I'm deeply unwell about Siffrin growing up after the island incident. I am deeply unwell when I think about the fact that they have nothing as the second oldest adult in the party and what that implies about their childhood. I am deeply unwell about how that informed his self esteem and thoughts on what it means to be loved. I am deeply unwell about the bad influences that were in his life. I am deeply unwell about the fact that they probably had to give up anything that wasnt necessary for survival. I am deeply unwell about the fact that they probably had to work from a young age to live. I am deeply unwell about the fact he probably never got a proper education. I am deeply unwell about all that was lost for Siffrin, and how they can never go home again. I am deeply unwell about the fact that Siffrin didn't have a childhood, and now never will.
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myung jaehyun is absolutely, hands down, the best leader for boynextdoor.
I always stand by the leader of groups being the best leaders for their groups, but it’s definitely a role that they have to grow into and improve constantly on. just like any other position in the group. just like any other thing you do.
that said, until the fanmeeting, I didn’t quite have the words to truly express why I feel so strongly about jaehyun’s role as the boynextdoor leader—especially as I think to a lot of non-onedoor, it can seem a bit confusing or not apparent at first. which mostly comes from jaehyun sitting outside the norm for a leader (particularly in hybe bgs) at least in personality.
jaehyun is loud. that’s like… something well known about him. he’s talkative and playful and despite being shy, he’s definitely the kind of person to enter the room knowing no one and leave with at least 5 new friends. his approach to people is one that feels very open and bright.
for this reason, I do think many people might not first associate him with the leader role. with most groups, the most energetic member is probably not the first considered as “oh yeah that’s the leader”. jaehyun is all the playful and energy-filled that usually comes with the member who the leader needs to keep an eye on the most and eventually has a bunch of youtube compilation videos.
that said, these qualities are exactly why I think he makes such a great leader for boynextdoor. as mentioned in the fanmeeting day 2 ending ments, the members of bonedo are the type of people to put up a straight face and keep their struggles to themselves. as woonhak and they have expressed, an example being woonhak putting on a smile and performing, despite dealing with grief. they’re very much the people to not make their problems someone else’s and to maintain a collected image in front of others.
while I also think jaehyun does this, as most people who are leaders may tend to for the sake of their groups, he’s also very very very unapologetically himself. he feels so much. his tendency to cry being a prime example of that, though not the only. the point is that jaehyun is expressive and open and in this, jaehyun contrasts with his members.
as woonhak has stated before, jaehyun has expressed that it’s okay for him to cry, to need to take a break, to sit this one out. jaehyun in general approaches his members with a lot of care. but overall, the stand out is that I believe jaehyun navigates along the lines of… feelings are meant to be felt. he has no qualms with any emotion being felt the way it occurs to us. yes there are ways to handle them, but ultimately, the feeling—whatever it may be—is there to be felt and expressed.
this is also seen in how he interacts with his members. in his very tactile approach to express the love and care he has for the rest of bonedo. the pride he feels for them. whatever words I’m not able to formulate to describe the whole yeppi exchange between him and sungho in the 3rd comeback show special.
it’s also in his loudness and energy. it’s all about expression. he’s so much, but it only feels that way, in my opinion, because he’s overwhelmingly unafraid and unapologetic of being himself, in a way that the industry might otherwise discourage. he’s not against expressing how he feels and while it likely won’t be the most apparent until later in their careers, I do think he’s the type to speak his mind.
all that said, the point is that these qualities do exist in contrast to his members and thus… encourage them to do the same. maybe not to be speeding around all over the place, but rather to allow themselves the space and time to feel as they do. that they don’t have to keep it all inside to avoid making it other peoples problems. they’re a team, if nothing else. and it’s in jaehyun being so so so much himself, being exactly the person he is, not something specially crafted to fit a particular image, he encourages the other members to be the same.
jaehyun helps to curate a safe space within their group by exhibiting that there’s nothing wrong with being the person they are. to feel whatever they feel. to express when things are going good or bad or somewhere in between. to approach things as they come and take them in stride, even if it’s without prior planning. that if a leader is meant to push a group forward and help them grow, then jaehyun steps up to the plate in that art cannot be made without emotion and so to become better artists, to continue being artists, it’s so important to find the safe spaces of being able to express and feel everything as they should be felt.
this is why I think jaehyun has some of the strongest lyricism currently in the group. it’s why I think he was a powerful force coming into KOZ and bonedo, and sort of the missing piece. he feels so much and he allows himself to feel all of it. in turn, as the leader, it’s something he encourages in the members. it’s leading by example. jaehyun builds a safe space for them to express, by being open himself.
but beyond that, jaehyun being unapologetically himself becomes an unstoppable sort of barrier between the group and outside the group. while not as apparent now, I do think it’ll grow into him being a strong adovcate for each of the members and the group as a whole. the group matters to him. his members matter to him. jaehyun’s never going to act as if they don’t, so long as they do. as such, he’ll put them first. he’ll encourage them and their best interest. he provides space and works to create and maintain that space for them to express themselves and be themselves. it’s what makes jaehyun the best leader for bonedo now, and it’s what will allow him to continue to do so.
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i'm being haunted by nightwing bruce
join me in my protective circle where we imagine a better world in which, given the event that someone has to temporarily take over for nightwing, it’s obviously tim drake in the suit.
beyond the fact that he has the skillset and a closer physique and that he’s not, to my knowledge, even up to anything right now, it would be so narratively satisfying! he was dick’s protégé! he’s currently trying to figure out his own identity and has always been both striving to be dick and also lurking in dick’s shadow! how would dick feel seeing tim put on another one of his suits and face down even more of his enemies! it would be such a good dynamic and heal so many wounds (including, on a meta level, offering the tiniest bit of redemption for dc doing ric grayson instead of putting tim in the suit the last time).
🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️
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I had this stupid idea that Will would fuck with Hannibal in their injured and sick states after the fall. Maybe out of spite that they're both still alive. Just one time. Will had a nasty fever that broke recently but isn't quite in the clear when it comes to concerns it may come back. Hannibal miscalculated the amount of food they had for the next couple weeks when he was semi-high on pain meds, so he has to reluctantly go out and leave Will alone to go and grab food supplies (Chiyoh is too busy finishing an errand for Hannibal on the other side of the area they're residing in, so she can't come watch him. Hannibal is out for half an hour). Lucid enough to be in the mood to fuck with him, Will just shoots him a text that says "Happy birthday. My limbs are numb :)" even though it's not even close to Hannibal's birthday. Then almost as soon as he sends the text, his phone lights up and he gets 15 calls in a row from Hannibal, all which he lets go to voicemail. Hannibal rushes home and finds Will laughing so hard he thinks it's delirium from the fever returning. But the only way he could be seen as having delirium is from laughing so hard he can't think straight. Hannibal is almost as pissed as he was in Mizumono. The crowd cheers. Obama is there,
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Other trans people are not your enemy.
This goes for both trans women & fems and trans men & mascs. There are popular trans women twitter accounts telling young trans women that trans men do not care about them and simultaneously denying trans men face any transphobia, there are popular trans men on tumblr telling young trans men that trans women do not care about our oppression, pointing to the lack of talk about murdered trans men as proof.
And some of these points are fair, we should listen to each other more about our struggles. But you are making that difficult. Do you think a trans woman wants to listen to someone who accuses all trans women of hating trans men and not caring about our struggles? Do you think trans men want to listen to someone who says tells people that trans men are future terfs and will never care about trans womens struggles?
Are we not all just sides of the same dice? Are we not all facing oppression from transphobes? Terfs write books about how trans men are mutilating themselves and articles about predatory trans women in bathrooms, republicans fund legislation targeting trans surgeries and hormones, which affects all of us.
And even if we did not face the same struggles, why are we divided? Again, are we not all the same, simply trying to be ourselves in our own bodies? We can each talk about our own struggles, the difficulties we face and the joys we experience without the opposite being true of the other, infact more often than not it's extremely similar and I think we'd benefit from listening to each other more.
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