#rivetting narratives here

[ratatatastic]

[redgoldsparks]

June Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe read by Matthew Blaney 

This is one of the most gripping and well-researched nonfiction books I've read in a long time. Keefe draws on many research trips, interviews, news paper archives, and personal encounters to tell several interwoven narratives of violence and protest during the time of The Troubles in Northern Ireland. He follows the story of the infamous Price sisters, women who joined the IRA while in college, helped plant many bombs, and became hunger strikers after receiving hefty prison sentences; Jean McConville, a widowed mother of ten who was dragged from her home and disappeared by the IRA; Brenden Hughes, a commanding office of the IRA who escaped assassination attempts and prison, who committed a huge amount of violence but ultimately became disillusioned with what he had done; Gerry Adams, who claims he was never an IRA office despite massive evidence to the contrary, who helped negotiate the peace treaty before launching a successive political career; and many more. I highly recommend this book, especially to anyone wrestling with the moral question of violent versus nonviolent resistant, and what the long, messy process of building peace can look like, at least in one specific place and time.

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata translated by Ginney Tapley Takemori read by Nancy Wu

Keiko Furukura has never fit in with the others around her. Early in elementary school she learned to keep her mouth shut because people often found the things she said (which felt logical and obvious to her) deeply upsetting. But at age 18, Keiko applied for a job at a convenience store and found her life's calling. The store is the only place where she feels really comfortable, needed, useful, and able to interact easily with others inside the routines of customer service. When the book opens Keiko is 36 and has been working the same low level job for her entire adult life. She has no desire for change but others around her are beginning to pressure her more and more to pursue a "normal life", that is, marriage and a better paying job. Keiko can be easily read as an autistic, asexual character; I really enjoyed how her perspective on life was written, even when I enjoyed less the actual things going on around her. A whiny, sleezy man takes up a lot of space in the second half of the story, but I found the ending very hopeful.

How to Love by Alex Norris 

Short, sweet, and insightful. Norris brings the humor of their "Oh No" comic series to this guide to feelings and relationships, but mixed with deep compassion. The visual metaphors are hilarious and perfect.

Becoming Who We Are: Real Stories About Growing Up Trans by Sammy Lisel and Hazel Newlevant and others 

A wonderful collection of short comics about trans people with different stories, experiences, jobs, and dreams. Each story is illustrated by a different artist which gives each tale its own voice. An accessible and affirming collection, especially for young readers!

Fool’s Quest by Robin Hobb read by Elliot Hill

This book picks up right after the traumatic kidnapping at the end of the previous volume, but packs a surprising amount of big plot twists in before the journey to recover the young people even begins. This book suffers from some middle book of a trilogy pacing issues; the action beats of the story sometimes falling at awkward spots, and the story continuing past what might have felt like its more natural ending. That didn't stop me from being RIVETED during the entire 33 hour audiobook. I am so obsessed with these characters. I feel the weight of everything they've been through, the six decades of in-story time, and the consequences and ripple effects of everything that has gone before. This volume continues to push a running theme of very gender-ambiguous characters; there are now two characters who defy an easy binary, and Fitz is finally coming to terms with that in one of his oldest and dearest friends. I'm excited and slightly terrified to head into the 16th and final book of this series soon!

Vera Bushwack by Sig Burwash 

This book is simultaneously a fairly quiet story of a gender-nonconforming queer living with just a dog on a piece of rural property, working on building a cabin from scratch; and also an ambitious exploration of gendered power fantasies. At the start, Drew is learning how to operate a chainsaw to cut trees and clear property from a rural neighbor. Flashbacks and phone calls reveal how Drew got her dog, some of the shitty men she's had to deal with, a past lover who helped her cut a trail to the river, and a tomboy childhood. These scenes of rough realism are interrupted when Drew jumps on her dirt bike or revs the chainsaw and her fantasies spin out across the page, full of wild horses, monster trucks, naked cowboys, symbols of complete and total freedom. This book is deceptively complicated, full of bold creative choices that I really appreciated, even if they didn't all work for me. I have a feeling this story is going to stick in my head for a long time.

In the Form of a Question written and read by Amy Schneider 

A very engaging memoir from Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider, born and raised in Dayton, Ohio, who moved to Oakland, California as an adult and never left. Each chapter title is a question and cover topics thematically rather than chronologically. Schneider is very forthcoming and honest, writing about everything from her transition, her open marriage, her first sexual experiences, recreational drug use, polyamory, community theater, relationship with her parents and more. She has a humorous and yet compassionate voice, relating tales of her hatred of boy scouts, ADD, and failures to understand her own gender without belittling her younger self. Towards the ends of the book she writes of her experience of fame and what she got out of her time on Jeopardy saying that stepping into the public eye as a trans woman and being met mostly with support and love changed her life as much as the 1.5 million she won over a 40 game winning streak and various other tournaments. If you are a fan of Jeopardy, or just curious, this is a fun listen.

Ruth Asawa: An Artist Takes Shape by Sam Nakahira 

Ruth Asawa was born in Southern California to parents who had immigrated from Japan before WWII. After the bombing of Pearl Harbor, her whole family was displaced to the internment camps, loosing their farm, all of their farm animals, and nearly everything else they owned. Ruth finished high school inside a camp in Arkansas but was able to leave when she apply to and was accepted into college. She was faced with discrimination and racism, but eventually she was able to pursue her dream of becoming an artist at the experimental Black Mountain College in North Carolina. She studied under influential and well-known teachers who helped her find her own creative voice. She also met the love of her life there. The couple eventually relocated back to California, which had just legalized interracial marriage. Sam Nakahira captures Asawa's courage, determination, and incredible talent in tender line art with delicate grey scale washes. Asawa's best known work, her innovative wire sculptures, are gorgeously rendered. Asawa's insistence on treating every activity of her life, from gardening to parenting to drawing to sculpting, as creative, is a good reminder for me and every artist that living itself can be a creative practice.

People From My Neighborhood by Hiromi Kawakami translated by Ted Goossen 

A charmingly strange set of interconnected stories about a neighborhood in Japan full of unusual characters. The unnamed child narrator tells us of the middle aged woman who runs a karaoke bar out of her house, the old man with two shadows, the child who is passed from house to house by lottery because his parents cannot support him, a diplomat who might be an alien who no one ever seen, the arrival of a mountain of sand, a school built of candy, a girl with prophetic dreams, and more. The stories escalate in weirdness over the course of the book and also introduce more reoccurring characters. The short 4-6 pages chapters made it compulsively readable. I had a great time with this, despite the lack of an overarching plot.

The Contradictions by Sophie Yanow

At age twenty, after a bad breakup, the author signed up for a study abroad program in Paris. Lonely and soul searching in a foreign country, Yanow spots a girl riding a fixed gear bike. Yanow is a committed bicyclist and chases the girl down to learn she is also an exchange student, also recently broken up with, a committed anarchist and a shoplifter. Yanow and her new friend decide to take a poorly planned trip to Amsterdam, intending to hitchhike the whole way. About as many things go wrong as you might expect. In beautifully minimalist black and white panels, Yanow perfectly captures the naivete and first political awakenings of a young college student trying to seem cool and so taking risks and hiding passions in order to impress someone new. A quick read and a master class in understatement.

Little Weirds written and read by Jenny Slate 

There was a lot I enjoyed in this memoir, as well as some aspects that worked less well for me. I enjoyed Slate's writing style and the focus on small moments of beauty and reclaiming one's right to live fully in one's body, acknowledging all of its human needs for softness and love. I liked her whimsy and sense of humor and kindness. I do wish that some of the chapters had been slightly more grounded in some of the facts and loose timeline of Slate's life. I didn't know anything about her before starting the book and it took me until almost the last chapter to learn she was the middle of three sisters; a line earlier on had made me think she was maybe a twin. It became clear that she was writing through the process of emotionally recovering from a divorce, but I only learned from wikipedia that her ex-husband had also been a major creative collaboration partner. I wonder if she expected most people reading this book to already be familiar with her biography? Regardless, don't go into this book looking for facts; go instead for a nonlinear reclamation of some simple but hard-won emotional truths and skip any chapter that isn't speaking to you.

People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks, read by Edwina Wren

This book tells a fictional history of a real manuscript- the Sarajevo Haggadah, a beautifully illuminated Hebrew manuscript created in fifteenth-century Spain. The frame narrative follows an Australian manuscript conservation specialist, Hanna Heath, hired to re-bind the pages in the mid 1990s for a Bosnian museum that until extremely recently was in the middle of a war zone. Alternating chapters dip into contentious periods of Europe's history, usually moments of high tension between religious groups (WWII, Vienna at the turn of the century, the Spanish Inquisition in Venice, the banishment of Jews from Spain in 1492, Muslim/Christian conflicts in Seville in the 1480s) and trace how the Haggaadah managed to survive fire, flood, blood, war, and exile in the hands of many different people. This is an ambitious book that mostly achieved is goals; I got through the 14 hour audiobook very quickly. One unfortunate side effect of the narrative structure is that I as the reader didn't spend more than a few hours with any of the characters, and so didn't develop a particularly deep emotional connection with any of them, including Hanna, the lead. My rating is more of a 3.5 or 3.75 rounded up. But still, I appreciate Brooks eye for capturing just most exciting or tense moment from a historical era and will likely try a few more of her books in the future.

Punk Rock Karaoke by Bianca Xunise 

Three friends, recently graduated from high school, struggle to keep their punk band together through the demands of early adulthood. College applications, jobs, family obligations, and makeout partners are all knocking on the door, demanding to be let in. Will Ariel, Michele, and Gael be able to stay true to their creative spirits and to each other? I had a great time with this fast-paced, sweaty summer, friendship-focused book even though the majority of the punk music references went right over my head.

Parasol Against The Axe by Helen Oyeyemi 

Helen Oyeyemi continues to baffle and dazzle me. This one is set in and narrated by Prague, which is a tricky city full of its own complicated whims and desires. Into this self-aware city enter several women: Sofie and Polly, an engaged couple, celebrating their bachlorette weekend together with friends. Hero, a somewhat estranged friend of Sofie's, who come to Prague mostly to avoid a piece of registered mail which is chasing her down. And Thea, a woman willing to commit violence for the right price, on a hired revenge mission that happens to intersect with a dark episode of Sofie and Hero's past. Does that sound straight forward? It isn't. Oh yes and there's also a book, Paradoxical Undressings which tells a different story to every person who cracks open its covers. This book allows Oyeyemi to tell many nested and fantastical anecdotes from Prague's Communist past. As with most Oyeyemi books, there are a few threads I was left scratching my head over, but I had such a good time on the ride that I don't mind. I'll just have to read it again and see if I catch them (assuming it's the same book when I open it a second time!) 

The Sacrificers Vol 1 by Rick Remender, Max Fiumara and Dave McCaig 

The art is absolutely stunning, but the story is a bit too cruel and dark for me to really enjoy. This book takes the concept of the child sacrifice of Omelas and expands it out into a whole fantasy world, in which gods maintain their power through the consumption of innocents. The stunning color panel carried me though the first volume but I'm unlikely to pick up a second book.

Brides of High Hill by Nghi Vo read by Cindy Kay

Another satisfying installment in the Singing Hills Cycle! In this one, Cleric Chih accompanies a young woman and her family to the remote estate of her prospective husband. But all is not as it seems. The potential husband looks at least twice as old as the young woman, and he has a son shut up in a pagoda and kept drugged in his gardens. Everyone on the estate is in some kind of danger, but the secrets are thicker and deeper than even the Cleric can guess.

[nana-glass-chillhop-radio-hour]

Penny for your thots about the tsv finale?

Okay this is not going to be coherent or polished but here goes:

Carpenter and Faulkner's final conversation was the most riveting scene in the show for me. It has this existentialist 'Waiting For Godot' esque quality of a dialogue in purgatory that just makes me vibrate out of my skin. Faulkner's self contradictory interpretations of his situation, his clinging to his ability to spin a new narrative, Carpenter's monologue about how only heroes get the chance to define their stories in the Silt Verses... chef's kiss. And of course: 'Do you recognize me?' 'Of course I recognize you. You're Carpenter's ghost.' 'Yes, I am.' Ahhhhhhh! How can Carpenter die when she's already dead????

Val ultimately creating the conditions that allowed for Paige's people to find sanctuary is just so tasty

I am soso sad about Faulkner's death BUT we all knew he was gonna drown right? Like. Chekov's lifejacket. And his 'first and last true prophecy' moment was badass.

I'm really intrigued by the decision to conclude the narrative just as we finally arrive at a land without gods. Like this story was never about what comes after! It was always about the ways we resist or comply! There's no third option!

Speaking of which. Hayward 💔💔💔

I'm also curious about the decision to leave Carpenter's death ambiguous - I'm not sure what the ambiguity accomplishes that a cut and dry death would not? I do love that she finally gets a measure of peace even amidst the terrible pain of losing her brother (again! Twice in one day!)

'We live in a world of miracles'

[vacuouslyfalse]

I was sent this by @metamatar on my thread about the material reasons why the US is not materially incentivized to back Israel. I'll be honest - I do not find it very convincing. Let's dive in.

The recent period has seen the bloom of two falsehoods, stemming from the same root of irrationality, glibly ahistorical narratives, and disinterest in understanding struggles for national liberation against imperialism. One: Benjamin Netanyahu more-or-less conspired with Hamas to maintain the Palestinian national division and empowered the movement in Gaza. Two: Israel and its parasitic lobby drive America into irrational warmongering.

The first is a slight overstatement of my position - there is no conspiracy, merely shared interests. The second is very far from my position - the US needs no external sources to drive it into irrational warmongering, but in this specific case, domestic support for Israel (both popular and elite) is what drives US support.

The ‘Netanyahu courted Hamas’ fairy-tale is newer, an odd chimera of the older truth that Israel and the US preferred Hamas – but, seldom mentioned, also Fatah – to Marxist-led Palestinian forces in the 1980s, and the newer truth that Netanyahu made deals that had allowed Hamas some financial manoeuvring space since 2014.

I think this basically concedes to my position on the first "falsehood," though it fails to mention Netanyahu's statements arguing that Hamas was a bulwark against Palestinian statehood.

From here on, the article spends several paragraphs summarizing the history of the Israeli-US relationship. While riveting, this does not directly relate to the question of US interests in this current war, so we'll skip ahead a bit.

The ‘Netanyahu enabled Hamas’ distortion rests on the correct statement that Netanyahu dealt indirectly with Hamas via Qatar and allowed the formation of a permit regime for Palestinian Gaza guest workers. This was meant to ensure relative quiet in the South. Far from Hamas collaborating with Netanyahu, or policing the ceasefire, this set-up was an achievement of the Palestinian resistance, allowing it the appearance of political stillness on its surface waters while underneath it moved fast and built up a deep defensive infrastructure. The lie is meant to suggest that Hamas’ strength is due to conspiracy with Israel, when Hamas simply expresses the nationalist aspirations of the Palestinian people. 

This is another, further distortion of the argument being made in "falsehood" one - that Israel's interests were served by Hamas. The idea that Hamas' strength emerges from conspiracy with Israel is absurd. It is, however, true that Israel has been willing to bolster Hamas and prefers it to a unified Palestine under the PA. Speaking of which:

This tall tale has also suggested that Netanyahu wished to avoid direct talks with the PA in Ramallah towards a peace agreement. The lie is the implication that the neo-colonial PA is a force for state building and Palestinian sovereignty. In fact, it is the velvet – more often these days, mailed – gauntlet of neo-colonial collaboration in the West Bank, amidst PA coordination with Israel and the murder of anti-collaborationist cadre like Nizar Banat in 2021.

This is, imo, completely correct - the PA is collaborationist. What this misses is that modern Israeli maximalists like Netanyahu reject the line pursued by the US, that of a collaborationist state governed by the PA. Even this shell of a state, along the lines of what was offered during the prior peace process, is now outside the bounds of what the ultranationalist Israeli far right is willing to accept.

Amidst closure and de-development, the popular resistance has been able to consolidate an arsenal and bring 1.5% of its population into a guerrilla force of 30,000-40,000 men that can – man for man – outmatch nearly any in the world.

This is where the article starts to go off the rails a bit. Can Hamas, man to man, outmatch nearly any army in the world? How would we know? Does this read like someone trying to do analysis or trying to write a PR piece?

The concrete is their mountains. From there they have imperiled an enemy with orders of magnitude higher GDP per capita – Israeli GDP is at $52,000 a year, with arsenals worth billions.

Fifth, through these achievements, the Palestinian resistance has been able to present an acute threat to the settler-capitalist property structures called Israel,

Here, we continue into mythmaking. How has Israel been imperiled? What acute threat has been presented? Certainly, over a thousand people were killed, but this does not constitute a threat to a nationstate. The article does not attempt to justify these statements further.

It is unimaginable that the neocolonial authoritarian states nor their US benefactor would remotely tolerate massive working-class militia which speak a language of justice and republicanism and raise arms against those states’ sponsors. In turn, it is as natural as the sun rising in the East that the US, the UK, Germany, France, and their Gulf and Arab satraps would converge on support for Israel as the spear’s tip of the assault on the surrounding Arab popular militia. 

Much of the "analysis" in this article takes this form - broad, sweeping statements with little attempt at justification.

Interestingly enough, this article actually links a far more lucid and well-reasoned analysis of the situation, with this funny aside:

(When did Marxists decide it is their job to whisper to the exterminationist class that their calculus is off?)

Good analysis is its own reward!

This article contains sentences like this one:

To contemplate any real reduction in its presence, though, it first needs a security settlement that would strengthen friendly regimes and constrain the influence of nonconforming ones. The 2020 Abraham Accords advanced this agenda, as Bahrain and the UAE, by agreeing to normalize relations with Israel, joined a wider ‘reactionary axis’ spanning the Saudi Kingdom and Egyptian autocracy. Trump expanded arms sales to these states and cultivated connections between them – military, commercial, diplomatic – with the aim of creating a reliable phalanx of allies who would tilt towards the US in the New Cold War while acting as a bulwark against Iran.

Which was really a breath of fresh air after the previous article. Directly citing US policy from the last ten years - incredible!

While it would be flattening a very nuanced article to claim that it takes my point of view, this is one of its core arguments:

Second, in pinning its imperial strategy on the Israeli normalization process, the US became especially reliant on this settler-colonial project just before it was captured by its most extreme and volatile elements: Smotrich, Ben-Gvir, Galant. If American support for Israel has historically exceeded any reasonable political calculus, under Trump and Biden it acquired a coherent rationale: to place its ally at the centre of a stable Middle Eastern security framework. Yet the Israeli cabinet that came to power in 2022 – addled by eliminationist fantasies, and determined to draw the US into war with Iran – proved least able to play that role.

It makes the argument that recent US support for Israel was part of a larger strategy to disengage from the region, but one that made mistaken assumptions about the ability of Israel to maintain stability, and that the eliminationist actions of the Israeli state have undermined the realpolitik rationale for US support.

I am not going to go through the second article because it would mostly consist of me nodding along, but I think we see two distinct ways in which leftists write on display here.

The first article makes very broad assumptions about US goals and motivations and cites actual events only sparingly and selectively to support its thesis. The second puts the focus on the events themselves and draws out the motivations from them. The former is useful for writing fluff for people who are already convinced of your point of view, but it does not pass very convincingly for analysis. The latter reads like someone who is actually trying to understand the world.

[cheetour]

The Void Within's dialogue is sloppy to the point of not being fully literate*.

It's been noticed that the rough sketches and the final artwork don't match up in quality, and seem to be declining as the plot goes on. The same is happening to the writing.

This is, I am sorry, a post about the latest major Neopets update. Not only that, it's about the GRAMMAR in the dialogue for that update. Riveting.

I SWEAR I AM NOT JUST A PEDANTIC ASSHOLE, I GENUINELY WANT USERS TO KNOW THERE'S AN ISSUE!

Most people who complain about "incorrect" grammar in games and comics are wrong. Homestuck, Night in the Woods, We Know the Devil, and Captain Underpants all have fine grammar, just stylized.

I really, really, really like The Void Within. I think it's a fantastic idea, and I am determined to enjoy it as much as possible.

I am a professional editor. Noticing this stuff is my job.

Now, PLEASE bear that in mind when I say:

tl;dr: Neopets is asking you to pay money to a product that does not meet the quality standards of a primary school English test for ages 10+.

*I don't mean to use "not literate" as a stand-in for "stupid and bad at writing." Literacy is very complicated, illiteracy is more common than you think, and there is no shame in being illiterate - you can be very intelligent and also have no written or digital literacy. I mean the literal "not able to use written language to its fullest extent".

It's clear whoever wrote the dialogue didn't have a perfect grasp of English punctuation. AND THAT'S FINE. Good writers don't always have good grammar, and you DON'T need fluent English to write good stories in English.

That's why writing, proofreading, and editing are all separate professions, and why a well-run creative project delegates those roles to separate people. They still matter.

People are more likely to notice grammar mistakes the more they read books. Correctly formatted English is how older, less online, and disabled people with visual or linguistic processing difficulties read. Text-to-speech doesn't work correctly on writing without correct punctuation. These are serious professional standards, and they exist for a reason. They're not worthless just because you don't understand them.

A good-quality publisher of books, comics, or video games wouldn't release dialogue like this to a paying audience. They would consider this standard unacceptable. They'd either use correct grammar, or stylized grammar. (Inconsistent grammar, with no logical or narrative rules, isn't a style. They're not choices if you don't know you're making them. They're mistakes.)

To an extent this is nitpicking, and most people wouldn't notice this stuff.

But Neopets is MAKING MONEY. They are SELLING PRODUCTS for this. They have MULTIPLE PHASES of NC Market sales for this plot.

As an educator, there is no way I could show this (perfectly kid-friendly) comic to a classroom of children - it would have no educational value. It's not written correctly or with any obvious care. If they paid attention to it too much, they'd get the wrong idea about the English language!

I think it's fair to say that if you're publishing an official Neopets story, and you want Neopets to be a kid-friendly, fan-driven, story-based brand with a target audience wider than "people who don't really care about whether stories are professionally written", the script should've been proofread.

To give you an idea of how many typos Chapter 3 has, here's one of the dialogue pages with the missing punctuation added; I also took 5 minutes to rewrite each line for coherency.

And THIS is a website showing you at what points in primary eduation we teach children to use commas correcty:

Art is hard. Programming is hard. Hell, good writing is hard. It's HARD coming up with dialogue and a plot that people actually want to experience.

Grammar is boring and sometimes pointless. It's not difficult. It requires only basic literacy. Children learn how to use commas at ages seven and up.

If you don't care about the story you're telling enough to check that it would get a good grade on a child's school test, how can you possibly expect anyone to pay for it? You need specialist skills to code a website or create a high-quality digital graphic, but the only thing you need to get this right is... one literate adult who cares enough to try.

So where are they?

**There is no shame in being illiterate, but there is CERTAINLY shame in selling illiterate writing.

tl;dr: Neopets is asking you to pay money to a product that does not meet the quality standards of a primary school English test for ages 10+.

Finally, here are some browser petsites/RPGs who have never prompted me to write an 800 word critique:

Fallen London

Pixel Cat's End

Lioden

[marvelmusing]

In Another Life

Part Thirteen

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Alternate Universe!Reader

Summary: Slowly the pieces of your plan for the Fold come into place, but thoughts and fears of the future continue to haunt you.

Warnings: nightmare (featuring death and angst), mentions of canon level violence, references to RoW duology and the Language of Thorns (canon has officially been put in the blender, sorry Leigh Bardugo but the narrative is mine now)

My Masterlist • Series Masterlist • Next Part

“I’ve remembered something else about the Fold.” You say, your brows scrunched together as you think.

Aleksander hums in response from where he’s sitting in the armchair beside the bath in your room. Bathing was the only time you ever really used your own rooms.

At first, Aleksander had been bewildered by your insistence on bathing privately, without the help of any servants. Now that you were closer with one another, you didn’t mind Aleksander helping you.

He was always respectful about it, and he had already seen you battered, bruised, and delirious. After all that, bathing didn’t seem too intimate anymore.

His kefta and tunic had been hung over one of the chairs in your bedroom, leaving him in a white shirt and dark trousers. When he had offered to assist you, he had rolled up his sleeves to reveal his forearms.

You shake your head suddenly, your cheeks flushing with warmth.

“I’m sorry.” You say, and Aleksander frowns. “I feel like we only ever talk about our plans or the world ending.”

“That’s not true.” Aleksander argues softly as he scoops up a handful of bath water to rinse the soap from your back. “Just yesterday we walked through the grounds and discussed the gardener’s flower arrangements.”

A smile tugs at your lips.

With Aleksander managing both the First and Second Army after Zlatan’s arrest, you’ve both been particularly busy. Quiet moments where you could walk through the grounds were a rarity, but you still worried that you might bore him.

“I’m sure you found that conversation riveting.”

“I like hearing you speak your mind.” He assures you. “It’s certainly a change being able to talk with someone about all manner of things.”

“You have siblings, don’t you?” He hums quietly in confirmation. “I haven’t read about any of them, but I’ve heard of Ulla.”

No doubt Aleksander can hear the unspoken questioning in your voice. The corner of his mouth lifts and his eyes soften, the early morning sun casting a warm glow over his features.

“We see each other once every few hundred years.” He tells you. “What have you heard of her?”

“I know she’s a saint, and some sort of mermaid.” Aleksander raises a brow, confusion in his eyes.

“Mermaid?” Your own brows crease lightly as you think over his reaction.

“You must have a different word for it here.”

“She’s half sildroher.” He offers, and you mouth the unfamiliar word over your tongue carefully. “She was born with a tail.” Aleksander tells you softly as his fingers trace over the surface of your bath water. “Baghra gave her back to her father not long after her birth.”

“How did you find her?”

“There were rumours that the sea whip inhabited the waters closer to Fjerda. I was working as an apprentice there when she visited the local king.”

You nod slowly, hands scooping up the frothy bubbles that had formed at the surface of the bath water, gliding slowly over the sweet smelling liquid like an iceberg on the sea.

“What’s she like?” You ask softly, smoothing the bubbles over your arms and watching them as they slowly dissolve into your skin.

“Independent, fiercely loyal, though it takes quite some time to earn her trust.”

He dips his hand into the water, before he runs it along the length of your arm, clearing away the soapy bubbles.

“You sound quite similar.”

“We look alike.” The corner of your mouth quirks, and you can’t help but tease,

“Have you been hiding a tail from me?”

He smiles widely and a boyish twinkle of amusement sparkles in his eyes.

“What was it that you remembered?” He prompts, as he stands to retrieve a towel for you. “About the Fold.”

“I think there’s a way to mend the tear at the making.”

He raises a brow at you as he opens up the towel, white with a delicate golden hem, and you step out of the bath. Aleksander wraps the towel around your body, and you begin to pat yourself dry as you explain.

“There’s some sort of relic. Named after one of the saints, and it’s believed that it could repair the making.”

“What is it?” At his question, you falter.

“It’s named after Sankt Feliks, I think.”

The two of you walk into your bedroom, and Aleksander lounges back against your headboard as you move behind the wooden screen to dress.

“Do you know his story?” Aleksander asks you.

“Would you tell it to me?”

“He’s known as the patron saint of horticulture, due to his rather gifted tending of his monastery’s orchard. His crop grew even in the harshest winters, and the people accused him of witchcraft.”

“Instead of realising that he could help with their crops as well?” You remark, stepping out from behind the screen once you’re fully dressed.

Aleksander hums knowingly in response to your words.

“He’s said to have been skewered on the trunk of an apple tree.”

Your eyes widen, and sympathy fills your face as you sit at the end of your bed, pulling your boots on.

“Though anyone who knew Feliks would know that it was likely a thornwood tree.” He adds, and you nearly drop your boot.

“Thornwood?”

An ache seizes your chest, and flashes of future events swirl through your mind. The thornwood tree tucked away in the mountains. Aleksander’s painful sacrifice, to suffer for eternity in order to mend the tear at the making.

Tying up your laces with harsh motions, you try not to dwell on such thoughts. They only make you sad, or angry, which won’t help save Aleksander.

“Something’s upset you.” Aleksander observes quietly.

“It’s nothing.” You insist.

Standing quickly, you move over to your vanity table, looking out of the window to stare towards the summoners’ pavilion as you try to push away your emotions.

Aleksander calls out your name softly. When you turn he’s sitting up at the side of your bed, with his hands outstretched towards you. Taking a step forward, you accept them.

“It will be nothing.” You assure him as he pulls you to stand between his legs. “It hasn’t even happened yet.” Then your expression hardens. “And I will not let it happen.”

Releasing one of his hands, you curl your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. Aleksander’s voice is a near whisper as he says,

“Whatever it is. You don’t have to face it alone.”

You shake your head.

“I’m not alone. I have you.”

»»---------------------►

That night you dream of the thornwood tree.

Blood red blossoms fall elegantly to the ground, twirling in the breeze. One lands in Aleksander’s hair, and you smile softly as you brush it away. He smiles back at you, offering you a hand as you step over the rocky ground.

The monks stand awaiting your arrival, and you triumphantly present them with the heart of Sankt Feliks.

They exchange looks of confusion.

“This will not mend the tear.” One of them tells you, and your stomach drops. “Someone must hold it closed.”

“No.” You say, tears already flooding down your cheeks. “No.”

You turn to Aleksander, who stares grimly at the thornwood tree beside you.

“Aleksander please, no.”

He holds you in his arms, and you grip onto him tightly. His heart beats steady and firm against your ear, and you begin to shake with sobs of fear as he holds the back of your head, keeping you close.

“Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me.” You beg against his chest. He cups your face in his hand.

“The Fold is my fault. I need to fix this.” You shake your head hurriedly, still crying.

“You don’t deserve this.”

He kisses you fiercely, and for a second the world melts away. Aleksander is the only thing that matters. He holds your face with infinite care, and the ache returns to your heart as he pulls away. Aleksander stares deeply into your eyes as he says,

“Nikolai will look after you.” You frown as he glances over your shoulder. “Promise me.”

Nikolai stands behind you, and nods resolutely.

“I promise.” He says. You shake your head.

“Aleksander no-”

“Forgive me.” He whispers, pushing you away.

You stumble back into Nikolai’s arms, who holds you firm against his chest as Aleksander steps away, tears in his dark eyes. Fighting against Nikolai is unless, yet you fight all the same. Begging and screaming for Aleksander.

Scrambling against the covers, you gasp and sob as you wake with a choked scream on your lips. Too overwhelmed by the final scenes of your nightmare, seeing Aleksander’s heart pierced by the thornwood and hearing his screams, you struggle to breathe.

Then a pair of warm arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against a familiar bare chest. Frantic eyes search through the darkness, and you soon find Aleksander’s face, filled with concern as he soothes you.

It’s only then that you realise he’s speaking to you. A low comforting murmur, as he takes your palm and flattens it against his chest, encouraging you to breathe in time with him.

“That’s it.” He says softly. “I’m here, my love.” He presses his lips delicately against your forehead. “We’re both safe. I have you.”

One of his arms remains wrapped around your waist, and the other settles on your back, rubbing nonsensical patterns over the bare skin of your shoulder as your heart rate slows to a more comfortable level.

Exhaustion floods through you, and you collapse weakly into his body. You keep your hand on his chest, protectively splayed over his beating heart, as if you could shield it from the events of the future.

“Do you think my nightmares have some sort of meaning?” You murmur against his chest.

Aleksander is quiet for a moment, as he appears to give your question some genuine thought.

“Have they ever come true?”

“Not yet.”

Another pause.

“But you’re afraid this one will?”

You nod. Aleksander hesitates for a long moment, and you watch his face carefully.

“You said my name.” He admits quietly.

“Did I?”

“You were begging me not to do something.”

There’s an unspoken question in his statement, and a hidden fear of his is brought into the light. You lift your head up, facing him directly as you reach out to cup his face with your hand.

“You weren’t hurting me, Sasha. I’m not afraid of you.”

He nods, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly with a small smile as he traces his fingers down the side of your face. You drop your forehead down to press against his, and breathe in how close he is.

He’s still alive. You’re both okay.

Needing a little more reassurance, you kiss him softly. Aleksander’s hand settles at the nape of your neck, squeezing gently as he holds you close.

You stay in one another’s arms for a long moment trading more soft kisses until your eyes go heavy with exhaustion and you settle yourself further down Aleksander’s body.

“The heart of Sankt Feliks.” You say softly. Aleksander tilts his head in confusion. “It was pierced by thornwood when he died. It’s what we need to fix the making.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead, lifting the covers to shield your tired body from the cold of the night.

“I’ll have my people look into it.” He tells you with a nod, before he encourages you to lie your head back down into the crook of his neck. “Get some rest.”

»»---------------------►

With summer on the way, you find your usual walk around the lake even more enjoyable. Aleksander sometimes joins you, but you’re glad of some solitude today.

The sun shines down on your skin and birds chirp cheerily in the branches above your head as you veer off the path and wander through the trees towards the summoners’ pavilion. It had been repainted a week ago, and the bright white sets it apart beautifully from the luscious green leaves surrounding it.

On the steps on the pavilion, you notice a familiar face frowning deeply as she sits with her knees tucked together.

“Alina?” You greet her with a small smile. Her own greeting isn’t too enthusiastic. “Is something the matter?”

She sighs and shuffles over, allowing you to sit down beside her.

“It’s just… Mal.”

“Has something happened?”

She fiddles with the sleeve of her kefta, and you notice some of the golden threads of the embroidery are fraying.

“I found out he’s been fighting with some of the other Grisha, letting them use their power to see who wins.”

You’d forgotten about that.

“Does he win?” She shrugs.

“Most of the time apparently.”

“He didn’t tell you about this?”

Shaking her head in response, she sighs and casts her legs down to graze over the ground.

“No.”

“He probably didn’t want you to worry.” She nods absently.

“I don’t understand why he’s doing it.”

“The fighting?” She hums. “We have to wait until autumn, until the firebird flies north again out of Shu Han.”

That’s not true. To keep Mal at the Little Palace, you had crafted a lie about the firebird in order to buy you and Aleksander some time to handle the Fold.

“I get the feeling that Mal doesn’t like waiting.” You say with a small laugh, which luckily prompts a smile from her.

“No, he doesn’t.”

She looks down, kicking her toe against a few small pieces of gravel.

“I just don’t get why he’s fighting Grisha.”

“Maybe he just wants to prove that he’s still useful.” You muse quietly. “Grisha are powerful, and have these amazing skills. It’s a lot to compete with when you’re otkazat’sya.”

“But I’m not asking him to compete.”

“Maybe he’s not proving it to you. Maybe he’s proving it to himself.”

She appears to give this some thought. If Mal is who Alina wants, then you’ll do what you can to help her. Even if there’s a small twist in your heart that reminds you that he will die one day. As will you. Leaving Alina and Aleksander together.

“I feel like he’s slipping away from me.” She admits.

“You could ask him if he wants you to go watch one of his fights.” You suggest.

“And if he doesn’t want me to?”

“Offer to patch him up afterwards.” A smile spreads over your face as you nudge her shoulder. “Or spend his winnings.”

She glances up at you, and smiles back.

The two of you are quiet again, and you begin to mull something over in your mind. The question is on the tip of your tongue, but you don’t want to upset or frighten Alina.

After another few seconds of quiet, you decide to ask her,

“If you had the chance to take the Fold down, and just get rid of your power to live an ordinary life afterwards. Would you?”

You don’t dare look at her.

“I know I should probably say no.” She admits.

At that, you turn to her. There’s longing in her eyes. As if she’s imagining a quiet peaceful life, filled with domestic happiness. The simple life. No doubt with Mal.

“But you would.” You say softly.

She nods, and you begin to think.

»»---------------------►

“If we manage to find Sankt Feliks’ heart, that means we can safely destroy the Fold.” You say quietly a few evenings later.

Aleksander lifts his head up from where he had previously been resting it on your lap, and he turns to face you. The firelight flickers over his features as he frowns.

“Alina isn’t strong enough. She needs the third amplifier.”

“Mal doesn’t die in the books. She stabs him in the heart, claiming his power, but then he’s revived by a heartrender.”

“But she would still lose her power.”

Staring down at the floor, you nod faintly.

“Yes.”

Aleksander waits for you to continue.

“I’ve always hated Alina’s ending. Your power is a part of you, and losing it seems horrific.”

Aleksander nods slowly, tracing his thumb over your knuckles, no doubt thinking about what it would be like to lose his shadows.

“But she’s only known that she’s Grisha for less than a year, and whilst she is happy here… I can’t help but think she might be happier with the simple life she’s always wanted.”

You stare down at Aleksander’s thumb, watching it smooth over the top of your hand as you continue to speak your thoughts,

“Forever is a long time, especially when she would be happier with a mere eighty years spent with someone she loves.”

“You’re saying she should lose her power?”

“I’m saying that I want to give her a choice. Where she understands the consequences of whatever she picks.”

The two of you are quiet, the sound of the fire crackling softly in the hearth is the only noise in the room, aside from Aleksander’s steady breathing and the anxious pounding of your heart as you await his response.

“I agree.” You blink in surprise.

“You do?”

He nods slowly, tilting his head aside as he watches your face when you try to look away from him.

“What’s that look for?” He asks softly, hooking a finger under your jaw to move your face back towards him so that he can study your expression.

“I can’t help but feel like I’m depriving you of a life partner. Who knows what could happen in a few hundred years time?” You reason with a saddened look. “You could grow to love her, and her you.”

“But I have you, right now, and I chose you.”

He trails his finger along your jawline, holding your chin between his fingers as he leans in to kiss you. You allow yourself to sink into his kiss for a moment, before you’re breaking away. You need him to be on the same page as you.

“You know this means we’re destroying the Fold?” You ask him.

He looks down at your joined hands, fingers curled tightly around one another, and the muscle in his jaw tenses slightly.

“Have you considered weaponising it?” He asks in a low voice and you nod.

“Yes.” He lifts his eyes to stare at you.

“And?”

“And as much as I would love to make our enemies suffer, you can only push fear so far before people become resilient.”

“And if we ensure that they have no means to fight back?”

“Is that truly the world you want to make for your people?” You ask him.

Aleksander looks away, but you know he’s considering what you’ve said. So, you continue to tell him about the Ravka you’ve envisioned.

“Once we fix the tear at the making, the Tula Valley will be what it was centuries ago. Ravka can grow its own produce, we will be reunited with the West, we will have our ports, we can be self sufficient again.”

“You’ve given this quite some thought.”

“When don’t I?”

He smiles softly.

“You think this will work?”

You nod.

“I do. It won’t be easy. But Ravka will be stronger, and better, for it.”

Aleksander brings your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles as he nods his consent.

“I trust you.”

»»---------------------►

marvelmusing Tag List: @dreamlandcreations @blanchedelioncourt @idaofinfinity @slytherheign @ellooo0ooo @vixenofcourse @dumb-fawkin-bitch @jane-arthur

In Another Life Tag List: @parabatai-winchester @dangerousbluebirdpoetry @jambolska-grozdova @mxacegrey @budugu @cynthianokamaria @scarlettqueen190 @eloquentree @sharp-cheekbones-locked @sorrow-and-bliss @biblophilefox82 @tartiflvtte @rainbowgoblinfan @savagejane1

Aleksander M Tag List: @nyctophiliiiiaaa @jazmin2211

BB Characters Tag List: @rachlovesactors @noortsshift @aikeia

[king-crawler]

Recently when I tried to figure out why Turbo went, well Turbo I realized something. At first I came to the conclusion that it was because of his code, but then I remembered the plot of the movie and completely scrapped it (though there might still be some merit with it). Then i thought that “hey, this fucker has been surrounded by picters of himself since he was plugged in, hes the star of the show, so of course he would get a huge ego out of it, said ego also being his subsequent down fall, but why diden't Felix also fall in the same trap? he was the hero of his game too”. And I think it's because he wasn't alone. Now I'm not gonna overshadow the twins. They're there too but considering how Turbo treated them in the little screen time we got to see them together I doubt that they were on good terms, they might have been in the games early days but I digress.

Felix, unlike Turbo, had friends within his game, a small community to look out for him just as he does for them. They made him pies, dedicated parties to him, cherished him, but Turbo?. Who was gonna bake him pies? Who was gonna throw parties for him? Who was gonna cherish him? The Twins? FUCK no. And i think that's what tipped him over the edge, his ego made him push oway his friends and coworkers just to get a sliver of stardom. And when he had all the attention ripped oway from him by another racing game had to have been his last straw (you saw the face he pulled in the flashback. God, just imagine seeing one of your neighbors destroy their own career live, in broad daylight too, must have been horrifying). I love a good character that just dooms themselves to the narrative with their own actions (Turbo was a whore for the limelight).

Going a bit of topic here but “going Turbo” wouldn't work if it was any other main character in the movie, “going Ralph” just doesn't work. Could be because “Turbo” isn't really a name, it's a word, the name of his game, “Turbo Time”. So my proposal is that whenever there is an au where say, Calhoun game jumps (for whatever reason) they call it solo mission. “You're not going on a solo mission are you?” sounds more riveting, to me, and in character for Calhoun. Perhaps that was the last thing she said to her men before she left. For Vanellope id imagen something like “going on a sugar rush” and something about crashing. Because when the sugar rush ends you typically crash.

And that gave me another thought, how many “Turbos” are there out there? How many characters went outside their game or against their script on working hours. How many of these incidents were considered bugs or glitches (how many were turned into creepypastas). It feels like a huge liability risk and the only instances of us hearing about it is with Turbo, which I find strange. Is it like a silent rule? That no one is allowed to leave their game and that's it? That's a super thin line, like yeah you can argue that its there to keep them alive but who told them that? And the second movie doesn't help that, it's just, eurghhh, i don't like the second movieeeee… But it does give the homeless game characters a chance to find a potential new home. There's so much out there in the wilde wilde internet to explore and find new potential in, to not be tied to the arcade has to be a bit liberating for some :)

Sorry for the sudden rant, I just got a kick and could not not write this down.

DONT BE SORRY !! GO OFF!!!! THESE ARE REALLY COOL DISCUSSION POINTS

The whole turbo vs Felix thing really stuck out to me. Turbo Living in a game with only 2 other people who hate him ? While Felix gets praise and attention from dozens? No wonder Turbo went haywire 👀 like do you think he envied Felix ………

[bi-hop]

my thoughts on rgu ep 3

we're baaaack! my previous posts are all now under my rgu liveblog tag

lord, here we go with the extended recaps even though it's only episode 3-

it's interesting how memory is being played with here with Utena. such a formative moment is reduced to a strange fairy tale, a piece of gossip with faceless characters. the only proof of it is vague recollections paired with a single physical piece of evidence: the ring. but said ring is also associated with other elements of the world that she is still not fully privy to... just hm

the running gag of Utena being like "you need a friend" and Chu Chu being like "?" and Anthy being like "?" amuses me but also doesn't... can't put my finger on why though so I'm just gonna note it down and circle back to it

the Utena-sama stuff is funny. like, oh, okay, it's fine when girls are admiring you from a distance because you can write it off as a joke, but a girl insisting she's engaged to you and referring to you reverently is when you're finally like "actually I desire men, I totally want to date a boy, the masculinity has nothing to do with being gay, I want a NORMAL BOY" OADJODSJODS OKAY SURE UTENA

Girl, you claim to want to date a guy and then a guy flirts with you and you're immediately like "let's keep it platonic, dude". alright-

^ NOT AT ALL IMPLYING ATTRACTION TO DUDES MEANS YOU'RE RECEPTIVE TO ALL ADVANCES. just kinda funny immediately following a scene where she's like "erm actually I'm totally straight! I am a heterosexual!!!"

"is the prince bi too. did he kiss all of the duelists orrrr..." - riveting commentary from the girlfriend. I have no stance on this, I just think he seems like a creep

communication? in MY anime? it's far less likely than you'd think. (Touga is annoying but what else is new)

the council finally clueing in to the fact that Utena is not in fact in contact with End of the World (whoever THAT is). Saionji is also hiding or something? good fucking riddance

Anyway, I think the use of a prince as the model Utena bases her appearance on and also simultaneously the vague object of her desire is compelling in a compulsory heterosexuality narrative because it's a perfect analogue to how some lesbians I know would simply invent an idealized guy to project feelings onto due to the insistence of heterosexuality as a regime that a girl MUST desire a man. the easiest man to desire is the one you only vaguely remember from your childhood and have no real chance of meeting-

can everyone just leave Anthy alone????

Nanami looks nice, but I've watched too many shows with blonde mean girls to trust that she really has Anthy's best interests at heart...

circling back to the girls and how they treat Anthy (which includes Wakaba of course because Wakaba is meant to be a window into what the other girls are thinking IMO), there's this continual theme of everyone viewing Anthy as like... this seductress almost who is ruining the lives of boys like Saionji over nothing. She's 'shameless', she's a 'creep', whole time she's being abused and treated as an object. the relatable brown woman of color experience, I fear

Touga: I don't care about Utena. I care about a feminized fantasy of her I have in my head, even though my attraction to her started with how she regularly dresses. This is because I can fix her aesthetic-

Anthy and her social anxiety... man... just let her sit in the dorm and play cards with Chu Chu

and sure enough, Nanami sabotages her out of misdirected jealousy. girl, you need to be freed of the idea that girls are competition for your brother's affection. also, you need to kill your brother. you will do this for me and become a feminist-

I'm not surprised that the retaliation against Anthy is called a prank that maaaybe went too far. I'm especially not surprised this commentary is directed towards a moment of sexual violence. ty to Utena for intervening

gay people be dancing on loop... that is all

fun episode! much to chew on! on to the next

[trashogram]

Only thing I can agree with that tweet, is wanting to see more Verosika and Blitz with their dynamic and how it all played out. AT didn't do anything, when it should have...we got what....1 minute with the two talking and EVEN THEN it STILL ended up being about Stolas.

That really pissed me off, so I'm hoping we get more Verosika and Blitz if we do get a S3. I'm saying if, because things could happen, no one knows the future.

But that also said....Verosika would be a far better partner for Blitz, I touched upon this in my Narrative blog series, but it's quite surprising that within 3 episodes of S1(2 of which weren't even a focus on them), I have more interest in their relationship than I do the main 'relationship' (using air quotes very loosely here).

This show made a past relationship FAR more interesting....because they built on it and it felt way more natural from a story angle. I know it won't happen, but I'd rather much see them reconcile and get back together than what we have going on now because it makes sense from a narrative perspective.

Verosika also connects with Blitz and his past far more than anyone else, Fizz and Barbie aside of course. Plus Loona could get her a famous mom, who she idolizes.

Then again S2 basically just tossed S1 away with its many issues story wise, so....can treat that as an divergent AU after S1.

I would be down for a more equal break-up between Blitzø and Verosika — IF biases weren’t as obvious as they are.

I think Blitzø/Verosika may be more riveting than Stolas/Blitzo simply because Blitzø and Verosika have had actual conversations. Even if it’s resentful and full of spite, there is an actual relationship between Blitzo and Verosika. I’m being 100% serious when I say that Stolitz has no substance at all beyond what its fans and Viv make up in their heads.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi sophie, thank you so much for that....uh....riveting(?) response. As always you have completely cherry picked something (this whole thing apparently). I gave you a source for the information bias, that I mentioned because I have read your entire blog (has legitimately taken weeks, my god girl gtfo the internet and see some sun!) and other blogs surrounding you and your....uh opinions on this whole endo shit. Also you are wrong, which is ironic because I was meaning to comment if YOU had made it through grade school. I'm actually a psychologist with a specialized degree in dissociative disorders and applied behavioral therapy and currently writing my dissertation on the matter. Identity disturbances among a select few things do have a correlation if not cause of someone developing a lesser dissociative disorder. In my statement about outdated sources, I put in a little note (might have forgotten this because yk I have a life unlike you) that a source can be 100 years old and still he credible AS LONG AS there aren't any current sources/studies that prove the theorem/case study wrong. That was literally the catch. This isn't a gotcha. All you've down is managed to show how much you cherrypick things. I'm not saying ALL of your information is wrong, I'm literally saying that you actively seek out sources/studies whatever to fit whatever niche ridiculous shit you are on that day.

Had to dumb this response down because apparently you don't have the intellect that you portray. Your words are empty, the little backing you do have is untrustworthy because of YOU. You lie so damn much that nobody knows if the 'sources' you give are even true. Nobody has time to look through hundreds of pages of a random ass theory or search relentlessly on Google to find whatever information you painstakingly plugged into the search engine. For the love of God, woman play with your own damn fantasy characters and world but don't make it other people's problem. Like do what YOU want on YOUR time but you literally do not have to post this shit. You spend day after day after day on this godforsaken website. I can smell the dirty dishes and unwashed armpits from here. Get a life that isn't grooming minors into thinking they have a serious dissociative disorder.

Hi! I see you found my post!

I'm gonna need to break this down point by point, aren't I?

As always you have completely cherry picked something (this whole thing apparently).

I literally screenshotted every paragraph you wrote.

How is that cherrypicking?

Are you just using this as a buzzword now? Do you actually understand what this means?

I gave you a source for the information bias

Sorry, I forgot. You sourced something that has absolutely no relevancy and isn't being debated. That statistical biases can exist in research. Good for you, I guess. Congrats on sourcing something that absolutely nobody is disputing.

that I mentioned because I have read your entire blog (has legitimately taken weeks, my god girl gtfo the internet and see some sun!) and other blogs surrounding you and your....uh opinions on this whole endo shit.

My ENTIRE blog?

I mean, yeah, over the course of three years, including reblogs, I've apparently made 11,000 posts

Which averages out to about 10-11 posts per day. I'll admit, that be a bit excessive. (Again though, a huge number of these are reblogs. I'd wager that only about half of these are actually my posts as opposed to posts I'm sharing.)

But if you read all of those posts, which were created over three years, within a span of weeks... I'm really not sure that you've got much of a leg to stand on to tell other people to get off the internet and see some sun. 😛

I'm actually a psychologist with a specialized degree in dissociative disorders and applied behavioral therapy and currently writing my dissertation on the matter.

But apparently found time to spend weeks reading my entire blog, and still think only .edu and .gov sources are valid. Yeah... forgive me for being skeptical...

Identity disturbances among a select few things do have a correlation if not cause of someone developing a lesser dissociative disorder.

Yeah, the correlation part is something we agree on. The "causing someone to develop a dissociative disorder" is something that you're going to need to back up with a source.

In my statement about outdated sources, I put in a little note (might have forgotten this because yk I have a life unlike you) that a source can be 100 years old and still he credible AS LONG AS there aren't any current sources/studies that prove the theorem/case study wrong.

You did NOT include any such note. I would think someone who allegedly read through the 11,000 posts on my blog would be able to reread the paragraph they wrote to confirm if they actually posted this or not. It wouldn't have even taken much more time than you did writing in parentheses that you may have forgot it.

What you actually said was that a source isn't reputable if it's more than a certain number of years old.

"In addition to that, yes a source being x number of years ago is considered not reputable especially if in that time other sources vastly state and give anecdotal evidence to discrediting that."

You ltierally said it was about the number of years.

If you wanted to argue that what makes a source outdated isn't the age of the source in years at all, but whether the source has been disputed by later research, then fine.

We would be in agreement.

But if that's what you want to argue, and I present sources affirming endogenic plurality a real psychological phenomenon, then the burden of proof is on you to provide later sources that would challenge it.

If you cannot, then there is no basis for claiming the source is outdated.

That was literally the catch. This isn't a gotcha. All you've down is managed to show how much you cherrypick things.

Okay, I think I got it! I "cherrypicked" by not reading the note that only existed in your mind. 🤣🙄

I'm not saying ALL of your information is wrong, I'm literally saying that you actively seek out sources/studies whatever to fit whatever niche ridiculous shit you are on that day.

"Your problem is that you seek out studies and sources to back up your arguments. You need to stop doing that."

🤔

Your words are empty, the little backing you do have is untrustworthy because of YOU.

Is that how that works? 😲

I quote a peer reviewed academic paper published by reputable publishers like the American Psychiatric Association and Oxford University Press, and the papers become less trustworthy because I posted them?

You lie so damn much that nobody knows if the 'sources' you give are even true.

Do you actually have examples of me lying, or are we employing circular reasoning?

"She claims to be an endogenic systems which is a lie therefore any sources she provides to prove endogenic systems exist are lies."

Nobody has time to look through hundreds of pages of a random ass theory or search relentlessly on Google to find whatever information you painstakingly plugged into the search engine.

You had time to read through my 11,000 posts?

But not to read any of the articles I've directly linked to? And screenshotted so that people could read the quotes parts without having to click on the external links I provide?

I mean, had you clicked on those, you might have actually learned something, which might have been good for you if you actually are studying psychology.

When you've claimed to read through my entire blog, and yet haven't read the sources I've linked to countless times, it starts to seem like maybe it's not a time issue but an avoidance issue.

That you can cling to your worldview as long as you don't have to challenge it.

I'm going to ignore most of the personal attacks and ad hominems that come after this because they don't really warrant a response. It's just the flailings of someone who knows they've lost on matters of facts, and are desperately flinging insults to see if any touch a nerve. It's sad more than anything.

Except for this one...

Get a life that isn't grooming minors into thinking they have a serious dissociative disorder.

Because I do want to remind people, again, that the "grooming minors" line is rooted in queerphobia, and is the same rhetoric that homophobes and transphobes have targeted LGBTQ people with for decades, and has ramped up considerably over the past few years.

Know where your talking points are coming from!

I'll end by saying this. Your original post was in response to a post of mine about the lengths sysmeds will go to in order to make up reasons to dismiss psychological research into endogenic plurality, and professional opinions that endogenic plurality is real.

You've given me a new one to add to the list which is apparently that sources are invalid just because pro-endos post them.

Call pro-endos liars, then say the sources posted by liars aren't valid because they're liars.

This is both circular reasoning and an ad hominem.

But more than anything, it's closed-minded cowardice. It's you making up any excuses to not challenge or re-evaluate your worldview or opinions.

[wanderingblindly]

1) Would love to hear more abt the LN biography plot if you're willing to share

2) I read the stockings fic right before I went to work which meant that when I was having a team meeting later on in the day, my coworkers were talking about data management and I was thinking abt how how lando's toes were pointed up at the ceiling in his pretty stockings while he got fucked for the first time. This fic corrupted part of my brain, fuck you / thank you 🧡

2 ) I desperately need you to know that I WANTED Oscar to notice that lando had his toes pointed so he could ask if Lando wanted heels next time, to help keep his feet up but it DIDN'T FUCKING FIT IN THE FIC GOD DAMMIT OSCAR PIASTRI --

anyways. SO flattered that my writing ruined you enough to distract you from the riveting content that is data management <33333

1 ) I'd love to talk about it!!!! Here's the snippet, for those needing context <3

So the general idea was kinda inspired by Kimi, who does have an authorized biography -- which I've always found kind of odd, considering he's so famously private. Regardless, the author was a Finnish writer with no meaningful connection to motorsport, meaning they served as a complete outsider perspective with no preconceived notions about the sport, Kimi's reputation, etc..

It got me thinking about a future in which Lando -- not yet having won a WDC but getting very close -- does the same thing; but what if Oscar's the outsider following him around, learning about him through interviews and late nights at his flat in Monaco and the eyes of paddock interviews he's able to skirt around?

How would Lando, someone with such a contentious relationship with media (too emotional, too insecure, too volatile, not championship worthy), handle having media in his inner circle? Would he even let him into his inner circle to begin with?

And how would Oscar's perspective change throughout the narrative, how would his written word about racing driving Lando Norris -- professional, observant, polished -- eventually stray from his growing thoughts about Lando -- endeared, curious, a bit smitten?

Basically, I want to follow Lando through an entire season.

I want their relationship to ebb and flow -- moments where Lando hesitantly lets Oscar see more of him, only to shut him out the next moment.

I want them to toe this weird line between professionalism and personal care, something blurred through hundreds of hours together and intimate details capture on a dictaphone -- tucked closed to Oscar's heart in his jacket pocket.

[broadwaydivastournament]

Broadway Divas Tournament: Round 1C

Kerry O'Malley (1969) starred as The Baker's Wife in the 2002 revival of Into the Woods, which, y'know, tough act to follow. One of our few LA-based actresses, she's starred in just about every early-2000s touring production of White Christmas you can think of. Other credits include Annie Get Your Gun, On a Clear Day You Can See Forever (2011), and Showstoppers in Vegas where I first saw and fell in love with her. Her big thing is dying on stage and screen because I think I must've watched this woman kick the bucket at least eight times. She does it really well.

THE Baker's Wife, Joanna Gleason (1950) is a Tony-winning legend who set a standard that has yet to even be approached. Her Baker's Wife in the original Into the Woods beat out Patti's Reno Sweeney, and Patti is still a little pissed off about it. She was also in infamous flop Nick & Nora (1991), Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (2005), and I Love My WIfe (1977). Nowadays, she devotes her focus to directing and screenwriting and her film The Grotto won Best Narrative Premiere at the Heartland Film Festival.

PROPAGANDA AND MEDIA UNDER CUT: ALL POLLS HERE

"Okay, so the only reason Kerry's on this tournament is because I saw her in a Vegas show when I was a teenager and fell in love from the first note she sang. I am fully expecting her to get brutally murdered by Joanna Gleason, but she's finally getting her dues in film these days. Her ten minutes in The Killer were the only ten minutes worth watching. I was riveted. I also got to see her perform "Moments in the Woods" live at 54 Below a few years ago and she's just as pretty and sweet as I remembered. Her friend was sitting at my table, so I was able to introduce myself. I, uh, did not mention how I'd been distantly in love with her for the last decade or so..."

"Joanna Gleason, my beloved. Look, I've loved her for a while, but a few years ago I went down a deep rabbit hole watching her play Password Plus with Betty White, and I have not been the same since. I am deeply affected by smart, sardonic, eloquent women, and Joanna is on another level of brilliant. She broke a record on that show. You need to watch and marvel. Furthermore, full offense to everyone else, but Joanna is the only one who doesn't opt up at the end of "Moments in the Woods," and that is the correct way to sing it. I hate the opt up. Fuck your opt up. Joanna plays the Baker's Wife with a razor-sharp wit none of the others can match. Their Baker's Wife's are smart, and determined, but they don't have her droll swagger. Her line readings? Unmatched."

[shackleton2]

I'm working on this fic where I'm trying to write an emotionally dark take on post-Winter-Soldier recovery, where Steve & Co capture Soldier-Bucky right after the events of Insight, when he's still almost entirely in the grips of Hydra's programming.

I loved this Sebastian Stan quote someone shared on here: “That’s why he doesn’t kill him. That’s why he saves him. That end scene to me was always like: ‘I don’t know what this is, I just know I’m supposed to do this right now. Whatever this is, I’m supposed to protect this for some reason.” I love the heartbreaking urge to protect Steve being impossible to erase or repress despite everything, but what stands out for me is also that this confirms what his expression and act of walking away seem to say on the riverbank: he has no idea what the hell is going on. His brain didn't go "OMG STEVE" and switch him back over to Bucky Barnes in that incredible final moment on the helicarrier—the wall of programming just got its first tiny crack.

It drives me crazy that the Soldier walks away after saving Steve—he wants to know why he saved him, how he knows him, obviously, but he walks away from the simplest way to find those answers-STAY WITH STEVE, drink hot chocolate under blankets with steve!! It also drives my fangirl heart crazy what a stubborn resilient competent independent SOB post-WS Bucky is. He doesn’t trust anyone and he doesn’t want anyone to own him ever again.

He’s got conflicting lines of thought that lead to the same conclusion: He’s programmed to kill Steve, those are his final standing orders, and obeying orders is all he knows. If he wants to keep Steve safe on some level, he knows that won’t be with him, because of those orders, because Hydra owns him. On the other hand, if he’s realized that Hydra is his enemy, he also knows that SHIELD is Hydra, and Cap is affiliated with SHIELD, and thus can’t be trusted to keep Hydra away from him. And/or he disobeyed orders and abandoned his mission, and he doesn’t know why, but he does know the consequences for doing that, and thus has a lot of resentment for the guy that made him do so.

To be clear, I love the Bucky Barnes character and I think any narrative that casts him as a reformed villain who needs to make up for his past actions is bullshit. He is a victim, not only of what was done to him, but also what he was forced with zero agency to do. Having said that, I’m also totally riveted by the Winter Soldier as a bad guy, a threat, a killer. In the MCU movies he goes off after the Insight debacle and somehow deprograms himself all alone, and the next time we see him in Civil War he’s got his sense of himself as Bucky pretty much back—he’s in control of his actions, he knows his and Steve’s history, and he doesn’t want to hurt people. I’m stuck on what else the story could have been instead of the hand-wave transition from brainwashed murderer to Steve Rogers’ loyal friend. The only traumatic encounters with the Soldier Steve experiences are those in the movie where he’s actively trying to kill him, which that’s definitely bad enough for poor Steve—but what about traumatic emotional encounters? What about Steve Rogers trying to talk and reach his friend, but the person he’s talking to is the Soldier immediately post-Insight, still mentally in Hydra’s possession much more than his own?

Anyway one day this little scene came to me and I'm building this WIP, including these notes, around it. Successfully? Who knows, not me.

He regarded Steve through the glass with a hint of curiosity. His voice was soft and quiet. “Why do you come?”

Steve leaned forward and tried to meet those icy eyes. He couldn’t help it. “You’re my friend. You might not remember me, but I will always be your friend.”

The Soldier tilted his head, still questioning. “That’s why you come here?” Every day, Steve thought he heard unspoken; he wasn’t sure whether Bucky registered his presence at all some days, but maybe every instance was recorded in his mind. Maybe not. What happened to a supersoldier brain when it incurred severe sustained deliberate damage was a riddle they were just beginning to examine.

Steve was determined to be steadfast, but there was little he could do to calm the intensity of what he felt. He wanted Bucky to ask these things, because he wanted him to know these things, and he would tell him again and again forever in the hope he would one day believe him and then remember himself.

“I’m here because I want to know how you’re doing. I want you to know I’m here. I’ll come every day unless you tell me honestly you don’t want me to.”

Still the cocked head, the mystified expression. “You come because…he was your friend.”

He leaned in an inch more and found his forehead touching the glass. “You’re my friend. You are Bucky Barnes. You were born in 1917 and we grew up together. You are a good man. What happened to you…was wrong, and I will do everything I can to make it better, for the rest of my life. That’s a promise.”

The cocked head straightened and it looked like some kind of comprehension dawned. He was looking at Steve in a way he couldn’t remember Bucky ever looking before, and after wondering for a few moments Steve realized it was pity on his face.

“You think he’s here.” The look of pity intensified. “You think you...can talk. To him.”

Steve swallowed. “I…I know he is. I don’t know how to convince you it’s true, but I swear it. We played together as kids and then we grew up and lived together and then the war came and we fought together. And now we’re here. I know you don’t remember, Bucky, but there’s no way I’m giving up on you, even if you never do. I know you. I’ve known you as long as I can remember.”

On the other side of the glass Bucky’s expression had settled into the blank resignation the Soldier often wore. He licked his lips, an oddly human gesture that hurt Steve’s heart, and then said, with what might have been an attempt at gentleness, “Your friend. Is gone.”

Steve took a moment, felt his forehead press a little harder on the glass. “If he’s gone, who am I talking to?”

“What,” the Soldier corrected, and then answered, “Hydra.”

He was going to need a lot of punching bags later. “Emotions don’t help,” Natasha had told him, brisk and flint-hard the way she was when she was being kind. “Men think they understand this, but they don’t. Understand it.”

Steve was beginning to understand. He didn’t howl or pound on the glass or leave to find a fight. Instead he swallowed again and asked with a calm that shocked him, “So you…believe in Hydra? In what they do?”

“The Soldier is the fist of Hydra. Weapons don’t believe. They do not need to. The Winter Soldier. Is. Hydra.”

That was the most the Soldier had spoken in one go.

[dollypopup]

if the end of episode 4 / part 1 of season 3 isn't the lady whistledown reveal and colin's blowup/meltdown about it. . .what are we even doing here? i saw someone go 'ooooh what if debling proposes and penelope says yes and that's the cliffhanger?'

my sister in christ, that literally holds ZERO weight and tension in polin's story. debling is an afterthought. a nothingburger to create extra drama. he is literally disposable as a character because we KNOW penelope and colin are endgame. that relationship will fall apart and the how of it. . .doesn't matter.

but lady whistledown? lady whistledown is the guillotine of their relationship and it has been hanging above their heads on a fraying string for YEARS now. it affects EVERYTHING that comes after. she is penelope's mask that has to be peeled off. she will flay colin's gentlemanly exterior clean to the bone.

just like. . .idk, think about the narrative structure for a second. it's being framed as a romcom, right? what does every romcom need?

a meetcute, a growing closeness, some external drama, a big relationship stresser / test, an *oh* moment, a reconciliation, a happy ending

debling is the external drama, not the stresser. debling cannot threaten polin's ship as endgame, or polin in general, because he literally does. not. matter. he was created by shonda to drive home the point that penelope is now post-glow-up (which also doesn't matter, because their relationship (debling and pen's) goes against the very heart of bridgerton as a concept, which is to fall in love in unconventional ways. oh how did the two of you meet? at a ball? dancing together? HOW riveting (not)), he is not meant to be the stress or fracture in polin as a pairing

meetcute? flashback of polin as kids growing closeness? the lessons, reveals he's a writer, the kiss external drama? she's dancing with other peeps big relationship stressor? LADY WHISTLEDOWN *oh* moment? AFTER LADY WHISTLEDOWN REVEAL. when he sees who Penelope is as a FULL person and falls for her anyway reconciliation? AFTER LADY WHISTLEDOWN REVEAL!! at their engagement ball when she publishes about Cressida not being LW even though she said she'd stop and he realizes he loves her even if she's upset him, the same way Penelope realizes *she* loves *him* even if he's upset her happy ending? you guessed it. AFTER. THE. LADY. WHISTLEDOWN. REVEAL (and honestly, probably the death of Lady Whistledown. because it depresses me to think that Penelope's ultimate happy ending is to continue writing petty gossip for the rest of her days when she could be fucking her hot husband on various beautiful beaches around the world and they write novels together)

lady whistledown is. the unearthing of her as another side of penelope. the secret cracking open, colin's facade fulling fading, his fury and humanity made tangible, penelope's nuance, her strengths and weaknesses and fears and hopes now barefaced. the harms she committed, the triumphs she accomplished. the strain it has on them as a pairing, the dynamic shift it introduces

i will eat my SHOES if part 1 doesn't end on the lady whistledown reveal because if it doesn't. . .what are we even doing here?

[sgiandubh]

I don't even understand what there is to gloat over? (antis) Why does him saying he had Covid serve the narrative? (shippers) Lots of people got Covid (including Cait), it shouldn't be a surprise. Honest to god, both sides of this fandom do the absolute most! He could have had Covid and quarantined, he could have spent it with Cait, he could have blah blah blah. It was 2 years ago. SO WHAT? He was going to be in New Zealand over Christmas away from family and friends regardless. It's just a story, there is no need to take everything so personally. That last sentence isn't directed at anyone in particular, but sometimes this fandom gets deep in their feelings and it's just not necessary.

Dear Both Sides Anon,

I have no idea if you are new or not in here and to be honest, I don't think it's relevant. The reason I am answering your ask, while I currently send a good 75% of them to the bin, is because it sums up very well the puzzled look on the face of a complete stranger who stumbled by chance on our blogs.

This is an adversarial, even gladiatorial fandom. Kindness (🙄) abounds, as you can see. No one in here is probably never very far away from it (🤬😡🤢🤮👺💀☠👻👽👾💩). Irony aside, I don't think I have ever seen, in my entire life and in any other social context., such a consuming passion for the tiniest detail and such a nuclear spending of energy, on a daily basis. And mind you, everything is usually taken on a very personal level and how could it be otherwise, given the rich bullying and harassment history of this damn place?

Upon entering, it's not exactly lasciate ogni speranza, but rather - place your bets intelligently. Speak to the right people, which means 'speak to the people you personally feel the most comfortable sharing things with'. Never assume you are away from a faux-pas. Think twice before posting and always try to imagine you're talking to people, not sheep or aliens or robots or pawns. And by Jove, never imagine everybody will like you: this is not a popularity contest, this is sometimes Beirut.

Last, but not least (and I think you've noticed it, by now), this fandom just loves drama. Justified or unjustified - it doesn't really matter. That makes the good fortunes of 💩👻, who zip between the combat lines faster than the Venetian commute vaporetti. Carelessly light a match and the whole gunpowder warehouse goes 💥 in a matter of seconds. So yes, Anon - I understand what you mean. But I also know very well the equanimity you vouch for is never to be found here.

So, we should be grateful for small graces: someone who asks you if you are ok or about your #silly day at the office. Or someone who drops two lines just to say your posts made her smile, while riding an overcrowded bus on the other side of the world. That is the real beauty of this strange place, Anon. The rest is Byzantine politics and the Mighty Circus that keeps us all in here, riveted.

[mastersoftheair]

hi! question!! ok so like. I've been in hbowar fandom for awhile but I must admit I haven't followed MOTA news quite as religiously so I'm sorry if this has been answered before but like...... can I ask why there was such an emphasis on austin butler and callum turner's characters? is it because they're the "leaders" of a sort? (and if so, in like a dick winters way? in that they're the leaders of their unit? or is it in a sledge, basilone, leckie way? in that the narratives of the shows are based on their memoirs of the war?) or is it because they're the actors you're bound to recognize at first glance and therefore are pandering to the audience?

piggy back riding on that question..... do you think mota would follow a band of brothers kinda story telling where the povs sorta change almost every episode? and there's an emphasis on the group as a whole? or is it gonna be like the pacific? where it centers on 3 pov characters, as i said before, based off the irl guys' memoirs of the war?

thank you for running this blog, btw. it's good to have all the news in one place instead of having to go hunting for it!! have you tried to appeal to tumblr staff about getting the blog unshadowbanned? maybe they could help?

i think this website gives a very helpful overview of who the "main players" are (it's a bit dated tho, last updated in 2019!) lots could've changed by then, and even the author admits that it's all speculation. but by 2019, there were 5 confirmed "main characters": john "bucky" egan, gale "bucky" cleven, rosie rosenthal, harry crosby, and ken lemmons. they're palyed by austin butler, callum turner, nate mann, anthony boyle, and raff law, in that order.

the focus is on the 100th bombardment group ("the blood hundredth"), with likely a narrower focus on the 418th and 350th squadrons, with probably some focus on the 349th. cleven's part of the 350th, egan and cruikshank (also important) are part of the 418th, and major william veal's part of the 349th (which is likely less important, but i'm adding it bc i saw his name among egan and cleven's name in this behind the scenes photo almost 2 years ago, but not much on veal otherwise).

so, this is one group and (more or less) two different squadrons. the narrowed focus is meant to lean more "band of brothers" and less "the pacific".

to answer your first question, the focus on butler and turner is probably 1) better for promo (they're more well known to the public) and 2) cleven and egan were both the commanding officers of their respective units. the leaders, for sure. also known as "the two buckys", as they both had the same nickname and were very close friends (as the above article puts it, they "were roommates throughout flight school…[they were] roommates during training, but they would eventually become roommates in a POW camp as well.")

i like that you brought up leckie and sledge tho, bc while the bulk of the show is based around donald miller's book, it seems like they'll also be leaning on harry crosby's memoir- a wing and a prayer. he was a group navigator in the 418th. also, the smithsonian has a little scrapbook that you can read here.

i'm thinking that, yeah, the povs may change depending on the episode (given how it seems they want to follow the "band of brothers" playbook, to a point). there's definitely gonna be time devoted to the ground crew (lemmons was a mechanic in the ground crew and stayed in england for the duration of the war) and rosie rosenthal, especially (his crew was called "rosie's riveters"). then, there's the inclusion of black soldiers in the 332d fighter group, part of the tuskegee airmen (hence the casting of ncuti gatwa, branden cross, josiah cross, among others).

keep in mind that these are all just my guesstimations! i don't want to predict what's gonna happen, given that i still want to be surprised lol

and i'm happy you enjoy the blog! it's fun keeping it regularly updated (despite tumblr hiccups, like thinking i'm a spam bot apparently?? but i think it's been sorted out for now *fingers crossed*)

(also, i recommend everyone to go play around in this website, bc it's stuffed with all the 100th bg information you could ever want!)