#screaming crying shitting puking throwing up

[rainbowchip2003]

GUYSSS I SAW 4*TOWN IN THE PARADE😭💙🧡

T AND JESSE SANG TO ME🥺🥺 i'll post t's video tomorrow

i'm gonna watch it from the other side for z and taeyoung (+ wear my 4*town shirt to get their attention🫣)

i only got a little bit of video bc the sun glare was rlly bad lmao

[d1sc01nf3rn0]

I forgot to upload this here

[akkivee]

👻📚: you are based on lies and subterfuge and that’s why your name is ‘gen’taro!!! however i am the truth!!! therefore i have chosen a new name for myself: ‘shin’taro!!!!!

fling posse: that’s cringe :/

👻📚:

[babyleostuff]

when their strong independent s/o suddenly wants to be babied | ot13

❥ seungcheol 

oh, he’d love that. as much of a baby as he is, cheol adores taking care of people that he loves, especially you, and especially because you’re never the one to lean on others or ask for help. so the second he notices you’re a lot more touchy and that your gaze follows him everywhere, his arms are wrapped around you in an instant, and he’s asking if you need any food, water, more pillows, or if the TV is too loud, while running his hand gently through your hair. he would never tell you this, but he’d be so thankful to you that you trusted him enough to let your guard down around him and allow yourself to depend on him a bit more sometimes (if it was his way, he’d like you to be a bit less independent, because he knows how tiresome it sometimes is, but nonetheless, cheol would always be there for you).

❥ jeonghan 

he’s already babying you, even when you're being your cold and independent self. he doesn’t care that you want to open that jar, he’s going to take it out of your hands and do it himself. you’re sitting on the couch while watching a movie with a popcorn bowl separating you? no problem, jeonghan moves it out of the way and pulls you down, so you could rest on his chest, while he’s throwing a blanket around you. he doesn’t do that because he thinks you’re incapable of taking care of yourself - he knows you can, but he doesn’t want you to feel like you can’t depend on him. besides, when he notices how exhausted you are but still doesn't want to depend on someone else, it makes him angry. so, be as independent as you wish, jeonghan is still going to baby the shit out of you. 

❥ joshua

same as jeonghan, you’re already getting that princess treatment, darling. but unlike hannie, joshua does that unconsciously - he doesn’t pay attention to the way he pets your hair whenever you succeed in something, how he grabs your waist to move you out of the way, so that he could reach for that plate, or how he always made sure you’d walk on the inner side of the sidewalk. he knew you were an independent, strong person, but he wouldn’t let you carry all of your burdens yourself, and he’d try to help you in any way he could to make it a bit easier for you. whenever you got a bit more baby around him, joshua would activate his physical touch and cling to you like a koala, because he knew how much, deep down, you enjoyed his clingy, and puppy like side.

❥ jun 

give him a second, because he’s freaking out. will turn into the fluffiest fluffball to ever fluff, because he wants nothing more than to make you happy when you’re in need of a bit more love and comfort. but before smothering you with his kisses and cuddles, jun makes sure you’re feeling fine mentally and physically - he sits you down, takes your hands in his, and when you assure him that you just need to be taken care of for a bit, he goes into teddy bear mode. He loves it when you depend on him, when you snuggle a bit closer to him in search for warmth, when you follow him around everywhere, when you link your pinky fingers when you’re out for a stroll. 

❥ hoshi 

giggling and kicking his feet. this man lives for taking care of you, even if his methods are sometimes a bit questionable. he loves your independent side, soonyoung finds it so cool that you are able to take such good care of yourself, but it makes him sulk sometimes, because “why don’t you depend on me a bit more?” so, whenever you are in baby mode, he tries to make the most of it - hug the shit out of you, follow you wherever he can, squish your cheeks, and call you corny pet names that would usually make you puke. but he would also be a bit more protective over you whenever you let your guard down like that, because he knew you were extra vulnerable in times like these. so, he’d bundle the both of you into a blanket burrito, and hide you from the world for a while. 

❥ wonwoo 

silently screaming, crying, throwing up. you are just as independent as he is, and sometimes he worries that you don’t consider him someone you can depend on or lean on. that’s why moments like these - when you are a bit more clingy and touchy, when you play with his hair a lot more, when you come waddling into his room with a blanket around you to sit beside him and watch him game - it reassures him that he does a good job as a boyfriend, and he tries his best to comfort you, without making you feel like you’re being weak for letting your guard for a bit. the biggest reward for him was when you fell asleep next to him while he was reading you a book in bed. 

❥ woozi 

in the past, woozi was a bit insecure about being the caregiver - he wasn’t sure he was the person you needed to baby you, or give you extra comfort and love. but after you made multiple threats, and changed his password to his studio, he kind of got the idea that yes, he was the person you needed. woozi secretly loved how you leaned on him from time to time, it gave him a peace of mind that you could rest a bit in his presence, and let go of your strong persona, and just be your adorable, little self. he always kept extra blankets in his studio in case you came pouting and asking for cuddles, so he could always have something to wrap around you and keep you warm. 

❥ dk 

endless cuddles incoming. once he notices that you want to be taken care of and babied, there is no way he’s going to let go of you. even if you’d want to get up for a glass of water, worry not, your puppy of a boyfriend would be right behind you, his (buff) arms wrapped securely around your waist, just in case you tried to get away from him. but he’d also understand that you usually acted like this when you were emotionally and physically tired, so he would make sure to talk to you, and comfort you in any way you needed (even though you insisted that cuddles were enough, he knew you were silently asking for a couple of kisses, and for him to sing to you, so you could finally rest without worry). 

❥ mingyu 

puppy nr. 2. the second he’d see you following him with a pout on your face, he’d know it was his time to put on his best husband act, and baby the shit out of you. he’d lift you up without saying anything (giggling in his mingoo giggles), carry you to the kitchen, place you on the counter, stand between your legs, playfully peck your lips, and get ready to make you your favourite ramyeon. mingyu would make a total fool out of himself just to make you laugh, because to him, as long as you were happy and smiling, it was all that mattered. after eating, he’d bundle you up in the most oversized hoodie he owned, wrap you up in a blanket, and put on a scary movie, just so he could cuddle you really, really, really close (his eyes were closed for the whole duration of the movie). 

❥ minghao 

cue in heart eyes. hao’s acts of service or physical touch were always low-key - you always knew he was there for you, but he didn’t push his love into other people’s faces. but, when you needed to be babied, when you needed that extra warmth and comfort form your boyfriend, minghao was always more happy than to turn into your personal teddy bear. he loved how independent you were, it made him so proud that you could take care of yourself, but at the same time it made him worry that you were draining yourself too much. that’s why when you needed to be babied, YOU WERE BABIED. whatever you’d ask for, he’d do it in an instant, no questions asked - it could be the most stupid thing and he’d do it with a smile on his face. 

❥ seungkwan 

mom mode activated. at first he’d get a bit worried that you were acting a lot more baby with him, letting him hug you without side eyeing him, or letting him squish your cheeks without you throwing a tantrum. but after he’d catch on to what was going on, seungkwan would make you sit at the dinner table while frantically looking through the cabinets searching for your favourite ramyeon. after making you some food, and not burning the house down, he’d take you out on a walk around the neighbourhood, your arms linked, while he rambled about all of the funny stuff that happened during practice, to take your mind off of your worries. when you were in baby mode, you and him were like two magnets - you could not be separated, and even if you were, you immediately found your way back to each other.     

❥ vernon 

first of all, it would make him feel so appreciated that you turned to him when you needed to be babied. vernon didn’t get to be the caregiver often, but whenever he’d notice that you needed a bit more comfort and love than usual, he’d try his best, because he wanted to be someone you could always depend on. you’d either do something very calming and relaxing like cuddle under a blanket and watch a movie, or if you were feeling more bold, you’d bake (which with vernon means one thing - a disaster). whatever you decided to do, vernon made sure to always stay by your side, his hand on you hip, because you in baby mode also required him to include a bit more of physical touch, which to be honest he was very grateful for, because usually he was too shy to initiate it himself.  

❥ chan 

he’s been waiting for this. i believe chan thrives off of being the caretaker, so he’d be prepared and ready - pillows stacked up on your bed, comforters to keep you warm, all of your favourite snacks and movies, and his arms to keep you close to his body through the whole night. because he didn’t get to baby you often, he’d make the most out of the times that it happened, and it would honestly make him so so happy that even though you’re this strong and independent person, you still allowed him to take care of you from time to time. he’d finally be able to thank you for all of the times that you had taken care of him.

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[yanderenightmare]

Mahito x darling

TW: NSFW, noncon, psychological torture, Mahito in and of himself

fem reader

Mahito is so scary because you're the only one who sees him. 

You can't tell your friends, you can't call the cops, you can't even discuss it with your therapist for fear of being committed. 

You're all alone with him – half the time convinced you’re going insane.

He doesn't even need to kidnap you. Why would he? He likes your cozy apartment. To see you in your natural habitat with all your personal trinkets. Your books, your decorations, the contents of your fridge, your makeup, your clothes, not to mention the soft warmth of your bed…

Sure, his sewer has its charm, but you probably wouldn’t like it there very much. Not that it would stop him, but he’s sure you’d be boring if all you did was stay cooped up there all day. 

This is much more interesting. To be there when you come home from work, having trifled through all your belongings, dragged everything out – made a mess like a new puppy would. To watch you try to cling to your sanity, going about life, trying to live it normally even when he’s right there on your sofa wanting to dish about how much you loath your pissy boss or that loud neighbor and what fun it might be to kill them.

You brush him off as intrusive thoughts – a manifestation within your mind. That’s the only explanation that allows you to keep your wits with you.

But it’s become hard to bring anyone home. Even though others can't see him, he’ll walk about your friends and the odd date and comment on all the things they do, ridiculing them when they say something cheesy, feigning puking before giving it away with a snicker, then asking you why you bother hanging out with them at all. And you wonder if that’s what you really think… why else would a figment of your imagination say something like that?

No. You decide. He doesn’t represent your thoughts. He’s just… a roommate who knows no boundaries. 

Funny enough, you don’t really recognize that he’s any dangerous before you’re getting dressed after a shower, opening a drawer on your dresser you rarely look in – only to find it overfilled with dozens of tiny shrunken heads.

You scurry back on the floor with your hand clasped over your mouth until your back meets your bed – skin crawling. There’s no air left in your lungs from the shock to produce any such thing as a scream – so instead, you start heaving – then crying.

“Oh – I was wondering when you’d find them!” A cheer is heard from your bedroom threshold.

Your eyes pan to look at him – or it. Mahito, with a big grin on his face – clapping as though impressed by your performance.

“Wh-what – what is this?” You splutter, trying not to throw up – casting shifty glances over at the lump that had fallen to the floor – its face twisted with agony, unrecognizable, but you think you still knew… “What have you done?”

It doesn’t smell of rot, but something else – like unwashed clothing – sweat and piss and shit – you don’t understand how you hadn’t smelled it before. You don’t understand how you hadn’t heard it before – the moaning, though only in hoarse weak voices, still there, in a chorus, crying in pain.

“I’ve been studying them.” He says – casually, padding across the floor before bending down to pick the one up.

He looked at it with disappointment, throwing it up and catching it like one would a baseball – then clicked his tongue. 

“But I must say you’ve got boring taste… I don’t feel like I learned much of use from any of them at all.” 

He drops it to the floor in a fleshy splat, and you cringed anew – wanting to crawl away, wanting to get out, to call the police – maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to be committed – maybe there was something genuinely wrong with you…

Mahito doesn't share your concerns, though. He’s got his mind on other things. 

“I think I’ll learn better through practice.”

You don’t realize what he’s talking about before you’re being lifted up on the bed and then pushed down against it.

His lean but muscular frame has you dwarfed as he crawls after you – caging you between his arms and legs.

“I wouldn’t mind the floor, but I’m sure you’d prefer the bed. That’s how you humans usually like it, right?” He smiles – as though he’s doing you a favor. 

He’s taken off his usual tunic – showcasing a pale grey chest patchworked together in crude stitches – and you don’t really understand why you’d ever conjure something that looked like it. So human, yet still… so not. 

“I didn’t know what size you’d want – they were all so different – but I think bigger is better, isn’t it?”

It doesn’t register before you feel the weight of it on your stomach. 

Fat and warm, ridged with veins and hard against you. 

Looking down, feeling the situation settle on your skin like the raw cold – you realize, though you don’t understand it – Mahito isn’t just some imaginary friend. 

Whatever he is – he’s no such thing as a friend at all.

Your chest flares. “Mahito, no – ”

Your hands fly to try and push him off, but they’re easily caught. His fingers stretch inhumanly like playdough, using only one hand to reign in both wrists, pinning them to the pillow above you.

“No? Still too small?” He asks, as though your uproar had been a cry for more – his voice in a playful lilt. “I can make it bigger if you like~”

You squirm when the thing between your thighs grows an inch – swelling up into something fatter than your wrist – weighty and twitching atop you. 

It alone churns your guts, but the sight of his face gleaming so innocently makes it all so much worse. 

You whimper as he drags a rude finger through your folds – bluntly poking at your hole.

“You’re supposed to be wet, no?” He posed, keen eyes watching your face grimace in discomfort – drilling his digit inside you despite it. 

When knuckle-deep, he curled it, nail scraping into the gummy of your tender walls – making your whole body twist with an ache, shaking your head while sinking your teeth into your lip.

“Stop-” You croaked pitifully, still trying to wring your wrists free – but the hand keeping them jailed had hardened into something that was no longer skin.

He just yawned at your struggle. “So noisy...” Bored while looking down at you and the ugly way your lips curled at his crude fingering – but then his eyes widened. “Wait – oh! I get it now! So, this is what kissing is for…”

He didn’t give you much time to turn away before his mouth locked on yours – more in an attempt to swallow than to kiss, feeding you his tongue – which felt so much longer than it should be – winding through you until it licked your gag-reflex and made you choke.

You tensed in response, clenching the finger prodding you – and he took it as an invitation to squeeze another in – making you squeal out a sob in his mouth. 

But though it was a cruel ministration, it was enough to tickle the instinct – dragging wet out from within you, bathing the digits that now slid with greater ease in and out.

“See~ I told you I’d learn better through practice...” He mumbled against your lips – having felt the change – also noticing the quiet that befell you… looking so cute beneath him. 

He chuckled – the taste of your kiss still warm and wet on his lips.

“That really did shut you up, hm~ you humans are so funny.”

That thing resting heavily on your belly does a little jump, and you flinch with it. Left panting after being throat-fucked by a tongue – you’re really only able to shake your head as he slips the beastly thing down between your thighs – its fat head licking your clit on its way until kissing your entrance.

Two fingers haven't done you any justice – nothing could – to prep you for something of that size.

“I think this is correct…” He muses, nudging himself against the slim coin-sized hole – looking a little confused while he did so – though not exactly unsure of himself… more as though it was the whole procedure in and of itself that was at fault and not him. He was just following instructions, after all.

Sucking his teeth at the tautness, he continued to press the tip through you. 

A whine was ripped from your chest as it arched off the bed – thighs quaking on each side of his hips, kept spread despite wanting to force themselves shut.

“It’s better if you relax.” He offered then, though without much sympathy. Sounding almost jaded – as though you were keeping him waiting. 

But then a thumb pressed down on your clit, forcing another jolt to rush through you. 

“Women like to be touched here, right?” He rubbed crass circles into it – worse than amateurishly – rough patterns that bore no real intention of making you feel good. 

Then his mouth slid from your mouth, down your neck – only to sink teeth in your tit.

“And here~” He giggled while nomming your nipple, rolling the little nib between his teeth before flicking over it with his tongue again and again, sucking on it harshly.

None of it made you relax like he’d suggested. Either way, he continued to sink his length one thick chub at a time as fast as your hole allowed. And soon enough, he reached your end before your hole could reach his. But that was no issue…

The hand on your clit, cupped your mound instead – and beneath it, where warmth pooled, you felt inner things alter – change, rearrange, allowing the giant member inside you to sink deeper even though you knew there couldn’t possibly be any deeper to go.

“Wow~ look at that…” He awed when his pelvis smushed against your mound – kneading into your clit as he pressed a curious hand down on the bulge he was making in your belly.

Strings of drool stuck from his lips to your chest – and a sick look pooled in his eyes.

Thicker and thicker breaths left him. He swallowed thickly. Barely blinking.

“I think I get it now…” His voice had shed its humorous tone, now sounding soft with something you didn’t want to have the attention of. “It’s like our souls are playing together…” 

His hand stroked your stomach – like he was petting something.

“Feels good.”

[puppy-steve]

hold you gently

ftm steve, established steddie. contains detailed descriptions of periods. (ao3)

Steve spends the first day of his period absolutely miserable. His emotions are all over the place. One minute he's this close to lashing out at the first minor inconvenience and the next he's ready to bawl his eyes out.

He knows Robin can tell that something's up. She keeps asking if he's alright and Steve tries to brush it off, tell her he's fine, it's just a little headache, he couldn't sleep last night. But then that sends her into another spiral that makes Steve want to scream and throw something just to get her to be quiet.

Those are mean thoughts, Steve knows, but his body's all out of whack, and his knees and lower back are killing him and he swears he can feel his fucking hips shifting. Add in the cramps that are steadily rolling through his uterus and he's so fucking close to committing homicide.

He's in the stacks, dead-eyed as he stocks the new animated releases, and shifting from foot to foot because now those also hurt and he can feel the beginnings of a migraine that'll have him calling off the next day, and he just wants to go home and lay on the couch with his heating pad and his boyfriend while some shitty TV show plays in the background.

"Steve?" Speak of the devil.

Steve makes a noise of acknowledgement and continues to shelve the tapes. He ignores the pang in his chest that makes him want to reach out and pull Eddie closer and burrow into him.

As if he can read his mind (or tell by the look on his face), Eddie steps closer. "You got Robbie real worried, sweetheart," he says gently, hands in his pockets. Steve can tell he wants to reach out for him the same way he does.

"I'm fine, Eds," Steve says. More like he tries not to snap at the only person who knows about his "condition." He can feel his agitation rising, though, with another wave of cramps that are accompanied by nausea and a sick feeling of something gushing from down there.

"Is that why you look like you wanna blow chunks all over the place right now?"

Steve maybe puts a tape on the shelf a little too hard. "It's been a shit day, Eddie, I really don't need sarcasm right now."

Eddie puts his hands up. "Sorry, sorry." He comes a little closer and lowers his voice. "Talk to me, baby. What's the matter?"

Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's the first day," he mutters behind his hand.

"Hm? I couldn't hear you, Stevie."

"I said–" Steve sighs again, harsher this time, and his hand falls to his side, his gaze firmly locked on the tapes in front of him. "It's the first day, and the first day is always shit. It feels like a rock's sitting in my stomach or something and I can't take more than two steps without feeling like I'm gonna puke."

He doesn't mean to unload it all onto his boyfriend, but he asked for it. His perfect, wonderful boyfriend who takes it all in stride without a single hint of judgement or disgust.

"I'm hormonal as fuck, man, and it’s like customers chose today specifically to be even more annoying than they usually are, like they made it their personal mission or some shit."

Steve looks to the front of the store where Robin is still at the counter and then back at Eddie. "Robin keeps asking me if I'm alright, and I love her, Eds, I really do, but if she keeps it up, I'm gonna end up snapping at her and then she'll cry and that'll make me feel even worse."

Steve takes a deep breath, holds in it for ten seconds, and exhales. "I just need a break," he says, sounding defeated, and so so tired. "I just need to be alone for five minutes, and–"

Eddie, who has been quiet this whole time, like a saint, letting Steve rant until he runs out of steam, tilts his head and looks at him with those big Bambi eyes Steve loves so much.

"And what, Stevie?" he asks gently.

Something in Steve's chest snaps and his bottom lip wobbles before he can stop it. The back of his throat burns like it always does when he's about to cry, and– yep, here come the tears.

He takes a shaky breath and his voice breaks when he says, "I need you."

Eddie's expression falls into something Steve absolutely hates. "Baby–"

Steve clears his throat and the tears are gone as quick as they came, though his eyes are a little red rimmed and shiny.

He shakes his head and waves Eddie off, putting more tapes on the shelves like he didn't just have a mini breakdown in the middle of his shift. "It's fine, Eddie, really. I'll just, I don't know, take a painkiller and tough the next couple hours out."

The tape he's holding is gently taken from him and set on the shelf for him. Eddie levels him with a raised eyebrow.

"Is that really what you want to do?"

Steve bites his lip. He doesn't. Work is the last place he wants to be at today, or this whole week for that matter.

He shakes his head with a soft, "No."

"Okay, then."

Eddie tells him to go grab his things from the break room. Steve is too exhausted to argue. He comes back to the front counter but before Robin can launch into a lengthy apology, Eddie interrupts her with a minute shake of his head.

Steve holds his arms out and pulls her in for a hug anyway.

"I'm sorry for being an ass all day," he says and plants a kiss on the top of her head. He feels awful about keeping this huge of a secret from her, but coming out as bi is one thing. Coming out as trans is a whole different ballgame he isn't willing to play just yet.

Robin hugs him back and kisses his cheek. "I'm sorry for being pushy." She pulls back and takes Steve's hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. "Hope you feel better soon, dingus."

Steve can't leave his car at work overnight so he follows Eddie's van to the trailer. He grabs one of Eddie's pullover hoodies out of his closet once they're inside and a pair of baggy sweatpants before making a beeline for the bathroom to pee and change his pad.

Soon enough, Steve comfortable and cozy on the couch, covered with at least two blankets and even more pillows, his hood pulled over his head and mussing his hair up even more. Eddie's got My Best Friend Is a Vampire playing on the TV, but Steve's saving grace is the heating pad that's covering his waist under the blankets.

Steve groans softly as he's hit with more cramps and shifts his hips against them.

"Here, sweetheart." Eddie comes back from the kitchen and hands him a cup of hot chocolate. He reclaims his spot next to Steve, boxing him between his body and the back of the couch. "How you feeling?"

"Like shit," Steve grumps, taking a sip and reaching back to set the mug on the side table. "I'd rather take being gnawed on by demobats than have to deal with these cramps. At least I can see the bats and try to stop them." He winds his arms around Eddie's waist and rests his head on his shoulder.

Eddie crinkles his nose in distaste. "Frankly, babe, I'd rather you not go through either." He rubs his thumb over the skin of Steve's hip. "What's stopping you from using all that government money to pay for your surgery?"

Steve hums and turns his nose into Eddie's neck, smiling against the skin. "I wanna get at least one kid out of you before I do that."

They've talked about this. In length. Eddie was there for the Winnebago conversation. Steve wasn't lying back then, but he's since realized he was wanting all those things with the wrong person.

"Yeah?" Eddie's voice is amused. "You want a couple Harrington spawn running around the trailer park?"

"Nah, was thinking more along the lines of a Munson brat."

Eddie stills against him.

Steve comes out from his hiding spot and grins at the look on his boyfriend's face. He leans up and kisses his cheek. "Did I break your brain on that one, honey?"

Eddie shakes himself out of his stupor and cups Steve's face, pressing him into the couch so he can kiss him silly.

"I'm gonna give you so many Munson brats, baby," he promises between leaving kisses all over Steve's face and Steve's giggles. "You won't even know what hit ya by the time I'm through with you."

Steve guffaws and lets Eddie cover him with kisses and love.

"I'll hold you to that, baby, don't worry."

buy me a ☕?

[queenie-ofthe-void]

Here's a crack Stobin idea

It's platonic Hanahaki by instead of puking flowers, it's migraines and mind reading.

***

After they're injected with the same experimental mystery drugs in the Russian spy bunker, Steve wakes up two days later with a killer headache.

Must be the concussion.

Except throughout the day it gets worse, worse than his migraines after his fight with Billy. He tries to go to sleep early, but the pain's so intense he seriously thinks his head might implode.

Does he call Robin?

They aren't what he'd call friends. But they survived torture together, so that has to mean something, right?

No, he decides. She's got her own problems and it's almost midnight.

He's up, can't sleep. At 6:30am he wraps an ice pack around his head and sits in a warm bath. At 7:30am he's throwing up water and bile. By 9am he's got a bloody nose and he's popped a blood vessel in his right eye. Just as he's about to pick up the phone, there's knocking on his front door that feels like a hammer to his skull.

Robin's on the front stoop, the front of her Fleetwood Mac sleep shirt covered in drops of blood and she's holding a wad of napkins to her face. She's crying and practically collapses into his arms.

The pain recedes so quickly he gasps. He didn't realize how difficult it was to breathe. The sharp stabbing behind his eyes is gone and it feels like he hasn't eaten in days.

Robin's still holding his shoulder, looking at him with wide eyes. She moves the napkins and even though her face is a mess of dried blood it's clear the bleeding has stopped.

"Steve, what's going on?"

"How the hell should I know?"

Her hand slips from his shoulder as he backs into the house, and suddenly the pain's creeping back in. It's minimal compared to before. Robin grabs his hand again and the pain recedes.

He looks up and she's staring at him wide eyed, mouth hanging open like a fish.

"I do not look like a fish!" Robin scoffs.

He didn't say that.

"Oh holy shit you didn't say that!" she practically screams at him.

She grips his other hand, squeezing them both tight as they stare into each other's panicked eyes.

Oh my god playing on loop between them, yet Robin's mouth isn't moving and he's pretty sure his is closed.

Can we read minds?

I have no idea Steven I've never done this before! You're the freaky stuff expert.

It's called the upside down Robs.

He's so bitchy.

I'm not bitchy!

"OK we have to stop this," Robin finally says. He knows she said it. He saw her mouth move and everything.

"Jesus I'm not sure I can handle your brain Harrington I've already got enough going on up here on my own."

"Yeah tell me about it," he replies as he thinks about her rambling about nothing for hours on end during shared shifts.

Robin sighs, squeezing his hands again as she scuffs her shoes on the white tile.

For what it's worth, I like your rambling.

A light smile ghosts her face. He always feels better when she's smiling, and that gets a wet chuckle from her as she wipes her teary eyes.

"Ok," Robin says, putting her game face on. "We're going to figure this out and I've got some ideas."

~~~

s4 follow-up ficlet

[deans-baby-momma]

Chapter 5

Summary: When Jensen admits to going home with someone else, will his and Y/N's marriage survive?

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, smut, language

Y/N rushes out of the bistro, feeling as though she is going to puke. After hearing Athena's side of the story, and knowing the timeline Cliff had given her, it was absolutely possible that her husband was lying after all!

She drives home through the tears blurring her vision and sliding down her face. She can't believe that he would do something like that to her - to them.

But drunk Jensen, or Nesnej, as Jared Jokingly refers to him as when he's drunk, could. And it sounds like Nesnej was in control.

Y/N stumbles into the house and kicks off her shoes before throwing her purse through the room.

“Ugh!” she screams as the sobs come harder. “Lying piece of fucking shit!”

She throws herself on the sofa and lets the sobs take over her.

It is coming up on dusk when Y/N finally pulls herself together enough to get up. The sound of her phone ringing makes her look at the contents of her purse across the floor.

She can see from her spot that it's her husband calling. She lets it ring through to voicemail.

Jensen hangs up his phone and slips it back in his pocket. It wasn't like Y/N to not answer his calls, but maybe she's just busy, he thinks to himself.

He steps out of his trailer, locking the door before heading to join Cliff and Jared and heads home for the weekend.

Cliff drops Jared off first before heading to the house Jensen shares with Y/N. The ride is quiet, except for the podcast that Cliff Is listening to.

“Thanks man,” Jensen speaks up from the backseat of the SUV. “For having my back with Y/N.”

Cliff grunts. “I just told her what I knew.”

“I appreciate it,” the actor replies. “It could've been a lot worse if you hadn't covered for me.”

Cliff hums in response before he goes back to listening to the radio.

Once they pull into the driveway, Jensen becomes worried seeing the house dark, no lights on inside but Y/N's car parked right in front.

“See ya Monday,” Jensen says, exiting the backseat.

Walking inside, the first thing he does is turn the lamp on. He surveys the chaos in confusion. Y/N's purse is on the ground with its contents spilling out across the floor.

He sees her phone laying face down on the floor and picks it up to see the screen shattered, the picture of the both of them fractured into sections.

Jensen begins to worry that maybe they'd been broken into and the burglar had taken her for a ransom.

He looks around for more clues as he hastens forward to the kitchen. There he finds cabinets and drawers open, much like someone had been going through their personal space, looking for something. But what?

He hears a noise coming from the back of the house and he turns slowly, silently heading to the pantry to retrieve the aluminum baseball bat he left there.

Once the weapon is in his grip, he tightens his hold as he proceeds toward the sound.

The closer he gets to their shared bedroom, the better he can make out what he's hearing.

Y/N's crying. He stops and sets the bat down, going to enter the room but when he turns the knob, he is stopped. It's locked.

“Baby? Are you okay?”

“Go away?” She yells but it's muffled.

“What's wrong? Y/N?” Jensen inquires as he put his ear to the door but the barrier is pulled away as she flings it open.

Standing there, her eyes red and puffy with her face full of dried tear tracks and new ones falling breaks his heart.

“You lied!” she spat. “You told me you didn't fuck her but there's a baby in her. An Ackles baby!”

“Baby, I told you. I didn't fu- Y/N I thought you believed me? Jared and Cliff even backed me up.”

“Or they lied for you! You probably gave them all the juicy details about fucking a young girl and then asked them to cover for you.”

Jensen stood there in shock. He thought they had gotten through this, that Y/N believed him and was on his side.

“There was no juicy det-” he begins and then pauses with a sigh. “-How many times do I have to tell you that you're the only one for me? What brought this on?” He asked gently, trying to calm her down.

“I saw her today. Athena. She and a group of her friends came into Sylvie's. She was bragging about it. And had some very accurate descriptions for someone who had supposedly never been with you.”

“Y/N, I swear.” Jensen said, pleading. “I've only been with you.”

“Somehow, I don't believe you’” Y/N cries before turning back to the bed, where her suitcase lays open, half packed. “I'm going to Candy's for a few days. I can't be around you right now.”

Jensen seethes as he stands in the doorway. “Fine! You don't believe that I didn't fuck her? You want to think I'd throw all of this away for a cheap piece of ass? Go ahead. I am done trying to prove to you that I've been loyal since we began dating.”

He storms down the hallway and out the backdoor where he flops down on one of the Adirondack chairs overlooking the natural landscape of the territory.

He reaches into the waterproof chest and pulls out the pack of cigarettes and lighter he had stored in there.

Jensen only ever partakes of this habit when he's either really drunk -like really drunk- or when he's wound up.

He inhales and slowly blows the puff of smoke through his lips. He sits there trying to contemplate how to get through to Y/N.

His wife, his biggest supporter and best friend; the person who is supposed to have his back and stand by him is in doubt about him.

He leans back and looks up at the darkening Vancouver sky as he wishes he could go back and change everything about that night.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Whatever she said had all three of them turning to look my way.

Preview for next chapter: Walking toward her, I could tell when she realized I was heading her way. Her eyes widened and she turned to her friends, a big smile on her face.

"Hi. I'm Jensen.”

“I know who you are,” she told me, suddenly confident. “I have been a fan for years. I actually have a Radio Company album at home. Was hoping to get a signed copy but wasn't one of the lucky ones.”

“Well that just won't do,” I said to her with a smile. “Do you live far from here?”

“Close enough.”

Tagging: @spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam   @ironreviewangel @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @supraveng @lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @leigh70 @nancymcl @muhahaha303 @justwhisperingfantasies @jackles010378 @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deanna45 @ozwriterchick @mandee73 @spnaquakindgdom @impala67rollingthroughtown @generalmoonpolice @1313diana @roseblue373 @palerogue1 @deansimpalababy @queen-cs

[witchygagirlwrites]

Consider Me Gone-Part 5

Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader x Jay Halstead/ Gerstead x Reader

When Jay and Mouse face the crushing thought of losing you everything gets slammed into perspective.

Warnings: past suicidal thoughts

You stared at yourself in the mirror and scrubbed both hands across your face. The dark circles were getting worse. Your sleep was practically none existent. You were napping on your breaks and everyone always tasked Ethan with waking you or Crocket the rare occasion he’d be feeling brave enough to dodge a punch. You avoided Will as much as possible. You loved him but you couldn’t stand the sympathy in his eyes.

You didn’t need it. You withstood this already, you could deal with it again. Survivors' guilt, mixed with ptsd. That’s what the shrink that ran the meetings called it anyways. You were trying to keep your feet under you because you had no help keeping them there. You could only put so much on Ethan, April and Maggie. Erin would do anything for you but dammit she had her own demons that were bloodthirsty and waiting in the wings.

The fact that every morning you’d wake up to Mouse sitting up asleep next to your door and Jay laying on the floor not far from it didn’t help. They both had old injuries that were bound to flare up if they kept that up. You knew they heard your nightmares, it wasn't like you could exactly control the volume on them but they should know that they were just nightmares. They wouldn’t actually hurt you.

Guilt was driving it and you hated thinking either of them would hurt themselves over guilt. You would be fine. You always were. No matter how they felt for you, the love you’d always had for them had never been anything but genuine. 

When you looked your C.O. dead in the eyes and told him to court marshal you after you saved them, when you fought a woman because her husband cracked Jay’s eye socket when he caught him shit faced drunk after he slept with her, when you got off your knees and made yourself keep living because you knew they needed you, when Greg puked on you but at least it meant the drugs were getting out of his system. 

There was never a moment where you were unsure that those sky blue and seafoam blue eyes were the ones you wanted to look into the rest of your life. You just had to keep it together until the bank got your name off the mortgage there and you could get a new loan through, then you could let them move on with their lives. They could find someone new. 

Your stomach rolled at that thought. Your guys, your Mouse, your jaybird…with another woman. Another woman kissing them, touching them, being under them.. You turned and emptied what little was in your stomach into the toilet, turning the water on in the sink with one hand in hopes Greg nor Jay heard it.

After it turned into dry heaves you flushed then washed your face and brushed your teeth. “Please god let them be gone” you whispered before opening the door.  Both of their hushed voices hit your ears and you cut your eyes up at the ceiling “You’ve got a fucked up sense of humor, you know that right?”

You squared your shoulders as best as you could and walked past the kitchen, seeing them both watching you as you did so. You needed to get to work.

“She’s not sleeping, barely eating and throwing up now” Mouse whispered.  “Maybe we can go to Maggie? She’s still pissed at us but she loves her” Jay offered, flinching when he heard you sniffle on the way out the door. “We’ve got to do something. She can’t go on like this” Mouse agreed. 

Days had passed since you came home. Every night they sat outside your door, listening to you scream and cry in your sleep then sob when you woke up. You wouldn’t talk to them no matter how long they begged you to answer, just to let them know you were ok. “I’ll call Will, see if he can get her to call us” Jay said, pulling his phone out to hit his brother’s number.

Will answered on the second ring “Hey Jay” “Will, can you get Maggie to call me please?” Jay said in place of a greeting. “Why?” “She’s barely eating, not sleeping and she’s started throwing up now too Will” he explained and Will sighed “Well the throwing up we didn’t know about. She’s been taking small naps at work. Nothing substantial but enough that she doesn’t collapse. Maggie also makes her eat at least a pack of crackers and drink a juice every few hours”  Mouse leaned closer to the phone “What can we do here Will?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. You two are kind of between a rock and a hard place. If you push too hard you risk her leaving again so isn’t it better her being there?” Will asked and Jay and Mouse shared a look. “She’s fading in front of us Will and we’re helpless here. Do you have any idea how that feels?” Jay asked and Will sighed “She avoids me at work so I can’t help much. Ethan helps her find most of her meetings” 

“She hasn’t been this bad in a long time” Mouse spoke quietly but Will still heard him even over the phone. “You both know it doesn’t take anything big to trigger this type of stuff. Healing isn’t linear. She feels alone and her brain has convinced her she is, she’s trying so damn hard to do this alone. Just keep being there, don’t give up on her. She never gave up on you two. She always fought for you. Now's the time she needs you two to fight for her even if she won't ask for it, consider this me asking. Jay, Mouse..don’t let her hit that cliff again”

“We won’t” Jay promised and Mouse added “She’d have to take us with her”  “Stay on it. Just keep letting her know you’re there. Even if you think it’s annoying her or pissing her off. At least she’s not numb if she’s feeling those emotions” “Thanks Will”

They hung up with Will and stared at each other for a second. “How do we go to work, knowing she’s hurting like this?” Mouse asked and Jay sighed “We do like Will said. We keep letting her know that as soon as she tags us in the fight it isn't just hers any more” “It was never just hers” Mouse agreed.

You were looking over blood work results when Will walked up next to you. “Hey fireball” you raised an eyebrow “Since when do you use that?” he grinned “You actually spoke to me so I guess it was a good call” 

You shook your head “Before you ask Will, I’m fine. Ok?” he stared at you for a second “No, you’re not” your shoulders sagged “I’ve got to do this Will” he nodded “Just know no matter what I love you, you’re my sister pretty much” you gave him a small smile “I love you too Will”

He walked away and you heard your phone chime but ignored it because as soon as you got through with the bloodwork a trauma came in and Crocket called you to assist. 

________________

“Thanks for the extra scrubs Maggie” you told her and she smiled “No problem sweetie” you went to put your phone in your pocket then saw all the next text alerts. She cut her eyes at it. “Maybe you should read them?” you shook your head “I think they copy and paste them at this point”

“Sweetie” she spoke and you shrugged “I’m gonna go step outside to get some air. Send someone if I’m needed please” she nodded “Of course” you turned and headed for the exit. When you stepped into the air you took a deep breath. Your entire body hurt, your head ached and your stomach rolled every few minutes.

You clicked your phone to see the messages Erin: Hey babe. Just checking in. I love you 

You smiled at her message and sent back I’m ok, love ya too

Your finger hovered over the group text thread before you clicked it M:If you decide you want to talk we’re here  J:If you need to yell we’re here  M:If you want to sit in silence we’re here  J:Rage room? Firing range? We’re here   M:We love you  J:More than anything 

You shook your head and pocketed your phone before heading back in. You needed to work. That’s what you needed to do, needed to have something in front of you to concentrate on.

“She read em” Mouse told Erin who nodded “If it’s any consolation I see you two trying” Jay nodded “Thanks Erin”

They just needed you to be ok. That was all. They needed to see you smile and know it was genuine more than anything. You needed them and wouldn’t let them fight for you, you always let them fight for you. “Mouse kissed her first, asshole, ever tell you that?” Jay asked, cutting his eyes across the room at Mouse who half grinned.

Erin laughed “No, I thought you two got with her at the same time?” Jay nodded “Yeah as far as like dating, being together”  Erin grinned, looking from one to the other “Oh do tell” 

Mouse shook his head “We were still deployed. Me and her were talking in mine and Jay’s tent” “And I come in to them on his damn cot” Jay interrupted and Erin laughed “Damn. What happened?” “They jumped apart like nothing happened and she hauled ass to the med tent then they never admitted to having been making out until after the first time we all slept together” Jay explained and a blush graced Mouse’s neck “She asked me to not mention it. I didn’t”

Erin looked between the two men, the only time they didn’t look broken was when they talked about you. She’d never seen people meant to be together like the three of you. “You two idiots better not ever give up on my girl” she spoke and they both said “Not until the day I die” then met each other’s eyes and laughed lightly.

You got out of the shower and heard the door open, causing you to curse lightly. You’d taken longer than you’d thought. They’d already gotten home. You got dressed then stepped out of the bathroom and headed for the guestroom.

“Baby?” Jay called from the kitchen and you stopped despite yourself. Mouse’s eyes widened just slightly. You could imagine you looked horrible. You were barely held together, wearing some pjs that were a decade old or better considering you’d always slept in one or both of their clothes. Jay was wearing that damn black henley that was so soft and Mouse was wearing that blue button up you adored on him. “Are you hungry?” Mouse  asked and you shook your head then turned and continued to the guest room, pushing the door closed quickly behind yourself and locking it so when your nightmares started.

You shouldn’t have stopped when Jay called out. You crawled straight into bed hoping maybe if you went to sleep earlier a little may actually stick.

________________

The thing about having known the person you’re with for so many years? You know everything about them. Every little sound they make you can distinguish from another. When the first gasp left your throat, Mouse's eyes flew open. He leaned over and shook Jay “Wake up Jay”

They’d decided that even if you didn’t let them in that wouldn’t stop them from spending the night trying to comfort you. Jay slowly opened his eyes while he pushed himself up off the floor “How bad is it?” Mouse shrugged about the time a pain filled groan left you. “It’s gonna be a bad night”

The two climbed to their feet to stand at the door. “NO” the sound that ripped from your throat was barely a word, it sounded like raw pain. The broken sobs that followed had Mouse catched Jay’s shoulder before he could kick the door in. “Let me try” he whispered before knocking on the door “Sweetheart...baby” a loud gasp of air told them you’d woken up but then you’d started crying in earnest and dear god that ripped their hearts in two. “Love, please let us in, let u help” Mouse begged.

They stood there staring at each other for a heartbeat until they finally heard your voice very low “I’m fine Greg, please just go back to sleep” that was the first time you’d spoken to them since coming back.  Jay stepped closer to the door “Please just open the door, let us see that you’re ok”  they both had to fight the urge to kick the damned door down. They didn’t want it to be their decision, it had to be yours but they had to get to you. “Please” Mouse added.

After a moment they heard the door unlock, then it cracked open slightly. Both of their hearts shattered in their chests at seeing just how broken the woman they loved was. Your eyes, they had always held this light. Even on the worst days in hell. They were bright. Now? They were dull. You were trying so hard to act strong in front of them but they knew you better than they knew themselves. “See? I’m fine” you slowly looked from one of them to the other barely able to meet their eyes for over a few seconds before dropping your gaze down to your feet.

You needed them, god did you need them. They needed you. The three of you had always needed each other. It just didn’t work when you weren’t at each other’s side. “Do you need anything sweetheart?” Mouse asked and you shook your head “You two need to sleep” before either of them could even attempt to say anything else to you the door closed in their face and the lock turned over again.

Both men stood next to the door for only god knows how long before they sank to the floor on either side of it. If you changed your mind they would be there. There was no way either of them were going back to sleep.

You were in the kitchen, attempting to make a travel mug of coffee in hopes that your stomach would let it stay down. You could hear the shower in the master bathroom going so you hoped one was in it and the other was still asleep.

You were adding sugar to the mug when Mouse walked into the room and froze “Oh um..can I come in sweetheart?” you looked over your shoulder at him and nodded. It was his place after all.

You hadn’t thought about the fact that he’d have to reach past you to get his mug. You felt your entire body stiffen when his got close. You honestly hadn’t meant to, it was the only defense you had to just not fall into his arms. That was your instinct anytime he got close and now you couldn’t. 

“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave. It won’t happen again” he mumbled and you closed your eyes in hopes to stop the tears from slipping out. You grabbed the coffee and walked out of the room. You had to get out of the apartment. You couldn’t do this.

___________________

The moment the front door closed Mouse threw his mug into the sink “FUCK” Jay walked into the room “Woah, what the hell.That’s normally a me reaction, not a you reaction. What happened?” Mouse raised his hand and let it fall, tears filling his eyes “She was in here, she let me be in the same room as her and I fucked up by getting too close”

“Take a breath. She had a long night” Jay tried and Mouse shook his head “Her entire body stiffened up Jay…” “We’ll try again after her shift. We’ll send her lunch from her favorite place. I’ll call Maggie to make sure she actually eats” Jay suggested and Mouse nodded “Ok”

“This is one day I could’ve fucking killed Voight” Jay mumbled, turning down their street. Your shift ended nearly two hours ago and they were just now getting home. “He was in rare form” Mouse agreed with a huff. When they got closer to your place Jay slowed down, your car wasn’t in the drive.

“Her shift ended at four, right?” Jay asked and Mouse nodded. “I’ll text Erin” “Ok” 

_________________

They walked into the front door and Mouse’s phone chimed Erin:No, we talked this morning? No plans for tonight

“She’s not with Erin” Mouse told Jay who let out a breath. “Ok, there’s a lot of places she could’ve gone. She could’ve gone to a store? The Library?”  their eyes met, a sickening dread filling them. They felt it once before in their lives. That feeling that they were on the edge of losing you, that the world was on the edge of darkening from forever losing your light.

“We’re not jumping to that..ping her phone, fuck it” Jay told him so Mouse grabbed his laptop and went to the table. It wasn’t but a few seconds and that feeling in Mouse had turned into a choking knot in his throat. “Jay..her phone hasn’t been on since she left the hospital”

“I’m calling Maggie” he pulled out his phone and hit Maggie’s number and put it on speaker “Hey Halstead” she greeted “Please tell me she’s with you” he said and she replied “She should’ve been home like two hours ago? Jay, did something happen?”

Mouse nodded so Jay explained the night before then took a deep breath “Maggie do you know what happened the last time this got this bad on her?” “No?” she made it a question. Mouse leaned up to the phone “We need to find her now Maggie” that’s all it took for her to make the connection “Oh oh my god. Ok..um I’ll start making phone calls” “Thanks Mags”

Their world was falling down around them. “Two hours..she’s been missing two hours” Jay kicked a chair across the room. Mouse was frozen to the spot, you could already be gone. “Come on” Jay grabbed his keys and hit Mouse’s chest. “Where are we going?” he asked and Jay shrugged “We know her. We know where she’d go. Let’s get boots on the fucking dirt. I’ll call Erin, Ethan, Will..fuck I’ll call Voight and get the entire twenty first out there to find her”

Mouse’s phone rang and he glanced to see it was Ethan. He cut his eyes at Jay before answering “Hello?” “Greg?” “Yeah?” he heard Ethan take a breath “She isn’t home?” Mouse felt his temper flare up then “Yeah Choi you know what I’m looking at her right now I just thought I’d fuck with everyone and worry them. NO she’s not home”

“She promised me she’d go straight home” Ethan said and if Mouse was close enough he may just strangle the other man “What the hell happened Ethan?” Jay stepped close enough to hear both sides of the conversation “She was in the doctor’s lounge. She was upset. We talked a while, she kept saying she was just tired of hurting” the phone almost slipped out of Mouse’s hand. “What were her exact words? It’s important”

Jay’s jaw was set hard but tears were already forming in his eyes “She said she just wanted the pain to go away. That she couldn’t deal with it anymore” the phone did fall out of Mouse’s grip at that. Jay caught it and managed to get the words out “We’ll call you” 

“Those were the exact words she told us..” “I know” Their eyes met, hearts crumbling. They couldn’t do it without you. You were their everything. If you had done this..if the pain had gotten so bad that you felt like that was your only choice “Did we just lose our entire fucking world? Is she gone?” Mouse asked.

“Shut the fuck up Greg. Don’t say that.Don’t you dare say that!” Jay yelled, tears making their way down his face. Mouse waved a hand towards his phone, tears streaming down his own face “You fucking heard Ethan Jay! She said she wanted the pain to go away! That’s the exact fucking thing she said then!” “No. We can..we can get people out looking..we can find her” Jay insisted and Mouse swiped a hand down his face “and if it’s just a body?”

__________________

Both of them broke at that. The idea of their fireball, their little loudmouth medic who was wild and a little weird but loved with her entire fucking being and saved everyone around her hadn’t had anyone to save her. That they had failed the one person who needed them, the one person they truly couldn’t live without. Jay pulled Mouse into a hug, both men sobbing into each other.

______________________

The sound of the front door opening made them break apart from each other and walk around the corner to the living room. You stood just inside the apartment, closing the door and laying your purse down on the table. You were ok, you were alive, you hadn’t given up.

The moment you turned towards them they both crossed the floor, hitting their knees at your feet. Both of them wrapping their arms around you wherever they could, burying their face in your body. “You’re ok” “You’re here” 

________________

You were so confused for a moment when Jay and Mouse both came into the room looking like they’d seen a ghost then hit their knees at your feet. When they both wrapped their arms around your waist, one burying his face in one hip while the other buried face in the other. Up until you heard Jay mumble “You’re ok” and Mouse mumbled “You’re here” 

What you’d told Ethan..christ he must have told them. They both were shaking but clinging to you like their very lives depended on it. Had thinking they lost you affected them that badly? “Please don’t leave us” Jay begged. “We’ll do anything you need. Be anything you need just stay please” Mouse pleaded and your heart thudded loudly in your chest. 

Maybe you did mean something to them after all? Your heart was breaking seeing them so broken. You slid one hand into each of their hair “Oh loves. I promised you both that I wouldn’t..that I would find you two..that I would talk..get help..I’m keeping that promise..I was at a meeting that ran long..that’s all”

Seeing both grown men, men you’d known first hand had done unspeakable things on their knees, eyes full of tears and looking up at you like you hung the moon and stars? Ok maybe they did love you? “We love you” Mouse whispered and Jay added “More than our own lives, more than anything”

You smiled slightly “I love you both too but please get up off your knees. I’m not used to being taller than the two of you and it’s a little weird” 

They both slowly stood up. You smiled at both of them “My phone died. I’m guessing you tried to ping it?” Mouse nodded. “I’ll get you a new charger and a battery pack tomorrow” Jay said and you shook your head “Ok” 

You knew you couldn’t just crumble, no matter how bad you wanted to. You motioned to the guest room “I’m gonna shower and lay down. Do you two want to call off the cavalry that I’m sure you’ve already summoned?” They both nodded so you walked past them into the guest room. 

Both men sat just outside the guest bedroom door. You’d told them goodnight so that was a plus, right? Around midnight the first signs of a nightmare hit you. They listened, flinching with every scream of pain that fell from your lips. “She’s here. She’s alive” Mouse reminded Jay. “I wish she’d let us in” Jay replied about the time they heard the distinctive sound of the door unlocking.

They looked at each other before quickly getting to their feet “Sweetheart?” Mouse asked and your voice came back low, haggard with the lack of sleep and from screaming “You two can come in”

They slowly walked into the darkened room. You were curled up into a ball in the center of the bed. “Oh princess,” Jay cooed. “I don’t want you holding me..that’s a lie..I fucking crave you both holding me but I’m not mentally ready for that so this is me finding a balance between my mind and my heart” 

“What do you need sweetheart?” Mouse asked and you lifted your head to look at them “Just be here with me?” that was all it took. They both went to their usual sides of the bed, sliding onto it and sitting back against the headboard. Close enough you could feel their presence but far enough away it wouldn’t hurt your mind any. 

“Thank you” you whispered and they looked at each other over your head before Mouse said “Get some sleep sweetheart. We’ll be right here” “We aren’t going anywhere princess” Jay promised. 

Both men knew this wasn’t the end of the fight. It was the beginning. Good thing for them, neither of them were shy to a fight, especially for the woman laying between them. They’d walk through hell itself a thousand times over to spare you the slightest bit of pain. You had let them back in, opened the door. They were going to prove themselves worth it.

@desimarie12

@alterna123

@nevaehstreater18

@fifitheragertot

@allisonargent144

[variousxreader]

Puggy Buggy

Domestic Head canons and general comparing Buggy to a Pug

Like a Pug his bark is worse than his bite. His screams could be compared to this.

Man SNORES like a pug and bull dog mix from hell

Loud dad bed shaking snores.

You swear the bitch has sleep apnea.

You literally have to smack him awake or manhandle his ass into a better position for him to breathe in.

Jerks awake with loud ass snorts when you kick or smack him awake. You only do it when you're worried he's gonna suffocate so he's never mad about it; he'll pull you to his chest and snuggle you and mummer a "sorry" before falling asleep again

If his snores just wont let you sleep, you'll wake him up in more pleasant ways. Lay on his chest, he has an automatic cuddle response that he'll wrap his arms around you, and drag you into Him, changing his position to do so.

But at this point his snores are white noise to you.

You actually can't sleep well without hearing him, its too quiet without him snorting and snoring away next to you.

Buggy is also a dog in the way that he has been asleep and Farted so loud he scared himself awake and nearly fell out of bed

You nearly pissed yourself laughing at him for that.

He was so fucking embarrassed but eventually your infectious laugh sent him into his own fit of giggles till you both had tears in your eyes, and you personally got to the point of laughing like a strangled seal.

Mohji and Cabaji ran to check to make sure you both weren't dying because you were both cackling so loud.

You and Buggy had residual giggles for a day after

Man Has Dad™️ Sneezes

Also Burps so goddamn loud and long and is Proud of it.

You egg each other on. Complimenting each others burps and challenging eachother. You are pirates after all.

Richie has you both beat though.

Def gets a distended Stomach after a feast and bingeing. You pat and smack it gently. He swats at you for it. But if he gets a tummy ache he'll BEG and plead for you to rub his belly till he feels better while his head is in your lap or on your chest.

DRUNK BUGGY is something

The man can handle his booze but there is a LINE and he can and will cross it on rare occasions. He regrets it every time.

Shit Faced, plastered, Sloshed Buggy, is a whole other LEVEL

He cannot stand and walk on his own,

You also better be keeping track of potentially detached body parts. Though they're very slow when he's this trashed.

He has to be touching you, HAS TO BE

You literally have to hold his dick so he can piss straight.

Will throw up before the night is over. Hold him so he doesn't go over board.

He lives in the latrine after that point.

You're holding his hair and rubbing his back. The whole nine yards.

If you manage to carry his ass to bed when he cannot puke anymore, you better prepare for the next day.

Water water water.

Hes so fucking dehydrated.

Who left him in Alabasta overnight?

His head is pounding. Is it attached to his body for is it in a barrel in a hurricane? He does not know.

You're gonna be babying him all day.

You thought he was pathetic before?

Oh Honey.

He gives new meaning to the word when he is this hungover.

You gotta wait on him hand and foot.

He'll cry out all the water you put into him.

Hes a fun drunk, but majorly depressed when it comes to BAD hangovers

With your TLC though he'll be cured the next day and beg you to never ever let him get that fucked again.

He worships the ground you walk on 100000x more after that.

The man will literally do anything for you. Not even within reason.

Want him to get you a pet sea king? He'll find a way.

Want him to send a buggy ball at the Marine hQ? He'll find a way.

Literally anything.

---

This has gotten massive so imma end it here!

[nichoswag]

Your prompt list is so cute!! Can I please request prompt 5 with K from &team?

alone . koga yudai

prompt: 5. "you left me alone. do you know how scared i was?"

pairing: bf!k x gn reader

warnings: mentions of anxiety, reader has a panic attack, crying, drinking, vomiting, fear, arguing, severe jealousy, and a lot of angst (it's fluffy at the end i promise)

song rec: cry - cigarettes after sex

a/n: thx anon! i hope you like this ♡

you debated not even coming home for the night, but you walk into the apartment anyway, closing the door as quietly as you could as not to alert your boyfriend that you're home. you trade your heels for your slippers and head to the kitchen to get some water.

as you place your now half-empty glass on the counter, you're hit with the overwhelming feeling that you have to throw up. that's weird. you didn't even drink that much, only having left the party slightly tipsy.

maybe it's the fact that you and kei had argued, but one moment you're drinking water and then the next, you find yourself hunched over the toilet bowl, puking your guts out.

you don't even hear as your boyfriend comes from the bedroom until you feel hands holding your hair back.

as you finish, you wipe your face with some toilet paper and turn to face your boyfriend. he tries to pull a strand of hair back behind your ear, but you push him away, nearly falling over as you try to get up.

as you begin to fall, kei catches you and holds you upright.

"no, no- let go of me!" you all but scream at him, on the verge of tears.

"baby, what's wrong?" kei seems genuinely confused and concerned that you're pushing him away. "i'm just trying to help!"

"i don't need your help, yudai. not after tonight."

now he's scared. you've never called him by his first name, only "kei" or "baby."

"are you still mad about the fight we had earlier?" he asks. he'd gotten really jealous of another guy who was trying to flirt with you at the party and said some things he didn't mean.

"how could you even think i'd be focused on that?!" you put your face in your hands and slump against the hallway wall, remaining silent for a minute. when you speak again, your voice sounds dull and hoarse. it's then that he realizes you've been crying a lot tonight, and the guilt hits him like a truck. "you left me alone. do you know how scared i was?"

he's hit with a million thoughts at this moment. how could he be so stupid? how could he forget about your mental state? however, the only thing that comes out of his mouth is "shit."

then he hears you.

you're still on the floor, but now you're shaking and hyperventilating quietly, and he can hear the choked sobs slip from between your lips.

he doesn't even give himself a moment to panic before he's lifting you up and carrying you bridal style from the hallway to the kitchen. he sets you down on the counter and grabs your glass from before to fill it up with water, but he doesn't hand it to you. instead, he opts to stand between your legs and hold you.

"baby. baby, can you breathe for me?" he gently takes a hold of your hands. "come on, breathe with me. in and out. ready?"

it takes him a minute to help you regulate your breathing. after you can breathe properly, you lean into his chest and he just holds you, rubbing your back.

after a minute he speaks. "baby, i'm so, so fucking sorry. i can't believe i did that to you. i have no excuse, and i'm gonna make it up to you no matter what. i'll do whatever it takes for you to forgive m-"

you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. as you pull away, you speak so quietly he has to lean in to hear you. "you don't need to ramble. i get it. it's okay, kei. i know you forgot, and i know it's new. i'm sorry to always burden you with my anxiety..."

"baby, you're never burdening me. i wanna help you get better no matter what. when you're struggling, you can always come to me." he presses a kiss to your forehead. "i love you so much. no matter how much of a dick i am, please never forget that."

"shut up, loser. i know."

he pouts, and you sigh.

"i love you too, baby."

©nichoswag | do not copy my work or repost onto any other platform.

[lesbiandarvey]

okay here are my long meandering thoughts about kathy and lewis cus im kind of obsessed with them. toxic lavender marriage 🫶

i think like, they knew of each other before getting together, yknow they ran in the same circles, so they probably met at half a dozen “coming out” parties and dinners and dances hosted by their parents. im not gonna say shes from phoenix (cus that still perplexes me.. like if he picked her to be some wealthy socialite beard, i cant imagine he’d chose a wife from phoenix??) but shes from the same east coast lifestyle he is. he was definitely a leg up for her though, he was old money and she was new upper middle class money like her father was a doctor or a lawyer or something so lewis opened a lot of doors for her socially. and like when they got married he was 23 but she was 25 so i think as a socialite unmarried woman in the 40s, 25 was pretty old like her options were dwindling. i think she had some reputation for being “spoiled goods” its the only way i can imagine lewis would marry this woman like she was engaged before and there were some rumors of her being pregnant (she wasnt but the rumor stuck) and the first time he “fell in love with her” or at least he realized this was someone he could actually spend time with, its the end of some party and he’s drunk he goes outside to get some air and she’s smoking a cigarette on the steps and he says something and she tells him to go fuck himself. and he realizes that shes just like him and shes not some wilting flower she curses with the best of them and calls him on his shit so i think thats what made him think he could be with this woman and obviously its a lavender marriage. hell never love her, im not even sure he likes her all that much but she can be a companion and an easy beard. but i think. i think she didnt know she was singing up to be in a lavender marriage! i think he tricked her with his money and his status and she bought into into it hook line and sinker and i think the biggest problem between the two of them is that she actually fell in love with him. and she thought he loved her. like he said all the right things for the six weeks they courted before getting married, and then the second they got back from their honeymoon (which was just a long weekend while he was on leave) he starts going out all hours of the night with strange men. and then she starts sleeping around with other men to get his attention but it doesn’t work cus he doesnt give a shit who she fucks. hell he even encourages it honestly i think they didnt sleep together at all before they got married and she thought it was because hes such a gentleman and then their wedding night comes around and hes really drunk (well they both are it was a party) but then he keeps having to get drunk to touch her. and then they get pregnant and he immediately stops trying to touch her. and they have some terrible fight where theyre both drunk and the baby’s crying and the nanny upstairs is trying to calm her down and theyre yelling about their lack of sex life and kathy screams at him that “sometimes a woman just wants to be fucked by her husband!” and he smirks and goes “i know right!” and she screams goddammit lewis do you have to be so fucking vulgar! and throws a glass tumblr at the wall by his head and then they dont talk for a week

and like, i think the thing about kathy and lewis is that they’ve both seen the worst in each other. she’s dragged his sorry ass out of his fathers house and made excuses for him at some dinner he got blackout drunk at and hes held her hair back as she pukes in the upstairs bathroom during some party she drank too much at. and they go from that kind of life of parties and clubbing and dinners to him being in the military and raising a child like they couldn’t really become Real Adults together. but also the fact they’ve seen each other at their absolute worst: him in his drunken self hatred, her at her postpardum depression means they know everything about each other. and instead of that knowing creating a relationship of openness and trust instead it means they both know exactly what buttons to push to make the other fucking miserable. and fundamentally i think they have some kind of murder suicide pact in their marriage. like they both think divorce is for pussies and the best place to keep a grudge is under one roof. shell stay married to him just to remind him how much she hates him and how he tricked her into marrying him and how much she resents him for it

[evesaintyves]

989 words, for @remadoramicrofics prompt "haunted."

Read it below or on AO3 🎸

Tonks's old bedroom floor is a mess of rumpled t-shirts and her rattiest underpants. Five days since Remus took off his ring, knotted the strings on his traveling case, and told her he'd made a terrible error. All she's done is sleep. She dozed off on the macrame throw pillow and it left a crisscross red rash on her cheek, went downstairs before she noticed, and her Dad gasped, "Dora?" 

She just fled back upstairs without breakfast.

It's not even her throw pillow. Mum has snuck them in her old room sometime since she's been gone. Other things, too, an elegant white bowl to hold all the knuts and plastic hair clips and ticket stubs that were scattered across her chest of drawers. Mum's things, minimal and clean, make Tonks's stuff, the fairy lights and the thrashing band posters, seem like they're trying too hard. It's just like her last year at school, the stress-cracking of all the faultlines between who she is and who she is supposed to be. She was constantly reinventing herself back then—a new chin, a chelsea cut, a ring in her eyebrow. But she's not the only one in charge of her body anymore. It's making decisions without her.

And it's so shit to want Remus here to settle behind her on her squeaky old bed, tuck his bony knees into the parenthesis of her legs, stroke his skinny fingers up her arm and say, like he does, that he's sorry—but at the same time to want to scream at him so hard he vapourizes into a fine red mist.

In the afternoon, her mother does her two-tap no-time-to-pull-your-knickers-up knock and comes in with cups of tea.

"Your father tells me you've been looking ill."

"I'm not."

Andromeda sits on the side of the bed.

"You were a terrible pregnancy," she says. "I'd have sworn you were trying to fight me from the inside."

Tonks pulls her knees to her chest. "This one's a scrapper. I can tell already."

Andromeda smiles into her cup.

Tender moments have a way of making Tonks show her belly. Her mother doesn't say much, just sits and keeps her company, and before long Tonks is compelled to overshare. That she isn't even sure Remus ever really loved her, but maybe loved an idea of her that she led him on into believing while they were still just awkwardly clicking teeth in stolen moments at headquarters; an idea worn smooth and shiny by those months they were apart.

Almost as soon as she married him she was up the duff and puking, breaking out in spots faster than she could morph them away. Still having dreams that Sirius was just tilting on his heels—suspended in the moment he might have been saved—waking up choking. Remus seemed perturbed that she could spend hours staring at the telly, not watching, just trying to shush the noise in her head. It seems so stupid now, but she'd really thought that he, of all people, would understand.

"My mother used to tell me," Andromeda says, "that I'd better stop all my moping about, that men don't care for girls who brood. And that I'd never get married and out of her hair, acting that way."

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything. I made a plan and then I climbed out my window in the middle of the night. Your father picked me up in his old car and took me to his parents' flat—you know the story. Let me tell you, Nymphadora—" She pins Tonks with a look. "��how much brooding I did in his old bedroom. I was a wreck. The room smelt of some horrible potion he used on his model railway. The carpet crunched underfoot. And I was worried about what was going to happen to—to some of the people I left. I was crying every night. Waiting until your grandparents left for work in the morning to creep into the kitchen like a ghoul. I had..." She pulls her posture up straight. "Difficulty adjusting, at first."

Tonks's throat is getting tight, and tears are needling the rims of her eyes. It's not just that she's grabbed for that kind of love story and missed; it's also that her mother never talks to her like this—spilling the way Tonks sometimes does, talking fast, saying things she probably shouldn't. It makes the world feel all the more unfixably cracked.

"Dad—Was Dad...?" Tonks can't even finish, her voice is cracking and squeaking. She curls forward and hides her face in her mother's sleeve.

"He'd lie with me—and touch my hair. He used to tell me if I didn't eat I'd disappear and it was going to be very difficult to explain to the officiant why he had an invisible bride."

She says it gently, sadly, as if she knows what it'll do to Tonks, and she's right. It's full waterworks now, the type Tonks has always sworn she wasn't going to do over a bloke. It's coming out her eyes and nose, it's thick and salty in her mouth, it's getting all over her mum's silk blouse. She's going to hate that. Tonks flops back against her pillows, sniffling, wiping her face with her palms, automatically morphing the puffiness out of her eyelids.

Her mother turns to inspect the shiny web of snot Tonks has left on her sleeve. Her face gets that pinched, long-suffering look for just an instant. Then she takes Tonks's empty cup of tea and stacks it in her own, and tucks Tonks's feral bedhead back behind each ear with her cool fingers.

"Supper's at seven," she says. "Your father's trying out a lasagna."

She shuts the door behind her when she goes, and it's just Tonks and the frenzy of the rock bands on her walls: forever joyfully flailing, forever faithful to their own silent beat.

image: egon schiele, woman lying on her back

[hotteokyu]

CRYING SHITTING THROWING UP???? ‘WHO ARE YOU, WHO AM I’ WAS A WHOLE IMAGINARY CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE- THE WAY MY HEART JUST WENT ON A ROLLER COASTER I CANT DO THIS- IM GONNA SCREAM IT WAS SO GOOD BUT IDK WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE IM TRAUMATIZED OMFG 😀😀😀 THE ANGST?? THE ANGST WAS KILLING ME OMG IM GONNA PUKE ODBSJSMAKWJDJSW

To put it shortly… Youre very talented in making your readers go into cardiac arrest 🙂👍 that was genuinely so good I’m IM SHAMBLES 🙏🙏never stop writing your work is a blessing to all I’m being so serious ong 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

STAWWWP This made my week ♡♡♡♡ I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you, but I'm so glad you liked it so much!!

I look at messages like these when i feel like my stories aren't working out or I'm in a slump, so thank you so much for this motivation. It means so much to me.

[thesoftboiledegg]

OK guys, I have a confession to make today: I am a dudebro. The tech geniuses in my Elon Musk discord sent me here to infiltrate Tumblr. I chug a Toxic Rick energy drink every morning even though it makes my bones rattle and spiders crawl at the edges of my vision. I go to Birdrick threads on Reddit, comment "is rick gay," get two downvotes and leave. Every day, I pray that Rick will say "I'm not arguing, I'm explaining why I'm right" in the show so that I can point at the shirt that I'm wearing with the same phrase on it and say "Haha, it's official now! You to want hear me say it out loud? Huh? You want me to throw that badassery right in your face? Fuck up my McDonald's order one more time, and it's coming at you!" Do it, Rick. Do it for me.

I've jacked it to Rick a few times, but I only did that because it was funny. In fact, it was funnier than everything in seasons 4-6 combined. I think that Rick and Morty has been the worst shit on TV since season three, but I haven't stopped watching it. Instead, I watch every new episode and make rage-fueled videos in my $1,000 gaming chair. This week's topic: Rick and Morty has gone woke. What was up with that joke in season five about the cops being racist? The cops aren't racist! They kill ALL races equally, Jesus Christ.

Anyway, back to Birdrick: I KNOW that Birdrick is platonic because I tell my male friends that I love them all the time. That's not romantic. In fact, I say it while looking directly into their eyes, thinking about all the great times that we had together, thinking that they should leave their bitch of a girlfriend because I know more about Rick and Morty than she ever will. I think about how hilarious it would be if we went on a long vacation and shared a hammock and watched the sun set, the light glittering on the waves as insects start to hum in the grass. Haha, it's all a joke, bro.

Once, I was DJing in a club and trying to figure out how to play Kanye West's entire discography at once when a guy handed me an acid tab with Morty's screaming face on it. I flew off into outer space and floated around until Rick picked me up in his ship. We made out for a while so that he could teach me how to make out with all the hot alien babies on Neptune. Of course, I already know how to make out with babes because I kissed a chick wearing a Rick and Morty hoodie once. She was clearly shit at it because I didn't enjoy it, and I should have known better because girls, queers and Tumblrinas don't actually like Rick and Morty. They just pretend to like it because they want male attention.

Oh, I'm sorry--CIS male attention. Is that woke enough for you? And by the way, libsharts: Rick is a CIS MALE. I would know because he runs around naked in every other episode, and I made a compilation of every scene for hard evidence. Cry about it all you want, but you're not going to win this debate. No one's looked at Rick Sanchez naked more than me!

Anyhoo, Rick called out the woke crowd in the season one classic "Raising Gazorpazorp," which brilliantly deconstructs feminazi bullshit, especially Rick's speech at the end. Something about Rick's voice really sells it. Something about the way it's so gravely but familiar at the same time, like rain hitting a tin roof while we're sipping iced tea on the porch. Do you ever feel like you're only going out with girls because all your bros are doing it?

HAHA uh, Birdrick is a sack of puke and just the thought of it makes me shit rage diarrhea. (Uh oh, was that too CRUDE for the purity police? Well, get used to it, because I have to.) If I ever see a Bird Person cosplayer on the streets of LA, I'm going to hit him with my Tesla, killing him instantly. I'm hoping that it might explode a little bit for maximum damage. In fact, I'm just going to program my Tesla to hit every pedestrian that resembles a human-sized bird. It's in Elon Musk's genius hands now!

So what the fuck has happened to Rick and Morty? That show was great before they hired women writers. I'm pretty sure that they hired a bunch of queers, too, because only a gay man would come up with that suit and tie he wore in season six. He looked way too good in that outfit. Which one of you homos designed that shit? Jesus Christ, get out of the writers' room and let the straight men take control again. If I ever win a giveaway or something and get to visit the studio, I better be surrounded by men!

Season one was just winner after winner and winner. We need to get back to the original show--the REAL show--where Rick was a cool-headed and rational scientist instead of the weeping "wah wah I'm so sad morty" baby we're stuck with now. I would know because I'm basically the real-life Rick. I say what I want, when I want. Don't like it? Too bad. You just don't want to hear the truth. Rick Sanchez walked so that white men with beards could run...to their Teslas and run over Bird Person cosplayers, killing them instantly.

And Rick USED to tell the truth. Love is a chemical reaction, nothing means anything, existence is pain, marriage is bullshit (ESPECIALLY when you're married to a female), everyone's too politically correct now, it's stupid that we can't call stuff "retarded," "PICKLE RICK!!!!!", focus on science, girls are too sensitive about everything. Wubba lubba dub dub! Shit, what does that mean again? I'm so used to saying that at parties when someone hands me a Rick and Morty bong and I just smoke whatever's in it because that's what Rick would do. I think I smoked oregano a couple of weeks ago. My nostrils have been burning ever since, but I'm sure it's fine. Nothing can kill a man who pounds Toxic Rick energy drinks!

Haha, wouldn't it be funny if I left the last two words off that last sentence? That would be the funniest shit ever. I'm crying with laughter!

People didn't understand Dan Harmon's genius when they whined about the show, and it apparently made him so depressed that he gave up and surrendered to the woke crowd. Christ, I hate the Internet. I only get on here to check Reddit, scroll through Elon Musk's Twitter feed and see if Dan Harmon updated his Instagram. He reminds me of Rick a lot. They're both geniuses, but the major difference with Dan Harmon is that he's got that scraggly beard. It's probably scratchy when you make out with him. I took a bunch of molly at a party once and kissed a guy who looked like a lumberjack because I thought he was a lady lumberjack, and his beard was pretty scratchy. I said "Wow, that's what kissing Dan Harmon is like!" And he said "Want to go back to my place?" And I said "Fuck no, you're not ACTUALLY Dan Harmon." LOL!!!!!!!

Remember when I mentioned McDonald's at the start? I've been in Mickey D's this whole time, and if you're wondering how I had time to type this, it's because the 16-year-old fucktards behind the counter don't know what they're doing. (And yes, I'm getting McNuggets! Haha! #szechaunsauce) Rick wouldn't put up with this shit. Not only is he a badass, but he's got badass friends all over the galaxy who would back him up. I had a dream a month ago where Rick was hanging out with these buff guys that were probably his personal bodyguards. Some weird stuff happened, and when I told my therapist about it, she said "It sounds like you had a dream about Rick having sex with a group of men," and I said "No, I didn't," and she said "You just loudly and audibly said that you had a dream about Rick having sex with a group of men," and I said "Haha, I was manipulating you! I'm a master manipulator like Rick! It was a social experiment! What made you think about gay sex anyway? If I said 'And then Rick got gangbanged by a bunch of dudes' and you immediately thought 'Wow, it sounds like you had a gay sex dream,' that's on you, honey! Hear me? THAT'S ON YOU!!!'"

So, uh...

Let's close this off with a classic: Wubba lubba dub dub! Haha. Anyway, since you Tumblrites love analyzing every frame of every episode because it makes you feel like you "get it" (spoiler alert: you don't), why is this GIF so hypnotic? I've been watching it for twenty minutes and can't figure it out.

Lord have mercy.

[dragoon811]

I have had a shitty week. Can someone manifest me some good vibes?

Sunday started nice. Monday was a holiday (Family Day) so I got some extra weekend. I was looking forward to it - then Elder Child crawled into my bed just past midnight with a fever.

Monday she stopped eating after lunch (two bites of banana), but was drinking water.

Stayed home Tuesday to help her combat the fever. Wednesday morning she had no fever so my daycare lady was able to take her and I went to work. She kept me updated etc all day.

My gut didn’t like how much she was sleeping so after work I decided to take Elder Child to the children’s hospital. Convinced my husband to pack me a bag, thinking they’d throw Tylenol at us and we’d sit in the waiting room for 8 hours to be told it’s an ear infection/sinus infection…. But I got home to her and her fever returned. (And my period started. JOY.)

Loaded her into the stroller, threw myself in, and off we went! Waited in line at triage.

Triage called us, we weighed her, we talked. And I said I was concerned because she hadn’t eaten, the fever was back, my sister was diabetic and I was starting to worry because when she was sleeping I couldn’t rouse her easily, and her breath smelled and basically asked them to check her blood sugar.

So they did. (This was NOT an enjoyable experience for Elder Child.) it was at 2 - new to how Canadians measure shit, I’m really glad the little screen added in red: “CRITICAL LOW”.

The nurse made a phone call and stressed, surprised, that Elder Child was alert.

Upon the second attempt at a reading because it was low, Elder Child was more prepared. She kicked, she fought, she puked all over herself, and bolted for the emerge doors.

Ok. Skip a second test. (Note: I did not pack spare clothes.)

We were taken right back to a room in the emergency wing. Unsettling.

Then a flurry of people - a lady trying to help Elder Child adjust and calm down. Nurses. Doctors asking questions. (Another note - I have not slept well in 2 weeks, am hearing impaired, and now overwhelmed and scared. Not a good combo.)

Gave Elder Child a nasal spray to calm her (this resulted in another bolting for freedom, also thwarted), another blood check….and once the spray started to work, we tried to prep her for an IV/blood draw.

This was ALSO strongly disliked. More holding her down. I did a lot of crying.

We went through the symptoms - tummy hurting, drinking some water but hadn’t peed in like 6-7 hours, fever, sleeping constantly, not eating. Ended up doing ultrasound, X-ray. Ten bottles of blood (and she FREAKED). Finally got her to pee. Yes, she peed on me.

Refused food. Refused popsicles. Refused juice. Started IV - first sugar bolus. Then hydration. We named the IV robot Frank. Elder Child, loopy from the spray, patted it and told it it was doing a good job. Also, during our walk to ultrasound, said she was Frank’s pet puppy and he was taking her for a walk, see her leash? 😅

Spent the night. (Another note: my daycare kept her sister until bedtime. And we arranged to take her as soon as she woke up because we cannot trust my husband with her care.) Lots more holding her down and blood checks.

Also please note: Elder Dragoon wails and screams when distressed. She was very distressed. I felt really sorry for the staff because I couldn’t calm her.

In the morning she managed to eat a bit! Yay! Tried to disconnect the iv - sugar went down. Hooked her back up. Spent the day trying to get her to drink 100ml of apple juice.

Ended up discharged at almost 4pm - diagnosis: fever, causing hypoglycemia. Apparently kids don’t have as much stores as adults and the fever was burning through what she DID have.

So I spent today waking her every 4 hours and getting her to eat or drink. It took her an hour to drink half a juice box. But by dinner today she was improved and actually had food. And accepted popsicles.

Still have to get her eating or drinking again in about 20min. Then set the timer back.

I just want a full REM cycle of sleep. I am SO fucking tired.