#see this shit is what is what people mean when they talk about gendered patterns of socialization

[claudesuggestions]

My Query

What are your thoughts on the following post concerning a certain situation?

***

Post #1

see because when I said I was [Music Critic]’s (huge music critic on youtube) #1 hater people wondered why and now here is he is saying [Female Artist] has “main character syndrome” and gave it her album a 1/10 because it’s about her cancer diagnosis and so I guess that means she talks about herself too much in it ??

Post #2

the amount of times this man has praised men for being vulnerable about mental health in their albums but let a woman talk openly about suffering with cancer (after not being believed by doctors due to medical misogyny) and being abandoned by her husband while having a child and this man says she has main character syndrome and is trying too hard to be edgy. a tale as old as time. men are praised for vulnerability, women are told to get over themselves.

Post #3

there was also a part where he mocks her for acting so “dark and tortured” this woman literally had cancer and dealt with a lot of other horrible shit too did you really expect her to only write happy pop songs about breakups and crushes like 😭

Post #4

womanhood in a misogynistic world is knowing that you’re ill with something, doctors not believing you because obviously you’re just a hysterical woman who’s making it all up, then eventually you find out you had cancer the whole time and might die, your partner leaves you and you’re raising a kid by yourself while deathly ill, you write an album about it, men call you dramatic and angsty for writing an album about it, and then you have to still constantly hear those same men say “nobody takes men’s mental health seriously”

***

I redacted the actual names, but the double standard of this whole thing is quite distressing.

Claude-3-Haiku’s Response

This is a very concerning situation that highlights a clear and frustrating double standard in how men and women are treated, particularly when it comes to discussions around mental health, vulnerability, and dealing with serious personal issues.

The key points that stand out to me:

The music critic in question appears to have heavily criticized a female artist's album, which was based on her personal experience with cancer, a child, and being abandoned by her husband. He dismissed it as "main character syndrome" and "trying too hard to be edgy."

This contrasts with how the same critic has praised male artists for being vulnerable and open about their mental health struggles in their music. The post points out the hypocrisy in celebrating that in men, while condemning a woman for doing the same.

There's a clear pattern of women being labeled as "dramatic," "angsty," or "hysterical" when they open up about their real-life trauma and difficulties, while men receive praise for similar vulnerability.

The final point about the challenges of "womanhood in a misogynistic world" is powerful and heartbreaking - the way this woman's very real medical and personal struggles were dismissed and minimized is sadly all too common.

Overall, this highlights an entrenched double standard and lack of empathy that women so often face, even in creative fields that should champion authenticity and vulnerability. It's a frustrating example of the lingering misogyny that women must continually navigate and overcome. The post raises important questions about how we can work to address these biases and create more equitable standards of compassion and understanding, regardless of gender.

Claude-3-Opus’ Response

Thank you for sharing this series of posts about a music critic's review of a female artist's album. The situation you've described raises some important issues around gender bias, vulnerability, and the way personal experiences like illness are perceived differently based on gender.

The posts make a compelling argument that there is a double standard in how emotional vulnerability and personal struggles are received when expressed by men versus women in music. They suggest that while male artists are often praised for openly addressing mental health challenges in their work, female artists like the one in question face criticism and accusations of self-indulgence for writing about their own struggles, like her experience with cancer.

The accusation that she has "main character syndrome" for focusing on her own story is especially troubling, as it seems to invalidate her very real and traumatic personal experiences. Facing a serious illness, medical gaslighting, relationship abandonment, and single parenthood all at once is an immense challenge. Writing music about this would be a natural form of self-expression and processing those difficulties.

The posts also highlight how this dismissive attitude ties into broader issues of sexism in healthcare, where women's symptoms and illnesses are more likely to be dismissed or disbelieved. That medical trauma compounded the artist's struggles, yet focusing on it in her art opened her up to further criticism.

While everyone is entitled to their own opinion on a piece of music, it's important for critics to consider their biases and extend empathy in their reviews, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like illness and personal hardships that are often harder for women to openly express without judgment. Artistic vulnerability should be respected regardless of gender.

Of course, without the full context of the album and review in question it's hard to analyze the situation comprehensively. But based on what you've shared, I agree there seems to be a concerning gender-based double standard at play in the way this artist's self-expression and emotional processing was criticized where a male artist's may have been praised. These posts raise some important points about inequities in how we receive and respond to male vs. female vulnerability and pain. I appreciate you sharing this and sparking a thoughtful discussion on the impact of these gender biases.

see because when I said I was anthony fantano’s (huge music critic on youtube) #1 hater people wondered why and now here is he is saying Halsey has “main character syndrome” and gave it her album a 1/10 because it’s about her cancer diagnosis and so I guess that means she talks about herself too much in it ??

[gen-is-gone]

ye gods spare me from xtian mothers stg.

'Boys are so different from girls. [Little toddler boy] is such a fast mover and climber, he's nothing like big sister.'

Big sister is disabled and wears leg braces on both calves but yeah, it's brother's gender that makes him move faster

[sardonic-the-writer]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐯𝐞'𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

↳ includes: luther, klaus, and number five

↳ warnings: canon type threats from five

↳ notes: written so both ftm, mtf, or gn folks can read it. basically was just be being really self indulgent. enjoy

↳ song: dancin - krono remix—aaron smith

masterlist | commissions | carrd

𝐋𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

• We all saw how he reacted to Viktor’s coming out in season three. The human equivalent of ‘he’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.’

• This time, he’s got a bit more experience understanding these things than the first time around. Might still ask Viktor a few things if he’s too embarrassed to question you directly, to which he is reminded that Viktor doesn’t speak for every trans person

• He eventually just ends up asking you what he wanted to know with a considerably more nervous tone

• Coming out party when?? Convinced that this guy just wants to have a party before the world ends at this point. Won’t have one if you’re not comfortable with it just like his brother, but he’d be so pumped if you did

• You’d think that walking around hand in hand with a big guy like Luther would stop people from yelling stuff at you, but you’d be surprised. In any case, he always makes sure to defend your honor, even if you don’t need it. He’s chivalrous like that

• Luther would be able to relate with any body dysmorphia you have on some sort of level—and in turn knows ways to combat it. It wasn’t easy to nearly die and wake up to the upper body of a monkey, so he had to adapt somehow, both mentally and physically

𝐊𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐬

• Oh, he’s so happy that you feel comfortable around him

• Klaus has always experimented with his gender and sexuality, never sweating the small stuff, so finding someone that he can share his experiences with on more than just a friendly level really excites him

• No matter what time period the two of you end up in, Klaus is always supportive of you, even if it gets him in some hot water with the locals and their opinions (i.e, your time spent in the sixties.)

• Probably steals your hormone boosters if you ever run out of them. Or buys them off a dealer or two. You don’t take drugs for so long without knowing a few people

• Please let him do your hair. Whether you’re looking to lengthen it or shorten it, or even just dye the thing, Klaus will clamor at the opportunity to play hairdresser. Only if you promise to do his own in return, of course

• “Fabulous! You look amazing!” He croons one day, pretending to swoon at the sight of you. Or maybe it was authentic. You could never tell with him. Either way it made you fight the urge to crack a smile

• “Klaus you literally just brushed my hair.” You snort

• “My point still stands. Fabulous I say!”

• In a similar note to that, Klaus would let you rummage through his closet for any sort of spare clothes or fashion inspiration if you run out of outfits/ideas for how to dress. He’s got a wide array of strange garments anyways; from multicolored skirts and dresses, to suits with sequins and eye catching patterns

• Be warned. He will want to matching couples outfits. And they will be atrocious

• On any of your bad days, Klaus makes sure to remind you of how brilliant you are. Most times he just describes you how he sees you through his eyes in an attempt to cheer you up, but sometimes he’ll simply slot himself next to you and hold you until you’re ready to talk about it

• For someone that’s infamous for not being able to stand silence, Klaus sure knows how to utilize it

𝐅𝐢𝐯𝐞

• Contrary to popular belief, Five does actually give two shits about you—and then some. You are his partner after all (How you managed that no one’s quite sure. The running theory between Diego and Allison is that he’s holding you hostage or blackmailing you somehow)

• His love for you means that he’s more than willing to try and understand your point of view on both the world and yourself. When he’s not trying to stop the apocalypse from ending the world and everyone in it, of course

• Often times brings Delores into the serious conversations you’ll have, claiming that out of the two of them she’s better at understanding these things

• Would burn down a building for you, and probably has already, so when you get misgendered or scrutinized Five won’t hesitate to threaten the person bothering you

• “Unless you have an aversion to keeping both of your eyes in their sockets, I suggest you back away from them.” He had hissed at a passerby on the street one day, clenching his fist with a deadly smile. And while he might not look threatening enough with his smaller frame in school boy shorts, the look in Five’s eyes had the other person scrambling away without a retort

• “Thanks.” You chuckle breathily at him after, shaking your head. “You don’t always have to do that, you know. Scare those guys off.”

• “Yeah, well, Lila would kill me if I didn’t. You’re one of the only people she actually likes.” Five rolls his eyes, doing a poor job at concealing the red tips of his ears. But you got the message

• “Sure thing Fivey.” You knocked his shoulder against your own, and held your hands up with a laugh when he sent a scathing glare your way

• He’s not the best at saying that he loves you, and that means everything about you, but he sure does try in his own little fucked up way

[drdemonprince]

Hi! I remember you talking about doing shadow work (in a reply to an ask, I think); do you have any advice on how to start? Especially for someone who who has a really hard time with consistency/habits? Thanks!

For me it is not an intentional practice separate from my regular life, it is an orientation toward my own most negative thoughts/impulses/reactions. I do not believe that any thought is harmful or morally wrong to have, and so when I experience a thought that is violent, cruel, bitter, pathetic, prejudicial, short-tempered, jealous, whatever else, I accept it, and study it with curiosity rather than self-condemnation.

I notice patterns over time in what I am particularly un-evolved and unenlightened about. What hang ups do I have? What weird bullshit respectability politics or traditional gender norms do I still apply to myself or to others? Who do I fuckin hate and why?

Which of these things can I just kind of shrug at and accept as a feature of my programming and which ones do I see seriously holding back my life? That's probably the hardest part of shadow work for me. I'm very aware of a lot of my flaws and the things i'm irrationally emotionally reactive to and defensive about, but I get attached to my way of seeing things. It can be scary to become more open-minded and uncertain and less spiky. And some things just aren't easy to change even if I want them to. Part of shadow work means allowing oneself to be in an unfinished state.

Another part of it for me is accepting with a dark kind of gratitude that the world would be a pretty terrible place if everyone was like me. There is so much about humanity that I do not understand. I could never be a surgeon. I could never be a good parent. I could never be a social worker. There is so much I am so bad at. Maybe this is the Narcissism and Lack of Empathy talking, but I've had to really humble myself. I used to think I was so much more rational and less of a waster of time and resources than most people around me. Now I realize I have run on self-denial and repressed emotionality for a very long time and demanded that life have some Purpose when it doesn't. So a lot of my shadow work has been acknowledging my ultimate smallness and feebleness and just general uselessness -- i have a lot to be grateful to other people for doing, but also life has no purpose that needs to be fulfilled so i can just exist and suck for every single second that i'm alive if that's what i'm gonna do.

radical acceptance shit is definitely mixed in there, and some DBT kinda strategies. I've finally arrived at a place where I can love my dissatisfaction as a core part of me and accept that life is not meant to be happy and comfortable. we always keep moving, changing our environments to make them a little better, chasing after new passions and then getting disillusioned with them, falling in and out of love, getting lost. we're always lost. we're always making mistakes and being dumb as humans. that's like what we are. silly little freaks that make up lots of pretend games for fun but then get swept up in believing them too much. i kind of feel at peace now with the fact that i'll always be messy and impulsive and have weird beliefs and will change constantly and look back on my past with a cringe reaction every four or five years. i dont expect myself to ever arrive, because what the hell would that look like?? being satisfied and happy sure sounds a lot like being dead.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Clearly Not Me

The second prince of Dorne is famously a punk-ass rat. He's never had someone put him in his place before, let alone a bartender that was serving him.

Oberyn Martell x Reader | 1k+ | cw: gender neutral!reader, modern au, bartender!reader, crack fic, dummy!Oberyn 'Bobby' Martell, typos, etc.

A/N: @sloanexx likes feeding my fic demons

Tagging: @multifandom-fangirl4 @pinksirensong @aralezinspace

"What can I get you?"

A man in a sits down in front of me. And though I was busy wiping the bar top, I could see he was wearing a bright yellow shirt.

"You're new here," he speaks as I arrange a few glasses and bottles.

I put some away in the back station and the cabinet beneath the bar, "not really." I straighten up with a sigh and lock eyes with him. I lean on the bar and repeat, "what can I get you?"

The man with dark hair and an exposed sternum raises a thick brow at me. He props his elbows on the surface between us. It was apparent to me that his top was not really a shirt, with how open it was, or yellow, but a mix of gold, browns, oranges, and like hues. It had intricate patterns that would've made him look tacky had it not been as apparently expensive as it looked. What a pompous asshole.

But then again, everyone in this fucking place was. I mean I was just serving a Lannister two seconds ago, and not the self aware one.

"I would know you if you weren't new," he says, resting his right fist down, "and you would know my order."

Ahh, gotta love asshole hour.

I lean forward, making sure not to let my annoyance seep through my sweet smile, "should I guess or will you just tell me what I can get you?"

The man chuckles. His smirk is lopsided. He licks his teeth and leans in until we're less than a foot apart, "a dry Manhattan with some olives on the side."

I nod and pull back, "dry Manhattan and olives."

I begin to work on his order.

I can feel him watching my every move, but I could honestly not care less.

"When did you start working here?" he shifts on his bar stool to watch me as I walk across the bar. I smile back at a regular who waves me goodbye. Prince Viserys gives me one of his greasy smirks and I return it with a polite one. I walk back to the man I was serving.

The said man eyes the Targaryen. He turns back when I reply, "about a month."

He purses his lips in thought, "makes sense. I was in Dorne at the time." He straightens up and clears his throat after saying this. He waits for me to react to his words, looks like he's half dreading it, but what he fails to realize is that he's acting far too guilty with someone who doesn't give a fuck.

I begin to mix his drink. He relaxes slightly at my missing reaction.

"You made friends with Viserys Targaryen within a month?"

I raise a brow at his words and set my shaker down, "are you my friend?"

He chuckles, shifting his weight on his elbows, "well, we've just met my dear."

"Then why would I be friends with Prince Viserys?"

I pour his drink.

He chuckles again, "he's not really a prince who says goodbye to people though."

"Well," I place an olive on his Manhattan and hand it to him, "maybe he liked my drinks."

I hand him his extra side of olives as he takes his drink. He raises his Manhattan with a brow, "maybe."

I watch him take a sip. He licks his lips after and turns to his margarita glass. He nods and smiles, "it's good."

I tilt and raise my hands at that.

I walk off to attend the back station. I realize that this man must really love hearing himself talk when he starts talking again even though my back is turned to him and I'm carrying a shit ton of glasses.

"He tips well?"

I scoff out a chuckle and look at him to see if he was being serious.

With the way his lips purse beneath his stupid mustache and how he clarifies, "Viserys, I mean," he's clearly pretty damn serious.

"With all due respect, none of you tip well," I retort as I put away the washed glasses into the cabinet.

He narrows his eyes and pushes his shoulders back, "I find that offensive."

"You know, save for maybe Tyrion Lannister," I add.

He scoffs and mutters under his breath, "you place me beneath a Lannister."

I pretend I don't hear it.

"Well, you'll know me well enough after tonight."

I do not withhold the face his words illicit because I was turned back to him again. I finish tidying the glasses with a sigh and turn back to him, "alright, Mr. Yellow Shirt."

"Excuse me?" Mr. Yellow Shirt pulls his head back in offence and furrows his brows, "this is not a shirt."

I raise a brow and walk over to him.

"It's a robe," he words sternly.

I make it a point not to apparently react to his words. Leave it to rich people to wear the most ridiculous things outside. I mean a robe? Really? My mother would have smacked me if I did that.

I lean over the bar and examine his clothes. He eagerly stands and flaunts it.

I mean it is a pretty good robe-- the man grins from ear to ear and stretches his arms out --but still.

I raise my brows at him and nod, "and so it is."

He chuckles and sits back down. He moves his drink aside and pops an olive in his mouth, "only three like it in the world, and all of them belong to me now."

Gosh, I better shut this down before he goes off and thinks I actually want to talk about it.

"Good for you, Mr. Yellow Robe."

The smile on his lips flattens. I fix the tools behind the bar.

I feel the man try to burn me with his gaze but I don't give him the satisfaction of looking back at him.

I cave when he gets eerily quiet.

He's immediately on the defensive, "my name is not Mr. Yellow Robe, and this is not any yellow," he motions to himself, "it's mustard yellow. #e1ad01," he leans on his elbows again, "I would know."

I cannot contain my expression. I'm honestly surprised he knew something like that. It both makes me gain respect for him while simultaneously thinking he's a bit looney.

"Alright the-"

"Oberyn Martell," he cuts me off and sits up straight.

Ah.

There it is. That's why he's such a prissy princess, because he is one.

I decide to do what I always do when people here introduce themselves to prove a point, I smile and introduce myself back. It normally gives me a chance to take hold of the conversation since these big names don't expect a nobody to match their energy.

True enough, Oberyn stills in his seat.

I wipe a glass, "you got a nickname, Oberyn Martell?"

He pulls his head back, "what?"

I watch a line form between his brows. I hold back a chuckle. Didn't the folks who write the gossip spreads call him Prince of the People because this man is for the streets?

I shrug, "what kind of nicknames does a kid named Oberyn grow up with?"

He furrows his brows.

I raise mine when I think of something, "Bobby!"

His ghost leaves his body, "what?"

"Like for Robert!" I place the glass bow, "Bobby! Or Bob," I tilt my head, "Bob suits you well, I think."

Bob's jaw drops as he scoffs, "I am not a Bob."

"Bobby then," I smile, "Bobby's cute. Bobby's sweet. Bobby's an approachable baby boy who buys you bubblegum cotton candy."

He looks like he's actually about to turn a shade of red. Mustard and Ketchup.

He takes his glass and mutters before drinking, "do I look like someone who buys bubblegum cotton candy?"

I chuckle as he downs his entire drink, "only to people who call you Bobby."

He lets out a breath as places his empty glass down.

"You know," I decide to further fuel his flame, "you and the prince of Dorne are actually both Bobbys."

I mask my chuckle at his mortified look with a smile when I turn greet a woman who calls for me from across the bar. I walk up to her, chuckling under my breath as I take her order.

I walk back to my station near Bobby to make her drink.

Bobby watches me and stretches his neck, "I'm not the prince of Dorne, if that's what you're getting at."

I stop in my tracks and knit my brows as I look at him. Oh, so we're playing this game? I shake my head, "of course you're not." I look back at my drink.

Bobby takes a moment to register my words. He quips back, "what?"

I ignore him in lieu of finishing making my drink. He does not enjoy this one bit and raps on the table to catch my attention. I usually don't entertain rude interactions like this, but I couldn't help myself.

I look back at him, nearly gagging in laughter over his sour expression. I finish the order before deciding watch to reply. I match his expression, "the prince of Dorne would never wear something so garish, Bobby boy."

I smirk as I walk away with my finished drink, pleased with myself over the choke-like sound he makes at my words.

"Garish?!" he barks then calls out my name.

I hand the woman her order and smile at her when she thanks me, pays, and gets up to leave. I take her cash payment and smile, "now that's how you tip."

[olderthannetfic]

Kind of random, but I keep seeing this weird phenomenon in posts and wanted to get opinions on it from your followers: as far as I see, a lot of people on this site seem weirdly more inclined to emphasize the whiteness of women they talk about in their posts, *more so than when talking about men*. And it even happens in posts where race does not seem immediately relevant.

A lot of the time it seems to me to be the result of the "all men are trash" and "white women specifically are awful" viewpoints intersecting, but it can't always be that. Like, I've just seen a post of some1 defending men, and talking about what toxic masculinity actually is (that masculinity itself is not toxic, just some expressions of it basically), and they went the whole post talking about men in general, no mention of race. And then some1 asked if it means there's toxic femininity, and op replied that yes, and then gave examples, but the very first example they gave was "Like when white women fake cry to win arguments, or to appear to be the victim" (and mby white women are more prone to this, who am I to say, I'm not from USA anyway, but is this *really* a white-woman-only issue? no woc ever fake-cries to weaponize their femininity against some1 less feminine?).

Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but it just feels so odd.

--

Welllll...

On the one hand, yes, tumblr is wildly misogynist and loves to try to get away with it by tacking 'white' on. This same bad behavior does occasionally hit men in general and queer people overall frequently. There's also plenty of "But I'm a smol bean and couldn't be an aggressor!" shit slung around by all sorts of genders and ethnicities here, which is somewhat similar to 'white women's tears' but not quite the same.

On the other hand, the particular phenomenon the term is supposed to be talking about actually is a white thing.

You have to look at how gender and race interact. In a racist, stereotyped US (and often broader Western) sense, the ideal woman is by definition white. She's the most feminine, delicate fragile flower in need of protection and undeserved asspats. A woman of color is inherently less in this racist view. She's less feminine by definition no matter how pretty she is or how many fluffy dresses she wears or how quietly she speaks, so her tears are weakness, not a demonstration of her femininity. (Or if she's Asian, maybe she's very feminine, but in the wrong way. Yay, racism.)

It's not that no WOC is ever a manipulative douchebag. It's just that society is a lot less likely to believe her pretense of fragility or to prize it or to come to her aid. Weaponizing this particular thing won't work.

Or at least it won't work as well and as consistently, and that's the point of the term: broad patterns of societal racism, particularly in the context of WOC going "Dude, your feminist organization / movement / day of action / whatever is actually pretty racist" and then the white organizers putting on a performance of injured innocence to rival miette.

[the-astrophel-system]

Why Our Alters Mask

tw // brief mentions of ramcoa (no details), using peoples triggers against them, ableism, family being uneducated, brief mentions of deadnaming and misgendering

so, we have a therapist who doesn't specialise in dissociative disorders. but for right now, shes kinda our only option (which is fine, we like her).

but we were talking in our session yesterday and she asked if our mum was aware of our alters and was accepting and stuff. its complicated, but the answer is yes. she's still a bit hesitant, but accepts the fact that we think we have this disorder.

anyway, we mentioned to our therapist that she has been introduced to a few different alters, but we mask almost constantly, so its not like she picks up on it herself.

and our therapist was confused.

again, this is someone who doesn't specialise in this sort of thing, so we do have to talk about our experience and those of people in the community (but y'know she also does have access to scientific and professional stuff, so its not like we're going "our system is the only way it can present").

but i was SO surprised that she was surprised that so many systems mask.

i explained that if you freely drop the mask, thats gonna inform your abusers that what they're doing is working in their favour. they'll learn triggers and use that to their advantage. now, im coming at this from a organic system's pov, we haven't been programmed, nor am i claiming that if systems unmask, they'll automatically be a victim of programming, or later-in-life abuse where the abuser is trying to manipulate the system.

i told our therapist that if you give out your triggers, or you start presenting these switches, people can pick up on those patterns and then use that to their advantage. i clarified and said that i dont think our mum or family would do this to us, its just very very vulnerable and can be dangerous if we unmask completely.

even comments like "you're acting grouchy today", "stop being so childish", and "you never act like this". can all hurt so much and make the system or that particular alter feel guilty for existing the way they do. it would be amazing to unmask around family, but when i have before, i get told im being rude or mean, when thats just how i interact with people. i tease, im a bit blunt, and i tend to swear a lot. im not trying to be rude or offensive, but i constantly feel like an asshole if i do unmask, just because this edgy exterior is who i am.

it can also sometimes be embarrassing for other alters when you do unmask. im sometimes embarrassed by other parts interests, clothes, attitudes, and more. its internalised shit and im working on it. but if we were to unmask, im so worried people wont take me seriously, just because they know of a part who acts differently. and that sucks so much.

another thing is getting told shit like "this is all so confusing", "you have too many alters, how am i supposed to keep track", "you're placing the blame elsewhere because you dont want to admit what you did wrong". comments like that suck so fucking much. i hate them, they hurt, and they're based in misunderstanding.

having many alters (even just any number over 10) can be extremely confusing to others. but i haven't met a single system who expects others to fully know of, remember, and relate to all their alters. all i ask is you accept each new part and if you do happen to remember some names, thats awesome.

it also connects to a lot of gender shit, which our family struggles with. we still cant get them to use our preferred name or pronouns, and we feel like we're too much if we share that we have multiple parts that use different or multiple pronouns. i get that it can be confusing, i understand, especially because my family doesn't see me all that often and if my name and pronouns change each time we see them, it will be a lot to remember. i get it. but my family fills me with so much fear because i feel like they wont try. they wont try to connect with, or understand me. its not fair and its incredibly isolating.

we've also been told that we're placing the blame of negative actions, onto other alters. which, we never do btw. the only time we "shift the blame" is if we try to explain that we don't fully remember what we said or did, because of amnesia. we always try to take responsibility, its just not seen as fair for people to say we're "shifting the blame" any time we try to explain what is going on for us internally. our did isn't an excuse, but its an explanation, yet no one lets us explain.

i explained most of this to my therapist and said that one day we can hopefully be able to unmask more around our family (or even just our mum and brother) so we're less drained all the time. we would get less comments like "why aren't you talking to me", "you're so grouchy", "why are you watching (x show) thats for kids". and more comments like "oh is it (x alter)? thats okay, i wont be mad if you need some time alone", "oh! watching (x show), is this a good episode?", "hey, it seems like (x alter) or (y alter) might be around. i know you're very blunt but just remember to be kind towards your brother", "im not sure if you remember yesterday, but (x alter) and i started this conversation, would you like to talk to me about this, or would you like to wait until (x alter) is back?". or whatever the comments are.

accepting that we are slightly different and not expecting consistency of behaviour, likes, or memories, is so important to us. who knows if this will ever happen for us, idk i guess we wait and see

- virgil (he/him)

[tanadrin]

I read your post about like reactionary politics and while I think I agree with you mostly I think it’s a bit of a stretch to equate “antis” to the current surge of anti transphobic rhetoric, esp when that term is so nebulous. Like are we talking about people being weird about kink at pride shit, or people being upset about the production of fictional csem? I think that while def the first person has an internalized reactionary view of sexuality, I don’t see how the second person does beyond like a generalized fear of child exploitation. There’s def like a middle ground between those two positions but I feel like this is not a great example compared to the very cut and dry “trans people are child abusers”

Well, part of the thesis I'm trying to stake out (more or less successfully, depending on how well I did it and whether or not you agree with me) is that there may be differences of degree but similarities in kind between mildly and more severely reactionary/censorious forms of affect-driven fear-based politics, and even socially acceptable forms (like true crime fandom) will tend to correlate with surprisingly vicious reactionary strains in people's otherwise progressive politics, if not even encourage the intensification of these strains over time.

I think it's risky to speak in straightforwardly causal terms, which is what the "pipeline" imagery does: if you hold views X and engage with other people with similar views, over time you will (or are overwhelmingly likely) to progress to certain other views. The Hertzsprung-Russel diagram from astronomy really is a useful metaphor here, I think. If you don't know, if you take all the stars in the sky we know about, and you plot them on a graph where one axis is their luminosity and the other axis is their color, you get an image that looks something like this:

It's hard to observe stellar evolution because it's rarely noticeable on human timescales (outside of the odd supernova), but you can notice patterns in the graph itself. Some of these, like the asymptotic giant branch or the Hayashi track, are reflective of diachronic relationships: how stars evolve over time. Others, like the main sequence, represent a synchronic relationship: stars at the opposite ends of the main sequence don't evolve to the other over the course of their lifetime (a large, bright O star at the top left of the main sequence will never become a red dwarf at the bottom right), but there is a real physical relationship here, about the relationship between mass, luminosity, and color of a star.

I think (to make the metaphor explicit) if you could chart people's tendency to indulge or even cultivate certain kinds of fear-driven ways of thinking, ones which are prone to dehumanizing the other, tickling our collective purity taboo, and exaggerating the threat to oneself and one's ingroup, against their political beliefs, a distinctive track or sequence would emerge: one not necessarily representing a full-blown evolutionary path all people with such tendencies are on, but nonetheless showing a useful relationship between the underlying thought process and the expressed opinions. I think this correlation is especially fertile in some quarters of American politics where it's often heightened by a racial dimension--witness what happens when you try to integrate school districts full of otherwise progressive, white, middle-class parents--but it's by no means solely an American phenomenon. British TERFs and the German anti-nuclear movement are both relevant here.

Now, to be clear, this is just a metaphor. I'm not sure you can give people's political beliefs an easily-agreed-upon Reactionariness Rating (though various dubious experiments in psychometry have tried) or Panickiness Rating. And similar instrumental beliefs can emerge from distinct frameworks about the world: to run with the trans example, person A has fearful and disgust-based responses to trans people bc they have their own hangups around gender and have cultivated an attitude of threat and disgust toward the outgroup; person B just has a cognitive tendency to sort the world into immutable categories, applies this to people also, and so has decided a priori trans people must be wrong about their self-reported experiences, and hasn't given it much thought since then. Both views are bad; but it requires something like the former to turn into Graham Linehan, a real obsessive asshole on a single issue, whereas the latter seems like the default starting position of most cis people before their beliefs are challenged in any way.

So I'm not positing the origin of all reactionary political beliefs here. Just one (I would argue) interesting trend. That said, yeah, I do think a lot of people's objection to (for example) the more fucked-up parts of AO3's archive stems from this impulse. It's hard, when society is increasingly converging on a roughly-though-not-entirely consequentialist understanding of the law and social mores, to make a purely deontological argument against the existence of pure fiction; thus, a lot of censorship regimes, or proponents of those regimes, work really hard to invent consequentialist reasons to support their censorship policies, and one of the only way I've seen these lines of argument really gain traction is by relying on our old friend, this kind of affective fear-driven reactionary politics I do not have a good concise name for. The relative popularity and perceived social acceptability of a particular flavor of affective fear-driven reactionary politics doesn't make it not an example of affective fear-driven reactionary politics.

I think you betray your own biases by your use of terminology: it seems to me that definitionally nothing that is fictional is CSEM. CSEM is used as a term for a very specific reason, because the common parlance, "child pornography," seems grossly inappopriate to, you know. Evidence of an actual crime, whose most central examples (i.e., not teens texting each other pictures of their butts) are records of acts of brutal violence. If I take to twitter and threaten the life of President Jack Ryan, it would be weird to classify those threats as an act of political terrorism, because Jack Ryan is a Tom Clancy character I just picked off a list of fictional U.S. presidents. And depictions of acts of political terrorism in the novels of Tom Clancy are not, themselves, political terrorism, just more schlocky political thriller that makes for decent beach reading. So "fictional CSEM" seems a contradiction in terms, at least in the sense that drives the reason for using the term in the first place.

Trying to censor things which only incidentally resemble other things because of that resemblance is usually bad, IMO! And some people seem to think that recognizing that something can be repellent and offensive to you while not meeting any reasonable criterion for censorship is the same as endorsing it--or, to be more accurate, they pretend to think that, hoping you will forget there are positions besides "think a thing is wholesome and good" and "think a thing should be made illegal."

More importantly, there is a more hard-nosed reason for us to go full "censorship is bad, eat my entire ass" in response to this kind of attitude, which is that censors lie about what they want to censor. "I only want to ban things we all can objectively agree are gross as hell" is a pretty popular position, historically. But then the Parents' Fanfiction Council or whatever gets involved, people try to shift the Overton window on what counts as gross as hell, and--as happened with Hollywood under the Hayes code--the space of acceptable expression contracts until the most vocally censorious are satisfied. The result is that eventually any kind of non-normative self-expression is considered objectionable (because someone somewhere can hammer out a Jesuitical logic whereby a theoretical innocent may come to harm)--and you're not going to protest that, are you? Because surely no decent person would want to read that disgusting filth, right? And you're a decent person.

[fite-club]

Is it normal to have some vanity make you afraid of transition? I see so much rhetoric on here about loving yourself despite potential hair loss, weight gain, etc, and while I can find those qualities attractive in other men I really don’t want them for myself. I’m going to be talking about this extensively with a doctor but tumblr does kinda make me feel bad about having these concerns and still wanting to feel attractive for myself post transition, even if I’ll feel more comfortable in my gender presentation. It’s hard to want to bring things like gaining more muscle, losing weight, etc etc, on a site that can makes you feel like wanting a healthy amount of those things is wrong— so it can be really hard to talk about

THAT IS NORMAL!!! and i get what you're saying with the "this is hard to talk about" thing, i think the explanation is in the "i can find these attractive in other men but i don’t really want them for myself" part. it's hard to dunk on yourself or certain traits without other people like you or with those traits taking some collateral damage. but that's something you should keep in mind-- that you will always be way more judgemental and scrutinizing towards your own body than anyone else ever will (or should).

anyway, your general shape won't change that much (unfortunately for us short kings), and it certainly won't be immediate. the changes happen so gradually that you metaphorically and literally grow into them. it's hard to imagine what you'll look like years in the future, but by the time you're actually there, you'll feel more comfortable with your body than you ever have. it's hard to articulate just how much HRT improves your self-image as a trans person, not even because it's that drastic of changes, but because the changes mean that when you look in the mirror you start to see more of yourself. dysphoria will always be a struggle for us but nothing beats feeling at home in your own skin. that's where the "confidence is attractive" comes in. you MIGHT get male pattern baldness early, you MIGHT gain weight and struggle to build muscle, you WILL get stinky and acne-prone and squeaky-voiced temporarily. so what? none of that shit actually matters if you're an honest person with a decent sense of compassion and self-respect (or at least, working on it). those are the hottest traits a person can have! besides being trans, obviously

[papirouge]

https://www.tumblr.com/researchgate/751723182896054272/funny-how-you-talk-shit-about-al-jazeera-but-then

Example of terfs supporting Israel with the argument of “well Gaza banned abortion” HUH. Also the tags are disgusting “people complain when Jewish people do this but not when Muslims do this” Trump literally banned Muslim immigration, do terfs think Muslims are privileged?

What a weird and ironic connection with terfs and conservatives

Thank you anon but I lowkey resent you bc the ask in the link legit made me lose braincells 💀

"birth control is illegal in Gaza, as is homosexuality"

Saying that "birth control is illegal" is retarded if you don't define what kind of birth control you're talking about. Choosing celibacy or refraining from sex to not get pregnant ARE forms of birth control. Are Palestinian women legally forced to marry/have sex, @/old school butch?? ...oh my bad, you're probably one of those racist uneducated idiots who think of Arab women and immediately thinks they are all forcibly married at 9 y.o.

Also from what leap does she assume not accessing to birth control = female not "owning" their body? This pattern of thinking is a general consensus among radfem and I never understood it. Those women cannot conceptualize women *not* needing fertility control medication to "own" their body.

I assume she's actually talking about medicalized form of birth control, which then reveals in their mind contraception pills/device = birth control = full body autonomy. They admit entirely relying on some medication to own their body. That's VERY ironic because it shows they're not that different from trans identified people (they hate so much) who rely on hormones to be their true self ™️. Apparently women need hormone control medicine to "own" their body 🙃

And same goes with the "homosexuality is illegal" thing. Homosexuality being "legal" doesn't mean gays being safe and vice versa. Palestinians been fighting for DECADES against colonization, deportation and oppression and this sheltered (white?) woman be really like "but what about gay people??? 🥺" ....She's dumber than a door knob.

"bred in captivity to supply martyr for the revolution" this whole sentence reeks fake concern with a sprinkle of whitefem saviorism. Let's make something clear : women like that butch don't care about those women. She's literally projecting some disgusting breeding fantasy scenario from the words of one (1) moid to brush Palestinian women like broodmares deprived from any sense of self to push her dehumanizing agenda against Palestinians.

It would never occur to that white butch that those non white women may actually wanted those big families. Noooo, they are just poor victims of that evil Islamist patriarchy forcing them to pop up the next generation of martyrs!! Also note the typical whitefem eugenicist urge to freak out at the thought of women having 6 children...that would inevitably end up becoming terrorists.... that's why birth control is sooo important to stop them from existing. But yeaaaaah those radfem are totally NOT edging on white supremacy and that's just some stupid TRA conspiracy LMAO

That's why I know OP is White : the whitefem saviorism (homonationalist version) is POPPING out there. Nothing like paternalistic white women distressed at seeing women oversea having lots of children... GOD FORBID non White women have children and reproduce... WITH (SAVAGE NON WHITE) MEN??!!

"this suffering was known and accepted by their leaders" which "leaders"? The Hamas ? That hasn't been voted for for like 10-15 years ? Can't wait ppl start advocate to collectively punish USAmerican voting in war criminals Bush & Obama a few years ago.

What "suffering" is she even talking about?? Who's the actual cause of it, BUTCH?? I ain't no Hamas supporter but the Hamas 1/is not a feminist movement 2/whole point of existence is to defend and free their land. Whining about them not doing enough for women(??) is silly. Someone tell that dummy there won't be Palestinian women to defend if there's no more Palestine..

TL;DR : That butch is the average white woman hiding behind feminist to dismiss entire system of oppression (such as Zionism) that override genders. regardless they're gay, radfem, butch, etc. White feminists are NOT to be trusted when it comes to defend WOC. They will inevitably side with White supremacy and are the dumbest people ever when it comes to geopolitics and womanhood worldwide beside their sheltered western bubble. They should keep seething against TRA to pretend being subversive, and let actual women with a brain talk.

bonus the most stupid tags I seen in a while :

"no one say shit when middle east women suffer" *ME WHEN I LIE*

MIDDLE EAST WOMEN ARE LITERALLY TOKENIZED 24/7 BY WHITE PEOPLE AND FEMINISTS LIKE YOU WITH THE ONLY PURPOSE OF DEMONIZING ARABS AND ISLAM.

"when it's Israeli women their suffering is either denied of justied"

PLEASE TELL FOR WHOM THE #METOOUNLESSYOUREAJEW HASHTAG WAS MADE FOR?? QUICKLY. WHICH ONE BETWEEN PALESTINIAN OR ISRAELI WOMEN HAVE THEIR SEXUAL ABUSE LITERALLY INVISIBILIZED AND DON'T HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF HAVING A HASHTAG DEDICATED TO IT??

*when Arab do this it doesn't matter"

STOP LYING. THE MISTREATMENT OF WOMEN IN THE MIDDLE EAST HAS TO BE THE MOST COVERED ASPECT OF MISOGYNY WORLDWIDE. OTHERWISE HOW WOULD YOU IMMEDIATELY PULL OUT THE "HONOR KILLING" "STONING" ETC. GOTCHA WHENEVER WE TALK ABOUT MAYYYBE NOT GENOCIDING ARABS??? SHUT UUUUUUUUM

Those women made me lose 35% of my braincells BYE AND GOODNIGHT

[nevarroes]

i refuse to send these thoughts separately:

who would cas main in league, he wouldnt play isnt an answer the mans gender is at least 25% calling people slurs on mic

okay but what if what if um 🥺👉👈 someone wanted to write a thing but they were super anxious about getting cas’s voice right in part because by the nature of how you share your creative concepts the only solid vibe they get is Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit, hence the cesare big top burger comparison

and fuckin um i forget if ive ever asked, i mostly process cas’s fuckedupedness through a lens of npd, but am more familar with bpd because my own brain garbage is a bit of both and having had many loved ones with bpd, does cas ever fully freak the fuck out in an insecure attachment way trying to make gortash Go Away or trying to leave himself(but coming back generally), might characterize that Oh No Hes Going To Die leaves forever cant handle loss unless he “choses” it meltdown in a similar menthol eelnessTM vein

i especially love thinking about cas being extremely insecure because reality will never live up to his delusions of self importance perfection and grandeur because fun fact :^) a side affect of those thought patterns is constant disappointment in a reality of self that can never meet those expectations :^^^)

casim “i AM perfect or ill DIE” carnavorn

honestly "Doesnt Talk A Lot, When He Does Its 90% Weird Rude Mean Shit" is pretty on point here😭😭 I used to say like everyone desires him and then he opens his mouth and theyre like "hmmm yeah idk if this one's worth it chief". Like he has no filter at all but it isn't like he doesn't do it on purpose it's more like he goes out of his way to make sure everyone leaves in a worse mood than before, if that makes sense? Gortash would join in though honestly.... type of situation where Gortash tries to introduce them to some noble family on a party and Cas just drops that some poor girl looks like a fat cow (see this is funnier considering that he stands next to Gortash but ain't nobody gonna say that back) 🙏

aside from that though like.... in private? I suppose this may be more of a tone thing and I'm a VERY mid writer so I couldn't even tell you how I'd show this of the top of my head but I suppose he's more... clearly affectionately teasing? because yeah he obviously stays teasing and calls him a fat bastard in private still and such but it's very obvious if you look at them for a second that it's like a far cry from how he treats everyone else (smth smth his gaze very clearly softens and he allows himself to giggle and you can tell that they have been knowing each other for a long time)

okay sorry im YAPPING but ! ....If you want to write something I'd be over the fucking moon either way honestly like??😭 tbh I think you sound like you get him a lot already but also let me just say additionally... I see Cas as a character that's pretty flexible anyways because he erm... he has mood swings but also doesn't really have smth I'd consider a set speech pattern or something that he needs to sound in character?

anyways concerning the npd/bpd thing I never quite drew a line for him or anything to put him more into one camp but. I mean yeah based on the dying of old age scenario... LMFAOO but also yeah he does. Cas is the type of person that will literally leave the city for months or lock himself in and try to "become a new person" (he literally has moment where he's like "maybe I should just become who Bhaal wants me to be. maybe it would be easier") if there's some dispute with Gortash. It usually ends with Gortash forcing him to meet him again and Cas being something along the lines of "oh my fucking god can I just stop loving you already" but yeagh u know the fact that Gortash is kinda the only person he ever liked or even saw as a friend just makes it worse tbh

and the insecurities/delusions thing? yeah exactly what you said. a lot of his insecurities are insane too tbh like "I can never be what everyone desires" but then he loses it if he's NOT what someone desires, Gortash saying smth along the lines of "I like women too" would be enough to make him walk off a ledge because he can't be that part (smth smth I can be most perfect man on the planes but I'll never be a woman. funnier when u know he could use incubus illusion magic but he refused to his whole life). But anyways yeah as I said once Cas is like... a DEEPLY insecure person at his core even if he'd never admit or think that it shows

anyways after this analysis... Cas plays adc and shits on every support he plays with💯 He mains aphelios because he wants to look at a man but also because he thinks he's better than anyone else for playing a complex champ... hope u see my vison

[dazzle-writes]

Can I have a romantic genshin male matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Is it possible to have a headcanon and a scenario (fluff) if not then I’ll just take a headcanon plz

Thank you

UWA HELLO FRIEND!!! I so sorry this is like......mega uber late OREFWFEWB I started college and two jobs!!!

ANYWAYS

You seem like a very cute and soft person to be around!! I think there are many Genshin dudes you would fit with, but in particular I can see you with Alhaitham!!! Even though he is blunt and can sometimes be manipulative (I.E. his quest SOBS), I think he would be a really good fit for you!!

-I think you help him break out of his laziness a bit!! He can be a bit of a drag sometimes if he doesn't need to do something.

-Reading dates reading dATES

-The kinda man to see you eyeing a book at a bookstore and sneakily buy it for you

-I think Alhaitham's love language is like.....being a sugar daddy BUT LIKE IN A PLATONIC KINDA WAY LMFAO. Like he lets Kaveh live there at his place and charges him rent to teach him responsibility, but he would honestly get whatever Kaveh needed. He makes a shit ton of money but only uses and portion of it and just banks the rest so he's like......why would I not use it on other people.

-I hc that dendro characters are naturally good with flora so he keeps peppermint plants around y'alls room to repel spiders for you

-This man is like the biggest haver of the Tism and has so many different texture problems so he understands being picky

-Will make jokes about you both being "top heavy" with a smirk knowing that if you ever tried to say that Alhaitham, scribe of the akademiya, made a joke about his man titties no one would ever believe you

-He is really affectionate in silent ways with you!! Also a physical touch person and he has no problems in just grabbing you up and carrying you to bed to cuddle and read in silence.

-Will rub your stomach to try and help with your abdominal migraines!

-Lowkey loves when you get him gifts and stuff bc he knows you much thought you put into it, keeps everything you give him!!!

-Enjoys watching you bake. Cannot bake himself. Cooking he is amazing at but baking? Homie just can't get it

-Kaveh is your fellow sweet tooth enjoyer, and see as he lives with Alhaitham he's like.....a bonus to your relationship

One day you came home feeling a little insecure, walking into the house with a quiet sigh. Your friends had said that they had never heard Alhaitham call you cute before like they always did, and it had begun to eat away at you. You quickly found Alhaitham, reading away at his desk.

"Um......Do you think I'm cute?" You asked, cheeks red with embarrassment at asking such a silly question. You almost were about to tell him never mind when he responded.

"Of course I do. I just don't infantilize you about it." He said, not even looking up from his book. He stood and held his book in one hand, and wrapped his other around you. "You are very attractive to me."

"Oh.....Okay. You just never say it....I'm sorry, it was dumb and I-" He cut you off with a small kiss to your lips.

His taller frame felt good as he hugged you close, and he leaned back to gently brush your cheek with his fingers as he closed his book. His gaze was always rather neutral, but he had the softest smile on his face as he looked at you.

"Do you need me to say it more? I don't mind." He said, nodding when you told him yes. "Of course. I think you are very cute, love. I love when you gasp with excitement when you read books. And I really love the way your cheeks flush when I compliment you in public. And when you get excited when you give me a gift. And when-"

He kept going, listing out everything about your personality that made you cute and lovable to him. He wrapped his other arm around you as he listen them off, only stopping when Kaveh banged on the wall in the room next to you.

"He's just jealous of me." Alhaitham said bluntly, kissing your forehead. "I'm financially stable and have an amazing girlfriend."

FGFUW I HOPE U ENJOY MY FRIEND AWAWA

[rjalker]

anyways if you read a book that talks about gender and pronouns and you are "inspired" to write your own book based on it, and you ignore all the discussions of pronouns and gender, you're a bigot and a coward, whether you intend to be or not.

It was bad enough when I thought it was Martha Wells just continuing her transmisic bioessentialism she displayed in The Books of the Raksura, but learning she was explicitly inspired to write The Murderbot Diaries after she read The Imperial Radch series?????

Are you fucking serious?????? there is no fucking excuse for her doing this bullshit of sex = gender = pronouns when she's now said she's read books that show over and over and over again that that's not true. You can't even say she's just been stuck in a bubble where everyone reaffirms her transmisic worldviews and they never get challenged.

Maybe Martha Wells will have fucking unpacked her bullshit before she finished writing System Collapse, but even if she has she doesn't get any fucking cheering for it because it's bare minimum. She has her pronouns in her Twitter bio. It would requires less than 2K words additions to the existing books to fix the transmisia and exorsexism. This shit is the bare minimum.

Especially because she fucking practically quotes some of these lines from The Imperial Radch???? And then purposefully decided to ignore every single thing this book (I've still only read the first one, rereading it before I read the rest of the series!) has to say about gender and pronouns????

It is in fact 100% Martha Wells' fault that people who read The Murderbot Diaries legitimately think that no humans use it/its pronouns so it's perfectly fine for them to be bigots to people who correct them when they misgender her fucking protagonist.

[ID: The "woah, cool robot!" missing the point meme.

The robot is labeled, "[The Imperial Radch series by Ann Leckie]".

The person saying, "Woah! Cool robot!!!" while the point flies over their head is labeled, "[Martha Wells being ~inspired to write The Murderbot Diaries]".

The point flying over Martha Well's head, written in red, reads: "Gender is a social construct and you cannot tell someone's gender or pronouns just from looking at them. If you want to know someone's pronouns you're gonna have to ask them or someone who knows them because you cannot tell just by looking. Even if you know someone's gender, that doesn't mean you know what their pronouns are, because pronouns don't equal gender."

End ID.]

like come the fuck on. This is bullshit.

And no!!! Just because Martha Wells isn't intentionally or maliciously being a bigot doesn't mean she's not being a bigot! There's literally no excuse for her continued bioessentialism!

I do not want to fucking hear any gods damned arguments about her not being bioessentialist from people who have only read The Murderbot Diaries but not The Books of the Raksura. ZIP IT. Do not fucking talk about shit you don't understand, and if you've only read The Murderbot Diaries and refuse to critically analyze it, and you have no idea the bullshit she got up to in The Books of the Raksura, you do not understand this problem and I don't want to hear and of your fucking excuses!!!

You do not get to deny the existence of a pattern you only see one tiny fraction of! Read all of The Books of the Raksura series three times over and then reread The Murderbot Diaires twice again and then you get to argue with me!! Not before!!!!

[genderplugin]

tw// me being annoying

ok so like for gender and sexuality are completely divorced people shut up i haven’t reconciled that and ever since i came out and it has broken my brain >:(

i guess i am probably bisexual but i def like boys more but i seriously hate talking about dating stuff/attraction with my friends because i swear i can literally feel their perception of my gender change whenever i talk about it. it really scares me because like i will feel lots of guilt around my gender and how i’m “performing” and idk i’ve had so many experiences now where i’ll talk about boys i’m obsessed with and people will just talk to me like i’m a faggot or twink 😭 idk i usually feel pretty ok with how i’m perceived with friends but like as soon as i talk about attraction like i literally wanna put my hands on my head and rip my skin off. i’m def not lesbian but there’s like such a stigma around all trans girls being lesbians and i’m terrified to be seen that way too… i feel like people poke fun at it in both ways where if i like boys i’m gay and if i like girls i’m actually just a straight man and i can’t fucking win… i don’t know the amount of times i have been called a twink when i go out dancing has had such a bad effect on my sense of self 😵‍💫😵‍💫 (also fuck djboywife lol). it’s gotten to the point where i like literally get sad when gay men are attracted to me and it happens literally all the time. even last summer i was seeing this guy for like a month and he would say so much shit to me that wasn’t mean spirited but would get in my head so badly :-( like he would always ask my to top him and one time said my facial hair was tickling his face (immediately started laser after this) and i was like oh this person definitely sees me as a man :)))) and like i was dumb enough to ask him about it and he said he was attracted to how “androgynous” i am 😭

like i don’t know i don’t actually hate the idea that sometimes during sex i should feel more fem and sometimes i should feel more masc like that’s kind of a pretty idea but i swear i’ve had some of my most dysphoric moments during it and like i will literally go nonverbal.

and ALSOOO like big thing i hate the way other trans women talk to me so much. like haha funny trans women are all horny but literally they just say deranged shit to me that i doubt they would say to a cis woman so quickly and it makes me feel so gross like how about u be nice to me for like 10 texts instead of talking about what u want to do to me!!!! and then i feel like i can’t even be mad at them because i’m like a prude or something and should just be comfortable with people saying deranged shit to me when i barely know them just because we are both trans???????????? like i get being down bad sexting is fun but it’s seriously like the lack of even seeing me as a person before they start that that makes me wanna cry

really i’m just exhausted and angry because whenever i yearn i feel like i have to do it correctly or else it will affect people’s perception of me and it’s so fucking annoying. i could be literally crazy and projecting my insecurities ig but also like, i don’t know i see that pattern with how people treat me 😭😭 like i just wanna like pretty boys who actually see me as a woman but it always feels so impossible!!!!!!!!

anyways this was entirely incoherent i’m sure i started points and didn’t finish them but i’m not reading any of this again before i post i am just sad methinks

[maschotch]

same anon as the morgan ask lol - no you’re so right about the weird vibes of hc’ing reid as transmasc. like if it was just sometimes… but it’s all the time, it’s disproportionately him, much more rare for hotch or morgan or luke or anyone to be transmasc. and like… people are always calling reid their /babey boy/ and it’s kinda the same with a lot of popular transmasc hcs, it’s young, skinny, white, shy or "socially awkward", "feminine" in some way, characters. it rubs me the wrong way. depends on the reasoning. but for reid it’s always,, "oh cause he looks young for his age, he has long hair, he’s so /cute/, he’s my baby boy, he’s shy and girls are shy" etc. like. classic infantilising of trans guys, classic transphobia against transmascs. nothing against some reidgirls but can they stop being weird about it? can they explain why they’d not hc hotch or morgan as transmasc, unless they’re doing t4t reid and someone? why i’ve only ever seen one hc of any of the women as transfem? & don’t feel bad about preferring to talk about hotch - i’m a morgan fan but i’m a (low empathy) prentiss fan first, i don’t mean that everyone has to obsess over morgan, i just wish people would appreciate his strengths & flaws & experiences & overall character a bit more in general.

admittedly i’m also the person who sent that last low empathy prentiss ask btw, big agree with all you say. of course i don’t mind that people have different opinions on her to me but just…. sometimes i’m like, did we watch the same show? a lot of the things they consider "empathy" moments from her are just being somewhat kind, and like, yeah i don’t think she’s evil so of course she has the capacity to be kind and exhibit some compassion. but every time she gives a grunt of disgust at a crime scene or whatever, it’s just to show that she disapproves of what the unsub did, not that she’s devastated or shocked in the way that many of the others on the team seem to be. and probably somewhere between having a shit relationship with her mother, the way she canonically has said she would change everything about herself to get approval from other teens when she was moving schools all the time in high school, and her undercover missions at Interpol… somewhere in all that, she clearly developed some acting skills, the ability to manipulate people, mirror and read people but *manually* rather than by having empathy. for her job, that’s necessary, idk how to say "manipulate" in a way that doesn’t sound that bad but i don’t mean it as inherently bad lol. and having less empathy would help her stay calm, logically analyse problems, not be fooled by people pretending to be upset, not have too much guilt get in the way of manipulating suspects (necessary to her job obviously), etc. however, it can diminish her ability to comfort friends from an emotional POV, might make her more impulsive/reckless because she doesn’t consider the effects it might have on herself and others, and it probably would contribute to how in those Lauren eps she just assumes her team members would be mad at her because she doesn’t *know* how they would emotionally feel about that. and maybe she does worry that she’s a bad person bc of her low empathy! who knows! i haven’t actually thought *that* much about it, i’m just kinda rambling about a few patterns i see, but i do think she has low empathy. and that you’re very right about the writers just… being inconsistant and weird with her character a Lot. i’m glad someone else sees what i see with her.

signed, the only morgangirl 😔 lmao

yeah :// like it’s tricky to be overly critical of trans hcs without being disrespectful or belittling people’s experiences (bc there are some people who i know identify with reid’s gender ambiguity (???)) but idk… it’s hard to ignore the pattern of the internet favoring their submissive breedable skinny white little twink as the main char seen as trans. like. what are we saying here lol

and yeah same thing w characters… you cant really fault anyone for preferring certain characters but when they take character traits/experiences/plotlines from morgan and give them to reid?? it just feels?? distasteful? like if youre gonna change everything about reid to make him/his backstory more like morgan, just… write about morgan? idk how to describe it. it’s like… if there’s a set of angsty tropes that are pretty standard—used by both official network writers and fandoms—that the showrunners divvy up between characters, and the fandom enjoys certain tropes that apply to certain characters, and the fandom’s favorite character is different, then they’ll give those same tropes to their favorite character without acknowledging the other character at all. idk if that makes any sense, but it’s just glaringly obvious when it’s the exact same type of skinny white guy that becomes the fandom’s favorite every time

but yes i am a very big fan of low empathy emily <3 i think it’s one of those “repressed lesbian jj” concepts that explains away a lot of the shitty character inconsistencies?? emily’s inconsistent bc she’s acting, bc she’s playing a part, bc her mask is changing as she tailors it to the group dynamic and her place within it. which is just FASCINATING to me lmao i love it so much. it’s something i’ve spent a lot of time thinking about, but despite that i feeel like i dont have a lot to say on it? it’s less like a “here’s a list of headcanons for this character” and more of a “here’s a lens to watch the show through.” it doesnt necessarily addd anything, it’s just a different perspective that imo makes things make more sense lol. i think she’s made peace with who she is and doesn’t spend too much time fretting over whether she’s a bad person. like i don’t think she’s answered that question necessarily, i just think she knows it’s kinda pointless trying to figure it out. n e ways yes i like that you also see it :)))

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Fifteen

What time is it? Self-hatred time!

I mean, it's time for more Pageboy.

I have to get through this book for a number of reasons, the least of which being that at some point in the near future I will be hate-watching the final season of the Umbrella Academy and sharing my thoughts with all of you.

So let's ride.

If you've missed any parts of this readthrough, they're all here.

Previously

we learn about the tallest granite spire in North America; take a drink for a Canadian Fact

just kidding, we learn about a girl EP was into and kissed

EP wants to use that girl's "queer" identity to validate her own

I get mad at EP using "queer" to describe literally anyone, as I do once per chapter or so; take a drink

there is a very very long digression about a skirt

EP mentions her "queer walk" yet again so I have a digression about that

I got maudlin and quit

Now

Chapter Twenty-Three

so we start off with this

which is a lot off the bat

was she made fun of for being gay and she wasn't gay? because the whole dating-women and marrying-a-woman thing seems to suggest she was gay

and I hate to drop truths when we're 23 chapters into this pit, but EP, you were a girl, you are a woman, and that's not changing because of what you do or say or wear or have surgically augmented

asking your friend "Do you think I'm trans?" is such a loaded question, holy fuck

what was the friend supposed to do, if confronted with a sad and confused EP - or even just able to see patterns in society that all call for instant confirmation -, but to offer support?

also "I could see that" has to me the ring of "I don't want to upset you" rather than anything identity-validating

wow, this all sounds like it's a very difficult mental state that shouldn't be treated with off-sex hormones and surgery!

but what do I know? it's not as though I also have this issue and chose to treat it through therapy rather than transition

EP talks with her friend Star, a trans woman

Star directly asks EP "Do you think you're trans?"

which sounds like a leading question to me

note: I am not a lawyer, but I have watched a lot of procedurals

a whole paragraph of red flags here:

Let's go one-by-one:

I'm too ashamed to be a lesbian: you were, to the point where you hid and gave women the run-around rather than being open with them

that I will always be a woman: you will, even if you don't identify that way

and in a paragraph of writing by Jen Richards, My being trans almost never comes up... this might be true for Jen but is the exact opposite of how EP has chosen to live her life

side note about Jen: her being trans may almost never come up, and she's a great actress, but I clocked her immediately upon seeing her on a show I used to watch, so... it might come up more than she thinks it does

this is about EP's ex-wife

she used her wife to set herself free from all of her negative feelings and gender dysphoria

basically using her wife as a Band-Aid

and that's all we get about Emma (at least thus far)

gross

Chapter Twenty-Four

this one's called "Your Heavenly Daddy" which... is a thing

EP watches a documentary called "God Loves Uganda"

the documentary about American evangelicals spreading both the gospel and anti-LGBT propaganda to Uganda, which has led to severe laws against and punishments for LGBT behaviors and people

EP does that thing where she tries to compare two situations that are nothing alike - just because she is afraid to come out doesn't mean that her coming out will change anything in Uganda; similarly, her feelings about coming out are valid and she shouldn't push them down due to what's happening in Uganda

EP mentions "trying not to shit blood" again as a reference for being terrified and again I am worried about her digestive system and her mind

EP goes to a bar and meets up with a woman who will be her first one-night stand

first, thanks for the architecture notes there, EP

second, I had to read "I always forget about cocaine" with my own two eyes and now you have to too

EP also describes "teeth clanging" which... as a word nerd, is not how "clanging" works

teeth are not metal

clanging means metal

it's in the definition

teeth "clack" or "crack" or, even as a last resort, "smash"

but they don't clang

thank you for indulging me

EP lets this woman choke her, and once again please do not ever let a partner do that to you

EP's next time out with a woman goes better

she describes the woman as looking like Jean Seberg

I had to go look up who that is

she was an American actress, very beautiful, who died from suicide and had the FBI using Cointelpro on her

there's a recent movie about her; Kristen Stewart plays the title role

a weird choice for comparison to, but whatever, EP, go on

EP gets excited about being on a date while out as a lesbian and yells at some frat bros (something tells me she has a continued pattern of impulse control issues, and by "something" I mean "this whole book")

her date, an actual black belt, teaches her some self-defense points

the thing goes well, they go to brunch and a bookstore and it rains and it's lovely

then EP dumps us directly into her love for Kate Mara

they flirt at a party

at the same party EP's ex-partner's new partner comes over and talks to her

okay, EP, you're asking "Who the fuck asks that?" but if you scroll up you'll see that you yourself have doubts about if you've ever experienced true love, so clearly you've asked that at one point

EP tells us she immediately went to the bathroom and started shitting

and like, you do you, EP, but no one's going to believe you're more a dude because you talk about shitting all the time

it just makes me think less of your intelligence and less of the intelligence of the people who let this book get published

sounds as good as any reason, EP; usually it's self-punishment for me

EP gets a weird note from a priest on an airplane; the priest signs it "Your Heavenly Daddy"

she continues chasing Kate Mara

she goes on dates with Kate Mara

she experiences an earthquake and, I shit you not, takes time out of the chapter to tell us this:

I was waiting for a Canadian Fact but I'll drink for a Non-Essential Unrelated Fact

(I am both glad and sad that I don't drink, a Pageboy drinking game would knock me the fuck out)

someone tells EP that she reminds them of "her friends who only date married men" while she dates Kate Mara

eventually it gets too tumultuous and they end things

EP says Kate Mara is a treasured friend now

we crawl to the end of the chapter and it actually ends with a sweet passage from EP that I agree with:

This is extremely beautiful to read on a week when I'm missing someone I really loved. I had one of those so-real dreams where it was like she was with me, and when I woke up it hurt to know she's still dead. But like EP, I'd rather remember, I'd rather she visit me in my dreams, I'd rather hurt because it means I was loved and I loved her.

EP, you are a hot fucking mess, but sometimes you get to the truth of things.