#they’ve got eldest members for that

[boynextdoorcoverpoison]

myung jaehyun is absolutely, hands down, the best leader for boynextdoor.

I always stand by the leader of groups being the best leaders for their groups, but it’s definitely a role that they have to grow into and improve constantly on. just like any other position in the group. just like any other thing you do.

that said, until the fanmeeting, I didn’t quite have the words to truly express why I feel so strongly about jaehyun’s role as the boynextdoor leader—especially as I think to a lot of non-onedoor, it can seem a bit confusing or not apparent at first. which mostly comes from jaehyun sitting outside the norm for a leader (particularly in hybe bgs) at least in personality.

jaehyun is loud. that’s like… something well known about him. he’s talkative and playful and despite being shy, he’s definitely the kind of person to enter the room knowing no one and leave with at least 5 new friends. his approach to people is one that feels very open and bright.

for this reason, I do think many people might not first associate him with the leader role. with most groups, the most energetic member is probably not the first considered as “oh yeah that’s the leader”. jaehyun is all the playful and energy-filled that usually comes with the member who the leader needs to keep an eye on the most and eventually has a bunch of youtube compilation videos.

that said, these qualities are exactly why I think he makes such a great leader for boynextdoor. as mentioned in the fanmeeting day 2 ending ments, the members of bonedo are the type of people to put up a straight face and keep their struggles to themselves. as woonhak and they have expressed, an example being woonhak putting on a smile and performing, despite dealing with grief. they’re very much the people to not make their problems someone else’s and to maintain a collected image in front of others.

while I also think jaehyun does this, as most people who are leaders may tend to for the sake of their groups, he’s also very very very unapologetically himself. he feels so much. his tendency to cry being a prime example of that, though not the only. the point is that jaehyun is expressive and open and in this, jaehyun contrasts with his members.

as woonhak has stated before, jaehyun has expressed that it’s okay for him to cry, to need to take a break, to sit this one out. jaehyun in general approaches his members with a lot of care. but overall, the stand out is that I believe jaehyun navigates along the lines of… feelings are meant to be felt. he has no qualms with any emotion being felt the way it occurs to us. yes there are ways to handle them, but ultimately, the feeling—whatever it may be—is there to be felt and expressed.

this is also seen in how he interacts with his members. in his very tactile approach to express the love and care he has for the rest of bonedo. the pride he feels for them. whatever words I’m not able to formulate to describe the whole yeppi exchange between him and sungho in the 3rd comeback show special.

it’s also in his loudness and energy. it’s all about expression. he’s so much, but it only feels that way, in my opinion, because he’s overwhelmingly unafraid and unapologetic of being himself, in a way that the industry might otherwise discourage. he’s not against expressing how he feels and while it likely won’t be the most apparent until later in their careers, I do think he’s the type to speak his mind.

all that said, the point is that these qualities do exist in contrast to his members and thus… encourage them to do the same. maybe not to be speeding around all over the place, but rather to allow themselves the space and time to feel as they do. that they don’t have to keep it all inside to avoid making it other peoples problems. they’re a team, if nothing else. and it’s in jaehyun being so so so much himself, being exactly the person he is, not something specially crafted to fit a particular image, he encourages the other members to be the same.

jaehyun helps to curate a safe space within their group by exhibiting that there’s nothing wrong with being the person they are. to feel whatever they feel. to express when things are going good or bad or somewhere in between. to approach things as they come and take them in stride, even if it’s without prior planning. that if a leader is meant to push a group forward and help them grow, then jaehyun steps up to the plate in that art cannot be made without emotion and so to become better artists, to continue being artists, it’s so important to find the safe spaces of being able to express and feel everything as they should be felt.

this is why I think jaehyun has some of the strongest lyricism currently in the group. it’s why I think he was a powerful force coming into KOZ and bonedo, and sort of the missing piece. he feels so much and he allows himself to feel all of it. in turn, as the leader, it’s something he encourages in the members. it’s leading by example. jaehyun builds a safe space for them to express, by being open himself.

but beyond that, jaehyun being unapologetically himself becomes an unstoppable sort of barrier between the group and outside the group. while not as apparent now, I do think it’ll grow into him being a strong adovcate for each of the members and the group as a whole. the group matters to him. his members matter to him. jaehyun’s never going to act as if they don’t, so long as they do. as such, he’ll put them first. he’ll encourage them and their best interest. he provides space and works to create and maintain that space for them to express themselves and be themselves. it’s what makes jaehyun the best leader for bonedo now, and it’s what will allow him to continue to do so.

[sorrowsofsilence]

the bet • bad omens

pairing: all bad omens members x fem!reader

words: 8.4K • read part two here

warnings: 18+, fwb and lust, smut with each member (you are the bet lol)(penetration pls wrap it b4 u tap it, male!receiving, photos taken, fem!receiving, swearing, nicknames: pretty girl, princess, good girl, baby girl), jealousy, mentions of alcohol/smoking/edibles)

summary: each of them want you- so they decide to make a bet.

note: this is purely self indulgent and filthy lmao, i hope you enjoy.

PS. THIS IS A FANFIC ABOUT REAL PEOPLE IN FICTIONAL SCENARIOS. I AM NOT IMPLYING THIS IS HOW THESE PEOPLE ARE IRL OR THAT THIS SITUATION WOULD HAPPEN. IT IS FOR FANFIC PURPOSES ONLY!

Folio finished licking the wrapper, rolling the buds to form a joint and twisting the end, smiling down at his handy work. Noah sat across from him on the couch, while Jolly opened a beer on the left, placing it on the coffee table.

Ruffilo sat next to Noah, the two sharing a bag of chips and rambling about their prior super smash bros session.

“I always win on little Mac,” Noah mumbled, still salty that Nicholas kicked his ass as Ganondorf.

“Do you?” Ruffilo laughed, shovelling a few chips in his mouth, “I think it’s time to leave little Mac behind.”

Noah sent him a glare in response, before eyeing Folio.

Nick lit the joint, taking a slow drag before blowing the smoke out his nose and leaning across the table to hand it to Noah.

It’s been a while since they got to enjoy each other’s company like this. With five consecutive days off until their next show, and only one day of travel between- this was the longest time to relax that they’ve had this whole tour.

Noah sucked the smoke into his lungs, before passing it to Nicholas, “Man, I’m so glad we finally have some time to catch up on sleep.”

All of them nodded their heads in agreement, sinking into their seats.

Jolly now held the joint between his fingers, rolling it between them, “I don’t think I’ve caught up… ever.”

Nick agreed, scrolling on his phone and hooking up to the room’s speaker, “I’d like to get out and enjoy the scenery too. Go for a walk like a normal human or some shit.”

Noah hummed in agreement, sitting up to take a sip of his water. The room became hazy in no time, the smell of weed pungent and stagnant within the small room; and the conversation jumped from topic to topic.

Eventually, each of them became quiet, only the music ringing between the walls anticipating Nicholas’ question.

“Where’s Y/N? Did she go to bed?”

Noah’s eyes flicked over to Folio, analyzing his expression before darting to Jolly, who stared at the can on the table.

Ruffilo’s gaze danced between the boys as they sat quietly until Jolly spoke.

“Nah. She goes to bed late. Probably busy doing something with Matt.”

His name echoed between each of the members, ringing in their ears with resentment. They loved Matt, but the amount of time he got to spend with the one girl that drove them all mad, made them question his motives.

Folio took a quick puff, passing it over the table to Nicholas, “You think they’ve hooked up?”

Jolly took a long sip of his beer, face scrunching subtly.

Noah shrugged, eyes rolling in annoyance at the thought.

“What,” Nick laughed, gaze narrowing in hinted understanding with his friend, “jealous?”

Noah coughed from the weed, and accusation, waving his hand in front of his face to help dissipate the everbuilding smoke; but the word hung heavy in the enclosed space.

Noah, Folio, and Ruffilo all tried to hide their envious glances towards the eldest member, who chugged the remainder of his drink before twisting the empty can in his fingers.

Anything to distract himself from the tension.

To say you affected the boys was an understatement. They were completely enamoured by you, obsessed with every smile, every laugh, every lingering touch.

You had joined their crew a year ago, partnering with Matt on sound mixing during their live sets. You were a phenomenal addition to their ever-growing team and a much-needed asset. However, your work ethic and talent weren’t the only things that had them engrossed.

Every time you sat next to one of them, or even looked in their direction- each was ready to fold, not afraid to fall onto their knees and succumb to your every desire. If only you asked them to.

And the one lucky bastard who got a sweet taste of your alluring, lascivious touch one night three months ago? The one who remained silent at Folio’s burdensome allegation?

Jolly kept his eyes on the can, playing with the metal tab as he fought the smile that twitched on his lips.

“Fucking lucky asshole,” Folio whined, throwing a pillow in annoyance at the Swede.

Jolly snickered, throwing it back at the drummer who barely dodged it with brows furrowed bitterly.

“It was one time,” Jolly rolled his head back, “and it’s not like we had sex.”

Noah grabbed the joint from Ruffilo, closing his eyes as he inhaled, “Yeah,” he exhaled, “but you got, and I quote, ‘the best fucking head I’ve ever had, hands down,’ end quote.”

Jolly didn’t even hide the wide smile that grew on his lips, earning another pillow being thrown at him, this time from Noah.

God, what the singer would give to have your lips wrapped around him. What the Nicks would do to have a peek at the secrets beneath your hoodie.

“I’d kill to have just one more night with her,” Jolly said.

“At least you had one,” Noah glared. He was jealous. They all were.

It was silent momentarily, before Folio sighed, speaking for the room, “Fuck, what I’d do to get a piece of that ass.”

Noah and Jolly nodded along.

“Same,” Noah ran a hand along his face, “That pretty little mouth of hers? Shit.”

Although Ruffilo agreed with everything they said, he needed to bud in, “Don’t like, objectify her.”

Noah immediately scoffed, turning his head to face his best friend, “Don’t act like you don’t think about what it would feel like getting your dick sucked by her.”

Nicholas shrugged, reaching into the chip bag, “I mean yeah, Y/N’s hot-” He wanted to continue to discuss her wonderful personality- but Noah interjected.

“See? Point proved,” He said, passing the blunt to Jolly.

“She’s got all of us dick whipped bro,” Nick shook his head, taking a swig of his beer, “and she’s simply just existing.”

Jolly laughed, sitting up in his chair, “I bet she’d suck my dick again. At least once more.”

Nicholas raised a brow, hiding his jealousy with a handful of chips.

“Yea?” Noah leaned onto his knees, elbows perched on either one, “I bet she’d let me rail her.”

The slanted smile that grew upon Jolly’s face said it all as Nick took the last puff of the blunt, before tossing it into the ashtray, “Hey- I bet I could do both.”

The three of them shared a glance, then turned to Ruffilo.

“I bet all that and more,” He said, head resting on his palm.

“How does one win then?” Noah began, raising a brow.

Jolly crossed his arms over his chest in contemplation, “first to do anything sexual wins.”

Noah shook his head, “No because you automatically have a one-up. First to get two consecutive nights with her wins.”

“Winner gets what exactly?” Folio asked, staring between the boys.

Nicholas sat back on the couch, shrugging his shoulders at his suggestion, “Dibs?”

A stare-down commenced before Jolly leaned forward to place his hand above the coffee table. Nick joined, his hand on Jolly’s before Noah and Nicholas followed, stacking their hands and signing away their pride.

“Ok, Bet.” Folio’s smirk lit up his face.

“Bet.”

=

You were completely oblivious to the deal behind the door as you knocked on the wood with your foot, arms full of various snacks. Matt stood next to you, carrying boxes of drinks as you waited for the door to open. Their talking quieted as the knob turned, the drummer nervously coughing. The smell of weed slapped you in the face as the dank haze that flowed out filled your lungs.

Folio’s eyes remained fixated as he held the door, a faint blush tinting his cheeks as you nodded gratefully at him, walking past and into the room. The immediate silence from the members as you headed to the counter made your chest tighten, nerves running to the ends of your fingertips.

You weren’t oblivious to the stares as each of the boys watched you place the items on the faux marble, their gazes lingering longer than usual. There was an odd energy in the room you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but when you turned back around each of them quickly distracted themselves with their drinks or snacks.

Flashing them a small smile you hid your overthinking thoughts. Maybe they didn’t want you here.

With a nervous breath, you swallowed that thought, reaching for the can Matt held out to you.

“Sorry that we took so long. We did a quick rehearsal for Friday, then ran to the store.”

Noah glanced at you quickly before averting his eyes, Nicholas doing the same. Folio sat back down on the couch, Matt plopping next to him with a grunt.

The room felt heavy as they continued to bounce silent words between each other, the challenge of the bet, unknown to you, sinking in their minds.

Matt took a sip of his drink, scanning each of his friends and their demeanour, “The fuck is wrong with y’all?” he said, scoffing with a raised brow, “Why are you acting like a bunch of fucking weirdos.”

Nicholas coughed, taking a swig of his drink before handing the bag of chips to Noah, who immediately shovelled a handful into his mouth as if avoiding the question.

“We were just having a deep conversation before, is all,” Jolly clicked his tongue, staring at you longingly before turning his attention to Matt, “How did the rehearsal go?”

Standing there awkwardly for a moment you swung your legs, a way to distract yourself, before looking at the taken seats. Tuning out Matt’s rambling you didn’t know where to sit, until you noticed the arm of the chair Jolly sat on.

You were decently close to Jolly- considering his cock was shoved down your throat during that one drunk escapade- but all things considered, you knew he wouldn’t mind if you sat next to him there.

As soon as you walked across the room you felt each of their gazes burning into you, watching every move you made. Jolly's brows raised in surprise as you approached him, and you hummed nervously before taking a seat on the hard arm of the chair.

Giving them all a curt smile you took another sip, staring at the carpeted ground.

“Surely that can’t be comfortable love.”

Jolly’s accent was thick, snapping you away from your thoughts.

“Here,” he tugged your wrist, motioning for you to sit on his lap, “Trust me I don’t mind.”

“Oh-” was all you could say, before allowing his hands to grab your hips, pulling you down onto him.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, trying not to wiggle too much above the guitarist, but needing to get comfortable. His fingers still gripped your hips, moving with your shifting.

Nick’s eye-roll and Noah’s snarl went unnoticed, but you caught a glimpse of Nicholas’ clenched fist, his knuckles tightening momentarily.

“Are you sure?” You mumbled, shaking your head, “I’m okay on the arm, or even the floor-”

Jolly laughed, the melodic sound leaving the hairs on your arm to stand. His enigmatic personality always left you nervous, “I am more than sure.”

Matt picked up the conversation again, the boys finally joining at a more normal pace; but your mind felt foggy as one of Jolly’s hands crept from your waist, down to the top of your thigh.

He stilled his movements for a few minutes, your chest tightening.

“Maybe we can go to an aquarium, or-” The thought was cut short, breath caught in your throat once you felt Jolly’s inked fingers rubbing up and down your skin, slowly reaching to squeeze the inside of your thigh.

With your gaze kept forward you took another sip, “-a movie?”

Matt’s eyes wandered to Jolly’s hand, squinting in confusion momentarily before standing up to grab one of the snacks you picked from the counter.

“I’m down for whatever,” the blonde said, tossing you a bag of candy.

Smiling at him gratefully, you opened the bag and took a piece, using it to distract you.

“I like the sound of a movie,” Noah said, staring at Folio as he spoke. He tried to hide the ever-growing jealousy in his chest, “Haven’t been to one with people in forever.”

“Why is it you like going alone again?” Folio asked, eyes locked on Noah, shielding his vision from Jolly.

Noah laughed, “No handjobs, just me and my vitamin water.”

You tried listening to their conversations but felt the swede shift beneath you, slowly guiding your hips in a circular motion.

Jolly’s growing arousal pushed against you from beneath, leaving your stomach swirling at his advancement. You crossed your legs in an attempt to squeeze your desire, but he knew. He knew the effect he had.

The way his fingers kept kneading at your thighs left your heart pounding.

As the boys began dragging on about Elden ring, Jolly adjusted to whisper in your ear, “You forgot something in your room, right?”

Heat rose to your cheeks, goosebumps adorning your skin at your growing lust. All you could do was nod before standing up, taking another quick sip and tossing the can into the bin.

The conversation stopped as you walked toward the door, Jolly standing up from the chair.

“Where are you going?” Nicholas asked you, biting his lip to distract himself from the envy that grew in his chest. They all knew.

“I just- forgot something in my room.”

Once you left all eyes turned to Jolly, the smug smile on his face radiant in satisfaction.

Folio stood up, pointing an accusative finger, “You just- I- that’s cheating.”

Jolly grabbed the hair tie off his wrist, pulling his dark strands into a quick bun as he walked toward the door.

Turning to face his competitors, his best friends, he smiled, “Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.”

=

Jolly’s mouth moved with yours as he held you on top of the desk in your room. You didn’t think you’d be in this position with him again, but you didn’t mind.

“Do you think about that night often?” He asked, hands holding your hips in place.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about your previous night with him, but you always tried to push the thoughts away. You didn’t think anything would happen again, and you knew deep down you couldn’t continue anything with him.

You liked him, sure, but weren’t committed to the idea of a relationship.

One more night wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Sometimes,” You whispered, hands clasped around the back of his neck, “do you?”

Pulling you off the desk he held you close to him, lips devouring yours for a second longer, “More than I probably should.”

His admission made your knees weak. You didn’t care if they were only words of infatuation, you loved the effect you had on him.

Taking your hand you tugged on his belt, letting your hand rub along his covered erection. Jolly’s immediate whimper made you smile against his lips.

Allowing yourself to kneel before him you pulled the leather apart, undoing the zipper.

He was sensitive to every touch, eyes never leaving you, absorbing every movement you made. Knowing this you couldn’t help but tease him, leaning in to graze your teeth over himself in his underwear.

Looking up at the swede through your lashes he watched, lips parted in need as you pressed your tongue against the tip, still using the cotton as a barrier.

Jolly’s fingers ran through the side of your hair, tangling in the strands as you took a finger, gliding it between the hem of his boxers. He shook his head, giving you an exasperated smile. Finally tugging down the fabric you ran your tongue along the length, swiping along the head before trailing back down.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” He breathed, the teasing smile causing him to lick his lips. You were titillating to him.

“Why not give you something more to think about?” You shrugged, taking your hand to hold him, before wrapping your mouth around him. The immediate relief on Jolly’s face made you chuckle along his cock, the taste of his pre-cum salty against your tongue.

Swirling around the tip you swallowed him, taking everything he offered as best you could before pulling away, allowing the string of saliva to follow.

You twisted your hand around, using your saliva to assist your movements before taking him into your mouth again, sucking and pressing your tongue along the base.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his other hand replacing yours on his cock, holding it up to your mouth.

You clasped your hands behind your back, only using your mouth as you bobbed along, being sure to keep your eyes on him.

He watched you with furrowed brows, the crease in his forehead evidence of his growing orgasm. His hips slowly rutted into your mouth, matching your movements in a synchronized wave.

“Shit princess, you’re so fucking hot.”

His encouraging words made your face warm, cock buried in your throat as you gagged along him.

“let me take a picture of you. A memoir if I may?”

You pulled off of him, using your hand momentarily as you thought, “Only if you keep it to yourself.”

Jolly smiled, reaching for his phone on the desk, holding it above you, “Of course.”

Using your hand you stroked him as you sucked, until Jolly spoke.

“Just your mouth,” He whispered, “That’s it.”

You held your hands behind your back once again, being sure to look up into the camera.

Jolly continued with praises until you felt him stiffen, eyes fighting for closure.

A deep groan crawled from him as he held you along his cock, release hitting the back of your throat. Closing your eyes you swallowed all of him, sticking out your tongue

“That’s a good girl,” He ran his fingers along your scalp.

Standing up you helped him with his pants, pulling them back over his waist and putting his belt back together. Jolly leaned into your body, holding your jaw as he kissed you once again.

“Let me take care of you,” He said between kisses, and you pulled away smiling.

Looking at the clock on the nightstand it was well past 2 am, and you needed some sleep before travelling tomorrow.

“I love sucking you off, so don’t worry about it,” You said slowly, leaning in to give him a quick kiss, “but I need sleep. Rain check?”

Jolly’s eyes flashed with something you missed, fighting back a cocky grin, “of course. you know where to find me.”

Once the guitarist made it back to his hotel room, the boys were still sitting in their spots, glaring daggers towards him.

“One down. One more to go,” Jolly said, licking his bottom lip in accomplishment as he thrust into the air, showing off.

“Dick,” Noah mumbled, to which Matt stared at his friends, confused once again.

“I’m missing something,” The blonde shook his head.

=

After hours of travelling, you were exhausted, the crew pulling up to the next hotel. Things were going smoothly until checking in at reception.

“What do you mean we’re short a room?” Matt said to the lady, clearly confused, “We’ve had this booked for weeks.”

“I’m sorry but you only had three rooms in the original booking.” The woman was sympathetic, hands folded in front of her, “There aren’t any more available but we can put a cot in one of the rooms.”

The one thing you respected about the boys was how they always gave you a room to yourself; but it would be ok to share for a night, wouldn’t it?

The boys looked at each other, before shrugging.

“I guess that’s fine,” Matt said.

Looking at them you scratched your arm nervously, “I can share my room, I don’t mind.”

“With who?” Folio asked quickly, each of them turning to watch you intensely.

You almost laughed at how weird they were being, before shaking your head, “Uh I don’t care.”

Quickly glancing at Jolly, you knew it would be a bad idea if you two were together.

So you looked at the brunette next to him, his thick brows raising in surprise once he met your eyes.

Nicholas stared at you, blinking rapidly before calming his composure. He wanted to share a room with you so bad. But he knew the others would too. Would you pick him?

When his name fell off your lips he almost yelled, ready to pump a fist into his chest then and there.

“Uh, Ruffilo? Care to share?”

The sweet boy was always one of your favourites, even if you tried to avoid bias between them. He’d be a harmless partner, right?

The way his face flushed a deep maroon made you smile nervously, afraid you put him on the spot.

“Y-yeah, that’s fine with me.” He peered at Noah, who stared at the ground, “That ok with you Noah?”

“Sure man,” Noah’s curt grin made your stomach swirl as his gaze flicked at you, unspoken words lingering in his gaze.

Grabbing a keycard you nodded at Nicholas, who trailed behind you.

You didn’t see how he glanced back at his friends, holding his fingers up in an ‘L’ on his forehead.

Heading various scoffs behind you, you turned to raise a brow, “What is with you guys lately?”

They all shook their heads as everyone entered the elevator, leaving you to eye Matt who just shrugged, looking as confused as you.

“Tired,” Noah said, his eyes lingering on your figure for a moment too long.

“Hungry,” Folio said, licking his lips as he peeled his eyes away.

Jolly didn’t even glance at you, his face neutral- an attempt to hide his disappointment you chose Ruffilo over him.

He was this close to winning the bet.

Once you got to the room you held the card against the sensor, waiting for the door to click. Opening it, you and Nicholas stood in the doorway, your chest tightening as you entered.

“I don’t mind joining them on a cot-” Ruffilo began, but you gave him a shrug.

There was only one bed, meaning the two of you would be sharing.

“It’s alright with me if it’s alright with you.”

Nicholas only smiled, his nervous wading back as he placed his suitcase into the room.

“I guess we should get ready to go to dinner?”

=

Getting back to the room was a blessing and a curse. You were tired, but also nervous as Nicholas trailed behind you.

As you two got ready for bed you tried to avert your eyes while Ruffilo unbuttoned his shirt in the corner, the brunette glancing at you every so often.

Coughing shyly, you averted your eyes as you grabbed your change of clothes, sliding into the washroom to change.

It felt almost scandalous to be wearing such small shorts and a thin tank top, but you pushed that away and reminded yourself that it was just one night. It would be fine.

Ruffilo sucked in a breath when you walked out, and you tried to hide your staring as he stood there shirtless and in his shorts. Your eyes darted back to his chest, following the lines of his tattoos.

“I hope it’s ok I don’t wear a shirt, I run warm,” He said restlessly as he sat on the edge of the bed. His leg bounced up and down and you suddenly felt bad you asked him to stay here. Maybe he was more uncomfortable with this than you had thought.

“Nicky you don’t have to share with me-”

“No!” He stood up, hands out in reassurance. His reaction made you chuckle as his face warmed again, shaking his head, “I mean, no it’s okay. I- I want to stay here with you.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” You said, arms folded across your chest.

“You don’t- I-” He stood there, tucking his hair behind his ear, “I just- You make me nervous, but that’s not a you problem.”

You chuckled again, turning off the main room light, and clicking on the nightstand lamp, “I make you nervous?”

Crawling into your side of the bed, Nicholas followed, tucking himself beneath the covers on the edge of his side, afraid to be any closer to you.

“Why do I make you nervous?” You asked, pulling down the hotel room pillows, and lying on your side to face him.

The bass player followed your movements, facing you as he got comfortable. He closed his eyes, contemplating his words before speaking his confession.

“You’re mesmerizing, Y/N. Everything about you makes my heart pound.” He said softly, his words sinking deep within your skin.

All you could do was stare at him, his grey eyes flickering between your own, waiting for any response.

“Really?” Was all you could say, your stomach swirling with butterflies as you bit back a smile.

Nicholas nodded, hands beneath his head as he watched you with a shy grin.

Your heart began to race as you hid your face in the pillow.

The evening was spent sharing random stories and laughing at each other’s jokes. You couldn’t stop smiling as you and Nicholas turned off your lamps, rolling to face away from each other and letting sleep take over.

However, your mind raced with a chest warm with admiration, before finally falling into a deep slumber.

Waking up you felt a set of strong arms wrapped around your waist, body pressed against your back.

Your limbs were entangled with Nicholas’ body fitting against yours; however, something else caught your attention.

Nicholas’ body was stiff as you accidentally moved your hips into him, trying to pull away slowly- but his grip on your torso tightened, holding you against him.

His cock pressed into you, causing your heart to pound.

God, this would be so wrong, wouldn’t it?

Ruffilo’s hands gripped your hips as he rolled into you slowly, breath brushing across your neck.

Closing your eyes you smiled, contemplating whether to do this or not; but what’s the harm in a quick morning fuck?

You pushed back against him, rutting back and forth along him teasingly. The groan that left Nicholas’ chest caused your body to warm, tingling from the excitement as he squeezed the skin beneath your tank top.

“I want you so bad Y/N,” He whispered against your ear, lips grazing down the lobe, toward your neck.

“Then take me,” you breathed, taking your hand and holding his thigh, pulling him closer toward you.

Ruffilo’s lips attached to your neck, teeth biting along the delicate skin. You allowed him to suck, marking you.

Nicholas hooked a finger in your shorts, pulling them down your legs swiftly as he still spooned you. Taking his inked fingers he dipped them between your thighs from behind, running them thoroughly along your folds.

His touch made you squirm, buzzing from the thrill of him.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he said quietly, a mix of awe and lust as he used your arousal to lubricate his erection.

“I woke up with your cock pressed against me, what do you expect?” You laughed as he lined up to your entrance, pushing just the tip inside.

You cursed as the brunette held your hips once again, nails digging into the skin as he sunk further into you, right to the hilt.

Allowing your body to adjust you moaned at the feeling of Nicholas taking over your body. His thrusts were quick as he held your hips, fucking you from behind as you two lay on the bed.

“Oh my god,” he groaned, his infatuation with your pussy leaving you a smiling mess as he continuously pounded into you, hands worshiping your skin, “you feel so fucking good.”

The lewd sounds that left the both of you filled the room, and once Nicholas reached between your thighs, fingers pressing into your core with a circular motion, you almost screamed at his touch.

You sighed, fingers gripping the white sheets in desire as he thrust deeper.

“I’m not going to last long,” He breathed, leaning in to bite your shoulder as he held you close. His admission pushed you over the edge, his fingers pressing into you, cock buried deep.

With the scream of his name, you clenched around his body. Nicholas pulled out, stoking himself quickly as his release coated your ass, the warmth making you jolt.

The two of you lay there, chests heaving. Nicholas watched you in awe as you turned, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, and heading into the bathroom to shower.

Your mind spun as your body came down from the orgasm, as Nicholas sat up in bed, high-fiving himself.

One he was just happy to even get a taste of your body, but two, he was officially on par with Jolly.

=

“Point for this guy.” As he approached the boys at breakfast, Ruffilo pointed his thumbs toward himself proudly.

You were busy in the hotel room packing a backpack for the aquarium, and Nicholas knew he had to gloat before you overhead.

“No fucking way,” Folio groaned, while Noah ran a hand down his face.

Nick and Noah felt defeated, both still needing at least one encounter to be even close to winning this bet.

Jolly folded his arms over his chest, sinking into the wooden chair at the breakfast table, “You’re just lucky she picked you to share the room. I would’ve already been calling dibs by now if it wasn’t for that.”

“Sure,” Ruffilo rolled his eyes, “but she picked me!” With a radiant smile, he dug into his breakfast, the eggs tasting even better than normal.

You and Matt walked into the room, stopping at the table. Nicholas met your eyes momentarily, both of you flushing as you recalled this morning’s events.

“To the aquarium?” Matt asked, snapping you out of the trance, and Ruffilo shovelled down the rest of his food.

Folio ran a hand through his hair. It was now or never, and he didn’t want to lose.

Standing up he adjusted his shirt before approaching you, wrapping a hand around your wrist and leading the two of you out of the restaurant.

“Where are we-” you began as the drummer tugged you behind him, pressing a finger up to his lips to shush you.

His hand was warm as it held you taught against his side, pulling you out one of the back doors.

“Nick, where are we going?” You asked but moulded into his touch, allowing him to pull you freely.

He didn’t say anything as you two made it outside before pulling out a small bag. Two square gummies sat inside the plastic as Folio tauntingly held it up.

“Let’s get high,” He said, letting go of your arm and opening the bag, holding the gummy out to you.

“What?” You laughed, raising a brow.

“Trust me. It’s so fucking fun at aquariums.”

Chewing on your cheek you smiled, “Alright Folio. Bet.”

His eyes clung to yours for a second too long at the word that left your lips.

The two of you took the edibles and you savoured the taste of the berry flavour.

“And now what?” You asked.

Folio shoved the bag back into his pocket, the devilish smirk on his lips eating you alive, “Now we wait.”

=

The two of you were non-stop giggling in the car towards the end of the drive, as Nick reached for your hand, pulling you out of the vehicle.

It felt like a little secret between the two of you, yet everyone in the car glared towards the youngest member.

It wasn't very busy at the aquarium, with only a few people strolling around the different enclosures. You and Folio were glued to each other’s sides, laughing at every single thing until it started driving the rest of the boys crazy.

“What is wrong with you?” Matt asked, pulling you aside. His annoyance mixed with concern made you smile, admiring his care for you.

You laughed, unable to take him seriously as you placed a hand on his shoulder, “Me and Folio took an edible,” the snort that came from your lips made you giggle even harder, Nick covering his mouth in the background, “Sorry Matty, I can’t stop laughing.”

“Jesus,” Matt laughed, shaking his head in amusement, “Why am I not surprised?”

The blonde just smiled down at you warmly, and you pulled away from his interrogation as Folio dragged you toward a tank of angel fish.

“Oh my god, look,” you said excitedly, holding Nick against you as you pressed your face against the tank.

“It’s more fun watching them swim around this way, isn’t it?” Folio chuckled, and you nodded in agreement.

The two of you were attached at the hip, running ahead of everybody and taking in everything you could see.

You were too absorbed with Nick and the Fish to notice the annoyed grumbling that came from Nicholas, Noah, and Jolly

Once you got to the otters, there was a chance to walk outside.

You and Nick followed the wooden pathway to the outside enclosure, taking a seat on a bench.

The peak of the high felt like it was wearing off, and you felt yourself getting a little sleepy.

Resting your head on Folio’s shoulder you closed your eyes, still smiling as the sun beamed against your skin.

“This has been so fun, Nick,” you whispered.

Folio reached for your hand, holding it between his as he placed his head on top of yours, “it really has been.”

Pulling away you sat up, staring at the otters jumping and swimming in the water, until you felt a set of fingers gently reach under your chin.

Following Nick’s direction, he turned you to face him, leaning in slowly.

His heart was pounding so fast that he almost felt scared. What if he didn’t want this to be part of some bet? What if he wanted this to be real?

The closer he got to your lips, the more nervous he felt. This was real for him.

You didn't pull away from him, allowing the drummer to press his mouth against yours. The kiss was delicate and soft, leaving your limbs tingling- a mixture of your inebriation and excitement.

It felt wrong to be kissing him- especially after everything that happened with Jolly and Nicholas- but you couldn’t stop.

His lips were so soft, his kiss growing hungrier as he became filled with need. He reached his hand up to cup your cheek, and you pulled away from him, face warm as your fingers touched your lips.

“Not in public,” you said, giggling as he almost pouted.

“There’s no one out here at least,” Folio whispered, leaning in teasingly, nose touching yours.

Biting your bottom lip you laughed, pressing your forehead against his as you closed your eyes, inhaling the fresh air.

“Ok, then where?” you met his ochre eyes, the deep brown almost enchanting as he watched you longingly.

Folio immediately stood up, eagerly holding onto your hand.

Walking together he pulled you inside, only for you to be stopped by Noah and Matt.

“Whatcha doing?” Noah asked, eyes darting between the two of you. You stared at him, swallowing nervously. You knew that he knew, and it made your ears turn hot.

“Snack,” Folio said, giving them a thumbs up.

“Oh, can we join?” Matt asked, and Noah nodded quickly.

“Yeah, that sounds like a great idea,” Noah said, watching you now.

“Uh,” you began, but Nick tugged on your wrist, pulling you away from them.

“Nope! Bye!” Folio said, sticking out his tongue at Noah, dragging you with him.

You began giggling once again, the high coming in waves. Nick looked around the place until he saw a single bathroom.

Dragging you inside he locked the door behind the two of you, turning to pin you against the frame.

Your laughter stopped as he loomed over you, your heart matching his pace as he kissed you again, tongue pressing against your bottom lip.

With a hand on your chin and a hand on your hip, he held you there, his hips holding you to the door.

You moaned into his mouth, allowing your fingers to trail up into his hair, running them through the gelled strands.

“You have no idea what you to do me, do you?” Nick breathed between kisses, the hand on your hip reaching further down to grip your ass, “To all of us?”

Swallowing his words as he spoke, your chest tightened. Three boys in the last two days? Where was all this coming from?

You weren’t oblivious to their stares or their advances- but it was odd that all of a sudden it felt like a challenge for them to take you on.

And really? You didn’t mind at all.

Folio’s fingers gripped your chin harder, holding you to his mouth as his tongue pressed against yours, before pulling back.

“I won’t let you forget me.” He said, a suggesting smile radiating above you as you looked up at him.

Your body almost vibrated at his words, anticipation ringing in your ears as he led you to the counter, lifting you to sit on the edge.

All you could do was watch as your limbs tingled, and Nick pulled your jeans down your thighs, leaving you exposed in your underwear.

Folio kissed you briefly again before trailing kisses down your neck, tugging your t-shirt down to kiss your shoulder. You lifted the shirt for him, allowing his tongue to dip between the valley in your chest and down your stomach until he was kneeling before you.

Your breathing already felt erratic as you watched him smile up at you, his eyes lidded in lust as his fingers tugged your panties to the side, sinking between your folds.

Nick ran his fingers along your arousal for a moment, before sticking them into his mouth, tasting you.

“Fuck baby girl,” he moaned, positioning his hand at your entrance, “you taste so good.”

He pushed into you, curling and twisting until he found the spot that made your mouth open from pleasure. Bet and all, he wanted to make you feel good- to remember this moment despite who wins.

His attentiveness made your stomach swirl as he kissed the inside of your thigh, trailing towards your desire. Nick pressed his tongue against your clit, flicking momentarily to match the pace of his fingers, before latching his mouth around you.

You covered your mouth with your hand, afraid of the ungodly sounds that fought from your chest.

As your head fell back into the mirror you couldn’t help but rut your hips into his mouth, seconds away from an orgasm as the tension in your abdomen built.

“Ohmygodnick,” you mumbled behind your hand, brows furrowed as your eyes squeezed shut and he ate you out feverishly.

You hadn’t noticed how Nick’s other hand held his erection free from his pants, jerking himself as he devoured your body, hungry for your release and his.

You cried his name as his tongue pressed against you firmly, body shaking against his mouth as you reached your orgasm, your hand pulling his hair.

Nick was seconds behind, the sound of your muffled moans pushing him to his climax as he came all over the floor and his hand.

Pulling his mouth from your body he smiled up at you, lips wet from your arousal. He stood up, and you noticed his mess, smiling shyly at him.

“That’s so hot,” you whispered, causing him to laugh, the two of you now in a fit of giggles.

Folio helped clean you up, then himself, before holding you in a hug.

Melting into his chest you wrapped your arms around him.

“Whatever happens, just know how much I care about you alright?” He said, his words lingering.

=

Two days later the boys were sitting on the bus, almost bored. As much as they loved the days off, the anticipation of the next show always ate away at their nerves.

Jolly and Nicholas were watching YouTube videos, as Folio sat upside down, chucking a rubber ball at the wall.

Noah’s ears rang with each throw, the thunk on the wall driving him crazy.

“Can you cut it out?” Noah mumbled, glaring at Folio.

Nick stopped, raising an accusative brow, “What’s got your panties in a twist?”

Folio knew, but didn’t want to say anything- but Jolly spoke for him.

“He’s just pissed he hasn’t gotten a chance with Y/N yet. Admit it, Noah, you’re gonna lose.”

Noah held up his middle finger, causing Jolly to chuckle.

“Better make a move sooner than later. Even I think Folio’s got a better chance at winning, as annoying as it is.”

Those words made Noah’s skin crawl as Folio beamed beside him, throwing the ball against the wall once again.

Noah had noticed how you’ve been staring at Folio ever since the aquarium, and shit, everyone but him.

The singer stood up, frustration evident on his face and as the ball bounced back toward Nick’s hand, Noah reached over, pushing it across the bus.

“Hey!” Nick snapped, but no one else said anything as Noah left, slamming the bus door.

You sat with Matt outside, sharing memes as you heard the door, an angry Noah storming out.

Sharing a look with Matt you stood up, watching as the Brunette folded his arms in frustration as he paced.

“Noah?” You approached him warily, worry evident in your tone.

His eyes softened when they met yours, but he still held his own body.

He was frustrated, and for what? They all bet on this, and all agreed.

However, the jealousy was starting to get to him, and he didn’t know how much more he could take.

Standing in front of him you felt sad, he looked conflicted, and you didn’t know how to help.

“I’m fine,” Noah said sharply, inhaling quickly.

“You’re clearly not fine,” you said, reaching out to place a gentle hand on his arm. He melted into your touch, face flushing at your care.

“I just need a distraction,” he said, mostly to himself. It was true.

He wanted a distraction from you, but deep down he also wanted you to be the distraction.

You looked at the time on your phone as it was still early in the afternoon, “Want to go see a movie?”

=

There wasn’t much to offer in the theatre, considering it was a random weekday. You decided to let Noah choose the movie, considering you were here for him.

The brunette purposefully picked some bullshit boring movie that nobody would book a ticket to since it was one of the last days it would be showing.

Walking into the theatre Noah pushed you up the stairs by the small of your back, the feeling of his hand lingering even as you sat down at the back of the theatre.

Nobody else was in there, and you suddenly felt jittery that it was just the two of you.

You and Noah sat in silence as the movie began, almost afraid to speak to each other.

The movie was immediately boring, and you kept watching the way Noah nervously rubbed the tips of his thighs, his inked fingers rubbing along his sweatpants.

Eventually, the singer grew the courage to place that hand on your thigh, making you jump slightly from the contact.

Slowly his hands crept up and down your thigh, warmth radiating off of his skin- but you froze as the words came from his mouth.

“I know you fucked all my friends.”

Something about the way he said it made the hairs on your neck stand up, and he turned to look at you, the movie illuminating his features.

His eyes were dark, as they bore into you, “You saving the best for last?”

Your mouth ran dry, unable to respond as he patted his lap, holding your hand to tug you along.

Unsure why you followed, you did, and facing him you placed a leg on either side of his hips, sitting in his lap.

Noah let his hands squeeze your hips before roaming up your body, kneading against your clothes before reaching your Neck.

He lightly pulled you down to his face, mouth inches from yours. His breath was warm as he spoke.

“I bet I can make you cum three times in this theatre.”

Shivering at his words you let him take control. His behaviour and promise alone almost pushed you to the edge, and you didn’t doubt his promise for one second.

His lips brushed yours, but he didn't dare give you a taste as he dipped his fingers into your waistband, sliding them past your underwear and right along your arousal.

He only chuckled at the feeling of your soaked core, knowing that you’d fold the second he put two fingers inside of you.

Noah did just that, pressing his thumb against your clit as his inked fingers sunk into your body.

As he pushed his fingers deeper, thumb rutting in rhythmic circles, he held you up by your neck.

“That’s it, pretty girl,” Noah praised, your mouth agape from the pleasure.

Your body clenched around his fingers and in no time, you cried as he pushed you to your first orgasm.

“Fuck, maybe I can get four in if it's that easy,” he grinned, pulling his fingers away from your core and toward your mouth.

He only nodded toward you, prompting you to take his fingers into your mouth, licking your mess and gagging on them as you did so.

The brunette’s smile was radiant as he watched proudly, before pushing you onto your knees, between his legs.

You knew what he wanted, and Noah had to stop himself from cumming right then and there at the sight of you between his thighs, the place he’s dreamed of many nights.

Pulling down his sweats eagerly, you gripped his cock, leaning in to lick up from the base. You wasted no time in sucking along him, swirling your tongue and bobbing down his body.

“Fuck,” he whispered, pushing you down, thrusting his hips into your throat.

You coughed, pulling back up before sliding down again, using your hand to assist with what you couldn’t take.

“Touch yourself,” he said, sharing a slutty smile as he fucked your mouth, “use your fingers to cum while you suck my cock.”

Obeying him, you took your fingers and found the familiar spots along your desire, pleasing yourself how you knew best to Noah’s words.

It was almost embarrassing how much saliva emanated from your mouth and onto his arousal as you devoured him.

“You’re such a good girl. Jolly was right, you do give the best fucking head.”

Moaning at his words you closed your eyes, gagging on him once again as you worked yourself to another orgasm. Knowing that the boys talked about you made your ears warm, and you were sure Noah would then be talking to them about this.

With one final thrust, you pulled your mouth away from Noah, breath catching in your throat as you came again.

Noah smiled down at you with pride.

Standing up he spread his thighs, stoking himself as he made you turn around with a finger.

“I want to watch your ass bounce on my cock. So turn.”

His hands guided your hips down onto his arousal, relishing in the feeling of how hard he was.

Noah’s groans were erotic as he pushed you up in down, letting you ride him.

He then held you up, using his hips to thrust from underneath momentarily.

Your third orgasm was approaching, the sound of Noah’s whimpers and curses causing you to clench around him in need.

“Fuck don’t do that, I’ll cum,” he hissed, pulling out and pushing you to rest over the railing in front of you. Noah stood behind you now, holding your hips as he thrust into you mercilessly.

He leaned forward, pressing his chest to your back “Let me take you on a proper date tomorrow night, make you mine, yeah?”

Moaning his name you clenched around him and let your body convulse along his cock, letting your third orgasm wash down each of your limbs.

Noah’s breathing was erratic as he pushed you to your knees, holding your chin to his arousal as he stoked himself to his climax.

You took the tip in your mouth, swallowing his release with need, sucking until the brunette pushed you away from the sensitivity.

The two of you stood in front of each other, breathing heavily as your eyes were fixated on each other.

There was no going back now, each of the boys had confessed their need, leaving you a withering mess.

Noah held the back of your head, pulling you in for one more needy kiss, before grabbing your bag for you and pulling you down the stairs.

He was silent on the walk back to the bus, both of you hand in hand.

Your mind raced with what-ifs, memories of each boy taking over the next.

When you two finally made it back, you heard Matt yelling from inside.

“Ya’ll have a bet for her and didn’t even fill me in? Fucking pricks, I woulda had the best shot outta all of yall.”

Looking over at Noah, he ran his fingers through the onyx strands with a nervous smile.

“A bet Noah? Really?”

He nodded, and then the bus door opened, revealing the other boys.

They cursed under their breath as you folded your arms, shaking your head in amusement.

“So who won?” You pried, eyes lingering on each of them for a moment.

“Definitely not fucking me,” Matt mumbled, annoyed.

“I don’t think any of us did,” Ruffilo spoke slowly, looking at each of his friends.

Rocking on your toes you chewed back a smile, “Then I bet I can make you do it all over again.”

Part two

tags:

(i tagged everyone since this has all the boys in it :) if you want on or off the taglist, please let me know!

@thefallennightmare @xxkittenkissesxx @deathblacksmoke @nyxisnotok @anameunmusical

@sitkowski @sammyjoeee @cookiesupplier @th4t-em0-k1d @dsireland86

@whenthesummerdies @spicywhenspeaking @veronicaphoenix @lma1986 @calleyx13

@somewhere-diamond @auratheopossumwitch @blackveilomens @skulliecadaver-blog @silentglassbreak

@darkmxgician @sprokat @thatchickwiththecamera @reyadawn @xserenax-13 @foliosgirl

@philomenie @illmakeyousaywow @nyxisnotok @wh0th3h3llisbucky @into-the-grey

[sillymommy6969]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝕬NGEL BABY

Katseye x fem!reader

summary: katseye’s eldest can’t seem to get enough of her bandmates, who gave them the permission to be so cute? here’s a compilation of moments y/n has had with every individual member of Katseye, handpicked by eyekons <3

warnings: none, just fluffy moments

Y/N ABSOLUTELY BEING LOVE DRUNK ON THE KATZ (FT. YOONCHAE AS A CO-PARENT)

Sophia Laforteza: On an interview with Billboard playing “How well do you know your bandmates?”, Y/N and Sophia were sat next to each other.

The interview was going smoothly—at least, that’s how it seemed at first. The band had gathered in a chic, minimalist room for the Billboard video. But it didn’t take long for the interviewer’s eyes to flicker between Y/N and Sophia, both of them sitting a little too close, Y/N’s knee brushing Sophia’s. It wasn’t unusual for them to be near each other, but today, something felt different.

Y/N had been unusually clingy all day. She kept stealing glances at Sophia, leaning in just a little too much when speaking, and the way she kept hovering around her made it obvious: they were really attached today. The rest of the girls noticed it almost immediately, but none of them could resist having a little fun with it.

“So, we’re here with Katseye,” the interviewer began with a bright smile. “It’s great to have you all here. And, of course, the music speaks for itself. But... I have to ask—Y/N, is everything alright? You seem a little... extra close to Sophia today.”

Y/N blinked, caught off guard, but tried to play it cool, leaning back in her chair just slightly. “I—I’m fine. Just... you know. Just hanging out. No big deal.”

Sophia, who had been quietly observing her bandmate’s behavior, shot a playful smile at Y/N, the corners of her lips curving up. She knew exactly what was going on but wasn’t about to call them out too loudly—at least not yet. The others laughed at their eldest member being teased for her affectionate nature, unable to resist the urge to poke fun at the woman themselves.

“Oh, it’s definitely a big deal,” Manon said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Y/N’s got a serious attachment to Sophia today. Haven’t seen her this clingy in a while.”

Lara, ever the instigator, chimed in. “It’s like they’re physically connected. It’s honestly impressive. I didn’t know two people could share the same personal space so literally.”

Daniela added with a sly grin, “Yeah, Y/N, are you trying to move in with Sophia and kick poor Yoonchae out? I can already see the ‘sophisticated roommate’ aesthetic forming.”

“More like an ‘and they were roommates’ aesthetic,” Megan chimed, cackling at her own joke.

Y/N, cheeks flushed, glanced down at her hands. “I’m not—! It’s not like that, guys. I’m just... I don’t know. Feeling close to Sophia today, alright? Is that a crime?”

Sophia, who had been trying to stifle a laugh, leaned in with a teasing glint in her eyes. “It’s really fine, guys,” she said to the interviewer, her voice light but carrying a touch of mischief. “Y/N’s just a little extra affectionate today. They’ve got a lot of love to give, I guess.”

The interviewer raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “It’s definitely something we’re noticing,” they replied with a grin. “But, Y/N, is this a regular thing? Or is this just a special day?”

Y/N shifted uncomfortably, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “I mean, can you blame me? I guess Sophia’s looking a little too cute today, I needed to support her.”

“Supportive, huh?” Manon smirked, leaning forward in her chair. “You know, I’ve heard of having each other’s backs, but you’re practically on Sophia’s back at this point.”

Lara let out a laugh. “Yeah, you’re like her human shadow. I’m surprised she hasn’t told you to take a step back and breathe for a second.”

Y/N sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’m clingy today. But it’s not that bad.”

“That bad?” Daniela teased, crossing her arms. “I mean, we did see you whisper something into Sophia’s ear a minute ago. Was that an emergency cuddle request?”

Sophia, still chuckling at the whole situation, nudged Y/N with her shoulder, a soft but knowing look on her face. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

Y/N groaned, her face turning redder by the second. “You guys are the worst. Can we please talk about the album? Or literally anything else? Please.”

The interviewer laughed along with the rest of the band, clearly enjoying the dynamic between the bandmates. “Sure, sure,” they said, still grinning. “But one last question before we move on—Y/N, are you sure there’s not something more going on with you and Sophia? The way you’re sitting so close, it’s starting to look like a rom-com.”

“As if you guys wouldn’t kill to be the co-lead in a rom-com with Sophia.” Y/N protested, but even she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

Manon shook her head. “Yeah, right. We’ve got the whole thing figured out. Can’t fool us, Y/N.”

The band erupted into laughter, and Y/N, despite being embarrassed, couldn’t help but join in. Sophia nudged her again, a quiet reassurance in her touch, and in that moment, Y/N realized—despite the teasing, the awkwardness, and the jokes—Sophia wasn’t going anywhere. Neither were any of their bandmates.

But even as the conversation shifted, the warmth between Y/N and Sophia didn’t go unnoticed—Sophia and Y/N, best ship?

Manon Bannerman: During Manon’s live when she was trying on different wigs and outfits, Y/N joined in halfway through the live just watching her try differnet things on like a personal modelling show

As Manon tossed her cap aside to fish through her pile of clothes for another hat, Y/N kept her phone company to carry on with the live. Fans could hear Manon make noises here and there as she dug through her closet, but most of them were pretty engaged with the woman reading their comments.

“‘Y/N, what’s your favourite thing about Manon?’ Oh, that’s a very good question,” Y/N announced, looking up to ponder about the question. “There’s so many things I love about her.”

“You’re such a cheeseball, you freak nasty hoe.”

Y/N chuckled at Manon’s remark, glancing between Manon changing and the camera, making sure the Ghanaian singer was kept offscreen as she switched into a new outfit.

“I would say… Manon definitely pulls me out of my comfort zone a lot. She takes me to places to do things I never would’ve done myself if I wasn’t with her,” Y/N chuckled, “I’ve become so much more comfortable being myself with different people on different places thanks to her. She’s really molded me into the person I am today.”

Manon coos, pouting and throwing the older an ‘aww’.

“Yeah, I’m really grateful for Manon, but she can also be a real loud spirit sometimes.” Y/N mumbled through gritted teeth to the camera, leaning forward as if telling the eyekons a secret.

“Hey, way to ruin the moment,” Manon barked, tossing a hoodie straight at her head.

As the older squealed in surprise at the material colliding with her head, it gradually morphed into a stunned gasp at the outfit Manon had put on. Her hands flew to cover her mouth as her eyes widened, the live grew silent for a moment before Manon’s laughter at Y/N’s reaction rung evidently.

“Oh my God, you look absolutely stunning, babe. Get in here right the hell now,” Y/N reached out, her hand grabbing at Manon’s arm to drag the woman into frame.

Manon did a little spin for the camera, pouting and winking as she flaunted her outfit. She had a camo cap on, a skin-tight dollar bill shirt and some low waisted dark blue jorts that showed off her slender figure.

“Face card, lethal. Body, tea. Oh my God, this woman.”

Y/N gasped, a hand over her chest and falling backwards to lie flat on the floor. She crossed her arms, closing her eyes. “I’m actually dead. Dead by being gagged by such a pretty lady.”

Manon’s infectious laughter reverberated off the walls of the room, leaning backwards and away from the camera to drape herself over Y/N in a tight embrace. The two of them a clump on the floor, the fans spent the next two minutes just watching them laugh and cuddle.

“Wait, wait, I want you to do a catwalk.” Y/N perked up.

She repositioned the phone, ushering for Manon to stand at the other side of the room. Holding up three fingers to countdown, Manon began strutting her way towards the camera. Y/N let out wolf whistles, a hand over her mouth to muffle a squeal as she hyped the woman up.

“God is a woman and she’s posing for me,” Y/N teased, “I’m the luckiest woman alive.”

Maybe Y/N and Manon is the best ship in Katseye, who else showers their friend with compliments the way Y/N does?

Daniela Avanzini: [ KATSEYE VLOG ] Dance Practice for 2024 MAMA Awards (Mainly Daniela & Y/N Goofing Off)

Moving with the beat had never been a problem for Y/N, the woman practically had perfect rhythm. It was what made her such a talented producer, she could forge a beat out of anything with just her mouth. But something about this choreography was stumping the eldest member of Katseye, and no matter how many times she’d ask their instructor about it, she still just couldn’t get the hang of it.

Daniela and Megan were in their own little world, already syncing together for the next part of the choreography none of the others had learnt yet.

The camera panned from the main dancers to Y/N, who seemed to be struggling to execute a certain back-bend motion smoothly. Sophia was beside her, picking up tips on how to make her motions more fluid as well. After a couple seconds of footage of them just trying, it cut to Y/N waving a hand and walking off after thanking their instructor.

The camera followed the Katseye member to their water station, where the girl eyed the camera, shaking her head.

“I’m tapped out. I love a challenge, and I’m grateful they gave me the move instead of one of the other girls, but this is taking me out.” She mumbled to the camera, sloshing around a mouthful of water before swallowing it. Sweaty and exposed, Y/N fanned herself. “If you’re watching this after the MAMA performance, please don’t hate on me. I really tried here, Eyekons, I’m just not flexible enough.”

Done with the next section of the choreography, Daniela decided to stroll over to the camera, still trained on Y/N.

She could see why the crew was focusing on her more, she was wearing a wife-beater and some really low waisted gray sweats. It was the gym guy combo most tiktok’s loved thirsting over. Smart PR move to appeal to that audience.

Taken aback by Daniela coming onscreen, Y/N hadn’t anticipated the hug the younger member was about to entrap her in. Nonetheless, her arms were open and she welcomed the Latina into frame. “Oh, Dani, perfect timing. I actually needed to ask you for a quick favour.”

The blonde nodded, “Shoot.”

“I know you’re in the centre for this move, but I wanted to know if there was any tricks I can use to be able to make the transition between me standing and me falling to my knees to bend smoother.” Y/N’s hands rested on her hips, watching the Latina’s expression twitch as she thought of ways to help.

“Okay, wait, show me what you’re doing now.”

The camera backed away, giving the two space before Y/N ran through the moves once. She ended with the move on the floor, sitting before staring back up at Daniela for a reaction.

The Latina clapped, “That was already pretty smooth, I don’t even know how to make it look better than it already does.”

“Dani…” Y/N whined, propping herself up, “Stop being nice and just tell me the truth. That move felt clunkier than an elephant tap dancing.”

Daniela giggled at the older’s joke, leaning against her with an arm over her shoulder. “I can assure you, Y/N, you’re undermining yourself. You look so much better than you think you do.”

Y/N suddenly bent down, picking the Latina up and setting her over her shoulder with her ass in the air, earning a loud shrill scream from Daniela. The camera followed the two, panning from a red Daniela forwards to Y/N, who was carrying her around the room.

“Dani’s too nice for her own good, but if I could just kidnap and have her be mine forever, I would.”

Come on, Daniela wouldn’t let anybody else do that to her, Dann/n truthers where we at?

Lara Raj: [ WEVERSE LIVE ] KICKBACK STUDIO SESSION WITH LARA & Y/N

“No, no, we love Surf Curse. Lara and I have actually been talking about producing a song on the next that’s like an indie rock vibe, but I don’t think we’ve got the go for it yet.” Y/N announced, her focus on the computer in front of her as her hand tinkered with the soundboard. She had an electric guitar in her lap, a pick in her free hand and you could see Lara holding a microphone in the background.

“Yeah, we absolutely love The Backseat Lovers, uh… Wallows, Hotel Ugly—Y/N and I have a designated playlist just for indie rock,” Lara said. “Wait, should we show them the demo we’ve been working on? Like just the chorus or something?”

The older shrugged, glancing over at her phone sitting on the table, the immediate influx of comments urging them to play their song was criminal. Y/N chuckled at the fans’ reaction, “I think they really, really want to hear it.”

Lara nodded, “Then let’s get it.”

Y/N searched for a file among her many saved demos in her folder, clicking on one titled, “Growing Old (the one by the narwhals)”. Lara nodded, flipping through their songbook of lyrics to find the page that was titled the same. It was definitely one of both their favourites, of all the demos they have produced together.

“Okay, guys, so basically I’ve recorded the drums and bass to this song, but I’ll be playing the main tune on my guitar. Lara will be singing it and if you guys like it, we might pitch it to our team to get it on the next comeback.” Y/N said, looking back at the Indian singer, who gave her a thumbs up.

Clicking the space bar on her keyboard, it played.

“I’m growing old… my thoughts are changing, but will you change with me?” Lara’s silky voice rung into the microphone, the only sound in the room over the rough music. Y/N nodded along, fingers working the guitar strings as her eyes watched her bandmate intently. “Oh, will you change with me?”

user01 omg Y/N’s literally in love

user02 Need someone to look at me the way Y/N looks at Lara

user03 IF SOMEONE WROTE THIS FOR ME ID FOLD

user04 they’re stronger than me cuz i’d fall in love

As about thirty seconds of their song played, Y/N had a big smile on her face, bearing her teeth in pride as she clicked for the track to come to a halt.

The moment the song ended, the older set her guitar, nearly tackling the Indian to the floor in a bear hug.

“Oh my God, you’re actually a Godsend,” Y/N squealed, “That song will never ever get old because it’s you singing it to me.”

user05 SHES SO GF FOR THAT??

user06 Why is Y/N so shippable

user07 you can’t convince me lar/n isn’t real

“It’s only ‘cuz you wrote that sick tune. I think with the amount of people loving this right now, there’s a good chance it’ll be on the next album,” Lara nodded towards the positive feedback flooding the comment section.

“Guys, when I’m telling you I’m actually the luckiest woman alive to be able to sit and hear that voice over and over again, I’m not exaggerating.” Y/N squeezed the younger’s shoulder.

No, it is 100% Lar/N. A studio match made in heaven.

Megan Skiendiel: Katseye was gathered around a PR package sent by Olivia Rodrigo to be opened, Megan and Y/N were sat at the back of the group as Sophia and Manon did most of the speeches to thank Olivia.

“Thank you, Olivia, so much for the gifts, we love you and we can’t wait to see you.” Sophia spoke to the camera, “So, onto the unboxing of the package.”

As the girls ripped apart the package and explored the snacks and trinkets in the box, Megan and Y/N were fond of the bag of popcorn that was left in the box. Y/N immediately popped open the bag, letting the younger grab a handful first before she dug into it herself. Megan hummed, feeling the popcorn melt on her tongue with a foreign taste.

When Y/N popped one into her mouth, she immediately scurried to check the bag, her frantic motion catching the girls’ attention.

“Babe, there’s cinnamon in this,” Y/N said, pouncing to her feet to go grab a tissue paper from a staff member. Megan froze, eyes darting between the stunned Katseye members and the cameras. When Y/N came back onscreen, she shielded Megan from the cameras, holding the tissue over the Chinese girl’s mouth so she would spit it out. She then wiped her lips clean, brushing hair away from her face as Megan fixed herself up.

“For reference, Megan’s allergic to cinnamon,” Lara chimed, glancing back at the latter in concern.

The girls turned their full attention back to Megan. “How are you feeling now?”

Megan nodded slowly, her breathing finally returning to normal. “Good. Y/N caught it before I swallowed, so hopefully I don’t die. Thanks, Y/N.”

“Of course,” Y/N insisted, crossing their arms and settling in beside her. “You rest. I’m keeping watch. You’re not going anywhere until I’m sure you’re okay.”

Megan rolled her eyes but smiled. “Okay, Mom.”

Y/N just shrugged. “Yeah, I just saved your life, so... you better keep that attitude to a minimum, Skiendiel.”

Megan shook her head, but there was no denying the gratitude in her eyes. The bandmates were often playful with each other, but in moments like this, it was clear that they were more than just a group—they were family. And Y/N, in their usual overbearing way, wasn’t going to let anyone slip through the cracks.

Megan sighed theatrically. “Fine, I guess I’ll survive with you hovering over me.”

Sophia chuckled softly, turning back to the PR package they had abandoned earlier. “Well, I’m just glad you’re both okay.”

“Don’t worry,” Y/N said, their grin widening. “I’ll make sure Megan doesn’t eat anymore popcorn this time. There’s an epipen right there just in case.”

And with that, they stayed together, a little closer than usual, but with a quiet understanding that, no matter what, they had each other’s backs.

Y/N really babied Megan… #Y/gan anybody?

Jeong Yoonchae: [ KATSEYE VLOG ] Behind the Scenes of Making “Touch” Music Video

The set was bustling with energy. Crew members scurried around, adjusting cameras and lights, while stylists and makeup artists made final touch-ups on each band member. It was the day of Katseye’s highly anticipated music video shoot, and the excitement was palpable. With every moment, the vibe on set grew more intense—until it became clear that two members of the band, in particular, were completely lost in their own little world.

Y/N and Yoonchae had their looks touched up first, leaving the two of them ready and alone next to the set while other members got their looks done.

“I’m so excited for this! It’s like a—like a…!” Yoonchae said, hopping from one foot to the other as she adjusted her outfit. She was trying to find the word for what she was feeling, but her accent made it all the more adorable.

Y/N watched her with an amused expression, smiling at the camera at her excitement. “Dream come true?”

Yoonchae nodded, grabbing Y/N’s arm. “Yes, dream come true! It’s so cool! Look at the lights, the cameras…” She waved her hands dramatically, gesturing toward the crew, and then flopped onto a nearby chair. “Y/N, I always thought music video shoots were more glamorous. But it’s kind of chaotic.”

Y/N chuckled, walking over and sitting down next to her. “Yeah, for all the eyekons watching at home, there’s so many things going on at once here right now. We’re working really hard to give you guys the best video ever.”

Yoonchae looked at them, eyes curved. “Yes!”

Y/N’s smile grew. “You’re right,” they said dramatically. “I have to be the mature one. The one who has everything under control. No falling or tripping allowed.”

“Well,” Yoonchae began with a mischievous grin, “that’s not what I heard last night.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “What do you mean by that?”

Yoonchae leaned in, lowering her voice as if telling a juicy secret. “I heard... from Manon...” She paused for dramatic effect. “That you, Y/N, have the worst luck when it comes to... stage outfits.” She grinned even wider.

Y/N groaned, sinking further into the chair, clearly mortified. “Oh, no. Don’t you dare. That was one time.”

But Yoonchae was enjoying this too much. “One time? Wasn’t it, like, three times? Or four?” She pulled out her phone and started to scroll through her pictures, clearly looking for the embarrassing photo evidence. “Wait, I have a picture...”

“Yoonchae,” Y/N whined, slapping a hand to her forehead, “I swear, if you show that picture—”

But it was too late. Yoonchae had found it. She turned the phone toward the camera with a wicked grin on her face. The photo was a candid shot of Y/N from one of their earlier shoots, where she’d tripped over a cable, lost her balance, and ended up on the ground in an ungraceful heap. To make matters worse, she were wearing a sparkling strapless top that seemed to be caught on the edge of the stage, adding to the chaos. Yoonchae was laughing so hard she could barely breathe, while Y/N simply buried her face in her hands.

“Yoonchae!” Y/N exclaimed, half-laughing, half-sighing in defeat. “Why would you do this to me?”

“You look so cute!” Yoonchae protested, still laughing uncontrollably. “It makes me really happy.”

Y/N groaned, her cheeks flushing. “I’ll admit, it was embarrassing, but—”

“You admit?” Yoonchae interrupted, cutting them off. “You looked like a baby deer.” Yoonchae collapsed into her chair, clutching her stomach as she continued to laugh.

Y/N shook her head, clearly trying to maintain their dignity. “You’re so cruel, you know that? You’re lucky you’re the youngest. If I were the youngest, I’d be way more merciless.”

Yoonchae stuck out her tongue, teasing. “That’s because you’re old, and you’ve got to be all serious and responsible.”

Y/N let out an exaggerated sigh, shaking her head into the camera, pretending to be resigned to her fate. “Alright, fine, I’ll give you that one. But I’m never telling you another embarrassing story again.”

Yoonchae’s eyes widened in mock horror. “You have to!”

Y/N shot her a look, pretending to be stern. “I’m serious, Yoonchae. I’ll tell everybody but you.”

But Yoonchae only pouted, clasping her hands together in a pleading gesture. “Please, please, tell me more! I’m begging you! I’ll be really sad if you don’t!”

Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn’t hold back the smile tugging at their lips. “Fine. But only because you said ‘please’.” They paused, thinking for a moment. “Okay, how about the time I accidentally dyed my hair neon green before a concert?”

Yoonchae gasped. “No way! Tell me more!”

Y/N, now fully enjoying the teasing, leaned in closer. “Well, I thought it would be a fun, bold look, but the dye got all over my hands, my clothes, and the stage lights made it look like I had an actual glow-in-the-dark head. It was so embarrassing that I wore a hat for the entire set. Not one person told me I looked ridiculous. Not even you!”

Yoonchae gasped dramatically. “How could I not tell you? I think I need to have a word with our bandmates.”

Best sibling dynamic, hands down.

[veeisdunn]

Distractions

This is a sequel to You and me

Arthur Shelby x sister!reader

warning: description of self-harm scars

WC: 2.4K

MASTERLIST

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You were having a crisis. It had been around two weeks since your attempt and you had done so well, but then you nearly fucked it up. You felt like you were stuck in a cruel conundrum. If you spoke to a family member, they would probably end up hiding all sharp objects which would certainly make them resent you even more than they already did. Alternatively, if you didn’t, they would be immensely disappointed to inevitably discover that you’d broken your promise in a little under twenty days.

Deep down, you knew the right thing to do. You desperately craved the comfort of your twin, Finn, but he was fuck knows where doing fuck knows what.

Maybe he doesn’t want to be around me.

Deep down, you knew this was a stupid assumption, but your irrational side was screaming at you: You are dragging him down.

“It’s you and me, Y/N.” Did he still mean it? After all these years?

Fuck, I need help I need help.

You pulled your aching body off your groaning bed, your bones clicking after being curled in an unnatural position for the best part of a day. You resolved to sweep the house, if no one was there to help her, you'd give in and relapse. But, if someone was there, you'd keep her promise to Tommy.

You secretly wished Ada still lived with you and didn’t run off to London. Your elder sister offered her vital comfort on the phone after Polly told her what had transpired. 

“I need you, Y/N. I can’t deal with all these Shelby men without my Shelby girl.” 

You could ring Ada, but she didn’t want to disrupt Karl’s day by upsetting his mum, or god forbid cause Ada to put her life on hold and visit.

Your fragile frame trudged down the creaky wooden stairs, the home where you grew up. You once chased your brothers up these stairs as a child - before the world went to shit; but now they’ve all moved out, even Polly had a house. It left just you and Finn, along with any visiting family member or friend. The house was so dead and empty. Selfishly you missed when the whole family was under one roof - before the war. 

You snapped yourself out of your reminiscing, now was no time for fantasies. 

“Y/N?” A gruff voice called out from the living room - Arthur - shit. 

As much as you idolised your eldest brother, you never had any deep, emotional talks due to your wide age gap (twenty-one years, to be precise) along with your fear surrounding Arthur’s addiction and his anger. Things only got worse whenever he and his wife fought. That’s probably why he was there.

“Y/N, love?” He repeated. 

You cautiously shuffled towards the oak door of the living room and shoved it open. Immediately, you were hit with a wall of warmth and the stench of cigarette smoke.

“I’ve been waiting on ya. Thought you’d lock yourself up there forever.” Arthur sighed, putting his cigarette out and discarding it in the glass ashtray on the table. He glanced up at you and saw the all too familiar feelings of despair and sadness flooding your face. The pain radiated off you. It crushed him to see that you were feeling the same anguish he once felt. Despite his eyes on you, you remained still.

Arthur shifted over and gestured to the sofa next to him, a pleading look in his eyes. You hesitated, but then caved and sunk down next to him. His aura engulfed you like a blanket.

“What’s going on little’un?” he questioned, attempting to expel the gruff undertone from his voice

“Nothing. I - I just wanted to say hi.” you mumbled in response, evidently lying.

Arthur didn’t respond. He instead gave you a look, as if to say “bullshit.”

“I just…” Your voice broke “I don’t want to be alone right now.” You sniffled, not looking him in the eyes, instead focusing on your knees.

He sighed. He desperately wanted to help you, he empathised, but it was sometimes hard to force the words out. What would Tommy do? What would Polly do? What would Ada do?

“Then, let’s stay here together.” he half-smiled, you only hummed in response. 

“Can you - can we talk about this?” Arthur stammered, immediately regretting his word choice. “I mean - do you want to talk about it?” 

You didn’t respond, you stayed still. Your rational brain was telling you to spill everything, vomit your thoughts up. However, your darker side wanted your thoughts to stay locked alone.

Your fear was palpable. You wanted Finn. You and Arthur had never spoken about this. When he found out about your attempt, he broke into a fit of rage, leaving a trail of destruction - smashed glass, dented furniture - behind him. To his credit, he did try to apologise to you, but you remained silent throughout the ordeal.

"Sister." Arthur choked "I'm sorry for scaring you. I was just in my rage, you know? But… but not at you! just myself." 

You glanced up at him, tears silently falling down his cheeks. You had no words left in you, so you did the only thing you could: held him. It was ironic because really you were the one who needed comforting right now, but you knew Arthur was in just as deep shit as yourself.

"I - I just feel…" your voice whispered out to him "I feel like a failure." 

Immediately, the older man's bloodshot eyes widened. Had she - ?

"What did you do? It’s ok." He sure didn’t sound like it was ok.

"I swear, nothing, yet."

"Can I have a look?" 

Arthur hadn't actually seen but your self-inflicted injuries were described to him in vivid detail by a very traumatised Finn. Despite this, nothing could have prepared him for what he was about witness, physical evidence making the gravity of your situation more real.

You were far too embarrassed to reveal your handiwork to him, so you instead rested your wrist on his leg to let him discover them.

"my jumper" he smiled, "but it smells too clean."

You chuckled through your pouring tears.

Cautiously, he lifted up the cuff. It revealed a few large, burning scabs, still outlined by a deep crimson. It also revealed the start of Tommy's row of stitches. The cut couldn't be as long as they said, right?

Arthur looked up at you for some kind of reassurance, but your eyes were locked on your arm. He leaned in closer to your shaking body and continued. 

The black channel of parallel lines seemed to never end. He continued to slide up your sleeve, nearing your elbow. Anyone could tell how bad the cut was by the deep channel forming between the two sides. It almost looked like a stab wound, but way too large. As the sleeve bunched up and rested on your elbow, the forming scar ended.

"shit." Arthur mumbled in disbelief "can I check the other?" 

The process on your right wrist was considerably faster. Much to Arthur's relief, it was still populated by the old scarring he'd been warned of. Horizontal, raised bumps ran across your arm. In a messed up way, it reminded him of trenches on the battlefield.

"D'ya promise there ain't no others?" he spoke in a low, soothing voice. You nodded your head rapidly. "I'll get Finn or Polly to check fully later, ok?" 

"thank- thank you" your voice shook

"So, why're we feeling like a failure, ay?"

"Because, I - I just can't be strong. I'm meant to be strong." you cried 

"says who?" Arthur countered

"I - just everything. You are all strong, and I can't do it." 

"You think I'm strong? I can assure you I'm no different to you, same with Tom."

You looked up, shocked at his forwardness.

"This," Arthur picked up your stitched wrist and held it tendering in his cracked hand "this is just a physical sign of the pain you feel. We all feel pain. We all do stupid shit because of it, there ain't nothing to be ashamed of in this family." 

You let a small smile tease the edge of your lips. Your were scared Arthur hated you for it, but he clearly cared way more than you'd realised.

"There's that smile, ay?" Arthur cooed, your eyes locking.

"I thought you hated me." you sobbed, confused.

He was taken aback to hear those words coming from your mouth. He and Polly raised you and Finn. He could have sworn you were a little child last year, but now you was all grown up and in a lot of pain. 

"yeah? says who? don't listen to those voices, listen to me, ok?" He gripped your shoulders with his hands and pulled you in so your faces were nearly touching. "I love you, I love you so much" 

His tender words made you lose it. You were surprised that you even had tears left, resting your forehead against his shoulder. Arthur wrapped his arms tightly around you and patted your back rhythmically, humming something incoherent. 

"I'm sorry I made you mad with yourself, Arthur. I swear none of this is your fault." You gazed back up at her older brother, guilt clouding your vision. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you when we spoke before, you must have felt bad." 

He didn't respond, just shushed you and kept a reassuring hand on your back. They remained in that position until your cries subsided and Arthur had composed himself. 

He let out a strained cough to clear his throat of tears and tobacco. "What are we going to do ay? Gotta keep your big mind occupied." 

You knew what you desperately wanted: Finn. But you hated to admit that to Arthur. Finn needed a break. You didn't want Arthur to think you didn't want him. 

"Can we go on a walk?" You asked, yearning for fresh air and a change of scenery

He slapped his knees and stood up slowing. "I probably need the exercise anyway for the ole lungs" 

You laughed again. 

Arthur trudged to the door, throwing on his trench coat and cap. You shuffled behind him and wrapped your coat around your body, enjoying its warmth and softness - one of Ada's posh hand downs. 

Outside, the frigid evening air enveloped Watery Lane, however the setting sun cut through the fog leaving an amber haze.

“Where’re we off to then, Y/N?”

You hummed in thought, “The Cut? It should be quiet.”

And you were off, your elbows interlinked. Arthur rambled about nearly anything he could think of - mostly Linda. You enjoyed hearing your troubled brother talk about his future - how he want a baby and a quaint house in the country. 

“And I want you there playing in the grass with little Arthur junior!”

“And what if it’s a girl?”

“Little Linda! I dunno!”

He told you stories of you and Finn as small children. How Arthur would bounce Finn on his shoulders or chase you around the house in circles, much to the dismay of literally everyone else (Polly). You spoke about how during the war, if there was a problem, you and Finn would play “What would Arthur/Tommy/John do?” (depending on the day) where you would pretend to be your older brothers; going so far as to wear their clothes. 

For a minute, you forgot why you were in all of this mess to begin with. Life was so simple. As the two of you walked along the cut, you gazed at your reflection in the murky water. You were so much older now, there was so much more at stake. 

“Gotten quiet now? What are you thinking?” Arthur stopped and turned to face you. 

“I wish we could all go back.” You sighed longingly, looking up into your brother’s face. In all your memories, he’s a twenty-something year old playing father to you and Finn - now he was in his forties. 

After that revelation and some tears (from both of you), you somehow ended up at the Garrison. Typical Shelbys. After ordering a drink each from the flustered barmaid, you slipped into the snug where Finn and Isiah were deep in a drunken game of cards. After your entrance, Finn perked up, his cap nearly falling from his head.

“My favourite Shelbys!” Finn slurred, stumbling to embrace you both.

“I’d be careful where you say that mate!” Isiah laughed, clumsily slamming his cards onto the table and taking a swig of a beer.

Arthur thoroughly enjoyed the sight of Finn drunk off his head “and how many deep are we, ay?” he chuckled, settling down on the bench.

“How many what?” Finn frowned, dragging you to his side of the table.

“Drinks, Finn, drinks.” You joined Arthur in his amusement 

“Ooooh! I dunno.” He shrugged over dramatically in response, wrapping his arm around you. “What I do know is that I’m winning now with my new teammate.”

“I am NOT helping you gamble, Finn.”

The night eventually wound down and concluded with you helping Finn stumble home, him slurring incoherent nonsense about some girl he fancied. You found it funny how he was technically your younger brother (by a few minutes) yet he was the drunk one. 

You dragged Finn over the threshold of your home, the second you let go of him to lock the door he collapsed unceremoniously onto the stairs with a thud. You yanked his shoes off and practically dragged him into the living room, relighting the fire Arthur had started earlier knowing Finn wouldn’t make it up the stairs in this state.

You'd barely turned your back before Finn was fast asleep, curled up like a child on the sofa. You settled down on the floor next to him and gazed into the popping fire. Within minutes, the radiant warmth sent you into a slumber.

Tommy came by the next morning and let himself in. His heart swelled at the sight of his two youngest siblings sleeping peacefully in the living room. Finn had gradually made his way onto the floor and was lying down next to you, your hands intertwined.

He considered waking you both up but instead resorted to spreading a blanket over you, taking the time to admire the calm atmosphere.  As long as they have each other, he thought, they will be alright.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

please drop me a comment or message with any feedback or suggestions! I'd love to hear from you ♡

Vee x

MASTERLIST

[yarameijer]

Hi ms. Yara! :> I'm curious to know who you think Sangoku's favorite club member is and why.

Sangoku’s favorite club member… it’s not that he has a favorite, exactly (his words, not mine), but he does prefer certain teammates over others sometimes, mostly depending on their temperament. As the eldest on the team, he feels a certain sense of responsibility for the others despite usually preferring to stay in the background. It’s especially obvious when it comes to the first-years; he’s very fond of them, but he won’t hesitate to scold them if they act carelessly. He won’t admit it but he’s got a soft spot for Tenma, Hikaru and Shinsuke in particular; Tenma, because Sangoku is of the opinion that Tenma is largely the reason the Raimon of today still exists; Hikaru because he’s very polite and Sangoku sees a lot of himself in him; and Shinsuke because they’ve spent a lot of time together when Shinsuke switched to the goalkeeper position, and Sangoku is a bit of a mentor for him.

He gets along well with Shindou and Kirino but once again prefers to let them do the talking and the scheming. He’s especially got a relationship of mutual respect with Shindou, and he values his opinion a lot, but Sangoku is also willing to step in if he feels Shindou is acting out of line and Shindou respects Sangoku enough in turn to take great value in his words. Sangoku is also of the firm opinion that Hamano and Hayami are troublemakers (yes, both of them).

In the end, if it comes down to who he hangs out with the most, it’d be the other third-years Amagi and Kurumada. They’ve known each other the longest and they’re all usually content to sit back and watch their kouhai be chaotic (although any one of them can be dragged into it if properly motivated). Sangoku wouldn’t exactly call them sensible, but then again, they’re better than some of their other teammates.

Not exactly a clear answer as to who’s the favorite, but I hope this will suffice!

[batteryrose]

ULTIMATE ADAM LORE DOCUMENT

This ones gonna be a doozy (I AM NOT KIDDING. THIS IS A LONG LONG POST), and you may call me insane afterwards, but anyway,

This one's for the Adam likers out there that may want to know more about him. I have a longfic in the works, but well, let's be honest, that thing's not gonna get finished any time soon :) so, if you'd like to know the Deep Lore this is the post where I summarizes everything that's living inside my head.

Hopefully you've heard of Adam before or this post might not make a whole lot of sense, but I try my best........

the Yashpari

Referring to an ethnic group of people living around the Obsidian grasslands.

Yashpar is their land's name in their own language. Other countries call the area ‘Jasper.’

The land is very important to Obsidian for having very rich and fertile 'black earth' (coloured deep green here. I’d imagine Jade has most of it). The Yashpari tribespeople farm and raise livestock instead of living nomadically.

The ethnic group might have originated from somewhere distant south.

They're known for their art, including textiles art, music, and many kinds of dances and performances. 

The tribe survives because they were willing to submit to Obsidian instead of engaging in a losing war against them.

Leading up to the war with Rhodolite, they’ve been depleted of resources and morale, among other things, and were starting to rebel harder against their occupiers. 

Obsidian had turned one of their older settlements into a small town and military fortress near Rhodolite.

Mochammad Adam Kain: Background

He is the son of a Rhodolitian noble and a widowed Yashpari elder.

His father was very sympathetic to the tribe’s fight against Obsidian and was directly supporting it.

To weaken the family’s power, the local Obsidian nobles and military needed to create a rift between the family members.

Marquis Kain’s family

(old art, sorry lol)

The marquis married the widow out of genuine love. She has had two daughters with her previous husband (who was the village chief/elder/whatever.)

They live separately, with the marquis travelling back and forth constantly between Rhodolite and Yashpar. The two places are at least a day apart. 

Together they had four more children: three sons and a daughter. Adam is the eldest son, followed by his younger-by-a-year brother, Ajisaka (can also be spelled as ‘Adjisaka’.) I’ll be focusing on them two for now.

Adam and Adji

They're opposites personality-wise. Adam is the quieter kid, less out-spoken, and he was able to learn to read, write, and understand different languages faster. He quickly became his father’s favourite. 

Ajisaka is the louder one of the bunch, and he grew up to be quite charismatic. He is well respected amongst the Yashpari youth. Adam didn't have the same popularity!

The Obsidian military were recruiting young Yashpari boys. They saw potential in these siblings. Potentially also turning them against their own father.

Adam received a military education, and when he got older, a position as a low-ranking officer.

They could groom Adam into their side much more easily than they could Ajisaka. Adji joined the revolutionary fervour. His gang of violent youths harassed Obsidian forces often, which eventually became a big nuisance. He came to be known as a notorious brute.

The brothers don't really get along. They think the other one is stupider. The family was torn, and while they were originally well respected by the Yashpari people, the sons' actions polarised them. 

During and after the war with Rhodolite, Marquis Kain couldn't travel across the border and into the village anymore. 

Adam: Upbringing 

As a kid he was seen as sort of meek and 'feminine.' He didn't have many great friends. Otherwise, he was very smart.

He was always in charge of taking care and watching over his younger siblings.

Knowing different languages got him able to speak and negotiate out of trouble. Specifically troubles with the Obsidian people. 

He was a bit of a pushover. When hanging out with Adji's friends they liked to embarrass him. 

He often watches over his little sister playing with her friends instead…

He only started gaining friends, respect, and confidence in the military environment. He mingled well with fellow Yashpari soldiers there.

Yashpari people that served in Obsidian Military

Older Yashpari people are usually here because they were paying a debt to the (Obsidian) government, paying a fine, or were otherwise poor and in desperate conditions. Leading up to the war, many younger boys were conscripted.

Adam met Suraya here, an old private. 

Adam also was able to hang out with the Obsidianite soldiers. 

Boys will be boys…he might’ve even fallen in love with one of the younger officers.

He actually liked it here. At this point, he's a bit alienated from his family. Though his father still writes to him. 

Additional character: Suraya

(She shows up in the On Violence longfic)

She and many others like her were a demographic of, what you could probably call 'drag performers.' They perform Yashpari dances and theatrical plays as women.

These sort of traditional performances were popular amongst the Obsidianite elite, but at some point in the past they were banned from being performed openly. 

Some of them got convinced to serve in the military and make a decent living after their livelihood was taken away. 

Suraya served since way before the war with Rhodolite. She was proficient in the bow and arrow, and eventually the arquebus, and the musket rifle. 

Many of her friends had died, but she stuck around in the military. 

Adam is technically above her in rank but she's a mentor to him.

The reason she stuck around is… she has a 'hobby' for injuring many of Obsidian's own officers and soldiers without getting caught. Mainly by aiming from a great distance. 

She will get caught eventually, though she's able to run away.

If asked about her gender she would say "I live in the woods, I don't know." Adam would say "well, she mostly lives as the 'old woman living in the woods', so."

In writing I would refer to her with she/they pronouns. Adam exclusively refers to her with she.

The battle with Rhodolite, or the 'Bloodstained Rose Day':

At that point Adam would be around 17 years old, and he was placed in the position of a second lieutenant (lowest ranking officer.) 

Adam had to lead his Yashpari comrades into the frontlines. He even personally witnessed Chevalier and Co. doing their thing. 

He had noticed that the Yashpari troops were constantly getting pushed into the very front of the line with little to no backup, and they were getting killed off very quickly.

He caused confusion in the army because he wouldn't let more people go forward. They had to be forced to go with it by the higher ups. 

Obsidian lost, and Yashpari had great losses and casualties. Adam was quite lucky to survive. 

Him and the survivors were disillusioned with the military after the battle. Morale was on an all time low. They staged a mutiny. Just wanted to raid the military supplies for all the food and booze and whatever. Stick it up to the big guys. 

The higher ups found out what the sentiments amongst the troops were. They singled Adam out as the cause of these ideas, due to his actions in the battlefield.

To further humiliate him they dragged out his relationship with the young Obsidianite officer into light.

His was accused of ‘acting indecent’ towards the officer. He was publicly punished to both discourage the rebels from acting out and to likely ruin his reputation amongst them. 

They also wipe out his records from the books, pretending he never existed, to protect the officer's reputation.

'Death'

Just for a clue, the punishment was what gave him those scars on his back.

The military didn’t take care of him after and left him gravely injured. Pretty much leaving him to die. 

There was a lot of uncertainty and rumours. People, including his family, thought Adam was dead. 

Despite their relationship and the shame, Ajisaka wanted to look for him anyway, or at the very least get to the bottom of it all. 

He and his gang made a lot of ruckus. Harassing the fortress, taking in mutinied soldiers, etc.

(Suraya (still acting like a loyal soldier) got caught shooting into her own army in this event. From here on out she's a fugitive living in the woods.) 

In the end, Obsidian baited Adji inside with a fake rumour regarding Adam's whereabouts. Of course, he just got captured as a result.

They exiled him somewhere instead of killing him to still keep a semblance of good relations with the Kains.

Although, most people just assumed that he's also dead. 

(Adam was only saved by Suraya. She brought him to hide with her somewhere within the woods bordering Jade.)

The rest of the Kains

After the events of the battle, Adam's mother, sisters and youngest brother were still living within the fortressed town. Obsidian were willing to pretend that they have some sort of authority, but in all honestly, they're just being held hostage.

Obsidian was still recovering from the war, they don't want the Marquis attempting anything.

Mission?

Adam can't live easy until he could get the rest of his family out of there. His life purpose is pretty simple from here on out.

Adam and Adji: working together

Adam found out what happened to Adji. He contacted his father, because there's nothing else he can do.

His father sent a lot of people to look for Adji and any information about him. This caught Rhodolite's attention a little. (What's he doing sending out people to Obsidian…) 

Months and months of searching and they found him in the northern mountains. The brothers reunite. Adji thought it's all basically Adam's fault, but, well, they're too tired to fight it out. And the cold kinda mellowed him out anyway.

Fortunately, some of his old gang members were still alive and kicking, spread apart in hiding. They managed to rebuild, and they operate outside of the fortress, keeping their bases near Jade's border. 

Adam, meanwhile, was still presumed dead by most of the public and he wants to keep it that way. 

(this is why in On Violence the Rhodolite princes couldn't find any information about him.)

Adam knows that there's no chance he and Ajisaka's people alone could attack Obsidian successfully with what they currently have, so they needed… something.

Getting weapons

At this point, it had been years since the war with Rhodolite. In a brief moment of weakness, Adam reconnected with his old friend from the army.

(the boyfriend that got him in trouble.)

The young man had long gone home and retired from the army. They never heard from each other until now. Adam sent him a letter.

He was quite happy seeing Adam basically risen from the dead. Or terrified. One of the two.

Adam comes to find out that his friend's family had ties to Obsidian's weapon manufacturing companies, particularly, their distribution company. 

He also comes to find out that love is… very easy to take advantage of and manipulate.

(Gilbert somewhere in the distance, saying again ‘we’re not so different after all’ :') )

Adam slowly convinced his friend to pull some strings, and now, more weapons were going to be sent to the Rhodolite-Obsidian border, especially the fortresses.

Ajisaka dealt with the extraction. This is a shockingly successful arrangement, and eventually, they ended up with a big surplus of weapons and ammunition on their hands. Unfortunately with increasingly less space to hide them. They also can't use them themselves all willy nilly. 

Adam hatched a plan. 

Working with Rhodolite (the beginning of 'On Violence')

Marquis Kain soon died of natural causes. This forced Adam's plan to run earlier than intended. 

They deliberately buried his father deep into Yashpar lands, gaining the attention of his father's Rhodolitian family, who wanted him resting close to home. 

Conflict between the marquis' soldiers (now controlled by Adam's uncle) and Ajisaka's men sparked. It was a minor battle, happened way out of Obsidian’s watchful gaze. 

Ajisaka got away without much casualties, however, Adam gave himself over to Rhodolite. 

The events of 'On Violence' began.

His plan:

Rhodolite managed to defeat Obsidian in the past, but now they’re still gearing up in case there will be another attempt of invasion. Adam wants to take advantage of this. He is willing to arm Rhodolite with his stolen weapons, and in exchange, Rhodolite will use their army to take over Obsidian’s fortress. Technically a win-win for both sides.

Getting his family out is the priority. Unfortunately, he does not think of anything else.

Ideally every Yashpari folk should gain freedom and asylum in Rhodolite until everything is settled.

Adam and Nokto :

Nokto wants to dig up most of this information about Adam to make sure he's not an Obsidian psy-op or something. Adam wants Nokto and ultimately Rhodolite to obey him as much as possible. Of course, only with subtle ways and manipulation, otherwise it wouldn't work. 

Somewhere along the way they sympathise with each other more than they expected. 

I'd like to think Adam's objectives are successful eventually, and in all the one-shot fic I make they're both just goofing around after everything is over :} Everything is nice and cozy, and nothing went wrong at all! I swear to God

PHEW. THAT'S IT. I left things out on purpose. You’re welcome to assume your own interpretations. Or, if you want, you can also wait as I Begrudgingly finish my long-fic that will Definitely take Forever (or at least read the available chapters first). You can also ask about more things in the comments bellow or through my ask box! (I turned off anon for personal reasons though, sorry about that)

[tunamayuuu]

the idea of the dazai-jouno-kyouka-lucy sibling relationship is sooooooo interesting to me... do you have anything else to say about it? :]

i held off answering this because i wanted to accompany my rambling with drawings but i’m on holiday break away from my tab so;;

anyway!

dazai and jouno are siblings in this au. in the original, shinobu and kanae’s parents were killed by a demon, and got saved by gyomei who defeated the demon before it could eat the sisters. i don’t plan on revealing or designing for dazai and jouno’s parents, but i do plan on adapting a light novel chapter but with oda (gyomei), dazai (kanae), and jouno (shinobu)!

oda is still significantly older than the butterfly brothers in this au (6-9 year age gap given kanae and shinobu’s ages). oda and dazai have the same dynamic as close friends, not sure on how oda treats jouno yet beyond treating him the same way he does dazai. (this dynamic may be subject to change as i have not read “the day i picked up dazai” and “osamu dazai and the dark era”)

dazai and jouno’s relationship as brothers would be similar to kanae and shinobu’s, but to specify they’d be

butting heads, with dazai often making light of jouno’s fussing

reading too much into each others’ thought processes and butting heads over it, probably have done competitions on who has better technique (they’ve tied in score)

they definitely have different methods to approaching demons; with dazai who wields a standard nichirin katana and plays up the drama to trick his targets and attacking by surprise; while jouno who prefers the modified nichirin katana and is a lot more honest with his disdain and torture

their independent thinking may be how they’ve always live their lives, but there are times where jouno looks to dazai’s guidance and strategy as the older brother (as much as jouno wants to deny)

when dazai came home injured from fighting an upper moon, jouno definitely changed to step up as the eldest of the mansion. there had been times where jouno felt like acting politely, but after dazai’s death, he definitely felt the need to put up the polite and composed act 24/7. he only chooses to show his resentment and fierce temper when he fights demons on solo missions (or when talking to the water hashira tecchou).

kyouka was taken in the same way as kanao was in the original story. dazai wanted to take her in, while jouno thought it was a wasted effort given kyouka’s static nature.

dazai was definitely as hollow and unmotivated when he was younger, so it fascinates him to see that reflection through kyouka. her stillness and continued silence regardless of prodding made him remember how oda first took him and jouno in as children.

jouno is much better in taking care of kyouka, to which dazai usually leaves her in jouno’s care (much to jouno’s dismay)

even then, jouno thinks that it’s a waste of time to care for a child who isn’t vocal with her needs; he can’t relate to kyouka in the same way dazai can

dazai dotes on kyouka and treats her to sweets every so often because that seems to be the only thing that she can decide for herself on (until way later into the story)

to my understanding, aoi was taken in before kanao; lucy would be taken in first. lucy’s vocal and willingness to take immediate action nature is something jouno admires and respects her for.

dazai relates to lucy less so than jouno. but he dotes on lucy too, he definitely thought it was cute when lucy was first given her butterfly clips and could barely contain her joy and fascination by something so simple

jouno can always count on lucy to be the head of the mansion when he’s out on missions. lucy acts like his assistant when treating injured corps members.

kyouka and lucy have the same dynamic as dazai and jouno when dazai was still around. they don’t butt heads compared to the brothers, instead, there are times where they don’t particularly understand each other, which makes lucy feel uneasy

wow sorry to ramble.. i also plan to adapt another light novel chapter related to kyouka and lucy to characterize them better so yaaay! i hope this was a fun read for you as it was fun for me to think about them in more detail

[deepspacedukat]

Unravel

Inspired by this ask by @romulanhorsegirl and written with their permission. My god. This has been living in my brain for SO MANY DAYS. PLEASE ENJOY THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR. This is just under 11,300 words. Enjoy!

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

T’Kosh (ST:ENT) x Reader

[A/N: This is angsty, fluffy, and smutty, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Interspecies sex, Human/Vulcan sex, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, making out in a sacred hallway, blasphemy, oral sex (female receiving), oral sex (male receiving), fondling, biting, marking, dirty talk, innuendo, mild choking kink, frottage, mild d/s dynamics.

~*~

**2151 - P’Jem Monastery**

The monks of P’Jem were all meditating quietly in the large room where the Andorian officers had corralled them. There was little else to do. As their order was pacifistic in nature, they would not commit violence, and there was no way to convince the Andorians to leave. At T’Kosh’s urging, the monks simply tried to bide their time. Their heads lifted, though, at the sound of the door banging open. The Commander of the Andorian officers stood fuming in the doorway.

“We’ve detected a vessel in orbit,” he growled as he and one of his Lieutenants walked farther into the room. “We don’t recognize its configuration, and they’ve launched a shuttle. One of you will come to the entryway and get rid of them.”

As T’Kosh was the eldest monk present, he stood and clasped his hands in front of him, carefully ignoring the weapon being pointed in his direction.

“Allow me,” he said taking a small step forward as he spoke. The Commander strode over to him, moving well into his personal space.

“If you alert them to our presence in any way, you’ll experience the emotion of wrath firsthand as I rain it down upon you and the others. Got it, old man?”

“I understand, Commander,” T’Kosh replied, and he was ushered out of the room with a weapon pointed at his back. Dutifully, he took up the correct position in the atrium and waited for their unexpected visitors. Soon, someone pulled at the bell rope, as was customary, however, the Andorian soldier hiding behind the wooden divider shook his head at T’Kosh mutely. The Vulcan remained where he was. He had little choice when an armed soldier was mere feet from him just looking for an excuse to kill him.

Eventually, the visitors pushed the door open and stepped inside the monastery’s atrium. T’Kosh recognized the first two as Human males. The third was a Vulcan female in a military uniform, and the fourth was - there was no other word for her but beautiful. Were all Human females that...arresting? The young woman met his eyes for barely a moment, giving him a shy smile before averting her gaze. T’Kosh had never seen a Human in such close proximity, and he regretted that his only opportunity to encounter them was under such unpleasant circumstances. They were intriguing by appearance alone.

He turned his attention to the Vulcan officer approaching him and listened as she communicated her crewmates’ desire to see the temple. With great reluctance, he knew that he must do as the Andorians had ordered him. He wanted to show the young Human female around and answer her questions - judging by the curiosity in her expression, she would have many - but his first priority had to be protecting the members of his order. She would be protected as well, if he did his job sufficiently. The Andorians would have no reason to harm or detain her if he kept her ignorant of the present situation.

The lie fell from T’Kosh’s tongue as convincingly as he could manage.

“This is the time of kolinahr. The order must remain in silent reflection throughout the duration of the lunar cycle. Forgive me, I must refuse you,” he said, and the Vulcan officer nodded her head, returning to the three Humans to deliver the news. Of their own volition, T’Kosh’s eyes returned to the young woman who was examining a small statue of Surak that was poorly placed. He wished to straighten it so that his order would not seem slovenly to her.

That impulse startled him. Oh no. Perhaps it was best that he’d refused them entry. She threatened his decades long work in the art of kolinahr. His logic was as tightly woven and carefully structured as a tapestry, but she was pulling quite insistently at one of the threads. If she pulled any harder, he suspected that he might unravel completely.

“Your service honors us. Before we leave, may I request the offering of the J’Kah stone for my distinguished guests?” Such an offering had never been made to Humans. Nevertheless, T’Kosh nodded his head and requested for them to wait before turning to retrieve the stone. He knew the Andorian Commander would not be pleased if this took too long, but it was better to honor the request. To refuse would be illogical and would raise more questions than would be acceptable to his captors.

When he returned, T’Kosh allowed himself a small personal liberty. He carried the box containing the J’Kah stone over to stand in front of the young woman who had so easily caught his attention. She looked up at him with wide eyes as he approached. He knew the Vulcan officer would wonder why he chose her in particular to receive the honor of the litany, but he had no doubt he could explain it logically should he be questioned.

Before he could begin, however, the two Human men began commenting on other monasteries they’d visited, and the one with the odd accent paused by an upended jar as he remarked about the potential cleanup time.

“Forgive the disarray,” T’Kosh began. “Kolinahr encourages the members of our order to face their vestigial emotions. The repercussions can sometimes be violent. Please. This is the stone of J'Kah, which represents the foundation of all we believe. A life of order and control through logic.”

At his explanation, the woman stood a little straighter and watched him open the box in awe. Odd. T’Kosh had heard that Humans had little respect for logic. Yes, he had chosen wisely. She was clearly special. Once she placed her hand delicately on the carved stone, as was customary, he began the litany.

“Ishtaya kulah. Vestal ma etak J'Kah,” he intoned as clearly and with as much reverence as he could. Mentally, he chastised himself for being a hypocrite. How could he recite such sacred words when she had already inspired emotional desires within him?

The silence after she opened her eyes was a breathless one for T’Kosh. He knew what was happening. Mere minutes and one woman had already begun to destroy over fifty years of painstaking meditation and work all without saying a word.

The jarringly out-of-place voice of her Captain broke the almost-trance that the Vulcan Elder had fallen into. Coming back to himself, T’Kosh closed the box, turned, and listened to the idle conversation between the Captain and the Commander before urging them to leave. He did not wish to send her away, but for her own safety, he knew that he must. She must not be dragged into this.

He was still trying to work out why one woman had inspired such strong reactions in him when he realized how far into the room the men had moved. Both ended up alarmingly close to the Andorian officer’s hiding place - Thon, if he remembered correctly - and T’Kosh was able to do no more than watch as the Humans broke down the wooden barrier. The lady by his side moved to help them, but reflexively, T’Kosh caught her arm. The less she was involved, the easier it would be for him to protect her from the Commander’s anger.

“Wha–”

She broke off when the other three Andorian officers entered with their weapons aimed at them.

As the five of them were herded into the room where the monks were being kept, T’Kosh ensured that his body blocked her from the officer just behind them.

An illogical action. She is an officer. She can protect herself.

But she is innocent. It is logical to protect the innocent. She is no threat to them. She is gentle and curious, nothing more. It is logical to protect her.

His mind argued back and forth with all the violence of his long-repressed emotions; logic and emotion warred silently within him, but all he showed outwardly was a minutely furrowed brow. The members of his order would likely realize something was wrong, but none of the visitors would be the wiser, just so long as he was careful.

The Andorian Commander shoved the Humans to one side of the room, including the woman T’Kosh had been attempting to protect, then he got right up in his face.

“Why didn’t you tell us one of your people was aboard?” He practically snarled, but T’Kosh remained as calm as before.

“It’s an Earth vessel, I didn’t know.” The ensuing conversation was a mass of Andorian posturing and poorly-timed comments from the Human Captain. Once the latter was on the floor gasping for air, the soldiers finally left their prisoners alone. The Vulcan science officer began to explain who their captors were to her superior officer, and despite his better judgment, T’Kosh made his way to the Human woman’s side again. “In order to alleviate tensions, we negotiated a treaty, but some Andorian factions still believe we're bent on conquest.”

“What do they want with a three thousand year old temple?” The man with the odd accent asked from the Captain’s side.

“They believe we are hiding a long range sensor array,” T’Kosh explained. He hated that these outsiders had been dragged into the middle of their conflict. He hoped that the Andorians would simply allow the Human crew to leave so that she - they - would be safe. Though he did not wish to lie, he knew it was for the good of Vulcan. The needs of the many... “This is a place of introspection, Captain. There are no spies here, and no technology.”

He could not look at her as he spoke for fear that she would see his deception and think less of him for it. There were many spies below the catacombs harboring and utilizing sophisticated technology to spy on their neighbors. There were not many choices T’Kosh made that caused him true, deep consternation, but allowing a spy station to exist beneath a place of introspection and pure logic which he held so dear...that was one of them.

Glancing over at the young woman, who was helping her Captain to his feet, he felt the beginning spark of an ire stronger than he had experienced in decades. Why should he allow a woman as kindhearted as she was to be caught up in conflicts that should not even begin to touch her?

“Thanks, Lieutenant,” the Captain murmured, and she gave him a respectful nod. The Human Commander looked at T’Kosh and the others in confusion.

“So what are ya going to do, just sit here and let ‘em ransack the place?”

Sulok, one of the initiates, spoke up before T’Kosh could.

“Typically, they make a great display of their indignance. When they find nothing, they leave,” he explained, and he was essentially correct. There was obviously a large mess to clean up each time, but that was to be expected where Andorian commandos were concerned.

“The Andorians were here twice before and both times left within a day,” T’Kosh said. “Unfortunately your arrival has amplified their suspicions.”

Before the Elder could stop him, Sulok spoke again, this time with discernible bitterness in his tone.

“You've endangered us all,” he said looking directly at the Lieutenant, and at the look of horrified regret that crossed her features, T’Kosh bristled. This was not her fault. He could tell she was motivated by curiosity alone. Malicious intent was not to be found in her, especially not in this situation.

Placing what he hoped was a comforting hand on her shoulder, T’Kosh herded the initiate and the rest of the order closer to one end of the room and encouraged them to attempt meditation. They would be engaged in communal kolinahr at this time, anyway, so it was only logical that they meditate while they had the opportunity.

--

As Captain Archer was taken from the room for questioning for the third time by the Andorians, T’Kosh noted the troubled look on his beautiful, unofficial charge’s face.

She is a Lieutenant. Though you may only be thinking of her, show the proper respect by acknowledging her rank. She must have exerted much effort to attain her position.

He knelt beside her and regarded her quietly. She had been questioned earlier, but unlike her crewmates, she’d returned unharmed. There was something special about her. T’Kosh couldn’t quite identify it, but whatever it was, the Andorians had obviously seen it too, or she would’ve come back bloody and beaten just like the others. She still looked rather nervous, though.

Of course she’s nervous. She is a prisoner.

“I realize that we are being held here just as you are, but if there is any way that I can assist you in feeling more comfortable, please do not hesitate to inform me,” he said, and she gave him a small smile that made his heart flutter in his side. What an alarming sensation.

“Thank you, mister...?”

“My name is T’Kosh, t’sai,” he supplied giving her a polite bow of his head. Fetching one of the blankets from the pile at the side, he offered it to her. He regretted that it wasn’t softer, but it would provide quite a bit of warmth. “While I cannot offer many amenities, I must suggest you use one of these. Our sanctuary can become quite cold at night.”

“Thank you for your generosity. We’re the ones who put your people in danger, yet you’ve been kind to me. I’m very grateful,” she said as she accepted the rough cloth from him. Her fingers brushed his for barely a second, and T’Kosh’s breath caught in his throat. “Forgive my curiosity, T’Kosh, but may I ask a few questions about this place? I’ve never seen a Vulcan monastery before.”

“Certainly. What do you wish to know?” For nearly the next hour, the Vulcan Elder answered her questions in as much detail and with as much clarity as he could. She hung on his every word as if transfixed by a tale of heroics he was spinning with the history of his order. Perhaps, to her, he was. Vulcan’s history was not Earth’s, so, logically, everything he told her could have been entirely new to her. Based on the High Command’s information, intellectual curiosity was not what he expected from a Human, but his ashaya apparently had it in abundance.

What right do you have to even think of her as yours?

Before he could ask about her culture in return, though, the door opened, and Captain Archer was tossed back inside with a bloodied, bruised face. She and Commander Tucker immediately moved to help him, and she began to wipe away the blood dripping down his cheek with a small, damp cloth. She was compassionate, too?

Gentle, caring, tender mate!

His emotions roared within him with an almost startling urgency. He felt his cheeks heat up for a moment before he forced his physical control back into place.

“These guys are serious,” Archer rasped as he took the cloth from the Lieutenant’s hand and started dabbing at his split lip. “They're going to start killing you people if they don't find what they're looking for.”

“There is nothing to find,” T’Kosh insisted, though each lie made him feel less and less worthy of his position in the order...and less worthy of her. Archer and the Commander started talking about other options, and T’Kosh dipped into his courage. They were all in a rather desperate position, after all. He explained about the old, possibly non-functional transmitter down in the catacombs, and Sulok led the Commander into the passage to locate it.

Would that be enough? If the transmitter worked, would this be enough to keep the Lieutenant safe and assuage his conscience?

And why was he feeling guilt in the first place? He’d spent years mastering his emotions. He was reacting logically to each situation that was presented to him. Why was all of his training crashing down around him in a smoldering pile of rubble?

Fool, you know why. She’s standing mere feet away. Open the door to one emotion and the rest come rushing in, too. Your regard for her started this descent into chaos. You know the choice you must make.

Indeed, he did, but...he did not want to. His logic was precious to him, but the urge to protect her, to win her over, to be hers...that was stronger than anything he’d felt before, save the pon farr drives. How had she captured him so fully? She’d decimated his kolinahr training, and she was not even aware of the effect she was having on him.

While Sulok and the Commander were gone, T’Kosh took a deep breath and attempted to meditate. He knew it would not be deep or particularly productive, but he hoped it would be just enough to bring him closer to regaining his equilibrium.

He had no idea how long his focus lasted, but when he opened his eyes he saw that both men were back and that he wasn’t alone. The Lieutenant was sitting beside him huddled quietly under the blanket he’d given her. The sun had begun to set and the temperature had dropped several degrees. In spite of her covering, she shivered slightly as she looked out the window at the changing horizon.

“Are you cold, t’sai?” His voice seemed to surprise her, but she smiled softly up at him.

“A little chilly, maybe, but I’m fine, T’Kosh, really.”

Allowing himself a skeptical raised eyebrow, he made it quite clear that he didn’t believe her polite demurral.

“It would be illogical for a host to allow his guest to freeze, even if we are both hostages,” he stated as he moved closer to her and opened his arms. She took the hint and leaned against him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her so she could share his body heat. Protect, provide, keep her warm. Several members of his order looked scandalized by his behavior, but T’Kosh’s only focus was on the woman nestled in his arms.

“What are sunsets like on Vulcan?” T’Kosh blinked at her murmured question. “I’ve never had the chance to go there, but I’ve always wondered what Vulcan must be like. Earth only has one star and the sunsets are beautiful. How much more exquisite must sunsets look on a planet with two stars like your home has?”

“I must admit, I have no frame of reference with which to describe the differences. I have never been to Earth,” the Vulcan Elder said as his gaze skimmed slowly over her face. “However, as this monastery is in a system which has one star, can I assume that what you are watching now is similar to your own sunset?”

“Yeah, it is, actually.”

“In that case, you might be interested to learn that Vulcan’s sunsets are more prolonged, and the colors are more vibrant.” Her eyes lit up in wonder, and T’Kosh nodded his head in confirmation. “Another contrast to your planet’s night is that Vulcan has no moon...”

He answered several more of her questions before she began yawning. Ah, yes. He’d read somewhere that Humans required more sleep than Vulcans.

“Rest, Lieutenant. I will keep you safe,” T’Kosh promised, and as he trailed his fingers lightly through her hair, she nuzzled into his robe.

Gentle...precious...

He was acutely aware that his behavior toward her was much too familiar to be proper. It was inappropriate, yet as she drifted to sleep with her head on his chest, T’Kosh couldn’t bring himself to move away. He would gladly allow her to use him as a pillow anytime she desired. Subtly, he sniffed the air and found his senses clouded by her pheromones. How had he missed them before when she smelled so sensual? He’d always heard that Humans had an unpleasant odor, but her scent was delicious.

Beautiful, fragrant, compatible mate! His instincts screamed at him with a passion and urgency they had not attained since before he began studying kolinahr. She was truly dangerous, but all he had to do was restrain himself until morning.

The night hours felt slower than they ever had before, but T’Kosh didn’t dare attempt to meditate. He knew his time with the Lieutenant was likely to be limited either by her crew’s escape or by the Andorians killing them all. He didn’t want to miss a single second with her, even if his control was tenuous at best in her presence. She looked so peaceful sleeping against his sternum. Had she any idea how much turmoil she’d inspired within him?

When morning finally came, Archer and Tucker awoke easily. T’Kosh allowed her a few minutes more of merciful rest before he carefully attempted to wake her. He murmured her name and ran his fingers gently through her hair. When she let out a small, discontented noise, the Vulcan Elder felt a surge of regret. He wished more than anything that he could soothe her back to sleep and allow her to escape the reality of her situation a while longer, but the Captain was watching them expectantly. He refused to be harsh in awakening her, though.

“Forgive me, Lieutenant. You must wake up. Morning has arrived,” he murmured, and when she blinked sleepily up at him disoriented and disheveled, T’Kosh realized he had never seen such a lovely sight in all his life. “Good morning.”

“G’morning.” Her voice was rough with sleep, and she smiled up at him before her situation came back to her. Her eyes widened and she clumsily extracted herself from his arms. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean–”

“Calm yourself. You have committed no offense,” he soothed looking into her eyes. She seemed surprised that he wasn’t angry, but ultimately her relief allowed her to let out a breath.

“Lieutenant,” the Captain called out to her with an amused smile on his face. Could he tell what feelings had been building between them? Could he see the evidence of T’Kosh’s failure to retain his kolinahr training in the face of a single, breathtaking woman?

Creating a map of the catacombs on the floor using old coins, T’Kosh watched as the Starfleet officers attempted to construct a plan in the early morning light.

“Do any of these tunnels lead to the outside?” Archer asked, but the Elder was forced to disappoint him. “What about this reliquary?”

“No one has entered it in years,” Sulok replied.

“To do so would be blasphemy,” T’Kosh said firmly, hoping that would be enough to keep them away from the underground spy station. If his ashaya found out that he had lied to them...to her...

Stop. She is not yours.

“I saw an old stairwell down there, maybe a meter wide. It was right about here,” Commander Tucker said. “There were three dim lights coming from the top. It looked somethin’ like this...”

He trailed off as he arranged three extra coins into the shape of a triangle.

“The face in the atrium,” the Lieutenant murmured as she looked up at the Captain. “If those two connect–”

“–We might have an opportunity. Great job you two.” The Captain praised his officers, and, foolishly, T’Kosh felt a swell of pride at her cleverness. “Alright, I’ll get myself in there and toss something in the mouth. One of you needs to wait in the tunnel and see if we’re right.”

“I’ll do it, Captain,” the Lieutenant volunteered, and at a nod from Archer, T’Kosh came to a decision.

“Then I will accompany you. You have not been in the catacombs yet and will, logically, require an escort.” The Lieutenant gave him a grateful smile that made all the judgmental looks from the rest of his order fade into nothingness.

“Alright. You two stay here until the Andorians take me. As soon as I’m gone, make your way to the catacombs,” the Captain ordered. Quickly, they all cleared away the evidence of their plan, and Archer started yelling for Commander Shran to let him out. T’Kosh felt the Lieutenant’s hands take up residence on his arm, and he took a deep, slow breath to keep himself calm.

As soon as the Andorians dragged the Captain out, T’Kosh and the Lieutenant grabbed torches and went into the dusty, old tunnels. En route to their destination, he heard her ask a question just above a whisper.

“Is there...? I mean, I know you said that entering the reliquary was blasphemous, but is my presence here in the tunnels...allowed?” She sounded tentative, as though she was truly afraid of accidentally desecrating sacred ground by merely existing. Considerate, respectful mate.

“You are not committing an offense, ashaya. Were you to come down here alone, I could not say the same, but so long as I am with you, you have no reason to fear,” T’Kosh assured quietly as he cleared away a cobweb and hung his torch just before the final turn. She did the same with the hook on the other side of the tunnel. They would have to go the rest of the way without the additional light. “Be careful. The ground is not flat here.”

He allowed her to go first in the final stretch. The lighting from their torches stretched just far enough to allow them to see where they were going, but a few feet from the spot where they needed to wait, the Lieutenant tripped on a hidden root. T’Kosh didn’t think, he simply reacted. His arms shot out, catching her and pulling her back against his chest.

“Are you alright?” He whispered against her ear, and she nodded her head. Turning in his arms, she looked up at him with wide eyes and thanked him. Despite his training and his decades of flawless control, he became lost in her eyes.

The sound of angry voices pulled them both from their reverie, and they walked closer to the alcove to wait. Quietly, the Vulcan Elder watched the Lieutenant lean against one of the wooden supports in the wall. She wasn’t staring at the three points of light, however. She was observing him. Did she feel it, too, this building attraction?

Taking a slow step toward her, T’Kosh took a chance. After being in such close proximity with her, smelling her pheromones all night, his control was hanging by a thread. He reached out carefully so as not to startle her, and he brushed two fingertips lightly, tenderly over her lips. The receptive, encouraging spark of desire in her consciousness that he felt during that brief moment of contact lit his passions aflame.

Swallowing heavily, T’Kosh stepped closer to her and brought both hands up to caress her cheeks, her forehead, her neck. She arched into him, and before he could register what was happening, the Lieutenant had tugged him closer by the front of his robes and pressed her lips against his.

Her lips moved tentatively against his, and when he attempted to reciprocate, she let out a pleased little sigh against his mouth. Had the situation been any different, T’Kosh would’ve taken her right there amidst the ancient, dust-covered relics. Oh, to hear her pleas for his seed echo through the sacred catacombs!

As his fingers laced with hers to begin a seductive dance, he trailed his lips downward, and she breathed his name with such lust that T’Kosh growled. Without conscious thought, he bit the corner of her jaw. Her fingers squeezed his, and a rush of her pheromones flooded his senses. 

Bite, mark, keep, MINE! Responsive mate!

She would not be able to hide that from her crewmates...from the rest of his order...

Good! She is mine, mine, MINE! No others shall touch her! No others shall please her with their bodies! Only me! Only mine!

Her free hand wove its way into T’Kosh’s hair, encouraging his inappropriate behavior. And it was inappropriate. The two of them being in the tunnel was one thing, but to behave so lustfully in such close proximity to sacred relics and the remains of honored kolinahr masters? Nothing else he’d ever done had even remotely approached this level of sacrilege and dishonor.

Alarmingly, it occurred to him as his lips reconnected with hers that he didn’t care. If this was wrong, then he wished to be wrong for the rest of his life, so long as she was there to share in his blasphemy.

A dull thunk a few steps from them made them pull apart in surprise. The spell had been broken. With an apologetic look, she stepped away from him and bent down to pick up a small figure.

Ah. The Captain. The plan. Of course. Forcing his control back into place, T’Kosh attempted to breathe more slowly and to resist the desire to tug her back into his arms and unclothe her.

The Lieutenant smiled up at him and pressed her lips against his cheek one last time before beginning to head back toward their torches. T’Kosh swallowed reflexively and took a deep breath. He needed to force his physical reaction away. Her pheromones coating his robe and the mark he’d left on her would be damning enough without him appearing to be in rut like an undisciplined sehlat. The very least he could do was compose himself before they returned to the others.

Fortunately, by the time they reemerged, the tenting in his robe had disappeared again, but that did nothing to stop the surprised looks from the others. Her Captain was clutching his side and dabbing at another wound, but when he saw the drip of blood that had trickled down her neck, his brow furrowed.

T’Kosh hadn’t even realized that he’d bitten her that hard. Did he have her blood on his lips? Was that why he’d tasted a burst of copper? Commander Tucker walked over to her and traded her a clean cloth for the little figure they’d been sent to retrieve.

“Looks like y’all had fun.”

‘Fun’...What an inadequate descriptor for what T’Kosh had felt when he’d indulged himself in her...

--

“I don’t have to tell you, Captain, we don’t condone the actions you are about to take,” T’Kosh stated. He knew that his ashaya would understand - she seemed to understand his culture better than the other two Humans - but Archer seemed hellbent on taking rash action. He knew she had little choice but to obey her commanding officer, but he disliked that she was forced to do something so dangerous.

And it was all because she was caught in the middle of a conflict that had nothing to do with her.

T’Kosh realized that his feelings for her were not the only strong motivators he had to seriously consider leaving the order. Logic had once held a lofty appeal for him. It could be used to explain noble actions, to remove the emotion from heroics, to remove one’s ambitions and fears, leaving only duty and reason in their place.

But it could also be used to justify misdirection, deception, and blatant lies. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Wise words, but even wisdom could be twisted when logic was applied with ill intent. This was not the first time T’Kosh had held this debate within himself.

What good was logic when it was being twisted and used for illogical, non-peaceful purposes?

“No, you don't have to tell me. Just try and stay out of the way and everything will work out fine.”

The Lieutenant gave him an apologetic look at her C.O.’s rude words. Quietly, T’Kosh reached her side and let the backs of his fingers brush against hers.

“Be careful,” he breathed, and she gave him a smile so disarming that his cheeks burned. The mark he’d left on her had begun to go dark around the edges. Humans bruised quite easily. At least the bleeding had stopped.

“I will,” she murmured, and he did as her Captain had instructed, moving to stand with his order against the far wall. As soon as the officers who beamed in had entered the passage, the Andorians burst in, guns at the ready and talking about an energy surge.

The Commander began to leave one of his men in charge when he caught sight of the Lieutenant’s injury. T’Kosh relied on the last of his restraint and control not to snap the man’s neck when he lightly grasped her jaw.

“Did one of my men do this to you, Lieutenant? You can answer truthfully, I promise you. We are not in the business of sexually assaulting people, even those in league with the Vulcans,” he said with surprising gentleness.

“No, sir. I wasn’t assaulted,” she answered quietly. With a glance at Archer, Shran raised an eyebrow.

“I take it this is your work, then, Captain? Do you often take...liberties with your officers?”

“I would never behave inappropriately with those under my command,” he said firmly. “I’m supposed to protect my officers, not take advantage of them.”

Tucker denied it too, and Shran turned back to the young woman curiously.

“Then who...?”

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell, Commander,” she said with a smirk. Kiss? Was that the name for what they’d done? The Andorian looked over at the Vulcans, staring each one down until he reached T’Kosh. Foolishly, he lifted his chin in pride.

She is mine, Andorian. I have claimed her - marked her and felt her lust - which is more than you could ever do.

Eyes widening in surprise, the Commander blinked in disbelief and glanced between the two of them.

“The Vulcan Elder? You have poor taste in men, Lieutenant, but I must say I’m impressed. I’ve never known a Vulcan to express such...passion. You must have provoked him severely. Stay with them, Tholos,” he ordered before he and the others walked out. Now there was only one officer to fight. Those odds were better than what Sub-commander T’Pol had assumed. She thought two would remain in the chamber with them. One was much easier to overcome.

However, that officer was much too close to his ashaya. Protectiveness roared within him as Tholos began to walk a circuit around her.

“Was he good for you? Or would you prefer a truly passionate mate?” He muttered, and T’Kosh felt his rage simmer. The Lieutenant seemed calm, though, so he restrained himself. “I doubt he could appreciate your scent as I do.”

“Somethin’ sure smells,” Tucker muttered, and Tholos turned to him with ire.

“Did you say something, pink skin?” After a few moments, the Andorian returned to his pacing. “I wonder how different your mating rituals are? Vulcan women force their men to fight to the death for them. Would you like me to kill someone for you?”

A dark, instinctive part of T’Kosh screamed for him to tear Tholos’s head off. He hadn’t even realized he’d taken a step forward until a member of his order grabbed his upper arms and held him back. Tholos gave him a dark smile before turning back to the Lieutenant.

“Would you like me to kill him?”

“To be honest, I’d rather you shut up,” she said, but when the Andorian went to reply, an explosion sounded from the atrium. Without hesitation, the Lieutenant hit him in the jaw with a right hook that knocked him flat on his back. She then kicked his weapon from his grasp, allowing the Captain to pick it up and stun him. Strong, protective, fierce mate!

While the Captain, T’Pol, and the Lieutenant went to the catacombs to chase the Andorians with Sulok in tow, T’Kosh realized that if they were successful he might not have much time left with her. There was no way that he could go with her, and her staying at the monastery was equally impossible. With an ache in his chest that he’d not felt so intensely before, T’Kosh retrieved a piece of paper and the blanket the two of them had shared the night before.

Tucking the note and one other small item into the blanket, he enveloped them securely so that they would not fall out during the trip back to Enterprise.

Then he settled in to wait for the Humans to reemerge. As he did, one of the monks stood by his side. Another Elder like T’Kosh, but his junior in relative rank.

“I assume you realize what you have done, osu?”

T’Kosh nodded his head ruefully.

“I do. I regret nothing but the necessity of my departure,” he murmured. “I will remain for a few days to settle you into my position...and to attempt to regain my balance, but...I will do what my transgression demands.”

“Vulcan will be much improved by your return.”

“No. I will be nothing more than an added disgrace,” T’Kosh said quietly. “But...she is worth the sacrifice.”

“We have known each other many years, and I believe you are overlooking something crucial,” the monk began, and T’Kosh looked at him with a single raised eyebrow. “To leave for hatred or ambition is to leave in disgrace. To leave for love? For that, you cannot be faulted. If she is the one who finally gave your katra its missing piece, then you are to be congratulated.”

Kind words did nothing to change the situation. In a few days, T’Kosh would be back on Vulcan having broken his vows. Even in disgrace, though, he could never regret being in such intimate contact with such a lovely woman. And he wouldn’t simply shove aside his feelings, even if he might never see her again.

--

By the time the Andorians had left and the Captain had led us back to the surface, I’d gained a few new bruises and scrapes. Not to mention the guilt roiling in my gut about having been forced to enter the reliquary when it was so obviously off-limits. T’Kosh would understand, though, wouldn’t he? After all, if he knew about the sensor array and had lied about it for the good of his people, then surely he’d understand why we’d done as we had...right?

If he didn’t, then would he regret what we’d done in the catacombs because of this?

When we reached the room we’d been kept in, though, it was almost empty. The majority of the monks had already left, presumably to resume whatever they had been doing prior to the Andorians’ arrival or to bathe or something. All, except T’Kosh. The Vulcan Elder stood a little straighter when he saw us.

“You people have a lot of nerve,” the Captain groused as he stormed toward the atrium. I knew there were only a few precious seconds that I could steal before I had to catch up on the way to the shuttle. I took up the rear of the group and paused in front of T’Kosh.

“Lieutenant...ashaya, I apologize. I was bound to secrecy. The needs of the many–”

“–outweigh the needs of the few,” I finished with a smile. He looked as though I’d stunned him. “I do know something of Surak’s teachings even if I’m not Vulcan.”

“Is that why you were selected to come to the surface?”

“Among other things, yes,” I murmured as I took a step closer to him. Why was I so nervous? I’d made out with the man in the middle of a dusty tunnel filled with relics and decaying corpses, so why was it that being this close to him in the daylight was making me shake? “T’Kosh, I...I know that Vulcans don’t view attachments the same way that Humans do, but...”

I trailed off and blinked away a few tears. How the hell was I supposed to convey what I needed to in such a short time span?

The tunnels. We hadn’t needed words in the tunnels, yet he seemed to understand every movement I made better than I understood it myself. Throwing caution to the wind, I closed the remaining distance between us and kissed him. Skimming one of my hands down his arm to grasp his fingers, I felt that same warm jolt at the contact that I had before. The quiet moan that he let out against my mouth assured me that he understood. I wasn’t alone in this feeling.

When we finally broke apart, T’Kosh touched his forehead to mine and took a breath as shaky as I felt.

“I wish for you to take this with you,” he said after a long moment, pushing something soft into my hands. “The blanket we shared. Ashaya, though we have not had much time together, every moment with you was a pleasure I thought I would never experience. You are everything I could have ever desired.”

“You’re better than even my best dreams,” I admitted feeling my heart shatter in my chest. I didn’t want to leave him, but I knew I had to. “We’ll find each other again.”

“Of that I have no doubt. Be safe, ashaya,” he looked into my eyes one last time and struggled for the right words. “I...lo...I will miss you.”

What he didn’t say was just as important as what he did. Leaning in and pressing a final soft kiss on his cheek, I gave him a smile.

“The feeling is mutual, T’Kosh.” With that, I released his fingers and clutched the blanket he’d given me close. I expected to be alone when I got to the outer door, but Trip was leaning against the doorframe. “Commander?”

“Cap’n’s pissed off with the Vulcans. Didn’t wanna give him a reason to lose his temper at you just because you wanted to say goodbye,” he said as we both walked quickly toward the shuttle. “I know he’ll be angry at me too, now, but I figured it shouldn’t just be you gettin’ yelled at, y’know?”

I didn’t find T’Kosh’s gift until after we’d dodged the Captain’s temper and returned to the ship. Wrapped carefully in the center of the blanket he’d given me was a small statue of Surak - one that looked old enough that it had to be a relic of some sort - and a handwritten note. The script on the page was in Vuhlkansu, so I went straight to Hoshi’s quarters. She’d looked at me with a mischievous little smile when I explained where it came from, but, mercifully, she didn’t comment.

“Whoever that monk was, he has beautiful handwriting. He couldn’t have made this any easier to read even if he’d typed it up on the computer,” she said as she skimmed it over and typed the translation up on a data PADD. She passed both back over to me a moment later with a smile. “There you go.”

“Thank you!” Taking a seat on the sofa beside her, I looked down at the PADD that held what might be the last I’d ever hear from the Vulcan monk I’d...befriended. Was that really the right word for someone I’d fallen asleep on top of and made out with in an ancient tunnel?

Lieutenant, I haven’t sufficient space to convey all that I wish after such a singular experience, so I will be brief. May your curiosity take you far, may logic keep you strong, and may we meet again. When you visit Vulcan, I recommend a hillside half a kilometer west of Mount Tar’Hana. There is a single tree that grows atop its summit. I have watched many sunsets there, and I believe you would find it pleasant. Live long and prosper, my lady. Stay warm. - One Who Wishes To Be Remembered

I didn’t realize I’d started crying until Hoshi wrapped her arms around my shoulders in a gentle hug.

“Yep, I thought it was something like that,” she murmured sympathetically as I hugged her back and sniffled.

That’s when I realized why I wouldn’t forget him. I couldn’t, even if I tried.

**2154 - Three Years Later - Near Mount Tar’Hana, Vulcan**

T’Kosh had a well-ordered routine. He awoke, he meditated, he tended his gardens, and every day at sunset he looked toward the hill not far from his home. The former monk realized that it was most likely an illogical endeavor. There were dozens of reasons - entirely logical reasons - why the Lieutenant might never come to this hill.

He’d only known her for two days. She may not have been able to read the note he’d given her. She might have perished in the Enterprise’s search for the Xindi, despite her name not being registered on the casualty list. But, perhaps the most painful reason of all and, unfortunately, the most likely of them all, as well, was that she’d simply forgotten him.

T’Kosh would never be able to forget her, though. Decades of work in the art of kolinahr had been entirely undone by her in a matter of hours. In the days after the Enterprise’s departure from P’Jem, T’Kosh had attempted to regain control of himself - of his newly-raging passions - but he was right back where he’d begun fifty years before.

This time, though, the primary emotion causing him trouble was not anger as it had been before. Now, it was affection...desire for a woman he would likely never be fortunate enough to encounter again. Obviously, that did not bode well for his next pon farr.

Every time he laid down to rest, he recalled the serenity he felt when she was curled up against him, nuzzling softly into his robes. The soft, sleepy sigh she let out when he placed a steadying arm around her unfailingly sent a sharp, hot pang of longing tearing through him. Even the memory of her scent never truly left him.

Had she ever thought of him the way he thought of her? If she did, was the memory of him as comforting to her as she was to him? Did she dream as sweetly of him as he did of her?

Fool. She is likely mated to a member of her own species by now...one who can offer more than a disgraced former monk ever could.

Despite those doubts, T’Kosh staunchly kept to his evening vigil. He would kneel in his home in the spot where he conducted his meditations, look out the window that faced the hill he’d described to her, and wait. When night fell and darkness blanketed the land again, he would close his eyes and meditate.

This evening was no different. Taking up his usual spot, the disgraced monk knelt and turned his gaze to the hilltop. Patience had always been one of his strengths. That was one of the reasons he’d succeeded at his studies in the art of kolinahr for so long.

Fate, it seemed, had decided that he’d been patient long enough. Just as the sky began to change colors, T’Kosh became aware of a figure ascending the ancient slope toward the gnarled, old tree that grew stubbornly atop its summit.

T’Kosh blinked once, twice, just to ascertain the truth of what his eyes were reporting to him. Someone was there!

His heart raced in his side as he got to his feet. Pulling a robe from its hook by the door in case she became cold in the night air, he hurried out the door and made his way to meet her.

Do not leap to conclusions. That could be anyone in the galaxy. She is not the only one who would climb a hill.

But what reason would anyone else have to visit such a secluded spot as this?

As he followed in the person’s path, he saw that his doubts were unfounded. The visitor was clearly Human, and her pheromones drifted to him on the wind.

The visitor was her.

Ashaya! Parted from me, but reunited!

After three years, she had made it to Vulcan to watch the suns set from the hill near his home. She’d taken a seat beneath the shade of the tree’s branches, clutching gray fabric to her chest. The blanket! She reached into the bag hanging from her shoulder and pulled out a small square frame.

She seemed not to hear his approach. Attempting to make his footfalls louder so that he wouldn’t startle her, T’Kosh approached her, stopping several feet away and sitting in the grass, laying his robe beside him.

He couldn’t take his eyes from her. She was his most impossible dream. When they bid each other farewell in the monastery that day, he knew that though they hoped to see one another again, the chances were slim to none.

But now she was here! T’Kosh was acutely aware of the affection that must be evident in his expression, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when he’d found the one who completed him again. Illogically, he was almost afraid to reach out and touch her. Would she shatter into a million pieces as in his dreams?

Was this a dream? Was he truly awake, or was his subconscious torturing him with what might have been?

After a moment, the Lieutenant wiped a tear from her cheek, sniffled, and looked to her side. Immediately, her eyes widened when she realized she wasn’t alone.

“T’Kosh?” She breathed his name like a prayer as her eyes filled with fresh tears. Sadness? That was not at all the emotion he had hoped to inspire in her. Should he have remained in his home? Before he could react, though, she’d set the frame aside, scrambled over to him, and flung her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder as she wept. Had he been any less in control than he was, the former monk would likely have allowed a few tears to escape as well. As it was, though, he held her securely and nuzzled the side of her head. “I thought I’d never see you again! After the monastery was destroyed, I tried to find out what happened to you, but all Ambassador Soval would tell me was that you’d left the order two months before the attack.”

“You...did not forget me...” he observed rather obviously as he held her close. Gentle, caring, affectionate mate, his emotions screamed, and this time he didn’t silence them immediately. He allowed himself to savor the comfort that her presence gave him. She’d asked a prominent Vulcan about him as if he was a person of importance. She had worried over him. Compassionate, surprising, wonderful, perfect mate!

“Of course not,” she replied with a damp little laugh. Pulling back just far enough to look into his eyes, the Lieutenant gifted him a soft, loving smile. “How could I forget someone who so clearly wished to be remembered?”

His breath caught in his chest. She had been able to translate his note then. Of course she was able to, or she would not be here now to confound you, old fool. T’Kosh swallowed nervously as his arms tightened almost imperceptibly around her.

Don’t let go. Can’t lose her again. Mine...

“The Xindi...I was relieved that your name was not listed amongst the casualties. I grieve with your people over your loss, and...I am proud that you and your crew were able to resolve the situation,” he murmured, and she thanked him quietly. He noticed, then, that she was practically seated in his lap. Lifting her easily in his arms, T’Kosh adjusted his legs to support her more fully and set her back on his thighs, content with how steady she felt now.

“To be honest with you, I would’ve thought that you would have forgotten me a long time ago. Or that you would’ve at least wanted to forget me. After all, everything that happened was our fault. P’Jem is gone because of us, and you...I thought...Soval explained that I’d ruined everything you worked for. I thought you’d hate me...that you wouldn’t want me to come here,” she said looking away with shame and guilt written on her features. T’Kosh couldn’t let that stand. Tilting her chin up as gently as he could muster, he looked into her eyes.

“You and your people could not have known what you’d stumbled into. The High Command should have warned you of our conflict with Andoria. In regards to my kolinahr training, you were not the only reason I left, and...I would not wish to forget you even if you had been sole motivation for my withdrawal from the order,” he admitted, “though, you were the most pleasant reason. I have...ached to hold you since the day we were parted.”

Her eyes widened as if he was a marvel.

“You don’t resent me?”

“Why should I resent the one who completes me?” T’Kosh asked nudging her nose lightly with his. Her lips met his, and he blinked in surprise before allowing his eyelids to flutter closed. He hadn’t experienced this gesture since they were alone in the catacombs, but it was just as pleasant now as it had been three years ago. Memories of the sweet, secret sounds she’d made for him that day flooded T’Kosh’s mind, and he couldn’t hold back a low, rumbling hum of hunger.

Mine...

The moment he pulled back, he missed the contact, and his instincts howled for him to kiss her again. He would - oh he would! T’Kosh would kiss her until she was breathless and dripping, positively aching for his touch, but first he had something important to say. Something that he hadn’t the chance or the right to say all those years ago.

Lifting her hands to cup his cheeks, the Lieutenant looked at him with such open, blinding affection that T’Kosh felt a surge of desire equal only to that which surfaced during the height of the blood fever. She was going to consume what little remained of his logic until all that remained was the beast that all Vulcans struggled so hard all their lives to control. His voice came out as a rough, bedraggled whisper when he finally spoke.

“Taluhk nash-veh k’dular. You...precious being who has stolen my logic from me...I cherish thee with all that I am. My homeworld is made brighter with the addition of your presence. I wish never to be parted from you again.”

She looked surprised, but pleased at his declaration. How could she possibly be surprised? Did she not know that it was entirely logical for him to be so fully devoted to her? Her gaze pierced straight into the center of his being. Could she not see that she was the only one who had ever inspired such strong desires within him? That he would drop to his knees and worship the ground upon which she walked even if it only earned him a moment of her attention?

“Disgraced though I may be, I wish to protect you, to provide for you...to be for you,” he murmured looking into her eyes with reverence. “I am yours, if you will stay...if you will have me.”

He’d barely finished speaking when her mouth met his. Her tears dampened his cheeks as she clung to him.

MINE.

“I want you, T’Kosh. I’ll have you for as long as you allow me to be yours,” she breathed, and his control shattered. Flipping her onto her back in the soft grass, he tangled his fingers with hers, pressed her hands into the grass on either side of her head, and kissed her as well as his lack of practice would allow.

He reveled in the simple, overwhelming pleasure of his mate’s affection.

She is mine! She is finally mine! Cherish her, protect her, mark her, keep her! Mine forever!

She pulled one hand free and buried it in his hair as she had three years prior, and this time, he allowed himself to moan as he kissed his way down her jaw. Pausing over the spot he had marked before, T’Kosh lavished the area with gentle licks and kisses. Soon she would be covered in marks. No one in the galaxy would be able to deny that she had an attentive, devoted mate.

Her hand slid down to his tunic, fumbling with the fastening.

“Every time I looked out at the stars I thought of you...I ached for you,” she admitted as she managed to pull the fabric around his torso loose.

“I am here with you, now. I will give myself to you as many times and in as many ways as you will allow,” he murmured as he sat back on his heels just long enough to finish removing the garment she had so clearly desired off of him. Before the fabric hit the ground, though, she sat up, placing searing kisses down his neck and chest as she grasped his bare shoulders. T’Kosh’s mouth dropped open in a silent gasp.

This was certainly not his first sexual encounter, but after being immersed in his studies of pure logic, her every touch felt like fire swirling through him and settling squarely in his throbbing lok.

Cupping the back of her head, T’Kosh slipped his fingers into her hair and gently pulled her back. Her pupils were dilated in hunger, and she was looking at him as though he was a meal. How could such a simple, animalistic expression rob him of his thoughts? His breathing was heavy and labored from the effort of forcing himself to go slowly. He would go carefully. She deserved–

“There were nights where I dreamed of the catacombs. I wandered alone, and the bodies came alive, but you...you saved me every time,” she murmured as if confessing to a crime. “And I’d try to thank you...to show you how grateful I was. You’d kiss me and bite me just like you did three years ago, and each time I woke up so close to an orgasm that I had no choice...”

“Tell me,” T’Kosh ordered, but he knew what she was going to say before she replied.

“I used my fingers...I thought of you...” Her voice was barely above a whisper as her hands slid down to the front of his pants. She didn’t dare continue without his permission, though.

“And did thinking of me bring about a pleasurable conclusion?” When she whispered ‘yes, osu,’ T’Kosh dipped his head and rewarded her honesty with a kiss. As lovely as it would have been to be there to hear her moan, he was about to make her scream for him. “I will satisfy your every desire. Every millimeter of you will be surrounded by my love for you.”

He had not been able to say it when they parted, and his lack of expression had haunted his nightmares. He had been afraid that they would not meet again - that he would not have an opportunity to rectify that mistake.

That she would live the rest of her life unaware of how much he adored her.

Looking into her eyes, T’Kosh cupped her cheeks. She was as breathtaking as she had been before. He could see how exhaustion and fear had weighed upon her over the years, but he intended to smooth her worries away and replace them with pleasure. Turning to the side, he spread his extra robe over the ground then lifted her easily onto it. Their fingers went for her shirt at the same time, and both their remaining clothes were soon no more than discarded fabric littering the hilltop.

He was busy nibbling a mark onto her neck when her nimble little fingers wrapped around his lok and made him snarl against her skin. He caught her wrists and brought them to his lips, giving her a dark, hungry expression. Instead of fear, though, he found desire that matched his own.

“I wish to be gentle, but I am not above claiming you in the manner which you are attempting to provoke.” A mischievous smirk crossed her lips at his warning, but she nodded her head. Laying on his back atop the spare robe, T’Kosh pulled her over him and urged her forward so that her dripping center rested above his mouth.

“T’Kosh, wha-oh!” She broke off with a yelp of pleasure as he began feasting upon the sweetness that had spread down her thighs. The sharp memory of the catacombs flashed through his mind, and he realized that this was the gush of pheromones he’d detected when he’d bitten her.

She’d been dripping on sacred ground with Andorian soldiers mere feet away.

For him.

Because of his actions.

With a growl, T’Kosh abandoned any delicacy he’d been able to retain and pulled her thighs down harder over his face. If he was smothered this way, he would be content to drown in his lady’s pleasure. The Lieutenant moaned, making his lok throb where it rested hard and ready on his stomach. She tried to brace herself with one hand on his chest and the other tangled in his hair, which suited T’Kosh’s inner beast perfectly.

Yes, fall apart for me, become weak for me! I will take care of you! I will look after you and ensure your pleasure!

Within moments she shattered over his tongue, and a fresh wave of her slick covered the lower half of his face. With her scent marking him as hers, T’Kosh luxuriated in the feeling of her trembling above him and whimpering his name.

With a final long stroke of his tongue between her folds, T’Kosh carefully flipped her onto her back and lifted her legs in his grasp. He knew that he must look utterly savage with his hair all mussed and her essence dripping down his chin onto his neck and chest, but he was on a mission. Admiring how her inner thighs glistened while she was spread open for him, T’Kosh met her blissfully pliant gaze with one of hunger.

“You seem quite prepared for me, little one,” he murmured turning his head far enough to nip at her ankle. “Would you prefer that I take you now or shall I give you a demonstration of my prowess?”

“Do as you wish, my love,” she crooned, and the former monk pressed her legs together, laying her ankles against his shoulder. He rubbed the tip of his lok against her dripping cleft then moved upwards just far enough to push himself between her slicked up thighs. His length was squeezed deliciously between her soft skin, pulling a moan from deep in his throat. When his hips rested flush against the backs of her legs, T’Kosh looked down to see his tip peeking through the other side of her limbs. “Fuck...you might split me in half.”

Her awe-filled whisper forced his hips into movement. He had imagined what it might be like to give her a show like this, but he never thought he’d actually get the chance. He’d been so tightly wound for so long that he assumed he’d lose control much earlier. Thrusting slowly, T’Kosh gave her a molten stare.

“I will endeavor to bring you as much pleasure you can take and more,” he promised before biting her calf muscle. The sound of wet skin slapping together filled the air, and after a few moments of this exquisite torture, the Lieutenant pulled away.

Fear gripped T’Kosh’s mind. Had he done something wrong? He’d just opened his mouth to ask when she laid on her stomach in front of him and took his lok in her mouth.

A devastated groan escaped him as her eyes met his. Such innocence didn’t belong in the expression of someone so adept at giving pleasure. He could feel her dexterous, devious little tongue swirling around his tip and pressing against his veins as her hand massaged the rest.

He didn’t want her to overtax herself with this - he should be the one worshiping her - but as he watched her, he realized that she was enjoying this. There was no sign of strain in her countenance, only pure, sensual bliss.

“You are making it very difficult for me to restrain myself,” he warned. Her hands took the place of her mouth, stroking his length as she looked up at him with mischief dancing in her eyes.

“What if I don’t want you to?”

“Do not tempt me,” T’Kosh ordered, but it felt like more of a plea. He wanted to be rougher - oh, he wanted to - but she deserved his tenderness and devotion after waiting so long.

“Please, T’Kosh...osu...”

Something in him snapped, and he flipped his lover onto her hands and knees. He tried to be careful as he penetrated her for the first time, and once he was in to the hilt, he set a fast, merciless pace. His ashaya shouted in pleasure, rocking herself back to meet his thrusts as one of his hands settled lightly around her throat.

“Perfect mate! I can feel you stretching to accommodate me. Yes, take me!”

The two lost themselves in the sensation of filling and being filled. Time was no more. The universe was narrowed to the two of them and the intimacy of their joining atop a hill in Vulcan’s remote countryside. She called for him countless times, and he was there to answer every one without fail. He was with her. He was hers. And he wasn’t going anywhere.

“T’Kosh, please...”

Her voice was high and breathy, making his beast sing.

“Anything you wish...name it and it’s yours...” he crooned nuzzling the nape of her neck as he pounded into her. She was close. They both were.

“Fill me. Let me feel you come inside me. Please,” she whimpered as her walls fluttered around him. T’Kosh groaned in pleasure and gripped her hips hard enough to bruise as he thrust into her. His composure abandoned him entirely as she screamed his name for all of Vulcan to hear. The former monk was no more than a wild man as he frantically chased his own end inside his mate. With a roar, he spilled inside her feeling complete for the first time in his life.

Wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist, he felt words slipping past his lips.

“Parted...from me...but never parted...never and always...touching and t-touched...” His forehead rested against the back of her neck. Pulling carefully out of her and easing her into his lap, T’Kosh spoke quietly. “Ashaya, I wish to be bonded with you...to pledge myself to you for the rest of my life and swear that my katra will seek yours when that life has ended.”

Exhausted, she laid soft kisses across his jaw.

“If that’s what you want, then we’ll be bonded,” she said as easily as if she was commenting on the suns which had now disappeared to reveal the dark swath of night sky that T’Kosh loved.

“You’re certain that you wish the same thing?” A quiet, gentle laugh poured from her throat at his question.

“Of course I am. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me, remember?”

Oh, did he remember. They stayed there a few moments longer - just until T’Kosh’s legs could support them both. Then he gathered their clothes and placed them in her bag. Picking up the blanket and the little frame she’d been holding, he paused.

“Was a hastily scrawled note truly worth the expense of a frame?” He asked as he saw his own handwriting glaring up at him from beneath the glass. Soft arms wrapped themselves around his still-nude waist.

“It was, because it was from the man I love.”

The sweet earnestness with which she spoke brought tears to T’Kosh’s eyes. He blinked them back and turned to kiss his soon-to-be wife.

“Come, ashaya. Let us go home.”

~*~*~

Vulcan Words:

t’sai = lady (polite form of address)

ashaya = love

osu = sir (polite form of address)

[the-type-a]

What’re you headcanons for their (duncney’s) family situations? Is Courtney an overachieving only child? Is Duncan acting out because of middle child syndrome? Or is he youngest of four brothers? Or is Courtney Responsible Eldest Daughter?

Ooo I have some random little ones!

I’ll start with Courtney’s family

Up until Dramarama I always hc’d Courtney being an on child. But if she were to truly have a sibling, Courtney would 100% be the oldest. I don’t really have a preference with this tbh.

Courtney’s family is very traditional. They teach her how to speak Spanish so early that she actually speaks it before English.

Her parents were the type to read her stories and allow almost no screen time while growing up. She maybe got around it when she started first grade, but up until then? Nope. It was books and the occasional instrumental pieces as background noise.

Courtney’s family knows everything about everyone. It’s kind of neat while she’s younger but once she’s old enough to make her own mistakes (like normal kids) it’s like gossip within the family.

Courtney’s parents are so overprotective that they shelter her from experiencing a lot of normal things. Like going to your first sleep over, going to the movies on the weekends, probably some school dances, etc.

IF Courtney is allowed to go out with friends it’s only for that day and she better not ask to see them the following day or the following week because “she just went out.”

When she gets to high school she purposely joins all these clubs so she can be out of her house. But of course they have to highly respectable ones because her parents will be attending any debate, or recital.

Grades? Oh her parents are making sure she never comes home with anything less than an A. It helps her when applying to colleges but at what cost? Then when she’s finally at college she has the option to opt her parents from seeing her grades and it’s like a weight lifted off her.

No matter how old she gets she needs to respect her elders. They could be so so wrong or plain disrespectful but she has to force a smile at them.

Along with no matter how old she gets, she constantly feels like she has to ask her parents permission for just about anything. She could be moved out and 23 and still calls them to see if she should sign for this new car or whatever.

Courtney is expected to join the family every Sunday at church. Sick? Bring some tissues.

Now some for Duncan’s family

Idc what anyone says, Duncan is the middle child 100% He has two older brothers and two younger ones. It’s only natural for him to act out because one, attention and two, he’s bored af.

His parents aren’t super strict with any of them because “boys will be boys”. They also allowed friends to come over basically whenever.

Growing up he gets into petty trouble with his brothers but it’s not until he’s a teenager that he goes overboard.

At this point his brothers have chilled out, but not Duncan. His parents really try to buckle him down but it never works. They’ve sent him to therapy and all.

This is when his rocky relationship with his father begins. He’s just so tired of having to pick his son up at his own job.

Duncan’s family is so big yet he feels completely alone. The only people he truly thinks cares for him are his mom and nonna.

Growing up they went on yearly family trips. It was always fun and Duncan was allowed to bring a few friends. As he gets older this changes and he just refuses to be around his family.

His nonna teaches him how to speak Italian and he’s really the only grandson who can and actually speaks it with other older family members. His family might have a thing or two to say about his behavior but they can never say he doesn’t love his background.

School sucks. Everyone knows his family basically run the police station. And speaking of school, Duncan never fails a test. He may fall asleep in class, not participate, or just not show up at all— but he’s smart.

There’s a family rule, or really a dad rule, that if you’re 18 and graduated you have to leave the house or pay rent.

At one point Duncan’s window had bars because he kept sneaking out.

[dysfunctional-family-fight]

Propaganda for the Batfamily

"Constantly fighting, and trying to kill each other. Also are fighting the mentally I’ll at 2 in the morning while wearing glorified tights and bat ears"

"*gestures vaguely at every batfam story ever* No but like they’ve got so many issues idk where to start. Jason’s death and all the shit he started post resurrection? Damian straight up trying to kill Tim for while back in the day? Bruce’s questionable and inconsistently written parenting skills? Also they’re all vigilantes which in Gotham means they definitely have issues"

"Thomas and Martha Wayne got murdered and it's all been downhill from there"

"Bruce dresses up as a bat to fight crime and Alfred, failing to stop him, adopts a "well if you're going to do it then at least do it where I can see that you'll be safe" attitude and helps from behind the scenes. Bruce in turn adopts a child called Dick. And then a child called Jason. And then a Cass and a Tim and a Duke. It doesn't really work out with a Steph but she's family anyway. Damian doesn't need adopting because he's Bruce's bio kid that he didn't know existed for ten years. And all of the children are SO determined to fight crime that the combined forces of Bruce and Alfred aren't enough to stop them, and one by one they all become vigilantes (Bruce also adopting Alfred's attitude from before). Most of them die at least once. None of them are good at coping OR communicating OR feelings OR being a member of a functioning family but by god if they aren't trying to help. Sometimes the world, sometimes each other. They usually fare better with the former. Bruce and Dick yell at each other about everything under the sun that parents and eldest children yell at each other about. Jason is angry at Bruce because the Joker is still alive after he killed Jason. Bruce is angry at Jason for killing people. Cass is away from home a lot. Tim takes even worse care of himself than the others (on page). Duke is... actually doing pretty okay if not counting the fact that his parents got jokerised and his new family is This. Damian struggles with not killing people and a rampant animal adoption addiction. They all struggle with abandonment issues. The rest of them struggle for screentime. It's like that one vine with the girl who goes "please god, let me have just one good day" and god answers "oh my god you again? give it a rest buddy" where the family (both as a collective and as individuals) is the girl and DC Comics is god."

1 all of them have tried to kill each other at least once

2 bruce wayne is a kind of shitty dad

3 everyone but bruce and alfred were child soldiers (ish)

4 dick grayson has beefed with multiple 12 year olds after he had already grown up and moved out

5 cannot overemphasize the murders and bodily harm

6 one time bruce got lost in the timestream (comics) and everyone but tim thought he was dead and tim was like “hes alive” and everyone kinda bullied the shit out of him for it

7 one time jason got murdered by a guy and then several years later dick put him in prison down the hall from the guy

8 one time bruce beat the everloving shit out of jason for shooting a guy with a blank

9 another time bruce refused to tell jason about who killed his dad despite knowing full well

10 bruce is the main reason jason died at age 15 in the first place

11 the amount of beatings dick grayson took throughout the 50s and 60s is frankly absurd

12 in the injustice universe damian got dick killed and then bruce screamed at damian for “killing his son” despite damian also being his son. then damian joined the league of super fascists against his dad (who beat him up a lot) and then his dad put him in prison

13 bruces uncle isnt in the batfamily but after bruces traumatic orphaning his uncle did more traumatic stuff to him

"Several attempted murders, several arrests of each other, general disdain and massive fights, love that is destructive to all parties, and an inability to communicate"

"they're a family full of extremely traumatized child soldiers whose primary coping mechanism is vigilante justice. many of them have tried to kill each other multiple times. some of them have died & come back wrong. they try their best and they do care about each other but they also get into big blowout fights a lot. they all came from some form of traumatized background before being taken in. the oldest sibling (Dick) had to be a father to the youngest sibling (Damian) for a not insignificant period of time when the dad (Bruce) disappeared; this was immediately after Damian (Bruce's only biological child) had started living with them after being raised in an assassin cult by his mother for the first like decade of his life. Jason died, came back wrong, was groomed by assassins, became a drug lord, & tried to kill multiple members of his family."

"i don't think i can summarise the 80 years of familial dysfunction. my best is just. Batman is the best parental figure some of these kids have ever had. Batman."

"Take your pick of issues. Dead parents, absent parents, abusive parents, addict parents, distant parents, assassin parents. How many people are in the family? Who knows? Everyone deals with personal issues by dressing up and fighting crime in the most depressing city possible. Bruce may or may not have adopted all the kids/plays favorites."

"Bruce is addicted to adopting kids. Bruce. quit putting children into crime fighting. One of them died like how did you not learn. Dick (the first robin) is a huge ass to the next one that comes along (this is the one that died like. Super graphically and horrifically) because Bruce basically fires him as his son and Dick leaves. The one that died rose from the grave, was kidnapped/manipulated for years and has supernatural anger issues (but rightfully should be angry) tries to kill brother Tim who became robin after him for replacing him. He becomes a drug lord and starts cutting off heads. Uses guns for the bit specifically (really funny) (bruce has trauma with guns from dead parents). Bruce mean to Tim when he first comes, then finds out oh shit I have a bio kid raised by assassins that really thinks he’s epic and tries to kill Tim a bunch. It’s practically tradition for his brothers to try and kill him. I love Damian but damn babe. That’s a lot king. He also genetically got the addiction to adopting but for pets. He’s pulling up with cows and shit and keeping them. Cass is perfect and we love her. Duke has a really funny relationship with Jason, and also does some out of pocket shit in the comics (by that i mean like. Dangerous/crazy stuff but in a good way) Alfred is perpetually exhausted with them, mostly bruce. Bruce is emotionally constipated so bad, like crazy bad. This man cannot communicate and is a bad dad a lot bc of it. But he’s really trying and loves them."

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Yuma Maniac [09]

ー The scene starts with a flashback to Eden

Ayato: ...

Subaru: ...Che. 

Reiji: Ayato, Subaru. Stop looking so blatantly displeased. 

Ayato: Can you really blame me!? Why do I have to go out of my way to help  these fuckers out!?

Reiji: Let this be very clear. This is the will of the head of the household. We are only expected to obey as members of this family.

Ayato: Are Kanato and Laito exempt from that rule!? They didn’t come with us!

Reiji: Of course not. Those two shall be punished for ignoring orders.

Please feel free to return to the human world if you wish to be in that same boat. That goes for you as well, Subaru.

Subaru: I didn’t say jack-shit, did I!?

Azusa: You have to listen to what your eldest brother says...Ayato-san, Subaru-san.

Subaru: Did you even hear me complain!?

ー Shuu and Ruki walk up to them

Ruki: What’s the fuss about?

Shuu: ...You guys came.

Ayato: Not ‘cause I wanted to.

Kou: More importantly! Your Familiar came back, didn’t it, Shuu-kun?

Azusa: Did you find out anything...about Yuma and Eve?

Ruki: No, nothing yet on those two. However, instead they picked up on the other Demons’ behavior.

Reiji: What do you mean? Explain yourself. 

Ruki: Apparently the Vibora seems to be behaving suspiciously. Seemingly out of nowhere as well. 

And at the same time, the Ghouls are showing an increase in activity as well.

Ayato: Ghouls?

Reji: ...Yet another group of people we’d rather not get involved with.

Subaru: What are Ghouls? 

Reiji: That is what they call those who are Although they look no different on the outside...

...By the way, Shuu. You returned home completely battered and bruised before, did you not?

Shuu: So? 

Reiji: Now that I think about it, I remember you reeked ever so slightly of a Ghoul back then. Can you explain that?

Shuu: I got beaten up by Kino that time. ...Which means he...

Ayato: Shuu, you had some second-rate Demon show you who’s boss? Loser.

Shuu: Shut up. ...I thought they were a strange bunch, but I didn’t think they’d be Ghouls.

Reiji: However, why did they target you?

Kou: Kino said that he’s after Karlheinz-sama’s powers. Wouldn’t that have been his reason?

Reiji: I see. Then that would make Shuu his prime target.

Ayato: Don’t you think he could be behind Chichinashi and the other dude’s disappearance too?

Azusa: He might have taken them hostage to lure out Shuu-san...

Reiji: From what I heard, all signs of them disappeared after they made their way to the human world. It could be that he ambushed them there. 

Ruki: I suppose it’s possible they were taken with him. 

Kou: If they’ve been captured, we have to go rescue them! Fortunately, Eden seems to be stable for now thanks to Shuu-kun!

Reiji: What will you do, Shuu?

Shuu: ...

We have no other choice but to go, do we? It’d be a pain if they were to make it all the way over here.

Ruki: We’ll go save those two. That’s what you want, right?

Shuu: Yeah.

ー The flashback ends as the scene shifts to the forest

Yuma: ーー Oi! Can’t ya run a lil’ faster!?

Kino: Don’t be unreasonable! My Ghouls don’t have any magic, so they have to pull out all the stops just to keep up!

Yuma: Che...At this rate, the Vibora will get us before we can meet up with Ruki and the others...!

Selection

→ Let’s slow down

Yui: Yuma-kun, let’s slow down! At this rate, we’ll get seperated from Kino-kun and his friends!

→ Let’s hide (❦)

Yui: The Ghouls seem to be having a hard time, so wouldn’t it be better to hide somewhere and let them run past us...?

Yuma: ...Guess we have no other choice.

Oi, I can see a cave up ahead! We’re gonna hide there for now!

Monologue

While on one hand we wanted nothing more,

than to meet up with Ruki-kun and the others as soon as possible,

we were not making any progress (進めない).

However,

perhaps that is for the best. 

After all, Ruki-kun and the othersーー

they were heading our way,

with the mindset that Kino-kun is the enemy (敵). 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[saltwaterroleplay]

Sub-plot #3: A Poison Tree

content warning: murder, suicide, alcoholism, depression, parental neglect

Once there were five of them.

Five bright, young things: siblings forged and bonded together through the hardship of making ends meet in a town too small for their big dreams. The Williams’ eldest brother led the helm: breadwinner of the house from age sixteen, dropping out of school to help pay the bills working on a local trawler.

When their mother passed away, it was Tristan who kept the family together—Tristan who kept the family fed when their father sank into the depths of depression. But the kids were alright because they had each other, and when things got particularly tough, the community in Kerrow rallied to support them.

Until the mist came in the summer of 1988. Though most in Kerrow opted to stay indoors, Tristan continued to work through the early days—before the fog enveloped Blackmoor to a degree previously unseen in living memory. That’s when, in hindsight, the first signs began to emerge. The younger kids started seeing strange behaviours from Tristan: late night walks out by the shoreline alone, dead and hollow eyes where warmth and kindness once lived.

The murders came swiftly and brutally. First, it was Lottie O'Mullane, found strangled to death in the woods south of Tremellin. Then four days later it was Jamie McBride, whose body was mutilated in an almost ritualistic fashion upon the cliffs of Kerrow. And finally, Tristan’s younger sister, Paloma, discovered along with her brother’s body in an apparent murder-suicide in their family home.

It was only then that the killer was discovered. Yet little else was established about these murders, including the suspicious lack of signs of struggle which confounded detectives. All secrets seemingly taken to their graves.

Tristan’s lack of motive haunts Blackmoor to this day. Many theories abound in the community, with some folks wondering whether the Williamses know more than they’ve previously let on. But the case is closed, bodies long buried, and, as they say, time and tide waits for no man.

Decades have since passed, yet the shattered bedrock of the Williams family remains a sore spot for the residents of Blackmoor. This was not only a devastating tragedy that marred the lives of many, but a deep wellspring of hurt in the community committed by one of their own. And over forty years on, the shadows of not only Tristan and Paloma but the victims of their brother’s crimes continue to loom over the lives of the Williamses.

Below are skeleton canons associated with the tragedy of the Williams family. Although their ages are more or less set in stone (with room for a couple years of manoeuvre where desired and appropriate), the details and dynamics hinted in each blurb are flexible and subject to interpretation. Genders are also all open.

For the avoidance of doubt, whichever writer first claims a member of an immediate family holds the pen on their shared histories. Further extended family members (e.g. aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces) may be permitted but please confirm with staff first.

Alex Williams' family

Family of the former middle child—now eldest surviving child—of the Williamses. Alex Williams, now 53 years of age, resides in Old Town with their partner and has 3 adopted children, some of whom may still live on the island. Although the near unbearable weight of trauma and shame still hangs over the family, Alex Williams has broadly managed to cope with the stigma they experience in the community. Their children are all below the age of 34.

alex williams 53, occupation, open

first williams 52, occupation, open

first williams 30, occupation, open

first williams 26, occupation, open

Gideon Williams' family

Family of Tristan’s youngest brother, Gideon, who is currently 50 years old. He has a partner and 2 children, both below the age of 30. After the events of 1988, Gideon has struggled the most with the death of his siblings—and Tristan’s crimes—after idolising his eldest brother. He is a recovering alcoholic who has struggled with depression for almost all of his life, and has only managed to stabilise and stop drinking in his late thirties as the children became adults. This has strained the family unit to an extent, particularly due to Gideon’s emotional absence and neglect during their childhoods.

gideon williams 50, occupation, open

first williams 49, occupation, open

first williams 28, occupation, open

first williams 27, occupation, open

Helen Halliday née Williams' family

Helen Halliday (née Williams) is the youngest child of the family, now 45 years old. She has 2 children in their 20s who are half-siblings. Helen has since changed her last name through her second marriage and has gone through great efforts to separate her ‘new’ family from her childhood—though it’s easier said than done in a community as tight knit as Blackmoor’s. Although bumping into them has been inevitable on the isle, Helen no longer speaks to her siblings and shies away from any mention of Tristan, Paloma, and her family’s past.

helen halliday 45, occupation, open

first halliday 48, occupation, open

first halliday 24, occupation, open

penny halliday 17 (NPC)

The O'Mullane family

The bereaved family of Lottie O'Mullane who is survived by her younger brother, Lachlan. Lachlan married Angela McBride (see below on the McBride family) while they were still young, and to some extent still nursing the wounds of their relatives’ deaths. Their marriage has since fractured as they have grown apart, and the two officially separated five years ago, though mutual understanding and caring responsibilities of their two children are still shared between them. Although over 30 years have since passed since Lottie’s death, Lachlan continues to feel regret over his inability to somehow save his sister, and the open-ended questions that still surround the incident. This family has been claimed by Lachlan M. O’Mullane.

lachlan o'mullane 51, publican of the mermaid, anya

angela o'mullane (née mcbride) 52, occupation, open

first o'mullane 29, occupation, open

first o'mullane 27, occupation, open

The McBride family

Jamie McBride was an only child, but had two cousins from his father’s side of the family: Angela and David. Angela married Lachlan O'Mullane when they were still young and had two children before the couple separated amicably (see above on the McBride family). David is unmarried but has one child in their late 20s from a previous relationship. To this day, Angela and David have shunned the remaining Williamses and refuse to interact with any of them. David is also deeply mistrustful of Blackmoor’s authorities for their failure to prevent his older brother’s murder.

david mcbride 50, occupation, open

first mcbride 27, occupation, open

[minniejo-fics]

Mayfly and Their Larvae Part 1

BtoB learns some things about their dongsaengs

I'm only a little sorry for the title. Anyway, this chapter is really just set up. I don't know how long this is going to be, but here's part one

The members of BtoB were currently gathered in one of the conference rooms at the Cube Entertainment, in the middle of a group writing session. Or at least they were trying to write. None of them really had any ideas for lyrics right now, so it was mostly six men frustratedly staring at paper before scrolling through their phone for a bit. The unproductive writing session was interrupted by both Peniel and Minhyuk's phones ringing. Both men looked somewhat confusedly at their phones before answering. The other four men watched as the two answering their phones stood up and went to opposite corners of the room to talk.

Minhyuk and Peniel both returned at roughly the same time. They were both still wearing a confused expression on their faces. "That was Stray Kids' Bang Chan. He said that some of their schedules got changed at the last second and he's wondering if we can hang out with some of his dongsaengs. Or something like that" Minhyuk explained.

"Huh weird. That's almost exactly what Ateez' Seonghwa told me. Except he sounded kind of frantic and specifically asked if we could watch his dongsaengs. I told him I'd ask." Peniel said. A confused silence fell over the group.

"I think it's a bit weird that the eldest of these two groups don't seem to trust their dongsaengs to be alone, but I missed the unit performance in Kingdom. I say we agree to it.” Said Changsub. The others were quick to agree and Minhyuk and Peniel sent texts to the people that had contacted them. While waiting for their dongsaengs to arrive, the six men began to get the room ready for company.

The six men decided to move to the room that had the entertainment system. They’d be able to hook up karaoke or put on a movie. Eunkwang and Sungjae also had a couple of gaming systems stored in the room and they began to look through their stash of games to decide which games their hoobaes might enjoy. Changsub, Hyunsik, and Sungjae were the most nervous to hang out with the younger groups. While Changsub had met them briefly at the beginning of Kingdom, he had to drop out of the competition after their Backdoor performance. As such, he hadn’t been part of the Mayfly performances. Meanwhile Hyunsik and Sungjae were doing their military service, so they hadn’t even really met the groups on a basic level.

Around half an hour later, Peniel got a text from Seonghwa, saying that he was at the door. Minhyuk went to go to the door to let Seonghwa in as the Company was technically closed today, but BtoB had full time access to the building because of how long they’ve been a group under the company.

While Peniel knew that Seonghwa was bringing his dongsaengs with him, the sight before him was not one he was expecting. Seonghwa was holding Hongjoong on his hip and the leader of the group seemed to be staring at the building in wonder. Yeosang and San were seemingly arguing with Wooyoung, who was stomping his feet on the ground and generally didn’t look happy. Jongho was kind of hiding behind Seonghwa, looking far more shy than he ever did during Kingdom. What really caught Peniel off guard though, was the fact that Yunho and Mingi were about to walk into the street. Yeosang stopped them at the last second by quickly grabbing the backpacks on their backs and pulling them back to the group. San and Seonghwa were also carrying large duffel bags that were full to the brim. Peniel went to the door and quickly unlocked it so he could let the eight men in.

“Thanks so much for agreeing to watch them today. We were originally planning on spending a quiet day in the dorms, but Yeosang, San, and I apparently have a couple of interviews lined up that our manager neglected to tell us about. I promise that they won’t be too much trouble. There’s some food and toys in the bags for them. There’s also a blanket or two if one of them wants to take a nap.” Seonghwa handed the bags he was holding to a confused looking Peniel before also handing over Hongjoong. San did the same. Yeosang and Seonghwa ushered Hongjoong, Jongho, Yunho, and Mingi into the building and Peniel winced as the screaming from Wooyoung got louder.

“Young-ah.” San said in a very stern tone. “I know that our plans today have been changed, but that is no excuse to be throwing a tantrum. Now, I need you to be good for Peniel and the other hyungs. I will ask him how your behaviour was, and if he tells me you were a good boy, we can get ice cream or go to the toy store” Wooyoung sniffled a bit, but seemed to calm down a little. He walked into the building, but he was clearly not happy about it. Before Peniel could ask any questions, Ateez’ manager was honking the horn of the car, signaling that Seonghwa, Yeosang, and San needed to get going. They quickly said goodbye before leaving a very confused Peniel with five dongsaengs acting strangely.

“Okay, let’s go to the elevator I guess.” He said after he relocked the door. He led the group over to the elevator and he wasn’t expecting Yunho and Mingi to start fighting over who gets to press the buttons and he sighed. “Yunho how about you press this button and Mingi, you can press the button inside.” The compromise was enough for the two and the six men got into the elevator. Shortly after Peniel wrangled the five men into the elevator, MInhyuk received a text from Chan saying that they had arrived. Minhyuk went down to greet them.

Like Peniel, Minhyuk was met with a sight that he wasn’t expecting. Jeongin was somehow carrying Hyunjin on his hip while also holding Seungmin’s hand.  Both Hyunjin and Seungmin were looking up at the sky and pointing at something. Minho looked, done, for lack of a better term. He had Changbin and Felix on child leashes as the hyper actively ran around. Chan had Jisung on his hip, and he was also holding a very full duffel bag. Minho had another one.

“Thanks for agreeing to this hyung. I got called in for an emergency meeting with the CEO that starts in half an hour. You’re a lifesaver.” Chan said as he placed the bag he was holding on the ground in the entree way. Jeongin placed Hyunjin down and nudged him and Seungmin inside. Minho sternly told Changbin and Felix to go inside and they did. Minho just kind of dropped the leashes so they were trailing behind them. Minhyuk grabbed them, although he wasn't sure why he did. Chan spoke up one more time.

“Everything they need should be in the bags. If you have any questions, there’s a notebook in one of them. I need you to please take Jisung now.” Minhyuk felt very confused as Chan handed him Jisung. The three that weren't staying left as fast as they could, which confused the rapper even more, until Jisung began crying loudly.

"Changbin-ah, Felix-ah, help with the bags please?" Minhyuk asked. He didn't know what was going on, but those two seemed eager to help. Changbin picked up one bag and grinned.

"Look, I strong." Minhyuk didn't know how to respond to this before bringing the group to the elevator. The ride up the elevator wasn't the slightest bit pleasant. Jisung would not stop screaming and he kept wriggling around. Minhyuk tried placing him on the floor of the elevator, but he continued to scream while trying to pull himself up on Minhyuk's pant leg. Minhyuk picked him up again just before the elevator doors opened and sighed as he tried to come up with any kind of explanation to give the others.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Minhyuk and the five SKZ members walked into a room of chaos. Wooyoung was crying and was trying to open the door which Peniel and Hyunsik were both blocking (Minhyuk had to knock in order to get inside). Hongjoong was crawling around on the floor and almost put his hand in an electrical socket (Sungjae had never moved so fast in his life). Yunho and Mingi were running around like maniacs, tackling each other to the ground in the process. And Jongho was sitting on the couch coloring in a book.

The SKZ members added to the chaos of the room. As soon as the group was inside the room and Peniel and Hyunsik were blocking the door again, Wooyoung once again was trying to run out of the room. Changbin saw what Wooyoung was doing and immediately went to help him. Hyunjin for whatever reason sat on the floor and began crying. Seungmins went over to Jongho. Jisung was still crying with no sign of stopping. Felix tugged on Minhyuk's shirt. Minhyuk looked at the younger.

"Huck, I poopy." Unfortunately, Felix said this in English and Minhyuk had no clue what he had said. Minhyuk, Jisung, and Felix were farther into the room and not within Peniel’s earshot. Minhyuk quickly put Jisung down on the ground, ignoring how his crying got louder. He grabbed Felix’ hand and brought him over to Peniel, who was leaning against the door along with Hyunsik. Although Wooyoung and Changbin had gone from actively trying to leave the room to playing with each other.

“Felix, can you tell Peniel what you told me?” Minhyuk asked. Peniel looked questioningly at Felix, expecting some complex concept that he would need to try to explain.

“Penny, I poopy.” Felix responded happily. Peniel also wasn’t sure how to respond. He didn’t even know what the younger was talking about.

“Did Chan explain anything to you? Cause, Seonghwa didn’t explain anything to me.” Peniel said. The question prompted Minhyuk to run over to the bags Chan had left with him and look for the notebook that was in one of them. When he found the notebook, he opened the notebook and went over to where Changsub and Eunkwang were sitting. He waved over the other three and they quickly looked over the contents. Unfortunately for five of the six members, most of the notebook was in English. Peniel’s face paled a little when it got to a certain part.

“Felix, come here real quick.” Felix happily bounded over and Peniel made a disgusted face while he quickly pulled back Felix’ pants a little. “I will explain things as best I can in a few minutes. First, can one of you find diapers and baby wipes please?”

[theworldsafuckingslaughterhouse]

Here is a rant I wrote

The other day I found this angry rant on my laptop I must have written a few years ago, so here it is. (*It's written as though it was being said on stage in much the way a standup comedian might perform it)

Hello yes hi how are we all?

You’re out! In the real world. Experiencing a real thing. Not watching the coloured box of death. The little metal shouty thing that’s invaded all our lives!

I can’t even watch Television anymore, it’s become too out of touch. It’s insane the things they think we should be watching. You see it with marketing you know, these adverts. Once upon a time, advertisements made sense. They were straight forward, using logical people to sell you useful things. You’d be sitting there covered in fresh blood and a woman with big hair would say, “Get the stains out in 2 hours with minimal scrubbing! Ajax” or whatever. So you’d buy the thing. Because it made sense and you needed it anyway and you didn’t feel tricked.

Now they approach it in a different way. It’s much more aggressive and manipulative. You have a woman doing the dishes and then the husband comes home from work or school or wherever they go and he says, “Beverly I don’t love you anymore.” And she turns, this image of Mary Berry in a polka dot dress and says, “I’m sleeping with your father. Hahahaha.” And shoots him in the head. And then it goes, “Ajax, because you deserve better” or something like that and it feels a little… detached from reality. They stopped selling us products and started selling us these dreams of what they think we want. I remember when cooking shows made sense. A woman would come out and show you how to set the timer on your microwave so the chicken didn’t dry out too much or come alive or something. Now they’ve fetishized the baked beans to such an extent that kids turn to their parents at dinner time and say, “Is it fried in truffle oil? No? Then I’m not having it. Would you at least making a fucking effort Mother.”

And all this fetishized nonsense has pushed the price up. I remember when you didn’t need a second mortgage just to afford a bag of onions. I remember when I could by onions and tomatoes in the same month. And they didn’t have to be organic! You used to be able to choose. You could choose between buying organic or not starving, and it was a decision we all got to make each week.

Then there’s these home living shows, do you ever try to watch these? The young couple who had a significant family member die, inherited a few million and decided to convert an abandoned petrol station into a 2 bedroom bungalow with a chocolate swimming pool and walk in freezer. Again, we fetishized houses so the market went crazy and now you have to be a lawyer-prostitute to afford one.

So what do they do to help us deal with the disappointment? Drugs! “Do you ever get thirsty?” a man in a white coat who looks vaguely like the eldest child from Home Improvement asks. Looking up from your jug of rum you say, “Yes! Yes I do.”

Well you might have OLDD or Oral Liquid Digesting Dysfunction.

Shit, you think, what can I do about it?

Next comes a lovely image of a man taking his shoes off at the beach and the voice over goes, “For just the price of a small corvette each year, we can help you feel like this guy with sand between his toes.” And your drunken self struggles with this notion. But meanwhile you’re already signing up to a 12 year subscription and purchasing the loose-your-pills insurance plan at the same time.

So this idea of tv aspirations just isn’t sustainable. You can’t be gods like the presenters you watch. You can never purchase enough shit to be king. And if you try and set your aspirations where they want you to, you’ll end up a withered corpse gripping a box of golden cornflakes in a public bathroom being eaten alive by wolves.

Thank you very much.

[oliveasaltylife]

Well, it’s finally happening. My parents are withdrawing a portion of my monthly financial support. My husband has been out of work since early October and he finally found a job, but isn’t able to start until January.

We desperately need help to be able to make rent, pay utilities, and get food on the table on top of other monthly bills that can not go unpaid. I have spent the past 2 years begging my parents for the help they explicitly promised me when they found out my FIL gave me COVID in January 2022. I never recovered and still have a whole host of other complex health conditions that was significantly exacerbated. I still don’t have a definitive answer whether or not Long COVID is part of it because it reactivated a latent Bartonella infection that I got who knows how long ago. Not to mention the connective tissue disorder, dysautonomia, MCAS, chiari, and tethered cord I was already dealing with pre-infection, just undiagnosed and not taken seriously. My parents offered to help me financially because I had to stop working. I went back to work after my infection cleared, even though I know I wasn’t fully recovered, and relapsed very hard in May of 2022. That was when the full financial assistance from my parents really began, and they continued to try to convince me they would never turn down helping me.

For the next 6 months my mother berated me and made it known that she resents me because she wasn’t able to get “her pool” installed in the summer of 2022 because she had to help me, her eldest daughter. At one point she made me choose between my health and wellbeing or my sister’s (she is also disabled, but lives at home, and receives SSDI, which I do not qualify for). She ate her words that time. But they’ve been trying to get out of helping me ever since they offered. And now, my parents have taken it upon themselves to lower my financial assistance after my husband lost his job, and without even consulting me. They texted my husband, never made contact with me, and when I called them out on it made excuses that I don’t talk to them often enough. (Huh, imagine that. I don’t really want to contact my abusive parents, but it sure does highlight some of the abuse that’s gone on my entire life). I am not in a position to be able to turn down what they are giving me, though I can not wait until the day I can officially become no contact.

I need help. I’m exhausted from trying to fight for assistance I was promised by my own parents in addition to the extreme exhaustion that comes with living with complex chronic illness. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m going to leave my Venmo link in hopes that maybe some of you are in a position that allows you to give assistance. If you are not able to, please share this. I don’t have a platform on any of my socials and really do not feel comfortable sharing it on Facebook where I have family members who also choose to ignore pleas for help.

[curestardust]

Dust Watched: Bakuten!! Movie

Genres: Sports (Men’s Rhythmic Gymnastics), SoL // 1 movie (1h30m) // S01 (x) 

A redemption. We love to see it.

✧  story  ✧

I was, I believe, one of the few people who actually didn’t like the original “Bakuten!!” anime very much. So I was more than ecstatic watching this movie, as basically all of my complaints have been remedied and we got a really nice finale(?) for the show.

The story picks up where the last one left off, a bit before the Inter High Championship. There’s some training and goofing around but red flags are popping up all over the place. Sure enough, when the group was about to give its performance at the Inter High, I checked the time and we were only 20 minutes into the movie. Oof.

A domino falls, and many more follow. The anime’s mood goes into a slow uncomfortable, tense, and depressing downward spiral as nothing seems to be going right. An emotional confrontation where everything just comes to the surface, kickstarts the events that stop our descent into Depression Valley and we get to enjoy the journey of the ascent; the characters finally coming to terms with their situation and feelings, ending us off with a fun final performance. Great pacing all in all.

✧  characters  ✧

I complained a lot about the characters of the senpais due to them feeling like one-gag characters who couldn’t get a second to be *actual* fully fleshed out characters because they had to upkeep a quota of saying a joke X times an episode. And while their goofy ahh designs I’m still not a fan of, this movie GREATLY dialed back the gags which helped a lot. This was essential too, with how character-centric this movie was. The greatest character development obviously goes to Watari, who has the seniority and becomes the new captain with the 3 eldest leaving to start studying for their Entrance Exams. He has no idea what to do and feels horrible about it. Futaba is conflicted and scared while Misato is just silently bottling up his emotions, leading to an incredibly stressful environment. Misato actually barely talks for the first half of the movie so I was kinda concerned that now that his talent isn’t in the spotlight, the story won’t know what to do with him but I was wrong- He is great in the secon half.

And of course, the BasedTM Shiro High members make their (pretty important) appearance too, which was my favourite part from the original season to begin with, so I was happy beyond words.

✧  art  ✧

The movie carries the same quality as the original although with a few... interesting artistic liberties taken. I only wish they had fewer cuts during the performances cause I couldn’t keep track of what was going on.

✧  sound ✧

Again, the music is not my style but goes well with the show and I don’t remember what my problem was with Futaba’s VA in S01 but he must’ve worked it out cause all the VA’s did a great job.

✧  overview ✧

While I quite enjoyed this movie, there was something more that I wanted to congratulate it on. In one scene, Futaba mentions what a shame it is that there’s “no future in Men’s Rhythmic Gymnastics” as you can’t go pro or to the Olympics. This prompted me to look up some info on the sport and read an article that gave me a much greater understanding on the goal of this show.

Not only is what Futaba says true, the sport basically only exists in Japan where it has some ties to Martial Arts.

All sports anime have those “oh no, the senpais are going to College/University, and they might not continue doing the sport” arc but in this case, it hurts more because they don’t quite have a choice. And yet the ending of the anime feels hopeful. That even ifnot in this generation, or the next, but someday, kids will be able to look at Men’s Rhythmic Gymnastics as a viable career.

This show is a love letter to the sport. And I’m sure the creators are hoping for a future in reality the like of what they’ve set-up in the movie. 

My Rating: 8/10