#represents someone who was pushed to his limit

[voidsentprinces]

Just as a disclaimer for anyone new to here, I am asexual or at least on the gray spectrum. I think I might be a semi-aro variety where my affections are highly limited, I have very little interest in having sex with others, I am officially 10 years out from the last time I've had sex and I don't see any need to go out of my way to pursuit a partner or that sort of activity. I still occasionally think about it but whatever. That being the case, I am not going to yuck anyone's yum but also anything in nature that can be taken in that sort of nature is for someone else.

I do not care for Zenos. He is a bland character made a poster boy for Endwalker to sell copies. And spends 98% of the entire plot from Post-Heavensward to Endwalker sitting around and doing nothing. Only existing to push the plot forward when the writer has themselves in a corner. He is the Pyramid Head. He is a reflection of us, exaggerated or exasperated to make a point about us. That enough of the fandom clung onto that Square now thinks he needed to make a cameo everywhere. I can take or leave Zenos.

Will that stop me from posting a tasteful picture of Zenos? No. Because when I see a post, I know at least one of my followers might like? I post it.

My policy is that if it makes me uncomfortable or if it isn't for me. It doesn't mean it can't be for one of my followers or mutuals.

I have no stake in the shipping wars. I am also just kind of lukewarm on Aymeric. Most of the Scions are just okay, but like Will, Elizabeth, and Jack in the Pirates of the Caribbean (one day I will spell caribbean correctly) series. Its funner to see them as an ensemble of personalities bouncing off one another than taking them as alone.

Will that stop me from posting Thancred, Urianger, Y'shtola, Tataru, etc. stuff when I know it might ignite or inspire someone who follows me? Nah. I will drop Urianger slowly removing his robe while dipping into an onsen, cause I know at least three people would love to see him in that light.

But its my blog, I hear you say? What is the stuff I post for me? That stuff is the stuff my brain has decided to hyperfocus on. Which is a laundry list of topics with little to no coherency. Broken up by the Laughing Pelicans that mock me in my sleep. A charcuterie board of interests with no rhyme or particular reason. That a pelican sits on occasionally.

I do not feel I am gay in the regard that I do not particularly care for men in that manner. I do not feel I am bi or pansexual in liking both men and women in any such manner. While I lean more towards women, there are some great looking guys. But it is all from an aesthetic stand point. Distant and removed and artistically appreciated of the human form rather than a sexual attraction stand point. Relationships, sex, and attraction to me all sound good on paper but never have I enjoyed it in execution. If that makes sense? I do not care for the subject, but as sex, gender, etc. is hard coded into the living experience and is not strictly a human one. It would behoove me to deny something from someone who is represented by such things.

So I post spicy things occasionally for them and them alone to enjoy.

So no, this is not technically a FFXIV blog. It is a potluck of random interests that just so happens to be enjoying FFXIV as a sort of lynchpin at the moment. Tomorrow I could get really fucking into...I dunno. Hello Kitty Island Adventure and that'll be the lynch pin.

[tender-hearteddd]

bertholdt exudes the same vibe as the guy who killed the CEO of UnitedHealthcare ifykyk

[ambrosiagourmet]

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.

[worldoshaking]

I find Y’shtola so interesting; I think she exemplifies some very fascinating dilemmas, but what’s unique about her is that they’re externalised as ways of seeing the world rather than internal emotional states. Her perspective is also a really important aspect of the story and the world.

The most fundamental thing about her is that she’s a scientist. It’s not just what she does, it’s who she is. It represents her strengths, her ambitions, her temperament, and the way she interacts with the world.

Unlike the other scions, she’s a scientist who grew up outside of Sharlayan’s academic structure, and is unbounded by its strictures and politics. She represents unbounded theoretical curiosity, independent of institutions and all their dampening considerations. It’s a beautiful, idealised vision of what science could be, if unbound by considerations like institutional approval and funding. It’s something Y’shtola learned in part from Matoya, who rejected the confines of Sharlayan academia and accomplished stupendous things in her cave.

I think this complements G’raha Tia, who represents an idealised vision of what academia could be: he explores the limits of what people can achieve together if they can throw aside clout-chasing, nepotism, petty politicking, biases, and the other things that cloud the idealism of academic institutions. G’raha is someone who fell in love with what Sharlayan represented, and came back to point out how they fell short of their own ideals. G’raha is someone who works to reform institutions; Y’shtola simply works independently of them, pushing the limits of what one person can accomplish.

Another very scientific characteristic of Y’shtola is her refusal to acknowledge limits: when she finds a thing that can’t be done, she hammers at it until it budges. She is convinced that there are answers to everything, and that science can find them. This is really something that’s fundamental to the scientific method: the idea that there’s always an answer to the question of ’why,’ and that that answer is something we can find and comprehend. What are atoms made of? Why are there only so many fundamental particles? Why do voidgates form? What is the fate of the universe? There is an answer, and she’ll find it. This is part of her initial clash with G’raha; she is insistent on the truth, and doesn’t like his keeping secrets.

She is also committed to seeing the science through, no matter what she’ll learn from it. She was ready to hear the Ea’s answer about the fate of the universe, no matter how terrible it was. And when she finds it, she’ll greet the unknown with delight; when she meets Zero, she looks the void in the face and smiles.

She’s also just a little remote, in the way of one who has spent too long staring into the heart of things. This doesn’t change the fact that she is a brave, steadfast, loyal companion to her friends, and a staunch champion of what’s right in the world. It’s something very personal; she sees things beyond the others’ sight, and her heart is preoccupied with things that are very removed from the considerations of everyday.

The Sharlayans’ performance of scientific objectivity is shown to be rooted in their very human prejudices, something that’s very true of institutional science in our world too. Y’shtola’s objectivity isn’t that sort of cold, inhumane objectivity; it isn’t a pretext for bigotry, or an abdication of responsibility. It’s something much more remote and whimsical, a commitment to a way of approaching things rather than a badge of superiority.

These are all, in a way, things that characterise the WoL, and I think they underlie the curious solidarity that builds between them post-Endwalker. The WoL, in a different way, is someone who doesn’t acknowledge the limitations of common sense, someone who looks truth in the face without flinching.

It’s also a delightful contrast, because the WoL is someone who repeatedly defies the limits of possibility, and that makes it even more interesting that they’re drawn together. Y’shtola is someone dancing at those very limits; the point where the preposterous becomes fact is where scientific discovery is born.

It’s also a very fun way of seeing science. Science as an institution is actually preoccupied with a kind of individualism - with the performance of individual merit, with the idea of the lone genius. (As we see in post-ARR, Alphinaud is misled by the accolades of the Studium to disastrous hubris.) Y’shtola might be fiercely independent, but she also isn’t that lone genius. She is utterly preoccupied with finding the answers, and not at all with any idea of personal success. The thing that lets her transcend her limits, the thing that lets her accomplish more than Matoya could, is friendship. When she works with the Scions, or Nidhana, or Zero, she can accomplish more than she ever could on her own.

I also think it’s very relevant that she’s a woman; in both our world and theirs, academia is largely male-dominated, and a lot of its flaws have to do with upholding that hegemony and not being open to more diverse perspectives. The ideal of the lone genius is overwhelmingly associated with men.

I think there’s something deeply idealistic and joyous about this unfettered spirit of scientific curiosity persisting through and after the events of Endwalker. We met the god of everything and defeated her in a duel; that doesn’t mean we know all the answers, or even all the questions. We cross paths with a far more technologically advanced civilisation, and Y’shtola is still able to have interesting scientific conversations with them. Even if many things about our world are arbitrary and uncaring, Y’shtola holds to her belief in the scientific method, and is still wholly, exuberantly committed to seeking out truths.

[mochatsin]

When MC Gets Pushed Off the Stairs

You can be the kindest person or the biggest brat this exchange program has ever seen, but it won’t erase the fact that you have enemies. Some demons just can’t stand the idea of a human earning the favor of the seven avatars… and there are others that plan on doing something about it.

TW: implied bullying, falling down the stairs, sprained ankle + MC in a cast, violence, demon brothers being a bit more sinister.

I was in the mood for a bunch of dark and spiteful demons. I might make a separate part of them taking care of MC during the times they have a cast.

------------

“Who do they think they are? They probably feel invincible when they have those brothers stuck to their hip.” 

You tried ignoring the rumors and whispers, you knew it wasn’t true so there wasn't any reason for you to bring this up with anyone. Though there were a bunch of demons, specifically these two girls, that are quite irritating. They definitely knew you could hear them, but that doesn’t mean they’ll lower their voices whenever they start talking about you. Seeing your discomfort is what even encourages them to keep talking, and you’re walking down the stairs to your next class so you can avoid them because there’s no way you’re gonna give them that satisfaction of seeing how bothered you are. 

“Invincible? As if! They’re just a human.” The other mocks, looking at you with disgust.

“Let’s find out.” Is the last thing you hear before you feel someone’s heel push your back, making you lose your balance and fall over. It was a blur after that, until he came by…

------------

Lucifer

Students are crowding the stairwell, and Lucifer can feel the annoyance already blooming. A crowd like this usually means trouble, and he wonders if Mammon is trying to place bets in secret again. It won’t be the first time he catches his brother discreetly collecting gambling money after convincing other students to bet on something stupid, so Lucifer isn’t going to be surprised if his initial thought was right as he pushes through to see the commotion. 

That’s when Lucifer desperately wished he was right as soon as he saw you on the ground. Two demons on top of the stairs laughed and mocked you, but the moment Lucifer stepped in the scene they immediately shut their mouths out of fear and so did the crowd of students around you. He can piece the scene together and understand what happened, but he needs to hear from you first. 

He kneels down to your level to check up on you. You’re not unconscious and that’s great, though you seemed pretty shaken up. Falling down the stairs and having several students stare at you wasn’t pleasant after all. “Come, let’s discuss what happened in the student council room.” Lucifer offers, since the last thing you need is to be the center of attention and he knows it won’t be a good idea to let you stay here longer.

He helps you stand, but you stumble and cling onto him for support. Your foot… it hurts so much that putting pressure on it sent jolts of burning pain that almost made you scream. You’re trying to be strong despite the pain, you can’t show weakness in front of Lucifer who’s relying on you to represent humans. What kind of image are you showing them? That you’re fragile and weak? It’s all getting overwhelming and Lucifer can see you’re already at your limit.

He turns to the two demons on the top of the stairs and glares at them. The temperature drastically dropped, breathing felt so heavy all of a sudden, and there’s this feeling of dread that paralyzed not only the two but also everyone around them. Trying to run away wasn’t an option, the two girls knew it would just make things worse for them. 

“I expect to see the both of you in the council room at the end of the day. Or else.” There’s no negotiations, and opening their mouths to protest is already a defiance to Lucifer’s orders. He’s already quite strict on his brothers, what more to a pair of demons that doesn’t seem to understand that there are consequences to their actions? “Everyone, get back to your classes.” 

Once everyone has finally left you both alone, Lucifer carries you in his arms. There’s no way he’s letting you limp to the infirmary in this state. He checks your ankle and sighs when he realizes it’s sprained. You thought at first that he’s stressed because you getting hurt meant more work for him, but the worried look on his face shows that it’s not about that.

You’ve been so strong for doing so much here like helping Lucifer manage all of his brothers while still doing your duties as a student, trying to keep up a good impression enough for Diavolo’s exchange program. Now seeing you hurt with a swollen ankle is making Lucifer rethink his views. It’s not pity that’s written on his face, it's… something else entirely. 

“I don’t think you’re weak at all… but maybe it’s time that we take care of you, little lamb.” Lucifer says. It’s an understatement to say that you’re dependable because you’re much more than that to him. He wonders how he even managed to get by with his brothers before you came into their lives. You’ve been so reliable, Lucifer almost forgets that you’re also fragile. You’ve done too much, you deserve a break and be pampered. It’s exactly what he does now that you’ve got a cast on your foot. 

Lucifer doesn’t like seeing you with those crutches, it doesn’t sit right with him when someone like you is suffering from something as basic as going up the stairs. He starts making a proposal about making RAD more accessible for students by adding elevators or magical levitating platforms. While it’s a good idea on its own, you can tell that they had this plan so that you don’t have to suffer through the stairs anymore. Everyone else immediately agreed to the proposal without second thought. 

Lucifer had the two demons apologize to you, and he doesn’t care whether they bruise their skin or get covered in dirt, they will be doing it properly. To beg on their hands and knees, bowing down until their foreheads touch the floor. He won’t let them up until they actually feel genuinely sorry, he doesn’t care how many students will be staring at their pathetic displays. He’s almost tempted to dig his heels into the back of their skulls should they lift their heads for even a single inch from the ground. 

He’ll chip away at their pride that led them to hurting you, finding a way to humiliate them in every subtle way until they’re the ones cowering their head. Lucifer would make subtle comments each time their paths would cross, always looking for a single flow that he would call them out for under the pretense of how it’s unbefitting as a student of RAD. It’s so harsh that the brothers almost felt sorry for them. Is it petty? Perhaps it is. But he doesn’t feel guilty at all when they actively chose to hurt you, and maybe he’ll stop once your ankle is all better.

Mammon

You two were together but then he said had somewhere he needed to be. Mammon was supposed to meet up with you before classes, he just needs to talk to some people he owed a few grimm to and possibly ask for another deadline extension. He’s turning to every corner trying to make sure Lucifer won’t spot him counting his debt, though he did notice the crowd that was forming a few meters away. 

He didn’t give it much thought at first, but that’s until he heard the whispers of students walking towards the scene. ‘It’s that human exchange that fell’ ‘fell? They were pushed, weren't they?’ And that’s when Mammon starts to sprint, honestly hoping that it was Solomon and not you that they were talking about. 

“Outta the way dammit!” Is all you hear, with a few grunts from students getting forcibly shoved to the side before Mammon finally finds you on the floor clutching your ankle. He squats next to you to check the damage, and you can tell from the expression on his face that it doesn’t look good at all. 

He looks up at the stairs and sees the two demons snickering at each other before running away from the scene. Mammon recognizes them, he’s heard some of the nasty stuff they’ve said about this exchange program, and especially about you. It just never occurred to him that they’d do something this drastic when given the chance. Mammon was gone for ten minutes and that was enough time to hurt you. 

He wanted to run after them, force the two to apologize to you. To make them pay. Though the wince and cries from you are what makes Mammon think with a clear head. You tell him that your ankle is hurting, you can’t move it as much without any pain. So he carries you and makes a run for it to the infirmary. No ambulance compares to how quickly Mammon ran just to get you some help.

Mammon stays by your side, too afraid to leave you for another second after what happened. He stares as they patch up your ankle and you’ll be in crutches until it heals. He’s mad, but definitely not at you. He’s angry that this happened under his watch when he’s supposed to be making sure you’re safe from demons like those. That was a role entrusted to him and he already feels like he failed.

“Ya aint leavin’ my sight, not until that ankle of yours is back in shape aight?” And he meant every word. If he’s not glued to your hip, then you swear you can see a three-eyed crow that’s following you around wherever you go. You just feed it some snacks if you have some when you can, and you wake up with shiny trinkets by your desk the next day.

Mammon is ready to be at your beck and call anytime you need it. You let out a grunt of frustration if you dropped your bag and spilled all your belongings. Your sprained ankle makes it hard for you to bend over to get them, but the moment you turn your head, Mammon is already at your feet grabbing you everything. If it weren’t for the circumstances (like your injury), Belphie would probably exploit this and make his older brother do everything while pretending you asked for it. 

The two girls have noticed how much those crows have been following them around. Crows can hold grudges, and they definitely recognize the demons that hurt the human they (and their master) care about. 

It started off as something harmless as landing on their desks, squawking at them, or stealing their pens before an important exam. Though when Mammon noticed them occasionally mocking you behind your back for that cast once you came back to RAD, the crows became more aggressive. The birds pulled on their hair, pecked and bit on their skin, clawing at them whenever they could.

Desperate for this madness to stop, the demons are already by Mammon’s feet begging for the crows to leave them alone. Personally, Mammon would’ve done something much worse but there was no way he’s going to abandon you for a second with that cast. “I’m feeling quite generous, so if ya hear me out on my conditions i’ll let you off the hook yeah?” 

In exchange for finally getting some peace from those crows, the demons agreed to two conditions. One, never to lay a hand on you ever again unless they want the risk of the birds invading their homes. No more mocking or even looking at you with malice. Two, pay Mammon every month. By the time that you got that cast removed, Mammon has paid off some debt from his classmates and he’s quite proud of it. At least he could take care of you and save some coin at the time. No one said it had to be his money right?

Levi

Levi didn’t spend lunch with any of his brothers or classmates as usual today. He likes spending his free time alone in isolated places like the school garden, empty classrooms, or even the rooftop so he could play his games or watch his anime in peace. Socializing with too many people is overwhelming, this is his own way of recharging to get through the rest of the day. 

Though there are rare instances that Levi would ask you to join him in his little hideouts, because you’re one of the people he doesn’t feel too draining to be around. He planned to share some of the snacks he bought for the both of you, but he saw that you were talking with his other brothers at the cafeteria. Feeling dejected, he decided to spend the lunch alone as usual and wait for the class. There’s no way you would want to spend time with someone who’d rather play gacha games on his phone for lunch…

He was hiding by the corners of the stairwell to play his game when he overheard two demons talking so badly about you, followed by hurried footsteps and then a heavy thump at the end of the stairs. Then he heard a familiar voice cry out in pain, and it’s when he realized that you were pushed off the stairs. He saw your body on the floor, trying to recover from the fall and he felt like his world was crashing in on him. He’s frozen in place, unsure of what to do without making things worse.

You turned around and found him hiding behind the stairwell, eyes locked for a moment that felt like an eternity to the demon. That’s when Levi realized he can’t just stand there idly when his player two is injured. Despite the anxiety, he ran to your side anyway to check on you. His face went so pale when he saw you clenching your ankle, the pain evident in your expression. “I-i’ve got you just… dammit what do i d-do…?!” He mumbles the last part, because he knows this isn’t a game where it takes one button to heal you back. No saved file to help him now. 

Levi looks up at the stairs and sees the two demons glaring at the both of you. Out of all the brothers, they would never take Levi seriously. To them, he’s just some demon who dedicated his life to a world of fiction and seeing him fumble right now just proves it. They say that Levi just lacks any real skill to even help you before they left. 

He hates to admit that those two are right, and that makes him loathe himself even more. Levi almost went down on a spiral, but that’s until he felt a phone get placed on his hand. He turns to meet your gaze, you handed him his D.D.D. and he knew what you were asking him to do. Levi quickly dials for his brothers and help came to you after a minute of doing so. He’s thankful for their quick responses, he wouldn’t be able to handle it if a crowd started forming around you both. 

Everyone of them was huddled outside the infirmary while you were getting patched up, and Levi explained what he witnessed. Though he starts going into his self-destructive speech patterns at how he could hardly do anything to help you by himself that he needed to get his brothers to do it for him. He felt so useless to you, but Lucifer interjects. “It’s natural to panic. But if you did not call for us, then they would’ve been in pain for much longer.”

That helped Levi feel a little bit grounded hearing reassurances from his brothers. Lucifer then tasked Levi to be the one in charge of taking care of you during school days. Since Levi also takes his classes online, then he can watch over you while you’re resting in the house. You both can take online classes together while you recover from your injury.

Levi spends most of the time in your room instead because there’s no way he’s making you go up those stairs to his room, and he doesn’t want to risk you getting hurt or slipping if you try to get in his bathtub. As clumsy as he could be, Levi did his best to take care of you. He did want to spend some time alone with you, but he wished it didn’t take a sprained ankle to get what he wanted. 

“I-if only this healing item exists, it would’ve been really handy right now…” He says as you both play a two-player game, the demon staring longingly at the recovery potions on the screen and wishing it could take away your pain right now. Levi often wonders… maybe if he didn’t sulk from the jealousy, if he actually asked you that day to go spend lunch with him, then maybe you wouldn’t have gotten hurt like this. 

Levi was watching some anime while you slept, and he saw the bullies on the anime picking on the innocent main protagonist. The scene just reminds him of what happened to you, and that brings him this sense of rage and justice. It was unfair what those two girls did to you, and Levi doesn’t think it’s right that he does nothing about this (assuming that his brothers haven't gotten to them first). 

The girls found all their accounts hacked. From Devilgram to their bank accounts. Their emails and passwords were changed overnight so they couldn’t figure out how to get it back, and if by some miracle they recovered their accounts, everything was already wiped clean by then. Levi may not be the most confrontational brother, but he’s the best behind the screen. He’s chugging his third energy drink as he thinks of new ways to plant a virus in their D.D.D.’s when he goes to school at the end of the week to hand over both of your homeworks. 

When Levi overheard the girls still talking about you during break, they found all their stuff completely drenched and ruined by the time they came back to their seats even though the classroom remained dry. Gadgets were water damaged, and schoolwork that they were supposed to be submitting later is already long gone. Even their lockers were stuffed with sand and sea water, spilling all over their uniforms as soon as they opened it. The teachers scolded them for the mess they ‘created’ no matter the protests that they never did, but who would believe them if they said it was Levi’s doing? The girls never uttered your name again.

Satan

The teacher assigned you both as partners for a class project due next week, and Satan suggested that it’s best to get a head start on it while your schedules are free. You babysit all of his brothers every day, so Satan expects that your days are going to be quite busy if any of them knew you had a bit of free time to spare. At least his plans are something productive, he gets to spend time with you while also finishing some homework together. 

It’s ten minutes past the agreed time you both were supposed to meet. Satan is outside the school library, tapping his foot on the floor as he messaged you but receiving no response. He knows he could’ve gone ahead to do some research to pass the time, but the point of this study date was to do the project together. It’s never like you to be late without any notice, so he sets out to look for you. 

Satan is walking swiftly, wondering if you were still at the cafeteria. He dials your number to try to call you during his search, and he stops in his tracks when finds your phone on the ground, the screen cracked. It brought alarms in his head and he picked it up to figure out where you must’ve dropped it. It wasn’t hard because he soon spotted the crowd of demons by the stairway nearby. He could immediately guess what happened as he ran to the crowd, and he’s shocked when finally sees that you were the source of commotion.

He doesn’t care how many students he shoved just to get to your side. Seeing you on the ground in pain already warrants an emergency. Satan guessed your phone flew out of your hand when you fell. “What happened to you?! Where does it hurt?!” Satan asks, pulling you close in his arms and checking what’s causing you pain. He sees your ankle swelling slightly, and he’s trying to deduce what he can do to help after reading all of those human health care books just for you.

Though the laughter he’s hearing from the distance is annoying and distracting. Satan glances up and spots the two girls fleeing the scene, looking so proud of themselves. When he realizes what happened to you, his anger is already bubbling through the surface that it’s almost hard to contain. The pained expression on your face doesn’t help, the only reason he hasn’t fully transformed into his demon form is that he doesn’t want to draw more attention or hurt you more than you already are.

The way these students crowded around you like vultures to a feast is making Satan frustrated at each and everyone of them. How could they just stand there and watch while you were in pain? And those two girls, he will make sure to burn their faces into his memory for later. You could practically feel the heat of his wrath radiating from your pact and it’s making your body hurt more. Satan realized that his temper right now could be causing you more pain, so he focuses his thoughts into getting you some help instead of the anger that wants to burn everything and everyone around you.

“Calm down… just calm down…” he mutters over and over while he gently scoops you into his arms, though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself. Satan is careful when carrying you so he can take you to the infirmary, and all the students parted like the red sea when Satan shot glares at them, quickly scattering like rats while the two of you disappeared into the infirmary. 

His eyebrows are furrowed the entire time as he waits for you to get patched up. His brothers have already arrived after they heard what happened, though they could sense that the fourth born is already on edge like a ticking time bomb. He’s quiet not because there’s nothing to say, but because he’s trying to hatch a plan. Something like this shouldnt go unpunished…

Satan is glad for his position in the student council because it meant that he could access some files from RAD. What does he do best? Studying and gathering as much information as he could. He looks for any detention notices until he finds the names and faces of the two girls that hurt you. A smile spreads across his face, though it was nothing pleasant. Like he just found his new prey. 

He just needs to wait for that detention day, patience is the key to success. So for now he’ll focus on taking care of you. Satan pays more attention to you, always attentive to your needs. He brings you notes from any classes that you’ve missed during your recovery, and you heard from one of the brothers that they’re all trying to rack up money for a better phone since yours broke. you do admit that you feel bad for all the extra work he puts up for your sake, especially since Satan even had to do most of the project that you both were originally supposed to do together in the first place if it weren’t for the incident.

“You’re speaking nonsense. I don’t mind putting in more effort just for you, all you need to do is to recover. I’ll consider that as my thanks.” Satan would bring you books in bed or make you some coffee topped with some latte art just so you wouldn’t feel so bored. You can’t go to cafes or libraries with him like you both used to, so Satan will do everything with you in the comforts of your room. 

Satan counted the days until it was time. He assigns another brother to watch over you. Asmo pretends not to hear the sound of the main door closing in the middle of the night, distracting you with something pretty he recently bought. The next school day rolls around and everyone is lucky you’re still in bed rest when the news broke out. Two students were found unconscious on the stairs in an awful state. Normally, falling down a flight of stairs doesn’t do much damage to a demon as much as it can to humans. And yet the bones in their legs were absolutely shattered…

None of the brothers were honestly too bothered to tell you the events that transpired, mostly because they knew the culprit. Satan would rather that you focus your energy on recovering. The only news that Satan told you was that you both got a perfect mark on the project you both worked on in the comforts of your room, but he doesn’t bring up what happened to those two demons. You only found out when Solomon accidentally told you during his visits. 

Asmo

There’s only a few minutes left before the next bell would ring, so Asmo makes sure to retouch his makeup in the school’s bathroom just as he usually does. He dedicates twenty minutes of his daily time making sure that he looks absolutely perfect, so he could bless the eyes of those who pass by to bear witness of his beauty. At least, that’s what he always tells you whenever he leaves. 

Just a bit of blush here and there to match his eye shadow, and Asmo has this proud smile on his face when he’s sure that he looks absolutely spotless. He wanted to bring you along to his little pre-class make up routines, and maybe next time he’ll hear that sweet ‘yes’ from you when he asks. Just thinking about you is making him giddy, so Asmo packed up his pouch and tried to look for you.

It didn’t take him long because as soon as he opened the bathroom door, he spotted a few students by the stairs. Asmo finds it unusual because what could be so important that he’s not the center of attention? Regardless, he’s intrigued enough to investigate the source and he’s horrified to see you down the stairs, clutching your ankle. 

If it wasn’t you, then it was Asmo’s shriek that probably drew more attention to the scene. He’s quickly running to your side and checks if you hit your pretty little face anywhere. “Darling, that must’ve been a nasty fall! I would hate it if you got any bruises anywhere on that perfect skin of yours.” Asmo whines as he helps you sit up to give you more support, wrapping an arm around your waist. 

When he did so, he heard a scoff and finally turned his attention to the top of the stairs where the two girls looked at you with disgust. He recognizes one of them from his fanclubs, a girl that often tried to get his attention. The facial expressions and body language says all he needs to know, he’s seen this look before. Someone like you being held by Asmo is a major offense to her eyes. The two demons storm off before Asmo could say anything. 

Asmo pursed his lips together in frustration before he turned to all the students crowding around you. For once, he hated this attention you’re getting and he sees how much you’re getting shaken by this. “Scram.” Asmo said with enchanted glowing eyes, watching as they all obeyed his command. He then turns to you and wraps your arm over his shoulder to hoist you up. “Come on, let’s get that treated or Lucifer will kill me!” Asmo says to try lighten the mood, though it doesn’t hide the bloodlust in his eyes. 

He doesn’t like sweating when he just retouched his makeup, but he can’t even bring himself to think about that now whenever he hears the pained whimpers from you everytime you struggle to take a step. The brother’s eventually arrive to find Asmo outside the Infirmary, scrolling through his phone. Looking closely, he’s actually stalking the profile of the demon he saw earlier and there’s a sinister smile on his face whenever he learns something new about his target. The smile was enough to creep Levi out. 

Asmo is always checking up on you when you’re at home recovering, trying to cheer you up whenever he has the chance. It’s gotten to the point he lessened his time clubbing or going to malls just so he could stay with you. “When you’re out of that cast, there will be a special bath full of rose petals with your name written all over it.” Asmo does his best to pamper you whenever he can, knowing how hard it must be to have that cast. It’s truly awful when these sorts of things have to happen to you when you both just bought some matching shoes together! He decides not to wear it yet until your foot gets better.

While you were gone, Asmo did what does best. Gossip. He started giving that other demon attention like she always wanted, whispering and suggesting things in her ear. About how that other demon, her friend, was saying disgusting things behind her back and Asmo is only telling her this to ‘look out’ for her sake. He relishes in her angered expression, knowing he now has her wrapped around his finger like a puppet and all he needed to do was sit back to watch the show.

Each day he found himself feeling excited to go to school just to see how those two would hurt each other this time. It started as something petty with his fan constantly bumping into what she used to consider as a friend, feigning ignorance whenever she’s confronted. Of course, she retaliated back until their silent arguments full of passive-aggressiveness turned into something more violent and hostile. It started from mean notes to death threats until they can’t even stand being in the same room without trying to claw out each other’s eyes. All because of Asmo’s pretty words.

There are times teachers are called to intervene because two girls began fighting in the hallways, screaming profanities while pulling at the other’s hair or horns. Whenever the drama dies down, Asmo would go back to add more fuel to the fire just to watch them burn. He tells his dedicated fan more lies just to enable that rage, spreading a rumor or two around the campus to make it sound reliable. He loves having that charm that captivates and charms, especially someone as gullible as this demon who’d listen to anything he says.

News was no longer about your recent incident, it was now about how the two demons fought so badly that they fell over the stair railings from the top floor all the way down. Given the severity of the injuries they’ve given each other from the week alone, they had no choice but to be suspended until the student council decides what to do with them. 

Of course, the brothers knew Asmo pulled the strings, seeing that smile on his face whenever the two girls would try to tear each other apart made it so obvious. Not only was it easy and entertaining, but it kept his nails clean too. It’s not like he broke a rule right? They both did this to themselves. “I can’t wait to tell my darling what happened~!” Asmo hums excitedly on his way home to you.

Beel

Lunch time is definitely Beel’s favorite part of the day (and the lunch lady's worst nightmare). He’s golfing down as much food as he could since he’s been so hungry from his last class which was Magical Potions. Whenever his hunger starts to act up, it’s already a struggle not to eat the ingredients to alleviate it, knowing his teacher would scold him just like last time when he chowed down the entire jar of shadow salamander tails. 

He’s lucky whenever you both are paired up together, since you bring him some candies to alleviate his hunger enough for him to focus again. You were his lifesaver. Just the thought of you makes Beel wonder where you were. He went ahead today because you said you needed to see Satan to discuss a project, and you were taking quite a while. He’s had food saved up for you and it’s getting harder for Beel not to eat your share, plus it’s always better when you both eat together. 

The last straw was when he saw Satan in the cafeteria and when he asked the blonde where you were, the fourth born said he couldn’t find you. Beel grabs a few snacks to keep his stomach going when he searches for you. Normally it’s hard to convince Beel to leave the cafeteria during lunch break, but you’re that important for him to abandon the heaping food on his table. He was trained as an angel to be ready for any sort of disaster, and his gut is telling him that something is definitely wrong. He only confirmed it when he was walking down the stairs and saw everything. 

Two girls were laughing and mocking the human he’s grown to love and care for, and when he found you on the bottom of the stairs after a fall, Beel was seeing red. He doesn’t hesitate to slam his fist against the wall and demand silence, because there was no way he was going to let them insult you any further. The two demons saw him and stiffened, quickly running away from the scene to avoid getting caught. The girls knew that Beel would crack their skulls open like he did to that wall if he got his hands on them.

Beel normally would’ve gone after them, but seeing how you’re struggling to get up on your own is what changed his mind and ran to you instead. He doesn’t even get to run all the way, at some point Beel jumps down the last flight of stairs just to reach you quicker. “Tell me if it hurts…” Beel whispers as he tries to help you up. You winced from the pain, and he decided to effortlessly carry you all the way to the infirmary because he would never make you limp this entire trip and deal with the ache. He’s a big demon, and lots of people find him terrifying when aggravated. And yet he’s so gentle when it comes to you.

Being a fangol player, Beel knows what it’s like to hurt yourself. He’s had Lucifer and Mammon help him back to the house after one intense match against the opposing team. The difference is that he could heal a bit more quickly compared to your fragile human body. What normally takes days for his body to regenerate could last months for you. He’s being careful when he carries you to the infirmary, holding you close like you’re the most delicate thing he’s ever held and he might be right at this point when he watches the nurses patch you up.

Beel is pacing so much outside the infirmary that his twin had to calm him down before he would drill a hole in the middle of the halls, his head is thinking about all of the what-ifs. Luckily you weren’t critical, save for the sprained ankle, but there’s this guilt on his face when he looks through the window and sees your cast. Maybe he should’ve been with you when you went looking for Satan so that he would have protected you, but what’s done is done now. So he focuses on taking care of you and reminding you that you could always rely on him for help.

He brings you some of your favorite treats whenever he comes home from RAD so you both could eat together. At some point, he heard from Solomon that milk is the key for humans to have stronger bones. You tried not to laugh when Beel got a galon just for you, innocently thinking that it would’ve helped you out with your injury if you drank all of it. 

Beel is too nice for a demon, he might be the kindest of the seven brothers. But there’s been this tension around the orange haired demon whenever he’s sharing a class with the two girls that pushed you down those stairs. There's this hardly contained rage and blood lust, so a lot of students avoided mentioning what happened to you around him unless they want to get caught in the crossfire. 

Beel finds it frustrating whenever he feels that he can't do anything about this rage. Watching you limp around in crutches around the house while those girls were striding down the halls without a care, it wasn't fair. It’s taking all his willpower not to just throw them out of the window for what they did to you. He broke several pens whenever he's too angry during class that Satan had to lend him some of his own. He feels this loss of appetite now that you’re not around to share food with him, and whenever he would remember the incident he would bend the metal of his fork, shaping it effortlessly like it’s clay. It’s a matter of concern for the brothers now.

Belphie took his twin out to the gym so Beel could let his frustrations through workouts. He may have destroyed two punching bags, but it was enough to bring down that anger to a safer level now. And during all that, Beel finally confided in his twin. About how he saw those girls mock you, and this innate urge to just see them suffer but it’s impossible to do that without destroying everything in his path. He would get in a lot of trouble, and he knows that would upset you instead. 

“It’s just unfair, you know that they didn’t deserve that…” Just because he was nice doesn’t mean he wasn’t vengeful, but he’s at a loss of what he could do that wouldn’t result in another property damage bill sitting on Lucifer’s desk. Belphie can just sense how his Beel is itching for a bit of revenge, and who is he to deny what his twin wants? 

For Magical Potions, Beel had to partner up with Satan and Belphie since you’ll be absent for the time being. They had the perfect plan, all Satan needed was a good sleight of hand to drop something in their cauldron when he walks by. Given that these two love pulling pranks on Lucifer specifically, they took a page out of their book of schemes for new targets. 

Maybe his brothers forgot to consider that these two demons do not have the same kind of strength or resistance that the eldest had… or they both did this on purpose. Adding hellfire frog legs into the girl’s cauldron during Magical Potions class was actually more explosive than they expected, resulting in awful burns on their skin and hair. Beel’s priority is to take care of you everyday so he didn’t have much time to relish in this side of his that wants to wreak havoc, but he admits that seeing your bullies in pain like this is actually fun. It’s almost as satisfying as those ten stack pancakes he had two days ago… ah great, now he’s getting hungry again.

Beel is coming home to you with a box of your favorite treats. You wanted to try those new batch of sweets from Madame Scream but the brothers kept you in bed rest due to your ankle, so Beel went out of the trouble to get them for you. It took a lot of willpower not to eat a single one on the way back which deserves praise. You’ve been feeding him so many snacks during class to help him focus, this is his way of returning the favor to you. 

He doesn’t bring up what happened during potions class with the girls that pushed you, and he honestly didn’t feel the need to do so since they weren’t important as you are to him. He’s too busy trying to feed you some yummy snacks to even think about that. You only hear about what happened through his twin who was grinning from ear to ear when he recalls the boils and burnt hair. “Well, it’s their fault for not checking their cauldron. They’re not smart and careful like you.” 

Belphie

Belphie found a perfect spot to sleep around RAD where he’s sure Lucifer won’t spot him yet. It’s hidden in the school gardens, a nice secluded area with a small bench surrounded by bushes that would surely keep him out of sight. He’s been slowly putting pillows and blankets he’s brought so that it becomes a little slumber haven for him, and Belphie feels that he’s ready to show you his secret spot. He’d never tell his brothers because he wants to have at least a few minutes alone with you every weekday.

The problem with that plan is that Belphie can’t even find you. He’s already at the verge of passing out from the exhaustion of trying to keep himself awake in his search for you. Lunch in school is normally his nap time allowance, but he really did want to show you this secret hide out so that you both could enjoy it together. 

He runs into his twin who was also looking for you, so it’s better they just stuck together right? Belphie had plans to show Beel anyways once this was done with. They passed by a corner to go upstairs in case you were already in the classroom, and that’s when they both saw you at the bottom of the stairs where those two girls were laughing at you. 

Belphie didn’t know what came over him, but his body could hardly move when he saw you like that. It’s bringing him a lot of bad memories of choices he came to regret until this day, remembering the things he did to you when he threw your body down the stairs. He wanted to forget that, but seeing this whole situation is making that memory repeat in his head. Like the guilt is creeping back to him, and he froze in place not knowing what to do other than to relive the moment. 

Beel grabbed Belphie by the wrist to snap him out of the trance, reminding the youngest that you need some help. The twins came by your side, hoisting your arms over their shoulders to help you in the infirmary. The two girls were already long gone while Belphie was in a frozen state, and Beel would’ve gone after them if not for his twin and you because his family always comes first. 

The one thing that’s comforting Belphie right now is the fact that you’re still alive and breathing, though it can only do so much. He doesn’t like seeing you in pain like this, so he offers a spell so you could sleep through it while the nurse from the infirmary patches you up. He’s quiet the entire time when he watches you rest, Beel tries to talk to his twin about it but he refuses to let his problems known. It’s not like it was hard to guess, Beel can tell what’s bothering his twin but doesn’t mention it. 

Belphie has been taking naps by your side whenever possible, sleeping in your room and making sure to give you sweet dreams each time you start falling asleep. Though he himself couldn’t sleep. Each time he tries to get some shut eye with you, he ends up reliving that day when they found you at the bottom of the stairs. The way those girls mocked you was unforgivable, and he hates how it’s hitting too close to home. Whenever he wakes up, he checks on your pulse while you’re asleep and sighs in relief every time he feels your heart beat. Like it’s the only thing that can calm him down. 

By the time he woke up from his third nightmare, Belphie had enough. If he wants to feel at peace again, then he needs to get rid of the source of the problem. It wasn’t fair that you’re suffering like this, he hates seeing the empty seat next to him in class knowing that you’re supposed to be there instead of staying at home with that cast. Lucifer told him that they’ll be dealing with the matters soon, but Belphie had no intention of listening to them in the first place. 

Belphie has been gradually giving the two girls nightmares, and each night they progressively get worse. From using their phobias against them to waking up from a gorefest nightmare in the middle of the night. It costs them sleep, and Belphie thinks it’s the perfect piece of karma whenever he sees the bags under their eyes getting darker each day. Hair and clothes started to look more haphazard when there’s barely any energy to keep themselves up.

Whenever Belphie shares a class with them, he pulls a little bit of magic to make them fall asleep during class until they get into a lot of trouble. He loves doing this when there are important tests and activities so they’d miss it and fail. No amount of coffee helps keep them awake during the day while the nightmares plague their sleep. The constant fatigue and the lack of sleep is starting to get to them, and Belphie has been observing everything. Movements were more sluggish and alertness has gone below the baseline. Just exactly what Belphie was waiting for. 

It’s a simple plan that leads to the least amount of struggling and effort needed, because all it took was one shove for them to tumble out of the railings and down several flights of stairs. When they’ve finally stopped rolling against the stairs, they hear Belphie’s heavy footsteps as he walks down to their level until he’s stepping on one of them with the heel of his foot. He’d compare them to bugs, but that would be insulting to all insects.

“You know, I had a lot of plans with them that day… I don’t like it when people, even my brothers, decide to ruin them.” His love for you and spoiled attitude is what’s fueling his anger right now, so he had no qualms with pushing them down the next flight of stairs with his foot. And whenever they think it’s over, he goes down and does this again. Like kicking a pebble he’s found on the ground… all the way down to the first floor. 

There’s this satisfied look on his face as soon as he sees the two girls on the floor already at the brink of unconsciousness. He feels so much lighter now, and all he can think of is how he wants to go home to take a nap with you. He doesn’t even walk over to the side, he just steps over the two girls on his way out. 

Belphie comes home with the usual drowsy expression, but you can tell he’s in a much better mood now. He lays down next to you in bed, already hugging you close to his chest while making sure he’s not hurting your ankle. “I think I can get more sleep now…” he says with a confident smile on his lips, lulling you to slumber with him. After that incident, it’s the first in a while that Belphie finally has his usual 10 hour nap. 

[hhaechansmoless]

Beyond The Grid [Series Masterlist]

Formula 1 is a world of speed, power, and relentless ambition—where the noise of the engines drowns out everything else, and the only thing that matters is crossing the finish line first. But behind the glitz and glamour of the paddock, it’s a battleground. A place where drivers push their bodies and minds to the limit, where teams are defined by their victories and their failures, and where loyalty is tested with every turn of the wheel.

In this world, the most thrilling moments aren’t always the ones that happen on the track. It’s when teammates become rivals. When secrets are kept, loyalties are tested, and nothing is ever quite what it seems. When the line between friendship, rivalry, and love blurs as fast as the cars on the circuit.

It's about reaching beyond the speed. Beyond the victories. Beyond the grid.

you can find the taglist here!

66: Lee Haechan

pairing: red bull driver!haechan x PRmanager!femreader

description: Haechan, bold, aggressive and unrelenting, is back after a narrowly missed opportunity to become the world champion in 2024. This time, he's set his sight on making it all the way to the top. You, as his newly appointed PR representative, are assigned with the task of keeping up with a world of high stakes, unpredictable twists and well, him.

w/c: 33.6k

Part 1 Part 2 [COMPLETE]

1: Choi Seungcheol

pairing: ferrari driver!scoups x ex!femreader

genre: angst, romance, exes to lovers au, childhood bestfriends / neighbours au

description: Four-time world champion Choi Seungcheol has spent years at the top with Ferrari, but as the 2025 season drags on, he can’t shake the feeling that he’s not quite where he used to be. The competition is catching up, his team isn't what it used to be, and for the first time, he’s starting to wonder if he’s past his prime. By the time the season winds down, he finds himself back in his hometown, which isn't quite the same either. But the hardest race was never on track, and sooner or later, he’ll have to figure out what comes next.

w/c: 46.5k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 [COMPLETE]

94: Mark Lee

pairing: mclaren driver!mark x performance coach!femreader

genre: fluff, romance, teensy bit of angst(?)

description: After years of watching the front runners, Mark is finally in the thick of it, leading McLaren’s resurgence on the grid. With the team’s hopes pinned on him, he’s determined to prove himself, but the pressure is mounting. Between managing his own expectations and the weight of competition from teammates and rivals alike, Mark finds himself drawn to someone who has been by his side for years—someone who’s seen it all but remains just out of reach. As the stakes climb higher, the line between personal and professional blurs, and Mark is left to navigate the one challenge he never saw coming.

w/c: TBD

3: Joshua Hong

pairing: mercedes driver!joshua x teammate's sister!femreader

genre: fluff, angst, forbidden romance au?

description: New team, new teammate, new standards to live up to. For Joshua, stepping into Mercedes is a test of everything he’s worked for. Competing against a world champion teammate, adapting to a new team dynamic, and finding his place in the spotlight, he’s under pressure like never before. But things start to get a little out of control when he keeps bumping into you, his teammate's sister...and manager.

w/c: TBD

[justgiulia]

Divine obsession.

Obsessed!Sunday x gn!reader

content warning: obsession, religious themes, sexual fantasies implied, self-punishment.

author's note: Please go easy on me, this is my first time writing a fanficition. I've only written headcanons until now :( also English is not my first language.

With that being said, enjoy this!

The sound of soft humming filled the dimly lit room. A dozen candles were positioned on what seemed to be an altar and, approaching them with light and cautious movements, the man with the halo began to light them one by one as per his daily routine.

Sunday, takes a box of matches from his pocket. The box is small, rectangular, with the edges worn from countless uses, evidence of matches lit in the past. With a fluid gesture, the thumb pushes the internal drawer, making it slowly slide out. Fingers grasp a match carefully and with a firm but controlled movement, the match is brought to the side strip. Then, with a sharp snap, the wrist moves: the match is dragged along the rough surface. The head catches fire in an instant, releasing a small flame.

One...

The number One is the divine principle. The One is the all, the Eternal Infinite Being, which has no form and possesses all forms…

For the first meeting and the first time the light shone on him. The first tim e Sunday was truly intrigued by someone. From the way they acted to the way they looked like, to the way everyone looked at them.

"My liege appears so noble and honest, when they greet people, so much so that everyone is silent and the eyes do not dare to look at them".

Two...

Two derives from the division of unity and is the symbol of separation, because from a sacred point of view, unity is essentially one and unique...

He remembers the pain of separation, a powerful pang in his chest when he had to stop looking at you, dragged by his sister to fulfill his duties as part of one of the most renowned families. Oh, How he wished he could continue listening to the conversation you were immersed in with your friends. Your laugh and your look, your modest manner in response to the praise of your traveling companions

"They proceed, hearing praises, with the outward appearance of courteous benevolence and they seem to be a descended creature from heaven to earth to show divine power".

Three...

The combination of three perfect elements: wisdom, intelligence and love. You represented all of them.

"They appear so beautiful to those who look at them, which through the eyes transmits a sweetness to the heart that those who don't experience it can't understand...".

Four...

The perfect number.

Watching you from afar, Sunday had come to the conclusion that you represented everything perfect in this world.

"...and it seems to come from their face a sweet spirit of love which says to the soul: breathe".

Five...

The number Five symbolizes universal life, human individuality, will, intelligence, inspiration and genius…

The first time you spoke to him he felt that his life in the universe had a specific purpose, to be at your side. Not to mention the fact that you got along extremely well with his sister...Your happy smiles as you spent time together...Your involuntary and affectionate touches. They made him think, perhaps your fulfillment in earthly life was to be part of his family... and perhaps this had been written in the stars years, centuries, millennia before your births. It was fate.

"I saw the bright morning star that appears before the day dawns, and who took human form ; more than any other it seems to me to give splendor"

Six...

Six is ​​a mystical and ambivalent number in its meaning, as it is the number of balance and perfect order...

But perhaps the fulfillment of your life was not on earth, he thought, such a perfect being, endowed with such a pure soul. Sunday knew that to limit your existence and confine it, to simply associate it with a body as an object was considered heresy to him. No...your fulfillment went far beyond worldly life, you were destined for what was defined as metaphysical that the mind cannot understand, but for the gaps that reason cannot fill; the heart and faith take its place.

And Sunday believed.

He had faith.

"Their face, eyes bright, cheerful and full of love ; I don't think there's someone in the world so full of beauty and value."

Seven...

Seven expresses globality, universality, perfect balance and represents a complete and dynamic cycle...

And then his cycle of worship began. Poems, sonnets, prayers, texts proclaimed sacred by Sunday himself... The mind has no limit to creativity when a merciful and grace-filled being is at its guide.

"And I am assailed by their value with such a cruel battle of sighs...".

Eight...

The Eight is the symbol of infinity, the reflection of the spirit in the created world, of the immeasurable and the indefinable...

Sunday punished himself, he had to.

He had sinned.

A lash on his back accompanied by a "Shame" from his lips for every vile and vulgar thought he had.

He began to imagine a more intense bond.

The sound of a whip.

"Shame".

Your body on his.

Another firm sound.

"Shame".

He imagined what the eyes could not see.

He felt his skin burning for his sins, for you.

He could start to feel blood gushing from his wounds.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

One drop of blood after another, One sin after another.

"Shame".

Sinning had never felt so sweet.

"...that I wouldn't have the courage to speak in front of them".

Nine...

The number Nine is the overcoming of creation and infinity, represented by eight.

Because if the divine possesses all the positive qualities of this world and beyond it, then they must necessarily also possess that of existence and infinity. This is the explanation of their divinity.

"Oh, if only they knew of my desires!"

Ten...

Symbolizes perfection, as well as the annulment of all things. 10 = 1+0 = 1 illustrates the eternal starting over…

Everyone called him crazy but limited and closed minds like those couldn't understand. They had not been illuminated by the light. Once you are exposed to light you can't go back, you don't want to go back. In order not to be contaminated by the foolishness of other human minds, he therefore took refuge in his safe place.

Nothing can make him go astray from the right path.

"Because, without saying, I would be rewarded by them for the pity they would have for my sufferings".

The candles cast flickering light upon an altar meticulously arranged with objects they had unknowingly blessed with their touch and that were carefully arranged by Sunday's trembling hands.

He knelt before the altar, his gaze never leaving the central object—a photograph of the reader. Their smile radiated warmth, like sunlight piercing through clouds, and He could almost feel their presence enveloping him.

Sunday clasped his hands tightly.

“Oh, divine one, guide me”.

He whispered, his voice shaking.

“Your light blesses this wretched world. Let me be worthy to serve you”.

The faint sound of a knock startled him. Sunday scrambled to extinguish the candles, his movements frantic yet deliberate. He couldn't let the sanctity of his ritual be disturbed by prying eyes.

“Sunday? Are you there?”

It was them.

His heartbeat thundered in his chest. For a moment, he stood frozen, his mind racing. What had he done to deserve their presence? Were they here to deliver a message? Or a command?

“I—just a moment!” He called, hastily adjusting his hair before opening the door.

They stood there, their usual serene demeanor making his knees weak. Their presence suddenly illuminated the sacred room.

“Hey... I wanted to check in on you. You've been keeping to yourself a lot lately,” they said with a gentle smile while entering the room, noticing the lack of light of the place.

Sunday's breath caught. Every word they spoke was divine scripture in her ears. He bowed his head slightly, his voice reverent, shaking and not daring to look in their eyes. “I… I am unworthy of your concern. But thank you, truly, for blessing me with your attention.”

They blinked, a bit taken back. “Uh, you don't have to talk like that, Sunday. We're friends, remember?”

His body went stiff and his eyes widened. “Friends?” The word echoed in his mind like a sacred hymn, over and over. “You honor me beyond what I could ever deserve. To be your friend… it is a privilege I could never repay.”

They huckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of their neck and Sunday could not comprehend how a simple gesture could hit him so deep, but then, again, it's you. No being could ever make him feel these sensations, the feeling of salvation. “You don't owe me anything, you know. Just… make sure you're taking care of yourself, okay?”

“I will, as you command,” Sunday said fervently, clasping his hands together.

“Command? Sunday, I'm not—”

“Every word you speak is a gift,” He interrupted, his voice trembling with emotion. “A light in the darkness of this world. You are the reason I rise each day, the reason I strive to better myself. I live to follow your will.”

“Sunday…”

His gaze locked onto theirs, his eyes filled with an almost unsettling intensity. “Please, if I have done anything to displease you, tell me. I will repent. I will do anything to earn your forgiveness.”

They sighed, their expression softening. “You haven't done anything wrong, just...You don't need to treat me like I'm... special.”

“But you are special,” Sunday whispered, emphasizing every word, his voice barely audible. “You are a god among mortals. Your kindness, your wisdom, your very presence—everything about you is divine. How could I see you as anything less?”

They frowned.

Why are they frowning?

“Sunday, I'm just me. I don't know where you're getting this idea, but—”

“I see it,” He insisted, stepping closer, eyes wide, hands grasping the air in front of him but never daring to reach for them. “In every word you speak, every action you take. You carry a light that others can't. I only wish more people could see it, but perhaps… perhaps they are unworthy.”

They took a step back, clearly uncomfortable. “Okay, this is getting a little intense. Maybe we should talk about this later.”

“Please don't go!” Sunday reached out, stopping himself just before touching them. “I—I apologize if I've overstepped. I only want to serve you, to be useful to you.” His voice cracked with desperation and glossy eyes. “Please, tell me how I can prove my devotion. I will do anything.”

They hesitated, their concern evident. “Sunday, I think you need to take a step back and talk to someone about this. I care about you, but this… this isn't healthy.”

His heart shattered at their words, but he forced a smile. “O-of course. If that is your wish, I will obey.”

They smiled at him before turning their back to walk towards the door and open it.

"I hope you find the light of reason again"

And a second later, silence.

As they left, Sunday sank to his knees, tears streaming down his face. “They test me,” he murmured to himself. “They want to see if my faith is strong enough. I won't falter. I will try it myself. No matter what it takes, I will become worthy.”

His resolve hardened. The candles flickered back to life as he resumed his prayers, his whispered vows filling the room.

“Your light guides me, and I shall follow, no matter where it leads. Even if it destroys me.”

[seriallover]

Shatabhisha- Stuck in a loop!?⭕️

Ruled by Rahu and situated in a sign governed by Saturn, Shatabhisha Nakshatra intertwines the themes of Rahu and Saturn.

Rahu represents obsession, addiction, perfectionism, illusion, desires, and the material world. Saturn, on the other hand, symbolizes restriction, ambition, delays, and discipline. This nakshatra is intriguing to observe because Saturn is often seen as the only planet capable of controlling and restricting Rahu. Addiction is a recurring theme for those heavily influenced by Shatabhisha Nakshatra.

Rahu, symbolizing the insatiable head/mouth, constantly seeks satisfaction. People with strong Shatabhisha influence may struggle with feeling perpetually unfulfilled.

The main symbol of Shatabhisha is an empty closed circle, representing restriction, karma, and limits. ⭕️

This reminds me of a snake eating its own tail, a metaphor for self-destruction often seen in these natives. They may feel stuck in a loop, constantly desiring more than they have, feel, or can access. This symbol illustrates their urge to break free from patterns and limitations.

Shatabhisha also embodies the power to heal, represented by the 100 physicians and healers. Individuals influenced by this nakshatra often have a strong desire for self-improvement, healing, and spiritual growth. They are driven to push boundaries and explore their limits, often oscillating between extremes—addiction to unhealthy behaviors or a "perfect" lifestyle.

Lewis Hamilton is an excellent example of someone who effectively harnesses the energy of Shatabisha. His ascendant lord, Venus, is in Shatabhisha, conjunct his Mars in the 5th house. His Rahu is in Krittika of Taurus, with Venus as the dispositor. Lewis follows a plant-based diet and is very strict with his fitness regimen, as even a small weight gain can affect his racing performance.

This year, he launched a non-alcoholic Blue Agave Spirit, Almave, produced in Mexico.🥃

Krittika, associated with the deity Agni, the god of fire, governs cooking, drinks, and digestion. Agni has the power to burn/purify, reflecting his disciplined approach to diet and lifestyle.🔥

Another example, she’s Shatabhisha Moon.

Another example that comes to mind is Emily Blunt, who has her Sun in Shatabhisha, fittingly playing a role in “Edge of Tomorrow” that mirrors the themes of this nakshatra, as well.

In the film, her character, Sergeant Rita Vrataski, helps Major William Cage (Tom Cruise) break free from a time loop by repeatedly facing and overcoming challenges. Rita’s journey in the movie reflects the Shatabhisha themes of perseverance, healing and ultimately, breaking the cycle to achieve a greater purpose.

Dealing with Rahu's influence can lead to excess, a desire to experience, feel everything or nothing.

However, understanding one's restrictions and seeing the bigger picture can bring freedom. Recognizing and accepting personal limitations allows one to channel obsessive desires into sustaining something meaningful in the material world.

By acknowledging and respecting these restrictions, individuals can transform Rahu's chaotic energy into focused ambition and disciplined action, leading to significant achievements and personal growth.

[the-travelling-witch]

Something I keep coming back to when thinking about Jamil is that, among the OB! Students, he might be the one who’s twisted from a disney “good guy” as much (or even more) than from the respective villain. And yes, I’m well aware that none of the characters are very one-note Disney villain, but with Jamil it just strikes such a chord with me.

Of course, he represents Jafar who has always resented being second best and who betrays the sultan to overtake the Nr. 1 position and all the power that comes with it. And during Book 4 (and now also Book 7), we can see Jamil equally backstabbing Kalim and planning to continue with the other housewardens and the headmage. That’s not a hot take, I understand that (whaaaat Jamil is twisted from Jafar?? Who would’ve guessed /j)

But with Jamil, I feel like his motivation for striving for power is a little different. For someone who has grown up in the world of the Asim family and has been with Kalim his entire life, I believe Jamil equates power with his actual goal in life: freedom.

So when he says “You really are my genie of the lamp, Azul” it felt sooo ironic to me, because it’s you! You are the genie, Jamil!

Just like the Genie’s “phenomenal cosmic power, but itty-bitty living space”, Jamil objectively has a lot of intelligence, talent and drive to excel at something, yet the space he has in which he can live and cultivate those aspects of his personality is very, very limited.

Both characters are also forced into their prison by the circumstances of their birth. Jamil was born into the Viper family, Genie was born a genie, and now they have to spend a lifetime of granting the wishes of other people.

For them to gain the freedom they so desperately want, both characters rely on the mercy of the people they serve, who they are useful to. But deep down they know their wish won’t ever be granted.

Genie has been promised his freedom a lot of times, just for the person’s third wish to be for their own gain after all when push comes to shove. Jamil has heard Kalim call him his best friend, just to turn around the next second and demand something else of him, wielding his power over him once more.

Besides, even if Kalim did give Jamil his freedom (if he even can, considering his family might step in), it’s shown that Jamil cares very deeply for his family, so I don’t think he would consider it “freedom” if his family was still serving the Asim household, which has an even slimmer chance of ever changing.

So yeah, I find the inspiration Jamil’s character takes from the Genie so interesting and at the same time it makes me want to tear out my heart. Please, he deserves so much (peace and quiet most of all) and I want to give him everything ㅠㅠ

[darkness-falls-tarot]

What type of person is Joseph Quinn attracted to? What type of people does he attract? Does he ever want to settle down and what is his love language?

All readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only; please take each reading with a grain of salt.

What type of personality is Joe drawn to: king of pentacles, 4 of swords reversed, 2 of cups - Joe seems to be drawn towards older people who can be a bit more authoritative in a way. He seems to like those who know what they want and don’t let anything stand between them. But he’s also one to like those who know their limitations and what they are capable of; never ones to push themselves too far to get something they know their worth but won’t sacrifice themselves to get anything. And lastly Joe is drawn to a loving person; someone that he feels this soul connection to. He craves to be loved and cared for by his partner; they show him that they are happy to have him as theirs and he wants to know he can be loved.

Oracle card: not enough - I’ve drawn this card a dozen times for Joe and I feel it’s most representative of how he feels with himself and who he wants; he’s not good enough for them. The type of person Joe would love to be with is so intimidating to Joe that he’s feeling insecure and like he is wasting his time pursuing it. So he just doesn’t try; he will either settle for less than what he wants or deserves or just doesn’t date period.

What type of person is drawn towards Joe: ace of swords reversed, 9 of pentacles reversed, queen of swords reversed - Joe seems to get the type of people who are like “yeah sure whatever” without caring who they have or they’re using him for their own personal gain. This could be for attention now that he’s in the spotlight or it could be to make someone else jealous. With that Queen of swords in reverse I get the sense he always gets some toxic person who makes those views he has of himself even harder to shake. These people will date him but they don’t really love him.

Oracle card: blowing kiss, camera - with these two and the above cards as they are placed I feel like Joe wants that love and affection he had from a previous relationship he had with someone but now it’s all just in his mind. He’s thinking of that and maybe he’s drawing people who pick up on that and he sees something that his former partner had in this new potential relationship. It starts off like they’re obsessed and drawn to him but then it’s a distant memory and he’s lost again.

What is Joe looking for in a relationship: 6 of pentacles, 2 of swords reversed, the moon - I think Joe wants to just have someone who can give him the love or attention he’s looking for and that’s caused some confusion within him about what a relationship should be. These confusing ideas may also mean Joe is not really wanting anything serious in a relationship right now because he doesn’t feel sure of himself and isn’t ready to be in a relationship that will lead to something more than just a couple dates or something.

Oracle card: teddy bear - Joe wants to be loved; like a bear Joe wants someone to hug him and be there when he needs them. I’m getting a feeling that Joe can be quite clingy when he’s in love with someone and loves to snuggle or just wrap up in them because they make him feel safe. That’s what a teddy bear does for a child and that’s what Joe wants; to feel safe in love again.

Does Joe have any plans to settle down one day: 3 of cups, the hanged man reversed, the sun, no - Joe definitely wants his own family. He’s loves the idea of that and it’s something he’s always wanted but right now he’s not feeling like he can do that or that he will be able to have a family; but with that no card it says this blew up in his face. I’m feeling Joe may have wanted a family with someone very specific and things didn’t work out; he still loves the idea but he thinks he’s too messed up and no one wants a family with him.

Oracle card: coffee cup - for having a family Joe is thinking about it but right now he’s just trying to enjoy his life he has and do things he can before trying that again. He’s a 30 year old guy who is new to the fame and is getting his feet wet.

What is Joe’s love language: gift giving, quality time, physical touch - Joe will spoil whoever he loves by making sure they have all they need and he can be there with them whenever he is able to. He doesn’t like to be away from those he loves and craves their presence with him as much as he can have it. He also is a very physical guy; like holding hands with them, hugging them, kisses and cuddling. (Personally the 5 love languages all seem to suit him in some way so it’s up for grabs what his primary one is)

[igneousiguana202]

SXF CHAPTER 108 SPOILERS!

.

WE ARE SO BACK!!

Two months without an episode but it’s ok because endo cooked 🙏

Ive been trying to find out what the cards mean in these positions but everything is contradicting everything I’m gonna cry 😭Here’s what I’m going with-

Past: Ace of cups. You were going through a period of new beginnings and emotional fulfillment. In terms of relationships, there was a time of blossoming romance and deep connections formed

((probably a reference to the last time anya and Damian were together, in chapter 96))

Present: Four of Cups reversed. You are beginning to appreciate the opportunities around you. In terms of relationships, this card represents a renewal of interest and commitment in which both partners work towards happiness and fulfillment.

((Not sure abt this one. Sy-on boy’s as thunders as ever))

Near future: Three of swords, reversed. Represents the easing of pain and the beginning of the healing process— a period of rejuvenation approaches. In terms of relationships, it represents potential for reconciliation and healing of wounds, a period of understanding and forgiveness and bonding

((please endo please give my babies a break 🙏))

Advice: Three of wands: you are advised to expand your horizons and be open to new possibilities. Atm you may be stuck or limited

((Could be referring to how she can’t advance with plan A while on a break from school, or that she should take a different approach to plan B/the B plan))

other’s heart: death reversed. ( the closest thing I could find for this was “how someone sees you”). This person sees you as something that pushes them from their comfort zone. They feel stuck and resist steps towards positive change. They’re frozen by fear instead of motivated by love, and they see you as a sign of negative emotion patterns. it’s up to you whether that changes.

((This does kinda sum up Damian. Tsundere raised to believe he is above the rest, suppressing his feElings for anya bc he thinks he’ll be looked down on and that he’s too far above her in terms of status))

Asker’s mind: 10 of pentacles reversed. This card means you’ve lost sight of the big picture and are too hyper-focused on something. May signify you’ve recently gone thru a challenging time and feel a lack of security

((Yeah this fits. Anya is starting to get quite centered around succeeding at plan B so loid won’t send her back to the orphanage, it’s almost like she subconsciously doesn’t trust him when it comes to taking care of her. Which I guess is fair— after all he is still quite a mission-driven spy, and anya probably gained some trust issues from the lab))

Final: The Star. (Melinda said this card is reversed but cards are actually supposed to be read in the POV of the person who the reading is about so I think that’s just her blundering it.) this card indicates a time of healing and inspiration

((But like Mel brought up, maaybe it’s saying Anya’s gonna get another Stella? :D))

Shoutout to www.sibyltarot.com for practically all these meanings

[lostsoulaltair]

OnS - Analysis of Rigr's relationship with Urd

Sooo, given the release of chapter 147, a huge uproar came in relation to the words Rigr Stafford stated in certain panel.

Soo, I took the freedom to look for the JP version if what Rigr said.

Before proceeding, I must state that by no means this is a way to deny the bonds those two share, it simply goes on how japanese language and its translation can be tricky. If you like the idea of shipping them, that's fine. If you consider them to be in love, that's fine as well. This is simply an insight regarding the language barrier and how context plays a lot.

First of all, Rigr's words in the JP ver were "ずっと君が好きだった". While it's true that the 好き is used for confessions, the meaning behind is not limited to confessions. But it also relates to when you like someone along its opposite word 嫌い which means dislike.

Now, why do I say context plays a huge role on that particular scene?"

First of all, let's take a look at their relationship ever since they met.

Back when they met, they meet in a prison, as slaves, there was simply no way out. Urd as a child reflected pessimism, whereas Rigr represented the opposite which was hope.

Given their time in that jail, they conversed, they bonded, Urd was still the usual pessimist yet as Rigr said, he didn't want to die. However, within this, there's something Rigr began giving to Urd.

That of course was hope. Even admist despair, hope is something valuable.

Eventually both children were able to run freely, even admist of nowhere, the same attitudes came. They were on their own, one was filled with dream, one had his feet on the ground and yet, the radiance that boy gave made Urd follow him.

A beautiful bond for sure, but this of course is not the emotion of romance itself, it's survival along something primal from humans. Humans can't be alone forever, there's a need for communication.

However, that beautiful bond created between Urd and Rigr shattered once their bodies became immortal.

Once Rige met Shikama, his world changed, he met someone he wanted to follow, someone who he viewed as an emminence, which led to that bond shatter at a slow pace until the First abandoned them.

Urd always considered law as important, he represented the status of a leader, however Rigr was the opposite, he didn't care of such thing, he cared about pursuiting the one who "illuminated" him.

Which ended up with the separation of these two in a crash of ideals.

Rigr proved he was always stronger than Urd, Rigr due to the bond he had with Urd allowed him to win, however that was the opposite, their strength always had a gap.

Thus returning with the main topic at hand and having a full context; it's not wrong to say Rigr loved Urd, however given that english doesn't have different expressions regarding "love" be family or friends, the expression remains as "I love you" which is the same with "I like you" however, in spanish, this changes a lot.

The translation for Rigr's words in spanish would be the following one [P.S: by no means, I'm saying the english translation is wrong. The english translation is fine.]

"Siempre me agradaste"

Though, if I were to compare Mika's 大好き with Rigr's 好きだった; there's a huge emotional gap. Rigr is not even talking in present tense, he was telling Urd that he was fond of him, hence why he was never capable to put an end to him back when they were vampires and even when they met after many years. But because Rigr has a goal, because he has the desire to fulfill Shikama's dream, he is willingly to sacrifice the life of those around him, to the point of hurting the one who loved him and treasured him the most.

Urd built an emotional depence on Rigr but not in a bad sense, it was Rigr who gave him hope after all, it was Rigr who pushed him to live admist his life of despair, but once Rigr chose to walk elsewhere, that delicate bond they had, that safe anchor Urd had vanished and shattered.

In conclusion, the words Rigr stated don't fall in a romantic context, it falls more on their history of how two boys were able to find freedom, how their bond allowed then to avoid demise in such dire times.

[ariadne-mouse]

Still thinking about the fact that Jonas lifting Phineas out of the Delta represented not only the largest incursion of debt/caenum he has, but also the first. Like the Trust legit took someone at 0/even and was like welcome to the capitalism of morality *kicks down a flight of stairs* have fun working your way up.

Phineas's total fixation on Jonas makes even more sense and is also just absolutely wallpaper-chewing territory. Jonas is a major figurehead of the Trust both as his job and in this case also just literally the person that got Phineas into it in the first place, for better and for considerably worse. As Phineas struggles to measure up to the Trust's expectations, they're synonymous with Spahr's expectations (at least before Spahr starts having his own crisis) and also when Phineas begins the agonizing work of splitting away from the Trust - beginning to see its problems, taking accountability for his own wrongs - inherently that will mean grappling with what Spahr means to him and represents. Spahr, who he respects so deeply and looks up to, brought him into the system that chewed him up and spat him out. I'm only just finished with 2x16 but it's pretty clear this is integral to Phineas's turmoil.

On the flip side, Phineas also represents a catalyst for Spahr's own journey of checking back into reality. This man was a full on cognitive dissonance space cadet until Phineas snapped and nearly beat a man to death. Well, he is still largely a cognitive dissonance space cadet but like Phineas he is taking gradual steps, seeing the problems that are right in front of him, questioning the behaviors of Imelda and otherwise taking on his own agenda (like mentioning Phineas to the upper trust in Oversight) instead of just checking out and going on autopilot for what his role requires. He's still pretty weak in the ways he pushes back, in part because he is also realizing that for all his status and power, he is a cog in a system that wants to limit his agency as much as possible (you're the arm of the Trust; you don't think, and you don't have any leverage if you step out of line). Sorry Jonas you have to grow your own spine. Also, as Jonas's arc continues and he sort of metabolizes what Phineas has done and how he/the Trust played a role in that, and reconsiders his own faith in the system (RIP ur identity), Jonas will also have to contend with the fact that he brought Phineas into this mess with the cheerful smile of a rescuer.

These two are just SO fucked up. It's great.

[dcdreamblog]

Hey, I must admit my knowledge of our world’s superheroes is limited (not that I am from another Earth) so I was wondering if you could point me in a direction. I think a while back you answered a question on superheroes supporting the disabled (like the Metal Men) and I was wondering if you know of any superheroes who are disabled and deal with alienation from society. I am Autistic, and given the current push in this America to create a list of us, I could use some heroes to inspire me.

The big example I know of is the Doom Patrol (gosh the original team seem relatable, they are flawed but there is something comforting in them not being perfect) but I don’t know how accurate the books I’ve found on them are. Like the books list their birthnames. I know WWII is more your expertise, but what can you tell me about the original Doom Patrol connection to the disabled? I believe their leader was paraplegic, and I found a news clipping of Robotman entertaining kids at a charity event for a children’s hospital, but I was wondering if you can share more.

And if it’s not too much, do you know of any Autistic superheroes? And please don’t bring up the Black Manta rumors, that’s a conspiracy theory to demonize us. The man just hates Aquaman, there’s nothing more to it. It’s like when folks try to diagnosis this Luther, sometimes people are just evil, they don’t need to be neurodivergent to be cruel. And having low empathy isn’t monstrous. Now having empathy and choosing to ignore it? Terrifying.

...see that sounds like something that would EXCLUSIVELY be said by someone who IS from another Earth but I'm gonna take my own advice and not worry about things that don't affect me.

You're right in that if you wanted to find role models for disabled superheroes the Doom Patrol is the first place I'd look. Two of their core "superhero" members of the team are the ones we can take the closest look at (I specify superhero members because the Doom Patrol has long since become something of a support group for those disabled by their metahuman mutations or dealing with a disability at the same time as their metahuman mutations as such their less public members don't have readily available information)

(A picture of Negative Man and Robotman meeting representatives in the front room of the team's Midway City manor/headquarters) Robotman - Cliff Steele is a name that might be known to any racing fans in the audience he was a VERY successful NASCAR driver back in the 70s and 80s. One with a history of getting himself into a lot of rockstar style trouble. Until a tragic accident on the race track left him in a state that should rightly have killed him save for the intervention of Dr. Niles Caulder. Caulder was able to save Steele's brain and put it into a robotic body. While this isn't a traditional disability it HAS put a massive strain of Steele's life. He lost years to the procedures and construction required to bring his new body online and due to the nature of things he can no longer smell, taste or feel and his body is constantly at risk of mechanical failures that leave him severely weakened or immobile.

Negative Man - Larry Trainor was a famous test pilot with a long service record in both the military and private sector until his test of an experimental space plane sent him crashing through a band of unidentifiable radiation in the upper atmosphere. His entire body was irradiated and he was 'infected' with some kind of alien organism made up of that radioactive energy. Ever since Trainor has had to wear lead lined bandages at all hours of the day because being in his presence otherwise would put people at risk of radiation burns and an unpleasant death. Trainor has also, in recent years, come forward with his experiences as a gay man in the military before the implementation of even Don't Ask, Don't Tell. The Doom Patrol's original leader, a brilliant scientist named Niles Caulder is indeed a paraplegic but I hesitate to use him as some sort of role model for disabled superhumans simply because of his own ethical failings. It was discovered that he was responsible for the accidents that lead to the original members of the Doom Patrol ending up in his care and several more incidents besides. Some members of the team have grown to forgive Caulder, some have not and his role in the organization going forward has become a subject of some division within the group.

As for Autistic superheroes I'm afraid there's not much I can tell you for certain. The obvious fact is that autism cannot be diagnosed by sight and superheroes have secret identities, if they're not giving out their real names they certainly have no reason to share their personal medical data. Many heroes have been claimed as autistic or autism coded, everyone from the Martian Manhunter to the young speedster Impulse/Kid Flash II/Flash IV has shown facets of the condition but its hard to say (I slightly balk at attempts to claim the Manhunter for the obvious reason that a medical autism diagnosis of the man would be farcical, he's not even human and his brain obviously doesn't work the way a human brain does, diagnosing him of ANY human ailment would be ridiculous. But people calling him "Autism Coded" if it makes them feel better are free to do as they please.) The thing I am sure of, in a general sense is that there are probably dozens of superheroes on the autism spectrum. There were autistic men and women on the Justice Society (if you wanted my own obscure guess I would not be shocked if Wesley Dodds had been an autistic man) and there have been on every team since on down to this very day. That's just the way it is, they may know it, they may not and it would be impossible for us to know from our perspective. Like you said, being autistic would change who they are or the things they do or the reasons they do them.

[clean-casual-analysis]

When the villain is a philosophy

When you think of the word antagonist, the first thing that comes to mind is a villain. This is completely natural, given that stories of good vs evil tend to follow a heroic protagonist fighting against an evil antagonist. But once you get into the definition of the word, a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something, moral alignment doesn’t dictate whether a character should be a protagonist or an antagonist. The most recognizable examples of this would be the likes of Invader Zim and Megamind, characters that are villainous in nature but are still the protagonists of their respective stories.

But villain protagonists and hero antagonists aren’t what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the antagonists that aren’t entirely focused on, at least in the traditional sense. Antagonists that, despite being the source of conflict in the narrative, don’t actually show up a lot of the time. These antagonists, while characters in their own right, are more symbolic in nature. The protagonists of these stories aren’t just trying to defeat the antagonists, but the rotten philosophies that these antagonists have. The beliefs that push the antagonists to do their villainous acts.

White Diamond: Uniformity and the Status Quo

In the entirety of the original Steven Universe series, not counting the movie or SU Future, White Diamond appears in three episodes out of one hundred and sixty episodes. (Two if we don’t count White Pearl/Volleyball) That’s not even one percent of the series. In most series involving a good vs evil plot line, we usually switch perspectives between our heroes and villains to understand how they’re reacting to the events of the story. But SU is entirely told from Steven’s perspective. The audience only gets new information about gems, homeworld, Rose Quartz, etcetera, when Steven himself learns it. Because of this perspective, we don’t see the final antagonist of the series until the very end of the show.

But even though White Diamond is not present throughout the majority of the show, her homeworld subordinates and beliefs fill in the place of the hurdles that the protagonists must pass. Think about what the show is about and what lessons it teaches. Relationships are intricate and need mutual respect, being proud of who and what you are, and (most importantly) societal roles do not define you. The development of the main characters each involve acceptance of the self and bucking of what’s expected of them. Pearl fully moving on from Rose, Garnet improving her self-love, Amethyst fully accepting herself for what she is, Peridot’s disillusionment with Homeworld and growing appreciation for earth, Connie disobeying her mother’s strict rules, Steven slowly becoming someone better than even his own mother, I could go on. It’s honestly surprising, looking back, how most of the characters’ core issues stem from the lack of self-assurance and how homeworld views their flaws.

White Diamond and her Homeworld regime ultimately represent how systems put limits and stigma onto people for the sake of uniformity. The consequence of living inside your own head. A fusion cannot happen between two different gems, Pearls must be servants, Quartz gems must be big and strong, and Diamonds must be the perfect leaders. Why? Because that’s just what gems do. Because that’s how the system works. Homeworld’s status quo is one of creating an ever-expanding empire at the cost of independence, self-expression, unique lifeforms, and healthy relationships. The system can’t be wrong, White Diamond can’t be flawed, it’s how things have always been so why change what isn’t broken.

Sauron: Dominance and Corruption

While he has more screen presence and is a much more a significant part of the story of Lord of the Rings than White Diamond is to SU, the dark lord Sauron is similarly one small part of a larger tale. Heck, he doesn’t even have dialogue in the book trilogy. Also, like White Diamond, Sauron is best represented by his many underlings. Ruthless orcs with crude but effective weaponry, colossal beasts to crush his enemies underfoot, massive armies dedicated to the dark lord’s cause of dominating all life in Midde Earth. But what’s most notable about Sauron isn’t the great power he possesses or the armies he commands, it’s the way he corrupts and deceives those that stand against him.

The betrayal of Saruman the White, the nine Nazgûl once being great kings of men who were turned into terrible ringwraiths, and most notoriously, the enticing power of the one ring. Boromir, believing that Gondor can use this evil weapon for good. Smeagol, utterly degraded into a deceitful cave dwelling throttler named Gollum. Frodo, forced to carry a heavy burden that weighs him down both physically and mentally. To Sauron, the corruption of good is a weapon he wields with unmatched lethality.

The insidious nature of his villainy is what makes Sauron the great representative of dominance and corruption that he is. The promises of more enticing good people to do evil for the “right” reasons and the ruthless conquest for dominion over all is all too real an evil to ignore.

The Martians: Colonialism and Warfare

I debated with myself on whether or not the martians from War of the Worlds should be included here. Unlike Sauron or White Diamond, the martians are clear and present throughout the story. On the other hand, there isn’t a named martian general or a big bad that’s shown to lead the alien invaders into combat. In the end, the fact that the martians are made to purely represent the darkest parts of humanity outweighs the secondary theme of this essay.

One of, if not THE first alien invasion story, War of the Worlds messaging is clear and easy to understand. The tentacled beings from Mars are coldly intelligent, remorseless, and regard our world with envious eyes. They use human blood as sustenance when they aren’t vaporizing us by the hundreds, their tripods are horrific machines of mass destruction, and their invasion is one of slaughter and destruction. But the book is quick to remind us that humanity isn’t so morally innocent compared to the martians. The consumption of our blood seems horrific, but humans have also killed animals and each other for food and resources. Their tripods are colossal and terrifying, but humanity has made countless destructive war machines. The invaders are dead set on wiping out humanity, but humanity not only brought extinction to animals like the dodo bird but to entire groups of our own kind. The martians are not simply an alien invasion to fight back against, it’s a cautious look into our worst future. A humanity that prioritizes ruthless colonization and military might is a humanity doomed to be parasitic and heartless.

War of the Worlds also takes a critical view towards solving problems through warfare. Violence is sometimes needed to fight evil, but that does make violence a good thing. The action and battles in War of the Worlds are not thrilling or glorious, they are horrific and even bumbling to an extent. Much like the early British imperials that they represent, the martians are arrogant and only win because they have the better technology. Even the destruction of a tripod has severe consequences, a flaming wreckage falling into a lake and boiling the humans hiding there alive. There is nothing pride or goodness to found in destruction and death. Warfare and violence should be the last resort of those trying to survive, yet humanity and martians brandish their weapons without care or empathy for those beneath them.

The Truth, In-Fighting, and the Seemingly Insignificant

These antagonists all represent a morally dangerous part of humanity. The stubborn refusal to change a flawed status quo, the desire to dominate and corrupt those who don’t, needless conquest and bloody war. But despite all their power and influence, these philosophies that the villains believe in fail them in the end.

For White Diamond, her ultimate failure stems from the mortal enemy of all tyrannical systems: the truth. In the last episode of Steven Universe, White Diamond removes the gemstone from our protagonist’s body. Believing that the mischievous Pink Diamond is merely hiding in this human body, White seeks to end this silly game once and for all. But once the gemstone is removed, it does form into Pink Diamond or even Rose Quartz. It forms a bright pink Steven. In the final act of Change Your Mind, White Diamond is faced with reality and all its implications. This gemstone is Steven, it’s always been Steven. This half human is not the irrational or childish person, it’s White. The leader of Homeworld, the one who’s supposed to know all and make things better, is wrong. But in order to do that, she needs to leave her own head. One of the hardest things for a person to do is admit when they’re wrong, that their foundational beliefs holding up a status quo is deeply flawed and objectively false. But accepting that you were wrong, learning from and fixing your mistakes, and becoming something better than what you were before is the greatest reward anyone genuinely looking for redemption can ask for.

For Sauron, his victory over Middle Earth comes so close. Minas Tirith has been ravaged, the army of man outside the black gates are crumbling before his might, and the ring bearer has been corrupted. However, just when all hope is burned to ash, something unexpected happens. Gollum, the epitome of the corruptive power that the one ring possesses, attacks Frodo to get back his precious. Whether it’s through struggling with Frodo like in the movie or not paying attention like in the book, Gollum falls into the fires of Mount Doom with the ring in tow. In the movies, we’re told that the eye of Sauron can pierce through cloud and stone. Because of this detail, I personally wonder what was going through the dark lord’s mind as he watched Gollum plummet to his death. The one ring’s defense, Sauron’s greatest strength, corrupting others into fighting amongst each other, was what led to his ultimate downfall. This is not the first time something like this has happened. Think back to the orcs fighting amongst themselves, or when Wormtongue stabs Saruman in the back. Not to mention that the mercy of both Frodo and Bilbo is what led to Gollum reaching Mount Doom in the first place. Even with all his armies and power, Sauron underestimated the petty infighting amongst his followers and the little acts of kindness of his enemies. Even when the forces of darkness seemingly succeed, all they’ll have left is each other to destroy. As Frodo himself said in the Two Towers book, they can’t conquer forever.

For the martians, their demise comes outwardly from nowhere. Their Tripods fall silent and they all die due to sickness. The book states that the martians either never encountered bacteria like earth’s or they had wiped out all disease on Mars. In both scenarios, the martian’s belief in their untouchable superiority over earth led their death. As soon as their invasion started, they were doomed. War of the Worlds isn’t just a hard look at what humanity could become, but also a love letter to all types of life. Bacteria, the seemingly most insignificant part of our world, is our savior here. It is so, so easy to despise germs and how they make mankind ill. But they also decompose dead flesh, helps the human body digest food, and are just as vital to our world as so many other creatures’ humanity takes for granted. All forms of life has a place in this world and to undervalue, let alone actively want to eliminate, all of it is foolhardy and black-hearted.

It’s how these stories come to an end is why I’m attracted to the idea of villains representing abhorrent philosophies. They show the inherent flaws of such morally bankrupt ideas and how their failures are inevitable. The desire for uniformity and belief that your status quo is flawless cannot stand up to the truth of the situation. Great and powerful conquerors seeking to corrupt will find themselves destroying each other when there is nothing left to dominate, while small acts of generosity and sympathy keep their opponents afloat. Arrogant war lords with their mighty machines will crumble to the things they deem to be insignificant.

[wenosgf]

COMPETITIVE NATURE

IN WHICH Y/n and Nicholas always seemed to be in competition with one another throughout childhood. What happens at the greatly anticipated HYBE picnic where they have to compete once again?

chapter 3: heart race

wc: 1.8k

Devastated by the loss of your watermelon, you sat with the rest of your group under your representative tent, sulking as you sipped on your iced coffee.

“It’s not that big of a deal, Y/n,” Yunjin said, stroking some of your hair behind your ear.

You grumbled, slouching down in your seat.

“This isn’t really about watermelon, is it?” said Sakura as she smiled knowingly.

Of course it wasn’t.

“Oh, look who it is,” Chaewon chimed.

You looked up and saw Nicholas approaching your tent, grinning smugly as he sat down a plate of chopped watermelon directly in front of you.

“For you,” He said, smiling down at you.

You glared at him wordlessly, so Chaewon took it upon herself to thank Nicholas while sliding the plate across the table so the other members could reach it.

“Thank you, Nicholas,” she bowed her head.

He bowed back, and then looked back at you, winking. You grit your teeth so hard it wouldn’t have been surprising if they cracked. He was taunting you.

For the next game, you and Eunchae were representing your team. The prompt had been ‘members with strength and intelligence’. It would’ve been stupid to not pick you, knowing how much more seriously you were taking this than everyone else due to your intense need to prove yourself to Nicholas. The game was to find someone, either from one of the groups or staff who matched a certain description, which you’d get from running around a track to pick up a sheet of paper. For safety reasons, the female players started a little ahead. Nicholas, who had been selected for his team, wasn’t very happy about that.

“That’s not fair. We’d struggle to beat Y/n even if we were starting in the same place,” He protested.

You merely shot him a triumphant smirk when his complaints were dismissed.

When the game started, Nicholas was quick to be on your tail despite starting further back than you, though you refused to let him pass you, even if it meant pushing yourself past a reasonable limit for a simple game at a picnic. You practically skidded on the grass as you snatched the sheet of paper off the floor.

“A person who’s strong.”

Easy, you thought. Not paying much to what others were doing around you, you sprinted to the &TEAM tent and motioned to Fuma.

“Come with me, please,”

He nodded and stood up to follow you. You noticed Nicholas had also come to the &TEAM tent to grab Euijoo. And suddenly, you were racing them back to the game master. Nicholas and Euijoo got there moments before you and Fuma, both bending over with their hands on their knees to catch their breaths. Still, Nicholas didn’t miss the opportunity to flash you a smirk at the fact he’d beaten you. You looked away, not willing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

The accuracy of Nicholas’ prompt was first to be evaluated once everyone had lined up.

“A person who makes your heart race.” Nicholas showed his sheet of paper to the game master.

In order to prove this, Nicholas had a pulse oximeter clipped onto the tip of his finger, and it was proven that when he and Euijoo made eye contact, his heart rate raised by almost twenty beats per minute. He was rather adorable as he struggled to maintain eye contact, and you found yourself seeing an endearing side of him you never had before. Nervous, giggly and flustered. You felt your own heart acting up a little.

“Now, does anyone think they can make Nicholas’ heart race more?”

You stepped forward. You weren’t even sure why, at first, but you wanted to win badly, especially after the whole watermelon fiasco, and if you could prove Nicholas wrong then you’d be in first place. His eyes widened slightly when he realised you were challenging him, and although his expression remained rather neutral, you noticed him drawing in a shaky breath of anticipation. You stood in front of him and you both looked at the ground, and then, upon the game master’s instruction, looked up at each other’s eyes. His eyes were intense, as they always were, but you observed a certain sense of determination glassing over his irises. Especially by how deeply his chest was rising and falling, you could tell, he was trying his hardest to keep his heart rate down. And so you did something unexpected - you tilted the corners of your mouth into a small smile..

Nicholas looked away immediately, his ears staining pink before he turned completely from you to cover his face. You could hear laughter around you; teasing from his members and also yours could be heard even from across the field. But you weren’t really paying attention to that, you only cared for the fluctuations of his heart and your possible victory.

“Heart raised by forty BPM! Nicholas, you are out!”

Fuma proved, likely more out of pride than helping you win, that he was the strongest by arm wrestling anyone who was willing to challenge him. So now Nicholas was eliminated, first place was yours. You wanted to be smug about it, and grin at Nicholas annoyingly the way he’d been doing to you, but every time you tried to catch his eye, he was looking away from you.

Next round, it was Eunchae’s turn, so you were sitting back at the tent with the rest of your members. You noticed the side looks they were shooting you in conjunction with sly smiles, which you chose to ignore, knowing they were going to interrogate/tease you about it later without the presence of cameras or mics. Pretty quickly, Eunchae was seizing your arm and yanking you up for whatever her prompt was. When it was your turn for evaluation, she held up the sheet of paper.

“A person who can play badminton.”

They must have done that on purpose. There’s no way they weren’t aware of the fact that you and Nicholas had been indirectly bickering over who’s the better badminton player via Weverse live. You could tell by the amused grin on the game master’s face - he was anticipating this one. And before he could even raise his microphone to his mouth to tell you what kind of challenge you needed to do to prove yourself, you heard cheers and dramatic gasps, and turned to see Nicholas making his way over from his tent.

He just couldn’t resist.

“Are you challenging her?” The game master asked.

“This needs to be settled anyway,” he said confidently.

God, you hated him. You hated how his words got you so worked up, and how oddly attractive you were finding him at that moment.

The truth was, this was way more important to both of you than anyone else around knows. You two are the only ones who truly understood each other at that moment. You keep claiming that you’re not competitive, but when it comes to him, you suppose you are. Because way back then, as kids in an elementary school badminton club - that was the first time you hadn’t been able to beat someone. It stuck with you, and it seemed to stick with him too. Enough that the tension is still there ten years later.

A small badminton net was set up on the grass. You spun your racket around your fingers as the staff prepared, attempting to glare down Nicholas from across the net, but he was still avoiding your eyes like earlier. The match started off relatively calm. Neither of you straining yourselves too hard to try to end the match quickly, as if you were busy trying to assess each other’s skills first. Truthfully, you hadn’t properly played badminton since before you transferred high schools, so… around six years. What if he’d been secretly preparing for this moment? What if you were the only one out of practice?

You were so full of adrenaline. It felt so familiar, not just playing again, but playing against him. He still had the same footwork - he utilised long strides and movement over lunges and stretches. He still cleared around every ten passes, whether subconsciously or consciously; you’d always noticed it. The fact that you had his habits so well memorised should’ve been helpful to you, but he seemed to be able to read you as well as well as you could read him.

You started playing more aggressively. The shuttlecock hadn’t hit the grass yet, but the close calls were getting more frequent. And then he performed a smash. He did it so suddenly you barely managed to save it - skidding into a deep lunge to send the shuttlecock back over the net. Your ankle had bent over in a funny way. The pain was sharp and pulsing, but you ignored it as you drew yourself back up to run back to hit the shuttlecock again as he sent it back over. You only passed the shuttlecock a few more times before Nicholas dropped his racket.

What is he doing? You thought as he ducked under the net and reached out to you.

“What the-“

“You’re limping,” his voice was shaking, and you realised he was worried. He held your shoulders and pushed for you to sit down. You did, still confused but starting to understand as the loss of adrenaline was making the pain in your ankle more apparent. You hadn’t even realised you’d been limping, you were so focused on that fucking shuttlecock that everything else seemed to phase out of existence.

He rested your foot on his lap and removed your shoe, gently rolling up the leg of your trouser. Your ankle was dark purple and swollen.

“Y/n,” He looked up at you, his eyes wide with a hint of guilt,“Why did you continue to run on it?”

“I…” You stared at him, the softness of his gaze melting you completely. Before you could manipulate your thoughts into words, staff had gathered around you two, and your members were running across the field too to make sure you were okay.

You ended up having a bandage tightly wrapped around your ankle and had to leave to go to the hospital. It was just a sprain, and you were heavily scolded by the doctor and your manager for continuing to run on it. The picnic continued on without you, and you were thankful you didn’t disrupt it too much. You just felt guilty though. Technically, you had won. Nicholas had dropped his racket and the shuttlecock ended up on his side. But it wasn’t a real win, and you were too prideful to accept it as such.

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