#saved posts; drabbles

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When was the first EXACT moment Linda knew she was in love with Leonard?

@thefleetsfinest -> okay, so somewhere in my brain, this concept and idea of how to detail Linda's entire relationship with love and romantic relationships, and falling in love came about and it morphed from simply answering this answer to writing a drabble that is 13,393 words long. I hope this answers your question, Mel, and I hope you appreciate this! You inspire me a lot and thanks for letting me write this whacky thing; hope it doesn't beak tumblr.

When had she fallen in love. . . . had it been with Steve? He was cute and a little plain. So, no, her first boyfriend wasn’t love. It was never gonna last, but she liked him. . . . what about with Jack? Oh, now there was someone that brought a smile and fondness in her eyes. That had a timer known from start to finish, but it was fun. Jack was good for the heart. . . . Stephen Strange came up in the blind spot and she should have known better. It wouldn’t last either, even with how that ended up. Why did it have to hurt. . . . Didn’t she get engaged? Well, yes, and she had loved him but not enough or perhaps she hadn’t been loved enough.

Somewhere, some psychologist, or pseudo-philosopher like her mother could dissect that relationship with a scalpel. Take out the lungs and liver, the problems and what good it was; look at the diseased heart, put in a jar and turn it for inspection, and call someone the fool. She hopes it was not her.

Now. . . . Leonard Mccoy. . . .

TIME MOVES FORWARD

But first she has to call a friend or she can rent a room, it’s not like she’ll be here longer than a week anyways. After the call with headquarters, she was still cleared to be boarding and joining the crew of the USS-Enterprise returned to the port of San Francisco recently. Her head is level on her shoulders, angled forward and her eyes looking ahead. There is a clear thought in her mind, the new mission and while her heart. . . .

Well, there were two types of doctors the one who put away their feelings and those whose kept them. It was what the Chief Medical Officer aboard the USS-SOLACE had said once when addressing the medical staff as they came to find the outbreak was worst than they had expected and the virus was adapting already, mutated and the variant was not responding to what they had came prepared with.

There were two types of doctors, and those that kept their feelings were going to get sick. That was okay, that meant they would need time to breathe and tend to themselves while they were all swamped with more work than any of the nurses or doctors experienced during their residencies. Linda thought she was the one who kept her feelings, and now as she’s coming onto the Enterprise, heartbreak on her coattails, maybe she would need to put them away. Onto a shelf where she could take them down again when she was ready to take them out and feel them all again, when they were needed. She could be both types.

She was here now, on a new assignment that she had requested transfer to alternate ship and mission type than what the USS-SOLACE had to offer. She gave her all during the harrowing parts on the Solace, loved her work there and did great things for people in need. If she hadn’t done what she had done for love, than she would be back there on SOLACE with its new assignment and helping more people. Linda Carter was committed to path now, she could make commitments and now a new set of people needed her. Any ship of any size would need their doctors.

That was what she told herself, and when she was met face to face with her new CMO, she would say she was HAPPY to be here. Her hand makes contact with Leonard Mccoy’s, a smile before she even looks up into his face. Green gaze meets green gaze as her name falls from her lips, and there’s a beat. A pause where nothing leaves her throat, and it’s as good as the truth that would come from her at the time. ❝ It’s my pleasure. ❞ 

She was happy to be here, to get back to work and immerse herself back into a ship and its crew. Get to know what her duties would be, as she was specially trained in cardiology and cardiothoracic surgery, along with experience dealing with viral pandemics and emergency front line medicine now would always aid her, and familiarize herself with the staff and crew.

Linda wouldn’t need to think about a broken engagement or even speak of that. The ship wasn’t gaining one researcher, Dr. Michelis, but his loss would not be missed. Her hand is still held in Leonard’s, perhaps moments held too long as her lips only pull tighter into a grin, ❝ Well, I am an open book ⸻ don’t be a stranger, we’ll work best if we work as a team and act like friends. ❞   She had meant that, Linda would humor the Chief with any questions and talk in extensive detail about her experience as Doctor Carter and even indulge in details about her father and his work.

Such philosophy would carry over to the whole of the staff here; the nurses, researchers, other doctors, and assisstants all here to maintain the health of a crew over four hundred. They would be her team, and they would act as friends. It would be a different place, a new pace, one which she would have thought had been better for Marshall. . . . now it was hers, all hers ALONE to experience. . . .

FLASH BACK

Out, get out, she has to leave the room. She looks to the Chief, and she had allowed for Linda to excuse herself. PATIENTS DYING? She got used to that; she has known death and looked in its face, held its hand as many would pass on when medicine failed them or when it was their time. Coming here and dealing with the crisis, they all faced massive losses and stood in death’s shadow as they worked tirelessly to fight against it.

It had to take one more before they could figure it out, didn’t it? DEFEATED, TIRED. Her friend, had been her best friend, who laughed with her and encouraged her in their personal lives as. . . . she wouldn’t even be dating Marshall if not for Georgie. She now lay in a hospital bed, dying. That was where Georgie had been the past few weeks, she knows now. EVERY FIBER OF HER FEELS WRECKED.

Linda had promised that tonight would be for Marshall but how could she give herself to him after the news? She wants to scream at Georgie, and then at one of the ship’s psychologists and demand they evaluate her. She can’t be sound mind for rejecting any medical care. She’s just overworked like they all have been, this situation was worse than they had expected. They had needed support, and the masses, the numbers of this outbreak had added an extra digit and it got onto the SOLACE and into its crew. Deaths were coming personally now. Unfortunately for Linda, it was now claiming Georgie and she wanted to swiftly decline, no medicine.

Marshall would understand her skipping a dinner. Would. Should, they loved each other, it should be simple. She’s at his door and entering freely. It’s cold in the room, and he fixes her with a hurt gaze. ❝ Dearest ⸻ ❞  They speak at the same time, and things wither between them in that very moment. He was angry with her, YOU JUST CAN’T PUT ASIDE YOURSELF FOR ONE NIGHT.

❝ My friend is dying! Georgie! ❞ Oh, there’s that eyeroll she despises so much, and all her tears dry up in an instant. She marches with pain in every step further into the apartment, she’s been on her feet this entire week and then the Chief’s telling her about how Georgie’s joined the quarantined and she was going to be dying. She knows he never cared for Georgie, and that was fine even though they wouldn’t be dating without her friend.

PEOPLE DIE, LINDA. ⸻ WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR ONE OTHER PERSON IN FRONT ONCE?

❝ HA! ❞ She bites bitterly, and that’s how it starts. All her emotions torn up, put to tatters and shreds, and he has to push her over the brink. Linda stays on her feet, and she yells right back at him for his snap.

Georgie said they went together because they went match for match. Was this what you were meaning about us, Georgie? She would be suiting up tomorrow to see her in her sorry state.  Ask her why she was making this choice, come to her with her voice sore from yelling it out, ending this relationship from the looks of it.

❝ You are really going to start this right now? People die, but this is Georgie! Losing her fucking life, so of course I wasn’t going to be here with you tonight. Fight me! I know you don’t give a damn about her! But here’s where I thought you gave a damn about me! You know what ⸻ ❞

I DO CARE, BUT DO YOU? ⸻ DON’T MAKE THIS DIFFICULT, LINDA ! YOU HEAR YOURSELF?

She’s losing her friend and she’s losing her boyfriend, oh how she would like for this year to be over with already. Her shoes are coming off, being kicked across the FLOOR, because she’ll be damned if he makes her leave this room when she was whittled to nothing today. Her feet stomp on the FLOOR when she goes for the next round of cutting thorny words. God, everything hurts.  

The argument tears on for hours, raising their voices, back and forth; and she’s surprised they haven’t been reported or dragged out. SHE DOESN’T DO THIS. Linda doesn’t yell in arguments, she argues but she controls herself and Marshall had to chose today of all days to. . . . make her into a woman of hysterics.

TONIGHT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED.

❝ Don’t. Don’t. ❞ Her hand goes up, just to signal for him to go away and leave her alone. There are her tears again, and Linda wants to fall apart; lay in bed and just be an abyss of a person right now, because she was done with everything. At her limits, then torn completely down until she felt like nothing; not enough. Not enough at all. Taken lower than that.

He does it, the whole speech about her and their relationship, gets on one knee and takes her hand, forces her to stay and have her hand held. Tells her that he’ll be here when she loses Georgie, she’s going to need someone. He even has a ring, and she can’t look at him. She can’t listen to him, be told what was supposed to happen and what she should do. Her heart is pounding, hurting, she feels ill. ❝ Dammit, Marshall. ❞ Linda wants to throw up.

She’s going to pull the ring off, drop it and let it fall to the ground. Where does she go from here? ❝ I’m going to go see Georgie. ❞ Where does she go after that?  

TIME MOVES FORWARD

The first few months aboard were going smoothly; there were those moments when the medical bay would be busy and others when she could breathe. One week the replicators were malfunctioning and the food that was produced had left half the ship with food poisoning. It was immediately fixed, but the problem wasn’t known until several hours later after it had been used all day. It was in a moment like that as she’s moving through the room where she feels a little lonely despite everyone around her, like she needs a breath, and she pauses in a moment to take that breath that she hadn’t realized how badly she had needed that.

Her thoughts interrupted when the Chief pulls her attention, catching her taking that breath and she hadn’t even realized she had closed her eyes until she has to open them to look at Dr Mccoy. Greens meets greens, and she smiles to him. ❝ You don’t ever do that, Chief? Take a moment and breathe it all in? Let yourself just get lost in the room ⸻ ❞ Her hand goes to touch his arm, than to his hand and redirects his hand to his stomach. Mimics herself the same gesture, hand to her stomach and closes her eyes again. ❝ Try it, eyes close; breath and smell the room, breath again and just push yourself. Be the room, and it helps sometimes. ❞

Chief Mccoy’s been excellent to work with, and they’ve hit it off; both of them possibly taking what Linda had said to him when they met to heart. They work as a team and act as friends. She thinks maybe that was just his personality as well, to get along. He’s grumpy, in a way that makes her roll eyes with a smile; laugh over the things he says and sometimes if she didn’t have tight control on her tongue she would match back in wit with his sarcastic comments. Leonard tells her that’s part of his Southern charm, to which she had scoffed and admitted to having no idea about that at all. ❝ Not an Earth girl; so as far as I know you’re making that up. ❞  If it offends him, she laughs.

It felt good to have a friend again. He was one of her first ones here besides a few of the nurses aboard. They would have lunch together sometimes. He’s complaining about his headaches to which she knows now means two of bridge crew men of whom he’s known since the academy. They were talking about the second, Clint right now, and Linda tell him that she can handle Clint just fine. ❝ Honestly, I like him; reminds me of my brother Tag. ❞

They got into the habit of being around each other, they worked well and were fast friends, lunches together unless the Chief was called off with the bridge crew. Linda should know better, not after all the heartache she knows, but her eyes still follow him, watch and stare for a moment. Just a moment before she’s smiling back to her table mates. She does that, she knows, but it has to be nothing. There was still that gaping empty feeling left in her chest when she marched out of Marshall’s apartment. BUT Linda has eyes, and she sees him, Leonard Mccoy. His southern charm might be something after all. Except she needed it to be nothing.

Part of their friendship, their thing, comes in the form of sitting in his office on the floor together. Today, he’s inviting her in because she’s been struggling all day. Tired from the work, and then there’s her heartbreak, memories coming back to her. She hadn’t intended on tearing up in his office, sitting in front of his couch and telling him about Georgie. ❝ I never had a best friend quite like her, and I had only known her since Starfleet Academy ⸻ She could make an entire room brighten up, smile and laugh even the saddest state of that room. We needed, my god, that ship and everyone needed her. I need her. I wished I had met her sooner in life. God, Leonard, I miss her, I ⸻  I know she would tell me now, Carter, you can’t go fussing about me. Go make friends, live life, get married, help people dammit. Put yourself out there on the god-fucking star map. Excuse my French. ❞ She hadn’t even realized she had called him Leonard, but when they were in here, just being friends who listened to each other than why wouldn’t they use their names?

She hasn’t talked about Georgie, at all, not in a while. Linda had put all her feelings in jars on the shelf, and now she’s opening them with Leonard. It messes with her heart a little, trusting him and leaning into him as she does, processes again a loss she hadn’t been over thinking about.

There’s more than just Georgie feelings being felt there; after all, her best friend had been responsible for her dating her ex-fiancé. They talk for about her previous ship, about Georgie a lot more, and Marshall comes up which he asks about Dr Michelis because he was supposed to be aboard as well, and with her. She’s curt about him, that they had been together as that is what would have been on their transfer documents, a couple. It’s over, all over now, and here she was. ❝ I am glad to be on this ship, and I hope the ship is glad I am here as well, Chief. ❞ Is it, are you, her eyes wanting to ask.

FLASH BACK

DARK EYES, ALMOST LIKE VOIDS, HOVER OVER HER. A part of her wants to shove his face aside, but another part of her shivers as Jack’s lips part in that smile that he’s always got on. Wants those lips to be all over her. Her hand does go up to his face, he is turning his head and kissing at her thumb. WE ARE GONNA BE LATE. Yeah, she definitely wanted to shove at his face now, but she doesn’t.

❝ And whose fault would that be, Jack Tryon? ❞ She quips, and maybe her hands are dragging down to his chest because he was hers for the taking; and Linda thinks he was being ridiculous.  WELL, YOURS. ❝ Well, I wasn’t going to have you meet my parents. ❞ She admits to him honestly, with a smile and there’s no wound on his face to that.

They knew what this was. She was in her residency, in the same place that she had always been, and he was a ship doctor, always on the move except when the ship was currently dry docked with about fifty some crew working on this or that. It would be like that for three months, then it would be leaving again, and that is JACK came into the bar she was at one night.

He thought he was a hot shot, and they fell into bed without much work needed. Really, she had been stressed because her attending had been pulling her hairs out all week over everything. He was easy, and Linda just needed the stress relief. Jack’s all charm, and a little older, and she thinks that being on a ship for so long has led him to lose his mind because he asks to be hers for a limited time. She really thinks that he did lose it, but then she must be losing her mind too when he’s showing up everyday to pick her up, get a drink, and only some nights follow her home. Pretend like he’s the perfect boyfriend, and don’t you still have work yourself mister, she asks.

Linda definitely knows that she must have been insane as well to agree to whatever this was between them. One day, Jack points out that the natural thing for a couple as involved in them was to introduce him to her parents. ❝ And what about yours? ❞ He takes the two plants in the room, and holds them up, gives them little voices to his parents.

Jack was a good laugh; and she does introduce him to her parents. It’s a laugh, with her mother asking her father if he could perform a wellness check on their daughter to be so fast with him and she doesn’t know a thing about him. Tag’s the one who points out, and God the things that kid says sometimes, that she’s advertising her sex toy. What’s a seventeen-year-old know about that?

Jack was a nightmare after hearing that, they don’t even get into doing anything that night because she can’t stop laughing. Making fun of what Taggart said, and all she thinks is Jack’s a good friend. Great for a laugh, but they never talked about anything serious. She needed that if they were going to be real.

TIME MOVES FORWARD

Growing older, birthdays didn’t feel as though they had mattered much. They never really had, when there was always more on her plate. That wasn’t to say that Linda wasn’t proud of her age, that she didn’t wear the lines that would form on her face as she showed her maturity with pride. She did. Forty was the next threshold in her life to cross. She’s made herself comfortable on the ship over these ten months. It was starting to feel like her place that she was meant to be, faces becoming recognizable. It was a marvel to simply be tending to people, to be their doctor, familiar and kind. The Enterprise became home, took her on this journey, to new and unknown places with good people. It’s exciting, and its different work than the Solace but she was liking all the same.

There’s someone that comes to mind these past few days that gives her an old feeling of a good friend, of a best friend. He’s got green eyes, tall, sarcastic wit, and Southern charm. The Chief Medical Officer has become what Linda would say is her best friend, and she would know what one of those felt like from Georgie and even a little bit from Jack. Leonard’s something else, and what was she to do about the other feeling? They fall into place, work side by side well together, share odd hour chats in his office. Although he’s been a terrible influence on her own bedside manners, especially when Clint’s come in to make his wisecracks, she’ll snip right back like Leonard does or visibly roll her eyes at him.

Which if she already feels this way about him, why wouldn’t she feel more? Shouldn’t she have seen it coming that her friend, who could look at a file and see when her birthday was, make a big deal about it. It’s what for friends were for, would do, they were just friends, to make each other feel special and take care of each other. So why did it throw her heart for skipped beat when he surprises her for her fortieth birthday.

You are not going to cry, Carter, put those feelings back on the shelf. Linda’s all smiles at the room of people, through the festivities and being celebrated which feels different than the last celebrations had without her best friend, Georgie; but maybe Leonard’s been left for her to be that her best friend now. It’s sweet to do any of this, when she would have settled just fine for well wishes and nothing more. Yet he went and did this, and she bickers with him at the end of the party about going to bed. As it becomes just the two of there, Linda notices something about that, about him, then his green eyes, and his smile.

Leonard’s telling her to go enjoy a good night of rest after her birthday party. That shouldn’t make her tear up, and maybe one of jars had come off the shelf without meaning to. Her feelings were being had and felt, and he only makes it worse on her heart because he had to be sincere, worried at the tears. ❝ I ⸻ No, I’m amazing, this was. . . . you’re, thank you so much for this, and being my friend. ❞ My best friend, and she knows that looking at him that she’s let her heart get away from her again. Should have kept it in its jar, left it to the highest shelf, because she can’t go crushing on (falling for) her superior officer, for another doctor when she’s. . . . ❝ Turn in early too for once, Mccoy! That’s my birthday wish. ❞

FLASH BACK

Her finger moves in a slow circle over a bare chest, and she had gotten into this habit. Linda was focused on her courses at the Starfleet Academy and maybe she had been foolish to think that Jack would show up again out of the blue after years. They hadn’t been anything, but he had left her thinking and now here she was late night with another doctor. He outranks her, technically an authority on her but not for another two years would they be working with each other.

A finger goes up her back, shiver along her spine, and she doesn’t even know what she likes about him. He’s arrogant. She rejected him three times, but then the fourth time he asks, she says once. Linda rejects his offers and attempts at guidance in all things Starfleet. This non-relationship, all it really was Linda being shown around San Francisco and sleeping with him. That ONCE was eight months ago now. ❝ You shouldn’t lie to a doctor. ❞ She could tell that there was something on his mind, that he was lying about being absolutely fine.

They talk in soft voices, and she doesn’t kiss him when they part in bed. It’s how they were, he’s dry and dark, and she’s got Starfleet dreams in front of her. They aren’t so affectionate with each other. She had her life to be focusing on, and so she gets up, to dress herself and get back to her roommate.

GET A DRESS AND JOIN ME TONIGHT

❝ You want to show off your new girlfriend? ❞  She asks tying her hair up, and he tells her not to flatter herself and then she leaves him to his bed. If there’s a smile to her face, she can lie and say it’s a number of other things than Stephen Strange wanting to show off his girlfriend.

TIME MOVES FOWARD

❝ I am going to try pulling a page from Mr. Barton’s book, Chief ❞   Linda begins to chide softly as she is pulling him aside the moment that he was aboard the ship again. His arm had been stuck in a torpedo, of which they only recently found out what was inside of them much to everyone’s shock and some’s horror. Her hands are gentle on his arm, and she can breathe a little easier now that he’s in her sight and seemingly fine. ❝ And apply some humor to defuse a tense situation. ❞

She was worried about him, and the doctor isn’t going to curb her own personal feelings for once with that. ❝ You got your arm stuck, what were you thinking? That you were Jim? ❞  Her eyes search his face, and this whole thing has been one of the more stressful and he could have ended up a blast stain if he and Dr Marcus had been a second slower in what they had been doing. ❝ Lapse of judgement like Clint always has? ❞ 

Broken skin, bruising, and it could have been a lot worse. She actually feels her chest go tight at the thought of that, and he catches her holding her breath. She exhales, ❝ You’ll be okay, Chief, no death or amputation. This should help. ❞ Linda gets him with the hypospray, adjusted for painkiller and for boosting natural bruise healing.

Even putting aside the feelings that cause her heart rate to raise when he’s close, he had become her best friend. To which she knew she wasn’t his, and that’s fine. He was the closest friend she had aboard of the ship, and to lose him or to have something happen to him. . . . Her heart couldn’t take that again. Linda couldn’t lose him, as her friend or as the guy she won’t make a move on. He’s not looking anyways.

FLASH BACK

She’s a fresh-faced medical student, and she’s already a quick study (how could she not be her father is head of the cardiac department on the base’s main hospital) and performing top of her marks. Linda was polarizing, liked and disliked in equal measure but she kept herself none the wiser to any who looked on at her.

Except that she would be blind or a fool, if she didn’t notice how one of the doctor’s eyes followed her. She knew most of the people here, after all she was a Carter and at least a quarter of the doctors and professors she was now studying under would appear around her father’s poker table for a night of cards and gin. A table she’s visited and been at since she was little. Linda knew why others were jealous of her, it was because she had that leg up.

This doctor was unfamiliar to her, and his eyes follows her around every corner that she turns. It would go on like this for weeks, until one day she would turn a corner and march right over to him to request he either give her his name or stop looking at her so intensely. STEVE STUART.  He gets called away right as they finally get somewhere, and she shouts her name at him, Steve looking back to her twice more before he has to turn the corner and look away.

Steve Stuart doesn’t stop with his staring; in fact, he keeps looking at her, but they never seem to catch more than a moment to say anything to the other than the first word that comes out at hello. She’s a medical student, in her twenties, but that doesn’t make her naïve. It’s not as though she doesn’t get why anyone would be looking at someone like he looks at her. Linda knows she was a pretty face, but she’s been focused on degree, on becoming a doctor that her family could be proud of. THEY WERE ALREADY PROUD. It's more that she had a legacy name to live up to and Linda couldn’t let anyone or herself down. The young Carter was focused and not looking back.

One afternoon, she manages to shave off a few extra minutes, having figured out when Steve Stuart does rounds and get a look at him herself; her friend Gwen was right that he was something to look at, good looking. She doesn’t know him though, but she could if someone makes the change from looking to talking. When he catches her looking at him now, he waves with a smile and Linda decides she going to take the chance to go over. ❝ So, what are you looking at? ❞

YOU. I ALWAYS THOUGHT ALL THE ANGELS WERE UP IN HEAVEN.

❝ You know that is not as smooth as you think, Steve Stuart; you’ll have to get to know me first. ❞

Doctor Steve Stuart asks her out than and there, much to the thrill of her friends, Dolly and Gwen. They both thought he was cute, but it goes nowhere from there after a few dates because neither of them find the time for each other more than sparing cursory looks. Their schedules never lined up more than a few minutes. Things like that happen; she was focused on her future in medicine, and he was always more interesting in looks than in person. They’d always have their looks until she doesn’t notice him looking anymore; or maybe she stopped looking, stopped caring to notice.

At least someone did something, so she could know his name.

TIME MOVES FORWARD

Truthfully, she could have joined in the rest of the crew; gotten apartments and rooms, request shore leaves approved or denied by Commander Spock and go home. Yet there was nothing on Earth for her; there were only ex-somethings that she thought little of now. Her thoughts, her eyes, she had been elsewhere, and she’s moved on now. There wasn’t anything here but a Chief Medical Officer that she was worried about; deep in his grief, consumed with the death and recovery of Captain James T. Kirk.

That’s who he was looking at, Jim Kirk, and who he was losing sleep and skipping meals over. Linda watches him stay awake for hours, stay in the room longer than everyone else and refuse their insistence that he go and get some rest; that he leaves the monitoring of the comatose Captain with one of the other physicians on staff in this facility or from the staff of the Enterprise. He didn’t, and Linda knew what she had to do. She had to step in, force him out of the room whether he liked her afterwards or not.

Linda stood her ground, entering the room once she sees three of the bridge crew leave the room. There were a few, feeble attempts to speak to him over the last few days; trying to pull him away from where he was looking. His eyes are on the monitors, on the captain’s unconscious form and he’s going to fall ill from this if Leonard continues like he does. It was all that he was doing was this, trying to play God, bring his best friend back to life, and why can’t he look anywhere else in the room; listen to anyone else?

She’s worried about him immensely, takes up much of her own thoughts, and then she knows this scene suddenly. Georgie sick and dying, laying in a bed for weeks, and a cure that worked came in the difference of a few weeks. All coming too late. Georgie rejected medical care too early, something she had always felt, always thought. A doctor and their best friend; she’s stood in this room and been in his shoes. Never use Georgie’s name in vain. It’s only been a few years since her best friend’s passing.

It's a last-ditch attempt to get her friend to take care of himself before he destroys himself, what feels like a final effort to get him to look at her now. ❝ You are going to leave this room and you going to lie down, somewhere. I don’t care if it’s in the damn hallway, you have a pulse, lungs functioning, all interior processes are there and there’s brain activity. Jim’s alive. ❞ Her tone is voice is severe, because Linda doesn’t use Georgie’s name lightly. He’d know this. ❝ Your friend is going to wake up, I would have torn myself to tatters and shreds to keep Georgie alive. That wasn’t in her wishes, you aren’t going to say goodbye like I did to her. So out of this room, sleep three hours and eat something; than ⸻ ❞  Than Leonard can come back to this, and she’ll keep watching Leonard from the sidelines until something changes.

FLASH BACK

All things come to an end; and they already knew this was coming. Linda would say, at the least, she was fond of Jack but there’s something different about him, in the last two days before he’s supposed to board back on his ship and leave forever. She should have guessed that it would happen.

Life isn’t a romance novel, of second chances and surprise meetings and of resolving and confessing one’s feelings. It wasn’t like the stories of whirlwind romance that last a lifetime like her mother would write about. Jack felt like that; a character out of Doreen Carter’s novels meant to come relieve all her stresses and worries, make her feel more than enough, experience love, and last forever.

This was all plainer than that, she was working on her residency and wondering what was going to be next. Was life always going to be here? And then he’s a Starfleet doctor whose ship was in dry dock for only three months, and leaving today.

Saying goodbye was going to be that, simple, and she could say that with a smile as the words leave. He was fun, a romance novel come to life, but what did she know about him? Nothing, as much as she doesn’t think that he really saw her for who she was. It’s a fling. A short-lived friendship. Fun. What do you say, that’s what his eyes and lips were asking of her.

❝ Well, goodbye, right? That’s what we say. ❞ Linda tells him, pulling away from the hug and Jack’s got funny face put on.

“ Linda, I, you ⸻ ”  There it is, she thinks she knows what he could say. Proclamation of feelings, confession about why he did this or why her, tell her that something has changed for him. She had thought that he had done this because he had have been out of his mind, or dying, or lost; that he needed someone or something. That wasn’t going to be her, this was a three-month fling. Nothing more than that.

❝ Goodbye, Jack, you were fun to TRYON for a while. ❞  See, she remembers how he used his last name like a line, and it made her laugh, roll her eyes whenever he’s used it with her.

He chokes for a moment, on his words on what he was going to say to her; changes his mind on whatever he was going to confess, to say and thinks better of it, agrees with Linda. One more moment, and Jack’s composed himself. ” Carter, you’re gonna make someone really lucky one day. “  Just not him. Linda rolls his eyes at him, because she wasn’t thinking about that, but she’ll grace him with a smile. “ Well, than I guess this is good bye. ”

TIME MOVES FORWARD

AND SHE KNOWS HIM. Linda sees him now, listens as he sounds worn down by the year, by a single day, and then the last two weeks. His heart worn down focused on someone unavailable. She knows that feeling. Over the year, Leonard and Linda have given each other bits and pieces of each other so they knew each other. They’d done a lot, over the year, to let the other in, to see each other and to know. She watched his face fall, and she won’t regret sticking around, or the way she feels for him in that moment, and then in this moment as they sit in his apartment.

The whiskey still feels like it’s burned her throat, but he had been eyeing it with guilt; that he had swallowed too much, and Linda’s met enough people in her lifetime, to know the different walks of life to recognize the alcoholics and addicts; and Leonard she knew about, he told her too, about himself, which mattered all the more.

Linda’s here because she cares, because he could use the friend and they know enough to trust each other and Linda’s not leaving him alone. When she’s done talking, she listens to him, and it all starts to make sense. There’s a twinge, a squeeze to her chest, but her face won’t show her reactions. Linda just holds his face in her hands, holds his head and leans into his shoulder shows him that she was listening as intently, with the whole of her person.

Greens meeting green, unflinching and not judging as he chokes on words, swallows and looks away from her because the weight of his words are too much to share, to bear, so scarcely shared for him. He was carrying around so much, the loss of Pike, the day’s events and crewman lost, feelings for Jim, and then Jim dying, listening to Jim wake up to thanking Spock while he stood to the side today, and lastly drinking past his limits. Lastly, not being able to go to and share that with Clint, the friend he got sober with.

I KNEW I NEEDED TO BUT I COULDN’T, INSTEAD I DRANK

How her heart aches as he tells, sobs, he can’t handle these two weights at once, dealing with his deep feelings about Jim, toward Jim, for Jim (which maybe she knew, and she won’t admit she knows his feelings better than a listening ear, knows what it means to feel and look at someone and it is not the same, that was how some friendships were) and then drinking more than he allowed himself; why he drank and how much he drank. Linda knew that Leonard and Clint were close, and now she knew why. They got sober together, and now he’s broken that. She tries to hold his gaze as he moves to look away.

❝ Who’s disappointed in you? He won’t be, and I am certainty not disappointed. ❞ Be nicer to my friend, she thinks about him, and Linda can’t know the intricacies that he was feeling; ❝ It sounds like you’re the only one disappointed with yourself. ❞ How she knows that she cares for him greater than friendship. She could do this for anyone as a good doctor, even as a friend, console the weary. However, Linda knew she wouldn’t hold someone quite like this, look at anyone like she was looking at him.  

It all aches a little like that.  

FLASH BACK

He took her back, as she came to him feeling weary and worn, taking her best friend’s words to heart. If she could have waited a week, two more weeks, only a little more time and then she could have had Georgie here too. Linda won’t admit that she begged and that she had been wrong, and she was sorry for yelling; and she needed him, she would need him, and she loved him. It was one very bad day, one very bad night, that was all. Linda’s sorry and he was right about her; and Georgie’s help screwed her head back on the right way.

And Georgie passes, and then it wasn’t long after that they got the serum right, the vaccine, and things would change. That’s how that year had went, with her being engaged to Marshall, and he did hold her through losing her friend and he loved her, and she did love him. Linda loved him almost as much as she loved Georgie, and now he was the person she loved most (well, she still loved her career more and helping people; being needed by people). She had needed him, because that was a loss that wore down on her for months and would wear on her for many more years to come, she was sure.

The Solace is delayed in returning home, there’s been a situation an additional six months they had been away from port. The Captain and the Chief took stock of the crew and medical team; they were tired but willing, spirits not broken. They went to help, and then they could go home.

Linda’s in their shared quarters, reading a book as she waited for Marshall, they would be back on Earth soon and she would go home with him. They had topics to discuss, related to the ship’s return because these four years on the ship had worn on long for her fiancé. Linda saw he was unhappy, so maybe it was the ship, emergency and crisis, dealing with the sick that would be a lot for anyone. Linda’s toughened up because of this, but maybe Marshall hadn’t at all.

❝ We don’t have to stick with the same ship or assignment, we could transfer to one of the science ships; that could be a nice change of pace. ❞ She suggests to him, when she’s gotten him sitting with her and reaching to take his hand, to start the discussion about what would be next for and that’s where the disconnect starts to happen between them. His fingers go to toy with a notably barren spot on her ring finger, with which she knows what he was doing.

Knew what would be coming up next from his lips, so she moves to kiss him first before he can speak. When were they going to get married? ❝ Just something to consider before we even get back on the ground, and you know that I do want to marry you. ❞  That didn’t feel like a lie, because she did. Linda loved Marshall, and she would be his wife, and they would go everywhere together, everywhere that she was looking forward at. He would be right along at her side, focused on study and research, and wasn’t this what he signed up for?

He makes that sigh, looks her in the eye like she isn’t getting it and maybe she wasn’t, and it wasn’t enough, and she wasn’t enough. Looking so far forward, at what was next because she would be giving up being on ship with the people who have become her friends and family after four years; saw each other through the hardest parts of crisis. Linda was giving that up because this wasn’t working for Marshall and she saw that, but she wasn’t stopping at what she was, who she was; being on a starship and being a doctor. It’s too much of Linda now to stop after one starship, one assignment. She would give up the Solace as home, the crew as family, for Marshall to find a better place for both of them.

❝ We’ll keep talking, and I’ll handle all that ⸻ okay, I love you, Marshall, come on, I’ll show you how much ❞

TIME MOVES FORWARD

It only takes them an hour longer before she manages to get Leonard out of his apartment, off the floor, and gotten him to finish a glass of water. Linda puts on a smile, it can be hard to do that and to be disappointed with yourself, to be coping and dealing with loss; she’s dealt with a lot, and she knows that at some point forward had to be looked at and it would take a lot longer after these last two weeks. She can smile for the both of them, look forward.

Linda knows what it was like to feel that way, to feel alone, to feel not enough; but now she’s got her head on her shoulders screwed on the right way. She knows how to sweep herself off the floor, and right now he needed the hand in getting up off that floor. A good start to dealing with everything was to start at the beginning of the day and that meant breakfast. Linda holds out her arm for him, holds out her hand for him and they would go find somewhere to have breakfast. ❝ Come on, we’ll walk together. ❞

She figures that was as good as any of a way to start, to help Leonard carry on and her heart may ache for him, over him; and there’s a lot more she knows about him that she will think about. Later, she’ll think about herself and that later, right now he mattered more. He’s barely eaten more than he absolutely had to, and almost had a whole whiskey bottle. Leonard needed food, rest, to breath and find something to focus on. Smile a little.

❝ We’ll find a place that serves toast and jams, that’s always been my cure after terribly awful night. I’d sit at the breakfast table with Tag, and we’d eat an entire stack of toast until our stomachs felt like bursting and try a different flavor of jam on each slice. ❞

Then they would carry on with the day, then the week, and figure everything else after that. She would have to figure out what she was going to be doing with her time, where she would be staying while the ship was in repairs. They’ll talk about that over breakfast, what to think about forward and start figuring out how to heal.

FLASH BACK

Her things are being packed, how this had happened that she would end up with him where her things would migrate from her apartment with Georgie than end up in Stephen Strange’s. It was better this way; she’s telling herself as the feeling of anger and shame follows after her, because she would be graduating from Starfleet this year and she wanted to take an assignment on a starship; and it was like the relationship with Jack except this one had lasted longer. It would have to end. However, it had gone on long enough that they were going to have admit there was feelings between the two of them. At least, for Linda, as it turns out.

However, that was where she was feeling like a fool for making a home in his sanctuary and laying on his chest after they had sex, talking in whispers when they found the time and she’d dress up for him; be on his arm and shown off as his new girlfriend. Caring for him, and for them.

Now there was a Clea Strange at his door, that he hadn’t ever mentioned before, and Linda had better things to do with her time; better places to be. Linda’s marks at the Academy were all at the top, and she should keep it that way and it’d be easier without being the other woman. She wasn’t even the only other woman; she was just the one who. . . . She doesn’t even know what she was to him if anything; he gave her names, they were Sherlock and Watson, and they had their things, and now all she thinks is that she was a fool to him.

Clea’s sweet, talks to her and tells her that they had been separated, and Linda being there hadn’t hurt her. She left him because of his infidelities, because he couldn’t handle his problems and it doesn’t help Linda. So, what was she? His next mid-life crisis? She was a lot better than that. Clea’s incredibly sweet to help her, and they talk more than she expected. Clea’s the estranged wife of Stephen Strange, but Linda’s not a fan of feeling like the mistress, and what was Clea doing back anyway?

That catches on Clea’s face, and Linda doesn’t need her to answer. Oh, well, she missed him, and she wanted to give him a chance. Linda was evidence he hasn’t changed much in the time she had left. Clea smiles to her, gives her a squeeze to her hand and tells her that she owes her, if there was anything she ever needed than she could call either of them.

Linda thanks her, and she doesn’t know why when the wife feels like a slap in her face. It would be later when she’s back at her apartment with Georgie; that she would be angry and hurt. Be in hysterics like she hasn’t before, but most of that comes from feeling like a fool and being disappointed with herself.

TIME MOVES FORWARD

Linda was going to stay with some of the crew who were in the same boat as her, not sure where she was going, and her home wasn’t here on Earth; and it’d be lonely to explore the planet by herself anyway. She thinks that right now was the first moment that she has been alone, truly alone, sitting with herself and she’s requested the same amount of shore leave as everyone else, but she wouldn’t even be leaving the port of San Francisco, until. . . .

Leonard Mccoy catches her, and he looks like he’s been getting some rest now and clearing of his head. OH, heart sings at his sights. It’s good to see that after the last few weeks, feels good to see him in a better-looking state. He’s got something to ask her, which wasn’t what she was expecting from him with where he was going finding her and what he had to say. Linda’s got the words on her lips, rolling over her tongue and ready to release as much as she knows the pang it causes in her chest. WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? She would say if he thanked her. Leonard was her best friend, and so of course, she was going to care and be there for him. Linda would do that without question.

There was a thank you, but that’s not the only thing that he had come to her to say, had come to her to ask. He’s telling her how he was going home, to Georgia, he needed some Jojo time, and he was inviting her to come, that he’d like for her to join him on the leave. She hadn’t any plans, she had confessed with laughs because she wouldn’t be one of the ones going home or seeing her family. Her friends the Academy were in different places, the only people in this city were ex-somethings if they were still here. Her family was on a whole Starbase in another quadrant of space, far away.

Linda can’t quell the feeling that bubbles up when he asks to come, because its time and closeness with him, and she says yes without much of a thought. So, she’ll take the time off with him than. Go with him, and like that she had a place to go, it may not be her home, but it was with her dearest friend and his friends, though Peter and Clint were closer to friends for her as well, and she would love to meet the family that he has talked about.

On the way there, she sits with him. Looks at him when he’s not looking, and she’s endeared by the fact that Clint and Peter were joining them on this leave. There are feelings that swell in her stomach, churn in chest, that were familiar and unfamiliar in equal measures. It’s a contrast seeing him now to a few weeks ago. And maybe he’s told Clint and maybe he hasn’t yet; to sitting on his apartment floor and listening to him heartbroken (how her heart cracked in the same ways in sympathy) over what he and the pilot shared that he had broken; the disappointment in himself.

Sitting here with the three of them, Leonard talking with Clint. Watching that was why she liked Leonard, that was what she had liked him for, that he was bringing them too and opening his home, his family, taking this time with them. It had meant a lot to Linda, to see that was who he was. Inviting.

Georgia is a good time, and Jojo’s a sweet kid. She’s always been good with kids, the whole family joked she raised baby brother Tag herself; Linda always wore being an older sister as her proudest achievement. She likes Georgia, seeing another side of Leonard and meeting the Mccoys made her feel like she was home with the Carters. It’s going to be awful on her heart, isn’t this? It’s not going to help with the thoughts that she needs to be letting go, moving on, and accept that she would be happy to live in friendship with him.

One night, it was just the two of them enjoying the night air and she was at his side, and she tears up. How many times is she going to cry with Leonard? There are tears because she hadn’t a place to go and he invited her to come with him to his place to go, opened his home and family. Linda hadn’t seen her family in person in a long while, hasn’t been on Starbase 515 since four years of academy, four years on the Solace, and then she boarded the Enterprise. He doesn’t know how much it means to her, doesn’t know what being hugged in his arms means for her either.

Say something, say something, say something and she doesn’t. What holds her tongue is not something that Linda think about.

On the trip from Georgia back to the Enterprise’s port, she was sitting next to him again and there’s chatter around them, but she’s quiet. Her eyes on a book, green gaze throwing glances to Leonard now and again, and she has to say it, right? She has to admit this, at least once, because she feels it in her chest; like she has never felt before with anyone else. Her lips don’t move, her voice doesn’t make a sound at all. Nothing moves, none of it comes out, and he is none the wiser to her thoughts or feelings. Linda can’t avoid admitting that after the weeks in Georgia with him and doing nothing about her feelings were small or ever to go away, that she has to say it to herself at the very least.

She has to say it to herself first, admit it to her person and acknowledge the feeling; know it and then she should think about saying that thing. She could go about no longer just looking at him, and noticing how her friend, best friend, was someone more than that; and maybe Linda wanted to give herself, give the old heart in the jar another chance. Tell him, make the change, sink or swim; but first she has to say to herself anyway.

Linda looks at him, pretends to know what she was laughing along with as she thinks, as she feels it that she has FALLEN IN LOVE with Leonard Mccoy, and oh how she LOVES HIM DEARLY already as a friend and it is felt more than that.

They’ll get back on the ship soon, get back into the work rhythm, and when things feel healed after what happened with Khan and Admiral Marcus. All settled down than Linda will think about what she does with her feelings. What does she do with them? Give it time, and maybe she’ll figure it out. Risk telling him.

FLASH BACK

THIS WAS THE WORST FEELING. She’s never known a heartbreak like this one; and Linda felt herself break when she knew she failed and found herself responsible for a patient’s life being lost that first time. Thirty-eight lives lost under her care the first week that they were here, and yet that was nothing to this feeling now that she didn’t know what to do with.

Now she knows what happens when people don’t know what to do with their feelings. She didn’t know what to do with herself or with hers. Marshall wanted to marry her, but than his words hurt and cut her deep; left her feeling beaten down when she was already kicked to the ground.

Georgie hadn’t been avoiding her for. . . . Georgie had been avoiding her because she had gotten sick, and it got to her quick, and she’s been lying in a hospital bed, wanting to hide this from her. Dying alone, and Linda can’t yell at her, for the stupid decisions to do that, for dying. Linda wants to know why she wants to feel it all, no medicine, and die in that way. What the hell was she thinking?

Her heart was breaking in two ways, and she didn’t think that was possible for it to be torn to shreds. Some doctors put their feelings away and some keep them, and she wants to throw hers up as she enters; finds herself sick as she sees her friend not looking her best.

If the hours of argument with Marshall left her dry, empty of all her tears, voice aching and weak; simply seeing her best friend like this had left her completely filled to the brim with tears and they were already spilling over. Linda holds her hand in hers, touches her gloved hand to her cheeks and asks her what she could do for her, and she can’t help herself; what happened and how? That spills her lips as loosely as her tears flowed. Why and then what the hell are you thinking?

She begs her to hold on, and then Georgie shakes her head; maybe she’ll help beat this, her dying being the key to figuring out the cure to this mutation (it was like a living learning creature). They talk about everything after that; and then Linda is telling Georgie that she thinks she was single now, and how Marshall was going to propose.

That she was so tired, and hurt, and angry; doesn’t even get to telling her friend what they had argued about, all the nasty things that both of them had said to each other. Georgie tells her that she had helped Marshall out with that, and she was glad to hear that he was going through with it; that he had wanted to go through with asking her. She knew weeks before, and she asks Linda if she could salvage this. Georgie thought that they looked good as a couple, and that must be a nice thing to be wanted and needed and loved like Linda was.

It was Georgie who tells her that she still had her chances, that she could go and salvage it. Apologize, because people needed people and she wasn’t going to have Georgie anymore. How it all hurt. Linda didn’t know what to do, and she’s asking her what to do with her feelings, with Marshall, and everything because knowing she was losing her best friend wasn’t helping her. She listens to her, every word Georgie says, and it’s her guide as she goes back tail between her legs to salvage her relationship with Marshall. You loved him after all.

Watching Georgie go, day by day. It was the hardest thing Linda had been through. And then the doctors, the scientists figure out the serum, the right treatments and cure but it’s all too late.

FLASH FORWARD

Time passes on, and Georgia is still on her mind, and time continues on that. The ship’s been repaired, most of the events they all went through swept under the rug and a new truth is spun. Beyond the dead, there are crew who leave the ship and so there are new faces aboard the Enterprise, all required to pass through the medical bay and be seen by the Chief or any one of his staff. They’ll come to know them, as they would be out on a five-year mission and that felt like a high honor.

It is slow the first few weeks to find the new rhythm of things, but things were healing as all things do and start to resume back to the pace that she had gotten used to over the past year and months on this ship. She’s glad to be here, to be a part of this crew.

Today was a quiet day, the chance to take a breath and her eyes find herself looking at the familiar faces, processing everything all over again. Georgia the place, being there with him and what she had realized, what she admitted to herself about her feelings for Leonard, and Georgie the person was on her mind as well when her eyes settle down on Leonard Mccoy in conversation with Ms Carol Danvers across the medbay.

Okay, what am I doing here, Georgie?

Let’s break this down, so what is going on?

AFFLICATION: okay, starting from there. It’s my heart and not the kind of issues that I studied in medical school. See him over there. Leonard Mccoy. Chief Medical Officer. Are you hearing the problem? Another doctor, are you keeping count of how many that is for me? Along with he is my Chief Medical Officer, remember Stephen and technically Steve could have been in charge of me too. Weird how it was those two, and Marshall was older than me, and ranked higher. I’m not even done, the affliction is in my heart; I like him and maybe I’ve already fallen for him more than that, in love or love him. I’ve never liked my mother’s poetry, but I could think in poetry about him.

So, you have a type, you always knew what you wanted, Linda.

Not now. Not now do I. Stephen and Marshall broke my heart. Torn me down. I don’t know if I want to handle that. If I can handle that again.

What makes you think it will be the same thing as all the rest?

VARIABLE: Well, he is divorced? I know that doesn’t really bother me, but I have to count all the facts. Alcoholic, which doesn’t bother me either. We all have our things, and mine is this right here. My last two relationships ended, and Marshall was right about all the things he said about me. I am too focused on what I want, and I love moving forward, I love being a doctor and challenge. I fell in love with being Starfleet actually, and it’s hard but it’s exciting. Okay, okay, so I could screw it up. Really screw it up, I do that. Great doctor, terrible girlfriend. He could want something from me that I can’t give. I couldn’t be whatever Jack wanted me to be, too short of a time to know him, and I don’t know what Stephen wanted me for. Marshall wanted a wife, and I kept prolonging that. It never happened. I’m not enough, and what if he wants something; or he asks me later down the line to chose him. God, I really think he's incredible Georgie, and I am in too deep, and I don’t know what to do. The rug could be swept out from under me, it always does when my heart runs away from me. Tell me what to do, Georgie.

Come on, Linda, you always know; you don’t need me to tell you.

P.O.A: No, I really don’t know what to do, there’s no plan of action here. I know that I should say something or try to move on. I could try, but then I love his and mine’s friendship too, and maybe sometimes that isn’t worth the risk. You chose to die quicker and in pain. Was that worth it? My two options are saying something or nothing. Move on or not, maybe just living in these feelings and friendship is enough. I thought he might have said something, once, but. . . . Maybe I should just give up.

Linda inhales, holds her breath for a moment before she lets out a sigh, looking away from the man at the other end and looks back down to what she was doing; engages herself in conversation with the nurse on duty and shakes her head to get the thoughts out of her mind to carry on. She was still figuring it out.

FLASH BACK

Linda doesn’t understand what was happening. As she was telling Marshall about all the things that they to do now that they were shipping out, on their new assignment, the Enterprise, and they needed to get their security clearance for going aboard among other things. She’s abuzz actually, to get back to working and caring for people. This all mattered to her, and it was the start of the next great adventure, and it will be with her Marshall at her side, and he must be looking forward to this as well.

NO.

❝ I am sure by moments before we are on board, you will be as well, dear. ❞  That doesn’t change his expression, which wasn’t readable to her as she’s putting her things down with confusion on her face.

❝ Well, when ⸻ ❞

WE AREN’T GOING. 

Hold on, what that was a load of bullshit. They got their assignment for the Enterprise, they’ve been jumping through the necessary requirements for boarding any starship and ⸻ what? What was going on? What did he know, and why hadn’t she heard anything?

❝ No, we are. Nothing’s changed. ❞

DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?

❝ I ⸻ of course, I do. . . ? I do want to be your wife, Marshall, we aren’t starting this again. You know that I ⸻ ❞

WE AREN’T GOING. QUIT. QUIT WITH ME. MARRY ME NOW AND WE MOVE TO BUENOS AIRIES. WE COULD GO TOMORROW.

That gets Linda getting up on her feet, a panic rising up in her chest because that has not been what the plan was yesterday, and they go out in less than a week. This can’t just happen like that, was he sick or ⸻ she was short for answers. She goes to open the door to their balcony, going to look out and get her breathing under control, try to figure out what was going on here and process her feelings as they were coming to her.

YOU CAN’T BE MY WIFE AND BE A DOCTOR.

He has a speech for her, so many points to be made about her, about her and him; and Linda has to admit to herself that she is barely listening. He has a whole plan, everything worked out for them, her whole plan and all she can focus on is how he wants her to quit everything, Starfleet and being a doctor. Her dreams, career, who she was being stepped on. She bites her lip, as he talks to her, talks down to her like he often does, talks like when they got engaged but Linda can’t reach inside herself, in her heart to fight back against him this time. Yell at him like they had before, like he had hurt her. She leans against the railing.

❝ I don’t understand. ❞  is all she can say when he was done talking, and she flinches again pulls her arm away and walks to the other corner of their balcony as he reaches to touch her.  Where was all of this coming from? She can’t be a wife and a doctor?

NEITHER DO I. I’M OFFERING YOU A GOOD LIFE, LINDA. YOU CAN STAY WITH ME AND NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING AGAIN.

His hand connects with her arm and pulls her to look at him, forces their eyes to connect and she is frowning at him, confusion and hurt in her eyes but she won’t cry or yell.

FORGET STARFLEET. FORGET MEDICINE. CHOOSE ME.

❝ Marshall, I can’t. Those people need me. ❞ Her career, her dreams, what she loved doing more than any person. She would be caring for people; a ship of that size needed its full team of doctors. Linda liked being needed as a doctor, liked her career and her role in life, in the entire universe. They were expecting her to show up. Marshall and she had talked about this, they had planned this together. She gave up returning to the Solace for him, was going to be his wife one day.

I NEED YOU. YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY THERE, LINDA. YOU’VE CHOSEN A VERY DIFFICULT LIFE, AND YOU’RE GOING TO BE DOING IT ALONE.

She feels alone right now, hollow too. Definitely not happy. And then there’s that word again, his favorite word to use with her was difficult. Linda stares at him, and just goes mute. What was she going to do? She had even been wearing his ring, and he sighs at her frustrated. Linda pulls away from him, quick and violent, and her hand goes to pull off his ring. She sets it down, on the little table on their balcony where she had enjoyed her morning coffees and a good book.

❝ Give me an hour and I will be out of here for good. ❞   He pinches his nose, considers what she had to say, and she follows him to their front door.

THEN IT’S GOODBYE. I JUST HOPE AND PRAY YOU’VE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. . . . FOR BOTH OF US.

He had to say that one last thing, to try to get under her skin. Make her doubt herself, not feel enough, and try to get her change her mind, regret it. I think you were wrong about this one, Georgie. What was she going to do? It’s not as though she has Georgie’s apartment to return to anymore.

It was like the rug was pull from under her feet. All Linda knew right now was that she was a Starfleet officer and was boarding the starship, USS ENTERPRISE, in less than a week. Actually, she needs to call to make sure that was the case and Marshall hadn’t done something about that. Her heart was breaking, and she had no idea what to do about that or with anything at the moment. WHERE TO GO UNTIL THEN?

TIME MOVES FORWARD

THE ENTERPRISE WAS HOME, THE CREW HER FRIENDS, AND THE MEDICAL TEAM HER FAMILY.

Linda’s always been qualified for field and away team, her experience from Solace has always served to be entirely valuable. She knows that the Captain had favoritism toward the Chief coming on these things, but today would be her time to shine.  Linda had looked in Leonard’s eyes with a smile to her eyes, and there is that fluttering in her chest as he expresses his concerns to be careful. Still, she hasn’t done anything about her feelings for him, and they haven’t easily gone away though as she tries as she might.

In fact, he and her have been as close as ever; maybe closer since what happened in San Francisco.

This was going to be fine, Leonard, but I will be. She meant her promise to him, truly she was being careful and intended. The civilization they had contacted, after they had hailed the Enterprise, was a matriarchy and to respect that, they were getting the lady doctor or Dr Carter instead of Dr Mccoy to aid and perform an exam.

There was something in there, that they had been missing, but no one thought of that until it was too late.

Linda’s in a room alone with a gentleman from the people here and accompanied by two women who were his bodyguards. Outside the room, on the other side of the door she had knew that Clint Barton was there while Spock and Kirk were talking with the leader of this sector.

The doctor smiles to him, holding up the tricorder for medical exams to start checking him on, and there’s something quite not right. First the talk between them was a doctor meeting a patient for the first time, but than the gentleman starts asking her questions and holding her attention from what she was supposed to be doing.

What throws her off is when he asks if she loves someone, and he specifies deeply. Linda doesn’t want to answer, but she feels complied to tell the truth with him.

❝ Yes, I do love someone deeply, dearly. ❞

He considers that and asks her if she has told them lately that she loves them.

❝ Actually ⸻ ❞ Linda, why are you being honest? ❝ I haven’t told him at all, that I love him in the way that I do. ❞ The compulsion grows as he asks why. ❝ Well, I’m a coward, just a frail and pathetic woman, and I keep planning to make my feelings known but ⸻ ❞

Without realizing it, he has started to rise to his feet asks her what his name was.

❝ Leonard Mccoy. ❞

“I will make sure someone apologizes to him than.” He moves quicker than Linda can process what was happening, a cold metal pain jets into her gut and at least she remembers to scream loud enough. Sharp jabs of pain, and where’s this blood coming from?

There’s a shout, Clint’s, and all of hell breaks loose as Linda loses all sense of what follows after that.

FLASH BACK

Good news for her, Linda would be on the Enterprise at the end of week.

As she was standing on the balcony, figuring out what the hell she was going to do and Linda thinks she should be crying. Her fiancé, a relationship she has invested years in, and had given up much for; Marshall had given her an ultimatum and left her.

This was his apartment now, so she would have to get out. Her eyes go back to the ring on the table. Linda finds herself all alone, there was interstellar communication to her family but other than that; she hadn’t seen them, and they were in another quadrant on a starbase. There was no going to them, and it has been eight years since.

Georgie was dead, has been dead, and for all she knows all her friends from Starfleet academy were on their own assignments; no one on Earth or in San Francisco. Well, there were people that started to come to mind, an owed flavor promised to her, but it has been years since that had been made. Was it even true, were they even still there? It was a long shot, but her only shot.

What the hell happened, Linda Carter? She can’t work out why she wasn’t crying, perhaps she was still in shock. That was a very likely variable. Linda does feel broken, like she wasn’t enough; it wasn’t enough to be loved and have her dreams. Could she only have one? Would she be ALONE AND UNHAPPY? Was she really choosing what was DIFFICULT? Really, was that all her personal life would ever amount to?

She can’t be crying when she meets her new crew, her new superior officer. SO, CRY NOW DAMMIT! She can’t find the tears, and the hour will be up soon, and Linda really doesn’t want to see Marshall again. CRY.  Otherwise, she would be a ticking time bomb for those tears. God, she wanted to yell at the top of her lungs because how was this happening?

Carter, you’re gonna make someone really lucky one day.

HA, YEAH, RIGHT.

A plan does start to formulate for her, in her eyes and she gathers her things that would be coming with her. It would be humiliating when she was already feeling so low if she cried when found out where she was staying, when she boards the Enterprise and meet dozens to hundreds of people.

It would be awful to break down in front of all those people, so she envisions a scalpel in hand and cut out her imaginary heart, the one that held all the feelings. There were two types of doctors, the one who put away their feelings and the ones who kept them. She would take out her poor heart, THE FOOL, which must be diseased at least at this point and put it in a jar, put it away on a shelf, and get through these next few weeks.

Linda could let her heart sit up on a top shelf, heal from its afflictions, and then when she was ready, she would take it back down; then she could feel all the feelings. Put her foolish heart back where it needed to be later, because right now she needs to compartmentalize and focus on her career, on her path ahead, on the future ahead. She’d be meeting hundreds of new people by the end of the week. She can’t go there feeling like a frail and pathetic version state of herself, with tears streaming down her face.

She would be alright, and taking out her parts right now would help if that favor was still withstanding. After all, it had been years since she had met the Stranges, since uncomfortably sitting in one of Stephen’s lectures after their breakup and wondering. She found out later, he hadn’t been faithful to her either even, along with not telling her he had a wife. Linda makes the call anyway, and it picks up, it was still them and thankfully it was Clea on the phone.

❝ You may not remember me, Mrs Strange, but it is Linda Carter. ❞

“I do remember you, is this about that favor?”

❝ Yes, actually. I am intended to ship out on a starship in less than a week, and I need to place to stay in that time. ❞

“I think we could be that place for you. That’s not too much to ask. We are still in the same place. Are you okay, or are you sure you’ll be okay?”

❝ I am fine, okay, eager to get starbound again is all, and it will be okay. I am over that, kind of had to be when he would guest lecture in some of my final year courses. I am okay. ❞

Diseased heart on the shelf and still feeling like a fool. I am difficult, I am unhappy, and I am going to end up alone.

[gtgbabie0]

{Sevika is a little more sensitive then she lets on and you just love to tease her}

Idk tying her up and eating her out ig?

!!-18//MDNI-!! My Masterlist is here <3

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Sevika was the more dominant one in the relationship, she loved to take control and give— to listen to your breaths become all shaky and to watch your pupils dilate with pure wanton desire because of her because she knew your body like the back of her damn hand, it made her feel a sense of pride, the type she could high on.

And you obviously didn’t complain, not when she was so incredibly attentive to every inch of your body in ways no other person was. In all honesty, you couldn’t even form words to say anything other than her name… over and over and over again.

Your mind would be too focused on the feeling of her strap slowly fucking into your wet cunt, from tip to base, the thickness stretching you out. It was always so mind-numbing, intense— the way her thumbs pushed into the fat of your inner thighs to keep them flushed against the mattress as she thrusts her hips, the bedsheets absolutely soaked.

Sevika got off on watching the way your greedy pussy practically swallowed her cock back in, squelching and gripping around the toy and she swears to death she could feel it. She “fucks you how you deserve” and it never fails to make you see stars— whether it was her fingers, tongue her strap.

And yeah the power trip was pretty dizzying but sometimes Sevika just loved to let her guard down and let you take the reins. I mean a girl likes to be wined and dined… and eaten out every so often, right?

She just wasn’t used to all this pampering you showered her with, it was a foreign concept one that she thought she didn’t really deserve— then you go and prove her wrong with that adoring glint in your eyes and a gentle hand against her cheek. “No baby, you deserve all of it. let me love you.” The words are whispered so gently that it makes her chest flutter and suddenly she doesn’t feel like a big tough criminal, no, just a woman madly, madly in love.

And god did you make her feel like the only woman in the world when you kiss your way down her body, hands caressing over the curves over her body, shedding her clothes until you’ve got your pretty face in between her thick thighs— making her head spin as pleasure takes over every thought that plagues her overworked mind.

“Your mouth is fuckin’ sin, baby.” She practically whines, all breathless, hips writhing against the bed— she can’t touch you, because somehow you’ve managed to convince her to let you tie her up with those red ropes… it was killing her but fuck if she didn’t look absolutely stunning.

You moan against her soaked cunt in acknowledgement, spreading her folds open with your tongue as you slowly lick along her labia and up to her clit, which you pepper with slow opened-mouth kisses— her hips bucking up into your mouth, desperate for more.

“Sev… don’t make me tie your hips down too.” You tut, pulling away to look up at her with a small frown— which causes her to whimper in disappointment—your lips and chin glistening with her desire.

The sound of her frustrated huffs puts a smirk on your face, watching as her head falls back against the pillows with a groan as you press your face back into her wet heat.

Her wrists, both metal and flesh, were bound against the headboard by the rough fabric that was far more durable than they looked— she’s tried to free herself multiple times, to bury her fingers in your hair and fuck your face but it was useless, she was at your mercy and in all honesty she loved it.

“Fucking hell— please baby, please” She pleads, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as you press your tongue flat against her clit, licking at her in a way that makes her body twitch.

It wasn’t like you’d been teasing her for hours, you literally not long slipped her boxers off and yet she was acting like you’d been edging her for the last five hours… and you absolutely loved it, knowing that the only thing on her mind was you and your mouth.

“Mm… you want my fingers, yeah?” You coo softly, looking up at her through your eyelashes to gauge her reaction as you continue to lick at her clit.

God she did, all she could get out was a messy string of “Fuck, yeah baby, please.” blabbering on and on, all whiny and desperate— it was a sight to see, the Sevika the most feared woman in Zaun in all her glory spread out on your bed, tied up, whining and moaning just for you.

Then you’re plunging your middle and ring fingers into her slick cunt, thrusting them in tandem with your tongue on her clit— your free hand rubbing over her thigh and along the shape of her writhing hips. The way she moans out your name shoots a tingle down your spine, a familiar throb of need between your legs has you grinding down against the mattress needily.

Sevika is so sensitive, it doesn’t take you much to turn her on and right now she’s soaking your hand— her walls clenching around your digits as she struggles against the ropes binding her wrists, head thrown back against the pillows, arching into you, practically panting.

“So beautiful Sev with my fingers stuffed in your pussy, so greedy.” You smirk against her, adding your index into her just to prove your point, stretching her out, and the rough, broken moan that escapes her parted lips causes a surge of pride to buzz through your chest.

“Don’t hold back baby, you deserve it.” Whispered hotly against her clit as she follows the slow and meticulous curl of your fingers— practically grinding her pussy against your mouth until she’s gushing around your three fingers, drenching your palm whilst your tongue works against her clit.

You work her through it until she’s lying boneless against the pillows with laboured breaths— completely and utterly spent, shuddering slightly as you pull your digits out.

Sevika watches you press a kiss to her inner thigh, then another to her hip— her eyes never leaving you as you kiss your way back up along her body, straddling her lower abdomen as you lick your fingers clean and she can feel how drenched your panties have become, that gets to her and suddenly she's turned on all again.

“Feeling good?” You ask with such sweetness in your tone as if you hadn't just fingered her, leaning over slightly to undo the ropes around her wrists— she chuckles hoarsely in response.

Her hands immediately grasp your hips, feeling up the curves of your soft body greedily— the roughness of her palm sets a blaze to your skin which is cooled down by the metal of her other, all of it makes your spine tingle with need. “Mm, your turn baby.” She smirks, fingers curling around your jaw as she pulls you down against her, your chest pressed to her own. Her heart flutters at the giggle you let out, sweet like honey as she kisses you sloppily, tasting herself on your lips, before pushing you back against the mattress ready to return the favour tenfold…

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[superbat-love]

Teacher: Hello Mr Kent, this is Mrs Smith speaking, Jon’s teacher. Will you be picking your son up from school?

Clark: Give me half an hour. I’m just…caught up in something urgent right now. [someone screeching in the background]

Teacher: [alarmed] What was that? Mr Kent, is everything all right?

Bruce: Oh, he’s probably dealing with that nasty pest problem. [takes the phone and puts it on speaker] Clark, it’s me. Do you need help?

Clark: No, I can handle it! Take that! [more screeching in the background] Bruce, there’s more of them! The spiders are pushing us back!

Bruce: Just as I suspected, a spider infestation. [sounds of explosions on the phone] Large spiders. HUGE. Well, you know how big spiders can get in Kansas.

Clark: [incomprehensible yelling]

Bruce: Hang in there Clark, I’ll call the pest control. Jon can stay at the manor tonight with Damian, don’t worry about it. [ends the call and hands the phone back to the teacher] Come on, boys. Good day, Mrs Smith.

Jon & Damian: Bye Mrs Smith!

Teacher: [looking shell-shocked]

Superbat Family Fics

[tojisun]

thinkin about being fucked against the wall, im sorry :(

want simon to press his face on the crook of your neck, breathing you in, growling at how good you smell. at how good you feel around his cock – so warm, so tight.

"y'r doin' so good f'r me, princess," he whimpers, so overwhelmed that he has to pause and muffle his moans on your skin, trying to stop the pleasure razing through him because he doesn't want to cum yet. not so soon.

you mewl at the feeling of being stuffed and simon presses his hand on your mouth to smother your moans.

"shh," he whispers, wet lips still trailing kisses on your neck. "not too loud, sweet'art. you'll get us caught."

your breath hitches at his words, the world trickling back into your senses, snapping you out of your drunken pleasure.

"fuck," simon snarls, raggedly breathing in.

he pulls away from nuzzling your body to look into your wide eyes. simon groans at what he sees. "naughty girl."

[seiwas]

₊˚⊹｡ 5:55 p.m. | oikawa tooru

wc: 709 summary: oikawa comes home missing a step in the ‘oikawa family routine’.  contains: f!reader, papa!oikawa, baby girl oikawa, use of term ‘baby’, baby/child/kid, being parents, food descriptions, oikawa coming home to his lil family of three!, oikawa aged up to pro. a/n: thought of this lil blurb today and had to get it down !! i love papa oikawa my heart is bursting !!

comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡

Oikawa comes home in the late afternoon.

He takes his shoes off by the genkan, and keeps a hop in his step despite a full day of volleyball; being a setter might be what he does best, but bursting into his house, shouting his usual 'baby, i'm home!' might just be what he loves the most.

And he's about to do it, as he steps into the hallway, gym bag on his shoulder and mouth open pre-yell, but he stops, because—

—there peering up at him is his little girl, greeting him with an index finger to her lips as if to say: 'shhh, papa, be quiet ...'.

When he looks further behind her, to the couch, he sees you, fast asleep with your right arm folded to cushion your head, and the other hanging over the edge.

"Mama sleep," she whispers, almost giggling, and he thinks the saying could never be more true; her laugh is infectious (or maybe just to her papa)—he'd never be immune.

Oikawa's eyes widen and he mouths an 'oh' as he lets down his gym bag quietly. He crouches low, coming eye-to-eye with his mini-me, the splitting image of him except for her smile—which is yours, undoubtedly.

He stretches his arms out, welcoming her in, and she rushes to him, giggling, her brown curls bouncing with each step closer to him.

This is the Oikawa family routine: when papa arrives home, he gets 3 kisses, one on each cheek and the last one on his nose. Then, he lifts his little girl up, supports her with one arm while he kisses you and pulls you close.

This time, the routine isn't quite as complete but he still has his little girl on his arm, perched by his hip kissing his cheek. Her little hands grab on to his face to place the final kiss to his nose and he scrunches it, joking with her, a remix of his favorite tune as she giggles some more.

"Did my baby sleep too?" he whispers, feet light as he makes his way to the kitchen, past you.

His little girl nods, "Small only." and he thinks it's so cute, that she's the smartest girl in the world for knowing what to say—even though he knows 'small' isn't exactly the right word to describe it.

He lets her down on the kitchen counter before opening the fridge to check what's available: chicken and a few vegetables. Then, he gathers what he needs and places them on the table.

"Should we make dinner for mama?" he asks, a glint in his eyes that can only mean one thing. 

His little girl perks up, brown eyes widening and gleaming just the same, a perfect reflection of his as she nods and says, "Egg!"

He laughs, volume restrained, but he kisses her forehead and replies, "Okay, egg for mama it is."

By the end of it, there's an empty carton (or two) of eggs he's used (failed attempts to make Omurice until its decent, but still half as good as what you always do). His little girl sprinkles the last few bits of green onion before you round the corner just in time, eyes slightly puffed and his love right there, laced in your sleepy smile.

"Mama!" his (your) little girl shouts, making grabby hands at her papa to let her down.

You shake your head and laugh, smiling just like your little girl as you drag your feet nearer. The food is resting on the counter as Oikawa picks her up, keeping her perched on his hip as he walks towards you.

It’s a warm, fuzzy feeling sitting in his stomach that's been there for a while, even before you two became three, that's reminding him of how good his life is, coming home to you, sleep lines and all running across your cheek.

When you meet in the middle of your kitchen, you don't forget the Oikawa family routine, tiptoeing up to kiss him as he pulls you closer, your little girl squished in-between.

"I'm home, baby." he whispers, nose-to-nose, just as you let his lips go, and you laugh, his favorite tune, the original, before your baby girl made it her own.

"Welcome home."

comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡

[godsfaultycreations]

Animal Crossing Time

the sillies playing animal crossing

Taco Bell

[teastainedprose]

Homelander x fem!reader

First time Homelander cums by dry humping with clothes on

It's you. It's you, it's you. It'syou, itsyouitsyouitsyou. He finally has you in his arms, your mouth against his own and he can taste you and your scent is overloading his senses and the sounds you're making and and-

And it's all Homelander can do to keep from devouring you. He's been so good, waiting for what feels like years even if Homelander has only known you for a month at max. It's been torture, behaving and keeping his hands off as to not spook you. You're so skittish, always on high alert around him but now?

Something finally snapped within you. You'd pounced him. He's over the moon because of that. Now you're all his and Homelander refuses to let you out of his hold.

This close, your scent fills his nostrils as he inhales deeply. It's euphoric, your smell paired with how yielding and willing you are in his arms. The needy noises he coaxes from you makes his cock twitch, craving the sensation of being buried in you. In the warm, wetness that he knows will undo him. Even the thought of that sets him aflame.

Homelander moans against your mouth, the kiss becoming sloppy as he's intent on tasting every crevice within your mouth. He can't get enough, will never get enough and Homelander knows he's lost. Lost into the sensation of you grinding down on his lap, just as desperate as he is.

A whine escapes Homelander as you work yourself off atop him, the friction just enough to send jolts of pleasure through him. He knows pre-cum is smearing the cup within his suit, staining the red briefs and making a mess of everything. It's a mess that should be smeared on your inner thigh as you continue to ride him.

It's delicious and a little embarrassing, the two of you pawing at each other like teenagers as you continue to kiss. Your hands are raking through his hair, clawing at the front of his suit while he keeps a vice grip on your thighs, kneading the supple flesh there as he encourages the rock of your hips against him. Homelander can't even bring himself to try and strip you because the desperate pleasure of it's too much and he can feel himself racing closer to that edge.

-and he should stop, stop you and relish in this moment with you because you two have all the time in the world and you're something that should be savored. Yet Homelander can't stop himself nor the building pleasure and it happens before he even realizes himself.

Homelander groans, hips twitching under you as he spends himself in his pants. Now that mess is far worse because you grind yourself down on his still hard cock as it twitches.

He opens his eyes, heat vision burning there as he stares up at you because you have to know what just happened.

"M'sorry, I-" he starts as you tap your finger against his lips to silence him.

You're as smug as can be, hips rolling as you grin down at him. That pulls another groan out of Homelander, his eyes almost fluttering shut.

You don't look the least bit sorry as you dip your head down to catch his lips again.

[catsoupki]

你留下的遺憾 / destruction in your wake (bakugou x reader)

Summary: you wonder whether bakugou remembers you: a girl from his distant past; something he’s left behind. you think he’s forgotten all of your touch and the smell of your hair, but to him, you’re still leaving traces on him, and he’ll never escape

Warnings: just kinda angsty actually, the reader is said to have a chronic illness, didn’t specify what tho, wasn’t expecting to post this so sorry for the lack of capitalisation!

wc: 700

now, at twenty five, you see the ghost of your past haunting you. when you pass by the sandbox, you hear the blooming noises of explosions. you hear the stifling tears from fighting bullies and you smell the stench of nitroglycerin. the last time you had seen katsuki bakugou was this morning, when you were making breakfast in your kitchenette with the television turned on. the bleed of morning sun flutters into your studio apartment, inundating your belongings with warmth. the news channel broadcasted an accident from a previous night, in which pro hero dynamight was able to catch and arrest two villains by himself during his night patrol, but still left destruction in his wake.

it’s the collapse of scaffolding, the uprooting of walkways, with soot and burn scars scalded into the walls of concrete. it’s the name of your childhood love plastered over every single surface that exists.

the last time you had seen katsuki bakugou, you were fifteen. wearing a graduation cap too heavy for your dipped head, donning a robe too large for your then small and sickly thin body.

katsuki bakugou had looked at you with something in the guise of disgust. head held high with a kind of dignity you’re unfamiliar with, the dignity that comes with being the best at what you do, the dignity that encompasses his self-assurance. or perhaps it was betrayal, a shattering unbeknownst to you.

a dream too good to be true— two tickets that would allow you to step foot into the heroes’ world, only to have one fall short, in the name of illness.

he had never visited you during your chronic stay at the hospital. but at twenty five, perhaps now you recall the nameless cards that were littered onto your bed-side table before you had even awoken, at the glimpse of dawn.

a promise broken by betrayal— he looks at you, from a pedestal unto the commoners, he looks at you with his head tilted high and leaned back, as if he’s too afraid to get too close. maybe he is. he was never good at deceiving you.

since the day of your graduation, you see the ghost of your past everywhere. when you walk past the convenience store on the way to work, only to be greeted by the face of dynamight on the package of onigiris. and when you go shopping with friends, you'll be reminded of his face on the commercial district billboard for calvin klein.

he is everything you’re not, and likewise, vice versa. you’re everything he’s not. your contact is left to collect dust in his phone but he’s sure you would’ve forgotten him by now. it’s the doing of his teenage self, to push you and your illness away until you recover, until you move on with life, onto normalcy. you won’t ever realise the years that he had used his birthday wishes and new years fortune to pray for your recovery. for you to make it out of the hospital, alive and well, because what is there to being a hero if not for you? what is there to protect when you’re not even there?

but he also won’t ever know the times you’ve knelt in front of the television in your childhood home, when you were sixteen, bowing your head and praying to god that even if he doesn’t show you mercy, he should at least use that to keep bakugou safe, alive and well.

it’s been over a decade. the last time he saw you, you had pale cheeks and barely made it to the graduation ceremony without fainting. your body was sticks and bones, remnants of an unhealed sickness that stole your dreams away.

he sees you now in the flowers he receives. he sees you in the eyes of students in the schools that he gives talks at. a childlike wonder that never got to grow up, a kindness that was killed over and over again until you became a tinder without a fire.

he tells himself: he’s moved on. and perhaps except for izuku, no one will ever notice just how ugly the scar on his heart is. you’re no hero, you’re no villain, you’re something of the in-between, but still, you leave destruction in your wake.

[wyyvoren]

hoping this reaches the fandom!!! a scumcum au i’m working on :))

[pixiest1cks]

i'd like to think no matter where he's at in his life, dottore likes to ramble as he works.

no matter if he's prime, or the more ill-tempered scholar from the akademiya or even omega build, dottore quietly mumbles as a habit when he's working.

some things he says aloud are just to commit certain details to memory. in the grander scheme of his plans, the details seem small-- but they hold a crucial grip on the entire project. because of this, dottore reasons that the habit holds its merits.

sometimes, he makes sarcastic remarks when something doesn't go well. short, choppy words that mostly go unheard even by those in his general vicinity. when you first worked under him, he had mumbled to himself like usual (it was second nature at that point). what he hadn't expected though, were your responses.

"stupid thing tightly screwed--"

"do you need a wrench, sir?"

before he could respond, you had one held and ready to hand to him. from then on, you would help him out here and there in his more foul moods and dottore would be lying if he said the additional assistance wasn't helpful.

the mad scientist had found an adequate assistant.

work went by smoother, toning down a good portion of his irritation. it's almost as if having someone to support you (even if it was strictly for work purposes) provided more benefits than he had originally thought. of course, he would never admit that. the most he would do is thank you here and there when you proved to be extra useful.

work continues the same for a while. the interactions grow more frequent and so his musings change from your responses. instead of talking to himself, he talks to you. he asks you for your input, for you to pass him whatever he can't reach from his other desk, he asks for you.

that is, until you're gone one day.

dottore doesn't think anything of it. he's worked alone for his whole life, what's a few days without you? but his segments have been more irritable as of late, resulting in lackluster performance as a whole not only from his segments, but his troops. the fatui are fearful of the doctor, but even more so of an irritated one. you'll turn up eventually and everything will be back to normal, he reasons.

but as the days go on, you are still nowhere to be found in the cold, desolate laboratory. he finally pauses in his work to think about where you could be.

something must've happened. something outside of his jurisdiction. it's not like it's his problem. you might've proved a useful assistant to him, but his work holds utmost priority.

yes, work. back to work.

and dottore mumbles as usual, but it's not the same.

by habit, he calls out for you to hand him something--

but you're not there.

dottore is a scholar first and foremost. all it takes to find you is a little bit of research, so he does exactly that. he finds out you've been working somewhere else, somewhere closer to home to better support your family.

well, that's no problem. he'll have his assistant back as soon as possible, no matter the cost. all he needed to know was your whereabouts.

[ruenii]

I know Binghe is like one of the four horsemen of yearning but I NEED HIM TO YEARN MORE!!

IN THE JINLAN CITY ARC?? WHEN SY/SQQ WAS SCARED SHITLESS AND BINGHE THOUGHT HE WAS SCARED AND DIDNT NEED HIM ANYMORE??? TRIPLE THAT TIMES 100 AND GIVE ME BINGHES POV WHERE HES TRYING TO DELUDE HIMSELF THAT ITS JUST A MISTAKE AND HIS SHIZUN WILL TAKE HIM BACK ITS OKAY ITS OKAY HES GOT IT ALL UNDER CONTROL!!

NEED HIM TO HAVE SO MUCH ADORATION AND HURT AND LONGING FOR THE MAN THAT ONCE HELD HIS HEART AND STILL DID BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO KNOW WHY HE ABANDONED HIM?? IF HE WAS STILL WELCOMED BACK HOME??

GIMME THEM YEARNING BINGHE FICS !!!

[nyoomerr]

For the drabble request, I can never get enough shixiong!SY bingqiu. But only if you're up to it :)

ok it turns out i'm fundamentally unable to write a drabble as short as theyre meant to be, so here's over 4k words of shixiong!sy for your perusal 🤡 (+ a decent helping of cranky peak lord sqq and his wayward head disciple sy)

---

Shen Yuan… has possibly let himself become a bit too relaxed, since he first transmigrated. He used to spend every day on high alert: every cute little kid might be the protagonist, every mistake he made might have been logged somewhere for a petty revenge side plot later. He wouldn’t dare miss anything plot relevant, not when it might cause his doom. After all, ‘Shen Yuan’ wasn’t even a named character within PIDW - he was well and truly canon fodder!

But then, ah… Then Shen Yuan was accepted as a disciple on Qing Jing, and then he was a personal disciple of the notorious Shen Qingqiu, and then - 

Well, not even Shen Yuan can keep up that sort of hyper vigilance all the time, okay!! He’s the scum villain’s head disciple - basically a henchman! If he lived in fear for every moment he might be condemned, he’d never have a second to rest!

It isn’t Shen Yuan’s fault that the best way to relax in this world is to go on years-long expeditions off peak! 

…It might, maybe, be just a tiny bit my fault, Shen Yuan thinks, staring at Luo Binghe with horror. How does he manage to take such a long vacation that he misses the protagonist’s arrival onto Qing Jing? What kind of fake fan is he, ah?!

Luo Binghe has not introduced himself as such, but there is no way he can be anyone but Luo Binghe. His hair falls into perfect curls around a face so cute and round Shen Yuan wants to squish his cheeks until they turn pink, and he’s wearing an expression so determined and focused that it puts Shen Yuan to shame as the head disciple.

And he’s chopping wood. That’s the most recognizable part, obviously. 

Shen Yuan forces himself to step forward into the small glade he found Luo Binghe in, clearing his throat awkwardly. Luo Binghe whips around, and Shen Yuan nearly cringes at the nervous apprehension on the boy’s face.

“Ah, I didn’t mean to startle you…” Shen Yuan trails off. Luo Binghe stares at him and says nothing. Shen Yuan’s perfectly nice and friendly smile starts to slip. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around before…?”

“Apologies to Shixiong, this one will be sure to cut wood further away from the main peak buildings, so Shixiong doesn’t have to see me again.”

“Wha - wait, wait, that’s not what I meant!” Shen Yuan cries, becoming increasingly concerned about just how long he’s been away from Qing Jing. 

For Luo Binghe to already be this wary of any Shixiong who looks his way… ah, Shen Yuan has basically already failed every single one of his loose plans to keep Luo Binghe from blackening! He wasn’t even there to witness Luo Binghe’s initial perfect white sheep days, let alone keep him out of the warpath of bullies and bitter Shizuns!

“This Shixiong is Shen Yuan,” he says, taking a few slow steps closer to Luo Binghe. Somehow, he gets the feeling that he has to be ready to catch Luo Binghe by the scruff if he tries to run off or start a fight while Shen Yuan is just trying to introduce himself, ah!

“This one is Luo Binghe,” Luo Binghe replies, dipping into a perfunctory bow.

“Yes!” Shen Yuan says. “I mean - well, it’s a good name.”

Luo Binghe’s expression only grows more wary. 

“And ah, how long has Luo Binghe been on the peak?” Shen Yuan asks, even though the look Luo Binghe is giving him makes him want to slink back off into the bamboo forest. He has to know - if he’s lucky, it’ll only have been a year or two, and Shen Yuan can -

“This one has been a disciple of Qing Jing for over three years, now,” Luo Binghe says.

“Hm!” Shen Yuan says, because what he really wants to do is yell but he can’t do that with this customer service smile plastered on his face. 

Inwardly, he allows himself to monologue out a list of swears that would’ve gotten his old online accounts temporarily locked. Over three years is too long!! The blackening has already started!! Luo Binghe has already started damaging his meridians by following that cursed fake manual, has already started training under Meng Mo, and most importantly has already given up hope of being accepted here and started farming resentment instead!

Shen Yuan is fucked!! What sort of half-assed blackening prevention plan starts this late!?

“Ah, so Luo-shidi must already be 15, or nearly there,” Shen Yuan says aloud, laughing nervously. “Are you, um, sure?”

Please, please tell this pitiful Shixiong of yours that you just misspoke!!

Luo Binghe looks at him like he’s an idiot. Shen Yuan can feel nervous sweat beading along his forehead.

“It’s just - well, Luo-shidi is quite small, for being 15,” Shen Yuan says, and then nearly bites his tongue in an attempt to correct himself. Who is he to call the protagonist ‘small,’ ah!! “Not quite small! Only a bit! Only - uh, only slightly smaller than I’d expect! It’s only that I’m already 19, and Luo-shidi is much - I mean only a little! - shorter than I am, so -”

Shen Yuan makes himself shut up. You’re making a fool of yourself in front of the protagonist, you idiot!

“This one will be sure to train more to get bigger,” Luo Binghe says, though it sounds a bit like he’s talking through gritted teeth.

“No, no, you’re training plenty!” Shen Yuan rushes to say. “Uh, that is - admittedly, I’ve been off peak for some time now, but when I was Luo-shidi’s age, things like chopping wood were a group chore, so if you’re managing it all by yourself, surely you’re… big and strong…”

Shen Yuan shuts up again. Luo Binghe stares at him some more, but there’s something in his expression that seems more considering that it had been just a moment ago.

After a long stretch of awkward silence, he seems to come to some sort of resolution, and takes a hesitant step towards Shen Yuan.

“Forgive this one’s ignorance,” he says, slow and careful. “The other Shixiong said it was a chore best done alone to build strength. Is that wrong?”

“Very wrong,” Shen Yuan says, nearly beside himself with relief. 

Good, very good! Luo Binghe hasn’t lost all hope for his time on Qing Jing Peak just yet, after all! Given the chance, he’ll still try to carefully raise the issue of his bullying to a responsible Shixiong to take care of!

Shen Yuan can so be a responsible Shixiong that takes care of reports of bullying for Luo Binghe!!

“Oh,” Luo Binghe says, edging even closer to Shen Yuan. “Then what does Shen-shixiong think I should do?”

“Luo-shidi doesn’t have to do anything about this,” Shen Yuan says firmly. “This Shixiong will take care of finding out who’s meant to be sharing this chore with you and make them do the rest of it.”

“There might be multiple people,” Luo Binghe offers, still speaking with a caution that makes it quite clear how likely he thinks it is that Shen Yuan’s assistance will vanish as soon as Luo Binghe complains too much. 

“Because Luo-shidi has been made to do this chore alone for many days, now?” Shen Yuan asks. 

Still looking a bit wary, Luo Binghe nods. Shen Yuan sighs, having expected that answer, and takes the final steps needed to get within arm’s reach of Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe watches him closely, his hands curling tighter around the ax he’d been using to chop the wood. 

Moving slowly so as not to spook him, Shen Yuan raises one hand to place gently on Luo Binghe’s head. He really is too short for 15, but Shen Yuan knows all the details of ‘why’ - having to work too hard with not enough rest, having meals withheld from him or being served with spoilt ingredients - any kid would be a bit small, when under those conditions.

Luo Binghe had gone stiff under Shen Yuan’s touch, and Shen Yuan takes a moment to pet the top of his head for a moment before saying anything else, hoping to get Luo Binghe to relax again. 

Ah, I really did mean to try and keep you safe, Shen Yuan thinks to himself, feeling regretful. He’d come to Cang Qiong with the intention of finding Luo Binghe early, after all, and had worked as hard as he had in order to be ready for Luo Binghe when he came.

But then he had worked too hard, and Shen Qingqiu had promoted him to head disciple, and suddenly Shen Yuan thought he might go insane if he wasn’t able to get off Qing Jing Peak and stay off for as long as he could possibly get away with, and - 

How stupid of him. Luo Binghe must have been taken in during the disciple selection the very same year that Shen Yuan had taken off on his extended field trip. How very, very stupid of Shen Yuan, to think that things wouldn’t go upside down the second he looked away - this is Luo Binghe’s story, after all, and it’s always been a bit of a tragedy.

“Then this Shixiong can only apologize to you,” Shen Yuan says softly, with perhaps just a bit too much sincerity. “And in the future, if you’re given this sort of work again, I’ll chop wood in your place.”

Under his hand, Luo Binghe peers up at Shen Yuan with wide, hungry eyes. Shen Yuan gives him a final pat before withdrawing his hand, and plasters his friendly smile back on his face. 

“Now, why don’t you get cleaned up, hm? I’ll meet you again later - this Shixiong of yours still needs to report back to Shizun that I’ve returned from my trip.”

Luo Binghe nods, still watching Shen Yuan with an intensity that would feel more at home on an emperor than a scrawny 15 year old, and Shen Yuan beats a hasty retreat.

Despite all the pretty promises he made to Luo Binghe, he’s going to have to think of something clever to actually be able to fulfill them.

After all, not even all of his meta knowledge combined would be able to save Shen Yuan from his Shizun.

---

Shen Yuan has been pacing outside Shen Qingqiu’s bamboo house for ten minutes now. Nothing he can think of is good enough to convince someone as petty and stubborn as Shen Qingqiu. 

Once, at the start of his time on Qing Jing Peak, Shen Yuan had tied his disciple robes wrong, unused to wearing anything quite so complex. Shen Qingqiu had sneered at his mistake in the moment, and then for every major event in the next five years straight he’d made a point to comment snidely on how well Shen Yuan has managed to dress himself.

That’s the sort of mean streak this man has!! If he doesn’t like something, he’ll keep harping on that one thing for years, even after that thing isn’t around to bother him anymore! How is Shen Yuan supposed to coax Luo Binghe out of the jaws of a man like that?

Ah, forget it, forget it! Shen Yuan would just - he’d come back another day! Greeting Shen Qingqiu wasn’t really necessary, Shen Yuan could just -

“I was under the impression that Shen Yuan was a head disciple returning from field work, not a child trying to avoid bedtime.”

Shen Yuan whips around, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end like a spooked cat. There, kneeling elegantly on his front porch not ten meters from Shen Yuan, is Shen Qingqiu.

“Shizun!” Shen Yuan cries, trying to force his grimace into a nice, polite smile. “When did - I mean - this disciple means -”

Shen Qingqiu closes his fan with a harsh snap, and Shen Yuan shuts his mouth so fast he almost bites his tongue.

“Well?” Shen Qingqiu asks dryly, and Shen Yuan hurriedly drops into a bow. 

“This disciple greets Shizun!” Shen Yuan shouts, his ears burning with embarrassment. 

Shen Qingqiu hums, and Shen Yuan risks peeking out from his bow to look at him. 

He does not look especially pleased.

With all the elegance of a wild cat, Shen Qingqiu unfolds himself from his kneeling position on the porch and glides over to Shen Yuan. 

“Too low,” he says, slapping at Shen Yuan’s wrists with his fan. “Or was Shen Yuan hoping there would be a replacement head disciple waiting for him by the time he came back from his trip?”

“Ahahaha,” Shen Yuan wheezes, carefully correcting himself into a bow of a slightly higher ranked disciple than the one he’d originally slipped into. “Of course this disciple is honored by the position and very very grateful for Shizun’s benevolence in leaving it to him even during his absence…”

“What advice does Shen Yuan think his Shizun has for him?” Shen Qingqiu asks sharply, and Shen Yuan winces.

“‘Talk less,’ Shizun,” he recites dutifully. It is advice that Shen Qingqiu has given him many, many times.

Shen Qingqiu sniffs haughtily and walks a slow circle around Shen Yuan, inspecting him. Shen Yuan tries not to sweat too profusely. He really had been hoping that Shen Qingqiu may have forgotten about Shen Yuan in his years away, ah!

Finally, Shen Qingqiu completes his inspection, stopping once more in front of Shen Yuan. 

“What sort of pathetic creature has Shen Yuan carved the bones of to make his hairpiece?” He asks, using his fan to prod at Shen Yuan’s hairpin.

“A Hundred Year Crystal Tortoise, Shizun,” Shen Yuan answers.

“And the leather of your belt?”

“A Golden-Footed Acidic Bear, Shizun.”

“And did you even bother to remove the -”

“- the needle hairs beneath the Bear’s skin before treating the pelt,” Shen Yuan interrupts. “Yes, Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “How bold you’ve gotten, interrupting your Shizun.”

“...Sorry, Shizun,” Shen Yuan mumbles, deflating a bit.

“Still,” Shen Qingqiu sighs, and Shen Yuan peeks back up at him again. “You did decent enough, I suppose.”

Shen Yuan perks up, half-standing up out of his bow. “Thanking Shizun -!”

Shen Qingqiu whacks him over the head with his fan. “If Shen Yuan’s trip had been only a single year, instead of nearly four!”

Shen Yuan very quickly gets back into the proper deferential position. 

“Fleeing so quickly after being promoted, only to stay away for this long - I hope Shen Yuan is comfortable sleeping on the ground, because I’ve long since given up keeping the side room in my house for an absent head disciple. I filled it with cursed artifacts and dusty books two years ago.”

“Shizun -!” Shen Yuan protests, starting to stand up again. He’d liked that little room, damn it! It was the one decent part of being promoted to head disciple in the first place, even if it meant sharing a roof with this asshole!!

Shen Qingqiu whacks him again, and Shen Yuan obediently shuts up.

“Foolish boy,” he scolds, before promptly turning on his heel to stalk back to the bamboo house. “Hurry up, then,” he calls behind him, “I want to see if you still make tea as dreadfully as you did before.”

Shen Yuan makes a face at Shen Qingqiu’s back. Without looking behind him, Shen Qingqiu uses his qi to send a single leaf flying to Shen Yuan’s head, slapping him on the forehead right over where Shen Yuan’s brows had bunched together.

Shen Yuan smooths his face out into a perfectly polite smile once more. This asshole, he curses inwardly, he really is scum!! The lowest of the low!! A bully!!!

“Tea, Shen Yuan,” Shen Qingqiu calls once more, and Shen Yuan hurries to catch up.

---

Later, after Shen Yuan has dutifully given a retelling of his adventures over the last few years, and after Shen Qingqiu has grilled him on every mistake he made and how stupid that was of him and how shitty his tea still tastes, Shen Yuan finally manages to bring up Luo Binghe.

“This disciple met someone new this morning,” he says, pouring Shen Qingqiu more of his apparently awful tea. 

“Was Shen Yuan sure they were new? Perhaps it’s been so many years your brain has started to forget the faces of the idiots here in favor of whatever foolish beasts you’ve been studying.”

“Someone new,” Shen Yuan confirms, pretending to ignore Shen Qingqiu’s very pointed glare. “He was a disciple even younger than Ning-shimei, and you only picked her out the year before I left.”

“Ah,” Shen Qingqiu says, and all of a sudden Shen Yuan thinks that perhaps his Shizun has never been truly irritated with him in the past, because this expression is far more acidic than anything Shen Yuan has seen before.

“A-ah…?” Shen Yuan says, stupidly.

Shen Jiu sets his cup down with a harsh clink. “Shen Yuan should ignore that little beast. He won’t bring you any good news.”

“Shizun, this disciple likes beasts best,” Shen Yuan says. “Is he so bad?”

“Ignore him,” Shen Qingqiu repeats frostily. 

Shen Yuan swallows. This… there’s no way that he’ll be able to convince Shen Qingqiu to give Luo Binghe an honest shot in this one conversation. He can’t bet on being able to eventually wear him down, though, either - even if he does eventually convince him, if it takes a year to do it, that’s also not any good. Shen Yuan needs to be able to help Luo Binghe now.

Okay. This is fine. Shen Yuan has - he has so many very good ideas, all of them very well thought out and full of strategic benefits. He can use any one of these very good and smart ideas.

“I understand, Shizun,” Shen Yuan says, “That beast won’t be a shidi of mine, then.”

“Good, now -”

“But what about as a pet?”

Shen Qingqiu stares at him. Shen Yuan stares back.

“A pet,” Shen Qingqiu repeats. 

“A pet,” Shen Yuan agrees. “Shizun, I already said that I like beasts best - if I can’t raise Luo Binghe to be my shidi, can’t I raise him as my pet instead?”

“Don’t be foolish,” Shen Qingqiu snaps. “Beasts aren’t for keeping.”

“Sometimes they are - Cang Qiong has a whole peak dedicated to such a thing,” Shen Yuan points out. Shen Qingqiu’s scowl grows more fierce. 

“Qing Jing is above such dirty work,” he spits.

Shen Yuan swallows again, his hands clenched tightly in his lap. He’s already started down this path; he may as well place all his bets on making it through.

“Then perhaps Qing Jing is not for this disciple after all,” Shen Yuan says, trying to keep his voice steady. It still comes out a bit reedy, but at the very least, his voice doesn’t crack over the words. 

Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitches. “Speak plainly - Shen Yuan has already spent several years neglecting his duties. How much farther do you intend to stray?”

“Shizun so graciously held the position of head disciple open for this one,” Shen Yuan hedges. “On that topic, isn’t it possible for head disciples to choose to spend a decade or so on a different peak of their choice, to encourage diversity in education and cross-peak relationships before the head disciple becomes beholden to their peak as a lord? Perhaps I could take in a pet on a different peak, with such a method.”

“That’s a custom reserved for older disciples,” Shen Qingqiu spits, “intended to benefit them in the years directly leading up to their ascension as a peak lord, not when the head disciple is just a little whelp with a century ahead of them before they can wear a lord’s crown.”

“No such rule is written anywhere, Shizun.”

“Then I’ll write it,” Shen Qingqiu hisses. “Shen Yuan, you’ve had your fun these past years - now you are to stay on this peak.”

“Then I want a pet,” Shen Yuan says, tilting his head up defiantly. “It’ll benefit Shizun, too: you won’t have to feed or clothe him anymore, nor train him to be a cultivator.”

Not that you were doing any of those things for Luo Binghe before, ah!! Shen Yuan thinks, trying to focus on that feeling of indignation. If he just thinks about that - about the horror of coming across Luo Binghe in that clearing earlier, too scrawny to be 15 and yet wary enough of the world he may as well have been an adult - then Shen Yuan can hold his ground. 

If he just thinks about Luo Binghe as a neglected kid, and he just thinks of Shen Qingqiu as that child’s abuser -

If he just thinks about that, then Shen Yuan can meet the eyes of the man who has taught him and promoted him and housed him in the side room of his house, and he can demand this one thing.

“With what funds would Shen Yuan be able to feed and clothe his pet?” Shen Qingqiu asks sharply. “With what free time would he train him not to bite?”

“This one is the head disciple of Qing Jing Peak,” Shen Yuan says. “If a head disciple couldn’t manage that much, they certainly couldn’t deserve to ascend as a peak lord in the future.”

Shen Qingqiu falls silent, unfurling his fan and raising it high up his face until only his eyes peered out the top of it, watching Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan’s hands twist in his lap, but he keeps his gaze steady.

“A head disciple does not run away from the position,” Shen Qingqiu says. 

“Nor does a master run off from their pet,” Shen Yuan agrees.

There’s another moment of quiet as they both watch each other. When Shen Qingqiu speaks again, his voice is firm, like someone reciting basic peak rules and not the terms of the most batshit insane agreement Shen Yuan has ever brokered.

“You will stay on Qing Jing,” Shen Qingqiu says, “and you will accept the head discipleship position without fuss.”

“Yes, Shizun.”

“No more trips. No more pretending to forget to introduce yourself as my head disciple. No more pushing your pathetic disciple brothers at me with paperwork that you clearly filled out in some sort of foolish scheme to have me consider them over you.”

Shen Yuan winces. “Yes, Shizun.”

“You will not receive any additional allowance, for any reason, outside of the funds normally provided to a head disciple. Any pests you pick up will not sleep in my house, nor will you be allowed to request room in the dormitories for any such creature. Those resources are for disciples, not beasts.”

Shen Yuan hesitates. Luo Binghe can’t sleep in the rundown woodshed forever, and he wants to protest the idea that the dorms are for disciples, as if Luo Binghe was ever allowed in there in the first place.

Shen Qingqiu taps one finger on the table. “Answer, Shen Yuan.”

“This disciple agrees under one condition,” Shen Yuan says. “Using his personal funds, this disciple would like to request permission to make moderate renovations to a peak structure in order to improve the quality of kept wood.”

Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “Disciple Shen Yuan’s personal funds will be drained by feeding an animal - you will not be able to afford the standards that Qing Jing exacts for renovation projects.”

“This disciple has been collecting favors from An Ding. They will be repaid, and this disciple will be able to afford the project.”

“Shen Yuan had best not be caught collecting any such favors forcibly,” Shen Qingqiu warns, which is very distinctly a ‘don’t get caught blackmailing people’ warning and not a blanket ‘don’t blackmail people’ one.

“Of course,” Shen Yuan agrees. “This one is the personal disciple of Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu - how could I get caught in such a way?”

Read: you’ve made sure I understand how to not get caught when doing something shady, at the very least!!

Shen Qingqiu waves his fan once, twice - he’s irritated, but doesn’t necessarily disagree.

“Fine,” he says at last. “Permission for a renovation to that ugly woodshed is granted. And Shen Yuan’s answer to all other stipulations?”

“This disciple agrees.”

Shen Qingqiu slaps his fan closed in one palm. “Then Shen Yuan is allowed a pet. I won’t interfere further.”

Shen Yuan nods. He expected as much; Shen Qingqiu won’t egg on any further bullying, nor will he stop Shen Yuan from taking any measures he pleases when it comes to Luo Binghe, but he won’t help Shen Yuan dissuade the current bullying.

That’s fine - already, this is enough to help Luo Binghe.

“Thanking Shizun,” Shen Yuan says, bowing his head slightly. “This disciple will not disappoint.”

After all, how hard could raising the protagonist be? This world revolves around Luo Binghe; all Shen Yuan needs to do is make Luo Binghe’s everyday life a bit less miserable, give him just one person he can trust. Luo Binghe will manage the rest himself, by nature of being who he is - what he is. 

Yes, this - this is the best way.

---

Outside the bamboo house, crouched beneath a window so still his muscles ache and his head feels woozy from how shallow he’s kept his breathing, Luo Binghe listens to his Shizun and Shixiong move on to discuss cleaning out the side room now that Shen Yuan has returned to the peak.

A pet, he thinks, his eyes blown wide, his fingers digging deep into the ground beneath his knees. He can feel dirt caking the underside of his fingernails, and the scars he leaves in the ground are very much like an animal, indeed.

A pet, he thinks again, over and over on loop in his mind, his pretty Shixiong’s voice fading to background noise. He thinks of Shen Yuan gently patting his head like one might coax a dog, and he thinks -

Yes, a pet.

[aideski]

Goodbye i’m thinking about how different transmigrated binghe bingyuan and binggeyuan roommate au’s are

It’s hilarious because bingmei and bingge are the same person but on completely different ends of the binghe spectrum

bingmei->shen yuan: 🥰😍❤️🫂🌹😭😭 (in mind: 🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞)

bingge->shen yuan: 😠😡🔞🔪🧍‍��️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️(in mind: 🥰😍❤️🫂🌹🔞🔞)

You may have noticed the vast difference of 🔞 between bingmei and bingge and is like to explain this with a “it’s bingmei.”

You, dear svsss enjoyer, should know why there’s not much i can say. little freak. (jk sorry bingmei we love you stay freaky)

You could argue that bingge would have a lot more 🔞 Yeah sure, but i think not as much as bingmei because even though bingge was the local harem collector in another universe, he genuinely hates SY so much that if he could, he would beat the shit out of him and leave his guts on the wall so his sister would find them (yk classic bingge behavior), but can’t because he’s admitted to himself that without SY’s care he’s useless

Bingge would hate SY so much because SY treat him like a baby. A stupid, little baby who doesn’t know how to operate the damn washing mashing. Bingmei would stand in front of the washing machine and patiently wait for SY to catch him loitering about like an NPC just so he gets the thrill of being noticed by his yuan-gege. Meanwhile, bingge would shove his not-safe washing machine clothes that SY bought for him online with clothes that can stain the entire clothes bunch into the machine and press a bunch of buttons not fully understanding what everything says because it’s in traditional chinese, and watch hours later as SY picks through the waching machine, face distraught as he folds every piece of clothing that’s now stained with pink (bingge accidentally added one of shen-mei’s shirts into the pile without noticing)

he would sit crisscrossed on the floor, seething in raw hate as SY towers over him in his skinny, short glory, pulling on bingge’s ear as he crashes out about hundreds of clothing pieces being ruined. It’s not even his clothes. It’s bingge’s. Which is why he’s even madder, because… gee, SY doesn’t know why, but this seems like a reasonable crashout reason and he’s been needing a reason to go apeshit, so yeah

Bingge’s hate would turn to despite because SY would force him to wear said pink clothes for a whole month. Everywhere.

LBG: Shen Yuan if I have to wear pink One More Time to the grocery market, I Will Slam Your Body On The Wall Headfirst

SY: try it. i have a google doc of how you look like and other information about you ready to be given to the police in case of my sudden death

LBG: no one would even know. No one would come looking for You

SY: your harem betrayed you.

LBG: Damn.

SY was half lying about said bingge information log. It’s not on a google doc, It’s on a word document. In a hard drive duck taped to his inner thigh. Why on his inner thigh? idk, SY isn’t that smart sometimes. He supposes that when he’s stripped for an autopsy they’ll just find this hard drive taped on him and mark LBG as a main suspect because SY’s word doc said so

Later on in their roommate-ship, binggeyuan goes from being liujiu toxicity levels to romantic, and when bingge is stripping SY for papapa SY completely forgets about the hard drive taped on him, so when bingge removes his lower clothes and spreads SY’s legs he just blue screens

LBG: yuan

SY: extremely horny, almost whining ?????

LBG: you weren’t lying about the “google doc”, weren’t you

SY: what.

So now the papapa is paused because SY now has to plug in the drive into his computer and show bingge what’s on it and bingge’s like “damn. he’s an even bigger obsessor than i am.” And bingge just get more horny from that. Binggeyuan bed shenanigans ensue

meanwhile while all of this is happening bingmei is desperately trying and embarrassingly failing to make SY understand that He!! Has!! A!! Crush!! On!! Him!!!!! SY, please!!!!!!!!

[emile-tb]

PRESSURE OC ALERT

[johnslittlespoon]

Wrapped Around Your Finger (You Say That I'm A Home Run)

[WC: 3K | Gale Cleven/John Egan, Wound Care, Blow Jobs, Light Dom/Sub, Coming In Pants, Praise Kink, PWP]

“Stay still,” Gale murmurs, gripping his jaw tighter, and a quiet whine climbs up John’s throat, feeling the dabs of the cotton pause for just a moment before Gale continues on.

The bruising ache, the firm hand on his face, the close proximity, Gale’s flat commands– it’s all making his skin itch, heat rising to the surface as his mouth goes a little dry. He instinctively closes his legs around Gale’s sides to stop him from getting close enough when he moves in to observe the deeper split above his brow, and Gale pulls back, levelling him with an irritated stare.

[AO3 LINK]

[lale-txt]

the click of a tongue and a condescending “sweetheart” while you’re thigh riding sakusa, ruining his expensive suit pants in the back of a limo