#remembering what she did to simon ugh I still want to scream about it)-the library scene could have had potential for them

[dracimexidae]

Story of my life is getting painfully attached to fictional ladies who deserve so much better from not only the story but also the narrative

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I just. What the fuck was that? What the fuck? What the fuck? It was a very very good episode right up until the last 5 fucking minutes had to ruin it. Basically, Andy Bayliss saved these storylines until they got so bad that there was nothing more he could do.

I’ll start with a more minor disappointment before I go into full rage mode. The spoilers really made it sound like Henrik would actually talk to Lexy about his feelings for Russ. I was REALLY hoping to get a Gaskell mention out of that,  because if anyone was going to give us a Gaskell mention, it’s the man who wrote Group Animal, One Man And His God, and Report To The Mirror.

Donna and Lexy gossiping about Henrik and Russ was kind of funny though, I’ll give the episode that. Especially can’t stop laughing at them wondering whether Henrik and Russ had “done it” in the hospital. Remember when the first thing that officially confirmed for us that Henruss was happening was when Simon Slater retweeted a joke I made about Henrik wanting to fuck Russ in his office? Yeah.

Also, Donna saying “everyone except Henrik Hanssen” would’ve thought Henrik was bi. Lmaooo. I mean good on you for recognising your fellow bisexual, Donna, but nah, Henrik thought it too. He just deeply repressed it 90% of the time, until John showed up and Henrik started flirting with him like mad and asking him out, and then John turned out to be a serial killer so Henrik barricaded himself right back into the closet.

Still, this basically confirms an anon’s theory from ages back that the reason no character ever asks Henrik about his sexuality like they do for Jac is because they all thought he was too deeply repressed and they didn’t really want to deal with bringing up all that. Or at least Donna did and assumed the rest of the staff were the same, which is good enough to count. Congratulations anon.

But still. WHERE WAS MY GASKELL MENTION. If we don’t get one in the finale I’ll fucking scream. We wouldn’t HAVE Henruss if it weren’t for Gaskell. And Henrik’s ability to form relationships with men would 100% have been affected by John betraying him. Come the fuck on. Let Henrik talk about that.

I wonder if Henrik knows that there are rumours about him and Russ. I hope for his characterisation’s sake that he doesn’t, because at this point they’d have him be only mildly irritated whereas what would be in keeping with his actual character would be for him to freak the fuck out about it. But then we’re supposed to believe his internalised homophobia was cured by one little talk with Serena. Sigh.

Anyway, Guy Henry’s acting in the scene where Henrik found out the outcome of Jac’s operation from Max was INCREDIBLE. Give the man a BAFTA.

As for the outcome in question... I just. Ugh. Maybe they’ll find someone else who can do a last-minute miracle cure or something but I doubt it at this point. What the fuck is the point of this? If Jac’s gonna die anyway, couldn’t she have just died in theatre like she wanted? Typical Holby though, depriving a female character of agency again.

And the Fl*c stuff. Yikes. I have no words. At least they stopped pretending Fletch is the closest person in Jac’s life (even if they’re still exaggerating their closeness), and they focused more on her relationships with Sacha and with Elliot tonight, but still... that “you’re invincible” scene ESPECIALLY felt like it should’ve played out with Sacha.

I have no words for how terrible most of this is, in fact. I just. What the fuck.

I did love the scene with Jac and Elliot before the surgery, though. Rosie Marcel and Paul Bradley were both incredible, not only in that scene but throughout the entirety of tonight’s episode. Bob Barrett was incredible too, for that matter.

Also - we got a songtage tonight!!! I love Holby songtages. Prefer them greatly over the incidental music.

It was nice to see Ken again. A bit of a weird choice for a return, but I’m not complaining.

I really liked the Josh and Ange stuff, but it feels really bizarre for the second-to-last episode. In a normal episode, that plot would’ve fit fine. I love Jange, they’re a wonderful couple. But in the penultimate episode? Really? It didn’t feel like penultimate episode kind of material.

Trieve Blackwood-Cambridge was brilliant as usual though. He’s gonna go onto big things after Holby, I just know it.

...And that feels like it’s pretty much all I have to say about this episode? I wish I had more to say, given it’s the second-to-last ep ever. But I guess there was just so much of it that was focused on Jac, and as I say, I have no words for how much I hate everything they’re doing with her. She deserves better. Rosie Marcel, as an actress, also deserves better.

Edit: Hang on. Can’t believe I forgot about Eli, my autistic beloved. So, yeah, Amelia’s pregnant. Good for them both. :) I was predicting she’d turn out to be pregnant in the last episode, and I was pretty much right, albeit it was the second-to-last ep.

EDIT AGAIN: I completely forgot to mention the montage looking back at Jac’s past at Holby. Honestly, it was cheesy, but I loved it. But maybe that’s just because it’s rare to see the show remember anything that happened more than 5 years ago.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 83

First, and most importantly: Happy Transgender Day of Visibility! To anyone who was given the wrong gender at birth, I see you and you are safe here.

If you don’t read further because of that? Well.... I don’t want you reading my stuff. The Ark is welcoming and loving. So.

If you are still with me: I actually had to start a second google doc for the story, just to continue with this chapter.... It’s mind blowing that I’ve gotten so far.  With everything going on in the world at the moment, this story has been a great escape and something worth carving out time for.

THAT SAID... Please don’t hesitate to send me asks, messages, or submissions.  I love hearing new ideas, or having the chance to talk about the things that just don’t make it on the page. Even if your ask/message/submission isn’t story related, shoot it on over.

Thanks for this chapter goes out to a whole host of people: @satan-parisienne, @baelpenrose, @zommbiebro, and @charlylimph-blog (I don’t care how often this site unfollows me from you, I will chase you down!). I genuinely don’t think I could have created so much, so consistently, without all of you.

Charly and I chose to walk to Xiomara’s office rather than take a transport.  Even though I was a bit shaken by what happened with Jokull, the exercise gave us both an opportunity to burn off nervous energy.  By the time we arrived, both of us were calmer and had our thoughts together.

Once access was granted, the door slid aside to reveal not just Xiomara, but Tyche.  I wasn’t sure if Xiomara wanted her to hear what happened, given how much stress my fellow Councillor placed on secrecy for her operation. “I need to report an incident involving Jokull Bjornson.”

My glance at my sister was met with a scoff. “Do you really think I believe you won’t tell her what happened?” Xiomara stared me down like I was an idiot.  “First things first: are either of you ladies injured?”

I shook my head carefully, while Charly grinned sheepishly. “See, here’s the thing - “

“Charly Harper, why is there blood in your mouth?” Xio’s eyes darkened as she leaned forward intently.

A hand flew up to cover the younger woman’s mouth as her eyes got wide. “Oops…” She started fidgeting with the strings on her sweatshirt. “We were minding our own business, I swear, just walking along, and - he’s so rude!  Obviously he could see Sophia wasn’t paying attention, so he stood in front of her, because he’s rude.” She started gesturing frenetically, like she was reenacting the events.  “I pulled her out of the way so we could just go on minding our own business, like we were, but he kept stepping in front of her, and then he kind of sideways called her stupid and refused to use her title like the sexist pig I bet he is, and then he, I dunno, hit on me? It was gross.” I nodded and shrugged, making her wince.  “But anyway, Sophia tried to stop him and then he was so mean and all standing over her, and I thought he was going to hit her so I shoved her out of the way, and I was right, because he hit me instead, and I may have.. I mean, I did obviously - “ she gestured at her mouth “ - but I only remember his clavicle, not his arm, and - “

“For the love of life, please take a breath,” Xiomara interrupted, throwing her hands in the air.  “What did you do?”

Before she could respond, I cut to the chase. “She bit the shit out of him. Twice.” I ignored Tyche’s snort and turned to Charly. “I thought he hit you after you bit him?”

“Well yeah, then too, but he hit me the first time trying to punch you.”

“I didn’t see that part,” I murmured.

“Duh. You were on the ground, silly.”

The sound of a cleared throat brought us back to the task at hand. “So, you were approached by a suspected cult leader, who seems to have instigated an altercation, and Miss Harper’s first reaction was to bite him?”

“No, I told you, I pushed Sophia out of the way first.”

There was the slightest upward twitch in Xiomara’s mouth. “And you say you were provoked?”

“Yes! He tried to hit Sophia, and hit me instead! I was protecting her.”

“She’s capable of defending herself.”

“And? You wouldn’t ask Tyche these questions.”  Charly stared Xiomara down, frowning.

I had no idea what was going on here.  We came to report something that might be relevant to the operation to infiltrate the cult… Why did it seem like it was turning into Charly being grilled?

The silent tension in the room drew out agonizingly before something broke.  I jumped with a dignified squeak when Xiomara threw her head back and laughed.  “I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I just… the mental image of our attempted-Viking-overlord being attacked by a woman half his size is just…  That’s the best thing I’ve thought of all day.”

“He was very confused,” I agreed.

Tyche stood, hands on her hips. “Hang on a sec.  You said he hit you twice?”

“Ugh, he hits like a baby,” Charly whined before pausing.  She tilted her head and turned towards me. “Actually, that doesn’t make sense.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.  

Xiomara abruptly stopped laughing and snapped her head around to stare at Charly intently. “Yes. Please explain.”

Charly scratched her cheek absently. “We stopped at a medbay… Sophia insisted in case he had something yucky in his blood, seeing as I got a mouthful of it.  Even the red marks he left on my face were mostly gone by the time I was scanned.”

“Okay…” I mean, I was there, I already knew all this.

“This guy is freaking huge, you all.  Like Xiomara pointed out, he’s literally twice my size.  He should have hurt me a lot more, just by accident.  There is no way his knee-jerk reaction to being bitten twice, and hard enough to draw blood, is to just tap me on the face hard enough to make me let go.” Her face screwed up in confusion.

“I thought he knocked you down?” Xiomara asked for clarification.

She shook her head vigorously. “Nope.  He hit me just hard enough to hit the nerve right here.” She pointed to the hinge of her jaw. “It basically made my jaw all fuzzy and tingly, and I couldn’t hold on. Gravity did the rest.”

Tyche’s eyes narrowed, and she turned to Xio. “So do we think dumb luck from a wuss, or very deliberate action?”

“I don’t know,” came the response. “Either way, he clearly didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Wrong. So wrong,” Charly argued. “The first time he hit me, he was aiming for Sophia, and would have hit her pretty hard in the kidneys.  He just managed to get me in the upper shoulder, instead, since I’m shorter.  I think it’s clear he didn’t want to hurt me, but he definitely wanted to hurt her.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to me, and I felt sick to my stomach. What the actual fuck did I do?

Xiomara nodded intently, which was pretty much expected. When I looked at my sister, she was nodding, too, biting her bottom lip like she was thinking about something.  That wasn’t the part that concerned me.  What concerned me was her loose posture, leaned over with both hands on the back of a chair, while she stared into space.  For anyone who didn’t know her, it looked like she was trying to wrap her mind around the information I just gave her about her partner.  No white knuckles, no clenched jaw.  It made no sense.

Why wasn’t she mad? “Why me though?  I don’t even know this guy!”

Xiomara pulled up her datapad and flicked a file at me.  When I opened it, my eyes got wide. “Yep. His psych profile. Read ‘em and weep.”

As I read the information in front of me, repeating it out loud. “Ambition, enhancement, memory, clarity.”  That right there is why the Miys picked you. Empathy, enhancement, memory, clarity. Those are your defining attributes. I heard the ghost of Simon’s voice echo in my head from when I first woke up here. “He hates me, because he sees me as a weaker version of him?” I asked hesitantly.

“It’s a distinct possibility,” Xiomara confirmed. “He doesn’t have access to those profiles, unless someone hacked in, and Derek says they haven’t been touched.  But he may see you being in a position of power as an insult.”

When Tyche rubbed her face with one hand, it clicked. “You fucking knew,” I whispered, too betrayed to speak any louder. Snapping around to face Xiomara squarely, I resisted the urge to scream at her. “I thought you weren’t keeping us in on this?  The whole point of bringing this to you was to keep my family out of it, for once!”

Unperturbed, Xiomara held up one hand for permission to speak, and I nearly slapped it back down.  Instead, I growled and crossed my arms. “She’s helping in a different capacity, one I have requested she not disclose to you.  It is essential that what she is doing be kept secret. So, yes, she knew, for about two hours longer than you have.”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh. Oh. This is… this is recent.  Like, today recent.”

“Yes, today recent,” she confirmed, leaning back with a sigh. “And yes, I was prepared for the chance that he would approach you.  No, I wasn’t just going to leave you to the wolves, but it turns out that wasn’t even necessary.” With one hand, she made a sweeping gesture at Charly. “Between her, your sister, and your partners, I am reasonably certain you should be safe at all times.  Just don’t take any chances, okay?  Have Maverick, Conor, or both walk you to and from your office every day… so sweet, right?  Eat lunch with  someone we trust. That kind of thing.  Nothing really changes, just be alert to your surroundings.”

I groaned loudly. “Xio, I just got my personal shadows to let me walk to work by myself.  They are never going to let me live this down.”

“There are worse things in life than having loved ones who want you to be safe. I think you’ll live.”

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[kizykinz]

Debunking

words- 1358

warning- cussing...? i think? slight mention of modest and simon

a/n- they’re out in this fic tehe

“It’s ready, H. Bring in the laptop.” Louis said as he pressed record on the camera and sat down on the couch. Louis and Harry were bored during quarantine and had nothing to do. I mean, did anyone? They had already watched every single movie on Disney + and every Netflix original movie and show. They were done and had nothing else to do. That was until Harry went through his suggested videos on Youtube. The first one that appeared was titled “if larry isn’t real, explain this.” Harry chuckled and clicked on the video before he got sucked into a hole of more and more Larry videos. After a while, Harry paused the video and rushed into the kitchen where Louis was cooking. 

“I have an idea.” Harry said with a smile that spread wide against his face. It wasn’t that Louis thought it was a bad idea. He thought it would be funny and light hearted. But, they had only come out a couple months before and he still felt fear about what people were going to say. Yet, after some slight convincing and a little pushing... Louis obliged and got an old camera they had from the video diaries. 

Harry sat down next to Louis and put the laptop on the table sitting in front of them. He looked at Louis and noticed the anxiety in his face by the slight creases in his forehead. He reached over and held Louis hand in his own.

“We don’t have to do this.” Harry muttered, smoothing his finger over Louis twenty-eight permanently painted on his fingers. Louis smiled at him and gripped his hand tighter. 

“I want to do it, H. We’ll be fine. Our fans would never even let us see the hate.” Harry smiled at that. He was right. Even before they were out, they barely saw the hate because their fans were so quick to take the pages down. They have received nothing but love and unconditional support since they came out to the public a couple months ago. If you don’t count Simon that called them and told them they were wrong for expressing their love.. To which the boys blocked him. 

“Let's do it,” Harry sighed as he brought the video up, “Hi! Im Louis Tomlinson.”

“Oh god.” Louis sighed, throwing his head back. Harry smirked. 

“Oh wait, i’m too tall.” Harry smiled mischievously at the camera as Louis chucked a couch pillow at his head.

“You know who we are.” Louis rolled his eyes as he spoke

“Can’t assume that.” Harry replied

“Harry, why are we filming a YouTube video?” 

“Oh yeah! Right, I found a bunch of Larry proof videos and we want to debunk them!” Harry said as he pointed at the camera, “We’re Larry by the way. We’re together. We met and starte-”

“For god's sake, let's start the video, Hazza.” Louis groaned as he sat up straighter. He reached over and pressed play on the computer.

“The original video is linked in the description by the way!” Harry shouted at the camera and switched his attention back to the screen. 

“Harry didn’t hit his note properly because he was ill, so Louis supposedly talked to him in sign language and said ‘not a big deal sad one.’” Louis read the words when they appeared on the screen and soon watched what had just been said unfold. 

“I mean, that's true. I think most of these are going to be true. Yeah, you all get a point,” Harry says with a faint blush painted on his cheeks as he read the next “proof”, “Basically just James Corden being a dark larrie.” Harry chuckled, “Yeah, he’s the darkest of them all. Him and Niall.” They continued to watch the video as the next clip faded in 

“Louis, what was your first impressions of Harry?” the computer’s speakers sounded, “uhm, I don’t know. I think we had a few chats along the way.” The speakers continued as Harry laughed and covered his face with his hands. 

“And your impressions were cool, cool guy? I like this guy,” Louis sat up, slightly embarrassed, “Yeah you seemed to be about.” Harry laughed hard as Louis paused the video and started laughing too. 

“A few chats?” Harry laughed harder, gasping for air. 

“My first impression of him was ‘wow someone is in fact, peeing on me.’” Louis laughed and jabbed Harry’s side. 

“Hey!” Harry gasped. After a while of laughing and smiling so wide their cheeks hurt, they started the video again. The next clip was Harry playing with a pride flag on stage and Louis fonding over him. 

“You look so in love with me there!” Harry smiled, looking over at Louis. 

“I am.” Louis smiled back before the video continued on again. 

“Harry thinking they were off camera.” Harry read with a tint of sadness in his voice. Louis noticed and reached his hand down to grab Harry’s off camera. 

“Is Niall wearing a scarf?” Louis scoffed

“Look how young we are!” Harry replied

“Zayn really did look out for us.” 

“I was just trying to love my boyfriend and then management was shooting daggers through their eyes and Zayn told me.” Harry slightly smiled. Squeezing Louis' hand tighter… remembering what it was like to be voiceless. The video continued.

“Louis jumping into Harry’s arms when XFactor was formed.” The screen read and Louis turned bright red and felt his face heat up. 

“That is pretty gay.” Harry says, trying to hide his smile as he looks at Louis. Louis faked offense as he pushed Harry’s face away from him. The video continued on. As the next explanation showed on the screen, Louis grabbed a pillow and hid his face.

“Noooooooo.” Louis groaned

“Jealous Louis! Jealous Louis! Jealous Louis!” Harry chanted as he took the pillow away from Louis' face. 

“My favorite song is called ‘I loved you first’” the screen read. Louis groaned louder as Harry grabbed his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to his twenty-eight. 

“Taylor is actually our friend! She came over last time she was in London. She’s great.” Harry smiled at the camera

“Pushing it.” Louis mumbled from next to him as he suddenly got jealous and started playing with Harry’s rings. Harry only snickered. The next clip was soon to play. 

“Serenading each other.” The screen read

“Oh this is true, we did it all the time in the band. I’ve loved him since we were eighteen.” Louis shrugged

“Sixteen.” Harry argued

“Eighteen.” 

“Sixteen.”

“Eigh- oh look at the next clip.” Louis said, quickly distracted.

“I won,” Harry whispered to the camera.

“Harold,” Louis squeezed his hand as Harry looked back at the screen

“Liam picks up a ‘Mrs Tomlinson’ hat and looks at Harry,” Harry reads.

“Your long hair was so nice,” Louis swoons as he puts his head on his hand. Harry rolls his eyes and looks back at the camera.

“I want that hat,” he whines quietly. The boys laughed at the next clip that showed

“Harry’s on vocal rest… what about Louis?”

“The tour bus,” Louis winks at the camera and stretches his back

“Look at Niall’s face! Oh my god!” Harry almost screams as he starts laughing yet again. The boys continued to replay that part at least five times and even called Niall to show him.

“We got yelled at by Daddy Direction and Captain Niall for that,” Louis scoffs. The last clip shows and  is Harry singing Little Things to Louis.

“And all Lou little things,” Harry sings along with the laptop as he looks at Louis.

“Cheesy,” Louis acts disgusted but the smile peaks out a bit.

“The chicken stuffed with mozzarella cheese was too,” Harry smirked at the camera. 

“Oh my god. Okay. Bye!” Louis says, getting up to turn off the camera.

“Bye! Treat people with kindness!” He shouts again to the camera as Louis turns it off. 

“You have to edit it now,” Louis crosses his arms across his chest and smirks at Harry

“Ugh!” Harry groans as he throws himself sideways on the couch. Louis walks by him and kisses his head.

“Dork.”

[belmontsfate]

MoF - Awakening: Ch 4

Many times over the course of the last thirty years had Simon envisioned what Dracula's throne room would be like. In his mind, he always imagined the Lord of Vampires seated on a throne made up of the bones of his enemies, drinking their blood from a skull.

As he once again found himself crashing through a stained glass window, this time of his own will, he found himself in a room that was far from the gloomy throne room he had expected. In fact, it wasn't even a throne room at all.

His jaw fell as he took in the sight.

He was in a room, closed in by a wall of tall columns and an open ceiling. There was no sun in the sky, nor was there a moon, only a pinkish-orange fog hanging in the air. There was a pool in the center, with fountains and lush greenery dangling from the surrounding columns.

Then he saw them. Lounging around the side of the pool were a group of scantily dressed women, their breasts just barely covered. Simon couldn't help but stare at them, feeling himself grow oddly thirsty.

"Simon," he heard the women call out to him. Somehow they knew his name. "Come, Simon."

The sound of their voices was sweet, like music to Simon's ears. His legs moved as if by their own accord, taking him towards the pool.

He could sense a great power, not coming from the women as a whole, but coming from the one at the heart of them. She is their leader … She is their queen …

She was the most beautiful of them all, yet at the same time she was the most bizarre of them all. Her face was pleasing to the eye, her body curvy and attractive. Yet, sitting on top of her head, sticking straight out of her long magenta hair we're a pair of … Horns? Tentacles? He wasn't quite sure what they were. And then there were a pair of bat-like wings protruding from her back. Whatever she was, it was clear she wasn't entirely human.

"Welcome warrior, we've been waiting for you," the queen greets him. "You have travelled so far … You must be weary."

That much was true. He would be lying if he denied it. Fighting his way through this castle had taken its toll on him. Even after the brief nap he had taken during the daylight hours, he still felt as though he could sleep for days on end. Unfortunately, there weren't many places to rest in the castle of chaos.

"Come, stay with us. You will find our hospitality most … pleasant," the queen offered him.

Crawling forward on their hands and knees, the women began to close in around him. The queen was the first to reach him, stroking her soft fingers along his cheek with one hand as she trailed the other down his chest. Before he knew it, there were hands all over his body, clutching at his arms and legs, dragging him with them to the harem bed that they had been previously lounging on.

Flat on his back, Simon couldn't help but let out a sigh of contentment at the softness of the mattress beneath him. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so comfortable.

The queen soon climbed on top of him, straddling his hips as her fingers pried the belt from his waist, casting it off to the side.

"I want you to feel this. Let us show you how good you can feel…"

One by one the other women joined their queen, stripping him of every piece of armor on his body. By the time they were done, all that remained was his trousers, and the only reason they still remained was because the queen was sitting on top of him, preventing the others from ripping them off.

A feeling of ecstasy washed over him as the women hungrily kissed every inch of his skin, their moans ringing through his ears.

Deep down, he knew he should be fighting them, fearing that this too was a trap, but he couldn't seem to find the will to do it. His mind was in a haze, unable to take his focus on anything but the pleasure he was experiencing.

"Close your eyes and enjoy, my sweet," whispered the queen. "You are in good hands."

He obeyed without thought, and as he did so, a pair of moist lips pressed against his own, assumably the queen's, her tongue trying to break past the barrier inside.

However, no sooner had he granted her entrance, then he felt himself grow weaker. It was as if his very life force was being sucked from his body. This succeeded in snapping him from his euphoric trance, bringing him back to the reality of his situation.

This beautiful yet demonic woman was a creature that he had heard tales of but never seen before; a succubus.

As desperation set in, Simon began to fight back, kicking and clawing away at those who held him down. It was difficult in his weakening state, but he managed to gather every ounce of strength that was still within him and push her back. Her body fell back, colliding against the hard ground.

"Ugh!" the succubus groaned with pain.

Untangling himself from the other women, he made a run for it, quickly locating and retrieving his battle cross from the pile of armor that had been thrown aside.

By that time, the queen was back up on her feet. "Don't you like how I kiss, Simon?" she taunted him as she broke out into laughter.

Flying high up into the sky, she began to fire down at him with blasts of magic, and once again Simon found himself running and dodging attacks. He was getting terribly sick of it, but it seemed that no one in this castle would grant him any mercy.

Well … There was one person, but Simon hadn't seen him in some time. Not since the toymaker's obstacle course.

"You will regret rejecting me!"

In an attempt to fool him, the succubus created two clones of herself, casting a magical barrier around each of them. Through trial and error, he managed to figure out which one was the real one, eventually breaking through the barrier with the combat cross' grappling hook, grabbing the succubus and pulling her back down to the ground.

The succubus came crashing down hard, face scraping into the rock.

Simon retained battle stance as he waited for the succubus to get up and resume attacking him. That was not the case.

Scrambling to her knees, she lifted her head up to the sky, folding her hands as she spoke. "I am sorry that I have failed you, my lord!"

Slowly he approached her, but she did not move. She just knelt there, her head hung in shame. It was as if she had just given up. Perhaps she knew that she was going to die either way? If not at Simon's hands then those of her lord.

A piercing scream filled the air as the final blow was struck. The succubus slumped lifelessly to the ground.

Retracting his battle cross from the succubus' fallen body, he turned around and went back for his armor.

The other women tried to approach him, but one glare from Simon was enough to discourage them.

"Don't even try!" Simon barked.

With his armor back in place and the succubus defeated, he was left to question where he was supposed to go next. He had reached the furthest point in the castle, thinking that Dracula would be there to meet him, but the vampire lord was clearly nowhere to be seen. All he had found was his harem.

"I've had enough of this, you crazy old man!" he yelled out, hoping that Dracula would hear him, wherever he was. "Come out and face me!"

No sooner had those words left his lips, then things began to change. The room began to shake as the tropical paradise of the harem gave way, transforming into a dark sanctuary. Gone was the warmth that had flooded the harem, and in its place now stood an unearthly chill.

Goosebumps running down his spine, he turned and found exactly who he had been looking for.

Seated at the far end of the room on the throne of a king, surrounded by statues of dragons, was what he could only assume to be the vampire lord himself; Dracula.

"You fight well…" The shadowed vampire complimented him. "Worthy of the name Belmont."

...

The tower leading to Dracula's Lair was swarming with elite vampire guards, tasked with protecting the blood orbs that opened the way. They hid them well, making it difficult for Alucard to find them.

With gritted teeth he searched the den of vampires. At one point he stumbled across the dining room, where he found half dead women spread across the table. He was filled with disgust as he saw them there, bite marks spread all over their bodies.

Alucard couldn't help but imagine his wife in place of the women, her long red hair splayed out on the table beneath her head, her body torn to shreds by those who feasted on her. He imagined that she must have met her end in a similar manner.

Tears threatened to rise again, but Alucard pushed them back along with the horrifying mental image he had just produced. He didn't have time to mourn and beat himself up over how he failed to save her. He needed to focus on the task at hand.

Eventually, he managed to find one of the orbs sitting on a tall pedestal, but the second one wasn't so easy to find. He found the second pedestal, but it was empty, no sign of the orb to be found.

With a sigh, he retraced his steps through the castle in search of it.

Hidden away in one of the dark crevices of the kitchen, he found a dead, or rather he assumed to be dead, hunchback, hugging the blood orb tightly in its claws.

"Stupid creatures…" Alucard shook his head. "Always causing trouble."

For such a small creature, it sure had a lot of strength to it. Alucard pulled and pulled before he finally broke the orb free, breaking off the hunchback's arms in the process. The severed arms were promptly cast off to the side.

With both blood orbs in his possession, he made haste in returning to the top of Dracula's tower.

He could still sense Simon's presence inside by the time he got back, but this time he sensed another presence, one that he recognized… It was Dracula… There was no doubt about it. The power he sensed from the other side of the door was raw and powerful. It was almost stifling.

Gently setting the orbs into their slots, Alucard watched as the blood slowly began to trickle out and make its way through the channels of the door, joining together in the middle to form a heart; the dragon's heart.

Taking a deep yet unnecessary breath, he pushed open the door and stepped inside. He found, much to his relief, that the warrior and vampire lord had yet to engage in actual battle.

Dracula was the first to notice him.

"Good of you to join us, Alucard," the powerful vampire greeted him.

He had wondered if his father would be surprised to see him, but it was now clear that he was not.

Alucard cast a brief glance at Simon, noticing that he had turned towards him, but soon averted his gaze to that of Dracula.

"Father…" he greeted back.

He honestly didn't know what to say. Thirty years had passed since the father and son had last seen each other, according to what Simon had told him, and the two hadn't left off on the greatest of terms.

Flashes of memories filled his brain. Thanks to his vampiric powers, the memories were clearer than ever before, allowing him to remember even the tiniest of details. Dying at his father's hand… Witnessing the tragedy of his father's life in the Mirror of Fate… and lastly, he remembered hearing the hysterical crying of his father as he held him in his arms, hugging him close…

To say that he was at a loss was an understatement.

"Father?!" Simon echoed, his eyes widened in a mix of shock and horror. "You mean to say that Dracula is your father? As in..." he trailed off.

Alucard nodded. "I am his son, born of his flesh and blood."

Simon faltered backwards, evidently disturbed by this.

Alucard had hoped to keep such information from Simon, but it seemed that some things couldn't be helped.

"Indeed he is," Dracula affirmed. "It's been a long time since I've seen him though. He let me think him dead for thirty long years."

Could it possibly be that his father was angry with him, believing that he had purposefully remained inside that coffin for so many years? It seemed highly unlikely, especially from the fearsome dragon, but it was the only explanation that came to mind.

"That is because I was dead," he explained. "I only just awoke when Simon stumbled upon my tomb, and even then, I did not remember who I was or how I had come to be placed there."

"And now that you have regained your memory, I take it you have come to finish what you started," the elder vampire assumed, averting his gaze.

Alucard hesitated.

He wasn't sure how to reply to that. Was that what he wanted? Was it still his desire to put an end to the Prince of Darkness? A lot had changed since that fateful night he came charging through the castle doors, ignorant to the truth. He would admit, he still wanted to put an end to all the killings. He understood his reasoning, but couldn't entirely condone it.

Knowing what he did of his father's tragic past and how he had mourned the death of his only son, he felt that he wouldn't have the heart to go through with it.

His last words to his father before he died came to mind. "In the end… I pity you…"

The hatred he had once held in his heart towards Dracula was gone, replaced by a feeling of sorrow and pity.

With that in mind, he made his decision.

"No, I have not come to end you, Father."

Dracula's expression changed rapidly.

"What?!" Simon and Dracula said in unison, both now with widened eyes and jaws hanging open.

Alucard could have laughed at how amusingly similar their faces were. Even though one was a vampire and one had a full beard, he could still see a family resemblance.

"Actually, I came to make sure that this one doesn't do anything too rash," he pointed to Simon. "The last thing we need is for history to repeat itself."

Dracula immediately understood what his son meant.

"What are you talking about? Does this have to do with my father?" Simon asked. "You mentioned earlier that you knew of his fate."

Dracula glanced between the two, a dark brow raised in question. "You haven't told him?"

Alucard shook his head. "He's better off not knowing."

This reply angered the elder vampire.

"Is that so? Tell me, Alucard, do you think I was better off not knowing that I had a son I never knew about?"

Alucard bit his lip, something that should have hurt quite a lot, especially considering how this caused his fang to pierce through his lip, drawing blood as a result. His tongue quickly slid out and caught the blood before it could dribble down his chin.

His father did make a good point. The truth had been kept from both of them for many years, causing nothing but pain and misery. He had been trying to protect Simon by keeping the truth from him, but in reality history was already starting to repeat itself.

With a sigh, he turned towards the red haired warrior, struggling to figure out how to tell him.

"Are you finally going to tell me who you are?" Simon asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Alucard nodded, and after a few more moments, he finally gathered the courage to do so.

"Alucard was the name given to me by my father upon my death. However, I was given a different name at birth… a human name."

"And that is?" Simon pressed on.

"My real name is Trevor … Trevor Belmont…"

[devnny]

CHAPTER THREE.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

It’s time for Devi’s side of the torment!! It pains me to write her as anything but sarcastically happy, but c'est la vie...

Devi sucked listlessly on her Brain-Freezy, eyes trained on nothing in particular, while Johnny continued happily scrawling away from his seat on the floor.

She killed him. She really did.

Well, sort of.

It was an unnerving feeling, the metaphorical blood on her hands. Even with a history of guys around her losing eyeballs and brains, or bursting into flames beside her, none of that gore was ever her fault – aside from the chalk-induced asthma attack that killed poor Spindgey Simons, which was gruesome enough for her. The most violent Devi had ever gotten was beating the man sitting a few feet away from her within an inch of his life, which he had done well to deserve, in every regard. So, it was strange to be so hung up over pushing that one inch further and actually killing him – inadvertently or not.

The point was that Johnny laid the responsibility of his impermanent demise solely on her, and maybe that’s why it bothered her so much.

The fact that Johnny was more-or-less elated that she had been the unsuspecting command behind the very real trigger was baffling to her, but of course, he was naturally more comfortable with the concepts of murder and death than she was. At some point, he’d rationalized murder as a means to an end of bitter, ugly things, so to him, the fantasy of her blowing all the horrendous, malicious things clean out of his head with one shot must be so romantic. Devi would have gagged if she wasn’t so disoriented.

She needed to talk this out with someone, and there was only one person she’d place that much misguided trust in. Her legs bent as she moved to sit up.

“Hey Nny.”

Johnny’s head bobbed up immediately, and again her stomach squeezed anxiously from his eager response.

“I forgot that I… promised to check in on my neighbor-friend. The rats have gotten so bad, I worry they’ll start eating her feet off while she’s asleep.”

Devi looked to the side, hoping such a stupid lie could pass as a bizarre truth. Johnny watched her a moment, inquisitive eyes darting around the space of her figure, before tilting his head acceptingly as he turned his attention back to the page.

“Yeah, the rats’ll do that. They always start ankles first.” Was his reply. Devi held in the nausea that she felt from how knowledgeable he sounded about the subject.

“RIGHT.” She balked. “So, I’m going to go run down and check on her, before y’know, the rats get at her. You just uh, stay here, keep working, I’ll try and keep it quick.”

Johnny seemed less comfortable about the idea of being left alone, but agreed as casually as he could. Devi didn’t hesitate to rush out, lest something stupid manifest to stop her from reaching her destination, again. Even if Sickness was neatly contained right now, she hadn’t forgotten the lengths the little tumor had gone through to make the halls of the building an impassible maze of shit.

Her strides got faster without her notice the closer that she got to Tenna’s apartment, and her heart steadily increased to a panicked pace as the direness of her situation sunk in. Her fist landed hard on the door, whacking against the cheap material franticly. A single concerned squeak was the initial reply, which at least confirmed Tenna was inside, and awake.

“Tenna, it’s me, open up!” Devi whispered as loudly as she could. It only took a few seconds for the door to open.

“Oh my God, Devi, he’s murdered you hasn’t he!?” She gasped, but didn’t receive any answer besides being pushed back inside her home. Devi released her grip on her friend’s arms to walk in paranoid circles around the living room, muttering curses to herself. Tenna watched her go around with large, kitty eyes.

“Oookay, so obviously he hasn’t murdered you.” She commented, growing more concerned the longer Devi hissed and spat at no one. “…Did you kill him??”

“No!” Devi looked at her, devastated. “I MEAN—YES!”

Tenna covered her mouth in horror at the admission, and Devi dropped onto the couch with her face in her hands. Tenna quickly scuttled to her friend’s side, arm slung around her in a messy hug.

“Oh shit, Devi! That’s – very bad!! But I bet he did something to bring that on right? Right?” She asked hurriedly. Devi rested her elbows on her thighs and hung her head down.

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck, FUCK.” She shuddered out. “No Tenna, he’s not dead. But I killed him. I did! I killed someone.”

“…Uh, what?”

Devi shivered, shaking her head again.

“You remember that night you told me to call him? And we heard a bang and a scream and all that?”

“Yyyeah?” Tenna looked away uncomfortably at the memory.

“The bang was a gunshot. He had something rigged up that if he answered the phone it would shoot him, and that… killed him. He died that night.” Devi stared at the ground. Saying it aloud was horrible. “But because he had those brain-things – or maybe it was the primordial demon living in his fucking WALLS – he got a redo. Satan sent his ass back here, mostly parasite free. Fan-fucking-tastic.”

Tenna could only stare at Devi in concern.

“And he convinced you of all that?”

Devi immediately defended her certainty in the outlandish story.

“Tenna no, he was, like, having a fucking epiphany in my living room! You had to see him – he was absolutely losing it, ranting about how I saved him from his insanity and this and that – oh GOD.”

She fell back on the couch, melting into a heap on her side. Tenna patted her arm sadly.

“Damn it, Tenna, what did I get myself into?” Devi groaned into the cushion. “He’s still up at my place, and I have no fucking idea how I’m going to go back up there.”

“Poor, poor, foolish Devi.” Tenna sighed and continued her patting.

“No kidding. He was so bizarre about it, Ten. He looked at me like his salvation. Like I’m a fucking saint, or something.”

“Well, bright side, at least he won’t try to murder you again if he thinks you’re the Patron Saint of Destroying Head-demons, right?” Tenna thought a moment. “Well, he did try to kill you because you were his only joy in life, or whatever, so…”

Devi screamed her torment into a couch cushion for a few seconds, then sat up again, calmer now.

“No, I don’t think he’s going to try to kill me.” She said plainly. “At least not right now, anyhow. Who knows how he’ll be the more these… lessons go on.”

“You’re still going to mentor him?”

“Well, yeah, I guess!” Devi shot her hands out in exasperation. “If I told him to fuck off now that’d probably just piss him off. I don’t even know if he’ll leave me alone now that he likes me so much.”

Tenna could sense the repulsion wafting off of Devi with that emphasizing on “like”.

“Ewww, you don’t think he’d… try anything, right? All touchy-touchy?”

“Ugh, no. Thank God.” Devi looked up at the ceiling. “That was one of the things I liked about him so much, at the start. He never tried anything like that. Never tried to grab my hands or put his hands on me, or get me to put my hands on him all flirty-like – he didn’t even ask me out, I asked him. And that stupid… kiss, I initiated that too.”

“YOU wanted to give another human being a KISS?” Tenna’s eyes glittered teasingly.

“Mmughhh, don’t torment me.”

“You really liked him.”

“UUUUGH.” Devi slumped again. Why was her life so hideously unfair, constantly?

“None of those HORRIBLE choices matter right now. I’m freaking out over kinda-sorta killing this guy, and also that he’s totally enamored about it.” She exhaled. “I just needed to… let that out, I guess. Because I’m stuck with him now, for some unknown amount of time.”

Devi got up and stretched her arms and neck out while she walked. Tenna pouted.

“So you’re just gunna go back up there…?” Tenna debated momentarily if she should try and talk Devi into staying longer, or not going back at all, but any deterrent would be unlikely to work, knowing Devi, unless she had a couple of weeks to chip away at her immense stubbornness. She offered her some uplift-y parting words, instead.

“Well, I guess I’m glad you’ve been with him for like, an hour, and no death has happened yet.”

“Thanks, Ten. I’ll… call you when he leaves, or something. Wish me luck.” She sighed and left to return to her self-made mental turmoil.

--

LATER, UPSTAIRS:

“How’s this?” Johnny lifted up his finished comic to be inspected by his newly-appointed tutor. Devi pulled her mouth away from the straw of her now-melted Brain-Freezy and took the tablet from him, reading over his scratchy handwriting as best she could.

It was a fairly simple multi-panel Happy Noodle Boy comic, with protagonist hollering about ugly things on the street and committing acts of erratic violence. One of the comments he made was randomly about having head pain, and Devi wondered a moment if Johnny just used half of what was intended dialogue, and the rest was random thoughts that went through his mind while he wrote – in this case, likely a brain freeze. She decided not to bring up the writing and focused on the effort put into some of the panels.

“Y’know, even if it’s just stick figures, you’ve got a pretty good handle on perspective.” Devi commented with a lenient nod. Johnny’s eyes glistened a moment from the positive feedback, but made sure to flicker his pupils down and away from Devi’s focus when she moved to hand him back his drawing.

“I think your original talent’s still in there someplace, Nny. It’s like a drippy faucet, you just need to turn the water on – something like that.” She took another sip of her drink. Johnny stared at the comic laid across his lap.

“You said it was being “rerouted”, before.” He replied. Devi perked an eyebrow, but after a moment remembered their previous conversation on the cliff about the same subject.

“Well, if you’re not murdering creatively as an artistic outlet now, there’s only one place for it to go.” She peered down at him, and Johnny lifted his head in modest surprise.

Like usual, Devi was right. Compared to his life before the wall-thing’s destruction, he killed far, far less frequently, and definitely much less colorfully than before. He used to pull out intestines with salad tongs at buffet tables; break off limbs and reattach them to another victim with a staple gun; insert things that should never be inside a human being into orifices and then sew them up – now his killings were sparse, and straightforward in nature. A tire iron to the head of a truck stop bastard was a merciful attack, in comparison to what he would have done to him for the same offense a year earlier.

“I guess so.” He mumbled noncommittally, despite his growing certainty about it.

“You’ve just been distracted still, which is obvious with the existence of your Meaty guy. All I’m doing is making you focus your energy onto paper instead of letting it evaporate out of you.”

Johnny was silent a moment before speaking again, picking at his drawing absentmindedly.

“And what if that doesn’t work?” He asked. Devi stuck her lip out curiously.

“It will.” She affirmed, even if she wasn’t exactly sure of it herself, seeing as the only test of her theory was her own experience. But with those statistics, it worked one-hundred percent of the time, and those were good odds, right?

Johnny didn’t look totally convinced, but decided to trust Devi on the matter, for now. She had yet to steer him wrong as it was, and as she had implied before, he was the urchin in need of guidance, not her.

“Right…” He murmured as his eyes shifted away. Devi held in a sigh. She suddenly felt more exhausted with offering up her free emotional energy to play therapist to Johnny, and decided she was done for the night.

“Welp. That’s enough arting for one night, I think!” Devi announced with a pair of slaps against her knees. She sat up and walked from her seat to the middle of the room, as if to urge her guest to get up as well. She had successfully survived an entire night with her former attempted-murderer, and with the evening’s events still weighing on her, she was unwilling to let it drag on and invite something even weirder to happen. Johnny was surprised by the abrupt ‘last call’, and watched her move away with hesitant eyes.

He got up, if only to appease her, but the idea of leaving her side now made him a pinch more anxious than he would have liked. It might have just been a delusional sense of security, but it was one that he had grown quite comfortable in for the few hours that he remained at her apartment after his revelation, and the fact that he would need to leave had escaped him until she had said as much. In all likelihood, Johnny thought, Devi probably wanted to sleep, a bodily function that he often forgot other people did nightly. He wouldn’t want to deprive her of it, even if the concept of sleeping was completely unalluring to himself.

“Oh, yes.” He stalled while he tried to think of some small talk to distract himself. “That was quite a bit of drawing, for me anyway.”

“It’s a start.” Devi gave him a tiny smile, and Johnny felt he chest swell with pride – both in accomplishing the task given to him, and for seemingly pleasing Devi. He messily loaded up his pencil bag, then stepped around the coffee table to linger near her side at the door for a moment.

“So… do I come back tomorrow?” He asked. Devi’s eyes widened in surprise, mostly at herself for not even considering a time for this new addition to her schedule.

“Oh, uh,” She tried to think. “—maybe not tomorrow.”

Devi couldn’t tell by Johnny’s expression if he was saddened by that, or if his stare was one of expectance, waiting for instruction from her. Truth be told, he could come over tomorrow, but she wanted a some time to digest all of this, and maybe plan things better, if that was even possible.

“I’m going to send you home with er, well, homework!” Her mouth hitched up on one side in an awkward smile. “Just… draw a couple of things while you’re away, and bring them back in, uh…”

God, how she wished she didn’t have to give herself a countdown for this.

“—in, um, three days! Same time.” A wider smile forced over her face, and she tried not to think about how she had less than a meager seventy-two-hour window of no-Johnny time to rethink her life choices. Johnny wasn’t happy to have to wait that long to see her again, but accepted her judgement with as little pouting as he could manage.

“Alright, I will see you at 6:00PM, in three days.” He repeated aloud, more so to make sure he remembered than anything else. Devi nodded and opened the door for him.

“Great! Okay, see you later, Nny!” Her voice barely held back her deep desire to be alone now. Johnny smiled at her and waved a sporadic goodbye with his hand beside his chin.

“Bye!” He bid happily. Devi only waited for him to turn around before shutting and locking the door as quickly as she could.

Her hand remained tightly clenched around the last lock as she finally, genuinely, allowed herself to absorb everything that had happened tonight. Her forehead hit the doorframe with a forlorn thud, and her shoulders lowered pitifully.

Learning she had been the cause of Spindgey’s death as a child was hard enough to swallow, but at least it was medical-related. An asthma attack – it was about as bad as accidentally giving a kid with a peanut allergy a bite of your PB&J during lunch hour.

Knowing her actions had lead to the grisly, violent demise of anyone, let alone someone she used to… care about, was sickening. Truly nauseating. Her imagination was too healthy for her own good at the moment, visualizing Johnny bloody and broken on the floor of his house, a circular piece of his fucking skull missing. She suddenly regretted having seen so many horror films, as any and all concepts of exit wounds and brain matter haunted her in a fleeting flash of imaginary gore. It was only made worse by the new memories of his upbeat, enthused expressions from the rest of the night.

Just for a moment, Devi despised those new memories of his happiness that she had. They reminded her of the ‘old’ Johnny, and she didn’t want to picture him as he was before – how she had perceived him; as a comically-cynical movie nut and art buff. Someone that she enjoyed spending time with, laughing about how stupid people could be, and musing over whether this-or-that had deeper meanings. Mixing the image of his sneery smile that she used to love so much with any idea of how he could have looked in the clutches of death made her want to convulse in hurt and disgust.

She urged herself to her bedroom and sprawled across the face of her bed, before bundling herself up in a misshaped, unhappy ball. If the universe would permit it, she would be grateful to not think about him for the entire three days that she would be without him, but Devi knew without a doubt that the universe sucked ass, and that she would be plagued with constant thoughts of her new ‘pupil’ whether she liked it or not.

--

NEXT.

[ralfstrashcan]

3x18 Reaction / Commentary

Anxious feeling of imminent doom in my gut? Check. Skipping breakfast in favor of running to my laptop like a starving person? Check. Chances of surviving this episode with my sanity intact? Uhhh.... Well here goes nothing.

But one more thing before we get started (Does anyone wanna get out? Yeah, me!!!! Okay sorry.)

Who's this mysterious “Alex” person?? A new player on the board???

Alright alright, I'm stalling, I know. It's weird, last week couldn't pass quick enough but now I really don't wanna click the play button... okay anyway you're probably not here to read my angsting, so. Deep breath and here goes.

In terms of putting my nerves at ease this is working out pretty good. I love Becky, okay, and her sibling ship with Simon and the Sneak Peek made me real happy and I can't wait to see more of those two together (especially considering this'll probably be her last appearance on the show). So, yeah Team Lewis! (Also that comment about them and Clary never missing a Halloween together? I need all the kid fics!!!)

Lol dude I mean you literally died for knowing about it, but sure, make an understatement XD Also, “all the way from Florida”??? Last thing I knew about her she was lying in a hospital bed a week ago (aka 3A)? When did she get released? And relocated? I missed that???

:D :D :D <3<3<3

Queen Izzy :))))))) btw those kids had seriously lacking survival skills if you ask me. That wasn't normal, right? And where were their supervisors??

Effing f-i-n-a-l-l-y.

Also, Magnus with the deflecting again as soon as he's recovered just the tiniest bit is both painfully ic and also just painful </3

Ugh, can you believe Clace entered the Malec scene even though they must have felt it was a bad time and deranged it with their flirting? Unfair. In any case I agree, Clary was always and will always be an idiot XD haha okay sorry, I don't really mean that (only like, 83%) it's just the setup was too good to pass it up ;) I mean even Alec laughed at Jace calling her an idiot so I'm well within my rights to do it, too XD

Thanks, Alec, for sabotaging the one shot at open communication you had. I mean, I want to believe he does it because he realizes Magnus is back to his deflecting self and prodding will get him nowhere, but uhm, could he try for longer than three seconds before giving up? Is he really gonna let Magnus off the hook so easily and do something stupid and reckless instead?? *sigh* BUT ALSO HIS FRAKKING FACE OKAY I CAN'T

“Back from the Plot Fold”

Alec “Tact” Lightwood looooool

“Bitch I worked on this performance for centuries how dare you”

SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

sdfshfsjdkfjsdf I love the way he talks okay. Exquisite. (Also he has a birthmark on his lip. It's really distracting. Am I implying Asmodeus is hot? Maybe. You can't prove a thing.)

............................................................your self-confident didn't make any progress since season 1, did it, Alec? *sigh* I mean he's basically agreeing with Asmodeus that this is what will happen if their situation doesn't change.

Okay what is structure, let me just yell my impressions of this scene at you. 1) Both of their acting is stellar. Love all the little body language cues, especially Asmodeus's mocking facial expressions. 2) “Return what you stole” and Asmodeus protesting it because clearly he had a “fair deal” with Magnus. 3) Alec breaking eye contact whenever Asmodeus lands a hit (“One he already regrets.” “You make him vulnerable, weak.”) 4) The fact that Alec protests the potential-line with “We love each other.” I was confused at first but when you think about it Alec says that they help each other access their full potential by loving each other and that's a beautiful sentiment. 5) Of course then Asmodeus lands another hit with “Then I'm afraid you will be the death of him” and Alec is back to looking away.

Thank you, Alec, for not being a total idiot.

“...or else the deal is off.” Obviously. Thank you, Asmodeus, for not being a total idiot either.

.........did he just nod? I knew I was right making that 'total' italic, implying he's still somewhat of an idiot XD

sooooo pretttyyyyyyyyyyyyy

And I can't believed Clary missed Luke so much she visited him in prison a total of 0 times.

Look I'm weak and I dig the Jace-Luke-father-son-in-law-dynamic.

Also can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that Alec is able to function as Head of the Institue even though he has to make the hardest decision of his life at the same time?? Just saying. Guy knows how to handle his shadowhunter responsibility. If only he was as capable in handling other things and omg this is not an innuendo you naughty people, I meant emotional intelligence goddammit.

I mean, he's not wrong? The way he cares about her is uniquely twisted, so.

.........................is Alec having 2x12 flashbacks? Because I sure am.

Hmmmm always admiring Clary's screaming skills :)

*sigh* I mean she didn't just SAY intense pain for a short while? Why am I even bothering.

The scientist has spoken lol.

1) They had a whole underground basement full of tons and tons of that serum, right? If those are all made up of nanoparticles then I really really wonder how big the Glorious splitter was that they extracted the serum from. Since, you know, that whole stash was supposed to be enough for the Downworlders all over the world. Wtf 2) I guess “self-destructing” that basement is gonna come back to roost them and they need to recover the original sword to eliminate the Evil Rune, right???? haha

Asmodeus wrote: Hurry up pretty boy, our deal isn't on the table forever ;)

I'm actually impressed Jace remembered to ask Alec about the proposal. You get some more diligence starlets, Jace <3

OMG ALEC ARE YOU SHITTING ME ARE YOU SHITTING ME ARE YOU SHITTING ME *sigh* I mean, those two situations are obviously totally comparable, right? I for my part am, again, having severe 2x12 flashbacks, where Alec asked Jace's council about something that Jace totally wasn't equipped to answer. *SIGH*

And I guess Jace isn't suspicious because of Alec's super suspicious behavior, right?????? Ugh.

The sad part is, Alec will probably see that as confirmation that he should go through with it because he doesn't want to be selfish. So while yay, Alec seeking council, he does it in the worst way possible :( at least I got some parabatai feels out of it :/

On the one hand I'm glad she sees it that way* on the other hand this is clearly supposed to be the influence of the rune, so that's kinda undermining her statement and making it even less credible. Thanks, show.

*Yes he was a victim, no he still carries some responsibility for his actions because free will is a thing and he's had some time on earth where he wasn't exactly coerced by anyone. Manipulated, yes. But he's aware of his agency and he should have used it better. I get that I'm asking for a lot here, maybe too much, and circumstances were always against him, but I'm also not absolving him of all his crimes.

Magnus deflecting because that's what he does. God forbid a scene that could be about him actually ends up being about him instead of a side pairing I couldn't care less about. *sigh*

Also, I'm not exactly sure if Magnus really thinks Alec thought being around Maryse could help him, or if he just said that as another means to deflect because honestly, the way Alec suggested to Magnus he go to Maryse was more the here-go-see-your-babysitter-approach than anything else, especially because he basically cut of the conversation they where having before Clace interrupted. *SIGH*

WELL I COULD

YOU NO FRIKKIN SAY, MARYSE

“My lips are sealed.... especially about my issues ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

THE DISDAIN AHAHHAHAHA CATCH ME WHEEZING ON THE GROUND

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SEELIE QUEEN IS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this.... actually......... a scene with Alec and Izzy???? HELL YEAH

Okay, words. First off, I LOVE that Alec spills all the beans, and to Izzy, the one emotionally capable Lightwood. I mean, yay Jalec and all, but it's an universally acknowledged truth that Lightwood Men seem to be pretty unable to handle their emotions in a productive way.

Second off, the music playing in the background? Is the one from the Malec Breakup Scene from 2x18. Yay mood reference, I mean. Thanks for that lovely detail, show. (Hahahaha I don't even know if I'm sarcastic or not because it's so witty but on the other hand it's just cruelly twisting the knife like r u for real man give me a damn break.)

Third off, I love basically every line of this dialogue. The fact that Alec (or anyone really) FINALLY acknowledges that Magnus gave up his powers and saved Jace for Alec. Alec's argument: “Magnus sacrificed everything so I could feel whole and now I have the chance to do the same for him.” Also that wording, “a chance”? Not an obligation, not a repayment of a dept. A chance. Because he loves Magnus and this is his chance to fix it. (In his eyes at least, pssssh.)

And Izzy's intent “He wouldn't want this. He loves you so much.” So valid. And less biased (aka skewed by shitty self-esteem) than Alec's assessment of the situation.

Also this

Ouch, just. Ouch. So ic.

Also this

Izzy asking all the right questions. The way Alec looks away means “No” and the determined way he meets her gaze again after means “But that doesn't matter.” Very good scene.

(Honestly the only thing I would have wished for is that Izzy is a little more firm in her assertion that Magnus wouldn't want this and she like, tries to change Alec's mind instead of just accepting his decision.)

hehehe :)

The same time you moved to Florida apparently.

hahaahahha <3<3<3 kick-ass sister material

.........<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 this deserves so much recognition okay. Since we all know drinking away his problems is Magnus's No 1 coping mechanism. Too bad he'll be pushed into his liquor again by Alec unwisely breaking up with him at the end of the episode (because I daren't dream of a change of heart on Alec's side.)

Also is this the part where Maryse blabs out Alec's proposal plans??

Ugh yay, so after Maryse reassuring Magnus that they are all here for him I guess the breakup is just gonna get 5 shades uglier. Yaaay.

Love that necklace damn.

Obligatory Sizzy moment in front of Becky so she can call Simon out on it later: Check. Just glad this role doesn't fall to Raphael. (Also you bet your ass I chose Becky's line as a picture for this because I'm really that petty.)

Also omg, I just peeked into the German dubbing because obviously the Count von Count pun doesn't work because the words for Count and the word for counting aren't the same here and the guy is named Graf Zahl. And just skdjfslkdjfklsdjfkld Simon's line “That does sound really made up” is honest to God transated with “You're right, I just made him up” like oh my God who is in charge of translating this and why are they so incompetent honestly!!!!!!!! W H Y

Lol that's gotta be the first time in his life that he called her Isabelle. Probably because she was slacking off during patrol.

AAAAAND I'M WHEEZING AGAIN AHAHHA HER OFFENDED FACE Honestly the seelie queen and Becky should start a comedy spin-off, I'd be watching the shit out of that XD

HAHAHAHAH HAVE MERCY XD XD XD Then again, can you blame Simon? Izzy is sooooo droolworthy.

1) She's gonna let Alec, Jace and Clary (two and a half shadowhunters ahaha) take on a whole nest of demons alone? Instead of backing them up? Okay???

2) Why they telling them that??? As far as they are concerned Simon and Becky are civilians, not their parents.

?????? NO SHE SHOULD TAKE BECKY WITH HER!!!!!!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE BECKY TOURING THE INSTITUTE? BECKY MARVELING AT ALL THE UNREALISTIC SHADOWHUNTER TECH?? BECKY KIDDING AROUND IN THE LAB??? I WAS ROBBED!!!

:)))) even Jace breaking out the comedy :D :D :D I approve

Those are some nice wings. Not perfect, but very very nice.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Okay, Parabatai Fight Scene!!! 1) Jace again with his axes, nice.

2) Being sassy instead of, idk, picking up his weapons: Check.

3) True dat, but uh, Jace, what was the plan if Alec hadn't shown up? Inviting Drevak Queen out on a date?

4) I mean, why shoot one when you can shoot five, right? Good motto. But I still kind of want an explanation how two of those arrows could land in the Drevak Queen's head and the other three in her chest, like, what are physics anyway amiright?

5) Shot meant to make Jace look heroic when really, since we earlier learnt that killing the Drevak Queen kills all her spawn*, this was just Alec doing Jace's work for him XD

*Uh, yeah what the hell is up with that. Chitauri Genetic Defect or something? *sigh*

*Feelings of terrible foreboding intensify*

sssssssssssssssssssssssudden

Look, I agree. I just don't think Maia could really comprehend / accept that so fast (and off-screen) because ugh reasons, too tired to repeat myself again *waves hand unhelpfully* but whatever, I can accept this. I made my peace with it.

1) Last time I checked those cells were secured with a combination lock thingy.

2) Thanks Lanaia for sabotaging Sizzy, I'll be sure to send you a gift basket (or, if what I think will happen happens, some flowers for your grave lol).

*snorts* Reminds me of Hannibal who was always making cannibal puns at people and no one noticed XD Also, her knocking Jace out was really dumb? I mean, he wouldn't have stopped her from saving Jonathan because, uh, that's saving her own neck, too. And if she'd portaled them both to the cell she could have disposed of him there way easier, locking him up – since apparently she didn't plan to kill him, and that nice straightjacket would have kept him from alerting the other Shadowhunters way longer than that pipe over the head. So, wholly unnecessary. I mean, in a way it's nice to know that Demonic Clary isn't smarter than Regular Clary.

Dude she's literally wielding a spear, how dumb are you.

Aaaaaand there goes my order to the nearest funeral wreath shop XD

Look I have questions (which, okay, I should have asked sooner but what even is continuity right). When that weird gratifying wing dream sequence started I thought it was Clary tapping into the rune connection and it was the real Jonathan communicating with her. When Jace entered the play field it was clear at least some part must be fake because Jace sure as heck wasn't unconscious / in trance at the time and later didn't give any indication that he participated in some creepy contest for Clary's affections. But now Jonathan is surprised by this, too? He, too, was a product of Clary's imagination? I have so many questions, first of all, why the wings? And the really cheap back-white-symbolism? Also, why did Clary feel so drawn to Jonathan if this was all in her own mind? Was it the influence of the Evil Rune? Does the Evil Rune have a user interface that's shaped to look like Jonathan? Does that mean Jonathan has a Clary-shaped interface??? I need answers.

Ugh. Let's make this long and painful, shall we.

OF COURSE IN THE ONE SCENE WHERE SHIT WILL GO DOWN THEY DON'T FAIL AT CASUAL INTIMACY THANK YOU FOR  N O T H I N G

Let's not talk about the fact that the thought, Alec could mean anything but a break together from everything that's been going on, doesn't even cross Magnus's mind because no. Noooooo. I'd rather talk about how absolutey awesome both of their acting is. For Alec I really like the way he moves his eyes, like the gaze darting around alternating with the rigid stare. For Magnus, uh, everything, just like, his whole face is perfection?? Yeah, that works.

The way he interrupts because he just needs to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Dammit, he does this eyelid dip here, it's not a blink, it's just his eyelids twitching down for a second because this is like a slap in the face. And then he turns and takes a step away because his instinct is to run from this because what is this, this can't be

“Is this about last night? Because I'm going to quit drinking.”

Magnus “forever apologizing for being an 'inconvenience'” Bane, final installment.

Dammit, his face. And again with the deflecting, trivializing his feelings, anything to keep this conversation from going where he thinks it's going.

*EYE ROLL* Sorry but you don't get to play that card after being effin obtuse for 7 episodes, Alec. Nope. Nope.

Magnus, his usual walls rudely ripped away. He has no chance but to admit how shitty he's feeling. And if it wasn't for the circumstances I'd say “yay, finally some communication” but well.

“Fine. I'm in pain,” he says, and Alec turns away, breaking eye contact for a moment because the final confirmation is too much for him for a moment.

I love that Magnus doesn't deliver this line meekly. He's worked up, sure, but there's also a confidence when talking about their relationship. Breaking up is an unrealistic concept to him in that moment because it's so absurd. It's not fixing anything so why would it happen? Makes no sense. *insert weeping sounds*

Brutal and efficient. Very ic.

Damn how does even his blink convey so much vulnerability??? (Somewhere Lexa is nodding approvingly.) (Also why didn't I find gif sets of this :c)

“You said there's nothing I can do to make it better.”

There's an audible difference in his voice, because this part is true and he's not lying. The controlled monotone isn't there anymore. This is his real despair in the face of not being able to do anything to help Magnus.

“It's not your job to make it better.”

Again, if this was a constructive conversation it would be a great step in the right direction. But sadly it isn't, and so this is too little too late.

“Well, what am I supposed to do? Just stand by and watch you suffer for the rest of our lives?”

Alec is still speaking the truth, and this is his motivation to go through with it. Because a) he believes what Magnus said about never being happy again without his magic (sidenote, he didn't, in fact, say that, he said it might never pass (meaning being affected by the magic loss) and he's not happy at the moment, which isn't the same as he'll definitely surely never be happy again without his magic, but whatever) and b) he's sure he doesn't mean all that much to Magnus. He's his current love, but that's about it. Nothing special, not worth leaving such devastating traces in Magnus's life and he certainly doesn't mean as much to Magnus as Magnus means to him. And especially from that second part stems his gravely false assessment of the situation which in the course of consideration leads him to the conclusion that breaking Magnus's heart will hurt less in the long run than him not having his magic. There's also the fact that be probably didn't think about how him doing this to Magnus will confirm every last insecurity Magnus ever had about not being lovable, because I can't believe he would have gone through with this if he'd thought of that. Or at least, he would have been visibly more torn about it, maybe even talked out of it by Izzy, etc. But it's ic for Alec not to think like that, because in a way I guess he loves Magnus too much to really understand that Magnus has these doubts. And Magnus mostly playing his vulnerabilities close to his chest isn't working in his favor here either.

“This isn't you. You're not this selfish.”

This is what I mean. If Alec was less convinced that he's doing the right thing this line might have shaken him out of it. Honestly, I half hoped he'd object this, consequentally incriminate himself and Magnus would catch on that something was going on. But ofc that didn't happen.

The spark line, just. Ouch. Again, very clinical and minimalistc. The way Alec stares, his voice back to being monotone, the way he clenches his jaw. And then his work here is done and he's ready to leave.

It only gets worse from there. Magnus, frozen in disbelieve because this can't possibly be true, and then he starts begging and it breaks my heart every single time okay. To see him reduced to this desperation is just cruel.

I still can't help but note the way Alec readily turns around before Magnus has competely turned around himself. I think he was on the brink of giving in.

The way Magnus holds on to him, hands fluttering over his arms, shoulders, cheeks. The way Alec can't even look at him for the barest second, eyes closed, breath going heavy. Magnus's everything. Just kill me now.

And let's not talk about their kisses and Magnus's whispered words because no. There's nothing to say to that except perfection. Intense, top notch emotion portrayal on both parts.

Then Alec pulls away (how???? gotta admire commitment and an iron will when you see it but boy is it misplaced) and Magnus's hands tremble because this can't be happening, this can't possibly be real.

Note that Alec doesn't look him in the eyes once because he knows if he did, it'd all be over. Also note the look of utter betrayal on Magnus's face. It's not just hurt and heartbreak, it's betrayal because this is what this is. Alec promised him something, made him believe that he could trust in him, in them, and now he's going back on his word.

Well, this was fun, let's never do it again.

Look, I don't have the nerve for this anymore, so I'll keep it short and in no particular order: - Asmodeus is ass powerful and manages to distance-summon himself, yay, nice to know that the one time a shadowhunter doesn't act stupid and impulsive it still doesn't pay off. - Asmodeus killing pissed off warlock lady was both obvious and unnecessary. - His smile is creepy. - “My son needs me.” MY ASS - He still needs to support himself on the back of the chair because he's a weak bitch hahaha.

Conclusion: *sounds of despair*

I just watched the 3x19 promo and.... they're really gonna end Malec on a train wreck this season, aren't they?? Oh God. They hoped they'd have a forth season to work through it and that's why they served themselves with issues and second helpings of extra issues, and since s4 isn't a thing we're gonna get an unsatisfying as hell 2x20-style resolution in the finale. God please say I'm wrong but like. Arrgghhhh.

(Also, credit where credit is due: “Before we get started, does anyone wanna get out?” is the line from Captain America in TWS before the elevator fight.)

[distressindisguise]

Love, Simon: Book vs Movie

Obviously this analysis contains spoilers for the movie Love, Simon and the book Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda. I’ve literally been wanting to talk about the differences between the two for so long but my friends haven’t read the book so it’s so hard for me to share and squeal about it. If you’ve read or watched both, or just one, hopefully you enjoy this :) So let’s begin.

1.) Casting

-Simon

When I heard that Nick Robinson was going to be playing Simon, I screamed. He’s played a plethora of different characters lately from strong Ben Parrish to Cocky Olly and now Awkward Simon. He played him so well although in the book, I would say Simon was a bit more feminine. But I kind of liked the change. Nick brought a lot of himself to Simon’s character, and I think that’s the cause for the change.

- Bram

First off, I was so freaking happy they kept Bram black and Jewish. What an icon. Anyways, I think Keiynan did a great job with his character. In the books, Bram was the more “masculine” one I guess you could say. But again, I really like the change whether it was done purposely or not. I think it had to do more with who played the characters than anything.

-Nick

Honestly, I had pictured Nick differently. Nick was supposed to be an intelligent guitar player who loved Indie rock and philosophical questions while still being a star athlete. And yeah explaining it like that, I can see why they changed his character. Nick’s character was so unrealistically perfect in the books but hey, I liked cute slightly oblivious soccer Nick as well. I don’t clearly remember what Nick’s ethnicity was in the book, but I like that they kept more diversity in the film by casting Jorge Lendeborg Jr.

- Leah

I. Loved. Katherine Langford. As. Leah. I. Have. No. Complaints. She. Was. Great. She portrayed her so well and her and Nick Robinson just had such amazing chemistry. Their friendship felt so genuine, just like the books and I have no complaints at all. I was so happy you don’t understandddd. There was some differences in her character though but I’ll talk about those later because it has more to do with plot.

- Simon’s sisters

Simon had more than one sister, but only the younger one was cast. I see why, honestly. The other sister wasn’t really necessary to the plot of the movie at all. The oldest was away for most of the book and the youngest was really the only important one. The movie hadn’t really portrayed Nora as Nora to me. I can understand that change as well though, because the only interesting thing about Nora in the book was at the end when we found out that she had formed a band. Giving Nora a specific personality in the movie made a lot of sense even if it was totally different.

-Abby

No complaints. She was exactly like how I pictured Abby in the books. Only change in her character that was obvious to me was that she lived closer to Simon than I would’ve liked. There’s this whole section of the book where it talks about how the black kids who went to the school lived miles and miles away. She had to spend a long time on the bus each day just to travel to school. That fact may not seem so important but it emphasized how segregated our society still is, even if it isn’t written anywhere. I liked that detail a lot so I was pretty disappointed when it wasn’t added in the movie.

- Martin

Martin looked and acted exactly as I imagined. Martin pissed me off in the books and pissed me off in the movies. One thing I liked that the movie stressed was his kindness. In the books, it was there sure but it was overshadowed by how much everyone hated him lol. In the Movie, you still hated him but it was easier to understand where he was coming from even though what he did was still wrong.

- Ethan

He did not exist in the books, but I think it was a smart move to add him in the movie. It stressed the fact that two very different people could be gay without following the same “stereotype”. I liked the conversation he and Simon had outside of the office. It’s a conversation I think Simon would’ve needed in the books that he couldn’t get from anyone else.

2.) Plot

Here’s a list of minor and major changes I witnessed that I had not already mentioned.

-Leah was not in love with Simon. This is one thing that I hated the movie did. It was a cliche that I was happy the book stemmed away from, but at least the Movie showed how Leah wasn’t mad about it and how she was willing to move on and accept him for who he was. I liked that part, but honestly all of it could have been avoided. Fun fact: Leah drew yaoi fanart in the book. I loved that about her. She was more upset about Simon not telling her that he was gay first in the books. She felt like everyone was replacing her with Abby, and it was honestly a big slap in the face. First Abby takes her crush from her, and now her best friend? Personally, that angle of things was far more interesting to me than Leah being in love with Simon.

-Cal was actually LGBTQ+ in the books. Or at least it was assumed. He was jealous of Abby when he saw Simon hanging out with her and genuinely seemed to be into him at one point. In the Movie, he doesn’t seem to be interested in him at all.

-The mystery of who Blue is was way more complex in the books. It was harder to figure out. In the Movie I feel like they just gave it away too early. There were too many obvious hints dropped and I don’t know if that’s just because I already knew who it was, or if it really was just too easy. For instance, Bram was sitting there eating Oreos and talking about how he loved the Halloween ones RIGHT AFTER SENDING AN EMAIL SAYING HE LOVED THE HALLOWEEN ONES. like c’mon now. Really?

-Bram and Simon’s friendship was more developed in the movie. THIS WAS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE MOVIE!!! In the books, Bram was a background character that didn’t say more than two words to Simon. They sat at the same table at lunch and had English together, but other than that they weren’t really on daily speaking terms. In the Movie, Bram was a regular occurrence. Whether it was begging for Simon’s fries, inviting him to a party, kicking ass at cup pong, or singing karaoke together, they were definitely well established with each other. It was fun to see, especially because their chemistry was amazing as well. It’s something the Movie definitely did better. In the books, Bram and Simon just jumped into a relationship with each other despite few interactions in real life which outside of the fictional world: WOULDVE BEEN AWKWARD ASF.

- Bram knew that Jacques was Simon way before Matin exposed him on Tumblr. I understand the reason for the change in the movie though. They did not have 3 hours to develop this plot.

- Honestly?? My favorite part of the book was when Bram took Simon out to the grocery store on a date and bought a bunch of Oreos to create this sundae Simon joked about on an email because he worshiped Oreos. That small detail was so adorable to me but it got cut so ugh

- Another one of my favorite scenes that got cut was when Bram bought Simon a t-shirt from his favorite band and put it in his locker. That was so freaking cute as well. Also, side note. Simon’s favorite band was not Panic! At The Disco in the books but I’m honestly so happy it was in the movie. When Brendon Urie popped up on the screen I almost died oops.

- The musical Simon’s school did was Oliver! which doesn’t hold much significance but hey

- Abby did Simon’s make up for the play and he really liked it

- Simon used to like to wear dresses when he was younger (this was probably taken out because the movie portrayed Simon as less feminine)

- The Bram x Simon kiss did not happen on the Ferris wheel, but the change made sense in the movie. I don’t mind the change although I was lowkey butthurt about it at first before I saw the film. It made sense.

- Honestly the whole kiss scene was kind of cringey to me in the movie. That must’ve been so awkward waiting on a Ferris wheel for hours as random people took out their phones and whispered “I love gay people.” as if he didn’t already feel pathetic enough. In the movies, Bram caught Simon on this ride that Bram admitted made him vomit over email. That was really cute to me because Bram literally got onto that ride just for Simon and they were able to have their moment alone without other people ruining it.

- Their emails started to get really spicy. It progressed from “I can’t help but to think about kissing you” to basically, “I like picturing you horny” which isn’t a direct quote but it’s something along the lines of that.

- After the play, things got spicy in real life

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

3.) Important Things That Were The Same

- Simon’s speech to Martin about how coming out was his decision. I’m so happy they kept this

- a lot of the jokes were directly from the book as well which I really liked

- Abby and Nick had gotten together at the end

- Simon’s conversation with his mom

Okay that’s about all I can think of, feel free to add if you’d like. I’ve never actually done an analysis or anything before but I just really want to share my thoughts on these two masterpieces.

[dimonforever]

Love is Real 174

Demi looked at the purple walls that surrounded her. She had moved back into her mother’s house, so that her mom could keep an eye on her and help her during the last month of pregnancy.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling” Her mother walked into the dark room cautiously.

Demi didn’t even reply, she sobbed. That’s all she did for the past week when Simon had won the lawsuit, she sobbed.

“Shh, baby it’s going to be okay. We’ll figure this out” Dianna tried comforting her daughter, but she knew it was no use.

“H-how is it going to be o-o-okay? He to-ok H-Henry from me and n-now he’s t-taking my b-baby” She continued to sob, holding her very big bump.

“Demi, you have to stop crying, this can’t be good for the baby. You want to come downstairs with me and decorate the Christmas tree, uhm? You love that”

Oh yeah, Demi remembered. It’s near Christmas time. Fucking joy. Tomorrow was Henry’s birthday, December 2nd. She wasn’t even going to be able to wish him the happiest 2ndbirthday. Great. Demi didn’t even look her her mother:

“Get out” She simply stated

“Demi, baby”

“I said, leave” Demi sobbed, she had given up on trying to calm down. She was depressed and angry at the same time, she didn’t know anything anymore.

Her mother left, and Demi pulled the covers on top of her body. She caressed her baby, but didn’t talk to him anymore, she had given up hope. She looked down at her body, she had gotten so fat it was driving her insane, her demons were coming back to haunt her. She let out a big sigh and ran her fingers down her wrist, where new cuts had made their home on her skin. She pulled the covers on top of her head and sobbed herself to sleep.

As soon as the clock hit midnight on December 2nd, Demi woke up startled by the insane pain she was feeling on her lower stomach.

“AGH” She yelled and held onto her stomach.

“Fuck fuck fuck” She said as she tried breathing, but the pain just wouldn’t go away. This can’t be happening, she still had 3 weeks left with her baby inside her. She wanted those 3 weeks with her baby before he was taken from her.

“No, no no no” Demi cried as another contraction hit her

“Demi what’s going on” Eddie said bursting into her room after hearing her screams.

“I-I think I’m in labor” Demi cried, breathing hard.

“Don’t worry baby girl, I got you” Eddie said, as he carried her downstairs and got her into his car. He didn’t bother waking the other girls up, he needed to make sure Demi and the baby were okay first.

They soon got to Cedars-Sinai and Demi was admitted to a room.

“Demi, everything’s going to be okay baby. You’ll do great okay” Eddie said, as he held onto her hand

“I can’t do this Eddie, I can’t welcome this baby to a world without a mother” Demi cried as she held onto her belly.

“Hey - hey he’ll have a mother. He has you Demi. You might not be physically with him for a little, but you’ll always have him in your heart and prayers I’m sure. He’ll feel your love Demi, you can count on it” Eddie soothed her.

“I – I can’t” Demi stuttered

“What is this I’m hearing that you can’t uh girl” Dr. Bailey exclaimed as she walked into the room

“Dr. B I can’t” Demi said, looking at her most loyal companion throughout this whirlwind of a pregnancy.

“My child, you not only can but you willyou hear me” Dr. Bailey said, looking Demi sternly in the eye.

“I-I”

“I got you, let’s do this” Dr. Bailey said, as she put on her hospital gloves to start inspecting Demi.

“Okay Demi, you’re about 2cm apart you may have a long night” Dr. Bailey told her

“O-okay” Demi replied as she felt another contraction

“I’m going to call your mom and sisters okay Demi?” Eddie said, leaving the room.

Demi took a deep breath and looked at the clock, 12.30am December 2nd. Happy birthday Henry, she thought. Your baby brother will share your birthday, she thought and let out a small chuckle.

“They’re on their way Demi” Eddie said “But there are some bad news” He said as he turned on the TV.

Demi Lovato rushed to the hospital – is she giving birth?

“Ugh fuck these paparazzi” Demi grunted. Great, now Simon will know I’m in labor.

It was only a matter of twenty minutes and Demi proved her thoughts right as Simon came barging into the room.

“Where is my child” He demanded, his cheeks flushed with a tomato-red color.

“Still in my uterus” Demi replied, not looking at him.

“You weren’t going to tell me you were in labor, were you? You realize I could sue you over this” He replied, angry as hell.

“I don’t care Simon, you took everything away from me already, sue whatever the fuck you want” Demi spat, now looking at him. How dare he have the nerve to do this to her when she was about to give birth.

Simon was about to answer her, when a little golden headed boy ran into the room.

“Bemi!” Henry yelled and attempted to climb her bed

“Henry what did I tell you about staying with the nice nurse?” Simon told him angrily

“Bemi!” Henry ignored his father and continued on his climb towards her.

“Hey baby. Oh my God, hey baby boy.” Demi said, scooping him up to her lap.

I mwissed you” Henry said, laying his head on her breasts.

“I missed you too baby, so much” Demi said, taking in his scent.

“It’s my bwirthday!” Henry said, holding up two fingers in the air

“It is isn’t it baby! Wow, you’re so big! My two year old!” Demi smiled genuinely for the first time in a week.

“Ywes! Baby brother my birthday pwesent?” Henry asked, tilting his head a little.

“Yes, baby, he’s coming” Demi replied and gave his head a kiss.

Simon observed the scene and felt his heart cave in a little. No, Simon, eyes on the prize. You’re finally getting a big family, he thought.

“Alright Henry, wait outside until this is over will you” Simon ordered

“No”

“Henry, do it now” Simon said again.

“No, uncle mean!” Henry said as he dug his head onto Demi’s chest further.

“Just leave him here with me, it’s not like I’m going anywhere” Demi said.

“No, he shouldn’t even be here.” Simon said, and forcefully removed Henry from Demi’s arms. Henry cried and tried to go back to Demi, but Simon carried him out of the room.

“You don’t have to be this cruel Simon, he could’ve stayed here.” Demi told him as he re-entered the room.

“I don’t want him to see you in pain Demetria”

Demi scoffed

“Yeah, like he hasn’t seen me in pain” She said looking at him, she fucking hated him and all the pain he had put her through.

Before Simon could answer her, he saw her eyelids close tightly and her hands fly to her belly, as her mouth yelled in pain. Simon was paralyzed, he didn’t know what to do. He subconsciously stood up and put his hands on her back, and shushed her that it would be over soon.

“It’s alright, you’re doing great, sh sh Demi”

Her contradiction soon soothed, and her breathing slowly came back to normal. Demi took a deep breath and looked at him, she had just seen a glimpse of the old, caring Simon.

“W-what happened to you?” Demi asked, her voice breaking.

[hwgossiparchive-blog]

Any fave crackships? relationship or platonic?

Grab an extra large bucket of popcorn, Anon. This is going to be a blockbuster and its billion dollar sequel.

Crack!ship

Elsa and Crowley. What could possibly be better to start this off with than the Ice Queen and the King of Hell? I admit I wasn’t expecting Elsa to be the truly evil one out of the two, but she is the Queen after all, so dishonor on my cow for expecting so little from her. Yas, Queen!

Peggy and Jim. I have one thing to say, and it is very important. Sign me up for Agent Starfleet!

Eponine and Cato. I was kind of surprised at this one, myself. The aesthetic of appearance and personality drew me in though when I thought of these two together and now I can’t unthink it. Which is good, because I don’t want to.

Tris and Sam. Dear Chuck above, how much more of their angst is my heart going to be able to handle? There is so much emotion swirling around these two, it’s a miracle the city can even contain it. Whatever they’ve got going on is such a delicious slow burn. I don’t want it to end.

Kit [Snicket] and Justice. This is the only pairing on here that isn’t human/human, but that doesn’t matter at all. Kit and Justice are so mutually consenting, I honestly can’t help feeling like this is the best pairing to come out of all my ships.

Canon!ship

Gert and Chase. I scream about them at least five times a day. I know I said I ship anything that can consent, but sometimes there are those trope ships that are so common, you just want to give up. The jock boy with a brain he actually uses and the girl that can’t be labeled, with an even smarter brain than that I want to be able to telepathically communicate with dinosaurs too! is just too much to ignore. I am forever thirsty.

Scott and Allison. Oh, my heart. My big shipper heart. I still haven’t fully repaired the damage caused by Allison’s declaration and death. Even now that they’re both alive and well, a tear still comes to my eye whenever I remember her saying it doesn’t hurt. I wish it didn’t hurt, Allison, but it does. It hurts so much!

Nancy and Steve. I wasn’t originally going to mention these two, but after recent events came to light, I have to say something. The very idea that there may one day be little Stancy kids running around this city makes me so happy to be alive!!!

Mary and John. They’re like the Ultimate OTP, people! Them getting together is the reason we’re all still alive to be in this place to talk about them being the Ultimate OTP. It’s a perfect circle. I couldn’t not mention them. Also, how dare Mary for not remembering the loml- I mean her life!

Olivia and Jacques. I know, I know. They haven’t interacted yet. I asked myself, “How could you even consider giving this pairing a place in the limelight?” My reply to myself was, “How could I not?” I stopped talking to myself after that. It was starting to get weird. The reason these two are getting a mention is, for right now, solely because they’re one of my OTPs. Their love story was so unexpected, so profoundly beautiful, and so tragically short. If these two let me down now, my wrath will be so much more intense than the tears I wept over their demise.

Simon and Clary. Best friends. Check. Lovers. Check. Immortal in my heart. CHECK.

Jack and Rose. UGH. They’re so iconic. Who doesn’t know their tragic love story and the song that went with it? No, not the French Canadian warbler one, the nice one that the musicians played as the world fell apart around them. That’s the one I associate with Jack and Rose. It suits them better, I think.

Rapunzel and Flynn. This was definitely one of those pairings that made me go WHAAAA? I was not expecting the truth about their relationship to shock me as much as it did. I had to remind myself that in the time they came from it was normal for there to be quite the age gap between life partners. Even with that reminder, it still felt really creepy, until Flynn showed up looking for Rapunzel, that is. The man clearly knows his boundaries with her and that is so attractive.

Kit [Snicket] and Dewey. The man isn’t even in this city, but the way Kit feels about him is not lessened by that fact. I just know when he does show up, because they all do at some point, their love story is gonna blow the roof off this joint.

Austin and Ally. Enough said.

Platonic (crack+canon)

Human!Impala / Human!Sumarbrander / GIR. Could these three be any more adorable? They aren’t even technically human, but that doesn’t matter to them and I am eating it up. Go and be the best platonic!ships I’ll ever have, you beautiful car and sword and robot. I love you.

Dinah and Dean. They started out as a possible trope pairing but then the dynamic changed and I was hooked. I cannot get enough of these two when they’re in each other’s presence, and even when they’re not. I see you, Dinah, protecting your friend from harm. Beautiful. So beautiful.

Sansa and Kit [Charming]. Talk about unexpected. They seem to like-like each other, and it’s cute, but no. There’s just something off about those two ever being more than friends.

Castiel and Jimmy. I literally spent two hours trying to decide where they fit in these categories. For now, it’ll be here, but don’t be surprised if they get moved up to the top of the Canon!ship list.

[onceabluemoonwrites]

KHR girls: Where Canon Went Wrong

Hey guys! As a writer of fanfiction and someone who loves writing female characters, I’ve been trying to narrow down just why even the not-blatantly-sexualised female characters in KHR leave such a bad aftertaste. In canon, mind you, not fanon. I’m shocked by the magnitude of what I found, actually. It’s… So incredibly BIG.

Every time I write a KHR woman for the first time, I… Flounder, and feel lost. And they often have this bad aftertaste when reading canon material, and I wanted to know WHY so I could narrow it down and know EXACTLY what to fix in my fix-canon fics. 

The parts in italics are by @i-w-p-chan .

Buckle up, this is a long post!

Fighting

Bianchi & I-Pin both use food (more on the women & the kitchen association under Kitchen). Bianchi is one of the most dangerous assassins in the world, so that’s a pro. Sadly, it’s one of the few pros.

I-Pin has stepped out of the mafia/triads by the time she’s fifteen, as shown by her TYL version. While this is a very sensible choice and obviously what Fon wanted for her, this makes her another female character who technically stopped fighting while all the males around her kept fighting on.  Kyoko, Haru, Hana and Nana are the most featured non-mafia characters. All female, decidedly not fighters. 

Chrome should be commended for her skills- she was able to impersonate Yamamoto perfectly. That takes an enormous amount of practice and eye for details. More on Chrome: See Kitchen.

M.M. fought and was defeated by the only other girl fighting.

Bluebell. Bluebell DIDN’T participate in choice. Zakuro didn’t either, but Bluebell was the only female funeral wreath.

Yuni only wins from Byakuran by self-sacrifice in the Future Arc.

She was scared of actually dying until Gamma came over to her. so she didn’t even get to do THAT by herself.

On Pantera: She’s obviously deadly, but Longchamp keeps LAUGHING at her assassination attempts like they’re nothing!

Introductions

Kyoko and Hana’s ‘’generic conversation about a guy’’. (Chapter 1) (See me fixing this conversation here)

Nana putting Tsuna down like he has no future? This doesn’t fit with EVERYTHING we later learn about her! (Chapter 1)

Haru ends up saying she wants to MARRY Tsuna by the end of her introductory chapter.

Bianchi’s ‘’Reborn, Reborn, Reborn!’’ and just… Trying to kill Tsuna because he’s just an obstacle between her and her boyfriend? See me when I’m done screaming out of frustration for this abomination of an introduction done to a woman that should, by all means, be one of the most deadly assassins in the world.

Longchamp’s ‘’Ugly girlfriends’’. (More about this under Because All Women Care About Are Men (and Family))

Chapter 227, the first image of the real six funeral wraths! Everybody looks freakin’ terrifying EXCEPT BLUEBELL, SHE’S JUST SLEEPING??!!

Shittopi-chan. Okay. The second female member of the Simon. That’s more women than the other sets of Elements have! I’m happy with that, but I would have been happier if they hadn’t sexualised Adel so much. And while I love Shittopi and her amazing steadfast belief in herself and her great confidence and wouldn’t have her any other way, it stands out to me that well… The first thing that happens after her introduction is Gokudera calling her a U.M.A. A freaking Unidentified Mysterious Animal.  

Handled well: Adel (chapter 283), Oregano (Chapter 112, reasonable), Lal Mirch (Chapter 112), Daniela (Chapter 158), Chrome (Chapter 113- Her entrance was fabulous).

The Kitchen

There’s nothing wrong with the kitchen. That’s where the knives are, after all! *grins* But sadly, as a woman, I know more than a thing or two about ‘’women belonging in the kitchen,’’ and ‘’make me a sandwich, woman.’’

This is the shit I’m talking about: 

Kyoko & Hana: Cooking class. Only girls. Ew. No. 

Also, in the future arc Kyoko, Haru, Bianchi and even CHROME were on kitchen duty. Kyoko and Haru were “doing what they could,” as is said in canon, but with how much time Bianchi spends with them, couldn’t they have learned how to sharpen knives or something? Besides, it was vital for them to know how to protect themselves in order not to be a liability.

Pretty much, I wanted to see Kyoko and Haru do ANYTHING besides cooking and doing the laundry!

And CHROME?! Sure, she was sick, but what a mighty coincidence! The only female guardian ending up in the kitchen while the rest of them trains and powers up!

And what was especially f*** awful about the future arc was that it TRIED TO JUSTIFY it by “we are doing what we can.’’

I love the bonding moments between the girls in the future arc, BUT WHAT WAS BIANCHI DOING THERE? EVERYBODY WAS BUSY! FUUTA WAS ALMOST NEVER THERE! FUUTA IS A TOO-TALL 18-YEAR-OLD BABY WHO NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED, WHY BE YOU OUT THERE WHILE THE EXPERIENCED HITMAN IS IN THE FREAKING KITCHEN?!!

There is another thing about the girls being put on kitchen duty: you realize how many people they’ll be cooking for and cleaning after? And how many of them are growing teenagers constantly training? That’s not something any 14-year-old girl would know how to do just by virtue of being a girl.

Consider: if Kyoko ever cooked meals at home, it would be just for her parents and Ryohei and herself. That’s four. Haru is a lone child, that’s three. The situation just doesn’t make any sense! Why couldn’t they have like, had a rotating schedule for cleaning and cooking shifts alongside training? Or heck, why isn’t there any worker tasked with the kitchen duty?

Kept in the Dark

Excerpt from Bianchi’s wiki page:

’‘Bianchi again comes to the foreground as a tutor right before Choice, but this time to Chrome. They train in hand-to-hand combat, with I-Pin to help out. During the girls’ strike, she supports Haru and Kyoko’s decision to stop doing housework until the boys tell them what’s going on. However, she also tells them what the boys are most likely thinking, and convinces them to call the strike off.”

She was Gokudera’s tutor before. But Bianchi convincing them to put the strike off? That was a slap in my face, lady! They’ve got a RIGHT to be pissed off, they’re far away from home, in the middle of a war, and you keep them in the dark! They don’t know what’s going on at all! AND THIS:

“Bianchi is first briefly seen watching Reborn worriedly when he awoke from his dream, and later seen again observing while Nana is angered at Tsuna for badmouthing Iemitsu, his father. Later, she was seen carrying an unconscious Nana who fainted after being hit by Iemitsu’s blood while wondering why Nana had to go through such an ordeal. She then requests that they make it so that when Nana wakes up, she will think it was a dream.”

Nana- seemingly obvious, has an overseas husband, “airheaded”? My God. No. Not to mention what the freakin’ anime did with her. All expressions GONE like that! Lal’s place as one of the strongest seven in the world was stolen by Colonello, no matter how well-meant it was.

Sexualization

Adel’s ZIPPER.

Iris Hepburn seduced a couple of scientists to do what she wanted- not manipulated, they say she “charmed and seduced”. Ugh. 

Also, not truly sexualized, but definitely need to be noted: Bluebell’s nudity (See Young girls, old men, nudity and being creeped on) and that one scene in the anime (I can’t quite recall if it was in the manga too) in which Gamma remembers Aria.

How? Oh, just, you know, him crawling through her open window shirtless, and her sitting up in bed, clutching the bedding to her obviously naked front while aiming a gun at him.

Also, what is it with Chrome and being attacked by tentacles? First Mammon with the tentacle illusion, then Glo Xinia!

Also, the nude shots of the girls in some very pin-up girl poses in the bathroom scene of the Future Arc (chapter 237) were horrible!

Young girls, old men, nudity and being creeped on

The KHR thing with young girls just… *shiver* For a show about fourteen-year-old kids, there are a LOT of creepers.

Chrome is the biggest victim of it, though sadly, not the only one. Glo Xinia made me so f*** uncomfortable- honestly, he was creeping on Chrome too. The Simon arc and Chrome with Daemon sends my skin crawling every time.

Also, the Byakuran hypnotizing Yuni? Yeah. Older guy controlling younger girl, the whole thing giving you the creeps? Chrome and Daemon, anyone?

Also, you remember Bluebell’s introduction? When she was climbing out of the water and one of the other Funeral Wreaths (I don’t remember which one) telling her something about proper lady manners or something along those lines? 

On Bluebell: I checked (chapter 239) and not only does Zakuro comment on her flat chest! Bluebell gets angry at him in a rather childish manner, but when she calls out Kikyo to defend her, he goes: “Zakuro’s just lashing out because he’s jealous of how cute you are.”

Zakuro: “Not likely.”

And then KIKYO SAYS: “Now, Bluebell, you are a girl, so how about you stop spreading your legs in that unsightly manner?”

And Bluebell’s only reaction to this is to close her legs (she was naked, but if she’s already naked in their vicinity, then what? It’s obviously normal for her? Not to mention that’s she’s naked during her INTRODUCTION SCENE?

And the weird thing is, while I’m happy they do treat her like a child, she’s fifteen! They make comments about her chest! And the “treating her like a child” thing is mostly not seeing her as a woman from Kikyo’s standpoint- aka, she’s not sexualized entirely.

It just f*** me up because they still make comments that are really sexist and could be seen as sexualization- not to mention that it’s that kind of freaking patriarchy superior bullshit that KEEPS her from growing up! My gosh) and complaining more about Zakuro!

Also, was it just me or were the Gamma and Yuni overtones rather romantic? Because they felt like it. And Yuni’s what? Fourteen? Thirteen? Fifteen if we’re pushing it? That’s ANOTHER young girl and an older man.

Yeeppppp. from A-Z from their ‘I feel about you the same way my mother did’ (which??? is big ?????????) until Yuni sacrifices herself.

Disease and Disability

Sick characters? Injuries, disease and mental illnesses not caused by battle wounds? Here’s a list:

Yamamoto (broken arm, depression)

Gokudera (trauma)

Hibari (though technically Sakura kura was administered by a weapon too)

Tsuna (skull disease- caused, once again, by weapons- the dying will bullets)

Ryohei (ADHD heavily implied)

Byakuran (What’s happening in his head? I don’t know, but it certainly wasn’t good for his mental health)

Chrome (no organs, repeatedly a problem when Mukuro does not come to the rescue)

Bluebell (parental abuse through neglect, paralyzed legs and trauma from seeing the car accident that ended her brother’s life)

 Luce, Aria, Yuni (Arcobaleno curse, results in early death)

 Lal Mirch (the only Arcobaleno visibly seen suffering the effects of Byakuran’s anti-Arcobaleno gass or whatever it was)

Lavina (fatal disease).

I love representation of disease and disability if done right, but looking at the list and the topic of this post, I’d say my point has been made. Also, an interesting observation: While the men do seem to deal with mental illnesses, the rest seem to be solely resting on the shoulders of the women.

Because All Women Care About Are Men (and Family)

Bianchi’s few star moments were mostly dominated by statements about love and her ex-boyfriend- though the future arc had her being AWESOME!

Akiko Irie- Shoichi’s sister. Wanna know what her wiki article says? This is under “History” :

“Not much is known about her but it is known that she has a boyfriend.”

Because that’s obviously all we need to know! Don’t even get me STARTED on Longchamp’s girlfriends- 'cause that’s their role! Girlfriend only! (Not to mention the “oh he falls for ugly girls,” thing. Like, seriously?)

Elena is near perfect- great ideals, hints at layered character- but even she is in the end almost solely remembered for the fact that she was Daemon’s wife/lover. She was clearly a vital member of the Primo generation, yet no guardian and completely forgotten because nobody recognized her? Tsuna must have been vetted extensively on the past bosses and their family as the Vonogola heir, yet he didn’t recognize her or had any idea about her existence.

Magi- the Simon child in the last Cozart memory in the Simon arc- Cozart stated that he and Giotto believed that Magi’s descendants would someday be able to laugh together with the Vongola descendants.  He and Giotto talked about this? Why not their own descendants (besides the fact that Cozart is obviously gay for Giotto, but that’s never confirmed)? Why think about Magi’s descendants? She’s a child! Once again: are you going to start this early with “that’s the only thing we need to know about this female side character”? 

Major pet peeve: MM being pitted against female characters. I still loathe the MM-Chrome interaction in the future arc where she slaps Chrome with all of my being.

YES! Like, the only interaction we’ve seen from MM is her swooning over Mukuro, her fighting Bianchi, her threatening and/or slapping Chrome OVER MUKURO and her complaining to Fran about him pronouncing her name wrong.

M.M.’s wiki entry personality summary: 

‘’She cares a lot about fashion and money, and prefers to date rich men. M.M. can be blunt and has a short temper. Despite this, she does have a caring side. She clearly has an interest in music.’’

Curse of the Rainbow arc? Oh, she’s there! But what a surprise- Levi’s interested in her and she’s all like: I’ll go on a date with you, but you’ll have to pay me for it!

Levi: The price is too high! 

There’s nothing wrong with hookers, it’s an honest profession, but as far as we know M.M. isn’t one!

Adel’s canon relationship with Julie. While Julie’s appearances have been mostly Daemon in disguise and therefore not actually good source material, the way she was reduced to a blushy mess, losing all composure suddenly over him… It felt like they took away a part of her.

Adel should be the one to have people being reduced into blushy messes and composure-losses over her. 

Chrome is subject to Mukuro’s whims. For the clearest example: Mukuro’s behaviour in the future arc. However, this eventually does lead to Chrome learning to stand in her own power in the Inheritance Arc. However, on the Inheritance arc: Chrome is the one abducted. Chrome is the one creeped on by Daemon.

There are things that I have a bone to pick with, the first one that pops into my head is how the girls are just there to cook and clean in the future arc. and then the part when the girls are in the bath and they see the wound Chrome has from training, I don’t remember the exact wording of the dialogue at that moment, but I remember that it made me want to punch something.

I found the accompanying scene:

Mochida treating Kyoko like a freaking prize and Kyoko never getting to punch him for it.

The list is endless.

Saviors

Kyoko gets rescued by Tsuna from Mochida. TYL!Kyoko gets rescued by Tsuna!

Haru is saved from drowning by Tsuna!

Chrome is constantly being saved by Mukuro, Ken and Chikusa. Her very life depends on this. Next to her organs, see Glo Xinia and many other instances.

This list would be VERY long if I went after every single instance in the manga.

Character Development

Where is my female character development? 'Cause I’m only seeing it in Bianchi, Chrome, Adel and Shittopi!

Conclusion

The Cervello are one of the few where little is to be said about. Daniela is the only non-villain(like appearance) besides Mami. Mami, who is one of the only female side characters that’s actually handled well. She’s believable, she’s the traumatic nightmare haunting Enma.

Oregano is also handled reasonably well (though I have to say, people, PLEASE stop making her the woman Iemitsu cheats on Nana within fanfiction). Sepira is good!

But the rest? The headlines in this post speak for themselves.

What I need, my friends, is for Operation: KHR Fix It Female to start Right. Now.

If I’m wrong on any of these points, guys, please tell me, because I’d LOVE to be wrong! To quote @i-w-p-chan: I need my fucking war axe.

[lifesruiner]

There’s nothing holding me back II

Well, I did that for Halloween party but since I am the worst I am posting it just now bc I got too lazy during halloween, you can find the first part here 

Hope you like it! <3

-Why did you tell them that you two are engaged? -Gaston asked confused once they got to their home 

-To let those losers very clear I am off the market so they won’t even try anything on me -Ambar answered uninterested and Matteo chuckled knowing that there was more reasons, but that was Ambar’s problem 

-But are we really letting them stay in the town? -Jazmin asked again with that disgusted expression 

-I said yes, what is your problem with them? -Matteo asked her serious 

-They smell like wet dogs -She repplyed making him roll his eyes 

-And we smell like dead dogs to them, so your point is? -He said standing closer to her, Jazmin was one of the few people that could make Matteo lost it, so she just lifted her hands a little bit and shook her head in surrender 

-Wow, you are very defensive about that pack -Ambar smiled cold to him, and he prepared himself to some rash comment -Don’t you tell me you got caugh on one of them? -She said with fake pitty on her voice and took his chin 

-Don’t be the dick you always are, this is strategy -He said shrugging her off and sitting in front of all -Look, we’ve been here for a long time now and other poeple is going to come after us sooner or later, so a werewolf pack having our back doesn’t sound awful 

-I think Matteo is right, plus they seemed chill -Ramiro said standing and placing a supportive hand on Matteo’s back 

-You know I’m with you till the end of the line -Gastón said resting in one of their big couches 

-Cool then, I don’t care about the rest of you losers so I’m out -Matteo said walking of their house and no one said nothing else, that was typical Matteo, he cared only about him, and a little bit Gastón, but mostly himself 

He was walking towards a part at the top of a little hill, it was very hide and hard to reachh but he could do it in just one jump, it was his special spot there, he could saw and hear everything that was happening in the city but he could also spaced out everytime he needed, and in that moment he really needed but when he was approaching there he felt that bold of happiness he felt that morning but he had no idea why so he rushed towards his place when he saw her, the little brunette werewolf, Luna, he remembered her name, he thought it was kind of poetic a werewolf named Luna, he remembered how there was this energy around her that made him feel warm and how her eyes made him feel peacefull, and how she made him feel, when he didn’t even remembered the last time he felt 

-I know you are there Matteo -She said calm not taking her sight out off the town panorama 

-Great senses cucciola -He approched her and sat by her side 

-I could smell you from from ten miles apart -She said and it made him realized something, he didn’t feel her smell, not that afternoon, not when he was approaching her, he felt her, yes, but her werewolf smell wasn’t there 

-Dead smell, sure -He said with fake amusement -What is doing a lonely cucciola on my spot this late at night? 

-I didn’t know this was your spot, I just was walking amesly and got here, but I can go -She said standing up but Matteo hold her by the wrist 

-Don’t go, you can stay if you want -If Luna would known Matteo better she could say that his voice was shaking, she looked at him for a couple of seconds that seemed like an ethernity and then sat back next to him -You are warm -He said shocked 

-Yes, we always are -She said amused, but what she didn’t know is that Matteo never felt warm

-Yeah sure -He dished the subject like it was not big deal- But you didn’t answer me, what brings you here? You are very far from where you are staying 

-How do you know where I am staying? -She smirked 

-I know everything that happens in this town -He smirked back and she thanked to be sat because her knees became jelly-So? What brings you here? 

-I... I actually don’t know -She confessed - I was walking aimless and then next thing I knew I was standing here watching the town in its whole splendor -She was looking at the panorama but a little chuckle made her turn her head -What? What is so funny? 

-You ending up here the same way I did, and no one else has been here before

-Not even your fiancé?-Luna asked with a litle bittering on her tongue 

-You mean Ambar? -He asked between laughter and she nodded without looking at him -She is not my fiancé 

-Then why did she said that? -Luna turned her head to look at him again, and damn, those big puppy eyes were doing something to Matteo 

-She says that to every person she could potentialy like so they would step back -He shrugged like it was nothing but Luna had a big shocked expression on her face -I think it’s the big puppy one, Simon is the name of your alfa?-He answered guessing that was the thing she was going to ask 

-Yes, he is, but... Did she like Simon? -she was confused, she merely talked to him 

-I guess, I am not completely sure, but I would bet on him, why? are you two together? -He asked serious 

-What? Ugh, no! gross, he is like a brother to me -She said and a little grin appeared on his face 

-Oh, okay good luck, he’s going to need it with a girl like Ambar -He laughed and for the first time he saw her giggle, the moon has nothing to do on her smile, it was the brigthest he has seen in all his life -Your smile is so cute 

-Thank you -She said with a shy smile and looked at her hands, they were covered by a silence that wasn’t awkward, but he felt the need to talk 

-Want to see something cool about this particular spot? 

-Sure -Luna answered and Matteo moved closer to her, making her freeze on her spot nervous and he could felt it 

-Relax, just close your eyes -She stayed still -I am not going to suck  your blood -He rolled his eyes and she didn’t know what, but something about himself made her trust, so she did as he told her -Focus, focus where the wind is coming from, focus where is it going -She did it and inmediatly was overwhelmed by the things she was feeling, she hadn’t felt that way since the first full moon she experienced after turning a werewolf and had to rush to open her eyes afraid of transform herself any second 

-What the hell was that? -She asked excited 

-Is cool right? -He said witha big grin on his face 

-Cool? I thought I was going to lose myself any minute and rip your head off -Matteo felt how she was trying to control her breathing 

-Well, I know at first is a little overwhleming, but once you get to managed it, you can hear and sense everything in this town, aslo look -He said pointing at the town panorama- You have a clear view of everything that happens in every street 

-You know, that is definetely creepy -She joked and he let a little chuckle out 

-It is if you use it for creepy reasons 

-And I guess you only use it for the right reasons, am I wrong? -She said with a clear tone of teasing on her voice 

-Of course, I do everything for the right reasons -He shrugged not humble at all and both laughed 

-And those are? -She asked facing at him, they were really close but at that moment neither of them minded at all 

-Like avoiding a robbery, or helping an old lady to cross the street, or know when Roberto’s pizza is just out of the oven -He said with an smirk and Luna jumped on realization 

-Italian, SURE! How did I not realize that before? -She said hitting her forehead softly 

-What? -He asked with a confused smile on his face 

-I knew you weren’t from here, but I couldn’t realize from where, but now that you mentioned pizza I realized you are italian, am I right? -She asked enthusiastic and he couldn’t help the giggle he let out 

-Yes, I am italian, cucciola, and you are the cutest mexican I’ve ever met -He said getting his face even closer to her 

-You smell... -She managed to say and he stop approaching to her remembering the thing a werewolf told him some years ago “All vampires stink like dead” 

-Oh yeah, dead -He showed what could be described just like half a smile 

-Strawberries -She said interrupting him 

-What? -He asked amused 

-You smell like strawberries, all your friends do have kind of a smell like dead, but you smell like strawberries does, why? -She asked confused, he was facing her again and their faces were just milimeters away from each other

-I have no idea - He laughed- Also I have no idea why you don’t smell like anything, your friends do smell like wet dogs, but then you, nothing, the only thing that separate you from surprise me is that overwhleming feeling I get when I am close to you, I felt it this morning and I felt it again when I got here -While he was saying all that the space between their was closed enough to make their forehead together and their noses graze eachother 

-This is not going to end up well -She said breathing hard, without stop looking at his lips 

-I know, do you care? -He asked and she let out a deep sight and was the only lead he needed to take her head with one of his hands and puch their lips together, the kiss was rushed and deep, like they were needing that for a long time, even if they didn’t even know

They stayed till almost midnight, Luna left because she knew her pack would get worried and Matteo walked her close, they said goodbye with a little kiss and both separate ways with the big grins ever, when Matteo arrived to the manor he didn’t even bother to enter to the front door, so he just climbed to his bedroom, turn on a light and screamed finding his best friend on his bed 

-What the fuck dude? What are you doing in my bedroom with the lights off? Please tell me you weren’t playing with yourself -Matteo said covering his face with both hands 

-Of course not, I was waiting for you but you are so biased that you didn’t even feel I was here, and by your wet dog stink I can say you were with out new friends? -Gaston induced and Matteo just grinned again by the thought of Luna- And by that smile I can say it was the littlest green eyed one? -Gaston was Matteo’s best friend since he has memory, when Matteo had no one, he always had Gaston and the other way around, so Gastón knew Matteo perfectly and knew since the moment Matteo didn’t stop gazing that girl in the meeting that something was happening with her 

-Her name is Luna -Was the only thing Matteo said while taking his shirt off 

-Oh, so I am right something happened, tell me what base exactly? -Gastón asked and Matteo thrown his shirt at him knowing Gastón was joking -Okay, don’t tell me, you are a gentlement I get it, but you realize she is a werewolf and this is insane right? 

-I know -Matteo said throwing himself in the bed next to Gaston -But there’s something about her, since the moment I saw her... I knew dude, I knew there was something that I won’t get enough, and actually I don’t get what is the big deal about that, the big feud between werewolves and vampires is just nonsense, and I don’t care about that anymore, I felt something tonight, I felt something I never felt before and I don’t want to stop that feeling, not for now at least 

-Oh dude -Gastón said a little sight out that confused Matteo -We are so screwed 

-No, first of all I am your leader and I won’t let anything happen to this crew, this is my priority, but I am sure Luna is not a threat for that -Matteo said convinced and surprised how sure he was of someone he just met 

-I know, what I mean is that, after you left we talked and basically Ramiro said the blonde one was super cute, Delfi talked nonstop about the black haired one and I know that Ambar said that about being your fiancé because she liked the leader one and I can’t asure you she is not making out with him at this very moment -Gaston said and Matteo laughed amused, Ambar was really fast when she wanted something, so he won’t assure that neither -And the little one with glasses, I actually think she is adorable and I won’t mind talk to her -Gastón confesed and Matteo covered her face with his hands again 

-This is going to be a mess, right? -Matteo asked and Gastón only hummed an afirmation -We are so fuck up

-Buddy, you have no idea -Gastón said and both bursted in laughs, maybe that wasn’t something they planned at all to happen but Matteo was so happy that he couldn’t care less and Gastón was so excited to see the come out of all that, knowing the happy ending was possible 

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 13

Author’s Note:  This is the first chapter written by my new co-author, @ritualistic-raven, AKA The Real Tyche.  Initially, this was a fanfiction she wrote from Tyche’s perspective, but as soon as I found out, I had to read it.  The idea of everything was just too good not to include!  Obviously, this chapter is dedicated, first and foremost to her: For being my biggest fan, my staunchest supporter, and with everything going on in our lives right now, making everything as easy as possible on us both.

She would like to dedicate this chapter to Dante, God Rest His Soul.

Please: Read, Review, Reblog.

“Where were you when it happened?”

I sighed deeply as I placed my mug on the table. “Antoine, why would you ask this?” As I said his name, his grip on my hand tightened reassuringly.

Sophia raised an eyebrow at his gesture. “You have been avoiding it. You haven’t even told me and I’m your sister. Between you and my old therapist, I know first-hand that talking helps. You know what I’m talking about.” She gently pet the purring puddle of fur on her lap, pausing only when it stretched, showcasing claws and fangs.

In my heart, I knew she was right. There was a complication though: my memory never had been reliable. “More holes than a sponge and nowhere as absorbent,” is how I had always described it. I could summarize ten years in three sentences. These survivors wanted a story, not the bullet points.

“I haven’t undergone repair yet. I know Noah can fix me. My memory. I’m just not sure I want that. Soph, you know how bad my life was back home. Antione, darling, I’ve briefed you on a few parts. Conor, Arantxa, you will likely find out soon. I don’t hide my past, but I also don’t simply offer it,” I sighed again, the last few words feeling tight in my throat. “What I mean is… I only remember pieces. I can share those, but a lot is missing. Most was either repetitive or I just don’t remember.”

All eyes were on me, even the bright green eyes of the fur-puddle.

“Tyche?” Antoine spoke softly, but his voice shook ever-so-slightly.

The hand that wasn’t on mine reached for my other wrist, the one I hadn’t realized was held in a fist next to my shoulder. He pulled back to show blood on his fingertips, only, it wasn’t his.

My sister stood up casually and announced our meeting was over for tonight. “Tyche will be okay. I’ve got this. If everyone could just leave, without touching her, I’ll get her cleaned up. It’s PTSD, and she just told us she hasn’t let the Miys treat her. Tyche will be okay. I’ve got her.”

Our friends placed their dinnerware on the counter and each said goodnight, concern in every word. After the doors to my quarters closed, Sophia sat beside me, where Antoine had been, and sat our now-shared cat on the table in front of me. “Can you see ‘now’ or are you seeing the past?” she asked quietly.

Being able to act in the present while my mind showed me only the past was an unfortunate skill of mine. No one could really explain how I could do this, but it was classed as a form of shellshock. With so many on the ship with moderate to severe levels of PTSD, the Miys had found my particular form of shellshock fascinating.

“Now,” I barely whispered. My right hand found the cat while my left was clenched tight. Blood dripped slowly toward my elbow.

“Good start,” Sophia said, still quiet, with a ridiculous level of calm that I knew was her own self-defense mechanism. “Your hand is bleeding. I’m guessing you flashed back to something really awful. I’m so sorry, Tyche.” She calmly uncurled my fingers to look at the cuts. My fingernails had dug into my palm pretty deeply, somehow without registering pain.

A voice came over the intercom that rang with panic and anger. “She’s bleeding! Why would you let her hurt herself, Soph?! How was bringing up the beginning of the End a good idea?!”

My chair fell back a few feet when I erupted from it. “Don’t you dare blame her for this!” I thrust my hand poignantly toward the camera module, emphasizing my last word. “Don’t you dare blame any of them, Simon!”

“Tyche, you need to calm down. Raising your—”

“Oh, fuck off. I have PTSD, as do all of us – except you, might I add? I am traumatized and I refused treatment.”

“That’s—”

An absolutely primal scream roared from my tiny frame because I could not stand Simon. He was truly terrible at handling any of my PTSD episodes, had been since the moment I first woke up on Ark.

“Tyche—”

I audibly growled before I spoke again. “What are you even watching me for? You swore you wouldn’t when you stepped down from the Council! What the hell do you want?”

He cleared his throat from his location elsewhere on the ship. “You have a meeting in two hours. Your quarter doors were set to Do Not Disturb and due to your illness history, there was concern for your safety. Apparently with good reason.”

“Simon,” my sister began as she set my chair upright, still unnaturally calm but clearly scolding him with that one word. “You know to check entry logs first. Then you would have seen I had an official appointment with our Assistant Director of Administration. Go back to work.”

“With all due respect, ma’am—”

“The concern is appreciated. She is my sister, though. I am one of the few people in any universe she trusts. Please, just – go away. Tyche would probably like privacy now.” She shifted her gaze to me.

I nodded almost imperceptibly. As I turned around to walk to my bed, the intercom clicked off. The Miys, with their not-very-good understanding of privacy, slipped words into my mind. “There is an infirmary approximately two-hundred and fifty yards from your quarters. Would you like to be escorted?”

The telepathic hive-mind alien ‘spoke’ in a tone of genuine concern. I don’t think it had witnessed a physical result from PTSD before.

“No, I have not. Your recollection is – fragmented, but very strong. How can the human psyche withstand such emotions of such strength?”

I brought the knuckles of my wounded hand to my forehead. “It can’t. The psyche breaks. Otherwise, post-traumatic stress disorder wouldn’t exist. If our psyche could handle it, our brains wouldn’t…” I waved my hand to signal I was trying to find a word. “Our brains wouldn’t glitch, or malfunction, or however you best understand the damage done to my brain by my traumatic experiences.”  Sophia opened the door and reminded me about the infirmary.  Apparently, our host had included her in the conversation.

“Right. Thanks. I’ve managed to keep my hand pretty since before the End. Let’s not break that streak now.”

The alien body in the infirmary was just as tall the all the others. Not really a surprise, given the months I had been on this ship, but I had hoped for some distinguishing feature from time to time. My sister, however, could tell them apart. How she did that remained a mystery to me.

I strolled over to the Miys body assigned here and carefully held out my wounded hand. With one pair of hands, it placed my arm on an exam bench adjusted to my shoulder height. It did know I was on my way, after all. This was also not my first visit. The Miys vessel moved a CD sized scanner over the wound, no doubt checking the severity of the injury.

“So, Tyche,” my sister said with a note of curiosity. “Who is this Antoine guy? You two seemed awfully chummy.”

I looked at her and blinked, trying to register what she asked. The Miys still had little understanding of dissociation, but Sophia understood perfectly and showed patience. She knew what post-panic numbness felt like.

“He’s, um… What do you mean? Chummy? In what sense?” My brain was catching up and my tone reflected playfully.

She placed a hand on her hip and tilted her head. “I saw Antione’s hand on yours. We both know you’re generally a prickly person,” she laughed. “You were practically cuddling with him, if someone knew what to look for.”

“Oh! That. He’s basically my assigned comfort-human. Ever since I told our hosts about touch-starvation, they’ve been trying to encourage me to bond with someone. Y’know. For my health.” A cold serum was injected into my palm. “Ah! You could have warned me!”

The serum was designed to heal our wounds almost instantly. It worked, mostly. As long as the injury wasn’t what human consider severe – the Miys considered everything severe – the serum could stimulate rapid cell growth. You could actually watch the injury heal within minutes. The only side-effect was a few days of the site tingling.

“Anyway,” I said as I watched the cuts on my palm heal, “Antoine was one of the ‘candidates’ to ‘facilitate’ catching me up on lost touch or whatever. He’s good at snuggling, will bring me meals when I’m not well, and fully respects that I am asexual. I ended up telling Them, well, It, since there’s only one mind… Ugh… I still feel awkward about the pronouns… Our Host that it really is best for me if I receive that touch from someone I can get to know. That sounds creepy, I know, but I digress. I guess Antoine is like an arranged boyfriend? He knows the deal. Aroace. He asked what it means and I explained. He said that actually makes things less awkward if we end up not getting along and have to end our ‘arrangement.’”

We both laughed as we left the infirmary. I told her it was much easier to get the cuisine I was accustomed to thanks to Antoine and some of the things he had told me about himself.

The pendant on her necklace chimed, signaling that my that my councilmember sister had another official meeting. Our three hours had come to an end.

“Same time next week?” She asked, casually brushing her fingertips over the pendant to silence it.

I looked down as I smirked. “I can take a sedative just to make sure things don’t turn out like this week. So yeah, same time next week.”

We parted ways and I couldn’t help but think of how badly I had reacted to a simple question. He didn’t mean anything by it. At some point, we all shared our stories with a crowd. Some days, the assemblies felt like Addicts Anonymous. The attending members were almost always awkward, fumbling through their histories on Earth.  Given that my position on the ship dealt with so many people, I knew that sharing my story would help them see me less as a bureaucrat. Seeing me as a person they can relate to would make my job easier when learning where to place them for jobs.

Looked like it was time for me to get the hard part over with, damn the emotions and full speed ahead.

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[huffletiika]

Back to you

Lutteo | kinda canon Best Friend’s Wedding AU

Well, hello! I’m here with chapter three, which is the last one... indeed. Well, there’s still an epilogue coming, maybe on monday (?), so we have still one thing more from this AU (and I’m thinking about a spin off with Simbar, so let me know if you want it.) Thanks to Bia @from-red-string for proofreading it, and to Mandy @deliverychicafresa for helping me with some her absolutely brillant ideas for this chapter. 

This is 5.6k words filled with fluff, fangirling and sassiness (fresanness as well), so you have been warned.

CHAPTER 3 [other chapters]

Luna looks at her reflection in the mirror as she tries to put some makeup on to cover the purple marks that he has left on her neck, but there’s no way she could make it, no matter how much corrector she put on it, they were still showing. She growls with frustration and sighs. She isn’t giving up, she is just taking a well-deserved rest, as she has been trying to cover them for a while already. What could she do? Maybe ask Yam for some of her make-up, or Jim, or maybe both, but then she would have to tell the girls how she ended up with those marks, and as much as she adores them, there’s no way she would tell them what happened the night before between her and Matteo.

The remembrance makes her body shiver. His kisses, his hands running through her skin, his words in her ear, and his body pressed against hers. It felt like heaven, and even if she has been trying to deny it to herself, as she doesn’t want to put her hopes too high, it has been the best night of her life.

They need to talk, she knows that, he must be mad at her for leaving in the morning, but she freaked out and didn’t know what else to do. She is confused, not about her feelings for him, she knows them. Last night is the proof that, no matter how much time passes, she can never stop loving him. She is confused because what’s to come is uncertain, because they have two different lifestyles, and because they tried once to be together and it ended in the worst way possible. What if it happens again? There are so many things that could go wrong. They are not the same people they used to be years ago, so many things have changed in their lives, and they have changed with them. He could figure out he doesn’t like the person she is now, love couldn’t be enough after all, and that would break her heart.

A knock on the door takes her out from her thoughts, and she tells the person on the other side to come in, thinking it would be room service. But it’s not room service, it’s Ambar, who is wearing a very beautiful red dress she guesses is from the fashion company she works for, and looks even more perfect than she does in her daily life, like some kind of Greek goddess. That’s very unfair for minions like her, to be honest.

“Lunita, why are you still here? The girls are looking for you, Nina is getting ready, and the photographer wants you to be in the pictures from the roo– Oh my God, what’s that?” she interrupts herself and points at her neck. “Are those hickeys?” she asks, getting close to take a look at them, and Luna uses her hand to cover them. She doesn’t need everyone knowing about the events of the night before.

“What’s what?” she asks, playing innocent.

“Oh, stop the act!” Ambar takes her hand off from her neck. “Oh my God, who did these? No, wait… you don’t have to answer that. It was Balsano, right? I swear to God I will kill him, how could he leave you looking like this when there’s a wedding today?” She complains. “Couldn’t he keep it to himself? That guy speaks five languages and probably knows what self-control means in none of them.” Luna gets speechless.

“How do you…?” Ambar doesn’t let her finish.

“How do I know?” She rolls her eyes. “Luna, all that time I spent plotting against you (for which, you know, I’m sorry), I paid a lot of attention to everything you used to do, and when you were with the idiot you had this like different smile, one I haven’t seen in years, and that I’m looking at right now.” Luna blushes. “And, anyway, you two were totally eye-fucking at the dinner.” She swipes her hand in the air.

“We weren’t!” she’s shocked.

“You totally were,” Ambar laughs, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Now, what are we going to do with those? I guess you don’t want everybody knowing about your busy night with Matteo. And don’t try to tell me you didn’t do what I’m thinking, because you totally did, you have that I got laid aura around you.” She starts to peek at Luna’s makeup, and Luna decides that contradicting Ambar Smith in this matter would be a waste of time, so she doesn’t even try.

“At least, tell me you two idiots used protection, because it’s too soon for a mini-Matteo or a Mini-Luna running around, or both! God knows how Yam survives having twins.” Luna blushed from head to toes.

“We did! We are not that foolish,” she replied, appalled.

“That’s debatable, dear cousin,” Ambar mocks, and Instead of continuing the discussion, Luna takes her brush, and tries to continue her camouflage job. “Stop, Lunita… you will never cover those atrocities with that shitty makeup.” The blonde stops her and takes the brush from her hand. “I will need my makeup. We could go to my room so I don’t have to move it, but no… Simon must be there. Can you believe he overslept? I told him not to stay until too late with the guys last night, but he didn’t hear me, so now he is going to be late for the pictures. I better go there and bring some of my makeup, I believe my concealer will work, it’s really good to cover these things.” She stands up.

“You don’t have to do this,” Luna tries to stop her, she doesn’t want to bother anyone.

“Yes I have,” she takes a look at her neck and winces. “I really have to do it, you will thank me later,” she adds, as she leaves the room, and then comes back some minutes later, with the hugest box of makeup she has ever seen in her life.

“And this is some of your makeup?” she asks, perplexed.

“Yeah, there’s another box in my room, but that only has eyeshadows and other stuff we don’t need to cover those disastrous things.” She sits and starts, first cleaning the old makeup, and then applying the new one.

After a couple of minutes Luna sighs, there was one question that was running through her head.

“How do you make it work? You and Simon, I mean… with the distance.” She bites her lip.

“You are asking this because of your thing with Matteo, aren’t you?” Ambar asks, looking suspiciously at her with her big blue eyes. Luna nods. “To be honest, I don’t know how… but it works. You know I need to have control over everything around me, it’s something I’m working on, though, so it has been hard to just close my eyes and do a leap of faith with Simon. But it’s working, and it’s great.” She smiles, and Luna can see how in love she is. “I think that if you love and trust each other, distance won’t be a problem. Take Gastón and Nina as an example, they made it work when he moved to Oxford, and they are marrying today.” She suddenly winces. “Ugh, kill me now… I’m talking like Simon.” She shakes her head and Luna starts laughing.

Eventually, Ambar does it as well.

“But, we are not the same people we used to be when we were together, and we didn’t stay in contact like you and Simon did.” Luna speaks out her thoughts when they get to stop laughing. “What if we are so different that it just doesn’t work?” she asks.

“What if it actually works because of that?” The blond girl contradicts her. “I mean… you remember how it ended between you two? Because it was really bad, almost as bad as when Simon and I broke up back then. If you were the same now it wouldn’t work either, it would be a big shipwreck.” She shrugs. “Sometimes changes are good, Lunita, and you have nothing to worry about, he is still an idiot, that won’t change in a million of years.” She laughs.

Luna bites her lips, considering her words. She might be right.

“And this is finally done!” Ambar says then, with enthusiasm, and she looks at her reflection in the mirror, noticing that the purple marks are gone. She sighs, and turns to the other girl, giving her a hug as thanks. Ambar is the one who breaks the embrace, fixing her own hair, making it look like she didn’t get emotional. “Ok, so… take the bottle, keep it in your purse, and keep checking if the purple marks start showing again, so you can make a quick fix.” She gives her the concealer bottle.  “But I believe it won’t be needed, this one is waterproof. Seriously, Lunita. I still don’t understand how you can use that cheap makeup, it’s terrible! I will send you a good package of our beauty line as soon as I get back to the office, I mean, after the trip to Maldives with… Oh, shit–.” She put her hand to cover her mouth.

“You are going to the Maldives with Simon? That’s your secret destination?” Luna jumped in her seat, excited for finally knowing the big secret. Ambar rolled her eyes.

“Please, don’t tell anyone that you know, much less to Simon. He’s excited about keeping it a secret.” She sighs, putting the rest of the makeup back to its place. “And go with Nina, the photographer must be going mental,” she rolls her eyes, and Luna smiles at her before leaving the room. Maldives, who would have guessed? She hopes the two of them enjoy their trip.

“You and Luna whaaaat?!” Gaston couldn’t hold his excitement, going around the room, jumping, and putting his hands over his mouth to avoid screaming. “Oh my God, Oh my God man… this is good, this is the best thing ever. Holy shit, this news is the best wedding gift, holy…! How did that happen? I mean, I don’t want details, or do I? No, no… no details, but tell me more, you idiot.” Matteo is looking at him, in complete shock.

“How do you want me to tell you shit if you call me idiot?” he asks.

“Oh, shut up and tell me how that miracle happened.” His friend goes back to pick up his silvery tie from the floor, where it fell after Matteo told him the events of the previous night. “I need more information, I had lost all my hopes with my ship, and now it looks like it finally sailed.” He is such a fanboy, Matteo thinks.

“I can’t shut up and talk at the same time, you know?” he teases, the smile on his face saying how amused he is at the moment, and how happy he feels about what happened.

“Then stop being an idiot and tell me,” he starts to do the knot, completely failing. “Oh, I had a list of puns ready for the occasion, and I forgot it in Buenos Aires!” Matteo walks to stand in front of him and helps him with his tie. What would this idiot do without him? Serious question.

“They are perfectly fine there, thanks. And there’s not much to tell, bro, so don’t get too excited,” he says, still working on the knot. “After I left you and the guys at the bar I went to my room, and because of your message to Nina she was at the door waiting for me to talk. So we went inside the room, we talked, and somehow it just happened.” He shrugs, he still can’t believe it actually happened.

“So I have some credit in this,” Gaston’s mischievous smile makes him want to punch him. If it wasn’t the day of his wedding, surely he would.

“Oh, shut up.” Matteo rolls his eyes, finishing his work with the tie. “Not a word about this to anyone, ok? I will kill you if this slips out of your mouth in front of someone else,” he goes and seeks for his own tie, as the groom puts on the vest and suit jacket.

“My future wife doesn’t count as one of those someone, right?” he looks at himself in the mirror. “I mean, I’m sure Luna already told her, and she could be the one to start the conversation, anyway.” Matteo rolls his eyes, but couldn’t find any argument to that.

“If that’s what you want to do in your wedding night, then you two are lame… very lame,” he mocks, and in that moment Ramiro and Simon entered the room, already wearing the groomsmen attire. Joking about the fact they both weren’t ready yet, and talking about the photographs they would go to do before the ceremony.

That, of course, makes the conversation get to an end, giving Matteo some moments to get ready, and to make sure there isn’t anything out of place. He’s still kind of tired, the events of the night before didn’t let him have much time for rest, but he is lucky: there aren’t any bags under his eyes, and he doesn’t look like some kind of zombie either. The huge smile he has after thinking in Luna helps as well. He really needs to see her again, though, make sure everything’s fine.

“Hey, bro… do you have a minute?” Simon’s voice takes him out from his thoughts, and he nods. “See, you know we are going to play at the party, but Nico’s flight got canceled and he can’t make it, and we really need someone else.” He rubs his nape. “With Pedro, we thought about asking you if you could play with us. I mean, I don’t know if you play the bass, but I can do it… so you would play the guitar, and–.” Matteo interrupts him.

“First of all, I can play the bass, so you don’t need to leave your dear guitar,” he informs him. “And second, I will play with you, guitarist, you don’t need to beg. Unless you were planning to get on one knee and stuff, then who I am to stop you?” he teases.

“Are you telling me that you are going to play with us? For real? You're not going to ask for anything in return?” he looks surprised that he accepted so easily, and that makes Matteo laugh.

“Yes, I will,” he pats his shoulder. “It’s my best friend wedding, of course, I will do anything to make it great. Besides, the band can’t be incomplete, that would be shameful, and considering that you are now in my label I can’t afford you making a fool of yourselves.” He shrugs. “And, how could I deny you the honor of playing with me?” Simon frowns. “I’m kidding.” He says, and they both smile at each other, all past fights are forgotten.

Luna’s gaze meets Matteo, and she feels like her heart has skipped a beat, or maybe two. He looks back at her, the smile on his face telling her he is not mad at her for leaving, or at least that’s what she hopes. He is busy talking with Gaston’s parents, and that gives her some time to put herself together before he is able to excuse himself and walk towards her.

The ceremony is almost beginning. The guests are already sitting in their places, the priest is located in the altar, which looks like the scenery of a winter fairytale, and they just have to wait a couple of minutes until Mora appears and tells everyone that they can start with the wedding march, as the stylist was still finishing up Nina’s hair.

“You look gorgeous, Chica Delivery,” he says, as he approaches her. His voice sends shivers all over her body, and she has to do use of all her willpower to not throw herself at him and kiss his lips, because he looks really good in that suit, and her mind only thinks about the fact she knows how good he would look without it.

“And you are looking very handsome, Chico Fresa,” she answers, feeling her own cheeks turning red. His smile gets wider and then he gets a step closer, as if he is about to tell her a secret.

“You left this morning,” he whispers. “Why?” his hand reaches hers, but he doesn’t grab it, he just caresses the back of it with one of his fingers, and that sole contact makes her whole body increase its temperature.

“Can we talk about it later?” she asks, looking around, noticing that some heads have turned to look at them. Gaston’s especially. The guy is looking at them as expecting them to have a full make out session there, in that exact moment, in front of everyone. “It’s not the right moment,” she adds, looking at Matteo’s confused expression.

He nods, after looking around.

“You’re right,” he says, sending a murderous look at his best friend.

Luna guesses the groom knows what happened, why wouldn’t he? She has told Nina about it as well, mostly because the bride asked her to tell her everything about last night as soon as she saw her, and because they were lucky enough to be alone. Her best friend was overly enthusiastic about it, even if it slipped from her lips that Ambar had learned about it first, letting her know her discomfort threatening with taking away her best friend’s benefits if something like that ever happens again. She reassured her that it wouldn’t, that the only reason the other girl knew first was for catching her in the middle of her hickey’s crisis, and that she was planning to tell her as soon as she saw her. That seemed to calm her best friend down, that and the fact she promised to give her further information later.

They stay silent for almost a minute.

“You know how hard it has been to hide the hickeys?” she asks then, because apparently she can’t stand the silence when he is next to her, making him put one of his best Chico Fresa smiles on his face, as he looked down at her neck. “What were you thinking when you made them?” she complains.

“To be honest, I believe I wasn’t thinking,” he replies after a couple of seconds, that stupid smile still there. “But, for the record, I didn’t hear any complaints from you as I was making them. In fact, if my memory doesn’t fail and I remember it correctly, you were even pledging for more.” She suddenly starts coughing, and he first laughs, but then goes and rubs her back with his hand, trying to help her, or simply taking advantage of having an excuse to touch her. Maybe both. She sees, by the corner of her eye, that Simon is on his way there to try help, but Gaston gets on her best friend’s way, telling him something she doesn’t get to hear, and dragging him to talk with his parents.

She shouldn’t feel as relieved, but she does.

When she finally gets to stop coughing she looks around with embarrassment, her cheeks turning very red, as even Gaston’s parents are curiously looking at her. Luckily enough, they are in some kind of living room, and there’s a glass door and some meters of distance that separates them from the place in the gardens where the ceremony would take place, so only the ones inside there saw her almost choking to death. She looks up at Matteo, who still has his hand on her back, and now is looking at her with concern.

“Are you okay, Chica Delivery?” he asks, and her heart skips a beat as every time he uses that nickname. “Do you want me to fetch some water?” he continues, and she shakes her head as a response.

“I’m fine,” she replies, taking a deep breath. “This is why we shouldn’t talk in this exact moment about this topic in particular.” He catches the meaning of her words immediately, and that devilish smiles she adores is back in his face.

“Yeah, we don’t want you having another coughing attack right before our best friend’s wedding, do we?” he raises one of his eyebrows. “But there’s only one thing I need to know: is everything okay? I mean, between us.” The deep brown of his eyes meet her gaze, letting her know that this is an important question, but she doesn’t have the answer, not yet, so she shrugs.

“I guess we will know when we get to talk,” she says, and he nods.

She bites her lip looking at him, and he looks back at her with such intensity that everything around them seems to be just not enough to catch her attention. It feels like time hasn’t passed. For a second she sees them together again in the lockers room at the Jam & Roller, he hiding her skate, they joking about a princess and her prince charming finding their true love because of the size of the skates. She wants to raise her hand and touch his face, and him to bend down a little so she could bring their lips together, but she knows that’s not the place, nor the moment, so she just sights and smiles. He smiles back at her.

“Ok, guys.” Mora appears out of nowhere, and they synchronously look at her. “The bride is ready, is time to start the show.” Ana comes with her, and she seems to be cleaning tears from under her eyes, so both women go with Gaston’s father to find their seats.

The music starts playing, and Luna smiles when she recognizes it. It’s a slow piano version of the song the couple sang together in an open, years ago, when they all used to go to the Jam & Roller. The first ones to walk down the aisle are Gaston with her mother, followed by Jim with Simon, and Yam with Ramiro. When it’s their turn Luna grabs Matteo’s arm and takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want to recognize this out loud, but she is nervous, what if she trips and falls? It wouldn’t be surprising, as her clumsiness hasn’t diminished a bit. He seems to notice it, and put his other hand on top of hers.

“Don’t worry, Chica Delivery, I won’t let you fall.” He promises. “I’ve always been there to keep you safe, remember?” he smiles down at her, and she smiles back at him, before nodding and starting their way down the aisle.    

It goes faster than she thought, they get to the altar in no time, and she doesn’t even trip once. Holding his arm gives her a sense of security that she had felt only years ago, when they used to skate together and do those tricks where he lifted her in his arms. Walking next to him is easier than breathing. The music starts again as she gets to her place on the altar next to Jim and Yam, and her sight meets her best friend as she walks down the aisle with her father, the latest looking like he is holding his tears, and she herself feels like holding her own. Nina looks gorgeous, as if she were the princess of a fairy tale, attracting the eyes of all attendees. Luna looks to the side, to the groom, and a smile is brought to her lips as she sees the emotions in his face.

Her eyes then meet Matteo’s gaze, who is looking at her instead to the bride, and something in the way he is looking at her makes her blush and look down to the soil.

The ceremony was beautiful, one of the sweetest and most emotional weddings of those she has ever attended, and with her mother's catering business she has attended several of these. Nina and Gaston had written their own vows, and they were so poetic and tender she was crying in no time, just like all the guests. The party is being more than fun, everybody is jumping and dancing around, and maybe she has made a joke of herself dragging all the people she crossed paths with to the dance floor, but she doesn’t care. The band’s performance was the best part of it, she was surprised to see Matteo go to the stage with the guys, as it was something she thought wasn’t possible. It was nice to see him there, enjoying what he loves, having fun with the other guys, while playing old school songs they used to perform in the Jam & Roller’s stage.

When the performance finishes the guys end up surrounded by guests, who were asking them for pictures and greetings, making it impossible for them to just go back to their seats. She laughs when their eyes meet again, there’s a girl from Gaston’s workplace who’s practically fangirling in front of Matteo, almost fainting, and he looks like he wishes he could just get rid of said situation, but the girl doesn’t seem to catch it. Luna empties her glass and puts in in the closest table before walking towards them, taking Matteo by surprise by taking his arm, as she smiles at the girl.

“Hope you don’t mind if I steal this guy from you,” she tells the girl, “he promised me a dance.” No, he hasn’t, but she was sure he wasn’t going to contradict her. He doesn’t, and a minute later they are walking towards the dancefloor.

“I should hire you as my bodyguard,” he says, making her spin.

“You won’t say the same when you see the cost of my fees,” she teases, as she puts her hands on his shoulders, and they start dancing to the rhythm of the music.

“I’m sure it will be worth,” he replies, as he puts his hands on her back and pulls her closer.

They get into the music, slow dancing, lost in their very own small universe. She hides her face in his chest, getting drunk by the smell of his cologne, he absently draws circles on her back with his fingertips, making her shiver. But then, the music changes, and he curses under his breath. Luna looks up at him, as she doesn’t understand why the change in his mood, but then she pays attention to the lyrics of the song.

«Fly me to the moon, let me play among stars, let me see what’s spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand, in other words, baby kiss me...»

She misses a step and almost stumbles.

Both of them look directly at the newlyweds’ table, finding an almost dying of laughter Nina, and a very proud of himself Gaston, who is raising his glass in their direction. Luna gets red, again, thinking about various ways of murdering the groom without getting imprisoned. And for the look in Matteo’s eyes, she is sure he is thinking just the same.

“I believe this is our call to leave the dancefloor,” he tells her. “We have a pending talk.” She looks up at him and nods, taking his hand as he guides them out from the hall, not caring if everyone was watching them leave.

They found a nice place to sit in the gardens, as far as possible from the place of the party so no one could interrupt them. It was cold, but the time of the year gave them the certainty that they would only see snow at the top of the distant mountains, but just in case he puts his arm on her shoulders and brings her closer. She rests her head on his shoulder, and takes a deep breath.

“So,” he starts talking. “Why did you leave this morning?”

“Because I got scared,” she admits.

“Of what?” he asks, after a while, letting she know he was afraid of the answer for that question. That’s something she has got to learn about him: he seems like a very confident guy, but he isn’t, he is very insecure when it comes to his true feelings.

“Of it being a mistake,” is the answer she gets to give him, and he tenses.

“You think it was a mistake…” it wasn’t a question.

“I do,” she replies, and he winces as a hurt creature, before trying to stand up from the bench. She stops him. “It was a mistake because it was impulsive,” she explains him. “Because we did it without having a proper conversation, without really knowing the older version of each other… we have changed so much, Matteo, we are not the same two children that used to go skate in the Jam & Roller. It was a mistake because we let our feelings lead our actions, and didn’t think about the consequences of them, or what we are going to do since today.” She turns around and takes his face in her hands, making him look at her eyes. “But it was a beautiful mistake, and I don’t regret it, I would never…” she needs him to understand it, more than anything.

He raises one of his hand, caressing her cheek.

“Last night I told you this, and I say it again: I love you, Luna. Time hasn’t changed it a bit, if so it has made it stronger. We are different people now, I know that, but if there is one thing I'm sure about, it's that I'm going to love every version of you,” he smiles down at her. “And, you know why?” she shakes her head, hypnotized by his voice. “Because it’s you, it’s always been you.” She feels tears coming out from her eyes.

“I love you too, Matteo,” she replies with a shaky voice, her emotions taking over her. “But I’m scared. Last time it went so wrong, we hurt each other very badly, and thinking about it happening again, I just…” her voice breaks and he puts their foreheads together.

“It won’t happen,” he whispers. “I did a lot of stupid things back then, but I learned from them, and I won’t lose you… not again, Luna.” He reassures her, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. “Let me prove you that we can be together, give me one chance to do that.”

She sighs.

“And the distance? Our busy lives?” she has to ask.

“Once you told me that there’s no distance that could change what you feel for me,” He reminds her. “We can make it work, we just have to go on with it and enjoy every moment we are together, and someday distance, or our crazy lives, won’t be a problem anymore, and everything will be fine.” He smiles “And I know it won’t be easy, but I’m sure as hell that I want to take the risk, that I want to be with you.” She puts her hands over his.

“I want to be with you too, Matteo,” she whispers, and then he slowly kisses her, letting her know with actions what words cannot express.

He slowly wakes up when he feels something tickling his cheek and his nose, something that’s very soft and smells really good, something that could only be Luna’s hair. He smiles, still with his eyes shut, putting his arm around her waist.

“You know I still have a lot of sleep hours to recover, right?” he asks, and she giggles.

“Don’t be so grumpy, Chico Fresa. Our flights back to reality are tonight, and I’m not wasting any minute of the time we can spend together.” She kisses the tip of his nose. “I’ve been thinking about going to get breakfast, then book a ski trip to the mountain, or maybe going for a hike, there are very beautiful places around here that we can go and meet together.” She seems excited about doing these things, whilst he just wants to spend the rest of the day in bed.

“I have a better idea,” he tells her, slowly opening his eyes. “We can call for room service, have breakfast together in this amazing hotel bed, and just enjoy each other’s company in between this four walls for the rest of the day, until the inevitable moment we have to go to the airport.” He smirks.

“Don’t be so boring!” she complains.

“Believe me, Chica Delivery, nothing that I intend to do with you in this bed all day long can be considered boring.” He replies with his most Fresa tone, and she blushes. He laughs at her reaction. “Breathe, Luna.” He reminds her.

“Oh, shut up!” she throws a pillow at him, and then picks up his shirt from the floor and walks to the bathroom, putting it on. “We can call room service for breakfast, I give you that,” she leans against the door frame, looking at him with an amused expression. “But then, we have to go for a walk, even if it’s only around the hotel. We have to say goodbye to our friends.” She crosses her arms. “Got it, Mr. Balsano?” she asks, and he sits up on the bed, looking at her with one of the most devilish smiles she has ever seen.

“Got it, Miss Valente,” he replies. “Or should it be Miss Benson instead?” he raises one of his eyebrows, questioning her. They never really got to talk about it, and he knows they would, eventually.

“Both work,” she shrugs. “And now, could you stop questioning about my current last name, and join me for a shower? I think I will need an extra hand to reach my back.” His smile grows bigger as he stands.

“Your wish is my command, love,” he replies, hurrying to follow her into the bathroom, both laughing as he closes the door behind him.

[khhunniewriting]

Roasted Sesame Seeds

“Today we will have a male and female guest. Originally it was only going to be the female guest but she only agreed if she could bring a plus one.” The producer stopped to see what everyone’s reactions would be. 

“I heard our guests are a real life couple.” Jaesuk began to stir up the members. He wanted to create a dramatic atmosphere before revealing the guests to the rest of the cast since he already knew who it was. 

The palms of your hands became sweaty as you remained on standby listening to the banter between the Running Man members.

Kiseok reached out to hold your hand but you backed away. “Oppa you can’t. My hands are sweaty.” Your patted them on your thighs trying to dry them out on your denim jeans.

Kiseok’s jaw dropped at your refusal. “If you don’t take my hand now we won’t hold hands at all.” He extended his hand out to you knowing you would instantly take it and you did.

“You hear that Kwangsoo, you don’t have a chance with this one..” HaHa joked.

“Don’t even think of falling in love with someone else’s woman” Jong-Kook warned him.

“Who is the boyfriend?” Kwangsoo asked the producer. “Can I take him?” 

The producer along with the rest of the staff began laughing uncontrollably at Kwangsoo’s words. 

Kiseok flared up when he heard Kwangsoo. His eyes were like fire as he starred at the door wanting desperately to go out there and shut Kwangsoo up. He banged his fist against the door a few times making the Running Man members jump in surprise. Since it wasn’t their time yet all Kiseok could do was this. It was his warning to Kwangsoo.

“Kwangsoo I think you made him mad.”

“While he’s still angry let’s meet our guests for today. Jung Kiseok and Y/N...” Jaesuk being the great MC that he was gave the signal for you and Kiseok to come out. “

Kiseok walked out first with an expression that let them know he wasn’t playing around today. 

“Oh AOMG!”

“It’s Kiseok.”

You walked out behind him with a shy smile that received cheers from the members. You were a fresh face for them.

“She’s so cute and young” Jihyo commented seeing the way you hid behind KIseok. 

This only made you give another shy giggle before clearing your throat and introducing yourself. “Hello, I’m the one-line rookie actress Y/N.” You were meant to be an extra in a drama, Korean wasn’t your first language after all, but after a one-line role you gained fame and were asked to go back for more. Being shy made your acting career difficult. You were limited in what you could do so your were thankful it had all worked out so far.

“It’s hard to act like we usually do about female guests because he’s here” Kwangsoo commented about Kiseok’s presence.

“That is why I am here.” 

Kwangsoo backed away getting chills along his arms and legs. “He’s really something else. Doesn’t even hide the fact he is so protective of her.”

“That’s what he’s known for.” Jaesuk had read up on the relationship between you and Kiseok in order to have something to talk about. “When you search Y/N’s name you see two things come up associated with her name. One-line actress and Simon D.”

Kiseok nodded aware of what was being said of him. “People think I am over-protective because we are always photographed holding hands or my arm will be around her waist-”

“Skinship” Sukjin summarized it into one word.

“Yeah but what they don’t see or hear is how she is the one that requests it.”

You hid the bottom half of your blushing face with one hand and used the other to firmly slap Kiseok’s arm warning him that he was being too much.

“She hit him.” The action didn’t go unnoticed. In fact they kept replaying the moment before showing how Jihyo fell back laughing at how quickly you had reacted.

“For the first game we prepared something that will help Y/N open up and let her fans know more about her, including her relationship with Kiseok. This is the telepathy game.”

You and Kiseok sat down back to back so you wouldn’t see each other’s answers. The Running Man members stood at a distance. They would all be a team going against the two of you. 

“The Running members will be asking questions from fans that we collected ahead of time in preparation for the game. You must both answer the question with the same if not, similar answers. If not the point will go to the Running Man team.”

“This is a good game. We will see if they are fit for each other.” 

Kiseok sent a glare in Kwangsoo’s direction making him back down almost immediately. 

The producer handed the question cards to Jaesuk. “Now that the rules have been made clear we can start.”

That’s when you got up and whispered something in Kiseok’s ear. Everyone looked on in confusion until Kiseok explained what was going on.

"She has a question but didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Isn’t this interrupting?” Jaesuk was annoyed by the intrusion going on right before he began.

“Sorry” you bowed apologetically over and over.

“Y/N isn’t that good at writing Hangul. She wants to know if she can write it in English.”

“That’s fine.” 

Without any other interruptions Jaesuk read the first question. “What is Y/N’s real birthday?”

“Real birthday?” they all questioned.

You and Kiseok on the other hand quickly wrote down the answer and raised the boards to reveal matching answers. “Y/N’s profile and birth certificate say her birthday is January 1st but in reality she was born December 31st at 11:59 pm.”

“So you would be a year older if the true date was used.”

You nodded.

“Even like that the age gap between you two is still pretty big. Which brings us to the next question. Are there any down sides to being so far apart?”

It took a moment to think but eventually you both came up with the same answer. You both wrote: Yes, too many questions about age gap.”

“It get’s annoying when people point it out to us” Kiseok explained. “We’ve been going out for a year we know how far apart we are. You don’t need to remind us” he spoke to the camera like he was speaking to his and your fans.

“This is an individual challenge to see who will be punished. You will have six minutes to find and buy the items on your list. Remember the last three people will be eating the mystery dinner instead of the one Y/N and Kiseok will be making.”

“Even if we are making it, we will also be punished if we lose?” Kiseok asked.

“Yes.” They had lost the previous game. Even though you started off well you froze up at the intimate questions. Ultimately you were unable to answer and were given the task of cooking for everyone at the final destination that day.

“You should tell us what it is so we can be motivated” Kwangsoo told the PD and the others all agreed. Everyone was anxious to know what they would have to avoid. 

The PD thought for a moment and agreed, “we will show you at the four minute mark.”

“Deal” Kwangsoo shouted with glee. 

“Why are you celebrating?” Jaesuk asked. “There are going to be three losers. You and I will be two, the last spot will be for Sukjin or Y/N who can’t read Korean well.” Jaesuk watched to see if you would react and when you did they all began making a commotion.

You turned to Kiseok and hid your face in his chest like always. He put his protective arm around you looking manlier than ever.

“So cool” Haha commented admiring Simon’s strong image as he shielded your blushing face from the camera. 

After a quick sigh you calmed yourself and revealed your face once more. “I will try my best and let Sukjin Oppa have his spot.” Your comment had everyone in a fit of laughter except Sukjin. He went after you but was met with the protective Kiseok instead and cowered away.

At this point everyone was unable to breathe properly and took a while to regain their composure. “Y/N has her own bodyguard, no one can mess with her.” 

Kiseok nodded in agreement before showing the full extent of his services to you. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and walked in front of everyone with one arm propped out to shield you from them. “Move out of the way, excuse us.” On the way back Kiseok turned to one of the cameras and put his hand over the lens. “No flash photography, thank you.”

You playfully shoved him away for playing around too much.

After a final laugh everyone was ready to go into the store where shopping baskets waited to be filled. After taking one each the PD counted down. “Six minutes begins in 3...2...1... Start.”

Everyone quickly ran through the aisles looking for the items they needed. The first item on your list was lettuce, that you were able to read easily. You quickly ran to the produce section and grabbed the lettuce. The next item made you stop in your tracks. You stood in the middle of the aisle racking your brain for the answer. The cameras focused on you showing how you panicked and questioned everything in that moment.

Then Kiseok was shown exuding confidence as he walked through the store with no worries at all. Yes that’s right, he walked up and down the aisles knowing where to go while even the running man members ran around frantically. 

“I don’t want to eat it!” Kwangsoo could be heard yelling from somewhere inside the store. He was already imagining himself eating something horrible.

“Bokke-Bo- Bok- ugh” you grunted finding it hard to read the word on your list. Looking up for one second you spotted Kiseok and went over to him quickly. “Oppa what does it say?”

“Bokken Chamggae (볶은 참깨), roasted sesame seeds.” He told you in English making it easier for you.

“Ah!” you ran off without thanking him to find the item.

Then the producer kept his promise and brought out the special ingredient for the losers’ meal. A staff member carried a glass case to the front of the store so they could see the live crickets jumping around inside.

“What is that?” Jihyo got closer to get a better look but once she did she screamed and ran back. She was deathly afraid of insects.

“Wh-what? What? What is it?” Sukjin asked her. 

“Crickets!”

“That wouldn’t be so bad” Jong-Kook said to himself. “They are full of protein.” Being a health enthusiast he though it would be okay to eat. “You could make a protein shake out of that.”

“We are” the producer informed.

“Oh really?”

“No!!!” Kwangsoo’s shouts could be heard throughout the store. “I don’t want to eat it.”

You still couldn’t find the sesame seeds so instead you went for the last item on your list. You did not want to eat the crickets. “I can’t lose” you had tears forming in the corners of your eyes. You weren’t scared of insects like Jihyo but you were a picky eater. If you couldn’t even eat a piece of celery, how would you eat a cricket?

Kiseok finished getting his stuff and took it to the producer who cleared him. Soon after him came Jihyo, Jong-Kook, and HaHa. 

“They’re done?” Jaesuk asked. He laughed out of anger as he saw the people who were left are the ones he had predicted. “Why are we so unlucky?”

As you ran past the front Kiseok stopped you. “What are you missing?” 

“The seeds” you responded in a panic. “I can’t find them I looked everywhere Oppa.”

“They are over here.” He was about to take you where the item was when the producer stopped him. “Kiseok-shi if you go and someone other than Y/N wins the last spot you too will be punished.”

Kiseok didn’t think twice. “Okay” he responded before dragging you along by the hand to where the sesame seeds were. He dropped the container in your basket and quickly ran back together. 

You reached the front just in time before Jaesuk.

“No” Jaesuk shouted feeling his defeat along with Sukjin and Kwangsoo who dropped to his knees at the news that the challenge was over. 

You jumped up and down in joy before giving Kiseok a kiss on the cheek out of pure instinct. He was your boyfriend and when he did something nice for you there was only one way you knew how to react.

“WOW” the members exclaimed clapping and whistling along. This made you realize what you had done. You turned bright red knowing you would be shown on television kissing Kiseok.

-end-

A/N: To the many Kiseok fans who follow me, I hope you all enjoy. Especially the Anon who requested. Sorry to keep you waiting. 

[jbuffyangel]

Tether: Arrow 5x16 Review (Checkmate)

I had two wishes for tonight's episode.  First, that Oliver and Snoozan break up because, as you all know, I'm super done with her.  Second, that Prometheus not suck because, as you all know, I've been super unimpressed so far. @fanmommer​ can confirm these wishes.

Alright, so I didn't get wish #1 (just a matter of time kids), but Oliver delivered fantastic Snoozan shade,  so I am satisfied. Wish #2 came true however.  The Big Bad does not suck. He's awesome. 

That and a subtle, but meaningful Olicity scene means I am one happy camper.

Let's dig in...

Prometheus and Oliver Queen

I have made no secret over my concerns with Arrow's Season 5 Big Bad (re: 5x09 review). Prometheus has failed to impress. He felt like a caricature rather than a real menace. I haven't been invested in any of the big bad he's committed against Oliver and crew (Sorry Billy). 

The season long mystery of "Who is Prometheus?" concluded like a deflating balloon (re: 5x15 review). 

We can debate whether Arrow's main focus is romance and Olicity, but the Big Bad is not debatable. The Big Bad is a main focus and, more often than not, is the linchpin. A season can live or die by their villain and Arrow's Season 5 was dying a hard and fast death with Prometheus. We were getting The Initiative when we needed Angelus. I was very worried. Until tonight.

In my 5x15 review I highlighted a potential silver lining with unmasking Prometheus.

“It leaves me to wonder, perhaps the Prometheus reveal isn’t the pay off. Maybe his identity isn’t the big surprise. Perhaps, there’s still another shoe waiting to drop. The pay off may not be in who Prometheus is, but rather in what he does.”

I still maintain 16 episodes is too far into the season to really start cooking on the Big Bad, 

but at this point my elation over Josh Seggara's performance eclipses my annoyance. Prometheus' mask created a wall between him and the audience. I haven't been able to connect to Prometheus the same way I connected to Malcolm, Slade, Ra's Al Ghul and Damien Darhk. Well, the gloves, or rather mask , is off and Josh Seggara brought it tonight.

Adrian Chase be crazy.

But it's not campy crazy, which is an extremely good thing. To take the villain seriously, we need to feel like they are a real threat. Too much camp and they become a joke. 

What's wonderful about Josh's performance is he walks the precarious line between complete control versus utter lunacy. It creates what I like to call "the switch effect." At any moment, Adrian Chase can flip the switch and go full out One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, much like he did towards the end of the episode.

However, the remainder of the time Chase is in complete control. He is every bit the chess champion, coolly and calmly putting Oliver Queen in checkmate. Yet, like any good chess player, Chase revels in the knowledge his opponent is finished 10 moves before Oliver comes to the same conclusion. It creates an edge-of-your-seat feel, which is just... fun. It's nice to feel suspense again on Arrow.

***That's the end of the chess analogies because I don't play chess and Nick isn't home for me to scream questions at so I can make quippy comparisons in my review.

Arrow lowers the boom with a climb up a mountain.  

Ugh... mountains. My heart's scar tissue is still fresh from Oliver's last scamper up to high altitude, so if it's all the same pumpkin let's exit the way you came - on foot, without a sword in your chest. Cool? Cool. 

Oliver is paying a visit to Talia because he wants to know why Prometheus is the new teacher's pet.  In the twist everyone except Oliver saw coming, the two have a great deal in common.

Oliver killed Adrian's father and Talia's.

As burns go that is a pretty savage one. Slay girl slay.

Yeah, Oliver. Talia is Talia Al Ghul. LAST NAMES ARE A THING. It never occured to you to ask the mysterious woman, who seems to know everything about you, her last name? Lord, boy it's amazing you've survived this long. It reminds me of a line from You've Got Mail.

"Joe"? "Just call me Joe"? As if you were one of those stupid 22-year old girls with no last name? "Hi, I'm Kimberly!" "Hi, I'm Janice!" Don't they know you're supposed to have a last name? It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail waitresses." - Kathleen Kelly

Talia is not a cocktail waitress Oliver.  She's a super ninja. Next time, get a last name.

I think I read one too many awesome specs about Talia Al Ghul working with Prometheus, so this "shocker" was more "Sure, makes sense" for me. I am getting serious Dark Knight Rises feels from this particular storyline though.

Prometheus  = Bane

Talia = Talia (Subtle is never Arrow's thing. We know this.)

It's fine, certainly not the first time Arrow has "borrowed" from Batman. Good news is Bane seriously sucked. I couldn’t understand a damn word he said, so there's ample room for improvement too. Have at it Arrow.

Thankfully, Prometheus isn't just the muscle like Bane was. His endgame is more diabolical. The cat and mouse game Adrian and Oliver engage in during "Checkmate" is the most fun I've had in a long time on Arrow because we're in on the game. We know what Adrian and Oliver know. We know he's Prometheus. We know he has Oliver over a barrel. Oliver can't come after Chase as Mayor, because Adrian is the District Attorney. He's a trusted public figure like Oliver is. Oliver needs proof or nobody will believe the DA is the Throwing Star Killer. In a way, Chase has adopted Oliver's game, but he's better at playing it.

Felicity makes a deal with the devil (Helix) and gets Oliver the evidence he needs to expose the Adrian Chase alias (his real name is Simon Morrison). But Chase stabs the police captain before he has a chance to investigate the lead. Once again, Oliver Queen is between a rock and a hard place.

Nor can Oliver come after Prometheus as the Green Arrow. Prometheus has Susan, so the Green Arrow can't kill him. Is Chase dies, then Susan dies. Nobody actually cares Prometheus has Susan, but that's just details. #TeamPrommy

Luckily for me, Adrian is a details man! It's almost like he sensed my indifference to the predicament. I cannot possibly imagine how. I'm so quiet about it. 

So, Prometheus brings the Green Arrow down another way. Adrian makes it look like the Green Arrow went after the District Attorney's wife. Mayor Queen has to issue a "shoot on sight" order in a televised press conference. Wherever Roy Harper is he's gotta be pissed. He didn't give Thea up for this shit.

I love it. 

Don't get me wrong, this is bad... poor Oliver, but from an audience perspective? FUN.  The layers in the scenes between Oliver and Chase are like a triffle. Each one better than the next.

Adrian spends the first half of the episode taunting Oliver and his team. 

A+ shade. Extra points for calling Rene "dog."

However, it's the confrontation in Pike's hospital room where we get into the psychology of Prometheus.

Adrian: Life’s just so fragile, isn’t it? Decades of hopes and dreams, and in one moment, one little mistake, and it all just goes away.

It's another taunt at Oliver. He gave Pike the USB drive with Felicity's evidence. Prometheus is telling Oliver it's his mistake that put Pike in a hospital bed. Once again, Oliver destroys a life.

However, this particular dialogue goes deeper than just a taunt. I believe Adrian is also speaking about his father. Remember, Oliver is the villain of Simon Morrison's story. The Hood killed his father. In Simon's mind, his father made one mistake and paid with his life. Decades of hopes and dreams, his father's and Simon's, gone in an instant. Yet, Oliver Queen has the nerve to stand in front of him and call it justice.

Simon wants Oliver to feel his pain the way Slade needed Oliver to feel pain. Unlike Slade, Simon isn't interested in revenge. This game isn't about killing Oliver, which can make Prometheus even more diabolical than Slade.

In a lot of ways the Green Arrow has been in search of his Joker. The Joker never wants to kill Batman. He just wants the game to go on. 

Adrian has a slightly tighter grasp on his sanity than that, not by much, but his endgame seems somewhat similar to the Joker's. This isn't about death. This is about destruction. This makes Prometheus different than Merlyn, Damien, Ra's Ahl Ghul, and yes, even Slade. Slade wanted to take the person Oliver loved the most, but he had every intention of killing Oliver after his revenge. I think Prometheus' game goes deeper than that.  This is about more than revenge. Prometheus doesn't want to kill Oliver because death would be a release from torment.

The fires of hell never consume. They just go on burning. There is no end to the misery. No end to the pain. Prometheus doesn't want to end Oliver's life. He knows his opponent well. He knows Oliver doesn't fear death. What Prometheus wants is to send Oliver to hell. So what's a hell Oliver can never escape from? 

One of his making.

So, this war instantly becomes more psychological than physical. 

Mom is a low blow Adrian. Chase names off all the names of those Oliver has lost - his mother, Shado, Laurel. Deaths we know Oliver blames himself for. Deaths Oliver believes he caused. 

"Let’s find out how much more loss you can take because I don’t think it’s much.”

Obviously, Snoozan isn't the loss that leads to Oliver's destruction. 

Prometheus, like the Joker, is a showman. Snoozan is just the opening act. She's the tease to get Oliver in the game. She's also the bait, so Prometheus and Talia can kidnap Oliver.  

She's a mere domino among hundreds of dominoes. Nothing more and nothing less. Prometheus is saving that important "one loss" until the final act.

Is this just a redo of the "person you love the most?" Perhaps, but I don't think Prometheus is driving Oliver towards a choice. He's driving Oliver towards a truth. A truth about who he is. About the kind of man he is.

Adrian: Do you have any idea how impotent you sound?

Impotent. It’s an interesting choice of words. It means helpless, powerless and unable to take action.  There’s also a sexual definition -  a man’s inability to achieve an erection. Adrian could have called Oliver helpless or powerless, as many great villains have done in so many stories, and then manically laugh. Instead, Adrian chooses a word with sexual connotations because he's calling Oliver's manhood into question. Who is Oliver Queen? What kind of man is he? To Prometheus, not much of one, but the goal is for Oliver to believe that.

Slade: You are not a hero or a brother or a friend. You are nothing.

In Season 2, Episode 9, Oliver saw three ghosts and one of them was Slade. Slade told him this charade wasn't about atoning for his father's sins. Oliver is atoning for his own sins. Slade was just a hallucination. He was Oliver's darkest fears psychologically manifested in the form of a ghost. Slade was saying what Oliver believed.

Prometheus is the opposite. He's no ghost. He's flesh and blood. He's the physical manifestation of Oliver's darkness the way Slade was a psychological manifestation in 2x09. The creation of these two foes represent the schism in Oliver Queen. Oliver Queen chose Sara, condemning Shado, thereby setting Slade on his path for revenge. 

Prometheus is created from The Hood's killing. The Hood killed Justin Claybourne, thereby setting Prometheus on his path for destruction.

But what is the hood to Oliver? 

The hood is the darkness the five years away from home created. Talia gave Oliver the hood as an outlet for the monster inside. Oliver believes if he can use this darkness as a force of good then it won't consume him.

Although... secretly I wonder if that too is a lie Oliver tells himself. I think Oliver's biggest fear isn't of what the five years away created. I think he's afraid of what those five years away revealed. I think Oliver is afraid this darkness was always inside of him, even before the Island, but that's another point  for another time.

Oliver thought if he could separate himself from the darkness, give it a name, something tangible outside of his every day persona, then he could live with it. Yet, he continues to operate in the schism. As Anatoly, shockingly of all people, rightly points out-  there is no separation from the darkness. If it's in you, then it's in you. Oliver has GOT to deal with that. Every season, he fails to fully grasp the full picture, which is why a villain like Prometheus is so necessary.

Oliver could put on the hood and fight Malcolm, Slade, Ra's and Damien. He could continue to disassociate himself from the darkness inside via this other persona. However, Oliver can't do that with Prometheus because he is a villain created from the hood. There is no dissociation. It's like staring into a mirror every time the Green Arrow faces him.  

We can see this in the way Prometheus and the Green Arrow fight. They are evenly matched. We can barely distinguish one man from the other. It's almost like Oliver is fighting a reflection.

We've seen Oliver fight his reflection before. In Season 3. That time The Arrow fought Oliver Queen. 

Then, we watched Oliver lose himself inside the hood. 

He thought the only way to save the city was to become the mask entirely, and leave the man by the wayside. 

By the end of the season, he left the mask behind and embraced only the man. 

In Season 4, Oliver realized just being Oliver Queen was an incomplete picture as well (with some serious nudging from Felicity). 

Yet, he was unable to balance both sides.

And around and around and around we go.

Oliver begins to question things again we thought he already found the answer to. 

He challenges Diggle on the growth both men have fought for. Oliver fears all the trust, optimism and love he's opened himself up to has left him vulnerable. Instead of building a family, and a life, he's simply set up targets for his enemies to take down one by one. Targets. I remember a time when Oliver used that same word. 

See? This is what happens when you are separated from Felicity for too long Oliver.  We backslide into this nonsense again.

With Susan in danger, Oliver wonders aloud if he gave up the right to be with anyone when he put on the hood. Great. Didn’t we beat this topic to death enough in Season 3?

Diggle very clearly tells Oliver his connections are not targets. They are his humanity. 

We all have darkness inside, so what makes us human? Empathy, compassion, trust, forgiveness and love. These are the tethers that separate the light from the dark. No one can survive alone. At some point, at some time, we all need someone. We all need to love and be loved in return.

The five years Oliver was away he continually lost his tethers. Every time he tried to hold onto someone he lost them. When he lost a tether, Oliver didn't reach for a new one. Oliver cut himself off. Slowly, we are seeing the emergence of The Machine in the flashbacks.

Who would Oliver Queen be without John Diggle? 

Who would Oliver Queen be without Felicity Smoak? 

What separates Prometheus and the Green Arrow? 

The reason Simon Morrison is so angry with The Hood is because The Hood took his tether. Justin Claybourne may have been a bad man, but he was loved by someone. Simon loved his father. Talia Al Ghul loved her father. Just like Oliver Queen loved his.

Prometheus believes he's driving Oliver towards a truth.  This truth will consume Oliver like hell fire. It will never stop burning. It's what Prometheus wants more than anything else... even more than his own wife. When Diggle brings Doris to Adrian, we see the control break. For the first time, we see how deep the crazy crevice goes. We saw it coming. We knew Adrian was going to kill his wife. Yet, it's the act itself, the moment when he drives the dagger into her chest, that you realize this is a man who willingly cuts the tethers from his life, so he's free to be a monster.

I think whatever "truth" Prometheus is driving Oliver towards, is one Oliver has secretly feared for years.  We've seen this fear manifested in different ways and by different villains, but it all comes back to this one singular idea: Oliver fears the mask isn't The Green Arrow or The Arrow or The Hood. He's afraid the mask is Oliver Queen.

Adrian: If you kill me you’ll only really be killing yourself.

Every once and awhile, Arrow delivers an exceptional line. This line has so much meaning and encapsulates the final arc Oliver is evolving along. On the surface, Prometheus is speaking about Susan. If Oliver kills Prometheus, then Susan dies, and Oliver is destroyed. Susan will be one loss too many.

Give me a break. Prometheus knows Oliver Queen. He knows Susan's death isn't the key. Even Oliver can't rank Susan above Diggle, Felicity and William.

 "Checkmate" is an episode filled with double meaning dialogue, so what is Arrow really saying when Prometheus issues Oliver this warning?

If Prometheus is created from killing, then I don't believe the solution is for Oliver to kill Simon Morrison. Prometheus represents Oliver’s darkness. By killing Prometheus, Oliver will only be killing himself and this isn't about eradicating one side. This is about acceptance. The mask doesn’t have to be a manifestation of Oliver’s darkness. The mask can be the manifestation of Oliver’s goodness and light. But that only happens when Oliver stops fearing Oliver Queen. The only way to stop fearing Oliver Queen is to face the darkness. 

Yoda knows wassup.

But Oliver needs the strength to do it. 

The only way balance both sides, Oliver Queen and The Green Arrow, the only way to balance the light and the dark, is the tethers that hold him even and steady to the ground. It's these tethers that bridge the schism. It's these tethers that are Oliver's strength... and that's the difference between a villain and a superhero. A villain cannot even grasp the concept, 

while a superhero becomes the embodiment of it.

Olicity

Some may argue romance isn't part of superhero stories. I argue it's one of the most fundamental aspects of the genre. First, heroism is an act of love. It is unconditional, selfless, inspiring love. Second, a hero's journey requires belief. We have to believe in the hero for the story to have value.  Therefore, we have to understand who this person is. There is no better way to understand who someone is than to witness how they love. It's why in almost any iteration of the hero's journey there is a great love. The heart of the hero is revealed, so we can believe in the hero.

Oliver Queen loves Felicity Smoak. She is Oliver’s great love. Felicity Smoak loves Oliver Queen. He is Felicity’s great love. I believe this is a core tenet of the show. Arrow is always their most truthful, their most authentic, when they are keeping this tenet. These two heroes are their best selves when they are loving each other. They challenge and inspire one another, and in return, challenge and inspire us.

It's difficult to accept any other love interest because it flies in the face of this central tenet. Inevitably, other love interests are meant to reinforce Olicity. Some better than others. I think on some basic level Arrow knows this.  When the Arrow writers aren't invested in a character it's reflected in the writing. When we look at characters like Laurel, Whatshername, Billy and Snoozan, it's clear the writers aren't invested n them. The effort simply isn't there. It's almost impossible to ask your audience to exert more effort and investment in characters than the writers have. So, my level of investment in Snoozan is at the same level as the writers - which is next to nothing. I accept her as filler and rather enjoy snarking away at her any chance I get. Snark is its own form of entertainment.

What is so enjoyable about the Olicity scene in "Checkmate" is the return to a level of authenticity. I certainly appreciate the optimism Oliver had while attempting to find love again after Felicity. It showed growth and that's always a hard fought battle with Oliver Queen. However, these steps Oliver made don't move him any further from the truth, which is he loves Felicity. He loved her before Snoozan, he loved her while dating Snoozan, and he will love her after Snoozan. Yes, Oliver may care for Snoozan, but he will never care about her as much as he does for Felicity. Arrow acknowledges this singular truth in the scene between Oliver and Felicity and, for the first time in weeks, I can recognize Oliver again.

Felicity is MIA during the Snoozan kidnapping because she's getting the tour of Helix. After a dozen emergency texts from Curtis, she arrives in the bunker.

Oliver has said this twice and neither time has led to sex. So, I expect that to be remedied in Season 6.

Felicity is certain Oliver is angry. She is certain Oliver is going to yell, but he doesn't. Instead, Oliver calmly states she doesn't work for him. Oliver doesn't view Felicity as employee. He hasn't for years. 

Felicity his partner.  Oliver needs her. He depends on her. He misses Felicity when she's gone.  The team is less without her, and so is he, but Oliver fully recognizes Felicity is part of Team Arrow by choice. It's her decision to stand by him, but only she can determine what that looks like. It's a small, but gentle moment and a striking contrast to the jealous temper tantrum we saw only few years ago. There's a maturity in Oliver's response and an acknowledgment of Felicity's free will. THY NAME IS CHARACTER GROWTH.

Instead, Oliver tells Felicity he's worried. Oliver hasn't been oblivious to what's been going on with Felicity. Nor is this the first time he's tried to address it. It is, however, the first time he's tried to address it this way.

Felicity immediately assumes he's talking about Snoozan, because... why wouldn't he be? Snoozan is his girlfriend and she's been kidnapped. When Felicity addresses Oliver's worry as Snoozan, he casually brushes said girlfriend aside. Kidnapped girlfriend isn't on his radar, but it's true love!

Of course, Oliver wants to get Snoozan back. Of course, he's concerned about her safety, but the more pressing concern for him in this moment is what's going on with Felicity. Felicity is what he needs to talk about. Snoozan's life may be hanging in the balance, but it's Felicity who can't wait. Not anymore. He's already waited too long as it is.

Oliver gives a slight headshake like it's unfathomable that he could be talking about Susan right now. This is the Oliver I know. This is the real Oliver. This is the man who can only see Felicity. The man who's future is focused on her. The man who puts Felicity first. This is the hero I know. This is the hero I believe in.

Oliver firmly explains he's worried about her and a soft "oh" escapes from Felicity's mouth. 

It is both heartbreaking and overwhelming. It's a crack in the tough facade she's built up since Billy's death... since Havenrock... since her paralysis... since her father... since Oliver's lie...

Diggle tried talking to Felicity. Curtis tried talking to Felicity and yes, Oliver has tried talking to Felicity. Nothing has quite hit the mark like, "I'm worried about you." She's touched Oliver is worried. Felicity is touched Oliver thinks about her... still.

The heartbreaking part is she sounds a little surprised. Felicity is surprised Oliver still thinks about her. She's a little surprised he worries about her because it feels like all evidence to the contrary. They both agreed to move on. While her attempt to move on is six feet under, Oliver's is alive and well. At least for now. There was a time Felicity Smoak knew she was Oliver's first thought and priority, but now she actually believes Susan comes first. As inauthentic as his relationship with Susan is, Felicity buys it. Even though we closed the distance a little we still have a ways to go.

"I'm worried about you."

There's an intimacy to those words. Four words and the distance between them is closed a little more. It's not a casual statement, but it's not a lecture either. It's Oliver reaching out with an open hand, asking Felicity to reach back.

Instead of talking around it by saying she's better than him, instead of quizzical little looks, but no words, Oliver lays it out for Felicity. He knows something is going on with her. He knows she's into something she's not telling him. He knows.

Oliver finally stops dancing around it, but also acknowledges he might be the only one out of the loop. It couldn't have been easy for Oliver to acknowledge he might be the only one Felicity isn't telling. Since, he can recognize the possibility then I believe Oliver can also understand why that may be. The why is something he's earned. Oliver wasn't honest with Felicity.  He broke the trust first. This distance between them is one he created.

It's why his remark about honesty is so pointed. Oliver and Felicity are emotional wreckage from the crash that was William. It was a lie so big it broke them and they couldn't see their way back together (not yet). Oliver understands the cost of lies perhaps better than anyone else. He lost the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The price for lying to Felicity is too high, which is why Oliver promised to never lie to her again.

Except... Felicity didn't make the same promise to Oliver. She didn't promise to never lie. Felicity may not view Helix as a lie, but rather an omission. Oliver played the game last year with William too. William was a lie of omission. Same difference from my standpoint. A lie is lie.  The point is, the wreckage from a lie, no matter the reason and no matter who does the lying, will always been the same between them. The cost will always be too high.

Granted, the situations are not apples to apples. Oliver and Felicity are not engaged. They aren't even together. 

As Felicity explained to Curtis, she's a grown woman who can live her life how she wants. 

Whether Felicity owes Oliver the truth about Helix the way he owed her the truth about William is debatable. However, their lives are not completely independent. They are still crime fighting partners and this arrangement with Helix impacts the team. So, in that sense, yes Felicity does owe Oliver the truth.

But there's something more basic here that Oliver is driving at with "I'm worried about you." What happens to Felicity impacts him. Whether they are together or not, engaged or not, married or not... Oliver cares about Felicity. He worries about her. HE LOVES HER. Oliver not only wants to know... he needs to know. That's what love is. This tether between them can never be severed. If the distance between them, that makes working together bearable , means he can't know then Oliver wants no part of that. It's enough to push him towards Felicity. It's enough for Oliver to make the attempt to bridge the gap.

Oliver may be reaching for Felicity, but she's not ready to reach back. Not yet... and that's okay. This road Felicity is on is one she has to travel alone for awhile. She needs to spiral deeper. Is Felicity being a hypocrite? I don't think it makes her a hypocrite to withhold trust and truth from Oliver when he refused to give those things to her first.  There's only so many times Felicity can give and not receive. This is what the wreckage of a big lie looks like. Putting the pieces together isn't always clean. Walking in each other's shoes isn't always a gentle path.

But they are walking in each other's shoes. Oliver is feeling what it's like to be shut out,  lied to, and isolated from the person you love most in the world. Felicity isn't ready to tell Oliver the truth, and for the first time, he knows what it feels like not to be completely trusted by her. Whatever her reasons are, refusing to tell Oliver the truth is an issue of trust. Just like William was an issue of trust. Felicity doesn't believe Oliver will understand about Helix. The same way Oliver didn't believe Felicity would understand about William.

As for Felicity, she's able to rationalize this lie the same way Oliver was able to rationalize William. Oliver thought he was serving the greater good - ensuring a relationship with his son and keeping him safe (yeah that reason still makes me want to pull my hair out.) Felicity's deeper spiral into Helix isn't born out of revenge, but compassion. She thinks she's serving the greater good. Felicity agrees to quid pro quo to save her ex fiancé's soon to be ex girlfriend. ACTUAL ANGEL. Felicity's empathy is her real superpower. Her good heart leads her into deeper water with Helix.

And it will lead her in deeper still. Now that Prometheus has Oliver, Felicity will go to the ends of the earth for him. There is no hell she won't walk through to save the man she loves. 

Felicity isn’t being played by Helix. She’s simply not asking the question, because she doesn’t want to know the answer. Felicity will rationalize the ends justify the means, just like Oliver did with William. She is ignoring the potential looming consequences because she believes Helix is necessary. Just like Oliver believed lying about William was necessary, while ignoring the looming consequences. This doesn’t excuse Oliver’s behavior anymore than it does Felicity’s, but rather gives Felicity a bettering understand of Oliver’s choices. Understanding doesn't excuse behavior, but it can lead to empathy, which opens the door to forgiveness.

Something, extraordinatory happens at the end of their conversation. Felicity asks Oliver to trust her... and he says okay. Oliver gives trust when he’s not receiving any back. Oliver is the one who bends. Their roles are so beautifully reversed.

Trust is all she ever asked of him. 

And bit by bit, Oliver is understanding the reality of what that word really means.

When Oliver rescues Susan it's such a stark difference from the times he's rescued Felicity. It’s Chanel versus Walmart in any circumstance when comparing Felicity and Snoozan 

When Oliver rescued Felicity he couldn't leave her side. 

Oliver needed to hold Felicity, 

to feel her breath against his skin, 

and know for certain she was alive. 

That's what love is. It's the need to hold on and never let go. 

After the obligatory, "Are you okay?" Oliver barely glances at Susan. 

Refrigerators have opened their arms to me with warmer greetings than Oliver gave Snoozan in that elevator.  Finally, it felt like an honest reaction to Susan from Oliver. I cackled. Glorious.

There is no reason for Oliver to be so cold and aloof. Susan knows he's the Green Arrow.  Perhaps, Oliver is already shutting down and pushing away those "targets" he'd opened his heart to. That's the thing though...  you can't shut down love. You can't push it away.

You always come back.

The connection is always there 

because you need it.

It's the air you breathe. 

It gives you peace.

It challenges you to be better.

It makes you dream.

It gives you strength.

It helps you hold on in moments of despair.

It’s the light in the dark.

It's what makes you human.  

Oliver can let Snoozan go because he can’t hold on to what was never there. It’s Felicity. She’s the one Oliver can’t let go of. Felicity is the tether Oliver can't cut loose.

Times by Tenth Avenue North

I hear You say, My love is over It's underneath It's inside It's in between The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel The times that you question, Is this for real? The times you're broken The times that you mend The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend Well, My love is over, it's underneath It's inside, it's in between These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks The times that you feel like you're falling from grace The times you're hurting The times that you heal The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal The times of confusion, in chaos and pain I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame I'm there through your heartache I'm there in the storm My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone I don't care where you fall, where you have been I'll never forsake you, My love never ends It never ends

Stray Thoughts

Nobody told me we were calling her Snoozan. Ya gotta tell me this stuff guys. I could have been snarky about her name for weeks now. 

 “I don’t know what I was thinking dating Susan.” We’ve only been screaming that at you Oliver for 10 episodes, but happy to have you on board.

Anatoly must be protected at all costs.

Seriously. All costs.

Dinah calling Rene "Lassie" wins everything.

Were we supposed to take a shot every time Quentin said, “Son of a bitch”?

“Susan’s fine by the way.” Ha! Even Chase knows Oliver really doesn't give a crap about Snoozan.

Oliver fears he destroys lives, so he destroys stuff. A little subtly wouldn’t kill you Arrow. Let’s try new things! Btw, that looked like a really nice TV Oliver. Calm down bro.

Curtis' T-spheres are more helpful than Mr. Terrific. So, can we just send the T-spheres with Dinah and Curtis can stay in the bunker? Or better yet go back to Palmer Tech?

This is how not chill Arrow is about Olicity’s endgame. The writers can’t stop themselves from inserting Felicity into flashbacks because ENDGAME and CONTINUITY and DESTINY and all those other words that are like crack to a writer. They want Oliver’s flashback journey to be leading to Felicity like his present day journey. (Sorry L*urel. Cue awkwardness). This was the plan with L*urel but then she was awful and Felicity was AMAZING, so TA DA. They’d like us to pretend that Olicity was the Plan A couple all along (L*uriver was just a bad dream) and that’s fine by me! Continue lack of chill.

Oliver is tied up in chains and shirtless next week. This is "Back to Basics" I can support.

I wonder if Prometheus needs someone to throw water on Oliver.