#robin stern

[gatheringbones]

[“Those of us who stay in gaslighting relationships have decided—usually unconsiciously—that we need to be able to tolerate anything, and that we have the power to fix anything.

Melanie, for example, needed to believe that she was a kind, nurturing person whose all-encompassing love would create—single-handedly if necessary—a happy marriage. No matter how badly Jordan behaved, she should, she could, and she would be loving enough to make things work. Facing how unhappy she was with Jordan meant giving up this idealized version of herself and accepting that she couldn’t overcome her husband’s difficult ways solely through the power of her love.

Likewise, Jill needed to see herself as so strong and so talented that no boss could ever bring her down. She wanted to believe that she could do good work in even the most difficult situation and that, by the sheer force of her abilities, she could transform a bad job into a good one. Acknowledging that her boss didn’t care how good she was felt like giving up her very self.

As you can see, these are fantasies of power. We’ve made up a vision of ourselves as able to transform any situation if only we do things right. Instead of giving up on our gaslighter and moving on, we try desperately to prove that we can change him. Failing that, we try to convince ourselves that his bad behavior doesn’t really matter because we are so strong.

The roots of this effort reach back to childhood. Parents who are disappointing and unreliable put their children in an emotional corner. To face the truth about them—that they sometimes behaved like self-absorbed children—would be overwhelming. What two-year-old, four-year-old, or even twelve-year-old can bear to realize that her mommy can’t protect her, that her daddy may not come through? How terrifying to be a child with unreliable, unloving parents! We know we’re not old enough or strong enough to take care of ourselves, so if they won’t do it, who will? And if even Mommy or Daddy won’t love us, we must be so unworthy and unlovable that no one else will. So instead of seeing things with such terrible clarity—instead of realizing that our parents can’t take care of us or love us the way we’d like because of their own limits—we begin to blame ourselves (“It must be my fault”), just as we’ll later do with our gaslighter.

But we don’t stop there. We make up fantasies to compensate for the reality of neglect and disappointment, fantasies that seem to give us more control. If we are strong enough and powerful enough, maybe it won’t matter that our parents can’t come through for us—we can take care of them, instead! “No matter what Mommy does, I’ll be okay,” the little girl might say to herself. Or “No matter how much Daddy disappoints me, it doesn’t matter.” We try to see ourselves as strong, tolerant, understanding, forgiving—anything to make our parents’ failings irrelevant.”]

robin stern, the gaslight effect

[rodgermalcolmmitchell]

Most common personality traits of a cult leader

Is this as perfect a description of Donald Trump and his MAGA Republicans as you ever have seen? The 9 Most Common Personality Traits In Cult Leaders Story by Caroline Bologna • 3mo •© Provided by HuffPost “Cult leaders are notable for the enormous amount of power they have over their group,” Ashlen Hilliard, a cult intervention specialist and founder of People Leave Cults, told HuffPost. “This…

[wwprice1]

A much smaller Bat Family enjoys the holidays together. Beautiful art by Christian Duce and Sarah Stern.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Jason drinks alcohol for the first time ever post resurrection and makes some questionable choices in the form of plastered phone calls and worrisome messages/voicemails.

He wakes up the next morning to at least ten missed calls and dozens of panicked text messages.

[elise-the-potato]

I'm gonna sob

[dot-png]

[navy-leader]

They said "put those objects into a situation" and buddy the emotional damages it caused

[moonsidesong]

@brifdi-daily week 5!!! wahooo!!! i was pretty sleepy this week so i mostly did like... easy ones... also parker and charlotte experiencing hte horrors thats there too

[creative-cartoon]

A Sweet Shapes/KCCCH (Charlotte/Moldy x Circle With A Mole x Parker) from hfjONE stimboard!

x - x x x - x x x - x x x - x

[mikyapixie]

2 years ago today Batwheels premiered on Max!!!

I actually liked this more than I thought I would!!! My mom even watched it & loved it!!!😆🥰😆

[cetrouz]

A test with Storyboarder that became a shitpost

[gatheringbones]

[“Oh, Frederick is such an interesting man!” she said enthusiastically. “There’s just so much going on with him: You never know what’s going to happen next, and he’s so complex. I’ve never been involved with someone who was such a mystery.”

As we talked further, I began to see that instead of responding emotionally to the way Frederick treated her—the put-downs, the freeze-outs, the insistence that she turn down trips or avoid her friends—Nella was responding intellectually to “the problem of Frederick.” Why did he behave in such a difficult, demanding way? What was behind his need to insult her or stop speaking to her? Was there a way to tell when the insults would stop and the freeze-outs begin, so that she could avoid them? And what about those special times when Frederick suddenly opened up to her, confessing his deepest fears and weaknesses? How could he be so trusting one minute, so suspicious the next? Maybe his mother had something to do with it. Or perhaps it was his older sister. Nella could spend hours happily analyzing her difficult boyfriend.

If Nella were to respond emotionally to her experience, she might quickly tire of being treated with such little regard. But she kept herself interested in the relationship by thinking about it. Nella had developed a Stage 2 version of the Explanation Trap. Instead of finding the abusive aspects of Frederick frustrating, painful, or off-putting, she found them interesting, because they offered her so many opportunities to come up with explanations. In fact, before going out with Frederick, Nella had been involved with a man who sounded to me like a much steadier, nicer guy. When I asked about him, Nella readily agreed that her previous boyfriend had treated her very well indeed. But, she told me, that man simply wasn’t as interesting as Frederick.

Nella’s frank description of her interest in Frederick’s abusiveness made me aware of a contrast I’d noticed in many women, myself included. When we’re involved with people who don’t treat us so well, our relationships preoccupy us a great deal. There’s always a lot to think about, talk about, analyze. With a nicer, more reliable person, the relationship doesn’t offer as much food for thought. We enjoy it, sure, but it doesn’t take up nearly so much of our time or focus. When our romantic partner (or friend, or boss) is taking care of himself—coming forward with attention and affection; managing his own feelings; expressing his dissatisfactions in polite, appropriate ways—there simply isn’t as much for us to do. So, like many women involved in Stage 2 gaslighting, Nella seemed to be more interested in the drama and analysis involved in a bad relationship than in the relatively mundane experience of a good one. Instead of seeing her relationship as a bulwark of support or a steady source of love, it was as though Nella were viewing it as a particularly challenging math problem, whose very difficulty was a major source of interest.”]

robin stern, the gaslight effect

[brifdi-daily]

Day 32: Parker & Moldy (Charlotte)

Source: ONE [cheesy hfj]

oh no it seems two friends are having a rough patch itd suck if something spontaneously occurred that would obstruct them from working through it ever

[youtubepoopmusicvideo]

name's brain

[iwantmycarkeysback]

boo! hfjone doodles on free draw 2 jumpscare

if you cant read the text;

liam ; do u swear?

bryce ; yea. shit.

liam; no

as in promise

bryce ; oh

[molecircle]

they took him cave exploring