#sarges incorrect quotes

[sergeantwoods]

soap: *gets down on one knee* ghost: oh my god its happening soap: *falls over* ghost: the poisons finally kicking in

--

soap: am i going too far? gaz: no, no, no. you went too far about seven hours ago. now you're going to prison.

--

price: i have ten blank notebooks and i have no clue what to put in them. suggestions? soap: put spaghetti in it. price: im literally taking suggestions from anyone but you. gaz: put spaghetti in it. price: im currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two. ghost: put spaghetti in it. price: im no longer taking suggestions.

--

gaz: roach, i'm sad. roach: *holds out arms for a hug* its going to be okay. soap, watching them: ghost, im sad. ghost: mood

--

soap: you lying, cheating, piece of shit!! gaz: oh yeah? you're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD soap: im leaving you, and IM TAKING GHOST WITH ME price, picking up the monopoly board: i think we're going to stop playing now.

--

soap: is stabbing someone immoral? gaz: not if they consent to it. ghost: depends on who you're stabbing. price: YES?!? --

soap: self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. price: no, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! ghost: self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! self care is the fear in your enemies eyes !!!! gaz: lmao self care is me takin your birthday cake so i can just eat the frosting soap: if you touch my birthday cake i will eat your hands. -- soap: do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? or if their limbs were just slightly too long? or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed something on the street and you just didn’t notice it? gaz: stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!! soap: you know what? that wasn't my point at all, but glad i could spread some inspiration.

[agentcaboose]

Church's Burgers

A collection of incorrect quotes using Bob's burgers

Wash: It’s important for Church to do his own stuff. He’s not just Church of Church's Burgers, he’s a person.

Caboose: If he’s not just Church, then why is his name Chruch?

Wash: It’s Leonard.

Tucker: Sounds weird.

Caboose: Yeah, we don’t believe you.

Caboose: you gotta do it with me :(

Church: what? no, no way

Caboose: yes like when you got that flu shot to show me it was ok

Church: yeah that was brave of me

Church: *sleepwalking*

Simmons: Church is a sleepwalker?

Tucker: not normally, should we wake him?

Sarge: never wake a sleepwalker. they could get violent, and whatever you do don't give him an axe

Tucker: what? an axe? Why would we give him an axe?

Sarge: Don't!

Caboose: LETS GIVE HIM AN AXE!

Grif: Simmons' gonna be okay I made him a PB&J. He said he didn't want it, so I ate it.

Grif: He was still sad, so I made him another PB&J. He didn't want that one either, so I ate it.

Grif: Anyway, Simmons wants to be alone for a while, and we're out of peanut butter.

Wash: this is the longest two hours of my life...

Tucker: Just wait until childbirth, sister.

Wash: What?

Tucker: What?

Donut: Your ass is grass and I’m gonna mow it

Tucker: LEAVE ME ALONE

[emi-chan674]

Grif : Would you take a bullet for me?

Simmons : ...yes?

*Sarge angrily burst into the room*

Grif: *running away* Great, thanks!

[ripr4]

Sarge: I'm not stepping in that damn box

The Doctor: Why? What's wrong with it?

Sarge: I'm not stepping in blue territory

Washington: For the last time Sarge he isn't on Blue Team!

Sarge: I'll believe it when I see it

[slyvester101]

Sarge: I expected better from you

Grif: Well that’s your fault, I got nothing to do with that

[halibellecter]

Sarge: What're you two doing to the medic?? AND away from your posts?!

Grif: We're trying to wake her up! There's something wrong with Lopez but I've yelled, Simmons has yelled, we shook her, nothing. She's out cold.

Sarge: Pathetic. Watch and learn. *clears throat, continues in normal tone and volume* Y'all ever have this pain like there's a big weight on your chest, and then your left arm starts to hurt---

Oklahoma, bolting upright, eyes wide open: I'M AWAKE!!

(@grandninjamasterren redid the dialogue a bit! thanks~)

[nevada-got-screwed-over]

Simmons: I knew you wouldn't approve it, sir, so I went over your head.

Sarge: I'm the highest ranking soldier here.

Simmons: Oh, that's right.

Simmons: So I went behind your back.

[harlstiel]

I love the fact they're married irl <3

10K: Would you rather fight a group of kindergarteners—

Sarge: I wanna fight kindergarteners!

10K: That’s not even the whole—

Sarge: Those kids are gettin’ slapped!

[archivewriter1ont]

Cadet Batch Incorrect Quotes

(on Kamino....)

Crosshair: We don't know how to take care of littles.

Hunter: Oh, please. We live with you. We can take care of two littles for a day.

Tech: You do tend to act like a cadet at times.

Cadet Echo: I don't care -- I like him!

Crosshair: Back off, kid... *backs up warily*

Cadet Echo: *doesn't listen and continues to corner him*

Hunter: Seriously, how hard can this be?

Cadet Fives: The ceiling is really hard, Mr. Sarge!

Hunter: How do you ---

Cadet Fives: *sitting happily on Wrecker's shoulders* I just hit it with my head.

Hunter:

Wrecker: He's not hurt, I swear.

Cadet Fives: Echo! He swore! Can I swear?

Cadet Echo: *hugging an uncomfy Crosshair against his will* I don't care. I have a new friend! :-)

| Fic is here |

[agentcaboose]

Sarge: You know studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun

Sarge: That's why I own ten guns

Sarge: In case some MANIAC tries to sneak in a ladder!

[oh-great-authoress]

Grey: *passes Smitty on the way out*

Grey: NOPE.

Grey: I need my most responsible officer

Grey looking at the group

Lucy jumping to volunteer

Nyla hoping he won’t pick her

Tim glaring daggers daring him to pick him

Angela eating and not paying attention

Nolan worrying about the task

Grey: Im obviously in the wrong place

[emi-chan674]

Donut: "He doesn't have any poison."

Sarge: "I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar."

Grif: "There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?"

Sarge: "Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy"

Simmons: "And the mayo?"

Sarge: "That's shampoo."

Simmons: "You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?"

Sarge: "If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably."

[ripr4]

Johnson: Time for plan G.

Doctor: Don’t you mean plan B?

Johnson: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Washington: What about plan D?

Johnson: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Rex: What about plan E?

Johnson: I’m hoping not to use it. Grif dies in plan E.

Sarge: I like plan E.

[slyvester101]

Caboose: I’m pretty sure that place is fire proof or something

Sarge, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion proof?

Caboose, pulling out even more grenades: I have no idea!

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #10

Sherlock: Sarge, I am way too sleep-deprived to deal with your negativity right now.

Gaz: -_-

---

Soap: We gotta get to the hospital and we gotta get there fast.

Ghost: Then, I should drive.

Soap: Why you?

Ghost: I've got nothing to live for and I drive like it.

Soap: Okay, let's do it.

[Later]

Ghost and Soap in the car: AAAAAAHHHH!!!

---

Sherlock: What if…

*Sherlock frowns in concentration*

Roach: Ooh, Sherlock's wheels are turning. Your brain baby is crowning.

Gaz:: Roach, please, that's disgusting.

Sherlock: No, it's helping, I am having a brain baby.

Gaz: Then push, babe, push.

Roach: *lets out deep breaths* Breathe.

Gaz: You can do this, you are so strong.

Sherlock: I got it!

---

Price: Quick, you're losing a lot of blood! What's your type?

Nikolai: Smart, brunette, British, you-

Price: Your blood type, Nik.

Nikolai: Oh! Red.

---

Nikolai: Sherlock is taking the day off so I'm gonna light something on fire.

Laswell: ...Why?

Nikolai: She's like 80% of my impulse control.

---

Price: Naw, bitch. I'm not being petty.

Gaz: You just said, "naw, bitch."

---

Roach: Okay, here are the ground rules: you can punch me, kick me, pull my hair. I am a-okay being stabbed. Biting and scratching are ON the table. You CAN use fire.

Soap: ��� These are the ground rules? Is there anything off limits?

Sherlock and Gaz: 🤨🤨

Roach: Damn, man. You got something really sick you wanna do, huh?

Soap: What- Uh-

Roach: Oh, you little pervert. Alright, I like it. Don’t tell me. Surprise me. Ooh, this is gonna be fun!

Ghost: 🤦‍♂️

———

Sherlock: Did you just eat all of the powdered donuts?

Nikolai: …No.

Sherlock: Дядя, I can see the powder on your pants.

Nikolai, brushing off his pants: That’s cocaine.

(Дядя = Uncle in Russian)

———

*Sherlock’s phone rings*

Sherlock: Sherlock’s authentic stolen military police badges. How can I help?

Gaz: Hey, it’s Garrick.

Sherlock: Oh, hey Kyle.

Gaz: Hey, do you carry a hairdryer in your purse?

Sherlock: Of course, I’m not an animal.

Gaz, on the other end: Told you! You owe me 20!

Farah: …

———

*Graves escapes from the 141*

Price: This isn’t over! I will hunt you to the ends of the Earth!

Graves: I love you, too! 😘

———

Ghost: All right, you’re clearly not listening to me. I can say whatever I want.

Price, paying attention to something else: Tell me about it.

Ghost: I murdered Johnny this weekend.

Price: I feel you.

Ghost: Now that I have the taste for blood, I can’t stop murdering.

Price: Been there.

———

Gaz: Well, remember when you told me not to burn down the base?

Price: You burned down the base?

Gaz: No! I had the fire put out immediately. This is a success story.

Price: …

———

Alejandro: I need some 141 drama, stat!

Ghost: I don’t think we’re that dramatic.

Alejandro: We’ve been gone for one week. Gaz and Sherlock are dating, and they’ve killed a person.

———

Sherlock: This is where we came the night that I won our bet and you fell in love with me.

Gaz: Sherlock.

Sherlock: The night that you flirted with me for 20 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever.

———

*preparing to infiltrate on a mission with Ghost zip lining through a window*

Soap, over the comms: Is the equipment secure?

Ghost: Check.

Soap: Weapon loaded?

Ghost: Check.

Soap: Did you have breakfast?

Ghost: What? That’s not on the checklist!

Soap: I added it because I care about you.

Ghost: No, I did not have breakfast.

Soap: Unacceptable! Look in your pocket.

*Ghost fumbles through his pockets until he finds a granola bar and unwraps it*

Ghost: Hey, there’s little chocolate chips in this.

Soap: Yeah, I’m not an idiot, I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

———

I’m posting again! 🥳 Still working on the other fact drop, but I will post it ASAP. On a different note…

🎵Tomorrow, tomorrow! I’m 21, tomorrow! It’s only a day away!!! 🎵

[mychoombatheroomba]

Between the Bones Incorrect Quotes (Part 2)

Another batch! Chapters 11-17 on this one!

Sarge = You/Reader

Leon: Are we fighting or flirting?  Sarge: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-  Leon: Your point?

Krauser : I know what you're up to.  Sarge: Really? Because I barely know.

Krauser: Sarge, what do you have?  Sarge: A KNIFE!  Krauser: Okay, have fu-  Leon: NO!

Sarge: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.  Leon: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.  Sarge: But you’re always acting stupid?  Leon: ...  Leon: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

Leon, talking about Sarge: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

Sarge: I’m terrible at expressing myself.  Leon: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words!  Sarge: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Leon: Well, Sarge and I finally did it!  The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*  Leon: That's right... We kissed!

Leon: Sarge kissed me!  Alenko: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!  Leon: It was unbelievable!  Alenko: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!  Williams: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Alenko, get the wine and unplug the phone. Leon, does this end well or do we need tissues?  Leon: Oh, it ended very well.  Alenko: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!  Williams: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?  Leon: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.  Williams: Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?  Leon: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.  Alenko and Williams: Ohhh.  *meanwhile*  Sarge eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed him.  Valeria: Tongue?  Sarge : Yeah.  Valeria: Cool.

Chapter Index