#screwt

[queenpiranhadon]

A/N: You all voted on this poll, and this poll, and this poll and after a LOT of voting ((again) again) , I wrote this for all of you :D Thank you to my first not irl moot, Bee (@swans-chirping-in-the-distance) for beta reading this ily girl 😭 Here's my masterlist!

Warning(s): Enemies to lovers trope, mentions of anxiety, night thoughts (iykyk), reader wants to strangle Sirius lmao, maybe some inaccuracies idk man, reader is a Ravenclaw, reader is in the year below Sirius, reader is a bookworm, reader gets stressed apt academics - don't even try to call people like that nerds, anxiety for this sorta stuff is really serious, reader snaps at Sirius, reader’s nicknames are sweetheart, love and angel, slowburn kinda- they're just figuring stuff out, reader is GN but written with f!reader in mind.

Pairing: Sirius Black x GN!Ravenclaw!Reader

•─────•°•❀•°•──── ʜᴀᴛᴇ ─────•°•☁︎•°•─────•

The halls were quiet. 

 Too quiet.  

And you knew that, but it didn’t stop you from traversing the halls of Hogwarts, relishing in the darkness that enveloped the halls, and ultimately concealing you from any prying eyes.  

Stars twinkled through the windows that cast soft rays on moonlight onto the empty halls of Hogwarts, you should’ve felt at ease. 

But you didn’t. 

Technically, you shouldn’t be awake right now, and technically, you shouldn’t be in the halls right now, either, given the strict curfew Hogwarts has on its students. 

Didn’t stop you from leaving though. 

You had just finished a big essay for Herbology, and your anxiety had gotten the best of you, creating the twisting feeling in your gut, the one of failure, your subconscious whispering false notions and spiraling into possible timelines of being forced to work as Filch’s assistant because you failed to pass your exams, and- 

Needless to say, you needed to clear your head.  

Which is why you snuck out of Ravenclaw Tower, and why you were walking through the halls of Hogwarts. 

And why you now found yourself hiding behind one of the almost intimidating, looming pillars in the hall, footsteps resounding through the hallways.  

Your heart pounds - you would for sure be screwed if you were caught. Your mind races, thinking of countless possible ways your life would be ruined if whoever was there found you.  

Your body feels like it’s on fire, buzzing with the urge to run and hide, back into the safety of your sheets; better to give yourself to the torment of your thoughts than be caught in a place you weren’t supposed to.  

You curse mentally to yourself, until a husky masculine voice snaps you out of your mental tirade of self-abuse. 

“You can come out, sweetheart; I won’t bite. I’m supposed to be here as much as you are.” the male says smoothly. He had voice of a man who thrived off his confidence.  

Your body physically slumps in relief at the knowledge that it isn’t a professor. And then the tension came back, once you realized who the voice belonged to.  

Sirius Black.  

The boy in question was in the year above you, but it didn’t stop him from continuing his onslaught of pestering you when he could. And you tolerated it- knowing this was just how the Marauders were sometimes- but then Sirius did the unimaginable.  

You were reading your book- one of mystery and romance, each inked word drawing you in more and more until the book was physically ripped from your hands, your progress lost in the process. To say you were furious was an understatement.  

You probably yelled at him for 20 minutes straight, going on a tangent about how you never do that to someone and that he was an unsufferable prick, and yet all that son of a Blast-Ended Screwt did was stare at you with those stupidly gorgeous eyes and an even stupider grin plastered on his face.  

And after that day, he had made a point to poke fun at you whenever he could.  

Maybe running into a professor in the middle of the night wouldn’t be so bad.  

“I know you’re there, love.” he says; you can practically hear the smug grin on his face.  

“Shove off Black, you’re not supposed to be out either.” you bite, speaking in hushed tones unlike the loud boy on the other side of the pillar you were hiding behind.  

“That may be true, but I’ve never been good at following rules, have I?” he teases, trying to rile you up. “But I seem to have caught the Ravenclaw’s self-righteous angel doing some misdemeanors of their own.” 

You want to wring his neck- stupid Black doesn’t know anything- doesn't know how much your anxiety bothered you at night, and the moment you try to get some reprieve, you have to deal with him.  

“Can you actually shut your mouth?! You don’t know anything about me, and you never will, so stop acting like you can read me so easily, because maybe, just maybe, people have lives outside of you and your thick head Black.” You snap, storming off from your hiding place where Sirius can see you, determined to leave for Ravenclaw Tower. 

But before you can, he grabs your wrist, tugging you backward and into his chest- strong arms wrapping around you and securing your frame, effectively trapping you in his embrace.  

“There you are.” he whispers. 

You feel your face heat up, the proximity of the two of you was unbearable, his warm breath fanning over the back of your neck. You tense up, and yet, some part of you melts into his touch- and you hate it.  

“What in the world are you talking about, Black.” your tone harsh but no bite.  

You feel his head tilt up. The arms encircling you tighten as his tone turns thoughtful. 

“Do you hate me?” 

That caught you off guard. “What?” you stutter, taken aback. 

“Do you hate me, angel.” he repeats calmly, still looking through what you think in the window on the opposite wall from the both of you.  

You look down in contrast, mulling over his words. Do you hate...Sirius Black? Sure, he annoyed you to the end of the world, made your blood boil to the point where he could cook pasta with it, and made you want to rip the strands of your hair out, but somehow, hating him didn’t seem right. It didn’t sound right, the words hate and Sirius Black.  

“No.” you whisper, deciding to look up at the window with him. “I can’t.” 

You know he’s smiling when he softly says, “Me neither.”  

You both don’t say anything after that, silence ringing out through the halls of Hogwarts, and after a few minutes of just standing there in each other's presence, you speak.  

“So where does that leave us?” 

[the-colourful-witch]

There's no Parvati without Lavender :) When I was a kid first reading the books, I didn't like Lavender and Parvati much. They were written in a negative way. They would giggle about everything and say 'oooh' and 'aaah' about stuff and shriek and squeal. And of course, they liked pink and were very emotional... yuk, right? (Note the sarcasm here.) Now, I realize the misogyny that backs all that up. Lavender and Parvati are young women who possess big hearts and know what they like. They are in tune with their emotions and their feminity. And there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with liking girly things. I have a pair of fluffy pens on my desk that I write letters with to my friends. I own a drawer full of stickers that I stick on my planner. I like the colour pink more and more as I grow older and fuck everyone who makes young women believe they are not allowed to like those things. Because god forbid, you're considered 'girly', which in this case sounds like 'weak'. Weak? Are you kidding? Lavender and Parvati fought in the war. They risked their lives to save others. Lavender ran after Blast-Ended Screwts to help Hagrid with his class! I would rather eat my socks. NoT To MEntiON, the two of them were the only students who bothered to comfort Professor Trelawney when her bloody career was on the line! I will no longer accept any criticism about Lavender. She is a good person. I'm going to continue because there's a lot to say.

Oohing and aahing when you see a unicorn is not annoying, Harry. You pubescent little shit. If I saw a unicorn, I would bawl my eyes out. Don't judge people.

Crying when your pet rabbit dies is also NOT ANNOYING. Have some sympathy. Hermione, just because YOU don't believe in Divination doesn't mean it's nonsense. Don't make fun of people and their perception of the world. RIP Binky <3

Am I done? NO! Lavender was a 16-year-old girl when she got her first boyfriend. Was she clingy? Yes. Did she use silly nicknames? Yes. Does that mean she deserved to be led on for weeks? No. So, Ron Weasley, apologize. For the love of GOD.

Alright, I think I'm done.

[cindyneilly-arts]

IT'S THE MAN, THE RACCOON, THE LEGEND

✨Neilya Cinders✨

Told ya I will make a ref! I was just very lazy!!!

Thanks you @amoexii for the service of a ref sheet, 🫡 I will now join in with the line of artists with mc ref sheets 🎉

Also who wants some more fun facts? Ya'll? Well *opens floodgates* HERE YA GO:

1. She was born on November 26✨ and a short lil feller going about 5'2 ft (157 cm) (It was the Filipino genes)

2. She got the ADHD goodness, doing late night zoomies and have the greatest urges to play with her wand at all times. I mean, why else would her weakness would deadlines amirite?/j

3. As said in the first fact, and a post before, she's a Filo-Brit! Her mama's a Filipino and her pop's a white guy from 1985/jjj (please take the reference of this joke PLEASE take the reference of this joke at that year pop's is like... 14 years old lmao)

Aside that she is also a half-blood. Her mom's the pureblood and dad's a muggleborn.

Mom's a researcher and taught Neilya a few spells before she went to Hogwarts (reason why she's a menace with Incendio) and Pop's is a magizoologist who made Neilya hyperfixate on magical creatures. And magical creatures are cool

Especially the dangerous ones like fire crabs and screwts and dragons and-

Tldr: Cool af parents.

4. She's bisexual and bigender. Although she'd pass as her assigned gender at birth most of the time (AFAB) he loves to spice it up and look masc (especially as he got older). And now she just basically ping-pongs between the two for euphoria and giggles.

Just yk, not giving two shits how she presents (ok a lil bit, but juuuust a lil bit.)

5. She can play the electric guitar and know a thing or two about self-defense/punching the shit outta people. Why would she ever need to learn the last one? Bc sometimes going physical on a person is ✨satisfying✨

6. Although he looks like she's the last person you should put in the kitchen, Neilya is a great cook! And she visits the Hogwarts Kitchen nightly or whenever she has time to chat with the elves and show them new (*ahem*Asian and other*ahem*) dishes to try.

7. So protective of her loved ones, she is. Her grandmother, Lola Eli, taught her the Alvarez family belief to be strong enough to protect their relatives/loved ones no matter what to any extent, and she helps Neilya be strong enough to do so. So sweet of her huh?

8. Last! ^^ Her nicknames are Nel, Nelsy, and Iya. Altho Iya is just for her mom and her side of the family cause it sounds like iha lol.

Ok done with the facts, see you guys around next time✨

[justifiedmadness]

@Regrann from @pandion_11 - . #trump #Donaldtrump #trumptards #trumpcare #trumpmemes #nevertrump #nototrump #lockh#notmypresident #trumpisnotmypresident #resisttrump #resist #theresistance #dumptrump #notnownotever #PaulMcCartney #letitbe #thebeatles #wordsofwisdom #screwt - #regrann

[realitybitesyouknowit]

Fanfic: Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum Ch 1, Harry Potter | FanFiction

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302907/1/Si-Vis-Pacem-Para-Bellum

All they wanted was a normal school year and now they're willing to fight for it. An alternative take on the Trio's fourth year.

This story was chaos from start to finish and worth every second of reading. I just gotta say it is the funniest thing in the world that the Marauders were considered minor nuisances compared to the avatar of Chao and mayhem Lily Evans'.

I was vividly haunted by the The Knuckles Do you know the way meme whenever Neville entered the scene.

[slightly-bitter]

My fav Harry Potter book things that weren’t in the movies:

S.P.E.W

Mr Bangman

Winky

“Excuse me are you the imprint of a departed soul?”

Harry and Fred beat up Draco

Charlie

Nevilles parents in St Mungo’s (plus Lockhart)

“There’s no need to call me sir, professor”

Lee Jordan putting Niffers in Umbridge’s office

“Throw it away and punch him in the face”

Ginny hexing Malfoy

Percy making up with the family (also the feud in general)

Harry giving his Triwiz winning to the twins

Luna commentating quidditch

Harry using an unforgivable curse on a Carrow

“I don’t think you’re a waste of space”

“Make way for the heir of Slytherin”

The blast-ended screwts

Hagrid on the Tube

Bill before The Deathly Hallows

Potterwatch

Pettigrew’s ACTUAL death scene

[boldlyinnocent317]

Potions are Tricky (oh, not all. Let's not be biased)

for my LOVELY bestie @biancamizuki bc....well, I don't need a reason to write a silly drarry drabble for her, do I? Just the reason that it might make her smile should be enough, I guess.

“I still don’t understand how you could like Snape. Sure he was a war hero and all but he was still a nasty sadistic bastard.”

Draco didn’t even blink twice at Harry’s colourful description of his late Head of House.

“He liked me so I liked him back. Simple.”

“What- It’s not simple! Oh, so if a blast ended screwt likes you, you’d like the disgusting thing back?”

Draco did blink this time and rolled his eyes for good measure. What an annoying formula, he thought while tapping his fingers on the table.

“That creature does not have the ability to like or dislike anyone, much less me. It does not even have a head, literally. Please change your example, Potter.”

“Oh fuck it! You just cannot like Snape! He’s – I don’t know – inherently unlikeable!”

Draco calmly set his quill down and looked up from his notes. Harry looked ready to stomp his foot any second now.

“That’s highly presumptuous of you, if you ask me.”

“Presumptuous? How in hell is that presumptuous? And no, I didn’t ask you. I was telling you.”

Draco stroked his chin. Hmm, he needed to shave.

“Not presumptuous? Well, biased then. Highly biased, if you ask me,” he said blithely and went back to his potions notes.

“Huh? You – you can’t just – switch presumptuous with biased. That doesn’t make sense!”

Draco frowned. He scratched and replaced bat wings with knotgrass on the parchment.

“Of course I can. In this particular equation I can and I did as you just witnessed.”

“I .....see. How am I being biased may I know?” Harry looked ready to throttle Draco any second now.

Draco hummed distractedly and wrote down the properties of knotgrass conducive for this potion; completely oblivious to the current threat to his life.

“It’s presumptuous of you to say that Snape’s inherently unlikeable without witnessing his likeable side and you’re being biased by saying that he’s inherently unlikeable purely based on your self-opinionated and generalised view of that man.”

Harry opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water then finally pursed them in a very tight line. The vein in his temple might just pop.

“I think you’re both actually,” Draco inferred sagely after a pause. He chuckled to himself as he placed batwings back on the list alongside knotgrass after matching their notes. He’d need both for the potion it seemed.

“You know what I think?” Harry sounded very calm suddenly, Draco noted.

“Hmm?” Potions could be so tricky sometimes, honestly.

“I think you’re nuts and will be sleeping on the couch till I think otherwise!”

With that Harry did stomp his foot and whirled around to leave.

“H-Hey Pot - Harry! Babe!”

Draco tripped over his scattered notes and reached for his incensed husband.

“Don't ‘Babe’ me! It doesn’t suit you, if you ask me.” Harry doesn't look good when he sneers. He should not try it in Draco's opinion.

Draco sighed and manually held him back from storming away.

“Let me go else - !” Draco swallowed at the growled order but held on bravely.

“I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. You’re my baby,” Draco cooed, rocking Harry back and forth in his arms.

“Eww, I'm not your baby,” Harry mumbled half-heartedly, deflating slightly.

“Not baby? Well, pumpkin then. You’re my pumpkin.”

“Are you calling me fat?” .....Damn.

“What? Of course not! You’re my .....courgette!”

Harry took a deep slow calming breath and let it out even slower.

“You CANNOT switch pumpkin with courgette, Jesus.”

“Is that what you’re calling me these days? I'm flattered.”

Harry shook his head biting his lips and punched Draco’s shoulder lightly.

“You’re so annoying sometimes.”

Draco hid a relieved grin in Harry’s hair. “You signed up for it, literally.”

“I hate Snape.”

“I'm sure the feeling is mutual, darling,” Draco said solemnly and barely suppressed his laughter as he hugged Harry tighter. Sleeping on the couch simply wasn’t an option.

[the-dream-team]

UM. I was going through old email drafts and found a Harry Potter fanfiction I wrote in 2009 in order to study for my freshman year Biology final. It’s the most insane thing I’ve ever read, so I thought I would share in case anyone wanted to learn a little bit about the human digestive system or how Harry genetically inherited his eye color:

Harry felt his heart picking up speed as his veins pumped deoxygenated blood into his superior vena cava, through the right ventricle, across the tricuspid valve, around the right ventricle, through the pulmonary semilunar valve, and out the pulmonary arteries to his lungs. And that was only the right side. 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione decided to go visit Hagrid that night. The blast ended skrewts were causing a bit of trouble for their half-giant friend, so they thought they would give him a hand. They had to use the invisibility cloak, for it was long past the trio's bedtime and they didn't want to risk being spotted by Mrs. Norris. They were almost seen by Snape, but they got away just in time. Harry swiftly pulled the cloak off of himself and his friends and he wiped the sweaty combination of salt, urea, and water off his forehead. Ron made a face.

Harry stretched out his skeletal, bicep muscles and ball and socket joints before plopping himself down on one of Hagrid's big armchairs. Ron and Hermione did the same. 

"How are the skrewts, Hagrid?" asked Hermione as she picked at one of her nails. She quickly stopped and Harry expected she had remembered that nails protect the fingers, so it was best not to damage them. 

"They ain't well, Hermione," said Hagrid with a grim expression. Harry swore that he saw Hagrid's masseter muscle twitch as he spoke the words. 

Suddenly, Harry heard a ringing noise coming from the other side of Hagrid's hut. The gamekeeper quickly scampered, as quickly as a giant can scamper, to the gas oven. Harry saw the rock cakes emerging out of a fog of smoke and fumes. He internally groaned as the pastries were placed on the table in font of him. Not wanting to be rude, he took one.

As he bit his teeth into the brick-like cake, he knew that the saliva in his mouth would not be enough. Harry's teeth worked in high-speed as he attempted to chew Hagrid's cooking. He quickly tried to swallow the rest down, but he realized that his mouth had failed as he felt the sharp cake shoot down his pharynx and esophagus in a painful fashion. 

By now, the dessert should have become a bolus, but it wasn't, and Harry felt badly for his stomach. It would have to work extra in order to break up the cake with its gastric juice (water, mucus, pepsin, and hydrochloric acid). Hopefully by the time the food gets to to the small intestines, the maltase, sucrase, and lactace enzymes with be able to brake down the solid carbs. They the cake would be digested and absorbed to have the fat go to the liver. Then his pancreas could break down the proteins with trypsin, the starch with amylase, and the fats with lipase. The extra water from the small intestine would then be absorbed by the large intestines and the painful process would be done... well, almost.

Harry put the rest of his unfinished rock cake back on his plate, for he didn't want any more damage to be done to his internal organs. 

Ron was looking at the cakes as though the were as gross as the sickly screwts that were snorting in the corner. Harry's freckled friend looked up at him with his bright blue eyes. Harry, himself, had green eyes. The same as his mother. Harry's father, James, had hazel eyes due to incomplete dominance. Harry had inherited his green eyes through his parents recessive genes. As for his hair, well James' jet black hair had complete dominance over Lily's red. 

Hagrid had sat himself down on one of the armchairs at that point and was gazing at his uneaten cakes.

"Would'ya look a' tha' there!" said Hagrid quite suddenly. "I swear I jus' saw that, there, fly pop up from the cake!"

Hermione just rolled her eyes. "Of course the fly didn't just appear, Hagrid. There is no such thing as spontaneous generation, Redi has proven it. He left one jar of meat exposed and one closed and the closed jar didn't have any flies or maggots in it. Just the open jar. Oh Hagrid, your so naive sometimes..."

Ron and Harry rolled their eyes; they were quite used to Hermione's outbursts by now. 

The sound of a kettle had Hagrid on his feet again. He soon returned with five large glasses of boiling tea. It smelled nice to Harry, who was quite thirsty having eaten the dry rock cake not long before. Harry was about to take a sip when Hagrid got up from the table to give a cup to the skrewts. In doing so, the whole table moved, causing Harry to spill the hot cup of tea all over his arm. 

The drink must have boiled off the whole epidermus layer of skin! It also hurt a lot. Harry could almost hear the billions of crying nerve cells as they were burned straight off. 

[boysenberrybrew]

7-Year D.A.D.A. Syllabus (Professor!Harry AU)

I’m a sucker for details, so I made up a syllabus for all seven years of Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts (as I headcanon Harry would teach it) for the fic I’m writing. Figure that, since I already made it, I might as well put it out there. Feel free to use it — or parts of it — for fanworks of your own.

Two things!

For each year, I list topics to be covered and group some learning objectives or specifications/suggestions under each topic — but they’re not in order. Professor!Harry wouldn’t cover solely one topic at a time, but most likely group topics together and teach the necessary spells as the class went through activities. 

I also made two lists of spells under each Year — one which lists the spells students would learn while in DADA class, and another which lists the spells that students might use in DADA class but which would be learned in either Transfiguration or Charms.

More essay-length notes included at the very end of the Read More, since this is already getting too long.

[Syllabus begins]

Year 1: What kinds of danger are there in the wizarding world? And how do you know something is dangerous?

“...Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain! Why didn’t you show the diary to me, or your mother? A suspicious object like that, it was clearly full of Dark Magic--”

“I d-didn’t know...”

(HP&CS, ch 18)

Topics to Cover:

Detecting Danger

Identify potentially dangerous objects

Identify suspicious situations

Common Encounters

Ghosts

Poltergeists

Hags

Vampires

Ghouls

Doxies

Calling for Help

Shoot red and green sparks from wands

Describe what Aurors are and know when to call them

Accurately operate the Floo network

Physical — Reflexes and Speed

Snowball fights with low visibility, catch a practice snitch

Tag, races

Spells to Learn:

Human-presence Revealing Spell (Homenum Revelio)

Jinx Revealing Spell [not canon, as far as I know, but it should be!]

Green Sparks Spell (Verdillious)

Red Sparks Spell (Vermillious)

Smokescreen Spell (Fumos)

Spells to Use Besides:

Wand-Lighting Charm (Lumos)

Wand-Extinguishing Charm (Nox)

Year 2: How do wizards fight with magic? And what do you do if you’re hit by a spell?

“I don’t think Expelliarmus is exactly going to help us against You-Know-Who, do you?”

“I’ve used it against him [...] But if you think it’s beneath you, you can leave,” Harry said.

Smith did not move. Nor did anybody else.

(HP&OotP, ch 18)

Topics to Cover:

Dueling — Introduction

Rules to formal dueling

Stances

Healing — Introduction

Basic principles: clean the wound, stop the blood flow, don’t sleep in case of head injury

Potions and salves interlude: identify which substances are needed in the healing and care of different types of wounds, including bites, stings, lacerations, and blunt trauma

Chocolate

Uncommon Encounters

Banshees

Trolls

Zombies

Pogrebin

Yetis

Kappas

Dragons

Physical — Accuracy and Coordination

Target practice, both spellfire and nonmagical, still and moving

Spells to Learn:

Full Body-Bind Curse (Petrificus Totalus)

Leg-Locker Curse (Locomotor Mortis)

Knockback Jinx (Flipendo)

Trip Jinx [incantation unknown]

Freezing Charm (Immobulus)

Disarming Charm (Expelliarmus)

Spells to Use Besides:

General Counter-Spell (Finite Incantatem)

Dancing Feet Spell (Tarantallegra)

Tickling Charm (Rictusempra)

Year 3: How do you defend yourself against dark creatures? How do you defend when at a disadvantage?

The screwt was inches from him when it froze — he had managed to hit it on its fleshy, shell-less underside. Panting, Harry pushed himself away from it and ran, hard, in the opposite direction — the Impediment Curse was not permanent; the screwt would be regaining the use of its legs at any moment.

(HP&GoF, ch 31)

Topics to Cover:

Dark Creatures

Red Caps

Grindylows

Hinkypunks

Boggarts

Werewolves

Acromantulas

Lethifolds

Dementors

Basiliks

Inferi

Physical — Endurance and Teamwork

Mock-battles in teams

Activity after performing magically-exhausting spells

Obstacle courses

Dueling — Creative Thinking

Use physical surroundings to an advantage

Apply spells to surroundings as distraction, obstacle, or shelter

Charms and Transfiguration encouraged

Create viable strategies in various terrains

Spells to Learn:

Boggart-Banishing Spell (Riddikulus)

Spider Repelling Spell (Arania Exumai)

Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) — incorporeal

Freezing Spell (Glacius)

Banishing Charm (Depulso)

Spells to Use Besides:

Fire-Making Spell (Incendio)

Softening Charm (Spongify) 

Lumos Maxima

Severing Charm (Diffindo)

Engorgement Charm (Engorgio)

Shrinking Charm (Reducio)

Avifors [turns small objects into birds] 

Reparifarge [un-transfiguration spell, undo wrong castings]

Locomotion Charm (Locomotor)

Year 4: When is the law on your side? Can you talk your way out of a dangerous situation?

“Cruc—”

“NO!” shouted Hermione [...]

Ron froze, his eyes wide; Ginny stopped trying to stamp on her Slytherin captor’s toes; even Luna looked mildly surprised.

(HP&OotP, ch 32)

Topics to Cover:

Legality

Identify when it is legally advisable to defend using magic

Identify the types of magic that are illegal and why — the Unforgivables, necromancy, muggle-baiting, etc.

Conflict De-escalation

Think critically even while provoked or afraid

Identify hostile entity’s POV and immediate desires, and use these to stall, lie, reason, trap, compromise, bargain, and/or flee

Reason-able Entities

Review: Vampires, hags, banshees

Sphinxes

Giants

Merfolk

Counter-Curses

Understand theory of counter-curses

Describe what counter-spells work for which curses

Physical — Competitive Dueling — Reading an Opponent’s Style

Apply different spellcasting and dueling strategies

Identify strategies used by opponent and counter them

Use opponent’s characteristics and habits against them

Spells to Learn:

Shield Charm (Protego)

Stunning Spell (Stupefy)

Reviving Spell (Rennervate)

Impediment Jinx (Impedimenta)

Reductor Curse (Reducto)

Deprimo [blast hole in floor]

Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) — corporeal

Spells to Use Besides:

Summoning Charm (Accio)

Ventus [strong gust of wind]

Year 5: What does DADA look like in the real world?

“You don’t know what it’s like! You — neither of you[...] You think it’s just memorizing a bunch of spells and throwing them at him[...] The whole time you’re sure you know there’s nothing between you and dying except your own — your own brain or guts or whatever — [...] they’ve never taught us that in their classes[...]”

(HP&OotP, ch 15)

Topics to Cover:

Review!!!!

All Common Encounters

Zombies, inferi, banshees, werewolves, boggarts, and hinkypunks

Dueling rules, stances, and common strategies

Legality

Counter-curse theory and practical

Knockback Jinx, Disarming Charm, Boggart-Banishing Spell, Shield Charm, Stunning Spell, Impediment Jinx, and Patronus Charm

Passive Defense

Understand warding theory

Describe the use and purpose of various wards

Physical — Competitive Dueling — Fighting as a Team

Apply all previous Physical and Dueling objectives in a team competition, in both dueling platforms and challenging terrains

Survival Skills

Apply all previous knowledge to survive various dangerous hypothetical situations

Student presentation!

Spells to Learn:

Salvio hexia [deflects hexes in an area]

Cave inimicum [conceals presence within an area so caster can’t be seen, heard, or smelled]

Intruder Charm [alarms caster]

Caterwauling Charm [loud alarm]

Shield Charm variants (Protego Maxima, Protego Totalum, Protego Horribilis)

Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) — corporeal against pseudo-dementor

Spells to Use Besides:

[literally any spell they can think of that might help them in the hypothetical situations posed]

Year 6: What does dark magic look like? What can it do? And what can we do against it?

“The Dark Arts,” said Snape, “are many, varied, ever-changing, and eternal[...] You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible[...] Your defenses,” said Snape, a little louder, “must therefore be as flexible and inventive as the arts you seek to undo...”

(HP&HBP, ch 9)

Topics to Cover:

Dark Arts Case Study — Curses

Students choose a specific dark curse/spell and research how it’s been used in the past, what it does, how it works, and most importantly, how to counter it

Curse-Breaking

Recognize common curses, identify them on objects or locations

Know how to remove said curses

Safely handle the cursed object or location while removing the curse

Healing — Spells

Know when to use foundational healing spells and in what order

Understand the danger of incorrectly-cast healing spells and avoid such situations [not canon, but headcanon of mine]

Dueling — Nonverbal Casting

Emphasis on being able to cast the General Counter-Spell, Shield Charm, and Disarming Charm nonverbally with confidence

Introduction to spells that work better when nonverbal

Spells to Learn:

Episkey [heals small lacerations]

Anapneo [unblocks airway]

Bandaging Charm (Ferula)

Vulnera Sanetur [heals serious wounds]

Confundus Charm (Confundo)

Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) — nonverbal

[ideally, I’d list curse-breaking spells here, but I can’t find any canon ones, so... insert spells that break curses here]

Students will inevitably learn dark curses, though they are not expected to (are in fact, expected not to) use them

Spells to Use Besides:

Tergeo [wipes clean]

Switching Spell [incantation unknown]

Silencing Spell (Silencio)

Year 7: How have wizards used dark magic? And how do you defend against esoteric magic?

It’s gone wrong, he thought… it’s drowned… please… please let it be dead…

But then, though the mist in front of him, he saw, with an icy surge of terror, the dark outline of a man, tall and skeletally thin, rising slowly from inside the cauldron […]

Lord Voldemort had risen again.

(HP&GoF, ch 32)

Topics to Cover:

Review!!!!

Dueling strategies and nonverbal casting

All Dark Creatures

Counter-curses

Curse-Breaking

Passive Defense

Shield Charm, Disarming Charm, Boggart-Banishing Spell, Stunning Spell, and Patronus Charm all nonverbal, plus [spells that break curses, whatever your headcanon is for them]

Dueling — Nonverbal and Competitive

Strictly nonverbal competitive dueling, applying all past lessons

Dark Arts Case Study — Dark Wizards

Students choose a dark witch or wizard from history and research how they gained influence, what sorts of dark magic they were known for, and how one might defend oneself against them

Mind Magic

Understand Legilimency and how to apply Occlumency against it (practical challenge optional and with consent)

Identify being under the influence of mind-altering curses and potions (including the Imperius Curse, Confundus Charm, love potions, and Veritaserum) and practice techniques to fight against them (practical challenge only with consent, highly encouraged)

Understand the theory of possession and how to throw it (no practical)

Spells to Learn: 

Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) — completely mastered

Students will inevitably learn dark curses, though they are not expected to (are in fact, expected not to) use them

Spells to Use Besides:

Focus continues to be using previously-known spells nonverbally [so, once again, any spells can be under this category]

[Syllabus ends]

Notes

When making this, I tried to keep in mind

What Harry, based on his life experiences, might believe students need to learn

How difficult spells are to learn, canonically

What the Ministry expects Harry to teach them (and what will therefore be in their OWLs and NEWTs)

The purpose of the DADA class in general, and

How the rest of the classes in Hogwarts have been impacted by the yearly change in DADA professor

What do students need to learn?

The closest we can come to answering that first question is Harry’s experiences teaching Dumbledore’s Army. Unfortunately, we don’t see much of these lessons. What we do see tends to be combat-oriented — Harry tells the DA about a spell and then gives advice on their casting as they practice on each other. It’s all practical, no theory at all except for the books on the shelves in the Room of Requirement, and nothing on magical creatures (though this might be because he felt Lupin had already done a good job on that front).

Harry’s lessons to the DA were cut short, besides, just as they had reached the Patronus Charm — so we don’t know for sure what Harry would have gone on to teach them. I like to think that, if he was the professor, the answer would have just been — everything.

Everything he knows. Everything he’s used to defend himself.

He knows first hand that it’s not just about knowing the spells, that there’s a lot more to surviving than being a good duelist — he even says so outright when discussing the DA with Ron and Hermione. And I think that, as he continued to teach, his lessons would begin to reflect that.

The first thing that comes to mind — besides spells and combat — is physical activity. Learn how to dodge, get used to running, hone your reflexes, etc. DADA would be the PE of Hogwarts with Harry as professor. The second things that came to mind were wards and healing — things that are, admittedly, used far more creatively and often in fanfiction than in canon smh. Still, the canon use of them is there, and Harry relied on that knowledge during his camping trip from hell, so.

What’s on the OWLs and NEWTs?

Apart from just the things Harry would want to teach as part of DADA, there’s also whatever the Board of Governors expect him to teach — what will be on the OWLs and NEWTs.

Sometimes (most times? depending on your interpretation of Harry) this coincides with what Harry would teach anyway. However, I explain in this post why I think the Ministry would want to emphasize defense against magical creatures. I also imagine they would want the Legality section above taught at some point, though we know Harry found it horrifically boring in the fifth book.

The Review!!!! section in Year 5 is comprised mostly of whatever I deemed the minimum a student should know to not immediately die by the time they step out of Hogwarts + whatever the Ministry might want all students to know + the bare bones of defensive spells that one might use against a wizard.

All students take a DADA OWL because it is a required class for the first five years. At this point, students who are not interested in the subject and/or do not need a DADA OWL for their intended career will drop the subject. I tried to reflect this on the syllabus by making NEWT years more specialized — on the assumption that careers that require a DADA NEWT will also require specialization within the field.

How difficult is this class?

Harry would be a demanding teacher. I know a lot of people headcanon him as the fun teacher — and I do think a lot of his lessons would be fun, and he would try to make them fun — but I can easily imagine him getting annoyed when people don’t take his class seriously. The DA was voluntary, and everyone there wanted to learn and practice defensive spells; a lot of children in a time of peace would not see it that way. Many would drag their feet at the physical activity and complain about the hard work, the hard spells, and when are we ever going to use this anyway?

So I do think that, even when he isn’t actively trying to push his students, Harry’s DADA class would be hard. He sees himself as an average wizard — even though his teachers called him bright, even though people tell him he’s exceptionally good at defense — he thinks he’s nothing special, and he knows that if he can do it, you can too! So yes, he’d have high expectations and his class would be especially difficult if you’re not that into it.

Which is why some of the spells above are listed one year (or more!) earlier than the DADA class in canon presented them. Not that many, honestly. (The starkest difference is Homenum Revelio, which I listed as a Year 1 spell, but we only see Hermione use it canon in Deathly Hallows. But hey — canon spell difficulty isn’t mentioned; it could very easily be the case that Hermione simply hadn’t known the spell until then, or hadn’t thought to use it.)

We just don’t know very much about what makes a spell difficult. A recurring spell throughout this syllabus is the Patronus Charm — it’s listed under Spells to Learn in Year 3 and then continues being listed all the way through Year 7. That’s because it’s supposed to be an especially difficult spell (”beyond NEWT level”)... and Harry mastered it in his third year. So of course — if you’re following my interpretation of Harry — he would start teaching it in Year 3.

He might make allowances, given that apart from him, we only know of a few people who managed to cast it before their fifth year (Luna, Ginny, while in Dumbledore’s Army) and not while suffering the effects of a dementor, at that. So next to every reiteration of the Patronus Charm in the syllabus, I included what I think would be Harry’s minimum expectation of success.

DADA vs. Hogwarts

Why is the Knockback Jinx canonically taught in Charms class? This is complete speculation, but Flitwick (and maybe McGonagall) probably had to pick up the slack after a few years of the DADA professor position being cursed.

As the years went by and as Hogwarts expended all the competent teachers and scared away the rest, OWLs and NEWTs continued demanding the same results. Student performance on these tests must have steadily dropped, and I think spells that would have usually been covered by the DADA professor gradually shifted unto Charms class.

That might explain why Harry learned some offensive magic in Charms class instead of DADA — but the only reason I’m mentioning this right now is because I included a lot of charms in the Spells to Learn list that I’m quite sure were canonically covered in Charms class, but which I wanted Harry to cover earlier that Flitwick did. Oh well.

Concluding thoughts

This took way longer than I thought it would. Just... the sheer amount of time spent referencing the wiki, the Lexicon, the books... I checked the wiki’s specific references, too.

...But, hey, I had fun thinking about Harry Potter.

[esmeblaise]

All of the sides excell at care of magical creatures

Patton of course tries to pet every creature he comes across, allergies be damned, and ends up with a heard of cats following him at all times. None of them are his and he has to take constant allergy potions. The mythical creatures all love him too, even the most hostile will begrudgingly let him hug them

Logan is a little different. His parents gifted him an owl when he got his letter and he sends regular check ins to them. This means he spends a lot of time in the owlery and knows the "whos who" of each owl. He also has a less than completely allowed study of the unicorns in the forbidden forrest

Roman fucking ADORES magical creatures of all shapes and sizes, theyre so cool! And that one BREATHS FIRE! However the animals arent particularially fond of him. Roman has a habit of being a bit too loud and slightly violent (he keeps trying to wrestle hippogriffs because hes pretty sure thats how they become friends???) They know he doesnt mean to cause them harm, but they dont really like being around him.

Virgil is.... Interesting. He dislikes magical creatures, and all creatures in general other than his pet cat. But for some reason the creatures love him. And the strangest thing is its only the really dangerous ones too. after a few shenanagins he wound up in the forbidden forrest and was somehow adopted by aragogs clan. Spiders often follow him around now, much too pattons distress

Deceit has a pet snake, how he got it in no ones completely sure but theres some rumors about charming and threatening the headmaster along wuth some blackmail if theyre really nasty. Theres also rumors that hes a parsoltounge but no can prove this because dee likes to hiss randomly at anyone to make people more afraid of him

Much too romans distaste, Remus is actually really good with magical creatures. But only the weirdest ones. Thestrals, blast ended screwts, that sentiant piece of slime near the boys bathroom on the third floor. And of course, the giant squid. The slytherin coman room has a window into the lake and remus often plays games and "talks to" the giant squid (this consists of wiggling his limbs and blowing rasberries) the giant squid adores him and will often pick him up on the lake shore to play

[hermioneclone]

But seriously, what are the qualifications to teach at Hogwarts??? And how did Severus even qualify? He was only a few years out of school, other than working for Voldemort, what was he up to? Did he have some sort of potions related Ministry job? Or was his real qualification he was a double agent and Dumbledore knew he could handle the potions work?

Objectively, he’s an awful teacher. Don’t get me wrong, Snape is one of my favorite characters. I love his moral grayness and love his whole arc. But he doesn’t foster a quality learning environment. He clearly knows a lot about the subject, but from my own experience, a person can have a PhD and still be a shitty teacher.

So, you get this guy who is barely older than his students with at least enough knowledge/skills to teach the subject thrust in there. Does he get any training? I honestly don’t think he did. There clearly isn’t any kind of administrative oversight in this school aside from Umbridge, but that was a joke and they all knew it. Clearly teachers like McGonagall and Flitwick are effective instructors. They certainly don’t have the complication of being a spy, but somehow they learned how to do their jobs properly. I’m not saying that every teacher that has proper training is going to be a good teacher or a good person. But it seems like so much of what could have made Severus a better teacher is lacking. Everyone just goes “Whelp, he’s really awful, I guess that’s that!” and goes about their business.

He’s not the only one who this system fails. Trelawney, who actually gets her job for a similar reason, is also arguable not the best teacher. Hagrid, who literally only has three years of formal education, is given a job with no sense of what a reasonable lesson plan looks like! And when he gives them really bad assignments because he’s freaking out over Buckbeak or breeding screwts, no one steps in!

Basically, I have no idea why anyone sends their kids to Hogwarts except for sentimental value at this point.

[headcanonsandmore]

I wouldn't say that Ron and Hermione bring out the best in each other. They actually bring out the worst in each other, because in HBP, Hermione is turned into a harpy and Ron is turned into a blast-ended screwt because of their feelings for each other.

They can do both. Yes, they do occasionally bring out the worst in each other, but they also bring out the best. 

Most of what happens in HBP is just Rowling stalling for time anyway. And I’m inclined to think that what Hermione did was far worse than what Ron did. But that’s just my personal opinion. 

Thanks for the message, anon. 

[nettlepunk]

A Music Tag Game!

Tagged by @unionofopposites ! Thank you!  

Rules: We’re snooping on your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then choose your victims.

 Four Teeth - True Widow

 Drifting on a Summer’s Night - The Deep Dark Woods

 What it Takes - Sarah Shook & The Disarmers

Lump In Your Throat - Andrea Bignasca

 Continental Drift - Cowboy Junkies

 Boneyard - Fink 

 Willow - Blackwater Holylight

 White Fire - Angel Olsen

 Heaven Bent - Lady Lamb

 Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac

I tag @garnunkle-screwt @laying-on-the-floor-is-nice @an-essence @winterfaes @folk-punk @runningbarefootthroughtheforest @aludog @bathtubn @meandering-magpies @rotten-carnasials

[alecalisterxx]

15 questions

1. Are you named after anyone?

uhm na.

2. When was the last time you cried?

It's been long (thankfully) I guess, when a friend's cat passed away last month, he was good friend friend of mine, the cat ♡

3. Do you want/have any kids?

I am still young. So don't have any kids and frankly, I don't want to. so No. Nopesss

4. Do you use sarcasam a lot?

Uhm yes. 😂✌ a lot.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people.

Depends pn what they are doing y'know. If they are talking to me, probably the eyes. If they are doing something, the posture. Mmhm. idk

6. Eye colour?

Light brown/ hazel-ish

7. Scary movies/ Happy endings

Can't decide Both are equally 💕💕aaaaahhhhh

8. Any special talents?

I can bathe/brush/get ready (with shoes and hair and all) and eat breakfast in 12/13 mins. (This talent helps cuz I ussually oversleep) lolol

9. Where were you born?

duh! mars. (were you guys born anywhere else!!?)

10. What are your hobbies?

listening to music, reading books, writing, painting, sketching, scrolling through memes. (MEMES!!) netflix binge watching, staring at the ceiling for too long, being awkward in coversations (yup that's a hobby) and cancelling plans, (and snuggling inside a blanket)

11. Do you have any pets?

Yes, a blask-ended screwt, an erumpent, three bowtruckles, a demiguise, a peruvian vipertooth and a pair of romanian longhorns, hippogrif, hinkypunk, niffler, murtlap thunderbird, phoenix, an abraxan, a thestral, and a zouwu.

(😂Jk. No i don't. Ny parents won't let me have a cat) (And if you get the refernces. I love you already🌹)

12.What sports do you play/ have you played

Quidditch (✌), on serious note now😂- Uhm (cough, cough) I have played dadminton, tennis, soccer, table tennis, basketball, swimming.. Pro in all but eh! no time now.

13. How tall are you?

5'8. Tho I hope I reach 5'10 somehow.

14. Favourite subject in school?

Fine arts. And English literature. (Also defence in dark arts and magic)

(I am sorry y'all but harry potter is coming on tv rn. And i cant stop with the reference. Forgive me😂)

15. Dream Job?

An auror (here i go again😂😂) sorry.. I want to be an illustrator. Probably design the covers of books and songs. (*bows down* *as y'all applaud*)

.

Thanks for the tag @naturalstate47. Had fun doing i!! 💕

Tagging - @loststars-universe @cantwaitfor-endgame @kathykita94 @ifrahkhalilsblog @scribbledwritings17 @interstellar-whispers @heartofmuse @silence-mustbe-heard @thesilentgazer @freedomcatchingmind @freedom-before-its-too-late @hraewordsmith @fragments-of-my-mind @aquasworldismusicsworld @i-am-nobody-v2-9 @words-from-a-lost-soul and anyone else who'd like to join in! ❤

[branroan-archive]

/ all the texts

✆

You be careful out ther today big fela

✉

I was thinkeng abot you wel er ther was some thing in partikular but i kinda forgot w

☎

(s2t) Sadie’s threatening me again I think she means it this time oh shit

⁇

yournew HHorse is so prety an swet .  i Love hr keep an eye onher or i mite jus steel herfor mysel

✿

Your plenty strong lookin!Or I know  you are strong cos you know what ill shut up

ø

Ill sleep wen i’m ded dont wory abot it !

✘

You know When Im in better grases with evry one than  you you know you screwt up bad

#

You can seeson your food with mint but your Horse will apreshiat it a lot mor.

@

I keep getteng the feeleng Im been watched

&

You oughta lern to tak a compliment

%

what kind a thing you rite in that book?Just wondreng

ツ

I finaly got Dime to leg up ! :)

$

(s2t) Hey quit bugging me would you I’ve proved myself I don’t need to take none of this lay offoops sory didnt meen to send that

♀

Hey you aint the only one who lost someone clos to you you know

[scum-belina]

Yesterday I got locked out of my house bc when I grabbed my house keys before I left, they keys slipped off my big keychain bc the keyschain’s hook/clip thingy was stuck open idk why, so while I THOUGHT my keys were with me, all I had was my keychain smh. I had forgotten my phone too, so I had to go to my granny’s and to call my mom and ask her if she had her keys with her bc i’d drive back up to her work and get them if she did, but she didn’t have hers either so I was SCREWT. It was early in the morning on a sunday too so i figured no locksmith places would be open. My granny told me to go back and look on my porch and in my front yard to see if the keys fell there, but I was certain they hadn’t but I looked anyway but ofc didn’t find them. I ended up having to break into the back door, which was terrifyingly easy. I lied and told my granny I found the keys nearby the porch steps, bc she’s broken into our house before and I don’t want her to know how easy it was to break in for me despite having newer locks. 

tl;dr: I wear a crown and upon the crown it says “Queen of the stupid bitches”