#repressed homophobia

[beanghostprincess]

me: all sanji fics are the same! it's always sanji having a breakdown over liking a man and going into an identity crisis and a spiral of internalized homophobia-

also me every time i read a sanji fic: OH MY GOD SANJI HAVING A BREAKDOWN OVER LIKING A MAN AND GOING INTO AN IDENTITY CRISIS AND A SPIRAL OF INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA THIS IS SO GOOD AWKEBFNALKEWNFLKANELKN

[lordofdestructionm]

Reading Mordecai Heller as a repressed gay man

The tragic attraction

This is a full post based on my response to a great analysis by @sedgewick-gayble

Let me start by saying that if you read Mordecai as being totally asexual/aromantic and any affection he has for other characters to be entirely platonic that is entirely valid and I respect that

However as this response by Tracy makes clear on the topic of fans reading Mordecai as gay there is an intentional ambiguity about it. Being 28 at the time of the main story his "lifestyle is certainly asexual" up to this point, yet "being ace and being gay are not mutually exclusive things" and people sometimes "don't know themselves or understand their own motivations all that well"

This leaves the possibility open that Mordecai is actively repressing his natural desires and feelings

Mordecai's early life didn't exactly provide much time or opportunity for "self discovery", even by the usual standards of the less than tolerant and understanding world of the early 20th century

Being born into an impoverished family and having his father die very early in his life leaving him and his Mother and two younger sisters in dire straits, Mordecai had to get to work and assume adult responsibilities pretty damn early.

As Tracy says "selling newspapers wasn't going to cut it" and so using his natural talent with numbers Mordecai starts bookkeeping for the mob. Is it any wonder someone with that background would develop such a serious and rigidly buttoned up demeanour?

Since being forced to abandon his mother and two sisters at the start of the 1920s and flee New York, being picked up by Atlas's due to his habit of collecting useful strays, Mordecai had very few people he was close to in St Louis. With his generally anti-social personality and not only lack of interest but discomfort with any sort of flirting or romantic entanglements, that would be unlikely to change

Side note: Probaby coincidence but

There are only two people who seem to make it onto that exclusive list of people that "count" for Mordecai, who he cares about and are able to bring things to the surface he would normally keep hidden

Atlas to Mordecai is not just an employer, he is the man who saved his life, the man who moulded a desperate fearful shabby young stray into the sharp professional he is today, who took him under his wing and made him his protege. Filling the empty space his father left in his life. His grief and desperate hunt for those responsible for his death are his big motivation (the strain of which is slowly tearing him apart)

That connection is undertsandable

Much more surprising on the surface is the bond with the partner Atlas teamed him up with soon after his arrival, Viktor Vasko.

The assumption at the start would have been that while their skill sets might compliment each other in the field there would have been no warmth in their dynamic.

Certainly not on Mordecai's part as Viktor appears to be a sum total of many things Mordecai hates. Viktor is unshaven, relatively casual in his attire, speaks a broken English, and hates people chattering or “noise, noise, noise” as he calls it. Clashing hard with his obsession with good grooming, high quality tailoring, correct grammar etc. Indeed Mordecai doesn't hesitate to nag/criticize Viktor for these things

Yet at the same time Mordecai has far better chemistry with Viktor than with anyone else, able to banter and bicker with him in a way you rarely if ever see with others

Its why when he gets tailored clothes for the first time Viktor is the first person he wants to show off too. Its why the one time he is intoxicated Viktor (and his large physique) are his chosen topic of converation. Its why at Christmas/Hanuhhah he gives him the gift of a tie while claiming its just because of the big guys poor fashion sense and that its "embarassing to be seen with him" (even that justification makes him sound like a nagging girlfriend)

A smaller detail is that during their iconic chess playing in the side content, set during their days staking out the remote town of Defiance, Viktor is shown very casually winning the game much to Mordecai's visible distress

This is hilarious but could also be taken as a metaphor for Viktor (possibly without even realizing it) breaking through his defensive emotional barriers

Something Mordecai doesn't know how to handle or respond to

The animated short only adds fuel to the fire

During their dispute over strategy Mordecai moves his face so close to Viktors that he almost knocks his cap off his head. His eyes at one point even dart down towards his mouth

Sharp eyed Vikdecai fans have also noted that Mordecai seems on some level to want the two of them to match

The tie being the same colour could simpy be Mordecai giving Viktor one of his own ties because its a joke gift and he just grabbed it on a whim to tease Viktor about his poor fashion choices

But think about the matching suits at the New Years party for 1926

I mean, seriously, not only is it the exact same style of suit in the same blue-grey colour distinct from everyone else, but they are standing in the perfect spots to be symmetrical to each other. Something that we all know means a lot to this compulsive man

Mordecai must have known there was going to be a big group photo ahead of time and then carefully planned this

Got matching suits made to his and Viktors measurements

Then most impressively convinced/nagged Viktor into cooperating (he may have taken off the tie and rolled up the sleeves but hey him playing along at all is quite a compromise from Viktor "I hate dressing up" Vasko)

Mordecai is intent on making Viktor retire and get out of danger, and avoid a situation where he gets sent to kill him by Marigold because he knows he could NOT do it, and his cover and investigation into Atlas's death would be over

He is horrified that Viktor is still working at Lackadaisy (though he again has to hide how much he cares) and that he has gotten not only hurt again but hurt by Mordecai again (albeit this time indirectly by stealing the guns)

Can this be read as simply platonic comradere? Absolutely

But there is something so *intense* in the fact he was willing to resort to kneecapping him. Its an extreme and desperate act that could only result from intense emotions, seemingly out of character for someone who tries very hard to appear logical and controlled.

While Vikdecai is a very fun ship when imagining them as an actual bickering married couple, I have often said that a tragic one-sided on Mordecai's part version of Vikdecai is the one that fits closest and surprisingly well into the canon.

His nagging and complaining about Viktor in that context take on a Tsundere aspect, both to protect himself from being found out and maybe even try and convince himself the uncomfortable alien feelings aren't there. He not only doesn't want others looking too hard at his feeling he doesn't want to examine them himself all that much

There is a heartbreaking but appealing angst to the idea of this extremely repressed man having such feelings for the first time in his life for his straight best friend and NOT knowing how to handle that. Having to perform the balancing act of being around him so much as his partner but being painfully aware that he can't let anyone catch on, especially not Viktor himself, as it would likely destroy his bond with the only person in town other than Atlas he is close to.

Though tragically he did that anyway later via the kneecapping, which while about trying to keep Viktor safe, he may now looking back try and tell himself its actually somehow "better" for Viktor to hate him for that

Because the big guy now wrongly thinks the feeling is mutual and that Mordecai never really cared about him, which may be better than (what Mordecai assumes would be) disgust at his partners doomed more than platonic feelings

Because he sees those feelings and his situation as a sad perfectly structured joke life has played on him

[highlyincorrect]

Upon hearing the good 911 news, I came to a scientific discovery about The Characters™️ (This took 15 minutes of my life)

[girlsdads]

A sexually confident max with a daniel who needs a little bit of reassurance is the pinnacle of my hierarchy of needs.

yessss exactly this!!!! a max who is as unapologetically himself in his sex life as he is in his everyday life, likes what he likes and isn’t ashamed of it in the slightest, with a daniel who is maybe only recently coming into his own as far as sexuality, already sexually confident with women but is more unsure when it comes to sex with men, max is there to make him feel good and comfortable!!!!!

[kiisaes]

omg catholic school au masterpost momence

i felt that making a "chronological" post for my omori catholic school au would help keep everything together >< there technically isn't a story here bc i like to jump around and explore ideas without stressing over a narrative, but this post details which posts would logically come before and after others. if that makes sense...!

this post only contains posts that might allude to a story/event, not standalone art. the omori catholic school au can be found under the #omori au tag, in case u want more content! it's the only au i have (so far) so .. there's no special name for it lol

and PLEASE READ THIS POST IF U ARE CONFUSED BY WHAT THIS AU EVEN IS

HEROMARI ("prequel")

MOMENTS IN TIME ("prequel", heromari comic)

PRIOR CONTEXT

PRE-MEETING (refs/starting point)

KNIFE BOY

SUNKEL FIRST MEETING

ART CLASS (start of friendship)

GOSSIP BUDDIES

PHOTO

LOOK!

EVERYONE LOVES SUNNY

BI PANIC

WHO'S THE STRONGEST?

CARRYING SUNNY

SIBLINGS

CRUSH ON A GIRL

MAKE A HEART

AUBREY'S HAIR

PIZZA RUN

CAT BOY

SPIKED EGGNOG

MY MUSE

(i'm goofing around with the solar system poly ship/sunny harem lol but i don't have a set main ship in mind here, it can be whichever u want. i'll likely experiment with any ships that fit their au sexuality hcs)

the more posts i make, the more i will add to this post! either progressing the "narrative" or filling in the gaps within the "timeline" with more content. idk!!!!!! it's pretty silly!!!!!!!!! i hope this helps, have fun :>

[daily-hanamura]

[heretherebedork]

Ter is an asshole but if he's also so deep in the closet he's discovered a land beyond Narnia and is taking that out on himself and Dee by flirting with him and using him to express feelings he's afraid of in himself and then trying to figure out how to keep feeling those things without having to do what he views as a huge risk and like, he's an asshole and he is horrible but there could be so much more.

There probably isn't.

But the idea of self-hating gay man who saw Dee as a chance to feel something without a risk only to fall in love with an actual out gay man... I want to believe in that story. I want to see that Ter is an asshole not because he's in the closet but because of how he treats people who aren't in the closet.

I want complexity and layers and to feel bad for him because he hates that side of himself so much but to also know that he is a fucking asshole for expressing his own self-hatred that way.

[ickypuppi3]

steve being overly tactile with billy when they become friends. slinging an arm around billy’s shoulder’s while they’re watching a movie. putting his hands on billy’s waist to move past him. tucking billy’s hair behind his ear to look at his earring. slipping a finger through the loop of billy’s jeans to tug him closer. grabbing billy’s chin to tilt his head because oh, you have freckles..

steve telling himself that sure he touches billy a lot but. he’s always been a touchy guy. it doesn’t mean anything.

steve not accepting that he has a crush on billy and that’s the reason he can’t keep his hands to himself.

because obviously steve isn’t a queer.

as if.

billy being simultaneously overwhelmed with and loving all the attention. because it’s steve. steve pressing his face into billy’s neck when they’re high. pulling billy’s hand close to play with his ring. running his hand over billy’s stomach when they pass out in the same bed and he thinks billy’s still asleep. tracing circles around billy’s ankle as he listens to billy read.

because it’s steve. steve who billy’s had a thing for since he arrived in hawkins. steve who can’t like billy like that. steve who isn’t like billy. steve who likes girls.

steve who called byers a queer.

billy wondering if this is just what it’s like to have a friend. a best friend. if this is just what you do. because billy doesn’t know. wouldn’t know. no one’s ever gotten close enough. billy thinking it’s all in his head. that he’s twisting his and steve’s relationship. making it into something it’s not.

steve staring at billy’s lips and wondering what it’d be like to touch them. billy wondering if steve’s gonna break his heart without even trying.

[colourme-feral]

Finished The Time of Fever last night and I'm oh-so not okay. I love it here. My brain is on overdrive, my sleep is deprived, I'm losing it. What an experience. I need to make a million posts and I need time for this.

My brain right now:

[beanghostprincess]

I believe Sanji has a tough time hearing somebody telling him that they love him but his heart is so big and open and he loves with all his might, loudly. While Ace cannot say those words at all even if he feels them so deeply but welcomes with open arms whoever shows them to him. So Acesan works so well because Sanji can tell Ace "I love you" and Ace might not say it back, but he shows it every day.

[cannibalovers]

i look at hannigram and i wanna punch them both but then also wanna push their heads together so they kiss

[iheartmoons]

ian constantly comparing his relationship with mickey while dating caleb is so heartbreaking to me, because he goes on about how not soft and caring their relationship was and while it may be true, he completely brushes over how mickey was so domestic and compassionate when looking after ian, trying to get him to take his meds and speaking so gently towards him etc

[thedevilundercover]

RIP Tim Drake, you would have loved Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan

[bigskydreaming]

Straight people stop writing about gay people being oh so cute and oblivious about their attraction to each other challenge. Hahaha people being so repressed due to growing up in homophobic societies they can't even acknowledge something as basic and fundamental as feeling an attraction towards a specific other person. That's ADORABLE!

[yashahimewasamistake]

I don't ship Naruto and Sasuke. I just don't vibe with the ship.

But, I do think Naruto and Sasuke will realize they are attracted to each other in their mid 50s and finally go and enjoy the rest of their lives together as a couple in their 60s.

[b4g3lbit3s]

i can’t be the only person who never thought izzy was homphobic