#rodney goes through some shit

[sga-owns-my-soul]

John's in the door and shoots the two guards in a blink of an eye. His first thought is that this is the wrong room, that this poor bastard isn't Rodney, and he almost leaves to keep looking when he see the SGA and Canadian Flag patches, and his heart clenches.

[fuck-customers]

Customer got pissed cause I refused to take his change.

This was an obligatory "oh wait I have the change" only said after you've already input the amount they hand you first moment. As it stands, I've been working with registers and money for years now, so needless to say I'm quick at getting change to avoid this exact instance. 9/10 times I manage to have their change ready before the dreaded "oh actually" even leaves their stupid mouths. As was the case in this scenario. Guy's purchase was 34.70 or some shit, he hands me a 50. Okay cool. I put it in, and as I'm getting his bills he goes "Actually, I have the 4.70" and proceeds to start pulling out piles, and I mean fucking PILES, of 10/20 cents. I look at that, look at him, and then hold out the change with a "That's okay. Here's your change."

He frowns, in the way they usually do when dipshits realise they can't offload a small fortune in loose coins, and goes: "No, I'll give you the 4.70"

"No, that's okay. I've already put it through. Here you go."

"But I'm tired of carrying all of this around" (then go to a fucking bank, jackass)

"Sorry, once the money enters the register it's against policy to alter it" (a lie. I'm just too lazy and underpaid to count all that)

He then proceeds to scatter what coins he'd managed to scrap out across the counter and basically demand I take it. I'm like lol no get fucked, just take ur change dick (customer service translation: I'm sorry sir, I can't do that. If you'd like, there's a change box in the players area, or you could make another purchase equal to that amount?)

He starts on this tyraid about how I'm just lazy (true) and the whole "kids don't want to work" spiel 🥱 Yeah yeah, whatever guy. Been there, heard this shit a million times. Be original or get outta my line.

At this stage I'm over holding his money out so I just put it down on the counter, and that sets him off even more. Goes off about how I couldn't even 'hand it to him like a decent person' (ironic, coming from the guy who just threw a small bounty on said counter) and snatches his money up with the, also obligatory, "I won't be coming back." Good. Don't. Find a bank and have them deal with your shit, crybaby.

If you're waiting in line at a grocery store/restaurant/anywhere, get your fucking money ready beforehand. If you know you have change you want to get rid of, have it on hand. Don't pull the 'let me fuck up your total and make you look like a moron while your brain short-circuits trying to find the new total' shtick. If you do this, you're garbage.

Posted by admin Rodney

[baddiewiththebook]

Over the Years | e.m x reader | p. 5

-> The origin story of Eddie Munson, and how he fell in love with the worst person he possibly could - his best friend.

-> eddie munson x you (she/her)

-> friends to lovers, slow burn, angst

-> warnings - strong language, suggestive themes, smut [18+]

a/n -> This chapter goes along with the next. As promised, the second part will come out within the hour of this one being posted.

-> <-

September 1982

“I hate boys.”

You let yourself into the Munson household by using the spare key "hidden" underneath the 'Welcome' mat on their front porch. It's become a little habit of yours to barge into their home.

Wayne sits on the couch with the television on far too loud for anyone with a normal hearing range. Unfortunately for him, Eddie has left him nearly deaf with all of that noise coming from his room. It would have been a quiet evening by himself with Eddie out at band practice, but Wayne should know better by now that you'll show up like you live here.

When you plop down next to Wayne, he doesn't hesitate to offer the plate of food he's just dished up for himself. He wrestles with his age to get off the couch, then walks through the kitchen to find a new plate.

“Thanks,” you chew through a dry biscuit. Wayne says he likes the outside crispy, but you’re sure that he will be down to nothing but gums when these rocks break his teeth off soon.

Wayne rounds the kitchen island with a brand new plate of food for himself, and an extra napkin for you to hold under your chin. Although he knows very little about clothes, he can see the shine still on that new blouse of yours. He would hate to see you ruin it with some gravy and a bucket of fried chicken.

Wayne sits down again next to you, “Eddie isn’t here.”

You sniffle over the pile of mashed potatoes, “I know.”

Dressed up like you’ve got somewhere to go and you have no one to take you there, Wayne can make a guess of why you might be here.

“What happened?” Wayne nudges you.

You’ve got on the nicest pair of pants you own with a bright blue top and a pair of kitten heels. You’ve taken your mother’s jewelry, which Wayne is sure she’s not pleased about.

“Isn’t that your mom’s necklace?” Wayne asks dumbly.

You cross your arms. “Rodney ditched me.”

“Who?”

Kids these days and their drama. Wayne can hardly keep up with Eddie, and now he’s got you here crying on his couch. You’re hardly a bother anymore. It’s more bizarre when you’re not here eating his food, watching his television and napping on his couch.

“Rodney said we’d go out Friday at seven,” you tell Wayne. “It’s Friday. It’s eight. No Rodney.”

Wayne could not imagine disrespecting a young woman like that. You've got to be out of your mind if you think making a promise like that can just be tossed out of a window.

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” he pats your knee. “Want me to kick his ass?”

Wayne’s become a father figure to you in a way, since you don't have one. Your mom refuses to tell you anything about the man that got her knocked up. That's a direct quote from what she says. You're not being rude.

“No,” you let a soft laugh sneak past your sorrowed heart.

Wayne's television hums. You watch the wheel spin onto one hundred dollars, and the contestant cheers as she gets to guess another letter.

“Brook Shields,” you guess the answer.

Wayne cocks his head at you, “how did you get that so fast?”

You shrug, “I’ve seen Endless Love.”

“Endless- what?”

“Keep up old man,” you joke.

Wayne grunts, “not you too. I get enough of that shit from Eddie.”

You sit with Wayne that evening with dry eyes, except for the occasional tear falling from laughing a bit too hard at his bewildered expression when you fill in nearly all of the answers to the game show he loves so much.

“What are you going to do with that brain of yours?” Wayne asks as the program nears the end, and the screen begins to dim.

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know.”

“You’ll go to college though, won’t you?”

“I can hardly afford groceries,” you reply.

It is an honest answer. Your mom is out of a job, aside from her new night time prowling. She tries to sneak out while you’re tucked into your blankets in your bed. It doesn’t always pan out that way. You’ve heard the heels clicking in the kitchen, before she leaves into the night time.

She’s back before you wake up. And, she’ll take you off to school before she goes to bed for most of the morning. You can only assume this by the way she’s dressed in pajamas without any makeup when you come home.

Wayne watches from afar. Your mom has been stepping back in their friendship recently, and he wonders if everything is okay at home. When he does catch glimpses of her through the living room window, she's a bit gray and a bit dull. Her usual cherry cheeks are sunken. Her eyes are swollen. Her clothes are scandalous in her own definition.

A flood of headlights break through the blinds in the Munson trailer. If the lights aren’t enough to warn you that Eddie is about to plow through his front door, then the absolute deafening sound of bass and guitar blasting through the speakers in his van would give you enough of an inclining.

Kicking his boots off in different directions outside the home, Eddie stamps out his cigarette on the porch railing, and he flicks the nub somewhere into the night.

Dancing his way into the trailer, Eddie first catches you sitting next to Wayne in a bright blue get-up. Isn’t it a bit much to be that done up for some boy? Yes, he knows about Rudolph. That silly little boy from one of your classes. He’s been following you around like he’s got a leash tethered around that funny little sweater vest he wears to school. Really? A sweater vest? It’s a bit pompous if you ask him.

Randy has got to be the most snot-nosed booger-eater that Eddie has had the misery of meeting. He’s got these judgy little eyes that squint in Eddie’s direction any time you hang around him at lunch. Not to mention how bushy his eyebrows are. If you like caterpillars that much, Eddie can find you one around the trailer park that you’ll like much more than - what’s-his-name.

“How was your date?” Eddie hesitates to hold back to venom corroding his teeth. It’s silly to be jealous of some guy. Eventually you would be with someone, and Eddie would find his someone. It’s just strange to not have you at band practice. You haven’t missed a single one - well, now you have.

Your face falls at the mention of Rodney.

In the past few hours, you forgot about the ache in your chest that Rodney never showed at your front door. The absent sore on your heart reopens. Your throat closes a bit.

There was a pinch of hope that you held onto that he might show up with a reasonable excuse. Or, he’ll at least be bold enough to show up and to beg for a second chance. With the time approaching midnight, the odds are withering away into nothing.

“Good,” you fib.

Naively, you lie to Eddie.

“How was practice?” You ask secondly.

A spark lit his bottom on fire and he was bounding about the trailer like a wild animal. Excitement radiates off of his skin.

“You won’t believe what happened tonight!” He yells a bit too loudly for old Wayne, who wiggles his pinky into his ear. “We got a call back from the Hideout! They want to see us perform!”

“That’s great, Eddie!”

“Congratulations, kid.”

Wayne has to stand and clap Eddie on the back to congratulate his nephew. The pair of them look to each other adoringly, before either of them remember that you’re still there on the couch.

“I should go,” you know how late it is, and your mother - er - she would be shivering in worry by now. Probably. “I’m really proud of you, Eddie. Can I come to the show?”

“There’s no way I can perform without my best girl,” he wraps you in a strong hug, “Tuesday at seven! I want both of you there!”

“You got it,” you punch his chest a bit awkwardly.

When you do leave, Eddie takes the spot you once sat in on the couch. He switches programs because whatever game show Wayne is watching is not to Eddie’s taste. Eddie prefers something that will make his skin crawl.

“Ed,” Wayne clears his throat, “I think we should talk.”

“Talk?”

Wayne stands in front of the television blocking Eddie from flicking to yet another channel.

“Your little friend got stood up on her date,” he teeters back and forth, unsure if you want Eddie knowing this. But, you’re his best friend as far as Wayne is concerned.

Eddie frowns, “what?”

“She’s been with me all evening,” Wayne sighs. “The poor girl is rattled. I mean- you know you cannot do that to a woman, right?”

Wayne begins to turn everything into a lesson. As he lectures Eddie, the lines of reality begin to blur. You’ve been stood up by this douche? Nothing gets past Eddie like that. The ridges of his knuckles turn whiter than snow.

“Eddie,” Wayne scratches his forehead, “I need you to promise me that you’ll never treat a woman like that. You know better, right?”

Eddie hasn’t brought a girl by the house yet. It doesn’t occur to Wayne how horrible the people treat Eddie at school. He assumes it’s just a bit of play and a bit of teasing. Eddie can handle himself for the most part.

“Yeah,” Wayne snaps out of his head when Eddie finally speaks up, “I got it, Wayne.

-> <-

[Sep 1982 . . . again]

tags -> @leelei1980 @sheneedsrocknroll92 @jesuisbuginette @starrywhitenight @meetmeatyourworst

[slashingdisneypasta]

So I clearly missed some things due to my severe lack of activeness on this hellsite (derogatory) but I'd very much like to know more about Then He Got Rough if you feel comfortable sharing.

If not though, that's totally okay!! Either way, hope you're doing well, my friend 💜🙏🏻

!!!! Thats my Original Work!! I occasionally mention it on here, but I do need to be quite careful about what I say cuz theirs a lotta stuff in it that is meant to be a surprise XD But goddddddddddddddd I love talking about it, so thank you for asking!! ^^

Basically it is a small town murder mystery, but using Slasher Movie Tropes. Its also got a lotta platonic love and other more complicated kinds of relationships because I'm, of course, aro and I need that shit XD Here's a basic blurb I made up for someone else who asked one time ^^

Hallie (the virgin) meets Edward Brown (the killer) and they hit it off- she's exactly the kinda girl he likes; friendly, kinda reserved, and they have... err- certain things from their pasts... in common, it turns out. And to her, Edward's the perfect guy, too! He's a young English teacher at the high school and he's got this skinny Clark Kent thing about him?? Awkward, and funny. She doesn't realise he's a part of the little town's most powerful (and tight-lipped) family, the Bamford's (He was adopted into it- Edward Bamford-Brown), until she tells her best friend and roommate Maggie (the whore) about him. Maggie immediately develops a bad taste in her mouth when it comes to Edward. She goes rogue and decides to investigate, employing Hallie's family doctor, Arthur (the scholar), and his old friend/new roommate combo; anxious ex-con Rodney (the fool), who just so happens to be Edwards adoptive aunt Carla Bamford's ex husband. Doors are opened for Maggie into the world of the Bamford's through Arthur and Rodney, and Winnie Bamford (the athlete) later on, and she uncovers some bone chilling secrets about everyone in this family, and everyone a r o u n d them, too, that make her determined to save her friend before its too late.

**You might also be interested to know that, in my head, Rodney (Who is a very charismatic, but very anxious man who used to do some pretty bad things but feels terrible (he knows his behaviour had everything to do with self-loathing) is really truly trying to clean up his act these days post-divorce; rooming with his old friend Arthur and working at the grocery store as its the only job he could get) is played by a more middle-aged Robert Englund XDD (Closer to Professor Wexler in Urban Legend then Inkubus) . Arthur is played by Brad Dourif XDD (so yes- freddy kruger and chucky XD Of course.)

Some little tid-bits I can/want to share also:

The Bamford Family Line-Up:

Mrs Emily Bamford: The matriarch. A cold-hearted snake woman. She pretty much only loves Edward.

Mayor Richard Bamford: He and Em were highschool sweethearts back in the day but broke up when he left to pursue politics in a big city-- but mysteriously came back and married Emily a few months later despite everyone knowing he was doing so well in the city?? Took the Bamford name and everything. Its rumoured that Emily's parents blackmailed him *cough*. Everyone knows Emily is in charge. Richard always looks kind of like a show pony next to her, despite being actual Mayor.

Carla Bamford: Emily's adopted sister and town journalist. She's kinda lily-livered. The only thing she really stood against the family about was her marriage to Rodney (They didn't approve. He was a damn con), but even that fell apart eventually.

Rodney Hawk (Formally Bamford. They made him take their name but he's got his back, now): I already talked about him XD

Edward Bamford-Brown: THE MAIN VILLAIN. Edward is Emily and Richard's adopted son, the same age as their biological daughter (Winnie. up next) who... well, its no secret- is the favourite. Emily would let him get away with anything. She would help him get away with anything. He can do no wrong, in her eyes.

Winnie Bamford: Emily and Richard's biological daughter. She's an insane freak- they sent her away to boarding school in Georgia but she came back worse, and there are s o many rumours about her in town; Orgies and deviant sexual activity, mostly (most of it is true, too). She has a major thing for 'Uncle Rodney' and makes him very very uncomfortable. On the bright side though?? She's more then happy to fuck things up for her spiteful mother by assisting Maggie to uncover some dark secrets (: She wont make it easy, though 😅 That would be no fun.

Unnamed Bamford Family Member: I cant tell you anything about them, whoops.

And Tom Manning: Richard's best friend, and the town lawyer (Edwards lawyer). So close with Rich and Em (And Winnie and Edward) that he's practically part of the family. I have described him as 'a hot dill pickle in a sharp suit if he was a harvard law graduate'. He's slimy, charismatic and seemingly perfect.

Here are the main characters Looks, if you're interested 😅

(Also another little thing that is really just a convoluted blink-and-you'll-miss-it kind of inside joke- Maggie, who has a huge thing for Arthur and constantly describes his eyes as 'brad dourif-blue', is a major Childs Play fan.

... and hallie loves a nightmare on elm street *cough*. she doesnt really interact with rodney, but during the few times they do, they totally have Something. and when she describes her perfect guy?? its the opposite to edward. its rodney. anyway- )

Anyway, thank you for asking! And reading, if you made it this far XDD Sorry for the word-vomit!! I just really really love this story and I really hope one day I can finish it ^^ <3<3<3<3<3<3

I hope you are doing well too- better then before at least ^^ I hope the time away from Tumblr is doing you well! You're right, it can be a very harmful atmosphere and I'm so proud of you for knowing when you need to take a step back!! 💛💛💛💛💛

[dreamlandcreations]

RAMBLINGS!

About...

"...he eschews authority figures which, ultimately, derives from his difficult relationship with his father..."

and

"Sheppard likely has been "the smartest man in the room"..."

and maybe

"...people often dislike things in others that they dislike in themselves and McKay's perceived arrogance is clearly the side of him that is most difficult for Sheppard to stomach..."

I can see that, but I just realised it all kinda connects too in a very significant type of behaviour/trait... that Sheppard's issue with authority is basically rooted in the fact that he is smarter than those people who try to tell him what to do.

So here we get another glimpse into the reason the way he is and the way he reacts to difficult situations...

We see it again and again that he is a quick thinker and a problem solver and will do as he thinks it will be the best bc he thinks he knows better and the fact that he is right at least most of the times does not help this problematic habit of his. (He even tries to explain this to Elizabeth after the (first) quarantine argument. He even tells her that he was right, implying by the previous half sentence (that he "sometimes" sees things differently than his superiors) that he is pretty much always right 🤣)

This is really problematic if you think about it. He is put in a position of a leader by how things turn out with this expedition, which suits him better than being a follower that's for sure bc that man will not follow any order, he will indulge the man "above" him if he thinks it's not a big deal. However, a leader should not put as much on himself as he does, he should be able to delegate and send people into dangerous situations without him basically micromanaging or supervising the situation...

While it might be a good thing that a leader does not expect anyone else to do something he wouldn't be willing to go through himself, this is way beyond that. Sheppard always thinks about at first how HE can solve the issue, he does not really ask for permission, like ever (I mean sure we hear him say the words but I think he is already kinda moving forward (sometimes even physically moving/leaning towards where he would already be if it wasn't for this formality) with the plan and it's a formality that he gives people he respects... well, when he has a patience for this that is) and he doesn't really ask for advice either once he has the plan, most of the time he just asks someone else for confirmation about something. He is not a team player, he only thinks about the the issue that has to be solved and what he needs to do and this probably makes him seem pretty self absorbed or arrogant and yeah that's a part of it but that's not really why he does it. He just learned not to trust in people with power and has little to no patience to explain his thoughts (which This happens in the very first (or second?) episode when he goes back for the colonel instead of sending Ford, even after Ford points out that only Sheppard can fly them out of there. This kinda thing happens quite frequently that not once results in Sheppard going into a suicide mission...

uuuuuuuhm, where was I? 🤔😅

So Sheppard is highly intelligent, talented, arrogant, impatient, socially handicapped, has trust issues and deep insecurities and has no idea how to open up... Sounds like anyone we know? 🙃

And here's McKay, probably come to think of that as partners who complement each other, John is the brawn, Rodney is the brain... So what do you think went through his head when he figures out that Sheppard is not an empty headed pretty boy as he likes to pretend? I'd go with something along the lines of (probably in that order too)...

Why did I not know about this?

Just how smart he is exactly?

I need to know EVERYTHING (about this)!

No way! No fucking way!

Why would he not tell me this before?

Oh, shit! (Thinking back to some of their conversations.) He is pretty smart.

But... If he is the brain too... Then what am I?

Nah, I'm still smarter!

Right? He can't be that intelligent? Right? Right.

But what if he is smarter than me?

I need to test this...

Ridiculous, elaborate tests and conversations he wants to have to prove to himself that he is worthy to be the other half of their dou...

(Probably tries to overcompensate with his knowledge for weeks. But eventually realises that this is a good thing and they get closer as they spend more time together. (I'd put the start of the Game after this tbh, or at least them playing at a different level)...

And Sheppard knows McKay is insecure about this! He tried to downplay it here too, the smile is gone partly bc he sees Rodney's expression (I think)... I'd love to see Rodney annoy the fuck out of him bc of this and John just trying to make him forget it altoghether but also shows that nerdy part of him by accident (I wonder when are they started talking comic books and movies in the level that they both know the other knows enough to play trivia games and catch the silly references)...

Anyway, I love them!!!! They are such a good match no matter how you interpret their relationship...

Maybe the only unbalanced thing between them is that while John can talk Rodney down from the edge, Sheppard will not listen or hesitate if he thinks he is right (aka suicide missions)... Otherwise, they are a pretty good team, and good influence on the other with keeping each other humble by jokes and teasing, opening up to the other's thoughts (they don't seem to really listen to anyone else unless it's entirely necessary, the world is pretty much background noise to these two most of the time) and they are both loyal af and it's interesting to watch them having such a great character growth journey, I mean I just watched the last episode on TV today and they started the series all over again with the first episode right after and it's so... idk... I don't even have words, I just adore these two. I love them, your honor

The Brotherhood, Pt. 10

Teyla and Ford exchange glances, awaiting for a sign from Sheppard telling them to go ahead with their plan. But Sheppard has a sudden flash of insight, figuring out what the puzzle is. Sheppard, who originally figured out that the tablets contain an Ancient numbering system, realizes that the puzzle is a "magic square,"* the concept of which is familiar to anyone practicing recreational mathematics, which Sheppard seems to do. And while solving the puzzle was not central to their plan, he's still excited over having figured it out:

Sheppard: I got it! McKay: What? Sheppard: The Brotherhood of 15. McKay: What about it? Sheppard: The numbers one to nine can be put in a three-by-three grid so they add up to 15 in every direction.

McKay is impressed with this, to say the least. Before Sheppard's excited outburst, his eyes kept shifting between him and the puzzle like his mind was still working on it, working on saving Sheppard, but at the same time he was committing Sheppard's countenance to memory. But as soon as Sheppard breaks the silence, McKay steps forward. It's not a conscious decision. He had stepped back because Sheppard asked him to but it's not where he wanted to be. It's not where he belongs. His place is next to Sheppard. He doesn't even really care why Sheppard exclaimed, it gave him an excuse to do what he wanted to do anyway. To get back near him.

The angle and framing of this scene is interesting, too. We are looking at Sheppard from McKay's viewpoint and the most prominent feature of the shot is Sheppard's bare neck. There is a long stretch of naked neck placed right in front of McKay's face and you can see the muscles moving, tendons stretching. There is really no need to frame the shot like this, to make one of his erogenous zones the central point of focus. It is undeniably erotic and this is really not the time to be caught up on that, not for us and certainly not for McKay.

While McKay may have the reputation of a person that does not like to share credit or give praise for other people's accomplishments, this certainly does not apply to Sheppard (as already seen in Hot Zone, S01E13). He is genuinely so happy for Sheppard that he got it right. He also seems to solve the puzzle fairly quickly (recognizing it as a magic square and solving the magic square are two different things). But as impressed as he is that Sheppard seems to have recognized the puzzle, he's even more impressed over his explanation as to how:

McKay: Oh, you're right. How'd you know that? Sheppard: It was on a Mensa test. McKay: You're a member of Mensa?

People have written before about how genuinely intelligent people don't care about Mensa and how Sheppard takes pride in his intelligence but in a very different way to McKay. I mean, sure. McKay does not need Mensa to prove his intelligence, he has more than one degree, is an actual world-class published Academic, we're even made to believe he might be a Nobel prize candidate material. Obviously he does not need a membership in Mensa to prove anyone that he is intelligent. But as a social club? For someone that more than likely has been isolated from his peers because of his intelligence from a very young age, having a social environment where it's not a handicap might appeal to him. And from how he describes his involvement with Mensa on the show, it is precisely as a social club that he views it. It's like his high school chess club, only for adults. And it means something to him. And it's not that Sheppard is Mensa-material that excites him but the possibility that they might partake in this together. It's a part of his world, and he wants to share his entire world with Sheppard.

Now, USAF fighter pilots do undergo an aptitude test and their average IQ is much higher than that of the population in general. Would-be officers also take a qualifying test. Sheppard seems to have tested even higher than this higher-than-average average. It's possible that his taking of the Mensa test has nothing to do with the military (as the military employs its own aptitude tests), it could just be something he has done for fun or in some other context. Further, test pilots undergo a whole battery of cognitive aptitude tests. But it's also interesting that there is a required aeromedical evaluation of a pilot's cognitive functioning when "when there is concern regarding a pilot candidate’s cognitive disposition related to medical and/or psychological illness/injury," such as depression or anxiety. He may have had to undergo tests between Afghanistan and the Antarctic, and hence may have an entirely different association with regards to intelligence testing than your regular person, and certainly different from that of McKay.

But what's really curious is that McKay later expresses actual surprise that Sheppard had not told him this which, for one, informs us about the fact that Sheppard has told McKay a lot of things for him to believe that he knows most things about him by this time. Further, it implies that there may have been a reason that he had not chosen to share this with him... yet. Over the seasons we are hinted that McKay does know things about Sheppard that must be both private and painful but it seems that this is too early days for him to have learned everything everything about Sheppard. And finally, it shows us how keen McKay is to learn new things about Sheppard.

We see Gen. O'Neill habitually actively play dumber than he is as a means of gaining the upper hand by making other people reveal theirs. While in some ways they are alike, Sheppard does not do precisely this. Sheppard knows that he's not dumb and probably does at least somewhat pride himself on his intelligence, even if formal accolades seem to be meaningless to him. And, given what we later learn of his family background, he would have been expected to achieve certain things in life (Sheppard says that his father's idea of rebellion was "going to Stanford instead of Harvard") but when a family has accumulated a certain level of wealth and prestige, accolades do become more of a garnish than actual achievements. For the upper echelons of society, showing off wealth, status, and ability is crass and suitably downplaying where you are better equipped than your current company is expected.

Sheppard likely has been "the smartest man in the room" in most of the rooms he has been in over the course of his life which would give him a certain sense of superiority, even arrogance (and he does tell McKay later, in Harmony S04E14, that people often dislike things in others that they dislike in themselves and McKay's perceived arrogance is clearly the side of him that is most difficult for Sheppard to stomach). But he eschews authority figures which, ultimately, derives from his difficult relationship with his father and that has resulted in him putting on a kind of a slacker performance, an attempt at proving to the world at large and especially himself that he is nothing like his father (and, while we're on the topic of disliking things in others that you dislike in yourself, here he is, the highest military commander of an entire people, required to order people around). And slackers, they rebel against teachers and at least pretend to do poorly in school. Slackers don't care how they are viewed by others (except where they so obviously do). So, while he is smart, he has also had to project nonchalance for seeming smart and especially toward formal education. Befriending Rodney McKay was not an easy thing for him. It forced him to take a long, hard look at himself.

Now, while in universe Rodney McKay is one of the smartest people alive, there are areas where Sheppard is better than he is. Intelligence is not one thing, it's not just aptitude in theoretical or applied physics. McKay can do many things that he could never do, but there are likewise many things (spatial awareness, observing flight trajectories) Sheppard can do that he never could that aren't necessarily the result of their different educations but of different natural aptitudes. It is isolating to be smarter than one's peers, it is isolating to understand things that other people don't seem to understand, to experience more depth, to suffer the human condition more acutely. This, they have both experienced. And meeting someone that challenges you when you have never really been challenged is not easy--not for either of them. Because of his position, his degrees, his formal education, simply through what his job is on the expedition as the leader of the science team, both Sheppard and McKay think that McKay is more intelligent than Sheppard. And as being intelligent has played a different role in the construction of their respective identities, they have different feelings about this state of affairs.

Sheppard begrudges this and projects his own arrogance on McKay (and, granted, McKay can be arrogant, although mostly he is just self-aware and doesn't bother beating around the bush for the sake of efficiency; when he met Carter he was correct in that he did have a much better theoretical understanding of the mechanics of the stargate) where McKay is really and truly happy that he can meet Sheppard as something of an equal. He enjoys his work and feeling smart probably got him through high school but he has no need of being smart, that in and of itself is meaningless to him all the way up until (The Shrine, S05E06) he believes that losing this aspect of himself means he can no longer be the man John Sheppard loves (and he is wrong in that, too; we see McKay nearly killed by both extreme ends of the intelligence spectrum and John Sheppard loves him through both experiences). If his intelligence got between himself and Sheppard, he would gladly give it up (unless he needed it to save the man, that's even more important--and he so frequently does need it for that purpose). And finding out that Sheppard actually can meet him at least roughly on his level? He fucking loves that. It makes him feel even closer to him. He has entirely and completely forgotten where they even are, he's so overjoyed about this:

McKay: You're a member of Mensa? Sheppard: No, but I took the test. McKay: When? Sheppard: You want to talk about this now, Rodney?

Rodney McKay did, in fact, want to talk about this now. They have again returned to this bubble where only the two of them exist. They were, briefly, forced to exit this bubble what with the life-threatening situation and an absolute monster of a man holding them hostage but they keep returning to this bubble, again and again, like it's their natural habitat, their equilibrium. They belong together and can only be separated momentarily before the rubber band stretching between them pulls them back to each other.

Like I mentioned, recognizing the puzzle as a magic square and solving the puzzle are two different things and it's worth highlighting that they solve the puzzle together, and they solve it really fast. They are working seamlessly as one, like we have seen them do before and as we'll see them do again.

This is also some of the happiest we have seen Sheppard, and it's certainly not for being relieved at the thought that they might be saved now that they solved the puzzle since he was about to signal the others to get ready to set off the flash bangs. He is simply happy to have just solved a math puzzle together with McKay, that's like, two of his favourite things. It's only Kolya's gleeful interjection that snaps him back to the sticky situation they are currently in.

But notice how Sheppard does not need to use words to get McKay to step back, this time. Previously, he did not look at McKay as he asked him to step back. Now, he gives him but a brief look and McKay gets the message. McKay can read it off of his face. It's not telepathy. There is nothing mystical about it, weird though Sheppard may have called it in the previous episode. He has simply spent enough time looking at John Sheppard's face that it is an open book to him. And knowing this, Sheppard was trying to give him but brief glimpses of his thoughts lest Kolya become the wiser.

Sheppard prepares to lay his hands on the hand-prints.

Continued in Pt. 11

-* Just as an aside, the third order magic square in the episode is also a child-bearing charm in Medieval Arabic alchemy which the writers proooobably did not have in mind, but given the references we have had to children all season long, it's interesting to see Sheppard and McKay work on it together.

[valdomarx]

in all the wrong places, SGA, asexual John Sheppard

John Sheppard learns early on in life that people’s acceptance of him is contingent on the degree to which he can give them something they want. Sometimes people want respect, like his teachers, and sometimes they want deference, like his father.

Sometimes all they want is a smile or a wink. And sometimes they want something from him that makes his skin itch, when hands paw at his body and faces blur up close, breathing heavily. 

He learns to smile through it. To flirt just enough to convey a teasing possibility. Sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes it’s not.

-

He’s determined to fit in in college. He’s not going to be the posh kid. He’s not going to be the sensitive one. He’s going to be one of the guys.

He’s not big enough or athletic enough to make the football team but he learns to drink and swear and make filthy jokes to fit in with the football crowd. Occasionally he catches some of the guys looking at him for a beat too long. He gets nicknamed pretty boy, and it’s not what he wanted but there’s a kind of interest behind it; it’s clearly not entirely a joke.

Todd is the college’s star running back, all long limbs and pale, delicate features. John lets Todd fuck him after big games, long fingers leaving dark bruises over his slender hips. 

It’s not quite the acceptance he craves, but it’s close.

Todd makes John swear not to tell anyone, and he never does.

-

It’s a relief when he graduates college and meets Nancy. She’s military too; she understands the life. She understands him. She’s smart and capable and beautiful and, for whatever reason, she seems to genuinely enjoy his company.

He respects the hell out of her and that should be enough. He stands at an altar with her in his family’s old Catholic church, and it’s the only time he can ever recall his father looking proud of him. He promises to love and honor her and he means it, he really does.

Something uncomfortable twists in his chest when he thinks about the word forever but that’s just jitters and he can do this, he can be her husband, he can, he can.

-

He’s only been married a few months when he gets sent on deployment with Holland. It starts off casual between them: a hand meeting his late at night, a spark of pleasure when they’re both lonely and far from home. That’s just how it goes and it doesn’t even count as cheating because it’s not like there are any feelings involved.

But there’s something about Holland’s goofy grin when he teases Sheppard about his non-regulation hair or the knowing look he shoots him on cold nights when they’re sat across the fire that spells trouble.

He knows it’s all going to go to shit when he lets Holland kiss him one night. And then Holland’s bird goes down in enemy territory and Sheppard doesn’t even stop to think before charging after him, and Holland dies in his arms in a freezing cold desert.

He gets discharged and Nancy knows, somehow. She isn’t even mad, which would have been easier to deal with. She’s just sad, and that makes John want to dash himself against the rocks.

-

It will be different in Atlantis, he decides. It’s a fresh start. No one knows him here and he can be whoever he wants to be.

They haven’t been in Pegasus long when he meets Chaya. Rodney keeps making cracks about how he’s a charmer with all the ladies so perhaps this is who he’s supposed to be. She looks at him with a depth of perception which makes his stomach roll but she’s kind and gentle and her hair is soft and smells like the sea.

She kisses him on a balcony overlooking the city and this is how romance is supposed to go, isn’t it?

She smiles at him knowingly, and it’s a relief when she ascends to a place he can’t follow.

-

He’s never had a boss he respects like he does Elizabeth. She’s caring and thoughtful but she’s got a core of iron and she won’t let him push her around.

There’s something which simmers hot between them and he convinces himself it must be romance. When two aliens take over their bodies and make them kiss, it’s all anyone on the base talks about for days. That must mean something.

He waits for a quiet night, when there’s no imminent threat and the salt breeze carries through the city, and he goes to her quarters. She smiles brightly when she opens the door and invites him in.

He kisses her, because it seems like the right thing to do.

She puts a hand on his chest to stop him. 

“You don’t want this,” she says, head cocked to one side. Almost curious.

He bites down the urge to argue with her. “I want to want it,” he ends up on.

She looks at him very, very kindly. “John, that’s not the same thing.”

-

He never feels more at peace than when he sits in Atlantis’s control chair. Even when they’re in a battle his mind feels clear and full of purpose. Interfacing with the city is like slipping into a cool river, his thoughts and the city’s sensors intertwining and mixing.

Why is your mind so disquieted? the city asks. You are at war with yourself.

I need to be better, he thinks. I need to be more.

No. You are sufficient, John Sheppard, it says. Just as you are.

-

The room smells of burnt popcorn. Teyla has charred the hell out of the kernels but she says it tastes better that way and, heaven help him, John is starting to agree with her.

Ronon insists that they watch Jaws again. For a man who has never seen a shark, he sure does love movies about them.

John flops onto the floor in front of the sofa. Rodney sits behind him and plays with his hair, while bickering with Ronon over whether a shark can accurately be called a large fish. 

Maybe this is what happiness is, Sheppard. Atlantis's voice vibrates in the back of his mind. Maybe this is enough. Maybe this is the acceptance you’ve been searching for.

For the first time, he thinks it might be.

[ragingpancake]

Another alien planet, another "ceremonial" wedding. Only they want Rodney to marry Ronon. Rodney's resigned to it (maybe even thinks it is a little funny). Ronin's rolling with it too. John isn't jealous. No siree! Not at all.

Sorry this took me so long to write! Thank you so much for sending in the prompt! <3 @exuberantocean

He’s not jealous. He’s not. What’s it to him if the Bheirats have decided that this is the perfect time and place to celebrate a marriage, just because, you know, they came through the ‘Gate and Ronon immediately scruffed Rodney to keep him from tripping over that stupid root.

And just because Rodney couldn’t stay on his own two feet, they’ve clearly decided that the reason they’ve come is to take part in their very secret ceremony and that Rodney has to be Ronon’s intended because, you know, Ronon kept him from chipping a tooth or spraining an ankle. John doesn’t care, no matter what Teyla keeps trying to communicate with her expressive eyebrows. But if he’s a little sullen as the Bheirats lead them into their village… well, that’s nobody’s business but his own. ---

“So, I think next time, we should probably, you know, weed out the planets with super secret wedding ceremonies,” Rodney says because this is their what, seventh one this year? He looks annoyed, though vaguely amused as a Bheirati woman tries (and miserably fails) to thread flowers through his hair. It’s their seventh one, but the first time Rodney’s been married to anyone but John. John’s not keeping count or anything like that, but it does think it says something that four out of those seven marriage ceremonies had Rodney marrying him, so suck it, Dex. Not that John cares. “You know, we could just… not go along with it,” he suggests and he mentally high fives himself for how not jealous he sounds, like he hasn’t got a care in the world. “You know we must take part in the ritual if we wish to trade with them, Colonel,” Teyla admonishes gently and John’s face screws up in a look of annoyance. “I just don’t think we should force Ronon to do anything he doesn’t want to do, that’s all,” John says and Ronon shrugs. “’m good with it,” he says and there’s a smirk that makes John think that maybe Ronon knows he’s not good with it, the traitorous bastard. “Hey,” Rodney says, hands flailing as the Bheirati woman finally gives up and instead plops a flower crown on Rodney’s head. “What do you mean if he doesn’t want to do it?! I’ll have you know, I’d make an excellent husband!” No one in the room agrees with that, but John grimaces. “Look, I’m just saying that we don’t have to get married on every damn planet with a ritual! That’s all.” “Uh huh,” Ronon says and he raises his eyebrow in what almost looks like a challenge. John absolutely does not like that look. “What did you tell me about weddings on your world? Someone has a chance to stand up and challenge the marriage, right? You wanna challenge?” “I didn’t say that. He’s all yours,” John retorts, because he has some dignity and is he imagining it or does Rodney’s face fall just a little? “Good,” Ronon answers and that smirk is back. He claps McKay roughly on the shoulder, enough to nearly knock him out of his seat before he squeezes gently. “Guess we’re doin’ this then.” “I guess we are.” --- It reminds him very much of this Catholic wedding he’d been forced to go to once, in that it drags on forever. John stands stoically beside Ronon, some version of a best man, while Teyla stands beside Rodney, hand never leaving his shoulder as if trying to soothe him. John, for his part, tries (and mostly fails) to keep his eyes ahead and not look at Rodney, but every so often, he glances over and meets Rodney’s eyes for a split second before the other glances away again. John wonders if maybe he has something on his face. That’s the only reason Rodney would keep looking at him like that. Right? --- “You know,” Teyla says much later that night while they’re all celebrating the marriage, “these things would go much more smoothly if you would just talk to Doctor McKay about your feelings.” John glances at her, eyebrow raised. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” She hums and John gets the distinct impression that if she had her bantos sticks, she’d beat the shit out of him for that. “Do you remember M3-X456?” “Yeah, the place that made you marry me. I remember.” “Mmhm,” Teyla responds, glancing over at where Rodney and Ronon are sitting, flower crown sitting atop of Ronon’s heavily dreaded hair where he’d plopped it earlier that night. “Rodney was very put out that the Drivots chose me to partake in the ceremony in place of him.” “What are you--…?” “I am simply saying that I do not think you are the only one who would’ve preferred to take Ronon’s place tonight.” She pats him gently on the shoulder. “I shall leave you to think on that one, Colonel.” But there’s nothing to think about, because clearly Teyla is mistaken. Rodney doesn’t--. That thought dies as he lifts his gaze and finds Rodney glancing over at him again. Huh. --- They make it back home without incident, save for Ronon’s major hangover that had him

puking up his guts in the gate room, but John thinks that it’s probably serves him right. An uncharitable thought, but a thought anyway. And it has nothing to do with jealousy! Nothing at all. Except maybe it does, just a little, and that can be the only explanation for why John calls Rodney to his office later that afternoon, looking supremely uncomfortable when the other arrives. “Listen,” he says, slouching against his desk, but he doesn’t get a chance for anything else before Rodney’s cutting him off. “No! You listen, Colonel! Just because I might not be your cup of tea doesn’t mean that others are incapable of noticing my charm and, and, and the fact that I might have more to offer than just my brain! Frankly, I’m offended that you think Conon wouldn’t want to marry me! What, do you think he’s too good for me?!” “What? Rodney, no, that’s--.” “Well! I’ll have you know that you were wrong! If anyone didn’t want to partake in that stupid ceremony, it was me! If these people are going to continue to force us into these damn things, we should at least get to choose who we marry!” And John stops short at that. “… who would you choose?” Rodney goes red at that. “No one. Absolutely no one. I have to go.” He turns and palms the door open but John stops him with a hand on his wrist. “Who would you choose, Rodney?” “… if you have to ask more than once, then you already know.” “Yeah,” John says and he tugs Rodney back to him, a hand on his shoulder to turn him around. “I’d choose you too, McKay.” John’s imagined before what it would be like to kiss Rodney, but never had he expected the butterflies and for a moment, it leaves him breathless. “Would you really?” Rodney asks when they finally break apart, blue eyes meeting hazel. “Absolutely,” John says, voice raspy, breathless even. “I mean, I’ve already married you on like, what, four other planets? I call dibs.” “You—what?” John kisses him again. “Dibs,” he murmurs against Rodney’s mouth. “But seriously, you think we can go back and get them to annul your marriage?” “You’re an idiot,” Rodney says, but there’s a fondness there. “Yeah,” John agrees. “Doesn’t hurt to check though, you know?” “Shut up and kiss me again, Sheppard.” John doesn’t need to be told twice.

[signoraviolettavalery]

So are there any Stargate fans still around writing fanfic? 

Because there is a McShep fic I haven’t come across yet that needs to exist. Which is the good old trope of, John startles Rodney awake (he has to wake him up because idk some emergency and rodney’s not answering his radio or something) and Rodney, like the traumatized man he is, reacts very very badly and just starts swinging, and only manages to hit john because john is so utterly startled, because this is Rodney

and when he realizes it’s John gets very annoyed, and snaps “you’re a soldier, don’t you know not to startle people awake?” 

and like yeah, John knows that, people with PTSD don’t react well to being startled, but this is Rodney, and “yeah, I know not to startle a soldier, but you’re a civilian” because he just doesn’t think of Rodney in that category, Rodney’s not like him, utterly messed up because of the shit he’s been through

And Rodney, still bleary with sleep but already working himself up to a rant, goes, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been captured and taken hostage and tortured and threatened with death, and shot at, and actually shot, and spent weeks I was going to die and lived through a siege by life-sucking space vampires that we’re at war with, so yes, I may not be a combat soldier but I have plenty to keep me awake at night, and we can’t all be unflappable like Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, who just shakes it off and saunters about with your hair and your slouching and - “ 

“Rodney,” John interrupts, a sinking feeling in his stomach because Rodney’s a civilian, he’s a scientist, and he’s tried to protect him but - “How long has this been going on?” 

“The nightmares or the hypervigilance?” Rodney asks, in that Rodney way where he’s the scientist, like always, just clarifying for precision, because precision makes science, except they’re talking about his wellbeing, and for someone so concerned about it Rodney can be so nonchalant about it sometimes

“You have nightmares too?” he asks, knot tightening further in his stomach. 

“Hello!” Rodney waves a hand. “Life sucking space vampires? Plus, do you know how many people I’ve watched die with my own two eyes? A matter you didn’t help by the way, with that suicide mission attempts of yours. I see them every time I close my eyes, and yes, I’m talking to Heightmeyer about it, now is there a reason you’re in my quarters in the middle of the night? Is it the Wraith or the Genii or have we made some fun new enemy in the three hours I’ve been seeing that satellite explode on repeat in my mind?” He’s getting more and more worked up, talking faster and faster, John hadn’t even known someone could talk that fast until he met Rodney, and it’s almost endearing, except for the way it makes the ball of guilt in his stomach feel like lead, reminding him that he’s let Rodney down - 

[cue comfort and maybe kissing here]

[equalseleventhirds]

@femmedionysus mentioned needing lighter, fluffier, less-ultimately-tragic podcasts than the magnus archives, and do u kno what? i think a lot of ppl can benefit from this. and i can help! a little! maybe!! generally these have at least some emotionally difficult moments, but they are lighter and appear to be heading towards a not-too-tragic ending.

(sorted into categories and lists, bcos who am i without categories and lists?)

podcasts i am fully up to date on and can vouch for up until their current end point, altho most of them are not quite done yet (there's like, potential for them to turn super sad, but in general the direction they're going in is Not That Tragic):

unseen (a series of one-character episodes all taking place in the same universe, a magical world hidden behind ours. a couple of eps are linked character-wise, but a lot of them are unrelated, individual stories. fairly gentle, tendency to end eps on a high note, cohesive & interesting worldbuilding.)

wooden overcoats (a funeral home sitcom. no, really! the funn siblings run the only funeral home in their village, until charismatic golden-boy chapman shows up with his own, better funeral home. lots of morbid humor but usually humor, altho a few episodes ARE sad and hit hard. those sad arcs do resolve with eventual happiness and found family stuff tho.)

victoriocity (features one of the actors from wooden overcoats! an alternate steampunk reality where queen victoria, um, never dies. ever. and london gets some seriously weird tech! follows an inspector and a reporter trying to solve Mysteries. there's like murders & death & stuff but the main characters do wind up safe & more or less content, even tho fleet's grumpy. kind of like, Extremely British, with the colonialist issues that 1800s london implies, but like, they try to address it sorta? it's not a major plot point)

welcome to night vale (i know i KNOW everybody knows this one....... but Things Are Generally Fine, u kno. i mean there's the occasional upsetting part. but things are fine. do skip 'a story of love and horror' to avoid what imo was one of the MOST upsettingly tragic things tho.) (confession: i have two episodes of this to catch up on, but i'm not actually THAT far behind, so i'm comfortable with its place here)

midnight radio (this one's all done actually! there is a ghost on the radio, and she starts receiving letters from a living woman. and yes ok it STARTS with a dead woman with a tragic past. HOWEVER it ends hopefully so like!!!) (in good conscience: not fluffy or funny at all. gets very serious at times. but goes towards a genuinely hopeful ending, which was why it's on here.)

the strange case of starship iris (found family revolutionaries in space!!!! shit gets heavy but they! get! through it!! i like when they get through it.) (to be super clear, it does get VERY serious, but they do get through it and judging by the narrative vibes and how the creators discuss it, they’re gonna be okay by the end. and they are mostly okay now.)

khôra (based on greek mythology, but In Space! the witch medea is... recruited by the hero atalanta to find the golden fleece, which her dead husband jason hid. once again we start with tragic pasts, but it is heading so fast for found family, and given that the premise of the show is giving women from greek mythology better than what they had in myth..... I Think It Will End Happy)

kaleidotrope (college radio hosts talk about love on their possibly-slightly-magical campus. god it's so. it's so fluffy. full of fluff. like, legit i think the least serious audio drama i've ever listened to, it's simply just. soft. very romantic. occasionally embarrassing. FILLED with fluff.)

time: bombs (a three-episode podcast made by long story short productions after w359 as like.... an experiment? i think? about the shenanigans of a bomb squad, who are remarkably funny for... a bomb squad. there's literally bombs & stuff and some injuries, but nobody dies, nobody is tragic, one guy does not get to beat a record he rly wants to beat but he learns stuff abt Being A Better Person or w/e so that's nice.)

podcasts i am NOT fully up to date on but what i have listened to is not too horribly tragic:

inn between (fantasy found family! you know how d&d podcasts are? well, between adventures, d&d characters rest and recuperate; this is those between adventure moments, taking place in a lovely little inn.)

sir rodney the root (once again fantasy! once again found family!! funny & sometimes kinda weird podcast about some folks on a Quest that goes off the rails, god i need to catch up on it...)

interference (oh hey another d&d-inspired fantasy podcast....... huh. but! one side of the podcast happens in a reality not unlike our own! that and a d&d-ish world are colliding, and we hear two women talking to each other as their worlds connect...)

the amelia project (there's an agency that will fake your death, for a price.... no, not money, they want an interesting story! and oh boy do these clients deliver. last time i was listening there was some hubbub about secret government agencies spying on the amelia project itself...... hm.)

alba salix (okay yes another fantasy podcast......... it's a comedy, with occasional drama, abt the physician for a magical kingdom and the shenanigans of her and her two unruly assistants, and also the royal family, and also....... i was actually v fond of the mini-series between seasons, abt an orc who runs a pub, more than the main story? altho i am not caught up on either so it's possible this could reverse.)

there's also a few from the podcast marathon which, if ur not aware, was me running through the first episodes of a bunch of podcasts to see what sounded good (i will get back to that eventually....), but this means i cannot vouch for them past the first episode. nevertheless, from general tone they seem to be Not Very Tragic, so.

saffron and peri

the godshead incidental

the one stars

solutions to problems

the rest is electric

the prickwillow papers

and 195

sidequesting

come on in, the water's fine

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Fic Idea Adoption!

i have way too many ideas for fics and i know i won't ever get around to writing them all so i'm putting some ideas up for adoption!! i may or may not write these eventually, but they're too good of ideas to leave sitting in my notes app forever, so i'm releasing them to the void! anyone and everyone is welcome to use them, and feel free to be as ambiguous with the prompts as you want! no particular order but nsfw ideas are at the bottom for anyone who wants to avoid them!

(if you do use any of these, i would love to read the fic!! you definitely do not have to but please feel free to send me anything you write off this list!!)

-john takes rodney to earths moon

-john and rodney find the ancient equivalent of speed. they do Everything

-au where ronon gets earth to repeal dadt bc john tells him it's why he can't be with rodney and ronon goes I Must Fix This (he enlists teyla and lorne and maybe cadman)

-rodney asks ronon to go with john to earth (outcast coda)

-rodney goes on bill nye saves the world after stargate declassification

-evans biggest fear is having to shoot john (and maybe getting a promotion bc of it?) and john finds out

-rodney’s ‘torture too hideous and intimate to recount’ is him being tortured, just for them to realize that torturing his team is a better way to break him

-teyla living out ‘the chosen one’ trope

-what happens to sora after the eye

-au where meredith(female!rodney) comes to atlantis instead of rod and not only is rodney horribly disturbed, he’s furious (and strangely confused) as to why everyone apparently likes him more as a woman

-todd is weirdly obsessed with this strange human he meets, and is determined to get closer to him

-the team is most excited about catching up with todd when they get the confirmation atlantis is going back to pegasus

-everyone complains about rodney’s moods bc no one can complain about the infinitely worse in every way sheppard bad moods, that make everyone on the base wish they were on a hive ship being eaten by two wraith at once

-au where ronon ends up on athos at the same time the wraith come and he sneaks through the gate with the intention of just sneaking away on the next planet but whoops it’s atlantis (ronon pov)

-rodney keeps a memorial for every single scientist lost in his lab and radek shows it to new scientists who start complaining about rodney not caring and risking their lives

-reaper au where’s he’s fed the fuck up with these two stupid men who never actually die when they’re supposed to and it’s more annoying than anything now bc he still needs to show up

-au carson comes to atlantis and is HORRIFIED by becketts retrovirus research and the hoffan drug bc “does the hippocratic oath mean NOTHING here???”

-au where rodney can’t admit to himself what john means to him, until something happens that brings all the alternate rodney’s that have lost their johns to atlantis, and they all fall apart when they see john alive, and john and rodney have to have a Conversation (mcshep? maybe ambiguous? idk yet)

-rodney sees john as three separate entities: the Colonel, who is Professional Important Official Man; sheppard, who is his friend/team lead that he hangs out with and goes on missions with; and john, who he’s always seeming to have very intimate moments with that make him question a lot of how he feels

-early days in the city, elizabeth is sick of the marines shitting on the scientists for not being tough and the scientists for shitting on the marines for not being smart so she makes them try to solve a fake crisis from the other side and everyone is like aww shit this is harder than it looks

-that thing where tough men pretend they don’t care much about someone but then the person gets hurt and Tough Guy go a little feral and then holds them close and whisper pet names (sweetheart, baby, darling, etc) but it’s john and/or ronon after rodney gets injured

-the more important something is to john, the harder it is for him to talk about it, and rodney starts to realize how hard it is for john to talk about what rodney means to him

-a bunch of au sheppards get brought to atlantis and one on them is terrified of flying

-rodney has always said biology was beneath him, but then ford almost died, and was… different, from the wraith. and rodney knew he had to find a way to help ford, maybe find a way to fix his mental problems while keeping the physical benefits. rodney and carson find a way to save ford and sheppard is so thankful he kisses them both

nsfw ideas:

-ronon suggests some planets for trading when they get low on supplies that have an interesting trade system. it seems too good to be true and they wonder why telya hasn't taken them until they find out that they trade goods for sex

-au where john is hired as a spy for atlantis and he seduces people in pegasus to get intel for the city

-sometimes rodney just grabs john (by the hair, throat, back of the neck, chin, etc) and asks who he belongs to and john instantly melts

-rodney decides to be a tease on a mission and teyla and ronon think mckay is just really pissing sheppard off when he pulls mckay away for “privacy” but really he’s just super horny and wants to fuck (or, teyla and ronon don’t realize that their fighting is foreplay)

[fuck-customers]

today, mar 25 2024, a woman came into my red hardware store and dumped her bag of returns on my counter. she said "i have a fucking return. it's all coming the fuck back. i don't need any of this fucking stuff" and i was instantly on edge because she's being loud and every other word was another f-bomb. and i GET IT i get swearing, i get being angry, but why the hell are you upset with me lol i looked at the pile of stuff and was like "oh did you buy this yesterday?" because i recognized the pile of items as things that i had personally rung up at some point. it's a bunch of electrical stuff like outlet covers and some solenoids or wtv. but god i shouldn't've said anything. because she snaps "No what the fuck. i bought this fucking weeks ago. and i dont fucking need it. so i'm returning it"

and i'm like.. damn ok, fine. she's digging for receipts. and has a huge stack of Orange Hardware store receipts. and i'm watching her flip through them and she snaps "go ahead and grab yours if you recognize it!" and i'm like 'uh.. ok i'm pretty sure that my store's receipt is this one' and i pointed at one (idk if its just the font but i recognized my store's receipt and yoinked it out.

so i start processing her return. she's like "ugh i need to go get my card from the car!" and i'm like ok, that's fine. she doesn't really need it for the return but 1) i want her to get away from me because i'm gonna call a manager she's being such an asshole. 2) her friend was looking for other stuff to buy.

she comes back in with her card. i'm like scanning and returning the items. 3 items i KNOW are NOT ours are on the pile. im like.. i don't want to deal with her trying to insist that they belong to our store. but i scan one. it beeps 'item not found' i go 'oh well these items aren't from our store, sorry i can't return them"

and she's like "i dont see how that's fucking possible! everything in that bag is from this fucking store!" and she's just absolutely shrieking. and i don't understand why she's mad, like i don't get it. the manager came up and was like 'we don't sell this product. sorry we can't do a return on it.'

she screams some more but accepts that they must be Orange Hardware and not Red Hardware. She goes out to "make a call while her friend shops"

and i swear to god that she was screaming at someone on the phone for next fourteen minutes and everyone inside the store could hear her from the parking lot. every other word out of this woman's mouth was "fuck" and it was setting my nerves on edge.

her friend finally came up to buy his shit. and it totals $77. she's standing at the door handing him her visa and she is PISSED that the total is $77. she says she doesn't understand how it could add up to that much. and im like uhmmmm.. they're plumping parts.. and the stupid toys you're buying for your grandkids pushed the total to $77 after tax.. either buy it or leave. i don't care

she ended up buying it but you could still hear her swearing up and down the parking lot as she was screaming on the phone with her mother (apparently) saying that she was going to need to be reimbursed for the shit she was buying

and i'm just like... goddamn, i dont care how awful your day is. don't take it out on employees or customers you asshat.

the only funny part about this is the fact that her name was actually Karen. which just made me laugh. but all the other staff had come up to the front to make sure i was okay while she was yelling. and she did get intimidated by some of the men and slink out while her friend paid for the stuff. but still.. a big yikes.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[fan-burns]

Part 2 of the spilt beans saga, characters! Pictures will take a little longer cause, you know…ART TAKES TIME AND I CAN’T DRAW ALL DAY :( I would if I could, lol. But they’ll get done eventually. In the meantime, here’s

The Main Characters:

Rodney is the cheerful, optimistic type. Even after a terrible accident, he still finds something to be happy about, like these new legs! He took a phone call thinking it was Fender or Harvey but instead got a call from Ratchet and oh shit it’s all gone to hell. After Ratchet takes over, Rodney gets stationed at a repair shop where he fixes people’s upgrades and cars. He’s also developed an appetite for batteries, much to everyone’s concern. Even more confusing is his sudden magnet/force powers! That’s super weird how did that- oh wait, Bigweld’s experiments, nvm. He also got some upgrades from Ratchet himself, so he’s got a nice vest to flex! He absolutely loves his job, don’t get it wrong, but what he’d really like is to work alongside Ratchet to make upgrades and to fight Bigweld! Personality wise, he’s enthusiastic about just about anything related to mechanics, upgrades, Ratchet’s grand Masquerades, and Ratchet himself. Despite this, he can’t help but feel that something is wrong. He can’t remember anything past Ratchet’s rule, his parents or any other friends, and for some reason he’s been dreaming about this really pretty bot who wants to marry him. Weird.

Cappy is the co leader of the rebellion group known as The Renegades, (A group which she named herself).She tries to focus on the missions of sabotaging Ratchet’s plans to expand his EMP broadcast, but she can’t help but think of her lover Rodney. When she first started to catch feelings for yet another guy, she told herself not to get too attached to him but dammit he’s too cute and pure to lose! After of all her failed relationships, this is the one that will finally last a lifetime, and she loses him to a cell phone call. Safe to say she’s pretty pissed. She keeps her temper in check though, and doesn’t allow it to sabotage any of her missions. She’s kept her sarcasm and beauty through the years, even with the dreadful situation at hand. Cappy’s built for speed, so if a mission goes wrong or you need a secret package delivered, she’s the girl to go to. She’s also built to fight, and she’s a damn good fighter too, just wait until she gets her hands on Ratchet!

Bigweld is the leader of The Renegades, although he still thinks The Big Breakers is a better name. He’s making those unique upgrades for the other members to use, much to Ratchet’s utter horror. The big guy’s like a mentor to everyone underground, always there to keep spirits high. Lately, however, he’s been losing hope. He’s lost his successor, who was almost like a son to him to him, and the rebellion isn’t making much progress. Bigweld has had plenty of experience with being a leader in a corporation, but not as a leader to a whole ass rebellion. He doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right or wrong anymore, it’s up to fate. And lately, fate’s been cruel. At least he has a force to fight Ratchet with.

Leadbetter is an young aspiring inventor who looks up to Rodney as a mentor. Sound familiar? He’s pretty anxious, however, and he gets startled easily, so he’s not an exact copy. He was supposed to meet his idol for a job interview but Ratchet fucked that up so now he’s helping out The Renegades by trying to convince Rodney to join. He even took the Wonderbot under his care along side his own companion. He has his own version of the wonderbot too, a tiny vulture service pet! Lead even made it himself, just like Rodney!

Fender’s still Fender. He’s even more protective of Piper now, especially when around objects that produce sound. He’s paranoid about the EMP, and will go to great lengths to keep everyone sane and away from Ratchet’s grasp. Out of everyone in the group, he misses Rodney the most :( It doesn’t help that he’s got an injured Loretta to look after.

Speaking of which, Lorrie’s here too! She’s the spy for the group who managed to get Ratchet’s trust. During one of The Renegade’s missions, she got caught in the crossfire and injured her leg. Ratchet sent her home for 12 weeks for repairs and recovery. She mostly hangs around home base nowadays.

Piper’s ready to fight and fuck shit up. So what if Ratchet’s got the whole city on his side? Big whoop, I’ll whoop their asses! I’ll kick his ass, I’ll kick her ass, I’ll kick MY OWN ASS-

Crank is surprising optimistic during this whole situation. “This is fine”. Everything is going to be a-ok! Yep, okey doke! Everything will work out in the end! Yep! Perfectly fine! We’ll beat his ass in! No doubt! Everything is tip top! Yep yEP! EVERYTHING’S FINE! EVERYTHING IS-

Lug and Diesel are the ones who go out on the missions along side Fender and Crank. If no one else can join, they’ll do solo missions together. Missions of which mainly just consist of “Hey, you’re not gonna believe this, but Ratchet’s kind of a dick-” and “Hey! Wake up! You’re being mind controlled and- oh, there he goes. :(”. According to everyone under Ratchet’s control, those two are the “Random gay couple who go around and praise Bigweld of all bots”

Ratchet might as well buy a lottery ticket at this rate, because the fact that this hair brained scheme of his actually worked is pretty fucking impressive. His logic? The more convoluted and crazy the evil plan is, the less likely anyone is to figure it out. And he’s right! Almost everyone in the city is in the dark about the EMP (except for Bigweld and co but they don’t count). He owes this success to his crazy mad scientist Victor Frankenstein Dr. V and his super secret spy Harvey.

Speaking of Harvey, he’s the guy who donated Rodney’s new and improved legs! Harvey is the same model as Rodney, hence why they’re so similar appearance wise. He grew up in the city, and lived with one of the richest families in the city. He’s got an entire closet full of all the upgrades and heels anyone could ask for! His alliance with Ratchet dates back to when the two of them were kids, so for him to suddenly start developing feelings for both Rodney AND Ratchet at the same time is just kinda like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Dr. V might as well be the oldest robot alive at this rate. He’s got quite the history in the city. For starters, he’s Bigweld’s former mentor. As in, this was Bigweld’s idol. He taught Bigweld almost everything he knows, and he even coined Bigweld’s motto for him! Dr. V was one of the best mechanics/doctors/inventors in the city, but he let his ambitions and desire for fame get the better of him. In order to make a scientific breakthrough, he skipped over ethics and morals to break the boundaries of robotics. After his atrocities were discovered, his license was revoked and was sent into exile at the Chop Shop. He met Madam Gasket shortly after, and the two started a devious friendship together! Shame Rodney’s robot squid homunculus thing had to kill her.

Phew, I think that’s everyone. Everyone that’s relevant to the plot that is. Rodney’s parents are here, but they don’t show up until some flashback scenes and near the end. Steel Anvil and some other background characters are here, but Steel will be relevant later on. Some new “high-ender” bots and Chop Shop bots show up too, but that’s about it. If I missed something or if I later scrap an idea, I’ll just edit this post and make an announcement.

Let me know what you guys think so far! I’ll have the artwork ready at some point in time. I’m almost done with school so it’s pretty crazy right now, but I’ll get it done and into part 3!

(Edit, fixed some grammar, lol)

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation:

The Chillout Album, Volume 1: The Essential Late Night Mix 1999 Downtempo / Trip Hop / Future Jazz / Drum n Bass / Big Beat / Jazz / Breakbeat / Deep House

Man, this is such a great fucking double-disc of mostly mid-to-late 90s chillout shit. True-blue chillout junkies might roll their eyes at the thought of having to sit through yet another spin of "6 Underground" by Sneaker Pimps, but still, even for the junkies, there's some choice nuggets on here that they're far less likely to have ever encountered, like Trigger's remix of "Still" by Double Six or DJ Cam's mix of "Sousoundé" by Métisse. Only thing is that even though the subtitle says that this is "The Essential Late Night Mix," it's actually not a DJ mix at all, which kinda feels like false or misleading advertising to me. I mean, if a release says "mix" in its title, then I think it's safe to assume that the tracks will bleed into each other. But that's not the case here.

However, now that you know that it's not a DJ mix, if you consider yourself a bit of a downtempo / trip hop / future jazz novice who might be looking to get their beak wet, then I still highly recommend this release. Nearly every song is great, even though I personally wouldn't categorize some of them to be chillout, and while the majority of tunes come from the mid-to-late 90s, there's a fair bit of early 90s tunes as well, and also a sprinkling of some stuff from the 60s through 80s, too, although most of those 60s through 80s songs feel a tad misplaced, except for Jean-Jacques Perrey's novelty, "E.V.A.," which amazingly sounds like it fits right in on this comp even though it's from 1970. It's like a proto-big beat jam. *deep breath*

So, you're getting a lot of contemporaneous and highly popular UK tunes, some less popular and more niche tunes, and also a history lesson packed in here as well. And whoever compiled this thing must've been really into Everything But the Girl at the time (or maybe Telstar TV, the label who released it, had some kind of deal with Virgin, EBTG's label back then) since Tracey Thorn graces three different tracks. But can you blame them? Her voice is watery magic 🤩.

Highlights:

CD1:

Massive Attack - "Protection" Sneaker Pimps - "6 Underground" Fatboy Slim - "Praise You" Bentley Rhythm Ace - "Bentley's Gonna Sort You Out" Chicane - "Offshore" The Orb - "Little Fluffy Clouds" The Aloof - "One Night Stand" LTJ Bukem - "Horizons" Everything but the Girl - "Walking Wounded" Adam F - "F-Jam" The All Seeing I - "Beat Goes On" The Stone Roses - "Fools Gold (The Stone Roses vs. Grooverider - Grooverider's mix - edit)" Smoke City - "Underwater Love" Lalo Schifrin - "Bullitt (main theme)" Nightmares on Wax - "Nights Interlude" Pat Metheny Group - "Are You Going With Me?"

CD2:

Deep Dish with Everything but the Girl - "The Future of the Future (Stay Gold)" David Holmes - "Rodney Yates" Étienne de Crécy - "Prix Choc" Primal Scream - "Slip Inside This House" World Party - "Is It Too Late? (remix)" Rae & Christian feat. Veba - "Spellbound" Moloko - "Fun for Me" Jean-Jacques Perrey - "E.V.A." Ronny Jordan - "The Jackal" The Ballistic Brothers - "Blacker" Métisse - "Sousoundé (DJ Cam mix)" Electribe 101 - "Talking With Myself" Saint Etienne feat. Moira Lambert - "Only Love Can Break Your Heart" Way Out West - "The Gift" Olive - "You're Not Alone (Nightmares on Wax remix)" Double Six - "Still (Trigger mix)" SWP - "Voyager"

[dedkake]

For the WIPs game! I am very curious about the poly aro thing and the five-versions-pizza-sequel 👀😆

hello! yes! ty!

poly aro thing is a completely self-indulgent wip in which i take aro!john and ar1 and get them in a cozy polycule together, through many ups and downs of canon. here’s the start:

John turns the tape over in his hand. It’s innocuous, just like any other home video, except for the little words etched in Ford’s handwriting. Dr. McKay.

Ford gave it to him laughing, and John had smiled back, but it had never been that funny.

There hadn’t been time to watch it before the siege--or rather, the time had never been right. It wasn’t something John was supposed to see, anyway. It seemed wrong to pry into Rodney’s privacy for Ford’s joke.

But Ford’s gone. And they’re back on Earth. And John’s not sure he’s going to be allowed back to Atlantis. So he watches it. It’s something to remind him of the past few months.

And Rodney’s a floundering, conceited idiot, just like John would expect. John’s a little bit amused and a little bit fond, but then McKay’s talking to his sister and John almost has to stop the tape. His heart’s pounding. McKay’s talking about family--about their family--and he’s so fucking earnest.

John’s stomach is fluttering and he’s absolutely overcome with pride and gratitude and genuine goddamn affection--his eyes stinging with it. It’s absurd. It’s unreal. It’s stupid.

He clicks off the video and goes for a run.

sldkjfa; pizza sequel versions are all variations of what i thought might happen after my very first published sga fic better without olives, in which i tried to establish some sort of qpr between rodney and john.

there are five versions because i couldn’t decide what exactly i wanted the fic to focus on: setting boundaries, coming out, or misunderstandings. maybe someday i’ll figure it out 😂 here’s a snippet tho that maybe captures the big idea:

There’s a not zero chance that John had, in a very roundabout way, told him he loved him last night. It was very Sheppard of him to do that, but maybe Rodney deserved it because he’d definitely spilled his entire heart out to John--which, all things considered, was probably a little much.

Maybe it was more than John wanted.

It was definitely too much. I’ve been in love with you since the beginning--what absolute shit. And after Rodney had misunderstood John and kissed him and--

The door chimes softly, startling Rodney out of his spiral. His laptop screen is dark. Through the window, the sun is setting, and just the thought that it’s evening has every single muscle and joint in Rodney’s body protesting having sat in one place for so long.

The door chimes again, and then slides open, which Rodney definitely hasn’t asked it to do.

John’s the only explanation, standing there in the doorway, all soft t-shirt and unlaced boots, a six-pack dangling from his fingers.

“You done panicking yet?” John asks, stepping carefully into the room.

Rodney takes a deep breath as the door shuts. There’s a beat of silence between them before--“Not even close.”

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Rough Night

Bucky Barnes x (f)werewolf reader

Summary: Your life is already so weird, thankfully Bucky loves you through it all.

Warning: fluff, reader being a sass master w/ no filter

side note: couldn’t think of any cool avenger powers and then brain went werewolf so here we are

Masterlist

If you had a dollar for every time you’d ended up in the woods with ripped clothes and no shoes, well, let’s just say you could probably afford a real nice two bedroom apartment in some real pleasantly fancy building with a great view and all. Too bad green doesn’t just rain down from the sky every time the full moon comes round to knock you back into another world of blurry confusion.

You won’t lie to yourself, being what you are is strange and not very common in the slightest, obviously. It’s even weirder that you weren’t bitten one night and turned just like that, oh no, all passed down through the bloodline of other strange relatives. So you’re gifted with the curse, forced to inevitably change into a furry beast every single full moon, so what you’re still a mostly pleasant individual.

Well luckily for you, being born with the gift does happen to have its perks which do come in handy. For instance, you’re incredibly strong, quick on your feet, and have heightened senses, plus the ability to shift on command. It’s not all bad, well......most of the time.

Honestly you truly thought life couldn’t get much stranger for you and your whole hidden secretive situation, until low and behold some random red head found your little hideaway in a remote mountain side village far off in the Himalayas.

Everything was completely fine and under control and then BAM, she showed up with some important documents and something called an Avengers initiative and well shit, guess some time spent with the real world couldn’t hurt. I mean come on, some more friends seemed like a nice idea and uh, somehow they knew who you were so too late to run and hide.

Also at the time, considering you lived like a recluse on the edge of the village and of course for good reason, but damn if the red head didn’t just hand you an open invitation for some real adventure. Who were you to say no?

Fortunately for you, all seemed to go in your favor and fantastically enough, they had a nice big strong cell for you on nights when the wolf was inevitably bound to come out. A fridge full of plentiful snacks, a training room to lay off some steam, and a big safe and secure room all your own. It was perfect. Only problem was, there happened to be a very attractive and very wary of you super soldier who undoubtedly caught your attention.

How could you not, he smelled divine, muscles for days, thick thighs that could make a girl swoon, and he just seemed like the best goddamn hugger alive. Okay listen, maybe you were touch starved and deprived of human affection but dammit if your little monster heart didn’t skip a beat every time he was near you.

And yes, the few months it took to get him to crack was just down right torturous. But with some coaxing from Steve and encouragement from Sam, the winter soldier at long last did talk to you. Turned out he thought you were scared of him all along, how hilariously ironic you thought when he told you that.

But as time progressed and you both opened up more and more, a blossoming relationship sprouted forth, eventually evolving and manifesting into a big beautiful flower called love. Cheesy yes, but you couldn’t have dreamed of anything better.

And seriously, he wasn’t freaked out about your whole hidden hush hush secretive gift that usually either goes in your favor or ends up causing you major legal trouble. The man himself, Bucky Barnes, thought you were a marvel to behold, so odd and fantastic that he couldn’t stay away even if he tried.

And for that you could love him forever, especially now after a full moon while you’re out in the middle of nowhere. Hoping that the team will send your hundred year old boyfriend out to find you in the brisk dark morning after a grand unrememberable adventure. Which would be very nice of course, considering you have not a damn clue what you’ve done.....or where you are.

Cracking your back, you stretch your hands up to the dawning sky as a tired yawn escapes you. It’s been a long night and you look like a wild woman with your hear a fluffy nest and your clothes ripped in various unrevealing places thankfully.

Your surroundings are simply trees and small scraggly bushes, green grass underneath your bare feet and a small stream flowing in the near distance. With a second to listen, you can hear a highway a couple miles away to the east, guess that’s a start.

Rubbing your eyes you set out in that direction for about twenty minutes before a blue and gold Mercedes comes into view from the side of a country back road, it stops when you guess the driver spotted you from the tree line. Keeping a wary eye on the fancy sports car, you keep walking towards it until a figure gets out and leans against the passengers side door all cool and casual, then on further inspection you realize the driver is Bucky.

Yes! My knight in shining armor is here!

Trudging through the grassy field in the dewy morning light, he watches your every move, eyes crinkling in amusement as you come to stand a couple feet in front of him. Undoubtedly looking a bit wild, and very tired as you fold your arms underneath each other, giving your dark haired lover a shy almost fangy smile.

“I know I look like a hot mess.” You mutter with a shrug, biting your lip as you dart your eyes to the fields behind him, slightly embarrassed of the current disheveled state you’re in.

Bucky smirks before pushing himself off the car and engulfing you into a big Bucky bear hug to your pleasant surprise, “Y/N I’m just glad you’re okay and nothing bad happened to you.” He mumbles into your shoulder as you press yourself closer to him, letting yourself have this wonderful moment to relax and feel at ease.

Slowly pulling back to look up at him, you smile, “Aww Buck you were worried about me?”

He returns the grin, leaning down to press his head flush against yours, “We all were, me more then anyone else of course...and maybe for the general civilians nearby.”

You laugh nervously, “Oh right, yeah. Well hey, I didn’t destroy anyone's car this time. I think I’ve made progress.”

He pauses for a brief moment indicating he’s not sure if he should tell you something and this does make you nervous before Bucky finally lets out a little laugh, “You ate a whole cow Y/N.”

Snorting in surprise you quickly pull your head from Bucky’s, “What? Did I? Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Yeah, uh I wish.” He admits with a casual reassuring squeeze to your arm, “We tracked you with Sam’s suit tech, yunno Red Wing, and uh....you seemed to be having fun.”

Mentally and just about physically cringing at yourself, you purse your lips together in slight embarrassment, “Shit. Was it gross?” You ask, making a face that causes him to chuckle.

“A little.” Adds Bucky with another casual shrug to make you feel less terrible.

“Is the farmer going to see everything, I mean shit they’re gonna be so pissed.” You worry, biting your lip anxiously as you break eye contact from him. “Why am I like this.”

“Uh, that’s not going to be a problem.” Inquires Bucky causing you to find his blue eyes once again.

Eying him up suspiciously you raise a brow, “And why’s that.....Bucky what did I do?”

Taking a breath he gives you a small apprehensive smile, “Y/N...you uh, kind of ate......everything.”

“I what?” I did not! No way, right?

Giving you a quick kiss on the cheek he smiles affectionately, “I’m going to be honest with you here it looked like a kid with a piece of cake who has no impulse control, and loves cake....like a lot.....Rodney almost puked.”

Rolling your eyes you fake glare at him, “Oh god who all watched my little horror show?”

“Mostly everyone.”

“Jesus.”

“It’s like a car crash Y/N, we don’t want to watch but we can’t look away. Sorry doll.” He confesses apprehensively, though honest and sincere knowing you do feel bad for what you do when out of it.

“No.” You say honestly, pausing for a moment, “It’s fine. Seriously Buck, I’m just relieved you guys keep taps on me while I’m out, god knows I can’t help what I do and where I go. It’s nice to have people making sure I don’t injure any innocent bystander.”

“Yeah I guess so huh...alright Y/N/N,” Chirps Bucky with a beaming grin as he attempts to shift the mood to a less dull one, “let’s get out of here, I mean unless you want to sniff around the place for awhile...it is a nice forest over there and all but I guess we can stay and I’ll let you...”

“Alright Barnes, can-it or maybe I’ll bite you.” You tease with a playful squeeze of his bicep before breaking out of his strong grasp.

“Depends on the context maybe I’d enjoy it.” Adds Bucky sarcastically, side eying you with a half smile as you move to open the car door.

Shaking your head in playful disapproval you lightly shove him aside, “Believe me you wouldn’t.”

——

The ride back to the Avengers base or headquarters or facility, who the hell knows at this point, was actually quite smooth and peaceful. Then again you fell asleep as soon as Bucky made it onto the highway, and continued to catch a much needed nap for the next hour ride home.

No one ever said you were easy alright, but let’s be real, Bucky would let you put him through anything and he’d be happy about it.

After parking and walking down the sidewalk past some early morning trainees catching a run, the two of you made it into the Avengers official HQ where all your rooms and other luxury’s are located. But of course not before walking past the facilities giant living space and huge kitchen.

Just keep looking forward, keep walking, walk faster you idiot!

“Y/N!” Shouts Sam in that stupidly peppy obnoxious early morning voice of his, no doubt gaining the attentions of Steve and Natasha who are seated at the kitchens bar talking about some mission report.

Pausing in the large doorway that’s not giving you or Bucky a whole lot of hiding space, you take a deep breath before turning to acknowledge him, “You’d think people would be sleeping considering it’s only six in the morning.”

Chuckling, Sam raises his protein shake, “Weird,” He says while giving you a knowing smirk, “we missed you during training this morning.”

Nat and Steve conceal their amusement as you simply roll your eyes, “Yeah well it was a long night.” You mutter unenthusiastically, earning the tiniest laugh from Bucky which causes you to throw him a glare. Knocking that smile right off of his handsome stubbly face.

“Well we got all these shakes here if you two love birds want one. Hate to have em go to waste.” Adds the smiling man with a nod, if he doesn’t just love seeing you looking like shit. No Sam I do not accept this invitation for you to tell me how crazy I look.

Sam means well of course, but damn he loves teasing you in front of Bucky for a fun reaction out of him. And it’s kind of working, but not on Bucky.

“It’s fine Y/N, you don’t have to have one if you don’t want to.” Calls Natasha before taking a sip from her mug. “Just ignore Sam, he’s been annoying since the gym.”

Before Sam’s even able to speak you quickly narrow your eyes at him, holding up a finger before making hasty steps across the room. Stopping right in front of him, “Give it.” You deadpan.

Brows raised in surprise he glances from a confused Bucky, then back to you again, “Listen I only made so much, Y/N this is my breakfast okay you can’t just...”

Ignoring his rushed rambling you pull out the whole glass blender full of protein shake before taking a step back as the whole room goes quiet, then never breaking eye contact you heartily drink up the whole entirety of its cold contents without missing a beat. Yeah, definitely needed that.

After you’re finished you lick your lips in satisfaction, taking a step closer towards a speechless Sam as you set the blender back in its place. Giving him a satisfied smirk before walking back over to Bucky where you tug on his jacket to follow you down the hall and away from everyone else.

Sometimes you can’t help but be a little dramatic.

——

Laying sprawled out on yours and Bucky’s giant mattress, you stare up at the ceiling as he folds your clean and freshly scented laundry, your mind swirling with thoughts of what duties you have to be apart of today. Blah, work.

Sighing gently you glance at Bucky to see if he heard you, not getting anything from him you sigh again with more grandeur this time. Nothing. Rolling your eyes you suck in a deep breath before practically soft yelling out your exhale like the dramatic little beast you are.

Glancing over to Bucky, you watch as he turns around to put some of your pants away in a drawer. Okay then, that’s how it’s gonna be. Quickly sitting up, you smirk a devilish grin before silently reaching over to pick up a small pillow, once in hand you don’t think twice before launching it at full speed directly headed for the back of his head.

But before your decently soft projectile can smack his precious flowing locks does a metal arm swiftly reach up to catch it mid flight. Oh, shit. Bucky’s head turns to you, brow raised at you before tucking the pillow underneath his arm, and going back to his usual domestic duties for the day.

Okay, killer of fun Mr. James Buchanan Barnes.

Frustrated from lack of a reaction out of him, you stand up on the bed like a warrior about to give a great battle cry. Eyeing his cute butt up for a moment, you smirk once again before launching a sneak attack pillow right for his head. It sails magnificently across the room before a metal hand stops it in its place. 

Well, shit.

This time he gives you a proper look, full of mischief and a new profound playfulness that sends an excited thrill throughout your entire being. As fast as one of Thor’s lightening bolts does the pillow soar in your direction, but conveniently for you he’s forgotten just how quick you can really be. This is just what you wanted.

Dodging to the left you watch in almost slow motion as the fluffy cloth just misses your face, instead opting to smack against the back wall with a loud thud. Snapping your attention back to Bucky he narrows his blue eyes at you suspiciously while you let out an admittedly scary villainous chuckle.

Let’s party my love.

He hands you a smirk right before shifting his body to the right, arm cocked back and thrust forward just as quickly, launching his second pillow attack without an ounce of mercy. You see it coming a mile away and as graceful as a dancer do you flip off the bed, landing perfectly on the carpeted floor just as the pillow smacks hard against the door. Thwack!

Slowly standing, eyeing him up like a lioness to her prey, you give him a satisfied smile, “Missed.” You tease.

Letting out a breathy laugh, Bucky takes a cautious step in your direction as he tests the waters, “Y/N what are you doing?”

“Getting your attention you ass.”

Chuckling he takes another step forward, “Was I ignoring you?” Duh, that’s why I, oh wait he’s playing you.

“Well you certainly weren’t doing anything interesting.” You sass as he steps again closer, this time about an arms length away.

The corners of his eyes crinkle in amusement, “Okay that’s fair, but was the pillow really necessary?” He asks, though his tone is still humorous.

Not falling for his alluring charm you tilt your head to the side, a knowing smile breaking out across your face as he tries to register what your true intentions are. “Yes, and so is this.” You quip before dropping to the floor for a side sweep of his legs, in an instant he’s on the ground and looking wide eyed up at you.

God he looks beautiful. No, focus.

“Y/N!” He whines breathlessly, brows furrowed as he holds himself up by his elbows, “Now you’re gonna get it!”

Taking a quick step back you snort, “Oh really now?”

And he’s fallen for the plan.

“Yes, and when I get you, you won’t be laughing anymore.” He grumbles, trying to keep himself from laughing as well.

“Alright then hot stuff try and bring me down.” You snap back playfully as he rises to his feet, “First one pinned has to run with Sam later, and we both know how much fun he is to run with.”

Bringing his arms up into a defensive position he readies himself for an attack, “Yeah, I’d rather not be his jogging buddy today. I mean it is raining outside, but I know you’d look real nice after a wet run.” Teases Bucky with a smirk.

“Touché you smartass.” His lips twitch into a grin as you ready your own stance. “Now let’s dance.”

[valdomarx]

Entry, Descent and Landing

Stargate Atlantis, McKay/Sheppard, time loop, 6k, rated M

Also on AO3

-

“The gate’s not working,” Rodney huffs, entering the mess with a scowl on his face. He's clearly personally offended by this turn of events.

“Eh, I’m sure you’ll fix it.” John currently has more pressing issues to consider, like whether he can reasonably have fruit loops for lunch or whether he should eat some vegetables like an adult.

He picks up the fruit loops.

“I’m serious!” Rodney is all fidgety, talking and waving his hands instead of eating, and that’s never a good sign. “There’s something very wrong with it, and I have no idea why.”

John raises an eyebrow. It’s not often that McKay admits there’s something he doesn’t understand. And without the gate, they are vulnerable.

Regretfully, he puts the fruit loops back. “Alright. Why don’t you show me what the problem is?”

-

The gate will accept an address, and it spins and dials as normal. But when it should open a wormhole with a whoosh and a ripple of blue light, it simply stops dead. The lights fade out and it shuts itself off.

Huh.

“It’s been like this since we tried to dial New Athos for a check in.” A frown creases Rodney’s forehead. “Hand me that scanner, will you?”

-

They spend the day poking and prodding at the gate and the control consoles - or, more accurately, Rodney pokes and John swings his legs off the side of the console and provides unhelpful but, he thinks, amusing commentary - but there’s nothing to indicate a problem. No fried circuits, no missing components, none of the usual error warnings which appear when the gate runs into a problem. It just… doesn’t work.

They work through the afternoon, and by the time eight p.m. rolls around John is ready to call it a night and start again tomorrow. But before he can suggest they get some dinner, the gate whirs to life and begins to dial.

“Did you do that?” he asks Rodney, but he already knows the answer is no by the look of confusion on Rodney’s face.

The gate spins as if to dial but it doesn’t connect. It merely sits there, illuminated but inactive, and then -

-

John wakes up in his quarters.

That’s weird. He’s disoriented, and woozy, and he feels a headache creeping at the back of his skull.

He shakes it off. He probably just needs some food. He heads to the mess and is sitting down to eat when -

“The gate’s not working,” Rodney huffs.

John squints at him. “Again?”

“What do you mean, again?” Rodney waves him aside impatiently. “There’s something very wrong with it, and I have no idea why.”

A cold chill settles at the bottom of John’s stomach. “I know, Rodney. We had this conversation yesterday.”

“What are you talking about? Of course we didn’t. The gate only stopped working today.”

-

Rodney insists that he has no memory of the gate breaking, and neither does anyone else they talk to. It's like the previous day has simply disappeared.

The more he insists that he remembers it, the more Rodney turns from dismissive to concerned, until he marches him down to see Carson and okay, that's not the worst idea under the circumstances.

Carson checks him over, determines he's physically fine, and tells him it's probably just déjà vu. But that can't be right. It was so real.

Rodney keeps shooting him these worried looks, and that's definitely not helping. So he brushes it off and suggests they get back to fixing the gate. It is, after all, still broken.

They spend another few hours on that, opening up the consoles in the gate room and looking for any faulty hardware. Soon enough it's dinner time, and he's going to suggest heading to the mess when the gate spins up again, and oh shit -

-

He wakes up in his quarters. He frantically scrambles for his watch and sees that it reads two p.m.

This is definitely not déjà vu.

He heads straight to the gate room. The gate techs are antsy.

"Sheppard, you're here, good." Rodney enters, a tablet tucked under one arm. “We've got a problem. The gate’s not working."

-

They try to fix the gate again, with no more success than the last two attempts. John keeps checking his watch.

Maybe it's different now. Maybe he's changed enough to stop the day repeating.

At exactly right p.m., his sunny, perhaps delusional, optimism is shattered.

The gate starts dialing.

-

He wakes up in his quarters.

He sends Rodney off to consult with Zelenka and takes matters into his own hands.

He tries everything he can think of to dial the gate - dialing different addresses, dialing it at different times, even removing and replacing the control crystal in his famed “turn it off and turn it on again” approach to computer repair - but nothing works.

He tries taking a puddle jumper and flying out to the mainland, and into space, and as far around the planet as he can get. No matter how far he travels, at exactly eight p.m. he resets and wakes up back in his quarters.

Six hours is simply not enough time to solve whatever the hell is going on here

He tries explaining his situation to Elizabeth, to Teyla and Ronon, to Lorne, to Carson. Even when people are willing to entertain the notion of a time loop, no one knows how to address the problem, let alone suggest a solution. At best, they seem to be humoring him. At worst, they seem to think it’s his apparently inevitable slide into paranoia.

After trying everyone on the base he has even a passing relationship with, he gives up telling anyone. They can’t help him.

-

He overrides the city’s power usage limits and tries to dial up Earth. The gate still won’t dial, and he overloads the ZPM, and the entire city is plunged into darkness.

-

He wakes up in his quarters.

He used to love it here, his own little corner of the strange place that is his home. Now it feels like a prison.

-

He tries to make contact with the Athosians, or with the Manarians, or even with the Genii. But without the gate, his radio transmissions will take years to reach them. He sits by the radio anyway, listening to the crackling static and waiting for a reply he knows will never come.

-

Maybe he's trapped in a virtual reality, or his mind is being probed by aliens. It wouldn't be the first time.

Maybe none of this is real.

-

He stands on one of the city’s most distant piers, staring out into the ocean. It’s quiet here, now he’s turned off his radio and tweaked the lifesigns detector so it can’t track him. He watches the waves, the same today as they were yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. He considers his options.

-

He puts a gun to his temple and counts down from five.

He wakes up in his quarters.

-

He bangs on the lab door and tries one more time to convince Rodney to help him.

“A time loop is not impossible,” he grits out. “It happened at the SGC.” He knows Rodney has read the file.

“That’s because there was an Ancient artifact involved.” Rodney sounds haughty. “Have you touched any strange Ancient artifacts recently, Colonel?”

John breathes between clenched teeth and shakes his head.

“So. Time just spontaneously started resetting itself, did it?”

“How should I know? All I know is that I have woken up in my quarters a hundred times by now, and every day at eight p.m. the loop resets itself.”

“Why are you the only one this is happening to?”

“I don’t know!” he yells. “I have no idea what terrible sin I’m being punished for here! I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life, but nothing that deserves this.”

Rodney stops moving and looks at him -- really looks.

“Jesus, Sheppard.” Rodney’s brow creases. “You’re not okay, are you?”

John slumps. He can’t summon the energy to deny it. “Not even remotely.”

For some reason, this seems to be what pushes Rodney into taking him seriously. He nods, once, sharply. “What can I do to help?”

He looks at his watch. It’s ten minutes to eight.

“Tell me a secret,” he says.

Rodney gives him a disdainful look. “What is this, a tween girls’ slumber party?”

He grits his teeth. “I spent the entire day trying to convince you what’s happening to me is real. I don’t have time to do that every loop. I need you to tell me something no one else knows, so next time I can convince you I’m not crazy or playing around and we can fix this.”

He sees Rodney’s mind working. He can tell he knows John is right and he’s considering options of what to tell him: details about his childhood, his research, his time here on Atlantis, and discarding each one. For all his faults, Rodney does not dissemble. His life is an open book, and for this to work John needs to know something truly private.

“Alright,” Rodney says eventually. He tilts his chin up and straightens his shoulders like he’s bracing himself for incoming fire. “When I was fifteen, there was a boy at school a couple of years older than me. His name was Mikey Haynes.”

-

“Have you touched any strange Ancient artifacts recently, Colonel?” Rodney asks with the same look of superiority he always has. “Because that’s the only way-”

“McKay,” he interrupts.

“- and why would you be the only one affected, that doesn’t make sense-”

“Rodney!”

Rodney stops. Something in the tone of his voice has broken through.

“I know about Mikey Haynes,” he says.

Rodney goes very pale and John can feel the anxiety radiating off him in waves.

“How do you know that name?” his voice is barely above a whisper.

“Because you told me, Rodney. In the last loop.”

For a few seconds Rodney stares at him, eyes wild and arms wrapped protectively around his chest. Eventually he gives one, sharp nod.

“Alright. You’re stuck in a time loop. What are we going to do about it?”

-

He has that conversation with Rodney every single loop. It is, without exception, the worst part of each one. Even feeling himself die wasn’t this awful.

-

He and Rodney have run every test they can think of. He’s been subjected to medical tests and genetic tests, they’ve scanned him for nanites and viruses and alien mind control, and they’ve turned up nothing. He is, by all accounts, completely healthy -- other than the fact he’s reliving the same six hours over and over and over and over.

“Maybe the problem isn’t with me,” he says. He chews over the idea and it seems plausible. “Maybe the problem is with the city.”

“What?”

“What if I’m not the one being looped through time? What if you are, and I’m the only one who’s aware of it?”

“So you’re sane and everyone else is crazy?”

“Yes.” He folds his arms over his chest. “Maybe my ATA gene gives me some protection against the effect, I don’t know.”

“Your magic genetics strike again.”

He ignores the griping. “If I’m right, the problem is even worse than I thought. The whole city, even the whole planet could be stuck in the loop. What’s happening to our allies while we’re stuck? How far have the Wraith advanced across this galaxy without us to keep them in check.”

Rodney swallows, the gravity of the situation finally hitting him.

“There must be a clue in the city sensors,” he says, pushing bits of drone aside to access the whiteboard in his lab. “If the reset is at the same time, there might be a preceding energy burst we can detect.”

“What good will that do?” John is too tired to think straight. “I know when the loop is going to reset.”

“Because if we know what type of energy it is, we can understand what’s causing it.”

John throws up his hands. Sure, why not. It's not like he's in a hurry or anything.

Rodney pokes through the sensor data, making little hmm noises which he finds unreasonably aggravating.

“See!” Rodney has his smuggest expression on, the one that simultaneously says I told you so and I know you find me charming. “Here, just before the gate failed to connect, there’s a small anomaly in the readings. It looks like… Interesting. It looks like ionizing radiation.”

“What does that mean?”

Rodney’s brow creases. “I’m not sure. There’s a spike of gamma and X-rays as the gate tries to connect. But I have no idea what the source is.”

John barely has time to let out a frustrated breath before the loop resets.

-

He hurries back to Rodney’s lab and points him to the sensor data.

“Interesting,” Rodney says again. “It looks like ionizing radiation.”

John exhales. “Yeah. You said that last time.”

-

He doesn’t need to eat, or sleep. His body resets with every loop. And yet, his mind has frayed. He hasn’t rested in so long, his thoughts are a jumbled mess.

He takes a loop off. He goes to the gym and spars with Ronon. His muscles are fresh but his strategy is a disaster; Ronon unsurprisingly wipes the floor with him. All the same, it feels good to stretch and move; to worry about avoiding a flying elbow instead of his sorry fate for a while.

Then he has dinner with Teyla. He doesn’t know how many loops it’s been since he ate, and even though he doesn’t need the sustenance he realizes he has been missing the sensory experience of it, and the camaraderie of a shared meal.

He tells Teyla about the time loop, casually, like it’s not a big deal, and she doesn’t seem convinced he’s telling the truth but she doesn’t dismiss the possibility out of hand either, and he loves her for that.

“If that were the case,” her head tilts to one side, thoughtful, “it would be a kind of opportunity, would it not?”

He squints. Nothing about this feels opportune.

“If time were to always reset itself, you could do anything you wish, without having to consider the consequences.” She shrugs. “Many have wished for such a chance.”

Huh. He never thought about it that way before.

-

Next loop, he steals a jumper and takes it for a joyride, zipping away from Atlantis and out into the solar system.

He pulls a reckless slingshot maneuver around the third planet out and is sent hurtling toward the star at the heart of the system, traveling so fast the jumper shakes and rattles even with the inertial dampeners. Elizabeth screams at him over the comms and he flips them off.

He approaches the sun at breakneck speed and the temperature in the cabin begins to rise. He swoops low into the sun’s corona, arcs of plasma leaping up around him, even more wild and ferocious than he expected. The sensors scream out warnings about hull temperature and radiation levels and he ignores them, absorbed in the way the jumper dives and banks.

He plunges closer, seeing the star’s surface bubble and erupt, then pulls up in a wild loop and swings down closer still: through the corona and into the chromosphere, the space around him transformed into wild hues of pink, shot through with filaments of white hot gas which snap and twist around him.

In the moment before the jumper is destroyed, as alarms blare and the air rushes out through cracks in the hull, his vision is filled with the surface of the sun. It is entrancing, covered in cells of red and orange and yellow, molten and changing and blindingly, blindingly bright.

-

He records a message for his father and uploads it to the queue to be sent back to Earth. “Dad,” he begins. “I want you to tell you something, something I’ve been meaning to say for a long time. From the very bottom of my heart: Go fuck yourself.”

He knows it’ll be heard by the gate techs, if not the entire expedition. That somehow makes it even more satisfying.

-

He finds Cadman.

“You’re an explosives expert, right?”

“Technically it’s high temperature and energetic materials technology,” she grins, “but close enough.”

“Awesome. Where do you keep the good stuff?”

She raises an eyebrow.

“You know. The really fun explosives they don’t let the field teams use.”

“Oh, that good stuff. Right this way.”

They spend an afternoon testing the structural integrity of the city’s farthest piers (not as good as you might think), seeing what happens when you strap C4 to a naquadah generator (an extremely large explosion), and enjoying the simple pleasures of tossing prototype grenades into the ocean (the water sprays rainbows across the sky as it is thrown miles into the air, and it falls on them like rain as they laugh).

Cadman barely needs any convincing.

-

He tells Lorne that he’s gay. Lorne doesn’t miss a beat.

“Yes, sir,” he says, entirely unperturbed. “I figured.”

-

He leaves a message for Nancy.

He tells her he’s sorry, that he knows he was a bad husband, that it wasn’t fair the way he treated her. He tells her that she deserved better, that he wishes her well, that he hopes she’s happy, and he means it.

He feels lighter the moment he's finished. He wonders why he never did this before the loop.

-

He’s struck by a genius idea, and he busts open a few locks and drags the ascension machine out of storage. Sure, it nearly killed Rodney, but maybe he’ll get lucky. Nothing to lose at this point, right?

The moment the light envelops him, he knows he’s made a terrible mistake.

Within minutes his skin is peeling away to reveal hard, blue scales beneath. The sunlight becomes unbearable. He turns the lights out and feels his way by sound instead.

He doesn’t remember much beyond that. There are only brief flashes in his mind: cold metal beneath his claws, horrified screams reverberating in a corridor, the effortlessness of scuttling up the side of a tower, the crunch of bones cracking between his mandibles.

-

He locks himself in his quarters for a few loops after that.

After a while his guilt is outweighed by his boredom. He picks up the guitar that has been primarily decorative thus far and learns to play Folsom Prison Blues.

Time keeps dragging on, indeed.

-

Eventually, as seems to be inevitable, he ends up coming back to Rodney.

"Sheppard." Rodney gives him a quick nod. "What can I do for you?"

There are a million answers to that question, and none of them are appropriate for work.

He considers the juxtaposition: Rodney's cool greeting with the way he's bouncing on the balls of his feet, all coiled excitement and nervousness. That's how Rodney often is around him, now he thinks about it.

Is it interest or intimidation? Fondness or annoyance? He's never been good at parsing emotions, and that's been a frequent source of frustration. Now it's particularly acute.

"You want some coffee?" Rodney offers, like an olive branch. "I'm sure we've got a clean mug around here somewhere."

John does not want coffee.

How many times has he thought about this? Too many to count. And how many more chances will he have?

What the hell, he thinks. Teyla was right. He'll never get a better opportunity than this.

He steps forward and puts a tentative hand around the back of Rodney's neck. He hears his breath catch. He rubs the soft hair there between his fingers, watches the blush rise on his cheeks. It's an enticing look.

Slowly, carefully, he leans in and kisses him, uncertain even though he knows the loop will reset, because this is bigger than some silly irresponsible behavior; this is him putting his heart in Rodney's fidgety hands and hoping against hope it won't be crushed.

For a moment Rodney freezes, and John is already formulating frantic apologies when Rodney mouths, "Oh god, finally," against his lips and wraps his arms around his shoulders, yanking him closer and kissing him hot and hard.

It's easy as anything to slip his hands under Rodney's thighs and to lift him onto the workbench, even while Rodney attempts to distract him by unbuttoning his shirt and biting a line along his collar bone.

-

He fucks Rodney over the bench in his lab, and next time on a balcony overlooking the city, and after that on Elizabeth’s desk. He learns every inch of his body; the soft plump of his thighs, the way he likes to be jerked off nice and slow, the sensitive patch of skin behind his ear.

For loops and loops, he does nothing else. Rodney never turns him down, not once. No matter where he is or what he’s doing, he’ll drop everything to be with him, and John has no idea what to make of that.

(Yes he does, but it's too big and too terrifying to look at directly, so he puts it aside.

It can wait. He has nothing but time.)

The first time he gets Rodney to fuck him, he bursts into fat, ugly tears afterwards and Rodney wraps a blanket around him and pets his hair. They stay like that for hours, Rodney holding him and for once not speaking, letting the waves of need and desperation and loneliness ebb and flow as they will, giving the simple comfort of his presence.

Sometimes he tells him about the loop, sometimes not. It doesn’t seem to make much difference to Rodney. Even when he explains nothing, just walks up to him and kisses him, Rodney kisses him back just as hungrily as ever.

And when they’re not fucking, they’re talking. He learns that Rodney has always wanted to learn to paint. He misses his cat (no, really. It’s not funny.) The one person on the base he is most afraid of is Elizabeth, because he secretly suspects she might be smarter than he is.

John tells him about why he doesn’t talk to his family, and about how out of place he always felt in the military. That he likes turkey sandwiches because they’re what his college roommate made for him when he first left home and had to learn to get by on not much money.

Each day, he learns more about Rodney and shares more about himself. And then the loop resets, and he has to walk into the lab and see Rodney regard him coolly and say, “Sheppard,” like that’s all they are to each other.

He misses him, and that sounds insane because he's spent practically every waking hour with the man for what must have been weeks. But he is moving forward and Rodney is staying still. Every time the loop resets, they drift further apart.

-

He stops sleeping with Rodney.

-

He gets back to work.

He pulls up the city sensor data and brings it to the lab.

“Here, look. You said before there was a radiation spike.”

Rodney drums his fingers against the tablet. “Yeah, there is. And it looks,” he squints, “sort of familiar.”

“What could cause that?”

“A million things. Radioactive materials. Black holes. Coronal mass ejections. Lightning, if there’s enough of it.”

“Wait, wait wait.” Something important scratches at his mind. “Coronal mass ejections, as in, from stars?”

“Yes. The magnetic fields inside a star shift as material moves in its interior, and when a prominence is formed and collapsed, the star releases a burst of plasma.”

He snaps his fingers. “That’s it! The sun in this solar system, we know it’s periodically unstable, right? And it’s even more active than usual right now.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

He thinks of the arcs of plasma he saw as he dove the jumper into the sun’s corona and decides against trying to explain that. “It’s not important. But we know the stargate has sent Earth teams through time when the wormhole passed too close to a coronal mass ejection, right? What if our stargate had the same problem?”

“That might send whoever was traveling through the gate through time, but it wouldn’t make time loop.” A light flickers in Rodney’s eyes. “Oh! Oh! Unless that’s why the gate failed. It tried to send an outgoing wormhole at the exact moment that the sun’s activity peaked. When the wormhole hit the coronal mass ejection, it bounced back to its origin, carrying its energy with it. And that would mean…” He taps frantically at his tablet. “Right! That spike of radiation is the effect of the outgoing and incoming wormholes colliding, forming a resonance wave. All that energy is forming ripples which must be throwing us through spacetime.”

“Great! So can you fix it?”

Rodney blinks. “I’m not even sure I can model what’s happening, let alone fix it. The mathematical equations alone will be weeks of work.”

“We don’t have weeks, Rodney. We have -” he checks his watch, “- just over half an hour before the loop resets and we lose everything.”

Despair starts crawling up his spine, but he shouldn’t have underestimated the sheer stubbornness of Rodney McKay.

“Well then.” Rodney sits him down and shoves a notebook and pen into his hands. “Looks like you’re going to have to learn some math and help me to remember.”

-

This is his routine now: Wake up in his quarters, run to the lab, talk Rodney through the problem as fast as he can, get lectured on astrophysics and mathematical modelling until he feels like his head is going to explode, repeat.

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

-

He gets the basics down quickly but there are still pages and pages of math for them to solve, and nowhere close to enough time to figure it out in one loop. So he learns, and remembers, and does his best to save himself.

Rodney explains it well when he’s not being a jerk, and John starts to understand why he likes this work.

He hasn’t done this much math since college, and it’s not as awful as he remembers. There’s a kind of beauty to it, actually, a balance of all the relevant variables quantified and described, their relationships mapped into symbols and equations, the logically clarity of a necessarily true fact.

“See, this variable here, this represents the duration of the outgoing wormhole.” Rodney taps the whiteboard. John stares at the way his hands dance over the numbers. “And this one here, this is the distance between Lantea and its sun...”

Each loop, he learns a little more. Eventually, he understands the equations Rodney has been scribbling for the past god knows how many loops.

Now they just need to actually figure out how to solve them.

-

“That equation is wrong.”

“What? No it isn’t. I worked that out myself.” Rodney is glaring at him like he insulted his mother.

“I’m telling you, Rodney. Look.” John uses the cuff of his shirt to wipe out a corner of the equations scribbled on the whiteboard. “This is assuming we’re still operating in base 10, but we know the gate operating system is partially in base 16.” He adds in the corrected figures as he goes. “So we need to convert it to polynomial here and here before we can compare the output to the data from our solar radiation readings, then we can figure out the coronal mass ejection’s effects on both the gate and our computers simultaneously and allow for the difference.”

Rodney is squinting at the whiteboard. “That’s… Huh. That might actually be right.” He steps closer, running his fingers beneath the figures John has changed. Then he wheels and rounds on John.

“You,” he says, pointing a finger at John’s chest. “You are a genius.”

And then he’s grabbing John’s shirt and hauling him close and kissing him, wild and messy and with great enthusiasm.

And John had told himself he wasn’t going to do this any more but this is different, Rodney had kissed him this time, and with the way Rodney’s hands are scrabbling at every piece of skin he can reach he doesn’t think he could stop himself anyway.

Afterwards, once they’ve wasted far too much of this loop to get any productive work done, John tells Rodney about all the times that they’ve done this before, and that this is the first time Rodney has been the one to instigate it.

Rodney shrugs. “What can I say? A man who knows his math really gets me going.”

John hides a smile. “You only want me for my brain, huh?”

“Yes,” Rodney says, like that’s obvious. He breaks into a grin and runs a hand through John’s hair. “And the hair, of course. That’s very important.”

“Mmhmm.” John stretches lazily across the sofa in the corner of the lab. “And the rest of me?”

Rodney gives him a sly look. “I guess that’s alright too.”

And then Rodney is giggling as John wrestles him to the sofa as well, and he’s all flying elbows and poking fingers until John gets him pinned beneath him, both of them sweaty and out of breath from laughter.

Oh, thinks John. So this is what happiness feels like. He’d almost forgotten.

-

The loop is about to end, though this one feels different.

They're lying squashed together on the too-small sofa, inelegantly draped around each other, when Rodney takes his hand. “You have to tell me,” he says. “We’re about to reset, and once we've fixed this and I've forgotten again, you have to tell me how you feel.”

His gut churns. It’s so much simpler to be together when he doesn’t have to think about the consequences.

“Promise me,” Rodney says. “It’s not fair that I should finally get what I’ve wanted for so long, and not be able to remember it.”

He thinks about how he feels each time Rodney is reset: the loss, the ache of it. He tries to imagine what it would be like to have those experiences erased entirely.

“Okay.” He squeezes Rodney’s hand. “I promise.”

-

“That’s it!” Rodney beams at the whiteboard, covered from top to bottom in dense equations. “I can’t believe we got that done so fast.”

John lets out a sound that might be considered a laugh.

“Ah.” Rodney looks at him sideways. “You’ve been working on this for a while, huh?”

“You could say that, yeah.”

“Well, good news. Now we’ve got the wormhole modeled, we can feed this data into the dialing device and reset the gate manually.”

“And that will stop the loop?”

“I sure as hell hope so, because it’s the only idea I’ve got.”

“Terrific.”

-

John makes a conscious effort to stop his leg from bouncing anxiously as Rodney loads up their data into the dialing device.

He checks his watch. It’s three minutes to eight.

This is going to work. Right? This has to work. He’s put everything he has into this fix and he honestly doesn’t know if he can cope with looping one single time more.

(He’s thought that so many times before. And yet, here he is, still, willing or not.)

“We need to get the timing just right,” Rodney informs the gate techs. He’s taken over the gate room and thankfully the entire base has learned not to get in McKay’s way when he has that steely look in his eye. “We need to engage the program at exactly the moment the incoming wormhole is set to arrive.”

Two minutes to eight. Adrenaline surges, and he wants to run or to fight, but there’s nothing he can do except watch the furrow in Rodney’s brow and the agitated tapping of his fingers against the Ancient keypad.

“Alright, Chuck, ready on my command.”

Rodney’s got this, he tells himself. They’ve got this.

One minute to eight.

“Now!” Chuck sits up straighter, focused on the instruments in front of him. Rodney taps at the keypad, attention narrowed down to the rapidly scrolling code on his screen.

The lights flicker, spluttering overhead and casting the gate room in an eerie disjointed light. The gate starts to rotate, the screeching noise louder than usual, the illuminated symbols seeming to glow more brightly.

There is a moment of absolute stillness, and then -

The whoosh of the outgoing wormhole connecting is the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. He can get out, he can be free, he can live. He doesn't have to be alone any more.

Blood rushes to his head in great waves and makes him dizzy, like this might all be an illusion, like it might disappear at any moment.

He checks his watch. It's two minutes past eight.

He lets out a hysterical peal of laughter, staggers away from the gate controls, and passes out.

-

He wakes up not in his quarters. The antiseptic smell of the infirmary is the sweetest breath of fresh air.

Elizabeth insists he needs medical supervision, but there's no chance of keeping a hoard of curious scientists away from an oddity like the man who looped through time. So he's in an infirmary bed being gently grilled about the experience by Zelenka, who has apparently been elected their representative.

Elizabeth does her best to project an air of calm as she asks, "Is there any way to know how long we were looping for?"

Zelenka pushes his glasses up on the bridge of nose. "It is hard to say for certain, but extrapolating the current season based on the length of the days, we must have lost around six months."

"Six months?" Elizabeth turns to him, aghast. "John, I can't even imagine."

She means well, but he can't handle pity right now. He plays it off casually, with a wink and a smile. "Trust me, you don't want to." He swings his legs off the side of the bed and calls out to Carson. "Doc, I'm good to leave, right? Pretty sure I'm healthy as a horse, and I've given the research team plenty of material to work with."

Carson looks him over, takes in the weary lines of his shoulders, and eventually nods. He always was perceptive. "Aye, alright. But stop back in tomorrow for a checkup."

"Sure thing. Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm looking forward to a well deserved night off."

-

He is looking forward to a night off, but the very last place he wants to wake up tomorrow is in his quarters. He'd sooner sleep on one of the piers, or in the locker room, or on a hive ship. Anywhere but there.

But there's another option. Or at least, there might be. So he finds himself fidgeting outside Rodney's door.

The door opens while he's pacing back and forth in the corridor.

"Sheppard?' Rodney blinks at him. "I was just on my way to find you. Earlier you seemed… so I thought… well, this must have been hard for you. What are you doing in the hallway?"

He doesn't have an answer for that. Instead he considers.

Rodney's hair is mussed, the way it gets when he's been deep in thought and running his hands through it. His fingertips are pinching together, a hum of low-grade anxiety that surrounds him whenever he has to confront emotional situations. He's wearing an old grey hoodie, one of his favorites because it's soft, even though he thinks it makes him look dumpy (it doesn't. Or maybe it does, but it doesn't matter, because it's comfortable and warm and it smells like Rodney. John knows because he's stolen it tens of times. It's one of his favorites as well.)

John knows him, knows every part of him, and he's so close he could reach out and touch him, but he's a million miles away as well.

"... John? Do you want to come in?" Rodney's face pinches into a concerned frown. "We don't have to talk, if you'd rather not."

He could walk away. Turn on his heel and leave, never mention any of this, let the whole incident fade into obscurity. But he's so close to having what he wants: something new, something familiar, something beautiful.

He takes a breath. Here is his chance. Now or never.

"Actually, I think we should talk." He lets himself smile at the precious memory, one perfect moment crystallized like a diamond from months of crushing pressure. "I made a promise."