thrn apologized and called me a young man (only positive)#day 24 that girl w the dog spoke abt canibalism w me (also pos but i regret it coz normies shouldn't know abt it)#day 56 the girl w the dog said she had a girl in her school w similar vibe as me (i was still a he) she kept missgender me#day 32 sm other girl v cool asked for my pronouns (she probably the only out if them i could have been friends)#day idk i quit uni to sad i go to therapy depressed want kill self (then i started t and changed legally my name etc#also my mom when i 1st go to uni didn't take all gender stuff seriously#like i was w my mom at the secretary and i told the secretary if could write my name Damien and my pronouns next to my name#at the papers the teachers see#and my mom and secretary was laughing and say 'hohoho but u wint be speak to me all the time'#im not ask to speaking to u am ask to write at the teachers paper#so I don't try to kill my self in the unis bathroom#and so i don't have to start every sentence with ' am actually a boy and my name is Damien '#I FKN HATE EVERYONE THERE AND I HOPE TJEY DIE#the main teacher of graphic design change so they maybe better now i hope#the reason i choce tjat uni was coz when i go there#was btwn 2#the other didn't even show me around and thought i would enrol#the one i went i hadn't said anything abt my gender yet#but the teacher was 'misgender me ' he was say he and then correct it and say she#i didn't correct him at the time coz wasn't sure i would go there but v cool#that's allmost a full vent in the tags
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hecksupremechips · 5 months
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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xuanelle · 1 year
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every day someone reduces majima to the mad dog act and a crazy guy that he is only ever like in the first game an angel loses its wings
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weskinz · 8 months
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maybe if i go back on antidepressants ill ask for wellbutrin
#p#like yes i am pretty depressed rn but i dont feel like killing myself like i did when i was on viibryd#no genetic altercations my ass i was on that shit for years and just now looking back at my messages and notes no wonder i was scaring ppl#i was so anxious one time i had to sit in my brothers room so i knew he wasnt going to die suddenly#and i was so so so scared but it was like there was a mental block where it couldnt become a panic attack jst paranoia#but i was one degree from it. just imagining what i did to him happening to me scared me to death and i had to reassure myself#my mom asked me abt it the other day like 'hmmm. wouldve been nice to let me know you werent on it anymore. seems like a thing your mother-#'-should know.' and like yes since im still completely dependent on her in all aspects but man#i didnt want to explain i had no interest in seeing lisa anymore and i was just done. i was so tired of my lows being so fucking low#and not even noticing they were so bad yknow#do i even know how to be honest anymore. no i dont think of killing myself but i dont see a future for myself either#i have no goals no motivation no nothing#its selfish to want to die but its like that mytoecold dude video where hes like 'if i spilled milk and then killed myself technically-#'-the problem would be gone' like yeah. that is true. how do i get that out of my belief system#he was a raging addict btw i just saw that video. crazy and sad but i guess when you are dealt a bad hand you see eye to eye
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born-to-lose · 1 year
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Missing people and regretting shit o'clock
#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it#i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn#why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up#i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him#i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up#just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended#guess i just can't be happy. i never could#i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together#not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future#which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility#or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically#while i seem to be the only one with that goal#idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now#and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess#disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change#deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim#mel talks#depressed bitch posting#i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation#it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years
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Personal tier list of main yakuza antagonist deaths ranked from Least Aggravating to I’m Going To Eat Drift Wood ok it goes mine → nishiki → ryuji → aoki
#spoilers#snap chats#my opinion and heres why#Redeemed Through Death is such an aggravating trope but mines is the only one i can vaguely let slide#like richardson couldve been clocked out cold or just straight-up died in that scene mine didnt have to die but w/e#at least i can justify it by being like. This Is Why Daigo's So Depressed Afterwards LMAO (˘・_・˘)#still pisses me off/makes me sad though. i would love to see how he bounced back from uhh Everything LMAOO#nishiki- that shit was senseless like bro stumble out of that room right now and shoot the briefcase you prick#youre so dramatic GOD#nishiki and mine are tied tbh im only slightly more at peace with mines death#ryujis just. ryujis just the funniest character period bro was just here to beat up kiryu#see ryujis death is more funny than aggravating like kaoru was really like 'hey lets go home now yeah'#and ryuji was like 'NO i want to KILL HIM' and. FUNNIEST SHIT plus i live by dead souls canon. hes fine hes chill hes selling takoyaki#theres nothing funny or redeeming about aokis death like. like that shit was just depressing and infuriating#like there was legitimately no reason he had to die- you can justify it for the other three to an extent#but aoki's was just like. they had to fill out a quota in the most Are You Fucking Kidding Me way#its like when youre playing fire emblem on classic mode and youre at the very end of the map and suddenly one of your units gets killed#and youre just like Are You Fucking Kidding Me x2 Where Did That Come From cause you didnt check EVERYTHING before making your move#aokis death pisses me off the most like at least i can laugh at the other three or like be Whatever about it#god just let him rot in jail im begging you i hate it here#ok bye im gonna do those six fanarts challenge#might be more than six idk i dont know how to say no LMAO
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