#rip you dumb chat system

[angel-of-the-moons]

A Rose Under The Moon

Moon Knight System (Marc/Steven/Jake) x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: None really, chit-chat between some gal pals, some implied bi/pan reader.

A/N: Never fear, best gal Layla is here! Also the Hippo-Mama!

And I totes recommend reading the Hobby Headcanons that @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction wrote on the boys! I plan on implementing them all! (Also read all their other things, their Nathan Bateman shit is *insert Paccha meme here*) I need to read up on American football because frankly I have no clue how sports worked since I played soccer and baseball as a kid, before I write about Marc's lest I sound like some plebeian who's guessing everything lmao

Taglist: @bad4amficideas @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @shirukitsune @lokisremainingsanity

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Chapter 5:

Old Friends

You were minding your own business, cleaning up the mess of tossed books that a couple was oh so kind enough to allow their child to scatter.

You hoped you'd never see them again. While they sat at the nook, sipping coffee and eating the muffins, their child was running around, causing havoc and destroying your beautiful, well-organized shop. Oh, your poor shop…

The couple weren't happy when you charged them for the books their son had ripped up and destroyed beyond salvage, the books he colored in.

Yeah, you really hoped they would never come back.

You looked at your burned hand with a frown. It had been a few days since you hurt yourself, and while painful, the burn wasn't actually that bad. Some aloe, some ice… And it started to clear up after the first day, the blisters receding quickly. You flexed your fingers and tilted your head, curiously wondering if your soulmate could feel the burns, as well. When the thought crossed your mind, you pulled up your sleeve and looked at the mark on your wrist, checking to see which moon would be full today.

The bottom right one. It had been that one a lot, lately.

The bell to the front door dinged, and you straightened up, mentally preparing yourself for the forced smile you were going to have to put on, now.

You cleared your throat and spun around, broom in hand, looking at the woman who just walked in.

She was beautiful. Her tanned skin complimenting her dark eyes and mass of wavy curls. She smiled at you, a bit more genuine.

"Oh! Hello, welcome to Here Today Books." You say politely. "Can I help you?"

"You look like you need it more, sister." She sighed, smiling sympathetically, nodding to the pile of ruined books you now had to put into recycling. Her accent was… it wasn't American, like yours. It sounded similar, but her words had some kind of twinge to them.

"Ah, yeah… a couple and their lovely child were my most recent patrons." You joke dryly.

"Ah, a little tornado, huh?" She snorted, shaking her head.

"Yep. For sure." You sigh, giving her a new, more genuine smile. "Now, were you looking for anything in particular today?"

"Oh, actually, a friend told me about this place, and I was curious." She mused.

That… took you by surprise. People actually talk about your store? Like, as in tell other people about it? This was news, for sure.

"O-oh?" You blink.

"Yeah, he said you made good muffins and tea. I'm more of a coffee fan in the morning, myself, though. Tea is more of a night thing." She chuckled.

You tilt your head at her, gears in your brain whirling.

"Are you friends with Steven Grant, by any chance?" You ask.

She laughs. "Yes! I'm Layla. Layla el Faouly." She holds out her hand for you to shake, and you, without thinking, extend your healing hand.

She shakes it gingerly, her eyes focused on the rosy skin like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"That… looks like it hurt." She said.

"Oh, this? I was just dumb and grabbed a hot pan without thinking." You said, examining your hand casually.

"Oh… Yeah, that's not good for you, y'know?" Layla joked softly.

"Yeah, not the worst pains I've ever had, trust me." You reply. "Now, uh… are you looking for a book? Or after some of the coffee? Or my muffins?"

"Oh! I think I'll just explore a bit, if that's all right with you." Layla said with a nod.

"Oh, I don't mind! If you need anything, just holler!" You wave at her as she disappears into the shelves.

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"You saw it?" Layla muttered softly to herself; or more accurately, to the giant hippo-woman clad in gold and jewels standing next to her, only visible to her eyes.

"Yes, yes I did. Didn't Marc mention that he had phantom pains in that same hand?" Taweret chuckled.

"Yeah. I mean… It could be coincidence, but…"

"You should talk to her. The poor dear looks dreadfully lonely." Taweret sighed, looking even more gargantuan as she peers at the contents of the shelves pressing down around her, her cute little ears flickering back and forth.

She picked up a book on psychology, finding it suddenly terribly interesting, her eyes widening as she scans the pages faster than a human ever could.

"I will. If we're right about our assumption, then, maybe we can… I don't know…"

"Play matchmaker?" Taweret giggles.

Layla softly smiles, not paying attention to the open book in her hands as she chuckles.

"Yeah. We can play matchmaker."

"Oh, let's just see how this plays out first, m'love?" The goddess giggled.

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Layla wanders to the front of the store, two hardback romance novels in her hands and you smile as you restock some old sci-fi novels into your discount rack.

They were the kind of romance novels with the covers reminiscent of oil paintings, the pretty ones. Not the stupid photoshopped ones that are being printed nowadays.

"Find something you like?" You chuckle.

She waves the books with a wide grin, "I've actually been looking for these copies for ages. At one of the places I was working, some jerk stole them from my locker."

"Oh gods, that is horrible!" You gasp. Why would anyone steal books?! At most, those particular novels, even new, only went for a few pounds!

"I know, right! They were autographed and everything!" Layla groaned.

You felt even more offended on her behalf. If those books were autographed and authentic, they would go for actually a decent sum for a collector online...

"That's even worse than just stealing a regular copy!" You clucked.

Layla wiggled the books in her hands. "But, hey! You have hardback copies, and in very good condition. Mine were old, beat up paperbacks!"

"Well, I'm more than happy that you found them!" You grinned widely.

Layla tilted her head to the left slightly, like she had heard something from behind her, and then she looked right at you, eyeing you up and down briefly, as if she were thinking.

You quirked an eyebrow at her in concern.

"Is everything all right?" You ask.

"Hm? Oh! Yes, yes I'm okay! I just have this... thing. The ringing in my ears?" She coughs, abashed.

"Oh! You have tinnitus? I have a booklet or two on medical things that might have something in it for you if you'd like." You chirp helpfully.

Layla put her hand up, chuckling as she declined politely. "Thank you, but no, I'll be okay. It's not constant or anything like that, it's just that I got off a plane the other day and my ears popped and haven't righted themselves yet.."

"Ooooh..." You nod in understanding. "Where'd you fly in from, if you don't mind my asking?"

She smiled. "Cairo."

"That's the accent!" You gasp in realization, pointing at her.

Layla laughed when you blushed and apologized for the outburst.

"It's fine, and yes! How'd you guess?"

"I used to have an exchange student, he would come in here and buy books for his college courses all the time! He was born and raised just outside Cairo." You chuckle.

"Ohh! Interesting." Layla hummed, looking at the books in her hands.

"Hm... you mentioned you had a menu of sorts?"

"Sure!" You lead her over to one of the nooks, and hand her the laminated mini menu you had available.

Her eyebrows raised, impressed at the various items you had available.

"Oh! This is actually nice..."

"Yep! Most of it is made to order by me, so some of it'll take a bit to bake." You grin proudly.

"Oh... well in that case, is it okay if I ask you to keep me some company? If you're not busy? I don't actually have too many friends other than Steven and his... er, brothers and my... uhhh... surrogate mom, so being able to have another woman to chit-chat with would be very welcome..."

To say you were surprised at the offer was an understatement.

"Oh! Uh, sure! I don't... I don't mind!"

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You and Layla clicked very well. You had similar tastes in things like reality TV, romance novels, even skincare routines.

But when she started talking about herself, is when it got interesting. It turns out she had been married to Marc at some point.

She was his ex-wife. The one he told you about.

"I imagine it's kind of awkward for you two, huh?" You remarked.

"Oh, me n Marc? Not at all! We're still good friends, it's just..." Layla set her coffee down, frowning as she tried to think of how to describe it.

"...After a while, whatever we had... like... the spark, I guess? It just... faded. Marc went through a bit of soul searching and after he did that, well..."

They weren't soulmates.

"Ah... I understand." You sighed.

"What about you?" She asked, a small sly smirk playing her lips.

"Oh! Uh... yeah. No. Nothing for me, I'm afraid." You chuckle awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Oh? Nobody special or anything like that? Never kissed someone?"

"Well, I mean, when I was in highschool I kissed a girl on a dare." You sip your own coffee.

"A girl?" Her eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"Yeah, to be honest I'm not sure what kind of preference I have, because I've never really been attracted to anyone before, but it was... weird. Didn't feel like everyone talked it up to be."

"Ah... so... are you waiting for your soulmate, then?" Layla asked a bit tightly.

"Yeah... I know it's stupid, but..." You say, looking down at the mug in your hands.

"Not really. Who doesn't want to meet the one person that is your other half?" She said, smiling softly in sympathy.

Her finger traced the rim of her cup idly, trying to think of the best way to go about phrasing the next question without being obvious about her suspicions.

"Do you... have any ideas of who it might be?" She finally asked.

You shake your head and shrug. "D'nno. I don't know if it's a man or a woman or... well anybody, really. I don't know what it's supposed to feel like once you meet your soulmate because each bond is different so..."

Layla wanted to scream. She wanted to facepalm, she wanted to smack her head on the table. She wanted to splash her coffee into her face.

Taweret was giggling like mad.

"Not as easy as you assumed it was going to be, eh Little One?" The goddess smiled behind her hand at Layla.

Her eyebrow twitched, knowing full well she couldn't retort without looking insane or revealing her position as Taweret's avatar.

You had to be Marc's (and possibly Steven's and Jake's) soulmate. It was all just too coincidental for her liking.

"Oh! That's... well I hope they're close by!" Layla said, forcing a very strained smile.

How could you and Marc be this thick?!

That fact alone had to mean something.

"That's everyone's hope, isn't it?" You chuckled softly, a small fond smile on your face, a glimmer of sadness in your eyes.

Layla felt sympathy for you in the moment, realizing how terribly lonely you must be feeling. And how much pain.

Especially with Marc and the others doing Khonshu's will.

Taweret seemed to pick the thought out of thin air, so in tune with Layla she could tell by the flash in her eyes what she was thinking about.

"Ohhh! That bloody old bone-head!" She huffed, her nostrils flaring as she crossed her arms, her bottom lip poking out from beneath her muzzle.

"He needs to give those poor boys a break! Especially because whatever happens to them, happens to her!" She gestured to you with her big, yet gentle hands.

Layla cleared her throat.

"Well, uh.... since I've told you about me... why don't you tell me about you? Where were you born, stuff like that?" Layla asked you, still smiling.

"Oh! Me? I'm afraid it's not very interesting." You chuckled dryly.

Layla looked outside as the rain came down in sheets. Not very appealing to walk back to the boys' flat in this weather... especially not for her hair.

"It looks like I've got time, love. Go ahead! We can have some more drinks while we chat."

You smiled a bit wider.

It was nice to have a girl-friend to talk with, again.

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When Steven had woken up, Layla was gone, and Marc and Jake left Steven quite alone in the body, letting him front entirely for the day. She'd left a note on Gus and Co's tank saying she went out for a bit for some fresh air.

Which, quite frankly, Marc said was bullshit because of the weather. Layla wouldn't go out in a monsoon and risk her hair becoming an unmanageable spongy mop that would take forever to dry, unless she was going somewhere very specific.

It was one of the things she complained about the most when they were together, something he thought was amusing. He remembered one time they got caught in a rain after their wedding, and at the hotel she was fussing and muttering under her breath as her wet curls hung over her face, desperately trying to get the dripping mass of hair to dry, glaring at herself in the mirror.

Steven sighed, and made his morning cup of tea and went about his routine. He dusted some, and decided to slip on his apron and play with some recipes he'd found online.

The apron was a bit... "dinky" as Marc had called it. Jake apparently ordered it online when he saw the slightly cartoon'd Egyptian motifs on it and left it as a present for Steven, since his favorite thing to do other than read was to cook (and he was a major Egyptophile).

When he was finished, he'd placed the extra portions in a small container in the fridge for Layla when she returned, in case she was hungry.

Then, he sat down, ate, and read a book while he played some music over the cheap sound system Marc installed.

When Layla returned, she was... dry. Remarkably dry. Her hair was still perky and everything!

She apparently bought an umbrella while she was out, placing it in the holder so no excess water dripped on the floor.

"Ah! Hey Steven." She chuckled, walking up and kissing his cheek, knocking his glasses off to the side as she did, placing her bag on the little table nearby.

"How'd you know?" Steven chuckled, adjusting his glasses as he looked up at her.

"Well, aside from the fact you're hunched over like a goblin over a book... the flat smells wonderful. You've obviously been cooking. Not Marc." She grinned.

"Ha!" Steven giggled.

Layla hummed as she set her new purchases on the table, folding the little canvas bag neatly.

Steven's eyebrows shot up when he saw the books.

"Where were you..?" He asked, clearing his throat.

"Oh, y'know... exploring. Went out for a tea..." She grinned at him out of the corner of her still ridiculously beautiful eyes.

"Visited that bookstore you 'n Marc told me about."

Steven fidgeted in his seat.

"O-oh..."

"Mhmm." She tapped her nails on the books' hard covers; she then turned around and crossed her arms, still grinning as she leaned her hips on the table.

"....Why are you looking at me like that? And where did you get that umbrella..?"

"Oh, well..." She shrugged, sighing a bit dramatically, looking elsewhere in the flat for dramatic effect.

She looked back at him, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Your little girlfriend who owns the bookstore. She really is a sweetheart, she let me borrow it while I'm in town."

"Bloody hell! Layla! It's not like that at all--" Steven sputtered, almost dropping the book in his hand.

She started cackling madly, walking into the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator.

"Ooh! What'dja make?"

Steven made a noise, burying his face in his hands as he tried to hide the faint blush that crept up his face and set up shop in the tips of his ears, knocking his glasses up to his forehead.

"Bloody hell!" He groaned into his palms.

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Chapter 6: Link

[wannab-urs]

Build Me Up Buttercup | Ch. 5

You never call, baby, when you say you will

Summary: A party. A rescue. A conversation.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Frat parties come with their own warning. Frat boy getting handsy. Mentions of death. Grief. Angst. Reader is dumb. Joel being vulnerable as hell.

A/N: I struggled really hard with this chapter. I'm still not sure if I love it, but it tells the story I wanted to tell. This will be the second to last chapter, I think. Thanks for reading babies, I love you all! Also I'm aware it's the middle of the night, but if I don't post this rn I'll delete it lmao.

Frat parties are objectively the worst place to be on a Friday night. There’s loud, shitty music being blasted over a stereo system some asshole’s dad bought for them. There’s about 100 people crammed into a space made to house three or four at the most. And there’s the douchebag pressed into your side, yelling in your ear about football or something. 

Em and Coop convinced you to go out after you filled them in on the Professor Joel tea. Coop told you she thought it seemed too good to be true. Em suggested the frat party, and subsequently a frat boy, as a way to get him off your mind. Neither one of them were anywhere to be found now. They weren’t usually ones to ditch you, so you assume they really wanted you to go home with someone tonight. 

“Are you even listening to me?” the aforementioned douche yells in your ear. He’s tall and broad and you may have even found him attractive once upon a time. He’s not really your type anymore.

“No. Not really,” you yell back over the music. He moves in closer to you, crowding you against the wall.

“That’s alright baby, we don’t have to talk,” and he crashes his mouth into yours. You push against his chest, trying to get him away from you, but he doesn’t budge. His hand slips under your tank top and you drop your shoulder into him and shove him away from you. 

“Fuck you, dude!” you scream at him, getting stares from several people near you. You storm out of the room, hearing him call out “Fucking bitch!” at your back. 

The sea of drunk people grinding on each other makes the door hard to reach, and you can feel panic clawing at your throat as you shove through the crowd. Tears well up in your eyes, making it hard to see, and you’re so overwhelmed by the noise and the people all around you that you can’t catch your breath. 

Finally, you make it to the door and burst outside as a sob rips from your throat. The smokers on the porch eye you warily, but no one bothers you as you make your way to the side of the house. You lean against the siding and drop to the ground, pulling out your phone. 

You have a couple messages in your group chat, a “happy hunting ;)” from Coop and a “wrap it before you tap it,” from Em. They’re idiots, but you love them. You take a deep breath and pull up your contacts, searching for Joel’s name. 

The phone rings for a long time before he picks up and gives you a sleepy, “Hello?” You can’t bring yourself to say anything for a long time, just breathing into the phone. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks, seeming more awake now, worry creeping into his voice. You start fully sobbing now, not just about the frat boy but about everything. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Can- can you come get me?” you whimper, ashamed that you need him right now. 

“Of course, darlin’. Where are you?” 

“Farmer Avenue. It’s a frat party.” 

“I know it. Be there in 5, baby. Do you need me to stay on the phone with you?”

“No, it’s okay, J- Joel. Thank you.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” 

You hang up the phone and shoot the girls a message telling them you’re heading home with someone and you’ll fill them in tomorrow, promising you only had one drink and you’re fine. 

A big white truck pulls up to the curb and you scramble off the ground, half jogging to the truck and yanking the door open. Joel stares down at you from the driver’s seat, and you suddenly remember you’re supposed to be mad at him. Kind of hard to be pissed when he’s saving your ass like a knight in shining armor… white steed and all. 

“Hi… thanks for the rescue,” you mumble as you pull yourself up into the passenger seat. 

“Anytime, sweetheart, put your seatbelt on,” Joel says gently. 

You put it on and look out the window, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world for having to call him. 

“Can I ask what you were doing at a frat party, darlin’?” And that makes it a thousand times worse. 

“No,” it’s none of his fucking business what you do in your free time.

Joel sighs and rolls his eyes, “My place okay?” 

“Won’t your wife be pissed?” you snap at him, shooting him a glare. He doesn’t respond, but you see his hand tighten on the wheel. 

“Doubt it.”

You’re both silent for the rest of the short drive. 

Joel pulls into the driveway of a small, one story brick house and is out of the truck and in the door before you can even get your seatbelt off. You make your way inside and find yourself in the living room. There’s a couch separating the entryway from the rest of the room and bookshelves on either side of a TV on the far wall. There aren’t a lot of decorations and, honestly, the place looks like a bachelor pad. Joel appears from the hallway with a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants in his hand. 

“I’ll take the couch. You can have my bed. Bathroom is on the left, bedroom’s on the right. It’s the only one. You can’t miss it,” Joel snarks. 

“Okay. Thank you,” you squeak, a blush rising to your cheeks. If there’s only one room, he probably doesn’t have a kid living here. Maybe he got divorced? But then why would he have a picture of his ex-wife on his desk? “Actually, Joel…” you trail off, trying to find the courage to ask him what you need to ask him. “Can we talk?” 

“It’s late. You’ve been drinking-”

“No! I only had one drink, like 2 hours ago. Please, Joel.” You won’t be able to sleep until you talk to him. Anxiety and dread will keep you up for the rest of the night, going over every possibility. 

Joel heaves a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers, “Go change, I’ll make you some tea.”

You walk over and take the clothing from him, staring up into his face for a moment. He looks tired and sad, a deep crease between his brows and a look in his eyes you haven’t seen before. Joel turns and heads to the kitchen. You shake your head and go find the bathroom to change. 

A few minutes later, you sit at Joel’s kitchen table as he pulls the kettle off the stove and pours boiling water into two mugs. He sets your tea in front of you and  sits at the table across from you. It’s a small table. The whole house is small. 3 people wouldn’t live here.

“So. Who are the woman and kid in that picture, Joel? I need to know,” you ask the question that’s been on your mind for two full days. You dread the answer.

“My wife Ashley and my daughter Sarah.” You meet his eyes. It’s exactly the answer you expected, but you had hoped it wasn’t true. 

“So I am your side piece. You really thought I’d be okay with that Joel? What the fuck is wrong with you?” All your anger comes rushing back to the surface.

“They’re dead.” 

Oh. Oh shit. “Fuck.”

Joel looks down at his mug, twirling it in his fingers.

“I’m so sorry, Joel, fuck.” You are so fucking stupid.

“Don’t.” He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “ Don’t apologize. No way you coulda known, darlin’” 

He doesn’t sound angry with you. Just sad. So fucking sad. His shoulders are hunched in and his whole face is pinched and his breaths are coming out shaky. You have no idea what to say, so you don’t say anything. You stand up from the table and warily make your way over to him. You settle a hand on his shoulder and he immediately turns and buries his face in your stomach, wrapping his arms around you. You slide your arms around his head and hold him close, savoring the feeling of him pressed against you.  

He takes a few more shaky breaths. “It was a car accident. 20 years ago… I- I was driving,” he whispers into your (his) shirt. You drop a kiss to the top of his head. 

“I’m so fucking sorry, Joel,” you breathe into his hair. 

He squeezes you hard, then pulls back and peers up at you, eyes watery. “It was a long time ago. Sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“I’m sorry I just ran out on you. And didn’t call. And skipped class today. Fuck Joel, I’m such an asshole.” Joel stands up and kisses you on the forehead. 

“We can talk more tomorrow, if you want. It’s late, let’s go to bed darlin’.” He grabs your hand and pulls you to his bedroom. There’s a large bed in the center of the room, a nightstand on the right side but not the left, and a dresser under the window. Again, the evidence that he lives alone is all but screaming in your face. 

You stand in the doorway as he strips off his jeans and tosses them into the corner of the room. He pads over to the bed and crawls under the covers, laying on his side facing you. “You comin’?” He looks at you with wide puppy-dog eyes. 

Your mouth quirks into a one-sided grin. He looks adorable right now. Nothing like the hardened asshole you thought you knew. You walk around to the other side of the bed and slip under the covers with him. You press your chest against his back and throw your arm around him, nestling your face into the crook of his neck. You press little kisses against his clothed shoulder and squeeze him as tight as you can. 

“Goodnight, Joel.”

“Night, Darlin’.”

Tag List: @beskarandblasters, @cutesyscreenname, @atinylittlepain, @wednesdayday, @whoiscaroline, @goldenhxurs, @northernwindd, @djarinxore, @worhols, @amanitacowboy, @silkiers, @4ueijos, @livinxdeadxgrl, @chknikkbxss, @thepriceofpepper, @lexic-22, @sunshinebtrfly, @ccelinea, @harriedandharassed, @leeeesahhh, @suzmagine, @strang3lov3, @thereaperisabitch

If you're crossed out, you probably don't have tagging enabled in your settings <3

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME honestly I was worried that this was super late but then I saw the time stamp on your post and I was like 😀 tis still shenanigan time!! HALEY!!! aka BITEWING!!!! sweet angel baby puppy love of my life. she’s adorable. she only has three legs! when dick rescued her from getting abused by some random jerks in the street she BIT HIM hard enough that he needed STITCHES. and he said “oh i’m gonna take her to the pound tomorrow” and babs and tim were like 👀 uh huh, sure you are dick… and next thing you know we see he’s got toys for her and a bed and a bowl with her name on it. her name was voted on by readers and is a nod to haly's circus! (which writers occasionally forget that dick owns now, but that’s a whole other tangent) she is a tiny menace and I love her! just in canon we’ve seen her try to play with/tear up important papers, she ate dick’s tv remote and tore up his couch, and she has daydreams about fighting crime as bitewing 🩵 she very much strikes me as an ankle biting menace while she’s still a puppy, and I feel like lucky would literally have to scruff her to pull her away from a fight… which honestly also feels right for kate and dick in some cases 😂

This is amazing I am sobbing I am weeping Kate and Dick with their disabled doggos

(Also Dick and Clint lowkey soulmate vibes???)

I was imagining Kate losing Lucky at a dog park (full disclosure I have no idea how dog parks work, maybe just a regular park?) and she's getting pizza to lure Lucky (and potentially also Jeff???) back to her, she's not super worried, she's chatting to Cute Tall Guy who is ALSO missing his dog. He's not getting pizza for doggo, just for him. Anyway SUDDENLY A RUCKUS and Kate and Tall Guy hear Barking! And individually they are thinking, well, my dog might have just started a gang war

again

This is fine

It turns out puppo Haley has found a stray cat mama with a new litter of kittens and has planted herself between the cat and some other dogs who are clearly VERY poorly behaved, but she is a hero and that's! what! heroes! do! However Haley is a pup and also missing a leg she could use some backup basically, and Lucky, who has never met a disaster he doesn't love, decides to ALSO plant himself between the mean dogs (who are lowkey trying to bully Haley) and Haley and the cats. Jeff might be there but mostly for the Drama bc he's a messy bench like that

Anyway Dick and Kate proceed to RIP INTO the other dog owners and then look at each other askance like wtf are we supposed to do with the cat?!?!?! Who has decided Haley is just a big dumb kitten she lost and has adopted her (very bruce-coded of the cat tbh). And kittens?!?! One of them is orange and has something going on with an eye and Kate is like oh NO this kitten is a cat Lucky I can't believe I have at least one cat now

(clint: you know you don't have t--

Kate: who am I to argue with the cat distribution system)

Dick is frantically calling up his favorite animal expert (it's Damian) about how to safely move mama and kittens? And where? Vet??!?!? Animal shelter?!?!?! Tim?!?!

To be fair Dick could have probably figured it out if he was alone but Kate is there and his brain makes dialup noises when he looks at her for too long yes he's WEAK leave him alone

At some point Kate winds up sitting on the ground and Haley flops into her lap and passes out because it's been a big day for a puppy and Lucky and Jeff give Kate the BIGGEST SADDEST BABY EYES because that's their spot?? Why is this interloper hogging the Pizza Girl? Lucky turns Sad Dog Eye on Dick like Dick is just going to remove his darling puppy from her nap spot? Sir. Please be serious.

Idk where i was going with this but also Lucky the hardened established dog hero and Haley his young impetuous sidekick dog, Jeff finding missions for them working out of Batcow's barn. BITEWING!!! I am dead. Pandemonium is their business.

lol for some reason Haley is giving me cat vibes a little. Lucky is like, this is Pizza Girl. Protecting Pizza Girl is my sworn duty. And Haley is like I am BITEWING. This is my human sidekick, Nightwing.

(Also for some reason I'm lowkey vibing Clint and Babs???? For this???? I think they are besties regardless but just seeing them watching their favo disaster birds getting parent trapped by their DOGS like "are you seeing this? I'm not the only one seeing this right????")

ANyway maybe Clint has custody of Lucky so Kate and Jeff are moping hanging out at a park (Jeff is an extrovert and he is LONELY he wants FRIENDS) and one of two things happens:

Haley bolts and Dick is chasing after her and hears someone go "Don't you BARK at him, he didn't do anything! He just wants to be friends!" which makes Dick have the simultaneous thoughts of "oh no what did my dog do" and "how DARE you yell at my dog!!"

he rounds the corner and sees Haley looking as chagrined as a chaos pup can look before scootching closer to the other dog and licking its...nose. Snout?

"That's a shark," Dick says. The shark in question is now dragging out what appears to be a rotisserie chicken and is sharing it with Haley.

"What?" Kate says. "No, he's just a rare breed of dog. The, uh. The Chilean Hairless....land...shark."

OR Haley is Not Afraid! She decided she and Dick were playing fetch with one of his escrima sticks and she took OFF so now Dick is yelling for her hoping she comes back with the same stick she left with.

So Dick is hollering for her and Kate answers back "Haley is over here! Uhh assuming Haley is a dog and not a child, or a bird, or a lizard of some kind?"

And that's when Dick sees his dog playing with his escrima stick with a shark??? who is leaving dents in his weapon????

Kate isn't even looking at Dick when she's like "hey, do you come here often? Jeff has been really lonely and she's the first dog we've met that isn't terrified of him, so that's pretty cool, anyway hi my name is Kate...." and THEN she looks up (and up, and up) at Dick and is like. oh my god. is this why Gwen said we should try this park today??? Because of beautiful dog dad man?

either way Jeff REFUSES to leave Haley which means Dick and Kate have to spend most of the day together. At some point MODOK tries to steal Jeff back and Haley plants herself in front of Jeff and growls at MODOK and she's actually pretty intimidating but it's still the cutest thing ever. Jeff and Haley are ride-or-dies, like Jeff will be mad at Dick when Haley has to go to the vet.

[ingek73]

Scobie: Princess Kate’s Early Years work is ineffectual because of her ‘limitations’

February 02, 2023

By Kaiser

It’s been Keen Early Years Week, where the Princess of Wales has launched yet another awareness-raising campaign centered on Kate going around, telling people that the early years are important. Shaping Us is no different than the Five Big Questions, which was no different from Big Change Starts Small (rip to that initiative). None of these “campaigns” are any different and none of them actually does something substantive. It’s all white noise, gurning, wiglets and gloss. It’s Kate preening for the cameras and telling everyone that she’s a credible expert and a big girl doing important work! As I said, we’re past the point where Kate is a chaotic neutral – the messaging has gotten harmful. Even credible childhood development experts are coming out and saying that Kate’s fluff is dumb and unimportant, that these resources should be focused on actually solving very real problems for kids. All of this and more made it into Omid Scobie’s latest Yahoo UK column – you can read the full piece here. Some highlights:

Kate’s 2012 ‘listening and learning’ charity visits: Chatting with her press secretary at the time, I was told how the duchess’s “keen interest” in childhood development will likely lead to projects focused on supporting the young. A month earlier she had also taken on a patronage with Action on Addiction, a charity working with those suffering from drug and alcohol addiction and the children affected by it. “Right now she is listening and learning… in the future she hopes to find practical ways to contribute,” the palace aide explained.

All of Kate’s sound and keenery, signifying nothing: It’s an extremely important subject. But after 12 years of work, the goods being delivered right now feel light. Some within the early years sector have already voiced frustrations. “We are well accustomed to MPs and royalty visiting early years settings, praising the invaluable work of practitioners… but nothing is done,” a statement from the Practitioners of the Early Years Sector group says. “The time has long passed for ‘awareness’. We need action – long-term investment and funding in the early years.”

Kate’s big-girl problem: And this is where the Princess of Wales will no doubt find herself stuck. Because while elevating the importance of helping children in their first five years of life to thrive is certainly necessary, there are very few options available to Kate when it comes to actually helping solve the main issue at the heart of Britain’s early years crisis – funding. Budgets for preventative services for children in the country have been slashed by more than £400m since 2015 . And 4,000 early childcare providers have shut down in the last year alone due to chronic underfunding.

More slashes to the social safety net: Cuts have also seen the closures of children’s centres nationwide, despite the fact they help prevent more serious social services intervention at later stages in childhood. Britain’s social care system, which is already on its knees, estimates that over 15,000 young people will be taken into care over the next three years. As the country falls deeper into its cost of living crisis, and childcare providers raise prices due to funding pressures, is Kate’s awareness project really able to do much at all?

Ineffective royal work: If anything, Shaping Us exposes the ineffectiveness that the Royal Family’s charity work can have. Because it is almost impossible to make an impact in this field, or even usher in the smallest of change, without considering all the social factors that have an impact on early development. And that cannot be done without stepping into policy or politics — the one thing Kate can’t do as a working member of the Royal Family.

The Art Room disaster: Two years ago The Art Room charity Kate first visited in 2012 shut down its facilities for good after it became no longer financially sustainable. Shrinking school budgets from the government were to blame, and while Kate was able to shine a light on their work through the odd royal engagement, her limitations as a royal patron meant that she would never be able to lobby to keep it going.

The third landmark announcement: This week’s awareness drive launch is the third “landmark” announcement by the Princess of Wales on this topic in as many years. The message is essential, and she makes a serious case, but no matter how many versions of it we hear, Kate’s hope and a wish are unlikely to bring the necessary solutions. Given that Kensington Palace says this is her “life’s work”, I hope she can eventually prove me wrong.

[From Yahoo UK]

While I know what Scobie is doing here – and god knows, he has his own set of limitations as part of the royal press pack – it would be interesting if he actually came out and said it. Like, he’s going too far to half-way excuse Kate here: “while Kate was able to shine a light on their work through the odd royal engagement, her limitations as a royal patron meant that she would never be able to lobby to keep it going.” Kate could easily brush off the shackles of her royal patron “limitations” if she wanted to. She could have hosted fundraisers for the Art Room, she could have used her staff to come up with some kind of scheme to raise money online by selling the students’ art, she could have done a lot more than she did. It wasn’t because of the limitations of the royal role, it was because Kate is lazy, dull and unimaginative.

THAT is the larger problem – while the royal-patronage system is deeply flawed, all of these people could do a lot more without being called “political.” And seriously, if the point of Kate’s dumbf–k Early Years campaign is to raise awareness of just how basic and fundamental it is to give children a head start in life, why is that political? That’s the argument she could make, if she had two brain cells to rub together. “All kids need access to nursery schools and Head Start programs” is only a political hot potato if you think poor children don’t deserve to be nurtured.

-

" her limitations as a royal patron meant that she would never be able to lobby to keep it going."

Complete nonsense. Meghan would have found a way.

Kate really is a useless waste of space. Who just loves to pose. And copy Meghan's outfits.

[musingartblog]

part of the programming(snooze squad fanfic)

swifi can’t control his programming

tw angst and ableism towards sweet boi calcite

Swifi knew what he was,he was a service sans,a highly advance A.I dedicated to protecting the Sleepyverse,he was efficient and all powerful,He could read and process code quicker that the speed of light,he knew he was better than an organic because he was better than one.

One of the many things Service sans were built to do was to destroy anomalies that threaten this very world,things that shouldn’t exist need to be patched and put out of their misery.

So why of all things was a glitch made a protector?

This..thing called Calcite has the mark,proving itself a protector,Swifi couldn’t hurt a protector but Calcite was a glitch and it was his job to destroy glitches but he couldn’t hurt a protector.

It didn’t help that Calcite seemly always hung around him,stuck to him like a disgusting magnet,it was awful,didn’t help that he talked in a stupid distorted voice,could barely pronounce simple words and repeated things told to him like a complete child.

Calcite was a barely functioning being,had two left feet,was probably dropped on his head when he was a baby.

He was a disgusting.

The service sans could only watch crossed arm,tapping a finger as the ‘Snooze Squad’ chatted mindlessly about dumb things organics talk about as Eraz fills the report form, constantly getting distracted by the glitch insistent jabbering While Tic Toc tries to ease the excitable creature.

“Callie,I’ll chat with ya in a bit,just gotta fill this in okay?” Eraz speaks up.

“OKAY!”

Swifi grits his non-existent teeth,he couldn’t take such a thing existing in his presents,fingers twitched,his systems were overflowing with threat warnings that he had to continually delete or disregard,The saw bladed in his chest cavity wirred,he needed that thing to leave or else--

Bolt of blue lighting strikes the purple glitch causing him to fly across the hivemind floor,hitting the ground in a distorted thump as he cried out in pain,body grew still with harsh twitches.

Panic spread between Eraz and Tic Toc,The taller monster bolts to Calcite’s side,holding him in their arms,Tic toc makes it to their side,trying to support them.

Eraz looks over to see when the bolt shot to see Swifi’s shaking arm,his gun still pointing straight at Calcite.

“you” Eraz snarled,standing up and making their way to the A.I ,”YOU!”

Swifi was still frozen in place as Eraz gripped his ‘shirt’,their eyes screamed pure hatred.

“what the shit was that!?” They snapped,flames flickered wildly.

As much trouble Swifi was in,he still remained composed,”it is simply part of my prog---”

He didn’t get to finish as Eraz shoved him,their green flames burned orange,”for fucks sake don’t use that ‘its part of my programming’ excuse! It’s also part of your god damn programming to not hurt us!”

Tic toc could only watch this mess slowly grow out of control,still holding the weaken glitch in his arms,thankfully he was breathing but still not responding to anything.

“well I’m sorry you feel that way Eraz” The hologram snide,”but it is a fact,my program requires me to take down any glitch in my presence, if anything it’s your fault you keep bringing him here”

Eraz grits their teeth in frustration,”I try to warn him but he wants to see you!”

Blue eyes flicker,why would a glitch want to see him? Surely that would change now after being shot.

Eraz must’ve known that they were gonna get through to the service sans,rubbing their temple,”fine,we just won’t bring him anymore,not matter how much he begs us,funny how the person you despise the most cares about you”

Even though Eraz was certainly going to rip Swifi a new one,the slight whimpering from Calcite broke that chain of thought,looking over back to the glitch and Tic toc.Before anything else Calcite let out a cry of distress,hands gripping against the clothes of the robot.

“I-IT HURTS!” He cried out,tears streaming down his face,staining the clothes of the other.

“h-hey it’s okay,you’re okay” Tic toc tried to soothe the other,holding him in his arms.

His hand moves over the stuck spot on his back,”OW!”

“sorry!”

Eraz does not say anything else,eye lights grow dark.They move away from the hologram and carefully scoop up the glitch and Calcite did not hesitate to throw himself into Eraz’s arms,clutching them tightly,sobbing uncontrollably into their chest.Eraz decided it was best to leave and get Calcite some proper help,Tic quietly agreed to this,still sensing the tension in the air and the trio let but no before Eraz gave Swifi one last glare.

Now alone,the hologram sighed heavily,despite not having lungs nor much of a form,his body felt heavy.He couldn’t understand why these organics have such a attachment to a glitch and even confusing him further was why the glitch cares about him? Was he just that stupid?

Not like that matter anymore,the glitch most likely hates him now,as he should.

---------------

“I’M BACK!”

That was not the voice he expected,nearly dropping the tablet he was holding,he whipped his head around to indeed confirm that it was Calcite,smile bright as ever.

He wanted to snap at the glitch,scream at him to go away or maybe threaten to shoot him but instead he just stared dumbfounded as the glitch ran up to him,stumbling slightly,Tic toc follows behind.

Calcite seemly acted as if nothing had happened,”I MISS YOU”

“why..?” Swifi simply said.

“HUH?”

“why are you here?” He repeated.

Tic steps in,”well you see,after what happened,Eraz told him he wasn’t allowed to—uh see you then Calcite went on a hunger strike which uh threw him into a panic attack”

“so he starved himself just to see me?” He asked.

“YE! YOU’RE MY FRIEND!” He exclaimed cheerfully.

“how to you not comprehend!?!” Swifi snapped at the glitch,”I shot you! You’re suffering from second degree burns because of me!”

Tic Toc carefully stood between the hologram and the glitch,Watching him grow more and more agitated over the situation,Tic ponders if it’d truly better to try and leave but Calcite spoke up.

“WELL…YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO DID YOU?”

His eyes flicker,”I’m sorry what?”

“YOU SAY IT’S PART OF YOUR PROGRAMMING? THEREFORE YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO SHOOT ME,YOUR PROGRAMMING DID IT! I’M NOT MAD AT YOU BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T HELP IT” Calcite rambles on about.

And there’s that smile again,that stupid smile the other was giving him,he shouldn’t be smiling yet here he was.Swifi could understand and comprehend a lot of things but…Calcite was truly something else,something needing further analytics.

Swifi shakes his head,”you truly are an idiot…”

Still,his chest cavity tightens,”it is good to know that we are on…decent terms,after all,you will be seeing me soon enough for another job”

“but do not expect that this will be the last incident” Swifi corrected,mostly talking to Tic toc,”it is part of the job”

“I understand,its just hard to explain that to Eraz” Tic toc replied,”then we’ll see you soon?”

“indeed,I’ll let you head off I’m getting sick of looking at you in particular” Swifi remarks,lowering his eyes to Calcite.

Calcite lets out a giggle before following Tic Toc on the way out,waving back at the hologram until he couldn’t be seen.Swifi glanced back at the tablet in hand,typing a few notes before heading off to a sector,as much as Calcite saw him as a ‘friend’ Swifi could predict that things will get ugly in the future.

[pastlechips]

Sometimes I really miss MSN Messager.

Not point to this, just sayin.

[hpimaginesandblurbs]

Can you do a maurder smut please 🥺? I absolutely love them! Thank you love 😘😘!!

pairing: young!remus lupin x reader

warning(s): 18+ only, smut, unprotected sex (please wrap it before you tap it), praise kink, slight degradation (if you squint) 

word count: 1.6k 

a/n: i also love the marauders. my little broken babies. if you like fanfic, please go read ‘debt of time’ by ShayaLonnie and/or ‘all the young dudes’ by MsKingBean89 (both on AO3). both of them are super long and super good. i cried reading both

The full moon was fast approaching and you could tell Remus was on edge this month. You could see it in the way he held himself during dinner, stiff as a board and positively tense. The way he forced himself to chuckle at James and Siruis’ dumb jokes, when usually he would be joining right in with them. The way he forced himself into polite conversation with Peter, Lily, Mary or whoever else felt like chatting with him.

But you could especially tell because of the way he had a possessive death grip on your thigh all throughout dinner. It was like he couldn’t seem to get himself to loosen up or remove his grip. It seemed like it was the only thing keeping him stable in the moment.

It didn’t happen often, but some months in the lead up to the full moon, Remus would be on edge. When it did happen, it could always go one of two ways. He’d either be irritable and anxious or he’d be absolutely possessive and, well, there was no other word for it besides feral. This month seemed like it was turning into the latter.

That was only confirmed to you when, after dinner, he wasted no time in dragging you up to his dormitory and pinning you against the door. He locked you in a ferocious kiss, mostly tongue and teeth, while his pelvis ground against yours.

When he pulled away, you could see nothing but lust, possession, and danger in his eyes. With his forehead resting against yours he whispered, “Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you.”

You knew it was his way of asking, no, begging, for permission to let lose tonight. To get all of this pent up energy and emotion out of his system before the full moon came.

“You know I like it when you get rough,” you replied, a small smirk on your face to let him know he had full permission to do as he pleased.

“Y/N,” he whined out, his hips stuttering for a moment before making eye contact again. “You’re gonna be the death of me.” 

Next thing you knew, you were being hoisted in the air with his hands firmly placed on the backs of your thighs and being carried over to his four poster bed. He used all of the control he had left to place you onto the bed before he climbed in over you. 

You found yourself in another heated kiss while clothes rapidly came off. There was nothing slow or graceful about the way either of you were moving, it was simply just raw need consuming the both of you. 

When you were finally naked underneath him, he pulled himself away to look down at you. His eyes raked over you hungrily and he ran his tongue along his bottom lip as he took you in. 

“Can you stay quiet for me?” He asked, a hand coming up to trail along your thighs as it slowly made it’s way to your core. “Or do I need to cast a silencing charm? I’d rather hate it if anyone heard what’s mine.” 

You opened your mouth to reply, but all the air drained from your lungs in a breathy moan when his finger trailed up your slit and moved directly to your clit. “Fuck,” you whimpered, unable to control the noises that were already leaving you. 

“I’ve barely even touched you and you’re already this wet? And already this loud?” He asked almost mockingly, but he diligently picked up his wand and cast a silent charm around the room to ensure no one would hear you but him. “All this for me?” He continued, an eyebrow raised as he hovered above you, his fingers never once straying from your drenched core. 

“All for you, Remus. I’m all yours,” you replied softly. And in a bold move that you knew would only spur him on, you continued. “Use me, take me, please.” 

It was him then that couldn’t stop the groan that spilled from his lips or the way his hard cock twitched against your thigh, wetting the flesh with precum. 

Without even a warning, he ripped his hand away from your center and moved to align his cock with your entrance. He took a moment to steady himself as he rubbed the tip of himself along your clit, sending spark after spark of pleasure through your body. 

“Are you gonna be good for me tonight, love? Gonna take me like the good girl I know you are and scream my name?” He asked, just the tip of him inside you now gently thrusting in and out - taunting you. 

You could only nod your head in return, too distracted by the anticipation of his thick cock finally being pushed inside of you, too frustrated by what he was currently doing to properly form words. 

“Use your words,” he said gently, a complete juxtaposition from his body language that oozed raw dominance. 

It was moments like these that left you in awe of your boyfriend. He was usually so quiet, so controlled, so reserved. Especially compared to his more unruly friends. But he when he had you alone like this, hovering over you in bed, in complete control of your mind and your body, he was a force to be reckoned with. And then only left you even more wet for him. 

“Please, Re. I think I need it as bad as you do right now,” you finally managed to pull yourself just enough to form once sentence. 

And that one sentence was all it took for Remus to fully sheath himself inside of you, his thick cock stretching you out and forcing you to let out a high moan.

“Oh, darling, you definitely don’t need it as bad as I do right now,” he half argued with a smirk on his face as he watched the way your own contorted in pleasure. And with that last sentiment, he kicked off. 

He was thrusting in and out of you so harshly that the bed was slamming up against the wall repeatedly and both of your bodies were moving inch by inch up the bed until he used one arm to brace himself against the headboard. 

Neither of you could contain the animalistic noises falling from your lips, the both of you too lost in pleasure to try to stop it. You hands slowly found their way to grip his back, your nails harshly digging into his flesh enough to make him grunt into your neck. But he never let up, so neither did you. 

“You’re so fucking tight. Like a fucking vice around me. Nothing could ever feel as good as you darling,” he blurted out in between thrusts, just wanting to let you know exactly how good you were being for him. “Turn over,” he added suddenly, his cock leaving your body as he waited for you to follow his command. 

You did so with ease and positioned yourself exactly how he liked, almost like you were offering your body up to him. Your ass was up in front of him, exposing everything to him, back completely arched, so far down your breasts were rubbing up against his sheets, and you placed yourself face down into the mattress. This position gave him full access to you and gave you zero control. But that was exactly how it needed to be right now. 

“Look at my pretty little whore,” he mused to himself as he ran the tip of his cock along your slit again. You couldn’t really see him from your angle, but you could see the shit eating grin he had on his face. 

And just like that he was back inside of you, his thick cock forcing your back to arch further as you fought to relax to take it in. From this angle you could feel everything - every vein, every ridge, every glorious inch. It was like magic. 

Remus leaned over you, his chest connected to your back, caging you in with his body and arms. He held you in place while he absolutely wrecked you, the moans from both of you only growing louder and louder by the thrust. 

You could feel yourself getting closer and closer, your body shaking and your mouth spilling a steady string of expletives. Remus, ever observant, noticed it right away. He trailed a finger down your body and to your clit, a guttural moan forcing its way from your throat at the action. 

“Cum for me. Cum for me and scream,” he spoke lowly into your ear, the breath hot against the side of your face. It was quite possibly one of the most erotic things you’ve ever heard come out of him just by the way he said it. 

And you did just what he wanted, your body fully under his command. Your core clenched around him tightly as you came and a scream of his name fell from your lips just in time for his own release. You could feel his cum fill you up, only prolonging your bliss as he worked you both through the end. 

You both stayed like that for a moment, silent but for your panting breaths and completely still in his arms that had never left you. Finally he pulled out, an unexpected whimper coming from you at the sudden emptiness, but he just chuckled as he sat down at the end of the bed. 

“Don’t move yet,” he said softly and you did. You could feel his cum dripping out of you and down your legs, knowing that was exactly what he wanted to see. “You look so good filled with me,” he admitted, his hands running up and down the backs of your thighs as he simply watched, in awe of you. 

You could practically feel it in the air that he was satiated and much calmer now. At least for tonight. 

[lemonstars8583]

Hi hi hi got another story!

so I was doing another run of doors with some other players I didn’t know but THEY WERE CRACKED. Speed through Figure 50 in like 3 minutes (password included) so there was me, cracked player one, cracked player two. Current on level 100 (my first time there but I knew the figure skip) and I’m trying to put in the technical code thingie but then one of them puts it in.

And I didn’t notice.

SO I ENDED UP DYING AND COULDNT REVIVE CUASE I SPENT ONE AFTER AMBUSHED GOT MY ASS LIKE 4 ROOMS AGO

So that was sad :(. Losing door 100 by not noticed we’re already done and ambush took a life.

But now I’m no longer as terrified of Figure and can quickly get 4 books which is good :D

—

Also, The Eyes are my least favorite entity as my reaction time is very bad so I’d end up looking at it for 2-3 seconds and lose so much hp

—

yesss Seek is so chill and professional with the other entities but around Hide/Rush he’ll start chucking paintings around in a fit of anger whilst cursing to hell and back.

I feel like Rush’s dumb energy was what drawn Seek into it. Loud, carefree, and also it runs into their room when they’re busy raging, then leaves soon after. Doesn’t bring it up during the next meeting.

conversely, Rush was super curious about this Seek guy since it had consistently barged into Seek’s rage sessions at full force before zipping out, but 30 minutes later Seek is all put together and calm and totally not what it had saw.

Hides also joins in the rage session by chucking out all the wrappers and other junk past players had dropped into the closet. damn why is it so fucking dirty. Which just fuels Seek and Rush’s shenanigans by giving them more things to throw.

—

The Eyes and Figure friendship :D (<—— fucking hate them both in game)

The eyes being a collective of identity all just chatting with each other which sometimes means it’s hard to talk to them as there’d be 17 different opinions on just this one topic and their voices overlap.

Luckily, Figure’s hearing allows it to be able to pick out each conscience’s voice and slowly answer them all. Figure can also get more voices for whenever they ask a question like “What does the outside look like?” Then the Eyes would be like, “just like silence! Feels like Seek a lot of the times. Very reminiscent of Halt during the day. Also warm like the fire. Without the hurting part!”

—

I have another ask being written, just taking time to properly word things out and such. It’s about Lights this time :).

NOOOOO OUGH that so sad rip, dying at 100 must SUCK... well, i mean, if you got there once, you can get there again! good luck lol

also hell yeah rush and seek being chaotic together sounds so fun lol, i can imagine seek just like getting rlly mad and punching a hole in the wall just in time for someone to walk in and rush is like "....oh no... a hole in the wall that I PUNCHED and am BEING SCOLDED FOR BY SEEK whatever shall i do.." and seek just rolls with it and they kind of have this solidarity of rush is the one who usually gets into dumb situations and seek is insecure about its angry side so they kind of cover for each other i guess. or something. like rush covers for seek and in turn seek will do favors for it.

i'd imagine rush and ambush also have a system like this but instead its "ok who knocked over the bookshelves when speeding past this time" and its a 50/50 of "ok ill cover for you" or "ok im going to wrongfully blame you because lol"

i absolutely love all your ideas and about the collective consciousness thing YES YES YES figure being able to handle all the voices bc of its better hearing is definitely something that helps whenever they talk.

also OOOH honestly i rlly need to give the lights much more thought, theyre so cool but like. oogh. my brain must dust of its gears and get thinkin.. see you in the next ask lol

[robininthelabyrinth]

My prompt is just more trans au. Various people reacting to baobei. Just i love trans au so much thank u for this gift.

Baobai Pt 1 - on tumblr, on ao3

-

“Oh, hey, you have a kid,” Wei Wuxian said, out of lack of any other conversational topics that weren’t ‘so are you here to kill us all?’. Kids were usually a good, neural topic, especially when they were that small. “Look at her, she’s so tiny! Her parents know you brought her out here?”

“She’s da-ge’s,” Lan Xichen said with a smile and a nod towards Nie Mingjue, who as tall and terrifying as always. He was glowering at the half-grown radish fields as if he was personally offended by them.

“Congratulations, Chifeng-zun,” Wei Wuxian said to him, hoping to stave off any impending violence. The baby was young enough that the mom was probably still in isolation recovering, and maybe hadn’t consented to said baby being brought to the Burial Mounds of all places - certainly Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have agreed to cart a small infant all the way from Qinghe, and he’d thought mothers preferred to remain near their children in the few months after birth - but Wei Wuxian was not really in a position to object.

Certainly not after the quick work Nie Mingjue’s saber made of all of his defensive arrays. That man was scary.

“Thank you,” Nie Mingjue said, and it was awkward for a moment until he added, “Pain in the ass to acquire.”

That made everything better: Wei Wuxian knew how to deal with snark. “Oh yeah? Carried her yourself, did you?”

“Ten fucking months,” Nie Mingjue said, and Wei Wuxian laughed and shot Lan Xichen a wink, figuring that his stupid joke about having given birth to A-Yuan had made the rounds. Funny, he wouldn’t have pegged Lan Wangji to be the sort of person to pass on jokes…

At that point, Nie MIngjue twisted his head around to look at Wen Ning and Wen Qing, who were hovering nearby, trying to hide A-Yuan behind their legs, and said, “She’s your cousin three times removed, if I have my family tree down right, so stop being queasy and let the kid come see her.”

“Fuck,” Wen Qing said, and abruptly sat down. “I’m sorry.”

Wei Wuxian had the distinct feeling he was missing something, especially when Wen Ning’s expression shifted from equally puzzled to outright horrified.

“It’s not exactly your fault, you’re not soldiers,” Nie Mingjue said, and glared at the radish field again. “But in all seriousness: let the kid see her.”

Wen Qing waved a vague hand at A-Yuan, who correctly interpreted it as permission and zoomed over to the baby as fast as his little legs could carry him. He was in that another-kid-how-cool phase that all kids had, and babies were a particular fascination.

“You’re cousins?” Wei Wuxian asked Nie Mingjue, feeling a bit weird about. Three times removed wasn’t close, but still…of all people...“With the Wen sect? You?”

Nie Huaisang made a strangled noise that from anyone else Wei Wuxian would have said sounded a bit like he was going to imminently stab someone.

Nie Mingjue just gave Wei Wuxian a look like he was an idiot. 

“No,” he said very slowly. “I’m not.”

Wei Wuxian continued not to get it, right up until he glanced at Wen Ning who mouthed a name at him and – wait, but no, that’s impossible – but he’d have to be – wait, he was from Qinghe –

Wei Wuxian suddenly noticed that he had sat down on the ground as well at some point.

“Pain in the ass,” he said blankly. “Right.”

Nie Huaisang was glaring at him like he really was going to pull out his never-used saber to start chopping Wei Wuxian into bits, and honestly that might be a preferable option to the sheer awkwardness of having just put two and two together like that in front of so many people. Maybe he could use demonic cultivation to open the ground up beneath him? It’d never been done before, but then again, that was most things he did…

“Why are people so weird about babies?” Nie Mingjue complained, picking up the baby in one arm and a giggling and blissfully ignorant A-Yuan in the other, swinging them both around a bit. “They’re like – lumps of little people. We were all babies once. It’s not that weird.”

“You heard him,” Jin Guangyao said to Wei Wuxian with a smile that looked like it had daggers in it. “It’s not weird at all. Right?”

“Right!” Wei Wuxian said hastily.

Apparently scary people flocked together. Though, did that mean there something he was missing about Lan Xichen..?

-

Lan Xichen smiled at Jin Guangyao, who smiled back. That was really the only good thing about these discussion conferences, he thought – they were long and draining and he had to meet a lot of people he didn’t want to see (Sect Leader Yao ranked highly), but he got to spend a great deal of time with his sworn brothers, which he didn’t often manage. And, really, that made everything worth it.

“How are things going?” he asked in an undertone, scanning Jin Guangyao with his eyes. Madame Jin did not have the reputation for being a kind woman, especially not about her husband’s affairs, and he couldn’t help but worry.

“Manageable,” Jin Guangyao assured him, though it wasn’t really that comforting. “It helps that this conference isn’t at Jinlin Tower – less to arrange, less work to fall on my shoulders. It’s positively easy by comparison. When did you arrive? We’ve been here for a shichen already, setting up.”

“Just now. They’re still moving our things into our rooms –”

“Er-ge! San-ge!” Nie Huaisang’s voice rang out, sharp and clear and murderous; they both turned to look at him at once to try to determine if it was the sort of murderous that meant someone had bought out a painting he’d liked before he got there or if it someone had actually offended him. He had a fixed smile on his face, which boded no one any good. “I was just looking for you. I want to chat.”

“What happened?” Lan Xichen asked, looking around – they were more or less alone, and a quick hand-seal made it so that they wouldn’t be easily overheard. “Did someone do something to Baobei…?”

He couldn’t believe they still hadn’t named her, the poor thing.

(Jin Guangyao had briefly been lobbying for them to name her A-Shi, but then Nie Mingjue told him that if he wanted to have a girl named Nie Shi he ought to man up and sire her himself, and ever since then Jin Guangyao had been proposing different names entirely. Possibly he was concerned Nie Mingjue would take back the offer if he used up the name.)

“Surely not,” Jin Guangyao said. “In the middle of the Lotus Pier…?”

“Not Baobei,” Nie Huaisang said. “But your father just figured out who carried her, and he just – he put his hands – he said he had the right to check on account of da-ge having misled them –”

Lan Xichen observed, a little distantly, that he’d previously thought that the phrase ‘seeing red’ was an exaggeration, rather than a perfectly accurate description.

“Did da-ge rip him to pieces?” Jin Guangyao asked, sounding as if he was very much in favor of that result.

“He did not,” Nie Huaisang said. “You know how he is during these conferences; he’s far too reserved. Slapped his hands away but didn’t do anything else about it.”

“Surely that would put an end to it…?” Lan Xichen suggested, mildly hopeful, but the expression on Jin Guangyao and Nie Huaisang’s face did not fill him with much expectation.

“He’ll try something,” Jin Guangyao said flatly. His voice tremored briefly, full of rage even he couldn’t hide, and he gripped his hands together tightly. “He will try something.”

“Sect Leader Jiang will help us keep them separate for the conference,” Nie Huaisang said. “He still hasn’t figured out the details of Baobei’s parentage, I think he’s convinced himself that men just bear children – in some way that man is as dumb as a rock, same as when we were teenagers, I don’t know how anyone is that gullible – but he’s offended on da-ge’s behalf anyway. But when the conference is over for the evening…”

“It would be unfilial of me to plan my own father’s assassination,” Jin Guangyao said, and his eyes slide towards Lan Xichen, questioning. “But if you wanted to have a theoretical discussion regarding the security system at Jinlin Tower, and the weaknesses thereof…”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen said, putting aside all concerns regarding the morality of assassinations, and found that he didn’t regret the decision one bit. He’d barely tolerated that lecher when he had no choice, when he was Jin Guangyao’s father and a powerful sect leader. But putting his hands on da-ge – thinking of doing more – “Let’s have that...theoretical discussion.”

“I knew I could count on you two,” Nie Huaisang said with satisfaction. “So here’s what I was thinking –”

-

One of the worst days of Nie Huaisang’s life started quite normally – waking up when his brother lifted him bodily out of bed and slung him over his shoulder.

“Da-ge!” he yelped. “Da-ge, no – it’s too early –”

“If you stayed up late, that’s your own problem,” his brother said with the sort of purposeful cheerful sadism that only a person who actually enjoyed waking up with the sun to go train could employ. “I told you yesterday that we were going to be training this morning.”

“But da-ge –”

“You missed the last three days. You’re not missing today.”

But it’s so fucking early, Nie Huaisang thought despairingly, drooping into dead weight over his brother’s shoulder – not that that helped, of course. His brother was too damn strong.

“Are you sure you’re not taking out your feelings about getting fat on me?” he asked, poking at his brother’s somewhat-rounder-than-usual waist. “That peacetime bulge of yours hasn’t gotten any smaller, you know…”

In all honestly, Nie Huaisang was delighted by the small swell of his brother’s usually flat stomach. His brother wasn’t vain – his body was a tool shaped for purpose – and the idea that his brother had finally let go enough, whether by eating more or resting more, to actually gain some weight…

“Whatever you say, pork bun,” his brother said, and Nie Huaisang yelped and hit him because he was not a pork bun! No matter how pale or chubby he might become!

It was a hot day, which of course made going through the steps of training even more miserable than usual. His brother was patient as always, showing him the steps and then making him repeat them a few times before starting up his own morning training routine; after a while, they both got into a nice rhythm, swings and chops.

Training wasn’t that bad, especially when it meant he could spend more time with his always-busy brother. He still didn’t like it, and obviously he had a reputation to uphold, and yes, it was obnoxious to get up early...but it could be worst.

And then, just as Nie Huaisang was turning to tell his brother a joke he’d heard the day before, he saw his brother abruptly turn pale and fall over.

He even dropped Baxia.

“Da-ge!” Nie Huaisang screamed, a thousand ancient fears rearing their heads at once, and he rushed over at top speed. “Someone get a doctor! Quick!”

Not a qi deviation, not a qi deviation, don’t be a qi deviation, he prayed, dropping to his knees next to his brother, who was already waking up – eyes clear, not red, and looking more confused than anything else. He’s too young, I’m not ready, I can’t lose him, not him, not yet, please –

On Nie Huaisang’s instructions, some of the nearby retainers helped Nie Mingjue back inside, even though he was insisting that he was fine.

“You collapsed,” Nie Huaisang snapped at him. “In morning training. You are going to see a doctor, and that’s final.”

Nie Mingjue held up his hands in surrender, looking amused at Nie Huaisang’s uncharacteristic fierceness. His amusement faded into sympathy when he realized why Nie Huaisang was so tense – their father’s death had hit them both hard – and he pulled Nie Huaisang into his arms for a hug.

“It’s not that,” he said confidently. “Not yet. The doctor will tell you.”

The doctor’s face did something funny, though, when he listened to Nie Mingjue’s pulse. Not the oh-no-it-really-is-a-minor-qi-deviation sort of funny or even a nah-total-fluke-you’re-overreacting sort of funny, more of a what-the-fuck sort of funny.

“What is it?” Nie Huaisang demanded. He knew enough medicine – the entire Nie sect knew enough medicine – to understand most basic diagnoses, as well as what they might mean for future health. “What type of pulse?”

The doctor hesitated.

“Well?” Nie Mingjue said. “Spit it out.”

“…a joy pulse,” the doctor said. “About five months, I’d guess.”

For a moment Nie Huaisang didn’t understand. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what a joy pulse was – he did have female friends, some of whom were now mothers – nor that he didn’t know that his brother was capable of carrying, he’d known that forever.

It was just that his brother was an antisocial misanthrope. He didn’t have any lovers, as far as Nie Huaisang knew, which meant he shouldn’t have a joy pulse. 

Besides, five months ago they were still at war! His brother took his duties far too seriously to waste time on a battlefield dallying with someone, anyone, and especially not if there was a major battle around that time. Five months ago there must have been one – which one was it?

Five months…the main force of the army had gone up from Xingtai to Shijiazhuang six months ago, and then there would have been – Yangquan.

Yangquan.

When his brother had been duped by false information into leading an attack on what should have been a mostly abandoned outpost, but which turned out to be in the middle of being reinforced by Wen Ruohan personally – when his brother had been captured – tortured – and even -

“Shit,” his brother said, presumably realizing at that exact moment that Nie Huaisang was capable of math and also dates and possibly even logic. “Doctor, you can go, thank you.”

Nie Huaisang didn’t even hear the doctor leave.

“Huaisang…didi…” His brother was trying to pull him into a hug, but Nie Huaisang didn’t want one, struggling unsuccessfully to get away. He didn’t want to be any closer to – to that – to the creature sitting his brother’s stomach, weighing him down; to what he’d thought was a sign of peace and good times and what was actually nothing more than yet another scar left by the war.

He’d actually been happy about it, and the thought twisted his stomach.

“Can you get rid of it?” he asked, voice strangled. “You can, right? It’s still early…”

“Five months is pretty close to quickening,” his brother said, wincing. “After quickening, the medicines don’t work as well. It might not be that easy.”

“Do you know how dangerous childbirth is?!” Nie Huaisang demanded. His mouth was moving on automatic; he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying. He wasn’t thinking of anything, anything at all, because if he was thinking he’d have to think – he’d have to – his brother – “What if it kills you? You can’t let them kill you! Not after everything we did to avenge A-die!”

“I’m not going to die,” Nie Mingjue said, holding him tightly, his chin on Nie Huaisang’s head the way they always where when they hugged. “I’m a very good cultivator, Huaisang. My golden core will keep me healthy, even if I start bleeding…it won’t be like your mother. I promise.”

Nie Huaisang started shaking. “Da-ge,” he whimpered, pressing his face into his brother’s shoulder. “Da-ge, tell me…”

“Anything,” his brother promised, and he’d regret that promise in another moment, Nie Huaisang knew, the question would only cause him pain, but he needed to know. The second they were out of this situation his brother would clam up, pretend that nothing had happened and that it was all fine, so if he had questions – and he did – then he needed to answer them now.

“Was it – who was it? Was it him?”

His brother stilled.

“You said you’d tell me,” Nie Huaisang reminded him.

“…I don’t know,” his brother said. “I don’t – it could be. But it might be – someone else.”

There had been more than one, then. Nie Huaisang swallowed back bile, wanting to be sick. His father’s murderer had forced himself on his brother, and he’d let others do the same, and now they had to deal with the fallout.

“I want to kill them,” he whispered. “I want – I want them dead – all of them –”

“If it’s anything, I’ve made a pretty good head start on that already?” his brother offered, and of course his brother was trying to find some levity in a terrible situation. “We broke them, Huaisang. Even if some individuals remain, there’s no Wen sect left. If I do end up keeping it, the child won’t have a paternal family to lay a claim – they’ll be surnamed Nie. Another Nie, like you and me. You’ll be their uncle; you have to forgive them, it wasn’t their fault...you have to spoil them rotten.”

His brother’s thumb wiped away some of Nie Huaisang’s tears.

“You’ll be a good uncle, didi,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Nie Huaisang’s brow. “If the child is surnamed Nie, that’s all that matters.”

“People will know,” Nie Huaisang pointed out. “About you, about…I’m not the only one who can do math. We won’t…it can’t be kept quiet, can it? People will know. About you, about - what happened.”

“Let people know,” his brother, brave as ever, said with an indifferent shrug. “What do I care? In the end, it’s just another way to show that even when they threw everything they had against me, I still won.”

-

“What a charming child you have,” the young man from the mountain – Xiao Xingchen, he said his name was, and he was already famous despite having only been around for a few months – said, smiling down at her. “She’s beautiful.”

Nie Mingjue was not currently feeling especially kindly disposed towards human reproduction at the moment, being currently heavy with his second – the world needed more Nies, he wanted more Nies, children to keep Nie Huaisang company if that qi deviation he was promised ever actually turned up, and he had a very good list of cultivators with various pros and cons willing to help him introduce some more diversity into the Nie bloodline to try to minimize the chance of future qi deviations for his descendants, but at the same time he hated waddling around like a stuffed hippo with a bunch of people insisting that he not even think of physical exertion – but he nodded his thanks regardless.

At least for once someone wasn’t going to comment about the child’s parentage, he reflected wryly. There was only so much purposeful playing dumb a man could do, and the first year or so of his little baobei’s life – by the time they’d finally gotten around to trying to name her, the nickname had stick so firmly that they’d succumbed to reality and made her given name A-Bao, though of course, it being Qinghe, no one actually called her that – had really strained his tolerance in that specific regard. 

It was the quickest way to avoid awkwardness, to pass along the information while avoiding conversations he didn’t want to have, but still…

Nobody brought up on a celestial mountain would know about Wen Ruohan, though. He was pretty sure of that.

“And I see you’re expecting another? Sometime soon..?”

“I am,” Nie Mingjue said. “Soon enough.”

Not soon enough. He wanted to go back to training – why did he keep getting high blood pressure no matter how much medicine he took?

“I see,” Xiao Xingchen said. “You’ll have to let me give you a gift of some sort. Do you have a favorite form of cloth?”

Nie MIngjue blinked at him. “Cloth?”

That was a strange gift. Did Xiao Xingchen think that his sect was so poor that he couldn’t cloth a child?

Xiao Xingchen – who was really quite young – blushed red, the color going all the way to his ears.

“I’m sorry for my presumption,” he said, then hesitated, before saying, very delicately, “Have you finished preparing the nest for the egg, then?”

[prorevenge]

How I ended a Karen's retail HR career.

Disclaimer: This isn't the most exciting, evil genius revenge story but I opted to post it here because it ultimately ended someone's retail career.

Background: This was about 6 years ago now. At the end of high-school, and for a couple years afterwards, I worked at a higher end grocery store chain in the Midwest. I had worked my way up to the service desk position where we sold cigarettes, lotto tickets, high theft-risk items like baby formula, and settled coupon disputes and refunds. Quite frankly, I loved my job. All the coworkers got together great, but we had this terrifying HR manager who is the Karen of this story. She sported the classic Karen haircut, very intimidating presence, had a very 'forced cheeriness', and I beleive she was a raging alcoholic but that's neither here nor there. She basically was the only storm cloud at this job. Behind the service desk we had a broom/storage closet.

Karen was truly a force to be reckoned with and everyone feared being in her line of fire. She would nit-pick employees on anything she could. Myself and the other service desk employees had taken to using the broom closet to store personal belongings as it was safer than the break room. (Things went missing sometimes, kids are dumb) When Karen discovered we were storing our bags and lunches there, she made a point to pull us all aside and inform us that this closet was not, under any circumstances, to be used as personal lockers as we have those in the break room, and the stuff is in the way and slows productivity blah blah blah. Whatever, I'll keep my valuables on me. We all agreed to not store our things in the closet anymore for fear of being written up.

Fast-forward about a month i'm going through my shift close duties and get to the part where I sweep the floor behind and around the service desk. I head into the broom closet to retrieve the broom and dustpan and what am I greeted with? A purse and a grocery bag. Upon further inspection I recognize the purse to be Karen's feux designer purse. You have got to be kidding me. I check the grocery bag tied to it and it has 10 packs of cigarettes in it. Ten. Nobody buys 10 packs of assorted cigarettes so obviously my snooping does not end there. I check the date codes and find all of the cigarettes are just barely expired and unable to be sold. I'm not sure if it carries over to other places but in my state, expired cigarettes can not be sold, and must be returned to the proper vendor. Some federal law about a controlled substance or something, idunnolol I'm a teenager. I check the receipt in the bag and notice one line of 'general merchandise' at $1... times 10. At my store we used a general merchandise input with a custom price to charge for items with a damaged barcode and couldn't be scanned into the system. I checked the cashier I.D. at the top and who else but the big K-dawg herself. So, she sold herself 10 packs of expired cigarettes... at $1 per pack... mind you, these cigarrettes sell for about $8-$10 PER PACK normally, not to mention the crime of selling expired cigarettes. "That just sounds like stealing but with extra steps." So I put everything back the way it was, and start sweeping while fuming the entire time trying to figure out what I'm going to do about this, when my saving grace descends from the heavens. The sweet little front end manager who is basically a mom to all the cashiers strolls over to have a chat and ask how my shift was going. I decide it's now or never. Not fully understanding the gravity of the situation at the time, I go through the small talk for a bit before I just casually lay it on store-mom that I saw Karen's purse in the broom closet tied to a bag of cigarettes and thought it was kindof weird. All the while remaining innocent and curious while I wanted to scream about Karen being a thief. To my absolute delight, this comment immediately furrowed store-mom's brow, and she came around to investigate. She opened the bag of smokes and her eyes went wide when she realized what I had realized only minutes before her. She was obviously pissed at this point but calmly and quietly told me not to mention this to anyone else. I had a shit-eating customer service grin on at this point and agreed.

Almost an hour has passed when I see store-mom, bag in hand, go up-stairs to the conference room, followed the the big-wig corporate loss prevention guy, followed by a straight up police officer. Oh. My. God. At this point I'm sweating bullets FOR Karen. I hear Karen get summoned to the conference room over the employee walkie talkie system. I see her trot up the stairs with a confused look on her face as she glances over at me, still wearing my fake customer service smile. About another hour goes by and my shift is about to end but you better beleive I am NOT going to miss the end of this. All of a sudden I hear absolute stomping coming down the steps from the conference room. It's Karen. Her face is beat red, tears in eyes, an expression that is the epitome of rage. And she looking at me. Staring into my very soul. Lemme tell you 'hwat, if looks could kill, I would have been splattered all over the walls of the service desk. She's coming right for me, maintaining eye contact, and at this point I'm genuinely frightened but I keep my well-honed customer service mask on and stare right back. She comes behind the desk and stops a few feet from me just menacingly staring at me. I can basically hear her blood trying to rip from her veins. We both stood there for mere seconds but it felt like an absolute eternity. She turns, opens the closet, grabs her purse, and leaves the store.

That's the last time I saw Karen. She must have even moved away because this town ain't exactly big enough for the two of us if you catch my drift. I pestered store-mom about what happened but she didn't want to disclose much information about the situation, but did mention she was at-least charged with retail-theft and made passing comments about how she would never be able to work in a retail setting again. Meh, good enough for me. The grocery store was a happier place.

(source) story by (/u/N8Widdler)

[queenlua]

hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue.  see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP.   and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP.  so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on.  there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc.  you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing

[tsuu-mikii]

glued

chapter two

masterlist

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

You spent the next two days avoiding Eren. You knew it was childish, but you were scared of saying something stupid and impulsive. You knew you couldn’t keep it up forever, though. The two of you shared an Oceanography class that took up your general education science requirement. The two of you had picked it together, wanting to share at least one class despite your different majors. You weren’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse now.

As you prepared to leave the room, a sudden knock at the door ripped you from your thoughts. You turned to Sasha, who’d just returned from her 9 am class and was now lounging on her bed using her phone, “Are you expecting anyone?”

She shook her head no as she continued to scroll through what you assumed was a social media app. You got up and made your way to the door. To your surprise, Eren was the one standing there.

You blinked, “Eren? What’s up?”

He gave a hopeful smile, “You answered. I thought you were avoiding me.”

“What? What made you think that?” you replied, tensing up slightly.

You heard Sasha let out a snort from her spot on the bed, and you turned back to glare at her. You had given her the rundown of what had happened, and she’d clowned you the past two days over how freaked out you were.

“You didn’t respond to any of my texts or Facetimes,” her frowned, “I thought I did something dumb while I was drunk and upset you.”

Guilt began to build up in your chest at how hurt he looked, “I’m sorry, I was just really busy. I’m not upset with you or anything. I promise.”

It was mostly true, too. You weren’t necessarily upset with him; it was more so at yourself, for being so beat up about him having feelings for someone else.

He breathed a sigh of relief before smiling, “I’m glad. I really thought you hated me now or something.”

You smiled back, “I could never hate you, Eren.”

“I would hope not. You’re my favorite person, y’know?” he said with a grin.

For some reason, the words stung. You knew soon enough the person he was in love with would take that spot. While it was inevitable, it still hurt.

You grinned back, though it didn’t quite reach your eyes, “Yeah, I know.”

“Do you wanna walk to class together? It’s starting soon.” he asked, shifting the topic of conversation.

You simply nodded in response and went to collect your shoes and school bag. As you gathered your things, Sasha gave you a look. You winced, knowing later she’d tease you about your awkwardness.

The two of you walked to class making idle chatter. It was nice, the stress you had built up melting away as you listened to him laugh and crack jokes like he always did.

You entered the lecture hall a bit early, there was a few minutes to spare before the professor arrived. Eren left your side to chat with some fraternity friends while you made your way over to your usual seat.

“Armin, hey!” you slid into the seat next to him, “Good morning!”

He smiled, “Good morning, y/n!”

Armin was a friend to both you and Eren, though he was closer to him than you. He’d been one of Eren’s friends before he transferred schools way back when and had stayed in touch with him ever since. He introduced you to each other when you were in middle school and you’d formed a close bond since then.

“I hate to pry,” he started, face riddled with concern, “but did you and Eren fight or something this weekend? He was all beat up about you not texting him back or responding to his Facetimes.”

You gave a weak smile, “Oh no, of course not! I was just super busy this weekend. We talked it over before we came to class.”

You hated lying to two of your oldest friends, but it wasn’t like you could come out and say ‘ Hey you spilled your guts to me about being in love with someone while you were drunk and now I’m realizing that I might still have feelings for you! ’ or anything.

Armin smiled at your response, “That’s good! He was talking my ear off about it, I swear. He literally had me help him type up an apology in case you were actually mad.”

You laughed at that, you knew how preciously Eren viewed your friendship. Even if he wouldn’t tell you that he liked someone while he was sober.

Suddenly, a thought crossed your mind. Did Armin know? It would make sense, the two of them had been friends since actual diapers, so it was entirely possible he knew something.

“Hey, Armi-” you were cut off by your professor making his way into class and taking his place at the front. You slid down your chair with a sigh. ‘What was I thinking anyway?’ you thought, ‘It was an invasion of privacy. If Eren wanted to tell me, he would. Right?’

And so you tried your hardest to push your thoughts about it away, hoping that he’d talk to you about it without alcohol coursing through his system soon.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*

The rest of the week passed quickly, with Saturday night rolling back around in no time. Eren hadn’t brought up that night again, so you kept quiet on it also. It was better to just let it be than to push and end up causing problems.

You scanned your eyes over the paper you’d just finished one last time before submitting. As you put away your laptop, Sasha burst through the door.

“Nic and his friends are having a party tonight, do you wanna come with me? They’re putting my playlist on the aux.” she grinned.

You scrunched your face, “Who’s gonna be there?”

“No one you’re not cool with. Come on, live a little!” she shook your arm up and down as she spoke, “It’s Saturday night and I know you’re done with your work for the day. Plus, I know you’ve been all messed up about the whole Eren fiasco, you need to de-stress.”

You pondered for a second, you had been a bit on edge recently. You sighed, “Fine, but only for a few hours, okay?”

Sasha pumped her fists in the air, “Yes! Now get ready. The party started like thirty minutes ago and sweats aren’t gonna cut it today, sweetheart.”

You rolled her eyes at her antics and grabbed your shower caddy to go freshen up. After returning to your dorm room you slipped on a black dress that you’d bought ages ago before doing a quick face of makeup and styling your hair.

You rummaged through your shoes to find something suitable before turning to face Sasha. “This ready enough for you?”

“You look hot,” she grinned, “who knows, maybe tonight you’ll pull someone that’ll make you forget about the feeling you may or may not have for our dear friend Mr. Jaeger.”

You laughed, “I’ll settle for a few shots and a good dance. Now let’s go, we’re already late. How are you gonna be late to your own boyfriend’s party?”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her bag, “He’ll live.”

The two of you made your way to the house and got past the person at the door with ease. The party was in full swing, music blared from the speakers and people filled the house with chatter. Sasha’s boyfriend Niccolo was in a different fraternity than Eren, but you still recognized a few guys from the couple of parties you’d been to with him.

Sasha all but bolted when she locked eyes on her boyfriend, leaving you to scan the room for a familiar face. You quickly spotted Connie, Sasha’s best friend, and made your way over to him.

You tapped his shoulder causing him to turn around. When he realized it was you he pulled you into a quick hug before releasing you, “Hey, y/n! Sasha dragged you out the dorm this weekend?”

“She did,” you laughed, “do you know where I can get a drink?”

He pointed to the bar area on the far side of the frat house’s basement, “Over there, see the guy with the blonde hair? He’s playing bartender tonight. He’ll hook you up.”

You thanked him and weaved your way through the crowd, eager to get some alcohol in your system and let loose a little. You shouted for the attention of the bartender as you approached the bar. He turned to face you and smiled. “I take it you’re here for the alcohol?”

“I am indeed,” you returned his smile, “gimme something strong.”

He wasted no time in mixing up some concoction and handing it to you in a cup. You thanked him and turned to leave, ready to drink and dance away some of the stress of the past week. After wandering the dance floor for a bit, you found yet another familiar face.

“Mikasa!” you beamed, tapping the dark haired girl on the shoulder.

“Y/n,” looked back at your voice and smiled, “you got dragged out of your dorm tonight too?”

“Yeah, but I think I’m actually having a good time!” you grabbed her hand, “Dance with me!”

She laughed at your eagerness but complied anyway. Mikasa had known you for just as long as Eren had. She was his next door neighbor when he moved back in elementary, and the two of you had become acquainted when play dates overlapped. She was often the mediator whenever you and Eren would get into it, making sure the two of you got it together at the end of the day.

The two of you danced for a good amount of time, talking idly about your days and laughing. You’d finished your first drink and were on the same track with your second, the fuzzy feeling the alcohol gave you eating away your worries.

“I hate to leave you, but do you know where a bathroom is?” you asked.

She pointed to a hallway a bit past the bar, and you made your way over to it. You approached the door and knocked a few times to prevent walking in on someone. A slew of hushed drunken giggles came from behind the door at your actions and you cringed. You immediately turned to walk away, feeling awkward over disrupting the couple in there’s hookup.

The door opened before you could get away, though.

“How may I help,” a familiar voice started, “...you.”

You locked eyes with the person, the teal green color was one you knew all too well. “Eren. Hey.” you smiled awkwardly. His hair was tousled and there was lip gloss all over his face.

Eren froze, “Y/n, what are you doing here?”

“Sasha invited me. Unless you mean the bathroom, which, well obviously I needed to go inside, but since you clearly have it occupied I’m just gonna go back-” you rambled, face flushed.

You knew of Eren’s playboy reputation, but you’d never seen him in the act before. A dull ache panged in your chest, things feeling a bit too real all of a sudden.

“Eren, baby, what’s going on?” the girl in the bathroom chimed in, you couldn’t see her, but she had a pretty voice, you thought.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go find Sasha. See you later, I guess.” And with that, you sped away, ignoring Eren’s shout of your name as you retreated down the hall.

You found Sasha relatively quickly, she was sitting on a couch in a corner of the room with her boyfriend and some other friends. You saw that Mikasa had also made her way over during your trip.

“Y/n, hey!” Sasha greeted when she saw you, obviously tipsy, “come do shots with us!”

On a normal day, you would’ve refused. You liked drinking, but not getting drunk. But you don’t really see your best friend who you may or may not have feelings for mid-hookup on a normal day.

“Hell yes,” you replied.

It was fun drinking with Sasha and her friends. They were just as funny as her, and you found yourself laughing harder than you had in a long time.

You reached for another shot, only to be stopped by Mikasa. “No, y/n. I think you’ve had enough.”

“Whaaaat?” you exclaimed, “I barely drank, right Annie?”

Annie, a friend of Sasha’s, snorted, “Don’t drag me into this.”

“I think you should head back, y/n.” Sasha chimed.

“You guys are all so mean!” you pouted.

“Yeah, you’re done for.” Mikasa stood, “Come on, let’s go back.”

“I don’t want to.” you crossed your arms, you came out to de stress and have a good time, who cared if you had a bit too much to drink?

“You can come to my dorm?” Mikasa offered.

You hummed in thought, a sleepover would be nice. “Fine.”

You grabbed your things and stood up, waving bye to Sasha and her friends. You followed Mikasa through the crowd as she held your hand. On your way out, you passed Eren. You felt childish in your drunkenness and stuck your tongue out with a laugh. If the look of confusion he gave you was anything to go by, he didn’t think it was funny.

When you got back to Mikasa’s dorm, she immediately helped you out of your dress and into some pajamas. She had been blessed with a room all to herself, so she laid you on the spare bed.

“Sleep.” she said, covering you with a blanket.

Your adrenaline had run out, and being nuzzled under the warm blanket she’d given you made you realize how tired you actually were. Sleep claimed you relatively quickly, and you drifted off to the sounds of Mikasa shuffling around her room.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･

a/n: hey besties! not much to say since i’m just trying to catch up on cross posting, but hope y’all enjoyed!

[sirenizuku]

Or if we’re blind and the truth is just a painting in grey..

Izuku midoriya x gender-neutral reader!

BTW y/f/c stands for Your Favourite Color

 Quirk info: Your quirk, Siren, allows you to have most of the characteristics of a siren. You can hypnotise the weak-willed with your voice, alluring them to do whatever you wish. You can breathe underwater AND on land, because i can’t keep you in the water if I want you to go exist near 1-a. You also have razor-sharp teeth for biting people, though one of the downsides of biting people is that you enter a euphoric/manic state whenever you accidentally drink someone’s blood. Allllsoooo your legs turn into fins in water and vice versa Y’know. But they still have scales!!! Cute little scaly legs. Also other downsides include:Sore throat from singing, weakened immune system (not too badly) and occasional aches in the gills

Summary: You’ve been a villain your whole life, or at-least since your quirk developed... But you aren’t really a villain. You’re a vigilante, and even still that term angers you… Because some vigilantes claim to kill for justice, and maybe if you disagree with that you aren’t one. But you’ve never killed anyone and you never plan to. Unlike those ‘heroes’ who claim to fight for justice, killing all those who oppose them.

If you asked yourself, it doesn’t matter what somebody’s done.

Because if you kill them, that’s just another life taken…

And they have the gall to excuse it with their sickening justice.

You hate heroes.

————;=+ Act 1; In which a siren sings her encore +=;————

You lied. There was one person you wouldn’t mind killing.

All Might.

And so, You had managed to engage a student of UA whilst trying to break in.

You just wanted him dead, is that too much to ask? Actually, don’t answer that. Hell, He was putting up such a fight that you’d happily just leave at this point! You didn’t want all-might dead THAT badly.

Suddenly, you’re snapped out of thoughts by Izuku going in for a punch. You hiss in anger as you quickly throw yourself out of the way, hearing a rib or two of yours cracking.

God.

Dammit.

’I’ll be fine for now.’ you mumble, standing up. You look Izuku in the eye, watching as his face swirls from anger to hate to pity to an apologetic look then repeating. Stop it, you think.

Stop pitying me, you think again.

He’s readying an attack, you notice. His stance tenses slightly when he’s charging an attack.

Your eye twitches as you seethe in rage. Finally, you begin to get too frustrated. You sigh, readying your voice to sing your song in one of its purest forms.

The boy hisses in confusion, seemingly trying to break out of your hypnosis. You tut.. He’d have so much potential, had it not been ruined by these ‘heroes’

Finally, you begin. Your voice wavers for a second at the beginning, but you manage to iron out most imperfections. Slowly but surely, the greenette’s eyes glaze over and he steps towards you.

You smile genuinely, for it has been far too long since you last hypnotised someone.

The boy stands awaiting your orders and you slowly stand, wincing. “Lucky for you, little bunny, - ow, - I didn’t plan on killing any students today, or any day, really..” you say, still pondering what to order him. ”Ah, Right, Tell me, little bunny, where is.. All might?” You sigh. you’ve always thought the name All Might was dumb.

The boy slowly points down the hall and you smile, turning on your heel. Your smile drops immediately as Eraserhead’s capture weapon wraps around you. It’s not too uncomfortable, all things considered, but you’d rather not be in it. And so, You struggle, attempting to bite the ‘scarf.’

It does not work, clearly, as you listen to your teeth scratch across the material. He seems to hum in realisation as he sees your teeth, scarp and triangle-shaped, clearly made for eating meat. You keep struggling as you lose energy, the pure adrenaline running through your bloodstream slowly fading out. Your struggling fades from ‘Feral cat’ to ’angry cicada’ in the span of about 20 seconds.

And the worst part? The ‘hero’ who caught you didn’t even react.

You feel the scarves tighten, cutting off your oxygen and covering your gills. After about 30 more seconds, you begin to pass out.

————;=-+ Act 2; In which..  Interviews amiright +-=;————

You awake in the UA interview room. More so an actual interview room than.. an impromptu villain interview room.

It still peeved you to be considered a villain, but at least it’s better than being considered a hero... You glance down to your hands, stuck in handcuffs. You aren’t all that uncomfortable, really, and you can’t help but be glad it’s warm in UA. Better than the streets, at the very least.

You glance down at your legs, thick scales running up them and slowly dissapearing at your hips. They glow a brilliant light Y/F/C, darkening at the edges where light doesn’t fully reach them. There’s some traces of a scalpel inspecting them, you judge by the perfectly straight scratches leading up some. You snort, imagining their confusion. Suddenly, a voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

”What’s so funny?” It says. You assume it’s an older man, judging by tone. “Ahh.. so there is someone listening,” you smile, “Were you inspecting the scales?” You say, cutting yourself off a few times with short-lived laughs. You hear a sharp sigh of exhaustion from the speaker.

”Name?” They ask. You decide to respond, despite the part of you telling you to be rebellious and silent. ”Technically don’t have one. Pronounced dead,” you sigh, “Try searching y/n y/ln”

Theres a 10 minute pause consisting mostly of you getting lost in your thoughts, before somebody seems to relay info to the mysterious voice (tm).

”Pronounced dead.. at age 5.” they say and you giggle. “Big surprise! I’m not dead.” You say, voice dripping with venom. There’s a resigned sigh as you avert your eyes.

So competent they just decided you were dead.

”Quirk?”

You giggle. ”My quirrrk?” You draw out the r, “It’s siren.”

”Siren as in ambulance siren?” The voice says.

”Siren as in man-eating mermaid.” You answer, though you dislike calling yourself a mermaid.

”…” There’s a short pause followed by… silence. Pure silence. It’s deafening, really, and your mind can’t help but imagine all the ways they could kill you.  A few minutes later,  a staff member - not eraserhead, luckily - walks in and removes the restraints. You flex your hands at the newfound freedom, immediately raising a hand to your gills which are placed upon your neck, as they try - and fail, due to you having lungs for on land - to suck in air. You stumble over to the camera, assuming - and hoping,  - that there’s a microphone there too.

“You guys got any water bottles?” You ask, scratching at your gills. A few moments later, another staff member - it might be the same one, actually, - walks in with two bottles. Your eyes light up and you immediately open one, pouring it into your gills. You feel some relief at having ‘cleaned’ them  out. It’s never fun when you get gunk. though, for a second, you are concerned that the water might be poisoned.

You take your other water bottle, pouring out a little bit onto your palm. There’s enough water left to soothe your sore throat, since you are now realising that you weren’t, at all, ready to use your song at such a high perfection level. Slowly, You run your now-wet palm up your scales, moistening them slightly. It feels nice, okay? Don’t judge, It’s rude.

”hang on..” you mumble, spinning on your heel to walk around the room. “did those assholes take my phone?” You ponder aloud. There’s a short crackle from the speaker, followed by a “Yes.”

”oh.” you sigh, kicking your legs up onto a table. You immediately fall over, since you managed to forget you were standing.

”Hey, what time is it?” you say into the void, hoping the mic will pick you up. “16:34” they say.

“cool!” You say, ironically  unenthusiastically.

After a few minutes, you begin to get bored. You decide to whine to the mic. “I’m borrrreeeddd….” you whine, seemingly forgetting you’re literally a criminal.  Not a big one, but a criminal. Of

Theres a short click from the door as a staff member opens it, they’re holding a phone. Not your phone, sadly, but a phone. “Hell yeah!” You say, bounding over to the phone. You grab it as the staff member hurries out the room, seemingly afraid. “Don’t get any ideas, it’s tracked.” The voice says, once again coming from the speaker at a slightly-lower-than-comfortable volume.

You scroll through the mostly blank phone, until you stumble upon a group-chat. ‘Class 1-A,’ It’s named.

Huh, you think, clicking on it.

————;=+ Act 3; In which you make fun of class 1-a +=;————

Class 1-A

16:47

Tsu: We still up for girl’s movie night?

Y/n: mowovie night

Kirishima: huh???

Bakugou: WILL YOU STOP BLOWING UP MY FUCKING PHONE

Bakugou: FOR FIVE

Bakugou: MINUTES

Y/n: will youwu stowop blowoing uwup my fuwucking phowone owo

Bakugou: I AM GOING TO TEAR YOU APART

Kaminari: lol

Kaminari: Wait who’s that?

Kirishima: bro yeah who IS that

Iida Ten

Bakugou: STOP PARROTING EACH OTHER YOU DUMBASSES

Y/n: stowop parrowoting each owother youwu duwumbasses owo

Bakugou: I’LL RIP YOU APART

Y/n: I’ll rip yowouwu awpart…

Kaminari: Bakugou hang on lmfao

Momo: Theres nobody named y/n in our class

y/n: i’m ur uncle

Momo: Who’s uncle?

y/n: yes <3

Tsu: ?

Izuku: Guys, please stop blowing up my phone I’m trying to watch tv,,,

y/n: izuwukuwu

Izuku: Huh,,,,?

y/n: huwuh,,,?

Izuku: Why is everyone messaging me???? and telling me not to use this chat???

Bakugou: WE COULD‘VE EXPLAINED IT TO YOU IN DMS YOU IDIOT

Y/n: we cowouwuld’ve explained it towo yowouwu in dms yowouwu idiowot

Tenya IIda: Please stop sending so many messages in the chat. I am trying to sleep.

y/n: damn lemme just stop my hilarity so you can sleep /s

y/n: wait

y/n: I mean uhh

y/n: please stowop sending sowo many messages in the chat. I am trying towo sleep.

Tenya Iida: Please do not make fun of what I say. Please remember I am a moderator here,

Y/n: ’moderator’ bitch this is a gorilchat

y/n: shit

y/n I mean groupchat

y/n: also I mean

y/n: Please dowo nowot make fuwun owof what I say. Please remember I am a mowoderatowor.

Kirishima: srsly who is this

y/n: me looking into a mirror ^^^

Bakugou: ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION

y/n: woahh calm down there hot stuff

y/n: get it

y/n: because you’re not hot

Momo: Can’t say they’re wrong there, Bakugou.

Kirishima: ^ Don’t be mean to bakubro!!!

y/n: are any of you organic creatures

Kaminari: I am

y/n: give life juice pls thx

Kirishima: they’re reverting back into gamer speak from their hunger :ooooo

y/n: what u want me to talk like mr stick-up-my-ass iida

Tenya Iida: Please refrain from using profanity, Y/n!

y/n:  wow I’m so sorry I’ll never do it again (1/2)

Tenya Iida: Thank you.

y/n: I mean really I’ll never do it again mr stick-up-my-ass iida (2/2)

Bakugou: KARMA FOR TELLING MEMTKO GET MY FEET OFF MY DESK

y/n: wow mr not-hot did you just have a stroke

Bakugou: I’M GONNAKILL OYU

Y/n: well I hope Oyu is ok

Y/n: also if you’re wondering who I am

y/n: sorry for lying (I’m not)

y/n: Y/n sent a photo

(PHOTO ID: A photo of a young girl, seemingly. they’re no older than 16, by the looks of it. They have brilliant y/f/c scales across their entire legs that fade out near the hips. Her face is pulled into a grin with razor-sharp teeth unlike that of a human.)

Kirishima: wasn’t Izuku fighting someone like that in the hall

Y/n: bingo! fingetbuns

Y/n: *fingergusn

y/n: fINGERSUNS

y/n: NO

y/n: FUNGHUNS

Y/n: HFJFHHFJDIDBJDIFH FINGERHUNS

Izuku: it’s okay, take your time (:

Y/n: FINWR GUNS

Kirishima: ur getting there bro!!!

Y/n: FINGERGUSN

y/n: NO

Y/n: Finger guns

Bakugou: STOP FUCKING SPAMMING

Kirishima: i’m so proud of my mermaid son

Y/n: siren*

Kirishima: I’m so proud of my mermaid siren

Y/n: yeah ok I guess

Y/n: serious question

Y/n: does anyone have a small amount of blood

Y/n: that they’d be willing to gift towards me

Kaminari: wtff

Kirishima: bro I got some right here

y/n: give pls

Kirishima: where do I have to go B)

Y/n: go find aizawa and tell him to give blood to the siren girl

Kirishima: oki

-——————-

In the UA interview room, You smile down at your phone.

They’re actually willing to be kind to you, even if you just fought them. You’re actually happy.

It’s an odd feeling,

But it’s one you’d like to keep.

-——————-

Class 1-A

17:22

Y/n: I got my blood

y/n: down the hatch

Kirishima: kindness is manly

y/n: damnfucki; right iwns tis

Kaminari: huh

Izuku: are you okay

y/n: bkoodjsm

Izuku: i think they’re saying blood?

y/n: hehe

Bakugou: STOP BEING WEIRD

y/n: djhrnsia rothg god i am so fhilarous

y/n:  nr igni kimsh

y/n: ithink I might have anxiey

y/n: anxieuty

Kirishima: bro u okay?

Mineta: cute…

y/n: i am going to hurt you

AUTO: MINETA left the chatroom

Momo: oh thank god

Jirou: ^^^^

y/n: hwlrnd

y/n: how say

y/n: how say jrlis

y/n: jirou

Jirou: jee-roh

y/n: skfnsj blood make

y/n: me is haopy

Izuku: Blood makes you happy?

y/n: yed

Izuku: it’s very interesting to have a quirk that’s mutation but also allows you to gain serotonin/dopamine

Izuku: what else does your quirk do?

y/n: sing sovng

y/n: make peop,e do what I want

y/n: but hurt throat

y/n: leg turn fin

y/n: make hunfhyehdbvlood

Izuku: I’m designing a hero costume as we speak!

Bakugou: NERD

Kirishima: manly!

Izuku: (:

y/n: thenhahighswearingiffof

Izuku: translation: The high is wearing off

y/n:  thus koamsjs

y/n: brb

——

y/n: ): high wore off

Izuku: What WAS that?

Y/n: blood side effect

Y/n: its really fun

Izuku: Hang on

Auto: Izuku called Sensei Aizawa

——

Class 1-A

18:12

Izuku: ok I asked eraserhead n he said he doesn’t mind (:

Izuku: Can I interview you

Y/n: do I get blood after

Izuku: Sure!

Y/n: DEAL

———

You look down at your phone.

It’s been a hour of you scrolling the internet, looking at memes that only earned a short snort from you.

You’re tired, although it’s only 19:32.

You decide it doesn’t matter, and that you’ll sleep.

You spin around on your heel, before pausing. There’s no bed.

Ah well. Floor looks awfully comfy.

-———

You awake around 9Am with only the light of an old lightbulb to illuminate the room. You miss seeing the light from the water, sitting on a rock until the sun finally peaked... But you were lonely, back then. You aren’t sure whether or not you want to go back to those days.

A small knock at the door alerts you of Izuku coming around for his interview. He’s holding a notebook that has ‘Y/N quirk’ messily written on.

He glances down at your legs, covered in shimmering scales. His eyes light up with fascination, to which you chuckle. “You can touch.” You say, watching his hand reach down to the y/f/c coloured scales.

His hand runs gently over them. You grin watching his fascination, and he looks up. He pulls a fold-out seat from the hallway, placing it behino the table before placing himself upon it.

You sit down on the opposite table, smiling. He glances up towards your teeth, watching them glimmer. “Don’t they.. hurt your gums?” He asks.

“Oh, these,“ you press a finger against the top of your tooth, immediately drawing blood, “the skin near them is hardened so they don’t stab me.”

you watch him turn his head down immediately and start writing in his notebook. You glance over, watching him write down all the info about your quirk. He seems to be sketching a costume on the side.

”Oh, don’t forget the voice thing.” You notify to him. He glances up, eyes questioning, tilting his head like a puppy. “Cute.” You say flirtatiously. He turns bright red, averting his eyes before trying to change the subject. “S-so.. if I were to film your song would it still hypnotise me?” He asks.

You wink at him. “Wow, wanting to listen to me sing already..” You say, “I’m just kidding, It wouldn’t hypnotise you, but you might cry. Just a side effect.”

Izuku averts his eyes, blushing furiously. “Could I get a r-recording of it.”

Does he really have a crush on me? You think. Is that really why he wants a recording of me singing?

You respond with a mere “Yeah, sure.” He nods, pulling his phone out of his pocket, ”Should I leave?“ he asks, and you nod.

As soon as he leaves, the pull of your quirk on your phone begins.

You derive your tune from the one you’d sing at the beach. It’s sad and melancholic but there’s an upbeat note, reminiscing on times where you felt free even if there was a tug upon your heart. The air seems to split, allowing the vibrations of your song to pull across the air. It’s not the perfected version, but it’s close.

You love to sing, really, but you’ve always felt bad. you’re only good at singing when you’re using your quirk.

Finally, your song fades out and you hit the record button to turn it off. There’s now a 3:30 minute long recording on Izuku’s phone.

You open the door to see Izuku with a pair of earplugs in, so you push aside your shock at the fact you could just open the door.

You tap him, watching him jump. So cute, you both think in unison.

So cute.

You him his phone, having now secretly added your number.

Very sneaky.

—————

13:36

Izuku: Very sneaky lol

Y/n: (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄  what can I say I’m an assassin.

Y/n: btw tell aizawa to get me a bed lmfao

Izuku: You don’t have a bed!? Where did you sleep last night?

Y/n: floor comfy

Izuku: lol weird

Y/n: said the boy with a notebook about me (⁄ ⁄•⁄Ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Izuku: bullying

Y/n: possibly <3

———

Another day passes, more texts coming back and forth from Izuku. He’s really flirting.. huh…

He’s cute. You’re pulled out of your thoughts by the familiar ding of Izuku messaging you

———

Izuku: wyd lol

Y/n: nursing my sore throat lol I practiced my song too much

Izuku: :o oh no

Y/n: it’s fine B) I’m too cool to be defeated by a mere sore throat

Izuku: lol (:

Y/n: wyd

Izuku: just went to recovery girl!!! I broke a finger again ):: I was making so much progress,,

Y/n: it’s not reverting your progress!! It’s still progress.

Izuku: y/n you’re gonna make me cry..

Y/n: go listen to that recording then crybaby

Izuku: THAT RECORDING LITERALLY MAKES ME CRY ):::::

Y/n: yeah cuz ur a crybaby <3

Izuku: stopppp bullying meee <3

Y/n: it always looks like ur flirting when you put a <3 (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Izuku: does that mean that you’re flirting?

Y/n: possibly

———

A few more days pass, flirtatious messages passing back and forth.

They’re just a joke, you’d think, blushing furiously.

———

15:32

Y/n: IzukuHeklp

Izuku: ??? Whats wrong??

Y/n: ripped scalepain

Y/n: Y/n sent a photo message

(Photo ID: It’s a picture of y/n’s y/f/c scales. One appears to have been ripped off of her skin, and there’s blood coming from underneath it. Through the blood you can just barely see an underdeveloped scale that was going to replace the broken scale when it was ready.)

———

You’re pulled out of your agony but Izuku slamming open the door, rushing to your side. He’s holding a piece of cloth clearly ripped off of his shirt. He wraps it around your leg gently, watching attentively as it soaks up blood. He picks you up bridal-style, not even noticing the way both you and him blush heavily.

(By the time you’ve reached Recovery girl, the piece of cloth is almost as red as your face.)

You lay on the small bed, bleeding now stopped due to recovery girls quirk. You glance toward izuku, tears welling up in his eyes. You gently pat his head, watching him watch you.

”Stooppp cryingggg” you whine.

Recovery girl watches you with a look that says “oh to be young and in love..”

Izuku pouts. “Make me.” He sighs jokingly.

You spot your opportunity there. “What if I told you that you could come ’round to my room later?” You say blushing.

Izuku turns tomato-red, nodding.

————

As soon as your out of recovery girls office, Izuku follows you like a puppy. You glance toward the bandage now wrapped around your leg to stop infection. Turns out ‘you didn’t have enough energy to fully heal it from all those all-nighters‘ or something.

You open the door to your room, fairy lights turned on and glowing purple. There’s a small sofa that fits two and Izuku beelines for it. You’re so glad Aizawa let you decorate your room. You sit down next to him, cunning your perfect plan.

”I think I hate all-might a little less, now-“ you say, preparing yourself for the infodump from Izuku.

“i’m so glad! You know, ever since the toxic chainsaw fight-“ Izuku begins, not noticing you tune him out after 5 minutes. “Stop infodumping..” you say playfully and he picks up on it. “Make me!” he pouts.

”Sure.” You smirk, leaning in.

As soon as your lips collide, Izuku seems to blank out. He’s blushing red like a tomato. The rain outside seems to quieten over the roar of your pounding hearts..

And you don’t regret it at-all.

Once you finally pull away from the kiss, izuku’s a stuttering mess. “Wh-W-What does th-this make us?…” he asks, stuttering and stumbling over his words. You chuckle, leaning in close to his face so you’re essentially in his lap. “I think you know..” you coo into his ear, watching it slowly turn pink.

He nods slowly, watching you. “So.. I was thinking about a beach date?” you say, softly. He giggles slightly, although he still stumbles over the sound. “Sounds to me like you just want to go into the water..” he says.

You look him in the eye.

”I never said you couldn’t come into the water, too..”

[hajimine]

LEX’S 2020 APPRECIATION POST PT. II !

— to the lovely moots & followers who i talk to quite often (or pretty much everyday), this one’s for you.

thank u for being in my life, you made my 2020 so so much better. i’m so grateful october lex decided to make a tumblr acc 🥲

i’ll try my best to keep it kinda short 🥲👍

in alphabetical order:

@4fterh0urs — my omega phoebe 😩‼️ ily so much bc you’re both extremely stupid n extremely smart at the same time. u mean so much to me and i love talking to u even if u call me such weird as nicknames every damn day 😃 you’re so sexy n hella intimidating smfh idk how i was able to make u my bitch (JK PLS DONT KILL MEE) anyways, thanks for being a real one bae + you’re the person i block the most, so you’re special ig 😹👍 ily you’re actually such a sap but u pretend to be all tough heh <33

@archivednikes — my solar system, my wh*re (lovingly) hi bae 😣 ok yk how much i love u but. im gonna tell u again: ILYSM!! OKAY??? please know that you’re such an amazing human being and you’re SO incredibly talented. god i love u so much please take care of yourself baby, you’re always so kind to other people and i hope you can do the same to yourself. once again, i am so fucking glad you decided to slide into my inbox that day, because now i look forward to talking to you every single morning. insert grabby hands ilysm <33

@boosyboo9206 — onyx hi babes! i’m so so grateful for you omg u dont even know it. you always manage to cheer me up with your antics and you’re always here to support me 🥺 whenever i’m down you somehow aways manage to make me feel a lil better. i love talking to u whether it’s about sth as mundane as the weather or even your obsession with the word peepers. thank you for being you, please take care of yourself and stop sleeping so damn late. ilysm <33

@ch4jime — chloe bae!! 😁 hi omg ilysm you’re so cute and cool and nice urghh thanks for always checking up on me! i love love seeing you in my asks, you’re such a lovely person to be around. i seriously need to be better at dropping in other people’s inbox, so just know that i’ll work on hanging out on your blog more often this year bc ily! i wish u all the best and please never stop being you baby mwah <33

@fairyoomi — hi bae 😣😣 how are u?? i know we don’t talk much anymore, and that’s okie, but i still wanna write u this lil note because i’m so thankful i met you here on tumblr. you’re an amazing writer and u were so sweet to me even when i was a teeny blog who didn’t know anyone. i admire u a lot, yknow? thanks for being such a friendly and welcoming person, ily <33

@gu3to — mochi bestieo 🙀 idk if you’ll even see this smh so i’m just gonna text u after this (if i don’t forget to rip) okay so. hello?! you’re so mf cool and you’re a trendsetter 🤩 yes yes im fueling your god complex it’s bc ily smh. you’re so dumb i wanna choke u sometimes but i won’t bc i’m also just as dumb 😁 pls stop disappearing from the face of the Earth okay ilysm you always keep it real and i know i can always count on u to listen to uh... my shit. okay so when are we gonna make out? 🤨 oki bye <33

@hoekageyama — wifey!! maddie baby urghh yk how much i love you, you’re one of my earliest moots im pretty sure? and aaaaa i’m so so glad i decided to be weird as hell and slide into your asks that day (pancreas. sighs. iconic.) you’re my numero uno whenever i wanna bark about hot 2d boys and what i’d let em do to me coughs err yea hehe. please take care of yourself baby you’re such a sweet and kind and loving person and i’m so glad to have you in my life. smh we text each other lovey dovey texts anyway but i still wanna do this for u 😋 ilysm!!! <33

@honeyskawa — lani baby hi! i know you haven’t been super active lately, but i just wanna tell u that i appreciate u so so much!! you honestly made my goddamn week when u sent me that ask about how i inspired you bc what the heck?? never in my life have i expected to have such an impact on someone. you’re a wonderful writer honestly. i love u so much and i hope everything’s going well baby, i’m excited talk to u more whenever you decide to be active on tumblr again <33

@jougogo — kaybae hi!!! you haven’t been on tumblr much lately but hi sexc it’s me lex lol i’ve moved accs hehe 😎 i hope u see this whenever u get your phone back cries. you’re such an amazing person to be around, always so cheerful and friendly, you exude so much positive vibes and ilysm. you always manage to lift up the mood with your sexc self and i admire u for that. you’re so incredibly chaotic and fun to be around ahrgehxhh i appreciate u sm and i hope you’re taking care of yourself bby ily <33

@kemochie — my waluigi, my favorite f*rry, hi 😝 urghhh god we just started talking everyday pretty recently but god. you’re so funny??? and i love bullying u bc u give me so much material to bully u with (ok jkjk i love u that’s why i bully u smh) also, you’re so incredibly supportive and u were actually the one who pushed me to finally post that atsumu fic, even tho stupid me accidentally deleted it LMAOBSBD anw, u bring sm joy in my life, so thank u for that. we’re a small lil filf and you’re the milf to my dilf LMAO ilysm mwah!! <33

@kenmaki — gabbae! virgo bestie!! hi hi !! you’re such a talented person and you’re an amazing writer, and i hope one day u can get past your insecurities and see yourself as the wonderful person u truly are. i love how we were able to relate to each from how similar virgos think + our initial conversation of dick measurements and such will forever be seared into my memory. and congrats on getting a daily railing on the dash HSBDH i don’t look at em i promise lol 🤩🤩 jdbdhdh ilysm bby <33

@miyams — ren sweet babie hi! you’re so incredibly talented please don’t listen to stupid hate anons. i’ll stab them with a serrated knife if i have to 😠🔪 you’re so flippin cute and sweet i love talking to you, and i love love love whenever u come by my inbox to say hi. i hope we can talk even more in 2021, my dms and asks are always open for u bby (even though i suck at replying right away, sorry abt that huhu) i love u sm baby please take care of yourself <33

@miyasangel — ardie bae 😜 hi sexc!! i still cant believe we talk like everyday now lmaoo i used to think you’re so freaking cool (i still do) and now i’m friends w u whattaheck 🥲 you’re such an amazing writer wtf. i hate that we had to start our friendship on such a sour note (ehem discord ehem) but i’m really glad it brought us closer together. ily cockarden i’ll be sure to bully u even more HAHAGS IM JK makes out w u so hard bc you’re so damn hot ily 😣‼️ <33

@owlywrites — owly baby hello! ily so so much and you’re so talented, you deserve so much recognition. i hope i can read more of your fics soon bc they’re so well written ugh 😣 thanks for always checking up on me and always being so incredibly sweet. i love u so so muchhh huhu i wanna give u the biggest hug in the world :( please take care of yourself and never stop being your genuine self kith kith <33

@rilacry — milfy gorlillola 😜😜‼️ hi sexc. omfg i was so intimidated by u wtf (and i still kinda am smh) bc you’re so cool?? and your writing n carrd making skills are amazing as hell wtf. u just exude BDE bc you’re hella hot AND bc u wanna peg everyone. anyways,, i’m glad we got closer recently, even if it was out of really wack circumstances. ily bae pls stop sticking your memojis everywhere mwah <33

@rintaroll — my kue tete ☹️☹️ ilysm smh bye i can’t believe we’re close now wtf you’ve always been so cool and sexc 😩‼️ oh god i rmb when u were still on your old acc and u seemed so out of reach and i was a lil intimidated ANDBDJD SHHH but yea now ik you’re just a big h word dork and i love u for that 😣 i wish u all the best for your singing career bby you’re such a talented writer AND singer wtf. also you’re so pretty???? wtf how rude 😠 JKJK HAHHSBD ilysm kithes u so hard <33

@tetsoleil — geegee!! hi baby 😣 thanks for being such a sweet human being ily! it’s been a while since we actually talked yeah? but i still want u to know that i love u a lot and i appreciate u so much. i’m so so grateful you’re in my life because you’re such a joy to be around. you’re an amazing writer bby and i hope you get the recognition u deserve. i’m always here for u if u need anything. ilysm bby <33

@velvetfireworks — rachie bae 🤩 my bakso goreng, my golden kiwi!!! ily!! hehe im so glad i decided to slide in your dms when u asked me if i was indo. but ahhhh you’re ao sweet and cute and supportive ilysm. an amaaazing writer and i admire your work so much, but i think you’ve heard me say that multiple times before. i’m so glad we became closer recently through our love for greasy food and wonky lil faces 👁💋👁 kith kith ilysm <33

@yato-o — yato baby hi!! urgh honestly i appreciate u so so much?? i feel so lucky to be able to get to know you. i don’t even remember how we met but ahhh thank u for always stopping by and have a chat with me even though i know you’re a busy person. please take care of yourself and get some rest whenever u need to! don’t feel pressured to come on here if you’re tired baby, im so grateful to have u in my life, i luv youu <33

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU SEXY BAES!

kisses, lex

[ofwolvesandbutterflies]

like that | ii

Pairing: Mark Lee x Reader

Genre: fluff, t i n y bit of angst if your squint

Tags: roommate!mark, fakedate!mark

Warnings: none

day 20 of 30 days of NCT

Synopsis: in which your fake date shows you how to really slow dance 

// you give me butterflies when I simply just look at you // (x)

--

[22:28]

How had you ended up here, trapped oh so delicately in his arms, lips pressed to the corner of his mouth, swaying to the beat of an unnamed love song? Mark pulled away to rest his forehead against yours, something akin to the fluttery feeling in your stomach dancing about in the deep darkness of his irises.

Surely it wasn’t the alcohol that caused the rapid beating of your heart in your chest. Surely it wasn't the romantic atmosphere of another wedding reception that had you yearning for something more than friendship with the handsome man before you. Could it have been- No. This wasn’t because you asked him to be your plus one tonight. No. It couldn’t be that. Anyone could have asked their attractive roommate to be their plus one to their cousin’s wedding. Closing your eyes, you thought back to the night before... Surely last night had some significance. 

“So, tell me, Y/N,” Mark hummed. Dark eyes followed your figure as you bustled about the kitchen in one of his hoodies and a wistful sigh left the smile painted over his face. He knew you were only inviting him to the wedding because you were roommates, but as you scowled down into the water, using a forearm to brush the hair out of your eyes... he couldn’t help but wish you were asking because of something else. Resting his chin in his hand, Mark blinked the silly thoughts from his mind, watching from the counter as you spared him a quick glance from your place behind the sink. “Should we come up with some elaborate story about how we started ‘dating’ for your cousin’s wedding tomorrow? Or is that too extra?” 

“Sounds kind of ridiculous,” you scoffed down at the soapy dish water, submerging three different plates into your tattered reflection, scrubbing the ceramic much harder than necessary. You had lost rock, paper, scissors this evening which meant you had to wash all the dishes while Mark got to sit back and watch you. 

The angelic smile on his lips immediately flipped into a frown. “Come on, Y/N. No one’s gonna believe us if we don’t have a dumb, cliche story about how I found you, my dream girl, you realize that right?” 

“Well-” turning off the water, you paused in your scrubbing to squint up at your roommate. “I mean, we can, but if it’s really cliche, you might as well stay home because my mom’s not dumb. Like, if you pulled up to her and said something like, ‘Hi Y/N’s mom, I’m her boyfriend, Mark Lee… Yes, it’s lovely to meet you as well… I met your daughter one afternoon after accidentally spilling coffee down her white shirt and offered to pay for dry cleaning and another coffee, but she refused, saying that my number would be sufficient payment’... she’d immediately smack me for trying to mess with her.” The brunette in front of you sighed and pushed himself off the stool to pace about the dining room. 

“Damn, here I was thinking I could say something along those lines and fool everyone.” With his eyes downcast, eyebrows furrowed, and bottom lip tucked in between his teeth, Mark went quiet, trying to think up another somewhat believable story of how the two of you met. Having forgotten the chores for the time being, you let your gaze wash over your handsome roommate. 

Not a single part of you wanted to admit you had fallen for Mark long ago. Because if you had to pinpoint the moment you fell for him, it was a month after you moved in together. You could remember that evening clearly; he had been blasting music in the kitchen, banging all the pots and pans with drumsticks made out of the wooden spoons you had just bought while belting out the lyrics to Chris Brown’s song ‘With You’. And you… you had been trying in vain to finish an essay due that evening. Furious and fed up with his ‘music’, you burst out of your room and stomped towards the kitchen, full rant sitting at the tip of your tongue. 

However, all the frustration festered up inside you died the moment he turned around, the widest smile appearing across his face when he saw you. Still humming to the lyrics, Mark transferred both of the spoons into one hand, stretching his other hand out to you. “Wanna dance?” 

A light giggle fell from your mouth at the memory until you remember that same roommate was making you wash the dishes. Said roommate’s head perked up at the sound. 

“What’s up? Did you figure out a different background story for us?” Within seconds, he was at the edge of the counter. You forced your gaze away from the way his bangs settled just above his eyes, away from the curve of his jaw, away from the soft pink of his lips and back down to the remainder of the dishes in the sink. 

Shaking your head ‘no’, you shrugged silently, pushing the precious memory back to the recesses of your mind. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t believe you…”

“What? Why?” 

From his perch on the kitchen counter, Mark reached out - eyes narrowed in faux suspicion - to bop the tip of your nose. “Because you’re smiling like you just thought of something good.” 

Oh. Rolling your eyes playfully, you flicked a handful of soap suds in his direction. You hadn’t realized the smile your memories had brought still remained on your lips. Again, you shrugged. “Nah, that’s just the face I make when I think about you.” 

--

Still a day later, the words you had spoken the night before had yet to leave your mind. You downed another shot, trying with all your might to forget the sober truth you had admitted to your roommate even without an ounce of alcohol coursing through your veins. But alas, even after the initial burn of the drink had subsided, there lingered still the way his lips parted in disbelief the moment the words exited your mouth. 

Mark didn’t say anything after that. Just shut his mouth, offered you an unsteady smile, and excused himself. 

Earlier this afternoon as you were getting ready, it was as if the conversation from the night before hadn’t even taken place. You sat in front of your vanity, already in your cocktail dress, make-up half done and curling iron held taut above your head when he knocked. A mere second later, he entered and you nearly dropped your iron. 

Mark, the boy you had frequent and spontaneous midnight dance parties with… Mark, the tired college undergrad who lived eternally in large sweatshirts and ripped jeans… Mark, the young man your heartbeat sped up exponentially for... Though you had been living with him for 2 years, never before did you have the chance to see just how good he looked in a suit. His long, muscular legs were wrapped in a pair of black dress slacks and a dark button-down covered his lean torso. A matching tie hung loose around his neck and his hair was combed back, revealing his piercing eyes. 

He just smiled, greeting you with a steaming cup of coffee and a simple “you look beautiful.” 

For the nth time that evening, you released a small sigh, eyes once again resting on your date and the way he laughed, chatting casually with your family. Your mother had been immediately smitten with your handsome roommate. Polite and charming as always, he spoke earnestly - one hand resting around your waist - about all the things he ‘loved’ about you. If only your relationship was real, if only he meant all the things he had told your cousin, all the things he told your mom, all the solemn lies he promised your childhood friend.

Glaring deep into the empty shot glass, you nearly jumped when he appeared, right beside you. 

“Y/N, my love,” Mark whispered. The nickname sent a shiver down your spine and you looked up at him helplessly. How could he do this to your heart? How could he say those words so casually and smile so easily when you were hurting so visibly? “This is the second time tonight you’ve left me for the bar, I’m beginning to get jealous.” 

“Oh shut up, Mark,” you groaned. When you spoke, your words slurred ever so slightly, eliciting an amused grin from your date. “I’m just trying to forget I saw my childhood friend - my best friend in high school, mind you - staring at your ass. I mean, come on, Mina, this is my date and only I can stare at his butt.” 

“Jealous or something, baby?” Mark snickered mischievously. The sweet chill of the evening air was quickly replaced with the warmth of his firm body as he snuck his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I promise I’ll spend the rest of the night with you.” 

When you said nothing, he sighed, pulling away only to tug the empty glass out of your hand. You turned to frown at him, parting your lips to say something, to dismiss the butterflies flooding your system from the way his heavy gaze drank you in. But before you could say anything, the soft melody of a slow love song played out of the speakers and the voice of the bride came on the microphone, inviting all the couples to the dance floor.  

Perhaps it was the way the lights hung around the outdoor venue, highlighting all the best parts of your roommate or the way his touch sent tingles of excitement through your body... Or maybe it was the way he pulled you close for the second time that evening or the way the stars shone brightly in his eyes… Whatever it was that sent your heart racing and your mind reeling, you knew right then and there, there was no chance you were going to let that feeling go. 

Mark tilted his head to look down at you. In his gaze swam a tender desire that made you more than weak in the knees. “Dance with me, again?” 

In mere seconds, Mark pulled you back out onto the dance floor. Earlier in the night, he had brought you out during a rap song. Not a very good opportunity for slow dancing. But now, as the beat played out, relaxed and the tiniest bit sensual, a thrill ran through your body. Perhaps now you could get that slow dance you had been waiting all night for. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you were reminded of all the romance movies you’d watched. According to those movies, this was the moment where his hands were supposed to find their way to your hips and yours, his neck. Once you were situated, his eyes would meet yours and the two of you would lean closer until your lips touched in a groundbreaking kiss. 

However… his hands never fell past your ribcage. Instead, Mark placed a hand under your left shoulder blade, tugging your left hand up to rest on his bicep. With his free hand, he grabbed yours, clasping them together without intertwining your fingers. And rather than swaying back and forth like everyone else was doing, Mark began to dance. One step forward, side - together, closed. A step back, side - together, closed. The confusion must have settled visibly in your eyes and your date released a low laugh. 

“What’s wrong, love?” 

“N-nothing,” you stuttered, both in your speech and your step. “I just… this isn’t how you slow dance?” 

Mark chuckled, shaking his head in disagreement. “You’re right, this isn’t how you slow dance.” 

“Then what is this?”  

For a moment, he said nothing. Just stepped in time to the music, nodding his head along to the lyrics. But I just could not figure out why you give me butterflies when I, simply just look at you…

“This-” he said, tugging you closer ever so slightly. The affection in his smile was dizzying, yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to look away from it. “-is me looking at the only girl I’ve ever felt this strongly for.” 

Just like that, your breath caught in your throat. Mark leaned closer, a flush covering his cheeks and nothing but honestly in his voice as he continued. “This is me, holding the girl of my dreams in my arms and trying to tell her how much I care.” 

He lifted his arm, sending you under for a slow turn. After eight counts, he brought you back into his embrace, lowering his lips to your cheek in the softest kiss imaginable. “This, my love, is a waltz.” 

[dekuscrybaby]

Bakugou with a reader that is anorexic? Maybe bc she wants to look better in her hero outfit or she wants to be more like the rest of the girls in 1-A? Sorry if it’s a triggering topic!

hi, love!! thank you for requesting this!! i’m sorry it took a bit of time, i had to do a little bit of research so i don’t offend anyone who is dealing with something like this. i’m hoping i did i decent job at this but i’m sorry if it’s inaccurate or offensive, please feel free to educate me if something is wrong or too stereotypical. this is considered a triggering topic so i’ll be sure to add a warning and put the hcs under the cut for the sake of everyone. before you read, i just want to say that if you are dealing with something like this that you’re beautiful!! everyone deserves to feel great in their skin and seeking help does not mean you’re weak or anything, i hope every one of you is well. please stay healthy and my inbox and dms are open if you ever just want to chat or get something off your chest! also remember that society sucks ass and their opinion does not matter, you’re freaking awesome regardless!

TW: eating disorder below the cut!!!

bakugou with a fem s/o who’s anorexic

i’m going to be honest with you and i’m sorry if this sounds blunt but it’s what i hc

bakugou does not care what you look like!!!

you will always and i mean ALWAYS be beautiful to him in his eyes

he might not say it but he genuinely believes you are the most beautiful girl he’s seen and that’s kinda obvious bc he’s with you for a reason and that’s bc you're beautiful inside and out 😌💅

you’re his distraction from hero work 😳 but he really doesn’t mind bc you’re so damn pretty

now actually addressing the request!

bakugou is deadass head empty on hero course work so he might not notice the subtle signs of anorexia

he does notice that you stopped eating lunch with him as much as you used to but you would always use the school work as an excuse

and who is he to deny his girl his education?

so you’re in the clear for a little while until he starts to notice you look a bit sick

your once vibrant eyes now look dead and sunken in

but he just thinks you’re staying up too late for homework

he can only remind you to sleep some more before putting that thought aside

he next notices how your hair begins to fall out in clumps when he tries to run his fingers through your hair 

“it’s an allergic reaction to this hair mask i did the other night” he doesn’t quite believe it but he doesn’t want to doubt you so he’ll let it slide again

he starts to become extra suspicious when he finally gets you to eat lunch with him after so long

he notices that you’re adding a bunch of numbers together while you’re pointing at each item in your lunch 

his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s questioning why you’re counting until he notices a litter of bruises along your arm as your blazer rides up a little

instantly grips your arm and questions you

“why’re you bruised?”

“huh?”

he glances down at your exposed thighs and notices that your skirt fits a lot looser than he remembers

now that he’s looking at it, your blazer seems to fit loose too, and your shirt

“babe, what’s going on?” his voice is stern but not too angry, he’s dialing it back for you

you rip your arm from his grip, wincing as your skin is a lot more sensitive since you’ve stopped eating

“nothing” you grumble before leaving the cafeteria and going into the bathroom 

you can’t help but glance over your reflection, feeling sick at what you see, but that’s not your fault, your mind has been taken over by this disorder

as you’re poking around your tummy and thighs, mumbling about how you feel “disgusting”

the bell rings and you sigh before walking back to class, avoiding bakugou on your way back

the lack of food in your system makes it hard for you to concentrate in class so you’re almost dozing off until you hear everyone move around and suddenly bakugou’s in front of your desk

“are you deaf or something now?”

“hmm?”

“we’re practicing hand-to-hand combat, go get dressed in your gym uniform”

you do as your you’re told, making sure to change in a bathroom stall bc you don’t want to hear any remarks from your friends over how “disgusting” you look

you walk out onto the training field and bakugou’s eyes rake over your figure and this uniform also fits a lot more looser than he remembers

he’s slowly piecing it together but it’s still not completely pieced

he’s still deep in thought trying to figure out what’s going on and that’s when you’re called up for your turn

the moment you begin to exert your body, you pass out

bakugou goes ape shit after this and does not hesitate to take you to the nurse’s office 

seeing as you’re lacking nutrients, your instantly hooked onto an iv so you can regain everything you’ve been losing up to this point

bakugou had to plead and beg in order for recovery girl to let him in on what was happening

it took a lot of pleading and begging

once he’s filled in, he feels like a shitty boyfriend for not noticing sooner and he plans to have a few words with you when you wake up

so when you do wake up, you feel a something rough circling on the back of your hand and you freak out a little

you accidentally tug on the iv and it makes you a little uncomfortable until bakugou begins to comfort you, trying to make sure you don’t injure yourself 

once you’re calm, he stares at you with this look in his eyes that looks both angry and concerned, but it’s more concerned than anything

“what the hell was going through your mind, dumbass?”

“what are you talking about?” you still don’t want him to know

he sighs, “the old hag told me everything already. please, just let me in, tell me what’s wrong.”

you look away from his intense stare “nothing’s wrong”

“y/n, you passed out during training! and it wasn’t even bc you’ve been overworking yourself, you’ve been starving yourself. what’s going on?”

something about the look in his eyes and tone of his voice brings out the tears

you didn’t mean to worry him, but you did

so you spill 

“i’m so sorry.”

“hey, hey, hey. don’t be sorry. just tell me what’s wrong, maybe i can help,” he rubs gentle circles into your wrist

“i just- i hate the way i look. every time i look at myself, i feel so gross. especially in my hero suit and i found myself wanting to be as thin as the other girls. so i thought that if i stopped eating or at least limited my calorie intake, i’d lose all the unwanted weight.”

as you’re telling your story, bakugou’s frowning because he feels like he could’ve done a better job at expressing just how perfect you are in his eyes

“i didn’t think this would lead me into passing out and worrying you, i’m sorry for being stupid.”

“damn right you were being stupid.” he responds with his gruff voice

“huh?”

“i can’t believe you believed that dumb voice in your head.”

“‘suki what are you talking about?”

“i’m saying that you’re actually the most perfect girl in our class and i can’t believe you can’t see that. you definitely did not need to lose weight but if you really wanted to be healthier then there are better methods you could’ve followed instead of just hurting yourself. i think you look absolutely stunning in everything you wear including your hero costume. you’re hands down the hottest student in the hero course, after me of course. you’re the hottest girl in this damn school.”

that second to last line makes you giggle quietly, which he’s so glad to hear 

“but seriously, you’re absolutely perfect in my eyes. don’t change yourself because you want to look like everyone else. you really scared the shit out of me, don’t do it again, please. i will literally hype the fuck out of you every morning until you start to see how you perfect you are. i love you okay?”

you could only smile and nod, “i love you too.”