#sassy snape

[394halfbloodprince]

*2 year old Severus bringing a ‘potion’ of dead bugs, worms, random sticks, mud, leaves, dirt, etc. that he found outside and mixed together to his mother*

Eileen: …

Seveurs: mother don’t just stare at it. Eat it.

[the-most-faithful]

This is so Snape coded xD

I love Snape because he's just constantly making jokes for HIMSELF. Like these kids have no clue what he's going on about he's just being sassy as fuck for his own amusement like-

Snape: lmao Umbridge you dumb fuck *bows ironically* you are so stupid *peace sign* I hope these kids kill u *moonwalks out the door*

[maxdibert]

Sirius: Hey, Snivellus, is it true that not even your parents love you?

Severus: Well, they love me enough not to disown me.

[moonychildxd]

That one moment in The Halfblood Prince book when snape treats Wormtail like a slave lives rent free in my head.

[severussnapemylove]

(Sometime at Hogwarts in the 1970s)

Severus; "FIGHT ME, YOU BITCH ASS BASTARD!"

Lucius; "At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone."

Severus; "Oh, I'm sorry, I should ask: dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?"

Lucius; "Somehow that's worse."

[grimmauldplacepublishing]

Azoth by Zeitgeistic

Very excited and nervous to start sharing my binds online but here is my first post! I've known I wanted to bind Azoth since I first read it ages ago so I'm glad I've finally gotten here. To be clear, this is NOT my first bind, it's actually my tenth.

This bind had a lot of firsts for me.

First cardstock cover

First foiled cover

First edge coloring

First sewn endbands with metallic thread

First cloth spine

There are of course mistakes but overall I'm quite proud of this one!

I did the typeset myself which took the longest as it's one of the more detailed typesets I've done and wanted to make sure it was done well.

The cover was done with toner reactive foil and turned out far better then I could have hoped. The cut out I did by hand and then glued the portrait of Snape on the back side.

Endpapers are from a paper pack from Michaels but I think they fit the theme very well.

[dranna]

“Whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed.”

Because it’s clearly black and very dark shades of green. Obviously.

more experimenting doodle 💅✨it’s been a while since I draw something very silly~

~commissions open | links ~

[roxthemoonchild]

Harry: You won't like me when I'm angry.

Severus: Bold of you to assume I would ever like you anyway.

[discoveredreality]

severus snape was such a slay, and the amount of *sass* in his walk and the way his robes flew out behind him... omg. like literally stop with all the snape bashing, i won't be listening.

[lilithofpenandbook]

The door to Minerva McGonagall's study opened. She knew without lifting her eyes who it was, so she kept them firmly on her paperwork.

Severus Snape, on the other hand, shut the door, proceeded to almost skip to the desk, and promptly hopped on and perched on the end.

She still ignored him.

He lowered his head all the way down until he was practically touching her forehead. Her eyes rolled up to meet his. He had a little grin on his face, one that didn't disappear at the steel in her eyes. Instead it seemed to increase. "Alright, mum?"

"What do you want?" she sighed.

"What, a man can't pay a visit to his old friend?" Severus tutted, shaking his head. "And here I thought you loved me."

"I loath you, if that's what you mean," she retorted wryly. Severus's eyes widened and he put a hand on his chest.

"Oh, I'm simply wounded, mother! See, my heart, it is completely and utterly torn in pieces!"

"Yer heart's on the left side, you overgrown sausage."

Severus quickly moved his hand. "Well, I could feel the pain over there due to the heavy impact of the pain," he improvised.

"Oh, aye?"

"Aye, that's the truth."

"Didn't know yer sneaky, sly little silver tongue could speak the truth!"

"Here, just 'cause I convinced the Headmaster that you were the one who ate his cake, it d'nt mean you have to still be mad at me!"

Minerva sipped her tea, and looked at the overgrown gangly child grown man of 32 years who was still sat on her desk. "Are you going tae leave me in peace, laddie? Or d'ye need me tae give ye a sweetie like yer a wee firstie wanting his mummy?"

Severus's eyes went wide once again. "Bloody hell, mum's on the warpath."

"Did ye have a purpose fer interrupting me work or not?" she demanded.

"I did!" Severus looked insulted.

"Then what?! Out with it, boy!"

Severus's dark eyes met her. They remained fixed on her eyes. His hand reached out, and batted her tea cup, toppling it onto its side. Still maintaining the eye contact, he slipped off her desk, and walked backwards to the door.

"What...?" she gaped at him.

Severus saluted, eyes still fixed on her. And then he proceeded to sprint off down the corridor, probably going to bother Albus for attention.

Minerva stared at the cup on its side.

"...what is wrong with you? Are ye some sorta overgrown kitty cat- oh. Oh my... SEVERUS!"

[394halfbloodprince]

Severus is terrified of toads and that’s why he hates Trevor.

[klinefelterrible]

Minerva McGonagall: there are four houses

Minerva McGonagall: Pufflebuffledufflepumps, Ravencoldalausentopfenkoch, Greevindorflindlortf and Slutherin

Sorting hat: and we all know where Malfoy goes

Severus Snape: Minerva for fuck sakes

Minerva McGonagall: what

Nearly headless Nick: you said Plumpenhuhfufflendington wrong

Severus Snape: yeah, that too

Severus Snape: who the fuck would want to go there and remember this stupid name anyway

Minerva McGonagall: *taking a sip* who the fuck would want to remember your name anyway

[fallingstars-55]

Some random guy: Hey lily! Would you like to check out my basement? I have got some nice pillar there.

Lily Evans: What about the attic? Oh right!... It's empty. You have to open a book between your legs to get me down there. Wait!...U haven't touched them but even 'u' do know these rectangular printed things called books exist *narrows eyes in doubt* ...right?

[maxdibert]

yeah, people love to act like w0lfstar are some canon queer icons when in the actual canon Sirius had posters of bikini clad women on his walls and mocked his former classmate for being a crybaby (Snivellus) well into his adulthood, while Remus got a younger woman pregnant and then bolted in fear of the responsibility. none of which means they couldn't be gay or bi! but all of which points to neither of them being the soft uwu boys that fanon likes to dream them up as. all of these character traits are the things that make them even remotely interesting, and I'll never understand the impulse to remove them in order to make them more palatable or nicer. they were assholes too!

Wolfstar is a ship as old as the fandom itself, but its characterization of the characters used to be much more accurate. Back in the late 00s, there wasn’t this kind of twink Sirius who had been turned into a completely different character by stripping away all his essential traits, including the fact that he was always described in the books as the epitome of traditional masculinity: the tallest of them all (not just of the Marauders, but in general; he was taller than most of the characters, and Rowling constantly compares his height with others), the most violent, the most attractive, the one who made the girls sigh, the one with posters of women in bikinis in his room, the one who had A HUGE MOTORCYCLE, FOR GOD'S SAKE. I mean, Rowling really makes an effort to emphasize all these things at various points in the story—she likes to dwell on how handsome, masculine, and handsome, and once again, handsome, Sirius Black was. She repeats it like eighty times. In fact, she repeats it as often as she repeats that Severus is ugly, slouched, and looks like a shadow. Sirius and Severus are described in great detail, both ironically with completely different physiques and diametrically opposed appearances. With the other Marauders, you know certain things, but there isn’t the same emphasis as there is with Sirius. Rowling wants you to know that Sirius Black was incredibly handsome, super tall, a rebellious tough guy with a motorcycle, and that he had posters of naked women in his room. She wants you to know that he was a guy who performed his masculinity in a very heteronormative way. Could he have liked men? Sure, we won’t rule it out, anything is possible, but you can like men and still be a tough guy—those things aren’t mutually exclusive. And I don’t know if Sirius was straight, bisexual, or gay; that’s not something specified, but regardless of his sexual preferences, he was a tough guy. And Rowling stamps that fact into your brain all the time.

This was something that was respected in the old Wolfstar. They respected this Sirius Black, and they also respected that he had very problematic, violent attitudes and was a questionable person. They also tried to stay a bit more true to the Remus of canon, who had this pathological need for acceptance and was a bit cowardly, etc. There was an intention to keep the characters in character, and while Wolfstar has never made sense to me as a pairing because 1) if Sirius had an obsession with one of his friends or was emotionally attached to anyone, it was James, and 2) he always treated Remus like shit and didn’t even care that he might end up in prison for killing a fellow student, just as he was the first to distrust him during the war, and 3) Remus went on to live his life, married a young girl, got her pregnant, and almost abandoned her, showing us that he was the worst kind of hetero but also the best example of an insecure hetero guy, the truth is I didn’t mind that pairing because I always say that people can ship whatever they want and I always respect that.

But what they’ve done now with the characters... I mean, I don’t care who ships who; everyone can ship whoever they want with whoever they want. It’s a free world, and I’m really one of those people who thinks that as long as it doesn’t involve minors with old people, everything is fine. But, seriously, they’ve destroyed the characters, they’ve mutilated them. I don’t know who this person is that I sometimes read about in some posts, but it’s not Sirius Black, it’s not the Sirius Black from the books, and the Sirius Black from the books is a character with a lot of depth who could be very complex if treated properly. But instead of exploiting his essence, which is so inconsistent, full of cynicism, double standards, and pure hypocrisy, they’ve turned him into some kind of... I don’t know, a cheap character from a Netflix tabloid series that lasts five seasons with terrible plots just for the aesthetic. He seems like he’s come straight out of Elite, like, what a cringe.

Destroying Remus’s character also seems like a huge slap in the face to me. Hello? Is this really your queer icon? A man who, at 38, gets a 25-year-old girl pregnant and then runs off? Seriously, don’t you realize that you’re making the most heteroproblematic guy in the entire saga into a sort of symbol of the LGBTQ+ community? I just don’t get it. I mean, at least portray him for what he was, it doesn’t matter, it makes him more interesting.

I don’t know what the hell has happened to this fandom. I’ve never liked the Marauders, but their fandom was bearable years ago. People used to keep the personalities and traits of the characters. And the physical appearance too, because this new generation even invents that, turning Sirius into a gnome or something, I don’t know, lol. I really don’t know what the hell has happened in recent years, but that place is unbearable now—not only because it’s full of toxic people or because it glorifies abusive rich kids, or because most of them have a super classist background, but because they’ve destroyed characters that, while you might not like them, at least the reasons you didn’t like them were the same ones that allowed for interesting dynamics. Or to make interesting analyses. Or to read interesting metas. Now, it’s all reduced to seeing who fits more with a magical version of Sex Education, and it’s not only cringey but it also takes away all the charm of the characters.

[snapeaddict]

Minvember Day 3 - Dance rehearsal

"Severus, you must help me."

"I am busy."

"Busy doing what, exactly?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"..."

"The fumes, Minerva. I am watching the potion fumes. The thicker it is, the better the result for this experiment."

"I see. I thought you were merely contemplating your laboratory, brooding over the absurdity of life as per usual."

Severus rolled his eyes. He unfolded his arms and took his eyes off the cauldrons that stood a few feet before him, glancing at the deputy headmistress with an unreadable expression.

"How may I be of service?"

"My left foot."

He raised an eyebrow.

"You will have to be more precise."

"It hurts."

Almost imperceptibly, his lips quirked in a sort of twisted, half-repressed smile.

"That is most unfortunate", he merely replied.

"Well, do something about it, you annoying man!"

"I do not see how. Certainly Poppy is the one qualified-"

"You know how she is! She might talk - tell Albus -"

Severus leaned comfortably against the nearest work-table. He could have been filing his nails for all that mattered; he looked especially unbothered, with a cunning and satisfied expression patiently waiting to move each of the carefully trained muscles of his face.

"Tell Albus what?" he asked.

His voice, as usual very smooth, was a steady mix of amusement and faked ignorance.

Minerva sighed heavily. She looked over her shoulder, then replied:

"You know he stepped over my foot the whole evening. And the day before. And the day before that."

"Really? But I thought you were an experienced waltz teacher -"

"Severus -"

"Such a brilliant one, in fact, that even the headmaster could become a successful dancer under your guidance, if I recall your very words -"

"Severus -"

"And, if my memory does not fail me, to that I humbly replied-"

"FINE! YES! Albus is a lost cause. It is like his arms and legs do not belong to the same person. He smiles confidently and then moves completely out of rhythm. Are you satisfied?"

Severus smiled cunningly. He set out to the other side of the room, opened and closed a cupboard and then came back to his original place, holding a jar of white cream. He handed it to her.

"This will reduce the inflammation in under ten minutes, if applied generously. It is scented with camomille - your favourite."

"Thank you."

She turned to leave.

"Oh, Minerva?"

"What now?"

"Do you know when this was prepared?"

"I am sure you will tell me."

"August 13th. The day we learnt there would be a Yule Ball."

She rolled her eyes and left, cursing under her breath. From what Severus could make out, it was something about never taking a bet again; he turned his attention back to his cauldrons, looking very pleased with himself.

[myst867]