#romantic is the wrong word when you are two halves--only whole when together

[eyepatchdate]

if i did write something for smtv btw it would be 6 chapters, each one about a different nahobino pair

[shiftingdaemons]

Settling- in this universe a daemon's form represents their mindset. A child can adopt any mental position but as they grow some become more comfortable and frequently used than others. What form goes with what mindset is up to that person's subconscious and what they feel and believe about that animal. A daemon can become any animal that person believes is real, depending on if that person is in a mindset they feel corresponds to that animal subconsciously. The way what animal represents what mindset is decided varies between people, depending on what they feel more strongly, most common are scientific facts and/or public perception and symbolism of that animal.

Person- human and daemon together. They are two halves of a whole, vaguely analogous to conscious and subconscious in people in real life, just stretched a bit.

Animal Symbolism- a higher emphasis is placed on animal behavior and symbolism in this universe than in ours. Students study animal behavior for years in Pre-K and beyond and symbolism is taught at home for most of childhood. Views on daemon shapes are cultural more than individual and, as such, judging a person from the shape of their daemon is more accurate than one might think, so long as you think of it as their current mindset rather than their permanent personality if you don't know them well.

Scenarios- A person tends to take different mindsets in different scenarios. I'm different at home than I am at College or out shopping, etc. Daemons tend to settle as 3-5 common forms with the ability to take other shapes in more uncommon mindsets.

Touch Telepathy- touch between a human and a daemon that aren't the same person causes empathetic touch telepathy, the intent behind the touch leaks over. It can be pleasurable or painful depending on the intent, or mundane if it's an accident. It's like touching someone's butt: good if they want you to, bad if they don't, normal if it's not on purpose (like on a crowded bus). The reaction to the touch also leaks through the physical connection. For this reason bad touch is uncommon, since the perpetrator can feel the victim's distress as if it were their own.

Setting- modern day, mostly the same as our world but with accomodations for daemons. No witches or armored bears.

Politeness:

Do your best to avoid touching daemons that are not your own. It's ok if you fail, as long as you try.

When you're in a public place, try to be in a mindset that produces a small daemon, the smaller the better. If you have a horse on the subway you won't be arrested or anything but you Are being an asshole.

Humans talk to humans and daemons talk to daemons. Talking human to daemon is considered intimate and is usually only done if people are close. ie: romantic partners, parents and children, best friends who've known each other for years. This can be subverted if one half of the human daemon pair is mute or otherwise can't speak with mouth words but most people will still be uncomfortable.

If a child's daemon is a mythical creature, that's fine. You don't tell them it's not real. If an adult's daemon is a mythical creature most people assume there's something wrong with that person. If nothing else it means they believe that creature is a real animal, which is embarrassing for them.

Fiction- fiction handles daemons in a variety of ways, mostly depending on the complexity of it's characters. If the characters are mostly one dimensional (like the commedia dell'arte or Friends) or if they are more allegorical (Hetalia) authors will often pick only one form. If the characters are supposed to be especially complex authors usually pick upwards of the usual 3-5 forms. Most shows lie in the middle with 1-3 forms. Fan content often involves expanding the roster of forms for a favorite character.

I'll add more as I think of it

[ninjakk]

LWJs confession in the cave wasn't selfish, he was trying to save WWX!

Recently I've seen quite a few people talking about LWJs confessions after the Bloodbath of Nightless Sky. A lot of posts are claiming LWJ was being selfish, unburdening his feelings for WWX at such a moment. Personally, I just don't think people are fully appreciating the circumstances that led up to his confession.

Obviously the timeline is given to us somewhat fragmented. MXTX masterfully flips between the present and flashbacks in order to give the reader snippets of information here and there, for them read to piece together once everything has been revealed. WWX recalls what he thinks happened during the Bloodbath of Nightless Sky later in the novel. Looking at the conversation WWX has with LWJ before he confesses, we can see the motivation behind it all.

Chapter 78

Suddenly, the limpid notes of a zither interrupted Chenqing. Wei WuXian put down Chenqing and turned around to see a person sitting on another of the ridges, guqin laid across his lap. His snow-white robes seemed to burn the eye amid the dark of the night. Wei WuXian spoke in a cold voice, “Lan Zhan.” After he greeted him, he again placed his flute to his lips, “You should’ve known since long ago—Sound of Lucidity is useless to me!” Lan WangJi flipped the guqin onto his back. Instead, he pulled out Bichen and attacked straight at Chenqing, as if he wanted to sever the flute playing such wrongful notes. Wei WuXian spun around to dodge the attack and laughed, “Fine, fine. I knew since the start that we’d have to fight a real fight like this one sooner or later. You’ve always found me disagreeable no matter what. Come on!” Hearing this, Lan WangJi’s movements paused, “Wei Ying!” Although he shouted the words, any sane person would be able to tell that Lan WangJi’s voice was clearly shaking. However, right now, Wei WuXian had already lost his judgement. He was already half-mad, half-unconscious. All evil was being augmented by him. He felt that everyone loathed him and he loathed everyone as well. He wouldn't be scared no matter who came at him. It wouldn't matter no matter who came at him. It was all the same anyway.

At this point WWX feels like the whole world is against him. He feels so alone. When WWX sees LWJ trying to stop him, it just breaks him even more. He always wanted LWJ's attention because deep down he had romantic feelings towards him. But over the years, due to a lack of communication, constant misunderstandings and JCs relentless poisonous words seeding doubt in WWX's head and heart - he wrongfully concludes LWJ really does hate him. Unfortunately WWX was already losing control over himself, clouding his judgement and mind - so he doesn't notice how much his accusation has effected LWJ. LWJ is clearly in distress and extremely worried about WWX.

Because we aren't privy to the actual scene where he confesses, we only have LXCs account of that. But, it still gives us some understanding of what happened.

Chapter 99

“Young Master Wei, in that night, you took the two halves of the Stygian Tiger Seal and pieced them together. After you were satisfied with the killing, you were a spent arrow as well. WangJi was injured on your rampage. He was in no better shape than you, barely supporting himself by leaning on Bichen. In spite of this, as he saw you stumble away, he immediately followed. “Right then, not many people were still conscious. I, too, was almost unable to move, and I could only watch as WangJi, whose spiritual powers were clearly about to be drained, staggered towards you. He brought you onto Bichen as soon as he grabbed you, and you two left. “Four hours later, my spiritual powers, having finally been restored, I hurried back to the GusuLan Sect in search for assistance. I was worried that if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty-three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi and searched for two days on our swords in secrecy. Only then did we find signs of you two within the Yiling region. WangJi hid you in a cave. When we arrived, you sat blankly on a rock within the cave. Holding your hand, WangJi was giving you spiritual energy. He kept on whispering to you. But throughout the whole time, you repeated the same two words at him. “ 'Get lost'! " Wei WuXian’s throat was dry. His eyes were red as well. He couldn’t say a single thing.

From what we know, we can surmise LWJ could see WWX was in utter turmoil, feeling totally alone in the world now he's lost everyone dear to him. Not long ago, he had shouted in distress that he always knew LWJ hated him. LWJ wanted to comfort him and make him understand he didn't hate him at all. He wanted him to know he wasn't alone and LWJ was by his side, because he loved him. He wanted him to understand he still had someone fighting in his corner. That is why he confessed his feelings for WWX - granted it wasn't the best of times and WWX was totally catatonic by this point, but it was all he could do to try and get through to him and comfort him.

Already seriously injured, with diminishing spiritual powers they were both incredibly worse for wear - it might have even crossed his mind that they both might die soon anyway. LWJ knew it wouldn't be long before someone found them and another fight would ensue - possibly costing their lives. He was fully prepared to risk everything to save WWX. So yes, a tiny part of him might have confessed because he needed to. But the fact that it was to try and help WWX is more than apparent. He didn't expect anything in return, he didn't expect WWX to confess his undying love, he just wanted WWX to know he wasn't alone. He was just desperately trying to save the man he loved, however he could. LWJ wanted to show WWX that he had, and always would be here for him.

[nebulablakemurphy]

The Red Room

Summary: Meeting Yelena in the red room is the best and worse thing that’s ever happened to you. Warning: romantic Yelena x Fem!reader pairing and depictions of violence.

Those first weeks in the red room pass in a blur. You have one room. Just you. Meals are delivered like clockwork; no one speaks to you. Your only company being the television set that plays the same clips; morning, noon and night.

Until one day the lights flip on brightly above you and a woman enters. You squint up at her, “hello?”

“Hello.” She replies, “are you ready to get out of here?”

“Where will I go?” You wonder.

“Wherever I tell you.”

That is your first encounter with Madame B. When you were younger you thought her something of a savior. You know better now. Still when she calls for you, there’s no choice but to go.

You make your way down the long hall, florescent lights humming above you. Finally reaching the room you’ve been assigned; you grasp the door knob. Feeling the weight of the cool metal against your palm, with a steadying breath you turn it.

Inside is only Madame B and a girl. One you’ve only seen in passing, one of Dreykov’s favorites.

“Y/N, meet Yelena. She will be your partner from now on.” Madame B leads the introduction.

“Did something happened to Oksana?” Your brows pull together, voice small. Afraid to cross an unspoken boundary. She’s always been your partner.

“Oksana is no longer your concern.” The woman bites out. “Shake hands and prepare for your lesson.”

You nod, biting your tongue.

Lesson…

Sparring.

Dancing.

Captive simulations.

What will it be this time?

“Oksana is ok.” Yelena tells you, once the trainer is out of earshot.

“Good,” you whisper, holding your hand out to shake without another word.

“Is that why they kept you locked up so long? You don’t play well with others?” The blonde takes your hand, eyes narrowed into slits.

“I don’t play at all.” You inform her. Pleasing these people is your ticket out of here, and you will get out.

“Everybody plays, whether you want to or not.” Yelena tells you, letting your fingers slip from hers. “Just don’t get in my way.”

——————————————————————-

You don’t get in each other’s way. Somehow having Yelena as a combat partner is a lot less annoying than you anticipated.

Oksana is a better friend, but you aren’t here to make friends. You’re here to kill. Topple regimes from the inside out, Yelena helps you do that.

Your training with Yelena is different. Chipping away parts of you until you fit together seamlessly. From trust falls to synchronized attack plans, you name it you do it. Sometimes until you bleed.

One of your trainers, Ivan, has taken a liking to blind folded direction. Outside of captive simulations it is your least favorite team building activity.

You remind yourself to focus and breathe. In some ways guiding is worse than being guided. “Veer slightly to your right.”

Yelena lifts one bare foot, holding it airborne, allowing you to assess the placement of her next step. “Here?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, as she clears the bit of shattered glass. “That’s perfect.”

———————————————————————

Your first real assignment comes on Monday, June second.

“Come in, Miss American Pie. I have eyes on the target.” Yelena informs you through the ear piece.

“That’s still not my name, over. Stay high, I’m going down.” You reply, deploying your rope and riding it to the ground.

“Five ticks northwest and the package is yours.”

“Copy.” You follow her instruction, ducking away as a bullet shatters the window beside you. “Easy.” You chastise, in a hushed whisper.

“Sorry,” she apologizes half heartedly. The kill was necessary and she had a clean shot.

You spot your target, ready to turn onto the main street from the alleyway. You wrestle him to the ground, he puts up a good fight. Not good enough.

You wipe the blood from your hands before removing the usb drive from his breast coat pocket. “Just admit it,” you taunt, turning to the building Yelena is scoping from, “you’re proud of me.”

“Y/N!” Her tone is not playful at all.

What’s wrong? Before you get a chance to ask the man you’d assumed dead has his knife buried in your thigh.

You crumple to the ground as he prepares to strike again. In the time it takes to unholster your weapon a silent bullet reaches his temple from the sky.

You squint up at Yelena, watching her ride her teether down to the ground beside you. “Thanks.” You pant, inspecting the damage.

“That was sloppy,” she frowns, searching her pack for the midkit, then tearing open a package of gauze. “You always check the body, confirm the kill.”

“I know, I was stupid.” You gasp, feeling Yelena apply an obscene amount of pressure to your wound.

“We need to move to the extraction point, they can deal with you in medical.” Yelena rises, tossing your arm over her shoulder for support.

“It won’t happen again.” You promise, leaning heavily against her side.

“You’re right, it won’t. I have no idea what happens to me if you die.” She grumbles, somewhat bitterly.

———————————————————————

Interactions with Yelena are sparse after that. She doesn’t trust you. Only showing up for your lessons and leaving the moment they’re finished. You understand why she’s angry, you would be too.

According to your weekly rotation, today should be live target practice, however you are directed to a different room.

Once inside your eyes find the chair. You hate that chair. You hate this room. Nothing good ever happens here.

Slowly you move toward Yelena at the far wall.

“A little birdie told me that you’ve been holding back in combat lessons.” Ivan says, tapping a finger to his chin. “Why is that?”

You bite anxiously at the inside of your cheek.

“I said why is that?!”

You notice Yelena flinch from the corner of your eye. “It’s my fault,” you hold up a hand. “I took a hit on our last mission and my partner was being mindful of my injuries.”

“Oh I see.” He smirks, condescendingly. “You don’t want to hurt each other.”

“It would be counter productive to harm my partner.” Yelena points out. The red room drilled that into you.

“That is true.” His eyes dart between you. “But we can’t have you afraid of sparring together. Now can we?”

Your jaw ticks, awaiting the consequence.

“When’s the last time you girls ran a captive simulation?”

“Two weeks ago.” Yelena presents her left index finger to him for inspection. The nail just beginning to grow back.

Ivan hums, “When’s the last time you ran a captive simulation on each other?”

Your heart drops, all the blood running out of your face. Not for months.

“Hmm,” he wets his lips. “Who gets to play the captor first?”

Neither one of you volunteer.

“Belova,” he purrs. “Come choose your tools while Y/L/N straps herself into the chair.”

You don’t hesitate, it’ll be worse if you do. Tuning out his incessant chatter you find your seat. The metal chair sends a chill up your spine. Bending at the waist, you strap each ankle into a leather restraint, then your non dominant hand. Free hand waiting, curled around the arm rest.

Yelena kneels before you, her selections resting at your feet as she closes the final strap around your wrist. Your breath quickens.

“Fifteen minutes on the clock then you’ll switch.” Your spectator announces. “Make them count or we’ll start over.”

On autopilot Yelena reaches for the scalpel.

You don’t mean to scream…but eventually you do. You always do.

———————————————————————

Yelena knows your weaknesses and regularly exploits them to leave you face up on the floor during hand to hand combat sessions.

You used to resent her for it, but it made you strong. Stronger than you’ve ever been or hoped to be. The day you finally best her the room is filled with hushed whispers. Now you are ready.

You learn to move in harmony. The trainers ease up a bit and the other girls line up to watch you like an exhibit. You are two halves of a more perfect whole.

“Madame B, can I ask you something?” You say, fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

“Of course.” The older woman replies. “What is it?”

“Why was my training so different with Oksana?”

She leans in. “You were not brought here to be a partner to Oksana. She was standing in until we could be sure you were ready for a partner. Nothing more.”

“Was I brought here to be Yelena’s partner?” The question burns at the back of your throat.

“I understand the desire to seek meaning in these things. You hope to find your place in the world.”

You nod.

“But you have no place in the world,” the words cut like a knife. “What you do have is an opportunity to prove that you are not a waste of space, time, or resources. Come, let’s sit for debriefing.”

You wait in silence for Yelena to arrive, finally she does. Taking the seat beside you in the meeting room.

“In two days you will undergo the graduation ceremony, after which you are granted up to three days recovery time before you will be deployed to Moscow.” Madame B reviews the information, handing you each a folder of details.

“Enclosed you will find your identification cards and aliases. I suggest you take this time to familiarize yourselves. Tomorrow we will begin shooting photographs for the past two years of your lives. Report with several changes of clothing. Congratulations on this assignmet. It is a great honor.” Madame B dismisses you.

You open the file. ‘Katherine and Irena Reiner.’

“We’re sisters?” Yelena guesses.

Worse. “We’re married.”

“Even better.” She says under her breath, rising from the chair.

———————————————————————

Life in Moscow is different. Good. The neighbors are easy enough to convince. You play your parts to perfection.

The company you work for being the main focus. They have access to some sort of programming that Dreykov is desperate to get his hands on. You know better than to ask why.

Most mornings you get ready together, discussing the events of the previous day to prepare for the next.

“How come you only speak English?” Yelena wonders, turning off the steady spray of water from her shower and reaching out to grab a towel.

“I have a theory,” you reply, spitting excess toothpaste into the sink. “I think keeping me dependent on translation had more pros than cons.”

“They taught me.” She says, stepping onto the bath mat. “But I guess that’s different.”

You were brought in much older a majority of the other girls.

Your eyes meet in the mirror, seeing each other as if for the first time.

“I could teach you.” She offers, breaking the connection as she turns away.

“Yeah?” You pass the brush through your hair.

Yelena shrugs, “I have nothing better to do.”

“Just don’t teach me the wrong words to make me look stupid.” You arch a brow.

“It would be counter productive to harm my partner.”

Hours turn into days. Days into weeks and suddenly you stand on a blurred line. How much is she pretending? How much are you?

The two of you rest on opposite ends of the couch. Enjoying another round of prime time television.

“Yesterday I was talking to that girl in accounting.” Yelena pulls your attention from the picture.

“The blonde one?” You ask, tossing a piece of popcorn at her.

She attempts to catch it in her mouth. Having had more than a few drinks her coordination is lacking.

You smirk, when it falls into her lap.

“No Maggie.” She corrects you, finding the wayward piece and biting into it.

“Mmm.” You hum.

“Mmm? What do you mean, ‘mmm?’” Yelena’s brows pull together.

“Nothing,” you insist. “I was just acknowledging what you said.”

“You didn’t sound very happy about it. Did she do something to you?” Yelena demands, straightening her posture.

“No, she didn’t do anything. Anyway tell me what happened.”

“She’s worked there for a long time. I think she knows more than she says she does.”

“So are you gonna talk to her again? See if she’ll open up?” Yelena has that effect on people.

“I am married.” She rolls her eyes, flipping her left ring finger in place of the middle.

“Shut up.” You chuckle.

“I’m crazy about you, know you. Ever since we met in high school. You didn’t like me at first but you came around.” Yelena elaborates.

“I don’t remember seeing all that in our cover story.” You cock your head to the side.

“That was a shit story, I’m rewriting it.” She waves a hand.

“Tell me more.” Tell me everything.

———————————————————————

“Did you get milk?” You shout, peeking into the nearest paper bag.

“Was it on the list?” Yelena hollers back, from the front door, kicking it shut. Her arms full of groceries.

“I don’t remember,” you say, unpacking the head of lettuce and eggs.

“You made the list.” She scoffs, setting the rest of the haul on the floor.

A knock pulls your attention away from the food.

“Who is it?” You wonder.

“It’s me, George. From next door.” Your neighbor answers.

Yelena rolls her eyes, waving you out of the kitchen. It’s your turn to make small talk.

You step carefully around the produce to the main entrance. “Hey George.” You smile, swinging open the door, “what’s up?”

“Katherine!” He greets you. “Could I borrow Irena for a minute?”

“Is that lawnmower giving you trouble again?” You guess, leaning against the door frame.

“It’s running great actually. There’s something else I’m curious about though.”

“I can send her over after dinner.” You attempt to dismiss him.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” George moves his foot to prevent the door from closing, producing a pistol from his waistband.

“George!” Yelena waves, clearly oblivious.

“Irena,” he looks down at the gun, pointed at your chest, “we have much to discuss.”

“Clearly.” Yelena agrees, coming to join you on the threshold. “Are you going to tell me why you have my wife at gunpoint?”

“We should take this inside.”

“I’m good here.”

He presses the barrel against your skin through the fabric of your shirt. “You sure about that?”

“On second thought, I could go for a drink. Do you like scotch?” Yelena takes a step back, leaving room for him to enter the house.

“Who sent you?” George demands, guiding you into the kitchen.

“We also have brandy.” She says, expression unreadable.

“Who are you working for?” He asks a second time, adjusting his grip on the gun. “First one goes in her leg.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Yelena drawls. “But I’m going to warn you, if you hurt her, you die.”

“You have three seconds to give me a better answer,” the nuzzle of the gun sits flush against you upper thigh. “One, two-“

Yelena lunges, the gun firing into the floor when he’s knocked off balance.

George tosses her off as if she weighs nothing. You rush him, knocking the fire arm to the other side of the room. Your arms locked around his neck, flush to his back. He rams you back first into the china cabinet.

You fall away with a grunt.

“Now,” the man rights himself. Wiping away the blood from his split bottom lip with the back of his hand. “We’re going to have fun.”

Taking a fist full of your hair he begins pulling you toward the center of the room. You grab for a large shard of glass, slicing it over the back of this knee. He releases you, doubling over.

“I warned you.” Yelena snarls, stabbing her knife into his belly, making a straight line up to his sternum. “You thought you could use her to break me? They used to make me torture her! They used to make me-“ she breaks off, withdrawing her knife. Only to ram it in again and again.

George, if that was his real name, is long dead. A crimson puddle blooming on the floor. It doesn’t stop Yelena, hot, angry tears rolling past her cheeks.

“Yelena.” You say softly.

“They used to make me do it.” She repeats, the weight of the words crushing down on her.

Your arms envelope her from behind.

“No.” She sobs when she feels you there, holding exactly where it hurts.

“It’s ok.” You whisper against her ear.

The blood stained blade clatters to the ground. Her breathing ragged as both her hands find yours, squeezing tightly. Don’t let go.

“It’s ok.”

“No it’s not.” She cries, frantically shaking her head.

“I did it too.” As if she needs reminding. “They made me do it too.”

She allows you to stay curled around her, desperately trying to absorb some of that pain.

———————————————————————

Yelena’s drug of choice is alcohol, the spirits burn their way into her blood stream. Erasing all that she’s done.

“You want a glass?” She offers, setting the bottle of clear liquor down on the coffee table.

“No thanks.” You shake your head, hair still damp from the shower.

“Don’t be a hero,” she rolls her eyes as she takes a seat. The water had washed away any trace of George.

“Fine,” you take a long swig from the bottle in question.

“You’ll thank me later.” She tosses back a shot, sliding the strap of your pajama top down to assess the damage to your left shoulder. “It’s deep, going to need stitches. This is why we don’t go through china cabinets.” Yelena chastises, moving for the first aid kit.

“Yeah, not my finest moment.” You peek at her. “But it worked.”

“Mmm,” she hums, returning to her spot. Flipping open the white box and removing what she needs to stitch you up.

First she hits you with the antiseptic “сука!” Bitch.

“See,” you can hear the smile in her voice, “you are learning.”

You let out a pained laugh, “I guess I am. We need to call someone to clean this up.”

“Here,” she hands you her phone, blowing gently over you wound. “You take care of that, I take care of you.”

Your heart clenches at her words. But Yelena is your partner. That is all.

“Belova, do you have a status update?” A familiar voice answers after the first ring.

“Yeah, we need a cleanup.” You say matter of factly.

“Agent Y/L/N.” He greets you. “How many?”

“One.”

“For now,” The man remarks.

“You didn’t tell us we weren’t alone in this pursuit.” You purse your lips.

“There’s a reason we sent the best. I’ll put in for a clean up crew in the morning.”

“Let them know the body is in the bathtub.”

The goes dead.

The conversation distracts you well enough from the dull ache of the needle poking and pulling at your shoulder.

Carefully Yelena bandages the abused skin. Her finger tips running along the back of your arm.

“Thank you.” You whisper, relaxing into her touch.

Her lips ghost over your skin. “You’re welcome.”

Oh.

Slowly you turn, as if not to startle her. Yelena’s eyes find yours.

You move closer, tracing the line of her jaw. “Thank you,” you repeat.

She nods, still unsure.

“Of all the people I could’ve been stuck here with…I’m glad it was you.”

“You don’t have to say that.” She pulls your hand away gently.

“You’re right. I don’t have to say anything.“ You murmur, “But I want to… and it would be counter productive to harm my partner.”

“We can’t.” She knows it. You know it. “It will get in the way. They’ll kill us.”

“No.” You chuckle bitterly. “They’ll make us kill each other.”

“I wouldn’t do it,” Yelena insists.

“You won’t have a choice.” You point out. “Didn’t you hear about that stuff they started pumping into people?”

“Mind control.” Yelena replies in Russian.

“It’s only a matter of time.”

“Maybe we get out.”

“Maybe,” you smile sadly, “maybe we find each other.” In another life.

———————————————————————

Three days later Yelena comes home late. During your day off you were tasked with the more mundane tasks of running a household, but you suppose there are worse things. She finds you in the laundry room, drink already in hand. Her mouth set in a frown.

“What’s wrong?” You drop the piece of clothing back into the basket.

“I have it.” Yelena confesses.

You press your lips together, you knew this was coming. That information is the only reason you are here. “Did you contact them?”

“Not yet.”

“Are you going to?”

“You say that like I have a choice.” She stares down at her drink.

“I just meant-“

“I know what you meant.” Yelena knows you, better than anyone. The red room saw to that. “Do you want to stay one more night?”

“Do you?” You wonder.

“When I was a little girl…I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.”

“In the morning,” you offer. Any longer and the risk will be too great. “We’ll go in the morning.”

She nods, taking in the room around her. “I wanted it to be real.”

“It was.” You choke down the lump in your throat.

———————————————————————

Your return to the red room is swift. No pat on the back or celebration to be had. Just two pawns, returning to their places on the board.

You’re separated from Yelena. Because your loyalties are to each other and that poses a threat. But what did they expect? They made you this way.

You are alone. Perhaps the most alone you’ve ever been. Or maybe you’d just forgotten that you could feel things. You remember now and wish you didn’t.

Like it or not she changed you. Knowing her had changed you, for better or for worse. After Yelena you were never the same.

Word of Oksana’s escape only fuels the need to chemically alter the minds of all agents. Beginning in order of importance.

Finding Yelena seated on the bench outside the physician’s office steals the breath from your lungs. To see her now is blatantly cruel and calculated.

Still you sit in the empty space beside her.

“Do you know where your orders are?” She asks.

“Yeah,” you nod, “Budapest. You?”

“Back to Moscow.” Yelena informs you.

You swallow hard, your pinkies skating past each other.

“Agent Y/L/N,” the doctor opens his door. You watch as another widow exits, she doesn’t look any different. Maybe the mind control drugs aren’t affective.

You steal one last glance at Yelena. Her eyes are desperate, ‘don’t go.’ Both of you knowing you can’t stay.

“Enjoy Moscow.” You whisper, moving reluctantly to your feet.

She tears her gaze away, unable to watch you leave. “I hear Budapest is beautiful.”

You hope so.

Wanna know what happens next? Check out chapter one of Miss American Pie! 💜

Yelena Belova Taglist: @captainwonderwidow

[binniesthighs]

multifandom soulmate aus ✨

soulmate (n): a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

✨ a/n: hello hello!! today on, “Ro’s self indulgent fics” ehehe i’ve been thinking a lot about some of my favorite kpop besties and how i feel like sometimes in a group, there’s the members who just stick like glue and it’s kinda like they were destined to meet that way! anyway hehe this concept is so fkn cute to me so i wanted to make some poly r-ship headcannons with some of my favorites! 

➛ disclaimer: the pairings that i use are def not all inclusive of all “soulmate” pairings out there, just the ones i know of atm! also, i know some of these groups better than others, so some will be more specific, and others a little more general! 

✨ groups included: stray kids, ateez, the boyz, monsta x, seventeen, txt, bts 

✨ feedback is always appreciated! who’s your favorite?✨

➛maybe if we’re feelin’ spicy i can do a part 2 with the ones i haven’t done yet ;) 

Pairing: idol x female reader x idol (see fandoms above!) 

Genre: fluff n’ smut

Tags: established r/ship au, poly r-ship, sexual content (the usual stuff also including unprotected sex-please stay safe!) comfort ahhh, mentions of food alcohol  

*all photocreds go to ops :) 

both sfw and nsfw under the snip snip! 

♡ chanlix ♡

sfw

omg where the hell do i start with chanlix we love our cannon soulmates 

arguably the softest fkn pairing on this list; being soulmates with chanlix is like meeting your other halves (thirds?). there’s some serious destiny at work here!! 

the three of you understand each other on a spiritual level--almost to the point where you could likely read their minds if you wanted to try haha. there’s also a really, really strong type of emotional intimacy that you share with them that’s out of this world. 

this soulmate bond is so fkn strong, the three of you could go through any hardships and come out of it stronger than ever! 

the three of you have cute lil nicknames for eachother that you thought up yourselves! 

 your families are close as heck! it’s really pure how by the three of you so many people can get close ahhh 

i think that chanlix would be really into more outdoorsy dates? camping, swimming, hiking, sightseeing, stargazing, picnics etc! felix also loves taking you on food tours! 

bc chan is chan, he really takes on such a protective role over you and felix, he would quite literally do anything for you two: forgot your notebook or documents on the way to work/school? he’ll drop everything to bring them to you. sad? he’ll get you your favorite food, tons of blankets, his hoodie to wear and your favorite movie/tv show to watch with you! if anyone hurts your feelings too he will square tf up. 

felix is the world’s most adoring boyfriend in so, so many ways. not only is he such a cuddle bug, he shows you that he cares with tons of acts of service similar to chan! this comes in the form of his baking of course and other silly little gifts he sees that reminds you of him. he isn’t the best at words sometimes, but will soothe you by giving you a little massage or by playing with your hair! 

nsfw 

okay...😏 damn i’ve been wanting to write some poly chanlix so fkn bad ahhhh 

once again i really see chan taking the lead in more intimate situations. he really likes giving directions and seeing both you and felix carry them out! honestly he gets a bit of an ego boost seeing the both of you all whiny and fucked out ahhh 

here i come with my softsub!felix agenda oops hehe but this boy is frickin’ angelic for you and chan oml, he always asks for permission before he does things and eats praise up with a fkn spoon. praises alone really get him off: “does lixie like it when i play with his cute cock like this?” 

there’s something that gets the three of you ridiculously amped when you do all kinds of roleplay scenarios FRICK some favorites are pet play (you and lix being the kitties) teacher/student, roleplaying strangers, sex slaves, artist/muse, oh my god there was a halloween where you once did vampire roleplay you still think about it 🤤 

since the three of you are so comfortable with eachother, experimentation feels really safe! for example, the suggestion of shibari came up and now....let’s just say lix looks really pretty tied up ;) 

chan’s got a huuuuge (cock) and size kink!! he really likes topping both you and lix and seeing a bulge omg.... also when he can bulge your throats mmmhm! 

felix loves it especially when you ride his face, and he cold do it for hours! he looks so cute between your legs when he licks over and over your clit. he’ll ask you too if he’s doing good and you better say yes ;) 

favorite position would be all cuddled up and cozy with the two of them double penetrating you real nice and slow with tons of kisses and just touchin’ all over 

cockwarming cockwarming all day, every single time, without fail, it feels wrong if you finish without it! 

♡ woosan  ♡

sfw 

idk why but the first thing that comes to my mind is that in certain settings, ya’ll are loud as fuck AHA i guess what i mean to say as that as a trio, you are all super, super unapologetic and confident when around each other! this might have lead to you getting kicked out of a couple bowling alleys and karaoke places before... 

there’s a type of unspoken understanding that the three of you have that makes your bond so special. while you love eachother so dearly, it isn’t something that you really feel needs to be said out loud, it kind of just is! 

woosan are already really clingy on their own and when you come along?? you all can’t keep your hands off each other!! ya know how in movies there’s the whole “hand in the back pocket of your jeans???” woosan!! 

their energy together is so fkn chaotic but that's why you love them! they never fail to make you laugh and this is also the best way that they know how to cheer you up! 

Bc the three of you are a bit unbridled, it’s a bit hard to be serious at times when you go on dates/hang out with friends together so often you get some affectionate eye rolls haha 

wooyoung is someone that will try anything with you! hehe even if he knows that he mind not be that into it, he’ll still go with you! of course, he might say something snarky but he really does love just spending time with you! wooyoung also shares you with all his friends (changbin, yeonjun) so lowkey it feels like you’re one of the bros at times LOL 

san is a big fan of giving you gifts! oh also! words of affirmation too, san is someone who knows your insecurities well, so hypes you tf up all the time!! he especially loves buying things for you that he knows you’ll look pretty in just so he can compliment you ahhh 

at the end of the day however, there’s nothing more more that the three of you love than the tightest cuddles ever as you fall asleep! honestly, sometimes its a little too tight haha 

nsfw 

THESE BOYS FKN RAVISH YOU LIKE YOU’RE A FIVE COURSE MEAL 

and of course they expect the same from you as well! i mean....can you blame them??? these boys are sexy as hell and they frickin’ know it!! 

i have this super clear image of both of them stripping you down and rubbing massage oil all over your body and then giving you the turn to do it to them my lord...

sort of along this line, temperature play makes these boys feral. wax, ice, blowies with popsicles you name it 

both of them really just like being touched all over because they have the prettiest dancer’s bodies and just feeling hands on their muscles makes them loose it. 

wooyoung loves to mark the hell out the both of you in a really territorial way: all over your chests and necks even on your thighssss 

san, while he often does find himself in sub space, really easily can switch to dom you in the most beautiful way. everything with him is really intimate and raw: if this wasn’t already obvious haha he would like have a hand kink and loves seeing the way that his fingers look pumping in and out of your entrance and how your juices look as well. 

back too wooyoung, he’s the king of oral. whether it’s going down on you and sucking at your clit or deep throating with master level skill...foreplay is never boring with him! 

in my brain, i can see the both of them filling nearly position so this makes for an interesting dynamic to say the least AHA 

every once and a while, they’ll let you take complete control of the both of them while they just sit back and watch you with the most smug-ass grins that you’ll see in your life! 

AH another thought: woosan fkn love when you squirt on them, in any way this might look: when you’re nearly screaming in your overstimulation they want it all over them. 

favorite position would be 69 threesome style with all of your sloppy moans in-between <3 

♡  moonbae  ♡

sfw 

HEAR ME OUT the king of soulmates that know that they are soulmates but don’t take it seriously in the slightest istg this is my most favorite dynamic ahhhh 

there is not one dull day with these two boys, they’ll have you laughing in stiches until you can barely breathe like, the best kind of wheezy, silent laughter ya know what i’m talking about 

INSIDE JOKES literally so many inside jokes with the three of you 

Kevin is never scared to call your ass out, but that’s bc he knows you so well!! it’s all just jokes don’t ya worry ;) 

Along this line, your groupchat like has some random-ass name that’s also an inside joke

Jacob on the other hand is the biggest sweetheart when it comes to you, boy frickin’ melts. There is not a day that goes by when he hasn’t told you he loves ya morning and night. 

Also the best listener in the whole world, you can tell him anything and everything and he’s just sit and listen and give advice. 

Kevin loves you a ton a ton but just shows it differently! He remembers all the little things about you that you tell him to the point it’s scary how he does it so well 

Meme king Kevin would send you memes that remind him of you and Jacob

Lowkey i can see the both of them getting into the cutest petty arguments like which one of them you love more or think is more talented AHA again it’s all in good fun hehe 

it goes without saying but...it’s cuddle central up in here. 

THEY WOULD SERENADE TF OUT OF YOU oh my god it’s literally heavenly, Kevin would play piano and Jacob would play guitar FRICK 

You have oddly specific dates?? Like they would pick a movie to go see that the three of you would all hate just to meme the whole time. Jacob would still get invested accidentally tho. 

The way to both of these boy’s hearts is their stomachs so when you cook for them they would quite literally do anything for you 

nsfw 

ok ok so i’m a baby deobi so this is the gist of what i’m getting (i also did a little research LOL thank you @ deobi smutblr hehe) 

firstly i would like to say that i’m manifesting thigh riding with Jacob and i literally can’t think of anything else for some reason just p h e w and BOY does he love it too he thinks its so fkn cute to watch you! 

i get heavy, heavy switch vibes from Kevin with maybe some sub leanings??? either way, jacob def has soft dom vibes (oh god and occasional soft sub) to me but also has no problem with you taking control and doing what you like to him if that’s what you desire! 

kevin is impatient impatient and does not do well with your teasing. also...loud as hell, like, sometimes you have to tell him that he needs to calm tf down hehe (but of course you love it when he gets like that) 

separately, both of them are very different experiences i think: kevin is a fan of hard and fast, kitchen counter over the sofa type stuff sloppy toppy in risky places, and he loves to experiment too! 

jacob is also really different where he likes much, much more slow and intimate stuff like missionary, shower sex, real atmospheric stuff like candles and nice scents ahhh BIG fan of really fluffy pet names too like baby, princess, angel etc. super visual too omggg gets hard when you strip for him i think ;) 

together it’s a fkn whirlwind i’ll tell ya that. its like, honestly the most unique experience i can think of on this list because the two of them are so different. i will say that it can end up being really giggly and sweet tho! 

when it’s the three of you, kevin’s dom side comes out a little more so you’re left with these two lovely boys who want to give you all the attention! it’s lowkey a competition lol 

favorite position is when you’re sucking jacob off and kevin gets to do literally whatever the hell he wants with your pussy...i imagine that it might have to do a lot with edging if you ask me ;) 

♡ jookyun  ♡ 

sfw

oddly, i find myself soft af for jookyun and idk how to describe it haha (considering that they can often be hard as hellll) 

the three of you are also really nonchalant, but this is really in the way that you just feel as if you’ve known eachother for a really long time! 

as we know, jookyun were a bit of an enimies to lovers arc (AHA) so with the time that they’ve spent building their bond, it’s strong asf! 

i like to think that jooheon and changkyun would really get a ton of artistic inspiration from you for their music. since both of them write and often reflect bc of this, you’re totally their muse! (they’ll write some nasty as hell lyrics thanks to you too LOL) 

while our lovely thicc mx boys have unbridled confidence at times, really, they are babie. and they are frickin weak for your pampering. 

because of this, the two of them would become flustered as all hell when you do lil things for them!! this could be making them some lunch or just giving them the off compliment that they look a lil extra handsome that day. 

your safe place is with them!! ahhh i would also like to add the number of slick ass grabs when you’re in public is a bit off the chain at times ahah 

the duality of this r/ship is really something to note LOL when you go out and about when the two of them you certainly get some stares bc they look a lil intimidating at times but when you and your boyfriends cuddle up on the subway you give all passerby's whiplash haahah

Kyun is someone who is insanely romantic. almost to the point that it is cheesy haha he’d treat the both of you to expensive ass dinners, beach vacations and maybe even matching couple’s jewelry like rings or bracelets! 

jooheon on the other hand is a little more toned down haha but has another side to him that fkn swells with pride knowing how breathtaking you both are...frankly, his ego skyrockets knowing that he’s got you both for arm candy if this make sense teehee 

the three of you call eachother “babe” interchangeably, so it can get a bit confusing when you’re all in the same place and someone says “hey babe?” you need a new nickname ooP 

nsfw 

hello and here i am to push the sub!changkyun agenda. first and foremost i would like to explain how this man is such a pillow princess with the most lovely bratty edge *sighs* all that kyun wants is for you to fkn use him and do literally whatever the hell you want!! this man daydreams about you riding him right then and there wherever the hell he is. 

also, kyun is the king of toys, both using them on you and on himself! need i also say breath play as well in the same giving and receiving form? more than anything he loves it when jooheon wraps his hand around his neck hooooly ahhh he prefers it when you tease his tip with a vibrator until he’s angrily red and begging for you to give him a break just for you to bend down and give a kiss to his pearly head which makes him jolt 

jooheon is often more of a soft to hard dom if you ask me and takes care of both you and kyun really well. also... he will manhandle the hell out of you if you feel up for it (cough cough your arm kink for him ) oh shit and his thighs....don't’ even get me started 

while the three of you often opt for the hard and fast (even in some more risque places--such as in the recoding studio) there are really some more intimate times that you share too! 

on one of changkyun’s vacations, in the middle of the night, when no one was in sight and the hot tub was free for use...it started out as a bit of making out but then turned into something else when you decided to straddle jooheon and he let his hands creep under the straps of your swimsuit...needless to say you were bouncing on both of their dicks while you were warmed by the crackling bubbles 

at times, jookyun can get a little needy and impatient without you, so this has lead to a couple situations where you walk in on them letting out their frustrations ;) of course, immediately then they’d love for you to join! 

kyun has an oral fixation too, sooo he may or may not love cockwarming with his mouth or sucking your fingers lightly when you go to suck his dick~ 

♡  junhao  ♡

sfw

here me out with this one...but...there’s something really intimate about this relationship?? oh how to put this into words LOL junhao also have an insanely deep bond that really transcends if ya ask me haha 

while they both can be really goofy around eachother when comfortable the soulmate vibes are just...immaculate! this is all i can say? all three of you are just so connected in the way that you accept each other for all that you are and just kind of naturally gravitate towards each other even before you really knew that there were romantic feelings involved! 

first, i would like to say that out of all the pairings on this list, you three are classy as FUCK. seeing the three of you next to eachother is like seeing literally three models in the flesh. the way that you dress (sometimes even to match a little) is unbelievable bc you all just look so good? 

hand holdingggg wherever you go! holding hands across cafe tables, playing with each other’s hands absentmindedly hehe 

TRAVEL BUDDIES you would go anywhere with them and take tons of pics!! i mean the prettiest pics 

hao shows his love for you in the form of so many things, all of which he makes himself!! you inspire his physical art and drawings which he shares with you and he also loves to take clothes too and personalize them for you! 

jun on the other hand would take you to the studioooo and you could watch him danceee oh my gosh he’s literally so breathtaking and he would be dancing just for you with every curve of his body he’s so magical :’) then he’d ask you for feedback and you’d just be speachless...also loves to make you smile!! just being his goofy self he’s the best at it and thinks you’re so cute! 

there’s a ton of adoration in this relationship! tons of cute little displays of skinship that might look like a poke in the cheek or the fluffing of their hair ahh 

still, i feel like you would have kind of silly little nicknames for them that match their personalities and perhaps...you could have matching phone cases with these nicknames.... 

in this relationship there’s a ton of quiet moments that are really peaceful and indulgent such as watching sunsets, drinking wine together, just talking about life n stuff like that! 

nsfw 

hellz yeah we’re in for some more intimate-ass fuckin! but also....😏

this boys are kinky as shit but in like a really classy ass way lolll this is so hard to put into words. 

well, i’ll start with junhui catboy agenda so there’s that hehehe he would most def be into pet play: that could be like ears or pretty collars and of course calling you (or him) kitten. 

minghao is really versatile and doesn’t really like labels of dom and sub, he just does what he wants and what feels good to him! bc we’re talking about how intimate everything is, the kind of sex that you share with them is often never rushed but really purposeful and even planned sometimes! 

i also see there being TONS of sensory items that would come into play with junhao such as flowers, fragrances, aphrodisiacs, all kinds of fabrics for sensory deprovision such as velvet, silk, hemp rope, and so much more! 

BOTH OF THEM WOULD SOUND ANGELLIC i see hao as letting out really pretty soft moans that kind of trail on his tongue and jun sort of choking out gasps with a bit of a rasp to them when they cum or they feel turned on

oh god MIRROR SEX that's what i have to say about this 

it doesn’t happen often, but sometimes when any one of you would be feeling needy or pent up they can certainly do hard and fast with you between the two of them. especially when this happens, oh my god hao loves it when you moan really breathily into his mouth when you’re pressed against him ooooh shit 

and jun loves it when you bite into his shoulder too when he fucks you it just makes him feral 

actually, i could really see the three of you recording yourselves, or even taking pictures when you have more intimate moments to look at later, just for your own enjoyment or to get off when you’re without the others 

favorite position: hmmm mirror sex with you on top of minghao literally just kissing him and marking his body as jun eats you out until you’re dripping down to minghao’s cock which he jerks off too~ 

♡  yeonbin  ♡

sfw 

DON’T TOUCH ME IM SOFT  

admittedly i don’t know too much about this pairing but i do know a lil so i wanted to add them!! i also did a lil research hehe 

FIRST i would like to say that the three of you would without a doubt have the cutest puppy together, if not one, then two!! they would be little dogs with perfect haircuts and likely have their own instagram account which the three of you would run! they’d be instragram famous of course 

LITERALLY EVERY DAY ITS A FIGHT OVER WHOS CUTEST i kid you not this is an ongoing battle you’re all just...so weak for the other ahaha 

being in a relationship with them is like being in a relationship with your bestfriends! 

dates with the two of them can really range all over the place bc you just like having fun together! movie dates, breakfast dates, ZOO OR AQUARIUM DATES, taking little trips to places you haven’t been before or stay at home dates like having a little indoor picnic! 

soobin is really low energy, and would often opt to hang out with you at home or at a cafe while the two of you do your thing together! he lovessss when you bake or cook for him, literally whatever it is he’ll eat it! 

his smile is instant serotonin and the reason why you fell in love with him! the two of them together all smiley is your lockscreen! 

yeonjunie prefers going out with you clothes shopping and would DEF enable you to dye your hair a color that you’ve always been dying to do! he also loves showing you new music and blushes like heck when you tell him that you like the songs that he picks! 

in their own playful ways too, they’d always call you out on your bs LOLL but they just wanna motivate you! they’re your biggest cheerleaders! 

Deep down though, both of them are quite cheesy and would love to shower you with alll the stereotypical romance that you can take even if it makes all three of you cringe ahahah 

nsfw

NEEEEDY and literally so mf horny on the dl like it’s comical to how soft and shy they can be in real life situations 

oh my god this is a godly thought but i see both of them being both switchy as heck but not really bc they like how it feels to be in those different postions but literally....bc no matter what it is they are getting off lolll 

i see both of them having sub leanings but can get real bratty if they’re feeling it. 

yeonjun does have a dom side to him that just comes with his general confidence that he gets around you! when either of you beg from him he’s ready to let himself loose. 

im so sorry but they literally handed pet play to me on a silver platter with cat & dog and there is no going back for me. SO you’re in for puppy, kitty and bunny play (shhhh yeonjun’s got his fox ears too) 

WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT HOW ALL OF YOU WOULD LIKE THIGH HIGHS

both of them love being edged to high hell by you...no matter if it hurts...they kinda like it? 

at the same time, both of your boyfriends also love giving you all the attention at times too! i’m talking about one of them playing with your breasts while the other trails kisses down your body all the way down to your pussy aching for attention too

FUCK this might be just me but soobin eating you out>>>> a GODLY sight. 

i have this other fantasy of yeonjun with either lip piercings or nipple piercings or even a dick piercing someone plz tell me to calm down 

oh please...bubble bath with the two of them holy shit baby pink bubbles all around you while you take turns givin’ each other cute kisses ahhhh 

one more thing to the pile here would be hella mutual masturbation soo much of it. the three of you get off just simply watching eachother too and dirty talking how much you love the way the others look with hands rubbing themselves away with cute whiny moans~ 

♡ taekook ♡

sfw 

omg! this is my first time remotely talking about bts on my blog hehe this is so exciting!! i don’t really read too much bts ff so this is going off of my own perception! 

i just wanna say....there’s so much to unpack here LOL but like many of the soulmates on this list, these boys are ~whipped~ for you and eachother!! its so stinkin’ cute 

another thing about these expensive boyfriends is that they loooove to sing for you too! they’d sing you to sleep, when you’re sick, sad, or just had a hard day allllways hehe 

the three of you have sickeningly adorable nicknames for eachother, the kind that honestly make heads turn LOL 

jk would without a doubt get tattoos with you!! and wine drunk lollll he’s also a huge enabler so if there’s anything that you’re considering buying or doing he’d hype you up so bad you barely have to think twice heheh 

kinda like junhao they’d also make amazing travel buddies but less for the aesthetic, but for the luxury. you’d stay at amazing hotels and eat at Michelin star restaurants wearing luxury brands that they bought for you

i feel like this goes without saying, buuuut in this r/ship, its alll about the adoring glances from afar or even just right next to you bc they love you so much!! 

i also get a very protective vibe from them as well, you’re very special to them, and they never wanna see you in harms way or disrespected by anyone! this could even look like having their arm around you on the bus or on the small of your back in a crowd 

together, they’re the biggest jokesters and flirty as HELL they think that it’s so funny when they flirt out in public AGRESSIVELY just to make you a lil embarrassed hehe  

forehead kissessss and kisses on the back of your hand! 

nsfw 

luxurious in this area tooooo 

they would rent out the penthouse or presidential suite to make an evening for you and pull out all the stops: expensive champagne, lingerie selected just for you, a breathtaking view of the city ahhhh 

ya all know how much i love my soft and intimateeee body touching and there would be plenty of this! they take their time undressing you and eachother and would plant kisses into the nape of your neck and shoulders as you do so! 

i would like to contribute to this conversation sub!jk bc this is something that ahhhhh i really like to think about as well as soft dom tae bcccc why not heheh 

these boys are utterly gorgeous under soft lighting and prowling all over your body too tho ahhh 

BUT! imagine teasing the hell out of jk, barely letting him feel your mouth besides fleeting kisses while tae drives his hips into you from behindddd 

in fact, these boys actually don’t mind a little voyeurism with the wide windows in your suite, opting to leave them open so there's a bit of thrill in the way that they fuck you too~ 

tae has a bit of...dare i sayyyy a power kink, so when you call him names such as sir, daddy, master etc oh boy 

jk himself is bit into sensory dep specifically with blindfolds especially when its your hands travelling all around his body making him shiver. 

both of them just looove cuming all over you as well: face, ass, thighs, belly, literally anywhere, they just think that you look amazing like that! 

there are a couple times here and there when the three of you also do a bit of cam work together for other people to watch--although it isn’t often, you rake it in when you do so. the three of you are a perfect fantasy! 

sex also can happen in odd places with you three too since you can just start feeling it and don’t really care ;) strangest place....hmm i’d say when you joined the mile high club with them~ 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses! 

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz  @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @lmhmins @eunaeiekim

[inkbyajm]

Bottled Up

pairing: C.H. x fem!reader

category: angst, fluff

warnings: yelling, crying, insecurities

word count: 2.2k

notes: apologies for the tardy post, i wrote and rewrote and re-rewrote the whole angsty scene because i didn’t know if it was written well enough, i wanted to make sure you guys could feel the emotions that i vividly visualised and tried my best to put into words  :( i did send it to a friend to check and she seemed to like it, so let me know how it goes for you, my loves. the angst for this one was inspired by 2 different songs - hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi and i will run from you by cemeteries. it’s not necessarily about the lyrics, but more about the melody and the mood you get into listening to them (they go in order). give those a listen :) also, beware of the upcoming philosophy references, i did study philosophy last year, hopefully no one gets triggered lmao

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Is a person’s scent something a normal human being picks up on before taking into account the rest of their features? Would a normal human being remember said scent and be able to recognise it in a crowd full of strangers? Corpse wasn’t too sure about the answer, but one thing he did know, is that she smelled delicately sweet, like cherry blossoms, and that ever since he had noticed it during their game night a few weeks ago, he simply couldn’t let it go. It was intoxicating, but in a calming way. 

━

Corpse and (Y/N) each lay on their beds in their own homes, going into the third hour of their call. He couldn’t exactly fall asleep, so he had decided to see what his dear friend was up to, and even though she was this close to succumbing to sleep, she said nothing and stayed up to keep his busy mind company.

“Okay, hot topic: what do you think about soulmates? More specifically the romantic type?” the girl asked, not knowing how much of a risqué question it was. How was he supposed to answer?

“I don’t really have an opinion on it. Why?”

“I read Symposium by Plato the other day and it presented an interesting concept about human beings. Basically-” Of course she fucking read philosophical books. How were they even having a conversation with each other? Why were they even friends? She was on a whole other level of smart. “-so this guy says that humans were like androgynous blobs, so they’d come in two sets of everything a normal person has. But those humans were so powerful, the gods were literally shaking in their robes, so Zeus decided to cut everyone into two to weaken them. But then humans became so miserable, they spent their entire lives searching for their other halves. In the end, Zeus kinda felt bad and said fuck it, I’ll give y’all dicks and vaginas for every time you wanna hug each other. And that’s the oldest explanation there is about the idea of soulmates.” she sighed, finished with her rant.

“That was...not at all the story I expected to hear.” she heard him mumble on the other side of the call. “Yeah, Greek philosophers were up to some reeal freaky things, you would have loved them,” he laughed at her joke, “I honestly think it’s cute. Not the whole cutting people into two thing, but like, longing for someone and then finding them because you finally feel complete. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a prince in shining whatever to sweep me off my feet. But it does sound nice, that ideal comfort, a person you’re just...meant to be with, I guess.”

There was a moment of silence that neither of them really minded, before it was Corpse’s turn to ask the second bold question of the night. “Have you found that person yet? Your soulmate?”

She’s never thought about it before, but she hasn’t really thought about soulmates that much either, it was a spontaneous thought she had said out loud. “I’m not sure, actually. (B/F/N) could be one, I guess.” (Y/N) shrugged in return. Wasn’t she going to ask him about it? She probably didn’t care that much. Understandable.

“My favourite quote about love is «You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.». It’s by Sam Keen, the American philosopher. It maay be the hopeless romantic in me shining through, but I do very much agree with his statement.” Did this mean anyone could have a chance with her despite their fuckups? So if he were to try, would she-?

“Obviously, there are some things that just can’t be ignored or avoided, but at that point it’s preferences and personal tolerance. Depends on the person, ya know?” she swiftly added, unaware of the effect it had on him. Sick. Some people were just meant to rot alone.

The final question was posed by (Y/N). She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at all curious. This little crush of hers had been steadily growing with every hang out, every laugh, every hug and every glance. There are rarely ever moments where one could casually discuss a topic this personal with friends, at least there weren’t with friends one had feelings for. This was the perfect opportunity.

“Corpse?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever been in love?” her voice was soft, her approach gentle.

“Well, I’ve been in relationships before, so I guess, yeah? It’s been so long, I don’t even know what love feels like anymore.” he let out a breath resembling a chuckle. Lamest fucking answer ever. But it was true. He hadn’t thought about love in that way in quite a while.

“A lot of people describe it as having an intense range of overwhelming feelings. Lightheadedness, slight shakiness, heart palpitations, some people have even reported losing their appetite. Crazy how human bodies work, huh? Oh! Speaking of chemicals-”

She had continued on to ramble about...chemistry? Eyes? Corpse couldn’t really hear what she was saying anymore, let alone concentrate on her words, as he pieced everything that’s been happening for the past few months together. The nauseating feeling. The pounding of his heart so fast it felt like he was about to die. The urge to make as little eye contact with her as possible, because otherwise he’d turn into a furnace. The obsession with her perfume, like he was some fucking creep. The fool was falling in love. And it was at that moment that everything had come crumbling down.

━

(Y/N) and Corpse hadn’t talked for a couple of weeks. Or rather (Y/N) messaged the 23 year old many times, but he’d either claim to be busy or just not answer at all. There were two possible reasons for the sudden lack of contact: he was indeed busy with his musical projects and couldn’t allow himself to be distracted; or something much more serious was going on. It didn’t matter, for she was already in her car, on her way to his apartment.

Arriving at her destination, she used the spare key he gave her months ago, a sign of absolute trust, and allowed herself into his humble abode. Silence reigned in her friend’s residence. She thought maybe he had gone somewhere, and though that was unlikely, it wasn’t unprecedented. The door to his recording room was closed, and while she was tempted to check if he was in there, she refrained from doing so, knowing that specific room was not to be entered unless he was around to give permission.

“Corpse?” she called out just to make sure. There was no response for a few minutes, which made her assume she had the place for herself, until she heard a door open behind her. Turning around, she saw his figure emerge from said recording room in a white t-shirt and black sweatpants, his curly hair disheveled.

“Hey, how are you d-”

“Why are you here?” he spoke flatly, interrupting her. “Well- You weren’t, um, answering your messages or any of my calls, so I thought something had happened.” she replied, suddenly nervous, fiddling with the rings on her fingers. “Nothing happened. I told you I was busy.”

The air around them seemed colder as tensions rose. (Y/N) could tell he was irritated, but she couldn’t exactly figure out why. She had never seen this side of him before. “Okay. Tell you what, I assume you haven’t had dinner yet, so why don’t I go ahead and start cooking something up while you-”

“Get out.”

She blinked a few times, not quite registering the words that had just left his mouth. “Sorry?” Her voice was quiet. She was taken off guard.

“Are you deaf? I said get. the fuck. OUT.”

Corpse shouted the last word, making her flinch in what appeared to be fear. Good. Run away while you still can. Heart pounding, (Y/N) took a second to remind herself whom she was speaking to. “I see that you’re angry, but at least give me a reason why-”

“You want a reason? I just don’t fucking WANT you here!” Anger grew inside of him like a tumor, but it wasn’t intended for her. She had simply been caught in a storm that had been building up for years. “Do you understand that?! I can’t fucking be around you without feeling like I’m going to EXPLODE.”

His words hit her like paintballs. They were only words, plain and simple, but they dug deeper and deeper into her skin with each hit, until, eventually, it broke. Eyes burning, she felt the tears slowly welling up in them.

“Why are you doing this to me?!” her own voice grew louder with frustration, but mostly, confusion.

“Maybe because I can? Because I’m a goddamn asshole?” 

“Don’t say that.”

“How?! How can I not say it when it’s the truth!” He wanted to stop. His mind told him to cease whatever it was that he was doing. However, blinded with resentment towards himself, he only spilled words he would regret after it was too late. 

“I can’t function like a normal fucking human being. I can’t be a good friend, son, or whatever the fuck else, and I sure as hell can’t love you.”

The paintballs had turned into a singular sword. A very long, very sharp sword that had found itself plunged deep inside her chest. How did he found out? When? Had she been too obvious? Had she been pushy? Clingy? Way out of line? The woman before him was unable to conceal her shock, as tears came rushing down her hot cheeks. Her voice brittle, she tried defending herself. She couldn’t leave it at that. She had to try. Try to have him see reason. “You don’t love me, that’s fine. But you didn’t have to deliver it this way-”

“But I did.” breathless with fury, Corpse clenched his fists so tight they had turned cold, yet they were still trembling. “You can get so naïve and dumb, you won’t understand things unless they’re spelled out nice and fucking bold for you.”

He closed with (Y/N) until their noses nearly touched. He noticed the way she silently shook, her eyes which shed endless tears never leaving his gaze. Unable to make a single sound, she felt the man’s hot breath on her face, his aura domineering.

“Now get. out.”

Her body wouldn’t cooperate as she just stood there. Staring back at him, her inner brows raised. Corpse wanted to hug her. Envelop her trembling figure with his and tell her he was sorry, that he meant none of it, that he had lost his mind. But he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. And with his own tears threatening to spill, he created a distance between them. He needed her gone.

“Leave! GO!”

His yelling was enough to jolt (Y/N) out of her trance, and, in a hurry, she sprinted towards the entrance. The door closed behind her, she felt a sudden urge to fill her lungs with much needed air. She jumped at the resounding scream that emanated from deep within his soul, letting out all of his pent-up rage.

Feet carrying her all the way to her car parked outside of the building, the young woman managed to climb in, and this was the queue for her body to break down. The night was young. The street empty. No one around to hear her long-lasting wailing. She clutched the steering wheel for support, fingers wrapping around the leather in a tight grip. A headache was creeping up from the back of her skull. Her ears pulsated in response to the heavy pounding of her heart. Clumsily, (Y/N) inserted the key into the ignition, felt around for the gear stick, and drove away. She didn’t know where she was going or how long it was going to take to get there. She needed to get out.

What went wrong? When did it go wrong? She couldn’t help but feel guilty, feel at fault. She had never seen that side of him before. He had never treated her that way before.

It was the hugs, wasn’t it? He had to have noticed the way she held on for a second too long to enjoy the smell of his cologne. Her vision blurred as she resumed softly weeping, her salty tears staining her top. Or it might have been the touchiness, she would practically glue herself to him during their movie nights. Unaware of both her actions and surroundings, (Y/N)’s breathing quickened, becoming ragged. Maybe he didn’t like the way she called him three times a week. Her hands were slowly losing control over the wheel, over the vehicle she was driving. She invaded his privacy. That was definitely it. Fuck. How could she have been so damn blind, selfish, ignorant, FUCKING STUPID.

Lights. Something was moving towards her- MOVE.

With a sharp turn, she dodged the approaching car just by a hair’s breadth, but as she had avoided one accident, another came just as quickly. 

[monsoonblooms12]

Love Again, Prologue: Not meant to be

Summary: What if Ethan's running away to the Amazon was successful and he convinced himself that his feelings and his relationship with Pooja had been reset?

In this Chapter: When there is a conflict between reason and feelings, will he be able to make a choice?

A/N: Unfortunate angsty ideas that would not leave be alone until I wrote them. I am going to hurt myself and my babies with this, I know it. Also, I wrote this at 1 in the morning.

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Word Count: around 1K

Rating: General

Category: Angst, WIP AU

The languid pass of a moment. That's all it took for her to become his habit.

A torturous fight of 1,461 hours. That's what took him to rub away the words etched in stone.

Her words.

Distance. 4100 miles of distance to be appropriate. Why did his heart still manage to find her and tie the thread of fate? Why couldn't he tear himself apart from those notorious reminiscences of hers?

Every day for 2 months, he repeats the same words over and over again like a chant, a spell that would help him go away from her, to leave her and the feelings, which felt like the sweet fragrance of the ambrosial bluebells amidst a drought ridden island, behind.

We're not meant to be.

But she made it to too easy, way too easy to find a way back to her. She beckons him in the sweetest of voices, teases him with those amber orbs, making him want to get lost in them. To hold her hand, which fits perfectly, way too perfectly in his, as if fitting two halves of a whole together. Because that is what they are.

Were.

Two halves of a whole.

No. It doesn't matter anymore. Whatever they are, were. It's too dangerous, the pursuit of finding the emotion which must not be named.

And he starts it again, the reset. The tiring attempts to make her his past tense, no matter how much his soul craves for her to be his present tense.

Golden poison burns his interior with the same intensity as his heart burns. It screams, terrified, but his mind refuses to put out the blazing flame.

So that only ashes of a bygone era remain scattered in the desert of his soul, so ridden of its necessities that even a cactus cannot grow in it, let alone a maple tree.

He lies down, eyes transfixed on the tumultuous drumming that the storm carries out. It has come down to wash away anything of her that remains with him, he is convinced.

In the ferocious battle between reason and feelings, he can clearly see his reason win. Even if it pains, it tears him apart.

How can something as simple as a four letter word have so much power? To put him in so much agony, that all he wants is for her to stroke his forehead like she did when she laid beside him?

Sleep was a farsighted luxury he was not allowed to enjoy. Even though he hated robots, he wished he was one of them now. Oh, how easy it would have been. All he needed to do was press a button. A single button.

Reset

His encephalon had many, many more points to present than his heart. But his heart had one, one such statement, that would put all the lists his mind presented to shame.

It was the feeling which must not be named.

If one said he hadn't really pushed all stops, they were wrong. If they think they can guess the destruction the tornado of reset was causing from his masked face, they are foolish.

Not as foolish as he himself, but still, foolish.

He had deleted her number, all those texts which were like romantic quotes to him. He had deleted all those pictures which had served as a calm to his sore eyes. She was his meditation, his serenity and he had discarded everything away.

And she didn't know.

Everytime his heart tried to wonder what story she is writing on the other half of the slate they share unbeknownst to each other, he had to drag it back like it was a 2 year old child, crying at the supermarket for its favorite chocolate.

Millions have been clever enough to put back their sorrows to embrace happiness, life, love. To become a new person.

But has anyone ever been so foolish to throw the ecstasy life offered them, to erase the happiness people crave?

It felt like carrying out a funeral. Of everything he felt for her that made no sense, no sense to him. Burying her memories down the freshly dug grave in the labyrinth of his heart, the heavy mist from the ravaging strom enveloping him, as if trying to make him stop.

But he didn't heed.

And along with pieces of her that she had left with him, like an innocent mistake, he, knowingly or unknowingly, buried a part of him. He lost those puzzle pieces of him and her that remained connected together as if the rapid current of a gushing stream had pulled them into her flow, preventing him the chance of second thought.

The thunder cackled outside ceiling to floor windows, as if making fun of his idiocracy. His heart begged him to reconsider, to take the chance and dive, before the lucid water carried the drifting maple leaf of happiness, too far away from him. The creases of his forehead dug deeper and deeper into his mind, trying to pull out the stupid reason that had started to get better of him.

But it was late. Too late.

The maple leaf of feelings that she had unknowingly gifted him with a promise of eternity was now lost behind boulders of excuses his mind had created.

If only life had a rewind button...

And now, all that was left with him was pained pieces of the half of his heart, yearning for the other half. Even if Ethan Ramsey did not realize it.

He was incomplete. Without her, he was incomplete.

And yet he chose to be broken with reason than to be complete with love. And yet he chose to leave her with gazillion guesses of a what if , one that would trouble her, tear her apart, make her run through miles of guesses, never being able to get the answer.

And yet he chose to pass on his torture to her, an endless maze of agony she would never be able to escape.

And yet, he chose to trap her in the question,

Were they really not meant to be?

PS: If you are reading this, I am very grateful for you. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day❣️

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[hot-wiings]

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Requested By: Wattpad User

Edited: 8-17-2020

You laid on your stomach across Ochako Uraraka's bed. Spotify's 'Top One Hundred Pops' playlist could be heard in the background, but your best friend and you didn't care much for Timberlake's voice as you skimmed through magazines together. 

You stopped flipping pages and closed your magazine before tossing it next to you on the bed. Your attention was now turned to Ochako who simply stared down at her magazine. You noticed she hadn't really been flipping her pages or really participating in conversation like she usually would. 

“Is something bothering you Ochako?”

With a hefty groan, your best friend closed her magazine and tossed it next to her. She had a slight frown on her face as she turned to you. Her eyes were glossy and her smile was gone, she looked and acted nothing like the girl you'd grown to know and call your best friend. 

“[Y/N], have you ever been on love?"

A blush spread across your face as you thought of the boy who held your heart. The boy who held your heart, soul, and entire reason for being. Izuku Midoriya, your secret boyfriend, the man who held your affection. Not that you'd ever told him truly how deep your love for him ran.

"Yes, I have."

"There's this guy and I think... I think I'm in love with him.”

“Ochako... If you really think you feel this way about him, then you should tell him.” 

You had pulled yourself up from your lying position to a cross-legged sitting position next to Ochako. She sat in front of you with her arms crossed, hugging herself. She looked so troubled. So sad. 

“I... I want to, but lately, he's been spending less time with me, and more time with this other girl. I'm worried he might have caught feelings for her."

You reached out and pulled Ochako's hands into yours. You squeezed them as a way of comfort. 

“Ochako... If you really feel this way then you should tell him. You should tell him before it's too late.”

“You're right, [Y/N]. Thanks for the advice, you're like the big sister I never had.”

Ochako wrapped her arm around you tightly and pulled away with a smile on her face. A smile you hadn't seen in weeks. She looked more like the Ochako you knew. 

“I'm gonna tell Midoriya how I feel!”

Suddenly it was like a weight came down on your chest. Midoriya? Your Midoriya? Love of your life Midoriya? How could you have missed the signs? He was hanging out more with you, less with her. The way she tried so hard to get his attention. How could you have missed the obvious signs?

Suddenly you hated the fact you and Izuku kept your relationship secret. At first, it was so your classmates couldn't make a big deal about it, as time went on with your dad being All Might it just made more sense to help preserve Izuku's secret of being Toshinori's successor, but then the secrecy made it feel more romantic.

"You like Izuku?"

Your heart swelled as Ochako flopped back on the bed with an ever-growing smile.

"How couldn't I? He's sweet and nice. He's caring and he inspires me to be a better hero."

You bit your lip as you thought of what to say to your best friend. What could you say? 'I'm Sorry, I'm already dating him'? How could you hurt her like that when she's been nothing but a friend? How could you hurt her like that when she feels your like a sister to her? You couldn't.

The more you thought of Ochako and your boyfriend the worse your bad thoughts swirled. You'd never amount to great title your father left and the expectations people expected of you. Izuku would grow to fulfill your father's title, he would be a real hero. But what of you? You would grow to be an undercover hero like Eraserhead. But Ochako? She would look great at Izuku's side. She would be someone he could fight with side by side. She would be someone worth being with Izuku.

She would suit Izuku much better than you. They would be perfect together, better than you could be.

"Ochako, I have to go now. I hope it works out for you though!"

Quickly you got up off her bed and grabbed your bag before bolting out the door. Once you were away from your best friend and alone in the halls you slid your phone out of your pocket.

[Y/N]: Izuku... I think we should stop seeing each other. [Sent: 8:17 pm]

You don't even watch the little read sign pop-up. You don't watch Izuku's chat bubbles pop and go away. You just slide your phone back in your pocket and let the tears slide down your face.

You couldn't help but watch them as they ate lunch together. You were tables away from them, Ochako took this as you giving her and Izuku time to be alone together, really you were giving each other distance from the breakup.

You couldn't help but watch them as they ate lunch together. It had only been a couple of months, but it appeared a lot could happen in three months. As Ochako sat close to Izuku it felt wrong. As Izuku laughed at her jokes you felt sick. As Ochako leaned her head against Izuku you felt utterly disgusted.

Breaking up with Izuku was the worst mistake you ever made, but how could you not? If you hadn't Ochako would've been hurt. It was the worst mistake, but they were so happy and perfect together. They were like two halves of a whole.

They were two halves of a whole yet you couldn't help but stare at them. You couldn't help this jealous feeling from taking over as you hung out with Ochako. You couldn't help this wanting urge that overcame you every time you and Izuku passed in the halls. You couldn't help that he always crossed your mind. You couldn't help that seeing them together crushed your soul.

You couldn't help these feelings, yet you were the one who pushed him away from you and into the arms of your best friend.

Abruptly the chair next to you was pulled out and Katsuki Bakugo plopped his butt down next to you. Compared to yours, his lunch looked like a five-course meal. Of course, watching Izuku with Ochako really took away any appetite you had in you.

"Hi."

You smiled over at the blonde boy. Ever since you stopped sitting with Izuku, Katsuki had been hanging about with you. Contrary to what most of your class would say, Katsuki could be nice. His generosity came in his own rough way, still, he was a true friend to you.

"Stare at that shit-munches any longer and you'll burn a hole on his head."

"I wasn't staring."

Your words tumbled out quickly and fast. You didn't want anybody thinking you were crushing on Ochako's new boyfriend, not when they weren't privy to the information that said new boyfriend was your ex.

"Do you even realize how fuckin' obvious you make it? You're crushing on the damn nerd!"

"Shut up Katsu! You don't understand."

You pushed your lunch away from you and crossed your arms. You felt sick just having this conversation. You felt repulsed, and you knew the food would have a hard time going down.

Katsuki pushed your food back in front of you and crossed his own arms.

"So eat and explain it to me."

'I'm not hungry."

"Don't be fucking stupid. Not eating just because you're upset is gonna make you feel sick."

The sight of Ochako out of the side of your eye all over Izuku hurt and disgusted you. It repulsed and aggravated you. You didn't want to eat, yet, the look on Katsuki's face as he insisted you ate made you feel indifferent.

He cared for you, he was trying to be a good friend. For the sake of Katsuki, you pick up your fork and scoop some food in your mouth.

"I can't really explain it- I and Izuku dated before he and Ochako got together."

"Did the fucker break your heart?"

Despite Katsuki's gruff voice and colorful language, he still spoke quiet and kind towards you. Although, you could detect some disdain for Izuku in his voice.

"No, I ended it... I thought... I thought he could do better."

Katsuki doesn't say anything and you were sure you either upset him by talking about his enemy, or bored him to death by talking about your feelings. That was what you thought until you felt his warm fingers snap against your forehead.

"Ow."

He flicked you right out of nowhere.

"You're a fucking Idiot. If anyone could do better it's you. Deku was lucky he even had you, he never shoulda' let you go."

As the school bell rang Katsuki put his lunch container in his bag and walked away. He didn't head in the direction of class like everyone else. No, he was making a beeline for that shitty nerd, Deku.

The hard truth is you and Katsuki were a lot alike. You were both willing to suffer if it meant the one you truly loved was happy and thriving.

You sat on your bed, laptop, notebook, and homework books strewn across your lap. It looked messy, but not as messy as the rest of your room. You had dishes on the counter and clothes scattered in piles. It was messy like your life. You had kind of let it go to shit after you broke up with Izuku.

A quick, brisk knock on your door could be heard. You groaned as you pushed your work materials off of you to answer it. You hoped it wasn't your teachers, with such a messy room that would be embarrassing. Mostly you prayed it wasn't Ochako.

You unlatched the hook, twisted the knob and pulled the door open. You didn't know who you expected. Your teachers maybe, perhaps Katsuki. You didn't know who you expected, but you didn't expect to see him.

Izuku, with his messy green hair, looked like a mess. He was out of breath and it looked like his eye was purple and swelling. You wanted to pull him into a hug. You wanted to check out his eye and clean it up. You couldn't, that was Ochakos job.

He wasn't yours. Not anymore.

"Hey... What are you doing here?"

"I've been such an idiot."

You hugged yourself and leaned against the door frame as to not give away how nervous and timid you felt with him being here.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about us! I should've fought for us and I didn't. I thought you needed space. I tried giving you space but it didn't help. It just pushed us away from each other."

"Zu' it doesn't matter. We're just not right for each other."

Izuku walked closer to you and you hugged yourself tighter. You had to be strong, you had to push him away. You had to, but as he placed his hands on your shoulders you felt your distance fall.

"We are right for each other. We were perfect for each other."

"No, we're not!"

"Yes, we are! Kacchan told me everything. I thought you needed space, what you really needed was reassurance."

You turned around from him and walked further into your dorm. Why couldn't he let this go? He could be so much happier with her.

"You needed reassurance and I didn't give that to you. I didn't fight. I didn't try. I just need you to know that Ochako will never be it for me. She will never be the girl I want to tell all my secrets too. She will never be the girl I think about late at night. She will never be the girl I love. She will never be you."

"She's so pretty, nice, and thoughtful. Why don't you want her? My skills, my looks? Just mediocre. Mineta doesn't even look at me, and he would look at trash if it had a vagina. I'm just All Might's daughter. I'm not special in any other way-"

While Izuku could admit fault for not being there for you, for not noticing how insecure you'd become in your relationship, he would never admit to or apologize for threatening Mineta into never looking at you.

"Don't you dare say that! You have never been All Might's daughter to me. You have always been [Hero Name]. You prove every day that you are more of a hero than anyone here. Your special, brilliant, and beautiful. I'm in love with you."

Izuku pulled you into his arms for the first time in three months. The emotions inside you broke and you allowed yourself to let out everything that had been bothering you. Everything that had been making you insecure.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I'm here now, and I'm never leaving you."

As Izuku held you in his arms it felt right. It wasn't Izuku and Ochako. It was Izuku and you.

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Eleven

@lukadrien-june

Read it on AO3: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Eleven: Soulmates

The summer afternoon drifted by peacefully as Luka and Adrien sat up on the deck of the Liberty, basking in the warmth of the sun.

Luka was trying to figure out the bridge to the song he was writing about Adrien while Adrien lounged in a nearby deckchair reading Sailor Moon.

Luka just so happened to look up and find tears streaming down Adrien’s cheeks.

“Hey. You all right?” he called in concern.

“Oh. Sorry,” Adrien chuckled sheepishly, swiping at the tear tracks. “I’m fine. Just thinking too much and being overly sentimental.”

Luka set aside his violin and pulled his chair over next to Adrien’s.

“Hey.” He rested a hand on Adrien’s forearm. “Don’t dismiss your feelings like that. That’s your father talking, and he’s wrong.”

Adrien’s gaze dropped to the manga in his lap. “It doesn’t feel like he’s wrong, though. I feel silly.”

“Talk to me?” Luka urged gently, trying not to press too hard.

It was a fine line to walk between supportive and pushy with Adrien. He wanted Adrien to open up to him on his own terms, because Adrien genuinely wanted to confide in him.

It was difficult, however, because Adrien was used to bowing to others’ demands, and Luka didn’t want to accidentally force Adrien into speaking because Adrien thought that that was what Luka wanted.

Adrien was a people pleaser and likely to steamroll over his own boundaries if he thought it would make others happy.

“Only if you want to talk about it,” Luka added softly, giving Adrien’s arm a squeeze. “I’m here for you, okay?”

Adrien bit his lip and turned to gauge Luka’s reaction. “…Do you… Do you believe in soulmates?”

Luka blinked and thought about the question for a moment before answering honestly. “I think they’re a lovely idea. It’s nice to think that, out there somewhere, there’s someone made especially for you…but I don’t actually think the world works that way.”

“Oh,” Adrien breathed, expression carefully neutral. “Why is that…do you think?”

Luka shrugged. “I’m also kind of a rebel. I don’t like it when other people make decisions for me, so I don’t really like the idea of the universe setting me up with someone without my consent. The choice of a life-mate is probably the most important decision you can make; I want some say in that.”

“Oh,” Adrien repeated, considering Luka’s points. “I mean…I can see that, but…what makes you think that they don’t exist?”

“Life experience,” Luka answered with a sheepish smile. “I’ve been in love a couple times, and there have been a few different people I could see making a life with. I read somewhere once that there were maybe twenty different people that any given person could be compatible with, and I think that’s true. I mean, off the top of my head, I can think of two people I’d consider as ‘soulmates’ for myself.”

Adrien’s expression darkened. He could easily guess that one of Luka’s potential “soulmates” was Marinette. The other, he suspected, was XY, and the thought made his stomach roil with jealousy and hurt.

“I think the idea of soulmates is nice,” Luka continued, missing the shift in Adrien’s mood, “but I don’t believe in them. I like to think that I make my own decisions. Besides, what about people who aren’t interested in romance or relationships? Do they just not have soulmates or are their soulmates more of a queerplatonic arrangement or…?”

Luka trailed off as he noted the sour look cutting into Adrien’s face. “I’m sorry. Was that the wrong answer?”

Adrien’s head jerked up. “What?”

“Sorry,” Luka repeated. “I didn’t mean to try to shove my views down your throat. And I could totally be wrong. I’m certainly not some kind of supreme deity or anything, so who am I to say that there’s no such thing as soulmates? I didn’t mean to insult you if you believe in soulmates.”

Adrien shook his head, waving away Luka’s concern. “No. It’s fine. You didn’t insult me. I just…”

He bit the inside of his lips, eyes tracing the picture on the manga cover in his lap. “I used to think that Ladybug was my soulmate. I mean…we were supposed to be ‘two halves of the same whole’ and all that, but…”

He shook his head again, a dark smile tugging at his lips. “It was just wishful thinking. She was never interested in me like that, and the truth is that the previous Guardian just randomly picked the two of us, so it’s not like it was some grand plan of the universe or anything. It was just luck and coincidence. I was fooling myself.”

“Adrien…” Luka whispered, tightening his hold on Adrien’s forearm.

Adrien looked up and slapped on a fake grin. “Besides, there’s no hope for a relationship with her now that it turns out my father was our arch nemesis this whole time. I’m a complete failure as a hero, Luka. I was living under the same roof as Papillon, and I had no idea for half a decade. There’s no way—”

“—Stop,” Luka commanded, standing and pulling Adrien to his feet as well.

The Sailor Moon manga tumbled to the deck, pages flapping.

“Just stop, okay?” Luka tugged Adrien into a hug, squeezing him tightly.

“Stop and breathe and quit being so mean to yourself,” Luka instructed.

The tension quickly flowed out of Adrien’s body, and he melted into the embrace.

“Marinette would never rule you out as a romantic partner just because of your father,” Luka stressed, wishing he could make Adrien see reason. “And you’re not a failure as a hero. How many times do I have to tell you how amazing you are?”

“At least once more,” Adrien chuckled mirthlessly into Luka’s chest.

“You’re amazing, Adrien,” Luka insisted. “If Plagg were here, he’d say the same thing. It wasn’t your fault you didn’t know about your father. How could you know when he always kept himself shut up like he did? You hardly saw the guy. No one can blame you for what happened. Marinette certainly doesn’t.”

Adrien nodded lethargically. “Yeah. I know. I just…it’s hard not to be down on myself.”

“Yeah,” Luka whispered. “Yeah, I know, but try to hang in there and think positive.”

Adrien made a halfhearted noise of agreement.

Luka squeezed tighter. “You’re going to be okay. You’re a magnificent person, P5, and, someday, you’re going to meet someone amazing who sees how special you are.”

“…Like how you do?” Adrien inquired, pulling back just enough to catch Luka’s reaction.

Surprise flitted across Luka’s face and was then replaced by a warm smile. “Yeah. Just like how I do.”

Adrien laughed, resting his head back on Luka’s shoulder. “No one sees the good in me like you do, Orpheus.”

Luka gave in and indulged himself a little by resting his head on top of Adrien’s. “In that case, I’ll be your soulmate, if you want. I mean, if no one else is vying for the position.”

“The job’s yours if you want it,” Adrien replied in a way that implied that he thought no one in their right mind would want the position.

“It’s funny how, just a month ago, I had fans willing to literally maim and kill for a chance to get close to me…but, now, no one’s interested,” he mused.

Luka shook his head. “Well, now you know who your true friends are, at least.”

“There’s not a lot of people left standing,” Adrien observed glumly.

“But the ones who are are good ones.” Luka tried to help Adrien shift his perspective. “You’ve got Nino and Alya…Chloé, Kagami, Wayem, Marinette, Rose, Juleka… And your classmates are sticking by you, aren’t they? The people who really know you are still on your side.”

“…Yeah,” Adrien agreed, slowly warming to the idea. “I guess you’re right…. And there’s you. I haven’t lost you.”

“You’ll never lose me,” Luka promised. “…Maybe we need to have some of your friends over. I know you call and text and go places to hang out with them, but you’ve been here almost three weeks, and you haven’t had anyone over yet. You should call Nino and have bro time.”

Adrien looked up again. “Really? That would be okay?”

Luka laughed. “You see how people regularly wander in and out of this houseboat. Do you think anyone would care if you had some friends over?”

Adrien considered this for a moment. “…No?”

Luka nodded. “No. No one would care. You should see if Nino’s doing anything and have him over to hang out.”

Adrien bit his lip. “Would you hang out with us too?”

Luka shrugged. “If you want me there.”

A bright smile stretched across Adrien’s lips. “Yeah. I’d like if we could all spend time together. I’d like you to get to know my friends better.”

Luka’s eyes widened as he was pleasantly surprised by Adrien’s words. “Yeah. I’d…I’d like that too.”

“I mean, you should know them if I’m going to marry you someday,” Adrien teased, pulling away with a wink.

Luka choked. “What?”

“You know. Since you’ve volunteered to be my soulmate.” Adrien scooped up his book and stuck out his tongue as he started to make his way back below deck.

Luka stared after him for a good minute as all kinds of metaphorical fireworks went off.

It killed him when Adrien flirted.

[ask-breekon-and-hope]

𝖻𝗋𝖾𝖾𝗄𝗈𝗇

I DON’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF INDIVIDUALLY.

𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝖻𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗈𝗇. 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗎𝗂𝖽𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋’𝗌 𝗐𝖺𝗒, 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗎𝗂𝖽𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝖾𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋.

𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍: 𝟤𝟢𝟢𝟣

𝗍𝖺𝗀𝗌: 𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗌𝖾𝗇 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌, 𝗊𝗉𝗋 𝖻&𝗁

𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗋’𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾: 𝗂 𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗎𝗉 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗌𝗍, 𝗀𝖺𝗒𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇. 𝗂 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗇𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝗀𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗌.

𝗆𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 | 𝖺𝗈𝟥 | 𝗇𝖾𝗑𝗍

He spent decades with them. It took as long for him to choose his name, and he did not put as much thought into it as they did.

The entity that was not Breekon and Hope yet traveled. It fed on the Fears it facilitated; it knew which Fear it was part of, but it did not know the name until Robert Smirke labeled the fourteen centuries later. It was still medieval times, and during this time it discovered gender and sexuality and identity. It did not have a name, but it existed. It was building an identity.

He didn’t spend any time away from them. Together, it watched kingdoms rise and fall and kings go to war and princesses be married off and fear ran rampant throughout it all, and it studied the humans. He spent a few years as a delivery man with them, and both relished in the Fear that followed it, curling around its ankles as it walked and spreading outwards as the Fears themselves spread outwards, forming and shaping around human and animal thoughts, following humans as they evolved and discovered things like lies, and false smiles and the shadows hiding the unknown and faces and words twisted into cruelty, into rot and decay and pain and everything else the Fears fed on. It learned human languages; it took part in a few political debates in the medieval ages, when the Stranger pushed at it and the Spiral lay there ripe and waiting to inject itself into the words of kings and queens and embassies and royal ambassadors.

He never left them. He would never leave them, because he was them and they were him. The entity that was not Breekon and Hope yet understood the importance of itself, and understood that it was not alone. Its other half was as important as it as a whole was, for it with only one half was lonely, and it did not want to be alone.

He was not technically the older one. It had been one entity, and then it had been two. The only real difference was that he happened to be the half formed with more of the comprehension it had as a whole - he was made understanding languages already, and the few nuances of Fear and humans that it had learned in its time being. They were formed with only the desire to exist and not be alone; they understood only to not leave him, and that they wanted a form.

So he wasn’t technically the older one, but he acted like he was. He thought as if he was - he looked at them, almost the same as him except that they had a little longer, darker hair, and their features were a little rounder and softer, and he felt protectiveness rise in him. He knew it was because he was them, and he would want to keep something that was part of himself, but it went both ways. They trusted him just as much, and after they had formed on the sheer desire to exist, he knew it was possible that they could just as easily turn him away as to keep him close.

He was a little overwhelmed with all of this new sensation - with the formation of them, and the banishment of loneliness, came all the things associated with company. It did not much like to talk, not even to itself - but that was because it didn’t need to. It shared thoughts between its two halves, and he found that he liked it when they were happy. They smiled for the first time in their new body, and he felt he had done something right. He smiled as well - and that felt nice, too.

Speaking was not the only thing. Now, he looked back - he looked back when he opened doors, to allow them through; he looked back when they stopped to study whatever new things the humans had made; he looked back when he could no longer feel them behind him, close and moving as easily with him as breathing, and for the first time he felt fear.

That was after he chose his name, however - and a story for another time.

He looked back, and he always knew where they were as much as they knew where he was, and he shared thoughts and desires with them and every time he made them happy, their smile set something strange alight in him. He did not know what it was for centuries - at least, he couldn’t put a name to it. He didn’t want to put a name to it, really. It was simply how he was with them. There was no other way to be with them; having a relationship anything other than what it was was something neither he nor they could imagine.

He chose his name partly because of the feelings that came with company, that came with seeing them and wanting to keep them with him. It took the humans years after it split for the first time to come up with the word, and he did not learn of it for another two years, when they went inside a bookstore and read to him a passage.

The book was about a princess and a knight, as all the stories were. But the difference with this was- the princess was a girl, and so was the knight, and they had seen each other before the princess had gone.

They read it to him, and he found himself strangely captivated, in a way most other human inventions and stories didn’t. Then again, it was them reading it. He had found he couldn’t really not pay attention to them.

The princess knew the knight’s habits - she had spent days with her, riding horses, talking, and all manner of other things, when the princess lost her bodyguards and ran away with the knight. He felt the sliver of Fear as they read the words of the princess’ kidnapping, how she was taken, and for the first time, he wanted more.

Not more Fear, no - the story held no more Fear, he could sense that. He wanted more story. He wanted to know what happened to them, to the two girls who were separated and which only one of them had the power to rescue the other. Not for vanity, not for the triumph of marrying the girl, but simply because the knight had known her before and she wanted the princess to stay with her.

The princess lit a beacon, the story read. She lit a beacon into the night, and though her escape attempt failed and she was taken back, the knight knew where she was now. The knight arrived within two days, and in a day she had the princess back with her.

Beacon, he thought. A light to guide another’s way, a light to guide the person it was meant for.

They stopped reading the story, and looked up at him. He simply smiled, nodded, and thought about beacon.

“Beacon?” they asked, sitting in one of the human establishments. It needed to sleep, eventually, and it had discovered beds were quite comfortable. He laid next to them, in the same bed - it wasn’t awkward. Both knew the other was close, and so they slept, and then they woke, and it was simply how things went.

He hummed. “You’ve been thinking about it,” they continued. That wasn’t out of place - the two did share thoughts, and if he thought hard enough about something, it would convey itself automatically to them, and vice versa. Most of the time, though, neither wanted to keep thoughts to themselves, anyway. Their thoughts just flowed between each other, and keeping track of them all was not entirely that important, as long as they were still connected.

“The word sounds nice,” he replied.

They were quiet, but he could feel their thinking - he trusted them enough not to hone in on every thought they had, but he simply satisfied himself with the feeling that they were thinking, considering things.

It was a long few moments. Usually there were long moments, sometimes hours, where neither of them would talk at all, and would simply sit together, feeling the others emotions and thoughts in a vague, comfortable sense of connectedness to the other.

“I think I am Beacon,” he said, just as he felt them feel that thought from him too, the way the word sat in him and was him, the way it felt in his mouth and referring to himself.

It was off, slightly. He was Beacon… but he wasn’t. There was something missing.

“Because it’s a guiding light?” they asked, a slight teasing tone to their voice. “Romantic of you. Like the humans.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, but I am not human.”

“We aren’t human,” they revised. His mouth twitched in a small smile, as he felt the line of their arm against his as they lay staring at the ceiling, studying the shadows. On nights like this, the low hum and churn of Fear even became background noise, to the small bubble that the two put themselves in, warmth woven around them.

“Not romantic if we’re not human,” he said.

“Thought you didn’t like the philosophers’ debates.”

“I don’t.”

They sighed in warm exasperation. He turned to his side, and they eventually turned to face him, sensing his thoughts running confused, considering, serious.

“Beacon,” they said, and he frowned. That was wrong.

“No.”

They raised one eyebrow, and didn’t try to make conclusions from the thoughts running through his head.

“Still searching, then?” they asked. He shook his head at that, too.

“I am Beacon. I need to… change it. Twist it.”

He furrowed his brows in thought. Beacon was too general a word. He was not a beacon, he was- their beacon. Theirs specifically, and only theirs. And he didn’t know how to convey that, once he found that conclusion.

They didn’t comment on the clear thought that pierced through the confusion, coming from him, that he was their beacon. It was not romantic. They just knew that was how it was. Neither considered it romantic, when thinking that way came so naturally and easily, and romance as the humans put it was something big and bold and new. This was not new; this was old, and like a well-worn cover of a book, or a loved and frayed blanket.

He thought. They said the word weirdly. They still hadn’t learned human speech entirely, and their words came out just slightly off. He always knew what they were saying, because he could feel the intention behind the pronunciation with the stream of shared thoughts, but now he focused on how they said it.

Beacon. There was a slight rumble there, a slip into an r between the b and the e. It was an easier shape than be, he knew, but this was theirs. He was their beacon, and this was theirs.

“Breekon,” he said, at the same time his thoughts were processed by them, and they felt how right it was at the same time he did.

“Bre-rkon,” they said, struggling even with the ee sound in the middle anyway, and he can’t help but smile.

“Yeah,” he said. They hummed as the two went back to laying on their backs, settling into the night, the energy between them mellowing.

“Sounds right,” they said.

Breekon, he repeated in his mind. Breekon. Beacon. Breekon.

It comes out in their voice, in his head. Every time, and he thinks that yeah, this is him. He will keep the sound of them slipping an r between the letters, and the way the name fits in their mouth and how he himself says it.

It doesn’t feel monumental, really. It’s not something life-changing - he’s just found a piece of who he is, and it’s only natural for that piece, such an important part of him, to still be intrinsically linked to them.

𝗇𝖾𝗑𝗍

[buildmeafairytale]

Female Reader x Female Harpy

Just finished up this request for @featherynutcase​ for a harpy soulmate AU. Hope you guys like it! 

The Rushing Isles had come by the name quite honestly - a thought you often had when trying to make your way through the docks. Taking a shortcut through the markets always seemed like a good idea, but yet here you are, trying to convince the old women of the port city that you do not need to be set up with their nephews from the neighboring isles. 

Truthfully, the idea of their nephews had become a bit less repulsive with time. Most of the people you’ve grown up with have seen their soulmate’s footprints, shining like a prism and beckoning them to their other halves long ago. You have not been so lucky. You’ve seen prints, shining and glowing like all the stories say, but you wouldn’t exactly call them feet. Claws would be a much better description. That never deterred you, and on the rare occasions that you saw the prints you would follow them, only to be disappointed when they would abruptly end. 

“I wonder how appalled the old women would be if I asked if they had any handsome nieces who were single, instead?” you mumble under your breath. 

You dodge your way out of the crowd and make your way down the sand worn steps that bring you closer to the beach partially hidden by tall rock structures. This has always been one of your favorite hide-aways; whether you were brushed aside by other children for being more plump, or being relentlessly questioned by your family about your apparent lack of a soulmate, this spot is always a comfort. You had brought a bag full of snacks and other things to keep you occupied, and were fully prepared to spend the better part of the day on the beach. 

That was the plan,at least, until you saw the claw marks in the sand. 

The same thing happens every time you manage to catch a glimpse of the claw prints. 

Your heart starts racing, your palms get sweaty, and no matter how many times you have been disappointed, (this time would make thirty-two attempts at following the marks, but who’s counting) you are unable to stop yourself from thinking ‘this is it, I will finally get to meet them’. 

You follow the prints, your fast walk slowly building into the crescendo of a sprint, your white dress flowing behind you. You round the corner of a boulder and are at the face of a shallow cave with the waves lapping at the mouth of it. The prints had not stopped yet, and you had your head down, concentrating on them. So concentrated on the luminous prints, in fact, that you almost ran right into the one who made them. Had it not been for their shocked gasp and the shuffling noise they made, you would have collided with them. You looked up, and your deep brown eyes met their shining amber ones. Your feet were rooted to the spot, and your mouth opened and closed a few times, no sound escaping you.

She was gorgeous, ethereal, otherworldly. You could know every word in your language and then some and still not be able to express how beautiful you found her. She was a harpy, you had grown up hearing stories of the winged creatures that lived on the highest peaks of the island, making their homes above the clouds. None had ever expressed how lovely they were with their brown wings and feathers lining parts of their body. You see their claws, the claws that had left the prints leading you to them. They were sharp and deadly, but delicate in their danger. Around her claws, the prismatic light that signified one's soulmate was concentrated. 

The silence was broken by a pained squawk emitted from your soulmate. Her wings flapping as she shuffled back, putting more distance between the two of you. She heaved out a sob, and started to wail. 

“No! No, no this wasn’t supposed to happen, you weren’t supposed to see me! Oh my winds, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Leave, and forget you ever saw me here Nuccia!” She refused to look at you, and you started forward as if to offer her comfort. 

“What do you mean I wasn’t-how do you know my name?” You asked her, suddenly shocked. “You knew! You had seen me before and knew? And you didn’t think to introduce yourself? I have looked for you for so long, and you knew this and continued to be purposefully elusive to me?” You could not, try as you might, keep the anger out of your voice. She was obviously distressed, but now so were you. Tears of hurt and anger filled your eyes. Your whole life you have been too much for so many people, have felt out of place and unwanted. You were too plump, or too dark, or too opinionated. Now here you were, in front of the one being on this planet that you were made to love and be loved by, and she didn’t want you.

Her eyes widened and she whimpered, her flustered form looking for an escape the cave denied to her. You grew determined, and placed yourself even more in front of the entrance. Fine, she didn’t want you. But that didn’t mean you were going to leave without some answers, she owed you that much, soulmate or not. Your hands came to rest on your hips, and you measured at her. 

“Well, go on then. If you’re going to reject me or tell me how you never wanted me, go ahead. An explanation on why you haven’t earlier also seems warranted, hmm?” You ask, trying to convey an attitude of indifference you didn’t particularly have. 

The harpy looked horrified at this, scrambling even more. Sounds left her that had you wanting to cover your ears, horrible squawks that had no business coming from the one you wished to hold. She folded in on herself, her winged arms coming to shield the majority of her face and upper body from you. This pulled at your heartstrings, and a bit of your resolve crumbled away. You were torn between approaching her or letting her calm herself; while you were trying to decide a course of action, she pulled her winds away and managed to draw in a deep, shuddering breath. Her words spilled out quickly, as if she could not bear to keep them contained any longer. 

“I wasn’t going to reject you, I wanted to avoid you rejecting me. I wanted to be human before I introduced myself. This is all wrong! It wasn’t supposed to be this way!” Her voice cracked, volume rising again. 

“You wanted to be human? Why on earth would you do that?” You could not keep the confusion out of your voice.

“You’re human and I’m a giant bird! You’re so lovely and I just wanted you to like me. I was supposed to meet a witch to help me change, but they said it’s a lost cause and I’ll never be human. I was here moping when you found me.” Her gaze was cast down, claws tracing shapes in the sand. 

You walked over to her, holding her face in your hands. 

“You are my soulmate,” you said, vehemently, “You are you for a reason, and you, like this, are the other half of me. Don’t you dare think you have to change to be worthy of me.” Your hands come to rest at your sides, and you take a step back. You try not to let her awed expression distract you from what you have to say. “I have been trying so hard to find you, and every single time I saw your prints abruptly end, I felt less and less worthy. I felt as though the universe was playing a trick on me. But instead, you were hiding. It is a relief knowing that it wasn’t because you didn’t want me, though. I can only be so upset at you for this, now that I am finally in your presence.” You let her process her thoughts, seeing that she is still shocked and anxious by this turn of events. A part of you wanted to comfort her, assure her that she is the most beautiful creature you had ever seen, while another part of you wanted her to comfort you, instead; to take you in her arms and tell you that she was mistaken for hiding from you, that she would never reject you. 

“You aren’t...afraid of me, Nuccia?” She softly inquired, peeking up from her feathered lashes.

“That's all you got from all that? Why on earth would I be afraid of the most beautiful person I’ve ever had the privilege of laying my eyes on? And again, you call me by name but have not yet graced me with yours.” You reply to her, equally amused and exasperated with her. 

“Oh-I’m sorry, dear one. My name Enora. You think I’m beautiful?” She whispers, a taloned hand coming up to caress your cheeks. 

“As dramatic as you are beautiful, it looks like. My, my, it looks like I’ll have my hands full, good thing I have two,” you tease, gazing up at her, suddenly giddy with affection. You might have still been upset with her, and you will have to 

talk it out with her later, but you aren’t going to let that sully your first real meeting. 

You manage to calm her a bit, and knock her out of the stupor she seems to be in. You enjoy how red her face and chest get while you flirt with her, the effect you have going to your head. 

“It seems I picked the perfect day for a beach day then,” you say, showing her the picnic basket you had dropped upon seeing her. You pull out the small finger foods and wine you had brought, setting up a beach blanket by the mouth of the cave. Maybe she would stay, and you could drink wine and watch the sunset together. Your heart beat faster at this thought, already allowing these romantic notions to float about in your head. You settle onto the blanket, hoping she would sit with you and not fly off now that you aren’t blocking the exit.

What is likely only a minute feels like an eternity, but Enora settles next to you, her spine rigid and legs crossed. You offer her some food, many things she admits she has not tried before. You watch her try the new things that you provided, and something about taking care of her in this way feels very right. Her feathers brush against you, tickling your skin. The two of you spend the day getting to know each other better. She stays for the sunset, much to your delight. You felt clingy, and did not want to part ways with her. But, the sun was going down and you figured it was time to get back home, and Enora was getting antsy, informing you her family would start looking for her. 

“Will you...come back?” she asks, her eyes wide, and a clawed finger gliding down your arm. Now that she has winded down and started to understand you want her, she has been flirting, her own version of being coy. You were soaking up the attention, and she continued. “I would very much like to see you again, dear one. I have a lot of making up to do, after all.” Her claw comes to your chin, turning your face to hers. 

“You’re done running from me then?” You tease her, inching your face closer to her’s.

“Yes dear one, I swear it,” her breath is ghosting across your lips, and all you can hear is blood rushing in your ears. Your hand comes up to the back of her neck, and you close the gap, gently brushing your lips against hers. A sweet trilling noise escapes her, and you smile into it. All too soon it ends, and you agree to keep meeting in the same spot. 

You show up the next day and head into the cave. You peek around the corner, and you see Enora, pacing. That is not all you see; there are blankets and pillows arranged like a nest, flowers, and a bottle of wine set out.The nest is near the mouth of the cave, the perfect spot to be sheltered from any winds but a good view of the ocean and coming sunset. She still hasn’t spotted you, and she heads towards the nest, fluffing and rearranging the blankets to her liking. You come up behind her, and trace your fingertips down her spine, greeting her with an airy “Hello” as she jumps. She smiles at you, her spine straightening and her hands clasped behind her back. She greets you and clears her throat, looking nervously from you to the nest. 

“You surprised me dear one, I was not expecting you quite yet. I hope this does not seem too forward, but nest making is a large step in harpy courting and something I wished to do for you.” She announced this so nervously, but if it was a large step for her you could see why. You assure her it looks beautiful, and you can’t wait to try it. You see her blush, and you decide to keep laying on the compliments, running your hands over the blankets and telling her how good of a job she has done. The more you go on, the redder her face seems to become, much to your delight. When you slip your sandals off and crawl into the nest, the same awe struck look takes over her face from the day prior. She follows you in, and brings your hand to her face. 

“You have no idea what seeing you in here does to me, do you?” She asks, and you run your fingertips over her lips, fascinated at the way her breath catches when you do this. 

“I think I could guess. It’s probably similar to my feeling knowing you went to all this trouble for me.” You reply to her, once again feeling trapped in her eyes. The two of you share another kiss, the trills and sweet noises leaving her only encouraging you. Her claws ghost across your neck and send a chill down your spine. She leans you back into the nest, wings opening above you and closing you in. She is trembling above you, and you can see tears in her eyes when you part.

“No sweetheart, none of that now. What’s wrong?” you ask her, heart clenching. 

“I was a fool, I waited so long for nothing, and we could have been here years ago!” she sniffles, angry at herself and her actions. 

“Hush darling, we’re here now aren’t we?” You coo at her, running your hands through her hair.  You have known her for such a short time, yet she already holds your heart in her hands. One of your legs comes up around her waist, pulling her close again. Enora quickly gets lost in your kisses again, and you feel some of her stress melt away under your hands. 

This goes on, the two of you sharing stolen moments together and heated kisses in the cave. You both incorporate some of your own courting customs, so far your favorite of which is when she does an aerial dance for you. She tells you that harpies usually do it together, but she happily tweaked it and you were impressed all the same. The next day you showed her a popular island dance, and you swayed together to the sound of the waves outside. 

One day you are on your way to the cave, dinner in tow, when you spot not one, but two harpies on the beach near the mouth of your cave. Neither of them are your harpy, however, and you grow anxious hoping Enora is alright. She did not speak of how other harpies would feel about her soulmate being human, but you were hoping you weren’t about to run into trouble. You get closer and the harpies spot you, both taking off and quickly landing in front of you. They circle you and you feel like prey, one behind you and one in front. They are both larger than Enora, and male. If you had to guess you would say they are twins, but you are hardly able to concentrate on their looks. No matter what species you are, having two large men circling you is nerve inducing. 

“So you’re our little Ennies’s mate, huh?” The first asks, his voice deep.

“You aren’t very tall, she must have her hands full protecting you.” The second observes, making his way around you. 

“She’s been coming home all starry eyed and happy, haven’t seen that in her in years.” One tuts at you, and you feel pride swell in your chest amidst the confusion. 

“We had to come follow her, find out where our little sister was sneakin’ off to so much.” The other interjects. 

You’re overwhelmed, but relief floods through you. These are Enora’s brothers, and you doubt they would do anything to you. You’re just getting a very intense shovel talk, it seems. You start to interject yourself into the talking, going to introduce yourself, when an outraged squawk fills the air and Enora and another smaller harpy land. 

“What on earth are you doing? You used Glaucus to distract me to come here and try to intimidate her! And I’m not your baby sister, I’m five years older than you two!” She reprimands them, walking up to them both and grabbing them by the ears. “Now, go home to mother before she starts to worry where you went. And do not follow me here again!”

“Aw Ennie, but you’re smaller than us so you’re our little sister.” The twin pouts on their faces at being reprimanded are adorable, and now you can see it. You stifle a giggle, and spot the youngest harpy, Glaucus, looking ashamed. 

“Yeah, just wanted to make sure she’s good enough for our little sister,” the other twin echos, being pulled down to her level by the ear. She walks them away from you, and you hear them yell that it was nice to meet you. You return the sentiment, a smile on your face, and wave to them as they leave. Glaucus takes off before Enora comes back, shouting a goodbye. 

She walks back to you, her eyes aflame. She grabs your hands, and starts to apologize. “I’m so sorry dear one, they can be quite intense. Are you alright? I’m so embarrassed.” You giggle, and assure her that you’re fine. 

“They’re just looking out for you, I’m not mad. I was a bit intimidated at first but they seem nice! Don’t be too harsh on them, love.” You kiss her cheek, and pull her into your nest, and Enora abruptly stops grumbling about her brothers. She looks at you, her eyes wide and lips parted.

“Do you? Love me, I mean.” She asks, whispering. Your face gets red and you realize what you’ve said. It’s true though, you love her.

“Yes, I do.” You whisper back, throat tight with emotion. 

“I love you too Nuccia. I have for so long, you amazing creature.” She pulls you onto her lap, your thighs bracketing her underneath you. You have never felt so at home as you do in the arms of your soulmate.

[headfulloffantasies]

Birds Fly the Nest

Read on Ao3

Jim Gordon faces the unquenchable interest of the Gotham’s rogues into the romantic life of his daughter

1.

Jim Gordon heard that the Batmobile had soundproofing. That once a villain sat secured in the backseat, Batman drove in brooding silence. Gordon’s police cruiser was not the Batmobile.

Harley Quinn warbled into her hundredth verse of “One Million Bottles of Beer on the Wall” as the car sped towards Arkham at increasing speed. Montoya had a lead foot at the best of times. With a crazy clown singing off key in the back? She became a NASCAR racer. 

Gordon twisted in his seat. “Can you please stop?” He ground out at Quinn.

The clown grinned manically. “You’re no fun. I’m entertaining myself.”

Gordon rubbed his aching temples. “If I tell you a story, will you be entertained enough to shut up?”

“Yippee!” Harley bounced and clanked her handcuffs together. “Story time!”

Gordon cast his mind for anything at all to chatter about. “So, my daughter,” he starts. “Brought a new boy home last weekend.”

Montoya met his eye in the mirror. Gordon grimaced. 

He continued. “This kid is perfect. Like a glossy magazine, you know? Firm handshake, scholarship awards, good job, good family. But something about him felt odd. You know when you meet someone and you know they aren’t being genuine? And I think I’ve met him somewhere before. So I look him up. He’s a circus freak. Used to perform trapeze with his parents until they got murdered.”

Montoya raised an eyebrow. Harley gripped the caging between her and Gordon, utterly rapt.    

    Gordon swallowed and went on. “I like the kid, really. But what kind of guy can go through his parents’ murders and still be okay? Something has to be wrong with him, right? How can I let my girl keep seeing a guy like that?”

    Harley hummed. “D’you want my professional opinion?”

    Gordon faltered, forgetting that Harley had once been a renowned psychiatrist. 

    “I think,” Harley said. “That Papa Bear is too protective of his little girl. You gotta let a gal have her space. My daddy didn’t let me date. Not one boy ever looked at me my whole life living under daddy’s roof ‘cause they knew what daddy’d do to them if they tried.” Harley sighed. “I ran away from home, did you know that? I wasn’t there when mama died. And I missed daddy’s passing too. You gotta keep those ties if you don’t want to regret them.”

    Gordon suddenly viscerally remembered that Harley’s father had killed his wife and gotten the electric chair for it. He swallowed hard. “Right. Thank you, Doctor Quinzel.”

    “Oh sugar, call me Harley,” the clown laughed. She rattled the caging. “Are we there yet? Nine hundred thousand ninety- nine bottles of beer on the wall-,”

    Gordon groaned and buried his head in his hands.

2

    As the arresting officer, it fell to Gordon to interrogate Harvey Dent once he’d been cuffed to the table in police headquarters.

    Gordon set a cup of horrid cop coffee in front of Dent and took his seat across from the gangster.

“Harley says your daughter’s stepping out with some circus freak,” Two Face sneered. 

    Gordon slumped in his seat. What had possessed him to tell Harley Quinn, gossip extraordinaire, about Barbara and Richard? 

    “I remember your little girl,” Dent said. “You still keep her photo on your desk?”

    “Of course,” Gordon snapped. 

    “You ever lie to her, Jim?” Dent asked in a low growl. “She ever lie to you?”

    A shiver ran down Gordon’s spine. His mind flashed to purple bruises and shoddy excuses. “I don’t want to talk to you about Barbara, Harvey. Let’s talk about your attempted robbery.”

    Dent grunted. He leaned his elbows on the table. “You gotta be two-faced about men seeing your girl,” Dent advised. “Smile when she’s in the room and give him the what for when she’s not around.”

    “Thank you, Harvey,” Gordon said. “That’s very insightful.”

    “If you don’t, he’ll get the idea no one’s watching,” Two Face went on. “Think he can get up to something, if you catch my drift.”

    “Harvey,” Gordon forced his voice to remain even. “My daughter is a grown woman. I’m not sabotaging her relationships just because the guy is a freeloader.”

    “Freeloader?” Two Face laughed. The sound rasped between the halves of his ruined face. “You let your girl go out with a tramp?”

    “No,” Gordon corrected himself. “His family has money. He doesn’t work. He has a trust fund or something.”

    “That’s worse,” Two Face hissed. “Nepotism. Elitists!”

    Gordon abandoned Dent to his rant. He got up and walked out of the interview room. The door shut on Dent’s shouting.

3.

    Honestly, it was Gordon’s own fault. He leaned against the side of the police cruiser while he and Montoya waited for the arresting officer to bring Catwoman out of the museum. He complained to Montoya while they waited, not taking note of the approaching feline criminal with her escort.

    “This is the third time we’ve scheduled dinner with Richard, and he bailed every time. Last time, he got called into work. Tonight it was a family emergency. What did I say the first time was?”

    “Food poisoning,” Montoya responded automatically.

    “Sounds like a jerk,” Catwoman purred. 

    Gordon spun around. The arresting officer loaded the lady in her black catsuit into Gordon’s car. Gordon shot Montoya a panicked look. She returned a face that said “You started it.”

    Gordon got into the passenger’s seat hoping against hope that Catwoman wouldn’t feel up to chatting after her disastrous encounter with Nightwing.

    “Tell me more about Richard,” Catwoman suggested.

    Gordon groaned. “I regret every word I’ve ever spoken with Harley Quinn.”

    “So do I,” Catwoman grinned. “But tell me more anyways.”

    “I’m not discussing my daughter’s life with criminals,” Gordon said resolutely into the windshield.

    “You’ll tell Harley, but not me?” Catwoman pouted. “I’m hurt, kitten.” She leaned forward. “I’ll tell you this for free. Any man who can’t be bothered to meet his girlfriend’s parents is a cad. Break them off now.”

    “I said,” Gordon repeated. “I’m not discussing this with you.”

    Catwoman hissed. If she could, Gordon bet she’d dig her claws into his neck. Instead, they drove on in silence. 

4.

    Gordon placed a hand on a cuffed Edward Nygma and guided him into the back of the police cruiser. 

    Nygma flashed Gordon a grin over his shoulder. “Riddle me this, Commissioner. What has two sides and has everyone in Arkham talking?”

    “What the hell, Ed?” Gordon rubbed his eyes. “I don’t even want to guess.”

    “Spoilsport,” Nygma pouted. “I’ll tell you, but only because I am also curious about this scoop. Everyone wants to know about your sweet daughter’s trashy boyfriend.”

    It’s like playing that stupid telephone game, Gordon thought. Nothing he said came out right on the other end. “He’s not trashy, Ed. He’s bougie.” Gordon preened at his correct use of the hip word Barbara had taught him. 

    Ed scoffed. “A classist? You allow your daughter to date a class traitor?”

Gordon leaned his head against the car door. “I don’t want to get into it, Ed. I’ve had a long night.”

“So have I,” Ed shrugged. “Batman kicked my face in and I’m going back to prison. But your little story is much more interesting.”

5.

Transporting Poison Ivy gave Gordon the creeps. She was a literal walking biological weapon. The faster he could get her to Arkham, where they knew how to deal with her, the better. Gordon flipped the sirens on and stamped on the gas. They tore through Gotham, just Gordon and Ivy in the police cruiser.

“So,” Ivy purred from the back seat. “I hear there’s another ginger causing you trouble tonight, Jim.”

Gordon’s hands flexed on the steering wheel. “I’m not talking about it with you.”

“I would never let my daughter date someone I didn’t like.”

“You don’t have a daughter,” Gordon reminded her.

“But if I did-,”

“Heaven forbid it.”

“James, that’s unkind,” Ivy pouted. 

“Shove it where the sun don’t shine,” Gordon ground between his teeth. 

6.

    “Do you fear losing your daughter to another man?” The Scarecrow’s soft voice rose the hairs on the back of Gordon’s neck. Gordon gripped the steering wheel tighter. It was a long drive to Arkham. He’d rather nip this conversation in the bud.

    “No,” Gordon bit out.

    “Really?” Crane hummed. His handcuffs clinked together. “It would be normal for a man of your position and power to fear losing control of a loved one’s life. Especially one who has been dependent on you since her birth. You raised her. She’s your flesh. Yet she deigns to place her life in the hands of another man. Does that not scare you?”

    Gordon ground his teeth. He didn’t answer.

    “From what I hear,” Crane continued. “Your daughter’s new man has more money than you’d ever make. More prestige.” He paused. “And more trauma. Does it not scare you to think what kind of monster lies under his skin?”

    “He’s not a monster,” Gordon insisted. 

    Crane chuckled. “We’re all monsters, Commissioner.”

    Gordon swallowed hard.

    “I’m shocked you let her date him.”

Gordon slammed on the brakes. Traffic screeched around the police cruiser. Gordon spun in his seat. He stuck his finger in Crane’s face. “Listen up. I want you to deliver a message down your Arkham grapevine. Word for word, got it? My daughter is her own woman. She makes her own choices. I am not her keeper, her warden, or her owner. And if even one of you could get it through your fat skulls that people are not puppets to control, then I would weep for joy.”

+1

Gordon got the call just as he was leaving the office. Victor Zsasz was terrorising Nightwing and Batgirl downtown. Gordon grabbed his coat and raced for his car. 

He arrived just as the ambulance pulled up. Gordon’s stomach dropped. Zsasz had a terrifying body count under his belt. If anyone needed the ambulance… Gordon shuddered. He unclipped his gun, ready to storm the building. 

The door flung open. A hogtied Victor Zsasz tumbled down the stairs into the street. The other officers on the scene swarmed him, shouting and making the arrest. 

Gordon looked up. Batgirl stood proudly at the top of the steps, her hands on her hips and chest puffed out. She noticed Gordon standing there watching. She waved him over. 

Gordon trudged up the steps. A dark smear of blood stained Batgirl’s purple sleeve. 

“Commissioner,” Batgirl saluted Gordon. 

“Good work,” Gordon said.

Batgirl swallowed hard. “I need your help. Quietly.”

Gordon agreed without thinking. “What can I do?”

Batgirl grabbed his arm and pulled him with her back into the building. She led him through a series of business offices into a janitor’s closet. Even in the dark, Gordon noticed the drops of dark liquid on the floor. 

Batgirl pushed aside a rack of cleaning supplies. 

Nightwing slumped against the wall, his legs spread over the floor. He clutched a wound in his side bleeding all over his uniform. He didn’t look up when Batgirl knelt at his side. 

Gordon cursed. “Is he-?”

“He’ll be okay,” Batgirl promised.

Gordon wasn’t so sure. The blue bird emblem on Nightwing’s chest hardly rose at all with his breathing. An overwhelming amount of blood pooled underneath him across the linoleum floor.

Gordon reached for his radio to call the EMTs in. Batgirl snagged his wrist.

“He can’t go to a hospital,” she said. 

“But-,”

Batgirl interrupted. “If I can get him home, he’ll be fine. I need your help getting him to the Batmobile. Please.”

Gordon nodded. He passed a shaking hand over his brow. “Yeah, alright.”

Gordon crouched and lifted one of Nightwing’s arms over his shoulder. Batgirl kept her hands pressed against the bloody hole in his abdomen. Gordon couldn’t stop his mind from swapping the young man with Barbara. What if it was her bleeding out on the floor? Would he so callously help a vigilante sneak her out the back door to receive questionable medical assistance?

Together they half carried Nightwing out to the alley behind the building. The legendary Batmobile sat purring on the asphalt. The chrome gleamed under the streetlights. The canopy of the Batmobile slid open when Batgirl pressed her hand to it. 

Gordon grunted as he helped lift Nightwing into the passenger seat. The kid roused enough to meet Gordon’s eye through his mask. 

“Hey, Mister Gordon,” he said. 

“It’s Commissioner to you,” Gordon grouched good naturedly. 

Batgirl hopped into the driver's seat. 

Gordon reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “I’m proud of you,” he said.

She quirked a smile. “Thanks Dad.”

He wished fervently he could hug her right now. But Gotham had eyes everywhere. He settled for another squeeze of her caped shoulder. “Just take care of your boy. Tell him this isn’t an excuse to miss Sunday dinner.”

Barbara’s laugh as she drove off was worth it. 

[khelinski]

7.1 - Mythology

I am currently sitting in my car, parked on the side of a road near a bridge in Melbourne, FL – reflecting upon true love. I am feeling sentimental, for it is the day before Valentine’s Day. Specific dates in the year leave me with these shared, same sentimental feelings; a mixture of longing, depression, guilt, and love. The bridge in Melbourne is a place I often visit when I have these melancholy emotions. The long story short, I was married to an addict who I thought was my soul mate. Things got too intense, too much for me to handle. We divorced. A few years later, she passed away due to her addiction. That was over two years ago. I have been able to live on, keep on. But I have not been able to move on. One never truly moves on when it comes to true love, do they? This raises the question - does true love exist? Are soul mates just a myth in itself? Is the search for a loved one only an archetype, a motif/theme in mythology 101? In truth, I do not know. Love is an abstract subject matter that not even the poets can fully explain, let alone try to decipher in yesteryear's ancient myths. Nonetheless, it is a fascinating topic to dive into. I will be using the myths of Plato's Symposium and The Ramayana as examples, as well as the story, What Dreams May Come.

           In the dialogue of Plato's Symposium, there is a story about a group of men discussing the many facets of love. Aristophanes, a character in the myth, gives a speech about chaos on this planet, that we were all one being. “The sexes were not two as they are now, but originally three in number; there was man, woman, and the union of the two, having a name corresponding to this double nature, which had once a real existence, but is now lost (Plato).” The gods above shot, lightening down below to earth, separating the beings as two halves. The idealism behind ‘soul mates’ are the two halves that are in search of each other. “And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment (Plato)”.

           The Ramayana, an ancient myth from India, at its core is a love story about Rama and his wife, Sita. They get separated by a trickster, with Sita locked in a prison. “Rama, in his desperate quest of Sita, was journeying southwards and crossed the frontiers of Kiskinda.” Rama must overcome odds to rescue Sita from a monster. By the end of the myth, Rama defeats the monster and reunites with his wife. “From the heart of the flame rose the god of fire, bearing Sita, and presented her to Rama with words of blessing. Rama, now satisfied that he had established his wife’s integrity in the presence of the world, welcomed Sita back to his arms (Narayan).”

           There is a metaphysical aspect to love, which makes humans, humans. It is the belief that we have a purpose beyond our existence, and that purpose is in search of our other half our being. We are not whole until we find our other half, which goes full circle to Plato’s Symposium. Though love is a frame of mind that completes the physical nuisances of our body and mind, it’s also deep in our soul. But, what is love? “The first part says that romantic love can be characterized by its place in a social structure or framework. The second part says that biological states of human animals play out the roles currently defined by that social framework. So it's not wrong to say romantic love is a social construct, and it's not wrong to say it's a natural, biological, phenomenon; we're just describing the world at different levels when we say those things (NPR).”

           Love and soul mates have enriched the human psyche since humanity's existence, indicated from the myths that were told generation to generation. “We are born born, we eat, we drink, we are raised by a family or tribe, we die. Some experiences are not universal, but common nonetheless: some of us marry, some of have or raise children. Some of us will have conflicts with our parents, or our tribes, some of us experience violence, some of us receive love. And of course, some of us move. So given these truisms, I can accept the idea of archetypes as grounded in our common human experiences (Mythscrafts).”

           A modern story, What Dreams May Come, by Richard Matheson, examines soul mates in the afterlife. Chris Nielsen dies, leaving his wife, Annie, behind. Chris discovers an afterlife after life, and journeys through the many realms of his heaven, Summerland. Meanwhile, Annie, distraught by the loss of her husband, ends her life. Her journey through the afterlife leaves her soul in darkness, hell. Chris learns about his wife, and travels from his heaven to her hell to save her and be with her. Though, he does save her soul – and through reincarnation, they do end up together (Matheson).

           March of 2019, I drove at the very spot I am currently residing at as I am writing this out. I got out of my car, walked along the pathway of the bridge, and stopped mid-half. I looked down at the water. I had contemplated of jumping, thinking that would help solve my depression (and in hopes that I would see my long-lost love again). Instead, I threw the wedding band I wore in honor of my long-lost love’s passing, in the water. A splash of water could be heard. I stared at the circles the dropped ring made in the water with tears down my face. I wonder the feelings I had at that very moment were the same emotions Rama felt after losing Sita to a monster. In some sense, the beast took my other half.  Or what Chris felt when he discovered his wife, Annie, had killed herself over the grief. I have been in search of my lost-love since we parted ways (and then her tragic depart from this world). It might take me a lifetime to find her, but I will continue to keep on searching and living the tale tall of this chaotic life in the meantime, as a wise-woman recently wrote to me, “"True" love will come when you are not looking for it - "true" love has a lot more in common with deep friendship than with romance, it just doesn't look the way you might think, and the first step seems counter intuitive -- you have to get so you are alright on your own before you can be alright with someone else.”

           The myths and stories are a reflection of our very soul – whether there is truth in it or not, we believe. And that is enough.

 K.H.

Primary Sources.

Plato, Symposium. http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html

R.K. Narayan, The Ramayana http://dt.pepperdine.edu/courses/greatbooks_v/gbv-15/66697602-The-Ramayana-R-K-Narayan.pdf

Matheson, Richard. What Dreams May Come. 1978. Tor.

 Secondary Source.

https://www.npr.org/sections/13.7/2015/02/16/386750965/exploring-the-metaphysics-of-love

https://mythcrafts.com/2017/01/11/the-collective-unconscious-vs-dispersion/

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Epilogue Compliant

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 And the music plays bitter, plays sweet by Andithiel Rated:  Explicit Words:  2966 Tags:  Epilogue Compliant, Infidelity (Not Drarry), Angst, Minor Character Death Summary:  He doesn’t know why he does this to her, why he can’t leave Draco Malfoy be. After the first time he promised himself it wouldn’t happen again. For a long time it didn’t. But Draco had become an itch he needed to scratch; the memory of him rutting against Harry all consuming, making him lose focus, making him want another taste. And another. And another. Until all he could taste was Draco, on his tongue, on his skin, all around him, ever present. Never leaving. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When Lady Luck Smiles by MarchnoGirl Rated:  Explicit Words:  7379 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Magizoologist Draco Malfoy, Veterinarian Draco Malfoy, Tanned Draco, Bacalar - Mexico, POV Draco Malfoy, Snarky Harry Potter, Awkward Flirting, Explicit Sexual Content, Dirty Thoughts, Beach Sex, Bickering, Anal Fingering, Draco and Harry speaks a bit of Spanish, Harry has no sense of fashion, Weird Dressing, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Divorced Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley, Past Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together Summary:  Draco Malfoy is forty-five years old and is working his arse off in Bacalar, Mexico, trying to save turtles. He isn't still thinking about the stupid crush he had when he was nineteen, and he certainly doesn't blush till spontaneous combustion at the sight of Harry Potter stepping into his lab clutching a turtle to his chest. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Brief Encounter by maraudersaffair Rated:  Explicit Words:  45470 Tags: HP: Epilogue Compliant, Infidelity, Auror Harry Potter, Healer Draco Malfoy, Fatherhood, Coffee Shops, Slow Build, Pining, Bisexual Harry Potter, First Time, Angst Summary:  Harry was happy, goddammit; he’d gotten everything he wanted in life. Why then could he not stop thinking about Draco Malfoy? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Offering by Frayach Rated:  Mature Words:  1557 Tags: Major Character Death, Dark Harry Summary:  Draco's sole desire is to give himself up to something larger - and greater - than himself. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Liar by jad Rated:  Explicit Words:  50341 Tags: Bisexuality, UST, Denial, Angst, with a happy ending(I swear), D/s, Guilt, some more angst for good measure, Minor Character Death, off-stage suicide, Infidelity, (requested), kinda-sorta-dub-con, (if you squint), Canon Compliant, HP: Epilogue Compliant, (SERIOUSLY), (shocked me too), Complete Summary:  Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy always preferred the worst of each other; unfortunately, they had better halves. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Like Father, Like Son by Writcraft Rated:  Explicit Words:  8019 Tags: Angst, Infidelity, Age Difference, HP: Epilogue Compliant Summary:  Following Harry’s divorce from Ginny, Harry begins a secret relationship with Scorpius Malfoy. When Harry says the wrong thing to Scorpius however, it looks as though Harry has been keeping another secret and this is one secret which threatens to tear the relationship and a family apart. Part 1 of a two part series. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Since You Asked by Magnolia822 Rated:  Explicit Words:  18025 Tags: HP: Epilogue Compliant, Post Hogwarts AU, Older Characters, Coming Out, Companionable Snark, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Falling In Love, Divorced Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley, Starting Over, Pining Summary:  Newly retired Draco Malfoy writes an anonymous agony column for the Quibbler, for which he quickly gains a reputation for offering pithy, practical advice. His life is comfortably predictable until he receives a letter from a reader seeking a divorce from his wife of thirty years. The situation seems far too familiar . . . could the writer be the Savior himself? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 19 Years and 5 Minutes Later by TheMightyFlynn Rated:  Explicit Words:  202890 Tags: Infidelity, Dubious Consent That Rapidly Turns Into Very Enthusiastic Consent, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Smut, Angst, Fluff Summary:  Five minutes after his happily-ever-after, Harry finds himself locked in the public loos with an angry Draco Malfoy and a need that he has denied for 19 years. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Fight or Flight? by Zzzara Rated:  Mature Words:  4637 Tags: Infidelity, Jealousy, Jealous Harry Potter, Cheating, Anger, Angry Harry Potter, Rage, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Heavy Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Drama, Betrayal, Suspicions, Jewelry, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Open to Interpretation, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, H/D Hurt!Fest, Self Prompt, Fight or Flight, conan gray - Freeform, conan gray song inspired, Song Inspired, Hurt Fest, Hurt!Fest, Drarry, Disguise, Secret Identity, Identity Reveal, Heartbreak, Heartbroken Harry Potter Summary:  Something's gotten into you You don't really look at me the way you used to And I'm hoping it ain't true Every single rumour that I've heard of you say You were off with someone that I don't know Calling other people on your telephone Kinda wish I didn't know... ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Blind Leading the Blind by nqdonne Rated:  Explicit Words:  25186 Tags: Community: hd_worldcup, Harry Potter Next Generation, HP: Epilogue Compliant, Voyeurism, Sex Toys, Clubbing, Frottage, Desk Sex Summary:  Harry catches wise to a series of blind items in the Daily Prophet's gossip pages that sound suspiciously like him. Except no one knows that he's gay, do they? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Is Anybody Out There? by DeiStarr Rated:  Explicit Words:  65220 Tags: First Time, Gay Male Character, Male Slash, Slash, Male Homosexuality, Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, HP: Epilogue Compliant, Character Death, Minor Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Bisexual Male Character, Amnesia, First Love, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts, Post-Hogwarts, Memory Loss, Students, Auror Harry Summary:  When grief threatens to overwhelm Harry Potter, the only person who can pull him out of it is Draco Malfoy. Meanwhile Draco himself is drowning in secret guilt that nothing can overcome – or can it? This is a story about grief and guilt, with a side of lust and love. It goes back and forth between post-epilogue story and pre-epilogue, post-war, eighth-year-Hogwarts story. Also, Scorpius and Albus are comic relief. Epilogue compliant. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Homecoming by November Snowflake (novembersnow) Rated:  Explicit Words:  27211 Tags: Hogwarts, HP: Epilogue Compliant, Professors, Post-War, Divorce, Community: hd_worldcup Summary:  Harry thinks spending two weeks as a guest lecturer at Hogwarts will offer the perfect chance to get away from his troubles. Then he meets his assigned faculty guide: Potions Master Draco Malfoy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Too Many Seconds in a Year by ringelchen Rated:  Explicit Words:  11920 Tags: Getting Together, Pining, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Community: hp_goldenage, Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Falling In Love, Weddings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Summary:  After running away from their feelings for long enough, Harry and Draco finally come face to face again at their sons' wedding. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Predicting the Future (A Long Way Home) by teprometo Rated:  Explicit Words:  14845 Tags: Post-War, Canon Compliant, Depression Summary:  When Harry Potter dropped off his son at platform nine and three-quarters, he saw Draco Malfoy again. But more importantly, Draco saw him. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Wrong For Each Other by peilican (asebi) Rated:  Mature Words:  1000 Tags: Infidelity, HP: Epilogue Compliant Summary:  In the end, there wasn't really a choice. Because in the end, she was the one he loved. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 A Natural Conclusion by meshkol (ashernorton) Rated:  Explicit Words:  51562 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Blended family, Acquaintances to Friends to Lovers, Pansexual Harry Potter, Gay Draco Malfoy, Smut, Frottage, Anal Sex, Harry-centric, POC Harry Potter, Slow Burn, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Past Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Still Married, Marriage of Convenience, Relationship of Convenience, Unconventional Families, Alcohol Consumption by Adults, brief Harry/OMC - Freeform, Brief Draco/OMC, Consensual Aphrodisiac Use, Brief Scene of Racism/Racist Language, coming to terms with sexuality, Healthy Relationships, Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy Friendship, Harry Potter & Blaise Zabini Friendship, Harry/Draco Big Bang 2018, Occasional Law/Politics Discussion, Community: harrydracobang, Hand Jobs Summary:  Harry’s happy with his life twenty-two years later. He has his job as the Head of the DMLE (albeit with a bit too much bureaucratic nonsense for his tastes), his not-really wife (and her incorrigibly charming shit of a boyfriend), and his three children (plus Scorpius Malfoy, who’s somehow become the fourth child in their brood). The only thing that’s missing is a partner, though not for a lack of trying on his part. However, the assignment of one case to Barrister Draco Malfoy – a polite and cordial acquaintance on the peripheral of Harry’s life – leads to a deep friendship and the slow realisation that the partner he’s been waiting his whole life for has been standing right in front of him all along. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When 'Fuck' Means 'I Love You' by ringelchen Rated:  Explicit Words:  1916 Tags: PWP, Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Biting, Secret Relationship, Bottom Harry Potter, Top Draco Malfoy, Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest, Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant Summary:  They shouldn't be together. But as long as nobody finds out... ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 A Very Tipsy Christmas by Pineau_noir Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  1607 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, I'm surprised too, Fluff, Humor, Christmas Fluff, Drunken Flirting, Draco gets drunk on Charlie Weasley's dragon-tamer strength hooch, background ginsey, too many family rules, canon book age, Married Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry/Draco Owlpost Fest 2020 Summary:  It's Draco's first Christmas at the Burrow as Harry's husband and he's vastly underestimated the amount of alcohol he will be offered. He makes a slight miscalculation and ends up drunk and hiding in a corner. Thankfully, Harry is there to save him. ❤️ Read on AO3

[notveryglittery]

@sleepless-in-starbucks: Me: Damn I wish I had an excuse to write creativisleepality :/ Me: Sees your post Me: Forget excuse I have an OBLIGATION to write qpr creativisleepality with insecure!Roman because like. I’m a predictable shit. Also just a heads up my wifi’s been crap all evening so like. If this arrives late. Blame my damn connection for being sunshine-phobic

(Warnings for aphobia, insecurity, all that fun stuff. happy ending tho because y'all know me)

dani: Y’ALL I’M GONNA NEED YOU TO PAUSE WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING AND READ THIS RIGHT NOW. lia is a blessing, an absolute delight and joy and i love her with my whole entire heart!!!! this made me very happy and relieved and yeah it’s just really really good 

Roman was finding the urge to slam his head into the wall a very difficult one to resist. It had been what felt like the longest day of his life, brimming with an overly critical director, some sneering possible cast members who had mocked his make-up, and particular idiot who Roman had thought was going to be the one spot of light in his day until… that happened.

Roman gave up and let his head hit the wall once, leaving it to lay there when the thought of Patton seeing him like this managed to stop him from continuing the process until the wall had a good hole in it. Remy would probably be upset, too, of course, but Patton would most likely cry, and Roman would sooner fall into an ocean of fire than hurt either of his loves.

“I mean… can you even call them loves?”

Roman curled one of his hands into a fist at the fragment of a memory. He could, damnit, screw Anton and his stupid face and his stupid words and his stupid, stupid reasoning…

“…Babe?”

Roman jerked out of his thoughts, realizing that Remy had come up to him, his Starbucks-barista-turned-partner frowning at him in worry.

“Yes, my darling?” Roman asked, pushing himself off the wall, trying to maintain his image.

“Are you alright?” Remy said, a perfectly reasonable question given Roman had been lying against the wall for five minutes, seemingly completely unaware of Remy’s presence next to him for a good minute of that time.

Roman plastered on a smile, hoping it looked even semi-convincing. “Of course! Why ever would you even have to ask?”

Remy reached forward, still frowning as he pushed Roman’s bangs behind his ear. Roman instinctively leaned into the touch, trying to not look pitiful while he did so.

“Honey,” Remy said, softly, and Roman really must be failing at this whole acting thing if Remy’s sounding that worried, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Roman assured. “I’m fine.”

Remy didn’t respond for a moment, continuing to frown at Roman until he wanted to squirm away. Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Roman, Remy moved forward, his free arm wrapping around Roman’s waist, the hand he had on Roman’s cheek slipping behind his head and tangling itself in Roman’s hair. Roman froze for a second, the surprise hug startling him, especially from Remy. He was generally pulled into hugs and cuddle piles by excessive grabby hands and whined complainants from Roman and Patton.

Recovering from the surprise, Roman couldn’t be bothered to resist the embrace, wrapping his arms around Remy’s waist as he slumped into Remy, burying his head in the crook of Remy’s neck. He took a deep breath. Remy smelled like coffee beans and warm leather and sage and comfort and home.

Remy scratched the back of Roman’s head comfortingly. “Tired?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Long day?”

“Mmmmm.”

“Long day that did not go fine despite all your lies?”

Roman started to hum in agreement again before he realized his mistake, immediately trying to pull away from what he now recognized as a trap hug. Remy’s grip only tightened, however, still too comforting for Roman to truly want to fight it.

“You’re really out of it if you fell for that, sugar.” Remy cooed before yelling over his shoulder, “Patton! Roman had a sucky day and he tried to lie about it!”

Roman didn’t know if he closed his eyes for a moment and missed him, or if his marshmallow boyfriend had simply forgotten to mention that he had teleportation abilities, but one minute Patton wasn’t there and the next he was pressed against Roman’s back, hugging Roman tightly enough he was surprised Remy still had a hold on him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck.

“Baby, we talked about this.” Patton scolded, though his tone was so light Roman was fairly certain he was saying it more because he felt he had to say it than anything.

“I know, I know.” Roman said. “But it’s really nothing, the halves of my heart. Just something stupid someone said-”

“If it’s upsetting you, it’s not nothing.” Patton interrupted him, softly speaking, moving one hand to Roman’s hip so that he could rub circles into the skin. “What did they say?”

Roman opened his mouth to respond, to pass it off as simply as he could, to prove to them it was just some pointless comment he should have disregarded immediately anyways, and heard a sob come out instead, which was doing WONDERS for his image of ‘still wonderfully put together.’ The hand in his hair stilled in surprise, and Patton made a sound of hurt. Their worry only made Roman feel worse, and he couldn’t stop himself before the next words were spilling out, “I’m sorry I don’t love you enough.”

More sounds of pain, this time not just from behind him, but Roman ignored them, pressing his head further into Remy’s shoulder as if that would block out the entire world. He felt more than truly knew they were moving, though he didn’t focus on where or how. At some point his legs got tucked up so that they were resting on something, the warmth around him shifted but never enough so that it was truly gone, somehow ending up so that almost nothing had changed aside from the fact that the amount of effort he had to put into existing was substantially lessened.

That made it a lot easier to cry, hating that he was staining Remy’s shirt but knowing he couldn’t stop even if he tried. The warmth of his boyfriends’ around him didn’t seem to mind, hands gently running across his skin, a mix of soft pet names and quiet shushing sounding around him. Eventually his tears stopped falling, his sobs turning into hiccups that turned into nothing, until all he was doing was holding onto Remy and trying to sink into him and escape the world.

“Sweetie? Sweetheart?” Roman hummed in response to the names that were clearly being directed at him, still refusing to remove his head from the dark, warm safety of his boyfriend’s shoulder.  There was a sigh that sounded caught between amused and concerned. “Please, love, we need to talk.”

Roman groaned and tilted his head, still resting on Remy as he looked over at Patton. They were all cuddled together on the couch, Roman securely held in Remy’s lap and against his chest while Patton remained wrapped around his back, better positioned to look at Roman, his sweet honey eyes laced with worry. Knowing he was the cause of it, Roman almost started crying again, not sure how he could vanquish it but knowing he would do anything to replace it with happiness.

“Hey, shh, it’s alright, you’re not in trouble.” Patton said immediately, cupping Roman’s cheek with one hand, brushing away the beginnings of new tears. “I just- We just want to know- Ro, starlight, why don’t you think you love us enough?”

Roman would have shoved his head back into the crook of Remy’s neck if Patton’s gentle but firm grasp wasn’t stopping him, forcing him to hold eye contact with his partner, half of his entire life, one of two people he’d willingly die for in a heartbeat as he said, as unashamedly as he could, “We’re just partners.” Patton’s brow furrowed even more, and Remy once more tightened his grip around Roman, and it took all his willpower to choke out, “We’re just partners, and not dating, and that’s it, that’s all we are, and you’re both just so wonderful you deserve more, and it’s not fair to you that you’re stuck with me and that, and-”

“Roman, please, please baby, stop!” Patton said, distressed, and Roman shut up. Patton was cupping both his cheeks now, running his thumbs over them repeatedly, as if he wasn’t just trying to comfort Roman but himself as well.

“I’m going to kill 'em. You said someone said this to you?” Remy asked, aggressively, nearly growling when Roman nodded. “Bullshit. It’s bullshit.”

“Language.” Patton said automatically, snapping Remy out of his mood.

Remy sighed, going back to running his fingers through Roman’s hair. “They’re wrong, sweetheart, completely wrong.” He reassured Roman, voice much softer now. “You love us more than enough, whatever they said was just stupid.”

“I- I know you say that, but-” Roman paused, searching for the words. “Kisses, and holding hands in public, and all of that… I can’t- I don’t offer you any of those things, and you deserve them so much, and that’s not fair to either of you.”

Remy chuckled, and the sound echoed through Roman’s chest. “Gurl, I feel like you’re forgetting I’m aro too. I don’t care about any of those things- I just care about you.”

“And we love you.” Patton added. “We love you because you’re an amazing cuddler and you love to sweep us off our feet and you have the most beautiful singing voice in the entire world and because we know you love us so, so much, and the fact that you don’t love us romantically isn’t even close to important.”

“And you love us too, right?” Remy asked.

Roman almost tripped over his words rushing to answer, unwilling to leave a single second empty without his promise, “Of course I do! I just-”

“Than that’s enough.” Remy cut him off, and it was so simple yet so adoring, coupled with the look Patton was giving Roman, like he’d hang the moon for him while Remy pinned up the stars, that every word that jerk had said melted away in an instant, like a million pounds right off his shoulders, leaving him so free and alive that Roman couldn’t help but lunge forwards a bit, twisting himself so that he could wrap his arms around Patton, pulling him backwards so they more or less landed on Remy, all pressed against each other and warm and real and solid beneath his fingers.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and continued on swiftly, before Patton or Remy even had a chance to speak, “I’m so sorry I listened to that bastard. He was an idiot, you’re so right. I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you so much, you mean more to me than any part in any play, than any gem or jewel, my dearhearts, my treasures, my loves.”

Patton giggled, and Roman couldn’t help the smile that suddenly blossomed on his face as Patton pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before just resting his own on Roman’s, whispering happily, “It’s alright, my prince, we know.”

“We know, but I still want to hear it more.” Remy protested, and Roman laughed as he turned his head back towards him, Remy’s dark eyes alive with amusement and glittering with love purer than freshly fallen snow.

“I love you.” Roman obliged him, hugging Patton closer to him even as he still watched Remy, “I love you more than summer sunsets and spring dew and winter frost and autumn colours. I love you more than sugar cookies and hot chocolate and crackling fires and-”

“-and more than the smell of coffee and crisp apples and fuzzy socks and soft pajamas and late night movie marathons and early morning grumbles and a thousand other musings.” Remy took over for him, smiling both smugly and softly as he brushed through Roman’s hair. “I love you all that and a million times more.”

“Cheater.” Roman accused heatlessly. “That’s my move.”

“It’s what you get for loving a dirty thief.”

“Pretty thief.” Patton corrected with his own smile, blindly reaching a hand back that Remy took immediately. “Pretty thief of our hearts.”

“Only after you got mine, cocoa bean.” Remy matched, lazily intertwining his fingers with Patton’s.

Roman reached a hand over as well, grasping around theirs. “You never stole my heart.” He said teasingly. “Considering you are my heart.”

“Your two perfect halves- yes, we are aware.” Remy said exasperatedly, but there was a fondness in his tone Roman knew he couldn’t shake. “You’ve got to come up with some better lines, doll.”

“Says Mr. Twenty-One-Nicknames.” Roman replied.

“You know you love them.”

“Do I know that?” Roman asked, laughing as Remy gasped in faux hurt. Patton laughed, too, shaking their held hands.

“You two are impossible.” He said, cheerily despite the chiding words. “I’m never going to get dinner made at this rate.”

“You’re welcome to go make it now.” Remy invited, though they all knew he wasn’t serious.

That didn’t stop Roman from tangling his legs up in Patton’s, whining, “Noooooooo, you have to stayyyyy.”

“But dinner… if I don’t go make it now I’ll never make it…” Patton trailed off, sounding more interested in staying.

“Then don’t go.” Roman offered, pushing his head up enough to nestle it against Patton’s shoulder, trying to sweeten the pot. “Stay and cuddle me.”

“And why should I prioritize that over dinner?”

“Because I’m still a little sad and I don’t want to let you go.” Roman said, blinking his eyes as sadly as he could for extra effect.

“Plus cuddling tops, like, all things.” Remy pointed out. “And I the remote’s in reach, and I think the Little Mermaid’s still in the player-”

“Cuddling on the couch it is!” Patton decided suddenly, finally releasing his boyfriends’ hands so that he could turn over and burrow into Roman’s chest, loosely hugging Roman as he settled in. Remy laughed as he snagged the remote, flicking on the tv and the corresponding underwater scene.

“And all it took was Disney.” Remy commented in amusement, dropping the remote as he shifted and wrapped his arms around both Roman and Patton. “We are going to get hungry eventually, though.”

“That’s a problem for later.” Patton said, and Roman was quick to agree with him, his arms still holding Patton against him even as he moved his hands to lay over Remy’s. Squished between his boyfriends now, tropical tunes starting up in the background, he couldn’t believe he had given Anton’s words a single moment of his time.

He didn’t need romance to love Patton and Remy- all he needed were eyes and half a brain. 

Roman sighed, feeling more content then he ever had before. “I love you guys.” He said, softly, sweetly, simply.

“Love you too.” They both chorused at once, their care as tangible as their arms around him, and that was all Roman needed to know they loved him just as much as he loved them.

And that would always be enough.

(No editing we die like men- aka sorry if this is bad but like. I tried. Hope it makes you feel even a little bit better :) <3)

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

are any of your tua ocs hargreves x hargreeves

Fair question anon!  Short answer is sort of but also not really, long answer is that I’m going to go ship by ship to explain because there are a couple who do have a sort of luther-allison “we thought we were in love because we grew up in a fucked up af environment and didn’t really know shit but we’ve since realized that we’re not” vibe 

gonna go alphabetically bc that’s just easiest and I’m lazy by nature and I’m putting this beneath the cut bc length but the very basic summary is that the very few ocs who were ever hargreeves x hargreeves realize how fucked up that is pretty much as soon as they find out what incest is and that’s the end of that for them lmao

Audrey Hargreeves x Diego Hargreeves — from ages 13-16 roughly, they thought that they were in love!  They knew that they loved each other more than their other siblings so, because they grew up in an abusive household and shut off from the world, they think that means it’s romantic love, but it’s not!  This will actually be explained in Audrey’s canon if I ever write for her because I have a scene in mind where Five asks Audrey about it (bc it was mentioned in Vanya’s book) and basically goes “you were in love with diego?” and Audrey goes “I thought I was in love with Diego” — by the time they’re sixteen and sneaking out of the mansion and actually learning a bit about the world they realize that no they definitely aren’t in love (and then they learn what incest is and are just like “um ew”).  I don’t have an exact way to explain their dynamic because of all of the backstory I have for them but it’s somewhere between platonic soulmates and two halves of a platonic whole!

Autumn Hargreeves x Jaden Hargreeves — they aren’t technically dating.  I say technically because they don’t correct anyone who assumes that they are, but they would never describe themselves that way.  They don’t really know how to describe themselves because they stay inseparable after leaving the mansion but they feel wrong calling themselves siblings because in their experience, siblings don’t exactly stick around.  Most people (including their other siblings) sort of assume that they’re a couple but they aren’t, they just don’t correct anyone because they don’t know what to say they are instead

Beatrice Lovecraft-Hargreeves x Ben Hargreeves — yes they’re dating, but no, Beatrice doesn’t see Ben (or any of them) as her family.  Reginald straight up kidnapped her from the child services office after her parents’ death and she has only ever seen him, Grace, and Pogo as her kidnappers not parents or anything (she doesn’t blame Grace for kidnapping her because she knows that she’s programmed to obey reginald, but she only ever calls her Grace not mom).  She sees the other Hargreeves kids as fellow kidnapping victims and eventually as friends, but never as siblings.  The only exception eventually becomes Klaus but that’s only after he accidentally brought her back to life but in her own words “no one in that mansion was ever my family, they were my jailmates.  Klaus is my family now, but he wasn’t then, that hasn’t changed” because she eventually (aka by the end of s2) sees them as a sort of found family but they were never her family growing up on account of the whole kidnapping thing

Catarina Moreno-Hargreeves x Diego Hargreeves — yes they’re a ship, no they aren’t siblings lmao; Catarina’s last name is Hargreeves bc she married Diego but her maiden name is Moreno

Gemma Hargreeves — no but tbd.  I have one plot for Gemma where she is a Hargreeves and doesn’t date any of her siblings and one where she isn’t a Hargreeves and does date someone.  I haven’t decided which plot to use which is why I never post about her, and I have her as Hargreeves rn just for my masterlist, but obviously if I go with the plot where she’s a love interest then her last name would change

Helena Hargreeves x Klaus Hargreeves — yes they do date.  This is an extremely unhealthy relationship and, although his intentions aren’t bad by any means, Klaus is an extremely abusive figure in Helena’s life.  He genuinely cares about her and means well but he’s a traumatized mess with an addiction and it’s a very bad situation for Helena.  The first time Helena ever heard of incest was after they’d moved out of the mansion and it made her feel really gross about their relationship but she didn’t feel like she could leave him (tldr the reason Helena stuck around for so long is because she felt like if she left and anything happened to Klaus it would be her fault).  Once she finally does leave she feels a lot better and is able to really process how fucked up everything was and moves on with her life

Joey Hargreeves x Five Hargreeves — yes.  They get together like 10 years into the apocalypse when they’re literally the only two people left on earth, and are together from then on.  I haven’t figured out what’s going to happen once they’re back in the past though because once they aren’t the only two people elft on earth things get complicated lmao

Kamaria Hargreeves x Luther Hargreeves — yes, but like Benatrice, they don’t exactly see each other as siblings.  Based on the fact that their guardians before Grace were all nannies and then Grace became mom, I have an overarching hc in all of my TUA ocs that their early years barely had any interaction with each other.  TLDR in my various universes the first few years of their lives were kept pretty much entirely separate from each other being experimented on while Reginald tried to figure out each of their powers.  They knew that the others existed and knew each other’s numbers but didn’t really interact.  Within a week of Grace becoming their mom, Reginald faked Kamaria’s death and she and Luther don’t see each other for another almost-20 years, by which point she only vaguely remembers that he existed and he had no idea that she did (there is a Plot there, it isn’t just because it’s been so long) so they have no relationship when they re-meet