#same rule for them though
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Todays shark is...
The Yellowspotted Catshark!

Fun Fact: The Yellowspotted Catshark is a rare species of catshark found around the southern tip of Africa, in both the Indian and Pacific coasts!
#shark a day#shark#marine life#yellowspotted catshark#THIS BLOG HAS 1000 FOLLOWERS#DANG!!!!!!!!#I HONESTLY DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD GET THIS BIG BUT. HERE WE ARE!!#im glad so many ppl enjoy this blog :)#im also going to be more prepared and start gathering stuff for the extinct sharks#so when i get to doing them i dont have to worry about getting information and what not#so woo!!!!!#ill do the same for rays but a bit later#rays will happen once ive done all the sharks i can#same rule for them though#if i cant find a good picture or a picture at all then they wont get a post
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Sukuna’s Loneliness Part 4 (Sukuna’s Negative Rizz)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5
Some warnings before we start.
1) This analysis deals with sexual topics.
2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. Raws are from mangareader(.)to.
3) This was written as of JJK 262 266. (I'm just going to keep updating this until I stop finding things I should've noticed earlier.)
4) The raws broke me in ways you cannot possibly imagine.
(Click images for captions/citations.)
Fighting as Communication
Baki the Grappler. This is a manga where men destroy each other’s bodies as a test of strength. It’s poorly written but the art is terrifying and I love it so dearly. Between fights of extreme violence and body horror the characters eat. And that’s it. That’s the manga.
I bring Baki up because Gege is a huge fan of Fujimoto Tatsuki, the creator of Chainsawman. Fujimoto is a fan of Gege too, but more importantly, he is a huge fan of Itagaki Keisuke, the creator of Baki. (His daughter made Beastars btw.) In a way, this means Jujutsu Kaisen has been influenced by Baki. But that’s not a surprise, a lot of manga is.
Itagaki’s work is so massively influetial on Japanese media that it’s kind of hard to grasp since it’s not as popular overseas. When listening to interviews from various Japanese creators, Baki will often be cited as a major influence. And the thing is, you can tell when a creative has read Baki. There’s nothing quite like it. If you’ve read Baki and consume Chainsawman, you will see its bones everywhere. I feel the same about Jujutsu Kaisen.
The main antagonist in Baki is Yujiro Hanma. He is the strongest creature alive. So much so that he has no one to call a rival. He’s bored. He causes trouble. He kills his wife to motivate his son, Baki into becoming stronger. His son, Baki, who he grooms into becoming a fighter that might beat him in combat one day. Kind of sounds like Sukuna, right?
But that’s not my point here. My focus is how Baki doubles as a discussion about strength and manhood. It’s aggressively bisexual. Men love each other with their fists. Straight up the main character says having sex with women is the same thing as fighting men.
And it just doesn’t stop there. The homoerotic nature of the fights is never shyed away from. Here’s an example of my favorite.
He grabs his balls and compliments their size. That’s pretty gay, right? Well there’s this reanimated prehistoric caveman called Pickle that fights Baki’s brother Jack. And how do they fight? They kiss.
I didn’t call it a kiss. Itagaki did. I didn’t say they melded together. Itagaki did. This mangaka overtly calls attention to the homoerotic nature of men fighting men, and how men communicate their love for each other through violence. And yes, it’s sexual. Itagaki wants you to read it that way.
But sometimes he doesn’t want you to read it that way. Sometimes the fights are a dialogue, an emotional conversation. Like one between father and son.
Itagaki is a master of narrative framing. When he wants you to feel a certain way, you will feel it. He also tells his readers that there’s more to the fights than just fighting.

Those are the ideas that help me see the bones of Baki in other works. Men loving men with violence. Men communicating with men through violence. I see these ideas in Jujutsu Kaisen too.
Jujutsu Communication
I’ve gone over how Yuji commucates with other people on their own terms. And a lot of it is through fighting. A conversation without words, learning how someone works. Yuji is good at using fights as tool of communication.
But he’s not the one who tells you that there’s more to the fights than just fighting. Maki does in her spar with the sumo guy.
Just like Baki. Fighting is a means of communication. Gege has told you that there can be more to the fights than fighting. It's a tool used to understand the self and others.
With that in mind, I want to reexamine a particular fight under the lens of Baki rather than Umineko.
Sukuna vs Gojo
Baki tells you that homoerotic readings of its fights are intentional. If you ask me, this probably stems from historical stances on masculinity and homosexuality in ancient Japan. Men loved men and women differently, but both were ok. That’s how Baki can have a girlfriend and his gay fights. Peak bisexual optimization.
What does Jujutsu Kaisen have to do with this? Well it has been extremely queer friendly. We have a multidue of canonical trans characters, non-binary characters, and other flavors of queer characters not disparaged for their identities, Gojo Satoru included. It may not be stated outright, but Gojo and Geto do love each other in a gay way. The subtext is so persisent it’s basically text.
In other words, Gege has already told us, yes please have queer readings of this text. It’s the same way Baki tells you, yes this is straight up convoluded gay sex. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to reread the Sukuna and Gojo fight as some ridiculous mating display between two men who are fighting over can miscommunicate their intent the hardest.
Framed as Courtship
Let’s start with the framing. The pre-fight set up. How does text tell you queer readings are allowed?
Kenjaku does. It’s romantic. It’s a date. This reading has been made valid explicitly. And if there’s room for doubt because of the sarcasm? There’s still additional support for it.
We already know how badly in love Gojo is with Geto. The fight is on the 24th of December, the most romantic day in Japan. And in a fun little Geto parallel, who declared the start of war on this day, violence underlines this new romantic venture.
That doesn’t include Sukuna who recalls Yorozu’s words about teaching love in the context of marriage.
Gojo never heard that conversation which is why the next point is absolutely insane.
The outfit Gojo initially is in resembles that of a groom at a Shinto wedding.
Shinto weddings were implemented after the Heian era. Part of the ceremony includes a priest and a shrine maiden who respectively stand to the right and left of the altar. A purification ritual will occur, lead by the priest, to cleanse the shrine before vows are exchanged. Gakuganji is the priest and Utahime is the shrine maiden. To the right and left of Gojo respectively.
The bride at a Shinto wedding wears mainly white. After the 200% Hollow Purple cleanses the area, the dark shawl is removed and Sukuna remains in mostly white.
How interesting that this battle has been framed as one between groom and bride.
The thing is, marriage in the Heian era was far more lax. There were no major ceremonies. If a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would visit her for 3 nights after receiving approval from her father. Upon the passing of their 3rd night together, the family would have an informal celebration of their union in private. Even after marriage, multiple partners were allowed and sometimes encouraged.
Yorozu’s big celebration proposal to Sukuna and banning of concubines was quite improper by Heian standards. Though it is in line with modern marriages. If Sukuna did not consume any Shinto wedding literature, he probably didn’t recognize that Gojo was dressed as a groom.
But did Gojo dress this way for Sukuna intentionally? The Toji fit served an entirely different purpose. It’s the robes and pre-fight ceremony that catch my attention. So I propose the following:
1) Gojo dressed up as a groom to die and be wed with his one and only Geto in death.
2) Gojo dressed up as a groom in part as an offering to Sukuna. And because Sukuna is from the Heian era it went over his head entirely.
3) Gojo intended for both of these things at the same time and left who he would end up with to fate.
Regardless of what Gojo was going for here, it’s a visual cue combined with the knowledge of it being Dec 24th that encourages the reader to perhaps consider the fight as something other than just a fight. A date perhaps? Kenjaku made the connection and neither Gojo or Sukuna really denied it. Gojo gave the weak excuse of a death anniversary confusion. But much weirder, given how hostile he was to Yorozu, Sukuna did not object to the romantic framing in any capacity.
Am I reaching? Is this reading intentional?
When I start getting this confused by how a translated work wants me to read it, I try to refer to the original language text and anyone who knows it for missing context. Sometimes localizations add things that weren’t there or push readers towards one interpretation. So for the rest of this analysis, I’m going to be focusing on the raws.
I’m going to be honest. My Japanese fudging sucks. I can barely read kanji and can’t reliably translate anything. Feel free to correct me if I got something wrong. That being said, with what little I do know, I have discovered something interesting.
In this post I talked about how weird Sukuna’s manner of speech is. I focused on his you pronoun usage of お前 (Omae) for everyone else and 貴様 (Kisama) for Gojo since this is a strong indicator of how a character views their relationship to someone.
Here's a summary of the two points I made in that post:
1) Omae is informal and either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. Since Sukuna is arrogant, we can reasonably assume he's talking down to people.
2) Kisama historically was a formal show of respect, but in modern times it is a hostile insult, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old and hates Yuji (who he uses Omae with), we can reasonably assume Sukuna was being friendly to Gojo when he used Kisama.
With that pronoun usage in mind, while examining the raws for the infamous “You Cleared My Skies” speech I found this:
Kisama. Sukuna is very happy and lavishing Gojo with praise. The assumption it was formal from the start seems to be correct. It's hard to read this any other way.
Though Japanese can easily be dubious in its interpretation, there are instances where context can cut off all other readings. I truly believe this one of those cases.
Now, to confirm Sukuna is still only treating Gojo this way I started looking at his you pronouns as he got excited post-Gojo death. Maki is the person he seems to admire the most.
He’s still just using Omae. What does that mean? Gojo is in his own fudging category for Sukuna and he has been there since the start of the manga. (For more on why this is significant, refer to this post.)
Wow ok. That’s pretty intense! We’ve got Gojo dressed up as a groom on December 24th and Sukuna treating Gojo different from anyone else. I read their fight again under the lens of explicit courtship and focused in on these specific panels.
Satisfaction. Now that’s a word that can easily carry a sexual connotation. Love as well. The parallel syntax fascinated me in English. So I decided to look at the raws and see how close they are.
Pretty much the same except for "the one who will teach you love" and "the one satisfying him now". Since the one being satisfied is Gojo by Sukuna, it really seems we can assume the one being taught love is Gojo by Sukuna.
Time to learn some Japanese again!
Kanji has multiple readings. Most have at least two. The Onyomi (Chinese) reading typically used for nouns and the Kunyomi (Japanese) reading typically used for verbs. (This is not always the case but it’s the basics.)
That’s probably why 満 is read as まん (man) when Gojo and Geto are talking about “satisfaction” using the On version and み (mi), the Kun version, when the narrator is talking about who “satisfies” who.
However 満 on its own does not mean satisfaction. It means full. To be filled. Or fullness. 足 (zoku) is added as a modifier after 満 to be read as satisfaction 満足 (manzoku). 足 usually means feet, but it can also mean to be sufficient. Manzoku therefore has a direct translation of being sufficiently full. It’s not a surprise a lot of food places in Japan use Manzoku in their names or advertising.
But what’s this? Why is this sentence written as 満たして or Mi(tashite) instead of 満足して or Manzoku(shite)? The addition of Zoku is what transforms Man into "satisfying". Without the Zoku, it’s just "fill". The means this sentence can be read as “The one filling him up now is—”
We’ve already established that the blank is Sukuna. The new problem is that he’s filling Gojo up. And boy, does that sound homoerotic to put it lightly. But perhaps I am reaching.
So I did what any sane person would do in this situation. I read hentai.
Surely if the phrase 満たして (mitashite) can carry a sexual connotation I will find it in hentai.
...
I immediately found a yaoi doujin called Fill me with your Big Love aka おっきな愛で満たして (Okkina Ai de Mitashite). Honestly, I found too many doujins about creampies specifically. (You have internet access verify this yourself.) When you search Manzokushite the results are much more in line with life satisfaction than sexual satisfaction. ...So Gege decided to use the more frisky phrasing.
Manzoku is also the name of an active sex toy manufacturer (I’m not linking them use a search engine.) and a discontinued adult entertainment news company. So the satisfaction Gojo and Geto talk about, along with Geto using 妬 (ya), the jealous kanji often used between lovers, is definitely probably carrying a sexual connotation too.
So, I’m not reaching. What the fudge did Gege mean by this?
Now that we've established that I am NOT reaching. What do we do with this information?
Well, we ruminate on the fight with the knowledge that Sukuna, of his own volition, decided to get Gojo off, probably.
I have forgiven Nanami for calling Gojo a pervert. If I watched someone bust a nut after being cut in half by his sworn enemy instead of saving the country, I too would be like what the fudge.
Anyways, the typical phrase used for an orgasm in Japanese is 行く(iku). It translates as to go. And yes it can mean to die, as in going to the other side. To die and go to heaven if you will. Which is what Gojo did with a big old smile on his face.
There’s also the term 心天 (tokoroten). It refers to a dish were a semi-opaque white substance is pushed through holes to create noodles. Literal translation using the kanji for heart 心 (kokoro) and the kanji for heaven 天 (ten). (Don’t ask me why them being smack together turns the Koroko into Tokoro. I don’t know.) Which in slang refers to prostate orgasms. This has nothing to do with this analysis I wanted to drop this fun fact in here. …And this image of Sukuna clutching his heart while looking at someone he sent to heaven.
(This is a reach but the idea of this being an elaborate gay pun amuses me greatly.)
I have another fun slang term: 賢者タイム (kenjataimu) which directly translates to sage 賢者 (kenja) time タイム (taimu). This refers to post-nut clarity sending someone into a meditative-like state.
Oh that’s a bit familiar. Sukuna was giving sagely advice to Kashimo and reflecting on satisfaction and love.
And what’s this? Mitashite has made a reappearance! Sukuna is saying “I’ve never thought about needing another person to fill me up.” Which 1. further supports the 'The one satisfying/filling him (Gojo) now is—Sukuna.' reading and 2. suggests Sukuna is a top suggests Sukuna really doesn’t have sexual interest in people. (Since the context of this convo is relationships and love.)
By the way. Acts of eating in Japanese can be modified to carry sexual meanings. It’s a bit more suggestive than English, but it carries over pretty well I think? 肉食系 (nikusokukei) refers to someone who aggresively pursues romantic or sexual relationships. Composed of the kanji 肉 (niku) for meat, 食 (ta) for eating, and 系 (kei) class. If you noticed, 食 isn’t usually read as Soku. It becomes Soku when paired with Niku for some reason. (I don’t know why someone please help me.) Side by side the kanji 肉食 (nikusoku) means meat-eater.
食 is still interesting on it’s own. The 食べ�� (taberu) reading is normal eating. The 食う(kuu) reading is an innuendo. It can mean to devour someone, like a cannibal, or devour someone sexually.
Sukuna has made it very clear that his eating of people is literal. There’s no innuendo. In fact, if you read into it, he’ll kill you (rip Yorozu and Kashimo).
Gojo, however, appears to be his sole exception to this rule. When Sukuna tells Kashimo not to spoil his pleasure he uses the kanji 興 (kyou). This of course can be directly translated as pleasure, but the Chinese reading of it can also indicate intense excitement or sexual arousal.
Sukuna is pretty good at double-entendre wordplay if his earlier stunts with the kanji for Enchain doubling as Megumi Activities if read a different way is anything to go by. He's a fan of Chinese literature. It's not a stretch to assume there's more going on here.
And if notoriously homophobic Reddit dudebros are posting things like this. Maybe there's a lot more merit to this reading than I can currently grasp.
I’m still pretty convinced Sukuna is aroace. That of course doesn’t bar him from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes there’s the one exception. Sometimes the desire to be with and please an allo partner allows for engagement of activities they aren’t into. Sometimes the actions are pursued without the emotional attachment because they physically feel good. There’s also the gray-scale and demi labels to consider.
With that in mind, I want to emphasize this all points to how important Gojo is to Sukuna regardless of sexuality. He tried to engage with and understand Gojo on terms he won’t for anyone else. And he’s been pursuing this connection relentlessly since the start of manga.
Sukuna’s Negative Rizz
Ok I established that reading the Sukuna vs Gojo fight as unhinged courtship is supported by the text. That doesn’t really say anything about Sukuna sucking at it.
But, my dear reader, that in of itself is proof of his negative rizz. I had to sit down. Learn about Heian era and Shinto wedding rituals, learn more Japanese, splice seemingly unrelated manga panels together, read hentai, and know that Gege is into yaoi to come to this conclusion. I had to rip every little shred of characterization and context apart and rearrange it into something comprehensible.
You know who can’t do that? Gojo.
As far as Gojo is concerned, Sukuna hates him. Kisama is an extremely hostile you pronoun in modern times. And if Gojo can’t tell Shoko (his closest friend after Geto) is stressed over him being used like a meat puppet by her visibly falling back on her addiction, he’s going to default to the assumption Sukuna hates him just as much as everyone else.
And Gojo does just that. He assumes he failed to reach Sukuna. Despite how often they did hand to hand combat and weaponized their knowledge of each other, Gojo believes they never had proper conversation through fighting. He dies not understanding Sukuna, convinced the other was not trying to communicate with him at all.
And if you recall, all of this fight occurred while Sukuna was wearing Megumi’s face. That boy is pretty much Gojo’s adopted child. From my experience, most single parents do not go looking for clones of their kids as partners.
If someone wore the skin of my family member I would assume they were trying to torment me. And torment Gojo Sukuna does. He draws attention to Megumi’s soul being used as collateral and attacks him with the 10 Shadows. We as the audience know this is all for the sake of getting past Infinity using his Shrine. Gojo doesn’t know that. He’s fighting an evil dude who is puppeting the body of his son for god knows what reason.
Seriously, Sukuna sucks at communicating intent.
In Part 3 of my examination of Sukuna’s loneliness, I said Dismantle is a tool Sukuna uses to understand. And that him upgrading it by making Gojo the center of his world was indicative of his desire to reach him. I also said his refusal to use it on Yorozu was him expressing how little interest he had in her.
Yorozu is pissed by this. She sees it as Sukuna rejecting her and I don’t think she’s wrong. Sukuna saved his special Cursed Technique (CT) for Gojo while turning Yorozu down. If we’re considering all the wedding imagery and references that started with Yorozu, I’m certainly allowed to read that as him saving himself for Gojo. (Think of how he lied to Gojo about being the first one he killed.)
There’s also the fact that Yorozu saw their battle as an expression love and lust—that the usage of CT is a type of foreplay under certain circumstances since it is an extension of the self. Combine that with the established premise that fighting is a type of a communication thanks to Maki vs Sumo Guy and you can start to see the courtship logic behind Sukuna’s treatment of Gojo.
If we are to read “The one who will teach you love is…Sukuna” there’s another adorable caveat. Yorozu uses the you pronoun あなた (Anata) for Sukuna.
It’s an informal you pronoun used by people learning Japanese. Native speakers try to avoid using it as it can come across as rude. But in the context of love? This is colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband.
If you wanted to localize its usage in the way Yorozu means it, Anata might become “you, dear”. So here we have Sukuna dressed in white, like a bride to Gojo’s groom, thinking of him as Anata.
The problem is, Gojo doesn’t know that. Sukuna never bothered to open his mouth and say this was an act of love. Sure he told Kashimo in the most roundabout way possible, but Gojo was the one who needed to hear that. If a courtship is going to be this diabolically complicated, there has to be clear hints for the other party. JJK is not Umineko where there’s a witch that can revive the dead over and over until the idiot finally understands this was all for them.
Gojo also doesn’t have access to the kanji Sukuna uses to describe certain techinques or words. He hears the phonetics and runs with whatever best fits the context. This means there’s no way for him to catch the double-meaning unless he’s a certain type of lingust, which he is not. His manner of speech and personal interests don’t line up with the flowery language of the Heian Era. The types of written works Gojo is into are historical war politics from the Sengoku period (known for violence more than the fine arts), Shonen manga, and physics/math.

And what's this? According to CFYOW (the canon light novels): JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy, Gojo doesn't even like ancient poetry. You know, the thing Sukuna enjoys and tries to communicate with.

The Kokin Wakashu Gojo off-handedly disparages is a compilation of Hiean Era poetry known as Waka. This was the primary means of communication amongst the noble class and spiritual leaders at the time. And the thing is, this poetry is supposed to be read into. Down to the quality of stroke and paper, not just the kanji written. Especially for courtship.
It’s not that Gojo is stupid. He just doesn’t specialize in the studies that would give him a more critical ear to Sukuna's words. And Sukuna doesn’t seem to understand that no one in the modern era communicates like this anymore.
If you didn’t know, this is why Japanese characters introduce themselves they often describe what kanji their name is spelled with. Take for example: Satoru. He uses the kanji 悟 meaning enlightenment. This kanji can be read as Go instead of Satoru. Additionally, the name Satoru can be written in kanji as 聡 for smart, 智 for wisdom, 知 for knowledge, 了 for understanding, 哲 for philosophy, 聖 for virtuous, or 暁 for daybreak. That’s 8 different kanji possible if you hear the name Satoru.
This is why Sukuna’s wordplay for everything else can be easily missed by other characters. They hear the words and cannot read the kanji like us. Context decides what Sukuna means for them. And since Sukuna’s context for most is violence and insults, it’s very hard for them to think about his words in any other way.
And boy howdy does Gojo miss it. Sukuna straight up calls him his husband and it took me several rereads to catch it. While mocking Gojo for being unable to open his domain, Sukuna calls him "painfully ordinary". This is localized from the word 凡夫 (bonpu) which can also be translated as unenlightened. (A layered insult! Sukuna is pretty much saying Gojo's sorcery is so boring he shouldn't even call himself the Honored One.)
The thing is...Bonpu is comprised of the 2 kanji 凡 for mediocre, and 夫 for husband. (Please note that there are many other ways to call Gojo a ditz without using the kanji for husband.) And an update from the Replies: Turns out there's layers to the gayness too.
It's come full fudging circle. Gojo came dressed as a groom for a wedding and Sukuna thinks they're already married. The miscommunication is off the rails.
But wait! There's more...
Earlier I mentioned that the kanji for Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. Let's break that down more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)
So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.
This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)
In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)
Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:
“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.
Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!
Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.
Keikatsu also tells Yuji exactly how Sukuna plans to do it. 契(kei)闊(katsu) can be written as 恵(kei)活(katsu). The kanji 恵 can be read as Kei or...Megumi. (It's the literal kanji used for his name.) The kanji 活 (katsu) can mean "activities", which is how we get Enchain=Megumi Activities.
A two for one special! Sukuna mocks Yuji for being so close with Megumi while telling him exactly how he's going to destroy their relationship.
It seems this has nothing to do with Gojo until you consider the 3rd possible reading from wordplay with 契闊 (Keikatsu). The kanji 契 when read as Kei refers to a promise, pledge or vow. When 契 read as Chigi? It can refer to sexual intercourse, especially between husband and wife.
So we have 契闊(keikatsu, separation), 恵(kei Megumi)活(katsu, activities), and 契(kei chigi, spousal sex)活(katsu, activities). It's no wonder he erased Yuji's memory of it.
Keep in mind, that when Sukuna uses Keikatsu, the only vow that he has made at this point is his promise to kill Gojo. He eventually does that using Megumi's body during a fight framed between groom and bride. And for reasons beyond their control, Sukuna and Gojo have been unable to fulfill that vow through lengthy separation.
Notes from poem "Banging the Drum" Sukuna references include the following:
"And during the operation, he lost his horse, which was a desperate situation (horses in ancient time carried soldier supply and weapons, are life companion for soldiers in advance or retreat), he lost his horse, his supply, maybe his armor and weapons, and the road he was facing that we may lose his life so he may never go back. In all these mess, he started searching, and somehow at this hopeless moment he started to revisit his happiest moment, when he together vowed in marriage ceremony with his wife, and he was even afraid that he might never see his love again."
"And His last statement for his true value is his home, his love, his fulfillment of his vow is his true duty. Hero's duty is to pursue love."
In Buddhism, which JJK is heavily influenced by, horses are a pretty big deal. Horses can represent the path to enlightenment, especially since The Buddha's horse is what takes him on this journey away from his wife and children. They separate in the end though, the horse dying of a broken heart.
Remember how Sukuna called Gojo unenlightened? He sort of guided Gojo to enlightenment using Mahoraga, whose Eight-Handed title is a reference to the Eightfold Path to be followed for enlightenment. Buddhist enlightenment is centered around liberation from suffering. (Just check the wiki entry to verify this.) Infinity was the source of Gojo's suffering and Sukuna cut right through it.
Sukuna has been running around with a broken heart for a good chunk of the post-Gojo fight. And if you take that into consideration with this poem and all the other symbolism, he's somehow a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, the dying husband, the widowed wife, and the heartbroken horse all at the same time. Not unlike his wordplay taking on every possible meaning at once.
But my point here is that Sukuna might’ve seen his fight with Gojo as consummation of their marriage. (There's probably a joke in here about the husband reaching climax while leaving his wife unsatisfied.) Remember in the wise words of Itagaki Keisuke, "Fighting and sex are exactly the same!"
In Conclusion?
This is possibly one of the most bizarre and elaborate expressions of love I have lost my mind over. Sukuna gave everything Gojo ever wanted from Jujutsu violently. He did it in such an unpleasant and cruel way that the target of his affection thought there was nothing between them. Sukuna also hid his intent under social norms that no longer exist. Unless Gojo happened to be into ancient literature, there was never a scenario where he would catch onto this. Sukuna's failure is critical on multiple levels.
It’s impressive. It really is. No one knows how Sukuna’s strange little brain works so he’s stuck being loner without anyone that fully understands him. (I’m still thinking about how Uraume didn’t know Sukuna was a twin for over 1,000 years.) He’d have to let people in and tell him outright, but he’s just like Gojo so I guess that’s never happening.
#cactus yaps#I need to have my weeaboo license revoked.#How on earth did I miss this?#GEGE WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS.#Hi yes I will dress as a traditional groom on Dec 24th the most romantic day in Japan after someone else called the arrangement a date.#Is this even subtext at this point?#Why can’t these men use their got danged words instead of Umineko levels of psychological warfare.#Sukuna: ''Gojo is clearly driven by lust. How do I have s*x with him without actually having s*x?#Fighting and death are basically the same thing as s*x so I’ll do that and hopefully he sees that I love him.''#Gojo to Geto: ''Sukuna gave me the best *rgasm I've had in years. I think he hates me.''#Geto: ''Huh.''#Absolutely fascinated by girlfailures Sukuna and Geto horribly fumbling Gojo in completely different ways.#I want them to fight over him in the most passive aggressive way possible.#Gojo was meant to be a romcom harem protagonist.#Though Sukuna should be way more ok with poly given Heian rules on relationships.#But you know Geto was also ok that someone else was able to make Gojo feel good.#I like that prioritization of his pleasure. Even if it came a little too late.#Much to think about.#Consider this my Sukugo manifesto part 2.#Update 8/14/24: One of these days I'm just going to have to make a new post.#Update Cont: Sukuna calling Gojo his mid unenlightened husband wife spouse all at once using two kanji is truly insane.#Update 8/19/2024: All according to Keikatsu.#sukugo#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#lemons
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Durgetash Resurrection AU
"Is that...? That's my body. I remember now. The Morphic Pool. The Elder Brain, it... I was dead. What did you do?" "I made a deal... with Lord Bane."
#durgetash#bg3#enver gortash#the dark urge#durgetash resurrection au#it's about time i made some durgetash content that isn't just shitposting lol#i promise i do plan to actually write this fic#god i know this looks like a happy reunion but i promise it will not be that simple#he's not exactly happy she's usurped him as bane's chosen#and the torture he experienced at bane's hand when he was dead does impact him significantly#but at the same time he's glad it's over so he's also grateful too#but also he spent so much time in hell as a child wishing someone would come save him until he learned he couldn't rely on anyone else#that now that someone actually has saved him he doesn't know how to process it#and yes bane doesn't insist on having just one chosen but he's not going to re-accept gortash easily#he'll have to prove himself all over again whereas durge is on top of the world right now#and he doesn't want her hand outs#and bane may say he's fine with them ruling together for now but you just know he's going to pit them against each other too#and durge is hardly soft herself. she saved him for her own reasons but she's not going to give up power for him. the netherbrain is HERS.#she betrayed her father for this. she became a new person for this. she's not here just for him but she wants him here with her.#he can share her throne but he better understand who's in charge here. she'll tadpole him too if she has to.#though she hopes he won't make her do that (not that she'll tell him she hopes that)#and he hates her for it but he also wouldn't respect her if she were any different#it's complicated#plus they have to deal with any interpersonal drama while also trying to take over the world 😂#because despite how the “control the netherbrain” ending makes it seem#the journals and plans in gortash's office make it clear that not everyone in baldur's gate is tadpoled. not even close.#(the brain doesn't produce nearly enough tadpoles for that)#so they have to deal with keeping the rest of the population in line & trying to militarize the city & get footholds in other cities#not to mention they have to counteract the fact that every god and other powerful being in the world is going to be working against them#not even just bhaal wanting revenge. myrkul. mystra. jergal. EVERYONE. it's them against the world.
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x01 - Impact
#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford scenes 2x01#🤣Love it. Look at him staring her down.#Sir... That's your future wife.#2x01 hits different now that we have some more insight into Tim's past.#To see him so pressed here because she didn't report him.#He's seeing himself in her choice to not report him. His past self.#He's got the emotional walls back up and she's only going to tear them down again.#Darting his eyes back and forth with hers and that .. JAW CLENCH 💖I love those jaw clenches. Is this affecting you Tim? 🤭#In more ways than one. Her being kind to him in light of him knowing this#Catapulting his mind back to the person 'he used to be' and how hard he has tried to shake that choice he made all those years ago.#How hard he has tried to redeem all of that for it to come crashing back in the form of his rookie who was trying to protect him.#Because she's supposed to be different from him. She's supposed to be better. And he's mad at her for making the same choice.#But he's also mad at himself. Because he's supposed to be better and he's supposed to be different now.#Even though he isn't all that different. He was falsifying reports to protect Isabel.#He's supposed to be training her to be better and she made the same choice he made.#So his course of action is to rev up the training some more. Maybe he was too soft and lenient with her towards the end of s1#and he lost sight of his training methods and how rules matter.#but he also lowered his walls and was vulnerable with her. He let her in.#And he's going to keep letting her in despite how much he tries to resist.#with every act of kindness she shows him... the walls break down and soften a little#until all that remains is Tim's unwavering tenderness for Lucy.#that only seems to grow more in her presence and influence.
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One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.
And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.
Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.
(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#trans leonardo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#trans leo#it’s like 4 am and I’m having trans leo feelings again sorry guys#totally get if other people disagree with me on this! but it’s always gonna be my no.1 headcanon fr#his complexion the vibrancy of his colors staying even in adulthood his general demeanor and this? this hc is LOCKED in my brain#plus the times Leo’s depicted in pink white and blue throughout the series like I KNOW it wasn’t on purpose but damn if it doesn’t help#(his nails are also the exact same as his toe nails/claws but I don’t super count this one tbh)#(even though it is TECHNICALLY another point in favor of trans leo)#(mainly because all the boys’ nails are very much more humanoid than turtle)#(just like how their tails aren’t really a factor either since we see them only in their baby forms and never again)#I really like the idea that he was a female red eared slider pre mutation#and Lou Jitsu’s dna paved how his humanoid features came out (aka a more masculine build and voice)#but his turtle features are all very much more in like with a female res#love the thought of rise bros meeting og comic turtle boys and Leo being like wait you guys are res too?? but…you’re not colorful……#one headcanon I have is that - you know the cute chirping and stuff we have the boys do?#I like to think that Leo’s chirping actually sounds more feminine to himself and his bros (so he tends to not do it)#idk I love thinking about this hc a lot and there’s no time like four am to talk about it huh?#future scenario has future Donnie going up to future Leo all smug like ah Nardo how’s the weather down there#and Leo’s all like good *sits down* why don’t you join me :)#Donnie: …*sits and stretches his neck out to be taller still*#Leo calls him a cheater but Donnie calls it ‘making use of his species’s advantages’#but yeah basically for many turtles the case is - bigger carapace? female. smaller carapace? male.#so it’s very interesting to take that knowledge and apply it here#did you know one of the turtles that this rule of thumb DOESNT apply to is alligator snapping turtles? male ones are the bigger ones there!#by a big difference too so Raph’s size makes a LOT of sense
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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
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decided to go slightly more “cartoony” here, you could say. all in all my brain is registering that haircut as “das a rooster baybee”
#doctor who#doctor who fanart#the doctor#tenth doctor#10th doctor#zeisty’s in betweens#tw eye contact#just in case tag#for my peeps who need that tagged#gave this thing eight canines opposed to the usual four. it looks cool and It’s Also Surprisingly Distinct#listen. i think it’s cool having a fella who’s human enough on the surface#but once you look closer you realize. oh wait. das actually not a human baybee#like maybe the doctor could get away with it if no one’s paying that much attention to it.#but once people know? they sorta just know. no takesie backsies#but then again you could have fun lying about your biology to humans. i know i would#especially taking ‘rule number 1 - the doctor lies’ into account. because like. why wouldn’t you? that’d be funny#like dog. two hearts? eight sharpened canines in one regeneration?? weird glowy spots on eyes???#the respiratory bypass???? the lower body temperature?????#once humans know that stuff… you could pretty much say anything you want and they could very well believe you#like sure you have thirteen brains. there’s no way they can prove you don’t :)#though that could suck if you think about it. you and this species look so similar enough you could be thought of as the same#but you’re not like them. you’re different from them#you have features and behaviours that this other species on this planet you love don’t have.#and maybe that makes you ‘superior’ to them… but that doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day…. You’re Other.#i have. thoughts. basically.
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i'm not much of a doorkeay shipper but every time i think about "anybody else" by dom fera as michael distortion and gerry my brain stops workingi'm like ndksodmrnwpalsnfne oh ogdo oh my ogooooood oh god oh ood please no
#“i get cold in your ex's clothes that you left me” <- i'm going fucking insane#“she said i'm older than the golder rule but we can say i new” <- i'm going fucking crazy#because yeah yk. an ancient being the distortion took the form of michael shelley. almost new. gerry can still pretend it's him and not it#I think gerry will have to do a lot of pretending. that twisted mockery of michael shelley next to him is his michael even though it's not#and the distortion in turn wants to tear his memory of michael shelley free itself from this curse from the box it is meant to fit into#i mean. maybe herry will learn to love it no shit but it's kinda boring to me ngl#no comfort for them ssry#gerry learn to live with something that will never be who you remember yet at the same time the most thing that remains of him#michael distortion learn to live in the other's illusion about you.#you are never fully yourself you are never fully him you are too much and not enough at the same time#gerry grieves. loves and hates how close and how far you are from michael shelley#.#peak of romance i believe#hey maybe i should write a fic about that. i actually already did but#there is no such thing as too much fics about the thing that makes you a true freak#i can't even say that i love doorkeay. i think i just love watching people (and things) suffer.#thank you for coming to my ted talk#!#tma#the magnus archives#doorkeay#micheal distortion#gerry keay#gerrymichael#not art#BUT THERE WILL BE.
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Finished listening to the audiobook of Conclave.
No fucking turtles 😡
#aside from turtle erasure I liked it#because its text rather than visuals we get a more thorough look at Lomeli/Laurence’s internal struggles#the scene before the final ballot#when tedesco fully goes mask off even to his followers and benitez speaks up#it’s way more impactful in the book imo#that post comparing the scenes is why I finally listened to the audiobook#I think it’s way more impactful in the book#and it’s shitty that they omitted calling out american imperialism causing the death and suffering of so many people#especially because a lot of the dialogue in the film is directly pulled from the book!#like damn it’s a pretty damn faithful adaptation#but yeah if you like the movie check out the book because it’s p much the same but more thorough#because we get the thoughts of Lomeli/Laurence rather than just follow him as an observer#it’s more clear to the audience that from his pov all the stuff that happens and how it ends is because it’s god’s will#like I have to remind my agnostic brain that to them and by extension the narrative of the story is because god and the late pope#were like this is how it’s gonna go down#it’s not playing by the same rules of a political thriller or whatever even though it seems like that on the surface because duh#conclave#conclave 2024#robert harris
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Oh my gosh whyyyy am I so obsessed with numbers I don't like it at all this is driving me INSANEEEE😭😭IT'S GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS THE DAYS GO BY AAAA
#IT'S SO WEIRD I HATE IT I HATE IT SO FCKING MUCH#I've had this weird relationship with numbers for years but it's gotten so much worse#I'm so obsessed with even numbers and odd numbers likeeee#I have even days and odd days?? that's what I call them anyways#where on even days everything has to involve even numbers and on odd days everything has to involve odd numbers#like those are my safe numbers for those days#and if I use the wrong number on the wrong day something bad will happen so I have to.I guess?? neutralize it?? somehow..#usually I figure out how in the moment but other times I just panic#likee for example today's an (I'm assuming) even day right now. so I have to have my tv volume on an even number#I have to eat an even number of food today#I CANNOT rb something on tumblr if I'm not on an even numbered reblog or I'm not an even numbered note... that makes no sense lemme explain#so I always have to like posts I reblog it's a rule I have for some reason. so in order for me to reblog a post#I have to land on an even number when I rb it#so for example if a post has 172 notes I'll like it which'll give it 173 notes then I'll rb which'll give it 174 notes#but if the post already has 173 notes before I liked it then I'll just like and not rb bcz if I rb it'll be 175 notes#which lands on an odd number and ahasbdhfbdsfaedw#it's the same for odd days just vice versa (it'd have to be on 177 though bcz 5 is an unsafe number for me rn)#YEAH 100% unsafe numbers for me are 3 5 6 and 9 and any number involving those numbers (so 26 and 13 are still unsafe)#basically no matter if it's an even day or an odd day I cannot land on anything with those numbers#and if I don't follow these rules my brain made up then something awful will happen or my day will go bad#or something I wanna do won't go well#thess numbers apply to EVERYTHING. and and it's SO ANNOYINGGGG. I've been trying to ignore it but it's getting harder and harder HELPPSADNF#I tried to tell my mom abt it but she just says “oh your grandma's also like that. you probably got it from her”#THANKS GRANDMA FOR THE NUMBER OBSESSION :'D#vent
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Sophie Shepard & Dominik Shepard (ME2)
Ft. Cmdr. Kaidan Alenko & Zaeed Massani MIRA'S MORE CANON ME2 "We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon- in different galaxies..." AKA: The aftermath of Lair of the Shadow Broker. Recruiting the Not-Dossier: Apollo. Mass Effect 2: Legendary Edition (2021) + Bonus :)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#dominik shepard#kaidan alenko#zaeed massani#mass effect#mass effect 2#me2#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#morecanonmasseffect#taylor swift is getting all the credit for my tagline :) thank you peter lyrics :)#something something twins who throw eclipse mercs out windows together something something :)#dom is still a sentinel in this canon but i think he’s more biotic inclined :)#but this was so much fun. i haven’t made a big gifset like this in awhile#putting zaeed and kaidan in soph’s squad together in game 👌👌👌👌 absolutely highlight of my mesh swapping career#that and putting dom and soph into the same frame together in game. this was so fucking cool to see in game i’m ngl.#it’s like one thing to have OCs who are twins and another thing to be able to put them into game together 🥹#and seeing like more of your own ME2 canon instead of the shitty version we got in game ngl#shadowbroker!zaeed baby!! ash and kaidan on the normandy!! soph fucks off from cerbie bc the storyline is shit!!#nyreen as archangel. no forced bestie bullshit :)#sorry bioware i’m taking your canon and ripping it to shreds :) zaeed and the VSs deserve better so i’m giving them better :)#also soph using an eagle isn’t the most canon thing but i don’t think me2 has a cobra so we’re gonna roll with it lmao#everyone else’s guns are very canon though :)#i probably ranted a little too much but ngl dom stepping on the eclipse merc was iconic#and soph shoving the other one out the window was hot and kaidan agrees (i don’t make the rules)#well actually i do and he did think it was hot :)#have a nice day as always friend!! 💙
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Valicer Multiamory Month, Day Five: Cuddles (Severance AU)
We're at Day Five of Multiamory Month (by @polyamships), and today's prompt is the simple "Cuddles!" :) Which means we're heading back to the "I Owe My Soul To The Company Store" Severance AU verse for a fic about Alice discovering a rather interesting difference between herself and her Innie when it comes to touch. Hope you like!
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Alice had never thought that she could be a cuddler. Even before the fire, as an innocent and well-loved child, she’d disliked being touched by anyone she didn’t know very well (AKA, anyone who wasn’t her parents or Lizzie). And after the fire – well. The intrusive poking and prodding and general manhandling that had defined her time in Rutledge Psychiatric had more or less killed her desire to touch or be touched at all. Another person’s skin against hers felt like an assault no matter the reason – an invasion to be repelled. And so she’d drifted through life an island unto herself, disdaining all physical contact with others unless it was absolutely necessary. Never considering for a moment that things could be any different.
And then the Severance Anniversary Party had happened. Leading to her surprise trip to the Severed Floor with Victor and Smiler, and the discovery that her Innie was a person and not just a work-happy drone, and their flight from the premises with a USB full of stolen security camera footage. And when they’d played it back to learn more about their separated selves, she’d been shocked to see herself not only casually chatting with Victor and Smiler, but touching them as well. Shaking hands, rubbing shoulders, straight-up hugging them. And the trend had continued in the videos the Innies made for them so they could carry on something resembling a conversation – her other self always keeping as close to Victor and Smiler’s other selves as she possibly could. And Alice had realized that – despite all the confusion and upset and a million other emotions whirling around in her brain regarding the whole fucked-up situation – she didn’t actually mind it as much as she thought she would have. It seemed there was a cuddler in her after all.
Well – for Victor and Smiler, anyway.
#MultiamoryMarch#MultiamoryMarch2025#valicer#fanfic#valicer multiamory month#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler alton#corpse bride#alice madness returns#the smiler#valicer severance au#while I do enjoy my trio cuddling#this felt like a good opportunity to explore Alice's relationship with touch in Outie and Innie form#Outie Alice has had some really bad experiences and prefers to avoid being touched unless she's really warmed up to someone#(like most of my regular Alices -- they CAN cuddle but it's a privilege to be earned)#while Innie Alice doesn't remember those traumas and is much more cool with it#especially since the only people to touch and be touched by are her coworkers#who she loves and cares about deeply#she's definitely not keen on Miss Glados hugging her that's for sure#or Dr. Kelman#so I guess she's following the same rules as her Outie does technically#just she has much less context for them :P#everybody gets their fair share of cuddles in this verse though Outies and Innies#they NEED them#queued
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Them (again) 👍
#fire emblem#feh#the most important rule to drawing lif is to have fun and be yourself#that is to say he never looks the same twice LMFAOOOO#i'm so happy i finally got to post him full color full body though the poor man never escapes wip purgatory#i gave him blue over the knee socks this time :) for funsies 😊#not that. there's any other art of him i've made you can compare it to LMFAOOO#i looove drawing alfonse w a mean glare too it's SO fun. he is so fucking mad >:(#all three of them are so fun to draw tbh i love being deeply autistic about them LMFAOOOO#fe lif#sharena#fe alfonse#my art
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Thinking a bit abt Solange and her ascension to godhood
She looks relatively normal post ascension ( albeit with some external changes like longer horns, being taller, physically maturing ( she physically looks like she’s in her 30s post ascension ) etc ) and that’s because she’s l purposefully trying to look like that ( think how gems in su can change forms/shapeshift )
Solange has a more godly form along with an eldritch form, the latter being something that’s sorta tied to her emotions and mental state which considering that Solange isn’t exactly mentally stable ( even with her healing from some of her trauma ) it’s a bit of an issue
Solange constantly has to keep her emotions in check so she doesn’t scare her followers with that eldritch form ( they have seen her more godly form though since Solange does shift into that on occassion ( usually during important events like rituals and sermons ( though she rarely does sermons anymore outside of certain days ) which affects her personality as she becomes pretty reserved, aloof and sorta distant from most of her followers.
Not exactly cold or uncaring but she keeps a lot of her followers at an arms length with the exceptions of her disciples ( mainly Ellena ) and Mayberry ( who technically by this point is an adult and disciple with a golden necklace like Ellena )
When she passes down the crown she becomes more mortal both in appearance and in the fact she can feel the effects of hunger and exhaustion ( though she can’t die from it ) 
#on that topic of followers and disciples I feel like the only ones from her vesselhood and postgame days are Ellena and Mayberry#and Narinder technically#her other followers who had golden skull necklaces decided to give up those necklaces eventually#due to deciding that immortality wasn’t for them#Ellena and Mayberry are the only ones who willingly decided to stay immortal#I have a whole thing involving the fact Solange does give up the red crown#I’m still figuring out the details of it though#just know that Solange either passes it down to her kid ( if she has one ) Ellena or Mayberry#and she follows the same can’t die unless killed by the red crown bearer rule Narinder does#cosmic chatz#cult of the lamb#they do have a more normalish form but it’s still relatively unmortal#btw Maveth post acension is a lot more openly eldritch#if that makes sense
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health issues already fuck up every aspect of life, but if there’s one thing that i thought would be something i treated and then was done with, it was cancer. but it’s haunting me like a fucking vengeful spirit
#i worked my ass off writing an essay for this scholarship#only to get an email saying that I don’t qualify as a full time student because I didn’t take 12 credit hours the previous semester#I took 11. because I had to drop one of my classes to be able to handle leaving for half a month in the middle of the semester for radiation#I had been doing 15#so I emailed and explained this and said I completely understand that rules are rules but also could they please reconsider#and they just. never got back to me#it’s not enough that cancer gave me dysautonomia and the fatigue that turned out to be a symptom has only gotten worse even after treatment#and I just don’t even know why. all my labs are ‘normal’. fuck labs though because they were ‘normal’ when I had the tumor too#I’m just. fucking exhausted all the time. no matter how much I sleep or don’t sleep it’s just never gone away#and people will ask and I’ll go ‘yeah I’m just tired’ because no one’s normal about cancer and people go ‘omg lol same’ and it’s just.#you don’t GET IT#i’m so fucking exhausted all the time#and it pisses me off when people try to equate it to them going to bed late but it pisses me off more when people try to equate my permanent#fatigue to them being tired because they don’t have a good or consistent sleep schedule#I sleep 8-10 hours every night and there’s no fucking escape from bone tired exhaustion#this is just me being pissy and ranting because everyone thinks that you just treat cancer and then you’re done#meanwhile I’m sitting here with lifelong management and likely lifelong symptoms#I’m just so tired. I’m so bone dead tired and I wish having energy or just feeling ok wasn’t an occasional miracle in my life#cancer tw#i’m like a vampire but not and also worse#and I’m also upset about this scholarship. I worked so fucking hard on that essay#and I never even got an email back. even if they said they wouldn’t reconsider. At least it would have been something
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Old Story Ideas (Click the ALT text for a summary)
Had some nostalgia for some of the things I dug up while cleaning out my tumblr. I never really did anything with them in the end, but I’m still attached to them for some reason, haha…
#Original Character#The Faceless Girl#The Ocean Where I Belong#Final Gate Project#Ikasama CHEAT#Red's Delivery Service#Gravedigger's Symphony#Asamura no Demi Jiken#Insanity Draws#Insanity of Mojiru#Movie Poster#I think I used to have a thing for characters with brown hair and purple eyes LOL#I might actually move some of them to the Anonymous World homestly#Like The Ocean Where I Belong can slot in pretty well with Junpei and Quinn in the ocean LOL#Changing Aya’s weapon makes him and Meimu easy to import too#I used to slot Alice Forte and Sai into all my stories so honestly I can probably slot them somewhere#Same with Insanity and Nisemono honestly#Roy and Nori as concepts probably clash though so I’d have to think about him more#and Kurenai’s defining feature is the motorcycle which doesn’t exist so they’d be harder#and Gravediggers have their own rules…#so uh yeah what I’m saying is I may redesign these OCs for the Anonymous World and think of a group name#come live with every other idea of mine LOL
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