#ruminating …

[me-you-and-my-medication]

How it feels when I'm stuck ruminating

[serenityquest]

[tjandersonart]

left behind

[mortiflyer]

tennis discourse is soooo weird on both sides from the carlos-jiri match today because the majority of people can't even focus on jiri playing great and winning, which isn't totally surprising or anything considering he's quite under the radar for a top 25 player, but im pointing it out bc people were ignoring the win in favor of dissecting carlos' loss and what it means for his career (???) which is so funny bc like. its february. bro had a worse start last year when he didnt win anything till iw and then he won two slams in a row like...u literally have nothing to worry abt

but within the group of people talking exclusively abt carlos there are like two sub-factions, which are his fans and his...idk...weird straight dudes who appear to only watch tennis to drag down every young player ever lol. anyways the fans are oddly up in arms abt this when he didnt rlly play that badly, he just showed his normal inconsistencies like he does in lich rally every match but ok

and then the chronic ig commenters are like "JANNIK IS THE REAL NO 1" which...do we not know this????? look at the rankings dumbass! idk i don't like watching carlos but there is zero merit to comparing him to jannik, theyre so dissimilar and dont even have relevant career trajectories atm so i dont get this. carlos isnt even world no 2 with 10000 points, so he's not close to usurping the top ranking rn. not understanding this need to underline janniks dominance like this is new information

all this to say sports fandom is fawking insane to be a part of and i hope no player in the top 100 ever checks their phone LMAO

[chekovbeforeyouwrekovyourself]

Thinking about this in a sort of rituals way.

You either honor your kill or degrade you kill. I think the base level superiority that vampires seem to have means they degrade their kill. Humans where humanity is a flaw, y’know. But Claudia, Claudia was a blossoming superior being, and then she became the enemy. Thus the degradation of putting her in the rat box.. less than Louis and Madeleine, less worthy of respect even though she is more vampire than any of them.

[howifeltabouthim]

He'd spent an awful lot of time dwelling on the past, old hurts, old sins, but it was all in vain. There was no undoing them . . .

Lev Grossman, from The Bright Sword

[hollowbtheysquadd]

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

Anyone else feel a little overwhelmed by how many fandoms just kind of consume your soul? Also laugh at how dyrastically different they are?

Like me for example, I like My Little Pony and Star Wars. Two very different genres and tones, but they both eat my soul a little. Also Netflix's Lost in Space, and Avatar the Last Airbender and it's a little funny. Like I feel like I shouldn't like all four of those shows because of how different they are but they all just hit different, and MLP was my first fandom, (well, I guess techniaclly Dinasour Train and Wild Kratts were the first--don't judge, I was smol- and both are hard to watch as an Adult) gotta respect it, and how much comfort it fills me with to watch six ponies learn about friendship. Like I'm not sure if this is just because of ADHD and hyperfixations but still.

it's weird how much mental real estate these four shows take up.

Like, does anyone else feel weird about the shows they like?

But also it's kinda nice because you can exist with other people who like that fandom and the more fandoms you like the more spaces you can exist in.

idk. My brain decided to ruminate on this for some reason, lol.

[hersurvival]

It doesn't all come out poetically,

Elegant and intentional, words in perfect order,

Rhythmic, melodic, pretty.

Frayed ends entangled into hopeless knots.

It's enough to get it out at all, lifeless in a heap.

Overlapping, chaotic scribbles on the page.

Keeping note of the intrusive thoughts,

The self-doubt and confusion based fears,

Has helped maintain the mess.

Desperate attempts to manage the disorder

As best as possible.

Letting it go before it manifests into something

Much larger, with what litttle energy I have left

During the moments I feel somewhat like myself.

[mbti-notes]

INFJ. I've been having a debate with my DBT therapist about whether some of my thought patterns count as rumination or as healthy planning or reflection. I'm a PhD student, and think a lot about which goals to set for myself. What do you think is the distinction between healthy use of Ni and Ti and rumination?

Not being able to tell the difference between reflection and rumination is a typical sign of Ti loop. A ruminating person believes they are "thinking" and perhaps even believes they are being quite analytical, but the "thoughts" are actually feelings/emotions in disguise. Being unable/unwilling to face negative feelings directly means they churn around endlessly, with no resolution. Thus, chronic rumination often makes you feel worse the more you do it, as the underlying negative feelings remain unaddressed and allowed to escalate.

This is why rumination is defined as "thinking" that does not produce any sound conclusions or tangible benefits. If you struggle to draw firm conclusions, let alone sound ones, or if you don't know what counts as a tangible benefit, then there's a good chance you're stuck in Ti loop and lacking the objectivity of healthy extraverted functions. Of course, some problems in life are difficult to handle and require a lot of thought. However, the analytical process should still be systematic and follow a clear line of reasoning that is: 1) easy enough to explain and outline verbally, and 2) incrementally and tangibly leading toward a solution.

[serenityquest]

[guccigarantine]

having two real episodes of realis to listen is making me feel greedy

[magick-memes]

[demitriacalynn]

There will come a moment when you realise that you no longer matter to somebody as you did before. You will no longer be their nucleus, their home star, their true North. Hell, you'll be lucky if they even spare you a single glance. You'll go back to being as alone as you were, a loner in a milling crowd, a stranger in a group of acquaintances.

You'll struggle for some type of reassurance, for that feeling they once gave you, of being KNOWN, of being cherished, loved. And when you won't find it, you'll scrabble for a hard surface, a bit of terra to cling onto, and more than likely, you'll drown and you'll die thinking of someone who doesn't think of you.

But maybe, just maybe, you'll float to the surface, air flooding back into your desperate lungs, and then you'll realise you never needed a true north. Maybe being lost is what you are, what shaped you. You're lost, but that means you can find new beginnings, shape new ends. You no longer need to hold someone's hand to find home, now you can reinvent your own.

And perhaps, just perhaps, you'll find land. You'll pull yourself up and shine brighter than you do, because now you have no other star to outshine you, to offset your light. Now you know who you are.

[cocoabuttavasa]

today is January 12th… I’m still in love with you.

[ill-make-better-mistakes-tmrw]

show me the darkest corners of you mind so i know where to shine some light