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romansleftshoulderpad · 2 years ago

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Welcome to the Life of Electra Heart

Track Four: Homewrecker

Ship: Creativisleep

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

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First Chapter / Last Chapter / Next Chapter

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Every boyfriend is the one

Until otherwise proven

It took some time for Roman to adjust to his new hair, but just as he grew to know the person in the mirror, he had forgotten the person in all his photographs. The bottle had not been one of goo that simply stained his hair and gave it the slightest shine but a potion that had completely transformed him into someone else.

Someone who had a chance to be better.

The good are never easy

That’s what Lilly told him, anyway. That’s what he wanted to believe.

A bell chimed as he entered the small coffee shop and made his way straight to the counter, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited to be noticed.

Though Lilly pretended not to see him, she was bad at playing pretend. Her lips were quirked up as she hit ‘start’ on some machine that seemed to scream in protest before she swung around, her high ponytail swishing back and forth in the air.

“Hello, my dear and darling friend,” Roman said.

“Hello, complete stranger.”

Roman frowned. “You’re terrible to me.”

Lilly laughed and rolled her eyes, turning back to her workspace where she resumed her role as the master of machines. She pulled metal things and levers faster than Roman could keep track and poured her magic potion into a cup. She topped it with foam and called out, “Cappuccino for Kirsten?” She put the cup on the counter and turned, her hands to the machines in front of her, and her eyes to Roman. “How’d you know I was working today?”

Roman flushed. “I- uh- didn’t. Actually.”

She raised an eyebrow and hit something against a counter with a loud ‘BANG!’

“I’m meeting someone here.”

“A ‘someone’ someone? Or just… someone?”

“Eeeeh?” He tilted his hand back and forth. “I would just call him someone but he definitely isn’t-“ he deepened his voice- “ someone.”

The bell rang above the door and Lilly’s eyes widened. She grabbed a towel and began wiping down the counter- but that wasn’t enough to hide the tension in her shoulders.

“Oh.”

Roman turned around at the familiar sound of Virgil’s voice. Virgil whose hair was freshly dyed and whose aura was just as terrible as Lilly’s. Oh.

Lilly’s eyes lowered and she glared as sharp as a blade.

“Well… this is fun,” Roman said. “I forgot you two knew each other.”

“I wasn’t aware you two had met,” Virgil said awkwardly, trying his best to sound polite.

Lilly, on the other hand, wasted no chance to be hostile and announced, “I have been Roman’s best friend for five years.”

Please God let me die, Roman prayed. “Well, this reunion has been fun-“

A woman passing by loudly cleared her throat and Lilly sheepishly let go of her glare. “What can I get started for you gentlemen?”

“I’ll have-” Roman started.

Lilly glanced over her shoulder and then leaned in close, almost touching noses with Virgil, as she seethed, “You are going to order and then you’re going to tip at least fifty percent or else I will: Hunt. You. Into. The. Ground. Understood?”

“Small-black-coffee,-please,” Virgil said in a single breath. “With cream?”

“How dark?” she asked, back into her business-as-usual self in the blink of an eye.

“Uh, you after a day at the beach.”

She wrote something down on a slip of paper next to her cash register. “One ninety-seven.”

Virgil handed over his credit card and shoved a wad of cash into the tip jar. As soon as the transaction was over, he zoomed over to the Pick-Up counter.

“Should I ask?”

“Depends,” Lilly said. “Would you like your testicles to remain attached to your body?”

Roman shuddered. “Do you hang out with Remus in your free time?”

“As if,” she said with a less than subtle eye roll, and a half-ass, “No offense.”

“Just ring up the usual.”

The keys clicked like music as she typed his order up. He handed her the exact amount of cash and put a dollar into the jar. He joined Virgil in the Waiting Game.

“Why here? ” Virgil whined.

Roman raised an eyebrow. “You seem scared.”

“Scared?” he asked. “I tipped five dollars on a two-dollar drink! Of course, I’m scared.”

“What happened between you two?”

Virgil sighed. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his baggy pants. Though black pants seemed impractical for August, at least he didn’t also have his massive jacket. And the plain white tee looked pretty good on him. (Maybe too good.)

Lilly placed a paper cup on the counter between them. “One Hot Girl Summer for-” She looked at the name on the cup.

Virgil looked like he might faint.

She gave a shit-eating grin and announced, “Wiggle?”

For some reason, he gave a sigh of relief.

But Lilly paid no mind to his apparent enjoyment of her terrible nickname. She just picked up a blender that had a cacophony of ingredients and poured in-

“Lilly, that is an insane amount of ice.”

She popped on the lid and put it in the machine. She pressed the button that made it loud and leaned close over the counter to be heard. “Do you want a frappe or do you want some liquidy bullshit, Roman? Because less ice would be some liquidy bullshit.”

“Literally none of the other baristas have ever used that much ice.”

“None of the other baristas are your favorite barista.”

Roman twisted his mouth in thought. “I don’t know. If I liked girls, Beth would be about my type.”

“Self-absorbed assholes?” Virgil asked.

Roman regretted ordering a frappe. He’d need something hot now that his heart was frozen over.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Lilly butted in. (Roman wished she hadn’t. Virgil should be sorry.) “He needs to hear it.” She handed over his frappe with a mountain of whipped cream and a chocolate frowny face in place of the usual cross-hatched drizzle. “You need to get laid.”

Well, at least he no longer felt icey. Though, now, the ice seemed to be preferable.

“Aww, it’s cute when you’re flustered,” she cooed.

“I’m going to kill you one of these days.”

“What does putting a dick in his ass accomplish?”

“Virgil!”

“Sorry, sorry. What does putting his dick in someone’s ass accomplish?”

“I think I like you two better when you’re trying to kill each other,” Roman said.

Lilly loudly cleared her throat. “At best , Janus will see you being happy without him and even feel jealous over what he lost. At worst, hey, you get a distraction.”

Roman’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the name on the screen. His heart skipped a beat, but his racing mind made up for it. Foolishly, he didn’t hate Lilly’s idea.

The easy never good.

And love, it never happens like you think it really should.

“Hey, meet me at my place tonight?”

Deception and Perfection are wonderful traits.

One will breed love.

The other, Hate.

He almost ducked out. He almost got enough sense to text Remy and cancel, go back home, and sleep through the next week. He was almost stupid enough to take a shot.

Middle grounds are a dangerous place to land.

“Woah.”

Roman’s head snapped up.

Remy’s sunglasses were off, tucked into the collar of his shirt. His eyes ran over Roman and he smiled. “Someone is looking vibrant.”

Roman reached up at his hair nervously. “Uh, yeah. It was time for a change.”

“No kidding.” Remy grabbed a seat and spun it around backwards, his chin resting on the back. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a tank top before.”

Roman’s face warmed and he rubbed his hands over his pale arms. Is it cold in here?

“It’s cute.”

Never mind, it is very very hot!

“Speak for yourself, hot stuff,” Roman said.

Remy laughed and took Roman’s hand. “It’s okay, you can compliment me without cringing.”

“Can I?”

“Of course you can,” he said softly. “You know, it’s not just the makeover. There’s been something different about you, lately?”

His stomach turned. “…is there?”

Remy smiled. “I like it.”

“I, uh, well.” Just spit it out, dumbass. “My friend is having a party. Tonight. Did you want to…”

“Are you seriously nervous about this?” Remy teased. “Roman, in the time you’ve known me, when have I ever turned down a party?”

“But… don’t you usually go alone?”

“Roman,” he said, squeezing his hand, “when have I ever said no to you?”

In another reality, Roman would have blurted, “Do you want to make out with me so I can forget about my shitty ex that I can’t get out of my head?” And Remy would have laughed at him. And maybe, for the first time, Remy would have said no to him. But in this reality, Roman said nothing.

Maybe nothing was worse.

You’ll find me in the lonely hearts

Under “I’m after a brand new start.”

Remus was standing in the doorway, doing nothing helpful and being an absolute menace. “Dude, I haven’t seen you this worried about your appearance since-“ He slammed his fist into the side of the door, causing everything near it to shake and several sketchbooks to fall off the shelf next to it. “No! Do not tell me Janus is going to be at this party.”

Roman felt a snake wiggling around in his stomach, making his way up his throat and tightening around his lungs. He squeezed his fists, angry not at the mention of Janus, but at himself for getting so worked up over a name . He took a few deep breaths and said, “ No, he will not be there.” Roman’s eyes were trained on the polished wood dresser in front of him. He couldn’t look Remus in the eyes. He couldn’t even look at his own reflection out of shame. One face, too much disappointment.

“Good,” Remus said. “Because I’m fully prepared to grab his dick and shove it up his own ass.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “I’m sure that’s someone’s sexual fantasy.”

“Yeah, but it’s also one hell of a way to say ‘go fuck yourself.’

“You’re disgusting,” Roman said. “...but that is pretty funny.”

Remus smiled. “There’s the brother I know and tolerate.”

Roman’s eyes were getting dizzy from so much rolling.

“But don’t think I’ve forgiven you for stealing my title as the Dyed Twin.”

Roman stuck his tongue out at him. “Have fun being the boring bitch of the group.”

Roman’s phone buzzed on the table as an alarm went off. He hit the stop button and took a deep breath. He didn’t bother checking his makeup. If the glitter over his eyes ended up on his cheeks, then he could call it “camp” and move on with his life. He tucked his phone and his wallet into the pockets of his jeans and untucked his black t-shirt for the million-and-first time that evening. Remus tossed his car keys into the air and caught them with a loud jingle.

Roman’s watch vibrated and he glanced down at the text. “It’s go time. Remy just left.”

Remus stuffed his keys into his pocket and made his way down the stairs with Roman following suit. “Remind me why your guest is meeting you there?

“Same reason I’m going with you. He doesn’t want to leave his car there.”

“And...?”

“He’s, uh, catching a ride with Emile.”

Remus glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t know Em knew Lilly.”

“Me neither,” Roman said, trying to ignore the twist in his gut. “Small world, huh?”

“Too small.”

They opened the front door, the sunlight blinding them. Lilly already had a plan for Emile. Roman just didn’t want to think about what that plan was. He didn’t want to think at all.

The car ride seemed impossibly long, yet not long enough for Roman to control his racing mind. There were already two cars in the driveway when they arrived, parked on the side of the curb.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Remus asked.

Roman answered with the click of his seatbelt before he opened the door and stepped out of the car, into the humid air. Lilly’s house was a bit smaller than his, but her family made up for it with a colorful front garden and a spacious backyard. He stepped on the cobblestones that lead through the garden to the front door and knocked, hearing the sound echo behind the door. Remus approached his side.

After a teasingly long wait, Lilly opened the door. She wore black combat boots and leggings, with a sleeveless gold crop top. She had multiple piercings in either ear and a nose ring going through her right nostril. Even the hairclips she wore around her high ponytail matched. All gold, all begging for the spotlight.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Roman said.

“What, no welcome gift?” she teased. “Yo, Remus, nice ‘stache.”

“That thing is not a mustache,” Roman said. “Stop encouraging him.”

Remus elbowed his side. “He’s just jealous that I’m the sexier twin.”

“ Please, you look like Billy from Stranger Things.”

“Do you know how many people want to fuck Billy?” Remus asked.

“No one with taste. ”

Lilly laughed. “Speaking of fucking, where’s your hot new loverboy?”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Loverboy?”

“He’s not here yet?”

“You two are the first.”

“Thank God.” Roman pushed past Remus and went inside the house, going straight for the kitchen. “Lilly, girl, bestie, help.”

“You are the epitome of confidence, Roman,” she deadpanned.

“This epitome needs a fucking drink if I’m going to get through this.”

“Roman, are you sure you’re up for this?” Remus asked.

“Yes,” he and Lilly said in unison.

Lilly took two bottles out of the fridge and simultaneously poured them into the same red plastic cup. She wrote Roman’s initials on it in gold Sharpie and handed it over.

Roman took a swig and squeezed every muscle in his face to get through the burn. “Lilly, this thing is more bitter than you are.”

She rolled her eyes. “Cranberry vodka lemonade.”

“Oh great. Because alcohol doesn’t stink enough. Let’s put the two most bitter fruits imaginable in it.”

“The two most bitter fruits are standing in front of me right now.”

He took another big sip. “I hate you so much.”

“Yeah, yeah, maybe we can get your new fling to fuck that stick out of your ass.”

“I’m going to need a drink just to get through this conversation,” Remus said.

“Which fruit juice do you want spiked?”

“Just get me a beer.”

“Boring,” Lilly said as Roman said, “Gross.”

Roman took the last long swig of his drink and hit the empty cup onto the counter, the plastic crumpled under the weight. “Another,” he said. “I refuse to be sober until the plan is in action.”

Girls and their curls and their gourmet vomit

The party was loud once the sun had gone down. The colorful lights of Lilly’s various themed party lights and mini Christmas lights danced across the walls. Roman was sitting on a corduroy couch in the corner of the room with Remy and Emile next to him. And he was sobering up faster than he would have liked.

“Hey, sexy bitches,” Lilly yelled, making her way into their corner with two cups in her hand. She handed one to Roman. “Emile, right? Listen, listen, I need your help. You’re like, super tall-”

Remy laughed.

“-and I need help getting something off a shelf. You up for it?”

“I can help,” Remy offered. “I’m taller than Em anyway.”

Lilly frowned. “No, no, you have short king energy.” She made grabby hands toward Emile.

“I, uh, I’ll catch you guys later,” Emile said. Despite being at a party, he still wore a brown cardigan and had the exact vibe of a well-loved teddy bear. This vibe was only enhanced by Lilly running her hands over his arm and leaning her cheek on his shoulder as she led him out of view. Roman didn’t know if that was part of the plan or if she was just that tipsy.

He took a sip of his drink, some fruity concoction that didn’t taste alcoholic, but the buzz that went straight to his head said otherwise. He didn’t have time to worry about how sober Lilly was. He needed to make sure that for the next twenty minutes, he wasn’t.

“Your friend seems nice,” Remy said.

Roman snorted. “When she wants to be.”

“Is conditionally nice your type?”

“I’m not going to fuck Lilly,” Roman said. “Even if she had a hot twin brother. Or was a guy.” He shook his head and took another sip. “Not going to happen.”

Remy laughed. “My bad. I just meant for friends. I can be a callous bitch too, you know.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Not out loud,” he corrected.

Roman frowned. “I don’t think you’re a bitch.”

“Well... that’s nice. Makes someone, I guess.” He smiled softly. If one only looked at his mouth, they’d think him happy. But Roman watched his eyes. His gaze was a million miles away.

Roman took his hand and leaned in close, his nose brushed against Remy’s cheek. “Do you wanna do something stupid?”

Remy raised an eyebrow. “How stupid?”

Roman only smiled.

Boys and their toys and their six-inch rockets

Lilly was right, in a way.

Roman wasn’t thinking about the breakup when Remy’s mouth was pressed against his. He wasn’t hating himself when his fingers were tracing the muscles in Remy’s back.

He wasn’t thinking about anything then.

We’re all very lovely, ‘til we get to know each other

He woke up on Lilly’s couch with a headache and some sore muscles from being very active in a very small closet.

Remy was nowhere to be seen.

As he sat up, a pain ran across his neck and over his head. He groaned, which elicited more groans from the many hungover strangers on the floor. Other friends of Lilly’s. It was strange to imagine her having an entire social life without him. Especially after…

An alarm pulled him from his thoughts and made the pissed crowd even more pissed off . People fumbled around to find the evil beeping device. Roman awkwardly pulled himself off the couch and stepped around them all, making his way towards the kitchen. As he crept with his bare feet ( Where did I leave those shoes? ) against the cold tile, he could see a door down the hallway that sat wide open, and Emile was sleeping on the bed. Roman frowned, trying to pull himself back to the coffee pot but finding it hard to move. What happened last night?

He didn’t remember moving to actually get a cup of coffee. He didn’t remember dialing Remus to pick him up. He didn’t remember to find his shoes before pulling himself into that beat-up green Jeep. He just stared out the window idly, his mind stuck on the image of Emile laying on the bed in Lilly’s room.

As we stop becoming friends

One thing Roman wanted was a dorm. He loved watching dorm tours and looking at tiny room decor on Pinterest. No matter how much Remus insisted redecorating his bedroom was a “waste of time” and “a massive waste of time”, Roman was still determined to make his second year at Western feel like a fresh start. His hair dye was starting to fade, and God knew he needed a do-over.

His scalp was tingling under the dye and his arms were sore from moving around furniture. But it almost looked like his grand vision. Almost.

“Why the fuck do you have a bag on your head?”

“Why the fuck do you always bother me?”

Remus shrugged. His bangs were wrapped in tinfoil. “Twintuition, I guess.”

“Okay, first of all, twintuition sounds stupid as fuck. Second of all, you have no room to judge Wal-Mart Couture.”

Remus rolled his eyes but stepped on his tippy toes to see over Roman’s shoulder. “Holy fucking shit dick, you moved a lot of junk around.”

“Eloquent as always.”

“How much time have you spent on interior design TikTok.”

“None.”

Remus raised an eyebrow and stared right at Roman.

He couldn’t stand seeing Remus look so tired of him.

Roman looked at the ground sheepishly. “I’ve been on Interior Design YouTube.”

“Of course, you were.” He sat his hands on his hips and said, “You should at least make your skills... useful. ”

Roman made a gasp of offense and gestured to the newly decorated room behind him.

Remus, once again, rolled his eyes. “I meant Emile. He’s moving soon, I figured you’d like to help him.”

“I didn’t know he was moving,” Roman said with furrowed brows.

Remus’s eyes went wide. “Maybe... that was for a reason. Fuck.”

“A reason?” Roman asked. His cheeks were burning but his blood ran cold.

“Forget I said anything,” Remus said, uncharacteristically quiet. He walked away.

And we start becoming lovers

It was two days before he heard from anyone. Two. Quiet. Mindnumbing. Days. But when he finally got a text from Remy he was ready to throw caution to the wind just for the chance to talk to someone. He was out of the house before he’d even had time to panic about whether or not his outfit was right.

They were meeting at a park just between their neighborhoods. It had a castle fit for the mightiest of knights and a blue sky where it never rained and sunlight that never burned, the home to a myriad of childhood adventures. Roman drove with his childhood self buckled into the backseat and ready to run.

Dark grey clouds stood in battle formation at the edge of the sky as he pulled into the parking lot. When Roman turned off the ignition of his car, he stood 19 years old and all alone. The sound of his locking car dominated the empty space. He walked along the stained sidewalk that was only distinguishable from the dirt path due to all the scars filled with dandelions and every other flower that grows in the neglect of childhood innocence. He plucked a dandelion from the ground and put it in his pocket. The Castle of Kings was now just old plastic warped into something reminiscent of a house. It was smaller. It must have been smaller because Roman didn’t dare speak the alternative.

Remy was moving half-heartedly on a rusty old swing. They were not the children they used to be. The ghosts of the past could not imagine the concrete of the future-- stained with dandelion scars. Roman took a seat on the swing next to Remy, who seemed to be lost in thought, and for a moment he did nothing but quietly observe. Remy’s sunglasses were gone, allowing the curl of his long lashes and the sharp corners of his eyes to meet the spotlight. They were close enough to touch, but Roman didn’t dare. He feared everything around him was but a dream and that the one real tie would collapse like sand if he dared disturb it.

Remy took a deep breath. He met Roman’s eyes. “Your friend knows how to throw one hell of a party, huh?”

He laughed, though nothing was funny. “You could say that. She’s always been the... wilder of the two of us.”

“I don’t know. You and I had a pretty wild time in her closet.”

This time, it was funny.

But Remy took a breath. “But I did want to ask you about it.” And it seemed that even the wind hid inside his lungs.

“What... is there to ask?”

Remy reached out, tenderly laying his fingers over Roman’s hand. “Are you sure you’re... ready? I mean, if that was a one-time thing, I get it. But, if it wasn’t, are you ready for a relationship?”

“No,” Roman said, “but I... don’t want that to be a one-time thing, either.”

“So, what do you want?”

Roman’s heart beat like a drummer leading troops into battle. “To kiss you again.”

The metal chains of the swing made music to the beat of Roman’s heart and the accompaniment of thunder rolling. Remy pulled himself, still sitting on the swing, closer to Roman. He held onto the chains above Roman’s head and pulled him closer, letting their lips meet and fighting the natural positions of the swings that one misstep would pull them back to. Roman put his hands on Remy’s waist and held on as tightly as he could. Raindrops fell on his skin as Remy’s tongue traced over his lips. The rain came down hard and fast and Roman leaned in to kiss Remy harder but the plastic swing had grown slick and they both fell to the ground, Remy’s hands on the dirt on either side of Roman’s face.

Now, this is a view I could get used to, Roman thought, followed by, Fuck, that hurt.

“Are you okay?” Remy asked.

“That depends. Are you going to kiss it better?”

Remy laughed. Their mouths met again.

And I don’t belong to anyone

They weren’t in a relationship. Not really. But that was irrelevant when they were in each other’s arms, in bed sheets, in nothing but pure escapism. They still had their platonic rendezvous for coffee or thrifted clothes, and moments with friends where everyone sat none the wiser to what happened behind closed doors. For once Roman wasn’t being shown off as he’d once dreamed of being. For once, Roman was happy.

I’m only happy when I’m on the run

First day of classes. There was something in the air. Hope? Opportunity? Whatever it was, Roman wanted to breathe it in and keep it trapped within his lungs. But instead, he replaced it with a spray of cologne over his clothes, hoping the scent of an ocean breeze would be substitute enough for optimism. He reviewed his outfit again and again. A red polo with beige chinos and a gold chain in place of a belt. He hoped the bright red of his hair wasn’t too much, but also knew he didn’t exactly have time to dye it back to brown. So he took a breath, grabbed his bag (adorned with Disney pins and a shiny gold crown that read “He/Him/His”) and accepted his fate.

He grabbed breakfast downstairs and led the march to his car, with Remus and Virgil (who had spent the night) following suit.

I break a million hearts just for fun

They pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex a block away from campus. Remy’s car pulled in right next to them and everyone celebrated the brief reunion.

“Where’s Patton?” Virgil asked. “I thought he was supposed to ride with you.”

Remy shrugged. “All he told me was that he got a ride from someone else. I guess that someone didn’t hear about our plan to, you know, celebrate Patton.”

“Celebrating freshmen is overrated anyway,” Remus said. “I’m sure Patton just wants to pretend he’s a been-through-the-mud like the rest of us.”

Virgil furrowed his brow, obviously unhappy with the answer. “Do you think it’s because of the gap year?”

“You mean the one his parents killed?” Remus scoffed. “Can’t imagine it’s related at all.”

A knot twisted itself in Roman’s stomach. He wasn’t sure if it was the reminder of the group history he’d missed out on, or the scowl on Remus’s face that made every part of Roman’s brain scream “DANGER”. He shoved his hands in his pockets and said, “Let’s just find Emile’s place, alright?”

Remy laughed. “Yeah, let’s bring him into this shit show.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, but said nothing. And the group ventured forwards.

I don’t belong to anyone

Stepping into the apartment, Roman saw exactly what one would expect from a man like Emile. The kitchenette had Disney themed plates and appliances wrapped in prints from various cartoons. The oven mitts bore the faces of the stepsisters from Cinderella and magnets covered the door of the refrigerator. The little couch he had was more decorative pillow than seat and random blankets with lots of colors and designs he couldn’t make out were haphazardly strewn about the place.

“Killer place, Em,” Virgil said.

“You think?” Emile asked with a smile.

Remy put a hand on his shoulder and said, “This is about the most Emile Picani thing I’ve ever seen.”

“It gets even more Emile Picani,” said Emile Picani. He opened up a door which revealed his bedroom: a small place filled with stuffed animals and covered with posters along the walls. He had a window where an array of small potted plants sat in a line on the sill. Some were in pots shaped like Pokémon or other cartoon characters, while others were in terracotta pots that had been painted with an amount of detail that must have taken hours of work and more attention than Roman had ever held in his life.

“You were right,” Virgil said. “This did get a lot more Emile Picani.”

Emile smiled proudly.

“Should we head off to class?” Roman asked.

Virgil groaned dramatically. “How dare you suggest we go to class on the first day of classes? I want this summer to last forever.”

“I don’t,” Roman murmured under his breath.

I guess you could say that my life’s a mess

But I’m still lookin’ pretty in this dress

With bags slung over their shoulders, the group walked to campus like an image right out of a movie. They looked cool, intimidating, with the wind blowing perfectly through their hair. At least, that was how Roman envisioned it. Perfect. Theatrical. The opening credits rolling in every window they passed. The start of his story- where nothing before it mattered.

“You know... I can’t help but worry about Patton,” Emile confessed.

“Patton’s smart. He’s not going to have any problem with college classes,” Virgil said.

Emile furrowed his brow. “That’s not... what I meant. I don’t like that he bailed on us without saying anything.”

“Then bail him back,” Remus said. “I don’t have time for anyone who breaks those kinds of promises.”

“That seems... intense,” Emile said. “Come on, can we at least check the campus coffee shop for him?”

Remus sighed. “Fine. You get five minutes, then I’m gone.”

Emile gave a smile, but Roman could see the fear behind it. No one liked Remus being angry.

At least the coffee shop wasn’t too far away. Though the silence that hung over the group the rest of the way there turned the short walk into a long and treacherous journey. The silence wasn’t even the worst of it.

They entered the coffee shop with its dusty lamps and stained couches and the smell of burnt espresso that always felt like home. But there were two figures, wrapped up in each other on one of those old couches. A familiar birthmark and a snake tattoo on an arm that wrapped around a younger figure. With faded blue bangs.

Roman swore he was going to be sick.

“I... guess we found him,” Emile said quietly.

Janus slowly pulled away from Patton and glanced at the group with a smirk. He held eye contact with Roman, clearly attempting some sort of mind control.

Roman froze. The spell was working.

“Long time no see, friends,” Janus drawled.

“Hey guys,” Patton said quietly, his cheeks flushed red and his lips swollen.

Roman was going to cry.

No, he refused to cry. He refused to give Janus any sort of satisfaction.

He turned his gaze back towards the group. He could pretend to have not even noticed Janus. Better yet, he could have pretended that he did notice Janus but that seeing his ex make out with someone he wanted to call a friend was so minimal that it didn’t even warrant mention. “Remy,” he said, “hurry up and order your coffee. We’re going to be late to astronomy.”

Remy took a sharp breath. “Astronomy. Right.” He headed for the counter and the (confused) trio followed him.

Roman took his hand, squeezing it tightly, hoping that Janus saw. Hoping that he might be able to withstand his mind falling apart like sand so long as Remy didn’t do the same.

“Are you alright?” Remy whispered.

“Of course I am.”

I’m the master of deception

If you asked Roman what happened that day in his classes, he couldn’t tell you.

The attendance records would show that he was there. His professors would tell you that he answered every question they asked of him.

But Roman could only remember anger. Anger at himself. And a continuous mourning of who he could have been.

When everything is life and death

You may feel like there’s nothing left

Roman didn’t sleep well that night.

All he saw was Janus. In his dreams. In the halls. In his nightmares.

Roman didn’t sleep well at all.

Instead of love and trust and laughter

His parents were going out of town for the weekend. And he no longer cared about civility towards his neighbors.

What you get is happy never after.

He was already drunk before the party began. He could remember sobering up, surrounded by lights and sounds and people, and he could remember the crushing anxiety in the back of his mind yelling at him for all that had gone wrong. He took a couple shots. That shut the voice right up.

Friends of Lilly’s danced around him. Strangers in the intimate space of his home. A girl was dancing with him, flowers in her dark braids and sangria in her cup. Roman didn’t even have sangria in the house. He didn’t question where she got it from.

The night flowed from bottle to cup to lips. It rushed by in drunk kisses between friends. All Roman cared about was the bliss of dancing wildly and the happy buzz in his brain. A warm hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him away from the heart of the party. He whined in protest and frowned until he saw the black eyes and midnight blue hair.

He laughed. “Remy, you’re very fun but I’m not in the mood for ‘privacy’ right now.”

Remy handed him a water bottle. “Roman, you need a break. Drink this.” Remus, Virgil, and Emile were standing behind him.

He groaned. “I’m fine , Rem. I’m having fun.”

“ Roman,” he said sharply.

The playlist changed and played something with a fast tempo, heavy on the guitar and beating drums through Roman’s skull. He laughed. “I’m not Roman anymore. Roman is dull.” He jumped onto the couch, landing between two boys who seemed unhappy to have their make out session interrupted. “I’m Electra Heart, BABY!” He screamed and the crowd around him cheered loudly.

“You’re a dumbass,” Remy said. “Come on, party’s over.”

The drunken crowd booed.

Remus raised an airhorn over his head and announced, “If this house isn’t empty in twenty minutes, we’re calling the cops.”

They booed again.

He held down the horn and Roman grabbed onto his ears in pain. Before he could even figure out if the horn had blown out his hearing, people were making their way out of the house.

“I hate you,” he said to Remus. “You’re the worst brother in the world.”

“Roman,” Remy said, holding the bottle out again, “please just drink some water.”

“And why should I?”

“Because you’ll hate yourself when you’re hungover.”

He gave a sharp laugh. “You mean like how I’ll hate myself sober?” He went to take another sip of his drink when Remy’s fingers closed around his wrist, holding his hand in place.

“Don’t do this, Roman.”

“Or what?” he whispered.

With Remy still holding Roman’s hand in place, Virgil took away the cup. Roman glared at him.

Emile spoke up, “Roman, this isn’t healthy behavior.”

“Who- fucking- cares?” he spat. “I don’t need a fucking babysitter telling me what to do.”

He took a sharp breath. “Your actions say otherwise.”

“Go fuck yourself, Rat.”

Emile stared at him and the rest of the world melted away. He straightened his shoulders, let out a short breath, and walked out of the house.

Roman doesn’t remember the rest of that night.

But deep down all you want is love,

He woke up on the couch with a sharp pain in his neck and some medieval torture device tightening around his skull. He pressed his palms against his eyes, but the pressure only gave minimal relief. He ran his fingers through his hair and a surge of light entered the room. He screamed out and squeezed his eyes tightly.

He heard someone sigh and say quietly, “Get up, Roman.” It was Remus. And he sounded so disappointed.

Roman groaned. “Get me water.”

“No.”

“No?!” Roman started to sit up but the pain in his head intensified and he lost all ability to think. “Why no?”

Remus spoke calmly- too calmly- and said, “You can take care of yourself, can’t you?”

“You’re a dick.”

“Don’t treat me like a mirror, Roman.”

The pure kind we all dream of

Lilly sat down in front of him, effectively ruining his private moment of peace and quiet. “You look like shit,” she said.

He couldn’t deny it. He’d barely slept in days and hadn’t even mustered the energy to shower. There was a pile of schoolwork in front of him- more of it overdue and unstarted than he wanted to admit. “Apparently once you fuck yourself over, it’s very hard to unfuck yourself.”

“You could always sell your soul in exchange for getting your virginity back. That would unfuck you.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Very helpful, Lilly.”

“Speaking of getting fucked,” she started.

Roman didn’t know if he wanted to kill her or himself.

“How are things going with your lover boy friend?”

“I... think I messed that up, too. I don’t know.” He let his head fall into his hands, his palms pressed against his eyes. “I think I need to start over.”

“With Remy?”

“With life. At least, the past year of it.”

“Well, you could always start over and have someone else as a distraction,” she suggested. “Just not that Soft Boy friend of yours.”

“Emile?” Roman asked, looking up at Lilly and furrowing his brows.

“Yeah, figured we’d have a little fun while I had to keep him distracted,” she confessed, “but he said he had... something going on with someone. Denied they were dating, but still told me he didn’t want to feel like he was cheating.”

“I guess I really don’t know Emile,” Roman mumbled to himself. “Who do you think it is?”

She shrugged. “You’d know better than I would.”

Roman silently went back to his work. I don’t think I know anything anymore.

But we cannot escape the past

So you and I will never last

The doorbell echoed before Roman could even make the decision to press it. Better that way , he told himself. He wouldn’t be pathetic. He needed to fight the urge to run.

The door opened and he swallowed the lump in his throat, ready to word vomit to Remy. But he wasn’t the one behind the door.

“Um, hi Mrs. Cho,” he said.

She laughed. She was a tall woman with her black hair pinned behind her ears and dangling earrings that matched the shiny black dress she wore. Anyone would assume she was on her way to a night out. Roman knew she was just dressed to watch soap operas or whatever it was that moms did when their sons weren’t home. “Hello, Mr. Barnes. I’ve told you that you can call me Seline.”

Roman squeezed his hands at his side. “I don’t think that’s physically possible, Mrs. Cho. Is Remy around?”

“He’s up in his room,” she said. “Should I tell him to come down?”

“Is it alright if I go up? I need to talk to him and I’d rather not inconvenience him.” More than I already have.

She stepped back and gestured for him to come inside. He quietly thanked her and hurried up to Remy’s room upstairs- the blue door marked with construction paper stars. He opened the door slowly. At the rate his life was going, he didn’t think his heart would ever stop racing.

Remy was sitting at his desk with a large pair of headphones that he took off when the door opened. When he saw Roman, time must have frozen.

Roman opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t find a single word. He walked forward and closed the door behind him. He kneeled on the ground in front of Remy, both his knees pressing into the old carpet.

Remy’s eyebrows were furrowed.

He doesn’t want you here, a voice told him. He hates you now. You’re ruining things even more. You’re pathetic. He choked on the apology trying to rush from his throat all at once. “I’m- Remy, I’m so sorry.”

Remy folded his hands on his lap and stared down at Roman, trying to be expressionless. But despite his best efforts, the concern in his eyes said more than any word ever could. “What are you sorry for, Electra Heart?”

Roman cringed. “For being a drunken idiot. And an arrogant asshole.” He forced a laugh. “And the terrible hangover I got because of it.”

“You deserved that hangover.”

“I did. I really did.”

‘Cause I’m a homewrecker, homewrecker

“But I had time to realize that... I should have let you take care of me,” he said. His eyes began to burn. “I shouldn’t have pushed away your concern for me- or anyone else’s. Remus made it incredibly clear that no one wanted a thing to do with me after that night.”

(I’m only happy when I’m on the run)

“A- And I get it! I wouldn’t want a thing to do with me either, but- fuck- Remy, you mean so much to me and even if you never talk to me again, I’m not just here to fuck and- okay, I’ll admit it- you are a good kisser, but more importantly you’re my friend and-” Tears were coming out faster than words and he pushed so hard through the sobs blocking his airways. He could barely breathe but that didn’t matter. He’d rather die on Remy’s old carpet than spend the rest of his life being fucked up and alone.

‘Cause I’m a homewrecker, homewrecker

“Roman,” Remy said sharply.

Roman covered his mouth with his hands and tried to muffle his labored breathing.

(I broke a million hearts just for fun)

There was a gentle kiss against his forehead and a rush of warmth as two arms wrapped around him. His cheek was pressed against Remy’s chest. He couldn’t stop shaking as his struggle to breath took over his whole body. Remy rocked him back and forth.

“No one is going to leave you,” Remy said softly. “Remus was just being a dick as always. He’s been... pissed off. At other people. And I won’t pretend you didn’t hurt us, but I also won’t pretend not to know why.”

Roman tried to speak. He tasted the salt of his tears rolling against his lips.

“Things will be okay, Roman.”

Roman’s sobs quieted down and Remy continued to gently rock him back and forth.

“I promise.”

Homewrecker

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sign-from-god-complex · 5 years ago

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akgdjscjdhc, lia, this is so cute, oh my god 😆

Roman: hi, 911? I’d like to report a crime

Roman: it’s my boyfriend. He stole my heart

911 operator: I told you to stop calling this number

#they're such dorks #lia 🌠#creativisleepality #(patton)

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tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors · 4 years ago

Note

📕📗📘📕📔📓📒📙

You don't need to tell that many I just liked all the versions

a creativisleep fake dating au that features Remy roping his roommate Roman into pretending to be engaged so they can get free cake samples except they run into Roman's coworker Patton at the bakery and can't break character so Patton walks away thinking Roman's engaged

nbd, right? Roman can just clear it up the next time he sees him. Patton will be disappointed by the lying but it'll be fine

except Patton sees Remus next before he sees Roman, and says smth to the effect of "i didnt know your brother was engaged, remy seems nice :D" and Remus, who knows damn well Roman has been pining for Remy for years and also knows this is bullshit and also knows he has ONE CHANCE to sell this proceeds to dig Remy and Roman a hole so deep its approaching fucking BEDROCK

and then Patton and Remus tell. absolutely. everyone

so now Remy and Roman have to pretend to be engaged while trying to figure out how to fake-break up so they dont have to go through with the LITERAL WEDDING that is quickly getting planned around them except theyre both madly in love with each other and would really not be all that fussed if they did

#ask #ask game #al pomegranate seeds #creativisleep #romantic creativisleep #ts roman #ts remy #ts remus #ts patton

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queer-goddess-of-the-hunt · 5 years ago

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Sanders Sides Playlists [Masterlist]

Here’s a masterlist of all the sanders sides playlists I made! Enjoy!

Character Playlists:

Logan

Patton

Roman

Remus

Deceit

Virgil

Remy

Ship Playlists:

Logicality

Logince

Intrulogical

Loceit

Analogical

Royality

Moceit

Moxiety

Roceit

Prinxiety

Creativisleep

Demus

Anxceit

Sleepxiety

Bonus Playlists:

Magic!Virgil AU

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tulipanthousa · 10 months ago

Note

tell us about the unwritten au 👀

okay, full disclosure, this will never be written. i have no intention of ever doing so. if someone else is willing to take a crack at it be my guest but this would be too much for me to handle

so, here it is

Content Warnings: angst, RAPE (<- read this. the dove is dead. do not pass go do not collect $200. youve been warned) both directly and via proxy, and other kinds of sexual coercion

LAOFT RELAMP but at what cost

In main story laoft, durant does not see roman and remy's dalliances as important or a threat to him/his control over roman.

in this story. he does

in an agonizing display of cruelty, he kidnaps remy and presents him to night roman as a gift.

its a terrible position - roman cant reject the gift and risk durants anger, which will end in disaster for both him and remy... but niether can he accept it and walk back into his day life with the knowledge that remy will remain here, trapped, alone with durant, and impossibly far away from anything roman can do to protect him

Roman takes the only path he can find - feign gratefulness so deep that he no longer had need of his day left, and giving it up. because at least if theyre both trapped remy's not alone.

Remy and Roman disappear the same night, stolen from their beds without a sound or a trace left behind.

In wickhills, Logan is incandescent with fury and patton cries so miserably the woods and hills around his house are bone-dead silent. not even the birds want to sing in his presence.

May sits alone in her house, the door locked, refusing to answer for anyone.

The Adams' put up posters across all of southeast ohio knowing nobody is going to call

And emile watches them all and churns with guilt because he didnt know remy, not really, so why does he think he has a right to be this sad?

Back in faerieland, things escalate in a bad way very quickly. Durant coerces Roman and Remy into increasingly intense sexual scenarios for his entertainment.

in the midst of this, having only one other person you can rely on or trust can, coupled with the rapid increase in intimacy, cross the wires a bit, and wwhoops, Remy and roman are in love now

Remy: or whatever passes for love in this shitshow Roman: you dont get to tell me i dont really love you Remy, crying: ok

and tbh, all of this is more of just context for what im ACTUALLY interested which is

they get out. now what?

Because in the meantime, Emile has reached out to patton, we still have LAMP and remile, and now we have pair-of-cats-that-cant-be-separated creativisleep

Logan: you thought canon logan had anger issues? ha. ha i say. this logan would kill a man sooner than let them make roman or remy even slightly uncomfortable. he'll snarled at his own mother if she gets too close. he'll snarl at thomas, though he'll feel bad about both. this is actually! not great! because logan tried to guard from the outside looks a lot like Guards Keeping Us Inside to remy and roman, so they have to figure out how to navigate logans nuclear reactor protectiveness vs it wigging roman and remy out.

Virgil: Virgil waking up is the catalyst for them getting free, and in the midst of his horror falls in QP love at first sight with remy, who was so brave and so strong and kept roman safe when virgil couldnt.

Remy: i dont know if 'safe' is even slihtly accurate Virgil: the safety of his heart and mind are of equal importance to me as his body. you have cherished both, and you can have anything you ask for as long as i live Remy: [gay fluster noises]

Patton keeps determinedly dragging emile to mays house (where they are holed up for close access to dizzy and jax) even though Emile feels like he's intruding

Patton, constantly on the verge of tears: I almost lost Roman and i've decided im in love with all of you and i CATEGORICALLY refuse to lose anyone else Emile: um Patton: RE. FUSE.

so pattons HOPE is that they all wind up in a big polycule pile, and its doesnt... not do that, but its not quite as clearcut as all that.

Theres stumbling blocks at the beginning withboth remy and roman wavering on whether or not their romantic feelings are genuine, and subsequently wondering if the fact that theeyre still in love with Emile and LAM respectively means that they arent.

this would go through some oscillations of both of them trying to deny those feelings to "prove" their love for each other, vs trying to push the other away so they can go be with p[eople they "really love"

do! not! separate them!

in my head this ends with romantic LAMP, Romantic Remile, Romantic Patmile, and QPR losleep and sleepxiety - everybody else is friends and cuddle buddies

Remy is actually super comforted by the fact that Patton is in love with him/attracted to him but never asks for more than friendship because he knows remy isnt. Metamour besties.

Dizzy suffers a lot from this ordeal (she hid from durant and subsequently roman, knowing if he found her as romans familiar it would be catastrophic) so their bond is.... stretched, lets say. overtaxed. she's a little sicklier. a little smaller, a little more timid. hides in remy or virgils jackets frequently

All of which is to say that this is a fraught extended metaphor that sometimes trauma changes you, and it changes your relationships, and it changes the way you feel attraction, and all of that is okay. it doesnt make those feelings or relationships less real or loving or valid.

anyway this is my monster. im not going to write it (please dont ask) but some people have expressed that they were glad i still shared it, so have some bite sized angst

#ask #Anonymous #laoft ask #rape cw

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just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot · 4 years ago

Note

Familial Remus, Remy, and Roman?

“Family”

Pairings: Familial Remy and Creativitwins, Hinted Romantic Remile, Platonic/ Crushing Dukeceit (passing mention)

TWs: Swearing, Bug Mention, Remus being Remus

(You didn’t give a word to work with so I just went with family, hope thats okay!)

“My head huuuuurts.”

Remy looked up from his chemistry homework, over the kitchen island at his younger brother - affectionately dubbed Twin Terror Number One - sat upside down on the sofa and silently wondered why his parents thought they could replicate perfection a second time.

“Yeah, that's your brain trying to like, comprehend its own stupidity, kid.”

Roman let out a gasp of offense that Remy promptly ignored in favour of heeding the beck and call of the coffee machine as it’s sweet siren song coaxed the older teen toward the lifegiving caffeine he thrived on. Emile would be over in half an hour for a ‘study session’, and the last thing Remy wanted was to waste time with actual studying.

He put his cup to the side and hauled open the fridge, expecting to scoop up some ice. What he did not expect was to come face to face with Remus’ latest science experiment.

“... REMUS!”, Remy snapped, “Get your ass down here, like, right fucking NOW.”

Twin Terror Number Two came tumbling down the stairs so violently, had Remy not been used to his shit by now, he’d have been convinced Remus had given himself at least some modicum of brain damage.

Seriously, why did his parents not just stop at one child?

“Can you like, tell me what the fuck was going through that probably concussed skull of yours when you did this?”

Waiting for Remus to come stand by the open freezer, Remy gestured to the clear popsicle mold filled with fruit juice and an array of various bugs.

The demented eleven year old grinned, “Those’re my bugsicles! I-!”

“Thanks!! I hate it!! Get them out of the freezer, trashrat.”

“Mom said you’re not allowed to call me that anymore!”, Remus snarked. Remy narrowed his eyes over his sunglasses, “And mom said you’re not allowed to go on LiveLeak on the family computer, but like, we both know you haven’t listened to that OR learned to close a tab so.”

Rolling his eyes, Remus crossed his arms, “Whatever! I’m not moving them!”

Having had enough of making himself light headed, Roman came over to peer over the kitchen island at his twin and their older brother who looked mere inches away from putting the two of them on the next rocket to Mars, “Why do you want bugsicles anyway!? That’s not gonna taste good, Re, they’re bugs!!”

Remus snorted, “People in other countries eat bugs all the time, you uncultured bitch.”, he ignored Roman’s offended squeak as well as Remy’s poorly stifled snort, and continued, “Besides, I’m gonna dip em in laxative chocolate and hand ‘em out to those kids that called Jan-jan ugly yesterday. I might’ve stopped at the bugs if they hadn’t brought his eczema into it too.”

His twin grimaced, “That’s horrible,”, though his frown quickly turned into a mischievous grin, “I want in.”

….Okay, maybe sometimes little brothers could be fun.

I love these utter gremlins. I almost wrote smth more angsty but this took precident and I’m glad.

@i-cant-find-a-good-username thanks for this one, I love these three!

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses @fandomsofrandom @patton-cake @does-this-look-logicality-to-you @justalittlecorrupted @irritating-lady-knight @katlikethesword

#remus sanders #roman sanders #remy sanders #remile #emile picani #cartoon therapy #sanders sides fanfiction #dukeceit #my fics #familial creativisleep #as a sibling I can say this is 100% me and my sister #she's the twins #I'm kidding we're both all three of them #i-cant-find-a-good-username

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givemeureyes · 4 years ago

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a reminder that loooveeee to rp Sanders sides

roceit? yes absolutely

logince? yes 100%

rosleep {Remy x Roman}? of course

Roman angst? that's my shit!

u!Virgil and u! Patton? even better (but it absolutely does not have to be incorporated if it makes you uncomfortable)

have I made these posts a thousand times? yes but I'm looking for new role-play partners

message me if you're interested!!! please!!!

#sanders sides #roman sanders #roman angst #logan sanders #sympathetic remus #janus sanders #remy sanders #roceit #logince #rosleep #creativisleep #creativitwins #platonic creativitwins

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notveryglittery · 5 years ago

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@sleepless-in-starbucks: Me: Damn I wish I had an excuse to write creativisleepality :/ Me: Sees your post Me: Forget excuse I have an OBLIGATION to write qpr creativisleepality with insecure!Roman because like. I’m a predictable shit. Also just a heads up my wifi’s been crap all evening so like. If this arrives late. Blame my damn connection for being sunshine-phobic

(Warnings for aphobia, insecurity, all that fun stuff. happy ending tho because y'all know me)

dani: Y’ALL I’M GONNA NEED YOU TO PAUSE WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING AND READ THIS RIGHT NOW. lia is a blessing, an absolute delight and joy and i love her with my whole entire heart!!!! this made me very happy and relieved and yeah it’s just really really good

Roman was finding the urge to slam his head into the wall a very difficult one to resist. It had been what felt like the longest day of his life, brimming with an overly critical director, some sneering possible cast members who had mocked his make-up, and particular idiot who Roman had thought was going to be the one spot of light in his day until… that happened.

Roman gave up and let his head hit the wall once, leaving it to lay there when the thought of Patton seeing him like this managed to stop him from continuing the process until the wall had a good hole in it. Remy would probably be upset, too, of course, but Patton would most likely cry, and Roman would sooner fall into an ocean of fire than hurt either of his loves.

“I mean… can you even call them loves?”

Roman curled one of his hands into a fist at the fragment of a memory. He could, damnit, screw Anton and his stupid face and his stupid words and his stupid, stupid reasoning…

“…Babe?”

Roman jerked out of his thoughts, realizing that Remy had come up to him, his Starbucks-barista-turned-partner frowning at him in worry.

“Yes, my darling?” Roman asked, pushing himself off the wall, trying to maintain his image.

“Are you alright?” Remy said, a perfectly reasonable question given Roman had been lying against the wall for five minutes, seemingly completely unaware of Remy’s presence next to him for a good minute of that time.

Roman plastered on a smile, hoping it looked even semi-convincing. “Of course! Why ever would you even have to ask?”

Remy reached forward, still frowning as he pushed Roman’s bangs behind his ear. Roman instinctively leaned into the touch, trying to not look pitiful while he did so.

“Honey,” Remy said, softly, and Roman really must be failing at this whole acting thing if Remy’s sounding that worried, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Roman assured. “I’m fine.”

Remy didn’t respond for a moment, continuing to frown at Roman until he wanted to squirm away. Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Roman, Remy moved forward, his free arm wrapping around Roman’s waist, the hand he had on Roman’s cheek slipping behind his head and tangling itself in Roman’s hair. Roman froze for a second, the surprise hug startling him, especially from Remy. He was generally pulled into hugs and cuddle piles by excessive grabby hands and whined complainants from Roman and Patton.

Recovering from the surprise, Roman couldn’t be bothered to resist the embrace, wrapping his arms around Remy’s waist as he slumped into Remy, burying his head in the crook of Remy’s neck. He took a deep breath. Remy smelled like coffee beans and warm leather and sage and comfort and home.

Remy scratched the back of Roman’s head comfortingly. “Tired?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Long day?”

“Mmmmm.”

“Long day that did not go fine despite all your lies?”

Roman started to hum in agreement again before he realized his mistake, immediately trying to pull away from what he now recognized as a trap hug. Remy’s grip only tightened, however, still too comforting for Roman to truly want to fight it.

“You’re really out of it if you fell for that, sugar.” Remy cooed before yelling over his shoulder, “Patton! Roman had a sucky day and he tried to lie about it!”

Roman didn’t know if he closed his eyes for a moment and missed him, or if his marshmallow boyfriend had simply forgotten to mention that he had teleportation abilities, but one minute Patton wasn’t there and the next he was pressed against Roman’s back, hugging Roman tightly enough he was surprised Remy still had a hold on him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck.

“Baby, we talked about this.” Patton scolded, though his tone was so light Roman was fairly certain he was saying it more because he felt he had to say it than anything.

“I know, I know.” Roman said. “But it’s really nothing, the halves of my heart. Just something stupid someone said-”

“If it’s upsetting you, it’s not nothing.” Patton interrupted him, softly speaking, moving one hand to Roman’s hip so that he could rub circles into the skin. “What did they say?”

Roman opened his mouth to respond, to pass it off as simply as he could, to prove to them it was just some pointless comment he should have disregarded immediately anyways, and heard a sob come out instead, which was doing WONDERS for his image of ‘still wonderfully put together.’ The hand in his hair stilled in surprise, and Patton made a sound of hurt. Their worry only made Roman feel worse, and he couldn’t stop himself before the next words were spilling out, “I’m sorry I don’t love you enough.”

More sounds of pain, this time not just from behind him, but Roman ignored them, pressing his head further into Remy’s shoulder as if that would block out the entire world. He felt more than truly knew they were moving, though he didn’t focus on where or how. At some point his legs got tucked up so that they were resting on something, the warmth around him shifted but never enough so that it was truly gone, somehow ending up so that almost nothing had changed aside from the fact that the amount of effort he had to put into existing was substantially lessened.

That made it a lot easier to cry, hating that he was staining Remy’s shirt but knowing he couldn’t stop even if he tried. The warmth of his boyfriends’ around him didn’t seem to mind, hands gently running across his skin, a mix of soft pet names and quiet shushing sounding around him. Eventually his tears stopped falling, his sobs turning into hiccups that turned into nothing, until all he was doing was holding onto Remy and trying to sink into him and escape the world.

“Sweetie? Sweetheart?” Roman hummed in response to the names that were clearly being directed at him, still refusing to remove his head from the dark, warm safety of his boyfriend’s shoulder. There was a sigh that sounded caught between amused and concerned. “Please, love, we need to talk.”

Roman groaned and tilted his head, still resting on Remy as he looked over at Patton. They were all cuddled together on the couch, Roman securely held in Remy’s lap and against his chest while Patton remained wrapped around his back, better positioned to look at Roman, his sweet honey eyes laced with worry. Knowing he was the cause of it, Roman almost started crying again, not sure how he could vanquish it but knowing he would do anything to replace it with happiness.

“Hey, shh, it’s alright, you’re not in trouble.” Patton said immediately, cupping Roman’s cheek with one hand, brushing away the beginnings of new tears. “I just- We just want to know- Ro, starlight, why don’t you think you love us enough?”

Roman would have shoved his head back into the crook of Remy’s neck if Patton’s gentle but firm grasp wasn’t stopping him, forcing him to hold eye contact with his partner, half of his entire life, one of two people he’d willingly die for in a heartbeat as he said, as unashamedly as he could, “We’re just partners.” Patton’s brow furrowed even more, and Remy once more tightened his grip around Roman, and it took all his willpower to choke out, “We’re just partners, and not dating, and that’s it, that’s all we are, and you’re both just so wonderful you deserve more, and it’s not fair to you that you’re stuck with me and that, and-”

“Roman, please, please baby, stop!” Patton said, distressed, and Roman shut up. Patton was cupping both his cheeks now, running his thumbs over them repeatedly, as if he wasn’t just trying to comfort Roman but himself as well.

“I’m going to kill 'em. You said someone said this to you?” Remy asked, aggressively, nearly growling when Roman nodded. “Bullshit. It’s bullshit.”

“Language.” Patton said automatically, snapping Remy out of his mood.

Remy sighed, going back to running his fingers through Roman’s hair. “They’re wrong, sweetheart, completely wrong.” He reassured Roman, voice much softer now. “You love us more than enough, whatever they said was just stupid.”

“I- I know you say that, but-” Roman paused, searching for the words. “Kisses, and holding hands in public, and all of that… I can’t- I don’t offer you any of those things, and you deserve them so much, and that’s not fair to either of you.”

Remy chuckled, and the sound echoed through Roman’s chest. “Gurl, I feel like you’re forgetting I’m aro too. I don’t care about any of those things- I just care about you.”

“And we love you.” Patton added. “We love you because you’re an amazing cuddler and you love to sweep us off our feet and you have the most beautiful singing voice in the entire world and because we know you love us so, so much, and the fact that you don’t love us romantically isn’t even close to important.”

“And you love us too, right?” Remy asked.

Roman almost tripped over his words rushing to answer, unwilling to leave a single second empty without his promise, “Of course I do! I just-”

“Than that’s enough.” Remy cut him off, and it was so simple yet so adoring, coupled with the look Patton was giving Roman, like he’d hang the moon for him while Remy pinned up the stars, that every word that jerk had said melted away in an instant, like a million pounds right off his shoulders, leaving him so free and alive that Roman couldn’t help but lunge forwards a bit, twisting himself so that he could wrap his arms around Patton, pulling him backwards so they more or less landed on Remy, all pressed against each other and warm and real and solid beneath his fingers.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and continued on swiftly, before Patton or Remy even had a chance to speak, “I’m so sorry I listened to that bastard. He was an idiot, you’re so right. I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you so much, you mean more to me than any part in any play, than any gem or jewel, my dearhearts, my treasures, my loves.”

Patton giggled, and Roman couldn’t help the smile that suddenly blossomed on his face as Patton pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before just resting his own on Roman’s, whispering happily, “It’s alright, my prince, we know.”

“We know, but I still want to hear it more.” Remy protested, and Roman laughed as he turned his head back towards him, Remy’s dark eyes alive with amusement and glittering with love purer than freshly fallen snow.

“I love you.” Roman obliged him, hugging Patton closer to him even as he still watched Remy, “I love you more than summer sunsets and spring dew and winter frost and autumn colours. I love you more than sugar cookies and hot chocolate and crackling fires and-”

“-and more than the smell of coffee and crisp apples and fuzzy socks and soft pajamas and late night movie marathons and early morning grumbles and a thousand other musings.” Remy took over for him, smiling both smugly and softly as he brushed through Roman’s hair. “I love you all that and a million times more.”

“Cheater.” Roman accused heatlessly. “That’s my move.”

“It’s what you get for loving a dirty thief.”

“Pretty thief.” Patton corrected with his own smile, blindly reaching a hand back that Remy took immediately. “Pretty thief of our hearts.”

“Only after you got mine, cocoa bean.” Remy matched, lazily intertwining his fingers with Patton’s.

Roman reached a hand over as well, grasping around theirs. “You never stole my heart.” He said teasingly. “Considering you are my heart.”

“Your two perfect halves- yes, we are aware.” Remy said exasperatedly, but there was a fondness in his tone Roman knew he couldn’t shake. “You’ve got to come up with some better lines, doll.”

“Says Mr. Twenty-One-Nicknames.” Roman replied.

“You know you love them.”

“Do I know that?” Roman asked, laughing as Remy gasped in faux hurt. Patton laughed, too, shaking their held hands.

“You two are impossible.” He said, cheerily despite the chiding words. “I’m never going to get dinner made at this rate.”

“You’re welcome to go make it now.” Remy invited, though they all knew he wasn’t serious.

That didn’t stop Roman from tangling his legs up in Patton’s, whining, “Noooooooo, you have to stayyyyy.”

“But dinner… if I don’t go make it now I’ll never make it…” Patton trailed off, sounding more interested in staying.

“Then don’t go.” Roman offered, pushing his head up enough to nestle it against Patton’s shoulder, trying to sweeten the pot. “Stay and cuddle me.”

“And why should I prioritize that over dinner?”

“Because I’m still a little sad and I don’t want to let you go.” Roman said, blinking his eyes as sadly as he could for extra effect.

“Plus cuddling tops, like, all things.” Remy pointed out. “And I the remote’s in reach, and I think the Little Mermaid’s still in the player-”

“Cuddling on the couch it is!” Patton decided suddenly, finally releasing his boyfriends’ hands so that he could turn over and burrow into Roman’s chest, loosely hugging Roman as he settled in. Remy laughed as he snagged the remote, flicking on the tv and the corresponding underwater scene.

“And all it took was Disney.” Remy commented in amusement, dropping the remote as he shifted and wrapped his arms around both Roman and Patton. “We are going to get hungry eventually, though.”

“That’s a problem for later.” Patton said, and Roman was quick to agree with him, his arms still holding Patton against him even as he moved his hands to lay over Remy’s. Squished between his boyfriends now, tropical tunes starting up in the background, he couldn’t believe he had given Anton’s words a single moment of his time.

He didn’t need romance to love Patton and Remy- all he needed were eyes and half a brain.

Roman sighed, feeling more content then he ever had before. “I love you guys.” He said, softly, sweetly, simply.

“Love you too.” They both chorused at once, their care as tangible as their arms around him, and that was all Roman needed to know they loved him just as much as he loved them.

And that would always be enough.

(No editing we die like men- aka sorry if this is bad but like. I tried. Hope it makes you feel even a little bit better :) <3)

#creativisleepality #lia #fan fics #submission

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sleepless-in-starbucks · 3 years ago

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14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

#oops this got long ':) i got distracted by the gays... happy pride month djhbvcfjds #fanfic #creativisleep #ts roman #ts remy #nb!remy #the cryptid speaks #meri #yeah roman just. has an all out gay panic disaster moment right there #poor man 😔#also my characters keep ending up kissin in each other's laps can y'all tell im a touchstarved gay yet /hj

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