#safiya bunny

[loveryss]

[maelfe]

aaa wcif the hair of this https://www.tumblr.com/maelfe/731998282579083264?source=share sim she looks so gorgeous 💖💖💖💖💖

hii tahnk you so much :> <3 <3 ! you can find it -> here <- safiya hair by frzr-bunny

[ghostedeabha]

‪₊˚ 𓂃˖ 𝜗𝜚 ｡˚₊. about me ໒꒰ྀི˶ᵔᆺᵔ˶ ꒱ྀིა‬♡;

🫀 name; éabha-áine (ey-va awn-ye) / sanaa (sahn-nah)

💌 nicknames/petnames; eve/evie, awnie, san, bunny, doll/dolly, princess, hun/honey, sweetheart, darling, حبيبتي (habibti), really any fem petnames are okay!

☦️ eastern orthodox christian, radfem (not a terf), pro-palestine, canadian

🧸 audhd, bpd, cptsd/ptsd, chronically ill/disabled

🩹 age + bday; 21 | 24/10 '02

🎀 likes; bunnies, sharks, cats, morute aesthetic, agere, plushies, sanrio, shawarma, hummus, weed, lemonade, raspberries, strawberries, cheesecake, hot chocolate, tea, lemon iced tea, gloomy coquette, gloomy dollette, dolls/doll collecting/haunted dolls, living dolls, reading, writing, dark romance, pink/purple/grey/black, moths, fashion

🐇 fav movies/shows; bob's burgers, criminal minds, gravity falls, girl intereupted, pearl, gone girl, svtfoe, bridgerton, pride and prejudice, suburban gothic

🌸 music; baby bugs, solya, nemhasis, mitski, lana, evenessance, jesse welles, bambi baker, marina, fairuz, skz, twice, g-idle, ethel cain, ayesha erotica, chappel roan, elyanna

💉 games; call of duty: mw, genshin, animal crossing: nh, sally face, little missfortune, call of duty: ghosts, minecraft, yandere simulator

🩰 youtubers; stephanie soo/rotten mango, lenalifts, michelle mcdaniel, mirubunnie, darling desi, safiya nygaard, bahja abdi, janet ndomahina, jasmyne theodora, yodeline light

🍼 no; masc petnames, agere fetishizing, trans/homophobic rants/slurs, racism, ableism

🍰 pls interact; cod girlies, fanfic lovers, girlbloggers, doll collectors, fanfic writers, masked men lovers, anyone who wants to really, biker lovers,

🦷 dni; zionists, bigots, misogynists, anti-religion, homophobes, transphobes, racists, ddlg blogs/fetishists, people who sexualize agere, minors, incels, creeps, porn/OF blogs

🐰 hiya! i'm éabha-áine, or sanaa, and welcome to my blog :3 i write fanfics, post/reblog some random stuff i like. i'm really into the morute and gloomy coquette/dollette aesthetics and plan to turn myself into a living doll one day! i'm an Orthodox Christian and radfem, but i'm very loving of my brothers and sisters of all religions (or lack-there-of). anything bolded above (other than my dni) are my special interests/hyperfixations, so if you're also into them feel free to send an ask to chat about it! feel free to send asks for requests or just to chat about your day! God Bless, and all my love! – éabha♡

[sesshy380]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

I got TWO?!?! @puzzl-d sent theirs while I was still typing this one up, so cheating and just screen capping theirs and throwing out a tag (hope you don't mind)

I am going to totally shock everyone and not self rec TWoF (longfic), mainly bc I'm at a point right now where I am wanting to abandon my current progress and start on a rewrite to make things smoother and more cohesive in the earlier chapters.

White Lady - I can't tell you how many times I've re-read the Bakura backstory for TWoF. The fact that it can be read stand-alone is even better.

Returned - The Gemshipping 'TKB catches a cold' fic that is another one I have re-read no less than a dozen times.

Our Scars remind Us that the Past was Real - The TKB 2nd chance fic that is still ongoing (I swear it's going to get finished, I just have to get brain to cooperate. Once I get current chapter to play nice, it won't be long before Atem comes back into the picture).

An unhealthy Obsession - The post-DSOD toxic Tendershipping fic. It's only been posted 3 months now and I've probably re-read it at least 6 or so times.

The Lion and the Mouse - This is the Malik (Yami Marik) backstory for TWoF. This one can also be read stand-alone. I do enjoy re-reading this one, but I have to re-read it directly from my docs to avoid the anxiety of seeing only 4 guest kudos when I get to the bottom. I've recently fixed a few of the tags to clarify that Malik and Safiya are in no way related in this AU (Safiya is the OC name I've given to Mrs. Ishtar).

(Friendly reminder: Please read the tags and warnings. If I forget an important one that you think should be there, please don't hesitate to reach out)

Bonus (since I got two of these):

Going to list of my 5 fave AU's that are just chilling in the Rabbit Hutch (what I call my bunny docs lol) that I find myself randomly going back and scanning over

Deathshipping AU aka. 'Running into Mister Tall, Dark, and Handsome...with a car' (unrequited angstshipping at the start)

WereKat AU (I really need to come up with names for all the weird and convoluted ships I throw Kat into lol)

NB TKB AU (this is actually the ongoing RP with @resuri-art)

YGO-WoW crossover (basically World of Warcraft with YGO characters; hinted heartshipping at the start, eventually becomes puzzle/blindshipping and gemshipping. Potential for whatever you call Yugi/Ryou/Atem/TKB polyship)

VRMMO AU (recently added to docs, but been thinking about it on and off for at least a year now; basically FFXIV meets SAO with YGO characters. Potential caste/king/darkshipping (no idea if TKB or Yami B flavor of Bakura yet))

[anestofocs]

Muse starter calls!

Since we've gotten more followers and mutuals~

Send the following emojis for a starter invoking a specific muse!:

🗡️ for Yuki

☀️ for Safiya

🩵 for Crowe

🐰 for Amir

🪛 for The Doctor

🐲 For Shino

(Those who can't see/use the emojis, knife = yuki, sun- safiya, heart for crowe, bunny for amir, (sonic) screwdriver for doctor and dragon for Shino.)

[kheprriverse]

I added more characters lol: Delta, Dusk, Hydahlla, and a few of my bunny ocs that a friend suggested.

I have plans to add midna i just haven’t shown y’all her updated ref yet so shes hidden atm. I’ll probs also add Tefke (and Safiya if I get started on her ref).

It's been done... got convinced to join so I added some of my sillies from the loz au, monhun, and other ocs. Feel free to ask me to add other characters though :>

[mars1liamberry]

AR in Media

Pokemon Go

Pokemon Go uses AR when catching Pokemon by using your camera to make it look like the Pokemon is on the table, on the grass ect. Anywhere your phone is facing and the Pokemon happens to be you will be able to see it like as if it was in real life.

"Travel between the real world and the virtual world of Pokémon with Pokémon GO for iPhone and Android devices. With Pokémon GO, you'll discover Pokémon in a whole new world—your own! Pokémon GO gives you the chance to explore real locations and search far and wide for Pokémon. More and more Pokémon continue to appear around the globe, including rare and powerful Legendary Pokémon."

"As you move around the places where you live and visit, your smartphone can vibrate to let you know when you're near a Pokémon. Once you've encountered a Pokémon, take aim on your smartphone's touch screen and throw a Poké Ball to catch it—but be careful, or it might run away! Also look for PokéStops located at interesting places—such as public art installations, historical markers, and monuments—where you can collect more Poké Balls and other items."

the site:

Social Media

Social media, such as snapchat, instagram and facebook, ahave face filters, some just give you a little touch up others just add a pair of bunny ears or anything simular. I think its cool and I do like it but sometimes the filters mess with your face when they were only supposed to put some stars on your face. I think they are ok but I wouldn't really make one.

Filters, lenses, and stickers

"Snaps can be personalised with various forms of visual effects and stickers. Geofilters are graphical overlays available if the user is within a certain geographical location, such as a city, event, or destination. Users can design and create their own geofilters for personal events at a fee of $10–15 USD per hour. They can also subscribe to an annual plan which ranges from $1,000 to $10,000 depending on the location, for a permanent filter. A similar feature known as Geostickers was launched in 10 major cities in 2016. Bitmoji are stickers featuring personalised cartoon avatars, which can be used in snaps and messaging. Bitmoji characters can also be used as World Lenses."

"The "Lens" feature, introduced in September 2015, allows users to add real-time effects into their snaps by using face detection technology. This is activated by long-pressing on a face within the viewfinder. In April 2017, Snapchat extended this feature into "World Lenses", which use augmented reality technology to integrate 3D rendered elements (such as objects and animated characters) into scenes; these elements are placed and anchored in 3D space."

RTFK - Nike Clothing

"Founded in 2020, by Benoit Pagotto, Chris Le and Steven Vasilev, RTFKT is a pioneering and innovative brand that redefines the boundaries of physical and digital value to serve their broad community of creators. This dedicated team leverages the latest in game engines, NFTs, blockchain authentication and augmented reality to create one of a kind virtual products and experiences."

I think this is a cool idea, the whole vibe of wearing sunglasses that read QR codes on hoodies and shirts so you can see the cool wings on someone. It makes avatar creation into a reality and I think it is pretty cool. But there can be issues with the practicality of it like how expensive it is or how most people are not doing this so someone will just be walking around with a barcode on it and i might be a waste of its potential. I watched this video a while ago of Safiya Niyagaared with digital clothing. It was only for social media though.

It was very interesting and informed me about editing clothing on people in videos. I feel like I could make a lot of really cool accessories and designs if i had the opportunity to make things like that. I think after a while it could be something people could do naturally and use normally.

AR can also be used to make filters for certain areas something called GEOAR which means you only have access to certain filers in certain areas. The stranger things one is pretty cool and I believe it is quite true to the show. But I do feel as if maybe the little mini guy looks less where it is supposed to be. It looks like a png.

I myself probably wouldn't use these filters as they aren't very interesting to me. It isn't my thing to take a photo of myself for everyone to see but I appreciate the effort put into the flower faced guy when it came to modelling and colouring it.

[mymarifae]

another melatonin-induced idea but i think giselle deserves a girlfriend. like yeah yeah okay she got her heart hurt but i think she should try love again. it would probably be sometime after her and berdly reconcile and get closer, so she like. makes sure to check up on her kid more often! texts him semi-frequently, makes sure he isn’t stressing schoolwork, aaaaand stopping by the library while he’s working to make sure he’s not overexerting himself. which is how she bumps into the librarian (who definitely hasn’t always been there. who knows she could not exist in canon but i’ve decided there’s one). the librarian looks to be around giselles age and is kinda quiet, but is incredibly kind. the only reason she even Hired berdly to work at the library is bc she noticed how much time he spent alone there anyway and wanted to give him an incentive to keep studying and creating (incentive meaning money. but she sure as shit ain’t getting that money from the budget LOL she pays berdly out of pocket).

berdly rlly likes her bc she basically served as a surrogate mom while his actual mom was working, AND she lets him play flash games on the front desk computer when it isn’t busy. and it’s not like the librarian has never Seen giselle before—she has and she is in fact quite enamored with giselle before they even rlly meet. and so when giselle starts popping in more often, the more the librarian sticks around the front desk to chat with her while berdly wraps up his shift duties. and like. don’t get me wrong. it takes giselle some time to be into her. she’s very cagey about her true feelings and that tends to let her shut them out entirely for a time. but then idk the librarian drives berdly back to his house in a snowstorm and giselle thanks her and offers for her to come inside and have a glass of wine (which she does) and then it’s alllllllllllll downhill from there lol

idk i just think it’s funny for berdly to walk in all grumpy one day and noelle asks him why and he’s like “well i think i caught my mom and THE LIBRARIAN kissing behind the librarby”. anyways i love making characters and i think the librarian would be like uh. like uhhhhhh idk rabbit is coming to mind but i also think it’d be funny if she was Also a bird monster. like an owl or something. i don’t have a name for her tho bc i’m bad at those. but i think she does poetry and crocheting in her free time. she wears cardigans (handmade) and sweaters (also handmade) with looooong pleated skirts. anyway that’s it lol

SCREAMING AND WAILING AND SOBBING AND CRYING AND-

AND WAILING AND FLAILING AROUND AND SCREAMING AND THROWING THINGS AND-

no because this concept is perfect. how do you keep doing it. like i don't even have anything to add other than some wip doodles because you just knocked it out the fucking ballpark with this one i'm so happy.. 🥺 it's what she deserves. a chance to fall in love the RIGHT way

an owl is an extremely adorable idea btw but i've wanted to design a pretty bunny lady for months now but i had no reason to so i never did BUT NOW I GET TO. names i have written on tiny slips of paper that i threw into a bucket to be chosen from at random: blaire, lottie (possibly short for charlotte or maybe it's just lottie), anastasia, safiya, orrr imogen (do you want to pick?you should pick this all came from you :) )

[yourfavisabaudelaireguardian]

Every Baudelaire Guardian (So Far)

This list is a long overdue way for y’all to see past guardians before requesting and a way for me to keep track of who I’ve already made a guardian, so let’s get this train rollin’!

(All Guardians names from first to most recent under the cut, will be updated as more characters are requested)

Kirby

Frankie Stein

Phoenix Wright

Harry Greenwood

Hiccup and Astrid Haddock

Reginald Hargreeves

Toriel

The Sorting Hat

Jack Skellington

@/virtualfindingsdocumented

Noodle

BMO

Reigen Arataka

Taako Taaco

John Mulaney

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Chidi Anagonye

The Kratt Brothers

Ronald McDonald

CoryXKenshin

Freddy Mercury

Darth Vader

Jefferson Davis

Marie Kondo

Jonathan Van Ness

Maes Hughes

Harold Hill

Dutch van der Linde

Isabelle

@/milesgonzalomorales

You

Carol Danvers

Molly Weasley

Grunkle Stan

Magnus Bane

Scott Howl

William Shakespeare

George Salazar

@/unfortunate-stranger-losers

Luke Skywalker

Belle

Yoshi

@/barb-baudelaire

Me

Luigi

Soldier 76

Emily the Corpse Bride

Neil Cicierega and Ming Doyle

Optimus Prime

Papyrus

Robert E.O. Speedwagon

Julian Devorak

Rex Dangervest

Meta Knight

Moominmamma and Moominpappa

Rapunzel and Eugene Fitzherbert

A knife

David

A bigger knife

Xemnas

Tony Stark

@/badasouefanficideas

MatPat, Safiya Nygaard and Rosanna Pansino

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Miss Honey

MatPat but with StephPat this time

Thomas Sanders

Magnus and Julia Burnsides

Ruff Ruffman

Willy Wonka

An even bigger knife

Amy Rose

Video Game Sonic the Hedgehog

Scott Lang

A Googly Eyed Slinky

@/snicketstrange

@/sqenthusiast , formerly @/larry-your-gayter

A Dog

@/teeny-beany, formerly @/afarmforthree

The Crystal Gems

@/arisabunni, formerly @/hongmoondescendant

The Biggest Knife Ever in Bowie, Texas

Malina Weissman, Louis Hynes and Presley Smith

Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Linda and Laurence Flynn-Fletcher

Alice Liddell

Star Butterfly and Marco Diaz

Lancer

Demi Lovato

Princess Peach

Marianne

Dad Egbert

Bayonetta

Phil Coulson

The Phantom of The Opera / Erik Destler

Original Design of Live Action Sonic

Thumb-thumbs

@/bi-baudelaires

Shrek

Greg Universe

@/cloverlady

Brian David Gilbert

Robert Manion

Yondu Udonta

Seven

Mary Poppins

Monika

Cherry

The VFDiscord

Ke$ha

Jay Gatsby

Kermit the Frog

Brandon Rogers

@/someones-mayhem

S. Theodora Markson

Chris McLean

Pepper Potts

James

Linebeck

Lucretia

@/olivia-caliban

@/oliviacalibans, formerly @/olivia-calibansnicket

Iris, Talia and Auriana

Final Pam

Miss Frizzle

Crowley and Aziraphale

La Muerte

Leo Valdez

Princess Tiana

Cats (2019)

Bubblegum and Marceline

Gary Goodspeed

Otto Wood

Ouran High School Host Club

Mothman

Tulio, Miguel, and Chel

Quentin Coldwater

Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey

Garfield

Fix-It Felix and Sergeant Tamora Calhoun

Barbara and Adam Maitland

Kit Snicket

Dan and Phil

Cole

Bill Nye

The Untitled Goose

Scooby Doo

@/vacuum-fluorescent-display

@/violetsnickets

@/broke-on-books

Eleanor Shellstrop

@/m-orgueous

@/aseriesofhyperfixation

@/vfdbaudelairefile13

Rosalina

Brennan Lee Mulligan

Spyro

Batman

Final Design of Live Action Sonic

Dio Brando

The Bad Kids

Erika and Princess Annelise

Hat Kid

Princess Diana

Marshall Mallow

Milo

Giovanni Potage

Hermes

Oliver and Lisa Douglas

Grogu

Din Djarin

Percy King

Miss Acacia

Wrench

Nico Di Angelo

Aizawa

Kobe Bryant

George Memeulous

@/thesciencebros

Ozma of Oz

@/beth-the-robot-enthusiast

Gerard and Lindsey Way

Merle Highchurch

Jerma985

Commander Up

Oliver and Felicity Queen

Steve and Alex

Dale Cooper

Miss Alma Le Fay Peregrine

Queen Barb of the Rock Trolls

Shadow the Hedgehog

Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas

Jonathan Joestar

Spinel

Mayor Damien

Fairy Mary

Gomez and Morticia Addams

Unus

Eijiro Kirishima

Blue the Dog

@/lostf3ralchild

The Parr Family/ The Incredibles

Five Hargreeves

The Imagination Movers

Coraline Jones

Charles and Jerome Squalor

Clarisse La Rue

The Fellowship of the Ring

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck

Alucard Tepes, Trevor Belmont and Sypha Belnades

Minnie Le Guin

Barry Bluejeans and Lup Taako

Cyrus and Evelyn Laurie

Red Guy and Duck

Felix Unger and Oscar Madison 

Mr. Nicholas Benedict

L

Asgore

Satine

Ted Spankoffski

Toko Fukawa and Komaru Naegi

Samuel Vimes

Ph1lza

Rick O'Connell and Evie Carnahan

Leon Kennedy

Team Dark

Sasha Nein

Sam and Max

Drawfee Cast

Bruno Madrigal

The Amazing Karnak

[janedoez]

SAFIYA SAID :          i don’t like the way they keep staring at you,            /        [  ACCEPTING. ]          @pr1manoia

           ❝    they're regulars.        and  they're   fuckin'  loaded,    so    . . .    creepy  as  they  are,    i  can  stand  dealin'  with  'em  if  it  means  i  can  pay  for  a  roof  over  my  head  for  the  next  week,   ❞         tone  is  leisurely  as  she  spins  slowly  in  circles,    talking  to  saf  from  the  stage.          the  group  of  men  in  question  are  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  otherwise  vacant  club.        calamity  swears  she  sees  one  of  them   LICK THEIR LIPS    when  she  looks  over  to  confirm  that  they're  who  saf's  talking  about.           ❝    what  are  y'  gonna  do,    right ?         findin'  creeps  at  a  peep  show  is  about  as  shocking  as  findin'  clowns  at  a  circus.   ❞               and  yet,   blase  as  she  sounds,    calamity  can  tell  they're  not   convinced.                 she's not well-known for taking care of herself,   after all.            curse  saf  and  her  concern.                 calamity  gingerly  touches  a  heel  to  the  floor,     balancing  there  so  she  can  lean  down  and  speak  to  them  in  a  lower  voice.         her  eyes  don't  dare  travel  from  their  face.         it's  a  last  ditch  effort  at  comfort     /      even  if  the  alertness  that  comes  with  the  job  still  lingers  in  her  belly.           ❝   —   hey,  bunny.       i  can  handle  myself,   yeah  ?        don't  waste  space  in  that  pretty  head  worryin'  about  me,   ❞  

[jaxtheoraliestanner]

A L I G N M E N T C H A R T S P L E A S E. I'll give you ideas: 1. Type of person in a friend-group 2. Type of student 3. Pet type (like what pet they would have)

Stalkers as people in a friend group:

Okay I’ll be honest--I have no idea what to say for this one

So um

I can do the other ones *I think* but I have no clue what to put here

Stalkers as types of students:

Chilli: *anxiety*

Mione: The one who’s friendly with all the instructors

Shady: Strides into class every day

Jaz: Gets stuck next to someone who won’t stop talking--

Summer: “Are there any questions” *interally* “Yes” *externally* “No”

Divya: Actually answers when the instructor asks them to 

Ali: The one who sits in the back

Finley: *sleeps in and has to run to school*

Cherry: Almost falls asleep

Blue: “Wait, what page are we on?”

Queen E: Gets bored and draws on their paper

Cress: Pays attention but still has no idea what’s happening

Virgil: Stares off into space every five minutes

Avery: Tries desperately to write the notes fast enough

Ed: The cool idiot

Emma: The one who actually tries

Wyvern: The shy one

Sunset: Gets perfect grades except for that one class--

Ella: Works really quickly and ends up having spare time

Joy: Tries to conspicuously read under the desk

Safiya: Actually pays attention

Stalkers’ pet types:

Chilli: Guinea pig

Mione: Hamster

Shady: Alligator--

Jaz: Ferret

Summer: ...llama

Divya: Turtle

Ali: Literally just an animal barn--

Finley: Baby pig ( those are pets, right? )

Cherry: Cat

Blue: Horse? ( can you have horses as a pet-- )

Queen E: Dog

Cress: Parrot

Virgil: Lizard

Avery: Snake

Ed: Hedgehog ( let’s be real here--he totally would )

Emma: Bunny

Wyvern: Komodo Dr--

Sunset: Toad

Ella: None

Joy: ...Ant...Farm...

Safiya: Goat

[loveryss]

The gang is back! This time in Henford On Bagley 🐔

[ebi-hime]

Current Projects

It’s been a little while, and I’ve released several projects this year, so I thought I ought to write a post about the new projects I’m currently working on!

1) My Dear Prince

My Dear Prince is a cute and light-hearted yuri VN set in modern-day Japan, on a small island largely populated by bunnies.

The main character, Momoka, is a cheerful teenage girl who works at a seaside café owned by a family friend.

During the summer vacation, a girl called Aoi comes to stay with Momoka and her family for a couple of weeks. Aoi is from Toyko and Momoka, who has never been far beyond her small island, fears Aoi will tease her for being sheltered.

Momoka and Aoi get off to an awkward beginning, but as Momoka shows Aoi around her island and introduces her to her friends at the café, her feelings towards her gradually shift.

Perhaps they can be friends after all... or even something more?

My Dear Prince is an all-ages story largely devoid of fanservice, with a focus on comedy and developing romance. It’s a kinetic story with no choices and only one ending. It’s the closest of these projects to being finished, and might be released at the end of this year, or early next.

2) Salome’s Kiss

Salome’s Kiss is a dark yuri VN set in the Victorian era. The main character, Letitia, is a young governess tormented by her mounting feelings for her young student, the sixteen-year-old Clara. Convinced that she has fallen in love, and fearful of her secret being discovered, Letitia quits her job to take a new position in the secluded manor house of Hatton. Hatton is a desolate house surrounded by sprawling moors. The house itself is draped in ivy, and it’s run by the fierce and unnerving housekeeper, Miss Wry. In Hatton, Letitia meets her newest pupil: a young woman called Genevieve. Already eighteen, Genevieve is much older than Letitia expected, and her flirtatious, over-familiar demeanour soon drives Letitia to distraction. Trapped in an old, eerie house on the moors, and disturbed by her feelings for Genevieve, Letitia’s nerves begin to fracture - a matter that is made all the worse by the disturbing rumours circulating among Hatton’s maids about their elusive employer and Genevieve’s father, Arthur. Salome’s Kiss is an 18+ story with explicit sexual scenes, and includes themes some may find disturbing, such as murder and sexual violence (mentioned, but not depicted). It would not be suitable for all audiences. It’s a kinetic story with no choices/branches. It was inspired by various gothic horror novels such as Collins’s The Woman in White and Waters’s Affinity.

3) Embraced by Autumn

Embraced by Autumn is a sweet BxG slice of life VN set in France during the late 1890s.

The main character, Marcel, is the son of an infamous actor. Routinely mocked at school because of his feminine appearance and quiet demeanour, Marcel finds it hard to fit in.

Marcel’s situation grows all the more precarious when his father gets embroiled in a scandalous affair with a young man.

Fearful that her son will be subject to further harassment, Marcel’s mother sends him to an all-girls’ boarding school in the countryside run by her older sister, Albertine.

Marcel, now Marcelle, develops friendships with his classmates, helps them with their problems, and falls in love.

Embraced by Autumn is an all-ages story devoid of fanservice. It has four unique routes for four female characters. It was inspired by Colette’s Claudine at School and VNs such as Otokoboku.

4) All Ashes and Illusions

All Ashes and Illusions is a dark BxG VN set in an Arabian-inspired world.

The main character, Yuel, is the only son and heir of the king. His father is a tyrant and a bully, his mother beautiful but aloof, and Yuel grows up largely neglected. On Yuel’s sixth birthday, his mother is put to death by her jealous husband for adultery. Yuel is forced to watch her execution: an event that haunts him. Instructed by his father that all women are snakes and liars, Yuel finds it impossible to trust any woman after his mother’s death save his kind nursemaid, Safiya. Yuel’s relationship with Safiya does not last, however. He grows older, and soon Safiya’s services are no longer needed. She steps down as Yuel’s nursemaid, marries, and starts a family of her own.Yuel tries to put Safiya from his mind, but cannot. Safiya was the only person to comfort him after his mother’s death, and she promised she would not leave him. How could she abandon him, after all the faith he placed in her? Yuel’s feelings for Safiya continue to grow, even in her absence. When his father dies and Yuel assumes the throne at the age of twenty, he vows to get Safiya back, no matter the cost - and no matter who it hurts. All Ashes and Illusions is an 18+ story featuring an uncomfortable relationship with a large age gap and a significant power imbalance. The sexual scenes are all of dubious consent, and the story includes depictions of murder and violence, alongside a lot of casual misogyny. It would not be suitable for all audiences. It’s a kinetic story with no choices/branches. The story was largely inspired by Henry VIII and his famously poor treatment of his wives.

Summary

These are all the stories I’m working on!

My Dear Prince is the most far along in development and should be released in early 2021. The others will be released at a later date.

There’s a couple of pretty unpleasant stories in here, so I understand wholly if you want to give them a wide berth haha ;;

[madebycoffee]

OK HEAR ME OUT 

If the Sims were going to collaborate with a makeup brand they could have REALLY gone off if: they collaborated with Colourpop. Yes Colourpop does ALL the collaborations and it’s a bit out of hand but you wanna know why??? BECAUSE THEY ARE DAMN GOOD AT IT.

1. Had Colourpop been in charge of the in game sims things I’m pretty sure we would have gotten actual makeup trends, because.... like damn sometimes they are making them. 

These are all reposts from ~influencers~ on their instagram, but wOW FUN. And look... no sperm liner. RN fun funky eyeliner is SURE doing colourful liner, bUT it’s also all about negative space. 

2. Colourpop would have released a makeup set inspired by the Sims and if you look at the artwork they do for their collabs just IMAGINE what we could have gotten?????? And it it’s colourpop releasing makeup it would have been idk affordable. Also they are CF and mac isn’t so fuck you mac anyway. Although they “claim” they are changing yeah ok call me when you are leaping bunny certified. I need to remember to dl the mod that hides those stupid makeup items.

ANYWAY look at some of their collaborations and then tell me that you don’t think they would GO ABSOLUTELY OFF with the sims as a starting point for design.

I personally own the Safiya collab (which was just lipsticks! because sometimes that’s all you need!!!! and that’s also Saf’s fave makeup item!!! wOW) and the design in that is :chefkiss: but simple.

and now for the point that i want to harp on the most.

Colourpop is technically a drugstore brand. Mac is high end. This is Mosquito all over again. TS4 is so desperate to advertise to a younger crowd and what do you think they’d be more likely to buy???? This could have been a BIG splash of a collab, and both companies could have made money (idk if maybe covid stopped mac from releasing any makeup along with this but tbh i don’t care) But no, it was a patch note.

This is all very all over the place but here’s a TL;DR Colourpop does amazing collabs these days, are more affordable for TS4 intended audience, and wouldn’t have made sperm eyeliner.

and I’m personally salty that there isn’t a nice 9 Pan Sims palette that colourpop could have/ would have made. I’m sure there other brands could have done a great job too, but this was the first thought i had :shrug:

[bymessy]

“Um Yeah, That’s It” by Zoe Yu Gilligan

☆ Eternal Sleepover by Messy ☆

A project made between 10 PM & 10 AM, exploring our thoughts and visions at night.

Over 300 pages, no ad content.

Intended to be experienced like a movie, start at the beginning and flip through in one sitting listening to the soundtrack created, Drowse FM (Eternal Sleepover Soundtrack) available on most streaming platforms.

CD version has 9 alternate tracks. comes with purchase through the By Messy website.

Available in stores worldwide, click here for stockists

-------------------------------------------------

EDITORS & PRODUCERS: Emma Czerwinski, Cybelle Corwin, Shamshawan Scott, Jacob Theriot

PROJECT MANAGEMENT: Nick Black, Jordan Espinoza.

COVER ARTIST: Inji Seo

VISUAL ARTISTS: (in order of appearance) Gene Czerwinski, Jheyda McGarrell, Julissa Ramirez, Carlos Semedo, Emma Czerwinski, Cybelle Corwin, Landon Yost, Zoe Gilligan, Brandon McClain, Matenia Altikatis, Shelby Hamilton, Kimari Hazward, Georgia Seizis, Eugene Walela, Izzy Commers, Paige MacCready, Erika Bowes, Jess Farran, Munirah Al-Mehri, Michael C. Thorpe, Shamshawan Scott, Henrik Purienne,

MUSICIANS: (in order of CD) Keithcharles, BbyMattress, Zy Henny, Nouria Bah, Brdgrl, Jmale, The Aquadolls, VideoGirl, Lone, The Ghost, Daydrinker, Kibi James, Dominic James, Bluemarze, Samuel d’Saboia, Clairo, Jamie in Transmission, River and the Lake, Anna Kilmartin, Tatum, Coco & Clair Clair.

WRITERS: (in order of appearance) Jheyda McGarrell, Emma Czerwinski, Micki Visser, Lavinia Woods, Matilda Eker, Nico Ferrall, Michèle Maria Fast, Bunny Hedberg, Emmy Alameda, Beatrice Helman, Martha Seymour, Jack Foley, Lanier Doty, Julia Lagunes, Samantha Riley, Leo Horton, Natalie Pearl, Safiya W, Hitomi Mochizuki, Samuel de Saboia

[evalinkatrineberg]

Leana

A/N: A little interlude, including an RP with @leanarg , who is so sweet and lovely and amazing!! We love to see it. 

I read the email over again, just to be sure that I really hadn’t missed anything. Maybe there had been some phrasing that I had misinterpreted the previous four times I had read it, or maybe something had gotten mixed up when I had been carbon copied on the email - either way, there had to be a mistake somewhere. This couldn’t be it. This couldn’t be my only option.

Dr. Hammond,

I’d be more than happy to allow Miss Evalin Berg to use the lab work she has done for me over the course of her time at this university to count for her biochemistry lab credits. In fact, I’ll CC her on this email, to make sure she sees this as well. My only stipulation is that if she does decide to use the lab work she did for me as her biochemistry lab credits, I will have to have her name redacted in the publications she contributed to. It’s simply department policy; you know how it goes.  

This stipulation would not apply, of course, should she return and complete her biochemistry lab in person. The decision is ultimately hers to make.

Yours truly,

Dr. Janine Proctor

--

Evalin,

Please notify me of your decision on this matter at your earliest convenience.

Dr. Fiona Hammond

No. Nothing had changed, no words had miraculously rearranged themselves to shed new light on the meaning of this email. Neither of my options were good. Either risk taking an incomplete for my first of two semesters of biochemistry, and possibly delay my graduation because of it, or lose the shred of credit given to my name for helping Proctor with her experiments, and for conducting an experiment of my own creation under her careful guidance. Both options left me with a bleak vision of the future.

With a sigh, I closed out my email, clicking my phone locked and placing it on my desk. I leaned back in my chair, my head facing towards the ceiling as I rubbed at my temples with the heels of my hands. Which of these options was the lesser of two evils? I had never felt so unsure of something in my life, and that was saying a lot, considering the last conversation I had had with Idalia, after Arin and I had kissed in the library. How had it come to this? I had gone from kissing Arin and feeling flustered, yet on top of the world, to showing him the work I had accomplished and promptly making a fool of myself in front of him, only to likely have the work I had shown him ripped out from under me. To say that these past few weeks had been a roller coaster would be inaccurate. These past few weeks had been a race down a double black diamond, and I was an inexperienced skier who should probably still be on the bunny hill.

Maybe these weren’t my only options, though. Idalia had somehow pulled some strings to attend fencing practices outside of the palace - perhaps I could similarly find a way to complete my biochemistry lab at Angeles University.

I immediately shook the idea out of my head. There simply wasn’t enough time in the day for me to do that, and besides, I’d probably already missed the deadline to get into such a class there. Even if they made an exception, given my situation, it likely wouldn’t last. Once Proctor caught wind of what I was doing - and I had no doubt that she would - she’d put in a bad word against me, and I’d likely be kicked to the curb again.

It can’t hurt to at least ask, can it?

Yes, it could hurt. That was a lesson I definitely should have learned by now, given my last conversation with Arin. I couldn’t afford to get my hopes up, only to be let down once again. There was only so much I could take.

Besides, there was so much else to do. Wylan’s birthday party was fast approaching, and I hadn’t even begun to work on my costume. I quite enjoyed the theme, if I was being honest. Star Wars had been one of the movie series that all of my siblings and I could agree upon as being fun to watch. My father used to gather all of us up on rainy days during the late spring, when the Tennessee River had flooded the main roads and we couldn’t get anywhere that wasn’t in our own neighborhood. He would make a large bowl of popcorn and let us marathon one of the trilogies. It was likely just a ploy to keep us kids out of our mother’s hair, but we all looked forward to it regardless. Something about Star Wars had encaptured all of our young minds, and brought us all a little closer together.

Now, the question remained - who was I going to go as? On top of that, what was I going to get Wylan for his birthday? I had only met him once, and those circumstances had been rather unfortunate, in terms of making a first impression. Safiya had said that we didn’t have to get him anything, but it went against the manners I had been taught growing up to arrive empty-handed. Besides, I should at least thank him for not ratting me and Idalia out. Maybe I’d simply get him a card, to do just that.  

My first question, however, was something I could actively work on, and something that took far less emotional energy to figure out. I pushed myself to my feet, grabbing my phone and striding across the floor to my door in a matter of seconds, not waiting to hear it close behind me as I made my way down to the room I had heard a lot of the other girls mention when talking about costumes for the party. Perhaps I could find some inspiration there.

It took me a while to find it, but I couldn’t keep my eyes from going wide once I did. The entire room was just filled to the brim with different fabrics - on mannequins, in baskets, on tables. It was like nothing I’d ever seen before! I bet Missy would really enjoy this. The corners of my lips twitched upwards briefly as I recalled my encounter with the sweet girl from Midston in the kitchens a week or so ago. I was willing to bet she was rather familiar with this kind of environment, given her line of work.

A flurry of motion caught my eye, dragging my attention away from the sheer, salmon-colored fabric I had been studying up until that moment. At one of the big tables in the center of the room sat Leana, who was now smiling and waving at me. I had only really spoken to Leana once, and that had been more in passing than anything else. It also hadn’t been one of my shining moments, to say the least.

I offered her a small smile in return, walking over towards the table she was seated at with another woman, who I assumed was one of her maids. There was a chance that Leana wouldn’t even remember our brief encounter, after all. I might as well be polite. “Hello! Leana, right?”

She immediately nodded. “Hello! I know you are Evalin, the one with the basket gifts,” she replied with a chuckle. So she did remember the one time we had conversed prior to this, then. Already, this conversation was going worse than I had hoped it would be. That had to be a new record, even for me.

I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks as I responded, “Right, that.” I dropped my eye contact with her, looking first to the side, and then back to the table I now stood in front of. There had to be something else to talk about, a different topic of conversation that didn’t make me want to crawl back to my room as I remembered all the mistakes I had made over the past few months. “What are you working on?”

Leana looked down, biting her lip. “Oh, I’m not really doing anything. She’s the talented one here” - her eyes darted to the side, towards where her maid sat - “It’s about the costume for the party.” At the mention of the upcoming function, her voice dropped to little more than a whisper. It was smart, I realized. You never knew who might be listening, after all. We wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise for Wylan, especially not after Safiya had put so much effort into planning it.

“Don’t worry,” I reassured her with a small smile. “I’m here for the same reason, though I’ll admit I haven’t given a ton of thought to who I’m going to go as yet.” That much was the whole truth. I had already been running through an exhaustive list of female characters from Star Wars movies, but every time I settled on one, I’d think up a reason as to why it wouldn’t work. It was getting more frustrating than it was worth, if I was being honest with myself. Perhaps I just wouldn’t dress up. That’d certainly be easier.

Leana hummed thoughtfully, tilting her head towards the left. “Which are your options?”

“I was thinking about going as Jyn Erso, but dressing as her would feel so different from what we normally wear here,” was the response I finally settled on, laughing ever so slightly, though the sound was hollow and tinny to my ears. I really liked the character of Jyn Erso - found her rather relatable in some aspects, in fact - but I just knew that some of the other girls would be showing up in beautifully designed dresses, having given this facet of the party a good deal of thought. If I showed up as Jyn Erso, how out of place was I going to feel? Plus, there was the fact that I looked nothing like Jyn to begin with.

“Well, I think that’s pretty much the point,” Leana replied with a laugh. “Space warriors in a palace - it will be fun!” Her tone was unfailingly positive and upbeat. She was likely an optimist, then. Interesting, considering the dark sides of reality than many people in her field of study tended to uncover. Her demeanor reminded me a bit of my younger brother Randall’s personality, namely the manner in which she held onto the hope that the world was innately good.

You’re analyzing this with way too much depth.

“True.” I inclined my head to the right, biting the inside of my cheek before looking at Leana again. With a small laugh, I attempted to explain myself. “Something about wearing cargo pants in the palace just feels so odd, though.”

“Better than a hairy chewy costume,” she shot back without hesitation, snickering. “I will be going as Rey, so it’s an easy, comfortable one.” At least I wasn’t going to be the only one not in a super fancy gown, then. The thought was reassuring. The way Leana’s smile faltered once she finished speaking, however, was not comforting in the slightest.

I felt my own smile soften as I looked at her. She must have a memory tied to the character of Rey, then. Did it make her homesick, or was there something more to her reaction? I didn’t want to pry, but out of anybody here, I was sure she would be the most likely to understand my own curiosity. “Have you dressed up for themed parties like this before?”

“Yes, college parties could be wild.” With a smile and a sideways glance in my direction, she continued, “What about you? You are still in college too, right?”

“Yes,” I replied instantly, weekends spent with June and Lukas flashing before my eyes like a PowerPoint slideshow on double speed,  “and the parties can indeed be pretty crazy.”

I had never been a big party person in high school. I knew that they were happening, but I didn’t know where, or any of the specifics, for that matter. Parties were June’s thing. I was never invited. It hadn’t been until college that I had finally let June drag me out a few times, and I had definitely allowed myself to loosen up a bit in those scenarios. Many games of spin the bottle, stack cup, and chicken in the pool littered my memory, tinged with a slight alcohol induced haze. The one event June would never let me live down, though, had occurred at the beginning of the fall semester my sophomore year, when I had gotten into a shot contest with a couple of fraternity boys at a darty. I remembered taking eight shots, but I had blacked out immediately after that. According to June, though, that hadn’t stopped me from continuing, and ultimately winning the competition, only to promptly ask her to drive me back to her house, where I had for all intents and purposes passed out in her bed.

That experience had definitely been a mistake, and I was still unsure how I hadn’t died of alcohol poisoning that night, but I found myself grinning nonetheless. Yet, there was one common trend that set these college parties apart from the ones Leana had apparently been to. My grin quickly turned to a frown. “Though I didn’t go to many, and the ones I did go to weren’t really themed like this is.”

“Yeah, I was practically dragged by my friend to them.” She shrugged as I marveled at how similar our experiences could have been, if that was true. As my frown turned back into a smile, her smile turned into a frown. “You’re still in college, right? Biology?”

What about my major had her frowning? Had she heard something about my situation with Proctor through the grapevine? I was sure she had an exhaustive list of sources who would somehow be privy to such information. The thought didn’t sit well with me, but I did my best to push it aside. I’d deal with it another time.

“My best friend was the same way. She was the only reason I really ever got out of the lab.” The thought of June brought a smile to my face, but the expression didn’t linger long as my thoughts turned back to my work under Proctor - or rather, just Proctor’s work, now, I supposed. “I’m a biology major, though, yes. You study journalism, right?”

Leana nodded along, interjecting with a chuckle every now and then until I finished speaking. At that point, she pressed her lips together, almost apprehensive as she began to answer my own question to her. “Yes, I do. I’m also working for a newspaper.” A smile briefly flitted across her face, but it sputtered out as quickly as it had been lit into existence.

“That’s awesome!” She was working, doing something she enjoyed, and making a name for herself. It was quite respectable, in my opinion. “What kind of articles do you write, if you don’t mind my asking?”

She blinked, but then answered, “I’m currently writing for the digital blog covering events, concerts and interviewing famous people.” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes, as if she wasn't exactly enthusiastic about any of the work she was doing. Why would she be doing it then? Surely it was time consuming. If it wasn’t what she wanted to do, why didn’t she focus on another pursuit that made her happier? She was younger than me, if I remembered correctly, so it shouldn’t be too late for her to change her major, or her career, if she wanted to.

Leana took a trick out of my book then, and quickly changed the topic of conversation. “What about you? What are you working on in the lab?”

Currently, nothing. “My professor and I were working on cancer research using genetics, but,” I paused, pondering whether or not it was worth it to attempt to explain the whole situation to Leana. If anybody already knew about it, or was going to find out about it at some point, it would be her. She might as well hear it from the horse’s mouth, I supposed. “I’m sure she’s continued it without me there, even though it was my idea. It’s not like I would’ve gotten any of the credit anyway, though.” I finished with a sigh, shrugging. There was simply nothing I could do about it, at this point. I had made my bed. Now, I had to lie in it.

She raised her eyebrows, and then frowned. “What do you mean? If it was your idea there must be a way to take the credit you deserve.”

If only she knew. I simply shook my head, giving Leana a small close lipped smile. “She’s in charge, and she’s in the lab right now, and I’m not, nor do I think I’ll ever be in her lab again, no matter how this ends.” I waved my hand through the air dismissively, hoping that the gesture in and of itself would bring an end to the conversation

I should’ve known better than that. Leana blinked a few times, pursing her lips for a while before speaking. “Okay, wait, I just have to ask,” she paused, her voice softer when she continued, “why did you leave her with the project in the first place?”

As if I had a choice! What was I going to do, fly a whole lab with me from Carolina to Angeles? I frowned. “Well, it was done in her lab, which she’s in charge of, so I didn’t have much of a say in the matter.”

“But why can’t you come back to it?” She bobbed her head, at the same time that I came to the realization that I really hadn’t explained that portion of it well. “Well if things turn out that way.”

I winced, knowing I would have to try to explain further, while still being as vague as possible, so as not to incriminate myself in any way. “We had a falling out of sorts before I left to come here, and I don’t think there’s any coming back from it,” I began, shaking my head, “but there’s other jobs out there, right?”

Leana opened her mouth, but then closed it again, pursing her lips slightly. “Um, yes I guess there are.”

Change the subject, now! “So, you’re still writing, even with being here, and all?”

She sighed, shaking her head dismissively. “I have been writing things about all the work that’s done here. Learning a little bit about everything, but I don’t have a purpose for it yet.” Despite the end of her last sentence, she was grinning. She definitely liked writing the. So why had she seemed so unhappy with her job earlier?

I decided to focus on her project instead, narrowing my eyes as I attempted to conceptualize what she was describing. “Like a little memoir, of sorts?”

She nodded. “Yeah, or a little behind the scenes.” She shrugged, pausing to smile before adding, “I like to write about the things no one really sees, but now I have been considering including some good life stories I have learned as well.” Her eyes darted to and from the various people working around us. The palace staff did indeed have interesting life stories, from what I had heard from the ones I had interacted with. I was certain whatever Leana was writing would do them justice, and make an good read.

I had to smile. “I like it. I think there’s a lot to be learned from the lives of others.”

“You think?” One of her eyebrows shot up her forehead. Is it really so surprising to hear me say something like that? I supposed it must be, which didn’t leave me with a great taste in my mouth. “Would you read something like it?”

I nodded enthusiastically, intent on making sure Leana understood the truth of the matter. “For sure! I think it’d be really interesting to learn more about the lives of the people here.”

For a moment, we sat in silence, me attempting to smile, and Leana biting her lip. You could’ve heard a pin drop, which was odd for the palace, to say the least. I had grown so accustomed to the flurry of activity and words casually being tossed around that the absence of that energy almost had me on edge.

Thankfully, Leana spoke up, her voice quiet as she offered me a small smile. “I would like to write a story where the nice biologist comes back to the lab and fights for some rights.”

Her intentions were good, I was sure, and yet the statement had me reeling. The thought of facing Proctor again seemed so improbable, so unlikely, that it was hard to even imagine. Even if I was eliminated, which I was sure was likely, given the odds, I couldn’t picture myself simply returning to life as it had used to be. I wanted to continue my studies, of course, but maybe it was time to branch out a bit, and consider other universities. Proctor might have a big reach nationally, but what about abroad? That might be an option I’d have to look into.

Another daydream tantalized me from the periphery of my mind, flitting in and out of focus. The image of me, returning to Knoxville as the winner of the Selection, and taking back what Proctor was attempting to take from me was undeniably desirable. I radiated a certain level of power in that scenario, like I knew I was successful and wasn’t about to let anybody give me grief about it. It was the impression I had always wanted to have on others, I realized. Did I really need to win this to become that, though? I’d already gained so much from being here for this long. Maybe Leana had a point.

I flashed her a smile, though it was forced and tense. “Believe me, if I had my professor’s reputation and respect in the field, I would argue my case. Thank you, though.”

“Yes, I get that, it’s just scary to think about a plan B after you put all the effort in the plan A.” A look of worry flashed across her face as she sighed, dropping her gaze back down towards the table.

I couldn’t stop myself, exhaling through my nose as I nodded in agreement. “I can understand you on that one. Do you have a plan B?” The words flew out of my mouth before I even had the chance to consider that her worry was likely about just that. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to!”

Leana just let out a sad chuckle, her eyes flicking back up to mine. “I’m at the point where I don’t know which is which. What about you?”

I had to consider that for a moment. Plan A had always been the same for me - go to college, get my degree, get a research job, move out, get a dog, get married, maybe have a child or two - “the American dream,” I believed my grandfather had referred to it as. Being Selected had thrown a bit of a wrench in that, though. There had been moments of clarity, for sure - like after that first date with Arin, when I had been sure he was about to send me home. My old plan A had stood out in my mind then. After the kiss, though, I wasn’t so sure. Maybe I was simply a naive fool, sure, but I couldn’t deny that I felt something for Arin. Yet, I wasn’t entirely certain that that set a new plan A, in which I won Arin’s heart and in turn this Selection, and figured the rest out from there, in stone. Once again, the odds weren’t in my favor.

“I’m pretty much in the same boat, I’m afraid,” I answered with a sigh. “I never pictured it’d come to this.” I really hadn’t thought I’d make it this far.

“I’m sorry.”

I almost laughed as the words left Leana’s mouth. That was my line! On top of that, she had no reason to be sorry. It wasn’t her fault that I had gotten myself into this mess.

Was this what I sounded like to everybody else?

“I hope you figure things out,” she continued. “Maybe Prince Arin could help.” Her voice went up a few notes at the end of her sentence, making it sound more like a question than a piece of advice.

Could he? The concept of Arin doing anything for me felt so foreign that I couldn’t even picture him in the same room as Proctor. The more I had thought about it after my conversation with Idalia, the more I had realized how little of a give-and-take there was between Arin and I. I was left with a lot of questions that he wouldn’t answer, and even if he had questions for me, he wouldn’t ask them, and depending on what they were, I also probably wouldn’t answer. Maybe we were really just that bad for each other.

You know he doesn’t love you, right?

Lukas’s voice echoed through my head, rattling against the walls of my mind like an angry bee caught under a plastic cup. I didn’t know whether or not Arin even liked me, and despite Idalia’s advice, I was much too afraid to ever ask him as much outright. There was a kind side to Arin, I was still sure of that. He had helped me with my nosebleed, and he had been willing to recommend me books, and possibly even read my own research, but thinking that over, it all seemed so lackluster. Noncommittal. Not that I could blame him for not committing to any of us, at this point. Not when the entire nation was watching him attempt to date thirty-five girls with the goal of making one of them his wife. After all, I myself had even told him that ending the Selection now would make him look hasty and rash.

I had really played myself in saying that, hadn’t I?

I let out a breathy laugh, dragging myself out of the recesses of my own mind. “Maybe, but I’m not counting on it.” I couldn’t count on it, truly.

“We never know,” Leana replied with a chuckle, shrugging ever so slightly.

I shook my head, relating to that statement more than she could possibly know, I was sure. “Does anyone ever know what to expect from him?”

“I know.” She frowned for a moment, but it quickly turned into a small smile, laced with something akin to sympathy. “He's a bit complicated.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, making a mental note to nominate that sentence for Understatement of the Year. I remembered a previous conversation with Arin, spoken over two cups of bourbon in an alcove. With a wry laugh, I finished, “He’s working on it, though.”

“True, I noticed that too.” As she spoke, Leana began fidgeting with the ends of her hair, twisting and rubbing them this way and that between her fingertips. Did her hair not knot when she did that? I had never thought I would be so jealous of the protein structure of somebody else’s hair, and yet here I was.

Leana continued, unfazed by my staring. “Just the mixed messages have me confused at times.”

I could get behind that statement - I had had multiple conversations about as much, recently. With an enthusiastic nod, I replied, “Agreed. Some days, I feel like we might genuinely have a connection, and others, I can’t figure out why he hasn’t sent me home yet.”

She snickered, the sound almost out of place in the otherwise silent room. “Sorry,” she said again, “it's just that I have that last thought a lot.”

Well, I was glad it wasn’t just me, then, but I still couldn’t help but feel bad that he was putting all of us through this. I could understand him leaving me baffled - I was book smart, but not people smart in the slightest. I got confused by almost anyone who I hadn’t known for a good while. For someone like Leana, though, who was in a line of work where interpersonal communication must be one of her strong suits, to be so confused by Arin, spoke volumes.

Leana forged on yet again. “But a connection huh? That sounds good!”

“No worries!” I laughed along, though I was beginning to wonder if I should have phrased my words differently. My smile began to fall before I could stop myself, and reign in my emotions. “Yeah, sometimes we get along very well. I’m sorry he has you feeling so confused, though. It’s frustrating.” And relatable.

She waved her hand through the air, the dismissive gesture one that I often caught myself making. “No, it's not really! I just think too much.” She must have noticed how surprised her words have left me this time, because after a moment, she decided to ask, “Something bad happened?”

“Oh, no!” I shook my head, forcing a smile to return to my face. I didn’t need Leana worrying about me, on top of Clemence and Idalia already having that job more than covered, apparently. Besides, Leana was beginning to remind me a lot of myself, which meant she probably had enough on her mind as it was. “I was asking more about you. Sorry for the confusion!”

“You are sweet,” she responded with a laugh. “Don't worry, I will be fine.”

I smiled, feeling something start to buzz in my pocket. My phone. That was odd. Normally my family called on the weekends, unless it was an emergency.

I needed to leave, and quickly.

“Noted,” I said to Leana, taking a few slow steps backwards towards the door. “If you ever do need anything though, you know where to find me!”

I could only hope she knew that I meant it.

Her responding smile did much to assuage that concern. “Thank you, Evalin. I hope to see you at the party!”

“Likewise,” I replied, smiling as I turned on my heel and made my way towards the door.

As soon as I knew I was out of sight of the door, I fished around in my pocket for my phone, squinting as the light of the screen hit my eyes. The number was familiar, but not one of my family members. I practically sighed with relief before more questions began churning in my mind.

The number belonged to the corded phone in Proctor’s lab. That machine was so old that half of the time the other college students and I ripped into her for even keeping it in the lab after her lab had been renovated the year before I began my freshman year at university. Was she calling to gloat, then? It wouldn’t be entirely out of character for her to do so, and yet, it was late back in Carolina. She shouldn’t even be awake around this time.

With a sigh, and one last glance at the number, I picked up the call. “Hello?”

My blood turned to ice at the voice on the other end of the line. “Oh, Evalin! Thank God!”

Not Proctor. Not my father. My mouth was almost too dry to form words. “Lukas.”

“It’s good to hear your voice.” How he sounded so cheerful, like nothing had ever happened between the two of us, like we had never even fought, was beyond me. He had to be wilfully ignoring it. There was no other explanation.

“I can’t say the same,” I replied, swallowing. I had been spending more of my mental energy thinking about Lukas than I would have liked to after the kiss with Arin. It wasn’t that I felt the same for Lukas that I felt for Arin - quite the opposite, in fact. Something about kissing Arin, however, had brought back the memory of the last time I had been kissed.

Lukas. Under the mistletoe. In the lab.

Ever since then, I had been reevaluating my friendship with him. Or rather, what I had thought had been a friendship. I had never assumed it was anything more. I had never felt that way for him, and I definitely didn’t now. However, it was beginning to seem more and more likely that he had felt that way for me. Maybe he had even thought we were something more.

I wasn’t going to be the one to suck up my pride and ask him.

“Why are you calling?” I kept walking as I talked, letting my feet lead me down hallways and around corners, no destination in mind. I barely even knew where I was, if I was being honest. Every now and then, I’d pass someone from the palace staff, inevitably carrying half a million things in their arms, who’d shoot me a perplexed look, but move on without questioning me further.

On the other end of the line, Lukas sighed. “Well, you wouldn’t pick up my calls.”

“I know,” I replied, turning another corner. “I blocked you.”

He was silent, save for his breathing. Then, “Things are getting bad here.”

My eyebrows rose, unamused. “How so?”

“Your father had an argument with Proctor the other day. I don’t know if he even realized that I was there.”

“Well,” I began, attempting to suppress the laugh I had almost barked out, “Can you blame him? Or has she not told you any of the shit she’s done to mess up my life?”

“You could have prevented this.” His voice was softer, which somehow grated my nerves. Did he expect me to feel sorry for him? He and I had been put in the same position by Proctor, we had just chosen different answers. Yes, I was suffering for it now, but I would survive. The world was more than just Proctor’s lab. I knew that now.

“Could I have?”

His voice cracked. “You could have come home.”

Just like that, I was thrown back into the memory of when I had first met Lukas. It had been our physics lab, freshman year. Paired together because our last names were close together alphabetically, I hadn’t thought much of him at first. He hadn’t smiled the entire fifty minutes we had been in class that day - not that I had cared much, seeing as someone who took the class seriously was more likely to get a good grade. It wasn’t until I had thrust my phone in his direction and prompted him to enter his number that I had seen any flicker of emotion on his face. A flash of surprise. Then he had entered his number.

After that, our friendship had started to take form. First, it had been a common major, and a shared interest in biology at the cellular level. Then he had offered to run with me and June, framing it as an added layer of safety for the two of us. Later, we had realized that we both had Swendish grandparents. His still lived in Swendway, in fact. He had said he wasn’t very close with them, but he had still learned bits and pieces of the language when his father had lived with him and his mother.

From what I could gather, his father had been in and out of Lukas’s life for quite a few years, and he had been raised mostly by his mother, on her own. I didn’t know the full story, nor did I want to press him for details. He could tell me when he was ready, or at this point, he could tell me never. As selfish as I felt about thinking it, it really wasn’t my problem. We all faced challenges in our lives, and we all handled them differently. I was of the opinion that he hadn’t handled them well. Perhaps that made me the asshole. I really couldn’t bring myself to care.

“Arin hasn’t seen fit to send me home yet,” I responded, my face neutral as I continued walking, staring straight down an empty hallway.

“Arin.” He practically spat out the name, his tone harder now. “You’re on a first-name basis now?”

I blinked. “Yes. I would hope to be on a first name basis with the man I might end up marrying one day, if that's the decision we come to at the end of this.”

“Oh,” he laughed. “So, you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, then?”

You know he doesn’t love you, right?

I had heard him loud and clear.

“Why are you calling?” I hated how tight my voice sounded. Water. I needed water. Water would help. There would be water in the kitchen. How did I get there from here, wherever here was?

“I heard Proctor tell your father that she looked forward to seeing his ghost wandering the halls of the biology building, at the end of their argument.” He cleared his throat, the sound so familiar it almost hurt. “I just thought you should know.”

I felt the color drain from my face, even as I replied, “Oh, good, so if he shows up dead somewhere, you can testify against Proctor in court.” Or do you not have the balls to do that, either?

I shouldn’t be this mad at him. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to stand up to her either. I still wasn’t entirely sure what had compelled me to stand my ground the day before I had left for Angeles.

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d just come home, and forget this stupid fairytale fantasy of yours. You’ve done it! You’ve proven that you’re invaluable to us, easily likeable, and a face the world will be watching for the rest of the century.” His breathing was heavy on the other end of the line.

The door to the kitchen came into view. How had I even ended up here? I had been looking for this room, yes, but I hadn’t known where I was before. Maybe some higher power was looking out for me after all.

“That’s besides the point,” I argued, rolling my eyes as I walked into the kitchen. “Look -”

“Shit.” Silence. Then, “I’ve got to go.”

I opened my mouth to say something more, but the line had already gone dead. Just like that, he was gone, a phantom left in my memory only once more.

You know he doesn’t love you, right?

I had no idea.