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notebookmusical · 1 year ago

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Hi Cossette! It's been quite a busy time (but also a very big one in terms of music releases & ticking), so this is a super late response!

As of Good Riddance deluxe, my favourite bonus track is 405 (overall album favourite remains to be Difficult) and for Stick Season I really like New Perspective!

And the past few 3 weeks all served me very well in terms of new album releases:

The Good Witch by Maisie Peters: I'm impressed with the songwriting (my favourites so far are Watch and There It Goes)

In The End It Always Does by The Japanese House: it's a beautiful and uplifting album to listen to! I really enjoy Sad to Breathe and Friends, but the album overall is a big grower!

Speak Now TV: I love the production of Taylor's re-recording! Amongst the vault tracks, my favourites are Electric Touch and Castles Crumbling. How about you?

Speaking about Laufey, I'm very excited that Bewitched will be coming this September: I've listened to the singles so far and really enjoyed them 💖 (the album title also intrigues me a lot - we've got Maisie's The Good Witch, and I'm looking forward to listening to Laufey's take on her own witching hours in her upcoming album)

In addition to Laufey's upcoming album, I'm also looking forward to:

Paint My Bedroom Black by Holly Humberstone

The Loveliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen

Guts by Olivia Rodrigo

P.S. Last but not least, I've got my Eras Tour tickets for the London Night 1 show :D (I'm also very happy that Paramore will feature as guest in the UK shows!)

hi jennifer!! i hope you've been doing well 🤍 i'm SO happy to hear that you got eras tour tickets, and i cannot wait to hear all about it! are you going to make bracelets? have you thought about what you're wearing yet, or what surprise songs you want? this is all so exciting!!!! and PARAMORE — i hope she adds castles crumbling to the setlist for you the way she did nothing new with phoebe (and i assume, no body no crime with HAIM).

i don't think i've said it explicitly on here, but i'm seeing gracie's acoustic set in seattle next weekend and i'm so excited!! and i've got eras tour next weekend too 🥺 i got one of my friends into noah kahan's music, and they were like "we should see him when he's in town" but he's sold out so we're on the waitlist!! (i'll be seeing him at lolla regardless though, and i'm super super excited for that)!

i love there it goes!! watch is so catchy, and i really love listening to the good witch in the car and going a little feral 🤍 i've got a ton of errands to run tomorrow and i have to drive (🥴) but i'm really excited for my car jam session at least! i have to listen to more of stick season deluxe; i've been spinning the stick season vinyl but the deluxe tracks aren't on there so i haven't really listened to them. i also really need to intentionally spend more time listening to HAIM's music this week so i'm prepared for their set!

with in the end it always does, i think my favorite is still sunshine baby (as evidenced by my blog title), but i also do really love touching yourself, over there, and indexical reminder of a morning well spent. my pink vinyl came the other day, and the entire album just sounds so ethereal on vinyl! i actually took notes during this album listen, which i don't usually listen do, and it was really fun to go back and look at my notes for this! i also got tickets to see the japanese house later this year, and i am just so so so excited for that!

i love speak now (taylor's version)! i've been seeing a lot of discourse about the production of the rerecordings and all that but i honestly love them all! my vault track ranking is probably: foolish one, castles crumbling, timeless, i can see you, electric touch and then when emma falls in love, but they're all so good! and it's not that i don't like when emma... or electric touch, just that i love foolish one / castles crumbling / timeless that much more!

i think ... i might wait to listen to laufey's new album until i can listen to it on vinyl! i just feel like laufey's music was made for vinyl! so it might be a while till i get to listen to it but i'm so excited!

you have no idea how excited i am for paint my bedroom black!! i feel like i've been waiting forever for holly's debut, and i'm just so proud of her! i've been listening to antichrist and room service so much lately. i'm also seeing holly & CRJ at lolla, and i'm very excited!! i don't know carly rae jepsen's music super super well, so i'll have to study her stuff after eras, but i really like what i've heard and i can't wait for the b-side! i'm really curious about how guts is going to sound; i liked vampire, but it sounded totally different from how i was expecting it to! i really liked it, just was expecting something more like brutal or jealousy jealousy in sound for a lead single! another album i'm really excited for is del water gap's i miss you already + i haven't left yet, which comes out in september!! i was hoping to catch del water gap on tour, but i'll be out of town visiting a dear friend while they're in seattle so i'll have to wait for next tour :(

the other thing i've been listening to nonstop lately is the barbie soundtrack. it's just so good and i can't wait to see it!

have you been reading anything good lately? i've been incapable of finishing any books unless they're audiobooks recently, but i'm almost done with the hobbit, and i might try to work on some of my annotation projects a bit this weekend!

hope you're doing well and staying safe as always!! 🤍 xx

#post: answered #mutual: jennifer

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 4 years ago

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Wed 3 Feb ‘21

LTHQ has, quite rightly, announced the postponement of Louis’ North and South America tour dates “due to the ongoing uncertainty” around the pandemic. New dates will be announced “as soon as there is clarity on when it is safe for touring to happen again” and tickets will be valid for those new dates when they’re set. Siiiigh, yeah. With all the shuffling that had happened, these had become the earliest of the LT Tour dates scheduled, so now the first ones remaining un-postponed start in June with the Ukraine and Russia dates. It would be wild if those ended up going ahead and Kyiv got to be the tour opener show, I’m guessing they don’t get that kind of big show a lot! “Louis can’t wait to get back to doing what he loves most, which is performing for you,” the announcement says. “Stay positive,” Louis tweeted, “hope everyone is doing all right,” taking the words I want to say to HIM right out of my mouth. Maybe THIS will be the last of these sad announcements? We can only hope so.

Helene Pabrum is thinking about live shows too; in case you weren’t saddened enough by the LT Tour news, she posted a small collection of joyous colorful HSLOT crowd shots that make you feel like you’re there, captioned “keep shining ladies”. Meanwhile more pap pics of Harry from the DWD set are out today, including some of him out of costume in all white (including a vintage Motown t-shirt and slippers) and some of him in just a little bit of costume, just slacks and a whole lot of makeup covering his shirtless torso-- all his tattoos are fully disappeared! SO weird looking who even is this man? And Bobby Berk posted some throwback pics from when they did karaoke 2 years ago in Japan- the little weirdo looking mildly awkward in the curls and old man cardigan feels much more recognizable as our dear Harold.

Liam’s weekly FIFA podcast is out, continuing its journey around the world in matched up guests with two guests (as always, a footballer and a musician) representing Venezuela this week. Liam says South America is “the best place because everyone over there is so passionate,” talks about starting out in the industry so young, saying, “you see a lot of child starts who go off the rails and for me I thoroughly believe that it’s the people you have around you who are your role models, who are your mentors at the time. Cause there’s definitely been places that I’ve needed to be brought back from,” and tells about getting recognized at a random petrol station in the wilderness in Africa when they were driving out to film the Ant Middleton special. He also relates his quest to become even more of an icon to the grinder crowd than he already is- “before lockdown started I used to be an underwear model, now I look like a lumberjack.” Yes that’s right and both looks are heartily appreciated by the masses sir!

Louis followed a boxer on instagram who is I believe actually a boxer and not a MMA fighter but hell who knows anymore, and he cruised the replies to his tweet (you can tell cause he accidentally liked a random fan question then unliked), a new Zayn Martyr ad pic dropped, an extreme close up of Zayn’s, like, necklace area? What do you call that, decolletage? Anyway and of a martyr branded electric guitar he’s holding, weird, though the necklaces are the main focus. And with the Watermelon Sugar vinyl, sold in July and Aug, finally arriving in buyers’ hands, you would think that saga would at long last be happily concluded but NO! It seems the records maybe WERE already made and spent the long months sitting in a hot warehouse somewhere, cause many of them are arriving horribly warped (as heat exposure does to vinyl). The resulting discordant warbly underwater effect makes for an interesting remix version I guess, but it is definitely not what buyers were led to expect. Hey Jeff, is this one of the examples you’ll be using to showcase your organizational skills on that application to handle vaccine distro? We’re just wondering where to submit the testimonials about what a great job you’re doing!

#louis tomlinson #Harry styles #liam payne #zayn #Liam is talking about Louis fight me I’m right #all the makeup in the world can’t hide them hiddies vavavoom baby #h/t to westishharpooners for the jeff crv joke I usually try to avoid stealing other peoples' material but when specifically requested to...#well maybe I will #3 feb 21 #danny murrell #jeff azoff #hshq

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lovemesomesurveys · 2 years ago

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Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you evern had your bedroom in a basement? Nope. Do you think it would be cool to have a lion as a pet? Uh, no thank you. What do you think about those little dogs that ride in purses and strollers? Please don’t get a dog to just be your accessory. Don’t do that if they’re uncomfortable or appear distressed at all. I hope they’re being well cared for. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Zero. I haven’t had actual food or drinks for 3 months now.

In the house shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Socks. Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Inside. Do you read books for pleasure? Yes. What's your favorite piece of furniture in your house? It used to be my full size bed, but I had to get rid of it it for a special hospital bed and it’s only a twin. Have you ever had a crush on a friend's parent? No. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? I like both. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? The stars. would you like if they sold disposable undies in a pop up box? ...no. French fries. Yay or Nay? Yay. Which of your friends has the most annoying sibiling? -- wood floors or carpet? Wood floors. would you rather eat at the table or in your room? We don’t have a dining room table. A teacher says she's noticed you've looked sad, do you confide in her? That has happened, but no I didn’t confide in her. Friend asks you to hide drugs, booze etc for them, do you do it? No. Would you rather have a gooey cinammon bun or awesome cheesy pizza? Both sound amazing right now. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? It can be annoying sometimes. You fill your best friends Xmas stocking, what do you put in it? Some B&BW stuff and some gift cards. You fill your worst enemies stocking, what do you put in it? I don’t have any enemies, but if I did why would I be getting them anything? You fill your OWN stocking, what do you put in ti? Perhaps some of the enamel pins and accessories I want and B&BW stuff. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? No, I would find them a home. What's your ideal activity for a rainy day? I don’t do anything different, but I do love rainy days. favorite type of cracker Cheez-Its and Nips. Banana sandwich..yuk or yuck? Yum. animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out? There isn’t one. Have you entered the Lays create a flavor contest? No. Bagels or English Muffins? I like both. Do you like or hate to buy new shoes? It’s nice getting a new pair of shoes. Do you keep your phone on you at all times or forget it a lot? I always have it. Who is a family member you look forward to seeing on a holiday? We haven’t had our big holiday get togethers, it’s just been my parents, brother, and I for the holidays the past several years. Are Easter baskets only for kids? Pfft, no. My mom still gets my brother and I, who are adults, a basket and I love it. Do you do anything to recognize St Patrick's Day? My mom makes corned beef and cabbage, but that’s really it. Do you think nutcracker figurines are creepy or cool? I like them. Speaking of nuts, do you like them? I like peanuts, cashews, pistachios, and seasoned almonds. Favorite TV show as a kid? I loved Barney when I was really little. I also liked various shows and cartoons on Disney, Nickelodeon, PBS, Kids WB, FOX Kids. What do you do when you are nervous? I fidget and squirm, mess with my nails, bite and pick at my lips, mess with my hair, twiddle around with my hands. Is there a turntable and vinyl records in your house? Yes. Does your family have an SUV or pick up truck? Nope. Do you enjoy doing things outdoors? The only outdoorsy thing I like is going to the beach. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My mom. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Yes. Would you like to get married one day? I honestly don’t ever see that happening. Who mows the lawn at your house? My dad. Where do you keep your phone at night? On my bed. Do you feel comfortable asking your parents or grandparents for money? My parents, yes. What's the last thing you lost? My mind... If you could have your own car or an apt which would you choose? I don’t drive, so I don’t have a need for a car. I also don’t want to live on my own. I can’t right now anyway even if I did. Have you ever experienced buyer's remorse over an expensive purchase? Yes. how do you like your eggs? Just about every way. after a date do you call your friend to tell them how it went? I just talked about it the next time we hung out. Favorite Mexican food? Burritos. favorite thing to eat with a spoon? Ice cream. upcoming event you are dreading? This swallow test I have to do. I want to do it because it’ll determine if and what I can eat and drink, but I’m dreading the procedure itself. I have to drink a lot of this nasty stuff. Best Happy Meal toy you ever got? Beanie babies were awesome. Do you make lists? Yeah, quite often. Do you make pro/con lists before making a decision? Sometimes. Do you have a favorite pen? What kind? In general I like black ink gel pens. What's the best meal you cook? Ramen is the only thing I cook. Do you do more surveys during the day or night? At night. on lunch break do you eat or do other things? I ate during lunch breaks. Smoothies? Bubble tea? Fancy coffe? none of the above? I like all 3. do you like romantic gestures or do they make you feel awkward? Both. Five things you need to throw out? *shrug* do you like the toilet paper your family uses? Yeah. Just shampoo, or shampoo + conditioner? Just shampoo. scariest driver you've ridden with? My dad gets a little road rage-y.

have you, do you plan to go to college? I went and graduated with my BA in psych. do you write in cursive? Only when writing my signature.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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ecaloshay · 3 years ago

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Ten Songs

This is hard. Decided to go with songs that have strong memories/feelings because I've done ten songs on repeat and 15/20 songs on shuffle.

In no particular order, and gosh this is incredibly nostalgic:

1. Take My Love - Michael Wilding/Gilbert Russell from The Glass Slipper (1955). I only saw this once on television as a child, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. The song left such a mark that years later, I sought out the sheet music from the state library. This was in early consumer internet days when you couldn't just pick up sheet music online at will and had to use dumb terminals or the card catalogue to find things.

2. The Man Who Sold the World - David Bowie (1970). An ex/friend introduced me to David Bowie beyond what I knew from Labyrinth (1986). He also introduced me to the Nirvana cover and both were so hauntingly captivating.

3. Love - Nancy Adams from Robin Hood (1973). This is my favourite Disney movie and I love the whole soundtrack.

4. Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller (1939). They showed us The Glenn Miller Story (1953) in primary school music class and I fell in love with swing and big band.

5. Sour Times - Portishead (1994). While looking this up I have come to discover that I was obsessed with Bristol sound (in particular) and their downtempo cousins (in general) in late high school and early uni. I started revisiting these artists last year and didn't even realise what a musical impact they had on me until Spotify declared that trip hop was my #2 genre in 2021 and I had to look up what trip hop was.

6. Vincent - Don McLean (1971). That same friend who introduced me to Bowie's other works introduced me to several other artists including Don McLean. I have a thing about art and this is such a beautiful and sad song about Vincent van Gogh.

7. Clubbed to Death - Rob Dougan (1995). Sure it was in The Matrix (1999), and still falls under my trip hop thing, but this song stands on its own as an instrumental masterpiece.

8. Last Unicorn - America from The Last Unicorn (1982). My favourite animated film that isn't Robin Hood.

9. Flashdance - Irene Cara from Flashdance (1983). I have no memory of the movie, and I don't have many memories from before I was 5, but I remember this song, having it on cassette, and inflicting my family with it in the car demanding that it be played ad nauseum. Could not tell you why, it was just one of those inexplicable small child things.

10. Mon amie la rose - Françoise Hardy (1965). My mother loves Françoise Hardy and I have memories of listening to her on vinyl. I still love French pop.

Thanks for the tag, @caffiend-queen. No tags here, just anyone who wants to share whatever 10 songs they want. :)

#music #personal #nostalgia

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frakyeahbattlestargalactica · 3 years ago

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Mondo and Sparks and Shadows are proud to present the premiere vinyl pressing of Bear McCreary's live concert album SO SAY WE ALL: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA LIVE.

The release features 13 epic, show-stopping live performances, from music across all four seasons of the hit show, recorded at various live performances. This official release is an incredible artifact for fans who got to experience them live, and for fans who may have missed these concerts in their time.

SO SAY WE ALL: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA LIVE 2XLP.

Music by Bear McCreary. Distributed by Sparks and Shadows. Pressed on Translucent Red Vinyl. Exclusive to MondoRecordShop.com. Limited to 500 copies. $35

Pre-sale open December 8th 2021 - SOLD OUT

TRACKLIST

Side A

1. A Distant Sadness (3:59)

2. Prelude to War (8:10)

3. Baltar's Dream (6:02)

Side B

4. Roslin and Adama (2:59)

5. Apocalypse (5:34)

6. Fight night (4:04)

7. Something Dark Is Coming (6:16)

Side C

8. Wander My Friends (5:43)

9. Lords of Kobol (3:55)

10. Storming New Caprica (8:02)

Side D

11. Heeding the Call (2:45)

12. All Along the Watchtower (4:22)

13. Colonial Anthem - Black Market (7:30)

#bear mccreary #music #soundtrack #so say we all #bsg #battlestar galactica #live music #vinyl #record #LP #mondo

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dirtycccat · 4 years ago

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things that remind you of them w the demon bros+ (un)dateables

highkey tw for some unhealthy behaviors and uhhhhh maybe sensitive stuff idk just keep that in mind

lucifer

an impromptu orchestra concert in an abandoned church. a forgotten off key piano found at the back of an antique shop. tradition worth more than luxury.

the crackling of fire. glittering glasses of wine. changing a vinyl with naked hands, brushing the dust off its hard body. a cold hand touching the back of your neck in passing. whispered words of affection in the ear of your sleeping beloved.

running on air. falling with your lungs full of fire. trying to rebel against fate, against the inevitable moment the ground will break your bones for trying to cheat the laws of nature and its gods.

the heavy weight of perfection bending you backwards. counting down the moments until it will finally break you. measuring your worth in work, in being good at, in being useful, in being needed.

sticking up with family, with rules, with loyalty despite your own desires. acting like you’re the first but always putting yourself second.

being afraid to dare to be selfish and to love. being scared of your own devouring passions. waiting for your beloved to take the first step and running the whole way to finally meet them.

mammon

the fluttering of wings in the silence of a white september afternoon. a sea of crows watching your every move from atop a nearby building. finding a black feather on the ground and keeping it in your pocket for good luck.

the friction between leather seats and leather jackets. heavy cologne mixed with the scent of sweat and leather. the purr of a motor. finding a half empty pack of cigarettes in the pocket of your old jacket.

winning second place so many times you’ve given up on first. still dreaming of clawing your way onto the top of the podium sometimes.

the heavy burden of capitalism of having your worth monetized. having to constantly show the word you’re worth something. selling your soul for value.

wanting everything you could never have before. overspending, oversharing, overwhelming. being too much but also never enough.

finally being someone’s number one. strong arms holding you while you cry. a reassuring presence, a constant in your life

leviathan

imposter syndrome. feeling like you’ll never fit in, like you’ll never be good enough.

replacing real life with dreams. looking at life from the outside. living inside your head.

playing games until 3 am on a school/work night. letting your passions consume you. still feeling guilty of not doing anything measured in money or public approval. calling all your hobbies guilty pleasures because you still care about what others think despite appearances.

finding comfort in the solace of the ocean. sitting at the bottom of the pool holding in your breath and your tears. crying in the shower. letting the water wash you clean and reborn.

letting someone in. being accepted for what you are and the little you can offer. vast depths hidden by shallow waters.

satan

rage. pure unfiltered rage. the desire to stand up to authority figures. clenched fists, heavy calming breaths, tightly closed eyes. tears of anger, of not being right, of never being good enough or smart enough.

subtle jabs. heavy sarcasm. veiled ironies. cruel eyes and bloody smiles.

putting your nose in a cat’s fur and smelling home. holding a small being full of love and feeling fulfilled. finally feeling like you want to protect and not just destroy.

having to put a book down after reading a certain line that perfectly described that unknown feeling you’ve had all your life. rereading the same line again and again and feeling the knot in your heart and stomach loosening. knowledge as power turned into knowledge as a way of truly becoming yourself turned into a shelter of understanding guarding you from the anger.

swearing in other languages under your breath. reciting poetry aloud by candlelight while drunk on wine and desire. heavy whispers full of hot meanings in the ear of your lover during dinner in languages spoken only by you two.

finally getting the happy ending you’ve always read about. finding your anchor. being a better you for your beloved. improving and helping each other with their shortcomings. balancing each other.

asmodeus

perfectly done make up that had you wake up 2 hours earlier than the others. using concealer to hide a pimple or any imperfection. pants too tight to walk in. the sound of heels in an empty hallway.

caressing your desire while taking a hot bath. focusing on carnal needs, on your senses, on what you feel, on the present. drunk kisses. flirting with strangers at moonlit bars. red lipstick stains on blushing necks.

drinking a glass too many despite the warning in your head. drinking to forget yourself. drinking to escape your fears, your inhibitions, your shortcomings. drinking to become the perfect you the others always expect to see you as. but also drinking to be selfish and feel good for yourself and yourself only.

the sad knowledge you’ll never be the best ever again. being compared to others and ending up comparing yourself to them. knowing your worst enemy is yourself, but trying to hide that fact with mean jokes and confident airs. feeling afraid of being known, but even more afraid of having no one knowing the real you.

beauty at a price. happiness sold for beauty. cruel beauty that devours its worshippers.

the reassuring hands of a stranger holding your hair as you let it all out, the alcohol and the guilt. crying with your head on the cool toilet porcelain after you came home from a party that you thought would help you escape.

help and love coming from where you least expect it. noticing the little things. noticing the person behind the character.

beelzebub

an unknown hunger gnawing at your insides. trying to fill the empty inside but always choosing the wrong meal.

feeling satisfied after a good meal on a good day, feeling bursting on a bad one. devouring until you can’t. still feeling empty, still needing to fill yourself up but knowing it is useless.

feeling breathless and weightless after a run. being high on adrenaline and feeling like you can do anything. the smell of a sweaty used gym and leather boxing gloves.

falling in love so slow and easy it feels like a meeting in the middle of an already drawn path.

belphegor

living just to pass the time. living for others. living but forgetting how to live. being told to do better, to be better, to just get up and do something.

sleeping in. falling asleep at 6 am after a night of insomnia. hearing the world wake outside when inside you’re just going to bed.

strong emotions with no release. feeling full without escape. dark humor. saying too much, revealing too much, being to much so you hide.

getting away with shit because you’re the smallest and feeling no guilt.

the feel of fresh bedsheets. being covered in a blanket just right. feeling warm and protected in the comfort of your room.

love that comes like a question and an answer. love that feels heavy despite it’s light.

diavolo

a commanding tone bringing silence to a room. respect earned justifying the respect you were born with.

luck of birth. being born with a silver spoon. being sheltered, being always different, being untouched by the world outside and its people.

being born with a burden. accepting your prescribed fate. believing in legends and asking yourself if you’re the hero or the villain of your own story. realizing that life is more complicated than fairytales.

abandoned castles. ivy walls and moss floor. a lit figure at the window of an empty mansion. the creaking of old staircases at night when you’re home alone. feeling like you’re from another time.

a strong hand squeezing your thigh under the table. the reassuring warmth of your lover’s presence in a time of need. being loved and not just desired. finally being touched where it matters.

barbatos

unwavering loyalty. living to serve. giving up on your individuality.

a shadow following you at night while you walk back home. sharp eyes locked onto yours from across the room.

passive aggressiveness. hiding behind a smile. an impenetrable facade of public politeness.

the ennui of knowing too much, of living the same day, of being hungry for a breakthrough. knowledge as a burden but also as a gift.

knowing everything about others but no one knowing anything about you. making small thoughtful gestures that remind others of your deep knowledge of their habits and wants.

finally being noticed and seen for yourself alone. getting the surprise you were craving. being taken care of.

simeon

living different lifetimes through your writing and through books.

the smile of a pretty stranger in the train that will forever visit your dreams.

a handwritten message in cursive on the fridge. a hastily written poem on the back of a receipt.

being the outsider. the watcher. being the director of the play of your life and not the actor.

tea that s just hot enough to warm your insides. falling asleep on an armchair with a book in your hand. sunkissed skin. the softness of summer. the fluttering of invisible wings.

ageless wisdom.

rewriting a cursed tale of history. going against tradition. trying to carve your happy ending. succeeding.

solomon

knowledge coming at the price of youth and life.

a thirst to know. devouring books. staying up until 5 am reading. eyes burning dry. feeling like you’re still not doing enough. head full of little nothings. feeling like you will never know anything however much you try read or learn.

notes in the margins of a book you took from the public library. wondering who is the person behind the words. fleeting attachments to the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

being the outcast. the kid at the back of your class reading a russian novel in the original language underneath the table during math class.

a house in the middle of the woods with smoke coming from its chimney. rituals in the dark. wet moss on your soles, the moon lighting up your eyes. the silence of night on a full moon.

whispering prayers and praises to the earth under your breath as you go. feeling drunk on fire. noticing the magic around you. kissing the earth. finally grasping the knowledge you sold your soul for. asking yourself if it was really worth it and having no answer.

love as an adventure. finally feeling and not thinking. giving up on reason and embracing your heart’s guidance.

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partnersatfazbear · 3 years ago

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Japan Package

Yeah, another off topic post... I don’t really have anywhere else to put this, though! Maybe you guys can learn more about me. =:3

I’ve always been a collector, especially of things from Japan... COVID has basically killed that for me with EMS taking almost 2 years to return and the skyrocketing prices of goods and shipping. So, with that said, this will be my last big collection post for a very, very long time [in regards to Japanese merch, I am still collecting FNAF!]

Anyone whose read my blog knows I’ve been hyped for Legend of Mana HD Remaster... and I nabbed a few things last minute when it was announced:

A large rabbite plush! This kinda goes with my collection of yellow bunnies, so I splurged since it served more than one interest for me.

Elazul and Pearl from the Square Millennium Collection.I already had these at one point but lost Pearl along the way, so I replaced them.

Some Legend of Mana trading cards (they’re sealed) and Pokemon Gold playing card deck. This will Segway me into my Gold/HeartGold stuff...

Moo-moo milks! The top one holds cold/hot drinks and the bottom one is a metal thermos.

Lyra and co. I waited so long to complete my set for Johto... she was a pretty penny unfortunately.

A bunch of various Gold related items. I don’t know much about them. A keychain, a small toy, and a postcard book. I should probably mention I got these items before the Pokemon Scalping Craze of 2021 took effect...

Pokemon Stadium 2 CIB, Pokemon Gold CIB, some kind of physical Pokemon Heartgold thing (I believe it’s just the download card. I know it isn’t the normal game.) and finally, one of my grails-- a lightly used Johto Gameboy Color w/a cartidge of Gold.

Pokemon Johto themed Pokeballs! This was a premium Bandai exclusive. I got it for the GS ball, NGL. While taking photos, my wife noticed that all of them open... except the GS ball of course! I did get this used so it was missing the dispenser parts and candy, but I didn’t care. I have the stands and belt attatchments--so looking forward to having these when I eventually cosplay Gold/Hibiki/Ethan.

Another grail. I already had the Gold Pokedex and Pokegear. I decided to get the HeartGold Pokedex/Gear. I haven’t tried it out yet!

Since Pokemon relates to Digimon, I’ll post the tiny amount of items I got. I no longer actively collect in this community outside a few unique items that I may want, so this is the end of my Digimon collection for the most part.

Not much to say regarding these. I had an atrocious time getting the shot glass the first time around, so I finally buckled and got it via a proper proxy. Weregarurumon, although a plush I don’t particularly like, was one of the last I needed to complete the line of plushes for the Gabumon line.

I’ve been after the Tsukuda Hobby Misato Vinyl figure for years. I finally snagged her. I’ve always loved this line, but sold most of it a long time ago. I don’t really have a huge collection for Misato, but she was always my favorite and I like this piece to represent her in my collectibles.

Jack from Radiata Stories. This was to complete my Star Ocean Trading Arts set. I also got the remainder of the Valkyrie Profile Trading Arts I was missing, but I didn’t picture them because they were thoroughly wrapped and I don’t want to lose pieces when I move.

My MAIN collection is Star Ocean: the Second Story (and all of it’s iterations). If I ever make an exception to my no major packages importing rule, this would be why. An Amanesis keychain, a calendar and a small pocket book.

Okay, maybe I lied... my MAIN collection is Aerith Gainsborough... I love and adore her; always have!

Aerith photo cards! I guess they were from Skytree? I don’t remember... Also some cards for Star Ocean EX, Pokemon Gold / Silver, and Ayumi Hamasaki.

More Skytree items! These are edible. One is a bottle with hard sugar candy and the others are various suckers w/edible flowers!

It took all I had not to cry when opening the music box... lol

Lastly... I was going through some bad times last October and I really rediscovered my love for Ayumi Hamasaki circa 1999-2001. I really wanted to embrace it and went a little nuts =:p If you haven’t heard her work, I highly recommend it. In fact I think A*BEST is probably my second favorite music album of all time. It’s in my top 3 for sure!

A photobook. Some CDs! Remember how much I love A*BEST? I got the anniversary edition. Included a book, CD/DVD/BluRay combo, a shirt, and a special collectors box. AyuMiX and M~ were replacements because mine are worse for wear nowadays. LoveAPPEARS and the blue CD are new. The blue CD is actually a release BEFORE Ayumi Hamasaki’s first single--it’s pretty rare! I’m excited to hear it!

A keychain, flipflops, and a stationary type set w/a binder, clear file, stickers, ect.

An uncommon Ayu-pan! She is proportional.. as opposed to the chibi design they normally have. And a mousepad! Sold at one of her early concerts!

Vinyl records of her singles: M~ and Endless Sorrow.

A CD single style keychain and a card for Endless Sorrow rounds out the lot.

It’s been an adventure... and I’m really sad to see it end until things settle down again, IF they do...

I wanted to say I have almost all the non essentials packed for my move, so I may be able to post some actual FNAF content in a week or so! =:3 Thank you for checking out the fun with me!

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nicco-needs-love · 3 years ago

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Oh boy. I did it. I wrote this damn thing. It's kinda long (5k) so I'm splitting it into three parts because that's how I wrote this fic. The full thing will be up on ao3 tomorrow because it's 6am :,) my ao3 is HoliGAY if you wanna see the whole thing because I'm gonna edit it and make it look pretty on there! :,,)))

TW//quick desc of gore, and romanticizing of marriage! The gore isn't in this chapter so no worries! I would say this chapter would be rated G!

This is only chapter one! I'm gonna post the other's tomorrow! Sorry for any errors! I didn't read it over!

(1/3) White Proposal

"Is it normal? Y'know… To fall in love with one of our Eves?"

"Do you really think that's a good question to ask me?! Hell, I've fallen in love with every damn one of them!"

Ildio shrugs, realizing that asking Hyde was not the smartest idea.

"Well? There's a reason you asked that. Catching feelings for your Eve?"

"Yeah, I wanna propose."

Hyde inhales his water, coughing everywhere; caught very off guard at Ildio's sentence.

"Huh?!"

"It isn't that strange. Mother married one of her old eves. Double Doubt and his eve are engaged. You and yours?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's normal for us to fall for our eves! You, however, haven't done that once!"

"Well… Nicco's different."

Ildio looks away, thinking about the long haired guy he'd hopelessly fallen for. Ildio isn't sure about even asking Niccolò to marry him. They're dating, been dating for a few years. It's just there has never been a good instance of Servamps marrying their Eves. It's just a sad thing to think about. Servamps are immortal, they'll never die. Their Eves aren't. Ildio was never close to any of his previous Eves, he was one of the very few Servamps who has never fallen in love. Of course, that was until he met Niccolò. It was a curse until Ildio eventually gave up fighting off those butterflies he'd get when Nicco would smile.

"Uh-huh… Okay. Do you actually wanna do it? Propose I mean. Think about it, would it work? Sometimes I wanna propose to Licht but there's so many reasons I can't. Our schedules, his job, he's popular with "everyone" so I can't imagine the problems he would get if people found out he was married. Hell,I'm not sure Licht would even say yes."

"I'm just thinking about it, if I was gonna do it, it wouldn't be extravagant, we wouldn't even have to wear rings."

"Then what's the point? Could be the romanticism in me but, that's such a beautiful thing about marriage. Wearing rings? It's so romantic, the glimmer of each other's face reflecting on their wedding rings! Being able to see your love in a metal band on someone's finger is just a beautiful thing! I've been married a few times and wedding days are some of the best days of my life."

Ildio sighs, definitely regretting his decision of talking to Hyde about this. He definitely should have talked to Kuro instead, none of the theatrics or excessive romantic details. Honestly any of his siblings would have been better to talk to about this; except for Hugh. Hugh has always been against Servamps falling in love. Especially ever since the incident with Hyde many centuries ago. Then Jeje's past with the Alicen family. There have been many, many times Servamps have fallen in love. Every time they had talked about those things to Hugh, there would be a very long conversation about the problems with a romance like that. That's one of the reasons that Ildio has always been weary of the idea of love. In fact, he thought he would never fall for anyone. All his previous Eves were asses who would break Ildio's rules almost immediately. Yet again, Niccolò changed his mind on that.

"I'm gonna go, Law. I'm gonna think more about it."

"Mkay! Invite me to the wedding! I wanna see it!"

Ildio laughs aloud once, closing the door behind him.

The thing is, Ildio already bought a ring for the proposal. It was an impulse buy, he was shopping for snacks and a bright ring caught his eye in a window. The ring is one of a kind, a gorgeous onyx black band, with a shining silver inlay. Apparently there was a second ring similar to that one, however it sold a while ago. Ildio knew immediately the ring would fit Nicco. Don't ask how he would know that, many hours watching Niccolò's hands move would certainly not be Ildio's answer. The ring, inside a white velvet box, feels heavy inside his pocket. He could propose, just give Nicco the ring and walk away. Although he knows there's no way he could do that. After all, the worst thing Niccolò could say is no, right?

"He's been gone for hours… Not so far that the distance effect would take in, but far enough that I can't find him."

Niccolò sighs, sinking down against the vinyl chair he's sitting in. A few hours ago, Ildio told him to meet him at this diner. Nicco didn't expect to be waiting for hours. It's not like he has anything to do today anyway. Besides the piles of phone calls he has to make with other bosses of families because there have been many issues in the workplace. Nicco puts his head down on the table, considering giving Ildio a call. Not because he's impatient, but starting to get worried.

"Hey, Nicco."

Niccolò opens his eyes and looks up, seeing Ildio. Nicco isn't sure when he took a nap, but he certainly did. Ildio looks nervous? Niccolò isn't sure why he would be, but he sits up, tapping the spot next to him on the seat for Ildio to sit down.

"Hey… Sorry I fell asleep, I meant to call but, I fell asleep…"

Ildio doesn't say anything, just nods. It isn't rare for Ildio to not say anything. However, it is rare for Ildio to look this nervous. Or nervous at all. Nicco notices Ildio has his hand inside his jacket pocket, it looks like he's fidgeting with something? Or, it could just be Niccolò projecting. You see, something has been weighing on his mind for months; marriage. Niccolò knows that's the very last thing he should be thinking about. First of all, he's a mafia boss with many people who rely and count on him, he still has to prove he can be just as good as his father one day. Secondly, he would be married to a vampire, a Servamp. If Niccolò proposed, would Ildio even have a choice to say no? If that's the case, Nicco would never want to propose. Still, he bought a ring, specifically for Ildio. He was just window shopping for rings when he saw it. The ring is a shining silver that shines beautifully in the sun. Inside the ring is a deep black inlay, the ring is gorgeous. He sighed a sigh of relief looking closely at the ring, he knew it would fit Ildio perfectly. Niccolò being the hopeless romantic he is, he got an engraving into the ring's inlay. 'Mio dio'. Translating to 'My God' in italian. It's a very cheesy thing that Niccolò thinks about a lot, he thinks of Ildio as his God.

Nicco can't help but idly roll the black velvet box between his fingers. He bought the ring about two weeks ago, he's been thinking about the moment over and over. The imaginary proposal in his head. Niccolò honestly is far too shy to do something so forward. It's completely different to hold hands or soft kisses, this is marriage.

"S-so uh...Why were you out for so long, Il? I was getting worried…"

"Just thinkin' about stuff."

Silence. Niccolò shifts in his seat uncomfortably, not too sure what to say. Ildio is thinking the exact same, he isn't sure which way to go about this.

"So uh-"

They both start talking at the same time. Meeting each other's eyes, Niccolò looks down first, a blush dusting his face. Ildio obviously takes notice of this, realizing that Nicco is more nervous than usual; which is hard to be.

Ildio stands up, grabbing Nicco's hand and taking him out of the diner. In the corner of his eye, he can see many of the Carpe Diem members giving him a look of suspicion.

Outside the diner, around seven feet away from the entrance, Ildio can't stop fiddling with the box in his pocket. Nicco isn't touching the box in his pocket, however, it feels like one-hundred tons weighing in on him.

Ildio inhales, getting a grip on the wedding ring. He's doing it; he's going to ask Niccolò to marry him.

Looking at Ildio, Nicco can see a look of determination? Seeing that makes Nicco want to propose. He reaches within his coat pocket, grabbing the white box.

"Niccolò."

Nicco stops in his tracks, the severe tone in Ildio's voice making him stop. Has he done something wrong? Does Ildio suddenly just want to turn their relationship into business only? Does he want to leave the business and have nothing to do with Nicco anymore? His hands turn clammy, swallowing down a lump of anxiety.

"Y-yes?"

"I uh… Listen, augh- dammit."

Ildio's stuttering just makes Niccolò feel much more nervous. Thousands of different things race through Nicco's head. Thousands of negative things. He tries to brace himself for whatever words Ildio is going to say. Unfortunately, Nicco knows that if Ildio says anything negative, it will most likely break him.

"...I wanna marry you."

Ildio pulls out the white velvet box, opening it up to show the ring to Nicco. Part of him doesn't want to see Niccolò's reaction. He doesn't want him to say yes because Ildio doesn't want to get any closer to this anomaly. He also doesn't want Nicco to say no, because honestly… Ildio wants to marry Nicco. If Ildio's being completely honest with himself, he's hopelessly in love with the man before him.

Nicco gasps, audibly gasps, a… a proposal? He can't believe his eyes. The ring is absolutely stunning, it looks uncannily similar to the ring that Nicco bought for Ildio. He looks up to meet Ildio's eyes from the ring; it feels like hundreds of butterflies fly from his heart. Ildio's eyes are warm, soft. The breath leaves Nicco in a rush. Niccolò is sure Ildio is a literal god, not a vampire.

"I- the funny thing is…uh…"

Niccolò pulls the open black velvet box from his coat, showing the ring to Ildio. Nicco turns his head away from Ildio, not wanting to see his expression.

Ildio blinks a few times, looking at the gorgeous ring in Nicco's hands. He can tell immediately that it's the opposite version of the ring he purchased a few nights ago. Looking closer, Ildio can see some italian engraved into the ring. Since Niccolò knows italian, Ildio was able to know it immediately when they made their contract. "Mio Dio". It's a term that Nicco would use very affectionately towards Ildio. A term that Ildio doesn't agree with, but hearing those words from Nicco is, ironically, heavenly.

"Jesus Nicco… This is beautiful. So, I'm guessing it's a yes?"

Niccolò laughs, nodding. He pulls the ring out of it's black box, gently sliding it onto Ildio's finger. Ildio mimics the action, both of them wearing the ring the other chose.

Ildio grabs Niccolò's tie, tugging him into a gentle, loving kiss.

#servamp #gluttony pair #servamp niccolo #niccolo carpediem #ilnico #servamp ildio #fanfiction #chapter 1 #wedding theme #fluff #ff fluff #in which i write #not me projecting again #that's a tag now #not beta read #shipping #i love this ship sm #it needs more love

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fordarkisthesuede · 3 years ago

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Hey! this will sound out of place probably but I randomly run into one of your asks where you said that Disney’s handling of the show could’ve been way better. I watched the show fairly new so I don't know if there was an event while the show was still airing but I really wonder why do you think like that. (I hope I don't come across as mean. English is not my first language so I'm not the best at expressing myself.)

This is probably very very late, but "Disney's handling of [Gravity Falls] could've been better" is very much related to their terrible scheduling system.

It started out with about 3 episodes a month. The first big gap in the airing was between the Summerween episode (S1x12) and Boss Mabel (S1x13) was 5 months, from October 5 to February 15. This was actually around the time I started watching, because people on here kept talking about it on here!

But a 5 month gap MID-SEASON is still unheard of for regular shows. It technically wasn't even the MIDDLE of the season! There's only 20 episodes! You'd normally produce a whole season of a show to air over the course of a year to have a steady amount of content and keeps eyeballs primed and ready, with a 4-6 week long break for the winter holidays.

From 1x13 - 1x17, new episodes were twice a month, so every other week. But 1x18, Land Before Swine, aired about 1.5 weeks after 1x17, and then Dreamscaperers another 2 weeks after that. You remember that cliffhanger, right???? The Shack is destroyed, Gideon's run amok, the twins were going to be sent home for SURE.... People on here were OBSESSING over Bill Cipher. EVERYTHING was Bill. Every meme, every newly-discovered hint, every theory, every fanart was Bill-Bill-Bill *Bill* *Bill!* *BILL!* BILL CI ~ THE TRIANGLE GUY!

And we had to wait 3 weeks until the season finale, Gideon Rises aired. Imagine having to WAIT FOR THAT DAMN CLIFFHANGER SEASON ENDING. THREE F*CKING WEEKS.

But maybe you're still like "that's not too bad, it's bi-monthly, right? Maybe a little fickle. Doesn't sound horrible." Oh, my sweet summer child. You don't know the worst of it.

Season 2 started a day over the 1 year mark since Gideon Rises, and kept up tradition of 1 new ep twice a month, with the usual winter gap...and then, 2015 happened:

The proof's in the wiki page. Imagine, you wait patiently for 2x11, Not What He Seems, and get THE BIGGEST PLOT TWIST EVER PREDICTED BY FANDOM, with everyone losing their SH*T over what happens next....only to wait for the new episode for 4 months.

And again, it's not a real mid-season break. It wasn't like the next episodes hadn't been made yet, either. And they kept up a rough twice-a-month airings (sometimes with a 2-week gap, and other's 3) until...

WEIRDMAGEDDON.

THE EPIC 3-PART FINALE. PINES FAMILY VERSUS BILL CIPHER. THE SERIES ENDING. A BIG MOMENT FOR THE SHOW, THE FANS, AND EVEN DISNEY XD,

got split up into another 4 month gap.

Imagine it. IMAGINE how you're all excited for the series ending, a little scared to see what happens, and sad to see it go. The first part is so exciting, so full of promise, so easily ready to marathon with the rest - it'll be like watching a movie premier!

But that horrible goddamn mouse only laughs in your face. "Ho Ho! A marathon? Not on my watch arms, buddy!"

You've seen Part 2. You know how great it was. The emotional reconciliation, Mabelland, the series callbacks, the build-up to the fight with Bill. Can you, with your streaming services and dvd/bluray sets and pirated material you can watch at the drop of a hat even FATHOM what it was like to have to wait 4. Damn. Months. for the series to end?

To this day, I don't know of a show that's given that kind of haphazard hate-boner of a schedule. (Except for maybe Wander Over Yonder, which only ran 2 seasons for 3 years until it was cancelled.)

I'm sure Disney has excused it away with the dying breaths of cable on the wind and the growing popularity of streaming services, but I want to take your anonymous shoulders gently in my hands and look you dead-on so I can tell you this, from the bottom of my heart:

Gravity Falls wouldn't have made it without it's very, very dedicated fanbase. I was there for every episode live-stream after 1x15 aired. I only started a tumblr to keep up with the fandom. We waited for a 2-season, 40-episode cartoon show to complete for 4 years, knowing that the likelihood we'd ever get a movie out of it later was <0.

I just don't think Disney gave 2 flipparoonies about their animating department, let alone this show. They didn't make much merchandise for Gravity Falls. The vast majority of it back then was fan-made, with the official stuff being sold strictly online. I was lucky to find a single t-shirt in a Hot Topic up until the first break of Season 2, and then they slowly started bringing out Waddles plushies, the POP Vinyls, and of course the physical copy of Journal 3 by the end of the series.

TLDR; Disney didn't really care about this show, man. :/

#gravity falls #ask #sorry for the very very very long wait #anon #I'm getting caught up in my tumblr asks #been a while since i used the desktop #in comparison Cartoon Network keeps great scheduling #just look at the air dates for Steven Universe S1!#Sure they had some gaps later on but it was NOTHING like the Gravity Falls Hiatus'#I've never forgotten #and never forgiven #hot belgian waffles was that a f*cked up schedule #I Survived the Gravity Falls Hiatus is a badge of honor ok #anonymous

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janicho88 · 4 years ago

Text

Falling For You -Part 3

November

Pairing- Eventual Dean x Female!Reader,

Word Count-3546

Warning- Fluff. Mention of serial killers. Still burning slow.

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a little backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. We should hit the one shot part around chapter 20, oops? This story is AU, and un beta’d. Thank you @waywardbeanie and @whatareyousearchingfordean for helping me keep these 2 characters in line and letting me bounce ideas off of you.

Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door. Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to.

Series Masterlist

Do you ever notice how quickly time goes once October hits? In a blink November is over and suddenly Christmas is here and then we are ringing in the new year. You aren’t even sure you remember much of the first two weeks of November this year. You did remember you had been out helping Dean a number of nights. Work was finally back under control , but you needed to get a list around to start on your Holiday baking for the first weekend of December, Thanksgiving was next week. It seemed like you couldn’t figure out which direction to go in.

Dean had gone to see a few houses and asked you to go with him for another opinion. Both of you fell in love with the sixth house. It was a two story single family home, you would have killed for the kitchen. So much counter space for baking or cooking. It only needed a few touch ups here or there, maybe some new paint in some of the rooms eventually, but it was move-in ready. The previous owners already moved out of town and took all their belongings with them. Dean had been working with a bank to be approved for a loan before finding the house, plus he had saved what he had when his house sold. The closing was done by Friday the end of the second week.

While Dean was busy finalizing paperwork on his house, you were at your desk on your lunch hour looking through pinterest for new cookie or bar ideas. A familiar voice sounded behind you.

“I’m back bitches!” Turning around you saw the fiery redhead who was in charge of IT for the company. Charlie used to work out of this office, but they had moved her to the new clinic that had opened an hour away for the last two months.

“Things are running smoothly over there, two weeks without any problems, I get to come back to you guys now.” She walked over to her familiar work area and tapped the Hermione figure sitting by her monitor and asked if she missed her. “So what have I missed here?” You and Monica filled her in, and introduced her to Anna when she came back. The rest of the day passing fairly quickly.

Making a quick dinner that night you received a phone call from your mom. Her older sister had fallen and hurt her hip. She wasn’t going to be able to travel down for Thanksgiving, so your parents were going up there. This way your mom could help her around the house and with the meal. Your cousins were a bit lazy, they weren’t going to do it. She asked if you wanted to go with them, and after thinking about it for a moment, told her not to worry about you. Your aunt's house wasn’t very big, and some other family was going up also. That was going to be too much close family togetherness for you.

Wiping down your counter you heard a tap at the door, slipping on shoes and grabbing your purse you headed out. Jess and Dean were out in the hall waiting for you, the two of you offered to help Dean clean tonight before things were moved in tomorrow. Sam was working a big case and stuck at work this evening. The house was in good shape, it just needed a good pre move in clean.

“So Dean,” Jess started talking when you got in the car. “Since you are going to have the most room, how about you host Thanksgiving next week?”

“What?” He was a bit caught off guard by that.

“Your parents are coming up, so are mine, that’s seven of us in our apartment trying to cook a big dinner, you have a huge new kitchen and a dining room.”

“One, do you really trust me to make Thanksgiving dinner?”

“I didn’t say you had to make it all, we’ll help, you just have the space to have it at.”

Sitting at a red light Dean closed his eyes and let out a sigh, “If we can have the house usable by Tuesday, fine.”

“Good, Sam also told your parents they were staying at your house.” Rolling his eyes Dean knew it was pointless to respond. Jess turned in her seat to see you in the back, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Y/N?”

“Usually we go to my grandparents, but my mom called tonight and my aunt got hurt so they are all going up to her house. I’m just going to hang out at home, watch the parade, and be lazy.”

“Apparently I’m hosting Thanksgiving, come join us.” Dean offered, glancing at you in the back.

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t be, Sam already did that when he has people staying at my house that I’m not even living in yet, without telling me.”

“Okay, if you are sure, thanks. Just let me know what I can bring.”

“Pie, lots of pie,”

Dean had already taken cleaning supplies over to the house and the three of you decided to divide and conquer. You took the kitchen and dining room, Jess and Dean split up the two upstairs bathrooms and the master bedroom and one of the guest rooms. Whoever finishes first would start in the living room. These rooms would be used for his parents' visit and Thanksgiving, the other rooms would be tackled if there was time. Walls, windows, doors all scrubbed down, floors vacuumed and mopped, kitchen cupboards all wiped out. It took you guys a few hours and everyone was beat when you headed back to the apartment building. Sam and Dean were renting a uhaul in the morning to get Dean’s stuff from storage, you made plans to ride over with Jess to help unpack.

Back in your apartment you looked to see what you could whip up to take with you for breakfast. Normal cinnamon rolls would take too long, and you didn’t have the energy, but cinnamon biscuits were doable. You made a double batch, and prepped the icing. Figuring you would warm them in the morning and top them then.

Dressed in a comfy old t-shirt and worn jeans sweatshirt sitting with the biscuits, you were ready when Jess came to get you. “Oh my, what is that smell?”

“I figured we would be working up an appetite today, so I brought breakfast rolls. Do you want one for the road?”

“Uh, yes please.” Both of you laughing, she grabbed one out of the container while waiting for the elevator.

“Yep, Dean’s right. Girl you can bake.”

The guys pulled up with the uhaul just as you were getting out of the car. “Ready to start,” she asked.

“Not really, you?”

“I wish I was back in bed.”

“What are you two laughing at?” Sam inquired leaning down to give Jess a quick kiss.

“Just wishful dreams,” she told him.

Dean unlocked the house while Sam opened the truck. They let you and Jess take some boxes, while they moved some of the furniture that came on this load. Thankfully Dean had somewhat labeled the boxes as he packed so you knew where to drop what. His labels gave you an idea on what was important to the man: kitchen crap, bathroom junk, living room stuff, bed things, other room bed things, you just didn’t know what was in each of those boxes, but clearly knew what was in the VINYLS, TOOLS, and MOVIES boxes.

Dean had kept most of the furniture from his old place, but did have a few new things coming. Such as a master bedroom set, and new couch and dining room table. Those were going to be delivered Tuesday. Jess told you he didn’t want things that reminded him of Lisa, so he sold anything that did when he moved.

Cas came over to help in the early afternoon, bring some pizzas as an apology for missing the morning work. The biscuits you made long gone. Things were coming along nicely, Dean wasn’t super picky on where things went right now. Dean gave you the job on organizing the kitchen, he said you would know best. His only request being the coffee items were close to each other and easy to get too. He would figure out where you put anything else later. Placing his old coffee maker next to the plug between the sink and refrigerator, the glasses and mugs in the cabinet next to the sink and and coffee and filters above the machine.

Jess was helping Sam set up the guest bedroom and washing the sheets for that room and Dean’s once his bed arrives. Cas and Dean ran the wires for his tv and speakers for his record player. Dean deemed those two things most important. Everything was out of storage and into the house Saturday evening, put away was another story. You offered to help on Sunday, but Dean said he wasn’t going to work on it then, taking one day of the weekend not to work and unwind a little. He still had a few things at Sam and Jess’ place to get packed up at some point.

Thanksgiving week was always a nice work week since you were only open 3 days. Monday and Tuesday evening you had helped at Dean’s and it was ready for Thanksgiving, his parents were arriving sometime Wednesday.

When you left his place Tuesday night you headed home alone. Dean was all moved in, he was out of the apartment across the hall. It made you kinda sad to think about. It’s going to be weird not running into him in the hall, or have him randomly come over when he was giving his brother some space.

You opted for staying home Wednesday night instead of hitting the bar with Charlie and her friends, and decided to get the pies made. You went with two traditional pumpkin, and one apple since Dean liked the last one so much. When you were at the store you also picked up the ingredients to make a strawberry pretzel jello.

Thursday morning you watched the parade in comfy pj’s on your couch with a glass of hot chocolate. Unlike Dean coffee wasn’t your thing. But with the chilly weather you liked something hot in the mornings. When it was warmer you would enjoy your weekend morning drinks on your balcony.

Dinner was supposed to be at two, but you headed over before noon to help with the preparations. You put on leggings and a long sweater, Jess had told you it was more about comfort than fashion today.

It was your turn to knock on Dean’s door for once, a pretty blonde woman answering the door. She had a big smile on her face that turned to surprise when she saw you.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m Y/N. Dean and Jess invited me, I came over early to help with dinner.”

“Hey Y/N!” Dean came up behind her with a big smile on his face. “Come on in.”

“Hi Dean, I came to help, brought pies, pumpkin, apple, and a jello”

“You don’t have to help,” he said while ushering you inside, “you did that enough with moving this week. Y/N this is my mom Mary, mom this is Y/N. She actually lives in the apartment across from Sam.”

“Nice to meet you dear. I’m sorry, I was expecting Sam at the door, I didn’t know anyone else was coming.”

Getting to the kitchen Dean opened up the pies and you saw him hide one of them in the cupboard. Shaking your head, you look around at the food out on the counters.

“What kind of jello is this?” Dean asked looking at the cake pan you set down.

“It’s a pretzel strawberry jello or some people call it a salad. I didn’t think you would be too fond of that term though.”

Dean looked at you before looking back down, “Pretzel jello? I see the jello and strawberries, and something solid under that but it doesn’t look like pretzels. Where’s the salad part? What are you trying to feed me sweetheart?”

Rolling your eyes and shaking your head “There isn’t actual lettuce in it Dean, this time salad is referring to a side. The solid layer is cream cheese cool whip mix, the Pretzel is the baked crust. It’s a combination of salty and sweet. Just try a bite, I’m not trying to sneak anything past you. I promise it won't hurt you as much as Sam's veggie bacon.”

Dean's face grew serious, “I thought we agreed that we don't speak of that fraud, it's not bacon. I need actual meat.”

Laughing you pat his back, “I know, I'm sorry. Now you have your own kitchen to cook real bacon.”

“Yeah or I could come to yours and let you do the work.” He said with a smile your way

“You are always welcome at my place.”

“Now that we are done discussing the jello, what do you need me to do?”

“Y/N, seriously you don’t have to help.”

“I want to, I like cooking almost as much as baking.”

Dean moved over to the list of food Jess had made up the other day, “Turkey is stuffed and in the oven, potatoes are boiling, the corncake hasn’t been started yet, neither has the salad, rolls are just waiting to bake.”

“Well Sam wanted the salad so he can do that, I’ll get the corncake going and in the oven.”

Sam, Jess, and her parents arrived a short time later. The guys all ended up in the living room watching football and left you four ladies in the kitchen. Mary started to ask Dean where his mixer was, but he told her to talk to you since you organized the kitchen. While working on last minute touches Mary turned and looked at you.

“How long have you and Dean been dating?”

Jess started laughing while you stuttered out an answer, “Oh, uh no we, we aren’t, we’re just friends.”

“They are both in denial about having any feelings for each other.”

“Jess! There are no feelings to be in denial about, we’re just friends, that’s it.”

“I’ll let you know when they catch up with what the rest of us know, Mary.” You turned back to setting the table shaking your head at her.

Dinner was great, and the conversation was even better. Dean’s dad was a little intimidating at first, but grew on you as the meal progressed. Dean sat next to you and before he took a bite of his jello he picked up the bowl and looked it over and made you promise him he wouldn’t regret it. He took his time chewing, bobbing his head around while you awaited the final verdict.

“It’s actually pretty good.” You just gave him a little nod, holding back your laugh at his behavior before going back to your own food.

The guys migrated back to the television after a while, and the four of you cleaned up. Dean came in a few times, but you sent him back out. When the first game ended the men came back for dessert. Jess brought out pumpkin bread and apple crisp her and her mom made and Dean carried the pies over.

“Y/N made pumpkin pie,” Dean told the others.

Leaning over to whisper in his ear, “You keeping the apple for yourself?”

Giving you a little grin he nodded, “You know it sweetheart.” Laughing you didn’t notice Mary watching your exchange across the table.

Looking through the ads with Jess you made plans to go out with her and her mom the next morning. Mary was watching the two of you, and you asked if she wanted to join. Jess quickly looked up and told Mary how much fun it would be if the four of you went together.

Sam tried to talk everyone into playing a new game he picked up. When he finally got everyone, even Dean to agree to join he went out to the car to retrieve it. Coming back in empty handed swearing he put it in the car, but unable to find it. He went looking through some of Dean’s things for the deck of cards he swore he didn’t have striking out again. Dean told him if he wanted to play games he needed to host Thanksgiving and went back to watching the football game. Jess was sitting beside you unusually quiet the whole time.

“Did you know he forgot the game?” You whispered to her.

“He didn’t forget it, who do you think took it out of the car?” Quickly covering your laugh with a cough she continued. “It was a trivia game about serial killers that used a courtroom type setup. The box said something about cross examining, objecting and redirecting. It seriously wasn’t happening, I get enough lawyer talk at home.”

At five am the next morning you decided Jess had too much energy. She had you leaving the apartment building by 3:30, then picked up Mary before hitting the mall. You drove the 40 minutes to Ann Arbor because Jess wanted to go to the bigger mall. Luckily the temperature was in the high 30’s this morning and you didn’t have to wait outside long. There are years you have stood outside in the snow waiting to get in a store.

You had a few things on your list, but no clue for some people. You weren't great at coming up with gifts, especially at this hour. You walked past one store front before stopping abruptly, and Jess walked into your back.

“Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I’m going to run in here real quick, I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute.” The display in the window made you think of Dean and you went into get him a house warming present.

Stopping in the food court for a break later, Mary had a question for you, “Call me crazy, but didn’t you say something about apple pie yesterday when you arrived?”

You started laughing, “ I did, Dean apparently hid it when he took it to the kitchen. He had some last time I made one and decided he didn’t want to share this one.”

Mary was talking to you more about Dean. “He seems so much happier now than when he left. He was in a dark place for a while, that girl hurt him bad. I ran into her in town, and she had the nerve to talk to me like everything was fine. I gave her a piece of my mind and John had to pull me away.” She paused for a minute before continuing, “Dean has mentioned hanging out with a new friend a number of times I’ve talked to him. I think that person has made a big difference in his happiness, and I hope they stick around for a long time.”

You weren’t really sure what to say, you gave her a little smile, and told her Dean was an amazing guy who didn’t deserve to be treated like he had been.

After running errands on Saturday you stopped over at Dean’s. He was surprised to see you at the door and invited you into the living room where he was talking with his parents.

“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to drop something off.”

“You’re fine sweetie, you aren’t interrupting anything. We were just chit chatting, but we should actually start to get some of our things around. We fly out tomorrow morning. John, we should go pick up the room, and pack what we don’t need tonight.”

“I did that earlier.’

“Well you should double check it, just in case. You two talk, we’ll be back later.” Pushing John out of the room they headed upstairs.

“I didn’t mean to chase them away, I just wanted to drop off your house warming gift.”

“Thank you, you really didn’t have to get me anything. Your help was a huge present,” Dean told you, taking the wrapped box out of your hands.

“I wanted to, just open it.”

“Oh Sweetheart, she is a beauty.” You had gotten him a new Keurig coffee maker, this one could make a whole pot, or a single pod. He mentioned he had been fighting with his old one, and you knew how important coffee was to him, especially in the morning.

“This way, you can make yourself a single cup if you just can’t wait for the whole pot to finish, or if you want one later.”

“This is great, thanks Y/N. You did well, especially for a non-coffee drinker,” he finished with a teasing grin.

“I should get going, let you enjoy your last night with your parents.”

“You don’t have to, Sam and Jess should be over soon, her parents left today.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to interfere with family time. Tell your parents it was nice meeting them, I hope they have a safe trip back. I’ll see you around Dean.”

Part 4

Thank you for reading!

Tags @talesmaniac89 @katehuntington @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @deanwanddamons @smol-and-grumpy @emoryhemsworth @anathewierdo @malfoysqueen14 @superfanficnatural @jensengirl83 @atc74 @sandlee44 @akshi8278 @fantasydevil2002

Falling For You tags- @halesandy @abuavnee @hearteyes-j2 @vicmc624 @440mxs-wife @wonder-cole @maralisa124

#FalingForYou #Deanx FemaleReader #dean x reader #dean winchester #supernatural

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leeminholinoing · 3 years ago

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Hey, you going to Antwerp? I am still looking for a ticket. I was supposed to go to Adam tonight but then I had a different event, couldn't go, and then the event got cancelled and I didn't get tickets anymore. I'm fuming. And I usually am never angry. Maybe I am just sad and disappointed. It looks so amazing. What if L sings Perfect Now tonight? I could have been there. :'( And then I didn't get the sea glass green vinyl last night. Maybe all the action of the last days was just too much. Sry.

hi! yes I'm going to antwerp. I'm sorry you couldn't get tickets :/ maybe check the event on facebook there might be people selling tickets <3

I think loui shad given up on perfect now 😅 and I feel the same way, the sea glass vinyl was sold out when I woke up Friday :/ I said I would never buy again from harry's website but then with the excitement of the release I really wanted to get my hands on that vinyl . I'll just wait for another occasion <3

I am a strong believer that when things get too much in fandom it's always better to log off. I've done it in the past and I did it again this week bc I had no choice bc of work and it always work.

You can always appreciate the boys' music without all the fandom politics, taking a break from social media/fandom is always a good idea when things get too much.

I'll also reply to your other ask here.

I am so glad you got a good experience in copenhagen <3 I do believe antis are all talk, most of them don't even go to concerts so I hope the people who organised the rainbow projects weren't too affected by their harassment :/

#anons #that are not on anons

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staticscreenwriting · 5 years ago

Text

Right now could last forever - Billy Hargrove

Synopsis: Inspired by “A daydream a way” by All Time Low and the following request: Okay so I wrote this prompt and i’d love to see it with best friend!Billy. “Are you jealous or something?” “Have i not made that obvious? Of course i’m jealous!”

Please help a girl out by reblogging. Thank you

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

For the longest time, I was convinced of two things.

One, I was convinced that in every friendship there comes a moment when the line between friendship and more becomes extremely visible. You can see it quite clearly. And in that moment you get to decide whether to cross it or not. Once the moment has passed, that’s it. That one little choice defines that relationship from that point on.

And two, I would never get myself tangled up in a relationship where that line was not clearly defined.

For the longest time in my life, I was a fucking dumbass.

Billy Hargrove came into my life in the fall of 1984. He swept over me like a thunderstorm in summer. Loud and unforgiving and filled with rage. Someone, and I can’t remember who that was, once said that misery loves company. I never believed in those words until I met Billy.

There was something about him that was so intoxicating. I wanted to know him, genuinely know him. He had a perpetual scowl on his face but that wasn’t what I cared about, I didn’t entirely buy that. His eyes, they were so sad, so deeply sad. I knew that sadness because it was the same feeling that looked back at me every time I looked into a mirror.

For a while, we were orbiting around each other like two planets always close but never destined to meet. And then, somehow, somewhen, the universe shifted and we collided and life as I knew it was never the same again.

He asked me to tutor him in English, said he didn’t really understand the shit he had to read, said those big words didn’t make sense to him. I said yes because if someone like Billy asks you for a favour, you don’t say no. Billy who was always so effortlessly cool and unbothered.

I looked at him then and I knew then, that we would never have that moment where lines had to be defined. Because a guy like Billy didn’t even know lines existed when it came to girls like me. I did though. I knew there wasn’t gonna be a moment because I took it away from us. I drew the line myself. Nothing was ever gonna come of this that was ay more than a friendship. I thought I knew it then and so I took it upon myself to define things that never needed to be defined. And I drew the line and I thought that was it.

Back then I was so sure that we could never be anything but friends. I was a rainy day in spring. I was muted colours and damp grass and hayfever. Billy was the middle of summer. He was warm august evenings, BBQs with friends, 4th of July fireworks.

I tutored him about 2 or 3 times and it felt like it was always supposed to be this way, Billy and me. Like two puzzle pieces fitting so well. We bonded over our love for the same bands and our hatred for the same stupid things. But what really brought us together was the realization, that the same sadness lived in both our hearts.

From then on, Billy was a permanent fixture in my life. Like once he was there he wasn’t gonna leave again, ever. Like my life was a vinyl record and he was a scratch and no matter how much you polished or scrubbed it wasn’t gonna go away. No, that metaphor doesn’t hold up because Billy wasn’t a bad thing. He was maybe the one good thing in my life. He was permanent, like a tattoo. Something, someone, I chose to have around. Someone to make me remember what it felt like, being alive.

Tuesdays were my favourite days because we had his whole house to ourselves. My parents didn’t give a shit where I was and his dad and Susan had to work all day. Max was hardly around either way and so it was just us.

We sat on the ugly gray linoleum floor of his kitchen passing a joint back and forth, goofy smiles on our faces. That’s how we spent most Tuesdays, getting high and just — being. Just being around each other. What else was there to do for a teenager in Hawkins Indiana in 1984 though? What do you do in a town where kids and teens go missing on a regular basis and yet everyone goes about their day as if it was nothing special? I mean, yeah they built us a huge ass mall but what good did that do? All they did was add capitalism to this mess.

So we sat there, giggling and dreaming dreams too big for us and using words we didn’t really understand. Or maybe we did but we surely weren’t aware of the gravity they held then. Words like forever.

“ What’s your favourite colour? “ Billy asked me one Tuesday afternoon. He didn’t give me time to finish though. “ And don’t say shit like seafoam green or something. I don’t got a fucking clue what seafoam green is. Just — just gimme a straight answer. “

I didn’t tell him that my favourite colour was the exact shade of blue of his eyes. Or maybe the red of his lifeguard shorts that made him almost glow in the summer sun. I thought it then but I didn’t say it. You don’t say stuff like that and expect the line not to be crossed.

The line. That fucking line I draw myself. I had to remind myself of it every once in a while when my thoughts went drifting and the line felt like it was going to smudge a little. I had to draw it again. In the sand. In the clouds. Anywhere. Everywhere. I couldn’t let myself forget about it. Because forgetting would only end in heartbreak.

“ I like red. “

“ Yeah? I like red too. “ And that made perfect sense to me then because he was red. Anger and wrath and chaos. Warmth. Comfort. Love.

“ What are you grinning about, huh? Looking like a fool over there. “ I wondered, nudging his thigh with my foot. He just kept grinning, tiny wrinkles forming around his smile, his eyes. He always smiled with his eyes, at least when the smiles were genuine. I adored that.

“ Nothing.”

“ Wish you could see your face right now. It’s not nothing, clearly”

“ I don’t know, “ Billy replied and shrugged “ I’m just — I like our Tuesdays. I like not having to get back to anything. Right now, right now could last forever and I wouldn’t mind. Wouldn’t give a single fuck.”

That made my heart beat so fast, I could feel it in my chest, drumming in my ears, tingling in my fingers. But that’s what friends do, right? Spend all their time together. Share a place that feels safe. Even if that place isn’t a specific place at all. Maybe that place could be a person. A heart.

It was clear to me then, that Billy Hargrove was my soulmate. Maybe not in a romantic way but in a way that meant much more. My heart was his, my soul was his, my mind was his. And in return, I had all of him. No longer were we orbiting around each other, we were the same then. One lone planet floating around in the universe. Terribly alone but never lonesome.

The thing about the line is that something I wished I hadn’t drawn it. Sometimes I wanted to smudge it like lead on paper. I knew I couldn’t do that, it would ruin what we had. I could’ve just as well have ripped my own heart out, the pain would’ve matched.

So when things got all quiet and I felt like life wasn’t gonna judge me too harshly, and when I felt really really down or really really brave, I let myself get lost in daydreams. Ones where I stepped over the line, into something else. Something more. I let myself relish in those daydreams, soak them up like a goddamn sponge. They overwhelmed me sometimes, leaving me with nothing to say, because I just didn’t know where to start and where to stop. But those daydreams felt safe. I could watch from this place of security and if I kept my mouth shut and keep my feelings in those daydreams, it meant I never had to lose what we had.

Weekends meant going out. They meant getting away from everything but each other. Never from each other. Sometimes we would go to Carmel, sometimes Lafayette, sometimes Terre Haute. Most of the time though, we ended up in some dive bar at the side of the road in some tiny village. No one knew us there and maybe that was the charm of it all. We could be anyone. We could be anything. Even to each other. If only I would’ve let myself feel those things.

Billy drove the Camaro to wherever it was we were going and the we’d decide on who would drive us back. Usually, we took turns. One weekend I would stay sober, the next he would. I didn’t realize then, but Billy letting me drive his car, his baby, that meant a whole lot. To the both of us. It’s just that neither of us was terribly aware of it then.

It was the summer of 1985, a warm June night. The fireflies were back, the cold of the winter and spring finally gone, making way for summer heat and longer nights. We drove aimlessly around, trying to find a place to waste away our youth, get drunk of things they shouldn’t have sold us, to feel alive. It was an escape for us. From our lives, our fears, everything that made life feel so wrong. Those nights driving along the roads, music blasting from the car radio, those were the little moments that my life felt right.

Like nothing mattered but us and the vastness of the world waiting before us. A world that didn’t know us yet. One the let us be whoever we decided to be. Sometimes I wondered if in that world I could be a girl that Billy liked. But then I remembered the line. And I shut those thoughts out.

O'Charley's was an Irish pub a few towns over from Hawkins. It was, I assume, founded by someone that had never been to Ireland in their life nor did they know anyone Irish. It was very little authentic Irish pub and quite a lot party city with all the paper shamrocks and tiny flags everywhere. It was charming though, in all it’s mess there was something about it that made us come back time and time again.

That June night, I was wearing a red dress I had snagged from my mom’s closet. For all her faults, she really was a looker in the 70s and her clothes had no business hanging untouched and unloved in her closet because she had decided the 80s were her time to shine in boring velour pants and blouses that made her look 10 years older.

So I wore that red wrap-around dress that flowed around my knees with every step I took and I thought that if I can veil myself in red, in Billy’s colour, maybe I can trap a little of him, of his energy, of his confidence, of his warmth, in me.

All the people here knew about us, was our faces and the fake names on our fake IDs. We could be anyone we wanted to be in here. And for a pair of 17-year-olds that is the biggest power one can only possess. To be whoever you want to be in a world that tries so hard to put you down over and over again and squish you in a mould of picket fences and loveless marriages. Time stood still for the nights I was with Billy in a bar where no one knew the real us. Or maybe they did. Maybe we were the real us when we were there.

I can not tell you what Billy wore that night, this boy had 4 different outfits that he kept rotating. In the end, it didn’t really matter though, he looked hot in all of them. I know that it was hot though and his shirt was unbuttoned more than usual, letting me see more of his chest. Sometimes I wondered if he knew what it was doing to me despite the fact that he was my best friend. My person.

We sat at the bar, I ordered a beer, Billy ordered a cherry coke. That was tonight's driver decided. I gave him a grateful smile and he just smiled back with his casual coolness. So we sat there, Whitesnake playing from the stereo, smiles on our faces. And life was right how it should be all the time. For a short while, the demons we both carried on our shoulders were mute. We could breathe.

“ Look at that douchebag. “ Billy laughed and nodded his head towards the corner of the room. A guy that looked about our parents' age, hair slicked back, shirt stuffed into his jeans, tie hanging loosely from his neck, was leaning against the wall. His lips were almost glued to the ear of a beautiful woman. She must’ve been around the same age he was though beauty wasn’t lost on her in those years. It was hard to watch though, as her eyes were so desperately vacant. There was nothing there. No joy, no excitement. He was wearing a ring, she was wearing one too. We could only assume that those two had seen a few years together. Maybe this was their night out. Kids dropped off at the sitter those two felt like hitting the town, reliving their youth.

Only when you’re stuck in a gray, loveless, sad mess for too long, it takes over your entire being. It turns you into a gray mess yourself. I knew that because I could see it every day in my own parents. Billy knew because his mother had to break his heart in order to escape her own heartbreak and the mess.

“ He’s trying too hard, the idiot. “ Billy chuckled. This was something we did a lot, sit and watch people and pretend our lives would never end like theirs. And god, did we hope and pray we wouldn’t end up like this.

“ She’s so desperate to just get back home,” I pointed out, taking another sip from my beer.

“ Their names, “ Billy started “ are Jeff and Hillary. They’ve been married for 20 years now. Jeff is an accountant at Hillary’s dad’s firm. Good ol’ Hilly dreamed of becoming a model for Sports Illustrated. Then she got knocked up and settled for a life in the suburbs with Jeff who’s as exciting as a piece of untoasted toast.”

“ They have three kids, and she loves them, “ I continued, “ but god sometimes she really resents them for being the reasons she had to give up on all her dreams. Give up on the person she used to be. “

“ Two more drinks, then they’ll go home and have boring, unsatisfying sex. He’ll hump away and break a sweat and two minutes later he’ll fall asleep and she’s gonna stare up at the ceiling and consider finishing the job herself, cause Jeff clearly doesn’t care. And she’ll just stare and wish that this wasn’t her life. Because she hates it.”

Where things had started out fun, they turned quite sad quite quickly.

“ Promise me we will never end up like this, “ Billy said, now facing me. My favourite shade of blue, so vibrant, so soft. I nodded, because I was lost for all words. That’s the effect Billy had on me and everyone else.

The line! You drew it! Remember it!

I ordered a tequila then. “ We’d never stand a chance,” I thought “ at love, not Billy and I.”

So I tried to forget about my thoughts, with a little salt and a little lime and a shot that burned all the way down. Tried to forget about those intrusive little words and images that I knew could never be.

I don’t know how much later it was but at some point, Billy’s warm big handheld onto my arm to steady my swaying frame. I could tell you what it felt like when he looked at me then, if I had the vocabulary to properly put it into words. I knew then, that if no one else, Billy was there to take care of me. That with crossing the line I would give up on this. This love that was certainly there even if it was in a completely different way. Maybe this was all the love I would ever need in my life.

“ Let me take you home. “

But did he not know? Home was wherever he was. Home was him.

We arrived back at my house which was deserted, as always. Weekends were when my own parents tried to rekindle a flame that had never been there in the first place. I was invisible. Maybe that’s what drew me to Billy, he saw me. All of me. And he understood in ways I had never been understood before.

“ Are you okay getting up by yourself ? “ he asked, his eyes looking towards the window of my room. Was I okay? Sure I could’ve managed by did I want to? Did I want to be all by myself in a house that felt so cold even in those warm summer nights? No, I really didn’t.

“ I thought you’d stay over again ?”

“ You’re not sick of me yet ? “ the way he said it sounded so nonchalant, like he was completely joking. He wasn’t I knew him better than that. When everyone always makes you feel like a burden, it’s hard to accept that some people actually want your around. It’s hard to accept love when life’s always made you believe you didn’t deserve it.

“ I’ll never get sick of you, Billy” and I had never been more serious about anything else in my life.

Okay, maybe the line was getting a little smudged.

“ I’ll lend you one of my sleepshirts.”

“ Lucky me.”

And he held my hand as we got up like it was nothing. And maybe it wasn’t to him at that point, but it was everything to me. Maybe to him it was just holding a friend’s hand who has drank a little too much. But that’s all it had to be to send my heart beating faster.

There had been countless times before that Billy had spent the night but the more I let myself get lost in those comforting daydreams, the more my stomach started fluttering when he was near. We wouldn’t cuddle, not really, not when we got to sleep. We’d just lay next to each other, two pillows one blanket. We’d just exist around each other and try to not let the weight settle back in just yet. He was so close I could feel the warmth

his body was exuding, could hear him breathing. He was so close and yet the most we’d touch was my legs accidentally brushing his or the other way around.

“ I never wanna live in a house like this ever again, “ I told him then, sheltered by the dark of the night. “ It’s so empty and sad and big and I just — I hate it here.”

He was real quiet for a moment but I knew he would answer soon enough. When he was with me, Billy had a habit of really considering his words. Maybe because I knew I listened to what he had to say, I cared.

“ Yeah me neither. No offence to your parent’s decorating skills or anything. But god, this house sucks. It’s so — “

“ Sad. It’s a sad big house. “

“ Yeah. “

“ What kind of house would you want? “ I asked and I swear in that moment I felt his hand brush mine. Only for a second. But it was there. It was there.

“ One by the beach. Where I can just open the door and walk onto the sand and down to the shore. I’d like a fire pit on my property, those are cool. “

“ They really are. I can see us sitting by the fire pit, eating smores, watching the waves. That sounds nice. “

Shit, did I say that? I did. And I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Right there and then. Lines, (Y/N) !!! Remember the god damn lines you drew yours—

“ I’d like that. “

That moment, the moment he said those words, I wondered for the first time if maybe Billy didn’t see the line between friendship and relationship because to him there was none. Not because he didn’t see me as suitable but because he just didn’t think in those convoluted and ridiculous ways I did. There were no lines because Billy didn’t need them to define anything, he chose to define things himself.

“ I want a house that’s a home. Something that’s more than 4 walls and a roof. “ he said and smiles at me. Billy Hargrove smiles were rare but when he would grant them to you, they were magnificent.

I fell asleep with lines smudged and everything I knew shaken up. I also fell asleep with my hand in his.

The next morning, I woke up cuddled into his chest. I closed my eyes again to hold onto the moment just a little longer.

Things didn't drastically change after that, my world didn’t suddenly shift. Billy and I were still best friends and if I am being completely honest, they seemed rather stagnant after that night. Like either of us was afraid of making a wrong move.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I was a fucking dumbass back then because instead of trying to have a grown-up conversation with him about it, I decided to look for romance elsewhere.

Kyle Davis was a nice guy. He was part of the school newspaper, drove a red BMW and worked part-time at Sam Goody inside Starcourt mall. Kyle Davis was also the son of one of Hawkins most respectable lawyers and was sure to follow in his father’s footsteps one of these days.

And Kyle Davis, for some reason I don’t understand to this day, was interested in me. Followed me around like a lovesick puppy. I had no real interest in him but as I said, he was nice and I wanted to see what it felt like, having someone who wants you too and who isn’t afraid to tell you that.

So when he asked me to the summer formal, I said yes. Something that Billy did not like. Not one bit.

“ Kyle Davis ? “ he all but yelled as he slumped down on the bleachers next to me. The sun was shining down on us with warm, golden rays. I was trying to focus on some stupid math problem, papers and books spread on the bench next to me.

“ What about him ? “

“ You’re going to the dance with him ? “

“ Yup. Is that a problem ? “

“ I mean — “ he said then huffed “ I mean yeah. It’s Kyle Davis. Kyle. “

“ He’s nice. “

“ Sure he is. A nice guy with a stable future. Someone’s already warming his chair at dad’s cosy office where he gets everything handed to him. Let’s see how this is gonna play out, huh ? “

“ Billy don’t.”

“ Nah, let me have this one. So Kyle takes you to the dance, you smooch a little, maybe he gets to cop a feel. Obviously he wants to keep you around because you’re pretty great. So you date and at some point you gotta talk about the future because graduation isn’t all that far off. And Kyle is the kind of guy that expects you to stay with him, follow him wherever he goes. Let’s pretend you would. Soon enough he’d get you knocked up with little Kyle Junior. He’d be out at work all day letting you turn bitter and resentful and hate the life you have, all alone in a big empty house with a kid you can’t love properly because you don’t love their dad or the life he made you live. And soon enough you’d end up in a shitty pub trying to chase something that wasn’t there in the first place. I don’t wanna watch you end up like Hillary at the pub. “

“ God, Billy. Don’t be so dramatic, I’m just going to the dance with him. What’s wrong with you, are you jealous or something ? “

I was expecting him to deny it, to blow me off with some stupid yet charming one-liner. He didn’t though, he stayed quiet. And that made my eyes shoot up to look at him.

There was a sincerity in his eyes that I wasn’t used to. An indescribable confidence and yet he looked more nervous that I had ever seen him before.

“ Have I not made that obvious? Of course I’m jealous! ”

“ I — what ? “

Everything I ever thought I knew, was pure and utter bullshit.

“ Jesus, (Y/N). I have been in love with you since the first time we hung out. I asked you to tutor me because I wanted to be around you, I was really fucking good at English class if I’m being honest here. I didn’t need your help but I needed to know you. I wanted to know you. You just don’t fucking realize how — incredible you are. In everything you do. Your grilled cheese sandwiches are so good, you manage to remember the lines to every song instantly, you don’t know how to pronounce melancholy and I think that’s so adorable. I feel incredibly lost and angry and disillusioned with life. I hate so much about myself but you, you understand it and you feel it with me and — you're everything I love about the things I hate in me. So please, if there’s even a teeny tiny chance for me, don’t go out with him.”

I didn’t answer, because I didn’t know what to say at all. And then a second passed and I knew this was the moment.

This was that moment where I got to decide how my life was gonna go. Where I got to chose the person I wanted to walk alongside. And it was Billy. It always had been.

I’m not sure who kissed who first then but one moment he was pouring his heart out to me and the next our lips were touching. That’s when my summer truly began. His red-hot took over my dull gray and turned it into something bright and wonderful and exciting.

“ Do you actually wanna go to the dance ? “ he asked as we pulled away, “ cause if you do I’ll take you. I just — don’t own a suit., so … “

“ How about we ditch that stupid dance and take and just get away from it all. I just wanna be with you, Billy. You are my home. “

It was the summer of 1985 when I learned what love really was. It doesn’t come with rules or regulations. There’s no rhyme or reason to it sometimes. That’s a scary fact to realize and even scarier to accept. You can’t trick it, manipulate it. It’s no game to be won or lost. It’s — I believe it’s bigger than any human can fully comprehend.

So all that we can do, it let it move us, allow ourselves to feel it and accept the love when it comes our way. No lines needed.

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