#sad about that person though…. i hope i just missed their moving to a different blog or something | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yellowharrington · 10 months ago

Text

wildflower and barley -- joel miller x reader

pairing + fandom: joel miller x reader, the last of us (hbo)

word count: 5k+ oops

warnings/notes: smut smut smut!!! minors DNI, 18+!!! no outbreak!au. age gap (it's implied reader is in her 20s while joel is 45) and mentions of joel being kinda perverted and liking it lol. drinking (both reader and joel, not excessive), use of a dating app like tinder but not specified, unprotected PIV w creampie and oral (m+f receiving), do not fuck your tinder hookups without protection i'm just horny and gross. excessive use of darlin' as a nickname. implied that reader likes men. she/her pronouns used, afab!reader (with mentions of body parts), no use of y/n. if i missed anything lmk!

a/n: heavily inspired by this post by @yesttoheaven about joel's tinder profile!! it has been rotting my brain since i saw it which literally inspired me to write my first fic in the tlou fandom ever so please be gentle with me. i imagined show!joel because i've never played the game so do with that what you will. please reblog and leave comments if u enjoy it <3333

divider by @cafekitsune

summary: after deciding to change your age range on a dating app in hope of a change of scenery, you stumble across joel miller.

No one likes using dating apps.

Swiping left, left, left mindlessly at troves of men holding fish, showing off their trucks, or with deer heads mounted to the walls behind their selfies holding guns.

This was Texas, after all.

Having just moved here, it was a little shocking, to say the least. But you were getting used to the “eligible” bachelors that were your age generally looking and acting the same. When you did end up finding someone of interest, you were usually turned off pretty quickly by whatever shitty pick-up line they had chosen. Or, your personal favourite, “wanna fuck?”

No thanks.

It was an idyllic summer evening, the hot stuffy air of Austin flowing in through your windows. You laid in bed, propped up on the pillows against your headboard and sorting through the faces that adorned your screen. No one particularly interesting, as usual, and every profile was starting to melt together to look the same.

You sighed, looking into your settings, adjusting and increasing different metrics to hopefully change the pool just enough for there to be someone new or interesting.

Age range: 25-30

Your eyebrow cocked as you looked onto the screen, pulling the slider more to the right experimentally. No one was here to see you, and even though it was slightly embarassing to be interested in older men, you’d be lying if you said it didn’t pique your interest to imagine it. Even just to try, and see, if they ever really did grow up. You imagined it was wishful thinking, but increased the range anyways.

Age range: 35-45

Feeling the need to throw your phone across the room after doing that, you placed it face down under your pillow and slid out of bed. No use in swiping through them now, and you were getting tired of looking. A pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a new episode of your favourite show was waiting for you downstairs.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel Miller does not use dating apps.

He barely knows how to send a text on his phone, let alone navigate the world of online women. Not to say he didn’t explore the options, so to speak, but they usually were not ones that were single, his age, and in his area. Unless the ads on those sites were real, that is.

“It’s starting to get sad,” Sarah had remarked at breakfast, when they got on the topic, and Joel feigned hurt. Hand over his heart, he dropped his fork onto the plate. “It’s not sad, Jesus. I’m just busy, is all.”

“Busy not gettin’ busy,” Sarah remarked, and Joel’s eyes widened. “Hey now! None of that.”

A blush spread up his cheeks and ears as they continued to eat breakfast in slightly awkward silence, before Joel took his plate to the sink. “Okay, off to school, you. And no more conversations about my dating life. Ever.”

Sarah laughed as she finished off the last of the juice in her glass. “I’m just saying, dad. You can if you want to. Might be nice for you.”

Joel planted a soft kiss to her head before she bounded out the door, rolling his eyes and calling out a ‘love you’ before she closed the door swiftly behind her. Joel stared at his cell phone on the table. Maybe it would be nice.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

The following evening, you were a little too excited to see the dating app specimens you had acquired. Not sure what to expect, really, and you went in with no expectations. It’s not like they’d magically all be tall, dark, and handsome, but some variety never killed anybody.

Paul, 41

Daddy, but not yours. No libs allowed. 6’ because that matters.

You sighed deeply. Some things never change.

After swiping through much of what you were used to, a profile managed to catch your eye among the sea of disappointment.

Joel, 45

Just a Southern gentleman trying this out for the first time. Contractor of over 10 years. I love my daughter, BBQ, strong coffee, and sleeping in.

Now that was the most interesting thing you’d seen in a while.

He didn’t look a day over 40. His eyes creased at the corners when he smiled wide in his photos. He looked tan, a product of the Texas heat and his job, you thought. His features were accompanied by salt-and-pepper facial hair and messy curls that looked soft and pliable. His photos showed off his physique incredibly, tight wash-worn t-shirts pulling over his arms and shoulders, looking big, broad. He was no doubt the most handsome man you’d seen on an app, maybe ever.

When you swiped right before you could think too hard, you were surprised to see the green “Match!” Flash across your screen.

Your fingers ghosted over the keyboard on your phone, thinking of a witty thing to say, probably for too long.

Your phone buzzed as you saw a notification pop up.

Joel has sent you a message.

Hey, darlin’. How are ya?

You felt your face warm at the sweet message, when was the last time someone had called you darlin’? Ever?

Hey cowboy. I’m great, how are you?

He was certainly an eager responder, taking only a few seconds to reply. You found yourself smiling down at your phone screen.

Cowboy… I like that. I’m better now that I’m talking to you.

Oh, Joel, who told you to say that? 😂

No good?

Not bad. 6/10.

Only 6/10? I’ll work on it. I like to think I’m better in person.

I would love to find out.

You found yourself emboldened by how easy the conversation was flowing. Joel was certainly easy to talk to, easier than the other matches you had going for you, and infinitely more handsome.

Oh, would you? Alright. I’d love to take you to dinner sometime. If you don’t mind being seen with an old man such as myself in public. Or meeting a stranger from the internet.

He’s a very handsome stranger. I would love to go to dinner with you. Know any good spots? I’m new around here.

There’s a great barbecue spot in downtown Austin. If you’d prefer something fancier, let me know.

I love bbq. Just tell me where and when, cowboy.

Tomorrow, 7pm ok?

You sent him your phone number in the message. Fuck it.

Sounds great. Text me the address, I’ll be there. :)

Joel’s reply didn’t come. Instead, a text appeared at the top of your screen with an unknown number.

It’s Joel. This the right number?

Yup. You found me.

Great. Talk tomorrow sweetheart. Looking forward to it. :)

He texted you the address of the restaurant, right before you opened the contact card, saving his name as “cowboy ♡”.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Cowboy. Cowboy. Cowboy. It was playing over in his head like a broken fuckin’ record.

Joel was positively freaking out about this date.

Sarah had managed to secure a sleepover at her friend’s place, so the house would be empty for the night. He had been busying himself with cleaning the entirety of the house, even taking the time to mow the grass before work and vacuum the family room. He can’t remember the last time he vacuumed anywhere.

Would she even make it back here? How does this work? Will she want to sleep over or hang out on the couch or should he be making a dessert for after?

His mind was brought out of it’s craze by Sarah jumping down the stairs. She plopped her bag down on the freshly wiped countertop.

“Careful,” he warned, putting a hand up. “I just cleaned that off.”

“I can tell. It smells like the cleaning aisle threw up in here.”

He smirked before patting her head with his hand, as she aggressively smoothed out her hair. “Dad! Don’t!”

“When do you wanna go to Ellie’s?” He asked, more gaging how long he has left to get ready than actually asking.

“Probably soon. Why? Tryna get rid of me?” she poked her dad in the side, but when she flinched away instead, a large smile spread across her face. He was tense.

“What’s your deal?” Joel hated the way she knew him so well sometimes.

“Nothing.“

“Are you going on a date?”

Silence fell over the kitchen between the two of them, as Joel’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “How did you know?”

“Oh my god, you actually took my advice,” Sarah laughed, watching her dad’s face burn red with embarrassment. “Just don’t do anything weird on communal surfaces, please.”

Joel shook his head at her suggestion, already becoming annoyed with the whole prospect. He was so nervous, about what to wear, how to act, what the expectation was… let alone, what would happen if they made it back to his place at all.

Although, when he was able to shake his nerves for a second, he was just really fucking excited.

“Wear those dark jeans, and that green shirt you wore to Tommy’s last week. Looks good on you.” Sarah smiled as she put her arms around Joel’s middle, while his worries melted away with her touch. “She’ll love you, I promise.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

It had been such a long time since you’d been on a proper date, you were starting to lose your mind at the simple process of deciding what to wear.

Clothes were strewn across every surface of your apartment, shoes matching with jeans that matched with cardigans, tops that matched with belts and jackets.

It’s 87 degrees at 5 o’clock, idiot. You’re not wearing a jacket. Relax.

Exhausted of picking out outfits and making decisions, you collapsed on your couch and took a look at your options. You landed on an easy sundress, putting the rest of your clothes back in their respective drawers, and pulling out all of the products you were expecting to use to get ready.

You scrolled through your phone aimlessly as a notification bubble popped up on the screen.

We still on for tonight darlin’? Or did you change your mind?

No worries if you did. I respect that.

You let out a cackle at the message, thinking about how he must look right now. Was he nervous? Scared? Was he just looking for a controversially young fuck?

You weren’t… completely against that.

Didn’t change my mind, wouldn’t in a million years :)

Meet you there. Can’t wait to see you.

His eagerness to meet up would’ve been a red flag if it were any other run of the mill guy, but something about Joel felt special. There didn’t seem to be any funny business with him; too sincere to try anything other than just a good old fashioned date.

You too, cowboy.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When Joel showed up at the restaurant, he clenched a small bouquet of pink peonies in his right hand and checked his watch obsessively. The minutes ticked away, as he kept a high alert for anyone who could be his potential date. He knew what you looked like, of course, but this being his first time doing anything of this sort is making him hyperaware of anything going awry.

When he does lay eyes on you, his whole gaze softens. A pink sundress, hair pristinely styled and a bounce in your step that reminded him of summer. You looked like an angel, the sunset behind you painting the sky tangerine, which reflected off of the shine against your supple skin. So young, beautiful, it was taking his breath away.

“Joel?”

Your voice matched your sweet demeanour, and he was taken out of his waking daydream.

“Hi,” is all he can say, letting his breath out as he relaxed. “Yes, hi, sorry. I’m Joel.”

“Hi,” you laugh back, eyes darting to the flowers in his hand. They matched your dress.

“These are for you,” he gets the hint, extending his arm out, and you can see the veins bulging in his forearm. He looked so much stronger in person, it was making your knees go weak.

“Thank you, wow,” you held them up to your nose to smell the sweet aroma. “I love peonies.”

“Me too,” he smiled, showing off a string of pearly white teeth, that contrasted with the pink of his lips and the even tan of his skin.

“Shall we?” He extended his arm to you for you to grab onto, and you got to feel the warmth of his skin for yourself. Your hand wrapped around his forearm as he opened the door of the restaurant for you, leading you inside and catching a glimpse of the backs of your thighs as you walked in front of him.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When you were finally sitting, the conversation flowed easily. He was truly a Southern gentleman, like he had said. It wasn’t normal for you to open up so quickly, but Joel was so easy going and smart, he asked the right questions and knew when to listen. He knew how to listen, a warm gaze and a nod along, asking follow up questions to your answers and easily getting to know you.

You asked about his daughter, his family, his work. He was happy to tell you.

“So, what’s a man like you doing being single in this city?” You take a sip of the wine in the glass in front of you, burgundy staining your bottom lip.

He takes a bite of the food in front of him, a napkin pressing to his lips quickly after. “Been busy,” he started to say, honey brown eyes meeting yours for a second. His gaze sent an electrifying pulse down your spine.

“And, well, when Sarah’s mom left there was a ton to do,” he says it nonchalantly, as if that should be something normal to happen. “House, work, school, she keeps my hands full. Hasn’t been a lot of time.” His syrupy drawl is pulling you in, you’re enticed by the way he speaks to you. So easy, warm, soft. You wonder what his hands feel like on your body, lips pressed to your neck, torso pressed against yours.

“Sorry, that’s a lot of information for a first date,” he laughs to cover the awkwardness, and quietly curses himself for going into so much detail about his precarious family situation and basically admitting to you that he hasn’t fucked anything other than his hand in the last 5 or so years.

“No, it’s okay,” you slide your hand across the table, palm up, urging him to slot his hand into it. He takes it, easily, enveloping yours. His fingers find the pulse point on your wrist. You let your eyes drift up to his, drinking in the way his chest fills out the shirt he chose.

“What’s your story?” He asks earnestly, giving your hand a squeeze. “Can’t imagine there isn’t a long line of people outside waiting to take my place, darlin’.”

You blush furiously at the nickname, and let your eyes meet his once again. “You have no idea the… mess that is out there,” the wine is calling your name to take another sip at the mere thought, but you refrain. “Certainly not too many I am interested in.”

“So, is that why you’re on a date with an old man on a beautiful summer night in Austin?”

You could tell Joel, in a twisted way, liked that you were younger than him. It made him feel younger by admission, that you’d want to spend time with him.

“You’re not that much older,” you laugh, not even believing it yourself as the words left your lips. “And I like to try new things. Don’t you like trying new things, sometimes?”

It was his turn to let his face go red at your insinuation. If only you knew how ‘new’ this really was for him, how much he was pushed out of his comfort zone right now.

You didn’t notice.

A little more polite small talk and exchanging of stories was all you could take before the tension was becoming too much. After another glass of wine and a shared plate of sky-high chocolate cake for dessert, you were enjoying his company and could tell he was enjoying yours all the same. When you met his gaze again, hands still intertwined, you could tell there was a question on the tip of his tongue.

“Would you want to…“ - a nervous pause, with a halo of lust - “come back to mine for a nightcap? I’ve got an empty house this evening.”

You couldn’t help but smirk, knowing in your heart that Joel must’ve made arrangements for his family not to be home in anticipation. He had to have planned for you, known in his heart you’d say yes.

“I’d love that.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel’s home is unmistakably him. It smells like a pine candle that sits near the front door and a faint aroma of laundry detergent. There’s photos everywhere, him and his daughter, his brother’s family. Big windows were letting in the twinkling lights of the city outside, the inky sky making them look brighter against its canvas.

“You have a beautiful home,” you say, although it seems a little formal for the situation. What else do you say to a grown-up in their house?

“Thank you,” he takes a bottle of whiskey from the bar cart and pours two rock glasses, handing you one. He flicks on a lamp, ambient light filling the room and painting his skin amber orange, as he joins your side by his kitchen table.

“I did a lot of the construction myself, the decorations are my daughter.” He points lazily to the trinkets on the shelves and photos on the wall. “I don’t really have a good eye for that type of stuff.”

You take a sip from the drink and it coats your throat, burning down as you suppress a cough at the taste. You nod along as he explains the design choices he made in the home, and you play along, knowing it’s likely out of anxiety.

“What about upstairs?”

Your eyes are innocent as they meet his, although you understand the implication you’re making whole-heartedly. He puts his glass down on the kitchen table and you follow his lead, his strong hand around your wrist as he leads you up the stairs wordlessly.

“It’s not anything,” - he clears his throat - “special,” he shows you around the second floor, finishing at the door of his bedroom that has been left slightly ajar.

You step in quietly, leading him inside as you take in the bedroom. Neatly folded clothes, a made bed that looks well loved. Blue sheets and fluffy pillows, big bay windows that let the moonlight in.

“I think it’s nice,” you say simply, letting yourself turn around to meet his broad frame. He looks down at you slightly, eyes meeting yours as your hand drops from his grasp and snakes around his neck. His hands come up the sides of your dress, pulling it up slightly, but landing on your waist.

“Is this okay?” He asks tentatively in the dark of the room, his lips so close to yours already you can practically taste the whiskey on his lips for yourself. You answer him by pressing your tentative lips to his, slotting them together easily.

Joel’s grip on your waist tightens momentarily as he takes you in, pulling you as close as he possibly can. He can smell the perfume on your neck and the wine on your lips from earlier, and it’s making his need for you increase tenfold.

You pull him into you as you stumble back to let your knees hit his mattress, sitting down and letting your hands come to his belt buckle. Your hands came to undo it as he pulled his t-shirt off to throw onto the floor beside him, bending down to help you pull the dress over your shoulders to meet his t-shirt.

You made quick work of his jeans, pushing them to the ground and looking up at him with a keen glance. You could see the breath making his belly rise and fall, anticipating your touch on him any second.

When your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, his breath hitched and his head rolled back. He was already half-hard only from kissing you, so a few pumps made him easily ready for your mouth.

“You’re so big,” is all you can think to say, head spinning from the sheer size of him right in front of your face. Your mouth watered at the way his hand palmed through your hair, pulling you in closer to him for some relief.

It was intoxicating to him, the way your mouth fit around his cock. Such a beautiful sight to see, your head licking and sucking at his tip, gathering spit there to lubricate him. His knees were going weak as he watched intently, no thought able to cross his mind, other than maybe how long it had been since he’d had anyone to do this with. He was going to have to pace himself if it was all like this.

Your mouth constrained around the length of him, taking him deeper and deeper with every bob of your head. Filthy sounds were filling the room now, of your eager mouth pulling him in as best you could. His hand stayed steady at the back of your head, not pushing, just softly pressed there for support. His other hand found your shoulder, pushing down your bra strap.

“God, darlin’,” was all he could choke out, using his hand to pull you off of him. Your hand lazily stroked him as you looked up at him, spit collecting at the corners of your mouth. “I’m not gonna last long if you keep doin’ that,” his laugh eased some of the tension in the room, as you took your other hand and wiped the spit away.

He leaned down, pressing a fervent kiss to your lips before using his own hands to unclasp your bra and let your breasts free. His lips traveled to the side of your neck, before he was kneeled down between your legs, sucking your nipple into his mouth. He lapped at you, all consuming, as his hand came up to grasp the other breast that wasn’t being serviced. He moaned at the noises you were making, lewd whines into the night air that only encouraged him.

His lips made their way down your body to your clothed centre, your back against his soft sheets. You looked down at him intently, watching as he pulled your panties down your legs and immediately delved into your pussy with broad strokes of his tongue.

Your body jerked upwards at the contact, hand fisting the sheet beside you as he lapped at you, like a man starved. His expert tongue found your clit easily, sucking and licking at you for what felt like hours. You thought about his heavy cock between his legs, begging to be touched, hard as ever as he licked at you desperately.

“Joel,” you whined out, feeling your hand reach down to grab at his curls and push him deeper into you. That only made him moan, one hand lazily fisting his cock as the other came up to dip a finger into you, allowing you to see stars when you screwed your eyes shut.

His fingers were so large, pressed into your core as you fucked yourself on them and his tongue in tandem. He was groaning and grunting, and you hoped his neighbours couldn’t see into the window at the desperate filth that was going on in his bedroom.

“Fuck, Joel, please,” you begged, but he had no mercy, and your orgasm was creeping up on you. He was ready to watch you come undone, pushing a second finger into you and furiously sucking on your clit. His other hand left his own pleasure and wrapped around your breast, pressing and playing with the hard nub there, pinching to provide a little bit of sting to it. It was sending you into another dimension.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” and his voice is gravely and debauched, enough to send you into your first orgasm, chanting his name and pulling on his hair. He was happily licking at you, fingers still pressing in and out as to not mess up the rhythm, as you rode out your orgasm against his face.

When you started to come down, he finally detached himself from you before standing up between your legs and pressing his broad palms to your thighs. He stayed there for a moment, cock still hard and heavy between his legs as you gazed up at him, out of breath from his work.

“You’re really good at that,” was all you could think to say, head clouded with arousal. You moved up on the bed a little, opening your legs and pressing your knees apart to show your pussy to him again.

“Please fuck me, Joel,” you breathe out, letting your hand find your own clit to rub it teasingly for him. It was still so sensitive, but the way he was looking down at you, eyes dark and stormy with need, you could almost come again just from that.

He put a knee down on the bed and crawled on top of you, his lips finding yours once again as your hands found his face. You held him there, savouring the kiss as his tongue crashed against yours, all warmth and spit and the taste of you. His hand found your breast and continued to play with your nipples, softly, coaxing more moans into his mouth from yours.

He leaned back and slipped his cock inside of you, filling you up immediately and making you gasp. He groaned into the side of your neck, tonguing the side of your ear and kissing you feverishly as he pumped in and out of you.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him impossibly close, your moans filling the room as he rocked in and out of you. He kissed your jaw and chest, before reaching down between your bodies and pressing his thick finger to your clit again, using the wetness there to draw circles around your sensitive nub.

“So pretty,” he smiles into your neck, your hand on the back of his, playing with the now-sweaty strands of hair on the nape. “So pretty for me, taking my cock,” the dirty talking is welcome as he continues to bring you closer to a second orgasm, your breath hitching once again.

“Come inside of me,” you say it like a whisper, a secret in the stillness of the room, and Joel is unsure he even heard you correctly.

“Are you sure?” He says it not accusingly, but in a way that conveys he feels like he just won the lottery.

“Yes, please, fill me up.”

You can see the way his eyes darken more, shifting so he’s on his knees and using your body to fuck himself on his thick cock. His hand continued to play with your clit, bringing you so close to your orgasm that tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. His cheeks were getting hot as he thrusted in and out furiously, and you could almost see the stress melt off of his face as he came close to his own undoing.

The white-hot feeling washes over you once again, eyes shutting before you’re back on your elbows and watching intently. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire as his thrusts become sloppy, your name pouring out of his lips like a prayer. You’re clenching around him and letting him ride out his high alongside you, slowing after his hot cum coats your walls and leaves you full of him.

He collapses on top of you, cock softening inside as you both catch your breath together. Your chests are sticky with sweat as you breathe, taking in the smell of him, and the feel of his warmth on your body.

He pulls himself from you and flops beside you, still taking a moment to admire you. You look over at him, a lazy smile on your face as your hand reaches out to caress the skin of his chest. He takes the time to run his fingertips up your arms and back as you lay there in silence together, just soaking in the moment in a post-sex glow.

“I guess I should get going,” you say after a few beats, sitting up to grab your dress off the floor. You cringe at the thought of throwing your underwear on and leaving, this being just another random hookup for you that never lead to anything. Joel was sweet.

A confused look spreads across his features and his brows knit together, before sitting up next to you at the edge of the bed.

“I mean, I don’t know how these things usually go,” he laughs, as his hand finds your lower back. “But you don’t gotta run outta here like a scared animal or somethin’.”

You look up at him again, unsure of what to do next. In your, albeit limited, experience with dating app hookups, you were expected to leave pretty much right after.

“Oh, um,” you look around the room at the soft worn-in sheets and the TV across from Joel’s bed. You take a look at him again, your eyes meeting his to match his gaze, where you can tell he’s mentally begging that you’ll stay the night.

“I mean, if you don’t mind, I’d be happy to stay.” Joel smiled lopsidedly and let his hand rub soothing circles at your lower back.

“I’ll make it worth your while,” he laughs, stepping over to go into the bathroom and warm up a cloth for the mess spilling out from between your legs. “I wouldn’t mind wakin’ up and doing all that again tomorrow.”

You laugh and lay back onto his bed as he presses the warm cloth to your pussy, his lips once again finding yours to pull you in for a sweet kiss.

You nod, sliding between the comfortable sheets as Joel runs downstairs to grab your abandoned drinks as well as a couple of bottles of ice cold water. He slips into the sheets next to you, not bothering to throw on any pajamas (not that you were complaining), and settling in beside you. After a few gulps of water, you nestled into his chest and let your hand find his tummy, resting on it as you listened to the even pattern of his breath.

“We should do this again. Like, after tomorrow morning.” you say quietly as you’re drifting in and out of sleep. His fingertips continues to slide across your arm and give you goosebumps as you snuggled closer into him, hearing a laugh exhale out of his nose and feeling a kiss press to the top of your head.

In his sleepy, deep southern drawl, he replies. “Don’t have to ask me twice, darlin’.”

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

Note

I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.

A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.

However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.

I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."

I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.

I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.

While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.

I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.

Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.

AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #ship discourse

3K notes · View notes

mountttmase · 5 months ago

Text

The Way You Love Me

Note - I promised never to write a fic as long as what I need again but this is longer by 3k so sorry about that 😭 this fic would be nothing without @masonmtxo and just thank you so much for all the hours we spent brainstorming this cause I just had so much fun 🩷 this one’s for you bestie 🤗 this fic is a part two of Like Magnets so if you haven’t read that first please do but if you don’t want to hopefully you can keep up! Love you guys I hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 24.2k

Warnings - smut fluff and angst

You still remember that morning you woke up next to Mason for the first time after you’d reacquainted the night before. You’d been crying like a crazy person and as a result could barely open your eyes but you laid on his chest and watched him intently.

You loved the way his brows were pinched, making him look pissed off in his sleep. It made your heart feel soft and you couldn’t help but reach out to touch them to try and smooth them out. Your fingers shifting him awake slightly but it was worth it so see the smile on his face when his eyes landed on yours.

‘Good morning beautiful’ he sighed, pulling you in closer before leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. ‘You look like you’ve been punched in both eyes’

‘Very funny’ you laughed, rubbing at your eyes to try and do something with them but you knew nothing would make a difference. You could feel they were still swollen from all the crying you’d done last night but right now it was worth it to wake up next to him. ‘Do you have to rush off or do you want breakfast?’

‘I’ll probably have to go sweetheart, I need to get to training’ he pouted and even though you knew that was probably the case you were still sad about him leaving.

‘Okay’ you whispered, a sad smile on your face as he tucked some hair behind your ear and you could tell he was wracking his brain to try and think of something to make you smile.

‘Do you wanna come over to mine tonight?’ He offered, holding your jaw as he stroked your cheek gently and you cursed yourself at that being all it took to make your face light up like the sun.

‘Really? Already?’

‘Yeah, I’m not hiding you or anything anymore. I want you to be a part of my life for real’ he confirmed and even though you told him last night you wanted to take things slow you also knew you had more to talk about. ‘So you’ll come?

‘Okay’ you whispered, giddy and excited about seeing him later and you could see from the smile he was giving you that he felt exactly the same.

‘I’ll send you the address, yeah? And I’ll have dinner waiting for you’

‘I might reconsider in that case’ you joked and the look of shock on his face made you giggle.

‘Cheeky, I’ll get you back for that’ he teased, feeling him move his hands to your waist so he could tickle you relentlessly until you were practically begging him to stop. Pulling him down for a kiss in the end to distract him and you couldn’t help but let out a content hum at the way you melted into each other.

So you went to his that night, him texting you the address along with one of the animal facts he’d saved for you just as promised and you weren’t sure what to expect. It was just his flat as Robin was still in the house but it was still nicer than what you had and you could tell Robin had never set foot in here. It was a man cave to a T but you could tell he’d tidied up a bit for you. Letting you know he’d ordered food so you were safe and you spent the evening cuddled up on the sofa stealing sweet kisses from each other.

‘I like it here, it’s calm’ you commented after a while, watching the corners of his lips tilt up into a soft smile.

‘Well whenever you wanna drop by you can, you know I love having you around’

‘I might take you up on that’ you winked and he was quick to kiss you again. The pair of you not able to keep your hands off of each other it seemed but you weren’t complaining. You’d missed his touch more than you’d realised over the weeks you’d spent apart and now you were back you felt that same force sticking you together again.

‘I hope you do’ he laughed before his face turned serious as he gripped your chin to look at you. ‘What do you think about me introducing you to some people properly soon?

‘Oh? Um I mean-‘

‘Yeah I mean some of my mates know who you are and I’ll tell my family about us soon I promise. You know like when the timings good and-‘

‘Mase wait’ you interrupted. Wanting to stop him in his tracks as he’d clearly got a little ahead of himself and forgot that you’d requested to take things slowly, the thought of having to let him down a bit made your heart hurt but you knew you had to be strong on this one .

‘What’s wrong?’

‘It’s just, it’s a bit fast for me’ you whispered, the sudden realisation changing Mason’s expression in an instant and thankfully you didn’t get the vibe that we was mad or anything.

‘Oh no not you’re right, sorry I just got a bit excited. We've got loads of time for that’

‘I just-‘

‘You don’t need to explain’ he smiled, cutting you off with a quick kiss. ‘You need time and I know that. I’m happy to wait until you’re ready, okay? And if I’m this pushy again just tell me to back off. I’ll take what you give me, just like we agreed’

‘Okay’ you whispered, your heart soaring at the fact he’s actually listened to you and was respecting your boundaries but It wasn’t just Mason going fast that made you pump the brakes. You were nervous about everything that would come with being in his world and meeting everyone as you weren’t sure what people might think of you or if they’d have something to say, but thankfully you were keeping things on the down low for now. Agreeing that you’d take it slow and since the evening you’d spent at his you’d only physically seen him once in three weeks when he came over to yours for a movie night and you realised how much you loved being around him again.

You’d kept in touch with messages and the odd facetime but you missed his touch, his kisses and the way your head fit so perfectly on his chest so after your dinner plans fell through one night, you thought it would be nice to surprise him in hopes you could cook for him or treat him to a takeaway. Taking him up on his offer of popping over whenever you liked and heading over straight from work without letting him know you were on the way.

You weren’t expecting the door to open to a mop of blonde curls though. Their face eyeing you curiously before they sent you a friendly smile and it finally clicked that you’d seen this person before.

‘Oh hey, y/n right? It's nice to see you again’

‘Y-yeah that’s me’ you nodded. Face to face with the boy from the first night you met Mason who didn’t seem to take too kindly to you. ‘Woody right?’

‘Yeah, that’s me’ he laughed, stepping back and nodding you in but you felt awkward and shy and you stepped inside.

‘Sorry, I had no idea you’d be here I was just gonna speak to Mase about something but it’s fine I can come back another time’ you told him, hoping to make it seem like you were just popping in rather than going with the expectation of staying a while.

‘No don’t be silly, come in’ he smiled before you followed him into the sitting room, wondering if Mason would be in there but when you turned the corner there was no one else around. ‘He’s not stopped yapping about you since I’ve seen him. We’re only watching a film so it’s fine, he’s actually just ordering some food. You eaten?’

‘Oh no I um-‘

‘You know what he’s like, eyes bigger than his belly so I’m sure there will be plenty. You might as well stay and eat with us’ he offered and even though his attitude seemed to have done a 180 and he was being more than welcoming you still felt weird about intruding.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Definitely’ he smiled, before he gulped and you knew he was getting ready to say something else. Your heart rate picking up at what might be an awkward encounter but he was talking before you could tell him to stop. ‘Listen, I kinda wanted to talk to you anyway at some point and now seems like as good a time as any. I wanted to apologise for that night, you know when you first met him? I know I didn’t come across as very friendly but you know it was never you right?’

‘I know, you don’t have to be sorry’ you told him, knowing he was just looking out for Mason and it was clear to see he had his back over anything. ‘It was weird for everyone, like I knew nothing at the time and I know you were just looking out for him’

‘I was, and I know how tough things have been for him but I can’t tell you how happy you make him’ he laughed, feeling your cheeks flush straight away at his confession. You knew Mason made you happy but to hear it coming from someone so close to him meant more than anything. ‘It’s like having a whole different Mason around’

‘Well he makes me happy too’ you nodded, speaking quietly as you were embarrassed to admit to him. ‘I know it’s been rocky and weird but-‘

‘I don’t think they understood my southern accent but if my calculations are correct it should be delivered in half an hour’ you suddenly heard Mason shout through the hall, you and Woody turning to look at each other with a smile before Mason rounded the corner and he spotted you straight away. His face a mask of shock but you could tell he was happy and also a little flustered. ‘Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you had plans?’

‘I did, but they got cancelled last minute. I was just popping in but I didn’t realise Woody was here too’

‘I told her she can stay for dinner, you’ve ordered enough right?’ Woody asked him, raising his brows at him. Almost as if he was trying to tell him to act cool but Mason was way beyond that and you could see how giddy he was just at the sight of you.

‘Yeah I have’ he smiled, slowly making his way over to you and as if Woody knew it was his que to go, he excused himself to the loo.

‘Thought he’d never leave’ Mason laughed, falling down next to you on the sofa so he could wrap you up in his arms and you felt your whole body relax as you held each other. ‘Missed you, gorgeous’

‘I missed you too’ you whispered, hiding your head in his neck as you felt too shy to look at him and soon enough he was trying to pull you away so he could see you.

‘Hey, why won’t you look at me’ he laughed, trying to tickle your sides and his plans worked as you started to squirm away but you moved your hands over your face to hide again. ‘Baby, what are you doing?’

‘Stop it, I’ve gone all shy’ you laughed, hoping he’d leave you be but just as you’d figured he did no such thing. Prying your hands away from your face so your red cheeks were exposed to him and the bright smile on his face made you melt.

‘Why are you shy, it’s only me’ he whispered, his own cheeks just as red and you thought it was the most adorable thing in the world.

‘I know’ you giggled, letting him cup your jaw before resting your face in his hand so you could gaze into each other's eyes lovingly before he dipped down to kiss you.

It was like having your first kiss all over again. Slightly hesitant and soft but you could feel his smile on your lips and feel the tsunami of butterflies swarming in your tummy. You loved kissing Mason, and each time you got to kiss him again you remembered how much. Letting him take control as he carefully dipped his tongue into your mouth so he could brush it against yours and in the end you had to pull away as you felt yourself overwhelmed by him. Your heart pounding in your ears as you struggled to catch your breath but his soft smile and kind eyes relaxed you when you were finally able to look at him.

‘You guys want a drink?’ Woody suddenly called, the pair of you jumping slightly and Mason answered for the both of you before he came back to the living room with his arms full of cans from the fridge. They both let you have the first pick before you took your coat off to get comfy on the sofa but Mason was giving you the once over before his face scrunched a little.

‘Do you wanna get changed, love? I’ve got some things you can borrow if you don’t wanna sit in that’ Mason asked, his eyes trailing over your body trapped in your stuffy work trousers and tight top and you couldn’t think of anything better than putting something else on.

‘Actually yeah, if you don’t mind. These trousers are suffocating me’ you laughed but he just nodded at you with a knowing smile.

‘Yeah come on, I’ll go grab you something’ Mason laughed, reaching down to pull you up before leading you down the hall and even though you were just getting changed, having him lead you to his room by the hand made your legs weak.

You followed him in, watching him pull some stuff out of his drawers and handing them to you with a smile before he nodded his head into the bathroom.

‘I won't be long, you can get changed in here’ he told you. Popping a quick kiss to your cheek before he left you to it.

You were just pulling his top over your head when you heard the bathroom door click open. Turning around to see Mason's eyes already over your bare legs and you gulped as he made his way over to you.

‘Sorry, I thought you’d be done’

‘It's okay’ you whispered, placing your hands on his chest as he wrapped his around your lower back and you felt the air shift immediately.

‘Sorry about Woody, I know you waited to wait to meet people’

‘It’s honestly fine, I think we’re gonna be besties’ you winked and the little laugh that erupted from him filled you with pride. You knew he had the prettiest smile you’d ever seen and you loved making him laugh, getting to see him so happy made you feel like you were floating.

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yeah, apparently I make you really happy and you don’t stop talking about me’ you teased, letting him kiss your cheek and jaw but you almost lost it when you felt his lips at you ear so he could speak.

‘Woody is many things but he’s not a liar, so yeah I’d say that’s all true’ he told you quietly. ‘Woodys a nice entry level, if he’s on board then the rest will be fine when it’s time’

‘Masey’ you whispered, letting him pull back to look at you properly and you could see in his eyes that you both wanted the same thing to happen next. ‘Can I have another kiss?’ You asked, the question only leaving your mouth for a second before he dipped his head and planted lips on yours.

This was nothing like the kiss in the living room. This was slow and steamy and when his hands gripped your bum you let out a faint moan before he hoisted you up to carry you over to his bed. Sitting down at the end so you could straddle him and when you felt his hands on your naked waist as he slipped them under your top you almost lost it.

This was as close as you’d gotten to each other in a while, having not been intimate since he ran out on you after and since you were taking things slowly, sex had been off the table. Ideally you were hoping you could have held out a bit longer and make him work for it, you were drawn back to him like usual. Wanting to touch him and feel him in every way shape and form as you pressed your body into him until you could feel him pressing into you.

‘Mase! Foods here’ Woody suddenly shouted down the hall, the pair of you jumping away from each other before looking up at him. His eyes dark and pretty lips were swollen but he quickly pressed a kiss to your cheek before rolling his eyes

‘Coming’ he called before looking back at you and you both knew you were a little annoyed at being interrupted again but also knew it was for the best. ‘Come back when you’re ready, yeah?’ He nodded, stroking your cheek gently.

‘Okay’ you whispered and with one final kiss he left you to finish getting changed. Giving yourself a moment to collect yourself before pulling on a pair of his shorts and wandering back out to find the pair of them in the kitchen and the smell of the food made your tummy rumble.

‘I forgot to ask, what did you order?’ You asked, coming up behind Mason and placing your hand on his back which made him jump slightly but he was quick to send you a wink.

‘Chinese’ he smiled. ‘Don’t worry, I conveniently ordered your favourite. It’s like I knew you were coming’

‘Why did you do that?’

‘Well I’d consider it our favourite now. You’ve made me see the light’ he winked before dishing you up two identical plates.

‘I feel awful, are you sure there’s enough?’

‘Of course there is love, even got some left over’ he reassured you, planting a quick kiss on your forehead before grabbing both your plates and ushering you into the living room.

You all spoke as you ate, Mason and Woody updating you on some exciting plans and trips they had coming up before Mason was nudging your shoulder and telling you he wanted to take you away at some point but you just blushed as you tried to brush him off. Knowing it was way too early to think about trips when you were still figuring out what everything was.

‘So when can I take you on that first date?’ Mason asked once you’d finished eating. Popping your plates on the coffee table as Woody set the movie up and thankfully Mason pulled you into his body without you having to ask for a cuddle.

‘Whenever you like’ you nodded and the smile on his face my your heart flutter.

‘Okay, perfect. What would you like to do? Remember I said I’d take you wherever you wanna go so think carefully’

‘Hmmm’ you mused, wondering if you should say something completely ridiculous to test the waters as he seemed so cool about everything and when you sent him a cheeky smile he raised his brows at you expectantly. ‘I fancy pizza… in Italy’

‘Pizza in Italy?’

‘You said whatever I want’ you shrugged, watching his face scrunch up adorably as he knew he’d walked into that one but he didn’t seem phased by your request in the slightest.

‘I did say that didn’t I’ he laughed, kissing your cheek sweetly ‘I’ll make it happen’

‘I’m joking Mase’ you told him, knowing if you didn’t he’d actually take you there and the cheeky smile in his face wasn’t exactly doing anything to calm your nerves.

‘No no, I’ll do it-‘

‘Oi, fingers on lips you two. I can’t hear this’ Woody laughed, the two of you bursting into giggles at how stroppy he seemed but you felt bad enough for ruining boys night so you snuggled into Masons chest as he rested his head on top of yours and kept silent for the rest of the movie. Letting Mason kiss your forehead whenever he felt like it and sneak his hand under your top so he could feel your skin under his fingers.

You fell asleep on Mason's chest with around ten minutes left of the film to go. Mason noticing straight away that you’d turned heavy and your breathing was deeper but he let you sleep. Knowing today had been a long day for you and you were exhausted but he couldn’t help but look down at you adoringly. Pressing the softest of kisses to your hairline every so often until the credits were rolling and and he looked over to see wishing giving him a knowing smile that he returned.

‘You gonna wake her up?’ Woody asked quietly but Mason was torn. Looking back down at you so peacefully sleepily on him make him not want to move a muscle.

‘I don’t know what to do. I’d let her sleep here tonight but I don’t know what she wants. She’s had a lot on lately I don’t wanna wake her up’

‘Well you can’t lay there all night, you’ll do your back in’ Woody laughed, standing up so he could stretch his body out but clearly he’d forgotten the remote was on his lap and when it crashed to the floor you woke up with a fright.

‘Shit, sorry’ he whispered, his face turning red instantly but Mason was quick to rub your back and settle you again as your bleary eyes looked up into his.

‘Hey sleepyhead’ he whispered. ‘Do you want me to talk you home’

‘Not really’ you sighed, trying to burrow yourself into his chest even further as you were so comfortable and the rubble of Mason's chest as he laughed made you giddy.

‘Come on love, we need to get up’

‘Nooo’ you protested. Holding your ground as you laid there and you could tell he was amused by your little tantrum.

‘What do you wanna do then?’

‘I think she wants to stay the night, Mase’ Woody called from the kitchen. It making you smile that Woody understood and Mason didn’t and when he looked down at you his cheeks were a bright pink.

‘Do you?’ He whispered, holding you to his chest like he wasn't about to let you go anyway and when you nodded up at him you felt his whole body relax.

‘Is that okay?’

‘Of course it is, You don’t have to ask’ he told you. Kissing your hairline a few times before attempting to get up and eventually you moved yourself off of him and let him lead you to his room.

‘Thank you’ you whispered, ridding yourself of the shorts he gave you so you could sleep in just his shirt and when he eventually climbed in next to you in just his boxers you couldn’t hold in the content hum as your skin touched his.

‘You don’t need to thank me, gorgeous. You know I’ve been dying to be next to you again like this’ he told you. Kissing your head softly wherever he could reach. ‘What time do you need to go in the morning?’

‘I’m working from home tomorrow so I can just get a cab or something’

‘No you won’t, I’ll drop you on the way to training okay?’ He smiled and all you could do was nod and nestle yourself into him further.

This was your happy place and you were so excited to be back.

He stuck to his promise and drove you home in the morning and by the time lunch rolled around this sight of his name popping up on your phone made you giggle like a schoolgirl.

You knew exactly what this meant, and after your heated make out session that Woody had interrupted you couldn’t wait to get your hands on him again. In your mind you’d wanted to wait a bit longer but you physically couldn’t at this point as you were once again drawn back to him and now that you knew he might want to make your first time special you couldn’t stop thinking about what he might be planning.

You saw him briefly once for a quick lunch date on one of his days off but it was for barely over an hour as you had to get back to work but you both knew what was coming up and no matter how much you asked he wasn't giving in and telling you where you were going so your imagination was running wild.

When the day of your date finally came, Mason's driver came and picked you up around 8am. A horrifically early morning by your standards but you wanted to get there early so you could check in and get settled and ready for Mason and in the back of his fancy car with a movie on, the drive didn’t feel that long.

You didn’t know what hotel you were staying at exactly, Mason had given you the name but you’d never heard of it and hadn’t bothered to look it up but when you eventually stumbled from the back of the car it you thought you’d been dropped off at the wrong destination.

‘Are you sure this is it?’ You asked the driver as he unloaded your case but he nodded at you warmly as he set it up on the floor for you.

‘100%’ he laughed. Clearly catching on to your stunned expression. There were fancy hotels and there were fancy hotels and this was definitely the latter. ‘Reception is just through that door, will you be alright or do you want me to come in with you?’ He offered and even though you could have used his support, you felt a bit silly so just shook your head lightly.

‘I’ll be alright, thanks though’ you smiled and bid him a quick goodbye before making your way inside.

The reception was huge, a high ceiling with a grand chandelier and you must have looked a bit lost as someone directed you to the check in desk and you were checked in fairly quickly. Taking both room keys as Mason said he’d just text you when he was here so you could let him in and you made your way up to the top floor.

Once the door was open you wondered again if something had gone wrong somewhere. The room was huge with a huge double bed and balcony but the glass walled bathroom that you could see straight into made you blush. The shower being the perfect spot to watch from the bed and your mind was going crazy with all the possibilities.

Mason had told you to treat yourself to room service for lunch before you got settled for a nap, knowing Mason would still be a few hours and once you were awake you took and everything shower before you started getting ready. You were expecting a call from Mason at any moment and just as you’d finished drying your hair you heard your phone ping and you knew he was outside.

‘Hello gorgeous’ he smiled, cupping your jaw and pulling you into a kiss that made your knees weak before you let him in fully. Letting him dump his bag on the bed before he turned to look at you again and the cheeky smirk on his face was making you blush. ‘Nice robe’

You laughed as you looked down at yourself, not wanting to get fully dressed after your shower you’d just changed into the rather racy black underwear you’d bought specifically for tonight and thrown the fancy hotel robe over the top so you could get ready in some comfort but you could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to undress you right here and now.

‘Well I’ve never been in a hotel this fancy, and I’ve always wanted to try the robes on so I’m just living my little fantasy’

‘Trust me, so am I’ he drawled, his eyes all over you as he took you back in his arms. Hands trailing down to grab your bum as his lips landed on your cheek before he littered kisses down your neck and you knew exactly what he wanted.

‘Nuh uh, I need to finish getting ready with no distractions’ you told him, pulling away so you could walk over to your makeup bag but you knew he was pouting behind you.

‘But I haven’t seen you for a week’

‘And we got all night to make up for it’ you reasoned, flashing him a smile before picking your bag up and nodding towards the balcony. ‘Now I’m going to do my makeup’

‘Spoil sport’ he laughed, kissing your forehead as you made your way past. ‘I’m gonna have a shower okay’

It was probably a good thing that you were doing your makeup outside and away from Mason, knowing that if he was showering you’d be able to see him in all his glory and you’d probably end up joining him so you kept yourself out of the way and only went back in to get changed. Taking a few lipstick options into the bathroom with you as you were still undecided and wanted to be fully dressed before you settled on a colour.

Your outfit was fairly simple, a short black dress that showed off your legs but the long sleeves kept it a touch more conservative and you knew Mason would love the way it clung to your body and accentuated your hips.

You’d never worn it before, but the tube of red lipstick you’d purchased a while ago and never opened had called your name whilst you were packing last night. Wondering if Mason would like it and since you’d kept the rest of your makeup pretty simple you figured it would be fine to try. Applying it as carefully as you could so you didn’t smudge it and once you were done you wondered why you hadn’t tried it sooner. You felt sexy and you couldn’t wait to go and see what Mason thought.

His jaw physically dropped as soon as soon as he saw you. Eyes trailing all over you as he took every inch of you in and you felt yourself blush under his stare. No one else had ever made you feel this way by just a look and it was like he had the power to make you crumble.

‘You look unreal’ he breathed, walking towards you slowly before resting his hands on your waist. ‘I wanna kiss that lipstick off you so bad’

‘Well you can’t, not till later anyway’ you told him as his pout was evident. Kissing your temple and your cheek before pulling back to give you another once over and you felt your tummy flutter at the way he was looking at you.

‘This is like torture’ he whispered, squeezing your hips but the way you bit your lip as you smiled clearly send him over the edge as he met out a shuddery breath. ‘That's it, we’re not going’

‘Mason-’

‘Nope sorry, I won’t be able to concentrate on anything if I’m sat opposite the human embodiment of Betty boop. I can barely think of a coherent thought right now so let’s just skip dinner’ he laughed and even though you knew he was joking the thought of a whole evening between the sheets with Mason was tempting. You were starving though and curious as to what he’d planned so you pouted up at him in hopes he’d finish getting ready so you could go.

‘But Mason, I’m hungry’

‘Me too, but not for food’

‘Mason I’m serious’ you laughed, tapping his chest as he wrapped himself around you again but you could see he was only playing and with a slight roll of his eyes he was smiling at you again.

‘Alright fine, let me finish getting ready and we’ll go yeah?’

‘Thank you’ you grinned. Letting him kiss the end of your nose and before you knew it he was ready in front of you. Your mouth watering at how good he looked and now you knew how he must have felt before as all you wanted was to drag him back to bed and have your way with him finally.

You managed to restrain yourself though, the pair of you leaving the room and making your way into the Uber outside and you’d been driving around for around ten minutes when you realised you still had no idea where you were going.

‘So where are we going then?’ You asked nonchalantly, hoping he’d forget it was a surprise but the twinkle in his eye let you know you were still about to be kept in the dark.

‘I thought you knew? Pizza in Italy right?’ He winked, watching a pout form on your lips that he was quick to kiss away carefully. ‘It’s a surprise’

You let him have his fun, driving for another ten minutes or so before you pulled over and Mason helped you get out of the car. This wasn’t an area of London you knew very well and when you looked up at him he was smiling down at you sheepishly.

‘Where are we?’

‘Little Venice’ he smiled as he took your hand and you felt your cheeks redden at how thoughtful he’d been. ‘I know it’s not Italy but it’s the closest we have’

‘Mason… this is…’ you mumbled. Lost for words for the boy in front of you and even though this was already the best date you’d even been on you could tell he was still eager to impress.

‘Is it okay?’ He asked, squeezing your hand as his eyes tried to find yours but you were feeling shy at the way he’d put so much effort in and you couldn’t look at him properly.

‘I’m speechless’

‘Is that good or bad?’

‘It’s very good’ you smiled, finally looking back to him before reaching up to give him a quick peck on the lips as you knew he needed a little reassurance. It seemed to do the trick and before long he was guiding you along the narrow path by the canal until your eyes caught sight of a restaurant that was situated above you on a bridge. ‘Is that where we’re going?’

‘Surprise’ he laughed, letting go of your hand so he could wrap his arm around your shoulder before kissing your head and it was like you were lost for words all over again. Looking up to see his shy smile directed down at you but you were too gobsmacked to think.

‘Mase… it’s beautiful’

‘Just like you then’ he whispered shyly before taking your hand once more and leading you to the door.

It was just as beautiful inside and your table was outside on the middle of the balcony so you could look over the river. Your eyes filling with tears as soon as you were able to take everything in but Mason was quick to grab your hand and run his thumb over your knuckles to settle you a bit.

‘Mase… this is…’

‘Just the tip of the iceberg’ he smiled. ‘I’m gonna treat you the way I should have from the start so you’re gonna have to get used to this’ he told you sincerely but you weren’t sure if you were ever going to be able to get used to it. You felt utterly spoiled and you’d only just sat down.

Thankfully you and Mason liked the same sort of foods so after starting off with some cocktails you ended up ordering a pizza to share and a pasta that the both of you thought sounded nice so you could share that too and you had to stop yourself from getting too giddy as he tried to feed you multiple times throughout the night.

‘How’s the pizza?’ He asked, taking a bite out of the slice he’d just fed you with but the way he rolled his eyes in pleasure let you know he thought it was good.

‘Really nice, what do you think?’

‘I like it, we can compare it to the real thing soon’ he winked but you just looked back at him in confusion until he nodded to a white envelope that was sat in front of the menus that you’d completely missed until now.

You sent him a confused look, but he didn’t crack. Waiting for you to open it before he said anything so you took it carefully and opened it with a slight frown. Unsure as to what it could be but you recognised they were plane tickets instantly.

‘Mason…’

‘It’s not for a few months, have to wait till the season ends, but I promised I’d make it happen and I will’ he smiled.

‘I can’t… Mase it’s too much’ you told him. Shutting the envelope as you were too overwhelmed with what he might have done but he was quick to take your hand and rub his thumb over your knuckles soothingly.

‘Nothing will ever be too much for you, I promise’ he told you lowly and the intensity of it all was making your tummy flip. No longer feeling confident enough to look at his face so you looked down at your plate as you blushed profusely.

‘You still think you’ll be with me in a few months?’ you joked and even though he smiled you could he was about to be serious with you and you weren’t sure if you could take it right now given his emotional you were.

‘I think it’s more you thinking if you wanna be with me’ he smiled. ‘You know I’m in this for the long hall right? You're all I’ll ever need okay?’

‘I’m in this for the long hall too’ you smiled, letting him raise your hand so he could kiss over your knuckles and it was like you could have melted on the spot. You knew tonight was going to be special but Mason really had pulled out all the stops and you couldn’t be more grateful for the beautiful boy in front of you. Tonight feeling like a turning point for you both.

You spent the rest of the night chatting and feeding each other. The pair of you too full for a dessert each so he let you pick whatever you wanted and shared it with you. Pulling his chair round next to yours and under the table you felt him tangle his legs with yours before sending you a cheeky wink and it’s as if you felt as light as air. Nothing and no one could stop you tonight and you couldn’t believe you’d finally made it to this point with him.

Just before leaving you popped to the loo but when you got back Mason wasn’t at your table, wondering if he’d gone to the loo himself but when you sat back down you saw him talking to a waiter just across the room. A concerned look on his face as they talked back and forth before his eyes fell on your and his face softened slightly. Nodding to the waiter and thanking him before walking back to you and when he took your hands in his you knew something was wrong.

‘We’ve got a bit of a situation’ he told you calmly but you could tell he was slightly annoyed. ‘Apparently there’s paps outside’

‘Oh’

‘It’s okay, I’ve got a plan. I think it’s best we don’t get caught together just yet, you know? And that’s not me trying to hide you or anything, I can’t wait for the day I get to show you off but just cause of Robin and everything I-‘

‘Mase it’s okay, I get it’ you smiled. ‘I don’t really want to start a shit storm either’ you told him and the look of relief that took over his face made your heart thump. Clearly he was terrified of what you were going to say but you knew by now the trick with Mason was to keep calm and reassure him he was doing the right thing.

‘Okay, so I’ve called an Uber, one of the waiters is gonna walk you out and put you in the car and I’ve told them to do a few laps before coming to get me. I don’t care if they get my picture I just wanna keep you safe, okay?’

‘Okay’ you smiled, letting him kiss the back of your hand gently. You could see he was panicking about it all a little bit but you knew you’d be fine and the way he was trying so hard to protect you was making you melt.

‘I’m so sorry, I’m not sure who called them but I know it’s shit’

‘Mase, it’s okay’ you reassured him, knowing it wasn’t his fault and that he’d tried to keep this as intimate as he could so you tried to keep his spirits up whilst the Uber made its way so nothing could ruin your evening.

‘Ubers outside okay? If you need me just text me and I’ll come’ he told you as he helped you put your jacket on.

‘I’ll be fine’ you smiled. Giving his cheek a quick kiss before meeting the waiter by the door who gave you a soft smile and opened the door to let you out.

You could hear the commotion of the paps outside, around five of them with their cameras poised ready to shoot but when Mason was nowhere to be seen they went back to talking. Keeping an eye on you for the most part and you knew they were watching you get into the car but thankfully no one took your picture.

It was around five minutes later when you pulled back up to the restaurant, a little ways further down but not too far away so that Mason would struggle to find you and you quickly uploaded a few pictures to instagram while you waited for him.

y/n

liked by

y/n it’s not pizza in Italy, but it’ll do.

comments are limited

After a minute or two you saw the flashes from the cameras meaning Mason had left. He walked quickly but calmly, sending them a quick nod before dropping his head down and getting to you as quickly as he could and sliding in next you with a huff but your driver was quick to leave and thankfully the paps couldn’t get close.

‘There we go, no one suspects a thing’ he laughed. Finally settling in the seat and taking your hand to he could hold it in his lap and even though you were glad to bet getting away you didn’t think you were out of the woods yet.

‘Do you think we should let someone know? Just in case they post the pictures of you?’

‘Nah, no point. Man leaves London restaurant isn’t exactly a hard hitting story’

‘You’re not just any man though are you?’ You laughed, not believing how nonchalant he was being and the cheeky smile he sent you let you know he still wasn’t being serious.

‘You’re right, I’m your man’ he winked before placing a quick kiss to your forehead.

You were almost back at the hotel when a weird noise from Mason's phone startled the both of you and he picked it up with a confused expression as he tried to work out what had happened.

‘What the… I can’t believe it’

‘Mase? What is it?’ You questioned, seeing his expression turn angry and you gulped as his eyes flickered to yours and then back to his phone.

‘Think I know who called the paps. Not for certain but I’ve got a good idea’

‘What? Who was it?’

He didn’t speak, just showed you the notification on his phone but you weren’t exactly sure what you were looking at to begin with.

‘What? I don’t understand’ you whispered, even seeing her name written down sent a shiver through you and after such a nice evening you wondered if this would be the start of the downfall.

‘I forgot she was linked to my calendar, she’s the only person who would have called them cause I added it in there and I’m guessing she could see we were there. She knows how much I hate it when the paps show up and she’s bloody notorious for it’ he told you. Your mind wandering back to the photos of him and her leaving the restaurant he was meant to take you to and now it all made so much more sense.

‘Well at least they didn’t get any of me’ you reasoned but you knew he was still angry about it. ‘It’s fine Mase, please just forget about her’ you whispered and you watched his face drop as he realised how talking about his ex was probably the last thing you wanted to be doing on your first date so he gently tilted your face to look up at him before leaving a gentle kiss on your lips

‘I did a long time ago, I promise’ he whispered, trying his best to reassure you and the sad smile you sent his way broke his heart a little bit. ‘I’m sorry baby, come on. let’s not let her spoil our evening. I’ve got big plans for you when we get back’

‘Oh yeah’ you asked, one eyebrow raised and you tried to hold back a smile ‘like what?’

‘Just you wait and see’ he teased. Kissing the back of your hand before the car came to a stop outside your hotel.

‘Will you shut your eyes for me please?’ He asked, stopping outside your door with a cheeky smile on his face and you were about to question him but he seemed so excited so you just did it. Letting him lead you into your room until he made you stop completely and when he softly told you to open your eyes, the sight you were met with almost took your breath away.

The lights had been dimmed, a few candles were twinkling away on the sides but it was the rose petals scattered all over the bed that made your cheeks burn and you looked up to see him looking down at you shyly.

‘What’s all this?’

‘Put in a little request downstairs to have it all done for when we got back. I just wanted to make things special for you’

‘Masey’ you pouted, holding him by his jaw so you could pop a quick but heavy kiss on his lips and even though it was only small you could tell how happy he was you’d finally properly kissed him with your lipstick on.

‘Can you imagine if they forgot and I made you shut your eyes for nothing, that would have been so awkward’ he laughed, spinning you so he could hold you from behind and kiss your neck but you felt yourself melting into him and knew it was your turn to tease him a little bit too.

‘You know Mase, this is very presumptuous. I don’t usually put out on the first date’

‘No? You put out that first night we met’ he chuckled, his lips right by your ear as he kissed the shell of it and you felt a tingle run all the way down your spine as he loved on you.

‘That wasn’t a date though, that was an ambush’ you told him. Your voice already sounding breathy and he began to stroke his hands over your sides and at this point you were finding it hard to stand up.

‘What about when I took you out for dinner the second time we met. Seem to remember I ended up in your bed again’

‘That was just two friends catching up’

‘Oh is that what we’re calling it’ he smiled, leaning over further to kiss the corner of your mouth and you could have melted on the spot. ‘So no sex tonight then?’

‘I think I could make an exception’ you told him quietly, letting him spin you around so you were face to face again and his soft smile made your breath catch in your throat. No one had ever looked at you the way Mason did and you knew you were putty in his hands no matter how hard you tried to be strong.

‘That’s the spirit’ he laughed, watching his face turn serious before he gently bumped his nose against yours. The action making you smile as you griped his shoulders gently and the need to kiss him became overwhelming. Thankfully you could see it in his eyes that he wanted the same and you couldn’t wait to finally have him again. ‘Can I kiss you now?’

You’d barely nodded and his lips were on yours. It was messy and frantic as he grabbed at you, clearly not able to control himself after not having you for so long and you knew you’d both be covered in lipstick now but you didn’t care. Your need for him was stronger than any of that worrying so you let him have you. Kissing him until there was no air left in your lungs and you had to pull back but the red lipstick all around his mouth made you feel triumphant.

‘Shall we go clean our faces first?’ You asked but he just shook his head before running his thumb across your bottom lip and dragging it down your chin to your jaw. You knew your messed up lipstick was even worse now, letting him grab your neck and kiss along where the mark was and you had to hold onto his shoulders tightly so you didn’t crumple to the floor as your legs were so weak. ‘You sure Mase? We’re just gonna make a mess’

‘That’s what I want. I want you to make a mess all over me’ he growled into your neck and you couldn't contain the moan that fell from your lips. Letting him pull you over to the bed and onto his lap and you could feel him through his jeans already as you straddled his thighs.

He eventually let you grab some wipes to clean you both up. Telling him it was like making out with a clown and you didn’t want to stain the white sheets so you carefully scrubbed the lipstick off of him as he sat and watched you but you could tell he was eager to have you. His hands massaging your thighs gently and once you told him you were all done he wasted no time in gripping your hips and kissing you once more. This time a little softer and slower and you were glad you were sitting down still as you could feel yourself melting into him.

His little kisses moved across your face and to your jaw, peppering them across until he was trailing them down your neck and trying to attack your collar bones. You could feel his hands pulling at your top, trying to untuck it from your skirt and once he had peeled it from your body his hands were unclipping your bra and throwing that to the side too. Leaving you sat on his lap completely bare from the waist up and the sudden exposure to the cold air made your skin erupt in goosebumps.

Now you were exposed to him he wasted no time in attaching his lips to your chest. Moaning with you in unison as he sucked on the hardened bud and you couldn’t help but buck your hips slightly. His warm hands splayed out over your back made you shiver but you loved how he was devouring you like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Kissing down the valley of your breasts before giving the other side the same treatment and when he finally looked up at you his eyes were dark and wild.

‘I hope you know you won’t be sleeping tonight’ he told you breathlessly, lips brushing yours as he spoke but it was his eyes rolling in the back of his head as you massaged his scalp lightly that turned you on more than anything else.

‘You better have got late check out then’

‘I’m nothing if not prepared’ he winked and you knew then you were in for a wild ride.

He stuck to his word and you really didn't get much sleep. Between endless rounds of making each other feel good you found yourselves laying half on top of each other as you spoke. Mason's excitement for your future was contagious and even though you wanted to take things slowly you found yourself wanting to say things to him you never had before.

You’d forgotten how good it felt to have him in between your thighs, to have him take care of you in a way no one else could. To let him do exactly what you needed him to and as he rocked himself into you slowly with his forehead resting on yours you found yourself wanting to say so much but you were lost for words.

You felt as light as air as he kissed your cheeks, peppering them gently across your jaw and up to your ear where his light moans travelled straight to your brain and made you tingle. Your hands wandering the expanse of his back as you lightly trailed your nails over him and when you finally grabbed a hold of one of his cheeks he growled into your neck.

‘I love every single part of you’ you he whispered. You hadn't heard him say that to you since that night in your flat as you weren’t quite ready to say it back but clearly he couldn’t hold it in anymore. ‘I’ve known from the second I saw you’

‘Mase-‘

‘Shhhhh, it’s okay. I know’ he told you and even though you wanted to speak you couldn’t. His lips claiming yours again as he brought you to a high once more and by the time you’d recovered you were barely conscious. He’d really put you to the test tonight and knew you were exhausted after the hours you’d spent between the sheets so he finally let you rest. Getting you comfortable in his arms so you could drift off and before long you were out for the count.

You were awoken the next morning by the feeling of Mason's lips on your cheeks. Peppering soft kisses repetitively until you were squirming in his hold and you couldn’t remember ever waking up so happy before.

‘Good morning, sweetheart’ he whispered carefully, trying his best not to startle you as you carefully awoke but when you smiled at him softly his lips curled into your favourite smile. ‘As pretty as you look when you’re asleep, you need to wake up my love. Check outs in an hour yeah?’ He told you and you couldn't contain your huff. Barely opening your eyes to look at him but you could see his pout of sympathy for you. ‘I know beautiful, I’m sorry. But it is almost midday’ he chuckled and even though you knew he was right, you shut your eyes again and got comfy.

Even though you were awake he was still pressing kisses to your face, the sound of your giggles mixing together as you tried to hide but he always managed to find somewhere to kiss. Eventually pressing his lips to yours in a sweet kiss that made your toes curl and when he pulled back to rest his forehead on yours you couldn’t contain yourself anymore. The words you’d been holding in for a while now tumbling out of your mouth in a barely there whisper.

‘I love you’

You could tell Mason was shocked. Not expecting to hear that from you quite clearly but the smile on his face was contagious. He’d told you he loved you before but knew you weren’t ready for all of that yet so had cooled off on it until he couldn’t hold it in last night but you knew he loved you as he proved it to you everyday with all the small things he did.

‘You what?’

‘I said, I love you’ you told him again, a bit more forcefully this time as you wanted him to know you meant it and the look of relief on his face made your chest warm.

‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes’ you laughed, kissing him lightly but he was too in shock to reciprocate. Looking back to see his eyes looking a little bleary as his emotions took over and you knew it must have hit him hard.

‘I love you too’ he whispered, laughing as he kissed again but you knew straight away where he was trying to take things and even though you wanted to, you didn’t have time for that right now.

‘Hold your horses, big boy. We don't have time’ you giggled and when he frowned at you you made the same face back.

‘What? You’ve just told me you loved me and now I’m not allowed to do anything about it?’

‘You said we’ve only got an hour’ you argued but you knew he was about to argue back and you had to be strong.

‘I can be quick-‘

‘Mason’ you laughed. ‘I love you, but no’

‘Fine’ he huffed, pressing one last kiss to your lips before moving away from you. ‘I’m just gonna jump in the shower, okay. I love you’ he whispered and you nodded with a smile at him before he left the comfort of your bed to head into the bathroom.

You wondered if this was the whole reason he got this particular room in the first place, the glass bathroom was completely open and as you laid on your side you had a perfect view of Mason under the shower. You knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose, at least you didn’t think he was, but watching his hands roam across his wet body was getting you right in the mood and before you knew it you were knelt up on the bed completely naked in front of him while he stood and watched you. His mouth hanging open as you brushed your fingers softly over your body in an attempt to turn him on like he was doing to you as a little bit of pay back. Knowing he couldn’t get to you easily as the glass wall was in the way but you should have realised by now Mason always got what he wanted.

He was rounding the corner back into the room in a flash. Soap bubbles and splatters of water following in his wake and you squealed as he grabbed a hold of you so he could carry you back into the shower with him.

‘You can’t tell me no and then tease me like that, I won’t have it’ he laughed. Setting you down before pulling you under the warm water and you barely had time to think before he was pressing you up against the slippery tiles.

‘Mase-‘

‘Shhh, I don’t wanna hear it’ he whispered, his hand flying straight to where you needed him so he could circle over you gently and his first touch made you gasp. Knotting your fingers through his hair as he rested his forehead on yours and you knew you were blushing from the intense eye contact he was already holding you captive with.

‘I’ll go slow, yeah?’ He told you quietly but you could already feel his fingers inching back towards your entrance and when he finally began to push his digits in you let out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding.

Even though you’d had him multiple times the night before, it still wasn’t enough for you. He would never be enough for you so you took his already hard length in your hand and began to pump him until his eyes were rolling back in his head and he was moving closer to finally get inside you again.

He managed to hook your leg over his arm so you were more open to him and you gasped as he pushed his way inside.

‘You thought you could do that to me and get away with it, huh?’ He breathed, not letting you answer as he kissed you deeply as he snapped his hips back and forth quickly.

You knew he was trying to get out both over the line quickly as you didn’t have time to mess about but as both your highs approached you felt him slow down. Your leg still hooked up over his arm as his other held you at your waist but you moved your hands to cup his jaw so you could look straight into his eyes.

You didn’t know what it was but things felt different. Your wet bodies sliding against each other as you moaned into each other's mouths. Yours eyes all over each other's faces until they settled on looking straight into the others and it was like time was frozen. Just you and the boy you loved as he tried his hardest to push you over the line and you thought you might burst. Stroking your thumbs up and down his neck carefully as you held his shoulders and you wondered how your legs hadn’t given out yet.

You could see it was a lot for him, his skin covered in goosebumps as his dark eyes bore into yours and you knew you were feeling the same feelings. An uncontrollable feeling of love ripping through you for the boy who was resting his head on yours.

‘Y/n.. fuck I-I’ he stuttered, too overcome with emotion to get his words out properly but you just kissed him in hopes he’d relax and keep going.

‘Shhh it’s okay. I know Mase, I feel it too’ you reassured him and the squeeze of you bum let you know he was just as close as you were.

‘God, I love you so fucking much’

‘I love you too’ you whimpered, looking back up into his eyes and you could see they’d become glossy. Clearly too stunned with how he was feeling and when he shivered under your fingertips you knew it wasn’t because of the temperature of the water.

You only let yourselves indulge in each other for a few moments longer as you knew you needed to get dry and dressed. Content with holding each other under the water for a few moments before you both got out and packed up. Mason managing to get himself ready a few minutes before you as you were just zipping up your bag when he groaned behind you.

‘Ah fuck’ you suddenly heard. Turning round to face Mason who was sat on the end of the bed and even though he sounded pissed off, he couldn't hold back a smile.

‘What’s up?’ You asked. Finally zipping your bag up as you were all packed and ready to go but by the look on Mason's face you could tell there was about to be another delay.

‘Come here’ he asked, patting the space on the bed next to him and once you’d taken your seat he passed you his phone and your eyes fell to the photo of Mason immediately. One of him in the same outfit he was wearing last night and it only hit you then that it was last night.

‘What’s this’ you questioned, reading through the article as quickly as you could to get a sense of what was happening and every word made you feel cold.

‘Some shit someone’s published about us last night. You’re my mystery woman apparently’ he laughed but you could tell he was a little pissed about it.

‘What?’

‘Yeah, my brother sent it to me and he’s not happy in the slightest’ Mason groaned. ‘Bad for my image apparently. I should have listened to you last night and told him this might be coming I guess’

‘Sorry, Mase’ you pouted, handing him his phone back but he just wrapped his arm around your back and sent you a small shy smile.

‘Not your fault at all gorgeous’ he winked before placing a quick kiss to your forehead. ‘I’m gonna go call him quickly and clear the air yeah? You finish getting ready and we’ll go home’ he told you and you left him to take his call outside. Watching him pace up and down as he spoke to whoever he needed to but you couldn't tell how it was going as he was keeping his expression blank.

‘How did it go?’ You asked as he walked back in and flopped down next to you. Pulling on your waist so you’d lay with him and once you’d settled on his chest he kissed your forehead sweetly.

‘He put me on the phone to my mum, she’s kinda pissed and I had to tell her about you. I know you wanted things kept quiet for now but I couldn’t not say’ he explained and you could tell he was worried about telling you but you knew it wasn't his fault.

‘No don’t be silly, it’s probably better they know’

‘Well I’m not sure about that cause she wants to meet you now’

‘Oh’ you breathed, knowing it was quicker than you wanted it to be but you knew you’d have to face them one day.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll sort it all out okay?’ He reassured you, kissing your forehead gently as he stroked your hair and you couldn’t help but feel calmer about it. He always had that effect on you. ‘You've got nothing to worry about, they’ll love you’

‘I’m not so sure about that’

‘Why wouldn't they? I love you and you make me happy so that’s all they should care about. The rest is none of their business’ he told you and you knew that’s how he saw things as he’d feel the same for his family if it was the other way around but you presumed they were protective over the baby of the family. ‘Trust me, I’m more annoyed than you are, won’t let me keep my girlfriend a secret for more than five minutes’

‘Girlfriend, huh? Who’s she?’ You teased, looking up at him with a smirk and you saw a look of shock flicker over his face as he realised what he’d said until he smiled it off.

‘Well I mean you told me you loved me this morning, I just presumed’ he joked but you could tell he was a little embarrassed about it still and the bridge of his nose flushed red but you reached up to kiss him softly letting him know it was fine.

‘I haven’t been a girlfriend for a long time’

‘Don’t worry, you’re already the best one I’ve ever had’ he winked, the pair of you laughing as he pulled you into his body. ‘Come on, gorgeous. We’ve got a long drive and I think I want some snacks’ he told you and even though you hated to be going you were excited for the drive with him as you’d never been in his car before.

You stopped off in the small Sainsbury’s that was close to the hotel for some drinks and snacks and when you asked what sweets he wanted he demanded one of everything. You let him know he could only have two things though and once back in the car his hand was either settled on your thigh or his fingers were laced through yours.

You were around halfway home when his phone lit up on the dash. His eyes quickly flashing over before you heard him sigh and his eyes flashed to yours.

‘Everything alright, love?’

‘Yeah uh, could you um… could you have a look on Robins instagram? Apparently she’s posted some stories about me’ he asked quietly and you could tell he was upset about it. You didn’t want to look but you were also curious yourself so you quickly found her and your heart broke as you saw them and what she was insinuating.

‘Is it bad?’ He asked quietly and when you didn’t reply he sent you a sad smile. ‘Can you read it to me? Its fine I promise’

‘Fuck’ he breathed, not realising it was going to be that bad and you saw his shoulders deflate as you replayed what you’d said in your head.

‘Mase, it’s a bunch of bullshit, yeah? We both know she’s just trying to get sympathy from everyone’ you told him in hopes it would make him feel better but you knew not much would right now. ‘Why don’t you post something?’

‘Best not, Lew will lose his marbles if he hasn’t done so already’ he shrugged. ‘It’ll all blow over soon I promise, I know the truth, so do you and that’s all that matters to me okay? I’m done with her mind games and I just want to forget her’

‘If you’re sure. But you know if you want to say anything I’ll be the first one there to defend you’

‘I know, sweetheart’ he muttered, turning to smile at you sadly and your heart broke once more for him. He didn’t deserve any of this and you hated how now she couldn’t manipulate Mason she was just manipulating everyone else.

You spent the next few days in a slight state of panic until he asked if you were free in the next week to meet his family and you agreed no matter how terrified you felt. Treating yourself to a nice new dress so you’d feel confident seeing them and at this point you didn’t even care if Mason liked it you just hoped they would.

You didn’t have to worry about Mason though, his eyes hanging out of his head when he saw you just like usual and it settled your nerves knowing whatever happened he would be there. He did his usual though and relaxed you, telling you how excited they were to meet you and that you’d have nothing to worry about so by the time you were finally there and out of the car you were feeling better than you had all day.

The vibes were off though as soon as you were in front of them. Mason's Dad, brother and brother in law weren’t there yet as they had to pop out for something so you were thrown straight into the fire by meeting his mum and sister first. The bright smiling faces you were expecting to be looking back at you looked sour and unimpressed and they both appeared to be sizing you up. Unfortunately Mason was either ignoring it or none the wiser, wrapping his arm around your waist as he smiled down at you before looking back at them.

‘This is y/n, guys’ he smiled proudly introducing them to you. Watching them both give you tight smiles and small nods but the two babies made up for it by inviting you into the living room to join in on their tea party. You were a little too afraid to leave Mason's side and you could tell he knew it, but he gently squeezed your hand to reassure you before looking into your eyes. ‘Go on, love. I’ll join you guys in a minute’ he assured you and after a quick kiss to your cheek you took Summers outstretched hand and let her lead the way.

He didn’t leave you for long but you knew he’d followed them into the kitchen. His face set as he wanted to ask them why they were being so cold but he didn’t really get the chance as they started quizzing him about Robin and he refused to talk.

‘Can’t you just tell us what happened?’ Debbie asked, her voice thick with concern for her boy but Mason just shook his head.

‘No, I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? It’s done, I don’t wanna see her again and that’s that’ he said bluntly but he could see Jaz was looking at him through narrowed eyes.

‘Well you’ll have to, she’s coming to mum's birthday’ Jaz said nonchalantly and Mason felt his tummy drop. There was no way in hell he wanted to see her again and he definitely was not having you and her in the same room.

‘You what?’

‘I invited her a few weeks ago and when we spoke the other day she promised she was still coming’

‘Look I don’t know what the fuck you thinking you’re doing but if she’s there then I won’t be’ he told them harshly. The pair of them looking at him like he’d grown two heads as they’d never heard him speak like that to them before.

‘Mason-‘

‘Nah nah, I’m not having it’ he told them. ‘It’s a dick move, I’m your brother and I thought I came first over anyone’ he spat but he could tell they still didn’t get it.

‘Look-‘

‘I’m serious, you don't know how hard the last few years have been for me and you don’t have any right to do this. So you’ve got a choice, her or me’

‘Stop being ridiculous’

‘Not you’re being ridiculous, I’m not talking to you about this anymore’ he declared before standing up abruptly. His chair making a loud noise as it moved back and scraped across the floor but he didn’t give them the chance to reply before he left them to finish lunch and joined you in the sitting room.

His heart broke for you as he caught sight of you sat in a circle with the girls. Mila was currently trying to put a tiara on your head as Summer poured you an imaginary cup of tea and it’s like he was falling for you all over again as you smiled whilst you pretended to take a sip.

He couldn’t take it anymore, needing your comfort more than anything else so he walked in and your eyes found his immediately. He knew you were a little embarrassed but with a quick kiss to your forehead he sat with you and joined in much to the girls' amusement. At least there were a few women in his life who weren’t disappointed in him.

‘They don’t like me do they’ you whispered, the vulnerability in your voice making his heart break so he quickly grabbed your hand and kissed your forehead again. Wanting to reassure you that it was all fine but also wanting to prepare you for the fact that today wouldn’t be as easy as he thought it would be.

‘Don’t be silly baby, they’ve just got the wrong end of the stick that’s all, they’ll be fine soon’

‘Masey? Where’s Auntie Robin?’ Summer suddenly popped up and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Thankfully it was only the four of you in there and Mila had no idea what was going on but you were still embarrassed and Mason could tell so he took your hand and placed it in his lap.

‘Robin won’t be around anymore, Sums. We’re not friends anymore really’ he told her simply but that seemed to be enough for her.

‘Okay’ she smiled at him, nodding and pouring tea for everyone before taking her seat in between her bears whilst Mila decided your lap would be her seat today.

Mason's Dad, brother and brother in law turned up only five minutes before lunch was ready. Mason seemed furious at them for being so long but when they came in to meet you they seemed a little more friendly than the women in his life had been. They were just awkward if anything which was to be expected and when they were called into the kitchen Mason let them all go so you could have a few minutes alone together and he could build you up a bit.

When you were both ready you followed Mason into the dining room. Thankful that he hadn’t let go of your hand but you could tell he was pissed about something else and you weren't sure what until he was directing you where to sit.

‘You’re sitting next to Summer’ he told, nodding you over to the other side of the table before following you around. You still couldn't figure out why his face was set so hard until he reached across the table to swap the wine glass in front of him with the water tumbler opposite.

‘Mase-‘

‘I’m sitting here. End of’ Mason spoke. Cutting his sister off before she had a chance to say anything else. Pulling your chair out for you to sit down and you knew this was about to be one of the most awkward lunches of your life as Mason planted his hand firmly on your thigh as soon as he was sat next to you. You knew no matter what, at least you had him there for you as he turned to face you with a smile. ‘What would you like?’

Mason didn’t let you lift a finger. Pouring your drink for you before serving up your food for you and you were grateful as you weren’t feeling very confident at all. He was a gem though and constantly checked in to make sure you had enough and you were okay but it wasn’t the food or anything like that that was the problem. It was the company.

If they were trying to make you feel awful then they were doing a pretty good job. Mason had told you they wanted to meet you so they could get to know you but if you hadn't been there it wouldn’t have made a difference in the slightest. Not once did they ask you anything about yourself or try to include you in the conversation, if anything they were purposefully retelling stories that included Robin but Mason had a knack for changing the subject.

Maybe it was the fact you were on edge that made everything they did and said worse but you could feel yourself shrinking as the time drew on. Not bothering to say anything or rock the boat but thankfully Summer was keeping you entertained so you didn't feel too much like a spare part.

Mason was getting irate though so you slipped your fingers through his. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze to let him know you were fine and you could handle it and you watched his face soften as he looked at you before dropping a quick kiss on your forehead. The small act making your cheeks burn but you knew it was half for his family too, wanting to show them he didn’t care what they were doing and that he was all about you.

When lunch was over you offered to help clear the table but Mason was quick to step in and told you you didn’t need to before ushering you into the garden with the girls. You wondered if he wanted to talk to them privately so he could speak his mind without getting you upset but when he joined you outside five minutes later he seemed oddly calm.

You were sitting on the floor with Mila in your lap when he approached you. Resting his hands on your shoulders as he looked down at you with a soft smile before turning his attention to them.

‘Hey girl’s, mummy just told me she’s got ice cream for you inside if you want it’ he told them, watching the pair of them scramble up and run inside hand in hand.

You weren’t sure if you should get up but Mason was sitting down behind you soon enough. His hands on your waist as he tried to lift you into his lap as he sat crossed legged and once you were settled he wrapped his arms around your middle and rested his head on your shoulder.

You felt your eyes sting immediately, finally alone and able to let your walls down a little bit but when he kissed your shoulder a few times you couldn't help but smile. Yes the whole time you’d been here it had been incredibly tense and awkward but you still had Mason. His head hadn’t been turned by anything they’d said but when he moved you into his lap slightly so he could see your face better you felt your lip wobble.

‘Its okay baby, you don’t have to hold it in around me. No one can see you, yeah? You can cry if you want to’ he told you softly and it's like the curtain dropped as soon as he said those words. Your hands coming up to cover your face so you could let a few tears free but clearly you were more upset than you realised. ‘I’m so sorry y/n’ he whispered, feeling your sobs grow slightly before Mason turned you in his arms. Letting you hide your face in his neck as he held you and stroked your back lightly.

‘It's not you, it’s just…’

‘I know, gorgeous. We’ll get going yeah? I’ll go grab your bag and we can go home’ he whispered but you didn’t want to back out now. You wanted to stick by him and prove to his family that you were the right one for him no matter how hard it might be.

‘No it’s alright, I’ll suck it up’ you told him. Nodding your head and wiping your eyes as you tried to pull yourself together but Masons hands were on your jaw to make you look at him in an instant.

‘No I don’t want you to do that. You shouldn't have to do that. I don’t wanna be here anymore either so we can just go okay? How about I run us a nice bath when we get in, yeah?’ He suggested, knowing how much you loved sharing a bath together and you nodded with a smile as he attempted to wipe your eyes. Thankful you could draw a line under today early and be alone just the two of you. ‘Come on then beautiful’

He walked you to the back door but told you to wait there so he could get your things and you weren’t in the state to argue. You were snotty and your eyes were puffy and you didn’t want them to see that they’d broken you so you let Mason go inside. Watching him march straight into the living room and he was met with his mum's guilty face straight away.

‘Mason-

‘I don’t wanna hear it. I’ve just come to get y/n’s bag’ he told her. His eyes scanning the room to try and find it but he couldn’t see it straight away and it gave her an in to keep talking.

‘Please Mase-‘

‘I’m so fucking embarrassed of you guys, you know that? Couldn’t play nice for a few hours and now she’s in tears thinking you all hate her’ he told everyone. Finally spotting on a chair across the room and making his way to grab it.

‘We didn’t mean for that to happen’ she told him, her voice sounding low and guilty and in the back of his mind he was happy about it. He wanted them to feel shit for what they’d done to you.

‘Well it did. She means a lot to me and I’m not gonna stay here and let you guys carry on making her feel like shit’

‘We’ve got your best interests at heart always Mason, we weren’t awful for the sake of it’ Jaz piped up but he was too angry with everyone to stand and argue any longer.

‘I don’t wanna hear anymore, we’re off’ he told them nonchalantly, picking your bag up from the chair and turning around but he stopped just before the door so he could stick the knife in again. ‘You know I never thought you guys would be like this, she was terrified about meeting you but I told her it would be fine cause I really thought it would be. I thought you’d be there for me no matter what and I’m so fucking ashamed’ he gulped, shaking his head as the he turned away, walking back out the way he came with your bag in hand before meeting you just outside the back door. His heart breaking once more as he took in your sorry state but he adored the way you smiled as soon as you saw him. ‘Come on sugar, let’s go’

‘I should say bye at least’ you told him, not wanting to appear rude and make them hate you even more but Mason just shook his head and pulled you along.

‘The don't deserve it. Come on, you're fine’ he told you, pulling you round the house by the side gate until you reached his car. Opening the passenger door for you to climb into and before you knew it you were off. Your heart sank at the way things had gone and you couldn’t stop yourself from silently crying the whole way back. Today had felt like a disaster but Mason kept his hand in yours the whole way home and deep down you knew things would be okay.

The pair of you had your bath, Mason letting you cry a little more until he was trying his hardest to make you smile. It didn’t take much as it came natural for you to be happy around him and by the time you were going to bed you were feeling just about okay again.

Mason was in the shower the next morning when the doorbell went. You were sat on the sofa in your pjs still as you ate the toast he’d made you a short while earlier and you froze at the sound before Mason's voice rang through the air.

‘Can you get that, baby? Should just be a delivery’ he called so you got yourself up and dusted the crumbs off of your body before answering.

When you opened the door you weren’t expecting to be met with the face of Debbie. You knew your face was one of shock but hers was one of sorrow and guilt and you almost felt bad for her so you gave her a tight smile in hopes she knew you were okay.

‘Hi love’ she smiled sadly but you didn’t know what to say to her. ‘Is Mason here? I think it’s best we all talk’

‘He’s in the shower’ you whispered, unsure if you should let her and if Mason would want to see her but she was his mum at the end of the day and you didn’t want to make her hate you anymore

‘Maybe you and I could talk first then? I think I owe you an apology’ she gulped so you nodded her in and took her to the kitchen. Offering her a cup of tea that she gladly accepted before you took a seat opposite her.

‘Sorry I’m still in my pjs, I don’t normally dress like this’ you laughed, trying to make light of the situation but she just smiled at you softly before her face grew serious again.

‘I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday, well the way we all acted really. We’re very protective over Mason, too much sometimes, and we were just a bit concerned. He’s not spoken about what happened with Robin and we’ve only had her side of the story so I’m guessing we got the wrong end of the stick. We just assumed the worst after that article came out and we weren’t sure about your intentions’

‘I get that’ you nodded sadly, deep down you knew why yesterday had gone the way it had and that you would have to prove yourself so you started here and now while Mason wasn’t around to tease you. ‘I need you to know that I love your son a lot’

‘I know’ she told you sincerely, ‘and you know what, after seeing him with you yesterday I can see how much he loves you’ she confessed. ‘I’ve never seen him act that way with someone. We’ve known Robin since she was 14 and she’s like a daughter to me but he’s never looked at her like that’

‘He’s had a lot going on that he should have told-‘

‘What’s going on?’ You suddenly heard. Looking over to see Mason walking in fully dressed in his comfies ready for your sofa day but the sight of his mum sat in his kitchen clearly wasn’t what we was expecting.

‘I’ve come to talk’

‘You better not have upset her’ he grumbled, coming over to touch your shoulder protectively but you just placed your hand over his and nodded to the chair next to you and opposite his mum.

‘Mason sit down, it's okay’ you laughed, his eyes lighting up at the way you didn’t seem sad in any way so he took a seat and kept your hand in his.

‘Right, I want the truth okay? I know we weren’t the best yesterday but I need you to be honest with me about what happened with Robin’ Debbie told him and you knew Mason didn’t want to. You wondered if some gentle encouragement might help and when his eyes met yours you sent him a soft smile.

‘Come on Mase, I think it’s for the best’ you offered, hoping he’d listen to you but Debbie clearly knew her son and was ready to guilt her way into him talking.

‘You used to tell me everything’ Debbie pouted, looking down and huffing slightly and he clearly knew what she was doing as he rolled his eyes with a little smile.

‘Yeah well this is shit, I don’t wanna keep reliving it and talking about it all the time’

‘Well let’s make this the last time then’ she told him, reaching over the table with her hand up in hopes he’d place his in hers and after a beat he did. Looking up to see his eyes full of tears at the thought of hashing everything out again so you took his other hand in yours and gave it a gentle squeeze in hopes it would give him some courage.

‘I don't even know where to start,’ he sighed. ‘Things with Robin had been bad for a while but i didnt wanna give up you know? Didn’t wanna throw nine years of a relationship away but she made it impossible’ he gulped. ‘I know I told you I bought this place for Woody to stay in as an investment but that was a load of shi- sorry a load of rubbish’

‘What do you mean?’ Debbie frowned and you looked at Mason quizzically too but his eyes were glued to the table as he fought to get his words out.

‘I’ve been living here. I’ve probably only been in the house a handful of times lately cause I needed my own place to stay’

‘Why though?’ Debbie whispered, confused as to why he’d lied to her and you knew the floodgates were about to open.

‘Cause I couldn’t stay at home. She kicked me out all the time over the most stupid things like I can’t even begin to explain but I was always on edge around her. You know, wondering what mood she was in and if I’d be allowed in my own home that day’ he told her and you watched as her face dropped.

‘She didn’t love me in the end, mum. She loved what I could give her. We were kids when we met and we grew apart but she was comfortable with the life I gave her and didn’t want to give that up. You wonder why every time we went out there were pictures? She always called the paps like she wanted everyone to know I was hers so no other girls went near me’

‘Why did you stick around for so long?’ She asked quietly, her voice sad but understanding and you could see how upset she was for her boy.

‘Looking back, I’m not so sure. She had a knack for making me feel awful about her mistakes so I was the one who would always go crawling back to apologise. It was just this weird cycle I couldn’t get out of until I’d just had enough. I get you were trying to protect me yesterday but it was from the wrong person’

‘I think we were just a bit confused. This seems to have happened really quickly’ she nodded before her eyes were flickering between the pair of you be she was smiling softly. ‘So how did this happen then?’

‘It’s my fault, Robin ended things with me and I told myself that I was done and moving on but I didn’t explain everything to y/n at first and when Robin whistled I went running back like i always did cause I’m a moron’

‘So you didn’t… you didn’t cheat did you?’ She whispered and even though he knew why she might have come to that conclusion he was ready to defend himself even if he had been a bit wrong.

‘No way, I would never do that’ he told her. ’I get the lines are blurry and it doesn’t sound great, it’s not how you raised me at all but I’d never do that. I hate talking about it cause I sound like a dick but I only went to y/n when she’d broken up with me and I never told her I had a sort of girlfriend in the beginning’ he huffed.

‘I’m not proud of it, at all. I’m ashamed at how much I hurt y/n when she’s only ever put me first and shown me love. This thing with us, it’s not what Robin said okay? This isn’t just me spreading my wings for a bit, y/n is it for me and that’s why I thought it would be okay for you to meet her cause I know she’s gonna be around for a long time. But Robin got you like she got me and made you believe something else. You know if anything I cheated on y/n, went running right back into the fire after she offered to give me everything cause deep down I didn’t think I deserved her’ he told her honestly and your heart broke for the boy you loved. His eyes finally meeting yours and the soft look in his eye made you melt. ‘But she stuck with me, no matter what I did or how awful I treated her. She was there for me and all I want to do is make her life as easy as she makes mine feel now’

‘I wish you would have been honest from the start’ Debbie huffed, making the pair of you look back at her and even though you could see she was hurting for him you could see that twinkle in her eye that you knew that she could see there was something special between you. ‘Look I’m your mum okay, it’s my job to protect you. But for once I don’t feel like I have to anymore. That’s your job now, yeah?’ She smiled at you and you felt your heart soar at how much she was trusting you.

‘I promise I will’ you reassured her, feeling Mason squeezing your hand under the table as he knew this was a big deal after yesterday.

‘I know you will’ she nodded. ‘You have been for a while by the looks of things. I’m not going to sit here and say I saw this coming from a mile off cause I really didn’t but I could tell something had changed lately. I thought you and Robin had just finally hit your stride’ she huffed rolling her eyes. ‘I really am sorry for yesterday and I’m sorry for taking her side. I would say she can expect an earful from me but don’t worry i’ll leave it’ she laughed and you could tell Mason was happy to put everything to bed.

Debbie stayed for a little while longer, the three of you talking how you imagined you would be the day before and you felt like you made a good second impression. Debbie giving you a big hug before she left and you let her and Mason have a few moments alone while you got settled on the sofa.

You see how much lighter Mason looked when he came back to join you, the smile on his face was permanently etched there throughout the rest of the day as you stayed cuddled on the sofa. Watching all his favourite movies in between naps and plenty of stolen kisses until he couldn’t keep his hands off you and you ended up having sleepy sofa sex as he rested his head on yours and told you how much he loved you repeatedly.

It was just before dinner when things went a little south. You knew something was coming as it always did with you two. Like god was testing you to see how much you could take and because things had been too perfect for you all day he was ready to throw a spanner in the works. You’d just nipped off to the bathroom it finally happened and you felt you heart drop as the shock ripped through you.

‘Ughhhh Mason! What the fuck!’

‘What?’ He called, his voice getting closer as he ran towards where you were and you smiled as you knew he’d probably find it funny.

‘You left the bloody toilet seat up, I nearly fell in’ you shouted back, adjusting yourself as you laughed it off but when you were finished and you finally opened the door, he was sitting on the bed like a deer caught in the headlights. You didn’t take much notice of it at first and made your way over to him but as you got closer you could see the panic all over him. ‘Seat down when I’m here remember’ you teased, trying to get him to smile but your words had the adverse effect.

‘Sorry’ he gulped his eyes falling to the floor as he played with his fingers and you weren’t sure how to take his reaction.

‘It’s alright’ you whispered, taking a seat next to his to hopefully catch his eyes but he’d withdrawn himself completely and didn’t even react when you took his hands in yours.

‘Do you you, um… do you want me to take you home?’

‘No? Why would I want that?’ You asked but he just shrugged his shoulders softly.

‘Cause I did something stupid and annoyed you. I thought you might want to be away from me’

‘Mase, baby, you forgot to put the seat down, you didn’t kill someone’ you told him softly, the hurt across his face only really hitting you then as you realised what might be happening. The pain of his past so evident and your heart sunk that you made him feel that way again.

‘Sorry I just-‘

‘You don’t need to explain’ you whispered ‘I’m so sorry, I was just having a laugh I didn’t even think’ you explained and you watched him take a breath as if he wanted to say something else but the words never came. In the end he just gripped your hand and looked back up at you hopefully.

‘Let’s just forget it then, yeah? He asked hopefully, letting you pull him into a kiss that you both smiled into and even though you knew you both felt a bit rubbish about what had happened you knew you could move on from it fairly quick and reassure Mason that he’d never have to leave you.

The rest of the night went without a hitch and you were determined to make it up to him. Cooking him dinner and even making him a special dessert that he sat and ate it with the biggest grin on his face. The happiness was so evident on him and you felt accomplished that you could make him smile by just treating him how he should have been all along.

The treats didn’t stop there and you changed the bed sheets whilst Mason was in the shower. You knew he loved the feeling of fresh ones but it was also a treat for yourself as his were much softer than yours and after a little bit of a struggle you undressed yourself down to your knickers before crawling inside as you loved the feel of it just as much.

You weren’t in there on your own long, Mason sneaking his way out of the bathroom shortly after you’d gotten comfy and the feeling of Mason pressing himself against you made you shiver. The sensation of his warm skin on yours was second to none and you almost had to hold in a moan at how good it felt to have him next to you.

When you felt his lips on the back of your neck a content hum fell from your lips as you shivered. You knew he’d been waiting to get his hands on you again properly but there was a little voice in the back of your head that was stopping you from getting you fully involved.

When it came to sex, Mason was the king of being unselfish and made sure he gave you exactly what you wanted even at the detriment of his own pleasure. He knew what to say, what positions you loved and sometimes you could tell he wasn’t feeling it as much as you were but he was so into making you feel good that he didn’t care. Doing whatever he could to push you over the finish line before he took care of himself but you were about to change that tonight.

Because even if he didn’t care about putting himself first, you did and as he kissed his way down your back you began to hatch a plan so you could repay him for all the times he’d made you the priority.

As much as you didn’t want to as you adored the way he was touching you, you rolled over and sat yourself on Mason's lap. His hands reaching round to grab your bum as your thighs wrapped around his and you could feel he was hard for you already. Only the thin material of your underwear separating you as Mason hadn’t bothered to put on anything at all after his shower and right now you were glad.

‘What do you want, baby?’ He asked, pulling you further into him as his hands wandered over your naked back and back down to your bum so he could give it a squeeze and you had to hold yourself back from rocking your hips over him as his touches were turning you on so much.

‘Well I was about to ask you the same, what do you want’ you asked, the question catching him off guard a little but he shook it off and sent you a teasing smile.

‘I want whatever you want’

‘Come on Mase, let me do something for you’ you argued and you knew this was about to be a battle that you wouldn’t win easily.

‘Sex isn’t about what I want’ he smiled but you just rolled your eyes at him cause you knew he’d always thought this but tonight you were going to make it all about him.

‘Yes it is, come on tell me. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?’ You asked him but he was frozen and you knew his mind was blank.

‘I don’t know… how about you sit on my face?’

‘No, that’s not allowed’ you told him sternly and you knew right away he wasn’t happy about it.

‘Why not’ he laughed ‘you said I can pick what I want, that’s what I want’

‘No you don’t, you just picked that cause you know I like it’ you told him, shimming back down his legs before placing yourself in between them. ‘How about I get started while you have a think yeah?’ You asked but you didn’t give him a chance to reply before lowering your naked chest to the mattress and taking him into your hand so you could guide him into your mouth.

‘You really think I’ll be able to come up with anything while my dicks in your mouth- oh fuck y/n that’s it’ he breathed. His fingers automatically coming to your hair so he could brush it out of your face and when you made eye contact you knew you were driving him crazy.

Mason didn’t ask for head that often, only when he was feeling lazy and you forgotten how much you loved having him in the palm of your hand. The way he just surrendered to you immediately as he moaned and groaned with every flick of your tongue made you feel like you were in charge of him and you let yourself get lost in him. Making sure your bum was sticking up high in the hair so he’d have something to look at but when you looked up at him his eyes were fixed in the corner of the room until he was back looking at you.

‘Come on Masey, tell me what you want’ you demanded after coming off of him with a pop. Using your hand to work him as you took a moment to get your breath back but now you’d given him a taste he seemed to be more comfortable with asking for what he wanted.

‘I want you on top’ he breathed, rolling you off him slightly so he could lay down a bit as you took your underwear off but you noticed his head was still propped up slightly.

‘Okay’ you smiled, attempting to climb over his lap but his hands on your hips stopped you in your tracks.

‘Wait’ he suddenly breathed, face cautious as he thought about whether or not he should say what he wanted to but you nodded at him encouragingly to let him know it was fine. ‘Other way’

‘Okay’ you smiled, trying to hide your own nerves as you’d never done it this way before but you did as he asked and settled over him your your back to him, trying to line yourself up with him but when you looked up, the first thing you noticed was the mirror had been moved from the corner of the room and Masons eyes looking back at you through it. ‘You’ve moved the mirror?’

‘Uh, yeah’ he laughed, moving his head back around so you couldn’t look at him though it anymore but when you turned your body slightly to face him you could see how red his cheeks and nose were.

‘You were watching me earlier weren’t you?’ You laughed and he covered his face with his hands before he was laughing too.

‘Yeah I was’ he confessed. ‘I got a glimpse of you the other night and I wanted to try it today. I like seeing you from all angles’ he winked and you felt your tummy flip at how hot you found it but before you could say anything else he was sitting up fully behind you. ‘Now I know you wanna make this about me but I think you might need a bit of help okay?’ He told you. Wrapping one arm around your waist before settling the other on your upper thigh and you knew what was coming as he began to kiss over your back.

You watched his hands move in the mirror, gently tracing his fingertips up and down your thigh before touching you exactly where you needed him to. Tracing over your clit a few times before dipping his fingers inside you and the growl that left his lip made your head spin.

‘This wet just from giving me head, yeah?’ He whispered before playfully biting your side. And you instinctively felt your hands travel up to your chest as you rocked your hips over his fingers. ‘You like it that much I’ll put you to work more often’

‘Fuck, Mase’ you moaned, a shiver rolling through you at just how turned on you were and you couldn’t keep your eyes away from the mirror that was just off to the side. Your eyes constantly meeting Mason's dark ones and the sight of the pair of you was driving you wild.

‘You see yourself, yeah? Can you see what I see now?’ He asked. ‘I’m so fucking in love with you, you know that?’

‘Mase please’ you whimpered, starting to get overwhelmed with everything that was happening but he knew you were ready now. Laying back down and positioning your hips over him before he was guiding himself inside you and pulling you down further into his lap.

You froze for a second or two, not really sure what you were meant to be doing as you'd never done it this way before but with Mason's hands on your bum guiding you, you began to move your hips and the first moans fell from his mouth.

That was all it took to spur you on to keep going. That mixed with Mason's dirty mouth and the image of him sliding in and out of you in the mirror. You’d caught eyes with him a few times as his eyes were flicking between looking at you in the mirror and watching your bum bounce up and down on him. His hands gripping your bum every so often and you knew he was getting close as he bucked up into you.

‘You wanna cum, Mase?’ You asked, the pair of you staring each other down through the mirror and you could tell he was almost done just by how dark his eyes were. His nose red and flushed whilst his hair stuck up in all directions and you’d sworn he never looked so good.

‘I can’t fucking hold it’ he whimpered, the sound of his voice pushing you to where you needed to be and all you wanted was to reach your highs and melt into each other like usual.

‘It’s okay, I’m right behind you’ you told him, the knowledge that you’d been able to work him up into this state had pushed you closer to the edge than you realised and soon enough you were fluttering around him as he held your hips and bounced you on top of him until he was shuddering beneath you.

It was awkward trying to get you off of him and laid next to him without making too much of a mess but you managed it. Curling yourself into his side and resting your head over his frantic heart that you felt start to slow as soon as you were both comfy.

‘Hey Mase?’ You whispered and he looked down at you softly. His brows raised as he was unsure about what you wanted to say but as soon as you spoke your favourite smile returned. ‘I’m in love with you too’

It was a rare few days that the both of you had off when things took a drastic turn. You knew things had been too perfect lately and something was bound to push you off track but never did you think Mason would be up to his old tricks again.

You were doing your skincare in the bathroom as Mason took a quick shower. His phone face down next to yours on the counter and when the sound of multiple texts came through and yours didn't light up, you realised it must be his.

‘Is that my phone or yours gorgeous?’ Mason shouted from inside the shower so you quickly flipped his phone to confirm it was actually his.

‘Yours’

‘Can you see what it is? I don’t wanna get my hands wet’ he told you. Popping his head from around the curtain and his cheesy grin made you giggle.

‘Just a load of texts from Lewis’ you confirmed and he nodded at you before disappearing back behind the curtain.

‘Can you see what he wants’ he asked, shouting the code to his phone for you to tap in but you were stood in shock for a few moments at the fact he’d actually told you how to unlock his phone before you did it and to your surprise it worked. ‘You done it?’

‘Oh um yeah, he’s just confirming about the charity event next week?’ You told him. Trying to hold on the wobble in your voice as you were so unsure and felt like you were invading his privacy.

‘Ahh okay, can you message him back for me? just say thanks and I’ll call him in a bit’ he told you and without thinking you quickly replied with what he’d asked you to. Wanting to lock his phone as quickly as you could as it felt so strange to me using it

‘Okay, done’

‘Thank you baby, I’ll be out in a minute yeah’

‘Okay’ you told him before leaving and getting ready for bed but you couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off of your face.

When Mason eventually joined you, you could tell he was looking at you in amusement. Clearly unsure as to why you were grinning like you’d just won the lottery and when you both climbed into bed he pulled you into his lap so your legs were laid across his thighs with his arms around you and your heart thumped at how he looked down at you.

‘What you smiling at, pretty girl?’

‘You gave me the code to your phone’ you whispered, smiling even wider like a cat that got the cream as he looked down at you and soon enough his face mirrored yours. ‘No ones ever given me the code to their phone before’

‘Well I’ve got nothing to hide’ he told you sinserly, ‘And you can use it or look on there whenever you want to, yeah? I’ll be honest it’s a bit boring but you’ve got free reign’

‘Is it just you and Woody sending each other heart eyes all the time?’ You teased and thankfully he laughed as he ticked your sides.

‘You’ve caught me’ he laughed, dropping a heavy kiss on your lips before pulling back to look at you seriously. ‘You can trust me, you know that right?’

‘I know’ you nodded, and you really thought you could.

The fact he’d given you the code made you not want to bother looking. You knew he had nothing to hide and he’d given you no reason to think anything different was going on until one night after work around a week later you were staying with him again. Mason was taking a call on his work phone in the conservatory when his personal one began to ring beside you and when you looked down at the screen your skin prickled uncomfortably.

Robin? Why was she calling? And why was she still saved in his phone with a heart next to her name and a photo of them all over each other? you wondered. Letting it ring until the call ended before a few texts poured in and your curiosity got the better of you. Punching in the code as quickly as you could with your heart pounding in your ears to try and see what she’d said.

He text her from his other phone? And he was meeting her tomorrow? Surely not this must be some sort of trick she’s playing but the heart by her name and the picture of the two of them making out was making your head spin and you didn’t know what to do.

Mason's voice was soon booming through the house, letting you know he was getting closer so you quickly locked his phone and put it back where it was just in time for him to end his call and take a seat next to you. You tried your best to act casual and like you hadn’t just uncovered his secret but you forgot he could read you like a book and gave you a confused look as soon as he saw you.

‘You alright, gorgeous?’ He asked, his voice full of concern as he wrapping his arm around you just like always but you hid yourself in his body and nodded your head.

‘I’m fine, just sleepy’ you told him, not wanting to say anything and call him out of it really was nothing but you couldn't lie and pretend you hadn’t seen what you had so when he offered you an early night you took it. Noticing how he was reading over messages on his personal phone when you slipped into bed but his brows were drawn and his face fallen as he typed out his replies.

‘You still have that meeting tomorrow after work?’ He asked as he got settled behind you. His arm laying loosely around your tummy as he spoke into your shoulder and you could only muster a nod. Not trusting your voice in case it broke but he seemed happy enough with your reply. ‘Okay, well I’ve got dinner with Rasmus tomorrow night so I might not see you’ he told you and you wondered if this was just a lie so he could go and see Robin. If it was a lie he was horribly good at it.

He was asleep soon after you said goodnight, however you laid there awake for hours. Worrying about what tonight might hold and if he was seeing her again behind your back. You knew you should have said something but in a weird way you wanted him to do it. At least then you’d have the evidence and when you didn’t hear from him for a few hours at around 5pm the next day you could only think of the worst possible scenario.

Much to your delight your meeting was cancelled and rather than go to Masons flat like you were planning on to surprise him you just went home. Wanting to be in your own bed and you laid there with the hump. Wondering what he was doing now or who he was with but after a quick look on Twitter there was a photo of Mason and Rasmus with a fan from half an hour ago and you felt even more confused.

You knew he’d sent you a few texts to see how you were and where you were but you’d left them all unanswered. Not really knowing what to say and if you wanted to see him but at around 9pm you heard the door open downstairs and you know it was him. Making use of the key you’d given him two weeks ago even though you now spent most of your time at his.

‘You here sweetheart?’ He called, hearing him walk around downstairs but you didn’t reply, laying on your side away from the door as you pretended to be asleep just in case he came upstairs and soon after you heard him jogging up the steps and your door opening.

‘Baby? Baby are you- oh shit’ he whispered, his voice getting quiet when he realised you were asleep before you heard him go across the hall to the bathroom. You wondered if he was getting himself ready to come and join you and shit all you wanted was the feeling of his arms around you to make you feel better you could also feel your heart shattering in your chest.

When he eventually came back you knew you were tense so you tried to relax but you could hear him undressing behind you before he slid behind you and his first touch made you jump.

‘It’s okay, it’s only me’ he laughed but when you tried to curl into yourself more so you could hide from him, his tone shifted instantly. ‘Baby? What’s happened? What’s wrong?’ He asked, trying to tighten his grip on you as you pulled away but you couldn’t fight him off. In the end you just face planted the pillows so he couldn’t look at you as the first sobs fell from your lips. ‘Hey come on, just tell me’

‘I feel like an idiot’ you told him, giving up slightly and letting him turn you but you sat up so you didn’t have to lie down with him.

‘Why baby? What's happened?’

‘Where have you been?’ You hiccuped, finally looking over to see him and watching his face drop ever so slightly ‘Just tell me, don’t treat me like I’m stupid. Were you really just with Rasmus all night? ’

‘Baby, I don’t know what you think is going on-‘

‘I know you went to see her, or you’re planning on it at least’ you confessed and it’s like you watched his heart break right in front of you. ‘How could you, after everything?’

‘Look at me, please baby let me explain’ he whispered. Gripping your jaw gently to tilt your face up and in the end you caved and looked at him. This was the explanation you wanted so you might as well hear him out. ‘She’s moving out of the house. You know I said she could stay while she looked for something else? Well she’s going now and I had to meet her so she could sign everything over to me’

‘What?’

‘Yeah, there was some stuff in her name and we said we’d sort it when the time came. I just didn’t want you worrying or panicking so I didn’t say anything but now I realise that was stupid of me cause it’s made it all worse’

‘Oh’ you breathed, the tension lifting off you immediately but you could feel your tears coming thick and fast as you realised everything was fine.

‘I know I’ve still got a lot to prove, but you know I’d never-‘

‘I’m so sorry’ you sobbed, head falling into his chest as he took you in his arms but he just held you and let you cry. Knowing you probably needed to get your emotions out. ‘She called you and I went through your phone. I’m so sorry I know you said it was fine but I get if you want to change the code now’

‘Not at all’ he whispered into your hair before he gripped you tighter. ‘I told you I’ve got nothing to hide and you can look where you want’ he whispered. ‘But baby if you see something or are worried about anything then please talk to me okay? Cause I can assure you it’ll be nothing’

‘I feel like an idiot. I just panicked’

‘I know gorgeous, it’s okay’ he told you but you didn’t feel like it was. You felt like you’d royally messed up even if he was looking at you like everything would be okay.

‘Please don’t be mad at me’ you whispered. Your lip wobbling as you thought you’d ruined everything but he just smiled at you and held your jaw so you had to look at him and you felt your heart rate slow down as he softly stroked your cheek.

‘Hey no, no I would never’ he told you softly. ‘I’m more mad at myself for just not being honest and getting you in a state. I thought i was doing the right thing’

‘I just didn’t want you to think I was insecure but maybe I am’ you shrugged sadly and you could see how much it hurt him to hear you say that as he knew his actions were the cause of it. ‘Its okay, Mase. It’ll just have to be something we work on together’ you told him. Resting your hands on his shoulders so you could stroke his neck as you knew it calmed him but he still looked heartbroken at your confession.

‘I hate that I’ve made you feel like this’

‘Masey it’s okay, it’s just something we’ll have to work on together okay?’ You smiled at him. ‘It's just a blip but we’ll get through it. We always do’

‘I promised myself I’d never make you cry because of me again’ he gulped and your heart broke before you pulled him into your arms. The both of you sad but latching onto the other for comfort and the feeling of him breathing you in made you relax.

‘Let’s just use it as a learning curve, yeah? We just need to communicate more and we’ll be fine’ you told him. Your fingers getting lost in his hair so you could massage his scalp and when he nodded into your neck you knew you’d both be fine. ‘I love you so much, Mason’

‘I love you, too’ he told you. Pulling back just enough for him to kiss you tenderly and when you suggested getting comfy to sleep he let you lay down before resting his head on your chest. ‘We’ll be okay’

‘Of course we will be, we always are’

You were on the phone to Mason on your lunch break two days later when you bought up dinner with a friend but much to your dismay he couldn’t go with you.

‘I might not be able to make it baby, I’ve gotta get stuff boxed up and moved back into the house’ he explained and a feeling you couldn’t describe swirled in your tummy.

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah she’s moving out on Wednesday so I can move back in finally’ he told you and you could hear the excitement in his voice already.

‘Oh wow that’s quick’ you told him, thankful he couldn’t see your face as you weren't exactly sure what expression you had on right now. Still processing that you’d have to take on this whole new part of his life when you were so comfortable in the current version.

‘Yeah I thought Thursday maybe we could go there? Stay the night like get settled and get you used to it there. What do you think?’ He asked and you didn’t know why but the idea filled you with dread. You knew the plan was always to move back in once she was out as that was Mason's home but now the time was here you weren’t sure how you felt about moving into somewhere that was so full of her.

You brushed it off though, trying to be positive about the situation, telling him it was a great idea and it was fine until he was pulling onto the drive and you felt awkward immediately.

If you thought his flat was nice then this was a whole different game. You’d never seen a house like this before and even the driveway felt bigger than your whole flat.

Even from the outside you could get a feel for how nice it would be inside. The size and scale was overwhelming and you knew it was well taken care of as all the plants and lawns on the outside were in perfect condition but you had a sneaky suspicion none of that was down to Mason.

He was dying to get inside though and as soon as the car was off he was jumping out. Looking up in what only can be described as pride at his home before he was searching for you and holding out his hand for you to take.

‘What do you think?’

‘Its huge’ you whispered and when he wiggled his eyebrows at you suggestively you rolled your eyes at him with a smile.

‘Come on, let’s go in’ he laughed but you felt yourself stuck to the floor until he was pulling you forward. ‘You want the tour?’

‘Okay’ you nodded, trying to send him a smile but it felt forced and he could see you were nervous so he kissed the back of your hand before walking you inside.

It was huge, five times the size of his flat and you knew you’d get lost in there eventually. But it wasn’t just the size of it that was throwing you off, it was all of Mason's memories that were attached to it.

It was homely in a way that Mason's flat wasn’t. There you could tell it was made for a man to live in whilst this place had a woman’s touch all over it. The empty picture frames a reminder of maybe what used to fill them and the bunch of flowers in the hall made your tummy squeeze.

She was everywhere you looked, from her water bottle that was conveniently left in the kitchen to some of her skincare in the bathroom. You didn’t feel safe from her anywhere and the longer you walked around the worse you felt.

It was like taking a tour of his old life, the one you both wanted to forget, but Mason seemed to be in his element. Walking around and finding things he thought he’d lost and telling you silly stories from moments when he lived there but thankfully they only involved him or Woody.

You couldn’t deny the house was beautiful, loads of bedrooms so all his family could come and stay and a cute cinema room with massive cushions and a big fluffy blanket but the smell of what you could only presume was Robin’s perfume was lingering and you felt your eyes sting. You wanted to be as excited as he was but you just couldn’t.

After the grand tour he went and grabbed your bags from the car. You ordered food in the end, sitting on the sofa as he told you about all the changes he wanted to make that he was never allowed to and you began to relax as thoughts of her left your mind. Hoping you could maybe one day erase every part of her and not think about her being there in every corner of the room you looked.

You could feel yourself relaxing as the night went on but you knew what time it would be soon and your heart was racing but not in the usual way Mason made it.

‘You wanna head up to bed, love?’ He asked, kissing your cheek softly as he stroked your arm but you didn’t reply. This was the part you’d been dreading but when he pulled you up you went with him, following him up the stairs and into the bedroom and once you were in you froze.

Everything was wrong. The smell in the air did nothing but remind you that this used to be their shared room and it was clear that she’d been living here for a while. Thankfully the sheets looked fresh but you still felt uncomfortable about it so you took your time in the bathroom getting ready for bed but the empty products of hers in the bin made your eyes sting.

Once you were ready and couldn’t waste any more time away from him you joined him back in his bedroom. Watching him undress down to his boxers and jump right in, clearly wanting to get comfortable as quickly as he could so you could cuddle like you’d promised him all day but you were frozen to the spot.

That was their bed and this was their room.

He’d picked his usual side, was that always his side? The thought of you getting in next to him was too much for you and you just wanted the ground to swallow you up completely.

‘Baby? Is everything okay?’ Mason asked. His voice soft as tilted his head to look at you, but you kept your eyes on your hands as you played with your fingers.

What were you supposed to say?

In the end you heard him move, climbing out from under the covers so he could make his way to the end of the bed and sit on the edge. Beckoning you over to him again but this time you went to him. Letting him sit you on his lap as he kissed your temple and you felt a shiver roll through you.

‘You don’t wanna sleep in here, do you?’ He asked quietly, gently tilting your face up so you’d look at him and the understanding look on his face made your heart break.

‘Sorry’ you sniffed, trying to keep your bottom lip from wobbling ‘I just-‘

You were cut off by the feeling of him sweeping you up in his arms and walking towards the door. A slight giggle coming from your lips that he laughed at before he walked you down the hall and into one of the spare rooms that you’d been in earlier so he could pop you on the floor gently. Wrapping his arms around your waist slowly and only then did you look at him properly, a soft look on his face and you knew you had to explain yourself a little bit.

‘I don’t know how to say this without it sounding awful but I’m struggling being here a bit’ you confessed and a sad but knowing look crossed his face. ‘I know she’s gone but she’s everywhere I look, it’s like one in one out’ you joked but you knew your comment had hit him hard.

‘I don’t mean for you to feel like that at all, baby’ he whispered before kissing along your hairline softly.

‘Do you want me to take us back to the flat? I don’t mind’

‘No it’s okay, I’ll be fine here’

‘She’s never slept in here i promise. This was my room for a bit when we first started arguing, before I got the flat. It's also Summers room when she stays’ he told you and you felt a lot better about being in there.

‘Let’s sleep here then. Make some new memories’ you smiled at him and you could see his shoulders relax now he knew you were happier in here.

‘I love you so much, you know that right?’ He whispered, trying to reassure you as best as he could but you felt a lot better already knowing that he understood.

‘I know’ you smiled, watching his face relax ever so slightly. ‘And I love you just as much’

You didn't see Mason for a few days as you were both busy with work but when you had some time Mason invited you over to the flat. You wondered if he’d ask you over to the house but you couldn’t say you weren’t relieved to turn the key in the lock and find him cooking for the pair of you in the kitchen.

Once you’d both eaten you let him find a movie for the pair of you as you went to the loo but as soon as you returned you could hear him finishing up a call and he gave you a sly wink as you sat yourself down next to him.

‘Who was that?’

‘Estate agents. They’re gonna come take pictures of the house tomorrow’ he told you nonchalantly but you weren’t about to let him say that without an explanation.

‘What, why?’

‘Cause I’m selling it’ he smiled and you knew your face was one of shock.

‘What? Mase no I didn’t mean-‘

‘No no, you were right’ he reassured you. Wrapping his arm around you and pulling you further into his side. ‘That house is too full of memories i’d really rather forget so I’m getting rid and we can start fresh yeah?’

‘Mason…’ you whispered, not believing what you were hearing but he was just smiling his usual goofy smile and you knew you’d be okay.

‘I’m gonna start looking for some new places but why don’t you have a look too? We can go and view them together but there’s no rush cause we’ve got here in the meantime, but this next place I want it to be ours okay? So think about what you want and don’t want’

‘Are you sure?’ You giggled. The prospect of living together officially hadn’t really crossed your mind yet even though you spent every night together and the thought of looking for a home together thrilled you.

‘C’mere’ he whispered, pulling you further into his lap and all you wanted was to kiss him. ‘What did I say on our first date, huh? I’m in this for the long haul, remember. I know it’s a big step and we can wait until you’re ready but we spend all our time with each other that we can anyway and it can only be better once we’re finally together under the same roof’

‘I can’t believe we’ve made it to this point’ you laughed, trying to keep your tears at bay as you seemed to cry at the drop of a hat these days and you wanted to keep yourself in check but Mason's cheeky smile was helping and you knew he was about to make a stupid joke. That’s why you loved him though.

‘We’ve come a long way, huh? And I can’t tell you how excited I am to be so far away from any neighbours’

‘Your neighbours aren’t bad here’

‘Yeah but now I’ll get to fuck you without everyone hearing’ he whispered against your cheek and a loud laugh fell from your lips.

‘Masonnn’ you groaned, trying to act like you were annoyed with his dirty words but you couldn’t ignore the way your tummy flipped at the thought of being able to fully let go with him and try new things. You’d always tried to be quiet here as you knew the walls weren’t exactly thick and as you tried to hide in his neck he just held you tighter to him.

‘Sorry baby’ he laughed, pulling away so you couldn’t hide your face and when you looked up at him he kissed you deeply before chucking. ‘Do you wanna go and have really quiet sex?’

You didn't say a word, just giggled onto his lips before pulling away and leading him into the bedroom so you could take care of him just how he’d liked it as since you’d bitten the bullet and asked what he liked, you had discovered a new found love for pleasing him.

He still fought you on it, letting you know he wanted to make it all about you but every so often he let you have your way and tonight was about to be one of those nights whether he liked it or not.

You knew he loved it though and when you were both knackered and spent you laid facing each other in bed as he held you to his body. Both sharing a pillow as your noses just about touched and the way he was looking at you like you hung the moon was making you blush.

‘I love the way you love me’ he whispered suddenly, feeling his thumb brush along your jaw as his nose bumped yours lightly. ‘I hope I can make you feel how you make me feel’

‘How do I make you feel?’ You asked, your voice just loud enough for him to hear and even in the dark you could see his eyes twinkling. Wanting to spill the contents of his brain and heart to you as he was feeling everything for you right now and all you wanted was to let him know you felt exactly the same.

‘Safe. And understood. Like loving me is easy’ he confessed, your heart breaking at the way he didn’t believe he was good enough and you quickly pressed a kiss to his cheek in hopes it would make him feel even a tiny bit better.

‘That’s cause it is easy’ you told him, feeling him relax as he let out a breath he’d clearly been holding for far too long and when you heard him sniff you knew he was getting a little emotional. ‘Why do you think I fell for you in the first place, huh? Loving you is like breathing to me. I don’t even have to think about it, it just happens and I fall more and more for you every second I’m with you’

‘I don’t deserve you’

‘Yes you do. You deserve to be loved just like everyone else is’ you told him and you almost smiled at how emotional the pair of you had become. ‘I know you've never had someone prove that to you but you do Masey. You’re the kindest and most gentle man I’ve ever met, you make me laugh more than anyone else ever has or ever will do. You’re my world, and my life is so much better with you in it Mase. I love you so so much’

‘I love you too’ he whispered. His voice thick as he tried to hide in your neck so you turned onto your back a little and let him rest his head on your chest. Your words had hit him luck a truck and he swore he’d never been so in love with anyone or could ever be again. You flipped his world upside down in the best way possible and he couldn’t help but spill his guts to you. ‘I never thought I’d feel like this about someone, I know it’s early but I’m gonna marry you one day’

‘Oh yeah?’ You laughed, scratching his head gently whilst trying to make out that you weren’t as affected by his words as you were but you knew your heart was thumping right under his ear.

‘Oh yeah, get the proposal in my head already’ he joked as he squeezed you a little tighter. ‘I just don’t ever want us to end, you know? You're my home and I’ve never had that before. We’re twin flames, remember?’

‘I remember’ you whispered, kissing his head gently before he was looking up at you in awe again.

'Can I tell you something silly?' he asked, his voice quiet in the silent room but you heard him loud and clear and wanted him to know he could tell you anything.

'Of course you can'

'Sometimes when I think about you I feel so full of love I just wanna burst like I can't contain it' he laughed and you squeezed him tightly to your body thinking he was the most adorable thing before he looked away again out of shyness. 'I can feel it right now like I don't know what to do with myself'

'Look at me you laughed, wanting to see his face again as you spoke and when his gentle eyes landed on yours you let your mouth run away with you. 'I feel like that too, a lot actually. I know we didn't take the easy route, but I wouldn't change anything for a second okay? All of this shit we've gone through it's just made us stronger and you're worth every single tear I've ever cried so please don't ever say you don't deserve me cause I love you in ways I can't even love myself' you confessed. Watching his eyes glaze over and you told him everything he’d ever wanted to hear but little did he know you weren’t done yet.

‘At the end of the day, it’s all about finding your person and you, Mason, you are my person. The person I want to spend the rest of my days laughing with, crying with. The one who I want to come home to and fall asleep next to every single day and I hope you don’t ever forget that’

‘Your my person too’ he whispered, overwhelmed by everything you’d said and you knew you had to break the ice a little bit.

‘I better be’ you winked but he just rolled his eyes as he sat up slightly so he could hover over you.

‘Can I take that as a yes then?’ He smiled, referring to him mentioning that he wanted to marry you earlier but even though you knew what the answer would be already you didn’t want to inflate his ego at all and you knew he already knew the answer.

‘You’re too much’ you laughed, pulling him back down next to you so you could hold each other again but as he got settled back next to you on the pillow you knew deep down he’d never be too much for you.

Thank you so much for making it this far and finishing. I really do appreciate it and I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Od love to hear what you thought so please do let me know as it would make my day 🩷 love you guys xxx

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strangersteddierthings · 1 year ago

Text

Childhood friends AU Idea

Steve and Eddie are best friends who make plans to learn the elvish alphabet from The Hobbit so that they can pass notes without worrying about other people reading them.

The end of the school year (Eddie in 6th, Steve in 5th) brings a sadness to the two. Eddie's going to middle school and Steve's not yet, but they can hang out on weekends, and they have all summer so no worries. (Also, it gives Steve a little more time to learn elvish, since it'll be a whole year until they're in the same school again.)

Except yes worries because two weeks into summer, Eddie vanishes. When Steve bikes to his house to investigate, the whole house is empty. Packed up and gone. Steve goes to Wayne for answer and all he gets is a smile that doesn't really reassure and words of "his dad got a job opportunity, had to move on short notice. But don't worry, kiddo. I'll get you the number to their new place so you can call."

He learns elvish anyway. It's harder without Eddie to help but he's determined. Eddie might return, or maybe he'll get an address one day. Send a letter to Eddie in full Elvish.

Steve never gets a number or address. Summer ends and sixth grade comes. He doesn't want to forget all the elvish he's learned, just in case. So, he decides to keep a journal. He can write all about everything that's happening and when he sees Eddie, he can give it to him. It's a double win. Eddie will know everything he's missed out on AND it'll help Steve practice elvish.

Sixth grade ends. Eddie doesn't return. Steve did make friends with Carol Perkins though, so he's not as lonely. He hopes Eddie made a new friend, too. But not a new best friend. That's Steve's position, always.

Seventh grade brings Tommy Hagan, but still no Eddie. It brings a growth spurt and sports. Steve likes the easy camaraderie that comes with sports teams. It's like having a lot of friends, which Steve will only admit to needing in his journal. Needing many little connections of friendship to hold together the big hole Eddie left behind.

The summer between seventh and eighth grade brings him a Bruce Springsteen concert. He'd never thought of a boy kissing another boy until he'd witnessed it on stage but he thinks about it a lot after. The end of that summer brings an awaken he refuses to shy away from even if he has to hide it

Eighth grade brings popularity. Steve's good looking, rich, and liked among his peers. It brings the first (and last) time his dad says he's proud of him.

(Steve will spend the rest of his high school career chasing his father's approval.)

Freshman year brings Eddie back, but he's different. His hair is longer and his clothes are darker and he's distant. Defiant and angry. Steve would recognize him anywhere, dressed in anyway.

Eddie doesn't want his friendship anymore. Avoids him in the halls and cafeteria, but Steve is nothing if not persistent. He writes a full letter in elvish to slip into Eddie's locker, but Eddie catches him. Shoves the letter back, unopened, unread, with a harsh whispered, "Don't you get it Harrington? I don't want to be your friend. Fuck off."

Steve doesn't understand why. Not until the table top rants start. Conformity and jocks and brain-dead rich kids who get by on favoritism.

It hurts. Steve feels his heart break the day he finally gets the not-so-subtle messages drilled into his mind. Eddie hates sports, and rich people, and stupid people. Eddie hates all the things that Steve is.

Eddie hates him.

Sophomore year brings Steve a lot of things. It brings the acknowledgment that he was probably in love with Eddie, the way his heart twists the day he sees Eddie flirting with a girl in the hallway, the way he wants the lights out when hooking up with someone so he can imagine a different person pressed against him, the way he gravitates towards brunettes with brown eyes and the flickering hope it might make Eddie jealous. (The way he'd said the wrong name when Brent went down on him, too absorbed in the fantasy of someone else to get it right. Brent hadn't been offended by it, he'd been thinking of someone else, too. Steve finds solidarity for a little bit, until the school year ends and Brent leaves Hawkins.)

Junior year turns Steve's life upside down (pun intended) with monster's coming out of walls. There's probably a lot more he should write about but his journal's pretty empty this year. Too traumatized to document. (Too afraid of what Eddie would say because Steve still writes in his journal like he plans on sending it to Eddie one day. Better to write nothing than sound crazy.)

And halfway through his senior year (don't think about how he's in it with Eddie, about the 4 classes they share, about how Eddie still won't meet his eye) he wants to fade into the background. Nancy and he break up. She's with Jonathan and he hears the whispers of how pathetic he is to be eating lunch with his ex and the guy that 'stole' her. Steve knows that's a lie, Nancy made her choice, and no one can say otherwise, but it hurts to hear. He can't be bothered to try and make new friends. How would he explain the nightmares? The skittishness. The fear of the dark, of pumpkin patches, of his own damn pool now that he's had time to process last year?

Then, the next year brings him Robin. Well. First it brings him an embarrassing uniform and then Russian torture (don't think about it. Don't think about how he'll shorthand the stock list by writing it in Elvish sometimes. Don't think about how the Russian's almost believe they just work for Scoops until they find the stock list in his pocket. Don't think about how they don't believe that the strange script they can't identify isn't proof he's a spy), but in the end he gets Robin. A Platonic Soulmate who understands the hidden side of him. She asked if he was ever in love, and he thinks of the Eddie he used to know, longs to know again, and describes her instead. She rejects him in the softest way possible and then confesses about Tammy, and he confesses about Eddie in turn.

1986 brings Eddie back into his life in the worst way possible. With a bottle to his neck and them both acting like they've never spoken before. It brings twisting guts as Steve lies awake thinking about Eddie alone in a boathouse instead of sharing a bed with him like they used to in elementary school. It brings Steve leading them to Skull Rock (popularized as a make out spot but started as a set of boys' favorite place to play pirates during the summer). Dustin and Eddie make references Steve pretends to not know, despite his own copies of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and the numerous amounts of notebooks turned journals with elvish scrawled throughout.

There's a trek through the Upside Down. In another universe, Steve imagines he and Eddie talk. In this one, Robin sticks to his side like an extension of him (which she is), and glares at Eddie every time he looks in Steve's direction. Robin knows everything, knows it all, because there are no secrets between them.

They make plans to stop Vecna, once and for all, and Robin confesses she has a fear. That it won't turn out okay this time, but they have to try anyway. Steve clinks his bottle against hers and looks across the field to Eddie and Dustin. The stakes feel so much higher this time.

"I'm going to talk to Eddie if we survive. Make it right," he says.

"No. He's going to make it right because you didn't do anything wrong," Robin says, which is more support than he thought he'd get given the grudge she holds in his favor.

Eddie said make him pay and Steve does. Nancy advances, shotgun shot after shot and Steve's bounding down the stairs. Vecna beats him to the ground floor but not by much.

A hatchet's not the best tool to remove a head with but he manages. When he looks up, Nancy and Robin are looking down, both approving.

They find Dustin sobbing over Eddie and- and-

Steve's certain he's broken several of Eddie's ribs but he's breathing again, Nancy finds his pulse beneath all the blood, and Robin's retrieved the cut sheets to make bandages out of. Nothing is clean in this world, infection could kill him later, he might not save Eddie like he wants, but fucking Christ, at least if death claims him, it'll be on the right side of the world in a hospital.

Dustin, Robin, and Steve are at Eddie's side when Nancy leads Wayne into the room. They knew she went out looking for him (Steve was going to but Nancy had shoved him back in the chair with a look that left no room for argument) but even so they're startled by him.

Wayne has always been stoic and reserved, so it's no surprise to Steve when he just lets out a low whistle and says, "of all the people I might see here, you weren't one of 'em."

Steve swallows thickly and says, "well. I am. Here, I mean."

And Wayne gives him a watery smile and crosses the room. Pulls Steve into a hug that Steve thinks he probably wants to give to Eddie instead, but Eddie's not awake and standing and Steve is. But then Wayne says, "I told Eddie he couldn' chase ya away. That if he just talked to ya, you'd understand. He tried so hard to make ya hate him, and for what? For ya to be at his bedside anyway."

And Steve sobs. Loud and ugly and suddenly Dustin's there, and so are Robin and Nancy, and it's probably the most awkward hug for all the others but it's the best hug Steve's had in years. He doesn't even care that he's crying because how can he? Wayne's all but confirmed that Eddie doesn't hate him, maybe never hated him. That Eddie has an explanation, a reason for it all, and all he wants is Eddie to wake up and tell him.

Steve finally gets his apology two days after Eddie's release. It's the first time they've been alone together since- well, since elementary school. Wayne drove him here then lied about needing to check on something and said he'd be back in an hour or so before abandoned them to the awkward silence in Steve's living room.

"I'm sorry, Steve!" Eddie blurts out loudly, then looks startled by his own yelling.

"I know. I forgive you."

"You shouldn't."

"I know. Still do anyway. Would like to know what happened, though."

And Eddie tells him. How his father's debts came calling and they ran. How his mom got sick real fast, and his father's crime spree and prison sentence following her passing. How Eddie discovered the same thing about himself that Steve did but didn't have the same acceptance of himself. Hated that another thing marked him as Other. Freak.

He tells Steve how he couldn't let Steve back in because he was afraid of losing him again if he ever learned.

"I didn't think you'd be okay being friends with a faggot," Eddie spits the word out, dirty and mean and directed at himself.

Steve makes a decision then. "Follow me." And he helps Eddie up the stairs and into his room. Eddie sits on the bed and watches as Steve digs out notebook after notebook after notebook, until they're a tower on his bed. Then he topples them over in his search for the first.

Eddie takes the offered notebook with confusion on his face, looking from the cover, where 1978 is written on it. The summer Eddie vanished from Steve's life.

"Open it."

Eddie does and gasps. "Steve. Is this-"

"Every single one of these notebooks was written to you. For you. About you. I read The Hobbit for you. The Lord of the Rings. I learned elvish for you. I think I've been a little bit in love with you since the day we met on the playground on my second day of first grade."

"Steve," it comes out breathless and awed.

"Eddie," Steve repeats back to him, just as breathless as Eddie tosses the notebook aside and reaches for Steve instead. Hauls him in to kiss him senseless amongst the proof of Steve's devotion.

#steddie #fic #this was supposed to be a paragraph or two #why am i like this #steve has a complicated relationship with his parents #but they arent terrible #the picture descriptions have translation for the elvish if you wanna know what Steves been writing in his journals

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latin5mamii · 4 months ago

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Pretending - Jude Bellingham

Warnings: none, maybe a bit smut (?)

Summary: Why moving on needs to be so hard?

Author's note: i don't know about this...let me know if you like it! masterlist

Genre: reader x Ex!JudeBellingham (wordcount: 1425)

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

I could hardly believe my eyes.

Just when I thought I’d moved on, ready to start a new chapter and forget about him, there he was, looking like an angel descended to earth, a living Michelangelo masterpiece.

Was it the alcohol, or had he always been like this?

The sad truth was that I missed him more than I was willing to admit, and deep down, I hoped he missed me too.

When his eyes met mine, panic surged through me. I quickly turned away, pretending I hadn’t noticed him, as if that could somehow shield me from the storm of emotions brewing inside. I was terrified to face him, to meet his gaze, to exchange even a simple hello.

If I had truly moved on, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. No nervous fluttering in my stomach, no racing thoughts. But let’s be honest, this wasn’t just anyone. This was Jude Bellingham.

I could pretend I only noticed some of his teammates, but that would be a lie. He was surrounded by girls, their eager eyes betraying their desperation. Not that he paid them much attention, but they were ready to do anything to get close to him.

Before I met him, I had never been a jealous person, but what I loved most about him was his loyalty. Now, even though our relationship was over and I should have moved on, a pang hit my heart.

I had sworn to my friends that I wouldn’t fall for him again, no matter what. At the time, it seemed easy enough. I was confident, even defiant. But then I saw him, and all the walls I’d built crumbled in an instant. The progress I’d made was undone with a single glance.

“Show that you’ve moved on, you’re a fuckin’ independent girl.”

“He’s such a loser thinking he can get you back.”

What they didn’t know was that if I could, I would have jumped into his arms the moment I walked into the place. But I couldn’t. Maybe because my ego is as high as a mountain, and I’ve always followed this fundamental rule: Don’t go back to your exes.

Little did I know that soon this rule was going to be forgotten.

With my back still turned to him, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Before turning around, I tried to imagine who it could be. I hoped with all my heart that it was him, but all my hopes were shattered the moment I turned around.

There stood a man, visibly older than me, with a dazzling smile as he offered me his hand.

“Would you like to dance?”

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Jude has always been the jealous type, the kind of guy who feels the need to protect his territory. And I loved that protective side of him to death.

Ever since that guy asked me to dance, Jude hasn’t been able to take his eyes off me. I smiled slightly to myself because I knew the effect I had on him. I could see that irritated expression of his, the one that said, “I don’t like what I’m watching,” and butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the thought that maybe, just maybe, he still wanted me.

The guy had gone to get drinks, and while I was waiting, I heard a voice behind me, a voice too familiar to ignore.

“Were you trying to catch my attention? ‘Cause you did.”

My heart skipped a beat as I turned slowly, almost afraid of what I might find. There he was, closer than I expected, his eyes locked onto mine.

“I’m just trying to move on, like you should too,” I lied, my voice barely steady.

“Oh, sure you are,” Jude replied, his tone laced with sarcasm, but his eyes told a different story. They were searching mine, as if trying to find some truth behind my words.

“I saw how you were looking at me before, pretending not to notice,” he continued, stepping closer, my hands trembling harder than before.

“And I saw how you looked at me,” I shot back, my breath catching in my throat.

He smirked, the kind of smirk that made my knees weak. “So, what now? We keep pretending? Or are we going to talk about the fact that neither of us has moved on?”

I didn’t know what to say. I knew this night was going to be a long one.

His eyes and that little smirk. My heart was beating faster than it should have. Why was moving on so hard? My desire to jump into his arms was stronger than ever.

“Stop looking at me like that,” his voice pulled me back to reality. His gaze flickered away, a lazy smile tugging at his lips as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Like what?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. “Like you always did before.” He hesitated, then continued, “I miss you so fuckin’ much.”

His words hung in the air between us, the kind of tension that made it hard to breathe. “I miss you so fuckin’ much,” he repeated, his voice rough, as if the confession had taken everything out of him. His eyes, dark and intense, locked onto mine, searching for any hint of what I might be feeling.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but the words caught in my throat. It was impossible to think straight with him standing so close, looking at me like I was the only person in the room.

“Tell me you don’t miss me,” he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur, “and I’ll walk away right now. But if you do, even a little…” He trailed off, his gaze flickering down to my lips before meeting my eyes again. “Then let’s stop pretending.”

My heart pounded in my chest. I wanted to deny it, to tell him that I didn’t miss him, that I was perfectly fine on my own. But you know what the truth was.

“You’re making this really hard,” I finally managed to say, my voice shaky but laced with the frustration of someone who was desperately trying to hold it together.

He reached out, his fingers lightly tracing the curve of my jaw, sending a shiver down my spine. He closed the gap between us, his lips brushing against my ear as he spoke, each word sending butterflies to my stomach. "I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes. You can't hide from me, not now."

He pressed a soft kiss on my jaw, making me grip the bottom of his shirt. His hand then took my wrist, a grip much stronger and demanding. His fingers intertwined with mine.

I timidly sought his eyes, which immediately met my gaze.

“Am I going to regret this?” Words came out in a whisper. Enough to be heard but not enough to hide myself from him. I could never.

“Not if you want to.”

And there it was. In that moment, I was fucked.

I pulled him by his shirt to bring my lips closer to his, first just brushing against them, then Jude's hand slid around my hips, pulling me closer as his lips finally moved against mine with a fervor that took my breath away. I responded eagerly, wrapping my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss with a hunger that matched his own.

As his kisses traveled from my lips to my neck, the sensation of his warm breath and soft, tantalizing kisses made it hard to think. His lips brushed against my collarbone, moving lower, each kiss sending shivers down my spine, like always.

“I think we should take this to my place, yeah?”

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hyperions-light · 29 days ago

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A home in life, a berth in death, a house of many mansions: the Necropolis fucks

Before the game came out the Necropolis was one of the top five places I was hoping they would let us visit in Thedas and I'm so thrilled it did not disappoint! The architecture, the atmosphere is impeccable, the reactivity everywhere (cleansing the Vault of the Beloved, the secret room that appears, the skeleton workers that begin cleaning different areas as the game progresses), the detail in everything. Did you know that in the room where you get the codex entry about the flesh-eating beetles, you can look down and see them running across the floor? Love it!

But the environment itself is only an aspect of what makes the Necropolis so much fun; the insight we finally get into Nevarran culture is possibly the most important thing that comes out of it. The only Nevarran we've really met before was Cassie (love her, she was not very informative, though), so to actually get to meet people who serve as stewards to one of the most sacred cultural rites is incredible and exactly what I wanted from this game. I loved discovering their unique perspective on magic, and how they handle their Templar Order.

It's also a fascinating lore point to discover that Emmrich can speak to the dead; we've never actually encountered a REAL ghost in DA, I don't think. There have been things which appeared to be pieces of once-living people, but it could always be explained by 1) weird magic causing them to live past their normal lifespan 2) a spirit acting as a dead person. Emmrich makes a distinction between speaking with real dead people and imbuing a once-living body/articulated skeleton with a spirit. This is so cool and interesting! And they've been doing this consistently and regularly, to talk to the late King Markus! All the magic applications in this game make the South seem so boring lol (but that's for another post).

And I love that the Necropolis itself is considered alive by the Watchers! It moves and rearranges its own configuration in accordance with some sort of unknown will; is it partially built inside the Fade? Is it imbued with magical energies, like Arlathan was? How old is it? Is the reason it functions this way because it's so old that it predates the separation of the Fade from the material world, or is it just that the Veil is thin there? Are the Lichlords the ones directing the Necropolis? How? So many interesting implications and questions brought up by just the building itself!

I think my favorite thing about the Necropolis and the Watchers, though, is how they present death. Most of the cultures that we've encountered so far in Thedas view death as a universally negative thing, but the Nevarrans celebrate its place in the cycle of existence. In the gardens, which are such a beautiful, peaceful location, there's a puzzle you can do where you have to turn on a series of meditation bells in a specific order to get into a treasure room; when you put together the poetry accompanying each bell in the correctly, they describe (metaphorically) the movement of a person through life and into death. It's such a gorgeous little detail, and I love the way the Necropolis is designed to encourage the player to think about death (it also folds in so neatly to Emmrich's personal plotline!), especially since it is so integral to the game as a whole (yet another different post).

Visiting Blackthorne Manor and picking up mementos in the Necropolis shows that, this death positivity is, in fact, a pervasive cultural attitude. Nevarrans believe that they have a duty to each other that persists after they die; that the body can keep being useful; that the living should honor the dead. It's such an interesting perspective that was missing from the DA series; people die all the time, and, of course, it's intended to make the player sad, but DA has never seriously discussed death, its implications, what it truly means or how it affects those left behind. They've never really made you sit and look at it as the player. There are some sad lines after Leandra dies in DA2, but it's mostly in the narrative to give Hawke a reason to hate blood magic and stuff. There's no funeral. There's a few lines from Gamlen, Hawke, and your companions, and then the game moves on. It's always like that; the game gives you a moment to be sad, and then it moves on. There's no mourning. But this game is partially about mourning! It's about people being gone, and it being too late; it insists you look at death and deal with it, and the Necropolis is the epitome of this.

The game asks the question over and over what you think the characters should do in response to their own losses, and the Necropolis represents are really interesting, nuanced, answer to that question. They're not gone; they're right there. They're still with you. You can go and visit them and celebrate who they were in a place that honors and cares for them, still. It's so beautiful and interesting and full of love, for the living and the dead.

I didn't even talk about Emmrich's plotline or the class differences in the Necropolis, or how everyone there is a weird goth nerd and I love it so much, but I think that's really the important point: the symbiosis. The living; the dead; the spirits; the corporeal, all finding a way to be together.

#dragon age #datv spoilers #veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #veilguard spoilers #dragon age the veilguard #necropolis #nevarra #The Mourn Watch #datv #cw death #death #hmm this post is a bit messy because it's not exaaactly an essay?#there's a lot of stuff I like about the Necropolis!#so it doesn't all drive towards a central point neatly. but I did want to draw attention to some of the little details I love anyway

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bonefall · 6 months ago

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What are your thoughts on Crowfeather's Trial? I already know how you feel about my other least favorite super editions so I'm curious about your opinions on this one lol

I think at best it's just okay. Like...it feels like they're going "see!! We're holding him accountable!!" But then they just kinda...dont?? Like I didn't feel any differently about Crowfeather by the end than I did when I started. There's parts I like about it but overall it just fell flat for me

Like how am I supposed to like this guy when he's just constantly a dick?? he can't stand Harespring for some reason, there's a moment where he's like "I wish my son was dead" and when Nightcloud goes missing he barely gives a damn and doesn't bother to even try and look for her

Anyways I'll forever be mad that they gave this guy a whole super edition and he'll probably have the most dramatic death ever while Leafpool suffered her entire life (and afterlife) and got killed off screen. Hoping he gets jumped by rats and dies from infection

I'm not a big fan of it. It's one of the better written SEs and has a clear goal in mind, but every time I have to encounter it, it feels like it's sidelining the characters who actually deserve to be explored in favor of Crowfeather Sadboy Whinging.

Breezepelt has 12 books detailing how being mistreated by Crowfeather is making him worse, and showing that social alienation is pushing him towards the Dark Forest. Nightcloud was demonized by the old team even though they wrote Crowfeather deflecting all the blame of Breeze's behavior onto her, giving the new team a great opportunity to correct the mistakes of the old writers... and they decided to focus on Crowfeather instead.

And, mind you, they conveniently leave out massive details about how BADLY Crowfeather was abusing his child.

There's this one part of the book where he learns that Breezepelt broke his leg as a kid and he feels like shit for not remembering it, and it's supposed to be a big moment where Crowfeather realizes he was apathetic and careless. But he WASN'T just apathetic and careless. We see him TEACHING his child xenophobia in order to mock and offend Leafpool, smacking Breezepaw around for being 'rude' (the way Crowf always is), and screeching at him for having basic needs like hunger or rest.

Crowfeather WASN'T just a sad, sad boy who didn't pay attention to his kid because he was too busy pining over Dead Wife. What he did to Breezepelt wasn't just neglect; it was physical and emotional abuse.

The book DOES ultimately hold him responsible for how Breezepelt turned out, yes. But it doesn't properly focus on WHAT made Breeze come out the way he did. It wasn't genes, it wasn't Daddy Not Smile At Me. I can only assume the reason why they didn't address how ghoulish Crowfeather actually was is because they knew that being honest and direct about him abusing his child would make him unsympathetic.

Which is a problem, because, y'know, you can just make it Breezepelt's Trial and NOT have to thread that needle??

And furthermore... the book is trying to show Crowfeather addressing that he's kind of an asshole and moving on from it, earning deputyship as a reward for his growth, but what the book really demonstrates to me is that Crowfeather is a dickhead who actually shouldn't have ANY power at all. I don't understand why people would trust him or want him as their leader. I don't see any reason to think that he would be responsible with the lives of an entire Clan of people.

Before I hear clown shoes; if you think that means I "just don't like" that he would be an ""interesting leader,"" pile yourself back into the car with your 30 other jesters and drive away. I mean that it feels completely wrong that any character in-universe would look at the person who exists in Crowfeather's Trial, and say, "this is a person who would help me effectively rule."

What he does, all-book-long, is show that he's an emotionally unstable loose canon borderline incapable of self-reflection. Other characters have to directly tell him "you should try being less of an asshole" and "maybe be nice to your family sometimes?" while he comes up with bullshit reasons to seethe at every character who wanders into his line of sight.

I massively resent the fact that even Leafpool has to mommy his baby ass towards the end of the book. After he spends a good part of Po3 and OotS finding roundabout ways to snipe at her for not giving him exactly what he wanted. It falls on HER to be the one he can ask for advice on how to fix the family he treated like shit his whole life.

no that's not hyperbole she literally. textually. is compared to his mother.

and he can't even be gracious about it, he's instantly all huffy and offended, completely proving her point. Why the hell would anyone make this guy a deputy? The man needs TWO motherly figures giving him the exact same basic advice and a dedicated super edition before he adjusts his behavior even slightly.

(watch him get Boring Leader Syndrome the minute he inevitably becomes Crowstar, too)

Sooo, in a nutshell;

It's one of the better SEs. unfortunately.

Crowfeather is held accountable for being the problem in his own relationships, thank god

but it doesn't fully hold the actions we SAW in the main series books accountable, seemingly purposefully leaving out the worst things he did.

Another WC book where a male character gets an insane amount of sympathy and rewarding that female characters are NEVER deigned deserving of.

Should have been Breezepelt's story. I strongly dislike how Breeze's "redemption" was based on his shitty dad saying sorry. He deserved an actual character arc struggling with ever trusting WindClan again after they took his dad's judgement about him at face value.

Absolutely awful that Leafpool is killed between books and given a trial where they consider sending her to hell when they finally DO get around to showing how she died, while Crowfeather gets an SE about the whole world holding his hand so he can fix the family he broke in 5 easy steps.

Its biggest problem is that it is about a character whose actions you can go and read about. It doesn't deliver on the setup of 12 books of Crowfeather being an absolute git; it's a good story for the version of Crowfeather the new team seems to have created in their heads.

Doesn't stop me from manifesting him getting an infection and having a Sandstorm-tier disrespectful death in the upcoming series, lmao.

#warrior cats analysis

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starstruckmiraclekitty · 2 years ago

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a moment of sadness and sweetness in one bottle. What to do if there was a quarrel between the characters and Y / N on stupid grounds, for example, they misunderstood each other, or maybe someone didn’t buy something that he had been asked for a long time in the store, or said something unpleasant, although it might not even be addressed to the second. Someone will be very offended, and the second will try to correct the current situation. In general, everyday moments, with an exceptionally good ending!

Yess! Happy to do this one, love me a bit of angst/fluff🙃 thanks for the request! Hope this was okay for you!

141 + König Having A Small "Fight" With GN! Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, crying, bickering, mentions of depression and self conciousness ‐‐ends in fluff!!

Simon Ghost Riley-

Simon was in a dreadful mood. He and the team had just gotten home from a mission that didn't go well for any of them. He wanted nothing more than peace and quiet and to lay in bed for the remainder of the day.

He walked into your shared some and was immediately hit with the smell of his favorite food cooking in the kitchen, and gave a heavy sigh. He tried to muster a decent enough mood for you, as it was clear you were just trying to make him feel better.

He walked in and found you dancing around the kitchen, putting the final touches on dinner. "I'm home, Y/N."

You turned to him with a bright smile. "Hey! Dinner is almost ready. I'm not sure if you were hungry or not."

You walked over to him and embraced hom tightly. Simon stood stiff, not returning the sentiment, causing you to pull away immediately.

"If it's alright, I'll eat it in the bedroom." Simon said, his eyes leaving yours to look at the floor.

"Oh, that's fine." Your smile fell ever so slightly. "Is there anything else I can do to help?"

"No. I just want to be alone." He mumbled, tapping his fingers on the table.

You nodded meekly and went to prep his plate, handing it to him nervously. "I hope you like, I spent all afternoon prepping it."

"I'm sure it's fine, Y/N. It's just food. Can I go now?" Simon instantly regretted the tone of his voice but couldn't bring himself to reflect on it. He had too much swirling on his mind already.

You swallowed thickly and nodded at him, watching him make his way to your shared room, slamming the door behind him.

You knew when getting into a relationship with him that there would be days like this. He went through so much in his personal life, and his job was far from easy. He'd been gone for nearly 3 months, and you missed him terribly, wanting nothing more than to embrace your boyfriend when he got home.

He told you it was a rough mission, so you thought surprising him with his favorite home cooked meal might help him decompress. You'd had the whole night planned out to take care of him, and now here you were eating alone.

You felt tears fall down your cheeks and stared at your food, your appetite now gone.

Later that night, as you were unsure if you could approach him, you'd decided to sleep on the couch.

Simon had come out a few hours after you'd fallen asleep, wondering why you hadn't come to bed, and his heart shattered when he saw you.

He walked over to your sleeping form and crouched down beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Y/N, sweetheart."

Your eyes blinked open and looked up at him. Even in the dark Simon could tell you had been crying, and he felt horrible. "Simon?"

"Come to bed, love."

You shook your head, a sad smile forming on your lips. "It's okay. You wanted to be alone."

Simon placed his hands on either side of your face gently. "Just for a little while was all. I didn't want to take my shitty mood out on you. I should've gone about it a different way, though. The food was incredible, I'm sorry I made your hard work seem like it wasn't worth it."

You nodded slowly and moved to sit up. "Im sorry for my part. I knew you had a hard mission, and I let myself take it personally."

"Bugger off with that. C'mere." He pulled you into his arms, carrying you bridal style to your shared room. He laid you carefully on the bed, and slipped into the covers behind you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist.

"I love you, Y/N. Thank you for being you." He declared quietly as he pressed a kiss to your hair. "I don't know what I'd do without you in this world."

König-

"Maus, are you almost ready to go? Our reservation is in 20 minutes!" You heard your boyfriend's voice call from outside your room.

"Y-Yeah. I'll be out in a minute." You replied, staring at your reflection in your mirror. You'd spent the last 30 minutes applying makeup and weren't happy with the end result. You kept reapplying various products, and nothing seemed to be making it better.

König made his way into the room after a few moments to see what the holdup was. "You ready?"

"I'm just trying to make this look good. It's not looking the way I want it." You huffed in frustration.

"You spend so much time getting ready. It's not going to help your self esteem throwing all that stuff on your face, Maus."

"...what?" You turned to him, not knowing if you heard him correctly. He knew of your self-esteem issues, and you were surprised he threw it in your face.

"I said you don't need that crap on your face. It won't help you feel better." He said, his eyebrows bunching together in confusion. Was he saying something wrong? He truly felt you didn't need it.

You turned your head away from him as you felt hot tears beginning to fall down your cheeks. "Oh."

König heard your voice break and immediately panicked. "Maus, are you okay?"

You nodded your head and made your way to the bathroom, grabbing a makeup wipe. You began to aggressively wipe away the makeup on your face as your tears continued to fall.

König followed behind you silently, and his heart shattered upon seeing your tear stained reflection in the mirror. "Maus... tell me what's wrong."

You whipped your head in his direction, fully sobbing now. "I feel so ugly König. Makeup is the only thing that helps me with my self-esteem, and you...you made it seem like it was stupid."

König felt horrible. He truly didn't think much of his words. He thought you were truly beautiful inside and out and didn't need something as trivial as makeup. You were already so beautiful without it.

"Schatz, no, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant to say you don't need it. You're so pretty without it. I don't know why you don't see yourself the way that I do. You are so stunning, I wish you could see that. I promise you I did not mean to belittle how you felt, sweeheart." He slowly approached you and gently started to wipe away your tears. "I love you so much, please don't be upset."

You cried harder at his words, and König almost lost it himself. He was about to speak up himself when you threw your arms around his midsection and buried your face in his chest. "I'm sorry, Kö."

"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" He asked, bewildered.

"I just.. I feel like I'm not good-looking enough, so I turn to makeup." You mumbled in his chest.

He pulled your face away gently. "Y/N. Remember when we first started dating? I felt horrible about myself and my scars. It's one of the reasons I always wore my hood. Until you. You made me feel good and happy within my own skin. Please, love, let me help you."

You gave him a smile and pressed your lips to his. "I love you so much, Kö. Thank you."

König returned his arms around your waist giving you a tight hug. "I'm always here, Maus. And you are the most beautiful thing in the world to me."

Kyle Gaz Garrick-

You and Kyle were sitting on the couch as you played one of the video games he'd been addicted to lately. You wanted to show more interest in the games he liked, and were delighted when he gave you the controller.

You were coming up on a boss fight, and assured Kyle you were okay to win it. "I promise Ky, I got this."

"I'll lose all my items if you don't, it took me forever to get it. Please be careful." He said, watching you play with worry.

You nearly defeated the boss, when you all of a sudden forgot to duck and were struck with a killing blow.

"Ugh, I'm sorry, I almost had him." You chuckled, turning to see your boyfriend staring at you with an angry look on his face.

"Sorry? I've been at this for hours, and you just let my character get killed, I lost all of my items Y/N!" Kyle's voice rose, causing you to flinch slightly.

"I said I was sorry, I feel bad. I just wanted to try this game out since you love it so much. I didn't mean for this to happen." You mumbled quietly, shifting your eyes away from his.

"This is the last time I let you play any of my games. You ruin everything." He said through gritted teeth. "Now I've got to go back and fix all this no thanks to you."

Your bottom lip trembled slightly as you stood and ran to your bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind you. You honestly hadn't meant for it to happen. You were just trying to show interest in a game he loved.

It was about an hour later when Kyle came into your room, his heart hurting at the sound of your muffled sobs. "Babe?"

You didn't reply, as you kept your head buried in your pillows. He came over to you, and sat beside you on the bed, rubbing your back soothingly. "I'm sorry. I was an absolute ass. You were trying to show interest which I so appriciate, and I just threw it back in your face. I'm so, so sorry baby."

Kyle bent down and began to pepper light kisses all over your face, making you giggle. "What do you say we go and play Mario kart? I may even let you win a match."

"What? Ky you know I whoop your ass at that game." You giggled, wiping your tears away.

"That's a load of rubbish and you know it. Loser makes dessert?" He asked, a wide smile forming on his face.

"You're on, Garrick."

Johnny Soap MacTavish-

You'd just gotten home from a shopping trip on your own, and were unloading the bags in the kitchen when your boyfriend Johnny walked in.

"Hey babe, thanks for going." He pressed a kiss to your cheek as he started to help you unload the bags.

"Y/N, where's the hair razor?" Johnny asked, tearing through the shopping bags.

"Oh, crap I forgot it, I knew there was something I was missing. I'll get it next trip!"

"You forgot it? I've been asking you nonstop about it and put it on the list like you asked me to! I shouldn't have to wait until next trip!"

"Okay, okay, im sorry."

"You probably forgot because you were too busy wasting our money on shit we don't need, instead of focusing on the stuff we do."

You swallowed thickly, as his words hit you like a thousand bricks. "Okay."

Johnny threw his hands up in frustration and walked outside to the porch, slamming the door behind him.

You grabbed your keys on the table and made your way to your car.

"Where've you been? I came back inside, and you were gone and didn't pick up your cell."

"Went back to the store, here." You said, shoving the razor box into your boyfriend's hands. "Sorry again."

You threw your purse down onto the table and started to make your way to your room before a hand came out and grabbed your wrist. "Y/N, wait."

You turned around to him, your face showing no emotion. "What."

"I'm sorry, babe. I shouldn't have said that shit. I just got frustrated, but that's no excuse." He reached for both your arms and rubbed at them soothingly.

You sighed deeply and met his eyes. "I'm sorry too. It completely skipped my mind when I was there."

"Ah, it's fine. Honestly. I was just being a prick. I appreciate you going back to get it, I really do."

Johnny came up and gave you a bone crushing hug, spinning you around. "I love you, kid."

"I love you too, Johnny." You chuckled before your face fell. "I uh... forgot we needed batteries for your razor."

John Price-

John had been in his home office nearly all day on call after call. It was supposed to be his day off, but he hadn't left his room in hours. You were slightly worried about him, as he hadn't eaten all day so you decided to make a small snack for him and bring it into his office.

You walked in quietly, pointing to the plate of crackers and cheese as he looked at you pointedly. "Just bringing by a little snack."

"Yeah, yeah, love. I'll be out later." John waived his hand at you dismissively. You gave a small smile before making your way out of his room, closing the door behind you. You were just about to walk away when you heard something spoken, muffled by the door. "Just annoying, you know?"

You felt your heart drop upon hearing those words and walked to your bedroom, not wanting to hear another word. Did you really annoy him? You were just trying to make sure he ate he hadn't left the room in hours.

You laid down on your bed, and tears came to your eyes. You'd been feeling rather depressed lately, like you weren't good enough for him, and his words stabbed at your heart. It was impossible not to keep replaying them over and over in your head.

You'd ultimately decided to give him space for the remainder of the day, not wanting to burden him in any way.

"Hey, sorry I've not been able to get off that damn phone all day. Want to go grab a bite?" John's voice came from the doorway.

"No. I'm okay. Thanks, though." You replied, not turning to look at him.

"Oh? Are you sure? It's dinner time, and I figured you haven't eaten." He tried again, walking over to you, and stopped in his tracks when he saw the tear stains literring your cheeks. "Baby, what's wrong?"

You looked up at him, your bottom lip trembling. "Am I annoying?"

"Annoying?" John looked utterly perplexed at your question. "Not at all honey, why would you think that?"

"When... when I closed the door earlier, I heard my name through it...and afterward you said "just annoying"." You sniffled out, unable to meet his eyes.

John sat for a moment, replaying the conversation in his head before remembering. "Oh! God no baby, that wasn't about you. I was on with Kate, and she asked if I'd been able to spend time with you yet since I got home, and I told her I haven't, and it's annoying. I don't think you're annoying at all."

He pulled you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I'm so sorry you thought that."

You shook your head, a small laugh bubbling in your chest. "I shouldn't have even thought anything of it. I've just been down, lately, I suppose."

"Honey, you should've told me. I can't help you if I don't know what you're feeling." Price put his finger under your chin and lifted for you to look at him. "Why don't we go get some takeout and have a movie night in? How does that sound?"

You nodded your head and pressed your lips against his. "I love you John."

"I love you too, always."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: didn't go too angsty on this one lol. Thanks for reading!!

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hiraethwrote · 2 months ago

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VENT SESSION LETS GOOOO — you’re allowed to scroll if you don’t care mwah

i spend an ungodly amount of hours on this app, and i look at you as my friends so just want to let you guys know

i am also a very nosy person myself, so seems only fair i share my own situation. but if you don’t care about all this, you can just keep scrolling. i honestly don’t mind lol

anyways… a few weeks ago, i told you guys i was going through something that was kinda heavy — yeah my bf and i were going through some stuff and started seeing someone professionally… we broke up

there was an understanding that this might be outcome when we first opened up this can of worms, and there turned out to be a lot of underlying issues that both of us had refused to acknowledge

it was definitely a mutual decision. though it’s a hard pill to swallow, we came to the conclusion it was the best for the both of us

we want such vastly different things in life, things neither of us should compromise on. to me, life came at me a lot faster than i anticipated and felt like there were things left unexplored — and neither of us want to hold the other person back from what we want

however, this is a person i have been with for six years, a quarter of my life. there’s obviously a lot of shared history which is hard to let go of. it’s also so incredibly painful when we’re not splitting due to lack of affection and love for the other person, but because our desires and wants in life just don’t align

he is still my best friend, and because of how our life situation is, we will continue living together as we have been doing for the past three years (he only lives here half the time due to work), until i move across the country when summer comes. we’re also going to celebrate christmas together because it just feels right lol

i would say i am doing as well as i can… we are obviously on good terms, but this is probably one of the hardest things i’ll go through. it is the biggest heartbreak of my life. but that is really just a sign that the time we’ve shared together haven’t been a waste. we can be proud of the fact that we’ve been honest, faithful, respectful and kind throughout the entirety of our relationship, to the point where this is so hard even though it’s the right decision

obviously, i am very scared of the path that lies ahead. he has been by my side for the better half of a decade, and i have the privilege of exploring things on my own. it’s obviously what i have been missing in my life, so i am excited for what’s to come, but terrified of living a life he’s not going to be such a big part of anymore

but things are going to be fine. idk how long it will take, i am suspecting very long, but i know in my bones this is for the best for us both. so with time, i will be happy

and not to worry, i have a fantastic support system. i have incredible friends who are there for me. i am lucky to have a family who is not guilting me about leaving a long term relationship, despite also being sad. and i’ve learned i have a great community on here who has showed so much kindness, and i am so grateful <3

that being said — i am not planning on taking a break from tumblr lol. if anything, i am starting to get out of my writers block. this past week i have written more than i have the last month so that’s good! i think i might try and be a little more productive than i have been the past few weeks (at least i hope so, work is picking up again hehe)

not putting this out here for sympathy or anything, but just a little update. i am interested in the lives of those i follow, so maybe some of you are interested in mine

wishing everyone a nice weekend 🫶🏻 i got work in the morning (day after the breakup that’s fun)

#— yap central #tw vent #tw breakup #i am fine guys #all things considered

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xfancyuu · 2 years ago

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~ a different kind of spicy, cheongyang chilli pepper vibe. [rhaenyra targaryen] 18+ SMUT

happy pride! i hope my lgbt+ people are enjoying themselves this month, i know i am! alt title could be if you wanna know how i can show you right now, anyways stan ateez, stream the world ep 2 and fuck your gf. reader is afab with she/her pronouns. my requests are OPEN please send away! i'd assume this takes place somewhere during rhaenyra's marriage to laenor. [1,555 words]

i am in NO way responsible in your fanfic consumption MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!! i don't even know where to begin with the tags on this fic, lesbian sex, dom/sub dynamic, overstimulation, talks about wanting children, dirty talk, daemon reference and i think(?) it's positive. lmk if i missed any.

Spending your nights with Rhaenyra had given you solace you never knew you needed. From the feeling of her soft skin pressing against yours while the two of you slept, from the comforting presence she had provided you continuously. You knew your love for each other could never be shared publicly and it often times made you sad but when the two of you were together alone it made up for all the secrecy.

Nobody had bothered to question why you shared Rhaenyra's bed more than her own husband, but you were her lady in waiting, you were the person she was closest to and if Laenor was happy nobody could say anything against the arrangement.

It had been an unusually warm spring night, the sun had trouble setting at a decent time and you had almost stripped down to your undergarments in the garden. It was just too hot, you didn't know if being in Rhaenyra's presence made you feral or the heat was truly getting to you. So much so you had stripped yourself of all clothing while Rhaenyra waited in bed for you.

She, too, had chosen to sleep naked, claiming the heat was also too much to bare — you knew the truth, though. Rhaenyra had a dragon, the weather wasn't the cause of her nakedness.

Your night had been mostly uneventful, the two of you had laid in bed, Rhaenyra reading to you while your head was in her lap, the closeness you felt to her was much different than anything else you'd ever felt, the two of you often read in this position though you'd never felt the softness of her thighs in such a position before. You didn't know what possessed you to kiss the tops of her thighs but she never complained, her breathing getting heavier as you continued to do so, though you had promptly stopped when she had closed the book.

"We need to sleep, Y/N." Rhaenyra spoke, playing with your hair after placing the book on the bedside table.

"I think you may be right, Nyra." Came your response, your head moving from her lap and choosing to place a kiss on her lips, the kiss remained chase with Rhaenyra's hands placing themselves on your hips as to make sure you didn't lose balance.

She was the first one to pull away, and while it took you a second to compose yourself, you laid on the left side of the bed, choosing to forgo covering yourself, the heat was far too unbearable for you even with the moon blessing you with its presence.

Despite the heat it didn't stop you from cudding into Helaena, your head was placed on her chest and while she too complained about the heat, she didn't complain about your current position.

Your dream had been so vivid, choosing to show you images of yourself and Rhaenyra in various positions and committing various acts you doubt her real life counterpart would ever allow you to put her in.

Perhaps you could bring yourself to your peak rather quickly, the fear of waking Rhaenyra was within your mind but the way your fingers were playing with your bud felt too good, you wanted to prolong it. As long as you didn't stick your fingers within yourself, Rhaenyra had claimed your cunt as her own, not allowing even yourself to place your own fingers in there. She was possessive over you, wanting to give you as much pleasure as you could take and even more. You often left her room on a morning feeling as though you were on cloud nine though having to ignore the overstimulation, she did make it hard for you.

You were being loud, moaning, moving around the bed, trying to bed as quiet as you possibly could yet that didn't help you, Rhaenyra had woke up, not happy in the slightest. Disturbing her sleep was one thing but touching yourself had truly flipped something within her, she was on top of you within seconds, removing your hand away — almost instantly killing your impending orgasm.

"Who gave you permission to touch yourself?" It was rhetorical, Rhaneyra very rarely allowed you to answer back to her, "I swore you promised you were mine, body and soul, yet you think you have the right to touch your body?"

You didn't respond as Nyra had opened your legs further to gain access to your already wet cunt. You could tell she wasn't happy. She was the one who would do this to you, the one to turn you on and make sure you were satisfied.

"You've done this to yourself?" She asked, her fingers entering you without much resistance, the wetness you'd caused leaking out of yourself while her fingers continued to enter you.

"Only thought about you." You responded, legs opening wider, feeling her so deep within you almost had you reaching for your bud once more but stopped when you saw the look on Rhaenyra's face.

"Is that meant to make me feel better?" She asked, increasing the speed of her fingers,

"I only ever think about you" you reiterate, though the words had come out breathy, the feeling of Rhaenyra's fingers within you had started to build up your previously killed orgasm. Rhaenyra knew you were sensitive but she hadn't realised you were this sensitive, being able to cum in few seconds after she'd entered you.

"That's it baby, cum all over your queen's fingers, be a loyal subject, give me what I want." Her words had tipped you over the edge, the orgasm you so badly wanted had been given to you though Rhaenyra hadn't stopped her movements while your thighs shook and tried to close on her hand though with her own leg being between them it was almost impossible.

"Nyra, please." Your words were cut off by Rhaenyra kissing you, it wasn't soft nor chaste, it was with hunger and purpose, brutal even. She hadn't stopped, though her lips found their way to your neck, leaving marks as she went along.

"You want another one? So insatiable, you'd think i've left you untouched for months." Despite your begging she had chosen to interpret you wrong. Rhaenyra got like this sometimes, and most times it left you unable to walk or to fulfil your duties properly. "You can give me another one, can't you?"

"Want to, so badly." Telling Rhaenyra no would have been fruitless — you also enjoyed when she was like this, giving you everything you wanted and then more.

"Tell me what you want."

"Want you to stay inside me so badly, wish you had a cock so you could put a baby in me." You were babbling now, though it was true, you wanted to be filled with Rhaenya's heirs, to give her a life that was expected of her.

"We could make that happen, have you fuck Daemon so he can give you Targaryen babies."

"No, no, no, no, no," you repeated like a mantra as she continued her brutal pace within you, "only want you, I'm only yours."

Rhaenyra had taken your whining as a sign you needed more, her thumb had begun to play with your enlarged bud and it had made you cry out, moving your hips to meet her hand easier.

The two of you continued, Rhaenyra whispering filthy things in your ear, about how you were her perfect girl, about how she'd get Daemon to fuck you next, about how you'd be perfect with your and her child and it was enough to make you to come undone a second time. The intensity of this one hitting you harder than the last.

"I can't do another one Nyra." You choked out, wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her down to kiss you once more, this was sweeter than the last, portraying nothing but love and tenderness rather than the lust filled ones you'd shared before.

She pulled away, both from inside you and away from your kiss, making you pout. "I think I want to see you pregnant, you've seen me pregnant with three children yet here you are without a child."

"Jace, Luc and Joffrey are my children too." You insisted, "But if you want me to birth a child myself, you have to find the man and I won't fuck anyone without your permission, you can even tell me what to do." You joked, your own husband had not so tragically passed moons into your marriage. An old disgusting man who only wanted you for your body and the children you could have provided him with, ironically he lived as he died, fucking you from behind — you wouldn't admit it to anyone but the sight of him on the floor was hilarious. Despite this you'd played the mournful wife, crying at the correct things, wearing all black. Though nothing could stop you from entering Rhaenyra's chamber and truly letting the one you love have you.

"We should seek a man worthy to give us a child." You knew who Rhaenyra wanted, you yourself wouldn't be too opposed to him either, especially if Rhaenyra was there. "But right now, I'm not done with you just yet, you won't be leaving this bed for at least three days." your exhausted state couldn't wait, she made you tingle in all the right ways and you'd happily provide her with as many orgasms as you could provide, even if it destroyed you.

i hope you enjoyed this! i've never wrote nyra before and i'm obviously team green but i love her and i believe in gay rights/wrongs and she fits the bill. sorry if this is bad it's the first time i've written sapphic smut.

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anamericangirl · 3 months ago

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What’s a good reason to not take my own life? I’ve been feeling this way for years. Been to multiple treatment programs. Seen by several different therapists. Anti-depressants. I frequently go outdoors to exercise. Try to fill up my life with being optimistic about my (admittedly nice) job, hobbies, travel, and volunteering. And yet I’m still no better than I was 5 years ago and I have no hope about a happy future. “Your family will miss you.” Ok, and? I think it’s selfish to tell people in pain to continue living like that because some people might temporarily feel sad. They’ll eventually move on. My friends too, especially the ones who are happily married “to their best friends” and having babies and are so happy that they forget I exist.

Hey anon I hope I am not too late! I am just getting out of a hurricane and was without internet access for several days so i apologize for the delay.

But there are so many reasons not to take your own life. In fact, I can’t think of a single reason why you should.

I know it’s tough right now and trust me, I know that depression makes it all feel pointless and worthless and can plague you for years but even though if feels like forever I promise you these feelings and this depression and your circumstances are TEMPORARY. And it would be a tragedy for you to take your life over temporary circumstances and not see what is possible on the other side.

Yes your family and friends will miss you but you should stay because your life has purpose and meaning! Therapy and anti-depressants are good and I’m glad you’ve been trying those things because that means you don’t actually want to die - you just want the pain to stop. And that’s completely understandable and also manageable!

It’s great that you’ve been continuing to exercise and do volunteer work because those things can definitely impact your mood, but they aren’t the source of true joy, peace and happiness. Now I’m a Christian so I’m sure it won’t surprise you for me to say this, but what you are looking for and what you need can only come from God. I urge you to put your faith and trust in him and give him your burdens.

The devil has a hold on you right now, don’t let him win!

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” - Isaiah 41:10

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” - John 10:10

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” - psalm 55:22

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.” - psalm 34:18-19

But now that I’ve gone on my spiel, here are some reasons I think it’s good to keep living. Not all my original thoughts but ones i agree with.

1. You matter

2. No one else is you.

3. Your younger self

4. Your next favorite song.

5. Warm blankets.

6. Thunderstorms

7. The fact that you’re in control of your future.

8. Experiencing new cultures.

9. Making new friends.

10. Road trips.

11. Sunsets and sunrises.

12. Reading good books.

13. Learning a new language.

14. Adopting a pet.

15. Fresh baked bread and cookies.

16. Getting packages in the mail.

17. Autumn.

18. Pumpkin spice.

19. Drinking coffee in the morning.

20. Beaches and being able to sink your toes into the sand.

21. Stepping on crunchy leaves.

22. Recovery.

23. Falling in love.

24. Rain.

25. Petting puppies and kittens.

26. Drinking water.

27. Trying something new and loving it.

28. Your favorite artist putting out new music.

29. A new season on your favorite TV show.

30. Planting a garden and growing your own vegetables.

31. Farmers Markets.

32. Trying out the newest local coffee shop or restaurant.

33. Karaoke

34. All of the people you have yet to meet.

35. Horseback riding

36. Stars.

37. Ice cream.

38. Ice tea.

39. Scented candles.

40. Learning something new.

41. Museums.

42. Going to the movies.

43. Hearing your favorite song come on the radio.

44. Learning to make a new recipe.

45. Your life is precious.

46. You are enough.

47. Random acts of kindness.

48. God looked at the world and thought it needed you.

49. Your story could save someone else.

50. Looking back on this time in 10 years and realizing you made it.

There’s an endless amount of reasons to stay alive and I hope some of them resonate with you.

But if you are desperate please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline at 988. If you are outside the US then you can find the number for your location here.

Please know that I am praying for you and please reach out to me again if you want to. I would love to keep up with how you are doing 💜

#anon #answered

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arcadian-litterateur · 11 months ago

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sick of kissing you in my head (when can it be real instead?) | modern au!gally x fem!reader

𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

summary: your boyfriend, gally, is across the country, and despite the struggles a long distance relationship can bring, your love is strong enough to carry you through the long distance season of your relationship. but spending your birthday without him is different than spending normal days separated, and you know deep down that nothing will make you happy on your birthday when he’s all you need.

word count: 8k holy—i really didn’t even realize how long this was till i checked the wc omg

warnings: emotional meltdown, mention of anxiety and anxiety meds, brief mention of panic attacks

a/n: hey guys! i love love love the song this is based off of: all i need (the distance song) by avery lynch. it's such a good song. this was supposed to just be fluff about visiting your bf gally, and then it turned into a whole thing lol. so yeah, i hope you guys enjoy this long ass one shot. i really really enjoyed writing it.

“𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦. 𝘪𝘧 𝘪 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥. 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥.”

𝗥𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 onto my side, legs brushing against my sheets, I smile at the FaceTime call on my phone, but it's bittersweet. On the other end of the video call sits my boyfriend, the soft smile on his face mirroring my own. From where he sits, I can see the San Francisco skyline out his hotel window, highlighted by the rising sun.

“I miss you,” I mumble, studying the lines and contours of his face and wondering if they've changed since the last time I saw him in person. If I've missed any change; any detail while we've been separated. If anything has changed or tipped the balance since we've been apart.

I'm not insecure in my relationship with Gally, but be long distance for enough time and everyone gets in their head about it. Catches themselves wondering; doubting.

“I miss you more every time we have to part,” I add, watching the bitter take over the sweet in my boyfriend's eyes for a few seconds before he replies.

“I know, baby, I know.” His gaze wanders into the space between the atoms, his mind leaping forward into the future as he assures both me and himself, “Once my contract with WCKD Enterprises is up, I'll be able to move back to Denver. We'll be back in the same city.”

My smile is tired, only half there, and Gally knows it. It's been months since I've held him in my arms. This long distance routine is wearing us both out. We're both running out of steam—not for each other; not for our relationship, but for the complexity that being long distance has brought to our relationship. Conflicting schedules, spotty internet, the deprivation of physical contact with the person we crave it from the most…it's all beginning to pile up, and we both know it.

In an attempt to change the subject, I ask, “When is your flight back to Chicago again?” I already know, but I'm not sure what else to say, and besides, it's always good to check.

“Your birthday,” comes the cheeky reply, my eyes rolling of their own accord as I secretly admire the handsome grin on my boyfriend's face. But all too soon, his grin fades.

“I'm sorry I can't be there for your birthday,” he says gently. I wave him off, assuring him that I'll be just fine.

“Bren, Tes, and Sony are planning something. Won't tell me what, though.” I sigh before admitting, “It won't be the same without you. But your work's important.” Gally smiles gratefully, but there's cracks in the smile, and my stomach sinks. Guilt over my last comment settles in my digestive tract. “Sorry,” I mumble.

“No, no, don't apologize,’’ Gally says quickly. “You're allowed to be sad that I can't be there.” His amiable grin morphs into a scowl, “Tried to get Janson to give me the time off, I really did. But that rat wouldn't do it.” I give Gally what I hope is a reassuring smile.

“It's okay, babe.” We fall into silence, not necessarily comfortable, but not bad either, before Gally interjects,

“It'll be nice to be in my own apartment, though. I'm getting sick of all these Californian hotels. I'll be glad to be home, smog and noisy L-trains galore.” I chuckle, knowing that Gally loves Chicago because of its quirks, not in spite of them.

Still, Denver has always been home to me. But Gally and I've decided to cross that bridge when we get to it. We've got enough to think about as it is.

I'm trying to come up with another conversation topic, since I don't have work until later today, but unfortunately, Gally isn't so lucky. It’s the perks of working from home as a crisis hotline counselor, I guess. The hours aren’t as demanding, since the work itself is.

“Shoot, I have to go,” he hisses. “I'm sorry, princess. I'll call you tonight?” I nod, forcing myself to look forward to tonight's call, rather than be sad that this one is ending. “Alright, good that,” Gally grins. “I love you, babe!”

“I love you, Gal,” I smile and wave goodbye. The half-baked grin melts right off my face once he's hung up. Gosh, I miss him so much.

There's only so much comfort a video call can give.

Teresa calls me soon after Gally hangs up, blabbering on and on about a date she'd had with some guy named Ben, but I can't focus on her stories like I normally would. Usually, I'm all in to hear my friend's tales, but my mind is still fixated on the miles separating Gally and I. Something in me wonders how much longer we'll be able to go without holding each other. How much longer we can stand to be separated.

When we first started dating, I could have gone months, as long as we were still interacting. But as my love for Gally increased, the length of time I could stand to be without him decreased.

I'm fully, unashamedly in love with Gally now, and part of me wonders what I would do to be living in the same place as him. To be in his arms for good. The easy answer—the most raw answer—is anything. I'd do anything for him.

“(Y/N)?” Teresa's voice brings me out of my thoughts, her suspicious tone confirming that she's noticed my lack of focus today. “You weren't listening, were you?” To an outsider, her tone might sound harsh; reproachful, even, but I know her too well. She's not mad. Just annoyed she'll have to repeat her story if she wants me to hear it.

“I'm sorry,” I mumble, and it's sincere. I am sorry that I lost focus. But I don't apologize for pining after my faraway boyfriend. There's no reason to, for one, and two, I won't ever apologize for thinking of him. For missing him.

Teresa is grinning at my distracted tone, I can tell. Even through the phone, I can tell. “You're good. Dreaming about your bae, aren't you?”

I don't hesitate to admit, “Yes. I miss him more than I thought was even possible.” I hear Teresa's hum from the other end of the phone.

“You need to see him,” she declares. I scoff.

“Believe me, I know, and we're trying to figure out when he can next visit, but we're both just so busy.” Teresa clucks her tongue, the sound distorting oddly through the phone speaker. I imagine it running across the telephone poles, through the wires, twisting and bending and knotting out of shape as it flies all the way to me.

“I didn't mean like that, (Y/N). You need to go see him.” I chuckle, I wish I could.

“He's busy, Tes. Besides, he isn't even in Chicago right now,” I reason. This doesn't deter her.

“Well, when will he next be in Chicago?”

“His flight's on my birthday.”

“That's perfect!” Teresa squeals.

“How is that perfect?” I huff.

“You can fly out and spend your birthday with him! Surprise him!”

I actually laugh at this. “Um, no, I can't. I don't have the kind of money to just throw down for plane tickets. Besides, weren't you, Brenda, and Sonya planning something?”

“Well, yeah, but we could always change plans if we needed to,” Teresa says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. On any other day, I would entertain this kind of silly daydreaming, but today, I already felt lonely enough.

“Sorry, Tes. Those spontaneous decisions are not my cup of tea,” I sigh, and I think she can tell I'm shutting the conversation down. She lets it go, and I thank her silently, forcing the ache in my heart left by Gally's absence to venture to the back of my mind. If I waste the day away, it'll be evening again, and then he'll call, just like he said.

And so despite the fact that I know wasting the days away is bad for me, I do it anyway. Just today, I tell myself. Just today.

Of course, I know I'll do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and all the hours in between my calls with Gally. It's ridiculous, how they all say having space helps one think clearer, when having space just distracts me by making me miss him that much more.

When he's gone, I'm reminded that much more that he's all I need.

_______________________________

𝗜𝗧’𝗦 𝗦𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡 p.m. by the time Gally calls, his eyes lighting up when he sees me despite the exhausted, burnt out look on his face. I'm equally as ecstatic as he is to revel in the gaze of my lover, both of us simply brushing every inch of each other's faces with our eyes, memorizing each other for the millionth time. It won't be the last time, either. I could never get tired of scanning my gaze across his skin, memorizing every inch of his beautiful face.

In our current situation, it's the closest I can get to kissing every inch of his beautiful face.

Gally is the first to break the silence, and I'm okay with it. He's the one who's had a long day. He knows what he needs to talk or not talk about. I just love hearing his voice.

“How was your day, baby?” he asks, a tired sort of happiness seeping into his voice. Like I'm giving him some kind of rest just by smiling at him.

“It was good. Uneventful.” I shrug, knowing that I'd barely moved from the chair I occupied now. “The real question is, how was your day, my love?”

Gally grins at the pet name. He always does. It's the same reaction that I have whenever he uses terms of endearment on me. It's our own personal love language of sorts. How many different ways can I call you mine?

“My day was okay,” Gally says quietly, sighing when he sees the look on my face. The one that tells him to lay it on me; rant if it'll make him sleep better tonight. “Well, it was…mediocre,” he amends, running a hand through his short hair. “Tim was being an ass. As always.” I nod sympathetically, understanding the deep hatred he harbors for his coworker.

Why Gally doesn't like Tim, I'm not exactly sure, but I know it has something to do with taking credit for a project that Gally did all the work on. It resulted in a harsh lecture from their boss for Gally, who was presumed to have slacked off, and a promotion for Tim.

Anyone who knows Gally knows that he would never slack off. He takes duty and work seriously; more seriously than anyone else I've met, in fact. I know my boy. He wouldn't hurt his company's productivity, even if his boss is an asshole like Janson.

“I'm sorry Tim was giving you trouble, baby,” I croon, watching the aches and tension of the day seeping out of his stiff shoulders at the sound of my voice. His smile weaves its way back onto his face. It's a soft, vulnerable smile, the one that makes me want to take him in my arms and just hold him like the precious treasure he is.

“I wish I could hug you,” Gally groans, rubbing his chin with his fingers before trying to regain his composure. “Sorry…I don't mean to bring everything up again. I just…I just miss you.” My comforting smile wobbles, knowing that those same thoughts are eating away at me inside, but I bring the happy thoughts back to the surface and my grin rights itself.

“Soon, love, soon,” I murmur, knowing I can't truly promise anything with how busy our lives have become. But soon doesn't have a time slot or expiration date. I can promise soon and define it later. All I know is that it brings a smile to my boy's face, and that's what I need right now.

We spend the rest of the night talking, lifted by the promise of Soon, love, soon, knowing that it could very well mean a long, long time.

_______________________________

𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠𝗦 in my bedroom window, blinding me when my eyes flicker open. But once I blink away the black spots in my vision, I see that the sunlight isn't the only reason I was pulled from the comforting arms of sleep.

Brenda, Teresa, and Sonya are standing at my bedside, my sheets in a bunched up ball in Sonya's hands. I groan, trying to roll away, but Bren, ever the fearless one, grabs my shoulder and pulls me back to face them.

“Get up, (Y/N). No spending the day moping,” she orders. I heave out an exaggerated sigh, making my body intentionally limp as Brenda and Teresa each grab one of my arms, pulling me upright until I have to support my own weight.

“Sometimes I really regret giving you guys my apartment passcode,” I comment, leading Sonya to pinch my arm. I yelp, rubbing the red mark as I get manhandled out of my pajamas and into a new outfit by my best friends. “What—what are you crazies doing?” I splutter, quickly taking the pair of jeans from Teresa's hands before she can try to shove them on my legs, opting to put them on myself.

“We aren't letting you mope around until Gally visits. Who knows how long that would be? It's not healthy,” Sonya explains, linking an arm through mine as the three girls drag me to the bathroom. Brenda shoves my toothpaste-loaded toothbrush into my hand as Tes starts pulling my hair brush through my hair.

“Ow,” I complain around a mouthful of toothpaste suds, pulling away from Teresa's assault on my tender scalp momentarily to spit. She and Sonya make quick work of my slightly frizzy hair, tag teaming it to create a fun yet elegant braid.

“Beautiful,” Sonya sighs, leaning back to admire her handiwork. Brenda, on the other hand, seems to have some kind of mental checklist, full of all the tasks she must see me complete.

“Breakfast is next,” she commands, and I find myself being pulled into my kitchen, watching helplessly as my friends dive into making us a scrumptious, sugary feast.

I have to admit, the fluffy blueberry pancakes filling my stomach certainly make venturing out into the world much easier than I expected. I only feel the need to text Gally three times before leaving my apartment with my friends, rather than the usual five to ten. Whether these texts are to let him know I'm fine or to make sure he's fine, I've never been able to figure out. Maybe they're both. Either way, it's a good thing Brenda shoved my meds into my hand before breakfast.

When I'm here alone, I don't take them. Sometimes I skip them on purpose, sometimes I just forget. But either way, I don't take my anxiety meds unless Brenda is there to shove them down my throat. Thinking about it, I'm grateful she's here to force me to take them today. With all of these mixed up feelings about being separated from Gally for so long, having more control over my anxiety will be good.

A day shopping with my best friends is a good distraction from the painful loneliness I've been feeling without Gally. It's not exactly a cure, but it's close. My friends know this; know their own limitations, and so they do the best they can.

And I'm so grateful that they've put in the time. Put in the effort. All for me.

“Thank you,” I whisper to them as we sit in our favorite coffee shop, sipping oat milk lattes.

“Of course,” Brenda immediately responds.

“We love you,” Sonya adds.

“We know we aren't your boy,” Teresa chimes in, “but we're your best friends, and that means we stick by you. No matter what.” She leans over to rub my arm. “When you're down, I'm down. We wanted to help pick you back up.”

The smile on my face is genuine for the first time in a long time, knowing that my friends love me enough to support me despite having the knowledge that they can't give me everything I need. They give what they can, and accept me when it doesn't fix everything.

I haven't always had friends this good, and I look up at the sky, thanking the heavens that I've been blessed with such good friends now.

_______________________________

𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 before my birthday, I can’t get Teresa’s half-joking, hare-brained idea out of my head. Realistically, I know that the likelihood that I could find a flight on my birthday to Chicago that isn’t full (or way too expensive) is slim. Realistically, I know that I don’t have the money for plane tickets right now. Realistically, I know that flying halfway across the country on a whim to see my boyfriend is ridiculous.

But when Gally sends me his flight information, knowing I like to watch his progress and get confirmation when he lands safely, I find myself checking flights from Denver to Chicago, telling myself it’s just out of curiosity. Because what if there is a flight to Denver from Chicago on my birthday? What if there is a possibility that I could see Gally on my birthday? What if there is a chance that I could have this gift; the only one I truly want?

If there’s even a chance to see Gally on my birthday, I want to know.

Gally’s flight information is pulled up on my phone, which is next to me on my desk as I scroll through flights on my laptop. My right thumbnail is between my teeth, bitten down to the quick and then some. It seems that flying is a popular travel option right now, as flights are filled even into places like Dawson County, Montana. Every flight I find from Denver to Chicago is either full or too expensive for someone just out of college, like me. The cheapest is $374, and I know rationally that blowing through that much money would be devastating for my finances.

I swear under my breath, angry at myself for even getting my hopes up. It was a stupid idea to check the flights, and I find myself wishing I could go back in time to stop myself from looking. The disappointment grows even larger knowing that there would be a way to get to him if I wasn’t a broke post-college student making minimum wage in the Mile-High City. Then the disappointment and anger melt away, leaving me with a heart wrenching sadness that feels so empty and yet so all-consuming that I can’t help but break down into tears.

I don’t want to let myself cry about a silly daydream that was unlikely to happen anyway, but I’d let myself entertain the thought of seeing Gally soon; of holding him close and kissing him until we couldn’t breathe, and now everything else seemed pale in comparison. It wasn’t that my life had no purpose outside of him—I’d made it very clear when we started dating that the two of us needed to make sure we had lives outside of our relationship, too. But Gally had become a part of me; my favorite part of me, in fact. I was perfectly happy with the life I had, but Gally made it even sweeter. And knowing that sweetness was mine but was inaccessible made the absence of it even more palpable. Even more unbearable.

Crumpled into a heap on my floor with tears slowly leaking from my eyes is how Teresa finds me when she opens my door fifteen minutes later. “Hey, girl—” she calls before seeing me, rushing to my side with a worried, “Oh, my gosh, what’s wrong, (Y/N)?” I just shake my head, the waterworks turning back up to full blast.

“I miss him so much,” I sob as she gathers me in her arms, unable to care that I sound pathetic.

“Oh, I know, darling, I know,” Teresa coos, rocking back and forth with my shaking body, whispering comforting words into my ears just like she always does when I get so worked up. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath, hand flying up to wipe the snot from my nose, but of course, the minute it’s gone, more replaces it. I’m past the point of an easy calm-down, instead finding myself close to the edge of hyperventilating. Thankfully, Teresa isn’t a stranger to my emotional meltdowns, and she isn’t afraid of them, either. Instead, she’s the kind of friend who will take my hand and guide me through it.

“Did you take your meds this morning?” she asks cautiously, to which I shake my head in embarrassment. Tears are still pooling in the corners of my eyes as I manage to get out,

“I’m sorry.”

Teresa just shushes me calmly. “Don’t apologize. It’s in the past now. I just wanted to know.” I nod shakily, the soothing pressure of her hand rubbing my arm helping me steady my breaths slightly. “What set you off?” she queries, squeezing me a bit tighter when the tears speed up again.

“I—I decided to check the flights for my birthday,” I answer, sniffling as my best friend strokes my hair lovingly. “It was stupid, because it just made me upset. They’re all too expensive, and I knew they would be, and it just made me miss him so much more.” Admitting it out loud makes me feel even dumber, the guilt creeping into my stomach. “I did this to myself,” I mumble. Subconsciously, my nails find their way to my arms, digging into the delicate skin and leaving pink crescents behind. Teresa pulls my hands away from my arms quickly.

“Stop blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong. I would’ve done the same, (Y/N).” I know she’s trying to comfort me, but I just squeeze my eyes shut.

“Yeah, and it wouldn’t have caused you to end up on the floor like a pathetic child.”

“(Y/N)! Stop!” Teresa scolds me. “Stop with the negative self-talk.” I try to protest, but she fixes me with that no-nonsense look that can get anyone to agree to anything, and I find myself nodding meekly. “None of this is your fault. You’re in a difficult situation, being separated from your boyfriend, and your heart isn’t sure how to handle it. That’s okay. You don’t have to know how to handle it perfectly yet.” I sigh, leaning into my best friend’s shoulder, feeling slightly calmer now. She always knows the right words to say when I’m in too deep to think straight.

Teresa coaxes me into the kitchen to drink hot chocolate once my breathing has steadied somewhat. She’s looking at me with an odd look that I can’t quite place, as if she’s…proud of me?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask warily over the top of my steaming mug. My best friend grins, staring at me for a couple more seconds before replying,

“You’re just, like, the strongest person I know.” My face turns what I assume is beet red at the compliment, not expecting such high praise from the woman who just held me in her arms as I sobbed like a baby. But then again, Teresa is special. She doesn’t judge based on outward appearances or impressions. She can see right into the heart of people, as if she can sense their goodness; their potential, and then she nudges them down that path. Helping them choose the sunshine. The good side. The light.

Knowing her compliment is slightly overwhelming, Teresa shrugs and changes the subject so fast I think I get whiplash. “You should call Gally,” she suggests. “Tell him that you were missing him and ask him for some love.” I cringe, turning away from her.

“I don’t want to make him feel bad that he isn’t here. I think I’ve already done that too much this week.”

Teresa scoffs, “That’s nonsense. He’ll be happy that you reached out to him after your meltdown. He’ll be touched that you wanted to let him know how you’re doing. He’ll feel honored that you’re willing to be vulnerable with him.” I know deep down that she’s right; that the only thing he’d do is make me feel better. Never after calling Gally do I feel worse. I know I’m just scared to hurt him, but he always assures me that I don’t need to harbor that fear. I don’t need to hold onto that anxious voice in my head that whispers, You don’t deserve him.

I can even imagine him next to me if I try hard enough, murmuring, “You’re perfect, baby,” when I grow insecure. Whispering, “I’m so lucky to have you” in my ear when I doubt myself.

“Okay,” I agree, letting Teresa take my phone and FaceTime him. Despite the fact that it’s the middle of the work day, Gally picks up on the first ring, a concerned look decorating his handsome face.

“Teresa? Wha—”

“She’s fine!” Teresa rushes to assure him, motioning for me to join her on the couch. I pop my head into the frame, wincing as I see how swollen and puffy my face is. Gally’s forehead immediately creases upon seeing me, obviously still worried when he sees the tear stains on my cheeks.

“Babe, are you okay?” he asks. Teresa silently asks if I want to take the phone, but I shake my head. My hands are still slightly shaky, and holding the phone is an added stressor. Teresa understands and angles the phone towards me.

“Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry,” I whisper, my boyfriend’s shoulders relaxing only slightly. “I just had a bit of a meltdown. Teresa found me and helped me calm down.” Gally’s eyebrows soften, his mouth tilting down in a sympathetic frown.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “What happened?”

“I just miss you,” I mumble sheepishly after a second’s pause. It seems kind of silly once I admit it out loud, and I start to duck my face away when Gally gets my attention.

“Hey, (Y/N), (Y/N),” he says, waiting until I’ve turned back to him before continuing, “You don’t need to feel embarrassed. I miss you, too, okay? I miss you so much. You don’t need to feel ashamed for struggling.” He waits for me to respond, and I nod slightly. Truth be told, just hearing his voice has made me feel better; stronger. There’s something about his comforting, strong tone that soothes me. Just his voice can make me truly believe in myself. I swear, this man could make me believe anything as long as he says it aloud.

“Thank you for picking up,” I smile, finding my mood lightening as a grin finds its way back onto his face. “Seeing you helped.” Gally blushes slightly, rubbing a hand along his chin.

“I’m glad I could help, baby.” Offscreen, someone gruffly commands him to get back to work, and he mutters an apology before turning back to the screen. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. But call me if you need anything, okay?” I nod, trailing my eyes over his freckles one more time as he thanks Teresa for taking care of me and then hangs up.

“It helped?” she asks, as if double-checking to make sure I truly am feeling better.

“Yeah,” I grin sheepishly. “You know what you’re talking about.” With a roll of my eyes, I joke, “You should be a counselor for a living. At this rate, you’re better than me at my own job!” Teresa just laughs.

“Well, now that you’ve cracked a joke, I know you’re feeling better.” She pulls me into a hug, and I gladly return it, silently wondering how I got blessed with such an amazing best friend.

“Hey, I’m here for you,” she reminds me one more time as she leaves, her meticulous check-ins a promise for the next few days.

“I know,” I assure her. “I promise I’ll call if I need to.”

“Good,” she says, smiling as she waves. “I love you, babes!”

“I love you, too, Tes!” Feeling a bit lighter, I wave back as I close my front door.

_______________________________

“𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡’𝗧—I can’t take this,” I stutter the next day, wide-eyed at the wad of cash Teresa is currently shoving into my hands. Brenda and Sonya are flanking her on either side with looks that imply they’re attempting to telepathically convince me to take the money.

“Don’t be sorry!” Brenda sighs. “Just take the money! It’s our birthday present for you!” I look back and forth between my three best friends, realizing that there is no way they’re letting me reject the money. But it feels so weird having this many fifties weighing heavily in my grasp.

“Yes, you can,” Teresa sighs exasperatedly. “Like I already told you, it’s the money we were going to spend on your celebration pooled together. But we all know you’d rather spend your birthday with Gally, and we want you to be able to, so we’re giving you the money for that plane ticket you couldn’t afford. It would be a waste to throw you a party you don’t want to be at. Helping you see your boyfriend is a much better use of that money. We all agreed.” Brenda and Sonya both nod, Teresa shoving the cash even further into my palms. I take it shakily, counting silently as I gape at them.

“But—but this is nine hundred bucks! I can’t—I can’t take this, I’m sorry!”

“Please take it,” Sonya says softly, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “We want you to be able to go see Gally. We want you to enjoy this birthday. You’ll be giving a gift to us by making this impulsive choice to do what makes you happy.” My resistance gets melted away by her words, knowing that this was their tactic all along. Get (Y/N) all toughened up to the ‘just take it’ ruse and then let Sonya slip under her defenses when she least expects it. But I’m not annoyed by it. Instead, I let Teresa close my fist over the cash.

Immediately, the three start cheering, but before I can even blink, they’ve moved on from celebrating and are pushing me towards my laptop where, just as I’m sure Teresa suspected, the flights from Denver to Chicago are still pulled up. Teresa obviously asked Gally to share his flight information with her, because she seems to have it memorized as she scans the flights.

“Alright, here’s the best one,” she announces after a few minutes of looking. “United, nonstop, leaving at 9:30 a.m. MT and arriving at 12:56 p.m. CT. It’s in the same terminal as Gally’s flight, and he lands at 2:23 p.m. CT, so that gives you a little over an hour to get to his gate and wait for him. Sounds good?” I nod wordlessly, still slightly in shock over the way my best friends have handled this so nonchalantly, as if their friend flying across the country on a day’s notice is just a normal part of their lives.

Sonya pulls me towards my room as Brenda takes the stack of cash back from me, mumbling that Teresa insisted they have it for show but was just planning on Venmoing the cash to me. I laugh at our friend’s antics before following an impatient Sonya, who grabs my suitcase from my closet and starts making a list of what I should pack.

“We’re not buying you a return flight,” she explains, “because we didn’t know how long you’d want to stay, and we figured you didn’t know either. Just bring your work stuff and you can work from Gally’s apartment, and use the rest of the money to buy a return ticket when you decide to come back.” I shake my head in awe at the schemes of my friends, who have obviously thought of every single anxiety I could have because of this plan and have set out to refute them.

With Sonya helping me pack, a task that would usually take me at least three hours, two cups of coffee, and a panic attack is done in under one hour, no coffee or panic attacks in sight. While I wouldn’t have minded the coffee, the no panic attack part is nice, and I decide I can live without those two cups of coffee if it means my peace of mind is intact.

And the next morning when Teresa drops me off at the airport, my medicine taken and an ample breakfast eaten, the nervous butterflies in my stomach don’t feel scary. In fact, they feel almost…exciting. And I feel crazy for doing this; for flying halfway across the country to surprise my boyfriend so I can kiss him on my birthday, but I also feel so alive.

And today, the idea of living doesn’t seem as scary anymore.

_______________________________

𝗔𝗦 𝗜 wait at my gate and sip my Starbucks latte, I answer the countless birthday texts I have already received, smiling at the overflow of love from people I talk to everyday and people I barely even know. It’s funny, knowing that there are people out there who remember my birthday but don’t talk to me otherwise. Some might feel disheartened at the idea, but I just giggle quietly to myself, wondering if I’m going crazy for feeling so lighthearted.

Maybe it’s the adrenaline, I think to myself. The adrenaline from doing something so stupid and yet so exciting. Shrugging to myself, I take another large gulp of coffee, finally getting to the text from Gally. I saved it for last, knowing it would be the best one. And sure enough, as I read the message, I feel happy tears pricking my eyes. As always, he’s sweet; sappy, even, but his message also holds the serious intensity that he always has around him. It’s like an aura, telling those around him that he does everything fully and completely, never giving only half of his effort. That intensity is probably why I love reading texts from him over and over. Even if it’s a simple good morning, his texts always seem to scream I love you from between the lines.

I text Gally back, thanking him for the love he’s sent zipping along telephone lines, across the country and all the way to me. I suck the last dregs of liquid from my Starbucks cup, finally accepting that the beverage is gone as the gate attendant calls for Boarding Group 1. I find myself bouncing from foot to foot, realizing once again that I’m really doing this. I can’t bring myself to sit down as I wait for my group to be called, instead standing by the gate’s charging station, fidgeting like I’m about to run the 100 meter dash. By the time I’m boarding, I’m breathing heavily like I just sprinted up Pikes Peak. Whether from nerves or excitement, I can’t really tell, but it’s enough that the flight attendant touches my arm as she checks the cabin.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” I look up in surprise before giving her a quick grin.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous.”

She smiles empathetically. “Is it your first time flying?”

“No. I’m flying out to surprise my boyfriend, and I guess I’m just hoping it all works out like I planned,” I explain.

At this, I receive an even bigger grin from the flight attendant, who thinks that is just—“the most adorable thing ever!” I nod along, unsure whether I’m actually smiling or just masking my anxiety. Either one is a plausible explanation, and I’m pumped so full of adrenaline that all of my emotions currently feel interchangeable.

I spend the entirety of take-off nervously fiddling with the little screen in front of me, trying to distract myself. Once we’re at a constant altitude, the flight attendants offer drinks, and I ask for a ginger ale, my go-to drink on airplanes. It calms me down, the comforting security of it helping me stay rational. Unfortunately, the ginger ale combined with my anxious thoughts cause my bladder to reach its limit quite quickly.

I hate the little bathrooms on airplanes. So loud, so claustrophobic, so turbulent. It’s like trying to pee while in the middle of an earthquake. But my bladder isn’t playing games today, and the last thing I want to do is ignore it and then pee myself. The intrusive thoughts fight to take over as I rush through the motions, washing my hands as quickly as possible, but I stave them off and make it back to my seat in one piece.

The remaining hour until landing is the longest hour of my life.

When we finally touch down and taxi to our gate, all of the tension that has built up inside me feels ready to explode, but I hold it in, knowing that I can let it all out once I see Gally. It’s barely even occurred to me that I’m a year older now—that it’s my birthday—because all I can think about is getting to hold my boy.

I almost trip getting off the plane, too busy checking his flight’s progress and landing gate. His flight is still an hour and thirty minutes out, giving me more than enough time to go to the bathroom, get some food, and wait for him. I pull my suitcase behind me, so glad I decided to take everything in my carry-on, as I’m now realizing that baggage claim is outside the secure area of the airport. I break free from the flow of traffic heading in that direction, redirecting towards the bathroom.

One bathroom trip, makeup refresher, and food court scavenger hunt later, I’m standing against a column at Gally’s gate, drinking my second Starbucks latte of the day. Normally, I wouldn’t let myself indulge like this, but it’s my birthday, so I feel justified. I even treat myself to a slice of sweet bread, too. I’m too anxious to eat a full lunch. Besides, I’m sure Gally will be happy to get lunch on our way back to his apartment. He’s always willing to eat, no matter the time of day.

I’m trying my best not to look suspicious. There’s a flight leaving from this gate after Gally’s flight arrives, so I blend in, but my leg is bouncing nervously and my hands are shaking slightly. I’m a naturally energetic person, but the fidgeting increases exponentially when I’m either excited or nervous. Right now, I’m both.

Thankfully, no one seems to notice me or think I’m behaving weirdly. I’m simply overthinking, like I often do. At least it passes the time. I only have thirty minutes left to wait.

I run back to Starbucks and buy another latte. It’s gone within ten minutes, my anxious energy prompting me to gulp it down like I’m dying of thirst. Then I’m running to the bathroom again, bladder shouting angrily at me for the caffeine abuse I’ve been subjecting it to. It’s unpleasant, but it kills more time.

Ten minutes to go. I’m staring at my phone, Gally’s flight details pulled up, reloading the page over and over in hopes that magically, they’ll teleport and be here instantly. With anyone else, I wouldn’t be this obsessive; impatient, but it’s Gally. I could obsess over Gally for days on end with all the love overflowing from my heart. So I pass three minutes refreshing the page persistently, watching the minutes countdown.

I let out a quiet, barely there gasp when my phone screen tells me he’s landed. I can barely contain my excitement, nervous energy causing me to wiggle my hips like a rhythmically challenged dancer. His plane is on the ground, taxiing over, right to where I’m waiting. He’s going to walk through that gate, and I’m going to see his beautiful face, and I’m going to run and jump into my boyfriend’s arms.

All of a sudden, doubt crashes into me like a fucking tidal wave. What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if this is weird, and he’s going to be all awkward about it? What if this was one huge fuck-up? I can feel myself starting to spiral, starting to lose touch with the confidence I’ve been channeling all day. The panic has started to grow, and it surges through my veins, reaching to the tip-top of the cliff that is followed by a plunge off the deep end. Thankfully, though, with only a few minutes to spare before my boyfriend gets off his plane, a little girl in a princess dress bumps into me, hard, causing my knees to buckle and my head to snap out of the spiral it’s in.

I catch myself against the trusty column I’m leaning against, looking down to find a young girl, maybe six, wearing an Elena of Avalor dress-up costume with a stuffed animal that looks like some kind of leopard with bird wings.

“Amity!” her mother scolds her, ordering her to apologize for bumping into me. Amity looks up at me with big, brown doe eyes and a huge, genuine grin.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” she chirps. I smile back, making eye contact with her mom, before crouching down to her level and holding out a hand to shake.

“I forgive you. I’m (Y/N). Want to know something?” Amity shakes my hand, grinning widely, before looking at her mom as if to make sure it’s okay to talk to me. Her mom gives a gentle nod, a kindness in her eyes as they meet mine. “Well, Amity, you actually helped me just now. I was feeling super duper nervous and it was making me get shaky and worried. But then you bumped into me, and I saw your smile, and it made me feel a lot better!”

I can tell Amity’s mother is touched, and I make sure to assure her that I’m doing better. That Amity’s little scuffle with my legs was truly helpful. And then Amity and her mom are on their way, Amity’s tight hug and whisper of “You look like a princess” giving me the last boost of confidence I need.

Right as I finish waving goodbye to the adorable little girl, I hear the sounds of passengers starting to come down the jetway. I suck in a sharp breath, making sure my small suitcase and jacket are safe by the column before stepping closer to the junction between gate and jetway, watching passengers closely as they start to trickle into the airport.

It’s no surprise that I can pick Gally out of the crowd immediately after he walks out of the jetway, his head easily peeking over every other passenger. He doesn’t see me at first, focused on trying not to trample the small toddler whose family is trying desperately to get him to behave as they walk in front of my boyfriend.

I wait until he’s right there, just the toddler’s family in front of him, to call his name. “Gally!” His head snaps up, eyes scanning the surrounding area before settling on me, his jaw going slack, falling open in surprise as the toddler’s family quickly moves out of the way.

It’s like we’re living in slow motion, the way I watch Gally’s backpack slide out of his hand and hit the floor with a thump, his look of shock morphing into a state of joyous disbelief, as if he’s not sure he’s truly seeing me. He looks frozen in this state, unable to move towards me, but I don’t care. I’m already running up to him, happy tears gathering in my eyes as I jump into Gally’s arms, my head burying itself in his neck before I lean up to kiss him with all the pent-up love, tension, and nerves that have been coursing through my body all day.

His lips are warm just like they always are, soft and full and inviting as we kiss passionately; shamelessly, right in front of everyone waiting to board their flight. I can’t bring myself to care, anxiety nowhere to be found now that I’m here. In his arms. Held tightly, kept safe, flooded with warmth, just like I’m supposed to be.

He pulls away first, still in shock as he scans my face, as if expecting to find some imperfection that reveals me as a doppelganger. “Baby—” he chokes out, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes, my own tears rolling down my cheeks. “Baby, you’re here.” He lets out a giddy, confused laugh, cupping my cheek with his hand as he wipes the remnant saltwater away with his thumb.

“You’re—you’re here. In Chicago,” he repeats, putting my feet back on the floor so I can stand there with my arms around his neck, his other hand coming up to cup my other cheek. “You’re—it’s your birthday!” he says, and I can’t tell if it’s another reason he’s confused I’m here, or if it’s just an observation. Well, probably both, so I just giggle.

“Yes, Gally, it’s my birthday.”

“But—did you—when did you get here?” he asked, bewildered, a lovestruck, excited smile lighting up his whole face. I run my hands through his hair, admiring his gentleness as he cradles my face in his palms.

“An hour and a half ago, I think. I’m not sure the exact timing,” I shrug. He gasps.

“You flew on your birthday?” I give him an odd look.

“Yes…why? Is that illegal or something?” Gally chuckles through the joy-filled tears still drifting down his face every once in a while.

“No, baby. I just thought—most people wouldn’t be willing to fly or even be at an airport on their birthdays. Don’t you have cool stuff to do? Fun people to see?” I shake my head, pulling him as close as I can, our lips hovering inches apart.

“You’re the only person I wanted to see. This is my birthday present.”

Gally’s eyes water even more as he presses his forehead to mine, running his hands through my hair. “Baby, I—” He pulls away to wipe a tear from his eye and then leans back down, pressing a gentle peck to my forehead, “I love you so much.”

“I love you even more, Gally,” I whisper back, staring into his teary eyes with my watery own. He chuckles, shaking his head.

“Not possible.”

“It is, too,” I giggle, still whispering as I press a kiss to his lips, “and I’m the birthday girl, so you have to let me win the arguments today.”

“Oh, that’s how that works,” Gally laughed, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Well, I suppose I can let you win this one, since you did fly all the way to Chicago on your birthday.”

“Oh, but that was selfish,” I smiled. “I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. It was purely selfish.” Gally just hugged me tighter, pressing kisses to the top of my hair as he admitted quietly,

“Well, I needed to see you, too. I needed to have you in my arms.” I relax into the warmth of my boyfriend’s chest, the material of his hoodie tickling my nose. I endure it because it smells like him, and that makes it the most calming aroma in the world.

“Being in your arms is all I need. You are all I need,” I whisper.

I kiss him again, a loving, sweet kiss, reveling in the presence and taste of my boyfriend, a sense of peace and safety wrapping its warm arms around me.

Nothing else matters in this moment. Not my job, or my life in Denver, or my birthday. All that matters is that I am here, in my boyfriend’s arms. In Gally’s arms.

Right where I’m supposed to be.

the end

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