#richard-hei-long

[richard-hei-long]

Everyone Loves Violence!(And Marinette)

I was just sitting around, minding my own business with my own thoughts, and then I thought of this Crack idea so now it's the problem of everyone reading this.

Ok! So! I thought of a fun little Miraculous AU where anytime Marinette does something remotely violent one of her friends catches a severe case of "I have a crush of Marinette Dupain-Cheng".

Marinette beats Adrien in a fencing duel? Kagami falls for her.

Marinette punches a crook in the face? Alya's got feelings for her.

Marinette puts Chloe in a headlock for being a little shit one too many times? Chloe herself is now in love with her!

It's a phenomenon that has Max ripping his own hair out in frustration trying to figure out how the hell it happens(That's why it's so short).

Not to mention it's so effective that Marinette has taken to showing up in civilian form during her friends' Akumas simply because their love for her instantly deakumatises them upon seeing her.

And for extra spice you can make it so Marinette is completely oblivious to all of their affections and just thinks about how great and friendly her classmates are! They're always offering to help her out with stuff and are so nice! She's so lucky to have met them!

And if someone takes this idea and turns it into a fanfic or something... Please tell me so I can laugh at my insanity being brought into reality!

[stopstopstopit]

band of brothers text posts 17/?

[thefloatingstone]

Truly a horrendous fate is that the vast majority of the living population will only ever equate Richard Harris for portraying Dumbledore in the first 2 movies... and NOT for his vocal performance singing "McArthur's Park".

This post is my attempt to at least reduce that number by 1

[dirtbra1n]

full disclosure I have been So watching detective conan

[foldingfittedsheets]

Hey, kind of a long shot but figured it never hurts to ask:

Do any of my followers live or know someone on the west coast who’s looking for a dog? Our friend Richard and his wife just had a baby and they’ve tried so hard but the new baby and dog are just not compatible.

He’s about nine, very high energy and affectionate. Not a good fit with young kids or cats as he’s pretty high prey drive but very friendly and well socialized otherwise.

Here’s Milo

Shoot me a DM if interested. They’d love to be able to see him sometimes if you’d also like to make friends with some cool nerds.

He’s going to have to be put down later this week if they can’t place him, all the shelters and sanctuaries they’ve looked into are full.

Update: A home has been found!

[morganbritton132]

A little continuation from this post I made about Eddie being an unwitting accomplice to Steve’s crimes:

Eddie is sitting in his van in the parking lot, twirling a bathroom pass around his finger as he watches Steve let the air out of Billy Hargrove’s tires.

He looks away, contemplates going back to history class, and then jumps out of his skin at his passenger door opening. Steve sits inside like, “Hey, wanna make a hundred bucks?”

There used to be a time when Eddie would kill to have King Steve Harrington talk to him… “I don’t have that much gear on me.”

“I’m not - no, I’m not looking to buy,” Steve shakes his head like it’s Eddie’s fault for not understanding what he’s asking. “Two hundred. I need a ride.”

Eddie should’ve said no. Wayne would’ve told Eddie to say no, but here he is. Pulling into the parking lot of some posh looking law office while Steve turns towards him like, “You’re good at acting, right? Good, c’mon.”

Honestly he doesn’t know if it’s curiosity or stupidity, but Eddie didn’t back out of that parking lot right there and go back to school. No, he got out and followed Steve inside.

Pass the receptionist’s desk, pass the unpaid interns, and the junior partners, to a big glass door in the back where Steve stops short and tells Eddie, “Okay, follow me and then stand out there and look angry and fed up.”

“I am fed up.”

“Good on, Munson. You’ll kill it,” He says and then heads into the office without knocking. Eddie reluctantly follows. Steve pulls a 180 and says in a voice on the verge of tears, “Dad, I really messed up.”

He launches into an Oscar worthy performance about Tommy messing with him and not paying attention, and him sideswiping Eddie’s van, “And he says he’s going to sue me. He knows a lawyer.”

Because Eddie has clearly hit his head and is now dying, that somehow works. Or at the least, Richard Harrington is too busy to deal with this because he doles out cash to fix his van. He even says, “Have the invoice from the mechanic sent to my office. We’ll cover payment as long as this wraps up cleanly.”

“Dad, he’s going to fix it himself. He’s handy.”

That sounds like an insult but he was handed another extra hundred so Eddie just mumbled something and gets the hell out of there. He’s barely got his seatbelt back on before Steve is getting back in the car looking pumped.

He grabs the cash and splits it. Three hundred evenly. He grins, “I didn’t think that was going to work.”

“What do you need three hundred dollars for?”

“Oh. I don’t.”

Eddie stares at him incredulously, “So you just lie to everybody.”

“Pretty much.”

[ofglories]

"Oh. Fantastic. You're here as well." One could practically see the sarcasm dripping from John's tone. As well as the very visible sneer radiating from his expression. Sure, there was some joy to be found of his brother being there!

His older brother.

His older brother who now looked much, much younger.

John pressed his knuckles to his temple. Oh great, he could already feel a migraine coming along. "I'm sure you have many a fantastic tale. But please spare me every story about your escapades. I don't need to hear about every new Matthew and Joshua and Edward." (to Richard, from John, heroicmenagerie)

"Why, if it isn't Johnny! Or since you look so much older now, should I just call you by John now? You always did pout so when I or Henry would call you by your nickname."

Not that it was much of a nickname.

For Richard it had been his attempts to let his youngest sibling keep his childhood for longer, despite their mother and father's personal feelings on the matter. But for Henry? That was something the Saber could never fully know. His older brother's mind had forever been a mystery to him, even more so once Henry had passed so unexpectedly. The one thing Richard had ever known for sure was...

Any love the oldest of the children of Eleanor and Henry II might have held in his heart for his younger siblings had gone to all those that came after Richard. Not that he really held a grudge. Not over something so childish but it had stung to realize it one day when seeing the eldest and the youngest speaking with each other so easily. In a way entirely unlike either held themselves when Richard was involved in the discussion.

Still, as ever, he swallowed any sharp, cutting words about how John had always had time to listen to whatever nonsense Henry had to say in response.

"How poorly you think of me! I'm not that lovelorn youth from my teenaged years, little brother." Sighing dramatically, he shrugged and waved a hand. "Still, it's good to see you here as well! And rest assured, I have no new tales of loves lost to share with you."

[beekeeperspicnic]

It is the 1920s, and in a sleepy Sussex village, beekeeper and former world's greatest detective Sherlock Holmes (James Quinn, Apostasy), is trying to arrange a pleasant clifftop picnic for his lifelong companion Dr Watson (Andrew James Spooner, Muppets Most Wanted). The only problem is that a series of mysteries keep getting in the way!

Features

Explore a seaside town It’s the day of the village fete, a suspicious new neighbour has taken a lease on  a long-abandoned cottage and something strange is happening down on the  beach…

Interrogate and befriend a fully professionally voice-acted cast of eccentric characters including a clown with a tragic past (Felix Trench, Wooden Overcoats), the local leader of the women's institute (Alison Skilbeck, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, (yes that one)) budding young naturalist (Alice Osmanski, Sanditon), a wannabe showman (Layla Katib, Victoriocity) and a prickly police officer. And lots more. I love this cast to bits.

Make deductions and decisions. Puzzles have multiple solutions, some of which may please your neighbours more than others.  What path will you choose? Who will you enlist to help you?

Phone for help of you get stuck! Your older brother Mycroft (Richard Rycroft, Game of Thrones) is always ready to act as your consultant, just give him a call at his club if you need a hint. 

A  relaxing bespoke soundtrack by @sandygarnelle

🐝Releasing March 2025🐝

Hey so, I'm @jabbage, and I've spent the past few years and thousands of hours making the funny, poignant, cosy, queer game I always wanted to play. I can't wait to share it with all of you!

If you would like to support the project, please consider following this blog, wishlisting the game to feed Steam's algorithm, reblogging this post and spreading the word to your friends - it really does make a massive difference to a solo indie developer like me! <3

Wishlist on Steam | Itch.io Demo | Discord | Press Kit

(Also feel free to ask me a question about it!)

[richard-hei-long]

Kagami Steals His Girl(And his Miraculous)

Warning: Adrien Salt ahead, so if you don't like it I recommend skipping this post.

So, I was reading this Miraculous fic called "Masked Hearts"(Spoilers for those who know what it is).

In it, Adrien reveals his identity literal seconds after Hawkmoth's defeat and promptly asks out Ladybug despite Kagami being there(It's before Lies happened).

Naturally, Kagami takes exception to this. Not only publically breaking up with him, but also asking out Ladybug.

And I could help but think... What if she also stole his Miraculous right before that? Even using it to transform and carry LB off bridal style?

That's one hell of a "Fuck you" right there!

Where it goes from there is up to you.

Edit: Here's the fanfic with the specific chapter.

Sorry for not putting it in beforehand. -w-

[goshiki-ng]

I like to think that when the bat kids get upset with Bruce over small petty things they pull the your not my dad card like even Damian does it because he’s heard the other kids saying it for so long. Just imagine if you please:

-

Bruce: Tim I am begging go to sleep the case will still be there to solve tomorrow

Tim: your not in charge of me your not my dad?

Bruce: (legally isn’t his dad) I’ll tell Alfred

Tim: you wouldn’t god damn dare

-

Dick: (just stubbed his toe) oh fuck ouch

Bruce: language Richard

Dick: who the fuck are you my dad

Bruce: legally speaking yes watch your mouth

-

Bruce: Jason stop stealing my tires off the Batmobile it isn’t funny

Jason: what are you gonna do ground me your not my dad bitch

Bruce: I DONT NEED TO BE YOUR DAD FOR YOU TO NOT STEAL MY TIRES DONT STEAL PERIOD

Jason: ok old man i think you’re going senile

-

Duke: damn I got an f on my English essay

Bruce: you know duke you should really study harder if you want to be successful in the future

Duke: who do you think you are trust fund billy my dad?

-

Steph: hey Brucie let’s do a tiktok together

Bruce: Steph you shouldn’t be on your phone all the time it’s bad for your health

Steph: sorry bruce didn’t know i was talking to my dad right now

-

Damian: father I wish to go on patrol tonight

Bruce: Damian no you’re grounded you aren’t allowed to patrol

Damian: tt whatever you’re not my dad

Bruce: YES I AM?

[sayruq]

The Biden administration has publicly admitted that it is working with tech companies to “limit Hamas's use of online platforms, including social media,” part of a campaign to suppress pro-Palestinian and anti-Israel sentiment. Though there has been much speculation that the federal government is pressuring social media companies to police their networks, this is the first official confirmation of its counterterrorism efforts. A little-noticed readout for a May 15 Hague meeting between the State Department’s Coordinator for Counterterrorism Elizabeth Richard and other governments said that Richard “updated the group on U.S. efforts to engage tech companies in voluntary collaboration to limit Hamas’ use of online platforms, including social media, for terrorist purposes.” The readout also notes that another similar meeting took place on December 13, in which the U.S. coordinated with partner governments to “target Hamas’ online propaganda.” Platforms like Instagram, TikTok and Facebook have long banned terrorist organizations like Hamas. Now, however, the federal government is pressuring companies to ban “Hamas-linked” accounts and those of pro-Palestinian Americans.

[allthingssteddie]

Steve Harrington thought he'd managed to keep him being an omega a secret from his parents. He'd been on suppressants since he was 16, a late bloomer, and his parents were rarely home the last few years. But one fateful day, as he was in the midst of his heat in his room, his father burst in, yelling behind him to his mother about what a disappointment Steve was as a son.

The harsh words cut deep, and Steve felt his heart sink. His father stormed out of the house, leaving Steve reeling. His mother stood outside his door, a sad look etched on her face.

"Mom," Steve called out, his voice shaking.

But she just turned and walked away, leaving Steve feeling isolated and alone.

Steve's father didn't return home until the early hours of the morning, a self satisfied grin spreading across his face as he puffed on a cigar. A complete 180 to his earlier demeanor was jarring.

It wasn't until the following evening that Steve discovered the reason behind his father's sudden change in mood.

His parents summoned him to the dining room, a space that had once been the heart of their family but now felt like a relic of the past. The fact that his mother had cooked dinner only added to Steve's growing unease.

"Sit down,son," his father said, his voice booming through the room. Steve hesitated, but his mom's encouraging smile put him at ease. He took a seat, his eyes darting between his parents.

"We need to talk ," his father said, his grin returning. he could feel his gut twisting with anxiety.

"You see, son," his father began, "while I was away, I went to the bar to clear my head, and wouldn't you believe it, I ran into, the owner of all those restaurants from the commercials you know, with that catchy jingle." His father snapped his fingers, trying to recall.

Steve's face fell. "Yeah," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

His father smiled. "Well, he was telling me he was looking to marry, and I mentioned I had an omega son... and one thing led to another, and we signed a contract." He looked at Steve expectantly.

Steve's eyes pleaded with his mom, but she looked away, avoiding his gaze.

"Please... I can't," Steve whispered, his eyes fixed on the table to avoid his father's gaze, knowing he would see the anger and disappointment burning within them.

"Why not, Stephan? Huh? You have a long line of suitors, do you?" his father sneered.

"Richard," Steve's mom cautioned, her voice soft but urgent.

Steve's dad slammed his hand on the table, making both Steve and his mom jump. He smoothed his hair, attempting to compose himself. "You are doing this, son. And that's final," he declared, his voice cold and unyielding.

With that, he stood up, his chair scraping against the floor. Steve's mom followed suit, her eyes cast downward in a mixture of shame. They left Steve alone, the silence in the room oppressive and heavy.

That night, Steve sat in the darkness of his room, his mind racing with thoughts of the arranged marriage. He debated calling Robin, knowing she would freak out, but he desperately needed to talk to someone. The weight of this was suffocating him, and he couldn't bear the thought of carrying it alone.

The next day, Robin dragged Steve to a carnival, hoping the bright lights and lively atmosphere would lift his spirits. But Steve would have rather stayed home and wallowed in his misery.

"I seriously hate your father, Steve," Robin said, her voice indignant. "I can't believe your mom just let him do that. I really wish we could run away together." He felt a pang of longing he wanted to escape with Robin too, but he knew it was impossible.

As they walked through the carnival grounds, they stumbled upon a colorful tent with a sign that read "Eddie the Powerful Reader." Robin's eyes sparkled with curiosity. "Hey, Steve, want to check it out?" Steve just grunted in response.

Inside the tent, a guy about Steve's age sat across from a woman with a crystal ball. He looked up, catching Steve's eye, and flashed a warm smile then continued talking to the lady.

She scoffed at Eddie, "What a crock of shit!" Gathering her things, she stormed out of the tent.

The guy who had been sitting across from her raised an eyebrow, shrugging. "Some people can't handle the truth," he said, smiling wryly at Steve and Robin.

Robin and Steve sat down, and Eddie's eyes sparkled with interest. "So, what can I do for you guys? Maybe a couple's reading?"

"Nope," Steve said, while Robin chimed in, "Platonic."

Eddie nodded, a hint of satisfaction etched on hir face then his expression turning serious. "But there is something we really need to know," Robin continued. "Steve's parents are arranging a marriage for him, and he doesn't want to go through with it. Is there anything that can be done to prevent it?"

Eddie's eyes locked onto Steve's, then shifted to the crystal ball. "Uh huh," he murmured, his voice filled with conviction.

"What?" Robin asked, wide eyed and leaning on the edge of her seat.

"The spirits say the wedding won’t happen," Eddie declared, his voice firm.

Robin said excitedly, "Really?"

Steve sighed, rolling his eyes. "Robin, come on. The wedding is happening. My dad will make sure of it. Let's just go." He stood up to leave, but Eddie grabbed his hand.

"Steve, am I right?" Eddie asked, his eyes intense. "I can guarantee a hundred percent it's not happening."

Steve felt a shiver run down his spine as he met Eddie's gaze. For some reason, he believed him. A spark of hope ignited within him, and he felt a sense of calm wash over him as he left the tent with Robin.

It was the day of the wedding, and Steve's father, Richard, had orchestrated everything to perfection. He had spent the preceding days yelling at Steve's mother, criticizing her for not doing enough to prepare for the wedding. "It's a woman's job to plan these things!" he would bellow, his face red with annoyance.

Steve's mother would remain silent, her eyes cast downward, as Richard's anger simmered just below the surface. Toward the end, she had brought in her sisters to help with the preparations, and despite Richard's grumbling, everything was falling into place.

As Richard surveyed the wedding arrangements, a satisfied smile spread across his face. He had secured a large dowry, and soon he would be rid of Steve, the son he saw as a burden.

Steve's aunts swarmed around him, helping him get dressed in the cramped, chaotic room. They threw clothes and accessories around, dabbing makeup on his face and trying to squeeze him into a elaborate wedding dress. Steve protested, his face red with frustration. "I don't want to wear this!" he exclaimed.

But his aunts just exchanged stern glances. "Do you want your father to come in here?" one of them asked, her voice low and warning. Steve's heart sank, and he reluctantly submitted to their ministrations, his eyes fixed on the floor in resignation.

As Steve stood there, trapped in the chaos his mind wandered back to the words of. "The wedding won't happen," Eddie had said with such conviction. Steve's rational mind told him it was just a fantasy, that the wedding would indeed go on as planned. But a small spark of hope had ignited within him, and he couldn't help but cling to it, no matter how impossible it seemed.

Steve's mother burst into the room, her eyes hidden behind black glasses, a deep frown etched on her face. "Is he ready?" she asked, her voice tight with tension.

Maria, one of Steve's aunts, nodded hastily. "Yes, he's all set."

Steve's father, Richard, strode into the room, his eyes scanning Steve's attire before nodding in approval. He grasped Steve's arm, his grip like a vice, and began to escort him down the aisle.

As they walked, Steve caught sight of his groom, a man with a permanent scowl etched on his face, eerily reminiscent of Steve's father. Steve's heart sank, his earlier hope dwindling in the face of this bleak reality.

Steve's eyes locked onto his groom, and the of his father and then a wave of panic washed over him. He couldn't do this. He wouldn't. With a surge of adrenaline, Steve pushed his father out of the way, ignoring the cries of "Steve, come back!" and "What's wrong?" from the guests.

He sprinted down the aisle, his wedding attire fluttering behind him, and burst through the doors of the venue. Outside, the bright sunlight was a welcome relief from the stifling atmosphere of the wedding.

As he looked around frantically for an escape route, a sleek motorcycle roared into view. Eddie, the physic, was grinning at him from the driver's seat, his eyes glinting with amusement.

"Told you it wouldn't happen," Eddie said, chuckling, as he gestured for Steve to hop on.

Steve didn't hesitate. He swung his leg over the bike and settled in behind Eddie, feeling a rush of happiness as they sped away from the wedding venue, leaving his father's angry shouts and the stunned guests in their dust.

[cristinacclearwater]

Au! Batfam talking about who had the most badass mentor amongst them..

Like trying to one up each other with mentors and friends and shenanigans..

Bruce is there, drinking coffee keeping quiet because he knows he wins..

Walks in Dick and Tim..

Dick: hey guys! What are you talking about?

Jason: coolest mentor. I win ofcourse, with Batman, and Talia teaching me personally..

Damian: as if todd. I am the winner of this discussion.. Mother built my base before my various tutors took over. And I have served Robin for 2 batmen. Father and Richard.

Duke: Steph and me are keeping scores, though Steph counted Tim among her tutors, when her turn came.

Tim: me?

Dick: I guess that makes sense.

Damian: I don't see what you are so proud about Brown. Drake is incompetent and had passed on his incompetence to you till Oracle took over your training.

Steph: oh little guy! You have no idea!! Watch this. Hey Tim!!

Tim: hm? *not paying attention*

Steph: who taught you to fight?

Tim: Bruce?

Steph: no like. Who taught you that nerve thing you do?

Tim: oh. Rahul Lama

Steph: Bo staff?

Tim: Shiva

Steph: How many Batmen did you work with?

Tim: 3? Do i count, because then 4.

Steph: is Mt Rushmore still a hologram?

Jason: Still?

Tim: yeah. The league don't know how to fix that, well unless a speedster goes back in time. But then Bart will have to go back to change it back anyway so * shrugs *

Duke: Wait!! What happened to Mt. Rushmore? Its a HOLOGRAM!?!

Tim: yeah. YJ had a mission a few years back and well long story short the lab was under the mountain and kinda crashed out of it..

Duke: * whisper * what?

Steph: Shh Duke. This is just the start.

Jason: THIS is a start?

Jason turns to look at Bruce & Dick

Bruce look like he is re-living a trauma.

Dick has a grimace on his face, klhe knows what Jason is asking.

Dick: Yeah well. Tim's Robin years were... Interesting.

Jason: well clearly.

Steph: i was so surprised when Jason came back to life. Like i know its common now! But then... What about you tim?

Tim: well? Secret was a ghost and came to life too. And Danny became leader of a cult of snakes. So, quiet common i guess.

[foldingfittedsheets]

My beloved @aorryn47 and I met on a dating site. They were one of my top personality matches. Unbeknownst to me Richard helped them game the system to get really high matches. We chatted for a bit and somehow ended up talking about laundry. I admitted that I smell test my shirts and could go a really long time between washes because I didn’t really sweat. This was a bad thing actually, and I sweat now, don’t worry.

They then abruptly stopped talking to me. I was like. :( oh. I’m a gross lil guy, I didn’t think it was that weird but maybe I should wash my clothes more even if they don’t smell. I continued on with my dating escapades.

Then about a week and a half later they were like, “Hey, I hate talking on here, do you just want to meet up?”

I agreed to coffee but somehow assumed that meant breakfast. This would lead to a contentious years long debate that I lost about my assumption that coffee meant breakfast. My beloved generously ordered soup so I wasn’t eating alone. I showed up half an hour early because it was a new location and I get anxious about being late.

I waited in my car, reading a bit to pass the time. After a while I stepped out to head inside. The car that had been parked next to me pretty much the whole time I’d be waiting also opened, and there was my beloved. Equally early.

I felt like that was a pretty good sign.

I generally just chatter when I meet people and they liked not having to fill the silence. I talked about finding blood on showroom mattresses and they told me about being an acupuncture student.

By the time I had to leave to meet an exterminator at my place I knew I’d like to spend more time with them. So I invited them over for board games while we waited for someone to come deal with my ant problem. They agreed.

When they got to my place I wanted them to meet my cat. Leeloo is an oddball and one thing that consistently makes her like visitors is if they sit on the bed. So I ushered my beloved to the bedroom and urged them to sit on the bed so Leeloo would come up and be friendly.

I would learn later that this was viewed as a potential way to put the moves on them which flabbergasted me. I just wanted my cat to say hi, which she did. But when I write the words I asked someone on a first date to sit on my bed to meet my cat I do hear how it sounds.

[phossiii]

｡𖦹°‧⭑ monsters: chapter two

synopsis: task force m arrives at the palace. and you and phosphorus come to an agreement.

cw: reader is a monster, mature themes, profanity, innuendos, phosphorus is phosphorus, more superpower usage, cute flirting thing going on, little spicy at the end.

"You'd think they'd take these shits down after a while..." you grimaced, watching as you passed by each deformed face. "I mean, seriously?"

"They're family. Who would wanna take down the last known painting of Great Great Grandpa Ugly?" Phosphorus quipped, pointing toward one of them as he walked alongside you. "They even got his good side."

"That's a woman..."

"..."

"Wow."

After arriving in Pokolistan, and taking a rather uncomfortable, piss-ridden ride to the palace, Task Force M had finally made it to the royal castle.

The royal castle where inbreeding seemed to be the fad of the last few centuries.

"Looks like the gene pool was above ground and inflatable, if you know what I mean," Bride remarked, glancing at Flag.

The general let out a soft chuckle, slightly grimacing at the images.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I wonder what this princess is going to look li—Oh."

In front of you all approached a gorgeous woman, with sparkling blue eyes and short, blonde hair.

Flag watched, entranced, as she approached, earning an eye roll from the Bride.

"Schwing," Phosphorus whispered, earning an eye roll from you.

"Dork."

"Richard Bill Flag, Sr," Ilana smiled, resting her hands behind her back. "So wonderful to be meeting you."

"Yes... you, too," he nodded, awkwardly.

"Your middle name is Bill?" Bride raised a brow.

"Yes."

"Not, like, William?" Nina asked.

"No."

"Whose middle name is Bill?" you slightly grinned.

"Mine! Okay?"

You raised your hand in defense, backing off as he refocused.

"Princess Rostovic, it's an honor," Flag bowed, humbly.

"This is not the kind of bow we do in Pokolistan, Mr. Richard Flag," the captain of the guard interjected. "So, unfortunately... we're going to have to kill you."

"What?!"

"Alexi," Ilana tried to reprimand.

"I am sorry. We must only do sacred, customary bow in this castle."

As the guards began to close in, drawing their weapons, everyone went back to back, you igniting your fist with fire.

"Everyone, murder this man."

"What?! Hold on a minute! No one briefed me on what kind of bow!"

Though, it wasn't long before they all burst into laughter.

'The hell?'

"I'm sorry. They're... how do you say it... messing on you?" Ilana apologized, muffling her snickers.

"I am making joke!" Alexi cackled. "For a minute, I think you're going to make mess in your pants, huh?"

"I was never gonna—!"

"Very close to messing his pants," the Bride interrupted with a smile.

"I wasn't even in the vicinity of doing that."

"I think someone else was," Phosphorus smirked, nudging you. "Right, Jumpy?"

"Don't make me hurt you, X-ray," you threatened, sharply.

"We are so much like Americans, yes?" Alexi grinned. "Ooh, we pull pranks like Jamie Kennedy Experiment! We do the Super Bowl shovel! We like to say Wazzup!"

'Jesus...'

"Well, you're certainly current with your popular cultural references," Phosphorus commended.

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome," he leaned in closer to you, lowering his voice to a whisper and pointing to his face. "Sarcastic smile."

"Why are you talking to me right now?"

"Now, I have question for you, skeleton. Where is the beef?" Alexi laughed. "Clara Peller, one of the greats—"

"Enough, Alexi," Ilana sighed, turning to the rest of you. "We've prepared a banquet for you, our honored guests."

You grinned, finally excited.

It had been so long since you'd had a meal that wasn't grey-ish, brown slop.

'Shoulda led with that.'

"Hey, doll face," Phosphorus, chimed, mouth stuffed with food as he glanced at your steak, "You gonna eat that?"

"Don't call me doll face," you shut down, harshly. "And no. I'm not."

"Perfect."

Without hesitation, he snatched it away and plopped it down on his plate, using an irradiated hand to cook it a bit extra. 

Though, once he was finished, he was quick to yoke it up and take a bite out of it like a goddamn raccoon.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you went back to cutting your brussel sprouts.

"Animal..."

"Don't start thinkin' you're better than me just 'cause you're on a diet," he countered, tossing the once bitten steak over his shoulder, sending Weasel to fetch it.

"Vegetarian," you corrected, stabbing a piece of broccoli with your fork. "I haven't eaten meat in years."

"Didn't know Hell had a salad bar."

"Fuck you."

"That would be delightful, actually," he grinned, unbothered, as he ripped the drumstick off a turkey and took a large bite.

Pointedly, you ignored him, opening your mouth and shoveling in some vegetables.

And that's when he noticed...

"Whoa..." Phosphorus froze, slightly, eyes widening at the sight. "You have fangs?"

Your expression fell, swapping for one of annoyance.

"Yes," you answered, flatly. "Are you deaf or something? 'Cause you seem to be having a hard time grasping the fact thatI. Am. A. Demon."

"That's hot," he stated, completely ignoring what you just said.

Taken by surprise, you clammed up, a certain warmth rising to your cheeks at his bold comment.

As crude as it was, no one had ever actually complimented you off your looks before.

This was completely new territory.

"I—Shut up!" you slightly stammered, internally cursing yourself for being so embarrassing.

"Holy crap... did you just stutter?" he realized, giddily. 

"No!"

"You did! Oh, my God! You just did!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"That was adorable! You're adorable."

"I hate you."

"You're not the first."

"Fuck..." you cursed, closing your eyes and biting your lip as your free hand cupped your breast through the thin fabric of your tank top.

Lost in the moment, your breath began to pick up, even more so as you slid your red hand down the front of your panties.

You moaned as you began to massage your sensitive bud, imagining it was someone else instead.

After housing down the rest of your dinner, and take a well-earned shower, you got set your own private room—which you procured by telling Flag you sometimes burst into flames in your sleep.

But now, with the boys keeping watch outside the princess's room, and nothing but time to kill, you settled for the old American past time, dealing with an itch you'd been meaning to scratch for years.

"Oh, shit..." you gasped, slipping your fingers inside, expecting to feel something.

But you didn't.

In fact, you felt nothing.

'The fuck?'

Abruptly, you sat up on the bed, letting out a huff as you looked down at yourself.

You knew it had been a hot minute since you last... y'know... but you didn't think you were that rusty.

"Fuck me," you groaned, flopping back on the mattress in annoyance.

You were already pent up enough, but adding sexual frustration to the mix only worsened the feral urges rising in your chest.

God, you weren't even supposed to be here...

You weren't some hardened criminal, or senseless evil-doer.

You were just a woman.

A woman... with horrible luck, and a really, really bad case of DID.

And a woman who wanted nothing more than to be back at her cell in Arkham, far away from these people and this place.

Quickly, you got up, snatching your shorts off the floor before tugging them on, running a frustrated hand through your hair.

Frantically, you racked your brain for someone to assist you, feeling as though if you didn't get this release, you might go insane.

Just one round.

Just one, quick round.

And you'd be set for however many more years you had at the asylum.

Flag?

'No. He was makin' goo-goo eyes at the princess... and by now she's probably already fucked him.'

G.I?

'Too stiff. I don't even think he has a dick...'

Weasel?

'Absolutely not.'

Which only leaves...

'Fuck. Me.'

Cursing under your breath, you stood there for a moment, contemplating the life choices that led you to this moment before starting for the door.

On your way, your steps seeming to echo throughout the room as you padded across, and only got louder after you yanked open the door and reached the hallway.

At this point, you were desperate.

With no actual options and limited time, you would have to act fast.

And pray that he'd let it go once you were done...

Using your sense of smell, you found his door easily, moving to step in front of it.

You were about to knock, but stopped mid-way, hesitant.

What if he said no? Found you disgusting...

"Whoa, there, doll face... That's hot," his words echoed in your head.

With a deep sigh, you steeled your nerves, raising your hand to knock, but just as you did, the door swung open, scaring you half to death.

And there he stood, six feet of surprisingly attractive radiation clad in a hoodie and sweatpants, sleeves pushed up to reveal his glowing forearms.

'Damn...'

Though, he looked like he was on his way to do something.

"(y/n)... to what do I owe the surprise?" Phosphorus played off, his voice doing little to hide the grin on his face.

In this case, he was glad that his eyes weren't visible to others, as that was the only thing keeping you from smacking him across the face for the look he had on.

Which was utterly shameless.

But fuck... who could blame him when you looked the way you did? 

You exchanged the sexy leather and buckles for a sinfully thin, black tank top and shorts, your curves now even further on display.

If he was being honest, for a moment, he didn't even believe the sight to be real—it all seemed too good to be true.

That is, until you started talking.

"Look, I'm only gonna say this one time," you started, poking your finger into his chest and forcing him back into his room, kicking the door shut behind you once you were inside. "So for once in your life, shut the fuck up and listen. Okay?"

He felt his stomach churn at your touch, your demanding tone and freshly-washed scent doing little to help.

But he silently nodded, keeping somewhat eye contact.

"I have been stuck in Arkham for ten fucking years... and for ten fucking years I've only ever touched myself..." you continued, still moving forward, and still forcing him back. "This might be the last time I see the outside world, and if it is, I'm doing one thing before I go."

Absolutely floored, Phosphorus couldn't help but let his mouth hang wide, completely disbelieving of the words coming out of your mouth.

There was no way.

Were you serious?

Was this really happening?

Had he fallen asleep?

"Sadly, there isn't a buffet of options," you sighed, slightly amused, as the backs of his knees hit the bed, forcing him to fall back onto it with a yelp. "But out of the assortment, you're the only one I can fuck without giving severe burns."

Practically pouncing, you crawled on top of him, sitting yourself down on his crotch and caging him to the mattress.

"But I wanna be clear that this is just sex. I need something... and you probably do, too. So we're just giving it to each other. Nothing more, nothing less."

Phosphorus's brow raised at the statement.

"Figured that," he chuckled. "I'm never gonna see you again. They're gonna ship you back to Gotham when this is all over."

"Exactly," you nodded. "So... you fuck me, help me get my nut, and then I leave. No cuddling, pillow talk, none of that. Am I clear?"

Below you, the man cocked his head to the side, seeming to be searching your face for something.

You tried to keep your expression as firm as possible, needing him to understand how serious you were.

Finally, he nodded, slowly resting a hot hand on your hip, sending a small vibration running right through your body.

"Crystal," he purred.

You shoulders sank with a quiet sigh, relief flooding your body as you leaned down, your face now inches from his.

"Good..." you hummed, moving closer until your lips were just out of each other's reach.

You could finally feel good, for what could possibly be the last time.

You weren't going to waste a single second.

"Now fuck me."

[demonic0angel]

Things that happened at Thanksgiving today, but I make it DPxDC

Damian: … Richard? What are you doing?

Dick: *standing on the lawn and staring into the distance* I’ve been watching Danny try and struggle to park for the past fifteen minutes.

Damian: Oh. *also stops to watch* Have you seen Danielle and Jasmine come in?

Dick: Tbh, no. I’ve been watching Danny this entire time. And oh— oh! He stopped. Ooh, he turned around. He’s leaving. Damn, he gave up entirely and decided to park on the grass. Oh, he ran over Alfred’s bushes.

Damian:

Dick:

Damian: He won’t make it past the gates without Alfred sniping him.

Dick: Damn, you’re right.

————

Damian: *after Jason did something* what do you think you’re doing, Todd?

Jason: Lol, your mom

Damian: Actually, my mom only used you for her own goals. In fact, your mom abandoned you. Twice.

Jason:

Dick: Now, Damian, that’s not—

Damian: People who have had their mothers die in front of them should not speak.

Dick:

Damian: *pointing at Tim* And you! You may have had two parents at one point, but they definitely don’t consider you as their child! That’s why you had to stay with your neighbors so long! You’re an inconvenience!

Tim:

Stephanie: Hey now—

Damian: I don’t even want to hear you. Does your mother know you go out and fight crime? Does she even care?

Stephanie:

Damian: *looking at Cass* You too, Cassandra! But mommy issues wouldn’t be the least of your problems with your daddy issues as well!

Cass:

Damian: *turning around to Danny* And I didn’t forget about you, Fenton! No wonder you fit right in, your abandonment issues, raging teenage angst, and appearance makes you just at home, doesn’t it?!

Danny:

Tim: …. What about Jazz?

Jazz: *who’s been silent the entire time*

Damian:

Jazz:

Everybody else:

Damian: No, she’s a guest here. Why would I do that?

————

Dani: Pfft— Tim, Tim, can I— *can’t breathe from laughing too hard* can I touch your hair? It just looks so soft! *still laughing*

Tim: …?

Jazz and Danny: *also laughing their guts out*

Dani: *tries to reach for Tim but she keeps laughing and can’t focus on asking him* Your hair looks so soft— keheheh! C-Can I touch it??

Dani: *eventually swipes her finger under Tim’s nose and falls off of her chair from cackling so loud*

Tim: …..

Jason: *also bursting out in laughter* YOUR FACE!! BWAHAHAHAH

*Dani then proceeded to do this four more separate times with other people*

————

Dick: You know how Harley is back together with the Joker?

Dan: Yeah?

Dick: He cheated on Harley again.

Danny: *whirling around, flabbergasted* HUH?!

————

Dick: *carrying several bottles* Alright! Time for alcohol!

Jazz: Uhhh, Dick? Damian is right there—

Dick: He’s getting drunk tonight too!!

Everyone: ????

Damian: Yes! Alcoholism! *takes a plastic cup and takes a big gulp*

Dan: *looking at the bottle* This says sparkling apple cider?

Dick: Shhhh, just watch the show.

————

*dramatic screaming from other room*

Bruce: ….? What’s that?

Dick: Is that Jason? He sounds like he’s in pain

Bruce: *standing up* is he okay? Does he need help? Should I go and help him?! What’s happening—

Tim: Jason is playing ping pong with Dan and Danny. And losing really badly while Jazz is watching.

Bruce:

Dick:

Tim:

Bruce: oh.