#satan's little helper

[spookynerdiness]

Halloween, 2004

[hallucinationhorrors]

[baronvonjackass]

A wicked Halloween-themed commission from the inimitable Cardlin! https://www.deviantart.com/cardlin Alphabet thought it'd be funny, a little joke, to put that jack-o'-lantern on his head for a moment. Have a laugh, be a bit silly on this high-spirited holiday. Unfortunately for him, that jack-o'-lantern - if that's even what it is! - has a mind of its own! Whatever walks away from this encounter may be the last thing you want to see that night... His hooded sweatshirt says "Satan's Little Helper", one of my favorite horror movies of all time! Definitely worth a watch; don't go in looking for high art.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/25/2024: SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER, I GUESS

Goddammit, Joe Bob. Why did you fucking do this to me? I was really counting on The Last Drive-In to give me something cool to write up, without me even having to go to the trouble of choosing, but you really can't trust anyone these days. I don't even know what I want to say about this, but I can't break my blogtober oath to myself over SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER.

Jeff Lieberman, who once made some fascinatingly subversive movies like JUST BEFORE DAWN and BLUE SUNSHINE, decided he absolutely had to come out of a ~10 year hiatus to make this grossly inappropriate cheapie about a delusional little boy who thinks a costumed serial killer is his favorite video game character. I guess one of the messages here is that if you go into show business you have to find a way to stay there, because it could be confusing and difficult to transition into getting a regular job later. A huge portion of this alleged horror movie is just family hi jinx; the kid thinks the killer is a living cartoon, the sexy older sister thinks he's her boyfriend in disguise, and there's just, for some reason, a relentless stream of jokes about how the whole family wants to fuck each other. I do not know what that's about. It's one thing for the little boy to have naively icky feelings about his vivacious sister, but then the mom (Amanda Plummer, my darling, blink twice if you're not safe!) and the sister are always exchanging horny banter about each other, and like, I really did not get it. It's the kind of thing I usually only see in Victor Salva movies, and as far as I know Jeff Lieberman is not a pedo, so I don't know what his fucking problem was on this movie.

The film's main quality is this push-pull between being extremely infantile, like something for really little kids, and being intrusively inappropriate, whether it's the family talking about each other's bodies or the child having to watch his father get graphically murdered right before his very eyes, knowing that it's all his personal fault. I just had a really hard time picturing the ideal viewer of this movie.

Anyway, the last thing I'll say about it is that the older sister is played by Katheryn Winnick from Vikings and it made me kind of sad. Lagertha, my beloved, what did you let these freaks do to you? I guess the moral of the story is that you just have to eat a lot of shit if you want to be the queen of the vikings. The End.

[horrororman]

31 Horror Movies for 31 October Nights!

Night 25: Satan's Little Helper (2004).

#TheLastDriveIn #DarcytheMailGirl

#mutantfam #makedvdsradagain

#comedy #horror 🎃🔪

[beauty-funny-trippy]

Not much has changed since then except for the technology.

[mister-girl]

Can someone please draw Dale as a pinup I literally can’t stop thinking about it

[skinetom]

Satan’s Little Helper ~ 2004

[stromcuzewon]

we're at my aunts for Christmas and we watched dear santa tonight. it's very much a jack black movie, you know how it goes. but I really hope the main kid in it makes it out of child acting without irreparable trauma because I think he has that thing, yknow?

[cowbell-ghuleh]

Perfect Weather for Satan's little helper...

We had a ridiculous amount of snow overnight, by Welsh standards anyway.

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

On Galadriel’s Whitewashing by the Fandom

Allow me to rant. Because at this point I really have to ask this: what show have you all been watching? Many say that Sauron deceives the audience, but it was actually Galadriel who deceived you all, really.

In Season 1 and Season 2, we saw Galadriel using others left and right, for her own ends (including Halbrand, Míriel, Adar, etc.). Her character introduction in Season 1, was her beating the sh*t out of some kids over a paper boat. Then, we saw her treating her companions’ lives as if they meant nothing to her. This alone should tell you something, but no, you wanted to see the “feminist hero” that never was. She was acting like... Sauron, when he ditched the humans on the raft. 

Nah, you think?

Throughout Season 1, she was arrogant, high on herself and downright offensive to pretty much every character she came across. She was constantly acting as if she was better than everyone else, and others were beneath her, because of her delusions of grandeur. She disobeys Gil-galad over and over again because she doesn’t truly recognize his authority. He’s younger than her, and in her mind she’s the one who should be High Queen of the Noldor, because she’s the only surviving child of High King Finarfin. She lied and manipulated others to her own ends... like Sauron.

When your ways of manipulation are more radical than Sauron’s.

Allow me to say this once more: “Rings of Power” has Tolkien experts to assist with the writings of the scripts. Christian doctrine and preaching is a huge deal on Tolkien’s work, and even if the show producers don’t see it or don’t recognize it, it’s still there because it’s inevitable, you can't work Tolkien without it.

What does this mean? Galadriel is not a hero. Pride and greed are not good traits in Tolkien lore. She’s not one of the “good guys”. Not yet, and she’ll only get worse before she gets better. She’s not a villain, either; she’s an anti-hero like Adar. Why do you all think Satan’s little helper Sauron got so interested in her, in the first place? 

When Sauron of all characters gives you the side-eye and tells you to chill and tone down your antagonistic behavior.

And was she deceived by Sauron or did she deceive herself? Because Elrond, as usual, is right, and that’s why he calls her out on her bullsh*t in Season 2: Galadriel wanted the lost king who could ride her to victory, to destroy Sauron and cover herself in glory, being worshipped by everyone on Middle-earth as its savior. She wanted to use Halbrand as a pawn in her big plan, and it’s mind blowing she actually fell in love with him. Does this ring any bells? It’s because it’s Sauron’s plan, too. They are alike. Everyone agrees, but doesn’t realize just how much.

You think they showed us these glorious shots of them for “good” reasons? This is the first of Mairon’s deceptions on Season 1, another step closer to evil and his old ways. This is them high on power and on themselves.

Gil-galad foresaw that Galadriel would bring back Sauron if her pursuit for him would to continue. That’s why he sent her back to Valinor, in the first place. Guess what? He was right. It was Galadriel’s actions that condemned Middle-earth to Sauron’s tyranny. In the legendarium, the Elves are also the ones to blame. And what consequences did she faced for this? Enduring Elrond in charge for two episodes until she went rogue? Or perhaps the Valar have already banished her, and the show failed to mention this. 

Preach it, brother!

Elrond was also the only character who could see through Sauron’s “rings of power” masterplan (must be that Melian’s Maia blood kicking in), until he was deceived himself, as well, and now he also thinks the rings are a good thing. Because these rings allowed the Elves to “cheat death” and stay where they don’t belong. “Rings of Power” made this point very clear in Season 1: the Southlanders don’t want the Elves on their lands, they are invaders.

In truth, all of these characters are not only Sauron’s accomplices, but are feeding off his power, but they are acting as if they are the “good guys” here, and they need to save Middle-earth from the new Dark Lord. No wonder the Valar told them to f*ck off, and only sent a few helpers who didn’t even dealt with Sauron directly, even though they (being Maiar themselves) had the power to do that.

Long story, short: for the love of Eru, stop whitewashing Galadriel’s character, or believing her to be some sort of “Virgin Mary” nonsense type of character. Or if you actually think her behavior is somehow heroic I don’t even know what to tell you, honestly. Because it’s not suppose to be. And if you were upset with her “toning down” in Season 2, oh boy, I might have bad news for you.

We should appreciate Galadriel’s character for what it is; an anti-hero seeking redemption. She f*cks up a lot, is flawed, and makes huge mistakes, and that’s what will make her character arc feel earned and compelling. In that way, she’s the opposite of Sauron; as he falls into evil, she raises up to good; the Lady of Light and the Dark Lord. This is actually refreshing in the midst of so many boring-ass one-dimensional female characters we see nowadays, an ideal of perfection no one can relate to.

[hallucinationhorrors]

[trashogram]

✨ Best Kind of S/O For This Character ✨

Alastor - Observer S/O. His narcissism and theatrics require an indulgent personality, but also someone who knows how to employ the Gray Rock method at just the right time. You’re either an overworked motherly type who will pretend to eat the plastic food your toddler hands to you dutifully or an amusing simpleton that has no time for thinking i.e. the average American audience member.

Lucifer - Challenger S/O. Lucifer is a sweet, idealistic soul… who got damned to an eternity of suffering for it. As inventive and creative as the King of Hell is, he needs someone to keep him from going complacent, otherwise you won’t be hearing or seeing him for years on end as he holes up and tries to find meaning in mediocrity.

Husk - Loyalist S/O. He’s no longer a high-roller, just someone that has to roll over for a higher power — so you best be ready to bond over a common enemy. But that’s counterfeit connection stuff — Husk wants someone direct, straightforward and real. He needs you to be someone he can depend on. A Class Act… or just someone that acts like a fucking adult in this Hellhole.

Sir Pentious - Achiever S/O. Dude’s the ssssssssweetest failure in Hell, but it figures that all he needs to do to get some respect down here is have someone else who succeeds at whatever they do. And thats all due to your goal-oriented and driven personality. There’s no time for awkwardness when you’ve planned your next scheme down to the last detail and Pentious has a pivotal role. So chop chop! Slither your way over here, good sir!

Striker - Individualist S/O. He’s perfected the art of ‘looking perfect’ — he could best the Best of The Best anytime, anywhere and none of you deserve the time of day from him… Hey wait, why aren’t you looking at him? Hey! Stop ignoring him ignoring you! Striker needs the opposite of perfect — he needs a weirdo that doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinions, so never feels the need to prove their own superiority. Striker’s got that complex covered, thanks.

Verosika Mayday - Helper S/O. She needs someone to indulge her too, but not because she’s got Radio Demon-sized ego. Verosika needs someone compassionate and thoughtful, to prove they care without expecting a transaction for it. It’ll be a long time before she stops calling the cops because you didn’t answer her texts for over two hours, but you’ll get there.

Satan - Peacemaker S/O. This kind of goes without saying, but the Sin of Wrath feels little peace throughout his life. You need to bring calm and patience everywhere, maybe in a bag with endless storage like the one that Mary Poppins has? You don’t judge, but you do show disappointment when the grouchy old dragon’s pants catch on fire.

Loona - Enthusiast S/O. Be prepared to bring lots and lots of energy to the team. You’re gonna need it. This furry bait chick is all bark but if you throw her into a new situation, she’ll try to run back to you with her tail between her legs. It’s all about getting her to come out of her shell and ignoring her testy teen angst comments with a smile on your face until she’s run out of quips, and corners to sulk in.

[conundrumoftime]

Okay so look, here is why I want Celeborn in TROP as soon as he can feasibly get there

I know that many people feel he shouldn't turn up yet because at the moment Galadriel is still traumatised, brittle and emotionally entangled with Sauron. I want him to turn up now precisely because Galadriel is traumatised, brittle and emotionally entangled with Sauron.

I do not want him to swoop in and instantly save her from that, to be clear. I do not want him to be her reward for getting through it. I want him to turn up as an almost-stranger to a wife he's been away from for eight hundred years and see her now, see her as she is, hairtrigger temper and trauma and grief and unresolved situationship with Satan's Little Helper and all. I want his love for her to include all of that.

(Because! They don't have to stay together! Galadriel's family is full of couples who lived out their marriages on separate continents due to what I'll just briefly gloss over as Some Significant Ideological Disagreements. We know they end up together in Lothlórien but the characters have not read Lord of the Rings!)

I want him to see her tempted by power, and know that whatever they have later is built on that kind of understanding of what she wants and who she is and what she nearly did - and what she might still do. I want Sauron to still be offering her that in their 3000-year-long mind battle and for her to still be tempted by it and for Celeborn to know, to fully know, maybe to have it as an unspoken pain between them, maybe to be the only person she can trust to tell.

I do not want them to sit around holding hands and smiling gently at each other, yay missing husband's back hearts and flowers THE END. I want them to argue. I want those centuries of separation to matter. I want hurt feelings and pain and grief turned to anger, and to see how they navigate through that - why they navigate through that.

I want Sauron to try a divide-and-conquer approach with the two of them by showing Celeborn that raft-vision of Galadriel as his queen, and for Celeborn to find himself horrified by it and loving her despite it, and - perhaps! - really quite intensely turned on by the thought of it, too.*

I want them to rebuild that marriage, not just to resume it like they were never even apart. I want it to be worth rebuilding. I want him to love her, and not love the perfect past-temptation no-longer-fighty image of her that angry male Peter Jackson fans on Twitter have told me she is Supposed To Be - I want him to love this Galadriel, this broken and grieving and furious one, this one that still refers to Sauron as 'Halbrand' sometimes, this one who's on Numenor's list of Prisoners Who Haven't Yet Finished Their Sentence For Causing Sedition when Pharazôn turns up ("Did you actually - you know what, never mind, tell me later"). I want him to love her.

---

(* one of my Silmarillion incomplete draft fics is Thingol trying to warn Celeborn away from her by bringing up stories about her from the Helcaraxë, "well she looks all happy and peaceful mingling with our court now but can you imagine her drenched head to foot in the blood of a bear she just killed?", only Celeborn is the exact opposite of put off by this. "No! That's terrible! I must go and speak to her about it immediately in private and get all the details, just to assure myself about how terrible it was.")

[horrororman]

Satan's Little Helper was released on May 6, 2004(Tribeca Film Festival)(premiere).

#SatansLittleHelper

#horror #comedy