#ronon is a little shit

[sga-owns-my-soul]

John's in the door and shoots the two guards in a blink of an eye. His first thought is that this is the wrong room, that this poor bastard isn't Rodney, and he almost leaves to keep looking when he see the SGA and Canadian Flag patches, and his heart clenches.

[parhelios]

part two of the stargate atlantis animorphs au where john sheppard used to be tobias! this will hopefully get turned into a full fic at some point but i like telling ppl about my fic ideas its fun

an important part of this au is that at least once on atlantis people have started reminiscing about favorite foods on earth they miss and when john was asked what he missed the most, he just blinks and says "burgers" and everyone gives him shit about his basic ass answer but little do they know the real answer is fresh mouse

part one here

he never really realized just how much he missed truly flying on his own wings until he did it for the first time in too many years, circling over the spires of atlantis and relishing the feeling of thermals under his spread wings. he can’t help but chuckle as on the way to rodney’s lab later in the day, he spots some of the biologists in their lab losing their minds. he does make a note to be a little less conspicuous though. john makes another note to let chaya know that if she ever needs anything, he’s her man, for the rest of time. he’s never been more grateful for anything.

(meanwhile, rodney and less so elizabeth, have been tinhatting about john since kolya's invasion of atlantis. john was weird enough they decided they needed to investigate him more and found that large swaths of his childhood and teen years are redacted to hell and back. they can't even figure out when he was born, exactly. it's WEIRD, and the fact that not even weir has clearance makes it all the more disturbing. rodney tries his best to find an unredacted version--surely it must be somewhere in the files sent on the atlantis expedition, in case of emergency--but not even that works. the thing is, by this point, john is their friend, and though they are definitely concerned and more than a little weirded out, they trust him. they trust that if it becomes necessary, he'll trust them too.)

missions go for the most part as normal, but whenever john can get the free time, he spends it flying. eventually, ar-1 gets sent out on a recon mission to a new gate location, a supposedly uninhabited planet which they believe might serve as a potential alpha site for atlantis in case of wraith incursion

as they begin their expedition, the group moves through the brush, ears and eyes sharp for any darts or wraith patrols. they walk for some time, having chosen to head in the direction of what looks to be a plume of smoke in the sky--perhaps a sign of civilization? certainly an anomaly worth checking out. when they reach the source of it, all four come to the same conclusion. a ship has crashed here. small fires still burn in the trees and brush at the edge of the clearing from its crash landing, but for the most part it looks only superficially damaged. however, not one of them save john recognize the design, and john keeps his mouth shut.

it is an andalite blade ship, and john wonders wildly about what it could be doing so far from home as he leads rodney, teyla, and ronon towards the entrance. he's able to keep his reaction to himself pretty easily, years of having to think about his face and his words coming in very handy for deception. rodney and the rest recognize it as being like nothing they've ever seen before--an egg-like pod with a tail curving above it, ending in a sharp point facing the front of the ship, two small, stubby wings curving off of the side. rodney starts to lose it with excitement at another spacefaring race which they have not encountered before, and john has to keep his mouth shut. after the war with the yeerks, the andalites and the humans had come up with a plan to deal with the yeerks, which none of the animorphs had been privvy to, except that once they were dealt with, the andalites would return to their part of the galaxy under seerow's kindness (their prime directive) and not contact the humans again. they took ax, the one andalite who had joined the animorphs and fought alongside them for the whole war, and they took the morphing cube, and they'd said that earth could keep the animorphs and any remaining technology left behind by the andalites or yeerks on earth. what they were doing here, he had no answers for, and he knew that rodney would be inevitably disappointed when he learned that they were all major assholes who wanted nothing to do with earth and had avoided aiding them until the eleventh hour.

when they get inside, john notes no signs of the pilot, and tunes out rodney's excitement at the pilot's chair clearly designed for a quadraped, and heads straight for the console, to try and find out all he can while the team is distracted examining the ship itself. his knowledge of andalite is ingrained, still sitting in the back of his mind from when elfangor gave him his knowledge. from what he can tell, this was an experimental blade ship designed for long-range travel through z-space, featuring a prototype andalite hyperdrive, which apparently worked a little too well. after poking around some, the team determines they should get as much data as they can for themselves from the ship and head back to the gate to pass the info on to weir and return with a bigger science team to study the ship itself. john makes a private note to hold a briefing. this requires a bit of an update in clearance for everyone involved.

of course, the best laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley, and as they leave the ship they are promptly ambushed and captured by a wraith patrol.

while the rest are thrown in a cell, john is taken to the wraith queen, who interrogates him on the crashed ship and though he protests ignorance, she decides to drain him until he breaks. she seems to believe it is some new trick by the atlanteans, but john catches something she likely did not mean to slip to him. she references a prisoner, and from what little she reveals, it sounds like the andalite pilot. john refuses to give up any information to her, and so the queen decides, drained as he is, that he is best used as an example for the rest of his friends, to... encourage them to cooperate. she drains him practically to the point of death, and has him dragged back to the cell, throwing him to the dirty floor at the feet of his friends.

he can feel himself dying, as he lays in the cell, every bone screaming as his team surrounds him, and he feels tears dripping onto his face, which he knows without looking is withered and aged from the feeding. and john knows in that moment that there is one way that this will go, unless he changes. he mumbles out an apology, tells them not to worry about him, and not to freak out. and then he begins the change.

for those unaware, morphing is a process which tends to be extremely unpleasant to watch, unless the morpher is an estreen who can control the process of the morph. john is very much not an estreen, despite his deep familiarity with being a hawk, and he knows exactly what this looks like as the shift megins and he takes in the horror on the faces of rodney, teyla, and ronon. he’d seen people shift birds, and the first time he'd done it, he'd watched himself in a mirror, out of pure curiosity.

the eyes went first, turning big and yellow. you could hear the crunch and grind of bones as they shrunk and molded into each other, the mass folding into z-space and condensing as his fingers merged and feet split, limbs and body shrinking into itself. feathers began to burst from the skin, starting as strange mottled patterns on the skin before lifting themselves up. the corners of his mouth stretched up as the bones of his face shifted and the skin receded over his elongating beak, leaving yellow keratin behind.

the morph felt the same as always, but alongside the grinding of bones and the odd crushing feeling that always came with a smaller morph, john could feel the strength returning to his body the closer he got to hawk-shape. as the morph finishes, he reaches out with thought-speak to the others, trying to get them to stop freaking out as he wriggles free of his shirt and vest, ruffling his wings.

rodney immediately goes "I FUCKING KNEW IT-okay not the bird thing i did not see that one coming but SOMETHING was going on--" but john's thought-speak very quickly shuts him up, and he takes the initiative of rodney's dropped jaw to come up with a quick plan and hop out of the cell through one of the holes in the wraith netting. the wraith probably think he’s dead already, and john is happy to keep it that way—he’s got an escape to make.

[cherish--these--times]

VERY LONG POST ALERT

I've been doing a SGA rewatch. Seeing John and Teyla in a new light and wanted to spread the love and share some thoughts! Bear with me on that one. They might be more to come.

-

I think The Legacy Series very cleverly exploited what had been established by the end of season 5. If we consider the Fandemonium books canon (Stargate Wiki certainly does) then John and Teyla are openly in love and in a committed relationship. The first couple of books reveal that Teyla had harboured feelings for him for a long time but believed he didn't see her in that way. Concept best illustrated by this scene, I believe. When Teyla offers a comfy thigh for his sleepy head and he doesn't say so much as a thank you and she looks discomfited to say the least.

And whether this was scripted or simply an acting choice on Rachel Luttrell's part, this look signifies a lot in an episode mentioning a man she has feelings for who has yet to make a move.

As stated in the books, following the deaths of Carson, Elizabeth and Kate, she sought comfort where she could find it, which was in the arms of a fellow Athosian whom she knew since childhood and who had the Gift as well. She tried to move on with her life with someone she trusted and loved. And it makes sense. Rachel Luttrell loved that about this storyline and I agree with her.

Truth be told, not much is happening regarding John and Teyla in the first three seasons, especially after season 1. John puts on the charm on her when they first meet the same way he does with every pretty girl they encounter on a mission, which clearly indicates that he finds her attractive. And she is INTO IT. Instantly. Her little smile and Colonel Sumner's raised eyebrow and barely concealed amusement LOL... The only moment of levity on his part regarding Sheppard...

You can glimpse that she might be falling for him right there and then. And the necklace scene.. Uuggghh the sexual tension there hehe.

John trusts her implicitly and immediately, it's beautiful to see. I love when he defends her against Bates when she's suspected to be a double agent for the Wraith. And he has little to show for it apart from the fact that he just really likes her and knows that she's a kind hearted person. It's not based on anything factual. Bates was absolutely right about that. And John losing his shit with him because he is well aware of that is delightful. He doesn't know why, yet, but he already adores her and will defend her honour to Earth and back (and that's a long way alright!). Same when she learns she has Wraith DNA and Bates once again suspects the worst. Teyla struggles to fit in and John is her anchor, for sure. Equally, I love when she volunteers to go through the gate with him when he has the iratus bug on his neck. She wants to do it straight away. Knowing she might not come back on the other side. She is already willing to do anything for him at the expense of her life and they've only known each other a few weeks by that point.

But after that first season... Nothing. Teyla finds an ally in Ronon as they both share the burden of not being from Earth and therefore being outsiders, to some extent. He takes John's place by her side and I am digging their friendship so hard it's unreal. Far more than I used to, actually. Ronon loves her so much it's so endearing. She is too reserved to show it in the same way but it's honestly so cute.

Regarding John, sure there is the Conversion episode. And to me it confirms what we already knew which is that John is attracted to Teyla and the virus lowered his inhibitions to the point that he just went and did what he probably thought about doing a handful of times. And the "He cares for you more than you know" body possession thing in The Long Goodbye is a clever way of insinuating that John has deeper feelings for her than he is letting on. Without truly committing to anything. And deeper feelings I believe he had from day one. That's how I had interpreted it. I just didn't think the writers were gonna do anything substantial about it.

And sure enough, John's relationship with her changes from season 2 onwards. It's subtle but you can feel that they have drifted apart, somewhat. Or perhaps things have now settled and John doesn't need to be so protective of her and her place on his team anymore. One thing I did notice is that Teyla is always annoyed when John flirts with other women. The camera is never focused on her specifically but you can see her doing a massive eye roll or else just staring at the back of his head everytime. Or sharing a look with Ronon. Sometimes all three LOL

I guess we can give season 3's episode The Ark an honourable mention for shippy content (and Sunday, more on that soon). When John is ready to die for her by landing the shuttle on the planet, even if Rodney deems it impossible. But that's just John for ya. He did the same for Elizabeth in The Real World. And Jennifer in The Seed. And for other people and Atlantis at large on too many occasions to count.

What the Remnants episode and subsequently the books did beautifully was to establish one paramount fact about John Sheppard. He considers himself a marked man whose impending death will be fate's retribution for his failure in Afghanistan. It was the defining moment of his character, I think. Every time he survives, it's just delaying the inevitable. And so risking his life trying to protect his team and Atlantis feels like fair dues. What else does he have to live for?

But then... Season 4 happened. And it is rather magnificent, in my humble opinion. I'm quite certain John is the one Teyla speaks of to her friend in Sunday. A man who is oblivious to her feelings for him. Very interestingly, that conversation about this mystery man happens at the exact same time Ronon is telling John that he always thought he and Teyla would hook up (Hurrah for Ronon, our biggest Sheyla supporter out there LOL). We know this because the explosion happens in both places shortly after. That, from a storytelling point of view, could not be more on the nose.

And so... in my view, Teyla got tired of pining. John wanted to spend time with her, risked his life saving her, freaked out when she was harmed but still, he did nothing. She was grieving. Kanaan was there. She knew and loved him. It made sense.

One thing I'm mad about is that, because the writers had to justify Rachel's pregnancy, they committed the ultimate sin: exposing Teyla's relationship with Kanaan to us rather than showing it. We had to make do with multiple characters saying something like "Oh the father is Kanaan, right? I noticed the way you spoke about him." KILL ME NOW.

Nothing is more off putting than forcing the audience to accept that something exists by telling them rather than giving them ON SCREEN evidence so they can buy it (looking at you, Ted Lasso). I mean... I would have probably hated the guy anyway (I am a shipper after all), but I don't know enough about him to have an opinion LOL. I only now understand Kanaan and his history with Teyla thanks to the books but it's certainly no thanks to the show.

Yet, it demonstrated one thing. The writers didn't care much about Kanaan. It was all about John and his feelings instead. They presented Kanaan as a fait accompli without doing any of the legwork to solidify their bond aside from some lukewarm scenes that defines them as nothing more than affectionate past lovers.

Instead, perhaps for the first time ever in the show, John gets emotional. Several times. And it's all to do with Teyla, let it be before or after the birth of Torren. More on that later.

I love this quote from the Outcast episode, when he goes back to Earth for his dad's funeral. I can't think of a better scene to encapsulate John's character:

SHEPPARD Well, maybe you meant something to him, too. You never know what people are thinking.

AVA Even those you're closest to?

SHEPPARD Especially those.

This is referring to his father who, to John's surprise, regretted the way things had ended between them. But in truth, I think it applies to John himself as well. That's Sheppard in a nutshell. Keeping his cards close to his chest and never letting the people he loves know how much they matter to him. They might be snatched away, or he might let them down, or he might die and cause them pain. This is post pregnancy-revelation by the way. Considering the context of the episode, this again clearly refers to his family (namely dad, brother and ex-wife), but it also applies to himself, the way he treats his friends and perhaps, dare I say, the fact that he's too late and Teyla is no longer free.

I believe we witnessed something rather fascinating on the writers' part once the decision had been made to make an unknown man be the father of Teyla's child (and rumour has it John has once been the main candidate). They could have dropped the John/Teyla ball right there and then. They in fact had, as far as I was concerned, except for the small hints in The Ark and Sunday mentioned above. But then they picked it up again in a way that leads me to believe they actually wanted to keep the ball.

(Sidenote: This has been proven true because it was planned that John and Teyla would get together in the movie following the end of season 5. As stated here by executive producer Joe Mallozzi. I discovered this after writing this post).

They had the perfect opportunity to have Teyla and Kanaan drive off into the sunset (I know they don't have a car... you get my point LOL) and leave it there but... No. They wanted to keep the romantic tension alive. Which is fantastic to me.

First little clue that feels different is that when they encounter Larrin again and John swiftly enters prince charming mode, the camera purposely shows Teyla's reaction. Which never happened before. This feels very deliberate. And for the first time she doesn't look mildly annoyed but simply... resigned.

It fits nicely with the narrative that she thinks John simply does not reciprocate her feelings. Consider that this is an odd directing choice to make when the writers have already told us she is pregnant with another man's child (though John does not know it yet by that point, which is important to note). To me, they clearly wanted to show that she still has feelings for him but probably thinks she made the right call by deciding to try and move on.

Now. To the main subject... Following Teyla's pregnancy revelation, it appears that John, probably against his will, caught (shudders) emotions.

In a predictable and intrinsically human move (if slightly infuriating), he kinda loses it the moment he learns Teyla is not only seeing someone, but has also conceived child with another man. Now, I know what you're thinking. I am reading too much into it with my shipper goggles on. Well, first of all, no because he loves her that's canon.

Secondly, he shows a level of anger and disquiet that we rarely get to see. He is still John Sheppard and is SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE with anything to do with feelings. But it's undeniable that he is shaken and rattled by the announcement of Teyla's pregnancy. In a way that immediately feels personal. Like not much else ever has on the show. Bear in mind, her people are missing. She is expecting a baby. This is good news and he should be over the moon for her. A glimmer of hope in an otherwise very bleak and gloomy time. But no.

The man is aaaaangry. One could argue that he is just upset because she's under his command and she hid something that could very well jeopardise their missions... That's very true, too (though she makes a point of saying Athosian women remain very active up until the birth of their child). But nobody else cares about that. Not even Sam, who would be well within her right to give Teyla an earful about this. She hid it from everyone but only he reacts so badly. Ronon could have been upset too! He is perhaps a closer friend to her by that point, yet he doesn't feel betrayed by her dissimulation. In fact, he could not be more supportive. Everyone but John is super happy for her. Kudos to Lorne for giving her a hell of a pep talk. I love Lorne. What a guy.

They all trust Teyla and know she can look after herself. John of all people knows that more than anybody else! But this is different. He always respected her decisions but this, he cannot cope with... That's not a direction the writers would have taken had they truly wanted to sail that ship once and for all (see what I did there?).

What he is saying is:

"You put yourself, your child and the rest of the team in danger by hiding crucial information from me. NOT COOL!"

Based on what follows in the show and the books (and the never to be seen movie script), what he is actually saying is:

"You slept with someone and I didn't even know about it and had I known I would have taken my head out of my ass sooner and now it's too late YOU'RE PREGNANT how could you do this to me?? Sure I flirt with every skirt in my vicinity, I give no evidence whatsoever that I love you except when I'm possessed by alien entities taking away my free will and therefore disclosing things I would rather keep buried as deep as Atlantis when we first found it. And I know you have a lot on your plate with your people missing and your child potentially being the last of them and whatnot but WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS TEYLA???"

I firmly believe that this is more than Teyla hiding the pregnancy and putting herself in harm's way. I have evidence of this because he loves her it's canon because in a couple of episodes later, in Quarantine, he is the one telling her that she will do more good as a mother by being on the field than by staying home.

And in season 5, in The Queen, she makes the decision to pose as a Wraith Queen and risk her life and John, though very concerned, supports her decision.

That and his faith in her ability to fend for herself since day one are proof, in my book, that his initial reaction was not entirely to do with worrying about her safety. Don't get me wrong, it partly is! And he is mad as hell because she put herself in danger and she's under his responsibility so if she and her child die, that's on him. He has every right to be pissed off. What strikes me though is not so much the reason for his anger but the fuel behind it. The immediacy of it. The "losing his cool in front of Ronon and in the middle of a corridor" type of shit. The inability to bottle things up the way he usually does. It's personal. He is affected in a way that's impossible to repress, which happens to be his coping mechanism of choice. Therefore all the more jarring when he fails to do it. And it's not the only time when it comes to Teyla and the daunting possibility that she might no longer be a part of his life the way she used to:

This scene is very interesting to me. Again with the "in a corridor and in public" thing. This time because he learnt that Teyla is considering leaving the team... And once again, he cannot contain his fury.

True, she has not been upfront about her intentions, probably because she feared his reaction... BOTH TIMES. Uhm...

Both times, she is going through the wringer and he lashes out because he doesn't know how to properly articulate that he is deeply, deeply affected. Teyla must have known this unconsciously because she chose to hide something from him twice. She knew that he would react badly. I think she knows that he is holding back on her and burying feelings. Women know these things. Teyla was a part of his world in a way that he thought was never going to change. But he was wrong. And facing that is unbearable for him, turns out. Considering that they get together in the books (or would have gotten together in the movie), his behaviour makes SO MUCH SENSE.

He's not always a dickhead though. In Quarantine he assures her that her boy will have a family no matter what. Even if she dies, they will look after him. And that is FREAKING AWESOME. He HATES talking about deep stuff. But he also knows she needs to hear from him, specifically, that she's an amazing warrior super mama who's not meant to stay home and change nappies and that they all will be there to look after mini-Teyla if anything happens.

It's unbelievably wholesome and further proof that John loves and understands her so so so so much. And the fact that when the baby kicks for the first time she takes his hand and he feels it...

And then climbs a fucking tower like a fucking prince when he senses that she's really starting to worry. He is already that kid's stepdad I tell ya. I know that Atlantis was emitting a signal that could attract baddies and that the city was vulnerable and he had to do it but the defining factor for his reckless Batman move was seeing Teyla distressed and you cannot convince me otherwise.

One thing that really struck me as well was that in the following episode, Harmony, two pretty women flirt openly with John and Rodney. The latter is hot and bothered whereas John is utterly unmoved. Which is a first. He is even the one who wants to cut this short and leave. Fascinating, right? The timing of this, to me, shows that John is not emotionally available in that moment. Not so soon after realising he lost his chance with Teyla. Sure, one of the women puts the charm on him times a hundred when she sees he's not keen on staying and she theatens to undo their alliance should he decline. And it works because John is still John and I'm under no illusion that he is immune to seduction. But it really dawned on me that yes... John is now aware of his feelings for Teyla. It becomes tangible, if subtle, because it's the MGM and they don't do shippy stuff.... Except for Rodney. Because Rodney is their favourite golden child LOL

That being said... it's still John Sheppard we're talking about. In season 5 he clearly wants to hook up with Larrin and then hangs out with sexy scientists because well..... Teyla is not impressed btw LOL

We can't really blame him. He thinks he missed his chance after all.

Now... Speaking of season 5...

I think it's fair to say that John Sheppard thought he would not die of old age. He was traumatised by Afghanistan (btw I think it's no coincidence Teyla was the only one who wasn't a threat to him in Phantoms, and appeared to him as someone he trusted and loved) and his failed marriage. By adding the otherwise utterly useless Dream Sequence between he and Teyla in Search and Rescue, it's clear to me the writers wanted to tell the audience John always had feelings for Teyla but had never allowed himself to go there because of the above. Also he perhaps had not realised the extent of those feelings. Until it was too late. Which is tragic. So I love, LOOOOOVE that they get together in the books. I love that he succumbs to his feelings for her and now has a partner and even a son to live for. Finally! Finally his existence is no longer about mere survival. It's what his character deserved all along. I love that she reminds him that he is a good man and adresses his fears head on. I love that he helps her embrace her Wraith heritage and her role as both a leader and a mother. I love that they lay kisses on each other's ugly parts. With nothing but mutual understanding, acceptance and love.

I love them your honour.

[massharp1971]

Excerpt: “You fucking bastard!” Rodney shouted loud enough to make Evan’s ears hurt. “You left! Without a fucking word! I didn’t know it was happening until I saw you stepping through the fucking wormhole, you absolute piece of shit!”

Rodney McKay did not usually swear – he was far too precise in his language for that. The weird part of it was, Evan felt as if this was the exact diatribe he would have gotten had Rodney spoken to him the day after he left. It almost made him feel like no time had passed at all. At least McKay hadn’t iced over the way Ronon apparently had.

“Rodney,” Evan said, softening his voice in counterpoint, “I didn’t know myself, but I had to.” 

Rodney crossed his arms and lifted his chin – such a classic McKay pose, and Evan appreciated the lines of his muscled arms, the softness of the weight he’d gained, the slight wildness of his hair, even the fury that animated him right now.

“You believed in us – or at least I thought you did. An independent Atlantis, free of the American military. Where was your loyalty to us?”

The same old pain stabbed in Evan’s chest.

“I do believe in Atlantis, and I hope history shows I haven’t done anything to betray her.”

Rodney faltered at this because of course it was true – Evan hadn’t hurt Atlantis’ independence, he might have even helped it from the other side, but he had hurt the people he loved. He still wished with all of his tired heart that he’d been able to stay five years ago and support the folks who had become family to him through this time of incredible change. 

He knew he couldn’t just walk back into his old life – things were every bit as hard as he expected them to be, but still he wanted.

He sat down heavily on Rodney’s couch, feeling suddenly beyond exhausted.

“I know I hurt you deeply. I’d give anything not to have done that, Rodney.”

“Just so we’re clear, I want to hurt you until you feel half as bad as you made me feel,” Rodney said. “And John. And Ronon.”

“I already did that to myself,” Evan said quietly, tears rising in his eyes. “I decimated myself and it never healed in all this time.”

“Well good, because that’s what you did to us. Decimated. Entirely fucked,” Rodney said bitterly.

“Except for the fact you got Atlantis. A free Atlantis. And you finally got John, too.”

Rodney looked at him levelly, his face acknowledging the truth of this.

“Do you mind?” he asked.

“God, Rodney, yes I mind – that you’re both happy, that you have what you wanted, it eases some small amount of my pain to know that. I mind about your happiness a great deal.”

“Oh,” Rodney said, looking deflated. “Actually, I am. We are… Happy, I mean.”

“Well, I’m glad,” Evan said.

And he was. He’d been expecting those two to get together since he met them – was surprised when he found out they weren’t, was even more surprised when he found they happily swung his way but still hadn’t figured out how they felt about each other.

“The thing is, Evan, it only happened because of you,” Rodney said.

“Because I left?” Evan asked, confused.

Rodney looked at him a little resentfully.

“No… because… because you loved me. Because I didn’t know how to let myself be loved until you.”

It was sweet, really, even though Rodney’s voice sounded bitter. But then, McKay had always been a full flavoured kind of human, you had to enjoy a good dose of chili in your chocolate to love someone like Rodney.

“You know what the worst part of it is?” Rodney asked.

And suddenly there were tears in his eyes, and Evan’s heart broke a little more.

“Go on,” he prompted.

“Not for one moment did I have the luxury of thinking you were just an asshole who didn’t care as much as you pretended to. I actually knew your heart would be breaking, and somewhat infuriatingly I cared about that as much as about my own heartbreak. You opened my heart up and then left it like an untended wound.”

“I’m sorry,” Evan said, feeling the agony of that decision as if it just happened. “And you’re right, it hurt like you can’t imagine. Still hurts.”

“What was it like, being without Atlantis?” Rodney suddenly looked horrified, as if it was hard to even contemplate.

“Every bit as tough as you’re imagining. But for me, losing my family was harder. Losing you .”

Rodney suddenly looked doubtful. 

“Oh please, you’re only making it right with me so you can get back with John.”

“You know that’s not true, Rodney. You know I don’t operate that way. I love you, I love John, I love Ronon.”

“You have to make it right with Ronon too,” Rodney said. “Although… that’s going to take some time, I think.”

“Yeah, I don’t think Ronon is going to accept any overture from me,” Evan said. “I just have to wait it out, and he may never come round.”

“His hurt was the deepest,” Rodney told him. “His abandonment issues are the biggest. Even bigger than John’s. He’s lost too much, Evan.”

“That may be true,” Evan said thoughtfully.

He couldn’t bear to think about what he’d done to Ronon, but right now he was focused on the man in front of him.

“Rodney,” he said, tentatively reaching for McKay’s hand. “You’ve had more than enough hurt and loss of your own, and I’m sorry, truly sorry for the pain I caused you.”

“I do actually understand why, you know. I’m not completely insensitive.”

“You’re anything but insensitive. You feel things deeply. It’s one of the reasons I love you.”

Rodney’s eyes widened as if that was news to him.

“Still?” Rodney said, looking somewhat incredulous. “You still…?”

And there was the sweet, vulnerable man Evan adored. He really could not prevent himself from leaning forward and kissing Rodney gently.

He was aiming for tender, but he was met with fierce coming at him from the other direction in a full-frontal attack. Rodney devoured his lips, bruising and biting, and it was everything. 

“Bed, now,” Rodney said, when they came up for air sometime later.

“I agree,” Evan said, breathlessly.

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[halestrom]

🎲 - a random pick for any SGA &

3 - for Buck and Eddie—if you feel like it

#3 A kiss on the forehead

Buck looked up as Eddie came into view, carefully taking the bowl of popcorn from Chris's lax grip and tugging a blanket over him. It was getting late, and the movie was almost done and Buck knew in due time he would need to help Eddie get Chris to bed before he would head back to his place, to the quiet and open space that had felt like a new beginning but now felt like it was too big for just him. Chris was sprawled across the couch, relaxed in only the way kids could sleep, his head resting on Buck's leg.

"Want me to move him?" Buck asked softly, even as he didn't move his arm away from the back of the couch, hoping Eddie said no.

"Nah," Eddie said, waving a hand. "Let him sleep a little longer, make sure he's deep asleep before we move him."

"Copy that," Buck said, moving his arm to rest on Chris's shoulder, looking down at him and wondering if it was actually possible to love something this much.

"What's that face for?" Eddie asked, perching on the coffee table and looking at him.

Buck knew better than to get around the conversation. "Just, shit. Looking at Chris and wondering how the fuck my parents could do what they did to Daniel and to me and Maddie."

Eddie snorted, and Buck looked up at him to see a thoughtful expression on his face. "What?" Buck asked.

"Sometimes I wonder how the fuck you and Maddie care so much when it's clear your parent's don’t give a fuck about anything but themselves," Eddie admitted, chin up like he was expecting an argument.

Buck was too tired of his parents to defend them anymore. "Two wrongs do make a right I guess."

Eddie chuckled. "Guess they had to do one thing right."

Buck felt something warm inside of him, and he nodded his head. "I suppose."

“You’re a good person, Buck. Don’t ever think anything different, because Chris likes you and I generally think he’s got the best opinions,” Eddie said.

“Chris likes everyone,” Buck contested, but he didn’t want to argue too much, not when it made him feel warm and fuzzy.

“Nah, only the best ones,” Eddie said softly, his eyes sliding to Chris before he stood up and leaned over, kissing Chris on the forehead.

Buck watched the tender moment as he relaxed back into the couch. “What, no forehead kiss for me?” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Instead, Eddie cupped his face and leaned in. Buck expected a big, smacking kiss, a joke between friends but instead it was soft, careful, the same kind of kiss Eddie had given Chris. Something filled with love.

Buck swallowed. “Eds?”

“Put Chris to bed,” Eddie said, keeping his hands on Buck’s face as he pulled back. “Then we can talk.”

Buck licked his bottom lip, a thousand questions but Eddie silenced them with another kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sick of dancing around this,” Eddie murmured against his forehead. “I want you. So let's figure this out.”

Buck nodded his head carefully, not wanting to dislodge Eddie’s lips. “Okay,” he said, feeling something well up inside of him that Buck tentatively called hope. “Okay.”

#43 A kiss to the back of the neck

It was fucking cold, and John burrowed back into Rodney’s body, trying to leech all of the heat from his partner's body. He didn’t know why Ronon had decided to take them camping in the middle of what turned out to be Satedan winter, but the last thing he was going to do was tell Ronon no, especially when it came to Sateda. So they had gone camping, and it was beautiful, with it’s tall trees and mountains that seemed pulled straight from a postcard. The day had been warm enough, but the nights dropped down until even Rodney had pulled on a beanie right before they had gone to sleep.

The sleeping bags were rated for winter, and John could hear everyone else sleeping peacefully, but he was cold. He was cold and he hated being cold and he could feel all the injuries over the heads ache and it made him cranky. The only thing stopping him from being cranky was the arms wrapped around him, Rodney pulling him in close like he was afraid John would run away. At first, John had thought it was exactly that. But it turned out that was just how Rodney slept.

He hadn’t realized until John had stumbled from Rodney’s room, later than he was usually awake, because it had taken him time to get out of Rodney’s arms without waking him, only to stumble into Keller, who took one, looked at her, and chuckled.

‘Yeah, he’s a cuddler,’ she had said fondly before she kept walking, and John had to run to his first meeting of the day because he was already late, and telling Lorne that his boyfriend was a cuddler was not something he was willing to do.

The other perk was that Rodney was warm, and John pushed back into his body, feeling the arm tightening around him as Rodney shifted, somehow managing to cover more of John and chased some of the cold away. He let out a sigh and debated the merits of turning over so he could press his hands against Rodney’s chest to try and warm them up, but settled for wriggling down into the sleeping bags they had zipped together.

“Cold?” Rodney mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

“No,” John denied.

Rodney’s snort in his ear once upon a time had him jerking away. But John was used to it, but he still wouldn’t admit to being cold. Rodney’s lips against the back of his neck were warm, and John felt that warmth spread, even if he would deny it until the day he died. Another kiss to the back of his neck and then Rodney was moving him, hauling him with a strength that John never got used to and was sure Rodney didn't know he had unless he was half asleep in the morning. John went limp and let Rodney move him, knowing that Rodney had a plan and he always lost the arguments in the morning, even if most of the time they were arguments that John wanted to lose.

Finally, Rodney had him where he wanted him, on his back, with one of Rodney's legs thrown over his waist and the rest of him hauled in close until Rodney was half on top of him, pinning him to the ground and warming him through. John tucked his feet under Rodney's leg and buried his face into Rodney's leg, letting out a sigh of contentment as the cold was chased away and he closed his eyes, going limp.

Rodney made a happy noise and then went limp as well, already back asleep with an ease that surprised John sometimes. John listened to the unfamiliar noises outside, and then the familiar noises of Ronon's quiet huff each time he breathed and Teyla's chainsaw snoring and letting himself fall back asleep.

[autistic-crypt1d]

Season 5 SGA live blogging:

S1, S2, S3, S4

Big ass cliffhanger, Teyla is still being held captive by Michael and the team is racing against the clock to find her before she gives birth only to have a damn building fall on them!

Updates:

- Ronon calling Sheppard buddy 😭

- good lord that was a long ass zoom out

- Ronon and Teyla love eachother so much dude

- "you don't have to do everything yourself" facts Ronon, facts

- awww Rodneyyyyy

- Ronon carrying Teyla and her baby is just so AHHHHH

- HOW DARE YOU REPLACE SAM

- OH NO, THE SEED

- I don't remember how Keller got infected in the first place, during the rescue op for Sheppard, Ronon, Rodney, and Lorne?

- Carson!!

- ahhhhh yeah it was that planet

- I missed Teyla so muchhhh

- poor Sheppard y'all

- it always gets me watching Ronon pace around aggressively when something is hurting people that he can't fight. You can literally see him wanting to punch whatever it is no matter what it is or the fact that it is unpunchable

- of course Rodney stays with Sheppard ♡

- also, does this mean that all wraith hive ships are people??

- love how Woolsey is immediately and very rudely awakened to the reason why "going by the book" on Atlantis does not work

- shouldn't the stuff be attacking Sheppard now that he's cured?

- well, now it is

- did the vine stab Sheppard or just break a rib or something?

- Broken Ties, if this is the episode I think it is I'm about to be very sad

- I love seeing Ronon and Teyla together so much

- Ronon's jacket is so cool

- wait no I think the episode I'm thinking of is one of the last 2

- for all of his faults, I really so love how understanding Woolsey is when it comes to Teyla and her baby

- oof ok I remember what this episode is now and while it isn't the one that I thought it was, I will still be very sad

- Tyre you're a back stabbing little shit and I hate you

- DAMN IT TYRE

- Woolsey really does become quite sweet in SGA

- Rononnnnn AHHHHHHH

- of course Sheppard is the person Rodney goes to when he gets stuck

- Lorne!!!

- Ronon's voice on the verge of tears, BRO

- Kanaan, supportive husband of the year

- WOOLSEY WITH THE BABY PFFFT

- Tyre gets points for helping them get Ronon back but I still hate him for everything else

- let's go Rononnnnn

- Ronon truly looks very coo coo bananas here

- god the acting is so good

- Rodney talking to Ronon while he's unconscious recovering 😭

- Ronon holding the sword after Sheppard gave it to him, AHHHHHH

- ah crap, The Daedalus Variations, this is one of the few episodes that I immediately know by title

- I always wanna yell "DON'T GET ON THAT SHIP!!!"

- The duplicate bodies, AHHHHH

- is Ronon wearing a cardigan? It's fantastic regardless

- I love Rodney's little rectangle backpack so much

- the alternate reality drive is reminding me of the spore drive from Star Trek: Discovery, I still need to finish that

- ok it's not a cardigan but the cut is very similar and I dig it

- Ronon is so good at talking Teyla through stuff

- this other alien race intrigues me so much

- how tf did that dart just zoop through the shield??

-poor Sheppard being the only one who actually knows how to operate the ship in any significant way, Teyla knows a bit but that's it

- Ronon really has a 6th sense y'all

- good lord it takes a lot to down those aliens!

- I wish we got to see more of them so badly. Maybe if we'd gotten another season?

- ahhhh Ronon and Sheppard are the most badass duo ever istg

- poor Ronon y'all, he is not prepared for operating this shit

- since when does Atlantis have F-302s? I mean I know this is an alternate reality but like, you'd assume they'd be jumpers

- alternate reality Atlantis came in clutch tho

- not Sheppard basically flirting with himself XD

- Sheppard and his ds, I love it

- the way Rodney absolutely adores Torren even though he's simatioualy terrified of him is so cute

- I wish we got to see more of the alien fauna so badddd

- Ghost in the Machine, oh boy

- Atlantis going dark is always so freaky and cool

- AHHHHH the Elizabeth episodes always hurt so bad y'all

- I really don't understand why replicators want to ascend so bad, they can live forever, why not just go explore the galaxy now? Why do they need to do it as energy?

- I hate that Elizabeth has this arc

- YOU TELL EM WOOLSEY

- ouch ouch ouch

- The Shrine, ouch ouch ouch

- y'all this episode breaks my heart

- Rodney calling for John, OUCH

- AHHH you can see the organism in the water!!!!

- I know the water would've come through too, but couldn't they have just gotten back into the water and they open the shield just long enough for them to swim through???

- Rononnnnnn, he's so caring and sweet and AHHHH

- the whole thing with Jennifer hurts, Rodney tells her he loves her and she has to watch him fade away

- I don't really understand why the jumpers can't be cloaked while going through the gate, the only reason I can think of is that they made it up to make it difficult

- y'all Rodney coming to John on the verge of tears, desperately coming to him for comfort breaks my heart

- GIVING HIM HIS JACKET

- "you're stuck with me Rodney" HELP

- Sheppard loves that arrogant, whiney man so much

- "I keep seeing a face, everytime I close my eyes. I think it's my mother" BRO

- Keller has come such a long way, I mean she went from a flailing mess on the Bola Kai episode to proposing brain surgery in a damp cave to remove an alien parasite

- Whispers is so cool, it freaks me the hell out, but still cool af. Everytime I see the intro though I think of the SG-1 episode where they can't sleep or they die

- also, love seeing Carson again

- Porter and Mehra irritate me so much though. When characters are supposed to be tough but are either written badly, acted badly, or both, it's just so bad. Same thing with characters that are supposed to be hot, like, yuck.

- pfffft, Sheppard and Carson bonding over being in stasis pods

- I really like Vega though, and Teldy is cool

- I also desperately hate the weird thing between Porter and Carson, like, it makes me WILDLY uncomfortable

- god damn that was a clean ass transition

- VEGA DIES???? BRO

- Mirellus I swear to god

- THE CRAWLING ON THE WALL, HELL NO

- these things are so scary y'all, I love it

- honestly Mirellus, you deserved that. Not only did you release these things but you started screaming about them, like, wtf

- he really could've just grabbed the rope to bring up the bucket instead of using the crank, then used it to lower it the rest of the way

- poor Carson, his first mission back and he gets this

- see Mehra is great when she's being a bit goofy, but the whole dead pan serious tough as nails thing is so bad. I've never once enjoyed a character like that unless they had something else going on. Like, Teal'c and Ronon have personalities on top of that. I just think she was written badly honestly.

- The Queen, oh boy this episode is wild

- I truly do not understand the whole surgery thing. What exactly are they doing to her and how tf is it not permanent or leaving any lasting effects???

- Ronon's little smile at saying they were getting their asses kicked is so cute

- at least they finally got a new actor to play the Primary wraith queen

- ahhhh Ronon loves her so muchhhh

- oooo and new actors to play the wraith dudes too! Let's goooooo

- nice work Teyla, god damn

- Todd, buddy, you're really pushing it rn

- it will never stop being hilarious that Ronon has to get stunned like 8 times to go down

- Teyla is the tiniest wraith I've ever seen and it's so funny

- Tracker, very exciting, I kinda love this eoisode

- Sheppard is so totally jealous about Rodney and Keller

- AH I hate the awkward tension between the 3 sooooo much

- Rodney, Ronon, please be normal for like t seconds please

- the thing I hate about this episode is that they suddenly bring back the thing between Ronon and Keller. They don't mention it for a long ass time and their interactions don't hint to it whatsoever and now all the sudden he's into her again

- also the fact that it's so obvious Ronon loves Teyla so the whole Keller thing is just super weird

- it's weird they don't have a life signs detector with them, or maybe Keller has it

- Ronon and Rodney are both like obsessed with Sheppard (for different reasons), but it's hilarious that when they're without Sheppard, they're just a mess of a duo. Like they cannot agree on anything, they're constantly bickering, it's a mess

- idk about y'all, but I ship Keller with Kyrik more than anyone else

- GET HIS ASS KELLER

- Kyrik is awesome man, I'm really sad we never see him again

- ahhh I hate the awkward love triangle shitttt

- DANIEL!!! First Contact is one of my favorite episodes, I'm so excitedddd

- Daniel and Rodney are so funny together, I love it

- pfffft, Rodney telling him to push against the wall as hard as he could XD

- good lord that attempted speech interaction was awkward as hell

- poor Woolsey XD

- god damn the hyperspace window opening over the water is SO COOL

- I may not like these Asgaurd but they are so damn cool, the way they just completely ignore every effort Atlantis tries to stop them is wild. Shield? Ignored, floors between them and their goal? Going through them. Gun fire? Shields.

- THEY'RE SO BADASS

- the way that the 3rd just no hesitation sacrifices itself so the other 2 can get away with the guys and the device???

- poor Sheppard man, he's been in charge for only like a couple hours and they've been invaded and 2 of their people are taken

- god those two are so sassy I love it

- AHHHH Sheppard and Rodney thinking the same thing is so gay I love it

- the self destruct feature so that no one can find out what they really are??? AHHHH

- y'all, the existential crisis Todd has thinking about who the wraith would be without the war is devastatinggggg

- pfffft Daniel and his immediate urge to talk it out with his kidnappers

- those knockout sticks Todd has are so cool wtf

- the power spike, AHHHH CHILLS

- Sheppard staying with Radek no matter what, he's such a good leader y'all

- the explosion FX is not great lol

- oh shit I forgot this was a 2 parter

- I recognize the travers lady from somewhere

- omfg Rodney stepping between Daniel and the gun, BRO

- oh right she was on One Tree Hill!!

- yeah idk how anyone could ship Ronon and Keller in my opinion, they clash so badly personally wise

- good lord that engineering room gives me and Zelenka anxiety

- PFFFT THE SASSY HEAD BOB RONON GIVES WHEN HE SAYS NO

- THE ASGARD REVEAL

- I can't help but wonder if the war would've ended differently if instead of hiding, the Asgard had helped the Ancients

- man Daniel is really getting tossed around today

- ahhhh I missed Daniel's silly little mannerisms so much

- Keller with a P-90 is dope af, way to go doc

- I'm like 90% sure those "empty suits" had people in them cuz I could kinda see them swaying a bit and I think that's hilarious

- Daniel looks cool af in that suit

- pffft Daniel's little shrug

- Daniel please stop standing right by the damn antenna you're giving me anxiety

- LET'S GO SHEPPARD AND TRAVELER'S

- Daniel you really cannot die again

- "wanna unzip me?" "I'll look for a can opener" PFFFFT

- Ronon may be very emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people's feelings, but when it comes to his own, NOPE

- of course Rodney and Daniel are immediately sassy with eachother now that they're not about to die

- Rodney, please

- Outsiders is such an infuriating episode y'all, the way the villagers turn against these innocent people is just so AHHH

- Jervis I hate you so much, please shut up

- Jervis you are actually like, the worst

- the fact that he thinks that there is even a chance the wraith will keep their word and not destroy their village anyway means he is a damn fool

- Safaris you are also the worst and a fool and I hate you too

- Todd is literally the only wraith we've seen to my knowledge that's actually ever kept his word but even then he steals shit or throws wrenches in the plan every single time

- ok Rodney left out the time they did in fact escape from one of those cells but Ronon had like 80 knives on him that allowed that to happen sooooo

- wraith facial hair is so scrungly looking

- LET'S GO CARSON

- dude has become such a badass since he came back to life

- "you're gonna have to hold them off" "am I now?" PFFFT

- PFFFFT Carson and Rodney shoved into the dart is hilarious

- oh damn

- way to go Rodneyyyyy

- awww, Carson realizing Rodney misses him and taking a break for him 😭

- Inquisition, I have no recollection of this episode so far

- oh wait, oh yeah no I remember this

- honestly the counsel isn't entirely wrong, but they've been trying their best to fix their mistake and they're the best hope this galaxy has of defeating the wraith

- plus the fact that they woke them up early led to the infighting which gave them the advantage to defeat them

- why're they showing clips of the wraith that was converted long after Michael with the consent of the queen instead of Michael's transformation when that's what they were talking about?

- y'all they are fully tripping if they think the Genii's nuclear plan was going to defeat the wraith, there are far too many for them to have succeeded with a plan like that. Working with Atlantis there could've been a really helpful alliance but instead they decided to betray them again and again

- Atlantis has been making a lot of unilateral decisions yes, but like they said, they're the only ones out there fighting them. The ancients failed and there was no one left with the tech or numbers to stand up to them until the expedition showed up

- a lot of their plans have made things worse in some ways, but that's what happens when you're taking action, you can't be sure how things will turn out most of the time but you have to do something

- SG-1 got shit for this too about how they went about fighting the Goa'uld, but again, they were trying. Granted so were the Tok'ra, but they were also letting people die, leaving worlds enslaved, and had completely written off the Jaffa

- not to mention the fact that they've been expending countless resources giving aid to every society in need they come across, most of the time with zero in return

- these people revere the ancients as gods even though they were quite literally the cause of the wraith and replicators existing and abandoned the pegasus galaxy when they realized they couldn't atop the wraith, but now they put the expedition on trial for accidentally stumbling across what they left??? It's not their fault that the ancients left a damn minefield of awful shit across the whole damn galaxy

- I just noticed that Ronon had to physically drag Sheppard away when Elizabeth was sacrificing themselves

- I know that these people are upset but if they didn't wake them and they had those 50 years to prepare, the lives would've been lost anyway, different lives but lives nonetheless. At least with Atlantis here they have the chance to win and save future generations from this ever happening again

- Woolsey you sly dog

- LET'S GO WOOLSEYYYY

- Pfffft wtf was that swivel John XD

- The Prodigal, oh shit here we go

- see, Rodney and Sheppard are literally always spending time together

- I feel for Rodney with the stairs y'all, they are my sworn enemy

- Teyla is so pretty

- god damn it Michael

- damn that door lowering shot was pretty sick gotta say

- Lorne!!!

- Michael's obsession with Teyla is horrifying, he truly does not understand why she won't just go with him

- LET'S GO BANKS

- we don't get a lot of Chuck and Banks but I ADORE THEM, especially her

- YOU GET THEIR ASSES RONON

- Ronon may have technically lost that fight but he gave Teyla the opportunity to run and that's a win in this situation, especially given the fact that that buys them all time

- god I love Sheppard and Rodney during these situations "what do you need? 15 minutes?" And Rodney just rolls his eyes and does it

- Teyla is so resourceful and smart, she can't fight because she's holding a baby but you bet your ass she can kick that mf down the stairs

- the jumpers chairs look so comfy, I want one

- MICHAEL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, TEYLA IS A WONDERFUL MOTHER

- YOU STEP AWAY FROM RONON RIGHT NOW

- yessss let's go Radek!!!

- ooooo the fight scene is coming!!!!

- it's soooo over for you Michael

- Sheppard what did I say about hanging off of towers

- MY GOD THIS SCENE IS SO COOL

- YES TEYLA BEAT HIS ASS

- you tried to hurt her baby, you were never getting out of here alive

- god Teyla is so cool help

- Ronon's mission report is so cute

- Remnants, poor Sheppard man, I'm stressed and it's been 2 seconds, I just knw what's about to happen to this man

- also, Rodney's immediate flustered reaction as to why Sheppard would volunteer to spend a night away from Atlantis (him) is so gay I love it

- y'all watching this episode knowing what's actually going on from the start is wild, especially from Sheppard's pov. Bro really just could not help torturing himself

- poor Chuck

- also, have the uniform colors changed a bit? Chuck's looks like a weird dark green and Rodney's is a different blue than I remember. I feel like this must have happened when they changed the uniform style but idk why I'm just noticing.

- are Amelia and Chuck both military???

- ugh, Brain Storm. Malcolm is the worst.

- I hate that they did Bill Nye so dirtyyyy

- the fact that Keller doesn't trust Rodney's instincts that this is a horrible idea is WILD

- "you're smarter than me" "I know" DAMN RIGHT RODNEY

- PFFFFT the Bill Nye slap

- LET'S GO RODNEY

- "I love you. Have for some time now." CALLBACK LET'S GOOOO

- Infection, see now this is the episode I though Spoils of War was initially. This episode is so freaky I love it

- I originally was remembering it as being caused by the Hoffan virus but it's Keller's treatment, I remember now

- the wall melting, SO COOL

- THE MASKLESS WRAITH WARRIORS

- I still ship Rodney and Sheppard, but I will still admit that Rodney and Keller are sweet

- my god the wraith eating people is just such a new horrific thing

- SO FREAKY AHHH

- the massive crater in the ship is so cool

- THE SHIP BEING INFECTED, AHHH SO COOL!!!

- I love wraith shit so much, it's so unique and so cool and freaky

- "we're too late, the pods are opened" AHHHH

- oh my god I love this scene, the hive tearing in half, Rodney freaking out, they're going down y'all!!!

- "impact in 15 seconds" "not if I can help it" AHHHHH

- THE SHIP ENTERING THE ATMOSPHERE, THE TENSION!!!!

- the cgi of the shop landing in the water is rough af but still

- Identity, ah hell I hate this episode

- poor Radek, he was just trying to help

- Vegas is such a weird episode

- Vegas feels like such a random place for them to be, the wraith being there I can understand, but why are John and Keller?

- man I remember watching this episode for the firs time so vividly

- the scene where the wraith is disguising himself is so cool, but also like totally confirmation that wraith would be emo, punk, or goth if they were on earth lmao

- a wraith playing poker will never not be funny

- and the damn finger conversation

- god this chase is so cool, taking the gunfire like it was nothing, leaping down the stairs, thr wall vault, and god damn that no hesitation leap off the roof only to stand back up after slamming into the pavement, AHHHHHH

- SHEPPARD'S FACE

- there is not a single reality where this mf doesn't get dragged into this shit somehow is there

- Rodney!!!!

- alternate reality Todddddd

- I guess Keller was there cuz the government sent her and she was brought back from Atlantis too? Idk

- I'm sorry but an emo wraith wielding dual machine guns is so cool

- rip John

- wait stop this is sad I hate it, his face when he lies down just broke my heart

- ENEMY AT THE GATE, LET'S GOOOOO

- I'm so excited, I may hate that the show ends like this, but my god are these episodes so cool

- I'm honestly shocked the finale isn't a 2 parter

- pfffft Todd in a Deadalus jump suit is so silly, they unfashioned him

- LET'S GO DAEDALUS

- Sam!!!!

- Atlantis is leaving the Pegasus Galaxy y'all!!!

- Davis!! Loved that guy in SG-1

- ah hell the converstaion between Woolsey, Teyla, and Ronon makes me tear up

- one would think they would've adapted some of the shield technology they've come across and used it to defend where the chair was being held in case of something like this. I get they can't protect the whole planet with it but they could at least cover that

- rip chair and area 51

- Sheppard's on yet another suicide mission

- oh shit this is the episode with Ronon that makes me cry

- RONON 😭

- Teyla and Rodney's yells for him break my heart y'all

- I love you random ass wraith for saving Ronon ♡♡♡

- Lorne supporting Ronon, ahhhhhh

- ATLANTIS LET'S GOOOOOO

- KICK THAT HIVES ASS CARSON!!!

- "it's Atlantis, they're engaging the hive!" CHILLS

- AHHHHH

- y'all I'm tearing up this is so cool

- "This is my home" AHHHH

- Ronon is so awkward when he thinks someone is cute I love it

- if it has to be someone other than Teyla, I'm glad it's Banks

- I'm gonna cry, I love this show so much 😭

I hope you enjoyed reading these live blogs, it made me really happy to do it 💛

[salchat]

Getting to know your fellow fanfic writers better!

Thank you @wonkyelk for tagging me!

When did you post your first ever fic? April 2019

First character you wrote for? Ronon Dex and then Teal'c rapidly entered the scene, because it was a story about an all-you-can-eat buffet, so they were the right two characters to be motivated by that idea!

Main characters you are currently writing for? Supernatural characters - mainly Dean Winchester and Castiel. Yes, I have been bitten, chewed up and will probably never be spat out by the Destiel bug.

Characters you haven't written about before but plan on writing about soon? Um... I usually make up OCs fairly regularly, to keep the story moving along. I don't think I have any plans for actual fandom characters, though.

Fandoms your currently writing for? Supernatural

Platonic pairings you currently write for? There's usually some Sam and Dean brotherly interaction in my stories - not that I have any objection to others writing Wincest for them. I just think - go for it, have fun if that's what you like. I like to get Dean to interact with Bobby Singer sometimes. And others, depending on how the story's developing.

Romantic pairings you currently write for? Destiel all the way. Sweet or angsty or whatever. It's a comfort thing - a happy little world to live in.

Your top 3 tags on AO3 if you post there? I'm not sure what my top three would be statistically, but it feels like hurt/comfort, fluff and angst. I just don't think you can beat hurt/comfort. I don't like hurt/no comfort, though. My little people have to be comforted.

Current platform where you post your works? AO3

Snippet of the WIP you are currently working on?

I recently brought my long Secret Flowers story to a conclusion, a bit abruptly, but I really needed the feeling of freedom that gave me, somehow. Anyway, I'm now busily writing timestamps for it, which may or may not end up ridiculously long. This is from Secret Flowers - Crocuses:

Dean fiddled with the butter knife.  He shrugged and twisted and the coffee sloshed inside him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mmm.  Uh.  You know.”

Sam might have snapped, 'I don’t unless you tell me.'  Which would have been a fair point.  But Cas was more patient.  He carried on eating and gulping his coffee and let the silence happen, giving Dean time.

“It feels wrong,” Dean said finally.  “To expect more.”  He slowly spread a long line of butter over the soft, fresh bread.  “This last year… well, you just think how we were… and how we are now.”

Warm hands enfolded his own around the butter knife.  “I know, Dean.  I know.  To have all this is a great gift.  But gifts need to be used and explored and I think Jack would want us to make the most of what we have - to really… to bloom like the flowers.”

Dean looked up at his lover’s unshaven face, the crinkly bits under his eyes, and the curves and planes and lines which made up his lips - how were they so beautiful?  How did that even work?

“Okay, then.”  Gruff and tight, Dean could’ve voice-overed the bulldog, Spike, from Tom and Jerry.  Why did his voice always do that when he was just trying to work through some emotional life-shit?

Cas smiled at him, another soft smile which he did ten, twenty, fifty times a day and always made Dean’s insides go caramel-squishy.  “Good.  So, after breakfast, we’ll make a start.”

Tagging @haus-seeblick @lanevra @casuallyneurotic But no pressure! I just love your stories!

[trainofcommand]

I'm just gonna call this post: Major Lorne Looking at Dudes in Certain Ways - Part 2 (see Part 1 here)

Let's do this!

You know when you're out on a maybe-quiet planet, and you're with your friends, and your buddy has your back, and you turn around and see your CO, and you think, Damn, my CO is hot? Yeah. We've all been there, Major. We get it. And we understand that you can't control that eyebrow. It has a life of its own.

Sometimes you have to look for a while. And your expression changes while you're looking. Maybe your CO notices. And has to look away, grinning a little, because he's feeling bashful, and yes, he thinks your smile is cute, Major, but also is now really the place to be exchanging these looks? Try and resist until you get back to the city. Or at least until the chance of Wraith darts ruining the moment is lower. Just try, you two. Try.

OK, let's switch it up a bit. A major can't stare at his CO all the time. It'll get awkward, plus I hear that other people might get jealous. No one wants tensions @ work, right? So, here he is, sharing it around, making Rodney feel included. What a great coworker! Super for morale, really. Great job, Major!

But sometimes if it's not one scientist, it's another. And when you're looking at him, you can't help but kind of...stick your tongue out a bit. For reasons. Reasons that are about...stuff. And things. Major, we appreciate your reasons, and so does Radek.

Oh, hey! Speaking of COs, what about that time way back when you also sometimes had to look at your old CO on some naquadah mine planet? Awww, it's a show of...respect or something. What a great guy you are to command, Major!

Ooops, back to your current CO! Things are confusing and people are starting to act strangely and also forget stuff, but you want him to know that you respect him a lot and will not forget him, and if Ronon would just leave the two of you alone for 20 minutes, you could definitely prove that your memory is still intact. About some things, anyway. And you're not talking about your facility at filling out Form 127-B: People are forgetting things and shit is getting fucked up. Obviously.

I'm not even going to put any kind of coy wording for this one. Because he's looking at Radek's ass. That's all there is to it. Looking, and appreciating. Frankly, they all are. Though Colonel Carter and Lt. Colonel Sheppard look a little skeptical. But Major Lorne doesn't. He knows what's up. And what's up is Radek's sweet, sweet ass. We see the twinkle in your eye, Major!

caps by @carsonsweebabyturtles and @hero-in-waiting

[whitedragoncoranth]

Save Us Rocket...

"Fix the ship, Rodent!" snarled Drax.

Internally, Rocket seethed--but then his crimson eyes seemed to light up. "Oh, you call me rodent now, blue boy" he sassed, "but one day it'll be like this..."

And then... Rocket opened his mouth and sang!

"Save us, Rocket, Nobody builds like you, Get that bench hummin' And please build us somethin' ta Blow us up that moon..."

Rocket walked off to return to his bench in the Cargo slash Landing Bay, his eyes a li'l misty. Why'd we have to hand that Terran over to Nova Corps? For a primitive, he seemed like a cool guy... The little raccoon sighed at a potential friend lost--but as he returned to his tinkering, there came a banging on the Cargo Bay doors!

"Da flarkin' hell...?" Rocket thought. Readying a small stunner just in case, the raccoon opened the doors and - "Whoo! What a rush!" - blinked in surprise then outright cackled as David nearly fell into the cargo bay. Fortunately, the human caught himself in time--but then Rocket yelped as he was quickly picked up in a raucous hug, a hug he returned with fervour, his crimson eyes now very misty. It's just the dust in here, messin wit'--oh, flarkin'...

"Da flark HAPPENED?!" poor Rocket cried, voice breaking. "Flarkin'... when we handed you to Nova Corps, I thought you were gonna end up in the flarkin' KYLN... I thought you... I thought you were..."

"Aw, little man..." David soothed as the doors automatically closed and he stepped inside, over to Rocket's bench. As Rocket nuzzled into his humie, inhaled his scent, lick-licked him, snuffled back a sob, David sat down with Rocket near the work bench - not letting him go for a minute - and continued, "Nah, as it turns out, some idiot at the Corps wanted to book me and the band in for another concert..."

Now Rocket pulled back, wide-eyed. "What... da... flark...?" the raccoon half-laughed, incredulous.

"I know, right; that's what I thought when the bounty was erased, and I was let go. Hoo, boy, was Ronon Dey pissed when he heard--oh dude, shh, shh, listen! I think he's still going, holy shit...!"

Immediately, human and raccoon shut up and, yes, in the silence, both could clearly hear a Nova Corps Rookie being thoroughly dressed down, and loudly at that! Rocket's eyes widened--and then he clamped his paws desperately over his muzzle, snerked and snorted - trying in vain to hold back his laughter - wanting to keep listening, finding it all flarkin' hilarious! David did the same, hands over his mouth, body shaking with barely suppressed laughter. Oooooh, frack, I had no idea Centurions could be that loud! Rocket thought, in a mixture of awe and amusement. Jeeze, I'd hate to be that guy!

"... VACUUMING UP THE BARRACKS DUST WITH YOUR NOSE, CORPSMAN...!"

That was it, they were done; David and Rocket lost it and laughed and laughed, and laughed, clutching each other tightly until they flopped on the Cargo Bay floor, struggling for breath--but no sooner had they calmed down, gotten some air,

"...CLEANING THE LAVATORIES WITH YOUR TONGUE, DO YOU HEAR ME, CORPSMAN! YOUR TONGUE!"

... Rocket and David lost it again, laughing until they nearly choked! "Oh, gods, can barely breathe," the human gasped, "I can't - ah-ha-ha! - shit, hold on..." As Rocket howled his own laughter, banged his paws on the floor, David got up, went over to the mini fridge he'd stashed under the bench and retrieved from it a couple of milky-fizzes, one of which he put a straw in for Rocket. Together, both calmed, sipped their drinks and relaxed, content in each other's company.

The modified song referenced here is "Save us Sarah" by the Smoky Brights, from the game "Pacific Drive"; it's a banger!

[catierambles]

So with some post-Wastelanders DLC update came Allies. Companions, basically, for Fallout 76. They don't do shit with you like companions in the other Fallout games, but they do have their own storyline and you can even romance them.

There are 2 not tied to seasons.

Beckett, a former Blood Eagle raider who wants to wipe out their leadership. He's off the chems, horrified at what he used to do, and just wants to settle down in a quiet life with his bar. You rescue him as he's about to be executed by the Blood Eagles for desertion. His companion quests are taking out the Blood Eagle leadership, patching relations with other raider gangs he burned, and eventually, rescuing his little brother, Frankie.

Commander Sofia Daguerre, an astronaut with USSA, the United States Space Administration, who was put into forced hibernation once her ship reached orbit in 2070. It was only supposed to be for 5-10 years tops, but shit happened and she was in hibernation until 2103, when her ship crashed in Appalachia. I haven't done her companion missions yet.

I romanced Beckett because he's adorable and awkward when you flirt with him. He's never been in a relationship before, so he doesn't know how to go about it.

Beckett is his last name, you never learn his first name but I headcanon it as Carson, because Carson Beckett was one of my favorite characters on SGA, along with Ronon and John. Teyla was okay, I guess. Her relationship with whats-his-face was shoehorned in because Rachel Luttrell became pregnant over the course of filming. She should have wound up with John, but that would have required some handwaving on the part of the writers as they didn't have an established relationship before that. Paul McGillion is adorable and I had a Save Beckett t-shirt at one point.

[texasdreamer01]

:campfire-emoji: (cuz I can't get them up on my keyboard haha) for misit orare, ut venirem!

So my original plans for that fic was circulating around the tag "Friends to Lovers to Married" after an episode where Rodney McKay, uh, blew up a fair portion of a solar system mostly by accident.

...In his defense, he was trying to replace a faulty energy system that some people a long, long time ago had developed (think battery but not rechargeable) and he was feeling super guilty about getting some scientists working for him killed over some mistakes in the data (replacement attempt is also from the people from long, long time ago) and he was really pushing himself to Get It Right because they're technically in the middle of a war and really, really need that.

Unfortunately he gets rather ostracized for it, but John Sheppard (military commander and pseudo-canonical love interest, the other half of the McShep ship) gave him shit for it on top of the leader of the expedition (Elizabeth Weir, who... usually is rather indulgent on Rodney doing whatever science he wants but this time was Big Mad).

I was on track for this, being a sort of 5+1 kind of deal that digs up all of the little emotional underpinnings between Rodney and John and why both acted the way they did, but then I remembered the whole deal with Rodney being deathly allergic to citrus and how the mess hall... only served food with lemons (and presumably other citrus) in it for a while.

So now I have their other friend - and also team mate - Teyla being (rightfully) pissed off about this, and Ronon (also friend, also team mate) is involved and now I feel like this is going to be still a #Friends to Lovers to Married but kind of with a matchmaking tilt to it? I'm still in the middle of resolving that plot point and I'm not sure where it's gonna end up (hopefully I can get it back on track lol).

Initial summary that's probably gonna stay thrown-out:

They had learned, carefully, to ask.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Fic Idea Adoption!

i have way too many ideas for fics and i know i won't ever get around to writing them all so i'm putting some ideas up for adoption!! i may or may not write these eventually, but they're too good of ideas to leave sitting in my notes app forever, so i'm releasing them to the void! anyone and everyone is welcome to use them, and feel free to be as ambiguous with the prompts as you want! no particular order but nsfw ideas are at the bottom for anyone who wants to avoid them!

(if you do use any of these, i would love to read the fic!! you definitely do not have to but please feel free to send me anything you write off this list!!)

-john takes rodney to earths moon

-john and rodney find the ancient equivalent of speed. they do Everything

-au where ronon gets earth to repeal dadt bc john tells him it's why he can't be with rodney and ronon goes I Must Fix This (he enlists teyla and lorne and maybe cadman)

-rodney asks ronon to go with john to earth (outcast coda)

-rodney goes on bill nye saves the world after stargate declassification

-evans biggest fear is having to shoot john (and maybe getting a promotion bc of it?) and john finds out

-rodney’s ‘torture too hideous and intimate to recount’ is him being tortured, just for them to realize that torturing his team is a better way to break him

-teyla living out ‘the chosen one’ trope

-what happens to sora after the eye

-au where meredith(female!rodney) comes to atlantis instead of rod and not only is rodney horribly disturbed, he’s furious (and strangely confused) as to why everyone apparently likes him more as a woman

-todd is weirdly obsessed with this strange human he meets, and is determined to get closer to him

-the team is most excited about catching up with todd when they get the confirmation atlantis is going back to pegasus

-everyone complains about rodney’s moods bc no one can complain about the infinitely worse in every way sheppard bad moods, that make everyone on the base wish they were on a hive ship being eaten by two wraith at once

-au where ronon ends up on athos at the same time the wraith come and he sneaks through the gate with the intention of just sneaking away on the next planet but whoops it’s atlantis (ronon pov)

-rodney keeps a memorial for every single scientist lost in his lab and radek shows it to new scientists who start complaining about rodney not caring and risking their lives

-reaper au where’s he’s fed the fuck up with these two stupid men who never actually die when they’re supposed to and it’s more annoying than anything now bc he still needs to show up

-au carson comes to atlantis and is HORRIFIED by becketts retrovirus research and the hoffan drug bc “does the hippocratic oath mean NOTHING here???”

-au where rodney can’t admit to himself what john means to him, until something happens that brings all the alternate rodney’s that have lost their johns to atlantis, and they all fall apart when they see john alive, and john and rodney have to have a Conversation (mcshep? maybe ambiguous? idk yet)

-rodney sees john as three separate entities: the Colonel, who is Professional Important Official Man; sheppard, who is his friend/team lead that he hangs out with and goes on missions with; and john, who he’s always seeming to have very intimate moments with that make him question a lot of how he feels

-early days in the city, elizabeth is sick of the marines shitting on the scientists for not being tough and the scientists for shitting on the marines for not being smart so she makes them try to solve a fake crisis from the other side and everyone is like aww shit this is harder than it looks

-that thing where tough men pretend they don’t care much about someone but then the person gets hurt and Tough Guy go a little feral and then holds them close and whisper pet names (sweetheart, baby, darling, etc) but it’s john and/or ronon after rodney gets injured

-the more important something is to john, the harder it is for him to talk about it, and rodney starts to realize how hard it is for john to talk about what rodney means to him

-a bunch of au sheppards get brought to atlantis and one on them is terrified of flying

-rodney has always said biology was beneath him, but then ford almost died, and was… different, from the wraith. and rodney knew he had to find a way to help ford, maybe find a way to fix his mental problems while keeping the physical benefits. rodney and carson find a way to save ford and sheppard is so thankful he kisses them both

nsfw ideas:

-ronon suggests some planets for trading when they get low on supplies that have an interesting trade system. it seems too good to be true and they wonder why telya hasn't taken them until they find out that they trade goods for sex

-au where john is hired as a spy for atlantis and he seduces people in pegasus to get intel for the city

-sometimes rodney just grabs john (by the hair, throat, back of the neck, chin, etc) and asks who he belongs to and john instantly melts

-rodney decides to be a tease on a mission and teyla and ronon think mckay is just really pissing sheppard off when he pulls mckay away for “privacy” but really he’s just super horny and wants to fuck (or, teyla and ronon don’t realize that their fighting is foreplay)

[nimuetheseawitch]

For ask game, directors cut of your Larrin x Jennifer fic 👀

You probably know some of this already, since you definitely encouraged me in writing this fic, but here's some behind-the-scenes commentary for Sinew and Satin (formerly titled Spread Sheets):

I put it below the cut because it got long and also the fic is smut, so of course it's nsfw.

It all started with watching "The Seed" a little close to watching Firefly. I wanted to incorporate some of what I love about Kaylee into a fic about Jennifer because she doesn't have a ton of characterization in the show - mostly things just happen to her or Rodney and Ronon are into her.

This, of course, led to the idea that with Jennifer's experience turning into a Wraith hive ship combined with her medical knowledge, she would make an excellent Wraith ship mechanic. And who would need a Wraith ship mechanic? Well, Larrin of course!

The basic premise became that Larrin would kidnap Jennifer to help her repair a Wraith ship, just like she kidnapped John for her Alterran ship. But, of course, Jennifer would respond completely differently. And I realized that Larrin would respond completely differently too - she tied up John (I mean, who wouldn't?) and tried to beat him into submission, but that's totally not going to work on Jennifer. I realized that when kidnapped, Jen will go along with things up to a point, but the best way to get her on board was to create a life-threatening situation (like Larrin and John teaming up to deal with the Wraith). I also tend to go on and on if I let myself try to explain the setup, so instead, we start with Jennifer up to her elbows in the hive ship, probably running low on oxygen because the life support systems are failing.

This also gave me a chance to explore her coping mechanisms - when shit happens to her, we see her panic in situations outside her comfort zone. But when it gets down to it, she's a brilliant doctor and seems to usually just need a shift in perspective to get into things.

I love the idea of her pulling kind of a Rodney and getting really bossy once she's in the zone. Yeah, she might be terrified, but once she's set on a task, it doesn't matter that her assisting surgeon is also her captor - she's gonna manhandle her and get shit done. And Larrin is into it. I headcanon Larrin as really into competence because she's had to fight for her position and part of being a good captain is recognizing the skills of your crew. So Larrin is definitely into it, even though they're covered in Wraith hive guts and fighting to breathe. And then, we move into Jen fainting into Larrin's arms like we're in a harlequin romance (pirate queen kidnaps brilliant young doctor, etc.), and a fade to black.

As we get into the sexy bits, I just really wanted to emphasize that Jennifer was a different kind of captive - she's not in a cell, she's in the captain's quarters, surrounded by the kinds of luxuries the Travellers can afford in a life in space. I also just wanted to have Jen naked on satin sheets (but it makes a surprising amount of sense in the plot).

My goal with the sex scene was to flip the script on the kinds of things we usually see with Larrin/John, where Larrin is so very dominant (or very tied up). Jennifer is often shown as nervous and young and kind of swept away by events, but we know she can be dominant and the instigator - supposedly she jumped Rodney on the private jet. So I wanted more of that to shine through. I wanted her to realize, oh shit, Larrin has the hots for me, and then take control. I wanted Larrin to be able to submit without being a prisoner - to get a chance to be overwhelmed and not in charge for once because she's the kind of person who always has to show how much she's in charge. But Jennifer can take care of that.

This was my first ever attempt at femslash, and it is by far the smuttiest I have written so far. I really wanted to focus on textures and make it sensual and drawn out. I felt like both Jen and Larrin deserved someone to really take their time touching them.

In contrast to how things worked out with John, I wanted them to have a romantic goodbye instead of an antagonistic one. I also couldn't resist her giving Larrin a really public goodbye kiss. I love the idea of Jennifer Keller, who lots of people think of as timid, taking this really dominant role with this otherwise incredibly dominant woman. And completely flabbergasting AR-1, who've heard plenty about John's experience. And I couldn't resist having her yell back at Larrin "Call me!"

Title notes: I had no idea what to call this, but "Spread Sheets" was suggested (by you) because I was writing this instead of doing my spreadsheet work, and I thought it was a great title for some smut. And it was, but a few days later, the title Sinew and Satin came to me late at night and then bugged me until I changed it.

I recently have been encouraged in my thoughts of potentially doing more Jennifer/Larrin (again, you are such a good smutstigator), so here are some brief ideas I've had:

As mentioned in the fic, Jennifer could be doing some wellness checks for the Traveller fleet on a friendly planet, and Larrin has some ideas for what Jennifer could do for her wellness

Larrin comes to Atlantis for whatever reason, and they end up doing a much kinkier scene with Jen in charge

Jen has a present for Larrin, and it's John, all tied up and ready to play with (Larrin is still a sub, but John is too)

I'm excited to play with them because they have so much potential. And I want to get better at writing f/f porn.

[deadheaddaisy]

Ronon, you little shit.

Stargate Atlantis "Midway"

[halestrom]

📓📓📓📓📓📓📓📓📓📓

i knew u were gonna do this. cracks fingers. alright.

📓 Daredevil: Matt and Foggy as magical lawyers who use little loopholes to win. Basically, fae law meets DD. Matt is ready to fight a sideh for Foggy's hand at all times.

📓 SGA; Rodney can turn into a dragon like the ones from Pern where he can go to the in between and he doesn't tell anyone. At least until they're stuck on a ship and he can go into space as a dragon bc he can hold his breath. He saves people. Idk.

📓 SGA: my 300k epic Evan/Rodney and ace!john learning how to be in a relationship and how that works. It lives rent free in my brain and Ill prob never write it because it will be SO MUCH and also, ahhhh

📓 SGA: John, Rodney and a few others go back in time with the intent on hijacking the SGC so they can go back to Atlantis. It doesn't go according to plan. John saves his Mom from dying and she becomes President bc SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE HER BABY IS OKAY? and its just All Bad as they keep trying to get to Atlantis. Ronon also went back as well and he's mad bc he's like. 6 when they get back.

📓 SGA: Rodney and John knew each other and so when John sits down in the chair its a spiderman meme moment and then O'Neill is glaring at John and John's putting 2 and 2 together and getting 4 bc he's not an idiot and basically goes "so...aliens huh?" this is also mixed with my story idea that johns been dreaming of the stargate since it was reopened for the SGC bc of his connection with Ancient technology and he gets flashes whenever someone goes through the gate of what they went through.

📓 SGA: Rodney's brain is the super sonic high way and so the Goa'uld can't actually take over him bc his brain works so quickly they can't focus and idk where I go with this but I have it stuck in my mind forever.

📓 911: Eddie and Buck fucked a lot, and also have a lot of threesoms with people bc they can, and then would stop fucking whenever they got a partner bc they sex is just the fun part. They never needed it bc their relationship is good without it. The rest of the 118 find out and Question them and they end up together. AKA the one where no one wants to explain to Bobby what an Eiffel Tower is. (Honestly this might be getting written)

📓 SGA: Rodney and Cadman meets Race to Witch Mountain where they're twins but didn't know it and turns out Duet just opens their psychic connection and they Dislike It. we're ignoring the age differences okay

📓 SGA: Mutant AU. Rodney has super powers that let him interact with technology in a very nteresting way. It goes to shit when he goes to Atlantis and has to learn to function with a city that is alive. (it gets better...eventually...he has a lot of headaches)

📓SG1: Post Canon Daniel and Vala getting together, slowly and sweetly and learning how not to be major dicks to each other.

I DID IT

[ragingpancake]

McShep prompt: no regrets?

Thank you so much for the prompt! @gingerpolyglot I really appreciate you sending this to me!

The pain in his shoulder radiates outward until his whole arm feels like it’s on fire. They need to operate, to clean up the mess of splintered bone, fragments of bullet, but he refuses to let them put him under, not yet. Not when Ronon, Teyla and Rodney have yet to come back through the Gate. It’s only because he’d lost consciousness at some point or another that he’s here, pacing the gate room despite the way each painful step threatens to bring to him to tears. No one is talking, refusing to give up whichever Marine it had actually been who had dragged him through the Gate, leaving the rest of John’s people on the other side. Likely because they knew the soldier wouldn’t escape unscathed for ignoring the single, most important rule: we don’t leave people behind. It was meant to be a routine mission. A quick return to M5-X385 to check in on the Zamains and make sure they were settling in okay to their new settlement. It’d been fine at first, a cake walk really, until some faction of the old Zamani militia, pissed at being removed from their previous plant (despite the fact that it was, you know, showing signs of the beginning of an actual ice age), showed up. Their weapons were primitive, but effective. A bullet had caught him in the shoulder and while bullets had never taken John down before, the damn rock that conked him on the head from the damn trebuchet definitely had. He never would have left them. Never.

Ronon and Teyla, they could take care of themselves, John knew that. But Rodney… Rodney, who was never meant to be a soldier, Rodney who, most days couldn’t even get a handle on his own P-90… Rodney, who John had sworn to protect at all costs and not because he was honor bound to do so, but because… well, because it was Rodney, was still out there. He trusted Teyla and Ronon with his own life, trusted them with every single person on this base, but… But. Rodney. “Dial the gate, Chuck,” he snarls up to the control room, yanking the sling that Keller had fitted him with temporarily from around his neck and he has to bite back a strangled cry at the way it jostles his arm. He somehow manages to keep up that stoic façade, despite the pain, despite the worry gnawing away at his stomach. “Disregard that command, Chuck,” another voice rings out and John turns, glaring daggers at Colonel Carter. “I said dial the gate!” Sam takes the steps down into the Gate room two at a time, closing the distance between them, her own jaw set. “I let you convince me to allow you to remain out here until they get back, John, but I’m not letting you do this. You’re in no condition—” “They’re my people!” He bellows, “and if you think for one second that I’m going to—” The gate sounds, loud and echoing in the Gate Room and Carter steps back, pulling John with her. “I’m reading Teyla’s IDC!” Chuck calls down and John whirls on him angrily. “Lower the damn shield!” The moment it’s down, the trio comes running through the event horizon, followed closely by the marines Carter had sent in as reinforcements. Once everyone is through, the shield reactivates a split second before the gate dies and John realizes he’s been holding his breath. It comes out in a whoosh as he pushes through the small crowd, good arm gripping Rodney’s shoulder and it hits him in this moment that he could have lost Rodney and he thinks his knees are maybe about to give out when the scientist turns to him, blue eyes wide as he pulls John in for a bone crushing hug. “Oh thank God! I thought you died!” And John can’t stifle the cry that tears from his mouth this time as his shoulder explodes with pain. When he goes to his knees, Rodney follows him, careful to ease him down as Keller weaves her way through the group, medical team right behind her with a gurney meant for John. “I—I shouldn’t have left you,” John rasps as hands grab at him, but he pushes them away, eyes never leaving Rodney’s. “You went down so fast and, and, and there was blood and—” It’s Rodney’s hand this time on either side of John’s face. “I thought you died,” he says again and it’s too much in this moment, with the way Rodney’s looking at him and John can’t breathe and--. “Colonel,” Keller says urgently. “This can’t wait any longer. We need to get that shoulder--.” He doesn’t hear anything else though because he leans forward, shoulder be damned, and crushes his lips against Rodney’s. He savors it for about a half a second before he feels a prick in his arm and everything starts to go sideways. “Sheppard—” Rodney says as Keller’s team manhandles him onto the gurney and John can only watch through hazy vision as Teyla and Ronon help Rodney to his feet, Ronon’s hand clamped firmly on Rodney’s shoulder as if to keep him from chasing after him. I’m gonna beat the shit out of him later for that, John thinks, but it’s the last thought he has before darkness claims him. --- He wakes up in the infirmary and unsurprisingly, he’s not alone. Ronon’s sitting in the chair next to his bed, legs propped up on the edge while Teyla is at his feet, hands rubbing his ankle through the blanket. Rodney’s up somewhere near his head and John can feel the weight of his hand on his good shoulder. “’Thought you were gonna sleep forever,” Ronon says, dropping his feet and letting his chair tip back on to all four legs. “You should not have delayed your surgery, John,” Teyla admonishes gently and he wishes that they would at least wait until he’s fully awake before the

lectures start. “Yeah, but if he hadn’t, the whole Gate Room wouldn’t have gotten that show.” John blinks at Ronon maybe a little dumbly as Rodney’s cheeks pinken slightly. “Wha’—” John clears his throat. “What show?” “Oh, you know, the one where you tried to make out with McKay in front of everyone.” “Ronon,” Teyla chastises, but he grins at John. “Clearly, it was some sort of mixed reaction to the adrenaline decrease and, and, and probably blood loss,” Rodney explains and John can read it all over his face, even slightly high, that he thinks there has to be some reasonable explanation other than the fact that John just wanted to kiss him. Plain and simple. That he’s wanted to for the longest damn time, maybe since the first time Rodney showed him the Puddle Jumpers. The problem was never Rodney, it was always John, too emotionally stunted and stupid to act on what he wanted until he thought he might never get it again. “We don’t need to keep harping on it and embarrassing the Colonel,” Rodney huffs but he slouches down in his chair a little miserably. “No regrets, McKay,” John says, and he would shrug like it was no big deal if he thought he could move his shoulder without puking all over his team. But it has its desired effect because Rodney sits up so quickly that he very nearly drops his tablet. “I—what?” “Well,” John amends, feeling his eyelids growing heavier by the moment, “maybe just one.” His head lulls to the side and he gives Rodney a lopsided smile. “Probably shoulda done that sooner.” And Ronon laughs out loud, clapping his hands together like this is the best thing he’s ever heard. “Told you!” He crows. “I told you! You owe me a beer!” Teyla rolls her eyes but she does so with a smile as she rises, swatting Ronon’s legs. “We should leave you to rest, John. I am very glad that you are alright.” Ronon is still grinning broadly, even as Teyla ushers him away, but not before he claps Rodney on his shoulder roughly. “Did you… do you mean that?” Rodney asks, oddly quiet and John doesn’t know when his eyes closed, but he has to open them again to squint up at Rodney. “S’it alright with you if I do?” “Oh, yes. Of course, I just, uh. It’s just that… which is to say um, you’re youand I’m me and I just uhh… can we perhaps try again? Sometime soon? For scientific reasons, of course.” “Rodney,” John murmurs. “Hmm?” “Shut up.” “Right. Yes. Shutting up now.” It lasts for all of two seconds. “Really though? Are you sure? You literally just outed yourself in front of the entire expedition and, and, and—” “I know,” John says and he’s so close to falling back asleep. “Still. No regrets.” “Huh,” is the last thing John hears before the darkness claims him once more.