#this is not necia things this is her always being in her way and the

[the-thieves-gambit]

There had been a moment in time where the thought of not having met him sounded like a dream come true. Now though, a small frown came to her as she couldn't seem to imagine what life had been like without him. "I'm pretty sure Tennessee is top of the list, knowing that Peter knows the area and has family there, it'll be, not easier, but a lot more smoother transition. Then maybe California and seeing how things go maybe New Orleans." A conspiratorial smile sent his way. "Never know what the future holds."

Giving him a small smile as he excused himself, she hoped he knew that it was okay. That she understood and that he could talk to her about it all later. She knew how much this all meant to him. For now she'd enjoy the evening knowing that he was back at the house, but she didn't kid herself, she knew he wouldn't be resting but at least he'd be alone to think things over.

"You better!" Elizabeth giggled as she let the girl take her free hand and pull her along. She also hoped it wasn't full of scares that might trigger her fight response. As his mother kept pace with her, she gave him a small sad smile.

"I just" she thought it over for a moment as she took in the sights one more time, trying to think of the the right way to say what she wanted to. "I know how important what he does is. How much it means to him to make that difference. I just hate that the thing he loves to do is at odds with the people he loves." Moving along with the line she continued. "Don’t get me wrong. I understand why you all worry, I’ve seen first hand the dangers and the obstacles he faces. And how much he misses everyone and just wants to be back home safe with you all. I guess I just want all of you to be happy and safe somehow. "

As they got to the front, she gave her another small smile. "I can also say that you’re not entirely wrong. As long as he works for that person he’ll always be denied what he has worked so hard for and that in itself is another issue. What is it you would like for him to do? Just quit ? Switch departments? " It was an honest question, she was his mother after all, the woman who had always put her children before her. She wanted to know her honest opinion of the situation.

"Tennessee? Wow that is really cool. Peter will have a lot of clientele over there. Kind of funny, that was one of the locations I was supposed to go to. Imagine if I had. You and I hadn't met." Wally smiled and nodded. "What are the contenders now? I can assume you and Charlie have an idea? New Orleans would be fun. Not that I'm bias or anything." His smirk showed that he was trying to be funny.

"That was one time and it wasn't technically," he couldn't even lie at that point. Work had tired him out that he had barely kept awake for round one. "Personal mission of mine to make it to at least round one tonight."

Taking the out Liz had given him he decided he wasn't as useful now and he would only have a miserable time. He did want to go back home to think of his next step or really if he was being honest, to wallow in his failure once again. He squeezed her lower back and put up his best smile. "I'm gonna head on home. I'll meet you guys there with some hot cocoa. Annie, don't tire out my girl too much okay?"

Annie giggled and grabbed her hand. "I promise! Come on if it is haunted I'll protect you!" She pulled her along and smiled now that the tension dissipated. Mama B still felt angry and knew if she followed her son that both personalities would clash. He was afterall the most like her in attitude. So she decided to flank Liz. "Penny for your thoughts?" Not much could go over the matriachs head. "I can safely assume it isn't trouble in paradise between you. You gravitate toward him without even knowing it. So, be like a pez dispenser and spill." Her French accent strong as she smiled looking at the loading of the hayrides.

Getting her phone he sighed and nodded softly as he couldn't wait to check whatever it was that blew up his phone. Checking his email his face felt heartbreak at the fact that he had once again been denied detective. His features stayed neutral but his heart shattered. He had worked so fucking hard and he was still being cockblocked by his worst enemy.

He kicked rocks on his way back to his mother's house and sighed. There was a conversation to be had with Liz. Mostly talking to her about their next steps. He could technically not work again and be just fine being an equal provider for himself and Liz. But he didn't want to break into that bank because being rich without doing anything just didn't give him any sort of meaning. All this was what he needed to talk to his girlfriend about.

[foxglove-the-never-fairy]

OC Fire Fairies

Fly with you! Today I thought I’d share with you some of my other fire-talent fairies!

Below is a list of different characters, some characteristics, and why I created more fire-talents. Enjoy!

If you aren’t aware, Never Land only allows you to come to Never Land if it wants you. Never Land clearly wanted Necia’s laugh, despite being the only known fire-fairy in existence. Never Land welcomed her to the island because it knew that she would be needed in a future battle with a new dragon who was threatening Kyto. (Yes Never Land is a sentient island, and you can read all about Necia’s adventure fighting the dragon in the books A Fairy’s Fire).

However, what if Never Land decided it needed fire-talents for more then one reason? So it started letting in other fire-talent fairies? I have a headcanon that the first time Pixie Hollow was destroyed wouldn’t be the last time. Never Land knew this and decided to let in and welcome laughs that would become fire-talents. Here’s a list of a few fire-talents I created.

The talent is divided into two sections, though most of the guild does works in both sections anyway. The first is Necia’s troop, where they put on performances and use their talent to entertain. During the new moon, the other fairies gather into a cave to watch the Fire-talents preform. It’s similar to a circus with acrobats, fire-taming, juggling, and fire dancing. Guild member who don’t want to participate in the show are asked to keep watch and make sure there aren’t any accidents, though there hasn’t been any serious ones as the fire-talents are all experts and practice a lot.

The other section is for practical use and is for fairies who don’t want to perform, or for the other guild members when they aren’t practicing. Practical use entails that they help keep warm and aid in any fire needs that the other fairies might need. Some help the glass blowers with their fire. Others help in the kitchen to make sure nothing burns and that food is cooked properly. Some are even on call fairies who go to different rooms in the Home Tree and start fires in the fairies fireplace.

Some fairies dedicate their talents for entertainment, others for practical uses, but most go back and fourth. However, all members are taught fire safety and prevention. And no matter what, any of the fire-talents are ready and able in case of a fire emergency.

Besides entertaining and heating up homes, the fire-talents are also the ones who are called in to help aid in forest fires or rescue. Since fire-talents can withstand hottter temperatures then the other fairies and can breathe in smoke, these fairies are used to tame forest fires that appear whenever a stray lightning bolt catches the forest on fire. This also makes them perfect to help save fairies if they get trapped in fires. Though they aren’t fire proof, they are able to control the fires so they can guide through them safely.

Here’s a few memebers:

Flame: This fairy is probably the most enthusiastic when it comes to his talent. He dreams of fire, sings about fire, and has the brightest glow of the fire-talents making him look like a fireball. Flame is one of the nicest fairies you’ll ever meet and he gets along with everyone.

Blas: This fairy is noted by her other talent-guild members to be the coldest of the guild. Though she’s still pretty warm by other fairy standards. Because of her temperature, she’s a very chill fairy who gets along and goes with the flow. Her personality resembles a small ember, swaying in the wind.

Redspeck: Redspeck loves to use her talent to help everyone, even the animals. She loves to find a chipmunk who would like their meal warm, or to help keep them warm on colder nights. Though she is often mistaken for an animal fairy, she says she does it more for helping and sharing her fire talents then anything. She just finds that the animals seem to be needier.

Incendio: When he isn’t practicing his fire skills, he can be found singing and yodeling. Though his yodeling skills could use some work, his fire-talent is hard to beat. If you want to get his attention though, sometimes the best thing to do is yodel. He has a way of appearing anywhere when someone yodels.

Quinn: When Quinn first arrived, other fairies thought he was odd. He seemed to have a knack for wanting to burn things. When asked why he did, he said to simply see how they would smell. Though others found it odd, it wasn’t until he learned what smells good when set on fire. Now everyone seeks his expertise when it comes to incense, even the Queen! His favorite incense so far is from when he burnt a lime. 

Kobi: One of the hottest fairies around, Kobi likes things hot, even her room. Her room is notorious for being the hottest room in the Home Tree. Though she likes it as such, others find it like walking right into an oven. With a pinch of pixie dust, she keeps her room nice and toasty.

Cobar: Cobar is one of the most talented fire-talents in the guild. He can even breathe fire like a dragon, a feat that only a few fire-talents can do. Cobar is a busy fairy, from teaching the choregraphy to the other fire-talents for Necia’s shows, to teaching the new talents how to hone their skills. He says cherries help him to keep steady and work.

Ignacia: Out of all the fire-talents, Ignacia probably knows the most about the properties of fire. She can create any kind and in any color. If you have a question regarding fire, go to Ignacia. Or look for Firedancer as the two are hardly ever apart. Her favorite food is roasted chestnuts drizzled in caramel.

Thomas: Thomas was inspired by the older fairies stories about traveling to the mainland and using the second star to the right to guide them back home. He thought that the fairies should have a light to guide them home that could be seen from anywhere in Never Land. With the help of light fairies, tinker fairies, and fire fairies, Thomas turned his room into a light house that can be seen anywhere in Never Land, if you know how to look for it.

Calida: Calida is a bit of a loner. She like Vidia, she can be a bit aggressive and would rather keep to herself then be with other fairies. Luckily for her, she has the job of warming the Home Tree. Unlike the other fairies, her room is tucked underneath in the Home Trees roots, where she can spread her heat out and warm up anywhere in the Home Tree.

Firedancer: Firedancer can hear music from any fire source. From the roar of a burning blaze, to the crackle of a log, Firedance can’t help but dance when she’s in the same room with a fire going. She’s also one of the more musically inclined fairies and helps the music-talent fairies to come up with music for their shows.

Desily: This fairy’s favorite thing is ash. She loves it when other fairies give her wood that she can burn to ash. She loves the way it crumbles and smudges on her skin and clothing. When the art fairies want to do a charcoal piece, they always know to come for Desily for some.

Ceil: Ceil tends to be a bit gloomy when Pixie Hollow isn’t hot enough for him. You can see Ceil turning somersaults in the air when it’s too hot for other fairies. However, Ceil has a, not so very secret, secret. He admires Peter Pan tremendously and even dresses up like him. He always goes to watch Peter pick up his Pixie Dust from the mill. He would go on adventures with Peter, but he is needed in Pixie Hollow. He’s perfectly fine with listening to his stories anyway.

Tios: Tios is one of the kindest fairies in Pixie Hollow. He loves to surround himself with his friends and keep them warm with his fire. He knows how scary fire can be to the other talents, so he likes to take his time and explain it to the other fairies. He usually teaches lessons on fire safety and what to do if you get caught in a fire.  

Maxwell: He is the newest fire-talent sparrow man. He doesn’t know if he wants to pursue the artistic side of fire or the practical side of fire. He does know he can do both right? 

[frontporchlit]

Resilient Como Nopales: Forging a Chingona Sisterhood Deep in el Corazón de San Anto by Bonnie Ilza Cisneros

The real power is collective…

there, the survivor emerges to insist on a future,

a vision, yes, born out of what is dark and female.

The feminist movement must be a movement of such survivors,

a movement with a future.

--Cherríe Moraga, “La Güera” from Loving in the War Years, 1979.

In September of 2016, four newfound comadres organized the first-annual Chingona Fest at La Botanica on the St. Mary’s Strip in San Antonio, Texas. Later, we discovered that a Chingona Fest had taken place in 2011 in the Río Grande Valley, and that the following month, another Chingona Fest would be happening in California. This only confirmed to us the fact that something was brewing: chingonas from all over were thinking the same things at the same time, and the power of social media was allowing us to see each other despite distance and even time.

The goals of the two-day festival in San Antonio were trifold: to celebrate what it means to be part of a chingona sisterhood, to explore ways to sustain ourselves in this day and age, and to reconnect with the wisdom and tenacity of our ancestors.

It all started with an Instagram post. I’d made the leap from Facebook to Instagram relatively late, in the spring of 2014, and @despeinadastyles became a place for me to document my DJ work.  I knew Cristina Martinez from the local arts/craft vendor scene. She was the brains behind the highly popular @VeryThat, “your one stop Chicana shop,” handmade accessories and object d’art proclaiming words like chingona, puta, nalgona, degraciada, chiflada, necia, and gorda. Cristina was one of the first artists to successfully help us reclaim words that have been hurled as insults to control, oppress, and shame women for…forever. In her signature cursive script, she transformed the words to look beautiful, and, in effect, diffused their negative connotations. Her work helped us see that these descriptors also held positive power.

In the summer of 2016, I posted a picture from the previous night’s DJ gig. A photographer caught me in action, flipping a record in a vintage dress with multicolored beaded fringe. @rebelmariposa hearted the picture and commented: “You should DJ at Botanica someday!”

La Botanica is a vegan restaurant, bar, and music venue located on the northern edge of downtown San Antonio, and it is a hub for all that is queer and brown and proud in an area of town that is rapidly gentrifying. A self-proclaimed “artivist,” Rebel followed her desire to create art and curate in the kitchen. She veganized family recipes and started catering. Within a few years, she opened Texas’s first vegan restaurant and full bar, with the help of investors and a successful Kickstarter campaign.

Rebel is a force of nature, and her energy made the festival possible.

Cristina @verythat must’ve liked the idea, because she commented straight away: “Yes. Let’s plan something! #metiche” That made me laugh, another old palabra that used to mean nosey or to butt in, but now can mean more like jumping into something on purpose with the intent to help, build, create.

Instagram, where metiches meet, brought us together. At our first meeting, Cristina confided that she’d hatched the event name years back, and we all agreed to use it immediately.  The festival would be a way of celebrating how far women of color had come, and we could highlight chingona musicians, artists, writers, and DJs and reinvigorate our spirits as we all continued down the paths our ancestors forged.

At our first planning meeting, we wrote down words like celebration, party, plática, baile, honoring, storytelling, vortex. Sitting at a picnic table on the Botanica patio, planners and notes spread out with lists and ideas, Rebel spied Denise Hernández behind the bar, and she asked her to sit with us. I followed @deniseylosdinos, an amazing combination of twenty-something social media-savvy Xicana and bright-eyed, activist San Anto old soul. In March 2016, Denise presented at TEDx San Antonio on implicit biases, political identities, the histories uncovered by discovering identities, and fighting oppression. The youngest of the four, Denise took on the task of organizing the workshops and talks at the two-day festival. She sat down and completed the fourth corner: hardcore chingona comadres hellbent on creating something beautiful. 

While we were planning Chingona Fest, I was immersed in reading the works of second-wave feminists. Post world wars, post Beat-Gen, women activists of the sixties and seventies who worked to crack open the door of equality. The white feminists worked to dismantle double standards in the workplace and fought for reproductive rights, while feminists of color saw their own challenges layered with the aftershocks of colonialism and racism that never really went away.

“Chingona is a term that signifies power,” writes Dr. Anita Tijerina Revilla, “a ‘bad-ass’ or strong woman…some feel like the root word ‘chingar’ which translates into ‘to fuck’ continues to signify patriarchal notions of power” (90)  in her paper "MUXERISTA PEDAGOGY: Raza Womyn Teaching Social Justice Through Student Activism." 

We were expecting some forms of backlash about the name of the festival, so it is not surprising that most, if not all, of the negative feedback stemmed from the use of the word chingona itself: “OMG. Why y’all using a cursing word for this event? I love the objective and would love to bring my daughter to the festival,” wrote Monica P. on the Facebook event page, “I just can’t handle hearing this word.” 

As usual, I immediately posed my questions to my mother. Why were some acting like chingona was such a bad word?

Though born a mere seventeen years before me, my mother Ilza was raised in the Río Grande Valley in those AM-only radio, black and white television, pre-Internet days when kids were safe to play outside all day and trained to listen for their mothers’ particular whistle which meant the sun was setting and it was time to come inside.          

My mother’s wild childhood consisted of riding horses through her suburban neighborhood, traipsing back and forth across the bridge from Brownsville, Texas into Matamoros, Tamaulipas, riding bikes, walking around barefooted, and being crowned the tetherball champion of her elementary school. Her teenage years were equal parts fun and chaos. She and my father sang those late seventies bordertown blues driving to the beach, passing a joint back and forth with the windows down.

 All of that to say, I was raised by a chingona who was raised by a chingona who was raised by, you guessed it, another chingona.                        

 Ilza es bien chingona! my mother’s primos would declare, as if to say, our girl cousin don’t take no shit!

No seas tán chingona, her father would reprimand, as he’d try to convince her that his way was the only way.

Te crees bien chingona, my father might tease, in an attempt to thaw her icy defiance.

What were these men trying to say when they called her a chingona? It was a word hurled with a curve of a compliment and the rattle of a snake. Dangerous, these chingonas who maybe let others walk on them (no te dejes) once, but rose like smoke from seemingly extinguished embers.

My mother raised two daughters with no husband in a sprawling city where shadows hid the worst. Ilza made a way, always, to pay the rent, keep the lights on, feed her kids and their friends, and when it comes down to it, prepare them for the world outside the apartment complex.

Chingao! we’d exclaim when we were thrilled over some cool revelation, or when we were pissed at some minor or major travesty, when we stubbed a toe or made a mistake. Chingón meant massive and masculine, chingos meant a lot, and chingada meant fucked, both literally and figuratively. Looking back, I strain to see why chingona was such a rare bird of a word for my particular group of ‘90’s bilinguals.

All in all, Chingona Fest SA, TX went off without a hitch: we offered two days of workshops on topics such as Decolonizing Sisterhood, Equity in Texas Public Schools, RAICES Families in Detention Centers, The Lilith Fund for Reproductive Justice, and showcased the talents of chingona musicians, dancers, artists, and poets. Cristina curated a market of chingona vendors to highlight the ancient hustle of alternative economies.

We got a little flack for giving out Chingona Awards to celebrate mujeres making a difference in our communities, though we took nominations from the community, and allowed people to vote for the amazing chingonas in over twenty different categories. The awards were my idea, so imagine my joy when Solange posted the following on Twitter a few months later:

For my part, I focused on the baile, and I put out an open call for lady DJs asking women who had always dreamed of spinning records for an audience to step up and do the thing they always wanted to do. All in all, six “baby” DJs performed for the first time that night. They got their DJ names on the flier and leapt over the first-gig hump. In addition, members of the all-girl collective Chulita Vinyl Club spun their hearts out. I provided my equipment and set the parameters (all vinyl, all chingona power anthems), but that night I didn’t spin a single record. 

Chingona Fest is not about me or Cristina or Rebel or Denise. The point will always be to get people together, inspire and empower them, to celebrate the chingona and encourage her to shine.  

Truth be told, I was a taken aback a few years ago when I noticed the word “chingona” bobbing up both online, on artwork, and on the lips of young Xicanas. In my own experience, the word connoted both negative and positive energies.

To dissect the roots of chingona, I revisit Octavio Paz and his chapter in Labyrinth of Solitude entitled “The Sons of Malinche.” I’m always going back, circling around the idea of history and how it intersects with truth, myth, and wishful thinking. Tracing the history of “chingona” is so deeply rooted with the conquest and patriarchy, yet I agree with the idea that: 

“in our daily language there is a group of words that … constitute a secret         language like  those of children, poetry, and sects. Each letter and syllable has a double life, at once luminos and obscure, that reveals and hides us…They are the bad words, the only living language in a world of anemic vocables. They are poetry in the reach of everyone (74).”

Chingona. Say it loud, and it is a curse. Whisper it, and it becomes a prayer. A chingona refutes the myth of Malinche, the traitor/sell-out/whore who supposedly, miraculously, single-handedly led to the downfall of our indigenous ancestors. La Chingada, who literally fucked us over by helping Cortés, though the word chingar “probably comes from the Aztecs: chingaste (lees, residue, sediment) is xinachtli (garden seed) or xinaxtli (fermented maguey juice)” (Paz 75).

Etymology has always fascinated me, but Paz pisses me off when he goes on to blame and blaspheme Malinche: “She is the Chingada. She loses her name; she is no one; she disappears into nothingness; she is Nothingness” (86).

The word “chingona” does not appear in The Labyrinth of Solitude. 

When “chingona” started bobbing up online in the early 2000’s, in artwork, and on t-shirts, most of us chalked it up to la Sandra. Patron santa of bookworm Latinxs, Cisneros has always had a knack for digging up an ancient concepts and polishing them bright. Behold the following list, culled from the notes of Cisneros’s devoted audiences:

Whether or not Cristina, Denise, Rebel and I consciously had these objectives in mind when were conceived and created Chingona Fest SA, TX, it seems now that years of reading (internalizing words of our Xingona foremothers) and working (as teachers, organizers, artistas, entrepreneurs) had landed us on the same page.

 Cisneros’s ten steps break down all the ways we can break through centuries of oppression. Rewriting stories and reclaiming language is only the beginning. Now, more that ever, it is the wisdom of our Chicana feminist elders and the stories of our  own matriarchal ancestors who never had the luxury of even uttering the word feminista that will carry us through. Gloria Anzaldúa guiding us como una “luz en lo oscuro.” Cherríe Moraga reaching out to her followers on Facebook. Alice Walker posting on her website. People making memes of Audre Lorde quotes.

 A group chat on Instagram has practically kept me sane these past months post-election between Cristina, Rebel, Denise, and me called “Chingona Comadres (floating hearts emoji)” in which we send each other screenshots and memes of beautiful and terrible things. Where we nudge each other onward, where we crack jokes, where we dismantle chisme. Where we reawaken, reclaim, remember all the chingonas, our chingonas, we chingonas.