#represents someone who was pushed to his limit

[tender-hearteddd]

bertholdt exudes the same vibe as the guy who killed the CEO of UnitedHealthcare ifykyk

[ambrosiagourmet]

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

[mochatsin]

When MC Gets Pushed Off the Stairs

You can be the kindest person or the biggest brat this exchange program has ever seen, but it won’t erase the fact that you have enemies. Some demons just can’t stand the idea of a human earning the favor of the seven avatars… and there are others that plan on doing something about it.

TW: implied bullying, falling down the stairs, sprained ankle + MC in a cast, violence, demon brothers being a bit more sinister.

I was in the mood for a bunch of dark and spiteful demons. I might make a separate part of them taking care of MC during the times they have a cast.

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“Who do they think they are? They probably feel invincible when they have those brothers stuck to their hip.” 

You tried ignoring the rumors and whispers, you knew it wasn’t true so there wasn't any reason for you to bring this up with anyone. Though there were a bunch of demons, specifically these two girls, that are quite irritating. They definitely knew you could hear them, but that doesn’t mean they’ll lower their voices whenever they start talking about you. Seeing your discomfort is what even encourages them to keep talking, and you’re walking down the stairs to your next class so you can avoid them because there’s no way you’re gonna give them that satisfaction of seeing how bothered you are. 

“Invincible? As if! They’re just a human.” The other mocks, looking at you with disgust.

“Let’s find out.” Is the last thing you hear before you feel someone’s heel push your back, making you lose your balance and fall over. It was a blur after that, until he came by…

------------

Lucifer

Students are crowding the stairwell, and Lucifer can feel the annoyance already blooming. A crowd like this usually means trouble, and he wonders if Mammon is trying to place bets in secret again. It won’t be the first time he catches his brother discreetly collecting gambling money after convincing other students to bet on something stupid, so Lucifer isn’t going to be surprised if his initial thought was right as he pushes through to see the commotion. 

That’s when Lucifer desperately wished he was right as soon as he saw you on the ground. Two demons on top of the stairs laughed and mocked you, but the moment Lucifer stepped in the scene they immediately shut their mouths out of fear and so did the crowd of students around you. He can piece the scene together and understand what happened, but he needs to hear from you first. 

He kneels down to your level to check up on you. You’re not unconscious and that’s great, though you seemed pretty shaken up. Falling down the stairs and having several students stare at you wasn’t pleasant after all. “Come, let’s discuss what happened in the student council room.” Lucifer offers, since the last thing you need is to be the center of attention and he knows it won’t be a good idea to let you stay here longer.

He helps you stand, but you stumble and cling onto him for support. Your foot… it hurts so much that putting pressure on it sent jolts of burning pain that almost made you scream. You’re trying to be strong despite the pain, you can’t show weakness in front of Lucifer who’s relying on you to represent humans. What kind of image are you showing them? That you’re fragile and weak? It’s all getting overwhelming and Lucifer can see you’re already at your limit.

He turns to the two demons on the top of the stairs and glares at them. The temperature drastically dropped, breathing felt so heavy all of a sudden, and there’s this feeling of dread that paralyzed not only the two but also everyone around them. Trying to run away wasn’t an option, the two girls knew it would just make things worse for them. 

“I expect to see the both of you in the council room at the end of the day. Or else.” There’s no negotiations, and opening their mouths to protest is already a defiance to Lucifer’s orders. He’s already quite strict on his brothers, what more to a pair of demons that doesn’t seem to understand that there are consequences to their actions? “Everyone, get back to your classes.” 

Once everyone has finally left you both alone, Lucifer carries you in his arms. There’s no way he’s letting you limp to the infirmary in this state. He checks your ankle and sighs when he realizes it’s sprained. You thought at first that he’s stressed because you getting hurt meant more work for him, but the worried look on his face shows that it’s not about that.

You’ve been so strong for doing so much here like helping Lucifer manage all of his brothers while still doing your duties as a student, trying to keep up a good impression enough for Diavolo’s exchange program. Now seeing you hurt with a swollen ankle is making Lucifer rethink his views. It’s not pity that’s written on his face, it's… something else entirely. 

“I don’t think you’re weak at all… but maybe it’s time that we take care of you, little lamb.” Lucifer says. It’s an understatement to say that you’re dependable because you’re much more than that to him. He wonders how he even managed to get by with his brothers before you came into their lives. You’ve been so reliable, Lucifer almost forgets that you’re also fragile. You’ve done too much, you deserve a break and be pampered. It’s exactly what he does now that you’ve got a cast on your foot. 

Lucifer doesn’t like seeing you with those crutches, it doesn’t sit right with him when someone like you is suffering from something as basic as going up the stairs. He starts making a proposal about making RAD more accessible for students by adding elevators or magical levitating platforms. While it’s a good idea on its own, you can tell that they had this plan so that you don’t have to suffer through the stairs anymore. Everyone else immediately agreed to the proposal without second thought. 

Lucifer had the two demons apologize to you, and he doesn’t care whether they bruise their skin or get covered in dirt, they will be doing it properly. To beg on their hands and knees, bowing down until their foreheads touch the floor. He won’t let them up until they actually feel genuinely sorry, he doesn’t care how many students will be staring at their pathetic displays. He’s almost tempted to dig his heels into the back of their skulls should they lift their heads for even a single inch from the ground. 

He’ll chip away at their pride that led them to hurting you, finding a way to humiliate them in every subtle way until they’re the ones cowering their head. Lucifer would make subtle comments each time their paths would cross, always looking for a single flow that he would call them out for under the pretense of how it’s unbefitting as a student of RAD. It’s so harsh that the brothers almost felt sorry for them. Is it petty? Perhaps it is. But he doesn’t feel guilty at all when they actively chose to hurt you, and maybe he’ll stop once your ankle is all better.

Mammon

You two were together but then he said had somewhere he needed to be. Mammon was supposed to meet up with you before classes, he just needs to talk to some people he owed a few grimm to and possibly ask for another deadline extension. He’s turning to every corner trying to make sure Lucifer won’t spot him counting his debt, though he did notice the crowd that was forming a few meters away. 

He didn’t give it much thought at first, but that’s until he heard the whispers of students walking towards the scene. ‘It’s that human exchange that fell’ ‘fell? They were pushed, weren't they?’ And that’s when Mammon starts to sprint, honestly hoping that it was Solomon and not you that they were talking about. 

“Outta the way dammit!” Is all you hear, with a few grunts from students getting forcibly shoved to the side before Mammon finally finds you on the floor clutching your ankle. He squats next to you to check the damage, and you can tell from the expression on his face that it doesn’t look good at all. 

He looks up at the stairs and sees the two demons snickering at each other before running away from the scene. Mammon recognizes them, he’s heard some of the nasty stuff they’ve said about this exchange program, and especially about you. It just never occurred to him that they’d do something this drastic when given the chance. Mammon was gone for ten minutes and that was enough time to hurt you. 

He wanted to run after them, force the two to apologize to you. To make them pay. Though the wince and cries from you are what makes Mammon think with a clear head. You tell him that your ankle is hurting, you can’t move it as much without any pain. So he carries you and makes a run for it to the infirmary. No ambulance compares to how quickly Mammon ran just to get you some help.

Mammon stays by your side, too afraid to leave you for another second after what happened. He stares as they patch up your ankle and you’ll be in crutches until it heals. He’s mad, but definitely not at you. He’s angry that this happened under his watch when he’s supposed to be making sure you’re safe from demons like those. That was a role entrusted to him and he already feels like he failed.

“Ya aint leavin’ my sight, not until that ankle of yours is back in shape aight?” And he meant every word. If he’s not glued to your hip, then you swear you can see a three-eyed crow that’s following you around wherever you go. You just feed it some snacks if you have some when you can, and you wake up with shiny trinkets by your desk the next day.

Mammon is ready to be at your beck and call anytime you need it. You let out a grunt of frustration if you dropped your bag and spilled all your belongings. Your sprained ankle makes it hard for you to bend over to get them, but the moment you turn your head, Mammon is already at your feet grabbing you everything. If it weren’t for the circumstances (like your injury), Belphie would probably exploit this and make his older brother do everything while pretending you asked for it. 

The two girls have noticed how much those crows have been following them around. Crows can hold grudges, and they definitely recognize the demons that hurt the human they (and their master) care about. 

It started off as something harmless as landing on their desks, squawking at them, or stealing their pens before an important exam. Though when Mammon noticed them occasionally mocking you behind your back for that cast once you came back to RAD, the crows became more aggressive. The birds pulled on their hair, pecked and bit on their skin, clawing at them whenever they could.

Desperate for this madness to stop, the demons are already by Mammon’s feet begging for the crows to leave them alone. Personally, Mammon would’ve done something much worse but there was no way he’s going to abandon you for a second with that cast. “I’m feeling quite generous, so if ya hear me out on my conditions i’ll let you off the hook yeah?” 

In exchange for finally getting some peace from those crows, the demons agreed to two conditions. One, never to lay a hand on you ever again unless they want the risk of the birds invading their homes. No more mocking or even looking at you with malice. Two, pay Mammon every month. By the time that you got that cast removed, Mammon has paid off some debt from his classmates and he’s quite proud of it. At least he could take care of you and save some coin at the time. No one said it had to be his money right?

Levi

Levi didn’t spend lunch with any of his brothers or classmates as usual today. He likes spending his free time alone in isolated places like the school garden, empty classrooms, or even the rooftop so he could play his games or watch his anime in peace. Socializing with too many people is overwhelming, this is his own way of recharging to get through the rest of the day. 

Though there are rare instances that Levi would ask you to join him in his little hideouts, because you’re one of the people he doesn’t feel too draining to be around. He planned to share some of the snacks he bought for the both of you, but he saw that you were talking with his other brothers at the cafeteria. Feeling dejected, he decided to spend the lunch alone as usual and wait for the class. There’s no way you would want to spend time with someone who’d rather play gacha games on his phone for lunch…

He was hiding by the corners of the stairwell to play his game when he overheard two demons talking so badly about you, followed by hurried footsteps and then a heavy thump at the end of the stairs. Then he heard a familiar voice cry out in pain, and it’s when he realized that you were pushed off the stairs. He saw your body on the floor, trying to recover from the fall and he felt like his world was crashing in on him. He’s frozen in place, unsure of what to do without making things worse.

You turned around and found him hiding behind the stairwell, eyes locked for a moment that felt like an eternity to the demon. That’s when Levi realized he can’t just stand there idly when his player two is injured. Despite the anxiety, he ran to your side anyway to check on you. His face went so pale when he saw you clenching your ankle, the pain evident in your expression. “I-i’ve got you just… dammit what do i d-do…?!” He mumbles the last part, because he knows this isn’t a game where it takes one button to heal you back. No saved file to help him now. 

Levi looks up at the stairs and sees the two demons glaring at the both of you. Out of all the brothers, they would never take Levi seriously. To them, he’s just some demon who dedicated his life to a world of fiction and seeing him fumble right now just proves it. They say that Levi just lacks any real skill to even help you before they left. 

He hates to admit that those two are right, and that makes him loathe himself even more. Levi almost went down on a spiral, but that’s until he felt a phone get placed on his hand. He turns to meet your gaze, you handed him his D.D.D. and he knew what you were asking him to do. Levi quickly dials for his brothers and help came to you after a minute of doing so. He’s thankful for their quick responses, he wouldn’t be able to handle it if a crowd started forming around you both. 

Everyone of them was huddled outside the infirmary while you were getting patched up, and Levi explained what he witnessed. Though he starts going into his self-destructive speech patterns at how he could hardly do anything to help you by himself that he needed to get his brothers to do it for him. He felt so useless to you, but Lucifer interjects. “It’s natural to panic. But if you did not call for us, then they would’ve been in pain for much longer.”

That helped Levi feel a little bit grounded hearing reassurances from his brothers. Lucifer then tasked Levi to be the one in charge of taking care of you during school days. Since Levi also takes his classes online, then he can watch over you while you’re resting in the house. You both can take online classes together while you recover from your injury.

Levi spends most of the time in your room instead because there’s no way he’s making you go up those stairs to his room, and he doesn’t want to risk you getting hurt or slipping if you try to get in his bathtub. As clumsy as he could be, Levi did his best to take care of you. He did want to spend some time alone with you, but he wished it didn’t take a sprained ankle to get what he wanted. 

“I-if only this healing item exists, it would’ve been really handy right now…” He says as you both play a two-player game, the demon staring longingly at the recovery potions on the screen and wishing it could take away your pain right now. Levi often wonders… maybe if he didn’t sulk from the jealousy, if he actually asked you that day to go spend lunch with him, then maybe you wouldn’t have gotten hurt like this. 

Levi was watching some anime while you slept, and he saw the bullies on the anime picking on the innocent main protagonist. The scene just reminds him of what happened to you, and that brings him this sense of rage and justice. It was unfair what those two girls did to you, and Levi doesn’t think it’s right that he does nothing about this (assuming that his brothers haven't gotten to them first). 

The girls found all their accounts hacked. From Devilgram to their bank accounts. Their emails and passwords were changed overnight so they couldn’t figure out how to get it back, and if by some miracle they recovered their accounts, everything was already wiped clean by then. Levi may not be the most confrontational brother, but he’s the best behind the screen. He’s chugging his third energy drink as he thinks of new ways to plant a virus in their D.D.D.’s when he goes to school at the end of the week to hand over both of your homeworks. 

When Levi overheard the girls still talking about you during break, they found all their stuff completely drenched and ruined by the time they came back to their seats even though the classroom remained dry. Gadgets were water damaged, and schoolwork that they were supposed to be submitting later is already long gone. Even their lockers were stuffed with sand and sea water, spilling all over their uniforms as soon as they opened it. The teachers scolded them for the mess they ‘created’ no matter the protests that they never did, but who would believe them if they said it was Levi’s doing? The girls never uttered your name again.

Satan

The teacher assigned you both as partners for a class project due next week, and Satan suggested that it’s best to get a head start on it while your schedules are free. You babysit all of his brothers every day, so Satan expects that your days are going to be quite busy if any of them knew you had a bit of free time to spare. At least his plans are something productive, he gets to spend time with you while also finishing some homework together. 

It’s ten minutes past the agreed time you both were supposed to meet. Satan is outside the school library, tapping his foot on the floor as he messaged you but receiving no response. He knows he could’ve gone ahead to do some research to pass the time, but the point of this study date was to do the project together. It’s never like you to be late without any notice, so he sets out to look for you. 

Satan is walking swiftly, wondering if you were still at the cafeteria. He dials your number to try to call you during his search, and he stops in his tracks when finds your phone on the ground, the screen cracked. It brought alarms in his head and he picked it up to figure out where you must’ve dropped it. It wasn’t hard because he soon spotted the crowd of demons by the stairway nearby. He could immediately guess what happened as he ran to the crowd, and he’s shocked when finally sees that you were the source of commotion.

He doesn’t care how many students he shoved just to get to your side. Seeing you on the ground in pain already warrants an emergency. Satan guessed your phone flew out of your hand when you fell. “What happened to you?! Where does it hurt?!” Satan asks, pulling you close in his arms and checking what’s causing you pain. He sees your ankle swelling slightly, and he’s trying to deduce what he can do to help after reading all of those human health care books just for you.

Though the laughter he’s hearing from the distance is annoying and distracting. Satan glances up and spots the two girls fleeing the scene, looking so proud of themselves. When he realizes what happened to you, his anger is already bubbling through the surface that it’s almost hard to contain. The pained expression on your face doesn’t help, the only reason he hasn’t fully transformed into his demon form is that he doesn’t want to draw more attention or hurt you more than you already are.

The way these students crowded around you like vultures to a feast is making Satan frustrated at each and everyone of them. How could they just stand there and watch while you were in pain? And those two girls, he will make sure to burn their faces into his memory for later. You could practically feel the heat of his wrath radiating from your pact and it’s making your body hurt more. Satan realized that his temper right now could be causing you more pain, so he focuses his thoughts into getting you some help instead of the anger that wants to burn everything and everyone around you.

“Calm down… just calm down…” he mutters over and over while he gently scoops you into his arms, though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself. Satan is careful when carrying you so he can take you to the infirmary, and all the students parted like the red sea when Satan shot glares at them, quickly scattering like rats while the two of you disappeared into the infirmary. 

His eyebrows are furrowed the entire time as he waits for you to get patched up. His brothers have already arrived after they heard what happened, though they could sense that the fourth born is already on edge like a ticking time bomb. He’s quiet not because there’s nothing to say, but because he’s trying to hatch a plan. Something like this shouldnt go unpunished…

Satan is glad for his position in the student council because it meant that he could access some files from RAD. What does he do best? Studying and gathering as much information as he could. He looks for any detention notices until he finds the names and faces of the two girls that hurt you. A smile spreads across his face, though it was nothing pleasant. Like he just found his new prey. 

He just needs to wait for that detention day, patience is the key to success. So for now he’ll focus on taking care of you. Satan pays more attention to you, always attentive to your needs. He brings you notes from any classes that you’ve missed during your recovery, and you heard from one of the brothers that they’re all trying to rack up money for a better phone since yours broke. you do admit that you feel bad for all the extra work he puts up for your sake, especially since Satan even had to do most of the project that you both were originally supposed to do together in the first place if it weren’t for the incident.

“You’re speaking nonsense. I don’t mind putting in more effort just for you, all you need to do is to recover. I’ll consider that as my thanks.” Satan would bring you books in bed or make you some coffee topped with some latte art just so you wouldn’t feel so bored. You can’t go to cafes or libraries with him like you both used to, so Satan will do everything with you in the comforts of your room. 

Satan counted the days until it was time. He assigns another brother to watch over you. Asmo pretends not to hear the sound of the main door closing in the middle of the night, distracting you with something pretty he recently bought. The next school day rolls around and everyone is lucky you’re still in bed rest when the news broke out. Two students were found unconscious on the stairs in an awful state. Normally, falling down a flight of stairs doesn’t do much damage to a demon as much as it can to humans. And yet the bones in their legs were absolutely shattered…

None of the brothers were honestly too bothered to tell you the events that transpired, mostly because they knew the culprit. Satan would rather that you focus your energy on recovering. The only news that Satan told you was that you both got a perfect mark on the project you both worked on in the comforts of your room, but he doesn’t bring up what happened to those two demons. You only found out when Solomon accidentally told you during his visits. 

Asmo

There’s only a few minutes left before the next bell would ring, so Asmo makes sure to retouch his makeup in the school’s bathroom just as he usually does. He dedicates twenty minutes of his daily time making sure that he looks absolutely perfect, so he could bless the eyes of those who pass by to bear witness of his beauty. At least, that’s what he always tells you whenever he leaves. 

Just a bit of blush here and there to match his eye shadow, and Asmo has this proud smile on his face when he’s sure that he looks absolutely spotless. He wanted to bring you along to his little pre-class make up routines, and maybe next time he’ll hear that sweet ‘yes’ from you when he asks. Just thinking about you is making him giddy, so Asmo packed up his pouch and tried to look for you.

It didn’t take him long because as soon as he opened the bathroom door, he spotted a few students by the stairs. Asmo finds it unusual because what could be so important that he’s not the center of attention? Regardless, he’s intrigued enough to investigate the source and he’s horrified to see you down the stairs, clutching your ankle. 

If it wasn’t you, then it was Asmo’s shriek that probably drew more attention to the scene. He’s quickly running to your side and checks if you hit your pretty little face anywhere. “Darling, that must’ve been a nasty fall! I would hate it if you got any bruises anywhere on that perfect skin of yours.” Asmo whines as he helps you sit up to give you more support, wrapping an arm around your waist. 

When he did so, he heard a scoff and finally turned his attention to the top of the stairs where the two girls looked at you with disgust. He recognizes one of them from his fanclubs, a girl that often tried to get his attention. The facial expressions and body language says all he needs to know, he’s seen this look before. Someone like you being held by Asmo is a major offense to her eyes. The two demons storm off before Asmo could say anything. 

Asmo pursed his lips together in frustration before he turned to all the students crowding around you. For once, he hated this attention you’re getting and he sees how much you’re getting shaken by this. “Scram.” Asmo said with enchanted glowing eyes, watching as they all obeyed his command. He then turns to you and wraps your arm over his shoulder to hoist you up. “Come on, let’s get that treated or Lucifer will kill me!” Asmo says to try lighten the mood, though it doesn’t hide the bloodlust in his eyes. 

He doesn’t like sweating when he just retouched his makeup, but he can’t even bring himself to think about that now whenever he hears the pained whimpers from you everytime you struggle to take a step. The brother’s eventually arrive to find Asmo outside the Infirmary, scrolling through his phone. Looking closely, he’s actually stalking the profile of the demon he saw earlier and there’s a sinister smile on his face whenever he learns something new about his target. The smile was enough to creep Levi out. 

Asmo is always checking up on you when you’re at home recovering, trying to cheer you up whenever he has the chance. It’s gotten to the point he lessened his time clubbing or going to malls just so he could stay with you. “When you’re out of that cast, there will be a special bath full of rose petals with your name written all over it.” Asmo does his best to pamper you whenever he can, knowing how hard it must be to have that cast. It’s truly awful when these sorts of things have to happen to you when you both just bought some matching shoes together! He decides not to wear it yet until your foot gets better.

While you were gone, Asmo did what does best. Gossip. He started giving that other demon attention like she always wanted, whispering and suggesting things in her ear. About how that other demon, her friend, was saying disgusting things behind her back and Asmo is only telling her this to ‘look out’ for her sake. He relishes in her angered expression, knowing he now has her wrapped around his finger like a puppet and all he needed to do was sit back to watch the show.

Each day he found himself feeling excited to go to school just to see how those two would hurt each other this time. It started as something petty with his fan constantly bumping into what she used to consider as a friend, feigning ignorance whenever she’s confronted. Of course, she retaliated back until their silent arguments full of passive-aggressiveness turned into something more violent and hostile. It started from mean notes to death threats until they can’t even stand being in the same room without trying to claw out each other’s eyes. All because of Asmo’s pretty words.

There are times teachers are called to intervene because two girls began fighting in the hallways, screaming profanities while pulling at the other’s hair or horns. Whenever the drama dies down, Asmo would go back to add more fuel to the fire just to watch them burn. He tells his dedicated fan more lies just to enable that rage, spreading a rumor or two around the campus to make it sound reliable. He loves having that charm that captivates and charms, especially someone as gullible as this demon who’d listen to anything he says.

News was no longer about your recent incident, it was now about how the two demons fought so badly that they fell over the stair railings from the top floor all the way down. Given the severity of the injuries they’ve given each other from the week alone, they had no choice but to be suspended until the student council decides what to do with them. 

Of course, the brothers knew Asmo pulled the strings, seeing that smile on his face whenever the two girls would try to tear each other apart made it so obvious. Not only was it easy and entertaining, but it kept his nails clean too. It’s not like he broke a rule right? They both did this to themselves. “I can’t wait to tell my darling what happened~!” Asmo hums excitedly on his way home to you.

Beel

Lunch time is definitely Beel’s favorite part of the day (and the lunch lady's worst nightmare). He’s golfing down as much food as he could since he’s been so hungry from his last class which was Magical Potions. Whenever his hunger starts to act up, it’s already a struggle not to eat the ingredients to alleviate it, knowing his teacher would scold him just like last time when he chowed down the entire jar of shadow salamander tails. 

He’s lucky whenever you both are paired up together, since you bring him some candies to alleviate his hunger enough for him to focus again. You were his lifesaver. Just the thought of you makes Beel wonder where you were. He went ahead today because you said you needed to see Satan to discuss a project, and you were taking quite a while. He’s had food saved up for you and it’s getting harder for Beel not to eat your share, plus it’s always better when you both eat together. 

The last straw was when he saw Satan in the cafeteria and when he asked the blonde where you were, the fourth born said he couldn’t find you. Beel grabs a few snacks to keep his stomach going when he searches for you. Normally it’s hard to convince Beel to leave the cafeteria during lunch break, but you’re that important for him to abandon the heaping food on his table. He was trained as an angel to be ready for any sort of disaster, and his gut is telling him that something is definitely wrong. He only confirmed it when he was walking down the stairs and saw everything. 

Two girls were laughing and mocking the human he’s grown to love and care for, and when he found you on the bottom of the stairs after a fall, Beel was seeing red. He doesn’t hesitate to slam his fist against the wall and demand silence, because there was no way he was going to let them insult you any further. The two demons saw him and stiffened, quickly running away from the scene to avoid getting caught. The girls knew that Beel would crack their skulls open like he did to that wall if he got his hands on them.

Beel normally would’ve gone after them, but seeing how you’re struggling to get up on your own is what changed his mind and ran to you instead. He doesn’t even get to run all the way, at some point Beel jumps down the last flight of stairs just to reach you quicker. “Tell me if it hurts…” Beel whispers as he tries to help you up. You winced from the pain, and he decided to effortlessly carry you all the way to the infirmary because he would never make you limp this entire trip and deal with the ache. He’s a big demon, and lots of people find him terrifying when aggravated. And yet he’s so gentle when it comes to you.

Being a fangol player, Beel knows what it’s like to hurt yourself. He’s had Lucifer and Mammon help him back to the house after one intense match against the opposing team. The difference is that he could heal a bit more quickly compared to your fragile human body. What normally takes days for his body to regenerate could last months for you. He’s being careful when he carries you to the infirmary, holding you close like you’re the most delicate thing he’s ever held and he might be right at this point when he watches the nurses patch you up.

Beel is pacing so much outside the infirmary that his twin had to calm him down before he would drill a hole in the middle of the halls, his head is thinking about all of the what-ifs. Luckily you weren’t critical, save for the sprained ankle, but there’s this guilt on his face when he looks through the window and sees your cast. Maybe he should’ve been with you when you went looking for Satan so that he would have protected you, but what’s done is done now. So he focuses on taking care of you and reminding you that you could always rely on him for help.

He brings you some of your favorite treats whenever he comes home from RAD so you both could eat together. At some point, he heard from Solomon that milk is the key for humans to have stronger bones. You tried not to laugh when Beel got a galon just for you, innocently thinking that it would’ve helped you out with your injury if you drank all of it. 

Beel is too nice for a demon, he might be the kindest of the seven brothers. But there’s been this tension around the orange haired demon whenever he’s sharing a class with the two girls that pushed you down those stairs. There's this hardly contained rage and blood lust, so a lot of students avoided mentioning what happened to you around him unless they want to get caught in the crossfire. 

Beel finds it frustrating whenever he feels that he can't do anything about this rage. Watching you limp around in crutches around the house while those girls were striding down the halls without a care, it wasn't fair. It’s taking all his willpower not to just throw them out of the window for what they did to you. He broke several pens whenever he's too angry during class that Satan had to lend him some of his own. He feels this loss of appetite now that you’re not around to share food with him, and whenever he would remember the incident he would bend the metal of his fork, shaping it effortlessly like it’s clay. It’s a matter of concern for the brothers now.

Belphie took his twin out to the gym so Beel could let his frustrations through workouts. He may have destroyed two punching bags, but it was enough to bring down that anger to a safer level now. And during all that, Beel finally confided in his twin. About how he saw those girls mock you, and this innate urge to just see them suffer but it’s impossible to do that without destroying everything in his path. He would get in a lot of trouble, and he knows that would upset you instead. 

“It’s just unfair, you know that they didn’t deserve that…” Just because he was nice doesn’t mean he wasn’t vengeful, but he’s at a loss of what he could do that wouldn’t result in another property damage bill sitting on Lucifer’s desk. Belphie can just sense how his Beel is itching for a bit of revenge, and who is he to deny what his twin wants? 

For Magical Potions, Beel had to partner up with Satan and Belphie since you’ll be absent for the time being. They had the perfect plan, all Satan needed was a good sleight of hand to drop something in their cauldron when he walks by. Given that these two love pulling pranks on Lucifer specifically, they took a page out of their book of schemes for new targets. 

Maybe his brothers forgot to consider that these two demons do not have the same kind of strength or resistance that the eldest had… or they both did this on purpose. Adding hellfire frog legs into the girl’s cauldron during Magical Potions class was actually more explosive than they expected, resulting in awful burns on their skin and hair. Beel’s priority is to take care of you everyday so he didn’t have much time to relish in this side of his that wants to wreak havoc, but he admits that seeing your bullies in pain like this is actually fun. It’s almost as satisfying as those ten stack pancakes he had two days ago… ah great, now he’s getting hungry again.

Beel is coming home to you with a box of your favorite treats. You wanted to try those new batch of sweets from Madame Scream but the brothers kept you in bed rest due to your ankle, so Beel went out of the trouble to get them for you. It took a lot of willpower not to eat a single one on the way back which deserves praise. You’ve been feeding him so many snacks during class to help him focus, this is his way of returning the favor to you. 

He doesn’t bring up what happened during potions class with the girls that pushed you, and he honestly didn’t feel the need to do so since they weren’t important as you are to him. He’s too busy trying to feed you some yummy snacks to even think about that. You only hear about what happened through his twin who was grinning from ear to ear when he recalls the boils and burnt hair. “Well, it’s their fault for not checking their cauldron. They’re not smart and careful like you.” 

Belphie

Belphie found a perfect spot to sleep around RAD where he’s sure Lucifer won’t spot him yet. It’s hidden in the school gardens, a nice secluded area with a small bench surrounded by bushes that would surely keep him out of sight. He’s been slowly putting pillows and blankets he’s brought so that it becomes a little slumber haven for him, and Belphie feels that he’s ready to show you his secret spot. He’d never tell his brothers because he wants to have at least a few minutes alone with you every weekday.

The problem with that plan is that Belphie can’t even find you. He’s already at the verge of passing out from the exhaustion of trying to keep himself awake in his search for you. Lunch in school is normally his nap time allowance, but he really did want to show you this secret hide out so that you both could enjoy it together. 

He runs into his twin who was also looking for you, so it’s better they just stuck together right? Belphie had plans to show Beel anyways once this was done with. They passed by a corner to go upstairs in case you were already in the classroom, and that’s when they both saw you at the bottom of the stairs where those two girls were laughing at you. 

Belphie didn’t know what came over him, but his body could hardly move when he saw you like that. It’s bringing him a lot of bad memories of choices he came to regret until this day, remembering the things he did to you when he threw your body down the stairs. He wanted to forget that, but seeing this whole situation is making that memory repeat in his head. Like the guilt is creeping back to him, and he froze in place not knowing what to do other than to relive the moment. 

Beel grabbed Belphie by the wrist to snap him out of the trance, reminding the youngest that you need some help. The twins came by your side, hoisting your arms over their shoulders to help you in the infirmary. The two girls were already long gone while Belphie was in a frozen state, and Beel would’ve gone after them if not for his twin and you because his family always comes first. 

The one thing that’s comforting Belphie right now is the fact that you’re still alive and breathing, though it can only do so much. He doesn’t like seeing you in pain like this, so he offers a spell so you could sleep through it while the nurse from the infirmary patches you up. He’s quiet the entire time when he watches you rest, Beel tries to talk to his twin about it but he refuses to let his problems known. It’s not like it was hard to guess, Beel can tell what’s bothering his twin but doesn’t mention it. 

Belphie has been taking naps by your side whenever possible, sleeping in your room and making sure to give you sweet dreams each time you start falling asleep. Though he himself couldn’t sleep. Each time he tries to get some shut eye with you, he ends up reliving that day when they found you at the bottom of the stairs. The way those girls mocked you was unforgivable, and he hates how it’s hitting too close to home. Whenever he wakes up, he checks on your pulse while you’re asleep and sighs in relief every time he feels your heart beat. Like it’s the only thing that can calm him down. 

By the time he woke up from his third nightmare, Belphie had enough. If he wants to feel at peace again, then he needs to get rid of the source of the problem. It wasn’t fair that you’re suffering like this, he hates seeing the empty seat next to him in class knowing that you’re supposed to be there instead of staying at home with that cast. Lucifer told him that they’ll be dealing with the matters soon, but Belphie had no intention of listening to them in the first place. 

Belphie has been gradually giving the two girls nightmares, and each night they progressively get worse. From using their phobias against them to waking up from a gorefest nightmare in the middle of the night. It costs them sleep, and Belphie thinks it’s the perfect piece of karma whenever he sees the bags under their eyes getting darker each day. Hair and clothes started to look more haphazard when there’s barely any energy to keep themselves up.

Whenever Belphie shares a class with them, he pulls a little bit of magic to make them fall asleep during class until they get into a lot of trouble. He loves doing this when there are important tests and activities so they’d miss it and fail. No amount of coffee helps keep them awake during the day while the nightmares plague their sleep. The constant fatigue and the lack of sleep is starting to get to them, and Belphie has been observing everything. Movements were more sluggish and alertness has gone below the baseline. Just exactly what Belphie was waiting for. 

It’s a simple plan that leads to the least amount of struggling and effort needed, because all it took was one shove for them to tumble out of the railings and down several flights of stairs. When they’ve finally stopped rolling against the stairs, they hear Belphie’s heavy footsteps as he walks down to their level until he’s stepping on one of them with the heel of his foot. He’d compare them to bugs, but that would be insulting to all insects.

“You know, I had a lot of plans with them that day… I don’t like it when people, even my brothers, decide to ruin them.” His love for you and spoiled attitude is what’s fueling his anger right now, so he had no qualms with pushing them down the next flight of stairs with his foot. And whenever they think it’s over, he goes down and does this again. Like kicking a pebble he’s found on the ground… all the way down to the first floor. 

There’s this satisfied look on his face as soon as he sees the two girls on the floor already at the brink of unconsciousness. He feels so much lighter now, and all he can think of is how he wants to go home to take a nap with you. He doesn’t even walk over to the side, he just steps over the two girls on his way out. 

Belphie comes home with the usual drowsy expression, but you can tell he’s in a much better mood now. He lays down next to you in bed, already hugging you close to his chest while making sure he’s not hurting your ankle. “I think I can get more sleep now…” he says with a confident smile on his lips, lulling you to slumber with him. After that incident, it’s the first in a while that Belphie finally has his usual 10 hour nap. 

[justgiulia]

Divine obsession.

Obsessed!Sunday x gn!reader

content warning: obsession, religious themes, sexual fantasies implied, self-punishment.

author's note: Please go easy on me, this is my first time writing a fanficition. I've only written headcanons until now :( also English is not my first language.

With that being said, enjoy this!

The sound of soft humming filled the dimly lit room. A dozen candles were positioned on what seemed to be an altar and, approaching them with light and cautious movements, the man with the halo began to light them one by one as per his daily routine.

Sunday, takes a box of matches from his pocket. The box is small, rectangular, with the edges worn from countless uses, evidence of matches lit in the past. With a fluid gesture, the thumb pushes the internal drawer, making it slowly slide out. Fingers grasp a match carefully and with a firm but controlled movement, the match is brought to the side strip. Then, with a sharp snap, the wrist moves: the match is dragged along the rough surface. The head catches fire in an instant, releasing a small flame.

One...

The number One is the divine principle. The One is the all, the Eternal Infinite Being, which has no form and possesses all forms…

For the first meeting and the first time the light shone on him. The first tim e Sunday was truly intrigued by someone. From the way they acted to the way they looked like, to the way everyone looked at them.

"My liege appears so noble and honest, when they greet people, so much so that everyone is silent and the eyes do not dare to look at them".

Two...

Two derives from the division of unity and is the symbol of separation, because from a sacred point of view, unity is essentially one and unique...

He remembers the pain of separation, a powerful pang in his chest when he had to stop looking at you, dragged by his sister to fulfill his duties as part of one of the most renowned families. Oh, How he wished he could continue listening to the conversation you were immersed in with your friends. Your laugh and your look, your modest manner in response to the praise of your traveling companions

"They proceed, hearing praises, with the outward appearance of courteous benevolence and they seem to be a descended creature from heaven to earth to show divine power".

Three...

The combination of three perfect elements: wisdom, intelligence and love. You represented all of them.

"They appear so beautiful to those who look at them, which through the eyes transmits a sweetness to the heart that those who don't experience it can't understand...".

Four...

The perfect number.

Watching you from afar, Sunday had come to the conclusion that you represented everything perfect in this world.

"...and it seems to come from their face a sweet spirit of love which says to the soul: breathe".

Five...

The number Five symbolizes universal life, human individuality, will, intelligence, inspiration and genius…

The first time you spoke to him he felt that his life in the universe had a specific purpose, to be at your side. Not to mention the fact that you got along extremely well with his sister...Your happy smiles as you spent time together...Your involuntary and affectionate touches. They made him think, perhaps your fulfillment in earthly life was to be part of his family... and perhaps this had been written in the stars years, centuries, millennia before your births. It was fate.

"I saw the bright morning star that appears before the day dawns, and who took human form ; more than any other it seems to me to give splendor"

Six...

Six is ​​a mystical and ambivalent number in its meaning, as it is the number of balance and perfect order...

But perhaps the fulfillment of your life was not on earth, he thought, such a perfect being, endowed with such a pure soul. Sunday knew that to limit your existence and confine it, to simply associate it with a body as an object was considered heresy to him. No...your fulfillment went far beyond worldly life, you were destined for what was defined as metaphysical that the mind cannot understand, but for the gaps that reason cannot fill; the heart and faith take its place.

And Sunday believed.

He had faith.

"Their face, eyes bright, cheerful and full of love ; I don't think there's someone in the world so full of beauty and value."

Seven...

Seven expresses globality, universality, perfect balance and represents a complete and dynamic cycle...

And then his cycle of worship began. Poems, sonnets, prayers, texts proclaimed sacred by Sunday himself... The mind has no limit to creativity when a merciful and grace-filled being is at its guide.

"And I am assailed by their value with such a cruel battle of sighs...".

Eight...

The Eight is the symbol of infinity, the reflection of the spirit in the created world, of the immeasurable and the indefinable...

Sunday punished himself, he had to.

He had sinned.

A lash on his back accompanied by a "Shame" from his lips for every vile and vulgar thought he had.

He began to imagine a more intense bond.

The sound of a whip.

"Shame".

Your body on his.

Another firm sound.

"Shame".

He imagined what the eyes could not see.

He felt his skin burning for his sins, for you.

He could start to feel blood gushing from his wounds.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

One drop of blood after another, One sin after another.

"Shame".

Sinning had never felt so sweet.

"...that I wouldn't have the courage to speak in front of them".

Nine...

The number Nine is the overcoming of creation and infinity, represented by eight.

Because if the divine possesses all the positive qualities of this world and beyond it, then they must necessarily also possess that of existence and infinity. This is the explanation of their divinity.

"Oh, if only they knew of my desires!"

Ten...

Symbolizes perfection, as well as the annulment of all things. 10 = 1+0 = 1 illustrates the eternal starting over…

Everyone called him crazy but limited and closed minds like those couldn't understand. They had not been illuminated by the light. Once you are exposed to light you can't go back, you don't want to go back. In order not to be contaminated by the foolishness of other human minds, he therefore took refuge in his safe place.

Nothing can make him go astray from the right path.

"Because, without saying, I would be rewarded by them for the pity they would have for my sufferings".

The candles cast flickering light upon an altar meticulously arranged with objects they had unknowingly blessed with their touch and that were carefully arranged by Sunday's trembling hands.

He knelt before the altar, his gaze never leaving the central object—a photograph of the reader. Their smile radiated warmth, like sunlight piercing through clouds, and He could almost feel their presence enveloping him.

Sunday clasped his hands tightly.

“Oh, divine one, guide me”.

He whispered, his voice shaking.

“Your light blesses this wretched world. Let me be worthy to serve you”.

The faint sound of a knock startled him. Sunday scrambled to extinguish the candles, his movements frantic yet deliberate. He couldn't let the sanctity of his ritual be disturbed by prying eyes.

“Sunday? Are you there?”

It was them.

His heartbeat thundered in his chest. For a moment, he stood frozen, his mind racing. What had he done to deserve their presence? Were they here to deliver a message? Or a command?

“I—just a moment!” He called, hastily adjusting his hair before opening the door.

They stood there, their usual serene demeanor making his knees weak. Their presence suddenly illuminated the sacred room.

“Hey... I wanted to check in on you. You've been keeping to yourself a lot lately,” they said with a gentle smile while entering the room, noticing the lack of light of the place.

Sunday's breath caught. Every word they spoke was divine scripture in her ears. He bowed his head slightly, his voice reverent, shaking and not daring to look in their eyes. “I… I am unworthy of your concern. But thank you, truly, for blessing me with your attention.”

They blinked, a bit taken back. “Uh, you don't have to talk like that, Sunday. We're friends, remember?”

His body went stiff and his eyes widened. “Friends?” The word echoed in his mind like a sacred hymn, over and over. “You honor me beyond what I could ever deserve. To be your friend… it is a privilege I could never repay.”

They huckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of their neck and Sunday could not comprehend how a simple gesture could hit him so deep, but then, again, it's you. No being could ever make him feel these sensations, the feeling of salvation. “You don't owe me anything, you know. Just… make sure you're taking care of yourself, okay?”

“I will, as you command,” Sunday said fervently, clasping his hands together.

“Command? Sunday, I'm not—”

“Every word you speak is a gift,” He interrupted, his voice trembling with emotion. “A light in the darkness of this world. You are the reason I rise each day, the reason I strive to better myself. I live to follow your will.”

“Sunday…”

His gaze locked onto theirs, his eyes filled with an almost unsettling intensity. “Please, if I have done anything to displease you, tell me. I will repent. I will do anything to earn your forgiveness.”

They sighed, their expression softening. “You haven't done anything wrong, just...You don't need to treat me like I'm... special.”

“But you are special,” Sunday whispered, emphasizing every word, his voice barely audible. “You are a god among mortals. Your kindness, your wisdom, your very presence—everything about you is divine. How could I see you as anything less?”

They frowned.

Why are they frowning?

“Sunday, I'm just me. I don't know where you're getting this idea, but—”

“I see it,” He insisted, stepping closer, eyes wide, hands grasping the air in front of him but never daring to reach for them. “In every word you speak, every action you take. You carry a light that others can't. I only wish more people could see it, but perhaps… perhaps they are unworthy.”

They took a step back, clearly uncomfortable. “Okay, this is getting a little intense. Maybe we should talk about this later.”

“Please don't go!” Sunday reached out, stopping himself just before touching them. “I—I apologize if I've overstepped. I only want to serve you, to be useful to you.” His voice cracked with desperation and glossy eyes. “Please, tell me how I can prove my devotion. I will do anything.”

They hesitated, their concern evident. “Sunday, I think you need to take a step back and talk to someone about this. I care about you, but this… this isn't healthy.”

His heart shattered at their words, but he forced a smile. “O-of course. If that is your wish, I will obey.”

They smiled at him before turning their back to walk towards the door and open it.

"I hope you find the light of reason again"

And a second later, silence.

As they left, Sunday sank to his knees, tears streaming down his face. “They test me,” he murmured to himself. “They want to see if my faith is strong enough. I won't falter. I will try it myself. No matter what it takes, I will become worthy.”

His resolve hardened. The candles flickered back to life as he resumed his prayers, his whispered vows filling the room.

“Your light guides me, and I shall follow, no matter where it leads. Even if it destroys me.”

[seriallover]

Shatabhisha- Stuck in a loop!?⭕️

Ruled by Rahu and situated in a sign governed by Saturn, Shatabhisha Nakshatra intertwines the themes of Rahu and Saturn.

Rahu represents obsession, addiction, perfectionism, illusion, desires, and the material world. Saturn, on the other hand, symbolizes restriction, ambition, delays, and discipline. This nakshatra is intriguing to observe because Saturn is often seen as the only planet capable of controlling and restricting Rahu. Addiction is a recurring theme for those heavily influenced by Shatabhisha Nakshatra.

Rahu, symbolizing the insatiable head/mouth, constantly seeks satisfaction. People with strong Shatabhisha influence may struggle with feeling perpetually unfulfilled.

The main symbol of Shatabhisha is an empty closed circle, representing restriction, karma, and limits. ⭕️

This reminds me of a snake eating its own tail, a metaphor for self-destruction often seen in these natives. They may feel stuck in a loop, constantly desiring more than they have, feel, or can access. This symbol illustrates their urge to break free from patterns and limitations.

Shatabhisha also embodies the power to heal, represented by the 100 physicians and healers. Individuals influenced by this nakshatra often have a strong desire for self-improvement, healing, and spiritual growth. They are driven to push boundaries and explore their limits, often oscillating between extremes—addiction to unhealthy behaviors or a "perfect" lifestyle.

Lewis Hamilton is an excellent example of someone who effectively harnesses the energy of Shatabisha. His ascendant lord, Venus, is in Shatabhisha, conjunct his Mars in the 5th house. His Rahu is in Krittika of Taurus, with Venus as the dispositor. Lewis follows a plant-based diet and is very strict with his fitness regimen, as even a small weight gain can affect his racing performance.

This year, he launched a non-alcoholic Blue Agave Spirit, Almave, produced in Mexico.🥃

Krittika, associated with the deity Agni, the god of fire, governs cooking, drinks, and digestion. Agni has the power to burn/purify, reflecting his disciplined approach to diet and lifestyle.🔥

Another example, she’s Shatabhisha Moon.

Another example that comes to mind is Emily Blunt, who has her Sun in Shatabhisha, fittingly playing a role in “Edge of Tomorrow” that mirrors the themes of this nakshatra, as well.

In the film, her character, Sergeant Rita Vrataski, helps Major William Cage (Tom Cruise) break free from a time loop by repeatedly facing and overcoming challenges. Rita’s journey in the movie reflects the Shatabhisha themes of perseverance, healing and ultimately, breaking the cycle to achieve a greater purpose.

Dealing with Rahu's influence can lead to excess, a desire to experience, feel everything or nothing.

However, understanding one's restrictions and seeing the bigger picture can bring freedom. Recognizing and accepting personal limitations allows one to channel obsessive desires into sustaining something meaningful in the material world.

By acknowledging and respecting these restrictions, individuals can transform Rahu's chaotic energy into focused ambition and disciplined action, leading to significant achievements and personal growth.

[the-travelling-witch]

Something I keep coming back to when thinking about Jamil is that, among the OB! Students, he might be the one who’s twisted from a disney “good guy” as much (or even more) than from the respective villain. And yes, I’m well aware that none of the characters are very one-note Disney villain, but with Jamil it just strikes such a chord with me.

Of course, he represents Jafar who has always resented being second best and who betrays the sultan to overtake the Nr. 1 position and all the power that comes with it. And during Book 4 (and now also Book 7), we can see Jamil equally backstabbing Kalim and planning to continue with the other housewardens and the headmage. That’s not a hot take, I understand that (whaaaat Jamil is twisted from Jafar?? Who would’ve guessed /j)

But with Jamil, I feel like his motivation for striving for power is a little different. For someone who has grown up in the world of the Asim family and has been with Kalim his entire life, I believe Jamil equates power with his actual goal in life: freedom.

So when he says “You really are my genie of the lamp, Azul” it felt sooo ironic to me, because it’s you! You are the genie, Jamil!

Just like the Genie’s “phenomenal cosmic power, but itty-bitty living space”, Jamil objectively has a lot of intelligence, talent and drive to excel at something, yet the space he has in which he can live and cultivate those aspects of his personality is very, very limited.

Both characters are also forced into their prison by the circumstances of their birth. Jamil was born into the Viper family, Genie was born a genie, and now they have to spend a lifetime of granting the wishes of other people.

For them to gain the freedom they so desperately want, both characters rely on the mercy of the people they serve, who they are useful to. But deep down they know their wish won’t ever be granted.

Genie has been promised his freedom a lot of times, just for the person’s third wish to be for their own gain after all when push comes to shove. Jamil has heard Kalim call him his best friend, just to turn around the next second and demand something else of him, wielding his power over him once more.

Besides, even if Kalim did give Jamil his freedom (if he even can, considering his family might step in), it’s shown that Jamil cares very deeply for his family, so I don’t think he would consider it “freedom” if his family was still serving the Asim household, which has an even slimmer chance of ever changing.

So yeah, I find the inspiration Jamil’s character takes from the Genie so interesting and at the same time it makes me want to tear out my heart. Please, he deserves so much (peace and quiet most of all) and I want to give him everything ㅠㅠ

[darkness-falls-tarot]

What type of person is Joseph Quinn attracted to? What type of people does he attract? Does he ever want to settle down and what is his love language?

All readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only; please take each reading with a grain of salt.

What type of personality is Joe drawn to: king of pentacles, 4 of swords reversed, 2 of cups - Joe seems to be drawn towards older people who can be a bit more authoritative in a way. He seems to like those who know what they want and don’t let anything stand between them. But he’s also one to like those who know their limitations and what they are capable of; never ones to push themselves too far to get something they know their worth but won’t sacrifice themselves to get anything. And lastly Joe is drawn to a loving person; someone that he feels this soul connection to. He craves to be loved and cared for by his partner; they show him that they are happy to have him as theirs and he wants to know he can be loved.

Oracle card: not enough - I’ve drawn this card a dozen times for Joe and I feel it’s most representative of how he feels with himself and who he wants; he’s not good enough for them. The type of person Joe would love to be with is so intimidating to Joe that he’s feeling insecure and like he is wasting his time pursuing it. So he just doesn’t try; he will either settle for less than what he wants or deserves or just doesn’t date period.

What type of person is drawn towards Joe: ace of swords pentacles, 9 of pentacles reversed, queen of swords reversed - Joe seems to get the type of people who are like “yeah sure whatever” without caring who they have or they’re using him for their own personal gain. This could be for attention now that he’s in the spotlight or it could be to make someone else jealous. With that Queen of swords in reverse I get the sense he always gets some toxic person who makes those views he has of himself even harder to shake. These people will date him but they don’t really love him.

Oracle card: blowing kiss, camera - with these two and the above cards as they are placed I feel like Joe wants that love and affection he had from a previous relationship he had with someone but now it’s all just in his mind. He’s thinking of that and maybe he’s drawing people who pick up on that and he sees something that his former partner had in this new potential relationship. It starts off like they’re obsessed and drawn to him but then it’s a distant memory and he’s lost again.

What is Joe looking for in a relationship: 6 of pentacles, 2 of swords reversed, the moon - I think Joe wants to just have someone who can give him the love or attention he’s looking for and that’s caused some confusion within him about what a relationship should be. These confusing ideas may also mean Joe is not really wanting anything serious in a relationship right now because he doesn’t feel sure of himself and isn’t ready to be in a relationship that will lead to something more than just a couple dates or something.

Oracle card: teddy bear - Joe wants to be loved; like a bear Joe wants someone to hug him and be there when he needs them. I’m getting a feeling that Joe can be quite clingy when he’s in love with someone and loves to snuggle or just wrap up in them because they make him feel safe. That’s what a teddy bear does for a child and that’s what Joe wants; to feel safe in love again.

Does Joe have any plans to settle down one day: 3 of cups, the hanged man reversed, the sun, no - Joe definitely wants his own family. He’s loves the idea of that and it’s something he’s always wanted but right now he’s not feeling like he can do that or that he will be able to have a family; but with that no card it says this blew up in his face. I’m feeling Joe may have wanted a family with someone very specific and things didn’t work out; he still loves the idea but he thinks he’s too messed up and no one wants a family with him.

Oracle card: coffee cup - for having a family Joe is thinking about it but right now he’s just trying to enjoy his life he has and do things he can before trying that again. He’s a 30 year old guy who is new to the fame and is getting his feet wet.

What is Joe’s love language: gift giving, quality time, physical touch - Joe will spoil whoever he loves by making sure they have all they need and he can be there with them whenever he is able to. He doesn’t like to be away from those he loves and craves their presence with him as much as he can have it. He also is a very physical guy; like holding hands with them, hugging them, kisses and cuddling. (Personally the 5 love languages all seem to suit him in some way so it’s up for grabs what his primary one is)

[igneousiguana202]

SXF CHAPTER 108 SPOILERS!

.

WE ARE SO BACK!!

Two months without an episode but it’s ok because endo cooked 🙏

Ive been trying to find out what the cards mean in these positions but everything is contradicting everything I’m gonna cry 😭Here’s what I’m going with-

Past: Ace of cups. You were going through a period of new beginnings and emotional fulfillment. In terms of relationships, there was a time of blossoming romance and deep connections formed

((probably a reference to the last time anya and Damian were together, in chapter 96))

Present: Four of Cups reversed. You are beginning to appreciate the opportunities around you. In terms of relationships, this card represents a renewal of interest and commitment in which both partners work towards happiness and fulfillment.

((Not sure abt this one. Sy-on boy’s as thunders as ever))

Near future: Three of swords, reversed. Represents the easing of pain and the beginning of the healing process— a period of rejuvenation approaches. In terms of relationships, it represents potential for reconciliation and healing of wounds, a period of understanding and forgiveness and bonding

((please endo please give my babies a break 🙏))

Advice: Three of wands: you are advised to expand your horizons and be open to new possibilities. Atm you may be stuck or limited

((Could be referring to how she can’t advance with plan A while on a break from school, or that she should take a different approach to plan B/the B plan))

other’s heart: death reversed. ( the closest thing I could find for this was “how someone sees you”). This person sees you as something that pushes them from their comfort zone. They feel stuck and resist steps towards positive change. They’re frozen by fear instead of motivated by love, and they see you as a sign of negative emotion patterns. it’s up to you whether that changes.

((This does kinda sum up Damian. Tsundere raised to believe he is above the rest, suppressing his feElings for anya bc he thinks he’ll be looked down on and that he’s too far above her in terms of status))

Asker’s mind: 10 of pentacles reversed. This card means you’ve lost sight of the big picture and are too hyper-focused on something. May signify you’ve recently gone thru a challenging time and feel a lack of security

((Yeah this fits. Anya is starting to get quite centered around succeeding at plan B so loid won’t send her back to the orphanage, it’s almost like she subconsciously doesn’t trust him when it comes to taking care of her. Which I guess is fair— after all he is still quite a mission-driven spy, and anya probably gained some trust issues from the lab))

Final: The Star. (Melinda said this card is reversed but cards are actually supposed to be read in the POV of the person who the reading is about so I think that’s just her blundering it.) this card indicates a time of healing and inspiration

((But like Mel brought up, maaybe it’s saying Anya’s gonna get another Stella? :D))

Shoutout to www.sibyltarot.com for practically all these meanings

[ariadne-mouse]

Still thinking about the fact that Jonas lifting Phineas out of the Delta represented not only the largest incursion of debt/caenum he has, but also the first. Like the Trust legit took someone at 0/even and was like welcome to the capitalism of morality *kicks down a flight of stairs* have fun working your way up.

Phineas's total fixation on Jonas makes even more sense and is also just absolutely wallpaper-chewing territory. Jonas is a major figurehead of the Trust both as his job and in this case also just literally the person that got Phineas into it in the first place, for better and for considerably worse. As Phineas struggles to measure up to the Trust's expectations, they're synonymous with Spahr's expectations (at least before Spahr starts having his own crisis) and also when Phineas begins the agonizing work of splitting away from the Trust - beginning to see its problems, taking accountability for his own wrongs - inherently that will mean grappling with what Spahr means to him and represents. Spahr, who he respects so deeply and looks up to, brought him into the system that chewed him up and spat him out. I'm only just finished with 2x16 but it's pretty clear this is integral to Phineas's turmoil.

On the flip side, Phineas also represents a catalyst for Spahr's own journey of checking back into reality. This man was a full on cognitive dissonance space cadet until Phineas snapped and nearly beat a man to death. Well, he is still largely a cognitive dissonance space cadet but like Phineas he is taking gradual steps, seeing the problems that are right in front of him, questioning the behaviors of Imelda and otherwise taking on his own agenda (like mentioning Phineas to the upper trust in Oversight) instead of just checking out and going on autopilot for what his role requires. He's still pretty weak in the ways he pushes back, in part because he is also realizing that for all his status and power, he is a cog in a system that wants to limit his agency as much as possible (you're the arm of the Trust; you don't think, and you don't have any leverage if you step out of line). Sorry Jonas you have to grow your own spine. Also, as Jonas's arc continues and he sort of metabolizes what Phineas has done and how he/the Trust played a role in that, and reconsiders his own faith in the system (RIP ur identity), Jonas will also have to contend with the fact that he brought Phineas into this mess with the cheerful smile of a rescuer.

These two are just SO fucked up. It's great.

[clean-casual-analysis]

When the villain is a philosophy

When you think of the word antagonist, the first thing that comes to mind is a villain. This is completely natural, given that stories of good vs evil tend to follow a heroic protagonist fighting against an evil antagonist. But once you get into the definition of the word, a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something, moral alignment doesn’t dictate whether a character should be a protagonist or an antagonist. The most recognizable examples of this would be the likes of Invader Zim and Megamind, characters that are villainous in nature but are still the protagonists of their respective stories.

But villain protagonists and hero antagonists aren’t what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the antagonists that aren’t entirely focused on, at least in the traditional sense. Antagonists that, despite being the source of conflict in the narrative, don’t actually show up a lot of the time. These antagonists, while characters in their own right, are more symbolic in nature. The protagonists of these stories aren’t just trying to defeat the antagonists, but the rotten philosophies that these antagonists have. The beliefs that push the antagonists to do their villainous acts.

White Diamond: Uniformity and the Status Quo

In the entirety of the original Steven Universe series, not counting the movie or SU Future, White Diamond appears in three episodes out of one hundred and sixty episodes. (Two if we don’t count White Pearl/Volleyball) That’s not even one percent of the series. In most series involving a good vs evil plot line, we usually switch perspectives between our heroes and villains to understand how they’re reacting to the events of the story. But SU is entirely told from Steven’s perspective. The audience only gets new information about gems, homeworld, Rose Quartz, etcetera, when Steven himself learns it. Because of this perspective, we don’t see the final antagonist of the series until the very end of the show.

But even though White Diamond is not present throughout the majority of the show, her homeworld subordinates and beliefs fill in the place of the hurdles that the protagonists must pass. Think about what the show is about and what lessons it teaches. Relationships are intricate and need mutual respect, being proud of who and what you are, and (most importantly) societal roles do not define you. The development of the main characters each involve acceptance of the self and bucking of what’s expected of them. Pearl fully moving on from Rose, Garnet improving her self-love, Amethyst fully accepting herself for what she is, Peridot’s disillusionment with Homeworld and growing appreciation for earth, Connie disobeying her mother’s strict rules, Steven slowly becoming someone better than even his own mother, I could go on. It’s honestly surprising, looking back, how most of the characters’ core issues stem from the lack of self-assurance and how homeworld views their flaws.

White Diamond and her Homeworld regime ultimately represent how systems put limits and stigma onto people for the sake of uniformity. The consequence of living inside your own head. A fusion cannot happen between two different gems, Pearls must be servants, Quartz gems must be big and strong, and Diamonds must be the perfect leaders. Why? Because that’s just what gems do. Because that’s how the system works. Homeworld’s status quo is one of creating an ever-expanding empire at the cost of independence, self-expression, unique lifeforms, and healthy relationships. The system can’t be wrong, White Diamond can’t be flawed, it’s how things have always been so why change what isn’t broken.

Sauron: Dominance and Corruption

While he has more screen presence and is a much more a significant part of the story of Lord of the Rings than White Diamond is to SU, the dark lord Sauron is similarly one small part of a larger tale. Heck, he doesn’t even have dialogue in the book trilogy. Also, like White Diamond, Sauron is best represented by his many underlings. Ruthless orcs with crude but effective weaponry, colossal beasts to crush his enemies underfoot, massive armies dedicated to the dark lord’s cause of dominating all life in Midde Earth. But what’s most notable about Sauron isn’t the great power he possesses or the armies he commands, it’s the way he corrupts and deceives those that stand against him.

The betrayal of Saruman the White, the nine Nazgûl once being great kings of men who were turned into terrible ringwraiths, and most notoriously, the enticing power of the one ring. Boromir, believing that Gondor can use this evil weapon for good. Smeagol, utterly degraded into a deceitful cave dwelling throttler named Gollum. Frodo, forced to carry a heavy burden that weighs him down both physically and mentally. To Sauron, the corruption of good is a weapon he wields with unmatched lethality.

The insidious nature of his villainy is what makes Sauron the great representative of dominance and corruption that he is. The promises of more enticing good people to do evil for the “right” reasons and the ruthless conquest for dominion over all is all too real an evil to ignore.

The Martians: Colonialism and Warfare

I debated with myself on whether or not the martians from War of the Worlds should be included here. Unlike Sauron or White Diamond, the martians are clear and present throughout the story. On the other hand, there isn’t a named martian general or a big bad that’s shown to lead the alien invaders into combat. In the end, the fact that the martians are made to purely represent the darkest parts of humanity outweighs the secondary theme of this essay.

One of, if not THE first alien invasion story, War of the Worlds messaging is clear and easy to understand. The tentacled beings from Mars are coldly intelligent, remorseless, and regard our world with envious eyes. They use human blood as sustenance when they aren’t vaporizing us by the hundreds, their tripods are horrific machines of mass destruction, and their invasion is one of slaughter and destruction. But the book is quick to remind us that humanity isn’t so morally innocent compared to the martians. The consumption of our blood seems horrific, but humans have also killed animals and each other for food and resources. Their tripods are colossal and terrifying, but humanity has made countless destructive war machines. The invaders are dead set on wiping out humanity, but humanity not only brought extinction to animals like the dodo bird but to entire groups of our own kind. The martians are not simply an alien invasion to fight back against, it’s a cautious look into our worst future. A humanity that prioritizes ruthless colonization and military might is a humanity doomed to be parasitic and heartless.

War of the Worlds also takes a critical view towards solving problems through warfare. Violence is sometimes needed to fight evil, but that does make violence a good thing. The action and battles in War of the Worlds are not thrilling or glorious, they are horrific and even bumbling to an extent. Much like the early British imperials that they represent, the martians are arrogant and only win because they have the better technology. Even the destruction of a tripod has severe consequences, a flaming wreckage falling into a lake and boiling the humans hiding there alive. There is nothing pride or goodness to found in destruction and death. Warfare and violence should be the last resort of those trying to survive, yet humanity and martians brandish their weapons without care or empathy for those beneath them.

The Truth, In-Fighting, and the Seemingly Insignificant

These antagonists all represent a morally dangerous part of humanity. The stubborn refusal to change a flawed status quo, the desire to dominate and corrupt those who don’t, needless conquest and bloody war. But despite all their power and influence, these philosophies that the villains believe in fail them in the end.

For White Diamond, her ultimate failure stems from the mortal enemy of all tyrannical systems: the truth. In the last episode of Steven Universe, White Diamond removes the gemstone from our protagonist’s body. Believing that the mischievous Pink Diamond is merely hiding in this human body, White seeks to end this silly game once and for all. But once the gemstone is removed, it does form into Pink Diamond or even Rose Quartz. It forms a bright pink Steven. In the final act of Change Your Mind, White Diamond is faced with reality and all its implications. This gemstone is Steven, it’s always been Steven. This half human is not the irrational or childish person, it’s White. The leader of Homeworld, the one who’s supposed to know all and make things better, is wrong. But in order to do that, she needs to leave her own head. One of the hardest things for a person to do is admit when they’re wrong, that their foundational beliefs holding up a status quo is deeply flawed and objectively false. But accepting that you were wrong, learning from and fixing your mistakes, and becoming something better than what you were before is the greatest reward anyone genuinely looking for redemption can ask for.

For Sauron, his victory over Middle Earth comes so close. Minas Tirith has been ravaged, the army of man outside the black gates are crumbling before his might, and the ring bearer has been corrupted. However, just when all hope is burned to ash, something unexpected happens. Gollum, the epitome of the corruptive power that the one ring possesses, attacks Frodo to get back his precious. Whether it’s through struggling with Frodo like in the movie or not paying attention like in the book, Gollum falls into the fires of Mount Doom with the ring in tow. In the movies, we’re told that the eye of Sauron can pierce through cloud and stone. Because of this detail, I personally wonder what was going through the dark lord’s mind as he watched Gollum plummet to his death. The one ring’s defense, Sauron’s greatest strength, corrupting others into fighting amongst each other, was what led to his ultimate downfall. This is not the first time something like this has happened. Think back to the orcs fighting amongst themselves, or when Wormtongue stabs Saruman in the back. Not to mention that the mercy of both Frodo and Bilbo is what led to Gollum reaching Mount Doom in the first place. Even with all his armies and power, Sauron underestimated the petty infighting amongst his followers and the little acts of kindness of his enemies. Even when the forces of darkness seemingly succeed, all they’ll have left is each other to destroy. As Frodo himself said in the Two Towers book, they can’t conquer forever.

For the martians, their demise comes outwardly from nowhere. Their Tripods fall silent and they all die due to sickness. The book states that the martians either never encountered bacteria like earth’s or they had wiped out all disease on Mars. In both scenarios, the martian’s belief in their untouchable superiority over earth led their death. As soon as their invasion started, they were doomed. War of the Worlds isn’t just a hard look at what humanity could become, but also a love letter to all types of life. Bacteria, the seemingly most insignificant part of our world, is our savior here. It is so, so easy to despise germs and how they make mankind ill. But they also decompose dead flesh, helps the human body digest food, and are just as vital to our world as so many other creatures’ humanity takes for granted. All forms of life has a place in this world and to undervalue, let alone actively want to eliminate, all of it is foolhardy and black-hearted.

It’s how these stories come to an end is why I’m attracted to the idea of villains representing abhorrent philosophies. They show the inherent flaws of such morally bankrupt ideas and how their failures are inevitable. The desire for uniformity and belief that your status quo is flawless cannot stand up to the truth of the situation. Great and powerful conquerors seeking to corrupt will find themselves destroying each other when there is nothing left to dominate, while small acts of generosity and sympathy keep their opponents afloat. Arrogant war lords with their mighty machines will crumble to the things they deem to be insignificant.

[wonuwoe]

on the contrary | yjh (m)

pairing: ai!jeonghan x human!reader summary: you knew the risks of pursuing a member from 53V3NT33N but maybe your certain privileges have been fueling this illusion of a possible connection with J30NGHΛN, who surprisingly sparks your interest with his deep curiosity about the other sides of humanity. would you be willing to continue despite the looming deceit that you might get roped into? rating: 18+ | word count: 12k genre/au: angst, smut, sci-fi, ai-idol!au warnings/content: depictions of blood, explicit sexual content, voyeurism (through hearing), vaginal fingering, penetrative sex, lowkey corruption kink ngl bye 🏃🏻‍♀️

a/n: collabs seems to be really the only way for me to post lmao. thank you @idyllic-ghost for hosting the Seventeen Sci-Fi Collab and for making this very gorgeous banner! also, shoutout to everyone on the server especially to the new people i met for being with me while working on this! ig this is my writer debut in the seventeen community so nice to meet you all except for minors, who are not allowed to interact with this post :)

After the Earth miraculously survived due to some external force when the sun exploded a century ago, humans have learned to integrate into the new solar system that the planet ended up in, where alien life exists. Other planets in the previous solar system went through the same fate, being pushed away from each other and ending up in different parts of the universe.

At first, humans were cautious and ready to fight, but the aliens were surprisingly welcoming to our planet. Hence, those who didn’t die from ‘The Great Journey’ or from trying to fight the aliens were welcomed into the new solar system.

How we completely integrated was through the materials and assistance of our sister planets in exchange for human labor. And while what humans knew of technology was very limited, the resources from the aliens allowed us to create artificial life forms called "automaton". These robots served as workers when humans couldn't, but eventually, there was no need for human labour at all.

And in order to pay back the help the aliens gave, humans used automatons, which went through extensive development until artificial sentient life was eventually created. Now, these automatons were human-like in looks and had human consciousness, but they could not bleed and were stronger than we ever could be. 

Currently, there are even different levels of automatons: level 3 are the workers, level 2 are the caretakers, and level 1 are the celebrities. Among the level 1 robots are the music group 53V3NT33N (SEVENTEEN), where each talented member represents two human states of mind. One member named J30NGHΛN, is particularly of deceit and curiosity, and yet it didn’t stop you from hoping to get to know him even further.

You couldn't believe how quickly your addiction is becoming, recently meeting up with someone during your lunch break for a merch trade of level one robots.

53V3NT33N, one of the idol groups that made you competitive with other fans in any of their group-related promotions. 

It began over a few months ago, solely because of your curiosity when you attended one of the music festivals your friends invited you to in the summer. Among the several groups that performed, one of them randomly caught your eye, which you did not expect at all. You found out later that he was part of 53V3NT33N and that his name was J30NGHΛN, the member that has both deceit and curiosity infused in his pre-programmed personality.

That should've made you cautious but no, instead, it drove you to finally indulge in this fangirling lifestyle that surprised your family and friends. They were aware of your skeptical view of this whole AI thing from the beginning but that was before you realize that AI-idol robots can be this human enough so you didn't mind checking them out.

They're considered as one of the top groups of the galaxy, having everyone crazy over them including one of your closest friends, Bona. She’d been a fangirl since you were younger, which is the case for most AI-idol groups’ fans, starting either during elementary or high school so you couldn’t help but feel a bit behind.

It might be pretty late for you but how could you during that time when all you do is study in order to please your parents, particularly your father, who’s the founder of one of the biggest companies in the entertainment industry. So you understood why he was hard on you, probably hoping just like the rest of your family that you'd follow his steps but made it clear when you started university that you have no intentions of doing so.

Now that you're almost done with your masters, they've backed off completely and even supported you in this new lifestyle. As strange as it sounded, your mother has somehow convinced everyone in the family that this is just a way for you to de-stress from your rigorous post-grad schedule.Though a part of it is true, it's also the first time you've wanted something other than what your parents wanted for you.

Being the CEO's daughter did make your new hobby very easy as money was never an issue to you growing up. It's been a privilege that you're aware of but did not grasp fully until you found out that 53V3NT33N is under your father’s company, fuelling your new obsession with the entertainment industry as a whole.Aside from financial advantages, you have special VIP access to pretty much everything. 

However, you try to not use these benefits unless you have to as it would be unfair to other fans who don't have the privilege that you do.

.

Today, you’re here at a hi-touch event with Bona who became very enthusiastic once she saw your slightest interest in the group that she's been a fan of.

"is it usually this long?" you asked, a bit impatient about this long queue that you're lining up for. Adjusting to this lifestyle is a bit hard for you but at least you have Bona helping whenever she can. 

"of course! they've been very hot in the charts so we're getting new members in the fandom, including you!" she giggled excitedly, giving you a hug so lighten yourself up, not wanting to kill her enthusiasm with your souring mood.

With Bona’s warning, you did expect it to be like this and yet you weren't prepared enough. Albeit it's your first time, you know the larger fandom power of AI-idol groups hold regardless of size compared to human entertainers. Having VIP access may have a lot of perks but it didn’t help much when you chose to get the best experience through this.

You seldom participate in a more intimate setting with idols until today so your mind has been filled with worry about how it would go. Bona’s there to reassure you that it would be fun but you're quite nervous since you'll be meeting all the members this close for the first time. This is out of your territory and the possibility of embarrassing yourself in front of them scared you nuts since this morning.

And you’re unsure how you'll be once you face J30NGHΛN. 

The line thankfully sped up, your mind pausing for a moment when you briefly locked eyes with one of them. You spotted J30NGHΛN right away, standing in the middle near the end but that one glance your way was enough to make you even feel more nervous than you already are.

When it was finally your time, you brightly smiled at the first member on the line who's been smiling at you with his eyes. It eased up your nerves that you high-fived him with excitement as soon as he put both of his palms up. Subsequently, proceeding to the rest of the members became easy until you finally reached J30NGHΛN who laid out both of his hands to take yours right away.

It surprised you because the other members were either simply putting their palms up or interlocking their hands with yours for a brief second before moving on to the next. You weren't sure if it was the nerves but you haven't seen J30NGHΛN do this with other fans so far. Hands rising from the table and palms up as he takes both of your hands while looking straight into your eyes.

"hi, J30NGHΛN" you're relieved that your voice came out steady, mustering up a smile despite the rapid beating of your heart.

"hello..." he starts, eyes shifting down from yours and it makes you conscious of how you look. You did try today more than usual to hopefully match the beautiful idols that you've met who are close to perfection in beauty.

"___?" the soft mention of your name brought your attention back to him, noticing him reading it from your VIP pass.

Of course, it was just your name and probably the VIP pass that he's used to and nothing else. He probably won't remember you after this, seeing thousands of fans on a daily basis.

"it's my first time" you blurted out, earning a small chuckle from him. You silently berated yourself for breaking your composure but you noticed the emerging amusement in his eyes at your sudden remark, causing you to warm up in further embarrassment.

"it is? nice to meet you then" the corner of his lips lifted a bit as his eyes returned to yours. You tried smiling brightly as you did towards W00Z1 earlier to hide any more possible reactions from him but it faltered when he started running both his thumbs across your knuckles, tracing each one of them.

"n-nice to meet you too" 

You didn't mean to stutter but he took you off guard. Even more so when he interlocks his fingers with yours just when you were about to let go of his hands. He gave them a brief squeeze too that you didn't realize the line moved and you were already facing the member next to him. Good thing you recovered quickly, already getting used to holding their hands and making small conversations as you pass by each of the remaining members.

Once you were back in your seat near the front, you tried talking to the other fans around you while waiting for Bona to be done. However, your eyes can't stop straying towards J30NGHΛN and watch how he interacts with the other fans. He definitely didn't repeat what he did to you earlier so confusion washes over you.

After a while, you see a small smile grazing his lips while he is talking with a fan. It might be towards them or your obvious ogling because he suddenly glances up, capturing your eyes staring at him.

Bona hopping in beside you broke your staring contest, turning to her with enthusiasm like nothing happened. You debated on telling her you're confusing exchange with J30NGHΛN because who knows, it could just be a normal fan interaction and you were just imagining things all along. She will for sure tease you of your growing delusion towards him if ever.

You don't really know him yet but he seems to respond well to fans' advances. That could simply be part of their fan service training though, so all your experiences earlier are only part of VIP perks and you just got lucky to receive those random special interactions. However, when it was time for everyone to leave, you felt someone staring but didn't wanna think anymore if it could be him or not. 

Your curiosity took over though, so you did, catching J30NGHΛN's piercing eyes again before you exited the room.

It could simply be J30NGHΛN's curious nature as he has never met you before. He should be feeling the same way as he does with new fans but he found you amusing instead. The staff treating you differently didn't help either, fueling his interest in you some more. Other VIP fans were treated the same way lest they break the rules so he couldn't help but be more curious about who you could possibly be.

This was why during the fan sign where he saw you again, he couldn't help but initiate the interaction this time. J30NGHΛN took one of your hands before you could say something and he watched the confusion from last time return to your pretty face. You weren't as nervous as before but he definitely surprised you.

"can i ask you a question?" you felt the need to start talking to him right away to avoid the repeat from the last time. Now that you're finally caving into your interest in the group, Bona was insisting on indoctrinating you, briefing you on fan etiquette including how fan signs usually go. With the number of members of 53V3NT33N, you ought to be efficient unlike before.

"how much do you know about humans?"

You prod with a question that he wouldn't have expected and you see his face change from expectant to confusion with your question. He took a while to respond, probably waiting for the staff's reaction behind him. But once they didn't intervene, the previous look was back on his handsome face.

"well, i know enough to entice them",

The bright smile on his face didn't match the amusement in his eyes and somehow it gave you confidence, returning it with an impish grin.

"enough to make them even more obsessed with you?"

You're testing the waters, see if he can detect the change in your demeanour. It's a bit difficult when he's holding your hand like this because you swear he only holds others' hands after signing their albums earlier while you were waiting for your turn.

"it's working, no? since you're back and in a fansign this time"

It made you speechless that he was able to remember you from the last time. He's also keeping up with your flirting attempt and smoothly evaded your first question. You were expecting him to be taken aback because you doubt other fans have asked him that but then it could also be that he's programmed or trained to answer vaguely to be able to smoothly change the topic of any conversation.

His quip didn't distract you fully so your amused smile remained. For the entirety of the conversation, his eyes never left yours during this entire conversation so you couldn't even hide the surprise in your face when his thumb starts caressing your knuckles slowly, just like last time.

The nerves returned once again but you did your best to keep your guard, focusing more and figuring out what he could be thinking right now. It's a futile attempt but you have no other choice other than to distract the increasing beating in your heart.

"it might, or maybe i just wanted a fan sign experience" you cheekily remarked before getting up and grabbing your signed album, not even waiting for his response nor looking back to see his reaction.

.

That exchange prompted J30NGHΛN to snoop around online about you when the group finally had their "free time" later on. You were different compared to the first time he met you, not timid around him that he felt like he was wrong about you all along. The staff treated you differently too, never hurried you nor stopped you from asking those questions that would've gotten other fans banned so you must have some connection to the company.

He was running out of time before the managers came back to take them to their dorms as they, unfortunately, still do have a curfew. But by saving grace, he found an old article about their company's founder, included in it was a family picture where he recognized you right away, despite how young you were in it. J30NGHΛN finds himself not surprised at what he found out, causing everything to make sense now.

What was not making sense was how everyone didn't seem to recognize you or acknowledge who you were in public. Maybe you wanted it this way, keep everything low-key so you won't have the media hovering on your every move.

Something that he wishes for himself and his brothers sometimes. He's been having an inkling that they're being monitored 24/7 so he gave up on the thought a long time ago. It's still on his mind sometimes, especially after knowing this information about you. It deepens his curiosity about humans when you do this out of nowhere. Even now that he's lying in bed, recharging for another full-packed schedule tomorrow, he couldn't let the curiosity go.

.

Bona grilled you with questions as soon as you asked to meet up with her and Somin for this possible event that you're planning.

"i can't believe i wasn't there! i would've loved to see you get smitten by him!" she sighs dreamily while Somin makes a face in the corner.

"anyways, why did you wanna see us in person on a Sunday morning?" she starts, already dismissing you and Bona's fangirling shenanigans. It wasn't that she wasn't a fan but she does have a different opinion when it comes to these kinds of things.

"this might sound crazy but i want to invite 53V3NT33N as a headliner for my first charity event"

"what?"

"look, i didn't think you liked him this much already"

Somin raises a brow at you but you just shrug off the slight judgment in her eyes. It wasn't your fault that your interactions with J30NGHΛN from the past two events have stayed in your mind, plaguing you every single time you see any of their faces on social media. Maybe it's normal since you're all new to this fangirling thing, the common rush when you're exploring something new.

Like your interest in J30NGHΛN that you definitely want to develop further.

But in order to do that, you have to see him more often which won't be possible unless you use your privilege. Just like other AI-idol groups, 53V3NT33N members were tightly monitored by your father's company. Interactions with anyone outside of their staff would have to either be as a normal fan or someone with connections to the company, like you.

That was why you approached your father with the idea, hoping he'd let you invite his most precious investment. He agreed, much to your surprise because he'll allow the whole band to perform as well. Of course, this got a few questions from other CEOs seeing as this would be the first time for 53V3NT33N to participate in a charity event. However, your father insisted that this would be a good strategy to improve their company's reputation, especially among the fans who have been disappointed on how they've been managing the group so far.

Although your father's decision was a shock to everyone, you know why he would say yes. Despite his stoic disposition when it comes to business, he is still your father so he must have been delighted at the thought of you finally indulging in the family business by involving the company in this event. Pulling some strings means nothing to him now that you're doing what he's been wanting all along.

.

When 53V3NT33N was briefed by their managers about the event and their supposed role in it, surprise and confusion passed over the members' faces as they'd never done this before.

"it will be hosted by our CEO's daughter"

The additional shock was evident this time, not knowing about your existence until now. They have no idea what you look like so some of them are intrigued while others are just calm, too calm that member S3UNGKWAN didn't miss. He waited until the managers left them, making sure they were out of the vicinity before blurting out what he noticed.

"why would she be interested in us?"

He starts off casually, hinting at something that made the rest of his members curious, except for the one he's staring at right now.

Some of the members turned to J30NGHΛN with astonished faces but did not say a word. It's not like they could freely talk about anything outside of what they're supposed to know. 

J30NGHΛN should've tried harder to blend in with the others' reaction when you were mentioned. He didn't think of the possibility that anyone would notice the change in his behaviour towards you during the hi-touch and fansign. He should've known that his members would quickly catch on and read him like an open book as he does to them.

"maybe she's taking over and needs us for promotion" H05H1 concluded, shutting down the impending commotion over J30NGHΛN's possible connection with you. Half of the members relent as usual while the others don't even after J30NGHΛN ignores their goading stares.

This move from you again surprised him. A charity that would launch you into this world he's been living in, even involving him in it. He wasn't sure if this was because of how he interacted with you or if this is just who you are. Humans have confused him since he opened his eyes and was thrust into the world to interact with them. At first, he did think that you'd be just like the others given your position in society but there's been more than meets the eye.

And he strangely finds it to feel more interested in you now.

You've had a meeting with the rest of the company CEOs and staff to finalize the launch of the charity event. Things went well and as soon as it was announced, it made a buzz online immediately, just like your father predicted. You weren't sure if it was his doing or just people's curiosity about you finally going public in your father's line of business. Several people were intrigued by your collaboration with 53V3NT33N because, with all your connections, they could be the far end of your options as headliners.

Perhaps you wanted more publicity among the younger population which would make sense since the charity event's purpose is to support various scholarships for undergraduate students. You admit that the nerves escalated in you, both reasons being your formal introduction to your father's realm and 53V3NT33N's presence at the event. Leading events like this seems like a second skin to you, impressing the business community and media with the success of the event.

You couldn't take all the credit of course as you've had Bona and Somin too, helping you to make sure that the event goes smoothly. Right before the event ended, you asked either of them to give the closing remarks, rushing over to request one of 53V3NT33N's managers before they could move to the group's next schedule.

"i'd like to personally thank the members for doing this event with me"

"we shall send 5.C0UP5 up here right away" one of them answered curtly.

"oh, it's actually J30NGHΛN that i want to talk to"

Managing to appear composed while asking was a challenge as you tried your best to not show the managers your growing interest. Speculations can't be avoided because you did see some of them pause, with their faces wearing bewilderment but mostly startled at your choice of member. They must've been wondering why because 5.C0UP5 is the leader of the group and, therefore, their representative when it comes to official business.

Eventually, they reverted back to their composure, immediately fetching the member that you requested and directing him to the assigned room where you're waiting.  You weren't sure how this would go, if finally talking to J30NGHΛN in private would change your previous interactions. During the entirety of the event, you felt his eyes on you which almost distracted you at times but thankfully, you were able to remain focused.

"well, this is a surprise" a soft voice from behind startles you. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself down, you turned to see him smiling at you. A different smile from before, the polite one until he noticed how you weren't prepared at all. Seems like all the confidence from earlier went down the drain, making it too obvious for J30NGHΛN why he's here.

"is it? you've been paying a lot of attention earlier"

You return his smile, your confidence slowly coming up to the surface after watching his puzzled face.

"did you ask for me because of that?"

He recovered fast which did not surprise you, noticing how fast his reflexes are when it comes to conducting himself to others. You hear the inquisitive tone in his voice, taunting you to reveal the real reason why you chose to talk to him over their leader.

"no?, well yes" you admit, the curiosity overpowering your nerves. You couldn't keep it any longer, having no other options to talk to him but this way. Based on the content you've watched along with Bona's passionate detailing of them, J30NGHΛN's known to be perceptive and blunt so there's no point in denying anything.

"why?"

"you almost distracted me earlier"

"i thought i was being subtle"

You've expected him to be straightforward but not to this extent, confirming your assumptions earlier. His admission made your nerves resurface and it didn't help that he hasn't stopped looking at you since he got here. Avoiding eye contact with him has been successful so far, your eyes scanning the interior of this room despite knowing that he was aware of his effects on you.

"why?"

Now it's your turn to ask. You're still not looking at J30NGHΛN but you've been plagued with so many questions since your first interaction with him. He takes his time in answering, shifting his eyes away from you allowing you to steal a glance at his handsome face for a bit. Your elation about what his answer might be bubbles back up a little, wondering if there could be any reason his attention was on you for the entirety of the event.

"your purpose of the charity" he answers cooly, returning his gaze on you. This time you almost couldn't look away but the little disappointment stirs in you. Averting from his gaze but you don't want him to see your face because all this reminded you again of your growing attachment to him.

And you need to refocus on his question.

"my parents have great connections so why not use them for this"

"so why us then? you could pull it off on your own, the event was a success"

"thanks to you and your brothers"

Your heartbeat rises at J30NGHΛN's compliment because you technically could but you know that it's his group that mainly contributed to it, being one of the top AI boy groups in the galaxy these days. Having them as the headliner for the event definitely drew in more sponsors and donations than you expected which pleased not only your father but the other CEOs of the company too.

"we just appeared and sang a few songs, it's all you" he commended, and your heart raced even more when you finally turned to look at him.

He looks ethereal with platinum blonde hair and his white silk outfit complimenting his honey-toned skin. You must've been quiet for a while because a light chuckle escaping from him snaps you back to where you are.

"why thank you" you beamed, looking away to hide your embarrassment of getting caught. Just as he was about to answer, your phone vibrated from your desk so you stood up and gathered your belongings, preparing to leave.

"wait where are you going?"

J30NGHΛN's surprised at his own reaction, wanting to talk to you more.

"i have a meeting with my supervisors"

"for? you're working for the company now?"

"no, for my masters"

You watched him getting more intrigued with your answers but you really have to go so pause in front of him, debating if he'll catch onto your next words.

"there's always next time" you smile one last time before exiting the room, leaving J30NGHΛN behind. The teasing smile from you along with your implication has taken him aback, not expecting your sudden confidence in wanting to talk to him again. He didn't have much time to wonder as his manager barged in right away as soon as you were out of the hallway.

.

When J30NGHΛN got back to the dorms during their free time, he was a bit shocked to see all his members waiting by the living room. He already has a hunch on what will go down with a playful look plastered on some of their faces.

"someone's definitely the favourite" M1NGYU starts, earning a laughing fit from the others as J30NGHΛN approaches them.

"i couldn't believe she was at our fan events before" W0NW00 drawls, remembering you from the fansign as he was the one sitting beside J30NGHΛN.

"yeah so J30NGHΛN-hyung, she invited us because of you.." D0KY30M added but J30NGHΛN just shrugs it off.

"she's just a fan, like the others" he clarified, dismissing all the teasing he's gotten since they found out that he already knew you all along. He tried pretending earlier when you first met up with the whole group but his reaction and the way you acted around him gave the others the indication already.

He's aware that they are not really buying his dismissal seeing as you literally requested to talk to him in private. It further flares up again when you requested to see him once more.

People have asked questions as to why you requested someone from an AI-idol to accompany you here in the office. Apart from your interest in him and his group, he's the closest one that you're comfortable with in the company, as strange as it sounds. You don't trust anyone here, not even your own father for many reasons. At least with J30NGHΛN, any possibilities of using you for their gain are lesser than actual humans who might work their way into the company through you.

As for J30NGHΛN, he immediately said yes once their manager informed him of your request. Of course, his members were confused but some are supportive since it'll just probably be company-related stuff. He also explained that this will be a great way to gain your trust, to hopefully improve how the company has been treating them in return.

So far, no one has confronted you directly about J30NGHΛN being with you during his free time. However, rumours did start when it started to occur more than what people initially expected. Some talks must've been going around the company because your father surprisingly gave you a visit to your office today.

"i know why you're here" you start, not giving him a chance to confront you first.

"i'm just here to see you, it's not often that i'm free"

"you've never been" you retorted quietly, rolling your eyes at him.

"i just need to know why because i thought it was a one-time thing for your charity event"

"i need him for one of my remaining coursework"

You technically didn't lie but you weren't telling the truth either. Your father hopefully knows you enough to figure out your little lie but because he was barely there, that didn't become the case.

You're saved by the bell when Bona and Somin barge in your door with food and shopping bags with them. Your father excuses himself right away, giving you girls time with each other given how busy you've become since agreeing to the deal he made with you.

"so..."

Bona eyes you excitedly as soon as she sits on the luxurious couch in front of you.

"you're hooking up with him? you know Salax exists for a reason right?"

Somin fires right away and you put a hand up to stop her and Bona with their impending questions.

"i'm not, why would you think that right away?"

It won't be your first time having companions and you've been to the planet before with her to explore its attractions so you couldn't really blame her for questioning your choices.

"damn girl, last time you were all timid when it comes to him but now look at you!"

Bona adds proudly as she unpacks all the food on the table.

"is it because he's a level 1? you wanted to try if you could?"

Damn Somin and her fiery mouth.

The idea is enticing, sure, as level 1 robots can never be found in Salax because they're seen as "too pure" to be on the planet for anyone's darkest desires. You don't know how to answer her question because although that's not your intention to request his presence when you're in the company, these thoughts sometimes pass through your mind.

There's something satisfying about having J30NGHΛN with you, a level 1 robot that no one can have no matter how rich they are, proving your status even to people in your level. His kind is unattainable with the company's interference each time a rumour comes up involving any of the celebrity robots.

That's not to say that it doesn't happen as there are corrupt CEOs from other entertainment companies who sometimes exploit their level 1 robots underground, completely in secrecy. Fans found out about it will not only cause major problems for the company but for the careers of their robots and future investments as well.

That won't hopefully be the case for you if you decide to pursue J30NGHΛN. Any rumours that may be speculated by the media will get shut down right away not to ruin both the groups' image and yours. In fact, the company might just endorse this as your "training" and possibly follow in your father's footsteps.

"who knows really, i'd rather have him than anyone in this company"

.

J30NGHΛN is surprisingly pleasant as a company. Each time you ask for him, he arrives promptly and just follows anything you ask him. You thought that he'd see you differently once he found out who you are but nothing much changed. If not, he continues how he's been treating you, though a little more reserved than before because of your position.

It's never boring with him like you initially thought. Maybe that could be part of his media training or his learning given that artificial intelligence hasn't stopped digesting information given by humans. When you've caught him trying to read through your papers, you've asked him if he ever had any interest in things outside of idol life.

"of course, we all do but especially me with my curiosity, remember?"

Sometimes you forget that each of these level-one automatons has pre-programmed emotions. It was one of the reasons why you became interested in 53V3NT33N, observing how those emotions are webbed into them during performances, and interviews, and how they are with different kinds of people.

"if you wanna learn something, i don't mind teaching you" you smile gently and his usual passive face responds brightly at your response.

Since then he's been slowly opening himself up regarding the current state of his cognition. He revealed that aside from what the company teaches them through their training, they have no other opportunities to explore their personal interests. You honestly felt bad for them, knowing they have consciousness and therefore, can feel.

There are also times that you forget him being an AI idol until his availability begins dwindling due to his lack of any more time in his "free" time. You are starting to think that you may not have any free time anymore because he's been using whatever limited time he has to accompany you.

"i barely see you these days"

J30NGHΛN said that he needed to leave early for another schedule so he can only stay with you today for a short period of time. You didn't mean to sound like a jealous person because there's nothing between you. He became a friend, well, a closer one now due to the amount of time he spent together.

Idol life has always been busy but you couldn't help but feel disappointed that he has no free time to see you. It's childish since it will never be his fault, just the company so you hate feeling like this.

"oh, it's cause i have to meet with the researchers and developers, they had new ones" he replied nonchalantly but his eyes stayed on you with curiosity.

"really? do you even have any more time to see your mechanics?"

You didn't mean to sound petty because they do have regular checkups with personal human mechanics. And with the addition of extra meetings with researchers and developers, you're pretty below their priority list despite being the CEO's daughter.

"it's mandatory __, why? do you want me to be always with you then?"

His direct question caught you off guard and you looked away from him, busying yourself with whatever was going on at the lab table. You should be used to it by now and he's been gradually influencing you when it comes to voicing out your thoughts but you still can't when he asks these kinds of questions. You could technically switch things around now that your father has been slowly passing his responsibilities to you but you refuse to be just like him and others who take advantage of anyone below their level.

"well, i'm always alone except for when Bona and Somin visit me" you admit, not realizing he followed you to where you are. You can feel him standing behind you and will yourself to face him, giving him a quizzical look.

"you didn't answer my question" he whispers, looking at you intently. 

There's something in his eyes that you haven't seen before and you couldn't even explain it. If it was because of what you said, you're unsure. J30NGHΛN may have understood what you were implying earlier but also couldn't, it's difficult to decipher with the impassive expression he's wearing.

You don't know how to answer him, embarrassment flooding in you again like every time you turn skittish because of him. J30NGHΛN waits for your answer but he must've understood your silence because he surprises you when he reaches out, hand almost touching your jaw so you finally respond by leaning into it.

He cups your cheek, eyes roaming on your face before leaning in. You're still trying to process what's happening but you did the same and met his lips halfway. J30NGHΛN pauses at the contact, probably stunned that you kissed him so you started pulling away. This must be all new to him and you just crossed whatever boundary both have left. 

But then he held your face firmly, stopping you from completely doing so. A little gasp came out of you and he further shocked you by pressing his lips back to yours.

"i-"

"don't be upset anymore" he cuts you off after you both release each other's lips, shifting his gaze away this time as he steps back.

You on the other hand could not even form a proper sentence, still processing the fact that you and J30NGHΛN kissed. That you both did the second time too but mostly because he initiated it.

"J30NGHΛN-"

"i'm sorry but i have to go __, i'll see you as soon as i can" he regretfully replies, giving you a different smile than the ones he gave you before. Sure, he rarely smiles unless he has to and figuring out the genuity of his smiles has been difficult. However, the way he's been acting is sending a message, a vague one that continues to confuse you further.

You only waved back in response, unable to form any words since still dazed from that unexpected kiss. Some part of your mind though is having more questions as to why J30NGHΛN did that. He's still a bit hard for you to decipher but you don't also wanna force him to explain everything. 

Maybe it was just part of his want to learn, having curiosity is embedded in him so exploring something new is normal.

But you couldn't also just ignore the paired deceit, which you have been avoiding thinking about since the beginning.

Since that kiss, something definitely changed between you and J30NGHΛN. Aside from him being usually flirty, he also initiates any physical gesture that you've been showing him. All these could be part of his cognition development, responding naturally to you through the exercises you've given him.

J30NGHΛN did express his interest in learning more about humans, the ones that he hasn't seen through the media and you've been willing to teach him—sort of gratitude for accompanying you despite his busy schedule. He asks eloquent questions that surprise you sometimes, stirring your interest in the potential of artificial intelligence to develop even further than it currently is.

You're back in one of the company's labs today, deciding to finish your coursework here instead of traveling back and forth to and from the campus. The several meetings you've attended on behalf of your father, of course, were time-consuming already and now you know why they've set this lab up specifically for you. He might be subtle in his instructions but you're aware that he wanted you to be as close to his company as possible.

"does that also include human anatomy?" you tease, reviewing a few illustrations of various alien anatomies that you've been researching while sitting at the table. It's break time anyway, the only time you're able to talk to J30NGHΛN outside your duties. Teasing him became frequent as you've continued to grow comfortable with each other, becoming part of your daily banter.

"that's the one that i haven't studied yet" he says casually but the look in his eyes is the opposite. They're inquisitive with a hint of deceit that's making you gulp nervously given how near he is, standing close beside your perched form.

"how come?"

"we barely have time to explore other things"

"including?"

It came out as a whisper but J30NGHΛN heard the underlying query in your voice. This might be pushing your luck but somehow you feel confident in challenging him further today. You wanted to see the limit of his advances towards you. He moves to stand in front of you, his eyes observing your expressions now that you're staring right back at him.

"physical ones, like..you"

The revelation dazzled you a bit, not expecting him to be on the same wavelength as you. He leaned in, about to place his hands on the table until you grabbed one of them. He looks down at the hand that you're holding, amusement swimming in his eyes when you place it on one of your bare legs.

"are you sure? i thought you'd find aliens more interesting than a boring human like me" you shrug, trying to ignore the warm feeling of his palms now massaging your skin. It still fascinates you how human-like AI robots have become, J30NGHΛN having only a few differences with you.

"you've never bored me since the first time we met"

Your heart once again races at him admitting those words. It didn't help that his elegant fingers had also started skirting under your mini pencil skirt. His eyes stayed on them like he was contemplating where they would go. His fingers' pulling back and forth made you quiver, your legs squirming, especially when his ringed finger brushed along your inner thighs.

"Jeonghan.." you didn't mean for it to come out breathlessly but you couldn't take his teasing anymore. You didn't even realize that you called him by his real name until he looked up at you in an instant, your small whine fueling up something in his eyes now.

You didn't know what came over you when you opened your legs as an invitation, your skirt riding up further allowing J30NGHΛN to see what's underneath. He eyed your clothed core, noticing the wet spot on your undies and it prompted him to move his fingers around it. One of his brows rises when you start squirming, your legs trying to close so puts his other hand on your other leg to stop you.

"you should call me by my real name more often" he starts again, tracing his fingertips around the area until it catches your clothed hole.

"i can't do that-" he startles you when he prods a finger in, earning a squeak from you.

"did i hurt you?" he removed his hands right away, confusion and worry etched on his face but you shook your head. You're relieved that he didn't pry you with his previous question because you're honestly too riled up to respond properly.

"no, you just... surprised me"

You smile at him reassuringly, releasing a deep breath before bringing his hand back to where it was before. Pulling up your skirt even more, you push your undies to the side, revealing your soaked core to J30NGHΛN's curious eyes. He resumes exploring you with his fingers, eyes in fascination as he traces your wet pussy lips with his nimble fingers.

He hears your breathing increase, with your eyes switching from looking at his fingers to his face, sensing the frustration in them. He wonders if it's because of what he's been doing or if he wasn't doing enough yet.

"what do i do next?" he queries after pushing one finger in, eliciting a small gasp from you that you almost couldn't answer properly when he starts pumping it in and out. The stretch causes your moans to grow louder so now he wants to do more, observing the way your legs quiver the faster he goes.

"just...continue what you're doing already"

You couldn't help but whine when he inserted a second one, your hips involuntarily moving to get his fingers more into you. J30NGHΛN obliged, plunging his fingers deeper with each stroke like you've been hinting. He wanted to earlier, your moans spurring him but he wasn't sure if your body could take it when you're already so tense around his fingers.

"one more.."

You can barely open your eyes when you beg, biting your lips harshly to stifle your moans and it flares J30NGHΛN's curiosity even more, wanting to see how you'll react with three of his fingers inside you so he did.

"you'd think they'll hear us?"

His fingers nudge your walls experimentally, fingertips occasionally brushing something in you that you couldn't even keep quiet anymore. His question lingers in the air and you've been trying to answer him but his fingers just feel too good.

"w-what?"

J30NGHΛN just grins at you wickedly, his eyes never leaving yours as he waits for you. He probably ran out of patience cause he slowed down his fingers, forcing your gaze back at him.

"they could be listening,..." he continues, drawing his fingers out and then pushing them in again. He knows the communication device sitting between his collarbones can track them, a common practice for companies with level ones like him so he wonders if any of them are monitoring, if they can hear how he's been breaking down their CEO's daughter like this.

You clenched around his fingers, unable to stop exposing yourself to what J30NGHΛN said. His beautiful brown eyes dilate at your response so he's back to increasing the pace of his fingers, trying to locate that soft spot in you again. Watching your face contort when he finds it stirs something in him, that strange satisfaction that even he couldn't explain.

"there it is, isn't it?"

You hear the teasing in his voice again, driving you to whine his name louder than you intend to. The way his fingers were constantly hitting your sweet spot was pushing you to the edge, your lower pussy lips also tingling at the cold feeling of the silver ring on his pinky that occasionally brushes them.

J30NGHΛN notices you trying to grind down his fingers, desperately rubbing yourself so he looks back down to see why, and when he does, he grazes his thumb on the swollen button he found, marveling at your instant reaction.

"yes, there..oh–" you didn't think he'll figure out how to play your clit this fast but you should've known how fast he's been at learning new things. The pressure from the pads of his fingers must've pushed you to the end, your body arching from the table as you let go, releasing so gorgeously in front of his eyes.

"you look beautiful" he mutters in awe, eyes still on you. J30NGHΛN didn't think humans could look this way through this. He didn't even realize that his fingers were still relentless in their speed cause he wanted to see you more like this, glowing hence why he kept going and didn't understand why you grabbed his arm to stop him.

"too much.." you could barely speak after reaching your peak, prompting him to pull his fingers out from you eventually. 

J30NGHΛN's bewildered face turned into worry but you smiled cheerily at him despite your weariness. 

Pulling him close by his shoulders, you watch him examine his coated fingers and it makes your already heated body even warmer. You hand him the tissue box beside you and instead of using them, he pops his coated fingers into his mouth, eyes widening at your taste.

"didn't expect you'd taste this good" he hums, grabbing some tissues to clean you up instead. He's surprisingly being delicate which brings that warm feeling inside your heart to resurface. 

"really? thanks" you giggle, still high from that amazing orgasm he gave you. It momentarily made you forget the fact that you just let him finger you here in the lab where anyone could've heard or seen you both. The glass walls are translucent sure, but you weren't sure how loud you were this whole time.

He assists you in getting off the table because you're wobbling a bit as soon as your feet reach the ground. You pull down your skirt and try to look presentable just in case anyone barges in, expecting J30NGHΛN to distance himself from you but his hands remain on your waist.

"so.. you're going to teach me more?" he smiles at you and it stupidly makes your heart race.

"i barely taught you anything" you dismiss shyly, looking anywhere but at him because you are still taken aback at what just happened. He learned to do all that with a little of your guidance, pleasuring you even better than human boys and sex robots could.

"you did let me study, but i think it's not enough," he playfully huffs as he shakes his head. You see a glimpse of seriousness in his eyes but it somehow earned a chuckle from you.

"you were supposed to be more advanced than me" you say, back to being playful with him like a second nature. You feel content, brushing a few strands of blonde hair away from his eyes. They're growing longer now and you love them when they would always curl in front of his handsome face so you can have an excuse to touch him. 

"only physically, i haven't tested everything yet" he winks, the coy smile never leaving his face. You knew that J30NGHΛN would never give up the idea of exploring each other more from now on and you might be too deep to refuse at this point.

It's been a few days since you saw J30NGHΛN and you're excited to see him after what conspired between you last time. You're a bit nervous though how your dynamics will change, hoping for at least no awkwardness because you won't be able to manage it.

Whisking away your thoughts, you approached the elevators while responding to people greeting you. When it opened, there was someone in it that you recognized as one of 53V3NT33N's managers. It was mainly because they were the only ones who treated you indifferently in the company. The others were either too timid or too fake with you despite your generous approach.

"thank you" you smiled at them when they held the elevator doors open for you.

"no problem miss ceo"

"that's my father, not me" you deflect, silently thanking them for the light manner approach. You understood why everyone was too serious with you but you sometimes wish that this type of refreshing interaction were more common. You might not have plans on becoming a CEO but you were never comfortable when people treat you as one.

"will be, soon i hope. i'd be happy if that happens" they playfully admitted but you recognized the sliver of sincerity in there which delighted you a bit.

"Star, right?" 

You didn't know how to respond to them so you just smiled, hoping they'll get the sign that you didn't wanna discuss the subject further. It's something that you haven't even talked about with Bona and Somin because they perceived what your stance was on the matter.

"yes, ma'am"

"please, ___ will do or the nickname you gave me earlier" you smiled at them, preferring to drop all the formality between you. You still have a hard time trusting anyone in the company, let alone a staff member, but you feel like you could trust Star out of all of them.

"of course, additional workload?" they asked, pertaining to the several files in your hands.

"you could say"

"J30NGHΛN has really been a help then, with the studying i mean"

The gaze they sent your way had your mind blanking out in addition to the teasing in their tone. You're unable to process the fact that someone not just knew but could possibly hear what happened between you and J30NGHΛN. 

"don't worry, no one else knows aside from me. it was my shift for recording check-ins last week that's why" 

You must've been so obvious that they smiled reassuringly. It still didn't quell the embarrassment flooding in your face and the dread of what might happen after. They seemed to be decent and can be counted on but you couldn't take any chances.

"did you hear..something?" your shift in your stance, the defensiveness apparent in your tone. 

"no, just a bit nearing the end i'm assuming, with the teaching him more"

You sigh in relief, more than glad that you've been lucky enough that it was only the last part they heard. J30NGHΛN getting in trouble just because of his little exploration of your body was the last thing you want. It was risky, yes, and the memory of him teasing you about the communication device flashing in your eyes causes your cheeks to warm up despite the full air conditioning in this building.

"i-, we-"

"you don't have to explain miss CEO, you're not the only one"

The revelation piqued your interest and you wondered if they too were as involved with their automaton as you were.

"really? so do you also-"

"oh no, never that way 'cause i'd get booted before i know it" 

Star put their hands up in defense as they chuckled but you saw the longing in their eyes as they said it. You feel sorry for them, for not even being allowed to express what they feel due to the nature of this industry. You could say you were in the same boat but you have another privilege that they don't, spending time with J30NGHΛN anytime you want lest it conflicts with his idol schedule.

"i'm sorry"

Sharing the same conflict someone provided both astonishment and relief to you. Knowing that a fellow human had the same struggles in some way makes you even more determined to pursue J30NGHΛN.

"it is what it is and i'm glad at least to find someone who shares the same dilemma as me"

They smiled at you once the elevator dinged, exiting the doors to probably meet the boys, something that you would want to do if you didn't have piled up coursework thanks to the meetings that you had to attend on behalf of your father, again. You waved goodbye to Star with a smile, grateful that they shared with you something personal and this risky, for both them and the AI robot they were longing for.

Since then, you have been reaching out to Star when it came to J30NGHΛN's whereabouts, as they were the ones who handled the automata's daily schedule. It made spending time with J30NGHΛN easier, though you still had to be careful not for your sake but his and Star's. Even though they had been immensely helping you both, you couldn't risk anything happening to them just because of your greed.

.

Your father was surprisingly situated in your office when you entered and once again, has asked about these frequent meet-ups with J30NGHΛN.

"i'm sure you've heard the rumour circulating around __"

"i thought that was settled a long time ago" you dismiss, clearly not wanting to talk to him as you're busy yourself around your office.

"of course, it's just a reminder that you should be putting your time into other beneficial things like more business partners-

"you mean meet their sons so you could marry me off?" you turn around to face him, to watch him lie to you like countless times before. This was one of the main reasons why you did not want to be a part of his world, not wanting to give up your freedom which would not be an option anymore if ever.

"that's not what i said __"

"i already told you last time what i need him for"

"does it require this much?"

And unlike last time when Bona and Somin interrupted your father's probing, they were unfortunately not here to do it again much to your dismay.

"i don't trust anyone here and having him as a company is killing two birds with one stone " 

You've never had problems conveying to your father what you truly feel, hoping he'd realize that he's not an exception to your sentiment.

"when are you going to be done?" 

He diverted the topic, knowing that you'd won the argument like you always did. Despite his threatening image outside, he remained a father to you though you've never treated him otherwise.

"soon" you tried your best to hide your looming disappointment when that day arrived. You didn't want to give him any more reason to eminently take J30NGHΛN away from you if this goes on any longer.

There was still so much to explore on his mental capabilities that many people haven't bothered to into. You might be already falling in deep but you'd love to know if it's also possible for J30NGHΛN to develop something based on how the development of your relationship has become. It's a silly thought but deep down you wanted to know if falling in love was a potential scenario for him to happen. 

It might be a futile hope but with AI's range of possibilities, you couldn't be blamed for having one. The thought even made you hesitant to tell your friends because it could go wrong. You could give Bona the same hope and at the same time face Somin's impending disapproval knowing her firm stance in this situation.

But it was only a matter of time until they caught up on what had been going on with you.

"alright stop playing with me, we've had enough of these rumours" Somin started as soon as she barged into your place with a strangely quiet Bona behind.

"you too? he was already here earlier, trying to talk to me about it"

You may have underestimated what your father mentioned earlier, thinking he was bluffing to emphasize his latent threat. Perhaps you weren't as discreet as you thought because Bona has never been this quiet around you since you were children until now.

"stop deflecting"

"i'm studying him, the possibilities of their cognition are vast, Somin. i thought you knew that" 

You don't know who you're trying to convince with that explanation, your friends or yourself.

"i do but you and i both know that's not what i meant"

It's tough to answer her question because you've also been at war within yourself regarding what you really feel for J30NGHΛN. No matter how good you are in your pretense though, both of your friends have always been able to see right through you.

"you love him" Bona whispers, looking dejected at her realization after eyeing your reaction.

"he's my favourite member of the group, don't you love yours too?" you insisted, not yielding from their confrontations.

"it's not the same"

"of course, it's not, she's in love with him"

Somin cuts you both and silence follows. You couldn't exactly confirm or deny what she said but you're also done lying to your friends.

"i don't wanna do anything about it but i'm prepared to see where this goes"

Vague replies have never confused your friends anymore and they thankfully concede to your decision in their contrasting ways.

"look, i get it more than Somin does so i'll just be here if you need me" Bona replies softly with a smile while Somin just shakes her head, giving you a defeated but comforting look.

"as absurd as this whole thing is, you're still a dear friend of mine" 

"i love you both", you reply with your usual response, giving them grateful smiles as you lay down a couple of board games in the living room. It's always been a girls' night tradition since you were kids and that immediately boiled down the tension between the three of you from that conversation.

You're grateful that you were able to finally reveal and talk to them about it. Your friends have been the closest people that you can confide with anything so it was a great comfort to know they're with you on this no matter how stupid this looks. Continuing whatever this is between you and J30NGHΛN will be a struggle but that has never deterred you from the beginning.

Only spurring you further as a challenge.

Sounds of skin slapping and heaving breaths bounce off your office walls, with J30NGHΛN pounding into you harshly against your desk. The awkwardness was nowhere to be found when you saw him again, if not, he's even grown comfortable dallying with you. He touches you whenever he likes which was often and it became a common occurrence between you both, exploring each other physically despite being on the company grounds.

J30NGHΛN truthfully doesn't care if anyone catches you both. He had never cared once you started showing your interest in him. It's not like they can stop you from pursuing him, evident when none of them interfered since he started responding to your requests.

"you okay?" he asked as he pulled out slowly, his hands carefully caressing your body ever since he learned how sensitive you become after an orgasm.

You nod at him, beaming as you grab a bottle of water beside you to quench your thirst. You get exhausted quickly unlike him who doesn't need to rest unless he's recharging through his bed. J30NGHΛN's always patient with you when it comes to sex, helping you in taking breaks to keep up with his mechanical endurance. 

After cleaning you both up, he helps you put your clothes back on, not leaving your side just like the first time. It's a habit he picked up after seeing your face light up each time he does it. When he questioned you why, you couldn't respond to him which added to his curiosity. He never bothered asking again but just continued to do it, hoping that you'd answer him eventually.

Just as J30NGHΛN's finishing buttoning up his black satin top, he sees your hand reaching towards him. You do this a lot when you want a kiss from him, looking adorable especially when you're dazed and a bit breathless after dressing back up again.

"hannie..." you called him softly with the nickname that you came up with recently. It's affectionate, he's guessing because he also felt the need to comply each time you call for him for some reason that he doesn't understand.

He kisses you right away, responding to the kiss the way you like. One of your hands went down to his neck, stroking its sides while the other found a purchase on his bare chest. Your manicured fingers started tracing the edge of his collarbone where his necklace was sitting, the diamond-shaped device implanted just above it. 

Then J30NGHΛN was confused when you started circling your fingertip around it so he deepened the kiss, biting your lower lip to distract you both from whatever this is you're doing.

But that's when he hears it, 5.C0UP5 voice shouting "RUN" through the communication device that's also connected to his ear. He reluctantly breaks the kiss, head-turning sideways to make sure he heard his brother correctly.

Then the alarms suddenly broke off throughout the entire building, blaring non-stop and it further confirms his suspicion from before.

That 5.C0UP5 was planning to escape like he did all along.

He had a hunch but wasn't sure if the rest of his members had an interest as well. Knowing his brothers though, most of them would want to leave this suffocating lifestyle of theirs for real freedom.

"it's time isn't it?"

J30NGHΛN was perplexed by your question, drawing back from you after realizing that you knew of his plan to escape. But before he can move away even further, your hand tightens its hold around his neck, surprising him more with your strength.

"what are you doing?"

He couldn't figure out what you meant until you dug your fingers around the device and began peeling away the rest of his synthetic skin.

"we don't have much time"

"how did you-?"

"i made sure he'll prepare you" 

J30NGHΛN's beautiful eyes widen, another shock coursing through him at this revelation that the mechanic apprentice who's been loosening his device this entire time was planted by you.

You watched his face morph into the realization of what you knew all along. Expecting him to leave immediately, he remained instead, still staring at you with mixed emotions arising on his handsome face. You made Kai, a mechanic apprentice of one of the staff, to gradually loosen J30NGHΛN's communication device on each visit in exchange for securing a spot for him in the company as a junior mechanic after his graduation. 

Of course, the boy complied as soon as you offered, not wasting the rare opportunity given by the CEO's daughter of a huge company. Automatons also heal fast, making it easier for both him and J30NGHΛN to hide this secret deal from anyone in the company except, well, you.

J30NGHΛN didn't have the time to ask more questions when you started pulling the device off of him, pain replacing the conflict on his face. Although the device was easy to get off now, the pain was still excruciating that J30NGHΛN couldn't hold back the screams even if he tried to.

You're in pain too. Both from the physical pain of ripping the device with your now bloody hands and the pain of him leaving you. 

From the beginning, you knew that this was his reason for pursuing you because why would he break all of those strict rules from the management for you had it not been because of your position? Deceit and curiosity have been programmed into his system since he was created so he couldn't escape from it unless someone alters it. You could've asked Kai or even other developers to do so but you foolishly hoped that you'd have the time until his consciousness could achieve what you've been longing for.

"____-" he rasps your name, traces of pain in his voice although you're not sure of its cause. 

"this will be the last place for them to look but we're on the top floor so it'll take time for you to exit the building"

You pushed him out of your office door in a hurry, giving him further instructions and shortcut directions to get out of the building as soon as possible, not even looking a second at him because you wouldn't be strong enough to let him go if you did.

J30NGHΛN's silent as he clutched the wound on his collar bones but could feel his eyes on you the whole time. You ignored it even as he staggered backward in the empty hallway, seeming like he wanted to stay until you both heard the commotion from the lower floors coming up through the stairwells, an indication that the guards might be closing in anytime soon.

"go, please"

You finally looked at him one last time as you dropped on the floor, voice desperate for him to leave because you'd rather lose him this way knowing that he's free than let him go through what your father might do to him for attempting to escape.

Knowing your father, he’ll punish him even more as revenge upon the rest of his brothers for escaping too.

J30NGHΛN starts backing up when he sees the fear in your eyes, along with the tears now flowing down your face. You couldn't figure out what he was thinking from where you are so you muttered the one thing that you've never said to anyone just as he was heading to the corner of the hallway.

"i love you"

If he was able to catch it you weren't sure, closing your eyes as soon as he disappeared from your sight. The pain from your fingers intensifies and diverts your attention to it, hoping that the physical pain will mask the real one you're really crying for within.

You haven't cried in so long but you also remembered that you have to maintain this pretense of being devastated when the guards chasing the robots around found you at your office. They must've been redirected here given that J30NGHΛN's communication device is pretty much still intact, therefore, giving them a false lead to your office.

Not entirely false when they found your office door open, with you lying on the floor and crying while holding J30NGHΛN's communication device in your bloody hands.

They immediately approached you, presumably to take the device but flinched away from them.

"at least let me have this part of him" you whisper brokenly, still crying and emotional though if you're still pretending at this point you're not sure.

Since everyone knew that you got attached to the said automaton, the guards just let you be but they did call for medics to tend to you before leaving to pursue the rest of the escaping automatons.

The paramedics thankfully didn't pry too much when they arrived, only asking necessary questions and you answered back like a robot. Your mind couldn't think of anything else aside from J30NGHΛN, if he's okay and if he was able to escape successfully with his brothers.

You internally chuckle because he probably has, knowing him. A fresh set of tears followed right after that the staff arriving panicked right away, confronting the medics if they were doing their job properly.

For now, you're letting yourself be vulnerable in front of these strangers as much as you despised it. It'll hopefully give you enough time to focus on what comes after as soon as the medics are done with you. The dreading reality that you have to face soon. 

Not only the public and your friends but especially your father who will for sure punish you for helping J30NGHΛN escape and essentially ruining the company that you're supposed to inherit.

e/n: who would’ve thought that i’d go back to my roots lmao. anyways, i hope y’all enjoyed this! a little tmi for those interested but idol aus are usually not my fave and he’s not even my bias but out of all seventeen, he’s the most similar to me and i do love sci-fi so as soon as i saw the emotions assigned to him, i got an idea/plot right away :D

[saintjosie]

hi, i promise this question is in good faith, i genuinely just want your opinion!

as an asian tguy, i've noticed a phenomenon of white tgirls constantly using anime gifs to express their feelings or use to represent their reactions. and while i agree that anime is very cute, it stirs something in me when i scroll through so many blogs that ONLY use anime gifs to react. idk it would make me feel less weird about it if there was more variation i think but. maybe i’m overreacting?

i want to support my people and be anti-racist but i also don't want to end up with a transphobic belief in the process. i figured you'd be a good person to ask as a fellow asian on the "other side" of it all. sorry if this is tedious to read and answer

first, this post on orientalism is a good primer and says a lot of things way better than i ever could.

unfortunately there is no easy answer for this and the short answer is “it depends”.

the root of this issue lies in both objectification and also the difference between appreciation and appropriation. there is absolutely an issue with people in general objectifying asians and appropriating asian culture and this is not limited to just white people or white trans fems; this is a problem with western culture as a whole.

but it is very important to add that i do believe that your singling out of white trans fems is somewhat unfair. there is absolutely an issue of white queer and trans people misunderstanding intersectionality and failing to recognize their white privilege but the way that white trans fems interact with anime is no different than the way that all of western culture treats things like anime and k-pop.

so regarding the “it depends”, what matters is ultimately that each and every person is responsible for dismantling their own privileges and biases. there is no sweeping generalization that i or anyone else can make that says “this is bad” when ultimately it comes down to how each person interacts with the media they consume. are there people who appropriate and interact with anime inappropriately? yes absolutely. but there are others who don’t too.

and so even if this is an issue, we cannot address this issue to an entire community because we don’t know how each individual is thinking, and even if we did, (and this is very important) we cannot do a damn thing to change it other than to provide education.

push too hard, it goes nowhere. if someone isn’t ready to hear something or isn’t in the process of dismantling their own privileges and biases, it goes nowhere.

your discomfort is valid but there is nothing to do but continue to advocate and ask allies to do the same.

best of luck!

[strawberryya]

ghost in the machine

s.coups x reader

synopsis: Secrets can only be kept as secrets for so long, everyone knows this. Yet when 5.C0UP5 came in contact with someone he never should have even known existed this notion seemed as foreign as his own name. Perhaps there exists another way of life even for him, or maybe it was all a dream too big to dream of. 

word count: 20k

genre/contains: sci-fi au, AI-idol au, automaton!seungcheol, angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, found family, afab and gn!reader, general smut warnings for oral and penetrative sex, nothing kinky except being eaten out while talking on the intercoms and some almost being caught moments, big fight

rating: 18+

a/n: this has taken a long time to finish, but it also turned out to be my longest fic to date and I'm a bit proud that i managed to actually complete what i had in mind :> thank you @idyllic-ghost for proof reading and for the banner !!

collab link to read the other amazing fics from @idyllic-ghosts genius collab!

Network tagging: @svthub @cultofdionysusnet @k-labels @kvanity-main

[navigation post!]

“100 years ago it was thought that the Earth, as we know it, would disintegrate. That the sun would implode and leave everything in darkness. Miraculously, it didn’t. Due to some external force, human scientists still haven’t agreed upon what it exactly was, none of the planets in our former solar system were ever destroyed. The Earth, along with the other planets, were pushed away from each other and ended up in different parts of the universe. Earth just happened to come to a solar system with alien life. At first, we were cautious, and people were prepared to fight. However, the aliens were welcoming to our planet. Those of us who didn’t die from ‘The Great Journey’ or from trying to fight the aliens, were welcomed into the new solar system. Soon enough, we had integrated completely, and we received materials and assistance from our sister planets in exchange for human labor. What humans knew of technology was very limited, but with the resources of the aliens we created artificial life forms. We named these robots Automaton, and they served as workers when humans couldn’t. Eventually, there was no need for human labor at all. To pay back for the help the aliens gave us, we used Automatons. With the extensive development of these robots, we eventually managed to create artificial sentient life. These Automatons were human-like in looks and had human consciousness, but they could not bleed and were stronger than we ever could be. At the present time, there are even different levels of Automatons. Level 3 robots are the workers, level 2 robots are the caretakers, and level 1 robots are the celebrities. The Automaton music group 53V3NT33N (SEVENTEEN) is made up of 13 members, all very talented, and all representing two human states of mind.”

Pride. It was one side of 5.C0UP5 state of mind, and he felt it often. He felt it whenever he looked at his members, he felt it whenever he performed on stage in front of blinding lights and roaring crowds, and he felt it when he looked at you.

Yet, the other side of the coin of his pre-programmed personality was what crushed him every single day. Everything he took pride in having accomplished, was completely tarnished by a single thought about your lips on his skin. The shame was unbearable. 

You had never been meant to get close to him, he was not supposed to be close to anyone. He knew this better than anyone. As the leader of 53V3NT33N he was the one to keep everyone in check. He was meant to set a good example and be the perfect level 1 automaton at all times. For years he kept his promise to everyone, he continued to avoid all things that could ruin his reputation and go against his lifelong contract which he had become bound to the moment he had been created. It hadn’t been easy, but he had taken pride in being the perfect and flawless leader for his members. 

That guilty feeling in his gut came back once again as he left the dorm with his manager. “Lookin’ good,” he heard the voice of one of his members play in his ear. J30NGHΛN stood, next to some of his staff members across the lobby, curiously looking at 5.C0UP5. “Going somewhere fun today?” he said and pushed the communication device on his chest, letting 5.C0UP5 hear his every word. 

“You’re too curious J30NGHΛN,” he said with a smile, “We’re just gonna get some pictures at a café for this week’s posts.” It was one of the few things he did a couple of times a year, even under the strict surveillance of his company and its staff. No matter what, he had to sell the fantasy of himself to millions of people all around the universe. 

“Oh, I see… have fun,” J30NGHΛN said with a tone that made 5.C0UP5 feel his fingers, the chirping sound of his voice making him conscious of his own existence in a way he despised. the damn wink didn’t help. It was as if he knew something. Maybe everyone knew? 5.C0UP5 shook his head and began walking towards the exit along with his manager. He felt his members’ curious gaze following him as he left. Maybe the secrets were beginning to take their toll on his mind. He knew he was supposed to keep his emotions in check, the overpowering of one of his programmed human states of mind would be his demise. They had told him that much. Yet again, he told himself the same words he had spent so many days and nights telling himself. Nobody knows. 

Luckily, the café that had been chosen for today was only a couple blocks away. The cold sweat that ran down his back went unnoticed by the staff accompanying him in the shuttle used by the members whenever they needed to go to filming locations and individual shoots.  

“Let’s order some smaller stuff and get the shoot over with, we don’t have all day,” one of the managers announced, making 5.C0UP5 nod with a forced smile before he went back to looking out the window. His hand fell to his side, feeling the hard outline of his phone in his pocket. 

Entrusted to him by the company, he had been allowed to have a small flip phone. It was ancient. They used to have them in the old world, but even by the start of “The Great Journey” the technology was seen as outdated. By the current standards, however, the phone he had been granted was not worth much more than the shoelace on his sneakers. To him though, it was priceless. 

He was nervous now, his hands felt clammy, and his shoulders were tense as he walked into the café along with the staff members. One of them hurried off to the counter and placed your orders while 5.C0UP5 and two others made their way towards the corner table. The young couple currently sitting at the table were quickly removed by the staff members. It was routine, nothing more than a sentence informing the couple of why they needed to get up was given before they were chased off by the staff members threatening presence. 

He would never get used to that, the way others were treated around him as he stood by, powerless to intervene. Every time he felt ashamed of being the reason the rest of the population had to accommodate whatever his company, his owners, deemed profitable. It didn’t matter if it was evacuating an entire city block to film a music video where the buildings crumbled around the members, or something as insignificant as taking over a table at a popular café. The guilt was always there. 

The young couple hastily gathered their belongings and one of the waiters came over and cleaned up the table, apologies for the mess constantly pouring from their lips. Level 3 automatons could get fired for something like this, but at the same time, 5.C0UP5 couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy as he watched the worker get back to his place behind the counter. Maybe life would be better if he too was a lower-level automaton, he found himself thinking as he sat down and was served the beverage and piece of dessert that the staff had ordered for him. He would be freer in a way…

“5.C0UP5, let’s go.” 

He picked up the drink in his hand, the cold from the iced drink bringing his mind away from his thoughts and back into reality where a staff member had just fixed the collar of his shirt and fixed his hair which had been ruffled by the wind. “Look over there,” the staff said as another one snapped hundreds of pictures as he moved around on his chair. The rehearsed smiles, the sip of the drink, and the way he leaned toward the camera all satisfied the staff it seemed. He was good at his job, and acting like a down-to-earth boyfriend at a café was just another part of his job. 

What wasn’t part of his job, however, was when he felt a buzz in his pocket and without a second thought spilled half his drink across his thighs, the fabric covering his knees now the color of his drink. “Oh!” he shouted, “I’m sorry. I’ll go clean up real fast and we can continue like nothing happened, I’m so sorry, I’ll fix it!” he hurried to say before any of the staff members could even comprehend the situation he had just created. Hastily, 5.C0UP5 rose from the chair and left his staff confused and shocked at the table. “Fuck- someone go watch the door, no one else can be in there at the same time he is.” he heard them say behind his back as he hurried off towards the door to the bathroom. 

There were multiple doors inside the bathroom, each leading to a small bathroom. He didn’t know where to go, he didn’t know where he was supposed to be. He didn’t need to look very far because as he approached the second door to the right it opened for only a moment and a hand pulled him forcefully through the opening. “Finally,” a person said with a smile before they kissed him passionately in the low light of the lightbulb attached to the dark mosaic tiles above the sink. 5.C0UP5 entire body heated up from within as his lips pressed against those familiar soft lips he knew belonged to you. 

He had dreamed of those very lips every night since he first got to kiss them all those months ago. “Hi,” he whispered and let the corners of his mouth turn up in the most genuine smile he had had all day. 

“Hi…” you answered and giggled softly, feeling his warm hands on your cheeks as he held you and kissed you once again, softly and as if to make you feel how much he had missed you as he held your lips locked against his. 

“Are you meeting up with that secret fuck buddy of yours?” Lana joked as you scrambled to grab your phone and keys on your way out for lunch break. 

The office supply store was empty at this hour, and you had thirty minutes until you had to be back again; the perfect amount of time for a quick meetup with Cheol. You had to be back in time to release Lana, your co-worker, and close friend, from her shift and let her take her own lunch break since your boss had deemed it necessary to have the store manned at all hours of the day. 

Or, well, 5.C0UP5 if you were fussy about things like that. That was his real name, his legal name. To you, however, he was Seungcheol. It had been months since you had called the wrong number in your hurry to order a pizza after work, starving and sleep-deprived as you were at the time you hadn’t been looking too closely at the numbers you were putting into the keypad on your phone. Luckily for you, the craving for pizza that night had led you to discover something new that you soon began craving much more and much more often - him. 

His enchanting voice had caught you off guard that first night, and his confused and cautious “Who is this?” had, incredibly enough, been the starting point of you two talking every chance you got since then. Late nights chatting away on, what you have to admit were very sketchy websites, and the occasional call which was made with hushed voices and both of your hearts pounding away, had been most of your relationship. It sometimes felt like an imaginary relationship, since no one could know who he was, and even more importantly -  know who you were to him. 

“He’s not my fuck buddy, he’s…” you retorted. 

“See, do you even know what he thinks you two are? You won’t even show me any pictures of him, is he super ugly or something?” Lana shouted as you hurried towards the back door. 

“Shut up! I’ll see you later!” you yelled and the door slammed shut behind you. The back alley was filled with trash and scrap metal. The teenage boy from the large family who lived atop the store was smoking as he kicked bolts around on the ground. He looked up as you passed, and an uncomfortable feeling in your gut appeared as you felt him watch you while you exited the back alley and went onto the bustling street. Your phone buzzed in your back pocket and you fished it up. 

Unknown. 12.31.

“I’ll be there in 10, leaving now.” 

It was from Cheol. You wouldn't be getting any more updates from him until tonight, at least he had confirmed that he would be coming. Quickly you deleted the text from your phone and put the phone back into your pocket as a strange sense of being watched made the skin on your neck prickle. You looked around, moving your shoulders as if to shake the feeling away. 

You hurried away and towards the café, the uncomfortable feeling still haunting you as you entered the café and headed straight to the restroom. 

Would he come this time?

You could never be certain. He always did his best to keep his promises, but if the circumstances wouldn’t allow him to leave the group of managers that always circled him whenever he stepped outside the shiny company doors, keeping you a secret was more important. It didn’t hurt any less whenever he stood you up though. 

Knowing that his reasons for acting as he did were because of his status as a level 1 automaton had shaken you to the core at first, but it had also been a relief. He had told you who he was after a couple of weeks when you had become convinced you had accidentally begun an affair with a married man, he had been forced to confess his real identity. At least you weren’t a home wrecker, was the thought that helped you reconcile with the fact that he would never be free to live a normal life with you. 

Now you were seated on the toilet seat cover, your ear pressed to the door, your hand on the handle ready to pull it open. Time moved slower than usual, but your heartbeat was racing along with your mind. 

Then you heard him, it was undeniably his voice that made its way past the music, chatting, and the coffee machines. He was coming to you. You could barely hear when he opened the first door into the restrooms over the sound of your blood rushing in your ears. Without a second thought, you opened the door enough to register the man you had thought about all too often lately and pulled him by the arm inside the small bathroom you had occupied. His biceps tensed as you pulled him and your body lit on fire because of it. God, he was so wonderfully big. Everything from his biceps to his cock was just so perfectly huge, and you went mad any time you thought about it. You kissed him in a passionate kiss, pressing your entire body against his. You fit so well together, his hands on your face and yours wrapped around his body. 

You wanted more, you wanted all of him, all the time. You wanted to cry because you knew you couldn't have him. With tears pricking your eyes you let Seungcheol pull back to look into your eyes. 

“Hi,” he whispered and smiled. You said hi back softly before the excitement and the giggles overtook your lips. You kissed him again, this time he saw to it that it was a soft and gentle kiss. A small wince left your throat, making Seungcheol quickly turn on the faucet, hoping it would drown out any noises. “Sorry,” you mumbled against his plush lips. 

“Don’t worry, it’s partially my fault,” he said pridefully. 

You were about to laugh, but instead, you pushed up his shirt, exposing his perfectly sculpted upper body to your touch. “Fuck you,” you said under your breath. 

“‘Fuck me please’ is what you meant, yeah?” he cockily corrected you without missing a beat, flipping you both so you stood with your back against the wall he had been facing away from. You gasped as he lifted you off the ground with the wall helping to pin you between his stiff cock and the cold and hard wall. 

He was right, even though you hadn’t allowed yourself to get your hopes up, you had been feeling unusually needy lately. The thoughts of him filling you up in any way constantly on your mind, you were already turned on as you entered the café with the small promise of him setting foot in there to meet you later. 

“Please, fuck me,” you gasped out, feeling your arousal soak your underwear at the thought of his girthy cock inside of you. “I need you to be quiet,” he mumbled against your lips. 

At this, you nodded fervently. Finally, you would feel him stretching you open again, bruising your insides with the force of his strokes like you had dreamt of after every single time you had managed to get together like this before. The moments were rare, but you made the most of the short time you had, to say the least. 

His tongue quickly found yours as he ground you on his erection, eliciting a low moan and making you open your mouth for him to enter. Warm hands wandered your body, his gentle touch making you swoon as he held you with so much love, while the promise of him fucking you like the slut you were hung in the air. 

A knock on the door, and both of you froze up, his bulge pressing right on your clit making it unbearable not to move. You winced only slightly as Seungcheol’s lips left yours, deciding to put your now lonely lips to use, kissing down his jaw and neck with soft little pecks and nibbles. “What?” Seungcheol asked over the sound of the water running, his tone a bit more agitated than he had intended. Not that he was at fault, he had a soaking cunt begging to be fucked right above his cock, and lips that made him go insane on his neck; someone disturbing him right now was not what he needed. 

“How much longer do you need? We don’t have all day to wait around for a pair of pants to dry up.” the staff member on the other side of the door said, earning a sigh from Seungcheol. 

After a moment of silence, he groaned and shouted towards the locked door. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right, I’ll be right out.” 

No, you thought, your limbs holding onto the man who you had just only gotten a taste of even harder than before. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“I need you to be patient for me until next time, can you be good for me and wait?” he mumbled against your hair, your lips still attached to the skin right below Seungcheol’s collar. “Yes,” you said against his neck, letting go of his skin in favor of burying your face in the warmth of his chest. He put you down on the floor, his arms releasing the back of your thighs and instead wrapping around your body. For just a moment he held you close until the buzzing of the dryer died out and he loosened his hold on you. 

You pressed your body against the wall as Seungcheol unlocked the door and disappeared through it just as quickly as he had been pulled in through it. 

“Sorry, it didn’t come off.” you heard him say through the doors. 

“We can’t get the shots if you’re all messed up like this, let’s tell the crew that we’re going back instead. Come on 5.C0UP5.” The staff member who had been just a few steps away from you two while they waited outside the restroom door responded as the voices got fainter and blended into the sounds of the café. 

You sat in silence with your hand on the door handle as his voice disappeared completely. In the beginning, you had enjoyed the thrill and noncommitment of him not being able to be there to be an actual boyfriend because of his work and position in life, you recalled as you felt all the emotions in your body dissolve into nothing. 

A small pain in your chest was the only thing left. The late-night thoughts you whispered in the dark, and the messages you had sent each other that contained your deepest yearnings and your worst fears. They had gotten to you, and it didn’t help that whenever you got a taste of having him physically there with you, you rarely- never- wanted to let go. But you always had to. 

“Enough wallowing, this isn’t changing anything,” you mumbled as you wiped your face from the wetness that had seeped from your eyes without you noticing. You needed to hurry back to relieve Lana from her shift you realized as you checked your watch, seeing that you were already supposed to be back at the store. 

You didn’t waste much more time after that, hastily making your way out of the bathroom, checking behind you as you left the café to make sure nobody had paid any attention to you. Like a punch in the gut, the feeling of being watched returned as your eyes landed on a dark-clad figure staring at you through the shop window. He had no reason to follow you with his gaze as you hurried across the street, away from the café, away from the gut-wrenching feeling that something was awry. 

He wasn’t looking at you, right? You were just getting too paranoid, that’s all, right? 

5.C0UP5 had been daydreaming the entire way back to the company, his mind taking him back to the moments he could hold you in his arms. His body couldn’t ache for you, but his mind almost had him believing that he did. Some days, he almost believed himself to have a heart. A heart that broke each time he had to leave you behind. 

It wasn’t until he got back to the dorms where he got a glimpse of his members, and friends since he had been put into this world, that he finally felt himself come down back to reality. They were everywhere, some he saw in the lobby along with their hoards of staff members just like his own. Some were in the dorms, sleeping, or at least in a state of being that looked like sleeping as they charged. 

Others were nowhere to be found, not that he went looking. They could mind themselves, he knew they would never do anything to make him less proud of them. To 5.C0UP5, he was the bigger worry. 

He was just about to let himself rest and recharge, to try and forget the pain in the back of his mind, haunting him even as he saw his members wandering the dormitories and the company hallways. You were always in the back of his mind, no matter what he did to try and forget. Somehow, he had accidentally let you in, and now you were half his world. The hidden side of the moon, the side which should always remain in darkness, no matter how closely you look. 

A staff member who had left him just minutes ago as they entered the guarded company building came back, not even bothering to knock before they entered the room in which 5.C0UP5 sat on his bed. “5.C0UP5, you need to follow me, the CEO has something to talk to you about.” 

It had happened before, he met with the CEO every once in a while. After all, he was the spokesperson for the group, even if they didn’t have many (any) rights, they still needed to have someone to be their voice. This time, however, the meeting wasn’t scheduled. The CEO wanted to have an impromptu meeting with him… his hand unconsciously fell against his left side pocket, worry filling his mind even though he tried to make sense of why he had been called in to talk to the management. 

Even as he entered the large office of the CEO he had been in more times than he could count, something felt off. People he had never met sat in chairs all around the walls. Guards stood at the door, looking more tense than he had ever seen them before, and the CEO himself had the strangest expression he had ever worn. 5.C0UP5 waited until he was spoken to, as he had been instructed so many times before. Honoring the one who made sure he had the comfortable life he currently had was something he had been taught from the very first day he had opened his eyes. 

“Hello 5.C0UP5.” the suit-clad man in the dark chair said. He spoke calmly, but not kindly. 5.C0UP5 picked up on his tone immediately. 

“Hello, Sir,” he answered and bowed his head ever so slightly, his eyes never leaving the man in front of him. The room was dark, but the photos splayed out on the desk in front of the CEO finally caught 5.C0UP5’s eye. He could recognize them even at this distance and brightness. His head worked ceaselessly to find the moment it had begun, the moment they had found out. Because in front of the CEO, he could spot hundreds of pictures of the one person he wished they would never even see: you. 

All that went through 5.C0UP5’s mind when he realized what had finally happened was fuck.

“I understand that you have been seeing this human for a while… did you think we wouldn’t find out?” the CEO said, almost laughing at him as he sat in his chair looking over the pictures, each one containing your face, at work, at the café from earlier that day, at home. They had you right under their nail, ready to remove you from the planet at any second. He wanted to scream. 

The CEO cleared his throat before he threw the photo he held in his hand on the glass desk in front of him. “Now, unless you want us to eliminate this problem of yours, you will be rebooted first thing tomorrow.” 

5.C0UP5 knew he wasn’t supposed to protest, he wasn’t even supposed to think anything other than “Yes, Sir,” but before he could stop himself he spoke his mind. 

“Please, no… Why would you do that? It doesn’t make any sense. If I’m found breaking the rules, I’m to be demoted, not- not this!”

“Seventeen is currently the galaxy’s top band 5.C0UP5, and you are their leader, you have an image to uphold. And since you failed at doing this, we want to reboot your system, that way you will be able to stay and your group members' reputations won’t be tarnished, and most importantly. This little issue will be resolved because you won’t even remember this little human.”

The CEO wasn’t smiling as he had thought before, the CEO had never once smiled. His eyes were dead, nothing more than a ghost of a human left inside of him. At least 5.C0UP5 felt something, at least he could smile, at least he could love…

He could love. He had felt it. So why was he about to get punished for something his management swore he couldn’t feel? Hoped he couldn’t, might be more accurate, 5.C0UP5 realized. 

“How did you know?” he asked, the glare he received was enough that the management had begun running out of patience for him already. 

“Does it matter? We know everything about you.” the CEO answered curtly. 

Just like that the pieces fell into place, they had known all along. He felt the piece of metal that clung to his chest like a stone, stuck in his body and destroying him from within. They had known all along… The upcoming release of their new comeback was what they were worried about, he soon realized. They had hoped he would stop of his own free will, after all, he had the personality trait of shame. He should’ve already ended whatever he had with you. 

However, he hadn’t. And now it would become an issue if they didn’t handle it quickly and quietly. 

Despite that, the thought that overpowered all others at that moment wasn’t about how small he felt as he realized the true power the company had over him, or how much he loathed the people who thought they had a right to control him. He could love. That was the loudest, and he wanted to scream it, make everyone hear him just this once. It made him proud, he could do something this human was incapable of, and now they wanted to take that away from him. No. There was no way he was going to let them do that to him as well. He clenched his fist at his side, should he fight? 

“You can return to your rooms, they will come to get you soon,” the CEO declared and pushed the photos on his desk off the table, straight into the trash can underneath. 5.C0UP5 fists relaxed a bit, a new plan forming as he turned to leave the room with the stern guards following along. “Oh,” he heard the CEO say, “and leave the phone, you are no longer trusted to keep it with you even in case of emergencies. I hope you understand… you won’t need to understand in a bit.” 

His jaw was frozen in place as he took the phone from his pocket and threw it towards the CEO. The guards jumped forward to grab his arms as the phone crashed into the table and tipped over a cup of metal pens that scattered all across the floor. “Leave us,” said the CEO without even flinching. 

5.C0UP5 didn’t feel any shame as he was dragged out from the dark office, suit-clad strangers watching him with cold eyes as the doors slammed shut behind him. He was dragged until they were in the hallway where the crossroad between freedom and forever forgetting you were. “I can walk by myself,” he said with a growl he had never heard in his voice before. The guards let him stand alone, watchful eyes on him as they began walking again, one in front of him and one behind him now. It’s now or never, he thought, taking the shot as he saw it arise in front of him. 

His mind barely registered the hands that tried to grab onto him, all his focus lay on the doors in the lobby and on getting there. He ran with all his might until he crashed into the doors that were too slow to open. The crack widened and he pushed himself out of the glass doors that opened just in time for him to keep staying ahead of the guards. Bright lights in all the colors of the rainbow lit up before him as he began running down the crowded streets. His eyes watered because of the wind, and the lights blurred into a kaleidoscope of light. 

His body was designed to be agile and strong, he was designed to keep moving. Right now that felt like the biggest blessing he had ever received in his cursed life. 

From the back of his mind, two things arose. The first was your apartment, he had only heard about it, you had described exactly how to get there in one of the late-night calls you had whispered to each other weeks ago. The second was those twelve faces which were all he had known for so long; his members would be left to deal with it all when he was gone. He knew them so well, and yet, none of them had even had a chance to become someone to get to know. He wanted to give them a chance. As he ran he shouted out the word “Run!”, pressed that button he had used so many times before in the middle of the device connected to his chest, and began tearing the peace of metal from his body. It took him a few tries before he managed to rip the entire thing off of his skin. It hurt more than he had imagined, the pain was brain-numbing and overwhelming. He almost had to stop, the pain making it hard to focus on making his legs move forward. 

Nevertheless, he was free, the tracker was gone from his body, and with it was his only connection to the only family he had ever known. 

He ran, and he didn’t stop running until he arrived at your apartment. They would know he was here, they knew everything. He needed to be quick. He ran up the stairs to your apartment, knocking aggressively on your door, shouting as loudly as he dared for you to open the door. It wasn’t long until the door swung open and he was close to tears as he saw your very shocked face looking back at his panicked state. The thing you had imagined, but since you had found out his true identity, always known would never happen, had happened. 5.C0UP5 was tired, but he needed to get away, and he wanted you to come with him. 

“We need to leave, they’re coming for me. Please come with me,” he pleaded, his eyes begging you as his hands held your arms desperately. 

“What did you do?” you said breathlessly. 

“They were going to make me forget, make you… erase the issue… I couldn’t let them take this away from me too.”

You were speechless. “You ran.” He nodded. You didn’t even bother to say a word as you ran into your apartment, leaving 5.C0UP5 at the door. He had no idea if you were trying to find somewhere to hide or looking for something as he heard crashes and your voice shouting curses from further inside your small place. He needed to get out of there, but maybe… holding out hope was worthwhile it turned out. Minutes later, which felt like hours for 5.C0UP5, you reappeared at the door, backpack in hand and sweat gracing your hairline. You were running with him. 

It wasn’t a hard decision, you weren’t close to your parents, and Lana would understand eventually… at least you hoped your coworker, and only close friend at this moment of your life, would understand if you ever survived to tell her and apologize for leaving without a word. 

A small pain stabbed at your heart, leaving everything for an automaton on the run. Everything you had ever known for this man… It felt insane at the moment, and it felt even more insane as you felt Cheol squeeze your hand which you had been holding since you took it, and began running towards the docks. You sat in the cold of the night on a hard bench next to Cheol. In a bit, a ship would arrive. Crowded places felt like a good idea at first, but now, the paranoia set in. Was that old man over there looking a bit too long at Cheol? Didn’t those surveillance cameras follow them as they walked onto the docks? 

The hand in yours pressed gently against your skin, helping you stay at least a bit sane as the weight of what you were doing was already beginning to tug at your strength. You thought it best to focus on the plan instead. 

“Let’s get on this ship, hop off at the airport, and get on another ship there. That way we can get off this planet because the sooner the better right?”

“Yeah, but don’t you think they will be looking for me at all the docks and airports?” Cheol said quietly. 

He was right of course, they would be looking for the escaped automaton at all the exits of this world they could think of. 

“Maybe if we…” You tried, but you didn’t know how you would get away if his company's staff members were to hunt them down anywhere on the planet. “Damn. Do you know that it’s incredibly difficult to go on a trip with you?” you deadpanned. The moment was horrible, but also perfect. It made Cheol smile, something you hadn’t seen the entire way from the moment you opened the door until now. 

It helped keep your mind off of the horrible situation and the impending doom. 

“It is,” he chuckled, “I never thought it would become an issue though.”

“But here we are,” you said and sighed. Cheol leaned against you, his large arm pushing against your side, making a smile split across your face. 

“I don’t think we should get on one of the commercial airlines… we need something more private,” Cheol mumbled.

“How would we get a hold of a ship of our own? We don’t have the money for that…” 

“We’ll figure it out…” 

“We have a lot to figure out from now on, Cheol,” you said and let your head fall against his shoulder, resting your heavy mind on his strong frame. He hummed, the sound comforting you even while you thought about all the ways you could get killed while on the run. 

The submarine came soon enough, and you both got on without a hitch. If you were being followed, they weren’t coming out of the shadows just yet. The cold light from inside the ship lit up the dark water around the underwater tracks that held the boat in place as it brought commuters across the sea each day and night. Under the high waves had turned out to be much easier than above them, especially nowadays. The storms had become worse in the last couple of centuries. Every other day there was another tropical storm on the seas. A side-effect of the universes coming closer together was what the scientists had concluded when it first began happening hundreds of years ago after the end of The Great Journey. 

You looked out the blurry window into the empty waters. Cheol and you were sitting by the back of the ship, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. You had managed to throw a cap into your backpack, which now helped hide Cheol’s face from any surveillance cameras while you used the hood of your sweatshirt to somewhat hide your face. Being a petty thief seemed like the least of your current issues. 

Neither of you spoke the entire ride, only communicating and comforting each other through a hand in the other or on their thigh. If you weren’t panicking you would probably be craving his touch in other places. That would have to wait though. A safe place was probably the priority, you decided in the back of your mind. You noticed his other hand, the one which wasn’t holding onto you like his life depended on it, continued reaching towards his neck. He seemed to be in pain. Did he get hurt? You hadn't had the time to even think about asking him how he was feeling or if he had gotten hurt by the guards or even the staff. You made a mental note to ask him later, placing your head against the rest behind you instead of his shoulder. You didn’t want to cause any more pain by resting against him. 

It was getting rather late as you left the submarine station you had gotten off at. Your heart wasn’t calming down anytime soon, you weren’t equipped to handle this kind of stress. Day-to-day, normal life stress was enough, this was something else entirely. 

“I want to live out the rest of my life in a very peaceful manner, far away from all of this crap,” you whispered as you walked the short walk from the submarine station to the spaceport welcoming hall. You wanted to be on a warm couch, not thinking about how to run away without being arrested. Right now, the idea of a living room seemed too far out of reach. All around you were tiny shops, suitcases, and the cold and unnatural light that lit up the entire spaceport’s welcoming hall. Ships that were boarding sounded out through the air, the comfy couch was as far from reality as you could get. 

Cheol scoffed, “I agree, wholeheartedly. I am never running away again after this, it’s too much work.” 

You tried to hold your laugh in, “Yeah, too much sneaking around for my taste. Let’s just run away this once, and then stay put and become that old couple on the hill that no one dares to visit.” Cheol nodded. “I would do anything for that…” Suddenly you noticed a small melancholy feeling in his words. You were just about to ask what was on his mind when he stopped your walk into the large welcoming hall, ushering you both into a small tourist shop. All you saw were miniature Earths, mugs with stupid prints, and keychains with different tourist attractions. You did not like it. For a second you were worried that he wanted to do some last-minute shopping, but your worries changed as you saw his terrified face. He had seen someone he knew. 

“I’ve seen that woman over there by the kiosk before, she usually helps backstage at our concerts. Fuck, that means they really managed to send people out to the exits,” he grumbled. This was bad. You felt your blood rushing in your veins, panic filling your mind. Had you been alone, you would’ve been frozen right about now. 

“Let’s just go,” he whispered hurriedly, panic visible on his face. “The faster we’re out of here the better, right? Are you with me?” 

“Always. Let’s go,” you whispered, the reassurance being all Cheol needed to grab your hand in his even firmer than before and head right out of the welcoming hall and out the nearest exit leading to the departing spaceships. You were unbelievably lucky as you ended up in the middle of a large swarm of travelers who were just about to board the large ship. Most were workers it turned out, the ship being part commuting area and half cargo space. The both of you managed to sneak onto the ship along with the workers, keeping your heads down as you hoped to anything that would listen that you would be able to sneak onboard undetected. 

It was unplanned, you barely even knew where the ship was headed. It wasn’t until you heard the voice that called out that the ship heading to Specus would depart that you both realized where you were heading. Specus was the mining planet, all the minerals needed for this universe to continue expanding its empire, and for life to continue as it has been until now, were found on this planet. All the people on this ship were workers there, probably coming back from their biannual leave which was granted to all humans and other living beings working there. Automatons was not included in the group of people who got any leave. The laws were clear about that, automatons were not human and didn’t need any form of vacation. 

The laws were bullshit. 

“Specus… I mean it could be worse, right?” you whispered. Cheol nodded, caught up in his thoughts. “Should we look for somewhere else to hide until we’re there?” you asked, trying to catch his attention again. Once again he only nodded, his senses all focused on his surroundings, making sure you two weren’t being followed or watched as he pulled you away from the area with rows of seating for the workers traveling with the ship. You went past the cots, knowing there was no way you could manage to stay hidden the entire way if you tried to stay in there. Instead, you made your way to the lower parts of the deck, the part of the ship where travelers didn’t wander. Here, you would only find crew members, cleaners, servers, and mechanics. The hallways were darker here, the LED lights being used more sparsely on the lower decks. You had a hard time seeing in the low light, but Cheol had your hand in his, a relaxed feeling managing to find its way into your body despite the circumstances.  

You had only managed to get a little way past the third deck when you met another person for the first time since you had left the seating area. “Are you two lost?” the man asked, making you jump and making Cheol whirl around to where the sound was coming from. You hadn’t noticed him in the dark until he spoke. 

“No, we’re just… looking for the bathroom,” you stuttered out. 

It was the dumbest excuse in the book. You knew you didn’t have the man fooled when he began laughing. It was a wonderful laugh, high-pitched and genuine. The figure stepped out of the dark, revealing a handsome man, dressed in a simple gray overall. Over his breast pocket, it said maintenance. You felt yourself growing a bit anxious as to what the laughing man would do next. Would he turn you in? 

“No, but seriously, why are you all the way down here? You two certainly don’t look like the new hires we were supposed to get this week,” the man, who you realized was holding a mop which he was now leaning on, said with a curious tone as he scanned the both of you from head to toe. “You look like a fucking idol, you know. If I didn’t know better I would think you were on the run,” he said with a smirk. 

“I’m Cheol, this is Y/N,” Cheol said finally as he nodded his head in your direction. Even in this light, you could tell he was staring at the stranger with that intense gaze that could make anyone either break down or swoon. 

The maintenance man sighed, “Alright, I’m Wooyoung. Come with me,” he said without explanation.  You didn’t follow him right away. He looked back at you, the “Coming?” visible on his face. 

“Do we trust him?” you whispered to Cheol, who was still watching the man waiting for you. 

“I don’t know about trust, but honestly what choice do we have? It’s not like we can go anywhere now, and it’s a long journey to Specus…” 

You nodded, nervousness made your hand clammy in Cheol’s firm grip. 

This was a risk you needed to take. If he was going to turn you in, it was probably better to just get it over with. At least you wouldn’t have to starve or something if you were locked up until you got to Specus. 

He led you to the lower decks, and surprisingly began introducing you both as the new temps that would help around on your way to Specus. The other crew members nodded, a few glancing rather suspiciously at you both but accepting the half-truth that Wooyoung told them. They hadn’t heard anything about any new temps, but it was none of their business it seemed. Who, and why you were there to help around didn’t matter to them.

Wooyoung led you around the lower decks, being strangely chatty with you two. You hadn’t expected someone so friendly to simply appear in your lives just as you needed it. Was he somehow your savior or was he something entirely else? You hoped he was good news because the alternative was so much worse. 

“Okay, this guy is great, you’re gonna love him. He’s not… too talkative, but he’s very good!” Wooyoung said as he took you down a flight of very narrow stairs. 

“Good at what?” You asked, minding your step so you wouldn’t fall as you descended. Wooyoung didn’t answer, instead flinging a thick metal door open and skipping inside. 

“Sannie!” Wooyoung suddenly shouted as you and Cheol entered a room after him. The room was filled from floor to ceiling with electronics. Screws, bolts, and different tools were everywhere. It looked like a mix of a car workshop and a dentist. The second part was mainly because of the chair in the middle of the room. The only time you had seen one of those was when you had gone to the dentist. By a table, a man sat on a high stool, engrossed in whatever he was doing. A bright lamp shone down on, what looked to you like, a bunch of chords in different colors. 

“What Woo? Did you get hurt again? Or are you just here because you’re bored…” San said as he was turned away from the door where you and Cheol stood, unsure of what to say and do just as you had been for the past couple of minutes. Would this man scrutinize you and Cheol as well, like the other staff members Wooyoung had introduced you to?  It seemed you had managed to bump into the most friendly maintenance member on the entire crew, and you thanked the universe for that because it seemed as if he was the solution to a lot of your current issues. He seemed to know everyone on this ship, and you hoped the friendship between him and the others would somehow be your and Cheol’s way of being allowed into the crew. 

“No… or well, yes, I am always a bit bored when you’re not around,” Wooyoung chirped, “But I’m here to see what you can do for these two.” 

Wooyoung gestured towards the door, finally bringing the new strangers’ attention to where you and Cheol stood. “Well, I’ll be damned. You brought a level 1 down here along with a human?” San said and looked between you both and Wooyoung who smiled brightly at his friend. “Yup!” 

San nodded, “Well, I can guess what happened with you two since you’re here after all… Can you work?” he asked after a moment. You nodded. “Yes,” you heard Cheol say. 

“Great. I’m San, I’m the mechanic around here. Since I’m human, and apparently that means something even in space, these fuckers also put me in charge when we leave the dock. I’ll get you what you need, food for you,” he said and looked at you, he then turned to Cheol, “A charger for you, and enough work to make sure you sleep soundly when you get off your shifts,” San declared. 

“Yay!” Wooyoung shouted gleefully, his cheerful claps making you crack a smile - despite the situation you found yourselves in. 

Cheol wasn’t smiling, but he seemed more relaxed. “How did you know I was a level 1?” was all he asked. You hadn’t reflected on it, but it was strange that he had been able to realize the difference between Cheol and you so quickly. 

San smirked, “It’s my job to know. If I couldn’t tell the difference between you and one of the workers here, I’d really be in trouble as a mechanic.” He was about to return to the mess of chords on his desk, but he looked back at Cheol, pointing towards his neck. “Also, come back here tomorrow and I’ll get that fixed for you.” Cheol’s hand reached for his neck again, the pain from touching the place his tracker had been made him flinch in agony. His shirt had fallen a bit lower while you had wandered after Wooyoung, he had opened his jacket, and now you finally spotted the area he had been protecting this entire time. The piece of metal you had avoided in your secret rendezvous was gone. He had ripped it out, you shuddered at the thought of the strength it must’ve taken to rip something like that from your own skin. You squeezed his hand to comfort and distract him, you didn’t know what else to do. 

Wooyoung came towards you, happily walking away from San who was already immersed in his work, and made it clear that you were to follow him. 

“Thank you,” you said before you left, San looking over his shoulder to give you a small smile and a ‘no worries’ expression in return. But worry was exactly what you had begun feeling, more than anything else. 

You and Cheol got a gray overall each, both saying maintenance over the breast pocket and the back, just like the one Wooyoung was wearing. “Stay in here for tonight, and when I wake you I’ll let you know what you will be doing for the next couple of weeks,” Wooyoung explained, giving you a small room in a long hallway to stay in. Everything was in the same cool metallic shade, and you realized that all you had to sleep on tonight would be a lonely pillow and a blanket that looked like it had seen better days. 

“It’s not ideal…” you stated, looking around in the small space you had been assigned as your room. “But we can make it work, right?” 

“It could be a lot better,” Cheol nodded and looked at you. You had had an affair with a famous level 1 automaton, been found out by some really powerful people, threatened to be disposed of, illegally left Earth, and had just been offered safe passage to another planet by some unexpectedly friendly people. But the room was a bit small and dark. Cheol looked at you, a smile creeping onto his face. You began laughing at the absurdity, “We should probably be more grateful,” he gasped out between laughs. “But it’s so ugly!” You shouted, your laughs getting more and more manic. 

“This is probably the stupidest thing we have ever done,” you gasped out. 

Your eyes welled, which tears that were a result of your laughing, and which were your exhaustion finally setting in was impossible to tell. All your emotions just came out all at once. You were gasping for air, tears running down your cheeks, and all the weight of your decisions crashing right into you. 

“It was, but I can’t make myself regret anything,” Cheol said, emotion welling underneath his words. But he didn’t cry. Instead, he just held you. He let you cry your eyes out, staining his dark hoodie with your tears as you sobbed. 

“Did we make the right decision?” you whispered against his chest, strong arms holding you safe as you questioned what you had done. 

“I hope so,” you heard Cheol say, the sound of his voice echoing in his body. You fell asleep in his arms for the first time that day. Having him to yourself in this way was a privilege, you realized. It was a privilege you had lived without for your entire life. You didn’t even know that you had been missing out on it until you woke up the next day, your head in his lap and his hands holding the blanket to your waist. You looked up at his handsome face, wondering if he had been able to rest where he sat against the hard wall.

It didn’t take long until you had both caught on to what you needed to do around the ship. It turned out that Wooyoung was a great instructor. During your shifts you both ran around, cleaning, and helping the regular crew members when needed. Wooyoung quickly made sure you felt at least a bit more comfortable on the ship by giving you tours around the decks and introducing you to even more of the crew members. 

The best part, however, was when you, after an exhausting day working around the large ship, got to lay down in Cheol’s lap while he charged and slept for a few hours, just feeling the heat that his body generated as you let yourself be swept away from reality. The weeks passed, and you learned the routines of the ship rather quickly. 

You barely had any time to think, let alone feel, how physically and emotionally exhausted you were. Leaving everything on Earth and trying to survive day by day on this ship in the middle of the vast universe was more work than you had hoped when you impulsively decided to leave. Some days you managed to take a moment to yourself, stopping in the middle of your step, and just staring out the small windows on the sides of the ship. The space outside was both so full of life and so empty of anything at all that you found yourself floating away in your thoughts into nothingness for just a moment. 

After a few weeks of almost nothing but work and sleep, the crew began preparing for the landing. Soon you would be on Specus, with absolutely nothing planned for what was to come. This soon changed, however, as you sat down with San to eat dinner. Cheol sat next to you, not wanting to spend unnecessary time apart from you just because he didn’t need to consume any food. 

“But, like, did you like the dancing and all that?” Wooyoung asked, the conversation had ended up being about your professions. 

“I think I did, yeah,” Cheol answered honestly. 

“I always thought I’d be a pretty good idol. If I wasn’t designated my level, I would've given it a shot for sure!” Wooyoung said, “Or well, maybe not under your company… they don’t seem that great from what I’ve heard, with the whole rebooting thing and all… that…” he trailed off. You were all staring at him. The silence was deafening, none of you truly knew what Cheol had been through. He had told you bits and pieces, but not nearly enough to know how he’d react to this. 

San and Wooyoung had become your friends since you had been sharing your meals every day. Most of the time the conversations flowed naturally, and the topics ranged from everything from San’s latest way to fix up bolts that had begun unscrewing themselves to childhood memories. Wooyoung and Cheol had a hard time joining in on those conversations, but they shared their fair share of memories from when they first gained consciousness. 

It was strange to think about it in that way, your boyfriend never had a childhood. Well, you still didn’t have a name for what you two were, and calling him your boyfriend in your mind might be jumping to conclusions, you were simply on the run with each other and had a romantic and sexual relationship with one another, but boyfriend might be going too far- Nevertheless, he had been created just as he was right now. Out of all the parts about AI that you had grown up to accept, the no-childhood part was the one you never quite could get past. He had missed something that was so fundamental to you and all other people who had been born instead of created in a factory. It made you really think about the fact that someone had created him intentionally - not just anyone, but him. 

The silence was still pressing around you as you all waited to see how Cheol would react to Wooyoung’s lighthearted comment about the idol life. Your thoughts were wandering away from you, maybe in a way of escaping reality until Cheol saved the conversation. 

“I think you would've been a great performer. You have the right energy about you,” Cheol said with a straight face making Wooyoung crack a smile. 

You were happy that he seemed okay talking about his experiences. And you were equally happy that the mood hadn’t been completely ruined because of Wooyoung’s thoughtless comment. 

After some time, the conversations died out and San picked up a new one, asking something neither you nor Cheol had any good answers to: “What will you do next?” 

You looked at Cheol. He looked just as clueless as you felt. Neither of you had a plan. “They don’t have any clue,” Wooyoung pitched in with his laugh, that you would remember for the rest of your life. You looked down, nodding slightly. It was true. 

“Where do you want to go? You don’t have any idea of where you would like to be in the future?” San asked, surprised that you didn’t have at least the semblance of a plan. 

“I don’t know much about the universe… but I want to go somewhere safe. I want to spend my life where I won’t be found and won’t be constantly watched,” Cheol answered before looking at you, “…somewhere we can be alone.”

Your heart fluttered. You had forgotten that your life wasn’t just the endless days of work on the ship. It was beyond you how you could’ve forgotten it all so fast,  but the intense look filled with love and pain that Cheol gave you made all the feelings stir up once again. You wanted that too, you wanted a place where you two could just be together. 

You nodded, concurring with what Cheol had just said, “Is there somewhere like that? Where we can stay forever?” 

Wooyoung stayed quiet but San looked at the both of you, something in his eyes telling you both that he did have an answer to what you were asking him. “Lumen. That’s where you want to go.” 

“Lumen?” you asked, never having heard of the planet before. 

San hummed, “It’s right beside galaxy 428B. They say it’s the ‘utopia of the universe’, but very few have ever managed to get there and even fewer have managed to get there and back to tell the story of it.”

“Why is that?” you continued asking, your curiosity piqued. 

Lumen had been a planet much like Earth before the entire shift in the universe had happened. It was a sunny place, filled with forests and unexplored nature. There lived some type of people, San wasn’t sure what they were called. It was far away, and the solar systems that were close together had not deemed it worth the cost of travel to create a way to commute there. If you could get there, you wouldn’t have to worry about anything but creating a way of life, San told you. He had heard about the place from travelers he met in his childhood, people who had been on a journey of their own in search of a safe haven - much like you and Cheol. 

“All I know is that you need to travel as far north from our solarsystem as possible,” he said and went quiet. “I’ve never seen those people after they left in search of Lumen, I don’t know if they ever made it.”

Cheol was deep in thought next to you. Neither of you responded to what San had told you except for a short: “Thanks, I think we should head to bed.” But even as you rested your head against his shoulder that night waiting for the exhaustion to overtake you, not a word came from the man you had spent weeks chatting within just this position. 

If you were going to find out what he thought about your destination, you would need to take the initiative you thought that night.

 “I wanna go, do you?” Your words lingered in the dark room. Silence. Soon you almost began falling asleep, your brain coming to accept that you were probably not going to get an answer out of him tonight. Your body jerked as you heard his deep voice say: “I want to come with you.” Grabbing his hand you nodded sleepily against his shoulder. 

“I love you…” you mumbled before you dozed off, leaving Cheol alone and awake in the dark with your words ringing in his ears. 

The next day Cheol still couldn’t get those three words out of his mind. Only for a moment did he think about trying to make up a plan for what you needed to do now that you had decided where you wanted to go. ‘I love you’… the thought of your sleepy voice whispering to him had him cleaning the same spot for at least twenty minutes.

You had said it first, but he didn’t even know if you meant it in the way he felt it. Did you just say it without thinking while half asleep? Were you thinking of someone else? What if you were mad that he hadn’t said it? 

He was freaking out, rubbing harder with the mop on the laminated floors. He was sure that he had messed it all up. Maybe you didn’t want to go anymore. What if you had just followed him thinking it would be a quick trip and ended up with more than you had bargained for? God, why hadn’t he said it back last night? He felt it, so why did he freeze when he heard those three damn words? 

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, “Hey,” Wooyoung stood beside him, looking at the only wet spot on the ground around them. “How’s it going with the floor?” 

Cheol looked down, only now realizing how caught up in his head he had been. “Shit, I’m sorry man.”

“No worries. Something wrong?” Wooyoung said, his hand still on Cheol’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. 

He shook his head, “Just a lot on my mind…”

Wooyoung hummed, nodding understandingly. “Go talk to each other about whatever it is, don’t just stand here doing… I don’t even know what the hell you’re doing, to be honest.” 

Cheol looked at him. He was weirdly intuitive, Cheol thought as he looked at the crooked smile Wooyoung was flashing him. He nodded, “It’s ok for me to go?” 

“Dude, just go! I told you to do so, I decide who cleans the floors and you are definitely not helping me do it, so you’re off floor duty.”

Cheol let go of the mop, his legs quickly moving away from the upper decks and down to the lower ones, towards you. He quickly found you in the kitchen, removing plates from the large dishwasher as the servers stacked the hot plates in tall piles - it looked rather dangerous as he glanced at the piles that towered over him. “Cheol?” You blurted out, surprised to see him here when he wasn’t on duty in the kitchen that day. 

“Hi, I… I wanted to see you, and Wooyong he- he said I could go and I needed to…” he paused, he didn’t actually know what he wanted or what he needed. Or well, he did know, he just didn’t know how to make it happen. 

“Come on, let’s go talk then,” you simply responded, making Cheol look at you in awe. He wondered how it had been so easy for you to say what he had wanted to say all along. You on the other hand were wondering why Cheol stood entranced in the kitchen doorway looking at you as if the words ‘let’s talk’ had been revolutionary. 

“Coming?” 

Cheol nodded and followed you back to the small back room that had been yours for the past few weeks. It was dark, but there was enough light coming in from the hallway and the tiny lamp in the corner of the room to light up the piles of clothes in the other corner, the blanket he put over you every night, and the charger that was plugged into the wall next to where he slept with you in his lap. 

The door closed heavily behind him as you leaned against a wall, wondering what it was that he felt the need to talk about, was it Lumen? “Did you change your mind?” You asked hesitantly. 

“About what?” Cheol looked scared for some reason, you didn’t know why but it made your eyebrows knit together. 

“It’s not about Lumen?” 

“No, no I still wanna go to Lumen! It’s not about that… wait, do you… not want to anymore?” 

You shook your head, “That’s not it!” You hurried to assure him. “I just thought, since that was our last conversation… you know.”

Cheol swallowed, he just needed to say what he felt. 

That was easier said than done though. The words all got jumbled up in his brain, his thoughts making his throat go dry, he just wanted you to know without having to tell you. You couldn’t read his mind, but he wanted you to feel it. He wanted you to feel how much, how deeply he loved you. He took a step towards you, your arms wrapping around him without a second thought. You pulled him close, chuckling at the thought that he had just wanted some kisses. 

His lips pressed against yours and his tongue quickly made its way into your mouth, the movements from his touch making you dizzy and tingly all over. Want was already pooling in your lower stomach. Arousal seeped through your folds, you hadn’t felt Cheol’s touch or mouth on you in so long. It kickstarted your system and had you wet after just a couple of minutes of making out. 

“More please,” you mumbled against his lips. 

Cheol’s hand moved down from your waist, below the gray pants you were wearing today. His large fingers quickly found their way through your folds, your pussy now soaked and leaking as he slipped his hand against your clit. His breath was hot against your face as he let go of your lips so he could hear your whimpers as he circled your clit. 

It felt so good, his rough hands knew exactly what to do as they dipped into your cunt, only teasing you before he went back to press on your sensitive spot. 

You were spreading your legs further apart the longer he teased your clit, you wanted to be filled, you wanted him to push his digits further into your body, you wanted to feel him inside of you as you gushed around his fingers. When he did you moaned out his name, the tension from the past few weeks all dissolving as he fucked you on his fingers. 

A loud knock drew you both out of the moment, and an unsure voice came from behind the door. “Uhm, Cheol? I just wanted to tell you that you’re off for the rest of the day… I got both yours and y/ns shifts covered… so you could talk.”

Cheol cleared his throat, “Yeah, thanks Wooyoung!” he shouted back before pushing his fingers back deep inside your cunt. A moan escaped your lips as he hit the right spot within. 

Wooyoung went silent, “Okay fine! Later then!” 

Cheol didn’t bother to answer, and as Wooyoung left you could hear him talk to himself, “You do something nice for someone and all they do is wave you off so they can get their dick wet, assholes!” 

He would’ve done the same, but none of you would ever argue about it with him. You both laughed for just a second before Cheol kissed you gently yet again, making you forget everything about what had just happened. 

You soon came as he thrust his fingers deeper into you while the palm of his hand pressed on your entire pussy. It was heavenly, a white blur was all you could see, and relief swept through your body. Cheol kept you from falling onto the floor when he put down the leg he had helped hold up. You were holding onto his clothing with a firm grip as you came down from the first high you had felt in too long. Cheol was riding on a high of his own, not because he had been allowed to cum but because you had. He felt just as proud now as he did the first time he had managed to make you have an orgasm, and he let the words come as they wished, “I love you, more than anything in the universe.”

Your eyes fluttered open upon hearing those softly spoken words. The words that turned your world upside down, the words that terrified you, the words you had longed to hear. 

“I love you too,” you said, pressing your forehead against Cheols. 

“I know,” he chuckled.

“Wait what?” You said and pulled away your head to try and see his face, “How… oh!” 

Your hand flew to slap over your mouth as you remembered what you had been thinking last night, remembering how the words had sat right at the tip of your tongue before you let yourself fall asleep last night. “I said it out loud, didn’t I?”

Cheol nodded, a smirk playing on his lips. “I hope you meant it because you’re gonna have to spend the rest of eternity with me once we get to our paradise.” 

“Our paradise? You already think Lumen is ours?” You teased. 

“Of course, with my handsome face and your gorgeous everything, how could we not find ourselves in charge?” 

“You’re insane, and I meant it.”

His smile shone even in the darkness and it lit up your heart like the sky on New Year’s Eve. He held you that night just like all other nights, but your mind was calmer than most other ones. You were dragging your fingertips along Cheol’s chest, resting your chin on his pillowy arm. 

“You know what’s funny?” he suddenly asked. 

You looked at him curiously. “What?” 

“My entire life, the people around me tried to convince me that I didn’t have a will of my own - that I didn’t have my own needs that they couldn’t fulfill.”

“...that’s funny?” you asked, shocked at his apparent sense of humor.

Cheol laughed, “No, no, I mean, it’s not really funny… but it’s funny how, as I had begun believing this myself after years of having been told this, it all just collapsed in front of me the moment I picked up the phone and heard this stranger with the most endearing voice ever try to order a pizza from me.”

You stayed quiet, “...again, that’s what you find funny?? I think we need to work on your humor mister.” He laughed more, your giggles joining his after a moment. Living wasn’t easy, but at least he had joined yours, and it was beginning to transform. Nothing was as it had been, and even an unsure future on the run seemed better than the life you had been living so far. At least you had one another now. 

Time moved too fast after that day, the goal of somehow going to Lumen with Cheol made the days on the ship with San and Wooyoung fly past you. Soon you were preparing to land on Specus. San had told you that you could stick with him for a few days before he got back on the ship to make the journey back to Earth. You both accepted, grateful that you didn’t have to figure out where to go by yourselves on this new planet. 

The day you stepped off the ship onto the giant spaceport on Specus you held onto Cheol’s hand, just as you had when you boarded it. Specus was an industrial planet, its main purpose was to mine minerals and metals from deep within the planet. It was visible the second you stepped off the ship that this planet wasn’t like Earth at all. Everything felt like it was a back alley, with pipes, and rust covering every building and vehicle you could see as you followed San through the rundown welcoming hall. There were no shops filled with books or souvenirs, only a ticket shop booth where a robotic arm was visible in the yellowish window. San led you through the hall, not looking at much and saying even less. It was colder here than on Earth. 

“Stop.” San said suddenly, “Look up.” 

Both you and Cheol let your eyes flash up, towards the ceiling, or at least towards what would’ve been the ceiling had there been one. Instead what you both saw was a dark violet sky, not the kind that you had both seen on Earth, but one that looked like it was exploding with tiny stars. “What is that?” You asked as you stood with your neck bent back completely so you could watch the stars moving around above you, faster than any stars you had ever seen before. 

“Specus spins faster.” San explained, “Somehow that ended up meaning it’s always this one color of blue in the sky and the light from the stars in our galaxies all blend to create this kaleidoscope of color and stars.”

“It’s pretty,” you said, tears almost forming in your eyes at your first sight of something other than metal and the darkness of space you had seen in months. You had missed looking up at the sky, you realized, even if it wasn’t the same sky that you had at home. 

Home, where was that? Earth wasn’t your home anymore. Did you not have one anymore? 

Cheol’s hand squeezed around yours and you abandoned the thoughts. They would only hurt you in the end, it was better to focus on the now.

San got you all two rooms at a hostel, the only one on the entire planet it turned out. They didn’t get many visitors except for the few who worked on commuting ships like San, and now you two. It had been so long since you had slept in a real bed that you slept as long as you physically could bear before your stomach was growling at you to get breakfast. San had already retrieved some while Cheol stayed with you, refusing to leave you alone just yet. He didn’t trust the others in the hostel, it seemed, as he continued to be on guard as you both got ready to leave your hostel room. 

That day San took you both on a tour around the town, it was small but busy. Automatons, aliens, and a few humans were wandering around; on their way to work, on their way to their temporary homes, or on their errands for the day. In that sense, it didn’t feel like you were very far away from Earth. But as you glanced up at the violet kaleidoscope sky you were reminded of just how different it all was.  

As the days passed on Specus, you didn’t have a clue of what to do next or how to get to Lumen. San had done everything he could for the both of you, even teaching you some of the most basic routines for checking on Cheol’s health. It hadn’t been an issue you had spent a single thought on, his health being something you took for granted even now. San helped you realize that what you had gotten yourselves into was dangerous not just because of who was after you, but because of who you two were. You needed to know things in case Cheol couldn’t help with telling you what he needed, in case something bad happened. Nobody would be able to help once you were alone. You weren’t handling the realization well. 

Cheol was the one to let you forget about it after you had gotten yourself stressed about what could end up hurting him. He felt guilty about having you worrying about him, and honestly, a little pissed at San for frightening you so much. He knew you needed to learn though, and opted for being your comfort instead. 

He kissed you, gently and lovingly, and he held you close when you couldn’t let the thought of having to use the new skill San had taught you on the man you loved. Seeing the inside of someone in that way had become your new nightmare. Cheol held you each night, shushing you back to sleep if you ever woke up from it. 

Two weeks ended up passing by just like that, nightmares and lessons on Automaton autonomy. You wanted to get off of Specus by the beginning of the third week. It didn’t matter that San and Wooyoung had become your friends, you wanted to leave. The sky was still beautiful but everything around you reminded you of what San had taught you, and you couldn’t think anymore, you didn’t want to think anymore. 

“Let’s find a ship then,” Cheol simply said when you voiced how badly you wished to go somewhere else, to find your paradise sooner rather than later. 

You laughed a bit at that, “Do you really think it’ll be that easy?” 

“Of course, it’ll be easy!” He said with a casual shrug. You flashed him a smile in return for his suddenly carefree attitude. 

“I don’t believe you, but I say we give it a shot!” 

Before you left you said your goodbyes to San, just in case you ended up actually lucking out and finding a ship that was willing to take you both to Lumen. You hugged the mechanic who had helped you both so much during these months. Cheol did the same, with one small difference, he whispered something to San before he pulled away. Something that made San’s face go serious but he nodded in confirmation. What had he agreed on? What had Cheol told him? You tried asking him as you left towards the spaceport but he wouldn’t budge, telling you “You’ll notice if it worked later, I promise.”

The hours passed, and any ship that looked decent had declined you. Every captain had a destination already and none of them had Lumen on the maps. 

You were tired and hungry. Cheol’s chipper attitude was long gone by now and you were both seemingly thinking about giving up for the day. 

“You know what, what if we just steal that ship? If we’re gonna be on one for months or even years we should have a proper one,” you joked and pointed at a large ship by the end of the docks. Cheol looked at the ship, it was larger than the ones you had been asking all day, but not even close to as large as a cargo ship. It was the perfect size for going on a long trip with a few people. 

“Alright,” Cheol said without a hint of sarcasm, which made you look at him surprised. 

“Wait what? You want to steal that ship for real?” You wheezed out. He nodded, a playful smile showing you that he meant to try. 

Fuck it, your mind decided - hunger and the need to leave Specus and all its minerals overtaking your rational mind. You boarded the ship, walking past any guards as if you owned the place. Nobody minded you two, the few people that far out the docks minding their own business. The ship was even more gorgeous inside, modern and so clean you were shocked at how long you had gone since you last saw a floor without mud or rust. 

You walked into the cockpit of the ship. If someone were to arrest you right now you were happy to at least have seen this ship before rotting away in Phylaca forever. The prison planet was the one place you never wanted to see even if you weren’t going there for imprisonment. But going to Lumen was all that mattered, so you would need to steal this ship. 

“I think this will do,” you said and smirked at Cheol. 

“What are you two doing here?” The voice made you both jump, and you both looked towards the exit. A man, rather large in his stature, stood confused and agitated in the doorway. He had just stepped inside the ship, the door behind him still wide open with the ramp that led to the dock right below him. You were in shock one minute and the next you began running. But you weren’t running away from the large man, you ran right towards him. A look of panic flashed across the man’s face and then your body slammed into his. You were sure you were going to fall with him, but you never did. A strong grip holding onto your waist. When you opened your eyes to see if you were dead you saw the man on the ground. He wasn’t moving. People around him looked up from their own business to look at what had happened. Cheol pulled you inside, closing the door as you stared out into the void in front of you. 

Had you killed that man? You ripped yourself from Cheol’s grip and looked out of the tiny window that faced the docks where more and more people were grouping around the man. Was he moving? You wanted to think he was moving. The people around him tried to lift his head, he was bleeding a little, but he was sitting, right? Your mind was a mess. You didn’t know if what you were seeing was real, or if it was your mind playing a terrible trick on you.

You gasped as you saw the docks moving. They were moving away from you just as the man seemed to turn and point at you. “He’s not dead! Cheol I’m not a murderer!!” You shouted.

But Cheol wasn’t there, he wasn’t where you had torn away from his grip anymore. He was by the cockpit, hands frantically trying everything he could to get the ship to do as he wished. The docks hadn’t moved, you realized, the ship had. 

Cheol picked up how to steer the ship rather quickly, even understanding how to use the auto control so he could charge at the same time you slept instead of constantly doing shifts. You were happy about that since it meant you got to spend time together on the ship, your days becoming rather pleasant as you settled into a routine. There was plenty of fuel on the ship, both for the ship itself and for you and Cheol. Electricity was easy to come by and there was a rather large supply of food there as well. You had managed to snatch a ship that had just been restocked - it was hard to accept the amount of luck the two of you had been struck by. 

But the best part of the ship was the fact that nobody else was on it. For the first time in forever, you two were alone. Alone with a bed and each other. There was nothing else to do but to let Cheol fuck you in every way he, or you, wanted. And my god you wanted to - all the time. The day had only just begun on your second week on board the ship and you hadn't had the chance to get dressed yet, breakfast in bed having become the norm as you let the ship steer away from everything, hoping it would lead you to Lumen if you just kept the course San had told you about. You simply steered away from — and hoped for the best. After all, you had better things to do that occupied your mind at the moment. 

Cheol could taste the fruit you had just eaten for breakfast, you tasted like what he imagined summer would if he could consume it. In a way he was. He was drinking in the way you looked underneath him with his eyes, he was licking and kissing every inch of you that he saw, nibbling on your skin, making you moan and beg more and more for each day that he learned his way around your body. 

Never before had you been undisturbed like this for days on end. It was pure bliss. He found out each spot you liked to feel his lips on your skin, each spot where he could make you arch your back off the bed, and each spot on the ship where he could drill into your cunt until your legs gave out and your juices leaked out of you. You made a mess of the large bed that had been meant for someone a lot more powerful than the two of you, but none other than you two would’ve been able to use it to its fullest like you had been while alone on the ship. 

Cheol’s fingers smoothed over your thighs as his hot breath caused shivers to spread from your core, goosebumps prickling your skin in the air of the spaceship. You were grabbing fistfuls of his long hair, his gaze sultry and dripping with lust as his tongue flicked over your clit. He was burying his face in your puffy and glistening folds, reveling in your moans and how your entire body was writhing from his tongue exploring your wet pussy. 

You had been at it for a while, but neither of you were finished, orgasms were still left to be had before you would be able to sleep. 

The way he was making out with your cunt would soon send you over the edge if only the muffled sound of a voice hadn’t found its way through the corridors of the ship to pull you out of your pleasure. 

“What the fuck is that?” You groaned, pushing on Cheol’s head a little as if you would be able to hear the voice clearer the further Cheol was from your cunt. This was true, but not enough of a reason to give up on chasing your orgasm, according to Cheol since he simply attached his lips to you again. 

He hummed, meaning to get you to ignore whatever it was. The voice of a person, clearly in a rush, continued to echo in the large rooms from the cockpit. “Cheol I need to check on that. They sound worried, maybe they’re in danger.” 

“Fucking hell!” He groaned out as you pushed on him again. “How is it possible for us to get interrupted right now?! We’re in the middle of the freaking space for goodness sake!” Cheol shouted, his lips leaving your body and his hands stilled. 

“I’ll fix it. Gimme two seconds,” you said with a giggle. He had taken the words right out of your mouth, it was incredible how you could never have sex without someone interrupting you. 

You rushed to the cockpit, only managing to throw on a simple T-shirt. “Hello?” The voice came screeching out of the sound system in the cockpit. You had never used it before, but with a simple push of a button that blinked in a bright shade of red, you were able to answer the person on the other end. “Hello! Can we help you?” You asked in your friendliest tone. 

“Yes, hello, this is the spacecraft Marquise, 4210-CH378,” the voice stated, “We are on course for —- and have discovered your ship on our monitor. We are on a direct collision course with your ship if nothing is adjusted, and based on our estimation of your ship size we are afraid that any living beings on your ship will be crushed as a result of the impending collision.” 

You were speechless, “I’m sorry? We’re about to crash into you?! And die?!” You shouted the friendly tone you had tried to access now long gone in favor of your pure panicked state. 

“I’ll move our ship! Please don’t crush us!” You shouted as you pressed down on the button, hoping to the stars that your actions were the right ones to do at that moment as you simply smashed buttons at random on the control desk. Anything to make the ship away from the larger ship that was already visible in the far-off distance, a star that seemed to move twice as fast as any regular star could. 

You hadn’t noticed Cheol when he entered the cockpit, only noticing him when you felt a kiss on your shoulder, which then became a row of small warm kisses down your back. A small chuckle came from behind you as your body reacted to him, forgetting what you were doing. 

“If you intend to change the course of your ship, we would prefer it happen before you end up in front of us…” the person on the other side of the intercom reminded you. 

You had forgotten, pushing the red button once again, bending forward as you did, giving Cheol the perfect opportunity to push his face back against your still dripping pussy. 

“I’m so sOrry-” you winced, “I’m having some technical difficulti- ah!” 

“Do you need some assistance?” a voice crackled over the intercom. You needed to get the ship on another course or you would soon be nothing but a bug on the windshield of the much larger ship coming right towards you. Cheol’s tongue on your soaking cunt had you trembling where you stood, bent over the control panel, the ship in sight and your mind working against the impulse to give in to Cheol’s magic touch and ignore all your issues. 

You tried to momentarily pull away from his face, but he had you in his grip and you were too entranced by his grip to properly make the effort to get your heat away from his warm tongue. Instead, you pushed on the lever that you had seen Cheol use only once or twice, unsure of what it did but it was the best option. You pushed it as far as it went, and the ship began turning away from your intended course, and by extension, away from the collision course. 

“Thank you. We wish you good luck on your further travels,” the voice from the larger ship sounded through the intercom once again. “No problem, you too!” you managed to say before turning away from the control panel, Cheol’s grip on you only losing for a second as he took his mouth off of you, only to sit you down in the pilot’s seat. This time you weren’t focused on staying on the course however, instead the chair was turned away from the panels and the vast universes outside the ship, instead, you had a very cocky Seungcheol on his knees in front of you. Your cunt was on display and dripping as you awaited his touch yet again. 

“You seemed to be a little distracted just now,” he chuckled. You scowled, but not for long, your neediness taking control of you once again as you pushed Cheol’s face back to your arousal, which he lapped up with fervor, the stress of the moment gone just as it had come, the incident being largely forgotten by the both of you afterward. 

This was one of the biggest mistakes you could have made on your journey. Forgetting where you were going, forgetting that your newly found safe haven on the ship would only last as long as nothing burst your fragile bubble. 

Days passed, and your waking hours flew past you almost as fast as the space around you did. 

A single blip showed up at the edge of one of the monitors in the cockpit. Blinking bright blue, your spacecraft flew closer with each day. Neither of you paid any attention to it. The both of you relied on the autopilot mode to guide you to Lumen, even if your initial direction was based on nothing more than what San had told you months ago. 

The change of course hadn’t made a difference to your daily routine until you saw the desolate planet in front of you. When you had spotted it one morning in the distance, you had presumed it to be an optical illusion. There wasn’t supposed to be much of anything out here, but you could very clearly see a small planet, darker than the surrounding space, with only the lights of ships to reveal that it was anything other than space junk or a meteor. 

Dark and wet, it lay lonely in the universe. Your fuel had begun emptying after weeks of nonstop flying, you would need to stop at one place or another sometime soon. Changing courses away from the prison planet now would only make suspicion arise from the watchtowers on the planet. There was no denying it: Phylaca would be your next stop.

“We need to put on our best act, we fucked up y/n, let’s make it quick…” Cheol tumbled as you both watched the planet becoming bigger and bigger from the cockpit’s large window. “As long as they don’t find out anything about who we are or why we’re here, everything will be fine,” you agreed, the doubt evident in your voice and the way you were biting your cheek to distract you from the sense of doom you were experiencing. 

Docking at Phylaca’s spaceport was unexpectedly easy, the man who had answered the intercom had welcomed you to land on one of the less crowded docks before they could come to meet you. You had worried they would take you as pirates or something worse since you weren’t authorized to be there, but the man on the speaker had jokingly called you out on “not exactly looking like a pirate ship.” You weren’t sure how you should take that, but you were thankful that it had let you both safely land on the planet. 

A guard was coming closer, he didn’t look like most guards you had seen before, he was rather short and his stature was on the smaller side. His presence, however, was enormous. The way he carried himself made you a bit nervous as he approached. You went out to meet him, hoping it wasn’t all a ploy to get you and Cheol arrested, he stayed behind inside the ship, having been convinced that it would be safer if nobody had seen him on Phylaca at all. San had recognized him as a level 1 automaton, even though most people can’t tell the difference at all, who was to say that nobody else would? 

“Hey,” the man said and reached out a hand, “Welcome to Phylaca, the intergalactic prison.” 

You had to swallow hard to not reveal how nervous that made you. “Hey, me and my crew were hoping that we could stay here for just a little while, just until we can restock on some supplies and fuel. We’ll be out of your hair before you can even count to 10!” You rambled, not much thought going into what you were saying even though your brain was running in circles trying not to say anything stupid. 

His features were sharp, delicate in some way, he stared at you expressionless as he listened. 

“That soon? On the run or something?” He said, the same expressionless eyes staring at you suspiciously. 

Fuck, you had already fucked it all up. You would die in prison and they would probably send Cheol back to earth and he would forget everything and you would be left here all alone for all of eternity! You wanted to cry. The guard must’ve noticed, because as he saw the tears trying their hardest not to fall from your bottom lashes his expression let up, eyebrows knitting worriedly together and he reached out a hand, “No, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry!” 

The tears fell, and you wiped them off, pulling back from the hand the guard had reached out for you. “I was only kidding, okay? I’m gonna tell you a secret, yeah?” 

Your tears were gone, you mind a huge question mark as the guard you had been speaking to for about two minutes had 1. Made you cry, 2. Guess your life’s story in two seconds, and 3. Wants to tell you a secret so you won’t cry?? 

Who was this man? 

“You’re not the first person who has ended up here while on the run, and I’ll help if you are! That’s my secret…” he whispered, looking at you with a curious eye. Was he waiting for you to respond to him disclosing what was most likely highly restricted information to you just because you were tired and scared?

“Uhm…” you were speechless, “I’m y/n, I’d love help…” 

“Oh wow, okay that was much easier than it usually is. Hi y/n, I’m Hongjoong,” he gave you a gentle smile now, somehow reassuring you that you would be okay, even if you had just been offered illegal help from what you figured was basically a corrupt guard. 

“What? He just agreed to help us? A Phylaca guard agreed to restock our storage and fuel tank. Just like that?” Cheol was in disbelief, you nodded with big eyes, barely believing it yourself. 

“I mean, it’s possible that he only said he would because I was crying and he wanted some time to get more guards to come and arrest us… but he seemed very nice!” 

He was in shock, and he was scared, you could see it in his face before he hid it in his hands, rubbing away the worries as much as possible. 

“He… did he not want anything in return?” He finally asked. You were silent for a moment. “Y/n. What did he ask you to do in return for this huge favor?” 

His voice was stern, and you would need to tell him eventually anyhow. 

“…he wants us to help one of his acquaintances get off of Phylaca…” you mumbled, a bit scared of how he would react to you agreeing to host strangers on your ship. 

“You invited refugees from a prison to our ship?” 

“…I did.”

He stared at you, his expression hard to read. 

“Can we run before they get here?” 

“I don’t think we should…”

“…Fine, let’s wait for them, whoever they are. But if it turns out they’re literal murderers or something, we should kick them off sooner rather than later,” he said before standing up. You were standing by the door, not having gotten much further into the room created for the kitchen staff on the ship, the room that you had deemed safe enough for Cheol to stay in while you went outside to meet Hongjoong. 

He walked to you, taking your face in his hands, “Thank you for coming back safely, even if this deal might get us killed in the end.” 

You chuckled but was interrupted when Cheol leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. 

The ship was ready to lift, but the docks were even emptier than you had seen them during the entire time you had been on Phylaca. Hongjoong hadn’t talked to you much since that first day. He had sent notes along with the supplies he had sent over. It was terrifying each time a delivery was made, you never knew if this was the day you would be found out and arrested. But Hongjoong had turned out to be trustworthy, and you had kept your own promise of staying to help out his acquaintances in need too, at least so far. 

“They haven’t shown yet?” Cheol asked when he came back to the cockpit where you sat, prepared to lift the moment your new passengers were on the ship. 

“Nope, Hongjoong said that they would show up about now… should we leave if they don’t come?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe they will come after us if we leave…we don’t know how much we should trust that guard if we break our deal.” 

He was right, you needed to wait; you needed to keep your promise to make it off Phylaca safely. If you had done all this just to get arrested while leaving the planet, it would’ve all been in vain. 

You waited, the silence of the empty-looking planet feeling increasingly eerie. 

Then you spotted them, you gasped, they were running. Two people were running towards you. You couldn’t see them clearly, they were too far away at first. You recognized the jacket on one of them, it belonged to the guard on Phylaca. The other person was seemingly wearing matching clothes. Were they criminals? What had you gotten yourselves into? 

You didn’t call for Cheol to come look, but he noticed the way you tensed up as you saw them coming closer and the way your breath hitched in your throat when you finally saw them. You recognized one of them from the big plasma screens. His face had been everywhere. Even though you hadn’t been looking much at any of the members standing beside the man you had found out was the idol you were talking to in secret, you could recall his face lit up with the cold blue lights in the evening. He was one of the 53V3NT33N members. D1N0. One of the members Cheol had been forced to leave behind when he ran. He was here, on Phylaca. 

Cheol stood frozen beside you. They stopped just a couple hundred feet away, the other person blocking the view of D1N0’s face. Something was happening, you didn’t know what, but when you saw the guards you didn’t even care anymore. You weren’t going to get caught here, not like this. D1N0 had stayed behind. He pushed the other person forward, and simply watched as they ran toward the ship. They ran away from him, away from the guards, and towards you and Cheol. 

They were the acquaintances Hongjoong had spoken of, they were supposed to leave with you. Both of them. But only one of them got on board. Cheol was still frozen, you weren’t sure if he was even there anymore. You couldn’t wait. The stranger that had run on board was safe. 

You left the docks, hearing a faint, “No!” You knew it was Cheol, but the instinct to get you all to safety was greater than his shouts for you to turn back. He could’ve overpowered you and made you go back, but he didn’t even think that far. He ran to the doors that would’ve led him outside. A large bang echoed through the metal hallways of the spacecraft along with a pained sob. You didn’t know if it came from Cheol or your new passenger.

But there was nothing to step onto, only space. The view of D1N0 was soon lost, you didn’t want any of you to see what would happen to him as he stayed on Phylaca. 

You didn’t want to know what you had done as you left without him. 

Cheol was quiet. So quiet. 

He said nothing, he barely looked at you. It felt like a stab in the back each time he looked away from you when you even looked his way or opened your mouth. 

The bang had come from Cheol making a dent in the interior of the ship, wrecking his hand in the meantime. You had looked at his broken hand in horror, the sight of his skin cracked but without a single drop of blood or bone showing made you queasy. 

The stillness of the ship continued for days. Your new passenger having shut themselves away from the both of you, it was different than Cheol, but the silence was crushing anyhow. There was nowhere to go, you were stuck right there, in the middle of the universe. 

You used everything San had taught you back at Specus to help heal Cheol’s hand. With bandages and thread, you sewed and patched his cracked skin over the mechanical workings of his broken self. It didn’t help him deal with his real pain though, you knew that. 

You couldn’t understand either of their pain completely, but you tried. He didn’t want you to try. He was hurt and he wanted you to feel as alone as he did, you knew he just didn’t want to be completely alone in his pain. So you let him stay as he was: quiet and angry. 

He didn’t touch you anymore. He didn’t talk to you. He didn’t even care to respond to a single question you asked for over a week. You cried yourself to sleep each night, and did your best to create a new daily routine now that everything had changed into this still place of pain and dark glances thrown your way. 

You had begun blaming yourself, you had made the choice, maybe you did deserve to be shut out by everyone. 

You waited for days for him to take the first step, to tell you that he was ready to talk about it all, to tell you that he wasn’t mad about the choice you had made. He never did. He didn’t say a word. The solitude continues for all three of you on your lonely spacecraft on your way to a planet that didn’t exist…

It continued until you felt yourself going mad, the days had melted together in a bad way, the only emotion you had felt was gray and sticky and you hated it. You had begun hating yourself because of it. 

“Cheol.” Was all you said to him, startling him where he sat staring into space from the cockpit. You stood a couple steps away from him, closer to the door than to the man who seemed like a shell of who he had been before Phylaca. 

At first, he only responded with silence, but after a moment words formed. “Do you know why I had the phone you called in the first place?”

His voice sounded raspy and repressed as if he was choking on the syllables. You shook your head in response. He didn’t see you, but he continued. 

“I convinced the management that I needed a phone that wasn’t connected to the network so that in case anything bad happened to me or the members, I would be able to contact help even when our communication devices didn’t work.” 

His voice wasn’t more than a choked whisper. The words still felt like a slap to the face. 

“Everything I have ever said, done, and felt has always been meant to help my members, they’re my family. Instead, I used what I had gained in the name of helping them, to ruin everything. I did it all for my own selfish desires. Can you understand how much shame and guilt is crushing me every day? Every minute I spend away from them. Not even knowing if they’re okay.”

You had nothing to say. What could you say? Could any of your words comfort him at all? Could you make him the slightest bit happier right now? Could you ever manage to keep him happy? Distracting him from all the disasters of the universe wasn’t possible, so what could you do? 

Instead, you continued to say nothing. Your body fell back against the cold metal wall behind you. You couldn’t say a single word to help him, but you could let him say all the words he needed to say to help himself. 

He stayed quiet for a while. Your shuffling as you slid down to the floor against the wall told him you were still there. His figure slumped back against the chair he sat in. 

��I just, I can’t believe I actually left them all to fucking deal with all of this by themselves. I don’t even know if they made it out alive.” He began, voice still strained as he tried to hide everything that wished to rip him apart from within. “I was supposed to be there for them, to be their leader who stood by them no matter what. And you know what, I took pride in that, I was so proud to be the one to support those guys even in the situation we were in.”

You stayed quiet. Quiet tears streamed down your face as you listened. 

“How could I just leave? What? Because I was scared of forgetting this? I could’ve stayed, I could’ve figured something out.” He was beginning to sound angry now.

“Cheol, no. You know you couldn’t have. This was the only way… wasn’t it?” You whispered, the tears clouding your eyes as you watched the back of his head. 

“I- I don’t know anymore y/n. Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly at all, maybe I was actually sick like they said…” he sighed. 

Your heart was in your throat, swallowing hard you decided to say your peace as well. “So… because you loved someone- no, because you loved me, you’re gonna blame yourself for everything that has happened? That feels like you’re actually blaming me, you know?”

This made him turn around. His features were tired and his skin was dull. He hadn’t been taking care of himself at all. 

“Y/n, stop it. You know this isn’t your fault.” He mumbled. Tired eyes looking at your tear-stained face. 

“No, maybe it is. You would’ve never broken the rules, they would’ve never found out and you would’ve never been almost rebooted. And most importantly - if you had never loved me you wouldn’t have had to abandon your family.”

“Please, just stop that y/n.” He groaned and let his head fall back, eyes closed, he was in pain. You didn’t know if it was physical or mental. Nevertheless, you wanted him to listen as well. You were in pain too. 

“What? Am I making you feel bad for thinking it’s me that’s the problem and not the goddamn company that put you through it all from the start? Am I making you feel like you’re making me feel with all of your talk of how ashamed you feel that you left that life behind? Because I know, I remember how out of everything horrible in your life back then, those boys were the only thing that made you happy while you were there… So please, stop beating yourself up, Cheol. The past has already happened, we managed to get out right? What makes you think the others weren’t as lucky as we were?”

He stayed quiet for a while. His silence made your heart drop. You needed to ask him straight up. 

“Do you blame me? Do you hate me?” Your voice wasn’t more than a whisper, but he heard you. It was impossible for him not to. 

“I-” he tried, but his voice broke. The tears welled in your eyes. You wanted to fight for what you two had, but if he blamed you… whatever you had might be too far from saving. 

“It’s okay. I understand.” 

You forced yourself to say it, you couldn’t walk away from him. Even if he hated you, you refused to be the one to leave. 

“It’s not that I hate you, I just hate how it hurts. Because it really fucking hurts. I’m in pain every single second and I don’t know how to make it stop.” His voice was breaking as tears streamed down his face. “But, I… I can’t lose you too.”

You placed the back of your hand over your mouth, trying to somehow hold back the pain that wanted to consume you from the inside. 

“We should’ve tried saving Dino…” 

You got up from your corner, your arms finally letting your legs go, replacing your own arms around your body with Cheol’s. He hugged you. Tightly. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. It was relieving to say it. He had been in a shame spiral for the past few weeks. He just hadn’t noticed. Still, you stayed with him, waited for him, listened to him. He wanted to repay you for all of it. 

Weeks passed yet again. Things got better, slowly but surely. You talked to each other. You were beginning to forgive each other for those weeks after Phylaca. It wasn’t easy. 

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, sleep, and repeat. Small conversations, still trying not to start up another fight. It was exhausting. 

The stranger still wasn’t speaking much, too wrapped up in their own mind to be able to share the pain they kept inside. Not that either of you were sharing your struggles with them anyhow. It was a mutual understanding that all three of you needed some space, even as you were trapped together in space. Galaxies passed you by, and you found yourself passing time by watching the tiny lights fly past the large windows from the cockpit.  

Sometimes, Cheol sat with you. Holding your hand, comforting you without words just like he had been that day when this had all begun. That helped. It helped both of you; knowing that neither of you actually wanted to abandon what you had, even after everything. 

When something finally showed up in front of your ship, only a small planet, not much bigger than the moon of the earth, you didn’t allow yourself to get your hopes up. 

After so many months, this was probably only another uninhabited planet with a poisonous atmosphere. 

“I don’t wanna get your hopes up, Cheol, but this planet looks so much like earth…” you shouted to Cheol who was trying to get your guest to eat some of the lunch from earlier, with very little success. 

If this was Lumen, maybe everything would be okay.

Maybe the void of space you had been traveling through had an end after all, despite the overwhelming feeling of being trapped and that you would all end up wasting away inside the ship on your long journey. 

But if this was it…

You let the ship continue straight ahead. Cheol and your guest joined you in the cockpit after hearing your shouts across the deck. 

All three of you watched as the planet became bigger. You could see water, and green patches everywhere. Clouds! There were clouds and an atmosphere surrounding the small planet. 

You had gone off autopilot, Cheol helping you steer the ship toward the planet. You circled it, trying to draw attention to yourselves through the intercom system. No sign of life was heard until a small voice came through, a child. “Hello! Are you aliens??” The child asked over the crackling of the coms. 

You wanted to shout, there was life here! 

“Hello? We’re outside of your airspace, our registration is BO883628K, and we are requesting permission to land!” You shouted back. 

“What are you doing?!” Another voice could be heard, the small child squealed and the crackling disappeared. You were scared the last shot at landing somewhere had been lost forever, but the other voice came back after just a moment. 

“Hey? Who is this?” 

Your body was tense, nerves firing uncontrollably as you explained your errand yet again. 

“Of course, welcome to Lumen, wanderers.” 

You yelped, “Lumen?! We found it?” You were jumping up and down, laughing and shouting as you felt all your worries leaving your body. Your new home was right below you, welcoming you with a warm embrace and new hope.

“Yes, you found it,” the voice crackled, you could hear them chuckling a bit at your excited yelling. “There are bigger docks located northeast of your current location, go there to land safely.”

You found a house, outside one of the small towns near the docks. You had nothing to give in return for the hospitality the diverse population of Lumen offered you, Cheol, and your newest passenger. 

They didn’t care, they told you that most of the people there had already been through the same suffering that you all had. Anyone who made it to Lumen was treated like family, nobody was to be left empty-handed just because they were strangers to the people. 

“Is this really here? Am I dead or asleep or something?” You said in wonder, grasping at Seungcheol’s arm. You stood in your new kitchen, it was simple, but airy. The view from the kitchen showed the sunny forest lying just behind the garden and the porch. 

“If you’re dreaming I’m dreaming with you.” He laughed hysterically. “But I think it might be real…” 

You jumped into Cheol’s embrace, hugging and kissing him like the past few weeks had all been a bad dream, like this was your true reality and everything bad could be forgotten completely. 

He seemed happy as well, looking around the large house with you, coming up with ways you could improve the place, and how you could make the vegetable garden prosper once again. It was overgrown and run down, everything had been left to its own devices. But it was vacant, and the townspeople had agreed that you two would be wonderful as the new owners of the house. It was a short forest walk back to the town, where you had parted from your quiet passenger, telling them that they were welcome any day and that you would always have a spare room and a shoulder to cry on. It made Cheol happy, somehow trying to make up for the fact that you had lost D1N0 on Phylaca through this person that he must’ve cared about more than his own life. 

“Do you think they will be able to find their way here too? The members, I mean. Like we did?” You whispered, resting your head on Cheol’s shoulder, your hand in his. You watched the dark green leaves swaying in the summer breeze, the flowers following the sun that shone more than it was gone, and the grass on the ground scenting the air you breathed in. 

“I hope so, I think they will know eventually.”

“Know what?” You said and looked at him. 

“That we’re here.”

You tilted your head. “How would they know to find us here of all places?” 

“Remember the secret I had with San on the first ship?” He said and smiled, embarrassed about something. 

You nodded. Not quite understanding what he meant yet. 

“I told him to tell anyone he met that might be related to us. Actually, I told him to let anyone like us know that if we got here, we would offer a home for them to rest at.”

Tears welled in your eyes, he had been thinking of everyone else this entire time. Not once had he let himself be entirely selfish, you squeezed his hand, bringing it up to your lips and pressing a thankful kiss to his soft skin. 

“I think they will come, eventually.” 

The years passed on Lumen. You and Cheol had made a home for yourselves. A home that would be open for any runaways, robot, alien, and human alike. It was safe, happy, and hopeful because one day everything might be absolutely perfect in your new home. 

The spare rooms of your new house would exist for them if they could ever get to their leader. The thought helped him continue, to live life to the fullest until they could join him. It comforted you as well, knowing that he had some hope left and that maybe he could let go of some of the guilt you knew he carried with him each day, and instead let himself be proud of something once again. 

Reblogging and commenting is highly appreciated!! Hearing what you thought is what makes writing and being here overall so much fun! Ty and ily 💕

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[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 25th of August, 2024

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 25th of August, 2024

Question: How ill is the King? Will he recover from his cancer?

Interpretation: The cards are all negative. It is not looking like The King will recover from his illness.

Card One: The Knight of Swords in Reverse

As a health card, the Knight of Swords brings disappointing news. Things are not going to plan. Test results are disappointing, there is little to no progress towards good health. There may be a fair amount of mental frustration over the state of the body.

Generally, The Knight of Swords means quick, decisive action. It is someone who is assertive and direct, who can be impatient, who jumps into action and rushes towards his goals. In the reverse, that fast action is stilled. There is energy but no direction. The person make react to things impulsively, or with disorganised ideas or no logic.

This card is telling me that The King is making little to no progress forwards in his journey back to good health. He has bad news from his test results and no matter what he tries he can not seem to make things better. This is very frustrating for him as he wants to get better and he can't, he is stuck in his current state of health. This frustration with a lack of progress may be manifesting as actions that have not been thought through 100%.

This is a card of Gemini, so the King may be suffering from the same thing as his father, who is a Gemini, or something inherited from his father, or there may be some sort of duality in his illness - two points of the body under attack, results that go from good to bad to good again - something like that.

Card Two: The Lovers in Reverse

This is the major arcana card for Gemini, and like the minor arcana card for Gemini above, it is in reverse. There is something to do with Gemini that concerns The King's illness. In medical astrology, Gemini rules the lungs, airway, arms, hands, shoulders, and nervous system. Any of those could be involved. My attention is on the lungs and breathing - that is what is standing out for me - but it could be anything ruled by Gemini. As I said above, Gemini is a dual sign, so there could be some sort of duality around this illness. Gemini is also communication, so we may even get a communication about The King's health soon.

As a health card, The Lovers upright represents excellent physical health. In the reverse, it indicates the reverse - poor health. It can also mean that you are not looking after yourself, that you need to step away from your current lifestyle and give yourself the time and rest you need to heal. You need to work within your limits and not continually push yourself to do more.

Generally, the Lovers is a card about making a choice. It is usually a romantic choice, but it can be a choice between any two or more desirable options. It is a card of being in harmony with yourself and your partner. In the reverse, you are deliberately not making a choice or you are making bad choices. Your decisions are not in harmony with your inner values. It can also indicate inner or outer conflicts in your life. Things are not in balance.

The first thing that hit me about this card was the double Gemini aspect. Two cards, both representing Gemini, both in reverse. If The King was a sun sign Gemini then this would be it - it would be a message that he is not recovering from his illness. However, The King is a sun sign Scorpio, so this message is not about him as a person. It could be about him as the King, who celebrates his birthday in June (Gemini season). In this case the message is that he needs to abdicate. The Kingship is contributing to his ill health and he needs to let it go before it kills him.

The other energy from this card is about choices. The King is making the wrong choices. He is pushing himself to hard, not resting enough, not balancing the demands of his office against his body's need to rest and repair itself. He needs to stop, look at what his body needs, and give that to himself. Otherwise he will end up literally killing himself - which, if he knows he has cancer and the cancer is terminal, may be his choice - to go out in harness rather than to step down.

Card Three: The Five of Pentacles

As a general card, this is exile, hardship, loss, adversity.

As a health card, it is poor health, illness, feeling cold, pain, suffering, lifestyle creating or contributing to the illness, feeling powerless, feeling helpless, neglecting yourself, needing medical care and attention etc.

The energy of this card for me is the same as The Lovers reversed - not taking care of yourself. It confirms that The King is ill, he is not currently getting better, and he is not making the changes he needs to get better. He is pushing himself too hard. He is going through a period of hardship and loss, and instead of being gentle on himself he is pushing himself to do things to the detriment of his health.

This also indicates that The King may feel powerless in the face of the current state of his health, as nothing he is doing is making it better.

The main energy from this card is that The King is currently in a bad state of health and he is not relaxing his expectations of himself so he can heal and get as well as possible. He may even have given up on getting well and just be trying to get as much done as he can before he can't work any longer.

Underlying Energy One: The Eight of Cups

This is one of my death cards. Not "I am going to die tomorrow' but 'I am on the path down towards death', like Psyche in the card is walking down into the underworld (the place of death).

Generally, it is a card of abandonment, walking away, and letting go. As a health card, it indicates exhaustion, fatigue, listlessness, and being emotionally drained, being fed up, and being unhappy with things.

This card tells me that The King is on the downwards path to death. He is tired, physically and emotionally, and he needs to let things go so he can rest. I'm also getting the energy that he has abandoned hope of getting better, i.e. back to full health, and he wants to make the most of the time he has now.

Underlying Energy Two: The High Priestess

This is another of my death cards, as it shows Persephone in her role as Queen of the Underworld, stopping the dead from returning to the sunlit world shown at the back of the card.

Generally, the High Priestess is a card about listening to our intuition, spirituality, to meditate and look within to find the answers we seek.

As a health card, the High Priestess says to listen to our body, trust our intuition in matters of health, and to make sure we are taking care of our physical self and not neglecting ourselves,

The energy from this card is the same as of the Eight of Cups - someone who is on the downwards path to death. It also echoes the messages from the cards above it about listening to your body and taking care of yourself, giving yourself the time to rest that you need.

Conclusion:

The King is on the path downwards towards death. He is not going to recover from his cancer - not fully. He may linger for a year or so yet, but he is not going to return to his previous state of good health.

The King is not looking after himself. He is making bad choices and neglecting himself, i.e. pushing himself too hard to do things. His progress to good health appears to have slowed, if not stopped, and there is nothing he can do to speed it up or making it start up again. He is tired, emotionally and physically, and he is not letting himself rest. He is also very frustrated about the state of his health.

What the King should do is let go. He should step away from ruling and spend his time resting, with his loved ones around him. However, I don't think this is going to happen. I think it is more likely that he will continue to push himself to do his job and that he will die like that. If he does decide to let go and take time off to rest then I will be both relieved and happy for him.

The King can't stop this downwards decline into death. What he can do is stop working, look after himself, rest, and enjoy his time with his family and friends. That may give him a positive boost in his health. Otherwise, the end will come sooner rather than later. It is possible that The King knows he is dying and he has chosen to 'die in harness', in which case all I can do is respect his wishes.

The element of Gemini is very strong in this reading. That could be referring to the King's father in some way, or to the lungs, arms, hands, shoulders and nervous system of the King, or to the King's official birthday and so to his role as King, or to duality in his illness in some way. I'm not 100% sure which of these meanings apply. I just know that Gemini is important.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Did Tripitaka ever experience the heat of a tiger? It sure was confusing for him. Humans do not have mating seasons (we look for love when we want but this is not the case with animals).

It must have been difficult for him, especially around Azure. Did Tripitaka come to consider Azure as a potential mate during a time of mating?

OK this is nsft territory so be warned!

Tripitaka is an interesting character to analyze since he's supposed to represent The Ideal™ buddhist monk for his adhereance to the rules... but he's never known anything else really. He was raised in a monastery, and very soon after becoming a priest (and solving his dad's murder + losing his mom), got sent on the mission for the scriptures. Would he be as dilligently a buddhist if his parents had not undergone such tragedies?

Tripitaka never approaches sexuality in Jttw (his own or others) because in Buddhist belief; sexuality is considered a "worldly attraction" like vanity or pride. Same reason the book never has him eat meat, whether for survival or unintentional (like in the Spider Sisters arc). It blemishes his perfect record.

But since the Tiger Monk au has Tripitaka in a situation where he honestly can't uphold the very human standards of buddhism...

Our boy fighting some biological demons rn.

My idea of Tripitaka is that he's mostly on the aro-ace spectrum, but seriously questions his sexuality over the course of the Journey. Seeing hot demons and celestials of many genders does that to a sheltered religious guy.

Combine that with a tiger's seasonal heat, and you got a monk frothing at the mouth, trying to keep himself from acting reckless.

Tigers go into seasonal "heat" every 3-9 weeks depending on the individual. Anyone whos met an unfixed cat or heard a cougar sounding like someone being murdered will know that these mfs make sure that you know about it. Tigers in particular have a deep "Meow" sound they broadcast to find mates. They even have "first dates" to get to know each other. Example.

Tripitaka feels weird one day and subconsciously makes a deep meow sound - scaring the whole gang. Wukong is immediately is putting a bicycle lock on that cassock!

I feel even when pushed to the brink of his urges, Tripitaka wouldn't be comfortable "going all the way" unless its literally someone he wants to stay with for the rest of their near-immortal lives.

Also his disciples are off-limits; the mentor-disciple bond is too precious to him to risk over a selfish urge.

But, Azure Lion offers an opportunity. He's a fellow feline demon with a similar Buddhist background who understands Tripitaka's moral conflict weighing his desires over his faith. He isn't the monk's superior or inferior, so no issue of power imbalances.

Tripitaka needs a moment to think. And to draft a diagram of pros and cons.

If these two ever did do "The Deed" (or just 3rd base)...

Macaque would be the first to know. And he'd be howling with laughter. XD At least until Azure threatens to tell the others why Macaque was in Wukong's room that very same night. Mutual glaring ensues.

And ofc Azure would be seconds away from being skinned alive by a quartet of the tiger's super-protective pilgrim brothers the very second of the them sniffs Tripitaka the next morning.

Peng would still brag in Azure's place as you can imagine - lion done pulled a baddie on insane difficulty. Yellow Tusk would shake his head in disapproval, but would also be a little impressed.

[daytaker]

NightBringer Satan is a Gift.

I understand everyone has their own opinions on how good/not good NB is as a game or a story or whatever, but in my opinion, Satan's characterization is soooo enhanced by it. I know that this isn't an opinion that everyone shares, but to me, Satan felt emotionally artificial sometimes in the original game (more on that below).* He felt kind of awkward and like he wanted to connect with MC but something was blocking the kind of connection they develop with some of the other brothers. (Disclaimer: I've only done season 1 of OG, so I can't speak to how he's characterized later on. I know, I know, shame. But I'm trying my best.) Getting to see what Satan is like when he doesn't have any control over his emotions makes the stiffness and artificiality make more sense to me, and they become admirable because we get to see just how hard it is for him to get everything under control.

I think they did a really good job with the pacing of his development in NB too. Satan in Lesson 1 and Satan in Lesson 19 are different, but there isn't a moment where he suddenly starts controlling his emotions better. I think there's a lot going on behind the scenes with him as far as his emotional growth and self control are concerned.

Also let's not forget some very important things about Satan that make him, IMO, one of the most interesting characters to work with as a writer:

Satan was never an angel; he had no fall from grace.

Satan was created from Lucifer's wrath---he is literally the product of trauma and self-mutilation.

Satan is significantly younger than his brothers.

He spent the first year of his life more or less trapped in a castle with his deeply emotionally wounded brothers.

He has a deep resentment towards Lucifer that sometimes defies reason---he wishes he didn't dedicate so much of his time and energy to him, but it's basically a compulsion.

He hates his deep association with Lucifer, and he hates that he has a lot in common with him.

And these lead me to some headcanons that live rent-free in my brain every day of my life.

Satan sees himself as a reminder of the Great Celestial War and everything his brothers lost in it, including Lilith.

He is divine retribution against Lucifer for his failure, for leading his brothers to failure, for letting his sister die.

He acts as a counterbalance to Lucifer's pride by bearing the weight of the shame that Lucifer can't fully accept now that he is the Avatar of Pride. Even if Lucifer pushes it out of his mind, Satan never forgets that he failed in the worst way possible.

His biggest aspiration is to become a full and complete person outside of any association he has with Lucifer. He feels like some sort of parasitic tumor that exists only in opposition to his brother, and he wants desperately to escape that role that he feels he was born into.

Anyway, Satan is great, hail Satan, all that good stuff. Did you know I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about Satan? I know, shocking. For more of my takes here's my fic about him (on AO3).

*I think Satan almost metaphorically represents certain elements of autism---emotions that don't come out the way you intend, masking and its limitations, hyperfixations that are barely under control. In Fandom Discourse(TM) there's sometimes a level of focus on more 'cutesy' autistic traits that we find endearing in characters, like social obliviousness and gleefully indulged hyperfixations. But emotional control, emotional masking, emotional seepage, emotional artificiality---these are also real and messy and often times they aren't cute and they're uncomfortable to see in yourself or in someone else. I really don't like diagnosing characters so I'm not about to claim Satan "is" autistic, but as someone who has been called essentially 'spectrum adjacent' by doctors, I relate to the awkwardness and the desire to appear normal despite knowing you're not and emotions spilling out in ugly ways---um. That got really long and personal.