#s3 was ... but i continue to feel normal about this show

[ixoren]

the blood orange string of fate

[bitchthefuck1]

you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.

There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.

[clementineofmine]

I'm sitting here rewatching Tua S3 for reasons, and one interesting thing I picked up is that the entire season is really just each of the Umbrellas struggling to define and searching for family in their own way. Here's me laying down some thoughts for y'all:

Luther - For him, family has always been about the team. That's part of the reason he's so drawn to the Sparrows, bc at first they seem to have the cohesiveness that the Umbrellas lacked. Remember, Luther was the last one left at the Academy, then Reginald sent him to the moon alone. So of course seeing a "functional" team is going to be compelling for him, and he desperately wants to be part of it. And then he and Sloane quickly fall in love and for the first time in his entire life, someone wants him for him. It's intoxicating and utterly consuming NRE that is more powerful than anything he's ever felt.

Diego and Lila - For these two, it's about figuring out how to be a family. Both together, but also a little bit with the other Umbrellas. Diego looking out for Allison and Klaus and Lila and Five coming to a truce are part of this - more about Lila and Five in a sec.

Allison - In her mind, her family is Claire and Ray. This one is obvious, but I also think that the writers did us a disservice by not letting us into Allison's perspective. If you think about it, it's completely normal for a parent to put their child above all. While I don't defend her actions, her motivation could have been more compelling and it would have strengthened her character. But sadly she's the character on the show that is most "othered" (which is bad for many reasons)

Klaus - he really dug deep into individual relationships w family, starting with Five (e2 and 5 Five and Klaus bonding are still some of the best bits of the season imo), Diego, Reginald, Sparrow Ben, and then Luther in the afterlife.

Five - Five remains a pragmatist. His bar for family is very low - success for him means the Umbrellas being alive, no matter what the personal cost or sacrifice to him or to some extent others. It is somewhat depressingly delightful to see how he makes his peace with the end of the world as the season progresses. Before that, however, I'd like to meander back to e3 and 4 where Lila convinces him to electrocute himself and then they go on the Commission mission. Both of the actors do a fine job here bouncing back and forth between witty banter and genuine emotion and I love it. It's a quick and subtle piece of dialogue when Five explains how he saved Lila from the Handler. The undertone is that they were both abused by that woman in a similar way - ultimately, she developed and kept them both as pawns in her own game. And I think Five, starting in S2E10 and fleshed out through S3, develops genuine empathy for and eventually acceptance of Lila as family, as one of them, because of this shared experience.

Viktor - Like Viktor in all seasons, he continues to feel out of place with the Umbrellas and compensates by over-prioritizing his relationships with others. Don't get me wrong, I do empathize with him that he lost real love with Sissy and Halan, but I also think Allison was 100% valid to call him out on his lying in E6, and it was on point to verbalize how the constant focus on Viktors pain minimizes her (and everyone else's) experience. (Edit to add: Viktor finally seems to get the message on this, after being called out by Allison, then subsequently both Sparrow Ben and Five, and spends the last few episodes trying to make amends. Real character development here and I like to see it)

Reginald - Well, his overarching motivation since S1 has always been bringing back his dead wife, so I won't belabor that, but also it's interesting to see how he interacted with Klaus particularly - esp in E7 when he sobers up it seems he is experimenting with remembering his role as a father. Now we don't get a ton about his internal motivation here, but you can tell there is some mild curiosity, if not affection, for Klaus, despite the fact that he ultimately is cool with sacrificing him.

Some of these are more obvious than others, but when you tie them all together, the idea that they are all desperately looking for family and the blind spots that that creates for them, some of the messiness of S3 starts to make a bit more sense.

[sarabethsilver]

Jess and Rory were bound to fall apart in S3. They were two teenagers living in a crazy town that put ALL kinds of pressure on them, they were headed down very different paths, and Jess wasn't ready for a relationship at that point. They had to go their separate ways for a bit.

But what really makes them tragic? Is that all of the adults - and eventually Jess and Rory themselves - come to understand their relationship's demise as entirely Jess' fault. And this narrative is really bad for both of them.

We all know Jess' mistakes in this relationship. The show makes a point to blow them up and examine them thoroughly, often with multiple characters chiming in to talk about how terrible Jess is. A single missed phone call, concert tickets purchased for the wrong reason (??), a poorly-timed black eye, a fight with Dean, the fact he left town. All of these choices are discussed and framed as solely Jess' fault. Jess' behaviors get no context. It doesn't matter that he was working late, that Rory yelled at him throughout that dinner, that Dean threw the first punch, or that Luke kicked him out. S3 decidedly concludes with Rory, The Poor Victim and Jess, The Jerk Who Broke Her Heart. The show never re-examines this perspective.

But if you pause and examine Rory's choices throughout their relationship, she doesn't look that good. Their relationship starts with a lie: Rory kissing him, demanding he keep it secret, and then ghosting him for two months. She's really angry with him when she returns, having sincerely expected him to wait around for her while she continued to date Dean. She withdraws her friendship while Jess dates Shane. She yells at him in the street, joining the chorus of townsfolk who publicly dislike him. She eggs his car and mocks him about it. She runs away from their first real kiss with zero explanation. She scolds him for kissing her in public, prioritizing Dean's feelings over her boyfriend's. She lies about Dean repeatedly. She gives him the silent treatment after a single missed phone call. She tricks him into attending dinner with her grandma, then yells at him the whole time. She spends the entirety of Kyle's party mocking Jess while ignoring his increasingly desperate pleas to leave.

Does any of this make Rory a terrible person? No. She's a teenager, and she was in a really complicated, no-win situation concocted by her mother and a slew of Stars Hollow adults who are far too obsessed with the love lives of teenagers. Rory's a people-pleaser and she was desperate to spare everyone's feelings, unable to accept that by nature of this situation: somebody was gonna get hurt no matter what. But in trying to protect everyone, she ended up hurting Jess the most. She doesn't trust him, she doesn't prioritize his feelings, and she doesn't communicate with him. She ultimately follows along with the town narrative that Jess Ruined Everything.

The really sad thing is that this narrative is bad for both of them. Jess ends up feeling like the world's biggest failure, fleeing town without a word and ending up totally alone. Rory ends up feeling like a helpless victim, utterly lacking agency in her own relationships. She is told, over and over again, that her relationship problems were not her fault. That it's normal to sit back, make no effort, and expect to be treated like a princess by a guy who has to read her mind and do absolutely all the work. You can draw a straight line from Rory being Blameless in the Jess breakup, and Rory having an affair with her married ex a year later.

What I would give for an effort to re-examine their relationship toward the end of the series! It would have been good for both of them to understand that they were both kids, they both made mistakes, but they both tried their best. There were no villains here. Just two flawed humans who cared about each other and tried to have a relationship before they were truly ready.

[toutvatoujoursbien]

A (relatively new-ish) fan’s perspective on Luke Newton

(I wrote my very first Tumblr post last month and now I think I’ve chosen the path of essayist/suffering. I’ve also been writing this on and off for four weeks because it seems like every other day, something new pops up or the fandom has a meltdown of some kind. I’m not even sure if it’s worth posting, but I think, like my first one, I needed to get this out of my system in order to TRY and return to being a normal person - which is still unlikely because Lukola has me in a chokehold. NOTE: I finished the majority of this on July 19, before all the weird-ass stuff happened over the weekend, and haven’t had the chance to post until now. Anyway, this is going to be long, full of ramblings that are hopefully organized in a cohesive manner, and all opinions and observations are my own. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings, okay?)

I’ve really struggled to understand why the whole Bridgerton S3 and Luke Newton PR stunt has embedded itself into my brain the way it has. Like, how could the actions of someone I don’t know still be lingering in my thoughts even now, weeks later? After my first post, I realized that there was more to the entire LN situation than I was previously unaware of - so I started digging. None of this information is hidden or secret, it was publicly available and therefore the fans picked up on it quickly. But I, personally, DID NOT KNOW ANY OF IT, going into S3, and I think that’s why everything has hit me like a ton of bricks. So I thought, surely I’m not the only new(ish) fan who has suffered from this emotional and mental whiplash? 

I really, really, really loved Luke’s portrayal of Colin and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed watching all the interviews and behind-the-scenes from S3. I would also love to continue to support him as he builds his acting career. However, I didn’t have a full picture, which unfortunately includes a history of making - what I think are - poor and questionable decisions in his personal life that he also allowed to bleed into his professional one. And that’s how I find myself struggling with the dichotomy of everything I’ve seen him do during Bridgerton promo vs. lots of other actions he’s taken. So let’s talk about it, okay? (Importantly, I reserve the right to update my current opinions as more information comes to light.)

I want it to be clear that I am in no way hating on Luke. Part of my struggle with writing this post has been because I don’t want this to be misconstrued as more hate being thrown his way. That is not my intention, at all. Seeing “fans” over the past few weeks absolutely rip into him on social media has been heartbreaking and deeply unsettling. This type of behavior is ugly and nasty and no one should be subjected to it. Full stop. As others have said: it’s okay to have thoughts and criticisms (criticism ≠ hate), but please keep it to the appropriate corners of the Internet. I think you can admire/support a famous person, but you should also be able to call them out on their conduct, particularly the stuff that happens in public. Blind love/following and putting people on pedestals is never going to allow any room for reflection and/or growth. I think there is a LOT of nuance in the whole discussion around him, his past actions, his handling of things now, and what’s in store for the future.

Okay, deep breaths & continue after the cut (because this got… wordy).

Some brief background on how I got here: As noted previously, I’ve been a longtime fan of both Polin and Bridgerton, first with the book series and then with the tv show. But, for whatever reason, I never even thought about jumping into the fandom until earlier this year, in anticipation of Season 3. I will say that I have been delighted with Nicola and Luke and their work as Polin from the start, but with the nature of the show being what it is, I just didn’t pay as much attention until it was their turn to lead. I watched some behind the scenes and promos occasionally, but not consistently. It wasn’t until around the February/Valentine’s event that I started to take notice and then I fell down the rabbit hole in April (literally, figuratively, and spiritually 😅). I say all this to illustrate that up until the spring, I was part of the General Audience, though admittedly with a bias towards viewing Bridgerton favorably.  Another factor is that I got most of my fandom content from Twitter (again, I’m never going to call it X), with the occasional peek into Instagram and Tumblr. Yes, Twitter is a hellscape. But I am also lazy and only have so much time to scroll online. And since everything seems to get cross-posted everywhere, it was easiest for me to keep mostly to one social media site to consume all my Bridgerton content. But I point this out because I now see this as an error on my part. Why? Because I wasn’t getting a well-rounded picture of the situation around L, N and S3. Remember my own self-admitted social media bubble? Sigh. The fast pace of tweets meant I could blink-and-miss something on Twitter, unless it trended (or really riled the fans up). It’s a breeding ground for the hyperbolic and for discourse, in general. Twitter also seems to be divided into the Luke Haters (let’s be real, most of their “reasoning” is just uncalled for, vile hate) and the Luke Apologists (who have the tendency to exhibit, imo, some gross-excuse-all-his-behaviors-he-never-does-anything-wrong rhetoric). So it wasn’t until I started noticing chatter of Luke’s past actions that it prompted me to start looking deeper into what others have witnessed and noted online, particularly on this platform. Again, it wasn’t like I was trying to find some sort of hush-hush subject matter. Instead, I rather got the impression that those established in the fandom had a sort of unspoken agreement to keep these discussions to DMs and group chats - mostly as to not detract from Polin’s upcoming season. (But seriously, great of y’all to keep it locked down, however it would have really helped a girl out all the times I was like, “why is everyone so mad?” 🤣) And a lot of things started clicking into place once I knew more of the details. So I’ve put together a list of high-level topics/points that I didn’t know before, being relatively new to the fandom. Perhaps this can help other fans who are trying to wrap their heads around the various discussions occurring now and may feel clueless.

One more thing, HUGE shout-out to @jack4132cf for giving me a concise timeline of… well, everything I apparently missed last year+ when I wasn’t part of the fandom 😆🙌🏼 They’ve really helped me fill in the blanks (of which I had many)! Also, darcytaylor has a great 3-part deep dive, and I’ve read (and backtracked) through most of herejusttosufferalong and allsortsofthingsmpov ’s blogs, among others. They’ve provided a place for differing opinions and perspectives to be voiced in a respectful manner (unless you’re a troll, in which any clap-back is justified). I may not agree with everyone’s take, but I firmly believe that hearing views from others has helped shape my own thought process.

Let’s begin, shall we?

The Hot Fuck Boy Summer™️ (which I’m trademarking as HFBS)

Bridgerton S3 wrapped up filming in March 2023 and then Luke starred in the play The Shape of Things, which was in production from around May-July 2023. At some point prior to all this, Luke and his previous gf broke up - this is reported on by several media outlets in March, as well as “news” that he joined the dating app Raya. This is where, I think, his questionable behavior starts to raise eyebrows. It’s not the fact that he’s dating - I feel like fans gave him a pass since he just ended a long-term relationship (Enter the mentality some had of “let him have his hot boy summer!”). No, I think the issue is that he was not at all private or discreet about it. 

Remember when I said I think he let choices in his personal life bleed over into his professional one? Yeah, there were multiple glaring examples happening in real time last year, and the fandom took notice. He started publicly following certain users on IG and liking their posts, (unfortunately) many of whom were young, female models and dancers, under the age of 23. He (foolishly) followed his private account on his public profile, and then tried to backpedal. He engaged with some online flirtations that didn’t sit well with the fans (cough, E. Bear, cough), and then tried to backpedal. Mind you, all of this occurred and at some point later on, it’s then also decided that he’s going to move (aka, clean up) his social media presence to be more work-related. My point is:

Luke was digitally messy and left a trail (several, really). 

In conjunction with the HFBS, we also have:

& That Friend Group

Ah yes, the “boys.” Look, clearly I don’t know his friend group in real life, so all I can speak on is the image they give off based on their public social media accounts. And I, personally, am very unimpressed with what they’ve chosen to share with the world. My general perception is that L’s group of friends love to have a good time and show it off; seem to have an large amount of influence over him, particularly R; and can been seen as reaping the benefits of his success. He has discussed before how he likes to be generous with his friend group. During HFBS, they posted all about their vacations, on public accounts, and tagged Luke in them. They posted thirst trap photos and tagged Luke in them. They took quite a few boat trips and, once again, tagged Luke in them. Are we sensing a pattern here?

His friend group was also digitally messy and left trails.

I am in no way saying his friends aren’t allowed to post whatever they want on their accounts. It’s totally within their rights to have a good time and capture it on their pages, and I completely understand the desire to only show the “memorable” and “fun” stuff on social media. I just think it was short-sighted to NOT consider that Luke’s fans would be interested in seeing what he was up to with his friends - and you know that people will always, always dig around on the Internet. Maybe this was some kind of fun game to them? Maybe they enjoyed the attention? Maybe they didn’t think it was that big a deal? Who knows? But I think, in hindsight, it would have been safer and smarter to not have all this documented and out in the open, imo. 

My other understanding is that around the time the break up was “officially announced,” Luke’s ex began dating someone who was 22/23 at the time. His childhood friend R also ended a relationship last year and began dating a young woman around 22/23. Do I think R may have encouraged Luke in a certain direction dating-wise, especially considering that A was/is a friend of S, R’s new gf? Do I wonder if this was all to get back at J for starting a relationship with a new young thing, too? It seems likely, but of course this is all conjecture on my part. This is giving “high school drama” vibes, being played out in public, which is very, very  unfortunate.

However, Luke was ultimately the person who did not ask his friends to refrain from posting him on social media, as well as publicly following young women on socials and not being very discreet about his dating life, which is what raises my eyebrows…

The Age Gap Thing

Let’s just address this here and now. Remember, these are my opinions, each individual is entitled to their own, and I hope everyone takes a moment to really think and evaluate how they feel about the matter! I’m going to be very transparent and upfront about this:

I do not like the age gap between L and many of the young women he was showing interest in last year.

I’m viewing this from the lens of someone who is an elder Millennial and female. For me, personally, my dislike has more to do with: 1) A's age when they started dating/the age she is now (22/23); but more specifically 2) the power dynamics at play. 

I don’t have a problem with age gaps overall, because I believe that love can find us at many stages in life. However, I’m also of the opinion that a person 30+ should not be dating a someone in their early 20s. I’m not going to use the whole “the brain hasn’t been fully developed” argument, though valid. My issue has more to do with where an individual is in terms of life experience, emotional and overall maturity, and (this ties in with #2) financial stability within age gaps. In general, I find, say, a 45-year-old dating a 37-year-old to be on more even footing, which becomes even more so as you age. But a 22-year-old, presumably fresh out of college/university and about to embark on their next steps into adulthood, is just not in a position to date someone in their 30s. To me, your early 20s are the time for you to gain all the things I mentioned above (life experience, maturity, financial stability that is independently your own) as well as make plenty of mistakes. And that’s not to say any of that stops once you hit 30, or beyond! I know I’m constantly evolving and learning more about myself and my place in the world as each year passes.

My deeper discomfort comes from the inherent power dynamics and power imbalance between L/A. Of course L has lot more of the power in terms of money, resources and status; they are not equal partners. This article here (https://jill.substack.com/p/the-problem-with-men-who-date-much) illustrates these points much better than I can; I think it’s worth the read. 

Is he allowed to date whomever he so chooses? Yes. Are people allowed to feel the ick with the current choice/choices he made last year? Also yes. Does it entitle anyone to post nasty comments on his social media? Absolutely not. I may not personally like his choice, but it’s ultimately his to make. 

NOTE: I also want to address right here that, to me, his behavior isn’t “predatory” or whatever twisted narrative some folks are trying to push. Honestly, I think he’s gone the complete opposite direction from the type of women his ex and N are because it might be less complex/more simple both in terms of emotions and permanence. But obviously, pure speculation on my part. 

Antagonistic A

At some point during HFBS, L meets A and she becomes a part of That Friend Group. During Fall 2023, there are many trips to Soho Farmhouse and other posts made to R/S/A’s social media accounts. A in particular made quite a few posts that could be interpreted as her wanting to show she was with L, but never actually including him fully (these are the arms/legs photos that fans talk about and side-eye). Some of these types of posts have since been conveniently deleted. L and That Friend Group celebrate NYE24 at Soho Farmhouse, where everyone but him share photos and videos. On Jan 2, a photo of L and A kissing was circulated on social media -  they got caught in the video of the band playing. Also at the beginning of this year, A - for whatever fucking reason - started tagging along on various work trips and had a tendency to post TikTok’s from various hotel bathrooms. Again, insinuating that she’s with L but not outright showing it. 

The “InStyle stunt” - end of March/early April, there is a trip to Los Angeles which A posted stories and photos on IG. It’s later revealed that L was going to be featured in InStyle Magazine’s “This Guy” series, which included an interview, video and photoshoot, as well as an IG post that consisted of several polaroid, “boyfriend-style” pictures. The Instyle polariods were released three weeks after A’s posts, and let’s just say that A’s are a little too on the nose to be coincidence (also cue more hand/leg reveals…) Please note, again, that some of these photos on A’s account have been conveniently deleted/removed.

These are only a few examples of how… messy this all is and how it can be viewed as her antagonizing the fans. There is a lot of back and forth debate between “just leave her alone, she’s allowed to post what she wants” against “she’s clearly using social media to taunt the fandom/get attention/chase clout/etc.” When I finally learned about all the social media games being played, I just felt really unsettled for a few reasons.

Luke has stated that he wishes to keep his private life more private (see: social media clean-up from last fall). But, and this is my big issue here, A and That Friend Group don’t seem to WANT to be private. So to me, that can push people to question how much does he know what’s actually going on (he admits to not being online much) and, more importantly, how complicit is he with all of their postings? I personally feel like the narrative being pushed by his friends is very self-serving, and doesn’t seem like it’s in L’s best interest or protecting his privacy. Because I think we all know and understand that if a celebrity wants to keep certain things private, they have the money and resources to do so - some good examples that come to mind are Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes, Benedict Cumberbatch, Dolly Parton, and our girl Nicola herself.

A has made it a pattern to post shortly after either Nicola or the main Bridgerton account posts something, usually on IG or TT; there is timely evidence of this. So much so that the fandom jokes about how obsessed she must be with N. And these posts don’t really have much substance - other than to show off her body or her latest vacation. It just all comes off as very insecure and seeking attention, whether it’s from L or from the public in general. Again, why do we feel the need to play social media games? But this does not mean she deserves hateful comments either. I personally don’t care for her or her actions, but as an older female, I also can’t help but be saddened by the fact that she’s making many, many poor choices in a very public forum. I can’t help but wonder if she’s going to have regrets later on when/if she reflects back on this time. 

The PR Stunt/Papgate

This has been dissected by the fandom to death and there are a plethora of theories on who exactly was responsible for calling the paparazzi, who knew what was actually going to happen, WHY did this occur, and how much did this impact the season and the press tour overall. It’s enough to make anyone’s head spin - hell, I’ve changed my opinion at least a dozen times over the past several weeks. Regardless, the thing that aggravates me the most about the whole thing is the absolutely terrible and suspicious timing of it. As stated in my previous post: Here’s my point: I think what should have been a moment of triumph and a joyous occasion for Nic, Luke, and Bridgerton season 3, was sadly overshadowed by the aforementioned shitstorm. And that’s a damn shame. Too many cast and crew put in a lot of time, effort, and blood sweat and tears, to pull this all together.

I’m still personally stuck on a few things: 1) How did paps know when L was leaving the official after party? Additionally, how did they know which hotel L was going to for his after-after party? Because that’s where we got the super awkward handhold attempt photos. 2) Did L know about the first location but not the second one - which ties into was this an attempt by his PR team to distance himself from Bridgerton and Nicola now that promo was almost done? Because the way he looks from location 1 to 2 is vastly different. 3) If paps were there, why was literally NO ONE else from the cast also photographed??? 4) Why has DM double (and tripled) down over the past few weeks on how she got those exclusive photos in the first place? And 5) Who ultimately has benefited the most from this whole PR stunt 🤔??? (Because I sure as hell don’t think it’s Luke…)

The Cinnamon Roll vs The Bad Boy

Luke has stated in several interviews that he’s interested in going for edgier, darker roles. I think that’s great that he wants to try something new and diversify; I would love to see him in whichever type of role interests him! However, he’s also spent 4-5 years playing Colin, a character that is quirky, kind and lovable (much more so on the show, thanks to Luke’s portrayal) and known for being the ultimate “wife guy” amongst the fandom. It’s also been mentioned time and time again that Luke is most like his character (by Luke himself and his Bridgerton cast mates). Nic speaks so highly of him, and the way he presented himself during the 6 months of press was really wonderful; I think he has a deep understanding and love for his role, and he was a genuinely supportive partner to his co-lead during filming. Think golden retriever energy - which is NOT a bad thing, at all!

If there is any truth to the PR stunt being organized by his team (and I’m in no way saying this is fact) as a way to differentiate/disassociate him from Bridgerton/Nicola, then I think this was a miscalculation on their part. We know that Luke did a lot of editorial photoshoots during the promo tour; and looking at the pictures now, it seems like there was definitely a narrative/aesthetic that was trying to be pushed of a more intense, moody and provocative L. Which is also fine! I don’t think he must be one personality or the other; humans are multi-faceted and complex, it’s what makes us so interesting.

The (Ongoing) Fallout

This is really difficult to write about because, honestly, I feel like we’re still witnessing it happening in real time, bit by agonizing bit. What we do know is that at this moment, he hasn’t announced any new projects other than returning for Bridgerton Season 4. He hasn’t announced any major brand deals and we don’t know what his next steps are career-wise. Which is completely baffling to me because I would think he and his team would want to capitalize on the momentum of a very successful season of a Netflix/Shondaland production. However, this is his life and his job, so until he comes forward with literally anything to say (a statement, an announcement, hell, he hasn’t even publicly claimed to have a gf FFS), then everything else is just noise and speculation. As much as I hope he’s not taking another HFBS, I also wouldn’t blame him for wanting to step away from the spotlight. He’s been unfairly dragged and smeared since the Part 2 premiere. Do I think he and his team/friend group have made a some missteps along the way? Yes, but again, no one deserves the nasty comments and vitriol that has been flung his way. 

So How Do We Move Forward?

I keep thinking back to the adage: When someone shows you who they are, believe them.*

And isn’t this the root of my (and perhaps others’) struggle? Because it’s been really difficult to reconcile someone Nicola calls “a true gentleman, the kindest friend, a dream costar” with a man who seemingly (?) goes along with pap walks, Instagram subterfuge, and appears to be distancing himself from the very project and costars that helped propel him into the leading man spotlight. For me personally, I go back to my point that people are multi-faceted and deeply complex. I think Luke can be all of those things; I also think he might be struggling right now to figure out who he is and what he wants next after being scrutinized so heavily.

Also from my first post: We have to remember, though, that what we’re shown is only a fraction of their true selves, carefully and deliberately curated to accommodate their status as actors/celebrities/those in the public eye. 

I choose to believe that we saw glimpses of the real Luke throughout the press tour. (ColinBridgey is a rockstar and compiled everything into a master list for our enjoyment!) I choose to believe Nicola knows Luke a hell of a lot better than almost everyone else yapping in this conversation. I choose to believe that his anxiety and quietness could be perceived as standoffish, and unfortunately he wasn’t able to shine as much as Nicola during the press tour, but they are a team and have each other’s backs - there is genuine love there, after all. I choose to believe that social media posting and likes are not indicative of the actual friendship and relationship between L and N. I would love to see him post more, or be more vocal in publicly thanking Bridgerton and Nicola - however, I realize those are expectations I have/desire and he does not owe me anything. 

I choose to believe that despite the mistakes and missteps, he’s a decent human being who deserves to live his life on his own terms and at his own speed. I really, really hope that whenever he announces his next project, I can be joyful and supportive. There’s a lot of talk about giving him grace, which I agree with. I cannot imagine, nor do I desire to be in the public eye this way; it’s easy for us and others to feel entitled to say things behind our screens and keyboards, but these are real, actual people with lives and feelings.

I do think that it is for the best interest of the fandom to try and ignore A and That Friend Group (and DM) as much as possible. And I will be the first to admit that it is really fucking hard to do so. Like I’ve said before, I try to ignore toxicity and hate, but I am also human and therefore imperfect and capable of pettiness. There is just something about this situation (probably how much Lukola captivated me and how much disdain I have for his friend group) that makes me watch everything play out like it’s a train on fire, careening towards an unfinished bridge, over a ravine. Sometimes I feel bad because I wonder if I’m adding to the entire spectacle with my continued interest. But then I remember that I specifically keep it to this corner of the internet, and I’ve found a nice little community where we can gossip and discuss and dissect it all.

If you’ve made it to the end, thank you. This is just everything I’ve been ruminating over the past month, put into word vomit form. I would looove to hear your thoughts and takes on everything/anything discussed above. Maybe you have a different perspective or noticed something that I missed.

*Fun fact: In my research, I learned that this saying comes from Maya Angelou’s “A Song Flung Up to Heaven” and is actually "Believe people when they tell you who they are. They know themselves better than you.” The more well-known version comes out of an Oprah Winfrey interview with Angelou in 1997, where they were discussing life lessons. Okay, I’ll stop being a nerd now.

[boobi-boy]

HOT TAKE. As a society, we are conditioned to hate final seasons. This is fair. We were all betrayed by Game of Thrones and Supernatural and whatnot. As someone who has never watched these (I have only heard generalised complaints about them), let me (drunkenly) yap about the Umbrella Academy s4.

I'm gonna try and keep this vaguely organised.

Luther

I was an adamant Luther hater back in season one and two, I will admit, meeting his actor at Comic Con in 2021 did colour my opinion a little bit, but I loved him in season three. I mean, his romance with Sloane always felt a little rushed to me, but it was certainly sweet, and their wedding was a nice tie in to the "we only see each other at weddings and funerals" thing.

Pros;

In season four, I loved him. He's optimistic about life and goes to great lengths to brighten the moods of people around him, which is the kind of person he lacked all his life. He's being the person he always needed and I love that for him.

The implication that he's pushing aside his festering feelings of dissatisfaction for his life to be there for other people is so moving, and also I love those moments where him and Allison get to just be normal siblings, showing that he's moved on from that toxic era of his life.

His fight scenes are epic and he's all round a good character this season. I understand people's disdain for being sidelined, along with his grief for Sloane, but there are a certain two factors that should be taken into consideration here. The first being that, by s4e1, its been six years since he lost her. He has probably processed that grief and moved on by now, despite how profound the loss. Obviously he still thinks about her, which is why he occasionally brings her up, but it's been a long time. Additionally, he's semi-sidelined because his character arc was pretty well rounded by the end of s3. He's moved on from Allison and was on a trajectory for a healthier life. Its tragic that he lost Sloane, but good that he continued trying to be happy.

Cons;

I do wish his relationship with Ben had been more developed this season. To me, I think the implication is that he's hanging on to Sparrow Ben as a brother (in-law) because he's the closest remaining connection to the Sparrow Academy, therefore Sloane.

Why is he living in the decrepit Sparrow Academy house? Why? Literally why??? This needed more explanation.

Diego

My mother hates him. I lowkey love him. In season two, his character plus his saviour complex was explored so fucking well. I loved him then. I think his character in season three is a decent testament to how boring 'settling down' can be.

Pros;

He reacts very well to everything that happens. That's the best way I could explain it. The realisation that sometimes life is just normal. Its a sweet plotline and I enjoyed it

I loved his relationship with Luther, his visit to the CIA and the fun approach to his power this season.

His final words to Lila, that he knew she didn't mean to hurt him, were so mature and a brilliant way of rounding off his character with a sense of satisfaction and finality. I loved it so much. In that moment, before everything, he was her husband, and that was beautiful.

Cons;

I have very few. I think his depiction as a mailman is silly. I just wish it had been a different job.

Also I wish he'd spoken more Punjabi because I'm pretty sure (correct me if I'm wrong) he learnt that to converse with Lila and her family in their native language, despite Lila's family speaking English.

Why was he immature enough to fight with Five over his wife when the literal world was ending? Not very consistent with his character development but I still liked that scene. Honestly, that was obviously written in as a segue to Five going back to the subway so I guess it did have to be there it just felt a bit weird.

Allison

Oh dear God. Allison Hargreeves, what happened to you? I loved her so much in seasons one and two. Season three Allison ruined everything ever forever. Not through bad writing. Through very good and despicably devastating writing. She has lost so much and she coped with it so badly that she altered all of time to avoid her grief. The evillest girlboss of all time.

Pros;

CLAIRE! Claire Bear. I love you. Thank you season four for giving us Claire and Claire/Allison bonding time.

Also the fact that she's coping with her being a terrible human being by babysitting Klaus for five years (which she is obviously very spiteful about) is very well written.

I like the return of Allison badassery when she shows up and literally busts a man's balls.

I like how she ends the show being physically vulnerable and now Klaus is taking care of her now. That was cute.

Also I love that she's being held accountable for her actions and it makes her a slightly better person! That was fun.

I like that we learn that without her power she was a B-list actor at best.

Cons;

What the fuck were her powers this season? I know they got janky marigold but why is she literally just telekinetic now????

Why didn't they tell us why Ray walked out? She literally altered time to get him back. Like, I know Allison has fucked up every relationship she's ever had but PLEASE tell us what happened.

Also fuck you for what you did to Klaus.

Klaus.

Oh, Klaus Hargreeves, the man that you were. Season one. TRAGIC. I loved it. Season two, the exact same commentary. Season three, I loved him so much, he keeps being my FAVOURITE and also the idea that the drugs and trauma thwarted the full potential of his powers, but the drugs was the only thing that could keep him sane because of his trauma and his powers was so cool. Well done for beginning to overcome your rampant daddy issues Klaus. Season four. He is still my favourite.

Pros;

Having him sell his body in the weirdest way possible was amazing. I love to see it.

The moment between him and Claire where she knew exactly what was happening and he just repeats 'it's too late' and swears at her. Beautifully devastating.

Him getting buried alive was so fucking fitting I can't properly explain it I just love it.

His final line, and the third-to-final line of dialogue in the whole shows being 'I just wanna say, I love you guys, but you're all assholes' sums up perfectly. And it just had to be him that said that. He can never escape his nihilism and I love him for it. Its who he is.

Learning that the 'real' Klaus is a total germophobe was fun.

Cons;

Give my man more screen time. I beg. I am on my knees begging. Please Mr Blackman. Please Mr Way. Give the love of my life more screen time.

I wish Dave had been mentioned once or twice. Dave is forever a part of Klaus. Why didn't he try to contact him when he got his powers back? Why has he forgotten him? If Luther gets a Sloane mention then Klaus should have gotten a Dave mention. I guess Netflix hates the queers unless they're from Heartstopper (/j)

Five

Five is my mother's favourite and she was vomming this season because of you-know-what. The poor woman. She still loves him though, So did I. Five defines The Umbrella Academy. He spent two seasons wearing the uniform, he got the first f-bomb, he was responsible for SO much exposition. All in all, he is quintessential to the aesthetic, plot, and entire existence of the series. Did season four give him justice?

Pros;

I love Five being a CIA agent. This is so him.

Jerome is a funny name for him.

He doesn't ever stop being himself and I love that.

I like how blunt he is about the fact they all have to end their existence. He understands existentialism and his place in the universe more than his siblings (and most people ever) can fathom. It had to be him to deliver that news and he does it so well.

Cons;

The elephant in the room. Him and Lila. I see it. I see the vision. Yes. If two people spend seven years with only each other for company, suspended in time, they will probably develop a romantic relationship. That doesn't make me like it. It is in character for him to lie to Lila (or withhold information from her)about knowing the way home. I just hated every second of it. I thought they were going to steer clear of Five romantic relationships because of how weird his ageing is. He's mentally more than twenty years older than Lila and physically more than ten years younger than her. It is gross. I hate it. It was a reasonable plot choice Honestly, their relationship remaining strictly platonic would have been less realistic than what happened but when has this show ever been realistic? I will say, it makes sense for Five to revert to old coping mechanisms (I am referring to Delores) in a time like this, it's just that this time he had a real person to enact them with. In times of utter distress, Five is a romanticist, so at least his character is consistent.

Why didn't they let him wear a suit that fits him? That was not nice.

Ben

Sparrow Ben is a sexy cunt. I love how much of a knob he is. All the time. This season was a slay for him. We heart assimilation allegories for love and obsession.

Pros;

I repeat - I love the assimilation metaphor. He didn't get to go with grace. I've seen people criticising that he got no meaningful death scene but that's the point. His meaningful death was stolen from him because of his unhealthy obsession with Jennifer and how deeply in love with her he was. It's a commentary of how toxic and co-dependant relationships will destroy a person. I love it.

I love the scene where him and Jennifer are sat either side of the wall watching the same movie. That was so fucking cute.

Cons;

The CGI for his powers was shit. He looked like the squid version of She-Hulk.

Why have the Umbrellas just adopted him into his family? That was weird.

Victor

I have always loved him. Best trans representation I've ever seen. Autism coded. The amount of times I said 'His powers are just autism sensory overload' or 'his powers are just anger issues' has probably burned the phrase into my mother's mind.

Pros;

I like that he was a manwhore in Canada.

I love him having control over his powers this season. We support self control my man.

I love how adamant he is to save Ben. All this man has ever wanted was to save someone. And he never could. So he sacrificed himself to save the world.

Cons;

I was not here for the fit this season. The boots. The jean jacket. Not a serve. I am sorry.

He was kinda cringe and irrelevant this season I'm not gonna lie.

Lila

Thank you Lila for being what I picture when I hear Golden Brown. It makes me happy.

Pros;

A devoted mother. We love her. I also love that her character involves her children but she's more than that. But she still sacrifices everything for them. "Make sure to read to Gracie every night! And don't let the twins fight!" absolutely destroyed me.

I don't know what it is but her fit ate this season.

Her final words being 'Fuck you!' was fun.

Cons;

Her 'LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME' personality got annoying after about four episodes. Not even in s4, just in general.

I wish her backstory had been more addressed this season. It was just completely ignored. Sad.

The Plot.

Pros;

If this show is anything, it is self aware. It makes fun of itself for just doing the apocalypse four times. I love it.

The tragic ending. Too many shows have happy endings these days. I need my bittersweet tragedy and the Umbrella Academy delivered. It actually made me bawl because these characters meant so fucking much to me.

I always said that Klaus's story couldn't end without him dying. I also felt like Five dying would work. Now I think that if one of them goes, they all have to. They were born at the same time and they died that way too. It explains WHY they keep ending the world. Their very existence is apocalyptic. They are a collective incarnation of the apocalypse and that just rounds off the show in such a meaningful way.

I know people hate the 'one true timeline' thing and the 'they all die' thing and feel like its a copout, but its so beautiful to me. They were the problem the whole time. They can't just find some creative and resourceful way out of it this time. This is the end. That's WHY the SONG in the TRAILER WAS 'THE END' by My Chemical Romance!!!!!!!!!!!

Cons;

The plot holes like why does Luther getting his powers back give him his monkey body back when the life-saving surgery that he didn't need in this timeline didn't happen???

Along with many other plot holes that have already been pointed out within this post and by other people a million times so I won't go through the tedium of doing what has already been done.

Special mentions!

The Gene & Jean dance scene! The show knew they couldn't get away with making the Umbrellas dance again but they needed an obligatory Umbrella Academy dance scene and they ATE IT UP.

The song they danced to was also a banger, which segues nicely into my next mention which is the SOUNDTRACK. It SLAPS. Muse! Bloodhound Gang! Cher! ALL IN ONE SHOW. The Umbrella Academy's soundtrack has always been amazing and season four is not any different.

The closing line "On the eighth of august 2024" etc. DESTROYED ME.

THE USE OF 'I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW' KILLED ME.

THE POST CREDITS WITH THE MARIGOLD FLOWERS AAAAGHHH.

ALL THE SIDE CHARACTERS UGH.

Also, the production photos from across the years in the credits. I loved them so fucking much.

They kept handling Victor's trans storyline well, not pretending he was never a girl and including him in flashbacks. Idk I liked it.

Diego naming his daughter after his mother is so sweet.

Random criticism though - the casting for the teen versions of the Umbrellas was ATROCIOUS. Klaus somehow looked five years old and in his mid forties at the same time.

[yannaryartside]

I am tired of Sydney being a “knight in shining armor” for these immature men

The trailer of s3 made me reflect on a big problem with the show for me so far. The use of Sydney on the plot overall and in the character arcs of men. This is a rant, if you happen to be on the side of the fandom that think these men are perfect and Syd is valued as their support, feel free to scroll.

Part 1: the woman

Sydney Adamu is insecure on her leader/social skills and her creative habilities. That, and her kindness, is what makes the audience root for her. She is releatable but most important she is real, she has taken it impulse by impulse, creating on the fly ways to succeed in a industry not very welcoming to people with her personality (or that look like her). All of that makes sense in a story of an underdog.

But yet, the show has normalized at this point how much shit she takes from a group of really emotionally immature people. And how much they expect her to figure it out answers to the problems that they themselves cause.

Thinking about it like an animal getting into a new pack without the capacity to defend herself from any attack. The shitshow she tolerated in s1 has never been properly addressed and it seems like the worst storm is yet to come in s3. She fixed the logistics of the beef and implemented a hierarchy. Things that Carmy was incapable of doing due to his story with the staff and his own mental turmoil. In s2, she was the only professional chef actively making decisions and efforts in the future of the restaurant. Carmy even reprimanded her for not making the decisions he was supposed to do. And she reminded him “you wanted the final say, this is on you)

Syd is not helpless in any way, but she has applied kindness and fairness most of the time to this point, and I wonder if this time that is gonna cut it. I am mostly tired to get her back to that scenario again. If anything, the part that got me the most excited of Richie’s redemption is how she could actually rely on him. And then it came the trailer.

Part 2: the men

The part that got my blood boiling in the trailer is the response “Show me a functional one” from Richie and Carmy.

We are in season 3, and with all the growth and all those balls, these men seem to expect her to fix an issue, wich core is actually their own emotional immaturity. I am sick of it. “Mother, maid, therapist”🎶

She must deal with Carmy’s recklessness and the fight between him and Richie. A very green new staff and a unqualified old staff mostly. All of that creates the dysfunctionality in question, and I wonder where her character will go to resolve it. The restaurant had a shaky base (particularly on front house staff and line cooks) and now Carmy is getting on everyone’s nerves. Putting fire to an already unstable chemical.

Part 3: Heroine’s Journey

It would take a pro to resolve all of this shit, and the people involved (and responsible for the problem) turn to this young, inexperienced woman for guidance and answers because the only person in the kitchen with actual industry experience is trapped in his own destroying tendencies.

That is not only the underdog story that is human vs forces of nature, another common plot structure. Forces of nature incarnated in unstable men and our hero is a woman. That is so fucked up and yet so real. That is the value I give to this scenario.

I really don't think that, besides Tina and Nat, there is a single member if that kitchen aware of how much Syd was alone last season picking Carmy’s slack. And even they were barely able to help her. Everybody else was to happy for Carmy loosing his virginity apparently. All this scenario could very well repeat itself this season on how much they are insisting on Claire and Carmy getting back together.

I know the show is about leaving toxic cycles and the people who can help you get better. Sydney is supposed to be made from a different matter than the Bearzattos because otherwise, the toxicity will continue. I just wish she could coldly let them know how much of a pest they can be sometimes. And not be treated as unfair because she left her “role” in creating a new system. Anger is boundarie setting emotion and it can be very constructive, and expressed without the chaos of the Bearzattos. She did this in s1 and if done again I think this time the general audience (except the racist/misogynistic obviously) will understand that this tough love is necessary as well.

Let's not normalize (in this show) women taking shit to be good women and a reward for seeing the potential of men. It is not like society is not doing that for us already.

Sydney is not a punching bag, and she knows it, she definitely will stand her ground this season, wich can be very encouraging to young woman entering a workforce that is not designed to support them. I think she will go to Ember to work closely with Chef Terry (Olivia Coleman) to get knowledge of how women can shape this toxic places. It will be her version of forks. The toxicity may escalate to a turning point for her. She tolerated (and transformed) s1 and s2, we know what is in her heart. The point will definitely come, because this is the time for evolving or dying, for everyone.

But again, I need these men (besides you, Marcus, you are going to be her rock) to start taking responsibility for the shit they are fucking up. That would be nice. I am sure there will be moments of it since this growth is literally the show's theme. I am just kind of tired of the “Mother, maid, therapist🎶” undertone of it all. It could be applied to Nat and Tina as well.

[vampyrhics]

i know that people are somewhat nervous about how in ep 10, guillermo is still at cannon capital. i myself, am not all that concerned, because there's some groundwork in these episodes that i am paying a lot of attention to as we continue through the season. a few things:

one being that jordan uses the family language that we have seen used by guillermo in previous seasons, but never outwardly returned by the vampires. this to me signals that cannon capital are using his needs to take advantage of him (jordan also mentions how he shows up early and stays late, and it's obvious that this job is changing guillermo as a person in a bad way). guillermo, more than anything, has wanted a place to belong, but i think his arc is realizing that the vampires are his actual family, not this soul sucking workplace. there's a lot of capitalism red flags floating around in this season that are making me nervous, because the company obviously views guillermo as expendable (where the vampires begin to work with him because they view him as not expendable -- they all fight over his room, showing they miss him, and they all show up because they're afraid of guillermo losing his mind being in the normal human world).

on top of this, it is obvious that jordan is just fulfilling the place of nandor, which guillermo has been trying to find since no longer being a part of the vampire residence full-time (calling him "master" accidentally, arguing with nandor he's not at jordan's beck and call and then answering his literal phone call). which is ironic, because this also mirrors nandor's arc in the season, with the desperation of filling the hole of guillermo in his life (which we have witnessed many times before). they are still all about each other, even when desperately focusing on other things. this applies to the relationship that nandor is trying to have with the guide, especially since it's been established that she is no longer attracted to him (s3 wedding), thought he was the conquerer but realized he wasn't (s6, ep1), and overall has not been very receptive to this change in nandor (s6, ep3) when she tells him "bye" in an irritated tone. i don't think this will work out, just like all other relationships for nandor that are not guillermo.

lastly, they are on equal footing this season more than ever before. there is no longer any "professional" involvement between them, they are just two people who were a part of each other's life for a long time, and all the complications of that. also, i think it is fair to note that kayvan has stated that they're acting a lot like exes -- how nandor can't accept that guillermo's new way of life does not include him, and in nandor's mind, it has to. he can't let guillermo go, and he doesn't want to either, and i think deep down -- guillermo is in the same boat. he helps fix vampire problems still despite saying that he wouldn't, offers a place for nandor to sit and talk when he's clearly upset (also that richard nixon speech says some things about how he feels about guillermo leaving him, even in a very fucked up roundabout way), and tries to keep nandor from being fired because he knows it will hurt nandor's feelings. is this aligned with someone who is truly over the vampires? i think not!

anyway, i have a feeling this will come to a head at some point, and it seems the promotion is going to be when that happens. also, to be noted -- that's not the last episode of the season, so chances are, we will see where the fallout goes. but how will that shake out? i don't know, but i do hope that all this setup is going somewhere because there's a ton of it this season whereas we used to not get any except a few moments here and there. this season's soul is literally the dynamic between nandor and guillermo, so i assume that this will pay off (we hope).

[milevenstancyendgame]

In Defense Of Mike

Sometimes antis inspire you to write meta - I don't know why, but today I feel like going through these Mike accusations that someone left on my Eleven post, lol:

No one talks shit about my boy Mike on my post.😎

-"And not to make this about shipping because El is her own person and should be discussed outside of ships, BUT" - goes on long ass shipping discourse.

You nailed it right there, buddy.😂

-"Mike babies her throughout their relationship":

I think it's so funny that those who are on the fence shouting about El needing to break up with Mike, to be independent, are doing exactly what they accuse Mike of doing (gaslight much?). You're willfully ignoring her love for Mike, which is canonical, projecting your own dislike of him onto her, like you know what's best for her. You're babying her.

So when does he baby her? I can't think of any time, but since you also said that he's protective and "El wants to be trusted and supported", I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you're talking about SOME scenes between El and Mike in s3.

I think it's funny that antis wave Mike's protectiveness over El in s3 as though it was some big red flag.

Like, ya'll act as though he wanted to lock her up in the cabin. Oh wait, that was Hopper in s2, actually. I don't see you hating on Hopper though, even though he's an adult.

Mike is worried and traumatised from losing El several times before. Yes, he doesn't know how to deal with this, but like you keep saying, El is her own person and should be respected as such.

So what does El do? She shows that she doesn't like it, and in an intimate moment away from the over-the-top comedy of s3, she tells him "I need you to trust me".

And how does Mike react? Did you actually watch that? Because it doesn't sound like it. He ACCEPTS what she says IMMEDIATELY, even gives Max an acknowledging glance, and backs off, letting her do her thing.

Like this right there. That's growth.

And that's him doing exactly what you say El needs - that's trusting, supportive, and letting her decide for herself. Which, by the way, he has been doing the whole time and continues to do.

He apologies to her and shows that he has been self-reflecting, and is overly hard on himself. He's aware that he was jealous and that he doesn't know how to deal with his strong love for El.

That's healthy and wholesome, and also huge for a 14-year old emotionally neglected boy, who has no blueprint for a healthy romantic relationship.

But no, you don't want to see this. Nor anything else, apparently. Just literally this ONE DAY on which he was overwhelmed and worrying about El. And you interpret that as "babies her throughout their relationship". That is…wild.

-"Mike puts El on a pedestal" & "Mike never compliments El's personality" :

Wow, this feels like the most unjust accusation of all. You interpret him thinking and telling her she's a superhero as putting her on a pedestal?

First of all, how can you do that, when you just said that he babies her throughout.😆 It almost seems like your various views about him are incompatible...maybe because they're not founded on reality...👀

He's the one who constantly reminds everyone else that El is not a machine, that she has limits, that she has human needs...seriously, have you watched the show? S1? When everyone saw her as a problem or a weirdo or a traitor or a monster or a criminal or a science experiment....and he was the one who treated her for what she was - a scared, friendless child in danger. An equal. A friend.

How come you're not hating on Dustin and Lucas? Maybe you're able to see how they changed? Or Max, because she's in awe of El in s2 and in s3 is 100%ly confident that she will be able to defeat the monster on her own? Maybe you're able to see that she had a normal reaction to finding out about someone's super powers and that she simply was mistaken? Or Steve, because he refers to her as "this girl with superpowers that we usually rely on"? Maybe you're able to see that this didn't reflect any dehumanising on his part?

Oh, but Mike is different of course.🙄

Mike never treats El as anything else but his equal. If he actually put her on a pedestal, he'd constantly be like: "Oh, but I'm sure El can fix it!" for every problem they have, and he'd be disappointed and shocked to witness her humanity - her flaws, her needs, her imperfections.

Well, he doesn't. On the contrary, he tries to provide for her every need, reminding others of them, is worried about her overexerting herself (which you hated on a moment ago, but now strangely seem to have forgotten), and never pushes her to fight for them. He's also always the one who wants to provide a back-up for her, to not let her fight alone or do everything for them (like in the caves in s2, or in s3 when they try to overturn the car in the mall).

Okay, and my personal favourite: "He also does this with Dustin and Will" So I'm guessing you're referring to Mike telling Dustin in s1 that his cleidocranial dysplasia is like a superpower, after being bullied; and in s2, when he tells Will he's like a super-spy now. And of course telling El that she's a superhero.

And you think this is bad????????

😳

Sorry, I just....HOW? He's literally reassuring Dustin that he not only accepts him as he is, but that his difference is cool, he compares him to the coolest people they know and admire, the super heroes from comics. He's trying to cheer him up after he got humiliated for being different. I mean...I guess if he had given him a hug, you would have found a way to interpret that as bad.😬

And the same with Will - he sees that his friend is barely keeping it together, he's rightly panicking, because he's possessed by an interdimensional monster, but Mike finds a way to distract him, invite his mind to see things in a different way that actually EMPOWERS him, reassuring him that they won't let the monster spy back, and again, this is bad, because?

Or do you mean it's only bad when he does it with El?😂 Because it's the same thing. He's trying to reassure her that she's not a monster, that he loves her.

And once again - when she shows in s4 that she doesn't like something he's doing (not saying "I love you"), he accepts that, he feels bad, and tries to give her exactly what she asked for at the next opportunity!

Apparently you didn't see that either.

And "he never compliments her personality". How many hoops do you want him to jump through?🤣

Mike shows that he loves and respects El all the time, he doesn't need to say "You have an awesome personality." for El to feel that. And she never expressed any need for that. Does Hopper compliment Joyce's personality to her face? Did Joyce do that for Hopper? Did Nancy do that for Steve or Jonathan or vice versa? Did Max say that to Lucas? I guess Lucas is the only one who really loves his partner, because he did that once.🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Oh, and of course, the whole monologue at the end of s4 doesn't count, because. "I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days, I love you without your powers, I love you with your powers...I love you exactly for who you are."

That's somehow not valid, hm?

Mike can't win in your eyes, because you don't want him to. This is called scapegoating, btw.

Lastly, it's strange that you have a reference to him in your username, when you clearly think he's so horrible and accuse him of all this...together with a reference to Will...hmm...how mysterious....🙄🙄🙄 Almost like you had double standards for a certain agenda.🤔

*Drops mic*

[mayandjuly1811]

This is such a bad take that I saw on Twitter.

First, Lumity is the main ship and sapphic representation of the show, not Huntlow. Luz and Amity have been officially dating for months, so it's normal for them to kiss a few times on screen. It's a big win for the LGBT+ community. 

Also, Raeda is another side ship, but why does Raeda still have one kiss scene, but Huntlow doesn't have any?

Because both ships are more romantically explicit than Huntlow.

For instance, Luz and Amity ask each other out, call each other girlfriends, and other people acknowledge their relationship.

Meanwhile, Hunter and Willow don't have any of those. There's no explicit scene of them asking each other out. All they did was holding each other's pinkies. If you remove all the blushes of Hunter and Willow in S3 but still with the same conversations and interaction, they look like just normal friends. That's why even though I accept that Huntlow is canon, I don't really believe they're actually dating. Seeing them kiss is kind of forced and out of nowhere, personally.

Second, Luz looks depressed in this scene, and Amity wants to comfort her and to make her feel better. That's Amity's purpose, not because she wants to cling on Luz or act possessively.  It's normal to comfort your partner when you see them get upset. After Luz pulls away, Amity doesn't ask why Luz does that or continues to get closer to Luz. She respects Luz's boundaries and changes the subject.

 

Lastly, saying Luz doesn't need comfort from Amity is OOC of her. She does need comfort, but she thinks she doesn't deserve it. In FTF, Luz is still planning to stay in the Human Realm forever, which means she will have to leave Amity behind. Luz doesn't want Amity to get too attached to her because it will be more hurtful when they have to separate.

Additionally, Luz's depression is explicitly shown in S3, everyone knows, Camilla even talks to Willow and Gus about that.

So Amity knows Luz is traumatized, and is she supposed to leave Luz alone with her grief like that? With no comfort? Before FTF, Luz still accepts Amity's affection without pushing her away. Before going to the portal, Amity kisses Luz's cheek, Luz accepts that and even smiles at Amity. This means Luz doesn't feel annoyed when Amity comforts her and she certainly never tells Amity to leave her alone before.

If Amity gets closer to Luz to comfort her, people will say she's clingy and annoying. But if Amity didn't do that, people would say she's a bad girlfriend for not comforting Luz when she's depressed, or Luz and Amity's relationship has no understanding, comforting and connection. There's no winning, seriously.

[variousqueerthings]

so the thing is, back when i first watched s3 of elementary i was not a fan of joan coming to this moment of "oh maybe i should break up with my stable, attractive, nice, charming boyfriend" only for him to immediately die, because it felt like a cop-out -- that she'd almost come to some kind of moment in figuring herself out, but now she'd be regressing into "oh well, i can't have romantic relationships because it's dangerous, not because i don't want them," there will forever be a tinge of something in her relationship with andrew now, even though she was literally in the process of breaking up with him because it wasn't doing anything for her. a certain rose tint over what was actually happening, which was that she wasn't into the idea of the relationship, or indeed, any romantic relationship

however this time around i'm more into it, because this time i'm suuuuch a fan of the continuous push and pull of introspection and refusal to introspect that exist in both sherlock and joan -- getting the emotional truth out of either of them is like pulling fucking teeth!

the fact that the "aftermath episode" of her bf getting murdered in which joan is steadfastly refusing to Feel Her Feelings is the same episode as the sherlock-and-marcus excursion, in which marcus bell is telling sherlock over and over "call me marcus" and sherlock's grimace makes it clear that too much vulnerability feels like getting stabbed, something he's only allowed five times it seems:

two are with people who are locked up (jamie and abigail, although the latter has some serious extenuating circumstances)

one is dead (alistair, and even then i feel like alistair never knew how much he meant to sherlock)

one is on the run from the law atm (kitty, although i know she works that out)

and joan

(and arguably mycroft, but that's slightly different, they're siblings, being a sibling is smthinsmthin)

and even with them -- with the exception of joan and previously jamie -- he is oh so very careful about how much of himself he shows

it's such a fascinating double-up episode exploring their attitudes towards relationships (the fact that jamie makes a form of appearance and it's via writing a letter to joan!!!!) (also ofc sherlock calls him marcus by the end)

and now back to joan, who is ostensibly much more "adjusted" to living a conventional life, after all she's prepped for conventional since she was a kid! except she really isn't, is she? she's canonically trying to fulfill some assumed goal of normalcy (stated to be expected of her by her mother/upbringing), and she's fighting against it every step of the way. she doesn't do close friendships really (she tried, and she sucked at it until she started meeting people more like sherlock, and then it's a little closer to the way he does "friendships" that is, we create a wide network of people, but we don't have to know that much about each other beyond what we need to support one another), and she certainly doesn't do romance (or, she tries for a bit, but fails over and over) and the entire time she's insistently going "sherlock you need support to figure yourself out, you need some help to stay sober, if you want to talk..."

her whole Thing is that she's very polite and charming, so of course she's not like her standoffish abrasive partner, sherlock, she's the "Nomal One" who's so well-adjusted, except when this life forces her to make decisions beyond her control

and now going "well, i'm dangerous to get close to, so i may as well not try anymore" is another wonderful way to avoid thinking about what she wants. she doesn't have any choices you see, it's simply the way things have to be (oh noooo). anyway this interaction suddenly happens halfway through the episode:

joan: you know i pulled away from you last year because uh… i felt myself sucked into this world that you built. i wanted something normal. something that was mine. sherlock: there's nothing wrong with that. you have a right to your own space, physically and mentally joan: im not sure that i do. i don't think i can keep our work and my private life separate. it just doesn't seem possible. but you already know that, i mean it's part of the reason you life the way that you do sherlock: yes but my choices dont have to be your choices watson joan: it might be better if they were. andrew would have been better off

see, andrew would have been better off, that's what the problem was, suuuuuuure. girl you were in the middle of dumping him when he was murdered, stop avoiding the real issue here! you shouldn't not-be-dating because of The Work, you should be not dating because you... don't want to. you've got to admit that you like the world you were getting sucked into. do it!

(once she's made the change to wearing suits, we know she's started to sort herself out, it's coming, she'll get there)

end of the episode:

joan: i feel... ok. i feel clear about something: our work, what we do... it's not just a job now, it's who i am. i'm a detective, i'm ready to embrace that. i live in this world - your world - and i probably will for the rest of my life sherlock: it isn't my world. it's our world joan: i understand that now. i accept it, i know what it means sherlock: and what does it mean? joan: it means that... it's ridiculous for me to think that... i can have a normal life. i'm not gonna do that anymore.

joan i want to study you like a bug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(but also, youknow, if it's getting her there, then let her think it's the detective work enacting upon her life like an unstoppable force that she must stop fighting and accept the inevitability of. youknow. that's an aromantic way of looking at things too. can't do romance, oh so unfortunate, but The Work!!!!!!!!!)

[chronicallyaunline]

Neurodiversity in Star Trek TNG S3 E20: “Tin Man”

Tam Elbrun: It worries you that I can’t read your mind?

Data: Perhaps there is nothing to read. Nothing more than mechanisms and algorithmic responses.

Tam Elbrun: Perhaps you’re just different. It’s not a sin, you know, though you may have heard otherwise.

Many autistic Star Trek enthusiasts see themselves in Lt Cdr Data, an android who was designed without the ability to experience emotion (though there is plenty of context to suggest that he merely experiences emotion differently from other people). While Data and certain other characters are widely considered to be neurodivergent by fans, the earlier series are rarely so explicit about neurodivergence as in the TNG episode “Tin Man.” This episode introduced Tam Elbrun, a Betazoid who is unusually proficient in negotiation with sentient non-humanoid organisms. It is made abundantly clear that Elbrun is considered neurodivergent among Betazoids, as he possesses a telepathic ability that is so powerful it becomes debilitating.

Counsellor Troi states that Betazoids normally come into their telepathic abilities in adolescence, but a small minority are born with their abilities. Troi also says that those children require early diagnosis and intervention so that they can be taught to manage the overwhelming experience of being aware of the minds of others before their own brains are capable of handling it. At least in the case of Elbrun, that power seems to continue to grow with age. By the time we meet an adult Elbrun, he experiences the emotions and thoughts of others so powerfully that he is disabled by being in the presence of large numbers of sentient minds. The one exception is Data, as Elbrun is unable to read his unique mind.

Data and Elbrun have opposite experiences of emotion. Data cannot feel emotion in a traditional capacity, and Elbrun cannot stop experiencing it. Neither one is capable of experiencing normal social bonds because of the intensity of their differences, yet they find some companionship through their similarities. Ironically their opposite experiences are both representative of autism. Autistic people tend to experience much lower or much higher empathy than the average person, both of which can prevent us from socializing normatively with others. To me, the most important part of this episode is that it is so ahead of its time in how it approaches people with unusual brains. Difference is not wrong, and it does not cancel out your basic humanity. Star Trek TNG aired years before I was born, but there are plenty of modern shows that would do well to treat their characters more like this.

[yourstormthlaylirahh]

Normally I'd chalk up the massive difference in audience reaction to Bridgerton S3 as being between period drama lovers who want a bit more of the accuracy and seriousness of a proper period drama, and those looking for a vaguely historical bodice ripper. But S3 fails even on the second count. Are we all watching the same show?

Literally the 1 good thing I can say about Polin is, out of context, some of the sex scenes are kinda hot. That's it.

Colin has no personality, becoming the blandest kind of love interest whose sole 'personality' trait is loving the MC. There's no consistency in any of his morals or traits, he says whatever the plot needs him to say for the sake of our Mary Sue MC Penelope.

Penelope never experiences any real lasting consequences for the harm she caused and will continue to cause as Lady WD but we are always supposed to feel sorry for her and root for her. Why? The writers don't show us any compelling reason, so they have various ooc lines telling us how extraordinary she is. Why is she extraordinary? Profiting off of gossip that ruined or almost ruined the lives of people who trusted her. Sooooo inspiring

This is a nightmare, and I hope they don't do Francesa, Benedict, or their favourite punching bag Eloise dirty in their seasons (free Eloise from Phillip. She deserves so much better and the writers are massively unfair to her character)

[kaokass]

*EPISODE 8 SPOILERS*

I don't understand all the negativity around this episode, from a certain part of the fandom. (actually i know very well why you're upset...but let's pass)

I absolutely loved Louis' revenge part, you could argue that it was way too fast paced but let's be honest, did you want it to last a whole episode? All the vampires were in the same place and asleep he had the advantage the only confrontation that we needed to see in more detailed was the one with Santiago, and as much as he is evil, Santiago is a ''young'' vampire right ?Louis could easily have the upper hand so it was a quick fight,it was satisfying .

I'm not going to dwell too much on the dungeon part because I don't think it happened like that. We're probably still in Louis' modified memories by Armand, so let's move on.

Why a powerful vampire like Armand would be threatened by Louis and not defend himself? Probably shame, disbelief and shock! He didn't expect that to happen at all! It was nice seeing Louis regains a little "power" i wasn't expecting a big fight and I think it's only the first confrontation.

Louis was literally glowing the moment he came back to New Orleans, chatting with the cab driver, smiling and all. He is not even back to the old Louis,no it's a new Louis!

Finally the reunion with a Lestat who was not even surprised to see him there, he was waiting for him and knew it was his Louis. Really appreciated that they spoke openly,one of their biggest problem is obvious lack of communication?? Them grieving the loss of their daughter and admitting they failed her .

I know that everyone has already made hundreds of metaphors about them hugging during the the hurricane but it was visually very beautiful. Despite all the storms in their lives it's always Louis and Lestat 🖤

So if they really met in New Orleans,it's Lestat's first real appearance on the show ?Well he was much more 'normal' than the way he was described by Louis and Armand, less flamboyant? But we must take into consideration that after the events in Paris he was surely no longer the same and lived a recluse life's, healing... I could never hate you Lestat.

I didn't talk about Armand/Louis and Daniel/Armand because I honestly don't know what to say there is probably more to come in s3. Devil minioners there's no better way to start the big DM Adventures!

Louis back in Dubai and talking with Daniel like two besties, please writers you absolutely have to develop this friendship we need to see their dynamic. I know that Daniel is thriving, accepted and adapted to vampirism so well

Claudia's dress and Paul portrait,can i cry? Two of most violent losses in his life, the ones to whom he never got to say goodbye and feels responsible for their deaths.They are here with him forever,the tree is gone just like Armand.

I'm not really sure about the interpretation but Louis casually declaring war on the other vampires,after finally accepting his vampirism? he is that guy!

Look at all the colors,he is Really free after almost 80 years in a black and cold controlled prison.The photography on this show is no joke each plans could be framed on a wall.

I probably forgot a lot but it's already really long! But I don't forget to once again thanks Jacob Anderson for his multi-layered interpretation of Louis. obviously i say it every days and i will continue to say it, give that man every awards.

[luccksks]

Mike's behavior in season 3

I find Mike's behavior in S3 a little curious and suspicious, as always he is trying to deny some things or his behavior in this season, and it has importance in the next season. I will try to make my thoughts make sense, because I don't know how to explain myself most of the time ghfdsjk

Throughout the third season, we see how Mike does not want to play D&D with Will, or how he says that games are for children, and they are no kids anymore, that they have grown up, and how Mike focuses more on El, because she is his girlfriend. even Will points this out in the rain fight. That Will thought yes, that they were always going to play together, but Mike answers that no, that they are not kids anymore (Which is quite funny, because later in S4 it is seen that Mike wanted to play D&D, that's why he ends up joining the hellfire club with Dustin, and since at the end of S3 he doesn't want Will to put the game in the donation box)

In short, he believes that since he is older, it is normal for you to stop liking games, and to behave less like a child. But still, Mike is desperate to play D&D again, with Will, and other games, and he shows it at the end of the season, both in Hopper's dialogue (I'll show it later) and in the last scene they have together this season

In the last episode, Mike shows his concern about losing Will, thinking Will will join another party, or not playing with Will again (although he has previously shown that he was not interested in playing with him).

And it is a curious contrast, how with Will he is not afraid to show that he wants to continue playing with him, and he is afraid of losing him (Even if he doesn't say it, we can see it) And how with El he has to pretend, and remember himself "That made me sound like a seven-year-old" although he doesn't think that and he's really excited to be able to play, because you can tell he says it with some enthusiasm, but he ends up retracting it, and saying that it sounds like a kid, which is he's been saying all season. And it's not until she says "I like presents, too" that Mike says "Yeah, I like- I like presents too."

And I don't know, it just seems to me that Mike is trying to behave in a way that is not him, when he is with El (Beyond the most obvious), since all the times that Mike has tried to be funnier she didn't like it, like in episode 1 when Mike is singing and Eleven tries to silence him, or in episode 4 when Mike takes the mannequin to try to make a joke and Eleven makes a bad face, but anyways

Mike is afraid of losing Will, he is AFRAID that things will change between them, and Hopper's dialogue (Which is very important here) is VERY them, and is made to show the emotions of Will and Mike, but above all Mike, perfectly reflecting Mike's feelings throughout this season and next, and, perhaps explaining his behavior this season

In this scene the focus is on Mike, the camera focuses on Mike, because they are Mike's feelings towards Will, Will even says that, in the painting scene, I don't have a photo of that, but in 4x08, minute 17:25, Will says "Or she[I] seemed like she[I] was pushing you away is because she's[I] scared of losing you, like you're scared of losing her" they both feel like they're pulling away from each other

"I was worrying too much about El" This is what Will what he said to Mike in the rain fight, and Mike admits it, he was worrying a lot about Eleven, and he was leaving his friends aside, a parallel to Nancy, in the first season, that when she was dating Steve, she left Barbara, her best friend, alone. "I feel I lost you or something" Mike felt like he was losing Will, who is also named in Hopper's dialogue, taking into account that during those 6 months they spend apart, Mike calls Will, but Will almost never answered. + the whole season 3 theme, Mike worrying a lot about El, and feeling like he was losing him

Honestly, in their heart-to-heart there are many references to Hopper's dialogue, and they are always referring to pulling away from the other, feeling lost, or losing the other.

Continuing with Hopper's dialogue, just after saying "You're pulling me away or something" he says:

"I miss playing board games every night" D&D is a board game, and in S1, you can see that the party played at night, but they don't play as much as before, because they have grown up, and Mike misses that, just like many other things

The dialogue then continues talking about other things, referring to El, to Joyce, but suddenly it focuses on Mike, when he says "Changing" Mike is changing, he knows it ("Mike is trying to be as normal as possible"), but he is afraid of changing, and that things will change too

And then, when he says that he doesn't want things to change, because he's afraid, the focus is on Will, that means that he doesn't want things to change with Will, he's afraid, he's afraid of losing him, and taking into account that before he says " You're a pulling away from me or something", so Mike has felt a change, and it scares him. There has been a clear rift between Will and him since S1, and that is why season 4, he says "I feel I lost you" and "I think it'll be easier if we're a team. Friend. Best friends" he corrects himself, remembering Will's words at Rink-O-Mania when Will told him "We used to be best friends."

I really don't know what it is referring to here, other than that Mike wants to stop that change, and make things go back to the way they were between him and Will. It reminds me of the scene where Mike goes crying to his mother after seeing Will's "dead body", and his mother hugs him to comfort him.

Now, let's talk a little about the songs at the end of the season

In this scene The First I love you plays, when El says I love you to Mike, and they kiss. But can we see Mike with a slightly... confused face? He doesn't return the kiss, he stays with his eyes open, Mike is in front of a closet (in Will's room) And with a light in his head, I don't know. And we could say that the title of the song is romantic and this song is made for them, because El tells him I love you and they kiss, but that song also appears in a scene that is a coming out of the closet...

The First I love you (The "love you" is not in capital letters, considering that all the song titles in Stranger Things are in capital letters, which I think the song does not have such a romantic meaning) It also plays when Robin tells Steve that she is a lesbian, and that in reality she didn't like him, but rather the girl who kept looking at him. And it's even more curious, because The First I love you, is a remix of The First Lie, which plays when Jonathan and Nancy kiss for the first time, after saying that they were just friends, and they didn't like each other (a Lie ). And in the two scenes where The First I love you plays, there is a lie, and a confession, or a truth that comes to light, I wouldn't say it's entirely like that, because Mike doesn't say it with words, but with body language, as I said before, not kissing back (in front of a closet) and then looking confused

(Here the songs, at least to me, they sound almost the same)

And taking this into account, we can say that The First I love you is more platonic than romantic + a lie

Steve tells Robin (who at that moment has a crush on Robin) that he likes her, and Robin tells him that she is not like the other girls, because she likes girls, and that is the first lie, when she implied that he was the one she liked, but in the end she ended up being honest with him.

Mike doesn't kiss El back when she kisses him (who at that moment has a crush on Mike) He doesn't even say anything, but Mike implies that he likes El, but that's Mike's first lie, he doesn't like girls, he doesn't like El in that way, because he likes boys.

And honestly, the fact that the one song, called The First I love you, plays in a coming out scene, and in another where Mike doesn't kiss El back and then gets confused is very… well, and taking into account that it is a remix of The First Lie…

But well, that's it for my analysis, thank you for reading it and sorry if it was too long, or it was not understood as I wanted it to be understood, but hey, Byler Endgame :)

[whosthere54]

Prison duo playlist analysis Day 2 - Against the kitchen floor by Will Wood

Oooh this song. It’s coded for reasons- and I’m going to get into them. I’m doing a sort of a line by line because I’m a loser about this song and PrisonDuo.

I’d say this is just an Icarus perspective of their relationship.

(Also- Most of the songs on this playlist are /r coded including this one- if you’re not here for the /r prison duo agenda (which idk how you could exist at this point but honestly I’ve been in enough fandoms to know better-) you probably won’t like this playlist nor my blog/lh 🥰)

Back to the song-

The line that made me really go yeah- that’s very coded- is the “I swear, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m not a good person, I’m barely a person at all- but someday all be perfect, and I’ll make up for it all” version of the chorus. I just- mm. It’s so Icarus coded in my opinion.

“I don’t owe you my heart, and I don’t owe you my body. But you should know that I’m sorry, for being careless with you. Lord knows I owe you more than I’m pretty sure I could give anybody”

Y’know- the first thing I think of is the amount of times they apologized for the prison, and then Centross continuously forgiving and reassuring them about it. Reassuring them that they don’t owe him an apology- that they don’t owe him anything really. If I’m making it solely focused on their relationship I feel as though that carried over as not just specifically about the prison.

“So, I could hold your hand but keep you at arms length. Or hang me from a branch too high to climb and shake. Less rare than scare, less diamond than rough, unlikely to be more than just a coal you fail to crush”

Mmm. Two things- the idea of isolation and how that would relate to them being in a relationship, and moreso the idea of this is what I am- and I’m trying to be more but it’s not working and this is all I can be- can you love me anyway? That the whole song has throughout. Which- it’s very Icarus coded in my opinion. Their whole arc being of “I’m trying to be better but I can’t and if you can’t love me like that then I don’t need to be around you and I don’t need to keep trying to get you to do so” and the “Fable loves me like this so why try to be anything else if one person I care about actually shows they love me in the way that I need to be shown love”

I could talk about this in particular- a lot- but I’m leaving it at that.

“Get together Will, know and do better. It just doesn’t come natural to me to think that you’d want me for me.”

Putting on a show, wearing a mask- making up a personality or alternatively- doing something for someone to make someone like you. Oh Icarus Morningstar and your potions- you little alchemist loser.

“I swear I’m really trying. Oh I’m sorry, I promise I’m doing my best. I just haven’t learned how to be human as you are yet.”

That’s a line for sure. I just haven’t learned how to be human as you are yet is such a banger lyric man.

I think of how Centross was on a road to healing- he had his partners, and was building and was doing breakfast and ahhhh. I cry about that but also Icarus was decidedly not- Icarus was still dealing with ‘quixis’, Icarus was dealing with the whack hurting people- Icarus was barely healed from their wings changing and shattering. Icarus *just got their dad back* icarus is still dealing with the fact that the whack caused the reset and switched fable out for Haley- oh icarus and Haley in this season-

Basically- Icarus is having a time in s3 that’s for sure. They haven’t learned how to exist remotely normally in the way that others in the grove have. They haven’t had the chance to move on- more and more happening to them that just throws everything off that they’re trying to do. They haven’t learned how to heal the same way Centross had been on the road to doing yet.

“I still don’t know who you are, all I know is I’m still lonely.”

Oh Icarus and loneliness. Also Icarus and not knowing Centross fully. They know him better than others, yeah, but they don’t know him in the way they both want to- the way they were *getting* to before he went and *died*- yet. They understand eachother more than anyone else- they experienced so much together through the resets in a way that technically had them in some of their most vulnerable moments with eachother but they- moreso Icarus- never got to fully move past that. They didn’t get to have that peaceful time of hanging out just to hang out. Centross comes to see them when he heard they were hurt- or when he knows they need to get out of their house but they haven’t pulled him to hang out first yet. They didn’t reach the point of starting to seek him out yet- that point of you could say vulnerability and coming out willingly of that isolation to say “hey- I don’t want to be alone and I want to see u. Wanna hang out?” That they need to reach. (The only time they came close was in looping the beginning where they sat on the ice. But that was reaching to him so they could offer comfort and conversation- and I think those are two different things. Also- place of rebirth if I remember correctly started with them messaging him first but I don’t know if I’m remembering right so let’s just stick with looping the beginning)

“That morbid sort that company can’t cure and the more you reassure the less I trust…”

Hahah. Icarus Morningstar and not believing when people are affectionate to you. Not taking the kindness and reassurance at face value and trying to find a deeper reason for it happening and seeing it as pity that only leads to more isolation.

“But you gave me your heart! I only gave you my body. Honestly thought no one would want it, let alone know it’s gone”

Mm. Centross still trusting them- giving them forgiveness and reassurance and over and over again showing that trust in them because they need it. Actively choosing to hang out with them- to be around them when there are other options of people to be around at the moment. Just- *choosing them* time and time again. Him giving Icarus his trust and love. They haven’t gotten to that level of trust yet- not continuously- not over and over yet. They’ve had moments showing that trust, yes, in Place of Rebirth when drinking with him especially, as well as Avian’s Solace where they let him give them a tattoo- a permanent reminder- and their conversation in front of the wall. Both times ending with him staying the night with them- at-least staying until they fall asleep. But- that’s all I can give them in that department. They just reached that point- and then everything went to shit :)

(Also consequences with the cleaning but that was just them catching up with eachother moreso- even if it’s so ahhh Icarus opening up about an injury and talking about how their feeling? In this economy??/lh But fr- they have dealt with things like that themself until that point and opening up about that is a big step for them. And he knows that.)

“Honestly thought no one would want it, let alone know it’s gone” this makes me feel- feelings. I don’t know what in particular this feels like with Icarus- maybe is simply him knowing they need something, knowing they need to get out of the house, to socialize, to talk, to exist with another person. Just- seeing them and noticing and understanding. “Let alone know it’s gone” let alone know their not taking care of themself- know they’re struggling and need someone else even though he also knows they’d *never* ask for help themself. I’m not sure- that doesn’t feel quite right but it’s all I can think of at the moment.

“I’ve lived more lives than enough, I haven’t died quite as much, but I’m not a real person just the shit you can’t make up”

Now tell me that isn’t just Icarus??? It’s just them- even if you ignore the whole whack part- the resets. Each reset being caused because of one of their deaths. “I’m not a real person just the shit you can’t make up” now I say this is whack and stuff involved- just. They’re not fully themself- y’know?

“Did I really have any of that gravity maybe your quicksand because I really couldn’t tell how deep my footprints went.“

Did I really have that effect on you? Did I really make you love me for me and not for what I’m doing for you? Also- You sucked me in I didn’t realize how close I was to you until just now and I don’t want to ruin what we have.

They don’t know how much other people cared, I think. That’s how I perceive the line of “I really couldn’t tell how deep my footprints went” or something like that.

“I’m catatonic in your arms, crying ‘How did I cause so much harm’”

Oh. Mhm. Yeah. Yep. Oh Icarus and wanting to fix everything they’ve done wrong.

“I’m pounding my head against the kitchen floor, apologizing for my life and ever entering yours.”

:( feelings

“Don’t say ‘I’m sorry but this can’t go on’ I know you’ve got scars of your own but hide my knives before you go I’ll either live or die alone.”

again- wow I feel this is coded.

Please if you’re leaving and I know you will just help the threatening/bad thoughts go away- because if you don’t I won’t be able to live like this anymore. I can’t exist like this without your help- without you to keep me from drowning.

He’s helping keep them “sane”- he was their anchor I think so when he died they go off the rails.

“I’ll either live or die alone” is self explanatory I think. Icarus and isolation again. Maybe I can bring up again the thought of Icarus knowing after everything they do before the finale is fixed they won’t be able to talk to everyone or interact like they did before. I think they know the consequences of their actions- their walking headfirst into it because if they fix this for them they’ll all be so much happier even with that knowing that nobody would want to be around them after what they did no matter if they fixed it or not.

“I swear, I will die trying. I’m still in the process but I’m making progress. I promise, I honestly want to prove improvement is possible”

They want so badly to do better. They do. And they made so so much improvement before Fable messed it up.

“I swear, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m not a good person I’m barely a person at all but one day I’ll be perfect and I’ll make up for it all.”

Woah- their character arc! It’s right there! Their motives!

Self explanatory- “I’m not a good person but I’m going to fix it and it will all be okay when I do” mentality.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

So yeah- that’s me yelling about Icarus Morningstar. Hope you enjoyed I guess? Feel free to add your opinions about this song and stuff I’d love to see that /nf

The image chosen from my prison duo Pinterest board today is-

My beloveds. Ahhh. Me when. Maybe I have a fic about this with them because mmmm. They need that- I think.

So- I hope you enjoy my incoherent ramblings. That’s what my blog is about isn’t it? /lh

You are so loved! Go take any meds you need to and eat and drink water if you haven’t yet! I hope you have a lovely rest of your scrolling through tumblr /lh <3