#riiiiiiiiiii

[yuzurins]

greetings, my wife.

HAIII RIKAA my wifey poo how have you been ^_^

[glassbirdfeather]

I can't imagine why they didn't use this take.

[twistedwonderlandthoughts]

Silver: how have Jamil and Kalim been after Jamils overblot?

Yuu: oh you know, just a lot of tough conversations needing to happen. Right now they’re working on digital boundaries.

Jamil: Ok, Kalim, when you text me, ask yourself if this is something Jamil really needs to know.

Kalim: Ok! I’ll just call you-

Jamil: Noooo. not the point I was trying to make. You can make a note of it, and tell me later when we’re back at the dorms. If it’s really an emergency, you are welcome to call me whenever you want.

Kalim: ok Jamil, I’m glad we had this talk!

— at 3:00 in the morning —

Riiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiii-

Jamil: WHo iS thIS?!

Kalim: I BROKE THE STOVE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Jamil: WHAT THE FU-

— the next day —

Yuu: So! How’s the whole digital boundries thing going?

Jamil sleep deprived: that boy makes so many avoidable mistakes they should name him after something.

Yuu: y-yeah?

Jamil: like dumbass. That has a nice ring to it. I am emotionally attached to a dumbass.

[hey-imma-fangirl]

The Episode ‘Roadkill’ except it’s in the Welcome Back to the Casino AU Part I

For @flufflepops

Deep in the underworld, where imps ran rampant and the fire could burn you alive in seconds, it was quiet. The start of a new day quiet. The time just before everyone got up in fact.

In Old Scratch’s bedroom, the demon slept atop a bed fit for a king- yet belonged to a queen.

The only sound aside from the Devil’s loud snoring was the ticking of her alarm clock. Ticking away, it inched closer and closer to the set alarm;

‘RIIIIIIIIIIIING, RIIIIIIIIIIIING, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING’

The Devil snorted in her sleep at the sudden sound, at first covering her head with her covers, before lazily rolling over to turn off the annoying noise.

And by turning it off, of course the first thing she did was smash it with her fist. The ringing immediately stopped, but now there was the problem that she had broken yet she another alarm clock.

“Oops.” She mumbled as some pieces of metal fell off her nightstand or stuck to her hand. Brushing them off, she didn’t let the simple alarm clock ruin her day. Smiling and stretching, she felt a few things crack in her back. Even so, she didn’t worry about it too much. She was in too good of a mood.

Slipping on her fluffy robe and bunny slippers, she opened the curtains in her room taking in the pure beauty of the tortured souls here in Hell.

“Ah, what a beautiful day.” She sighed, going on her way.

Deciding to get dressed early, the Devil strutted into the throne room, ready to plan what awful things she had in store for the mortals on this lovely day. Though her day got even better, passing by a box of donuts gotten straight from the bakery only a few hours ago. With a big smile, she picked up the pink-frosted donut, ready to devour it in one sitting.

It was just simply a perfect day. One of the best days she’s had since she’d lost her (and gotten it back). In fact, one of the better days since she had met that Cup girl in the first place. And the day just kept getting better and better. How could anything possibly go wrong today?-

“Uhm, excuse me.”

Startled, the Devil dropped the last donut. Glancing down and rather upset, she sighed, shaking her head.

“Henchwoman, bring more donuts!” She called over her shoulder before slowly turning to face the source of what made her drop her donut. “And as for you…” She aimed her trident in the direction of the other demon.

Blasting fire from it, it could’ve burnt any being to a crisp in the matter of seconds. That’s what was great about Hellfire. It was so much more destructive than mortal fire. Unfortunately, however, she was only met with the disappointment that it had no effect. Unimpressed, Stickler merely adjusted her glasses, the Devil cursing her utter forgetfulness.

“Still wearing the invisible, impenetrable sweater, I see.” Big Dee growled.

“There’s no need to get your tail in a knot, Ms. Devil.”

“MY TAIL IS NOT IN A KNOT!”

“Right, ok.” Stickler managed to sneak in an eye roll. “I come with news from the annual legislature review.”

“Thrill me, Stickler.” The Demon Queen walked past her, barely listening to the conversation.

“It appears that you haven’t obtained a single soul in months.”

“Uh yeah! There’s more to life than work, Stickler.” The Devil climbed the few steps to her throne before she turned back to face the imp. “By the Seven Levels of Hell, if I’m going to live on this miserable planet for the rest of time, it’d better not nothing but work. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m trying to start me daAAAAY!-“

An unknown force bumped her as she went to sit down, throwing her forward, and sliding into the rug head first. Stickler ducked as the trident came flying, tutting as she stood up straight, she turned her attention back to the Boss.

“Are you ok, your Majesty?” She asked after the Devil sat back up.

“I’m fine- But what the fuck was that?!”

“One of the Bubbles of Failure.” Stickler answered simply, as if it were obvious. “The will entomb everything you cherish.”

“Like what exactly?”

“Well, your throne as you just saw, your bed, paintings, coffee mug, people you cherish- “ Stickler counted off.

“Why though?!”

“To encourage soul collection. No new souls. No access to belongings.”

“This is an outrage! Who instituted this miserable policy?!”

“You really want me to answer that?”

“YES!”

“You did.”

“I… I did?”

“Yes.”

“I did??”

“Yes.”

“I did?”

“Yes.”

The Devil blinked, suddenly remembering that very meeting nearly half a century ago. She had put the policy in place, Asmodeus agreeing to form the bubbles when soul collection had decreased substantially.

Only now did she wish she hadn’t been so responsible.

“Huh, well, you gotta admit, that’s pretty evil.” She giggled, despite the situation.

“Uh…Huh…” Stickler cleared her throat, opening the book she lugged around all day. “Paragraph 548 B subsection C states- “

“Uh… Boss?” Henchwoman was also stuck in one of the pinkish bubbles, but wasn’t heard over the commotion between the two other demons.

“- You must collect one soul within one business day. If you fail…” Stickler turned a page. “All assets will remain permanently sealed.”

“Oh, that’s no good- But whatever. I’ll just use this opportunity to finally get that little brat’s soul.”

“With all due respect, your Grace, obtaining any soul will satisfy the requirements.”

“I’m getting the little girl’s soul. And that’s the end of it. Period.” The Devil whipped around to face her.

“Your hubris will be your downfall.”

Ignoring her, the Devil went to pick up her trident- Another bubble forming around it.

“No,no,no! My trident!”

All well, she didn’t need the trident. She had her elevator to get to the surface wo-

“MY ELEVATOR GETS BUBBLED TOO??” She thundered. “Now how am I supposed to get to the surface world?”

“Looks like someone going to have to take the stairs.” Stickler teased- Well the best she could do with her borderline monotone voice.

“Right, the stairs.” The Devil went in her way to the staircase- Only realizing she had forgotten how long of a walk it was to the Surface World. Grumbling and cursing under her breath, she began the long climb.

🫧 🫧 🫧

Queen Dice fluttered her eyes awake, about to stand up to find something to eat- Reality hitting her like a truck. As she was 30 feet off the ground in some type of pink, indestructible bubble.

Panicking, she scrambled about, trying to pop the bubble, as it was rising up higher and higher by the second. Though, it was no use, the bubble couldn’t be popped.

Sitting down and glueing her knees to her chest, she nervously awaited for someone to noticed her and perhaps do something to help her. Trying not to look down at the almost 35 feet she was off the ground, she tried to keep as calm as someone trapped in an impenetrable bubble could. Surely someone will come by and help her down.

Right…?

[koishi-komeij-takes-a-vaction]

Reimu enjoys beating yokais up, frolicking through house chereiden, hanging out with oni Yuugi and Suika to get drunk, and eating off of Koishi's mole pet food off the floor.

SATORI!! SA TO RIIIIIIIIIII!!! YOUR “HARLOT” IS STEALING “SPONGEY DUNCTONS” STEAK SUPPER!!!!!

*the mournful bleating of a mole*

[fleetwaysupersonicheritageposts]

would you like some riiiiiiiiiiiings?

DONT PATRONIZE ME

[aestherin]

ATE RIIIIIIIIIII CONGRATS SA 1K FOLLOWIRS HEHEH MAHAR KITA!!!!

WAHFJAS nakakakaba masyado fluff huhu natrauma na ako sa mga smau na sobrang fluff tas biglang bagsak sa angst hawuhawias

ang tagal dumating nung shopee ko huhu antagal ko na nagwawait >:(

—🫦 (ung smau ko dapat short lang tapos naging slowburn pls WHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

HEHEHEHHE TY MAHAR DIN KITA MWAH

ang funny nga grabe ginawa kong fluff tas lahat kayo kabado pls😭 HAHXHAHS

sinasanay ka na ni shopee para sa buhay, kasi ganon talaga ang life, kailangan matuto magwait para sa complete package !!

[boxboysandotherwhump]

Riiiiiiiiiii I love them!!!!!!

Habromania - delusions of happiness

For Jameson and Taron?

(@for-the-love-of-angst and I have a little AU where Jameson shows up at Vee's OC Taron's restaurant and becomes a regular visitor. Skittish and irritable, Jameson has a way of vanishing whenever he might have to admit he needs help. Eventually, his visits become more regular)

-

Laughter rings out warm between them, as the stray drops pepperoni over grated mozzarella, tomato sauce, and the flattened dough. "Bullshit," Jameson says cheerfully, in his permanently raspy voice. "That didn't happen."

"It did!" Taron, who had done the actual making of the pizza dough, stood back, with his back against a metal countertop, watching Jameson work. The stray had arrived the night before, the way he sometimes did, asking to sleep on the floor in the restaurant's back room. Taron was finding it harder and harder to say no, knowing that he only asked when he had someone to hide from that night.

So, he said yes.

And now they're making pizza after the restaurant closed for the night, and the kid seems easy and relaxed in a way he never is.

"Huh." Jameson lays the last pepperoni and turns with a flourish. "Et voíla!" He says, not even remotely attempting a French accent. "Is that good enough?"

"Yeah, sure. Just let me get it cooking. I'll head out after we eat."

"Okay." Jameson watches him take the pan and slide it into the huge industrial oven, washing his hands. Taron is aware of how Jameson watches his arms, the way the muscles move beneath. He tells himself he doesn't notice it at all.

Taron swallows, and decides maybe now is the time to broach the subject again. Maybe this time it'll stick. He closes the oven, takes a breath, and says, "You know, we've talked about you going somewhere-"

"Don't," The stray says, quickly. He can barely force his ruined voice loud enough to interrupt. "I don't want to talk about it tonight."

"You don't want to talk about it any night," Taron points out, and watches the stray's face shift into an immediate scowl. "You'd be safer with my friend Nat, much safer-"

"Yeah, til they kick me out for trying to fuck someone." Jameson spits the words. "Or for not trying to fuck someone, depending on which flavor of shitty the shelter is. Either too slutty or not enough, for them."

He always does this. Shifts into anger, into bringing up what he was made to do like a shield or a weapon. It reminds Taron too much of Lee.

"Nat isn't like that," He starts, keeping his voice gentle. But Jameson isn't having it, and he gives up with a sigh. "I know you don't believe me, but she's safe-"

"Every one of those bullshit shelters is safe if they like you," Jameson says, and there's a sudden heaviness to his voice. A weight that makes Taron take a closer look and see the awful sadness beneath his anger. "And they never like me for long."

"I don't think-"

"Don't. I'm not going to any of them, not again." Jameson swallows, shoulders hunched. Like a dog scared he's about to be chased away. "Please, just... Can we just eat the pizza and watch a movie like we talked about?"

Taron hesitates too long before he answers. He knows he does. Jameson looks smaller with every passing second. "Sure. We can, yeah."

"Okay, good. Thanks. I just... Just... Let me keep pretending for a while, okay?"

Taron just nods, and goes to set up his laptop for the movie. He doesn't ask exactly what it is Jameson wants to pretend.

[pittycrybaby]

[ Day 1 - Ring ]

Comin’ atcha with another inktober picture, this time I use the 2019 prompt!! This lovely character belongs to Josh Hano, the creator of Nefarious! His name is dash and clearly a reference to sonic, my lovely twin reminded me of that so I drew the boy. Gave him a scarf, because it’s getting colder now. ♥

[girlwithwolftatoo]

The devil and the flower -chapter 6

TW: mention of self-injuries

Scars

The first strange thing she noticed that morning was the Grabber's face. Half of it was covered by that faceless mask, but otherwise, she could see his eyes, slightly shaded by the hair.

The second strange thing was, of course, the tray with food, which the man placed in front of the mattress as he always did, before stepping back and crouching at a prudent distance, as if he was suddenly worried about being too close to her.

Violet looked at the tray, a fried egg on lightly toasted bread as well as two strips of well-fried bacon greeted her. The hunger she had been resisting for days was unleashed and, after one last wary glance at her companion, she took the plate and began to devour what was on it. Within seconds, however, she felt a twinge in her back, and her eyes returned to the Grabber.

After a long, tense moment, she heard him ask:

"Aren't you hungry?"

How many times had she had to sit at the breakfast table, remembering the horrors of the night before? She had heard screams, threats, insults, pleas, even though she hid her head under her pillow, even though she hummed softly. The night before she hadn't sung, she had been the one screaming, and her only relief was to think that, at least, that nightmare was shorter than the previous ones.

Instead of answering him, she reached out and grabbed the food again. She was surprised it still tasted good, when she remembered that the cereal felt like chewing on nails and the pancakes, like puffy pieces of some moldy carpet. 

"How are you feeling today?"

That question took her by surprise, and she looked at the Grabber with a piece of bacon stuffed in her mouth. She finished chewing it and, in a gravelly voice, repeated:

"I'm fine."

The man sighed.

"I...don't enjoy hurting others, you know? But if...someone misbehaves, you have to...correct them, that's all."

Violet had her head bowed, however she noticed that her hands were shaking. She heard the man stand up, walk to the door and then, pause for a moment to say:

"Violet, would you look at me?"

Now her whole body was tense. She was dying to punch something, to let out a shriek, to spit out the venom that was beginning to build up inside her.

"Violet, look at me."

Her eyes eventually gave way and lifted. The Grabber didn't utter a word, his chest rising and falling with brief jolts, and his eyes... at that distance it wasn't easy to make them out but, it seemed to her, these too struggled to hold her gaze.

"What?" she asked.

"Is just..." yes, now she was sure his voice had weakened. Suddenly he turned and walked out. The door closed with a dull click. 

Only crumbs remained on the plate, and Violet huddled sideways against the wall in thought. Every now and then a slight twinge reminded her of what had happened during the night, but what puzzled her most was to understand that, to the Grabber, the games really were sacred, otherwise why did he bring her a better breakfast that morning? He had beaten her, she guessed his name almost by miracle, what could happen if she kept using it? If the next time he came downstairs, which would possibly be the next day, she would say "Albert" to him, could she ask him for something else? More food, perhaps? 

Something on the wall in front of her caught her attention. She had seen the place so many times that she was beginning to memorize where every mark was, every smudge of dirt, every (no, better not to think about that) drop of blood that was never wiped off, so she was curious that she hadn't noticed those lines carved less than half a meter high.

She sat up and crawled forward, eyes narrowed. She drew the lines with her fingertips and realized they were numbers.

"2, 2, 3, 1, 7" she repeated. What were those numbers? They could be a phone extension, or the key to something?

Riiiiiiiiiiiing... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.....

She got up so hurriedly that she almost tripped again on her injured ankle. She reached for the speaker and sat down on the mattress, sick of waking up on the floor every time she used it.

"Hello? Who is this?" she heard a sort of grunt, as if the static was interrupted "It's Violet, can you hear me?"

"V -Viiiiiiiiiiiiioleeeeet... Violet bluuuuuuuueeee..."

Her heart skipped a beat. It had to be the boy on the bicycle.

"Violet-as-the-flowers, remember me?"

"Viiiiiiiioleeeet Giiiiiiiiiiiiiilles... I remember you... your name... in the newspaper... I was handing them out then..."

The girl blinked. Newspapers, yes, how she hated them, and hated them all the more after....

"How do you know my last name?"

"Newspapers... I delivered... I read... several times..."

It was hard to follow his conversation, the static was more intense than usual, but she deduced that this was not the kid from the park, he was not old enough to deliver newspapers.

"You were delivering newspapers... wait... you were second!" jumped Violet "Al - the Grabber took you second!"

Static nothing more. Suddenly, a sob, much clearer than any other sound coming from the speaker.

"Hey, are you crying?" she asked.

"No... no..."

"I'm not making fun, really" Violet replied wholeheartedly "I've cried a lot too, many times, there's nothing wrong with it."

The voice became clearer, overlaying the white noise.

"Did you cry when... your mother...?"

The basement was swallowed up by darkness, and Violet felt that there was nothing beneath her. She was falling, and could only let out a shriek as she clung to the speaker as if her life depended on it. Her back hit something hard and cold, but it didn't hurt, and before her eyes the now familiar gray sky opened up.

She still held the speaker, and brought it to her ear as she sat up.

"Can you hear me, are you there?" 

She got a start when, beside her, she found a young boy squatting. He had blond hair, combed carelessly to one side, and was wearing a mid-season jacket, he was looking at her with his head cocked to one side, curious.

"Violet Gilles" he said, his voice coming out of the speaker "You must have been my age, weren't you?"

"I'm seventeen" she replied.

"No... I don't mean now, I mean then..."

The boy's head turned, and Violet mimicked him. They were on a random street in town, the grass was dry, so she concluded that it was late summer of the previous year, and leaning against a metal net was a bicycle in whose basket was piled rolled up newspapers. 

"I... I was fifteen" she muttered, averting her gaze "I don't want to talk about it."

"No need, like I told you, I read everything" he didn't seem apologetic, but neither did he seem to be bragging. The boy said that simply "You beat the Grabber, didn't you? You're still alive, and you don't look hurt."

"He hit me, but he stopped because I said his name."

"You found out his name?" Violet nodded, the boy licked his lips "Amazing, I thought my sister was exaggerating when she said girls were smarter..."

"We were playing...you could say I beat him"

"Yes, that's what I was getting at" his expression darkened "He abhors losing, he won't accept defeat."

"He did what I asked if I won, what are you talking about?"

"I'm saying now he'll look for another way to hurt you" he explained "He won't stop until he's done to you what he did to the rest of us. When he's done with you..." he stood up, his hands visibly shaking "you'll be unrecognizable."

A flash of lightning illuminated the street, and when Violet looked back at the paperboy, he was covered in blood, half of his face disfigured by wounds and a broken hand. The girl screamed, and again, the basement appeared before her.

The door opened almost at once. Violet blinked, had she slept a whole day? But the man's clothes were the same as when he came down with breakfast, and she understood that, possibly, only a couple of hours had passed.

"Were you sleeping?" she heard him ask. Again he wore the smiling mask, but without the top. 

"There's nothing else to do down here" she replied, still dazed by the visions she had of the telephone. And speaking of the latter, she noticed the speaker hanging beside her, inert and mute, the Grabber noticed it too.

"It's useless. It's never worked, at least not since I was a kid."

Violet frowned, she had never wondered how long that basement had been in that condition, or why exactly that old phone was there, but she didn't have time to formulate anything because the man approached her.

"Come with me" he ordered, holding out a hand.

The paperboy's warning sounded like an alarm in her head.

"What for?"

She noticed his fingers clench for a few seconds. The man's voice grew graver.

"If you want to stay here forever in your filth that's your business. Last chance."

He didn't have his belt in his hand. Maybe it was upstairs on that damn chair.

Violet took the proffered hand and noticed the iron grip around it.

"Don't you dare try anything" the Grabber warned her, and they both advanced towards the stairs, with the girl cowering, nervous, feeling like a cow being led to slaughter.

It was still light outside, it must have been noon, the kitchen was the same as she remembered it, with some junk drying by the sink and a radio by the stove, turned off. The man led her into the next room, where there were a couple of armchairs and an old television, as well as a basket where several newspapers were stacked, which sent shivers down her spine.

"Don't stop" the Grabber noticed that Violet had slowed down at the sight of the newspapers, and tugged on her arm. They crossed a narrow hallway and, to the left, there was a door that turned out to be to the bathroom.

"What?" the girl muttered, then looked at her captor "What is this?"

The Grabber's eyes were the strangest thing about him, she thought, intense and vivid blue, with a welter of emotions that didn't seem to quite seem to settle.

"Take a bath. Don't be long, don't even think of running away"

Violet entered, the place was upholstered with tiles and it upset her a little to go from the dark gray of the basement to that intense white, her eyes wandered over the toilet, the sink and the mirror that went with it, to the tub and shower, protected by a simplistic and blue curtain.

"Take off your clothes and give them to me" she heard Grabber's voice behind her. She jumped, almost forgetting he was still there, and looked up at him.

"May I undress with the door closed, please?" she asked. The man's brow furrowed.

"You don't have anything I haven't seen before."

She could try her luck, what was the worst that could happen?

"It's just that I've never...been naked in front of anyone...Albert."

She looked into his eyes, hesitantly. The man was breathing heavily, silent, and then he turned away from the door.

"I'll be right behind, don't waste any more of my time."

Albert turned his back on her and Violet, glancing at him from time to time, shed what little clothing she had on, the tattered stockings, the skirt, the bra. Then he was left with only the panties, and his fingers brushed the elastic, already stained with fingerprints from several days of neglect.

"You have to give me the underwear too," the Raptor hadn't looked her way, but he still had his back against the ajar door, and it was clear he wouldn't move from there. That one was beyond Violet, the bra thing wasn't a problem because he'd already seen her in it anyway, but the panties....

"I'm not going to run off alone with these on, you know?"

"I don't care about that. Your panties. Now."

Trying to control her trembling, Violet slid the panties down to her ankles, never taking her eyes off Albert's back. Dying with embarrassment, she rolled them up in her hands, pretending not to be a little disgusted by that garment she'd been wearing for almost a week, and handed them over in a ball. The man's hand was so large that the garment almost disappeared completely in his fist.

"I'm going to close the door. You have ten minutes. Don't lock it or I'll break the door and spank you with your head stuck in the toilet, got it?"

"Yes... Albert."

It seemed to her that, for a moment, theGrabber was tempted to look at her, but instead he cleared his throat and said:

"I'm leaving now" and closed behind himself.

She decided to take a shower, when she stepped into the water she hissed, partly because of the slight stinging from contact with her nose and back, partly because the sensation was almost pleasurable. She found a single bar of soap, and remembering who it belonged to, opted to lather it up between her hands and clean only certain parts thoroughly. Until then she had not been aware of the bruises hidden in her clothes, of that cursed night when she ended up becoming prey to that madman, and when her finger brushed against the small, already healed cut she had made herself, she sighed.

The body was God's temple, the priest repeated over and over again, communion made it worthy of salvation, profaning it was a direct affront to the Lord, and explained how those aberrations of tattoos and piercings took away the sacred in it, at a time when some boys in town appeared with earrings or something tattooed on their arms. Violet could not make sense of those words, for she saw no difference between a tattoo and a scar, did it mean then that she and others had unintentionally desecrated their temple? 

She tugged a little on the sleeve of her sweater, on her right forearm there was a branched scar, whiter than the rest of her skin. She had made it the afternoon after the verdict, crying non-stop, cursing under her breath and spitting so many profanities that, for a while, she did not dare to look at the altar of the church. Yes, she was doomed, the sooner she accepted it, the better.

She removed the dried blood with her fingernails, picked up an almost empty bottle of shampoo and washed her hair. Just as she turned off the shower faucet she heard the Grabber's voice behind the door.

"I hope you're done. I brought you something."

The door opened just a little, and something fell to the floor before it closed again. It was a towel, somewhat tarnished but clean, and Violet went for it, picking it up she discovered that there was a nightgown too, old-fashioned and long-sleeved.

"What happened to my clothes?" she asked.

"It's still in the wash."

The garment was slightly see-through, but it was better than nothing, and Violet slipped it over her head. Looking at herself in the mirror, she thought she looked like a ghost, then realized she wasn't far from becoming that.

The door opened.

"Hurry up" the man ordered, holding out a hand to her.

"Shall I go back to the basement?" she received no answer, she noticed some uneasiness in his eyes. He took her hand and then she looked at the half uncovered arm. There was a thin, whitish line. "Why do you have that scar?"

The Grabber sighed.

"It's nothing," he replied, uncomfortably.

"It was on purpose, wasn't it?" insisted Violet "Who did it?"

The girl had thought that, if she could look into his eyes, it would be easier to guess what he was feeling, but she was wrong. The blue orbs darkened, and then he answered:

"Someone who no longer exists."

There was a kind of menace in his voice, and she ducked her head. They returned to the basement, and Violet sat on the mattress without protest, at least she'd had good food and a bath, and that lifted her spirits.

"Wait" she asked before the door closed. The man looked at her "Thank you, Albert."

The hand on the handle twitched.

"Call me Al" whispered the alluded before closing the door. He walked up the stairs and into the living room, where he sat down after turning on the television. He needed some noise, something to quiet the anxious muttering in his head. He reached into one of his pockets and came across a pair of light blue panties, and spent a long time stroking them with his thumb.

[luhvrchan]

Seo Changbin:Hot Math Teacher

Chapter 1

TW:!strong language!

Finally when everybody arrived, you and them were waiting for the respective teachers to arrive. Your math HOD, Mr. Kim and another math teacher Mr. Choi entered and began discussing about the discipline in school. You zoned out in the middle of the meeting when you heard Mr. Kim screaming your name.

Mr. Kim:KANG Y/N!

Y/N:I'm so sorry Mr Kim-

Mr. Kim:Do it again the next time-

Mr. Choi:Continue speaking Y/N. I will handle Mr. Kim

Y/N:I um... have a tendency of zoning out- so I didnt hear more than half of the discussions…

Mr. Choi:It's ok *soft smile*

Mr. Choi explained everything all over again to you and you gave him a nod of approval.

Y/N:I think speaking in Korean isn't that necessary because some students are foreigners here and english should be spoken regardless, however people can speak Korean during their free classes when the teachers are not there

Lia:But Mr. Kim

Mr. Kim:Yes?

Lia:Oh- nothing, I got it

Mr. Choi:Alright everybody, meeting dismissed. *taps the table with his hand*

You went back to your class. Lia came behind you and gave you, your president badge.

Lia:You left this

Y/N:Thank you Lia *smiles*

You remembered your schedule and realised you have math right now. You put on your president badge and mustered up your courage to give him the valid excuse. You entered your class and everybody's eyes went on you, you felt really awkward at that moment.

Changbin:Is this a time to come to class? You're 20 minutes late Mx Y/N.

Before you could say something, Hyunjin spoke up.

Hyunjin:Mr. Seo! Y/N is the president of student council and their council meeting ended just now

He literally saved my ass…

Changbin:Ah okay~ you can have a seat Y/N *smiles*

Y/N:Ok

You went and sat beside Hyunjin. You wrote the notes he gave you but then your cheeks flushed red.

Changbin:Y/N will be staying back during lunch. Rest of you can go.

Hyunjin:You lucky bi-

*RIIIIIIIIIIIING*

Hyunjin:Bye loser

You rolled your eyes at him, when everybody had gone for lunch it was just you and him. The tension arised even more when he shut the door lock.

Changbin:Y/N. *makes you stand* Cover yourself from the bottom, perverts will try to snap from underneath your skirt/shorts. Here, have my jacket.

He removed his jacket and tied it around your waist. You could feel butterflies in your stomach due to his small gesture.

Changbin:Much better and take down the notes you've missed from today's class. I have to go now. Bye Y/N~

Y/N:Bye Mr. Seo

MR. SEO GAVE ME HIS JACKET AAAAAAA calm down Y/N. Let's go eat lunch with Hyunjin

You reached the cafeteria and saw Hyunjin waving at you. You smiled and sat next to him.

Hyunjin:So? What happened with- *notices Changbin's jacket on your waist* HOLY SHI-

Y/N:Shhhh

Hyunjin:You lucky as fuck *wiggles his eyebrows*

Y/N:Shut it you dummy

Hyunjin:Am not!

Y/N:Are too *giggles*

Changbin's POV

I saw them sitting with Hyunjin and laughing. I don't know why but I felt jealous? Just because they are with Hyunjin... Hmm... Hyunjin jokingly flirted with them and I was on my breaking point but I decided not to intervene or else it will ruin the fun between them. I gave an annoyed sigh and continued eating my food.

End of Changbin's POV

[mermaidsirennikita]

Top Ten Reads of 2021

You might be surprised by how many of my top reads I've discussed--but the truth is that I really reawakened my love of romance just last year, and this year, in my opinion, really crystallized what I'm looking for (at least in historical romances). Additionally, my goal in 2022 is to try more of new romance subgenres (while still gobbling up historicals) and to try new authors.... because a lot of of the books on my favorites shelf were by the same people.

With that being said, in no particular order, below are my top ten reads of 2021!

The Highwayman by Kerrigan Byrne. I've waxed poetic about this book so often; but it really has so much that I want in books, poured out onto the page as if Kerrigan Byrne literally opened her veins. A bit darker than many historicals published in recent years, The Highwayman focuses on Farah, who lost her childhood love and has lived with the assumed identity of a widow in adulthood. This gives her the freedom to work with Scotland Yard, where she meets the criminal mastermind Dorian Blackwell. Then she gets kidnapped. Glove scene! Ether! Secret identities! Light bondage! TW: mentions of past childhood abuse, including sexual abuse.

Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas. A true classic, Dreaming of You sees intrepid but sheltered author Sara save the life of casino owner and self-made man Derek Craven. (She does shoot a man dead within the first like... ten pages. She faces zero consequences. It's great.). As payment, she insists on shadowing him so that she can research her next book. Derek is not happy with this, as he is severely turned on by her, and has a lot of issues surrounding his past. Angst ensues. It sounds simple, but it's so well written; Derek is a primordial romance hero, but Sara is also wonderful--brave but not stupid, feminine but not simpering. It was written back in the mid 90s, so there are some aspects that come off as dated; but generally speaking, it more than stands the test of time.

Waking Up with The Duke by Lorraine Heath. The Duke of Ainsley is tormented by a case of poor judgment three years ago, which ended up leaving his best friend/cousin, Walforth, disabled and impotent--with Walforth's wife, Jayne, miscarrying shortly after. So he's not in a position to turn Walforth down when he asks Ainsley to impregnate Jayne so that he can have an heir; never mind that Ainsley has very obviously been carrying a torch for her, though she resents him for his part in her husband's injury. It's a sex deal! One month at Ainsley's cottage, where they'll only have sex for procreative purposes. Right? Right??? Riiiiiiiiiii--

Scandalous Desires by Elizabeth Hoyt. Silence runs an orphanage, where she loves all the kids but has developed a particular attachment to baby Mary. Which is why she is super upset when Mary goes missing, only to discover that she has been spirited away by her erstwhile father, river pirate Mickey O'Connor. Mickey, who knows Silence from A Previous Incident, supposedly wants to keep Mary safe from his enemies; so he proposes a deal for SIlence. She may continue to care for Mary... As long as she stays with him. In his lair. His lair which is sometimes his ship. Features what Learning the Tropes (a podcast I heartily recommend) refers to as "death row head".

What I Did for A Duke by Julie Anne Long. After being cuckolded (and therefore having his engagement ruined) by Ian Eversea, Alexander Moncrieffe sets out for revenge. Revenge in this case being bedding and ruining Ian's innocent little sister, Genevieve. The issue is that though she's certainly a virgin, Genevieve is no fool; and she's tackling her own troubles that leave her having more in common with Alex than he'd think. Super funny, super hot, and certainly fond of an age gap (Alex is pushing forty and Genevieve is twenty) this one is a must read.

A Kingdom of Dreams by Judith McNaught. Another super important book for the genre, A Kingdom of Dreams begins with Jennifer Merrick (the Merrick bitch, the Merrick slut, I love her) being kidnapped alongside her sister by Royce Westmoreland, the Duke of Claymore. Jennifer is Scottish and Royce is English, at a time when their countries are not... cooperating... and Royce wishes to disrupt the marital alliance Jennifer's father has planned. And she's not going quietly. We have adventure, we have journeys, we have sexual awakenings~. And! Kidnapping! TW: dubcon--this one did come out in the 80s

Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas. Sebastian St. Vincent did not try to kidnap Evangeline "Evie" Jenner. He did try (and fail) to kidnap her best friend and force her to marry him, however. But Evie, a wealthy heiress, is in such dire straits with her abusive family that she'll do anything to escape them. She offers Sebastian a marriage of convenience, knowing that he's desperate for money, which he quickly accepts. Her one requirement? They have sex once, to consummate, and never again. After an insanely good wedding night (or... wedding next morning--they were tired) Sebastian, a total dog, wants more. Hence, we get a sex deal; if he is celibate for three months, Evie will allow him another go. This one is another classic, and it's easy to see why--just like Derek is the definitive self made man who will fuck the heroine into oblivion, Sebastian is the definitive wastrel do nothing who needs to GET A JOB!!! while possessing an incredible penis. Recommend reading the two previous books in The Wallflowers series first, especially book 2.

Thief of Shadows by Elizabeth Hoyt. Winter Makepeace is a vigilante. Disguised as The Ghost of St. Giles (an identity held by several people in Hoyt's Maiden Lane series) he fights crime by moonlight while running an orphanage by daylight. (The same orphanage featured in Scandalous Desires.). The issue that Winter needs to solicit donations to keep that orphanage running, and he's quite taciturn and incapable of functioning in high society. In comes Isabella, upper class widow (who likes sex!) and patroness of the orphanage. She offers to essentially My Fair Lady Winter, teaching him how to be a proper gentleman and charm women like her. This one has it all: fighting, an older heroine with a younger hero, a virgin hero, the most emotional blow job scene I've ever read. Don't miss it.

After Dark with The Duke by Julie Anne Long. Mariana, an opera singer, is dealing with scandal after two of her lovers attempt to kill each other in a duel. This leads her the Grand Palace on the Thames, a boarding house run by women who've dealt with their fair share of scandal. The boarding house owners plan a concert with Mariana to revive her reputation and bring in much-needed cash. The issue? An older, jaded, heroic duke who's staying with them in order to write his memoirs. James looks down on Mariana--but after getting called out for his snobbishness, he offers to teach her the Italian she's been singing phonetically. Unfortunately for him, he must also sit there CONSUMED WITH LUST for the REST OF THE EVENING. Another funny, sexy, age gape (he's 42, she's 25) romance from Long. Features excellent use of the Italian language.

Duke of Midnight by Elizabeth Hoyt. Maximus is a duke; he is also a total douchebag, as seen in previous books; he is also also Georgian Batman. Yes. His parents were killed when he was young, and he now is a vigilante (the aforementioned Ghost of St. Giles--the other one). Artemis is the lady's companion to the woman everyone assumes Maximus will marry; but she also needs to rescue her brother. After discovering Maximus's secret identity, she threatens to expose him unless he uses his influence to help her free her brother, sending them into a game of cat and mouse. Although Artemis is not a vigilante herself, if you're a fan of BatCat I do think you'll enjoy this--she's sly and more worldly than he thinks, and more than able to engage Maximus. On every level. Has some of my favorite insane dirty talk I've ever read; a must if you enjoy the buttoned up, starchy hero who is secretly... not. Maximus is a freak.

Honorable Mentions:

Death by Laura Thalassa. The final entry in Thalassa's bonkers Four Horsemen series, this one asks the question, who is bold enough to deflower the living embodiment of death? A girl who cannot die is the answer. Features her taking the ultimate L to save the world, and giving Death his first blowjob. Is it an L though? Is it?

The Viscount and The Vixen by Lorraine Heath. "This hot gold digger wants to marry my old, crazy dad! He's already signed a contract promising her a husband! A-ha, I can save him by marrying her myself! CHECK AND MATE."

The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood. The legendary Reylo fanfic that got published. Features the classic "you're so big"/"you can take it" trope which... should be a part of ANY self-respecting Reylo fic.

The Courtesan Duchess by Joanna Shupe. Actually fucking INSANE. She pretends to be a courtesan in order to get pregnant by her husband who left her ten years ago and has spent the past decade carousing. Problematic? Sure! Fabulously whackadoodle? Also sure! Fuck the haters on this one.

Married by Morning by Lisa Kleypas. Former wastrel oldest brother of the family just can't put his finger on why he's so obsessed with arguing with his sisters' governess. Features him teaching her the true meaning of the word "pussy", so you know it's glorious.

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Not a romance! Made me cry! Nobody does fake celebrities like TJR, and this story of an 80s-era rager thrown by the children of a famous singer, which is actually about generational trauma... is a lot.

The Bride by Julie Garwood. Classic Englishwoman marries Scotsman for the sake of politics books. "What do we call her?" "You call her mine." BITCH.

It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas. Spirited American heiress meets uptight English lord, he gets horny, she thinks it's because of her special perfume, it's because he's been obsessed with her since they met. TW: dubcon (they have sex when she's blackout drunk and really can't properly consent; this is edited out of more recent editions of the book).

Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt. He's a crazy duke. She's his housekeeper. He's been living in his own walls spying on her for THREE MONTHS. One of the most bonkers things I've ever read, which is saying something considering literally everything else Hoyt has written. She's a goddess.

Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert. Both leads are on the autism spectrum! The heroine is a plus size black woman! A sparkly purple dildo is LIBERALLY used!

Seducing A Stranger by Kerrigan Byrne. He's a constable, she's the random girl he encounters in the night and liberates of her virginity prior to her marriage to a douchebag. Said douchebag turns up dead on her wedding day, so he should be arresting her, right? Not if she's pregnant with his baby!

When A Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare. She's been writing to an imaginary Scotsman for years to head off offers of marriage. Except, oops, he's real and he wants to take her up on the idea.

All Scot and Bothered by Kerrigan Byrne. A lawman chases after a brothel owner, without realizing that the woman he's falling in love with is that very brothel owner.

The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt. A scarred earl hires a widow as his secretary; she repays him by pretending to be a sex worker during one of his trips to the local brothel.

[sentient-rift]

Ring and Protoman sitting in a tree...

Mary and Enzan sitting in a tree...

"I know this one! K-I-S-S-I-N..."

"WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF!?"

"Aw, c'mon! Don't be so boring, Mary! Have some fun and kiss the boy of your dreams."

Mary: "HOW CAN YOU SAY ALL THAT SO CASUALLY?!"

Ring: "Because I know I was meant for Protoman, and you were meant for Chaud. Though, maybe you should start calling him 'Eugene.'"

Mary: "RIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!"

[helgabatwrittings]

When your world comes crashing down don't cry

Chapter 2: Running

AO3

He glanced once again at Adrien, who was still staring right ahead, frozen in some kind of spell that has been affecting him for almost a week now. He wasn’t even writing down anything, in his somehow simultaneously messy and tidy notes. And Adrien always participated in Physics class. He would bounce his leg in excitement while quickly solving all the different problems assigned to them, making Nino wonder, more than once, if he was one of those genius kids he sometimes read about on the internet. But now? He was just staring, the only sign of life from him were the occasional trembling sighs and the subtle shakiness of his hands.

Nino was absolutely certain that something was going on with his best friend. If he were to describe the major shift in Adrien’s behaviour from last week to this one in just one word, he would choose the word “slow”. Everything Adrien did now was slower than anything he had seen from the boy. The way he would take a couple of seconds to answer whatever Nino asked him, how he would trail behind him and the girls when they walked together through the halls of the school, the time Adrien took to look him in the eyes as if he was gathering the courage to do so.

Something was wrong and Nino, no matter how hard he tried, didn’t seem to be going anywhere in finding out what… in trying to help his best friend…

His leg was bouncing up and down, both in frustration and anxiety. Something was very wrong with Adrien, and he kept pretending he was fine! Even now, when Adrien was clearly pretending to be paying attention to class, Nino could tell that he was nowhere near that classroom. Heck! Even Miss Mendeleiev could tell it by the worried and subtle glances she kept throwing at Adrien. So yeah, this was serious if even Miss Mendeleiev was concerned.

The class was silent, except for the occasional whispers that could be heard, it was usually quiet, due to the strict style Miss Mendeleiev loved to adopt, so it’s not like anything was out of place. Nino looked around. Kim was subtlety passing a note to Alix who sat in front of him, while Max kept writing down the Gravity formulas that were on the blackboard. Rose and Juleka were quietly whispering between them, shy blushes and soft giggles could be observed if one was attentive enough. Nathaniel kept his head bowed down, probably drawing some doodles for his comic.

Nino looked behind him, noticing that Marinette’s eyes were completely fixed at the back of his bro’s head, her face twisted with the same concerned frown Nino was probably sporting as well. Alya noticed him staring and smiled adoringly at him to which he answered with a smile of his own.

He glanced once again at Adrien, who was still staring right ahead, frozen in some kind of spell that has been affecting him for almost a week now. He wasn’t even writing down anything, in his somehow simultaneously messy and tidy notes. And Adrien always participated in Physics class. He would bounce his leg in excitement while quickly solving all the different problems assigned to them, making Nino wonder, more than once, if he was one of those genius kids he sometimes read about on the internet. But now? He was just staring, the only sign of life from him were the occasional trembling sighs and the subtle shakiness of his hands.

Like he had read Nino’s mind, Adrien finally moved his head, looking down at his hands, and quickly shoved them under the desk.

Nino knew that this lesson was of extreme importance for their test next week. He knew that, and he also knew that unlike the blond sitting right beside him, he sucked at physics, so he really should be absorbing every piece of wisdom Miss Mendeleiev was sharing with them. But no matter how much he tried, his eyes couldn’t drift from the still image of his best friend. Even his blinks were slow, and… wait a second… Nino’s eyes narrowed to better focus on a small detail they caught. Was that powder on Adrien’s face? Was Adrien wearing make-up? He only wore make-up when he was trying to hide the tiredness on his face, it was always applied so lightly that it was almost imperceptible, but this one was obvious, it was so so obvious…

Something was definitely going on…

Riiiiiiiiiiiing

Nino jumped in his seat. The class was officially over, and he didn’t listen to a single word Miss Mendeleiev had said. He was so screwed for next week test…

He started packing all his stuff into his backpack, while Adrien just stood there, still frozen in the same spell that had overtaken him during class. When Nino finally tore his gaze away from his bro, he saw Alya and Marinette standing right in front of their desk, Marinette was frowning at Adrien, her face was pensive as if trying to come up for an explanation to Adrien’s odd behaviour, while Alya started to snap her fingers right in front of his face.

“Earth to Sunshine!” She called. Nino saw him slowly raise his head in Alya’s direction, seemingly looking past her.

Nino raised his hand to rest on Adrien’s shoulder, which made the other boy flinch and jump in his seat like a scared cat, he immediately retracted his hand. “Hey, dude, is everything okay?” He finally asked.

Green eyes suddenly turned to him, misty and full of sorrow, and Nino finally saw the mask crumbling down. He finally saw the exhaustion emanating in huge waves from Adrien’s inner core.

Adrien then snapped his head in Marinette’s direction, then Alya’s, then Nino’s again. He suddenly stood, and haphazardly shoved all the scattered papers and books inside his messenger’s bag, “I have to go”, he muttered, and without giving them any chance to even react to his sudden burst of energy, he bolted out of the classroom.

“What was that?” Alya asked perplexed.

Nino sighed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The violent wind hitting his face felt like a blessing, while Adrien, now in the safety that being Chat Noir brought him, ran across the Parisian rooftops. It kept him awake, it gave him a boost of energy even though his lungs were burning, and all his muscles were screaming from the exertion.

He should have gone back to school, he still had more classes for the day, but he physically couldn’t go back to that classroom and face his friends. The memory of Alya’s, Marinette’s and Nino’s frowns was enough to make his stomach fold in itself, threatening to expel all the little contents inside.

The violent vibration coming from the impact of his baton against the rooftop quickly spread throughout his arms, furthering straining his increasingly weak muscles.

“Ladybug thinks he’s obnoxious, and she’s right!”

All his forces vanished, making him lose his grip on the baton. The velocity in which he was running made him fly across the rooftop with no support whatsoever. He crashed against the black rooftop, his body rolling over it, being only propelled by inertia.

His body finally hit the brick wall of a chimney, and even though Adrien was wearing a super-suit, and his resistance was considerably more significant than if he was untransformed, every single part of him still seemed to be protesting in pain, rendering him immobile, lying down in foetal position with his back resting against that final chimney.

Being Chat Noir used to grant him the freedom he has always craved. He was free from all the press, all the people who chased after Adrien as if they knew him better than he knew himself. He was free from all the expectations, all the demands, all the disappointed looks his father threw at him. He could be whoever he wanted as Chat Noir, and so he pretended and pretended, clowning around, because no one expected anything from him, so he was free to do whatever he wanted, to say whatever he was thinking.

All his troubles would be left behind as soon as he said the magical words, but of course, he knew that they would catch up to him eventually because he was still Adrien underneath that black mask. It was easier to pretend though. And so, he acted and acted, until the act became the person, and he didn’t know who he was anymore. Who was he kidding? He never really knew who he was.

Adrien released a shaky breath. His back was killing him, and the left side of his hip was burning. He would have to apply so much concealer to hide the bruises that have for sure started to form.

Being Chat Noir used to be a blessing in his everyday life, a getaway from being Adrien. But now? It was starting to feel more like a curse. All because of Adrien’s problems, Adrien’s inner defects have caught up to Chat Noir.

Adrien wasn’t trustworthy, he knew that from the way his parents have always pretended that his mum was perfectly fine even though she was bedridden most of the time, that last year she was still around. He knew that from how his father would still not tell him anything about what happened to her. From how they didn’t trust him around other kids, thinking he was just a porcelain doll that would break at the slightest touch. How his father still wouldn’t trust him with Nathalie’s condition. And so, because Adrien wasn’t trustworthy, and Adrien and Chat Noir were the same person, Chat Noir wasn’t trustworthy. And that was why Ladybug was hiding so much from him.

Adrien was unlovable. He could tell by the way his father looked at him, with so much disdain, as if it would be better that he was gone instead of his mother, and perhaps he was right. Perhaps everyone would be better off without him in the pic-

His ring beeped suddenly as if it was trying to stop his downward spiralling thoughts. Adrien slowly raised his hand to his eyes’ level, pondering if he really deserved to be Chat Noir.

No one seemed to like Chat Noir, no one seemed to need him. Not even Ladybug. Ladybug is amazing, she has all those other superheroes to help her, and lately, she has been relying on them more and more, rendering him useless. He didn’t even use cataclysm in some of the last missions. Heck, Rena was already giving him orders and making plans with Ladybug.

They seemed to be so close lately. Adrien wouldn’t be surprised if Ladybug decided to tell her her secret identity, before telling him. And Adrien wouldn’t really condemn her. Rena was a far more competent partner than he ever was.

His breaths started to get more frantic for the third time that day. He had lost everyone. Ladybug, Nathalie, Kagami, Chlo��, even Nino. Nino was his best friend, but he hated Chat Noir, who was a part of him, so if he found out his identity, what would that mean for their friendship?

And maybe he’s being overdramatic like he’s prone to be, and Nino really was only mad because he thought Aya was cheating on him, but could Adrien really risk it? Could Adrien ever tell him his secret and risk losing him as a friend because Nino really hates Chat Noir?

He felt like he was going to throw up, the lodge in his throat seemed to be the only thing stopping it.

A sudden flash of green light enveloped him, and the pain from his fall seemed to have doubled, which interrupted the train wreck that his mind had caught itself in. The pain was good. It distracted him. It was good.

A dark shadow flew across his blurry vision, and he felt something hit his wet face.

“-rien” He squinted at the shadow that seemed to be speaking. Adrien is going crazy. He finally snapped and this is how his fractured mind is showing him just how broken it is.

“Adrien, kid, c’mon!”

Plagg was frantically waving his little paws right in from of his eyes. His leg was vibrating.

Adrien further curled in himself, shielding himself from the cold wind that was sweeping through Paris. Shielding himself from all the voices laughing at him for being the joke he is.

“Kid, please say something, blink at me, anything! Let me know you’re here!” Green eyes slowly drifted to Plagg.

“Pl-Plagg…” God, his voice was trembling so much. Speaking was taking an awfully pained effort.

“Your phone is ringing, it’s that hat boy.” Plagg was holding his phone after diving into Adrien’s pocket. “Please, Adrien, speak to someone, anyone!”

“I can’t… He hates me…” He couldn’t look at his phone. His eyes drifting everywhere but the black blob in front of him.

“He doesn’t, I promise you that he doesn’t! Please, talk to him, Adrien!” Plagg cried, further pushing the phone to his face. Nino’s face was highlighted as he tried to videocall him.

The device kept vibrating. Adrien weakly grabbed it, but it fell to the floor as if his fingers had stopped working and lost all sense of how to grip an object. It hit his leg on the way, which seemed to have softened the fall, so the phone didn’t break. His leg though had just earned one more bruise for the collection.

Adrien’s mind was too sluggish, like an old car running its last miles, that it took him a while to realise that a new voice had joined him and Plagg on the rooftop.

[juiciee]

hi jassi

RIIIIIIIIIII hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I changed my name on the server to I would pew pew stab stab for ri and you didn't even acknowledge it I will cry😔✨

[phoenixyfriend]

Time-Displaced Izuna

Me, smashing Founders Era and Canon Era dolls together: Now bicker!

Yesterday, my parents asked me to prep some potatoes for the holiday dinner, and in that time I came up with a Nonsense AU that does involve time travel and Fashion Guru Ino.

And Izuna being petty as hell.

Izuna, while dying, gets catapulted forward in time to that nebulous period between the Exams and Sasuke's defection. Obviously, Tsunade exists and is amazing and also in the general area, and goes "well, he's clearly an Uchiha, and we don't have a whole lot of those, and our existing Uchiha is one hell of a flight risk, so even if we can't get any useful information out of this guy dressed several decades out of fashion, I'm going to save his life."

Shit happens, Izuna gets shunted over to Sasuke's care (IDK if this is before or after Izuna's eyes get removed for Madara) while recovering, Sasuke is... 90% panic because Clan Member! But clan member who is Heavily Injured and must protec, and Izuna's mentality is "well, the clan might be dead, but two and a half surviving Uchiha is still winning over the singular surviving Senju, so I Win, Tobirama" because... yeah.

Sasuke doesn't want to dig through his dead family's secondhand stuff, most of which is seven years out of date, and Izuna admits that he wants to be In Fashion. Sasuke asks Sakura, because Sasuke wears monochrome rompers but Sakura actually knows things, and Sakura's like "Right. So. I'm getting Ino."

And Ino's response to seeing Izuna in the flesh, dressed in his best approximation of modern fashion, is obviously "Oh honey, no."

I just want Ino to be a fashion guru to a time-traveler.

I also really like the mental image of Izuna having to deal with Tsunade,  because Tsunade's energy is so different from anything most people deal with, I think.

God, just imagine him trying to pick fights with Tsunade at the drop of a hat.

Izuna: She's a Senju, why do you listen to her? Sasuke: ...I'm thirteen and she's legally my head of state?

Izuna: You can't just let her boss you around! Sasuke: She's four times my age and can fistfight a boss summons, I don't know what you're hoping to hear.

Tsunade: Listen, either you can work for me as a shinobi, or I can get you sent back to T&I, it's up to you. Izuna: Bullshit, as if you could-- Tsunade: There is an entire village ready to fight you on my word. I may not be on the same level as my grandfather's generation, but I have an army, and I personally saved your life three days ago. Izuna: I don't owe you anything. Tsunade: Uh-huh. You wanna go nukenin and drag your family's name even further through the mud? Izuna: Says the alcoholic gambler. Tsunade: Hm. Yeah, okay, ANBU! Get this guy over to Psych for an eval. Izuna: Wait what.

(...why do I love S-rank characters being petty bitches to each other?)

Tsunade: You work for me now. Izuna: You wanna bet? Shizune, slamming the door open: NO.

But also... I have a Thought...

Tsunade tells Izuna that she's keeping him around for THIS reason: to keep her skills sharp as he tries to kill her.

Izuna: Uh... can't you just kill me instead? Tsunade: After all the effort I went to so I could save your life? No. You're going to be my lackey. Izuna: I hate you. Tsunade: Tough shit.

CONSIDER: GAI CHALLENGES IZUNA TO A SPAR. (IDK where to take this idea beyond just. Izuna going wtf wtf wtf.)

Kakashi, not looking up from his book: Good luck, honey, kick his ass!

Asuma: Should we be worried? Kakashi: No, Gai's going to be fine. He knows how to fight a Sharingan. Asuma: Gai's not the one I'm worried about.

Asuma, cupping his hands around his mouth: Hey Uchiha! You're gonna get your ass kicked! Izuna: [murder eyes] Asuma, shrugging: Well, I warned him.

It's the "Sasuke gets his ass kicked by Rock Lee" scene but taller.

Izuna starts demanding more spars with Gai because this is unacceptable! The vibe I get from Izuna in this AU is Miraculous Ladybug's Chloe going "Ridiculous! Utterly Riiiiiiiiiii-diculous!"

Ino decides to make it her job to matchmake Izuna with someone.

"Don't you want Sasuke-kun to have some little cousins running around?" "I'm his great-grandfather, so I'm pretty sure they'd be, like... half-great-uncles or something." "I'm not hearing a no."

I didn’t know Izuna had a canon age until I got into a conversation about it while brainstorming this yesterday, but apparently he died at 24, which is only a year off from what I’d been headcanoning, so I’m pretty happy to work with that.

I'm not gonna lie: my thought was that Ino sets Izuna up on a blind date with Anko.

It's only kind of a joke. Unfortunately for Sasuke, it turns out Izuna REALLY likes Anko. I want to imagine he’s very O.O about her. I want Izuna easily flustered.