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itneverendshere · 19 days ago

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Can we get the first time rafe said i love you to bitchy!pogue!reader?

as sick as it sounds, i loved you first - r.c (+18)

pairing: bitchy!pogue!reader x rafe warnings: smut; fluff; angst (barely)

He was being weird again.

Not weird in the usual Rafe way—where he’d mutter something half-menacing under his breath, act like just breathing the same air as you gave him hives, and walk away like he hadn’t just insulted someone’s entire bloodline.

This was worse.

This was hovering, this was nice.

He was sitting across the couch with that glazed-over look he’d started wearing lately, the one that made it feel like he was watching you breathe, acting like you were some miracle he couldn’t wrap his head around.

You hated it.

(You didn’t.)

“Stop looking at me like that,” You didn’t bother to glance up from the bracelet you were tying around your wrist. One of those shitty little ones you’d made together out of string and beer caps last weekend when he’d shown up at your place at 2am with a “surprise” and the worst craft supplies imaginable.

“I’m not looking at you,” he said, instantly defensive.

“You’re literally—”

“Not in a weird way.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe a little weird,” he admitted, shoving his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. The one you’d stolen and pretended you hadn’t.

Rafe had gone from arrogant and angry to… clingy? Affectionate? But he was yours and that was the part you hadn’t worked through yet.

He came to sit beside you, thigh pressed to yours, no sense of personal space whatsover. He smelled like detergent and whatever cologne he used way too much of, and somehow it didn’t suffocate you anymore.

It made your stomach twist, in a good way, a way you’d never felt before.

You remembered when just seeing his name in your phone, asking for a booty call, made your roll her eyes so hard it gave you a headache. When you used to flirt with his friends at parties for shit and giggles, just to watch that angry control of his slip away into nothing, because it always did.

That was the fun part, pissing him off, making him want you even when he hated you. Back then, it was a game, yet now, you were wearing his hoodie, he was close, warm, and gentle, and you didn’t know what to do with that.

“Why are you staring?” You asked, flicking your eyes toward him.

His hair was a mess, lips a little bitten, thanks to your fabulous work. His cheeks pinked under your gaze, which made you suspicious. He only got flustered when he was about to say something unhinged.

He leaned his head on your shoulder, he never used to do that back when you were constantly bickering across bonfires and making out with other people just to piss each other off. Now he was clingy, gentle. It was kinda hot.

“You ever just look at someone and think… shit, she really used to hate my guts and now she’s wearing my hoodie and letting me kiss her?”

“I still hate your guts,” You said sweetly.

“No you don’t,” he grinned, proud of himself.

You didn’t dignify that with a response, only hummed in acknowledgment, fiddling with the bracelet again so you didn’t have to deal with the intensity of his face.

“I think I love you.”

The words were a car crash in your chest. You froze, fingers still tangled in string, head snapping toward him, eyes wide, like what the actual fuck did you just say?

Rafe blinked. Then: “Okay. Bad timing.”

“No shit.”

“I just—” He shifted to face you more fully, fidgeting in his seat, trying not to bolt. “I was gonna wait. Or, like, make it a thing. Flowers and a sunset, I don’t know. Something romantic or whatever you deserve. But you're sitting here with your stupid little bracelet and your stupid beautiful face and I couldn’t not say it.”

You turned to look at him, slowly, eyes scanning his stupid pretty face. Maybe, you could find the old version of him buried under all this softness. But he was gone, that boy who used to shove past you at keggers like you were nothing, who once told you no one would ever really stick around for someone like you? Gone.

He winced. “You’re not saying anything. That’s bad.”

This one—this version—looked like he’d get on his knees if you asked.

“You just called me stupid twice.”

“I meant it lovingly.”

“You love me lovingly,” You said, lips twitching.

“I do love you lovingly.”

It should’ve made you gloat. That used to be your whole thing—getting under his skin, bending him to want you enough to break him. And now he was saying that to you?

It didn’t feel like winning anymore, more like drowning, sweet and terrifying. Somewhere between the late-night calls and the mutual destruction, between his bloodied knuckles and your bruised pride, he stopped trying to fight you, and you stopped trying to run.

He was looking at you like you meant something and you hated how badly you wanted to believe it.

“I love you,” he said again, quieter this time, pretending you hadn’t heard him. Maybe saying it again would undo the panic rising behind your ribs.

You stared down at the bracelet in your lap, fingers still curled around the unfinished knot.

It made you sick. (It made you ache.)

“You’re not gonna say it back, are you,” He didn’t sound surprised. His voice was quiet, not even disappointed, just sad. He got it, knew exactly what kind of girl you were and loved you anyway.

That made it worse.

You looked at him then. The Rafe you remembered—the one with blood in his teeth and a chip on his shoulder—in his place was this… idiot. Your idiot, soft-eyed and pink-cheeked, hoodie strings uneven from where you tugged on them earlier when you kissed him hard enough to make him dizzy.

He looked so earnest it made your throat go tight.

Rafe huffed a breath, a half-smile twitching at his mouth. “You don’t have to say it back,” he said, thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I just needed you to know.”

You were always good at pushing people away, letting them want you just enough to hurt them. It was easier that way. But Rafe—Rafe didn’t run that night. Not when you were screaming, not when you were cruel, not even when you told him you didn’t care.

You curled your fingers around his.

“You’re still kind of a dick.”

He smiled. “I know.”

��And I still kind of hate you.”

He nodded solemnly. “I can work with that.”

You stared at him for a long second, your chest hollow and full at the same time, and leaned in to press your mouth to his.

“You’re annoying.”

You didn’t know what to do with it, didn’t know where to put all this feeling. It swelled up in your chest until it made your fingers tremble, until your lungs forgot how to work, until all you could think was himhimhim.

“I think I might love you too,” you whispered against his lips, like it was a sin.

Your fingers slipped into his hair, tugging gently, and that earned you a involuntary groan straight from his throat. Rafe angled his head, breath hitching, and kissed you deeper, tongue sweeping past your lips.

You made a small, broken noise into the kiss, and he inhaled it while hands were everywhere, fingers dugging into the fabric of your hoodie—his hoodie, stretched and oversized on you—and he tugged you into his lap without asking. He needed you close, all the time.

You gasped against his mouth when your knees hit either side of his hips, straddling him, but he didn’t pull back. Just kissed you harder. His tongue slid against yours again, slow, making you feel like a live wire, the taste of him was sparking in your chest, down your spine, through your fingertips. You curled your fists into his hair even harder and he made a noise that sounded like surrender.

It wasn’t perfect—your noses bumped, your teeth clicked—but none of it mattered. You shifted in his lap, hoodie bunched awkwardly between you.

You tilted your head and let Rafe deepen it, mouths parting, tongues sliding together—messy in the best way. It wasn’t clean, it felt real. Your hands found his jaw, thumbs brushing the edge of his cheekbone, he felt like warmth, home, and that was terrifying.

Rafe kissed you like he was trying to apologize for every awful thing he ever said over the years, and you kissed him like you were ready to forgive him.

He pulled back just an inch, breathing hard, lips pink and wet. His hands slid up your back under the hoodie, thumbs stroking bare skin, making your stomach flutter. His mouth dragged down to your jaw, sucking a bruise just beneath your ear, marking you—he couldn’t help it.

“Say it again,” you breathed, dizzy from him, from how easily you fit together like this.

He grinned, leaning in. “You love me.”

“Unfortunately.”

It came out like the most honest thing you’d ever said.

“I love you,” he said, immediately, no hesitation.

You bit his bottom lip gently, kissed it better a second later, “I love you too.”

He laughed, nose brushing yours.

“Yeah,” he whispered, dragging your hips a little closer until your chests were flush, “I know, sweetheart.”

Right now, you wanted to crawl inside his ribs and live there, wanted to hear him say it again, and again, and again. Until you believed it.

His hands under your hoodie weren’t tentative anymore. They were bold—palms gliding up your back, fingertips brushing the edge of your bra, trying not to push, but couldn't stop himself either, making you arch just slightly into him.

“God, you drive me fucking insane,” he whispered, mouth still working a bruise into your collarbone.

His voice was wrecked, full of that gritty desperation he always tried to hide but never could around you.

“You don’t even know,” he said into your mouth, kissing between the words now, tongue chasing the taste of you. “You don’t know what you fucking do to me. I can’t think when you’re like this.”

Your lips brushed his jaw. “Good.”

“Mean,” he breathed, and his hands slid down, one dipping under the curve of your thigh, hiking it up until your core was right against him. “You’re mean to me.”

You kissed the corner of his mouth, his cheek, “Still love me?”

“Worse,” he said, like a confession. “I need you.”

You felt it, the way his voice cracked when he said it—it physically cost him something, he was handing you a weapon and trusting you not to use it. You could’ve laughed, thrown it back in his face the way you used to, just for the power of it.

You ducked your head like that might hide how much it meant to you, if he didn’t see your face, he wouldn’t realize how deep it went. You were terrified of what this meant, of how much he was giving you, of how much you were giving back.

“I’m right here. You have me.”

His hand crept up beneath your thigh, holding you there, grinding you down against the hard line of him through his sweatpants, and shit—you moaned, breaking the kiss.

Rafe’s head dropped back against the couch. “Keep doing that and I’m not gonna make it to the bedroom.”

“Who said we’re going to the bedroom?” you murmured, dragging your nails under the hem of his hoodie. You let your fingertips skim up his stomach, slow and teasing. His abs jumped beneath your touch.

You leaned down, mouth brushing his again, sweetly. And then you rolled your hips, his head dropped back with a strangled noise—half curse, half prayer.

“Fuck. Fuck, baby, you gotta stop unless you want me to—”

You bit his earlobe. “I do.”

“I’ve been so good, baby. I’ve been so fucking good, I swear.”

“I know.”

“I wasn’t gonna touch you,” he murmured, desperate now. “Not 'til you were ready. Not 'til you told me you wanted it too.”

“I do,” you told him again, mouth brushing his. “I want you.”

His hands cupped your ass and he surged up, kissing you like a man starved, lost at sea for months. You could feel him, hard against you, could feel how bad he wanted you, how close he was to losing it, and it made you insane.

“You're on probation,” you reminded him, even as your fingers slipped beneath the collar of his own hoodie, tracing his collarbone.

“I know,” he whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, then your jaw, then lower, dragging his teeth down your throat. “I deserve it. I’d wait forever if I had to.”

You exhaled hard, body buzzing, nerves coiled tight from weeks of pretending you didn’t miss this or want him like this. You hadn’t let him touch you—only let him kiss you—since the night you said you wanted to try for real. Your breath caught in your throat, and your thighs squeezed tighter around his hips instinctively at his confession.

“You gonna let me?” he whispered, grinding up against you in slow, perfect circles. “Let me show you how much I fucking love you?”

You nodded, breathless.

He kissed your neck again, lips wet and open. “Then say it again.”

“I love you,” you gasped, tugging his hair.

“Louder.”

“I love you.”

His lips curved against your skin, pleased.

“Good girl.”

“You’ve been good too,” you whispered against his ear, kissing the shell of it, “so good.”

His whole body trembled under you.

“I’m not gonna last if you keep talking like that.”

You smiled against his neck, kissing your way down. “So don’t.”

Rafe flipped you onto your back in one motion, hoodie riding up past your ribs, his hands everywhere. He kissed down your stomach, groaning when he saw the little strip of bare skin between the hoodie and your underwear, a gift.

“I missed this,” he said, mouth pressed to your hipbone.

You tugged at his clothes. “Then stop talking and take this off.”

And he did—hoodie gone, yours halfway up, kisses trailing lower.

He paused when he got to the edge of your underwear, breathing, trying to memorize the moment. His hands were warm, thumbs brushing circles over your hips, he couldn’t believe he got to touch you like this again.

“Still with me?”

You nodded, legs parting slightly, an unspoken answer.

Rafe exhaled like he’d been holding his breath for months.

“God, I missed you,” he said again, this time like a prayer, and pressed a kiss just above your waistband. Then another.

His mouth was gentle, making your whole body twitch. He took his time, dragging the fabric down your legs and when he finally kissed between your thighs, it didn’t feel like a favor or a performance—it felt like worship.

Rafe meant it, he’d dreamed about this every night he slept alone.

“Tell me what you need,” he murmured, mouth ghosting right where you were aching. “I wanna do it right this time.”

You whimpered. “Rafe—”

He groaned, it physically hurt to hear his name in your mouth like that. “Say it again.”

“Rafe.” You gasped it now, your hands in his hair, hips lifting of their own accord. “Please.”

He didn’t ease into it, instead, as soon as your underwear hit the floor, he dropped to his knees, where he’d been dying to be, he’d starve if you didn’t let him have you. He hooked your leg over his shoulder, pulled your hips to the edge of the couch, and dove in without a single word. And fuck, you felt it.

There was nothing gentle about it—His mouth was hot, tongue sweeping through your pussy like he’d been dreaming about the taste of you. He moaned into you like a man who finally found water in the desert, grabbing your thighs to hold you still while he licked you deep, wet, and messy.

Rafe didn’t stop for breath or come up to check on you. Just groaned and kept going, licking into you like he was trying to memorize you from the inside out.

“God, baby,” he gasped, breath shaky against your skin. “I missed this pussy so fucking much—tastes like heaven. Can’t believe I went so long without it.”

Your back arched, fingers tangling in his hair, but he didn’t let up even when you started to squirm or when your thighs shook around his head. He loved that, so he buried his face deeper, wanting your legs to trap him there.

He switched it up just when you were about to fall apart—flicking his tongue in tight smaller circles over your clit while one thick finger slid into you, then another. The sound you made had him growling.

“Wanna feel you on my face.”

You did. Loud, messy, with your whole body shaking. He rode it out with you, never pulling back, tongue still working you through it while he moaned, acting like he was the one getting off.

Even after your orgasm hit, when you were twitching and whimpering from the overstimulation, he didn’t stop. Slowed down, sure—but didn’t stop. Pressed soft kisses to your clit, licked up everything you gave him. When he finally looked up at you, chin soaked, lips swollen, pupils blown wide—he looked high off you.

“Want more?”

Because the truth was—he did.

Your body was still trembling when he rose, his eyes meeting yours, it and hit you all over again—this is Rafe. Yours. And he loves you.

He leaned over you, bracing himself with one hand beside your head, and used the other to gently guide your face toward his. He kissed you deep, with so much love it knocked the air out of your lungs. You could taste yourself on his tongue—feel the way his body shook as he pressed closer.

You watched, chest rising and falling, as he sat back on his knees.

“Wanna feel you,” he said, eyes dark but tender. “All of you. Skin to skin.”

Rafe didn’t just want to fuck you—he wanted to know you like this again. You nodded, still dazed from the way he’d eaten you like a man possessed. “I want you too.”

He kissed you again, sweeter, took his time—needed you to feel what he couldn’t explain. And you did.

He kissed your palm, then stood up slowly, peeling his shirt over his head slowly, baring his chest to you, no cocky flex, no rush—just his eyes on you the whole time, making sure you were still with him, that you wanted this as much as he did. His skin glowed warm in the low light—gold and flushed. You let your eyes trace over every inch of him: the curve of his collarbones, the scar on his rib, the way his stomach tightened when your gaze dipped lower.

Next came his jeans.

He stood up, undoing the button slowly, dragging the zipper down with a little exhale through his nose. His boxers went with them, sliding down over lean hips, thick thighs, revealing just how wrecked he already was for you. Hard. Heavy. Aching.

He stepped out of them and kicked them aside, then just stood there for a second—completely naked. Letting you see him, all of him.

Shit, he looked beautiful, vulnerable, ready. His chest rose with a shaky breath, and he reached for you again.

“You sure?” he asked, voice husky.

You nodded, biting your lip as you sat up a little, knees parting around him, hand reaching to brush over his stomach. “Touch me.”

That’s when he climbed onto the couch with you, awkward in the best way, knees hitting cushions, hands everywhere, both of you giggling quietly into the kiss because there wasn’t room to stretch out—not properly. So you made do, his chest pressing to yours, your calves curled around his waist,

He lined himself up and pushed in, slow. Your breath hitched—he felt everything. The stretch, your body welcoming him like it had been waiting for him all along. His eyes fluttered shut, and his forehead dropped to yours.

Rafe didn’t move at first, simply stayed there, buried deep, holding you.

When he finally started moving, he rocked into you with deep strokes—no roughness. Every thrust sent a wave of pleasure rolling through you, but it wasn’t just the way he felt—it was the way he looked at you while he did it. He was in awe.

His hands never stopped touching you—sliding over your ribs, cradling your face, tangling in your hair. He whispered things between kisses, confessions pressed to your skin.

“Don’t ever leave me, okay?”

You nodded through the haze of pleasure, wrapping your arms around his back, your legs around his hips. You pulled him in closer—wanted him as close as humanly possible.

You didn’t just want to feel him inside you, you wanted to keep him there.

“Didn’t think I’d ever get this,” Rafe whispered, voice shaking. “Not like this, with you.”

You brushed your fingers through his hair, pulling him back for a kiss, mouths barely moving, and when he pulled back, his eyes were glassy.

You cupped his face. “You do.”

His hips rocked into you again, and you gasped—back arching instinctively, tightening your legs around him.

“Jesus,” he breathed, forehead dropping to your shoulder. “You feel so fucking good.”

Your mouth found his jaw, lips brushing the sensitive spot. “I’ve never—” You swallowed, breath catching. “No one’s ever made me feel like this.”

Rafe groaned, his rhythm stuttering. “Don’t say that unless you want me to lose it.”

He kissed you again, hard this time, a little desperate. His hands cradled your face like you were something fragile, and for once in your life, you didn’t mind that. You let yourself be held like that.

You held his face in your hands too, eyes fluttering open even as your mouth parted on a gasp.

“You okay?” he breathed, “Talk to me, pretty girl.”

You nodded, pulling him down into another kiss, needy. “Don’t stop.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” he said, voice wrecked.

He braced a hand under your thigh and lifted it higher, pressing in and the sound you made had his hips stuttering. His lips found your neck again, his teeth scrapping at the skin.

“You feel so good,” he whispered into your skin. “Missed the way you sound. Missed how you look when I’m inside you.”

He rocked into you harder now, your bodies finding a rhythm—natural, perfect. His pelvis grinded against your clit with every pass, making your breath hitch and your legs tremble. It wasn’t just sex or getting off. It was everything you’d both been holding back—missed chances, sleepless nights, every second you’d spent pretending this wasn’t what you wanted all along.

His hand slid between your bodies, thumb finding your clit, perfect pressure movements, and your hips bucked involuntarily.

“There she is,” he rasped, lips brushing yours. “That’s my girl.”

You clenched around him at the words, and his eyes rolled back for half a second.

“Fuck, do that again.”

You did, not even on purpose, just from the way he felt, how he looked at you like you were the only thing he’d ever loved.

Your fingers scratched down his back, legs tightening around his waist, dragging him deeper. “Rafe,” you whimpered.

His hand cradled the back of your neck. “I know, baby. I know.”

He kissed you again, pouring everything into it—his apology, his want, his devotion. You could feel him everywhere—inside you, against you, with you. His hands never left you for long—one on your waist, the other at your cheek, brushing stray hairs back so he could see you while he made love to you.

That’s what this was, wasn't it? You felt it in your bones. Not sex, not a fuck. Rafe felt it too, you could tell by the way he kept whispering your name, how he blinked at you like he couldn’t believe you were real.

“Been in love with you,” he admitted against your lips. “Didn’t even know it till you were gone. But I knew it here—” He kissed your chest, right over your heart. “Always here.”

You gasped, overwhelmed, fingers gripping his biceps. “I love you. I love you.”

You rolled your hips up to meet him, gave him everything—every moan, squeeze, every soft gasp in his ear. Your bodies were rewriting history, undoing every bitter word you ever spit out with every thrust.

Rafe’s hands gripped your thighs, his weight adjusting over you, you didn’t notice what he was doing until your legs were being lifted, folded back slowly, one at a time, until your knees were bent near your shoulders.

His arms hooked behind them, pressing you open, holding you there.

“Oh fuckkkkk—” Your breath caught, chest heaving against his. He was already sliding—even deeper than before, and you could feel the stretch, the overwhelming fullness that made your hands claw at his shoulders.

“I got you,” he reassured you, his chest still flush against yours. “I got you, baby.”

Rafe didn’t let the new angle break your closeness, not pulling back even an inch. His body blanketed yours, skin-to-skin, sweat-slicked and trembling, his mouth brushing your cheek as he started to move again.

It was making your head spin.

Your breath hitched every time he sank in, your legs trembling where they were pinned. And shit, the sounds. Wet, rhythmic—the slide of him inside you, the slap of skin on skin, the catch of your breath every time his hips rolled forward and hit that spot that had you clenching so tight around him he had to bite down on a groan.

“Shit,” he hissed, kissing down your jaw. “You feel so fuckin’ good like this. Can’t believe I went so long without this.”

Every part of you was open, exposed, his.

He was taking his time with it, savoring every little reaction you gave him. His thrusts got heavier, your body folded around him making it impossible for him to miss a single spot.

“You’re so deep,” you whispered, voice high and shaky.

“I know,” he breathed. “Lemme give it to you, make you feel it.”

With your legs bent back, your pelvis tilted up, your body perfectly aligned for him, he filled every inch—grinding in with each stroke, his hips brushing against your clit hard enough to make your stomach tighten into that delirious pleasure.

Your toes curled, thighs quivering while kissed you again, desperately now, moaning into your mouth every time your walls clenched around him. You couldn’t stop it—it was involuntary, your body reacting to how he felt, to how fucking perfect this moment was.

You whimpered his name, needy, and he swore under his breath, shifting just enough to press your thighs closer to your chest. The angle made you cry out—your fingers digging into his back.

“That it? Right there?”

You nodded frantically, eyes wide, tears prickling at the corners from the intensity of it. His forehead pressed to yours, eyes locking with yours.

“You’re gonna cum for me first. I want it, baby.”

Rafe’s hand slid between your bodies, fingers slipping down to your clit again—rubbing in a perfect rhythm, in sync with every deep, body-shaking thrust.

It hit you suddely and violently, tearing through you with a sob that broke right out of your throat. Your whole body arched, legs trembling where he held them, walls pulsing around him so tight he nearly lost it right then.

“That’s it,” he gasped, watching you fall apart beneath him. “That’s my girl. Look at you, fuck—look how pretty you come for me.”

You were still shaking when he started to really lose it—his pace picking up, thrusts rougher, more ragged now as your orgasm milked him.

He choked out. “Where do you want it? Tell me, baby, please—”

“Inside,” you whispered, gripping his face. “Please. Rafe, please—”

He buried himself deep, groaning your name like it broke something in him, and then he was coming—hips locked, body shaking, spilling into you in pulsing waves.

You both lay there after, sweaty, trembling, still breathing each other’s air. His hands softened on your thighs, eventually letting them fall around his waist again, where they belonged.

He didn’t pull out, only kissed your shoulder, then your lips, still trembling. You didn’t realize you were crying until he kissed your cheek and tasted salt.

“Hey,” Rafe's thumb brushed the corner of your eye. “You okay?”

You nodded, breath shaky, lips parted as you tried to speak. “Yeah… yeah, I just—”

Words failed, there weren’t any for this, how full you felt—physically, emotionally. He kissed your cheek again, letting his lips linger. You could feel his heartbeat still racing where his chest pressed to yours.

He was still inside you.

Your legs had fallen open around his waist again, loose now, your heels resting against the backs of his thighs. His weight was solid on top of you, but comforting, not crushing. His cock—softening, but not leaving—stayed nestled so deep inside you it felt like your bodies didn’t know how to separate anymore.

Your hands drifted up his back, fingertips tracing sweat-damp skin, and his breath hitched at the gentleness of it.

“Don’t pull out yet.”

“Wasn’t gonna,” he murmured, kissing your collarbone. “Not ready to let you go.”

You let out a breathy laugh, aching, “Clingy.”

He smiled, forehead pressing to yours again. “Proudly.”

Your body was still trembling —aftershocks rippling through your muscles in fluttery waves. Every time you moved, even just to breathe, it made him twitch inside you. Not hard again, but still there.

He kissed your lips again, slower this time.

“I love you,” he said against your mouth, the easiest thing in the world. He sighed, body sinking into yours even more, cheek resting beside your temple, arms wrapped tight around you.

You smiled, eyes wet again. “I know.”

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itsaintmebabe · 1 month ago

Text

attention, please

୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ chapter two !

summary: y/n insists she’s done with vi, but vi can’t help but feel something’s off and is determined to break through y/n’s walls.

pairing: hockey player! vi x sports med trainer!fem! reader

notes: lowkey doing slowburn with them so hang in there lol

୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ chapter three / series masterlist

Y/N huffed as she adjusted her grip on the water bottles, her arms burning from the strain. The plastic containers were heavier than they looked, and carrying so many at once wasn’t her best idea, but she was the only sports med trainer who had made it to the rink so far. She refused to make two trips, it wasn’t that far, and she could handle it.

Probably.

Just as she felt one bottle slipping, a voice called out. “Yo, you need help?”

She barely had time to register the voice before Vi made her way around the ice towards you, closing the distance between them in record time. Fully dressed in her hockey gear, skates giving her an extra three inches of height, Vi loomed over her with that cocky smirk Y/N used to find charming but now only irritated her.

“No, I’m good,” Y/N muttered, adjusting the bottles in her arms again and quickening her pace toward the bench.

Vi raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Yeah, sure you are.”

Before Y/N could protest, Vi effortlessly plucked several bottles from her arms, holding them like they weighed nothing. Y/N inhaled sharply but said nothing. The help was appreciated, her arms were screaming in relief, but she refused to give Vi the satisfaction of a thank you.

They reached the bench, setting the bottles down. Vi stretched her arms, rolling her shoulders as she looked over at Y/N expectantly. “So… you gonna keep pretending I don’t exist, or what?”

Y/N didn’t even look at her as she started organizing the bottles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Vi let out a short laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Right. Because you totally haven’t been avoiding me.”

Y/N finally glanced up, meeting Vi’s gaze head-on. “I’ve been doing my job, just like I always have.”

Vi studied her, something unreadable flickering behind her eyes. Before she could say anything else, one of her teammates called her name, saving Y/N from whatever Vi was about to say. Without another word, Y/N turned back to her task, ignoring the way Vi hesitated before finally leaving.

—

Vi had always been confident, on and off the ice. She knew how to handle herself, her teammates, and any challenge thrown her way. But lately, she was struggling with something new, something she couldn’t quite name, and it all centered around Y/N.

She didn’t get it. One day, Y/N was just another face in the sports med department, someone she vaguely recognized because she’d wrapped her hands a few times. Then, suddenly, Y/N was ignoring her, and Vi found herself caring. Too much.

It started with little things. Y/N would be all smiles and warmth with her teammates, but the second Vi asked for something, all she got was short, clipped responses. There was no eye contact, no teasing remarks, no hint of the flustered girl she’d caught glimpses of before. And it bothered her.

Confused and frustrated, Vi found herself turning to Jayce.

“I think she hates me,” Vi muttered, leaning back on Jayce’s dorm couch and rubbing a hand down her face.

Jayce snorted, setting down his protein shake. “Who?”

“Y/N.”

Jayce raised a brow. “The same Y/N that works with Mel? The same Y/N who literally couldn’t stop talking about how hot you were?”

Vi sat up. “What?”

Jayce smirked. “Dude, she had a massive crush on you. Mel told me all about it. She used to think you were into her too, but then you, I don’t know, did something to piss her off?”

Vi blinked. She tried to think back, wondering what the hell she could’ve done. All she remembered was walking into the frat party, spilling her drink, and—

Shit. She’d ignored her, hadn’t she? She’d barely acknowledged her. Worse, she hadn’t even known her name.

“That can’t be it,” Vi muttered, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “That’s dumb.”

Jayce shook his head, amused. “Girls remember that kind of thing, Vi. She probably felt stupid for thinking you liked her.”

Vi leaned her head back, groaning. She wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t used to caring about what someone else thought of her like this. But every time Y/N avoided her gaze, every time she heard Y/N’s soft laugh aimed at someone else, Vi felt that unfamiliar tug in her chest.

Meanwhile, across campus, Y/N sat on her bed, knees pulled up to her chest as she groaned into her hands.

“Why is she suddenly everywhere?” she whined.

Mel, who was sitting at her desk, flipping through a textbook, snorted. “You’re the one who works with the hockey team.”

“Yeah, but she never talked to me before. Now she won’t stop.”

Mel smirked. “And you hate that?”

Y/N groaned louder. “I hate that it’s working.”

Mel turned in her chair, tilting her head. “Oh? So you do still like her.”

Y/N shook her head quickly. “No. No, I refuse. She’s annoying. She—”

Mel raised a brow. “She’s hot.”

Y/N covered her face. “I hate you.”

“No, you hate that she suddenly cares.”

Y/N flopped back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Maybe.”

Mel grinned, but before she could respond, her phone buzzed. A text from Jayce.

Jayce: Hey, babe. I’m bringing Vi over. Movie night?

Mel smirked, looking over at Y/N. “So, funny thing…”

—

Vi had no idea what she was walking into when she followed Jayce into Mel’s apartment, plopping down on the couch as they flipped through Netflix. She barely registered the movie as it played, her mind too occupied with thoughts of Y/N. She wasn’t used to people shutting her out, especially not people who used to look at her like she hung the stars. It left her feeling... unsettled.

Mel and Jayce, completely oblivious to her inner turmoil, were curled up together on the couch, whispering and giggling, wrapped up in their own little world. Vi watched them, a strange sort of longing settling in her chest. She wasn’t the type to settle down, never had been, but for the first time, she wondered what it would be like to have someone look at her like that.

She was still deep in thought when a voice interrupted. “Mel, can you turn it down? I have an exam tomorrow.”

Vi sat up straighter, head snapping toward the voice.

Y/N stood in the doorway, dressed in an oversized hoodie and pajama shorts, her expression annoyed but relaxed. She hadn’t even noticed Vi yet, her attention on Mel as she practically begged her to lower the volume.

The second Y/N’s gaze shifted and landed on Vi, she froze. Vi watched the way her lips parted slightly, a flicker of something, hesitation, shock, crossing her features.

Vi saw her chance. “Hey—”

“I’ll just put on headphones.”

Y/N spun on her heel, practically sprinting back into her room and shutting the door behind her.

Vi sat there, staring at the spot where Y/N had stood, stunned.

Behind her, Mel and Jayce exchanged glances before bursting into laughter.

“She’s got you bad,” Mel teased.

Vi ignored her, eyes still lingering on the closed door, wondering why the hell she suddenly wanted Y/N’s attention so badly.

#angst #fanfic #fanfiction #fluff #vi x female reader #vi arcane x reader #vi arcane #vi x reader #vi league of legends #vi arcane x y/n #vi arcane x you #arcane x reader #vi x fem!reader #arcane #vi x you #vi x y/n

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floylia · 9 months ago

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ELYSIAN ♫

23. A therapist? ✎

Scaramouche fears no man.

But he does fear four women.

1. Ei — his mother

2. Yae Miko — his mother’s “friend”

3. Nahida — his aunt

4. You — the highlight of his life

There’s no particular order. It depends on the day. Although tonight, that might be the case.

The bamboo pendant lamp hangs beautifully in the intricate walls if Uyuu Restaurant. An order of Tricolor Dango, Shimi Chazuke, Fukuuchi Udon, and Halvamazd scatter along the floor table. Scara settles across his mother. Yae Miko finds the spot next to her and beside him, Nahida chats away with the restaurant owner who introduces himself and the specialties he’d prepared in advance.

Four dishes for four people.

“What a funny guy! What’s his name again?” Yae Miko asks after the owner left.

“I believe it’s Okazaki Rikuto,” Nahida answers as she scans the roster of food available. Scara notices the eagerness in her eyes. Sometimes, his aunt resembles that of a child – if only she wasn’t so perceptive.

“Care to share your thoughts?” Nahida asks.

There it is – as always.

Scara clears his throat, “No. Let’s eat.”

It will have to wait.

Minutes of uncomfortable silence fills the room. A wave of anxiety begins to envelop Scara’s thoughts. Considering his intrepid personality, he’s sure that even outsiders can tell the absurdity of his actions – from fumbling his chopsticks to checking his phone every passing second. It’s a telltale sight. He curses himself.

“Whatever you wanted to discuss with us, you should do it now,” Ei states calmly. Although It’s not a suggestion, rather a demand.

Scara clears his throat a second time. There’s hesitation in his words. But stalling will get him nowhere, “I’ve been seeing someone.”

Yae Miko looks up grinning, “A therapist?”

The urge to say “fuck you” and hold up a middle finger begins to increase.

“Miko,” his mother warns. Scara can’t tell the expression Ei is wearing – he can never tell with her. He hates that. She is uncertainty, someone he’ll never fully understand.

Nahida interjects, “Is it [name]? I’ve seen articles and comments.”

Scara nods.

Always so perceptive.

Yae Miko Gasps, a hand over her mouth, “Oh the poor girl. I can’t believe she chose you.”

“Miko!” Ei screams.

A simple “fuck you” might not be enough. One more comment from the pink haired lady and they’ll have to call the ambulance – and it’s not for the right reasons.

Yae Miko looks at him with false pity, “You do know, it’s bad to lie–”

Ei cuts her off, “When can we meet her?”

Scara is caught off guard in the best way possible.

A genuine smile is written on his mother’s face – satisfaction.

“You should’ve invited her tonight,” Nahida added, “I’m a big fan of her work.”

He’s dreaming. He has to be.

“I had no faith in you,” Yae Miko says matter-of-factly.

Nevermind. He’s not dreaming.

“Look, you were a socially awkward child – a problem child, even now.”

He’s never been in a cat fight, but today might be it. Should he pull the top of her hair first or the bottom? Which one would be more efficient, he wonders. Venti would know.

“I mean Ei, do you remember the time–”

Or perhaps he should ask Heizou for blackmail materials. Then perhaps his mother would finally cut her off. Taking down the Yae Publishing House… What an exciting thought.

Scara tunes out the voice of his primary hater.

“Next time, you and [name] should visit Tenshukaku. I’d love to meet her,” his mother says in-between giggles.

“You’re not upset?” He asks, just to make sure.

Ei looks offended, “Why would I be?”

“Well–” He halts, not sure of what to say, “Because of the scandals…”

He doesn’t care about those trivial issues, but they might.

Nahida giggles, “For someone who doesn’t seem to care about people’s opinions, you sure are obedient today.“

“I just wanted to make sure.”

Ei shakes his head, “I know I never told you this, but I’ve always wanted the best for you,” She hesitates, “I apologize for making it hard for you to tell me simple things like this. I’m not a perfect mother, but I’m glad you’re sharing a part of your life with me – with us.”

He doesn’t know how to respond, merely nods.

If you were here, you would’ve loved them and they would’ve loved you.

He’s sure of that now. He’s wrong for doubting them.

“But anyway, is there something [name] would like? I can send her newly-made desserts from the shop.”

Yae Miko interjects, “Does she read light novels? I can give her a discount.”

“Or maybe she likes plants? Have you given her Padisarahs? Rainbow Roses? It’s supposed to mean passion and romantic encounters,” Nahida suggests.

Ei lights up, “Oh I know! A copy of your childhood photo album – you were an adorable kid.”

“Mom!”

“Hey, I’m sure she’d want it.”

She’s right.

Notes:

in a world where everyone is happy 😃

kept this in the basement for too long

next chapter is the last chapter then the extras

Synopsis: After 7 years of enduring the media’s relentless pursuit of painting you as a villain, you’re forced to go on an indefinite hiatus with a tainted reputation on your head. However, just when you thought your career was over, a certain 5WIRL member wants you to feature on his solo album. Surely, this won’t affect your reputation once more, would it?

Scaramouche x fem!reader

masterlist | previous | next

Taglist (closed): @aruatsu @magicalink @featuredtofu @scarasbaby @veekoko @scaranthropy @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @vernith @thystarsshine @lily-lmao @lovemari @mellowberrie @kunikuzushis-darling @skyoverkill1 @alatusorrow @kukikoooo @kyon-cherri @keiiqq @tzuw1ce @xiaossocksniffer @kaitfae @infinitetrashbag @lvnalxve @lovelypadisarah @ulquiorraswife @sketcheeee @atyour-kitchencounter @pirate-of-the-dark-seas @neiiuna @sn1perz @kazioli @inelenastyle @hearts4shu @wisheslost @Kazeyozuha @kazumiku @eutopiastar @chemiro @bananasquash @mujiwuji @danhenglovebot @cremesluv @boomie-123 @kookiibun @help-whatdoimakemyusername @vavrin @beaniedoodz @misterpoofin @justpeachyteastea @one-and-only-tay @peaceindreams @strxwberryfetish @shutingstar @projectsfantasy @quacking-simp @morgyyyyyyy @cante-lope @k-cris

#ELYSIAN #genshin smau #scaramouche genshin impact #scaramouche x female reader #genshin impact scaramouche #scaramouche x you #scaramouche imagines #scaramouche x reader #genshin fluff #genshin modern au #genshin idol au #wanderer x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin x female reader

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thehusbandoden · 2 years ago

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You Flinch During an Argument -Bakugo Katsuki

I finished this yesterday but forced myself to wait to post it due to my one part a day pattern I've had going on.

Anyways~ as I said in Shoto's part, I did make this one a bit angstier, but I hope I didn't stray too far away from the original prompt :'). It's kinda bittersweet lol but I kinda like it.

Angst to fluff/Comfort | Kinda bittersweet~ | 993 words | female reader

Warnings!: arguing, yelling, being scared of your partner, parents arguing (the kids were not present), kids being left at school (not for very long), caps, excuses, self hatred, and insulting themselves (Bakugo). Please let me know if I miss any <33

You both had been fighting for at least half an hour, screaming at one another for this and that. It started with Bakugo 'forgetting' to pick up your sons from school, and has now escalated into you screaming at him for not 'caring about this family' and his yelling about how hard he works for your family.

No one was totally to blame, both parties had some points that were right, and some that were wrong. But it should have never reached that point.

~~~

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD I WORK TO PROVIDE FOR THIS FAMILY! I TOLD YOU WHEN YOU BEGGED FOR KIDS THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HELP OUT MUCH! WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME!"

"I UNDERSTAND THAT- BUT YOU'VE HAD THREE DAYS OFF! YOU'RE FULLY RESTED- AND SHOULD'VE PICKED UP THE KIDS NO PROBLEM WHILE I WAS HELPING OUT YOUR MOM!"

"WELL WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO! I FORGOT ABOUT IT, OKAY! AND YOU DIDN'T CALL TO REMIND ME EITHER!"

"I EXPECTED YOU TO HAVE ENOUGH BRAINS TO REMEMBER, BUT I GUESS THAT WAS IDIOTIC OF ME!"

"I HAVE SO MUCH TO DEAL WITH BESIDES THIS BULL CRAP THAT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! I WORK, YOU TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS!"

"KATSUKI I CANNOT WATCH THE KIDS 24-7 WITHOUT YOUR HELP! I NEED BREAKS TOO! YOU HAVE TWO DAYS OFF A WEEK TO RELAX, AND CATCH UP ON SLEEP! WHILE I HAVE NIGHT TIME, BATHROOM BREAKS, RUNNING ERANDS, AND NAP TIMES TO CATCH A BREAK! I SHOULD BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY HUSBAND TO HELP OUT WHEN HE HAS TIME OFF!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED THE KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE- WHY ARE YOU WHINING TO ME ABOUT HAVING TO TAKE CARE OF 'EM!"

"WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THEY AREN'T YOURS!? WE BOTH AGREED ON DOING THE BEST WE COULD FOR OUR KIDS, AND YOU SAID THAT YOU'D HELP OUT WHENEVER YOU COULD!"

"Y/N IT WAS THIS ONE TIME- I WAS BUSY, I FORGOT!"

"YOU WERE PLAYING GAMES ALL DAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS! THAT IS NOT BUSY!"

Blazing anger filled Bakugo as he stepped towards you, planning on simply getting closer to you to somehow try and make you see his side of things. He didn't mean to forget about picking up his kids, he loves his kids, he was simply engrossed in talking about them to his friends as he gamed, totally forgetting about the time and the fact that they were at school, waiting for someone to pick them up.

In truth, Bakugo felt bad. Really bad. But you wouldn't stop, so he continued, his unwavering pride making it near impossible to simply apologize and leave the argument behind.

Storming towards you, Bakugo stopped dead in his tracks as you flinched from him, eyes holding a certain terror. Wait- did you- did you think he was going to hurt you?!

Apologies and 'are you okay's were caught in Bakugo's throat as he opened his mouth, too terrified to speak.

Y/n.. his y/n was scared..of him. HIs y/n- the person that tore him out of his 'I don't care about anything or anyone' stage. She brought him out of his dark pit of self loathing, hating himself for how weak he was, how he couldn't do anything compared to that idiot Deku. She brought light into his world, she is his light. His first and last love, his wife, his center, his other half, his partner, his reason for life, the mother of his children, his one and only lover, his queen, his everything.

And he scared her.

Screamed at her for something that was his fault.

Treated her so badly that she flinched away from him- terror filling her eyes.

Her gorgeous e/c eyes. The same eyes that his sons had inherited. Now he's brought tears to three sets of those goregous eyes. What a scum bag.

Pain seared through Bakguo as he embraced his y/n, knowing if he left now she would entirely break, thinking that he was giving up on her. On their love. When in reality, he would't be. He would never dream of leaving her, or their beautiful children.

Because no matter how much of an a-hole Bakugo may be, he would never stoop that low. Never. And so he held her, and continued to hold her as she tearfully cussed him out, telling him how much she loved him and how much of an a-hole he was for treating her like that, their kids like that.

He just held her, telling her that he was sorry, that he knew, that he would make it up to her -and their seven year old twins- somehow.

And for now, that was enough. His love, and comfort was enough as you clung to him, insulting him while telling him that you loved his idiotic self in the same sentence, telling him that you loved him too much to not be able to forgive him.

And that if he was serious about making things right, that you would help him.

Because you were Bakugo y/n*. You chose to take his name and become his wife. Bakugo has helped you through so many up and downs, so you would do the same for him. Because he truly loved you, and you truly loved him.

*Japanese last names go in front of the first name to pay respect to the family name, and that's why Kirishima and Bakugo's other classmates call him Bakugo instead of Katsuki -to pay respect to his family name-. So you would be (in Japan anyway) Bakugo y/n (if you choose to take his last name) and strangers/aquaintnesses/not so close friends and co-workers would call you Bakugo instead of y/n. Annd due to me not liking Bakugo a whole lot I call him Bakugo or Baka/Bakuhoe instead of Katuski and call Todoroki and Midoriya, Shoto and Izuku- do you get what I'm saying?? I hope you do <33

Series' masterlist | Bakahoe's Bakugou's masterlist | Main masterlist | Navigation

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated<33

Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way, minus reblogging.

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thekhloediary · 27 days ago

Text

Hate That I Love You

Nicholas Chavez x Reader

Hi guys! So I wanted to challenge myself and write a fic that was more than just smut (it’s still here lol) but with a lot more plot, slow burn, and fluff. What did Taylor say? It’s a love story. I really, really enjoyed writing this one and hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think! -Khloe ♡

❝ Some feelings never go away…❞

I wanted him to tell me that he would always love me. I really wanted him to understand. I knew that I was breaking his heart along with mine, but I still wanted for us to be okay. If only we could have just been okay. Maybe that was unrealistic. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. I just know I never wanted him to hate me.

But what I wanted wasn’t what I got.

You’re so fucking selfish were the words that hit me hard. The explosive sound of the door slamming hit me even harder. It was the sound that rang through my ears and echoed through my heart long after he was gone. The sound that told me that we were really over.

And it was all because of me.

All because I chose my dreams. Why couldn’t he just understand that choosing what I loved didn’t mean that I didn’t love him. I loved him so much. But ever since I was a little girl in my first ballet class, all I wanted to do was dance. It was my joy, my passion, and when I got into the performing arts school of my dreams, it was no question. I had to go. But going meant transferring schools and moving across the country to New York. It also meant leaving him.

It had been three years since I left, and while I didn’t regret leaving, I still had those unavoidable moments where ‘what ifs’ occupied my mind. What if we never broke up? What if we had made it work? What if we were still together now? What if…

The truth was, I never stopped missing him. I had a lot of things that made me happy—dance, school, an exciting job, an amazing apartment, and a great group of friends. But I still felt incomplete, like a puzzle with a missing piece. No matter how much time passed or how happy I was in life, there was a dull ache in my heart that never seemed to completely go away.

I still loved him.

I probably always would.

He was my first real love—the one who I thought I’d be with forever. The one who was impossible to forget. I can still remember our first encounter like it was yesterday. I was 18 and at a college party that my best friend talked me into going to. I wasn’t much of a party girl and I rarely drank, but I decided to go with her, and it ended up being the best decision ever because I met him.

Nicholas.

The party was still going strong well into the night with no sign of ending anytime soon. I was ready to go, but my best friend had told me another hour, two hours ago. We shared many similarities, but when it came to partying, we were very different. My best friend was the definition of the life of the party, while I had a good time at parties, but I definitely didn’t party hard.

I was sitting on the couch with a soda when someone came and stood right in front of me.

“A soda?” he spoke, his voice low and teasing.

I looked up to see the most handsome guy looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s wrong with a soda?” I asked, glancing at the canned soda in my hand before returning my attention to him.

“It’s a party. What fun is a soda?” he smirked.

“Oh, I didn’t know beverages had fun,” I said with a small laugh.

He smiled and chuckled. “No? Have you not met beer? How about vodka? She’s a real good time,” he joked.

“I’m not much of a drinker,” I admitted with a shy smile.

“That’s cool,” he shrugged easily. “Be the exception.”

I couldn’t stop laughing. He was really charming and funny. And he was insanely attractive. He had the most perfect smile and the dreamiest brown eyes I’d ever seen.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked, already taking a seat beside me.

“Now what if I had said no?” I teased, turning to face him fully.

“You wouldn’t have,” he told me with a knowing smile. “You’re happy for the company. You and your soda looked so bored when I was walking past, I just had to come over. I would’ve felt bad if I didn’t.”

“Enough about my soda,” I laughed. “What are you drinking?”

“Rum and coke,” he raised his cup and gave me a playful smile. “See? I like soda too.”

I laughed again and then leaned in a bit. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“What’s that?”

“I’m not really big on soda either. I wanted a bottled water but there wasn't any in the cooler.”

He let out a disapproving sound and shook his head. “You’re killing me.”

“I know,” I pressed my hand against his chest and tapped playfully. “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know why I did it. It was a bold move touching him like that, but something in me wanted to. He lit a spark in me. He looked down at my hand and then back up to eyes with a smile that indicated he didn’t just mind it—he liked it.

And I already found myself liking him.

“So, tell me, does the pretty girl with the soda have a name?”

I blushed. “Y/N.”

He smiled. “Nicholas.”

That was how our love story began. I couldn’t imagine if I decided not to go to that party or if Nicholas didn’t come up and talk to me. The stars were aligned when we met that night; they brought us together, and every day for the next two years felt like a dream come true.

Then came the dreaded day when it went away.

Back in the present, I shook away the memory and gathered my things before leaving the dance studio where I worked. I had just finished teaching a class and didn’t have another until tomorrow. The rest of my day looked like rest and relaxation.

Before heading home, I made a stop at one of my favorite coffee shops. They made my favorite iced matcha latte, and whenever I was in the area, I couldn’t resist getting one. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee greeted me as I entered. It was a little busy with the afternoon rush, but patience was a virtue and their matcha was the best, so I didn’t mind.

After placing my order, I stepped aside to wait. I was scrolling through my phone when I heard the barista call out a name that made me look up. I nearly dropped my phone when I saw who was approaching the counter. My eyes had to be deceiving me. There was no way it was actually him. But the more I looked, the more I realized I wasn’t seeing things.

It was really him.

It was Nicholas.

Shock was an understatement. I was frozen in place, like a deer caught in headlights. I had no idea how to react, and it seems that Nicholas didn’t either when he saw me. He was visibly shocked and didn’t move for what felt like a long time. The barista called his name again and he politely apologized, snapping out of his trance-like state.

I know it was the last thing I should've been focused on, but I couldn’t help but notice he picked up two cups and wondered who the other was for. Was he seeing someone now? Of course he was. It had been three years and any girl would be lucky to have him. I was lucky. The thought of seeing him with someone else now hit me like a punch in the gut.

When my legs finally decided to move, I grabbed my almost forgotten matcha and walked over to Nicholas. My heart raced as I stood in front of him. He was still so unbelievably handsome, even more so now. How was that even possible?

“Nic?” I said his name disbelievingly, still trying to convince myself that it was really him. “What are you doing here? Well, not here in the coffee shop… I mean here in New York,” I rambled and suddenly felt like an idiot when all he did was stare.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but this was the worst. Was he really not going to speak? Not even a hello? At the very least, I thought I would receive a greeting. This coldness wasn't something I was prepared for. Unsure of what else to say or do, I just gave him a small smile that he didn’t return. And he still hadn’t said anything. The silence was growing more uncomfortable, and I was seconds away from leaving when I heard an approaching voice that I instantly recognized as his sister’s.

“Y/N! Oh my God!” she exclaimed, her voice bubbling with excitement as she pulled me into a hug.

I hadn’t seen Nicole since before I left for school. We still kept in touch through social media, but we obviously weren’t close like we’d been when Nicholas and I were together. I knew through Instagram that she was getting married, and then it dawned on me that was probably why they were here in New York.

“Look at you. Still so pretty, girl,” she smiled.

“No, you,” I smiled back.

She grabbed one of the drinks Nicholas was holding and took an eager sip. “Hello caffeine. Exactly what I needed. This morning has been so busy.” She then squealed excitedly, “I’m getting married tomorrow!”

“Congrats, Nicole.” I said, genuinely so happy for her. “I know it’s going to be so beautiful.” Inadvertently, I looked over at Nicholas, who was now looking down at his phone with an expression that said he wanted to be anywhere else but here right now.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Nicole smiled and then her eyes suddenly lit up. “Wait, are you busy tonight? We’re having a bowling party instead of the usual rehearsal dinner. It’s gonna be a lot of fun. You should totally come.” She glanced at Nicholas. “We would love that. Right, Nic?”

“Sure.” He finally spoke, not even bothering to look up from his phone.

He didn’t want me to go.

I didn’t either.

But since she invited me.

“Okay,” I agreed despite myself.

“Great! I’ll send you the address and see you tonight.”

I gave her a parting smile before I made my way to the door. I couldn’t help but notice Nicholas still had the same tight expression on his face when he finally looked back up. With a heavy sigh, I pushed the door open and left.

It wasn’t too late to change my mind, right?

I should have and just made an excuse that I couldn’t make it. That’s really what I wanted to do, but later on when she sent me the address and expressed her happiness, I decided to go.

When I arrived at the bowling lounge, the party was well under way, with music and happy sounds of everyone enjoying themselves. I sent Nicole a text to let her know I was here, and she met me at the entrance a few moments later.

“So happy you made it,” she said, giving me a quick hug before adding, “I know it might not seem like it, but my brother is too, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.”

I wanted to believe it, but the earlier encounter with Nicholas in the coffee shop didn’t give me much assurance that it was true. I hoped for the best but anticipated the worst again.

We walked over to the bowling lanes and she introduced me to everyone, a few familiar faces. They were all wearing matching bowling shirts and reality struck me that although I was here, I wasn’t a part of their lives anymore, no matter how much I still wanted to be. Nicholas surely reminded me of that.

I spotted him talking with someone near one of the lanes. When I waved at him, he just gave me a quick nod and carried on with his conversation like I was nobody who mattered. He didn’t want me here, and it was painfully obvious. It was still hard to believe that this was us now. I remembered how he would look at me like I was the only girl in the world. Like I was the center of his universe.

Now he acted like I didn’t even exist.

As the night went on, I tried to just ignore how Nicholas was making me feel and focus on having a good time. After bowling, the party moved upstairs to the karaoke section of the lounge. One of Nicole’s bridesmaids had just finished a song when Nicholas headed towards the front. I watched him as he scanned the song selections and chose the one he wanted.

With a bright smile, he picked up the mic. “This is for someone special. She knows who she is.”

Was he talking about me? I suddenly felt nervous.

It didn’t take long to get an answer.

He looked right at me as the instrumental to Bon Jovi’s You Give Love a Bad Name started to play.

My heart immediately sank.

Like most humiliating moments, it felt longer than it actually was. The song seemed to go on and on, like a slow torture, my heart sinking deeper and deeper as Nicholas sang the song to me.

Shot through the heart and you’re to blame…

…you give love a bad name

I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. There was a gleam in his eyes, like he was actually enjoying this. I sat completely mortified, and even more so when it suddenly felt like every pair of eyes in the room were on me. I could’ve sworn that I even heard a few whispers. Then Nicole gave me an apologetic look that somehow made me feel even worse. Sparing myself further embarrassment, I got up to leave.

Standing outside the lounge, I fought back tears. Crying on the New York City streets wasn’t something else I wanted to add to my humiliation. The only thing on my mind now was why did I even come. I had never been more humiliated in my life. How could he do that?

I was reaching for my phone to request an Uber when the door opened and Nicholas walked out.

“So, you were just going to leave?” he asked.

Was he serious? After what he just did?

“Nicholas, please. Just leave me alone,” I said quietly as I walked off. I was embarrassed, emotional, and I couldn’t deal with anything more. I got maybe two steps before his hand closed around my arm.

“No.”

“No?” I shot him a look of incredulity.

“You heard me. No.”

“God, you’re a fucking asshole,” I told him as I reached my limit with the way he was treating me. Did he have to be such a dick?

He scoffed and let go of my arm. “That's a bit rich, coming from you.”

“Say what you will, Nicholas, but I have never done anything intentionally to hurt you. And I never would. That, in there, was fucked up.”

“Let’s not talk about fucked up.” he said, visibly becoming more agitated.

I sighed. “Nic, I’ve tried to apologize so many times. You never wanted to hear it. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know I left, but it’s been three years and I just thought—”

“Thought what? Thought that everything was good now?” He interrupted, letting out a humorless laugh.

Silence.

“You know what really kills me…” he said, running a hand over his face. “It’s the fact that after all this time you still don’t get it. How don’t you fucking get it?! It really blows my mind that you don’t get that it was never because you left but how you just blindsided me with a breakup.”

His gaze pierced into mine, his eyes filled with hurt and anger that suddenly broke something inside me.

“All I ever did was love and support you. How could you make a decision for me, for us, without even a conversation with me? You got your acceptance letter and then the next thing I know is you’re telling me we can’t be together anymore. That was just it. You want to talk about fucked up? That was fucked up.”

The more Nicholas released, the more I wanted to break down and cry.

Because he was right.

Because I’d hurt him.

Because I still loved him.

“Two years together and you just fucking ended it. Just like that… like it meant nothing.”

“No, Nic…” I started, the tears that I’d been trying to hold back falling. “It wasn’t just like that and it meant everything. Believe me, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I loved you so much. I didn’t want to end things.”

“Yea, but you did. And the way you did it…” He shook his head. “I deserved better.” He made a motioning gesture between us. “We deserved better than that.”

“I’m sorry.” I sobbed. “You’re right. I should’ve done it differently. I wish I did. But even if I had, Nic, tell me how it would've worked?”

“Maybe it wouldn’t have,” he admitted. “But I know I wouldn’t have given up on us without trying.”

“I’m sorry.” I told him again.

“Yea, you’ve said that.”

“And I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.” I reached for his hand. “I never ever meant to hurt you. I’ve spent the last three years still thinking about you.”

I felt a bit of resistance before his hand finally held mine. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, the weight of everything we’d said hanging heavy in the air. As I looked into his eyes, I watched him struggle with whatever was going on inside him. Anger? Maybe forgiveness? Did he believe me? I didn’t know, and as much as I wanted to ask, I couldn’t find any words. All I could do was make the most of this moment with him, holding his hand, not wanting to ever let it go.

Then I heard Nicholas release a heavy sigh.

“Why am I doing this…” he said quietly, more to himself than to me.

Before I could ask what he meant, he leaned in and kissed me, taking me by complete surprise. It was a kiss that, for a moment, was soft and almost hesitant, like he wanted to pull away. But when he couldn’t fight it, and when I kissed him back, the kiss became heated, a mixture of shared passion and frustration. I felt his hand move to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. Any thoughts of doubt and hesitation faded as our tongues touched and bodies pressed even closer. For a fleeting moment, it was just Nicholas and I again. No problems. No worries. Just us.

And then it was over. He pulled away slowly, his eyes dazed like mine, like we’d both just woken from a dream that once seemed so close, but now was so far away. Once upon a time, we were deeply in love, living our very own fairytale, and now, I’m not sure what we were—if we’d ever be anything again.

“I gotta get back in there,” he said quietly.

I nodded silently.

Nicholas looked at me, his deep brown eyes reflective, like he wanted to say more, but without another word, he turned and went back inside. My Uber arrived shortly after, and when I got into the car, I sank into the back seat and shut my eyes.

What really just happened?

The next day, I was still thinking about Nicholas and the unexpected kiss. I couldn’t stop it from replaying in my head. I wondered what it meant, if it meant anything. He had been so cold towards me and then… he was kissing me? I couldn’t make sense of it. My mind was racing with questions I had no answers for and thoughts I couldn’t escape.

I had just gotten home from work that evening when my phone chimed. I glanced at the screen, and to my surprise, it was a text from Nicholas. It was five words that stopped me in my tracks and made my heart skip a beat.

I need to see you.

An hour later, he was standing outside my apartment door. I had no idea what to expect after yesterday, but I was certain that I couldn’t handle things going left. I breathed deeply and silently hoped that everything would go right.

I opened the door.

“Hi,” I said, stepping aside to let him in.

“Hi,” he replied, putting his hands in his pockets as we fell into an awkward silence.

“Can I take your jacket?” I offered when the silence went on for a bit too long.

“Oh yea, sure.” He took off his jacket, handing it to me to hang.

“How was the wedding?” I asked as we walked further into my living room. When we were both seated on my couch, I noticed that he sat a bit closer than I would have thought.

“It was really nice,” he said with a smile that warmed my heart. “I’ve never seen my sister happier than she was today.”

I smiled back. “I can’t wait to see pictures. I know it was beautiful.”

Nicholas was quiet for a moment. “Look, I came here to say that I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday.”

“It’s okay.” I said softly.

I didn’t like what happened, but I knew it came from a place of hurt—hurt that I had caused. Maybe he just wanted me to hurt too. But I had already been hurting since that day when I told him we couldn’t be together anymore.

“It’s not okay,” he said. “I could’ve handled it better. I was, in fact, a fucking asshole.”

We both looked at each other after he repeated my words from yesterday and let out a laugh. Sharing a laugh with him felt good. I missed it.

I missed him.

“I don’t want you to hate me, Nic,” I said quietly.

“I don’t hate you,” he admitted. “I’ve tried to. I really did. But I never could. I think I hated that I still loved you. I was angry with you for a long time, and seeing you again brought it all back…”

Nicholas trailed off for a moment, trying to find his next words. It was a short silence before he spoke again.

“I felt angry about the past,” he said, letting out a deep breath. “But then I couldn’t get you out of my head, and all I wanted to do was kiss you. At the wedding today, you were the only thing on my mind. I guess it just hit me that the reason I could never hate you is because…”

The room fell silent again as he looked into my eyes. My heart was racing and my stomach was suddenly in knots as I anticipated what his next words would be—words that I thought I’d never hear him say again.

“…I still love you,” he finally said. “I don’t think I ever stopped.”

My heart nearly stopped beating and it felt like the air had left my lungs. The words echoed through my head, impossible to forget. Oh my God, he said that he still loved me. I almost couldn’t believe it was real. Was it real? Maybe I’d wake up to find it was all a dream. It sure felt like one.

Then it happened again, Nicholas leaned in and he kissed me. Only this time, it wasn’t unexpected. It wasn’t uncertain. It was the kind of kiss that said more than words ever could. It was everything that I had missed, wanted, and never wished to lose again. I could kiss him forever if I had the chance.

Kissing quickly turned into passionate touching, my hands roaming his body—over his arms, his shoulders, his back, the feel of him sending a rush of heat through me. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt, desperate to get closer to him, and he quickly pulled it over his head and tossed it somewhere behind him. My breath hitched at the sight of his smooth skin and hard muscles, the veins in his arms making my mouth water.

“Somebody’s been in the gym,” I smiled, running my hand over his chest and down his abs.

He smiled back, a sexy smile that was appreciative and assured. “Just a little something.”

“Not so little,” I teased, my hand traveling further down, stopping at the waistband of his pants.

Nicholas chuckled softly as he stood up to take off his pants, my eyes following his every move. He reached out to grab my hand, pulling me up from the couch and standing me in front of him. He kissed me again, deep and demanding, as his hands moved to lift my shirt and unhook my bra, both falling to the floor.

The feel of his lips on mine, the taste of the kiss, the way his hands explored me—everything about the moment had my body screaming for more. I moaned between kisses, dripping in arousal. I felt his hands slide down my back, and then over my ass, grabbing it firmly, pulling me closer into him. With our bodies pressed together, I could feel him hard and ready. It sent a rush of anticipation through me so intense I nearly shuddered.

“Your room,” he said, his voice rough with want.

I reached for his hand and led the way. We couldn’t get there any faster. I needed this. I needed him.

All of him.

His body covered mine as he pressed me down gently against the bed. He wasted no time kissing me again, hands all over me, like we couldn’t get close enough fast enough. He kissed from my mouth down to my breasts and then further to my stomach. Each kiss and every touch had my body on fire. The years had passed, but the burning passion between us was still there, like a flame, burning intensely and nonstop.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I whispered.

“I can’t either,” he whispered back, placing a kiss right below my navel, making my stomach clench.

Then his kisses went lower.

He held my gaze as he slowly slid my shorts and panties down. The intense look in his eye made me burn with anticipation.

“You missed me?” he asked, his hands pushing my legs further apart as he lowered his head between them. The feel of his breath against my skin was enough to make me quiver.

God, yes. He had no idea how much I missed him. How much I missed this.

“Tell me how much,” he pressed, kissing along my inner thigh. “Tell me how bad you want it.”

I wanted it so bad I was nearly desperate.

“So fucking bad,” I managed to say through breaths.

His mouth was so teasingly close.

“You know,” he whispered, placing another wet kiss to the inside of my thigh. “I can still remember how you taste.” Another kiss. “How you used to sound.” And then another. “How it would drive me crazy.”

“Nic, please,” I whimpered.

He didn’t make me wait any longer.

The first feel of his tongue sent a rush of pleasure surging through me, making me gasp. His mouth was always amazing, but now it felt even better than I remembered. With my eyes closed, my head fell back against the pillows and a soft, breathy moan escaped me.

“That’s it,” Nicholas groaned, his voice low and rough. “God, I’ve missed that fucking sound.”

I wasn’t going to last long. Not with the way he lapped at my wetness with his tongue, first soft and then with more pressure. Not with how his fingers moved inside me, stroking that sweet spot within. Not with the way he licked and sucked my clit, stimulating every single nerve ending. No, I wasn’t going to last long at all, each lick and each touch bringing me closer and closer.

“Nic,” I gasped. “Fuck,”

I felt it coming. He did too. His hands gripped my thighs, holding me in place as his lips closed around my clit and sucked in such a way that it made my entire body shudder. I didn’t just see stars, it felt like I was ascending to another dimension. It was beyond any orgasm he’d ever given me before. It was almost too good and I nearly cried in pleasure when his tongue didn’t let up and took me back into the stars.

Oh God.

I lay breathlessly, my body still trembling from the mind-blowing orgasm. I felt him press a soft, loving kiss against my thigh before he came back up and kissed me, his lips glistening with the taste of me on them.

“This is real, right?” I asked softly, a part of me still believing this was all a dream that I was going to wake up from any minute now.

Nicholas grabbed my hand and guided it down to feel him. Full. Hard. Ready. “I promise you it is.” he said just as softly, letting out a low groan as I stroked him gently.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I told him.

And then he slowly pushed into me, our eyes meeting when he was fully inside. One look at him and I knew he felt it too. How perfect this all was. How it wasn’t just sex but our love story continuing.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “You feel even better than I remember.”

And so did he. It was amazing, almost overwhelming, the intensity of everything I was feeling. His words, the sounds of his breaths, the way he hit every right spot in every right way, made me feel an emotion so strong it almost brought me to tears.

“I love you,” I whispered, meeting his every stroke with a rock of my hips. “I never stopped.”

We moved together in perfect rhythm. My walls hugged him tightly, pulling him in closer, wanting him to feel just how much I wanted him. How much I loved him. How much this moment meant. Each stroke of his seemed to convey the same thing as he thrust into me again and again, bringing me closer and closer. I was almost there.

A little deeper.

A little harder.

A little more.

And I was crying out his name, the pleasure rushing through me so intensely it left me trembling.

“Oh, my God,” I moaned breathlessly, my arms wrapped tightly around his back, holding him close.

It was at that moment that Nicholas reached his peak and a rough groan ripped from his throat as he filled me completely.

“I love you too,” he said, his body collapsing against mine.

Nothing could’ve felt better.

In the quiet moments that followed, Nicholas held me in his arms. With my head resting on his chest, I listened to the steady beating of his heart. Tonight had been nothing short of perfect, and all I could think of now was how I wanted to make it last forever. Where did we go from here?

As if he could read my thoughts, Nicholas pulled me closer and placed a soft, reassuring kiss to the top of my head. “We’ll figure it out together this time.”

His words melted my heart. Our love story was far from over. It was a new chapter being written.

This was just the first page.

Tagging all the Nic girlies I follow ♡ @oliviaambs @torikitten @anemoiars @iamsebastiansstan @fiftyshadeschavez @chavezwifeyy @nicholaslut @nickchavezs

#nicholas alexander chavez #nicholas chavez #nicholas chavez x reader #nicholas chavez x female reader #nicholas chavez x fem!reader #nicholas chavez x y/n #nicholas chavez x smut #nicholas chavez fluff #nicholas chavez imagine #nicholas chavez fanfiction #nicholas chavez fic #fanfiction #fanfic #smut #fluff #writers on tumblr

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messylxve · 11 months ago

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ignited spark | aaron hotchner x reader

part one

pt 2 pt3

content warning : angst, pining, first kiss, drunk aaron, haley, sad ending

You met Aaron when you were young. When the biggest worry in your world was the next pop quiz in your Criminal Law class. He was pretty, smart, charming, and had a killer smile to match. You were quiet, shy, but easily the smartest one in the class.

He had often found himself glancing at you from across the room during lectures, a soft smile gracing his features when he noticed the way you color coded your notes based on your highlighters. Yet, whenever you looked up at him, his gaze was oddly fully focused on the professor ahead of him.

“I might just be going crazy Macy,” you reassured your friend one day. Or maybe you were reassuring yourself. “It’s just a coincidence.”

“Orrr,” she grinned, walking alongside you. “This guy totally has the hots for you and you need to make a move.”

You snorted. “When pigs fl—,”

You never finished your sentence. Whatever you were going to say was clear out your mind by time your brain even process that you collided with someone, knocking your books and notes clean out your hand.

“I’m so sorry, that was completely my fault.”

You recognized his voice from the times he’d raise his hands in class and ask a question.

Words failed you as he kneeled down in front of you and pick up each of your things with upmost care. “I-.”

“Here. Again I’m so sorry.”

You sucked in a harsh breath as you grasped the books in your hands. “Thanks…”

“Always.” He flashed that smile at you and he was gone, walking away from you. Missing your moment. Missing the way he took one more glance back at you as he continued on his own path.

“Don’t tell me…” your friend started, amusement painting their voice. “Was that the mysterious man from your class?”

You cleared your throat, shoving away the embarrassment that creeped up your neck. “I’ll neither confirm nor deny that.”

You didn’t want to admit it but that interaction left you with a smile for the rest of the day.

The next time you interacted with Aaron, you were alone. Books surrounded you as you worked quietly in the library, head bopping softly to your music.

The last thing you expected was him, but alas he was there. You saw his shadow first, it draped itself over the book you copied notes from and blocked the light from shining over you.

“y/n right? You’re in my Criminal Law class.”

“How do you know my name?”

You didn’t mean to come off as so defensive, but you heart beat so fast in your chest, you couldn’t help but blurt out your words.

“Umm…your friend told me I could find you in here. I needed help with something for class.”

You had cleared a seat for him and gave him all the help you could give.

The friendship only ever bloomed from there.

An hour into the fourth study session, the two of you had completely forgotten the books, now broken into fits of giggles attempting to stay quiet in the library and failing. Horribly.

“God you make jokes like a dad would. Has anyone told you that?”

Aaron rolled his eyes, but his smile persisted. “I’ve heard it before. My girlfriend though compares it to an uncles humor ironically enough.”

You hoped it hadn’t been noticeable, but your smile eased up at the moment. Flickering away for a millisecond. “Girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” he smiled obliviously. “I didn’t tell you about her?”

You shook your head and pressed on a smile. “Not that I remember.”

You watched, disheartened as he flipped open his wallet and passed you a photo of him and a woman. She was wearing a gorgeous gown and he was dressed as a pirate for some reason.

She was painfully gorgeous.

“Her name’s Haley. We started dating in high school and it’s been great ever since.”

You studied the photo a little while longer, your mind reaching other places. In that moment, you could have been resentful or hateful. You could picked a fight and scoffed about him leading you on.

But you didn’t.

With a smile, you passed the picture back. “She’s cute. You guys are cute.”

Who are you to get angry over someone who isn’t yours?

The study sessions continued on as if nothing ever happened and soon enough, you convinced yourself that truly nothing ever happened. You two were now friends and that’s all you wanted.

It became a tradition then to meet every weekend at that table. Then one weekday turned into the weekend. Then the weekend turned into every other day. Soon enough, you guys were attached at the hip, finding time to eat lunch together, listening to lectures in class together, even sneaking into each others dorms after curfew for movie nights.

The two of you were easily best friends and per the rules of best friendship, you two shared nearly everything. Stories about the god awful roommate, awkward confrontations with professors, even stories of embarrassing slip ups made.

You two told each other almost everything. Which was why it was so weird to hear about his break up with Haley from his friend.

He had called you from Aaron’s phone, so you didn’t think twice about picking up the phone. But when you heard the loud music and starkly different voice, you knew something was wrong.

“y/n?”

“Mark? Where’s Aaron, is everything okay?”

“Aaron’s fine. Physically at least…look I need your help.”

You noted the slight slur over his words as he slowly began to panic.

“Anything.”

“Haley broke up with Aaron and he…well he didn’t take well to I suggested we go out for drinks since it’s spring break and so he could feel better, but when I turn around he downed like 7 shots and now he can barely stand and I didn’t think ahead and I’m drunk so I can’t take us home but he’s plastered so he can’t take him home either and I called my friend but they have the tiniest fucking clown car ever and he can’t fit so-,”

“Mark! Breathe. I can’t understand you.”

“Sorry…”

“Do you have a ride?”

“Yes.”

“Does Aaron need a ride?”

“No. I mean yes. Yes he needs a ride.”

“Where are you?”

There was silence for a moment. “Miller’s.”

“I’ll be there in 10.”

Aaron didn’t talk until he reached his empty dorm, putting more than half of his body weight on you.

“Haley broke things off.”

Your heart broke into a million pieces at the sight of his sad face. His eyes were wet, but not yet ready to release the tears the built and a pout fell upon his lips.

“I know.”

He had dragged you into bed with him, hugging you to his chest like a pillow as he sulked. You took the embrace hesitantly but welcomed it. Your arms wrapped around his waist and you kicked off your shoes, climbing into bed with him.

“I tried to tell her that I can be better. I can call her more, and visit her more, but…she didn’t want to hear it.”

You looked up at him sadly. “It’s not your fault…long distance just isn’t made for everyone.”

A silence spread over you two and you thought he’d fallen asleep.

“She said I’m in love with you…”he blurted out.

It was an awful feeling hearing those words. It felt as if a bomb had dropped into the abyss of your stomach, but it never went off. It simply sat there and weighed so heavily down on you. Tugging at the string of your heart and encapsulating your lungs in a chokehold.

“She said I’m in love with you and I don’t even know it.”

Saying it a second time only confirmed the dread inside of you was true.

“…what did you say?”

“Nothing. I didn’t know what to say.”

“Oh.”

You don’t know how long you sat there, frozen in place and frozen in mind. It felt like forever and nothing at all. It felt like you were dying.

“I need to leave,” you started abruptly. You untangled yourself from his arms and sheets and began to slip your shoes back on but a hold on your wrist stopped you.

“Kiss me.”

What?

You had to be dreaming.

Or maybe it was a nightmare.

“Aaron, I’m not going to—,”

“If you kiss me then I’ll know.” Determination shined in his eyes and he furrowed his brows down into a frown. “I’ll know if I’m in love you or if Haley is wrong.”

You didn’t know what to do. Your face felt numb and your heart. Oh your heart. It ached. Seeing such sadness painted on his face was the first blow, but his words…His words were like a hammer to porcelain.

So you laughed. If you could even call it that. It was more like you breathing out for the first time in minutes. “I’m not going to kiss you—.”

You didn’t think he’d get any closer but he did. He scoot down to the very edge of the bed and tugged you forward so that his legs laid on either side of you.

“Please.”

Your heart melted into nothing as he brushed his nose against yours. You could smell the alcohol on his breath as his lips whispered over yours but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

It was Aaron. How could you care about something like that?

It was a moment of desperation that surged your lips forward, pressing into his in a sloppy but arguably perfect kiss.

Your hands immediately rushed up to meet his hair, tugging and running your fingers through his gorgeous locks.

You dreamed of this moment since he approached you in the library asking for help, but none of your fantasies could live up to this.

His lips were unexpectedly soft and gentle as they moved down your jawline and to your neck. He left open mouthed kisses now, eliciting gasps from your mouth.

It was bliss for the first minute. 60 seconds of heaven as you basked in the glory of being loved by Aaron Hotchner.

But when those 60 seconds were up, you crashed down to Earth and realized what the hell you just did.

You pushed him away, fear shining in your eyes. Or was it tears.

“This was a mistake. I’m so sorry.”

He was drunk for christ sake. What was wrong with you?

You didn’t look back as you rushed out of him room, slamming the door behind you.

It took you two days to cook up the courage to talk to him again. He had left you so many missed calls and you felt terrible as you let it go to voicemail, but you couldn’t find it in you to talk to him yet.

The day you finally chose to talk to him, you were ready. You had a paper of what to say in case you lost your words. Macy said it read out more a confession and maybe it was, but you needed you speak your peace. You needed to know that everything was going to be okay.

You clutched the paper in you hand as you approached the elevator that would take you to his floor. Hesitantly, you reached to touch the button, but pulled back when the door opened on its own.

By some higher power, your dread grew even more when you saw the face on the other side of the door.

What are the odds you’d see Haley Brooks right as you were going to confess to her ex-boyfriend.

“Oh my god,” she gasped, immediately recognizing you. “You’re y/n! I can’t believe this!”

Haley immediately stepped out the elevator, a bright smile finding her lips.

“You’re…Haley.”

She was somehow even prettier in real life. It almost hurt.

“I just have to say…I’m so sorry for ever accusing you of anything. I was concerned and worried and paranoid cause to be honest, I haven’t spent this long away from Aaron.”

These words were supposed to be relieving. Why didn’t you feel relieved?

“What did he tell you?” It came out as a pathetic croak.

“He told me that he does love you, but not in the way I thought. That you’re his best friend in the highest regard and every time we were having a rough patch, you were there to make sure we were okay.”

Suddenly would remembered every time you gave him relationship advice. Every time you told him to cherish what he has, appreciate every moment he has with Haley because time was most important to a long distance relationship.

Were you really your own betrayer?

“You were there for him when I couldn’t be. And you made us both realize that we need to appreciate what we have, because it’s special and important.”

You did say that. Didn’t you?

You couldn’t remember the rest of Haley’s words. You didn’t want to remember the rest of her words. You don’t know how long it had been since she left, but when you finally came to your senses, you folded that note into your pocket and stepped away from the elevator.

You couldn’t bring yourself to see Aaron Hotchner ever again. So you didn’t.

part 2 out now!!

taglist: @mackannkees

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zoro-chwaan · 1 year ago

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I’d like to say, this is my first time writing something like this. So if you don’t like it, then go ahead and skip! Also, this is a trans!m reader, so if you’re a ‘she/her’ or a fem! Identifying person. Please leave, this isn’t for you!

Word count: 1.2k

NSFW

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Not-so sweet thinking…

Whenever you would test your scores aren’t that bad, they’re not beyond shocking ‘A’s’, but they’re decent. You would tend to get B’s or B+ on your test. Sure, there are times when you would get a few A’s. And other times when you would get a C or two, but that’s normally when you aren’t paying attention to the test and allow your mind to wonder.

Your professor would praise you for keeping and semi steady good score and he sometimes question how you do it. You would tell him that you study when that isn’t even the case. It’s been years since you last used notes to study for any test, you found it a waste of time so you stopped.

Now there’s another student in your class who keeps up the perfect straight A’s scores in every test in that class, but unlike you, he would rarely get any praises from the professor. He didn’t mind it at first since it’s doesn’t really bother him. What does bother him is when he found out that you not once have ever studied for any tests in that class. I mean, sure, you take notes in the class; you just don’t use it. It irritates him, so much that he hates the idea of you catching up to him.

No!! He’s worked too hard to be top of his classes, he isn’t going to let someone like you ruin that for him! He hates it! He hates you!! You, on the other hand, don’t pay attention to any of the other students in your class. Why would you? It’s not like you care for them, just the class. So of course you would be unaware of the unseen rivalry between you and the ‘Straight A’ student.

One day in one of his other classes, he had a project that he had to work with one other student. That student just so happens to be your dorm mate. Your dorm mate told him that they had something that they needed to do and gave him the keys to your dorm and told him that he’ll be there in a few hours or less. Of course he doesn’t know that you two are roommates! He sighed and walked up to the dorm and opened it. Once he was in he heard water falling, he thinks that his partner’s dorm mate is probably taking a shower.

He sat down on the couch and waited. While waiting he decided to get on his phone. The shower in the bathroom was turned off. You stepped out of the bathroom and went to your room to go change. Once you were done, you went to the kitchen to make yourself an instant ramen since you were tired and lazy to cook some food. When the ‘Straight A’ student heard the microwave go off he decided to look up to see who the dorm mate was.

To his surprise it was you!! The guy he hates the most!! His blood boiled in anger!! When you turned your head, you saw him and waved at him. He just continues to look at you with a cold stare. You tilt your head a bit and question if he was the project partner of your dorm mate. He doesn’t respond. Like how dare you try to question him! You decided to ask him what is name was.

“HUH?!” He stood up now fully enraged. This startled you a bit and asked him what’s wrong. “What’s wrong?? You mean to tell me you don’t remember who I am?!” He yelled out. You apologized and looked at him for a bit.. ahh no wonder he looked familiar. He’s that one guy that would give you snarky looks or remarks whenever you got a question wrong or whenever he got one right.

“Now you remember? Seriously! What’s with you?? First you don’t study and yet somehow you get decent grades, now you’re trying to act like you don’t even know who I am??” He sighs at your idiocy. That’s when an idea popped up in his head. “Well if you want to forget, all you could’ve done was asked..” He said as he made his way towards you. You questioned him was he was doing, but he doesn’t respond.

✧

“Fuuuuck- you’re so tight. You know that, right? Of course you do, fucking slut..” He says as he pounds into you boycunt roughly yet slowly. You moaned into your pillow as you tighten around him. Right now, he has you face down-ass up. Oh how cute you look under him ♡.

He grunts as he hears you pleading. “Awe.. does the little dumb boy want something? You’re gonna have to speak up, baby.” He smiles sadistically, when you didn’t speak up he stopped. “I can’t hear you, slut.” You babble incoherent words. You were trying to ask him to fuck you faster, but your brain turned into mush from the overstimulation of coming three times and him not even once!! How??

He grabs your chin and pulls you up, your back hitting his chest. “What do you want?” He asks as his hand slides down to your clit and starts rubbing it slowly. You whine and try to buckle your hip. Again, you ‘try to’. When he sees you do this, he tsk and slaps you boycunt, how mean :(! You moaned and squirt a bit at the action.

His eyes widen slightly as he laughs at the display. “Wow, I knew you were a slut, but squirting when I slapped your boycunt? That’s too cute!” He starts moving his hip once again as his hand moved from your chin to your neck. He angles himself to the point where his tip is kissing your cervix beautifully ♡. His lips end up on your neck, giving it kisses and marks that would last for a few days.

He pounds into you faster and harder as he lays your head down and grabs onto your hips. “Haah.. in or out?” He asks. It took you a minute for it to be processed fully. You managed to moan out ‘in’. He nods and after a few more rough thrust he cums in you, you cum along with him. After a few minutes, he pulls out and climbs off the bed.

You on the other hand lay flatly on your bed. A couple minutes passed and he came back with a wet rag and a glass of water. He starts cleaning you up and gives you the glass of water. You thank him and drank it all in one go. When you set the glass cup on top of your nightstand you look at him. Oh how sweetly he’s treating you after making you forget who you were ♡. Which reminded you.. wasn’t he supposed to work on a project with your roommate?

When he was done, you asked him. His face turned slightly red. He was about to speak up, when he heard a buzz. He went to check, and lo and behold. It was your roommate, telling him to just go to his dorm for today since they’re dealing with something. He sighs and looks at you. “Looks like I was embarrassed for nothing.” He turns his phone towards you.

You laughed and laid back down. Maybe getting on the bad side of the ‘Straight A’ student isn’t so bad after all. You get a good dick down, and a sweet aftercare ♡.

———

Also if you a request, feel free to put something in <333

#ftm reader #trans male reader #male reader #oc x reader #oc x male reader #thoughts #unholy thoughts #mlm thoughts

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astraariel · 2 years ago

Text

scarlett love

pairing: sanji x fem!reader

summary: you forgot him, chose to let Sanji go, but was that enough? would the universe leave you alone and let you live in peace?

word count: 4.1K

warnings: cursing; spoilers (?) just mention of a character from the whole cake island arc, it’s a modern!au so I don't mention anything about the actual arc!

tags: angst; fluff; hanahaki disease; modern!au; reconciliation; second chances; unrequited turned requited; slight self-hate; happy endings

author’s note: okkkkay here it is. so many of you guys asked for it so here’s pt 2 to eternal snow! I initially wanted to post the mihawk fic first that i'm working on but I can’t finish writing it for the life of me so I decided to work on this one instead lol.

like I mentioned before, this is part 2 to this fic so obvi read that before you read this one!

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

They say people who have the surgery are doomed for life.

How could they choose to never love again; how could they deliberately go through with the surgery knowing they would never have those emotions again?

But in actuality, it was the choice of forgetting about that love.

People don’t know the grievances and the strength it takes to choose to forget the love of your life. They don’t know the despair of being in love with someone wholeheartedly knowing they don’t love you back.

That you would never remember those emotions for whom you loved.

You saw it as this: if you couldn’t live to love your person, you wouldn’t bear to love at all.

So in that way, you won.

You gained the power to no longer grieve for your love because you simply couldn’t remember him.

Since hanahaki disease was rare, there weren’t too many recovery patients to base knowledge on since many of the victims chose to die rather than to be saved.

So you were honestly going in blind.

Nami would sometimes ask you if you could remember anything, a nervous look on her face, you knew she remembered your past love, but the doctor had told her to not mention anything to you in your recovery period. You think she asked out of curiosity.

Or maybe fear?

But every time you’d just tell her that you couldn’t, your head would hurt if you thought too hard and too long about who you had lost.

If you could remember specific memories, they weren't fully visualized, they were static, like when an old TV was out of range from the signal and would struggle to picture the channel.

All you could remember was his silhouette, his figure blurry and his name was always on the tip of your tongue but you could never place your finger on it.

You remember during your first check-up, the doctor had asked you if you could describe your past love,

“I'm not sure.”

Your voice had been wobbly like you were on the verge of crying. Tears had pricked your eyes, along with the feeling of not being able to breathe even though those damn flowers were gone.

Not being able to understand why?

That feeling went away a week later.

You laugh at yourself now, chiding yourself for being ridiculous back then.

At what point could you have allowed yourself to be so deeply in love with someone that it was killing you? You could never understand.

It was an absurd, abysmal idea that you had ever gotten to that point.

While the doctor said the following months would be difficult getting used to your new life of having one less emotion, you were fine.

It had helped that Nami had stayed by your side, and when she couldn’t Sanji would.

Sanji was an angel.

He tended to your every need, always made sure you didn’t lift a finger even after you told him multiple times you could do it yourself.

But he always reassured you he didn’t mind.

You were sad to hear that he stopped seeing Pudding. It was honestly too bad because she was good for him, he deserves someone who can love and care for him just as much as he cares for others.

Nevertheless, you were glad he was here for you.

The sound of music playing softly in the background comforts you as you shuffle through your kitchen making dinner.

You and Sanji have recently started having weekly dinners with each other, an idea he came up with.

“We can update each other about our lives, good ole fashion face-to-face interaction.”

“I don’t think my life is going to change too much in the week we don’t see each other, Sanji”

The sound of the door ringing pulls you from your thoughts, drying your hands with a towel, you walk over to the front door.

The cool November breeze greets you as soon as you open the door, Sanji’s figure fills your view.

The coat he’s wearing to protect himself from the wind encapsulates him in a way that makes you smile instinctively, you can see his red ears peeking from under his blond hair.

“Come in, come in, I was just finishing up dinner.”

“Oh, can I help you with anything else?” he offers while shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack beside the front door. “Or are you not allowing me into your kitchen again?” he smirks toward you.

You roll your eyes and scoff, “It’s my turn to make dinner, you cook for a living, it's my time to shine now, dude.” He chuckles and begins to set the table for the two of you.

The warm food fills the plate in your hand, placing it on the counter, you grab another plate. “So, how’s work?”

Sanji grabs both of the plates and brings them to the table, setting them down, he looks back at you. “Ah, the old man’s got me working late most days.”

You smile softly at the scene; since you can remember you and Sanji have been able to work in tandem. Back when Nami first introduced you, it was like a pull connecting the two of you, also guiding and leading the two of you in perfect harmony.

It was nice.

Finishing your dinner, Sanji grabs his cup, “That was delicious, thank you.”

“Well I did have a decent teacher,” you say into the glass smiling, gulping down the liquid you set it back down and look at Sanji.

He goes to say something before he’s interrupted by a cough.

Sanji turns his head and coughs into a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket, he quickly wipes his mouth before looking back at you, “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Shaking your head in acknowledgement you begin cleaning up the dinner table.

“Oh I forgot, I bought flowers, they’re in the living room let me grab them real quick.” Sanji stands quickly.

Turning, you watch him walk away, not catching the lone petal falling out of his pocket.

♡‧₊˚

Vinsmoke Sanji has done a lot of things.

Some of which he regrets, but others he stands by, but there was one that met both criteria.

And that was you.

He was glad he met you, that he was able to spend time being with you, loving you, and knowing that you loved him back.

But he regrets hurting you. He regrets letting himself be temporarily infatuated with Pudding. Sanji had laughed in the face of fate, and in return, he got what he deserved.

His impending end.

The petals had shown up the day you went into the hospital.

While you were given a second chance at life, Sanji had just signed his away.

He remembers the memory of Nami telling him what had happened. He had it permanently seared into his brain, never allowing himself to forget the moment.

Her eyes were red, face hot with anger when she pulled up to his house.

“You absolute idiot.” He hadn’t even fully opened the door before she was swearing at him, cursing him to the ends of the earth over what he had done. “You did this. You caused that pain…if I hadn't found her…,” her hands had started punching his chest.

“She would have been gone, all because of you.”

A part of Sanji died that day.

So when he got the same disease you had, he knew he deserved it.

Wasn’t it only right that he got the same death sentence that almost took you away?

It was slow at first, from what Nami had told him about your situation, Sanji knew this was how it started.

The first few weeks were bearable, he could go about his daily life without causing any suspicion. No one would ask if he was okay or anything, just simply being able to cough into a tissue and discard it quickly.

Then the blossoms came.

After one terrible night of constantly coughing up blood and flower blossoms, Sanji did some research. He knew the full blooms were next along with the finishing blow of the roots. It had only been a month since you had your surgery, and yet his hanahaki was a lot more accelerated in comparison to yours.

A month since he had realized he was deathly in love with you.

But he could bear this burden. Who was he to complain about his death trickling closer than it normally should?

Sanji remembered the moment he realized his disease would finish him more swiftly, that he was faster along than he typically should be; whether it was because the universe knew you could never love him back or it was simply his punishment for what he did.

Probably both.

Even though he knew he could easily fix the problem, he didn't have the right to get a second chance.

How could he?

How long did you spend hiding your condition away, not even when he had broken things off, before then? How long were you hurting because you knew he was lying when he said he loved you?

The gall he would have to have to go through with the surgery?

Absolutely not.

But deep in his heart, he also couldn’t bring himself to forget you. He’d rather be a coward and a liar than choose a life undeserving of him.

He would rather die than forget you, to never be able to love you again would be death itself.

He hated himself for what he did to you. The insolence he had to hurt someone as caring as you, why did he take advantage of that?

He himself every day.

If he had to live with constantly coughing up blood and bending over the toilet puking up flower petals just for you to live your life? Yeah, he could do that. He could live with the pain of knowing that you would never love him back.

That you could never love him back.

It quite literally was in human nature that he would never be saved unless he did the surgery, since you couldn’t even love anyone anymore.

Sanji’s hand lifts his handkerchief up to his mouth, his body heaving with a hard cough of petals.

He sighs.

♡‧₊˚

The TV light shines on both you and Sanji’s forms as the movie comes to an end, the ending credits miniaturizing as the screen recommends a shitty Christmas movie that has the both of you turning to the other.

“That was an unnecessarily long movie.” Sanji’s comment makes you laugh.

“Right? God, it was dragging on for a really long time.” Shaking his head he stands up to place the popcorn bucket on the kitchen counter.

You follow him holding the cups that held lemonade two hours ago. “It’s getting late, I should probably go.”

“Yeah, probably, oh wait-I bought something for you, meant to give it to you when we had dinner at your place but I forgot.” Sanji’s voice trails as he goes off to his bedroom.

You stand there for a couple of minutes before checking the time, “Yo, Sanji, did’ya get lost?” laughing to yourself, you walk over into the bedroom. Your eyes immediately meet Sanji’s form hunched over on the ground.

A gasp falls from your lips as you rush over to him. “Sanji, oh god, are you okay what’s wrong-”

You cut yourself off when you bend down to look at him, there you see a pool of blood on the hardwood floor, petals scattered around the scene with a full flower bloom sitting in his hands.

“What?” you can’t breathe.

Sanji says your name but you don’t hear him, your brows knit together as you look up at him. “I don’t understand why are you coughing up petals?”

No? This couldn’t be happening.

Your heart breaks.

Who did Sanji love so dearly that he was cursed with the same disease that had you in its chokehold not long ago?

You would never wish this on anyone, no one deserved to live through the hurt of having unrequited love.

“You weren’t,” he wipes his mouth, “you weren’t supposed to find out.”

“I don’t-why wouldn't you want to tell me? If anything, I’d be the only person able to understand. Sanji, who is it?” your eyes scan his face.

Sanji’s ragged breathing fills the air between the two of you. “I can’t.”

You furrow your brows even more, shaking your head. “Please just tell me so I can help-”

“You can’t.”

“What do you mean, I can’t? You’re not making sense.”

Sanji closes his eyes. “It’s you.”

You stop breathing, the figure in your memory rushes to the forefront of your brain like a tsunami.

In the past the figure was always blurry, never in frame in your mind, only being able to trace his silhouette, but now it was different.

It was like he was right in front of you like you could smell him, feel his hands in yours, his warmth. Feel his lips against your lips when he-

“It was you.” your voice was quiet, “You were the one I loved.”

His eyes snap at yours, a gasp falling from his lips.

“The person I loved so deeply… that it caused me so much pain.”

And there it was, the fog had been lifted.

“How could I have forgotten?” How ironic the entire thing was.

“Why would I ever forget about my love for you, Sanji?” you look at him, “What grief did you cause me?”

A tidal wave of emotions, affections, all poured out of your soul and into your memories. The months of coughing up petal after petal till they turned to full flower blooms. The fear that a root would pop up once you pulled your tissue from your face.

The pain and the hurt that Sanji had caused you.

The pain of knowing that he didn't love you anymore.

It all came rushing back.

“Why would you keep this from me?” you were getting angry, but was it for the right reason?

Hadn’t you done the same with him? Hadn’t you kept it from all the people you loved as well?

“You know why I went through with the surgery? It wasn’t Nami who made me, well not partially, but why I allowed myself to let her drive me to the hospital was because I didn't want you to suffer.” your eyes were burning, the tears threatening to fall.

“I don't understand?” Of course, he wouldn’t.

“You were obviously unhappy, Sanji. If I removed myself from the equation, it would solve everything and at…at first I thought dying was the solution I really did.” your eyes drop, “And maybe Nami finding me was a saving grace but, I originally wasn't gonna do anything.”

“Week after week, Sanji, I was drowning. I wanted to yell at anyone who would listen and ask why I couldn't have anything, why couldn’t I be happy? That the universe had some sort of fucking vendetta against me.”

“So I decided to let you go, to choose to live a life of unknown heartache, and when I finally thought I had accomplished that. The universe just spits in my face by cursing you.”

“Don’t you see it? We don’t belong together, Sanji.” The anger was gone now, all that was left was emptiness.“We have the signs, we need to heed them and move on.”

Sanji says your name with a plea, but you ignore him. “Just get the surgery, stop hurting the both of us.”

“It does us no good if you're dead.” And with that, you walk out of the bedroom and out the front door.

♡‧₊˚

The quiet murmurs of the newscaster talking about the weather for the week could barely be heard from the running water you were using to wash the dishes.

You haven't seen Sanji in a couple of weeks, not since he announced that you were the one whom he was in love with.

And definitely not since you remembered he was the one whom you had loved before.

And while at first, you were angry. Angry at him for lying and keeping such vital information from you.

It later turned to guilt.

Guilt for getting angry at him. Guilt for causing him pain.

But it wasn’t your fault, it’s not like you chose not to love him, you physically couldn’t anymore. You signed that ability off months ago.

But you also missed him. Since you weren’t talking to him, you weren’t having your weekly dinners or your impromptu movie nights anymore.

You missed just talking to him. You missed the lame jokes he’d tell in hopes of hearing your laugh, that smile he’d get whenever he spoke about a new recipe.

You missed him.

But you were also confused.

After he had revealed that he loved you and you had remembered that your past love was him, it became too much for you to handle.

Glancing at the moon, you dry your hands on a towel and walk into the living room. The weatherman was currently informing you of a chance of rain tomorrow during the already cold late January weather.

Sighing you go to sit down before something catches your eyes. A picture frame that hangs on your wall glints as you walk toward it.

It was a photo of you and Sanji looking at the camera with wide smiles on display from Sanji’s birthday two years prior. On top of your heads sat a birthday hat colored blue for the sea theme your friends had thrown together as a joke for the blonde that year.

You remember how you felt that day, the anxiety of wanting to get Sanji the perfect gift and when he finally opened it, he had hugged you which had you blushing like crazy while you swatted his “thank yous” away.

God, where did this deja vu come from?

It was weird, you weren't sure what it was.

It felt like your entire being was full. Full of intense and overwhelming emotions, an emotion you shouldn't feel. An emotion that was eradicated from your life when you stepped out of that hospital.

But here it was, rearing its big ugly face once again.

For Sanji.

You stumble back as if you had been shocked with electricity.

Looking around your apartment you close your eyes.

How could this happen? Why were you still being punished again?

You had endured the pain, chose to get rid of it and now you’ve been having to live with knowing that Sanji also was experiencing the exact same pain.

Sanji.

How could you have been so cold? Telling him to do the surgery? What was wrong with you?

You missed him. You missed your love for him. The feelings you’d get when he’d look your way. Sanji was your ambrosia and you needed him to survive.

But you didn’t miss how you felt when he chose another over you. Those feelings you wished you hadn’t remembered.

You weren't sure how you were still able to feel Sanji's love. But here you were.

An anomaly that you were.

Guess that shows how deep your love truly was rooted.

How could you have allowed yourself to forget?

The drive to Sanji’s apartment was quiet, opting to not play music or turn the radio on so that you could think clearly with your new (re) developed emotions.

Pulling up to the driveway, you step out of your car. The jacket you have on trapping your heat from the cold winds of the night.

The few steps to the front door felt like a lifetime. The moonlight provided a little comfort to your restless self.

Exhaling, you bring your hand to knock at the door, a small part of you hoping Sanji wasn’t home so you could go home and pretend like nothing happened.

The door swings open revealing Sanji. His eyes were wide like he couldn’t believe you were standing in front of him.

“Hey…can I come in?” you look up at him expectantly.

“Yeah, yeah come in.” Sending him a quick smile you walk past him and into the living room.

He shuts the door and faces you, you turn and finally get a good look at him in the light.

He looked worse for wear, his eyes had bags under them, a sign he hadn’t been sleeping if at all. Whether that was because of your argument or his condition, you didn't know. One hand was in his pocket and the other was fiddling with his handkerchief.

“How are you…” signaling your hand at him, “I mean physically, how are you? What stage?”

He looks away, “well…I’m still living,” he chuckles quietly.

You sigh.

God the two of you were truly messed up.

“It all came back.”

“What?” he questions.

Your eyes begin to glaze over, “My memories, everything.” you wet your lips, “All of it, Sanji.”

“It just-all came back…on top of our argument, of you telling me you loved me.” Tears fell down your cheeks. “Of how I felt when you were-when you were with Pudding.”

He says your name.

“And I hated it, I hated remembering how I felt, Sanji. I remember pitying myself, wondering what I had done wrong, why you hadn’t loved me anymore,” he says your name again, “but I also remembered how I felt loving you.” you look up at him with your tear-streaked face.

“And I will never regret loving you, not then, definitely not now. I also don’t regret forgetting, because I understand why I did it. I loved you enough to be able to let you go. To be able to know you’ll live your life happily, whether that’s with me or someone else. I didn’t care. Just that you were happy.”

“But I wasn’t-”

You cut him off, “I knew you didn't love me how I loved you, but I still knew you cared. So if I had died, even from death, I would have hated myself for hurting you. So I chose to forget.” you wipe your cheek, “I just wish you had never gotten that godforsaken thing as well.”

“Sanji I…I love you wholeheartedly. You encompass my entire existence. I live for you. Even now, when I didn't remember how I felt for you. It was there. My love for you was still inside. And it always will be. I think even if you hadn’t told me you loved me now, I would have remembered anyway. Simply because that’s who I am, I am my love for you, you consume my entire soul.” You probably looked like a mess.

“You look beautiful.” Did you say that out loud?

You smile softly, “So when you admitted that you loved me, that I was inadvertently hurting you, I couldn’t take it. I had been the monster I sought to eliminate. So I pushed you away.” you sigh, “I pushed you away because I didn't want to go through the same pain again. I was selfish if you had just done the surgery, I'd be able to forget about this again and you wouldn't even remember.” you walk toward Sanji. “I’ve learned that I can’t run away from you anymore. And I’ve realized that I don’t want to lose you again.”

“So let me save you.”

Sanji’s face was red, his eyes were blurry with tears, his fist clenching his handkerchief filled with petals and blooms.

“I’m so sorry.” Sanji’s voice trembles, “I am so sorry, I caused you so much pain, if I could take it back I would. And I don’t even deserve you, I’m not worthy of your love, but if you allow me, let me make it up.”

You close the gap between the two of you and pull his lips toward your own. They’re slightly chapped and both of your guy’s faces are wet but you don’t care. You feel his fingers carding through your hair, pulling you deeper.

This kiss was different from any others before, this one was filled with desire and want but it was also filled with joy and love.

You were finally happy.

You pull away first, breathing heavily and your face flushed, “You already are.”

“I love you so much, please never forget.” you wipe a stray tear, cradling his face.

You want to commit this memory in your brain. No more forgetting, no more letting go. To make sure that for the night, no cough was to be heard, no petal was to be hidden,

just two lovers finally with one another, forever.

#astraariel♡#one piece #vinsmoke sanji #sanji x reader #sanji x y/n #sanji x you #vinsmoke sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x y/n

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bibibbon · 10 months ago

Note

smth i hate abt hori is how easy it would’ve been to use the lov to show how hero society lets people slip through the cracks as a result creates villains, but he never fully expands on the idea.

jin’s parents died when he was in *middle school* MIDDLE SCHOOL! which means he could’ve been anywhere between 12-14. and then because of a motorcycle accident that *wasn’t his fault* he got a criminal record, was fired from his job, and became homeless. and then he just spiraled from there.

toga is biologically wired be to fascinated and obsessed with blood. but instead of helping her, her parents are disgusted by her and force her to suppress herself until she inevitably snaps.

dabi is a product of his fathers abuse and it was allowed to go on for decades because his father is a famous pro hero

compress is just an unapologetic evil bastard tho and i love him for that

This is also one of my problems with horis writing!!! Villains in MHA all had wasted potential and I absolutely hated the way their arcs went!

I guess the only arc that I can semi agree on is toga himiko's arc to a certain extent but that even has wasted potential that I talk about down below 👇. I discuss what togas arc could of been and different directions her character could of went.

In my opinion himiko was already introduced as somewhat irredeemable. The first time we see her we are told that she killed 6 people known so far and on around 5 of them she performed blood letting. Also her first victim she literally sliced him up and started drinking his blood (some including I theorise that she maybe even ate some of his body parts). I think it adds to the story simply because togas love or idea of love is based on her becoming that person and having parts of them on her whether that be literal or metaphorical.

I personally like the idea that toga is an irredeemable victim. Toga is someone who was failed by the system and had went through a lot for sure but the actions she did were also things that she should be accounted for ( I talk more about toga and what makes her different from lady nagant in another post). In the end I personally enjoy seeing toga be a humanised not redeemed victim of society that has also commited many crimes.

When it comes to other members of the league I feel like they could of all had better arcs in general.

I remember talking to @doodlegirl1998 and she suggested that twice and togas characters could of very much switched roles as twice is a character who parallels more with ochako (both struggling financially) and hawks would get more repercussions for killing a child (toga). However, I also do like twices death but I do have some problems like how I wish his death would of been thoroughly explored and we see how it impacted everyone or we should of gotten more from twice himself in general.

Dabi deserved better and I really would of wanted him to have a redemption arc, receive some concequences but end up with the todoroki family WITH ENJI DEAD (I HATE HIM!). I hated the whole Dabi always had an ice quirk and that he was just the second choice, always the second choice all along.

Shigaraki and just how much AFO was involved ruined everything for me also Shigaraki knowing about AFO was a horrible twist which made shigarakis characterisation even more inconsistent. I would of liked to see a Shigaraki redemption where he himself works towards one by starting to question AFO and get into the leader role a whole lot more while using the MVA to his advantage to get information, resources and more.

Spinner could of ended up being the better stain and learned form stains mistakes while also changing with shigaraki. I also feel like he needed more build up with his own counterpart like shoji and a thorough explanation and development of the whole hetamorphis discrimination thing.

Compress was evil for fun and it's fun to have those types of characters. One thing that I really would of liked to explore is compress's and magne's interactions. I feel like their arcs could of been interwoven (maybe I ship them a little who knows 🤷‍♀️) magne's death should of had more substance to it and all it just felt lacking and compress's disappearance the same.

Now when it comes to minor villains Iam a huge advocate for MUSTARD!! AND GIVING US A MUSTARD REDEMPTION 👇👇👇

I also think that muscular and moonfish should of obviously went to prison but that this could of been used as a way to shake the leagues trust for shigaraki. If any of the league members were to end up in jail would shigaraki help them? Maybe he won't as he didn't do that to muscular or moonfish or maybe he has stated to care for them more and he would as he is growing into that leadership role.

I would have it so that the Dr garaki is just an evil menace who starts to become much more greedy and manic causing AFO's death and going insane.

Kurogiri or kurooboro in this case would go through a different type arc that's down below.

In the end all of the villain characters or characters that don't up hold the status quo are victims of society. I think your ask could also apply to the hero characters that are also harmed by the system like hawks and izuku.

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an-orca-on-a-stroll · 3 months ago

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Severance season 2 ep 2 thoughts/theories under cut

long post!

1. So as I theorized last week, here's the confirmation everything that mr Milkshake told the innies was, indeed, 100% bullshit. It's been 3 days, not 5 months, and also:

this is false bc we know now that Mark didn't want to return, instead it was Milchick who worked very hard to convince him.

This is also false, they were fired and then re-hired after Mark S' outburst.

This is fake as well (this one was very obvious tbh). So I think it's safe to assume that anything else Milchick told the innies should be taken with a huge grain of salt at best, personally I don't believe a single word, especially his claim that there are no more cameras.

2. MS COBEL IS BACKKKKK MY BEAUTIFUL QUEEN WITH SO MANY DISORDERS. Her scenes were very interesting. She was offered a promotion yet was not happy about it. I had my suspicions before but this basically confirms that she doesn't really care about her career at Lumon, she specifically wants to be in the severed floor, so when they promoted her, and as a result removed her from the severed floor, she was not happy. Though of course they didn't give her the option to refuse. I think she's right and that Lumon is scared of her, for some reason they don't want her in the severed floor anymore. Much to think about. I think there is some fuckery similar to the Gemma situation going on with either her (supposedly dead?) husband and/or child. This to me is confirmed by something i bring up in my next point

3. I love that we see outie Mark genuinely furious for the first time ever, it's definitely the most "non-sadness-adjacent" emotions he's ever shown.

I mean think about this guy. His wife dies, he falls apart from grief and can't put himself together, loses his job, then he gets another job that is weird and everybody hates this for him but he does it anyway until after two years it feels like maybe, maybe he might be ready to start moving on.

Then he meets his (alleged) coworker who tells him they're best friends and pulls him into a big conspiracy about Lumon, shortly after said colleague dies in very suspicious circumstances, then he's a witness and accessory to murder (of the head of security of his workplace, no less), then his innie unexpectedly comes out for 40 minutes and wow, nobody told him that could happen except for the fine print in what I'm certain was like, a hundreds page long contract considering how controversial his job is. And his innie says some very unsettling shit about the work he's been doing for the past 2 years, but he is physically unable to remember all this fucked up stuff despite being in the middle of it 8 hrs a day for 2 years. Then his innie claims that his wife, whose dead body he saw with his own eyes, is actually alive. And oh his weird apparently well-meaning neighbor was actually his boss this whole time, stealing his dead wife's things, keeping him under surveillance and repeatedly invading his privacy and trust.

I'm not surprised Mark's first reaction was wanting to get away, he was probably in shock and denial bc that is a lot to take in. He tentatively returns bc, like Cobel said, he does get swayed easily, but I think deep down he knows something fucked up is happening at Lumon (read the paragraph above again for points) but I think he becomes fully convinced something's up with Gemma after his encounter with Cobel. Cobel's reaction is interesting to say the least.

she does this like. Pained sigh, then silence for a WEIRDLY long time, and she looks like she might start crying??? am I imagining this. Like she looks genuinely in pain. Then she screeches, almost runs Mark over, and runs away? I really think Cobel's in a similar position as Mark and something is going on at Lumon with someone she cares about, this is why she's so obsessed with Mark and Gemma specifically

4. Irving's outie is so damn cool. Like there's something about the way he acts?? That makes him so cool, his actor is really good at showing the difference between his two selves.

This line his hilarious considering what actually made innie Irving want to rebel, instead of his outie's weird subliminal messages. Anyway who is he talking to? Whoever is is, they clearly don't want to speak with Irving though.

5. ALSO?

I have no idea what the fuck is going on. WHY does Burt know where Irving lives? Did innie Irving tell him that when they met? Did they even meet?? When we see innie Irving again at Lumon for the first time he's banging against the elevator like he was banging on Burt's door, did they even see each other? If they didn't meet, again how does Burt know where Irving lives? Burt's name was circled in the map outie Irving had, did they already meet in the past? Maybe Irving was trying to convince other severed employees that Lumon is evil? Nothing makes sense but the curiosity is killing me

6. During the sequence of Mark going in and out of work, taking the elevator every day, there's the odd day out where the elevator turns black, like it did in ep 1 from innie Mark perspective. The timing also checks out, it's the day Mark rebelled because he wanted his team back and they threatened to fire him.

From innie Mark's perspective in ep1, he goes "up" the elevator, his eyes kinda roll back like he's having a seizure, then first the elevator turns black, then the screen.

Then the elevator dings, we see a closeup of Mark's eye for some reason,

and he's back on the regular severed floor.

From outie Mark's perspective, he goes down the elevator, and at first it's the transition we see everytime Mark goes up or down the regular elevator.

Then the elevator dings. At this point Mark's eyes roll back, the background fades to black,

Then the elevator dings again, and we see a closeup of his eye

then the black elevator in a distorted perspective, which then morphs into the regular elevator.

Then the elevator dings again, and the doors open to the regular exit.

This pretty much confirms Mark was in the testing floors that day. The same weird sequence with the black elevator as with ep1, plus the three dings of the elevator mean that during that day, Mark got into the elevator three times. Usually, both innie and outie hear the elevator two times during the sequence where they go up and down for a single day. One when they get to the severed floor, and another when they go back up (I checked with scenes from s2e1, and season 1 as well) Which means both the outie and the innie hear and remember the elevator dings, presumably bc the sound plays at the exact same moment they switch, or maybe it's just a cue to help us, the audience (but if not this has fascinating implications that the memories at the exact time of switching are retained by both innie and outie).

Anyway the fact that there are 3 dings means Mark stopped at another floor before going back up. And Mark stayed there until 9:15 pm that day !! We see the clock when he goes back up for the day after this sequence

(Well, I assume it's pm and not am, based on the fact that there are no other indicators from Mark's perspective that his day was odd, if he came out of work the next day at 9am I think they would have shown us Mark's reaction to this. He also tells good night to Judd, the security guard, in a very tired tone, and Judd seems sort of surprised, but I'm choosing to interpret as him being surprised at Mark coming out of work 4 hours late and not the morning after.)

6. HELENA MY BELOVED. Listen, I love Helly, I really do, and I've decided I love Helena as well. I wasn't sure before since we almost never see her directly, but honestly, ever since her "You're not a person" speech (which is one of my favorite scenes in the series) I knew she had something seriously fucked up going on with her and what can I say, I'm predictable, I eat that shit up. Love me a woman with so many disorders. Now that we have an episode with a lot of her perspective... man.

The way she just fucking. Smiles serenely after his father only says TWO (2) incredibly cruel words to her after the incident. Where her body was basically taken out of her control without her consent, which I can only imagine how scary that is (again, for all the outies it must have been very unsettling) And this happened at such a crucial moment, but it wasn't Helena's fault, it was Helly's (techically, arguably, Helly obviously had her reasons and we love her) And it's so fucked up compared on how her father treated her (Helly) in the season finale

He seems like a loving father, but then Helena fucks up, and he calls her a "fetid moppet"? My god, the implications. Does this mean that Helena only has the love of her family, her father, if she meets his expectations? And the instant she doesn't, her father treats her like that? So she grew up in this kind of environment where affection is not unconditional, where she has to hide her emotions, and always be the perfect heir, who can never make mistakes and who lives for her company.

For her company she became severed, and she wanted to keep at it at any cost, even when it was obvious her innie was miserable. Bc I think Helena always pushed herself to the limit all her life, so maybe she thought her innie also had to suck it up, bc Helena doesn't get to choose her life, so Helly doesn't either?

This shot!! Imagine how horrifying this had to be. She went into work and woke up hanging from the ceiling bc her other self tried to kill her. And she still went back to work afterwards. She still pushed on bc failure was not an option. That's so messed up

I wonder what exactly she thinks of Helly, if she really considers her not a person or if she said that just to get her to do what she wanted her to. But I think Helena's feelings changed after viewing the footage of her innie, and she's actually somewhat "jealous" of her now. Because Helly gets to be herself, genuinely, without a mask, she gets to have real friends who like her (does Helena have friends? maybe with Natalie, but are they really friends or is it just because Helena is the boss? Does she have other friends?) she gets to be bold and loud, and finds love, maybe, while not even "being a person".

Imagine how that has to feel, but maybe it's easier to take it out on Helly, instead of accepting that the way she grew up is fucked up. I'm full into speculation territory, I can't wait to see how this evolves. In the meantime, I DO think that Helena went to the severed floor, and she's herself, not Helly. Now that we've seen Helena in ep2, compared to how this "Helly" acts in ep1... it's really similar. "Helly" just looks kind of subdued, less bold, less angry. She lies about her experience outside, she kind of "pushed" her relationship with Mark, etc ...

Plus in the last scene of ep2, we see the MDR gang go down the elevator, one by one. For all of them we hear the elevator ding, but NOT for Helena. Which might be a cue for us that she didn't switch with Helly. Can't wait to find out more but in the meantime. Helena did nothing wrong. I mean yes she did all that (being the heir of an evil fucked up company) but also I love her so I forgive her.

7. It's just very interesting thinking about the innies and outies as a nature vs nurture kinda problem. Innie Dylan being funny and confident while his outie is anxious and stressed. Irving being all cool outside vs how his innie is, plus his anti/pro Lumon difference between innie and outie, bc he needs to give meaning to his actions. And it manifests in such different ways, although innie Irving still decided to rebel in the end. Helena vs Helly, two very strong-willed people but Helena gives it all for her company and familiy, while Helly fights against the system. And Mark, who I still haven't figured out bc I think Mark himself hasn't figured himself out either.

8. Last point, but why do they want Mark back so badly? At first I thought it was because he's the only one whose innie came out where there were clearly other witnesses (besides Helly), so they wanted to make sure he was still loyal to Lumon. But then they said this

They need Mark specifically to complete Cold Harbor (hinted in the previous episode to be Gemma's file) Why? Why does Mark have to do it? What about the previous files, they couldn't all have had connections to the other members of MDR, so why is this different? Or is Mark just that good of a refiner in general, and they just really really need Gemma's file completed? Why is Gemma specifically so important? Much to think about. Can't wait for the next episode !!

#severance #severance season 2 #severance spoilers #posting this super late bc real life is kicking my ass really hard lately but i wanted to get this out before ep3 #i want like a diary of my thoughts to read again when the season's over

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back2bluesidex · 2 years ago

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Fool's Gold - JHS

Pairing: Idol!Hoseok X Staff!Reader

Theme: Angst, Unrequited love au

Wordcount: 865

Summary: Falling for Jung Hoseok is.. Fool's Gold.

Warnings: Angst, unrequited love, loving somebody who can't be yours. That's all.

Minors are not allowed in this blog!!

A/N: I promise I had absolutely no plan of writing this one. But Hoseok came home and made me an emotional puddle. so I had to get things off of my chest.

Your eyes find him readily across the room as if those were made to spot him in a room full of blood and flesh.

He shines.

Just as always, Jung Hoseok shines the brightest, dimming everyone’s aura completely.

Your grip on the camera goes tight as he smiles fully at Namjoon, who seems to say something pleasant in his ears.

He doesn't see you. He obviously does not. Why would he?

While he is the main focus of everyone’s attention, everyone is proud of him for showing excellence in the military just as he did in Bangtan… You are nothing more than a lowly photo and videographer. You are someone who runs behind them to document their every possible move with a stupid inanimate device in your hands.

Just as today.

There are times when you hate your job, especially because it lacks the hierarchy and authority that you would like to have in order to shut some mouths.

But on days like these… you love it.

If it’s not for the nature of your job then you would not be allowed to enter this dining room of your company to capture Hoseok and his members having dinner with some of the most important people of Hybe.

If it’s not for your job then you wouldn’t have the fortune of witnessing Hoseok being more beautiful than you can ever remember. His cheeks are fuller, lips plumper, shoulders broader, chest buffer but his eyes… His eyes carry the same kind gaze, same warmth, same twinkle that made you fall for him long ago.

Your chest tightens when he looks away from Namjoon, attempting to reply something to Jimin, and his eyes fall on your figure, awkwardly standing at the door.

Then he smiles at you.

And your world seems to start dancing in the rhythm of destruction. You feel high and low at the same time. You feel happy and sad all at once.

He still looks at you, he still smiles at you but not the way you want. And it will never be the way you want.

“Hey, Y/N! How have you been?” he chimes in. his voice sounds like honey in your ears. You find yourself smiling automatically.

“Just getting by. What about you?” You ask softly. I miss you, the forbidden words linger on the tip of your tongue but you know you can’t say it. You won’t dare to.

“Doing better than I thought. Why-” Hoseok gets cut off as one the managers start speaking.

“Okay everyone. Let’s sit straight for a moment so that Y/N can click a picture and leave. It’s getting late, she needs to wrap it up.”

And that’s your cue to leave. No matter how sugarcoated the words are, those translate to “do your work and leave. It’s not the place you belong.”

So you do as you are told.

After clicking five pictures and checking if everything’s alright, you take one last look at Hoseok only to find him smiling kindly at you.

You bow a little as you get ready to leave. You can’t even wave him goodbye without making yourself look like a desperate staff trying to throw herself at an idol. Sucking in a deep breath along with all the pain and heartbreak your unrequited love has brought forth, you leave.

You are halfway through the corridor when you hear your name being called from behind.

Fuck! It’s Hoseok.

When you turn around, he is already quite close to your form. So much so that you have to take a step back to maintain a staff-idol distance.

“Hoseok..” you mutter.

He lifts up a box, which you assume to be full of macarons.

Wiggling it in front of your face he says, “You love macarons, don’t you? I remember you gobbling these during our snack times.” he laughs a little and your heart fills with liquid emotions ready to spill out of your eyes.

“I picked some up for everyone on my way here. Take it.” he takes hold of your free hand and transfers the box into your grasp.

“Th-Thanks.” the words choke on your mouth. You feel like screaming at the top of your lungs and tell him that you love him, tell him that you have been missing him. But again, you can’t.

“No need. Enjoy the weekend.” he places his palm flat on your shoulder and sets your skin on fire, heart in erratic motion.

“Yes, you too.” you manage to voice out.

And then within a blink he is gone.

You see him running back in the room just where he belongs, as you stand there in the corridor, just where you belong.

As soon as his body disappears from your view, your eyes get blurry and tears run down your cheeks. You are, once again, aware of the difference that persists between you and Hoseok. Two of your worlds can never collide. He can never be yours even when you have been his, only his, for a long time.

You knew it all but you still let yourself fall for him and you don’t regret it.

Because falling for Jung Hoseok is.. Fool’s Gold.

Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @chimmisbae

#bts angst #hoseok angst #jhope angst #bts x reader #hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #bts x you #hoseok x you #jhope x you #bts fanfiction #bts oneshot #bts drabble #bts imagines

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outmakingmoonshine · 10 months ago

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I know some of us will be watching S3 in just over 24 hours so I just wanted to gently remind people of the dialogue in 1x01 that told us what to expect from the romance in this show:

"I hate to break your hearts motherf*ckers but that mushy, gluey/gooey bullsh*t is not bailing us out this time. Ballbreaker is."

In the first image the second definition is kinda mysoginistic but honestly I can see how this works into the story of the show. Sydney's not threatening (unless you're Richie getting on her last nerve) but I can see how Carmy could feel like she dominates him on a "having your life together" level but it's not Syd that's destroying his self-confidence, it's the way he goes about things that end badly for him. Or maybe that part is about Donna beause she definitely fits that definition for Carmy.

The second image is a more accurate representation of what I think they mean in the show. I think Carmy does see Sydney as demanding a lot from him even though she hasn't actually demanded anything except his focus, he just wants to give her everything and because he's failing we're watching that slowly crumble his confidence. I think aggressive and tough applies to how Syd sees Carmy. He does burden her with his responsibilites at the restaurant which demands a lot from her and we've been watching him slowly damage her self confidence throughout S2. Both are destroying each other's self confidence in different ways. These two fools in love just wanna do things for each other and make each other happy but they put so much pressure on themselves to please the other one. Meanwhile neither of them are aware that all they both want is to connect with each other.

Anyway I think these literal definitions are more in the background, they apply but this show loves symbology and metaphors so metaphorically I think by "ballbreaker" they mean this love story is going to be painful and heartbreaking to watch. They key is remembering that dialogue was made in the subtext of romance. They told us "I hate to break your hearts" while subtextually telling us what to expect from the romance in this show so I'm just saying, maybe go into this season with that in mind.

The lead up to the end of any show is usually horrific for endgame ships. They make it seem like they'll never be together so it's "surprising" when they finally get together in the end. That's been the case for nearly every single endgame ship I've ever watched (and there's been many) so I'm fully expecting it in this one. (Lowkey it's what usually turns me off of ships before the end bc they go too hard sometimes and make it toxic just for the sake of it which is annoying).

I have no doubt this show will eventually end on a good note, we're not watching Carmy and Syd struggle to find a connection season after season for it to never happen. The resolution to Carmy's story is finding a lasting connection with someone and the ONLY person he's desperately tried to find a connection with for 2 whole seasons (and it's about to be 3) is Syd. So imo there's really nowhere else this story is going except towards them finding a deep lasting connection with each other. Also the fact they started their story off with insane sexual tension and never let them resolve that tension tells me it's not going to end platonically. You don't bring up any kind of tension in a story and never resolve it.

#sydcarmy #carmy x sydney #the bear fx #sydcarmy meta #chef's kiss #my ramblings

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dangermousie · 5 months ago

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I saw your post on Love Game in Eastern Fantasy’s ending, do you mind elaborate on why you don’t like the ending? I personally find the screenwriter did a good job at translating the source material to live action given censorship constraints. I love the series positive message of self-love before you can fully love someone else in a healthy way.

Is the ending too open-ended for your liking?

I don't mind at all but I just wanted to say so much about fiction and endings (or the narrative) is so very personal and subjective. I can explain why something works for me or doesn't but it's really trying to post hoc justify an inchoate, emotional reaction.

And sometimes it doesn't gel with what everyone else may feel but it doesn't really do anything to change it. For example, I am one of like three people who thinks the ending of Princess Agents cdrama is perfect and it's one of the most universally fandom hated endings. I can explain why until I am blue in the face and I am sure people who hated it won't like it any better or they can explain why they hate it (and have) but I still love it so...

Now that I've put that lengthy disclaimer, here is the write up proper and it comes to two things - the minor part is the very very "back in modern day" ending and the bigger one is what happens before. I am gonna do the ending first.

Because of censorship, it's hard to end transmigration stories in satisfactory fashion (though it must be noted that even after transmigration ban, dramas manage now and then.)

The normal default is "and then they wake up." This is different from the other set up where it's an author creating a narrative as a framing device and they themselves are never in it (see Kunning Palace or Joy of Life as great examples) - there the characters stay in narrative forever. Or mini dramas like Lovesickness and Ancient Love Song (and somehow full length Lost Track of Time and Lost Love In Time) getting away with genuine travel that normally has been banned post The Myth/Jade Palace Lock Heart/BBJX era.

I could complain about her waking back up in modern world even within the constraints because something like Love Better Than Immortality had exactly the same set up and ended the way this should have and the way the novel for Love Game actually did (FL wakes up in simulation; she knows that is what it is. At the end she stays in game and lives happily ever after with her former bad guy lover.) LBTI got around the censorship question by setting the framing story that took two seconds in some future world where people do that and then are told if they enter simulation they never leave. I do not know why the makers of this did not go for something like this.

But I have accepted this is for whatever reason not the way a lot of these go and "waking up" is a default. That's fine. Yet, there is waking up and waking up.

The way these narratives often deal with this is the dreamer HAS been affected/changed by their time in story. If we take Dreamer in Qing Dynasty - FL is irrevocably changed by her time in Qing Dynasty. At the end she gets with ML who is reborn but it's colored by her past time and love (in a love of ways, that drama is a much kinder version of Bu Bu Jing Xin set up.) Or you can take My Dear Brothers, A Different Princess or The Romance of Tiger and Rose. In all of them, the FL wakes up in the modern day but she remembers her time in the dream/story/whatever, she's affected. That is why her finding her shared dreamer or reincarnation or avatar of her pairing from the story gives her a happy ending and completes her.

But here? The narrative ultimately does not matter. ML was never in the dream/narrative/whatever. FL herself doesn't really remember it or seem genuinely, long term affected by it. What was the point of it? Just make a cute drama about an author with issues and his fangirl. None of it had a point to me.

But that would just affect the very ending and to me is a smaller problem. I have liked many a drama which was amazing until the ending went wtf and I still loved it (this year's Tender Light or last year's My Journey to You come to mind and I overall adore both.)

My bigger problem is that by the time that ending rolled around, I didn't even care. The narrative fell apart for me shortly after they got to the capital - the moment she forgot the modern day, a lot of narrative appeal left for me. She got sidelined in her own narrative. And there was not really any emotional stakes for me or tension. It felt like a picaresque travelogue which is not bad per se but not truly my thing.

But then - the couple of last eps is where it really exploded. The thing with the author made no sense. Why did she need to fix some sort of adult avatar of him who didn't even know he was one and the kid version was there too? Why did a book written by teen drag in adult version of her and teen him and adult fictional version of him get to argue? Why did the ending start looping instead of just going once. The worldbuilding, the set up, the goals made NO sense in light of this new information. Now one might say the set up of a reader being dragged into a game based on the book they are reading is nonsense in the first place and that's true. But the problem for me is I can accept whatever insane set up the story throws at me, but it's a matter of initial set up. Once it's set up, it has to stay within those constraints and be internally logically consistent and to me it wasn't. All that randomness felt so random. Perhaps if they weaved the stuff earlier more, sure. But as it is, it felt so weird and random and nonsensical. And once the narrative stopped treating them as real people but as symbols or lessons or whatever, I stopped treating them as real people too.

I confess I never care about a story's message because, to quote a famous Hollywood quip on the topic: "“If you have a message, call Western Union.” I want the story to move me emotionally, to get me invested (if it makes my brain happy, it's a bonus.) And so yeah sure it's great to overcome adversity, find strength in others etc etc blah blah but if the execution of said message is lacking (which to me it was), it negates it all. For example I love Novoland Eagle Flag and its theme is "it's not the winning but the fight that matters, the world is hell but what matters is keeping your humanity and being true to yourself" - it resonates with me immensely. But the reason it does is because I love the execution. If the execution didn't work for me, the fact that I agree with the message would not matter. And to me (and once again, I emphasize it's very personal and I fully get that it worked for others) Love Game's execution did not come though.

#cdrama #asks #love game in eastern fantasy

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prismuffin · 1 year ago

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Could we get some Ethan hunt x old teammates m!Reader, where they have a kinda love/hate relationship yk? Were teammates because maybe the reader did something Ethan and the whole corporation didn't see fit so they went into hiding. But now (speaking of the latest movie) Ethan needs help and since he knows that he can trust the reader he tries to find him. Obviously they meet at some point maybe venice? but only because the reader caught wind of whats going on and also only helping Ethan because he has a grudge against Gabriel. I would like the reader to be more focused on stealth, like the best, no one can detect him, and maybe that also reflects in his fighting style.

Idk i hope you understand, not really good at describing what's going on in my brain

A/n: I totally understand and thanks for answering my call for M:I requests! I hope I did this one justice- also writing fights is hard as shit

Someone He Could Trust

Ethan Hunt x male!reader

( summary: After an old friend reaches out to you for help, you decide to go to a party in Venice )

Warnings?: spoilers for Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning!! , mentions of guns, violence, fighting, knives, killing, light swearing, mentions of alcohol

!-!more under the cut!-! After all these years, the last thing you expected was a message from him. Ethan Hunt. An old...co-worker...of yours from before 96'. You both used to work together back then, not ever fully trusting one another, though you admit that that's mostly your fault. There were a few times where you may have left him in the dark but only when you knew he could get out of it easily. The last time you had though didn't go so well, a lot of people died and it ended with him being caught. You'd thought he was dead or in jail but time told a different story as you found out he was recruited by the IMF, a government organization that uses the skills of people like you and him to do dirty work behind the scenes.

"I need your help, I need someone I can trust." The message he left you included a file with a picture of a certain key. You'd heard of these things recently, everyone was racing to be the first to get both parts of the key. What exactly it unlocked you're unsure of and judging by the extent of Ethan's research he doesn't either. Though the key wasn't the only thing that caught your attention, a single name had as well. Gabriel. If you remember correctly he should be dead, if he's wrapped up in all of this then it can't be good. Either way, the last thing that lay within the file is a single invitation to a club in Venice Italy. Smirking, you stood, a party doesn't sound like a bad idea.

After a quick flight, you landed in Venice around 11pm, heading to one of the many canals in Italy you entered a boat that rowed you down to a hole in the wall building, the neon lights and loud music shaking the walls around you as you stepped out the boat, letting yourself get frisked before going inside. Entering the party, you straightened your tux as you scanned your surroundings, people danced on display like art as guests around them talked and drank. It was casual and not at the same time. Moving around the crowd of people you walked closer to the bar only to stop as you recognized a certain bearded man. Gabriel. He was older now, obviously, and he stood close to a woman you didn't recognize. You went just close enough to hear them, turning to not draw attention to yourself as you listened in on their conversation. "I don't have it on me," the woman spoke, ah so she was wrapped up in all of this. "I wouldn't expect you to," Gabriel spoke after her, "In any case, I'm not here for the key." 'He's not? Well, that's a contradiction,' you thought to yourself as you watched him turn his back to the bar, you moved to not be in his direct line of sight. "What do you want?" the woman asked though Gabriel seemed to dodge the question. "Suppose while we're waiting I tell you a little story," "You're obviously not the person I came here to meet." The woman said before deciding to walk away but stopped as Gabriel spoke again. "it's your story, Grace," So Grace was her name, "I know how it ends, let me buy you a drink and perhaps we can change it." Though you felt the urge to help this woman she's not who you came here for. Speaking of who you came for, looking near the entrance you saw him with a woman you'd seen before, though only briefly. British intelligence? You're pretty sure, or at least she used to be. Too bad you can't exactly remember her name. You moved again as they fully entered the party before getting stopped by someone who they then followed. Directing your attention back onto Gabriel and the woman you heard Gabriel telling her more about Ethan, though the way he was putting it made Ethan seem like this master manipulator to every woman he ever came across. You clenched your jaw as his story continued, he made it seem like it was Ethan's fault for the death of Marie when it was really he who'd killed her. "Grace," You were shocked to see Ethan just casually walk up to them both, he glanced over, noticing you and you winked before you quickly moved, preferring to offer him backup in the shadows if and when he needed it. You watched as they all talked before the white widow, or Alana as you know her, came over and decided to bring them all upstairs to talk. You'd crossed paths with her before but even then you doubt you'd be able to randomly convince her to let you follow them all the way upstairs. Still, you tailed them until you couldn't, deciding to linger until a fight broke out.

"Let's fan out, Hunt's here somewhere," You perked up at those words as you turned to notice two men, they nodded at each other before attempting to blend in. But to you, they stood out like a sore thumb. You were conflicted about staying near Hunt but knew he could at least handle himself against people he knew were threats. To you, these two were unknown threats that he'd unknowingly have to counter eventually. Taking them out now would be ideal you thought and so you followed them. If they moved far enough from Hunt then they wouldn't be a problem at all and you could return to him.

Tailing them didn't last too long, the venue was rather large and it didn't take them long to get far from Ethan. You walked back inconspicuously before stopping as you noticed a few guards run past you towards Ethans location. They ran up the stairs and you watched as Ethan jumped from the railing, spooking the patrons as he ran through the crowd. Following after him as quickly as you could without drawing as much attention to yourself you found him saving that girl from earlier, Grace, from two men. Fighting them off as best he could as she ran. He called out to her but she didn't come back to help, scoffing you pulled out two sai's from your person. Wasting no time you jumped on the back of one guy, putting a quick end to his life before you turned, narrowly missing Ethan's head as you plunged one of your sai's into the eye of the second guard. Ethan stood, watching as you removed your weapon, flicking the blood off. "Long time no see huh?" You said, watching the slightly out of breath Ethan tilt his head briefly as he nodded. "Yeah well," he shrugged before looking past you, seeing Grace's retreating form he moved to follow her only to stop and do a double take near the grounds. You peeked, noticing the two guys from earlier, they noticed Ethan before running to stop him, was everyone really after this guy? "I'll deal with them, you go after her," You said and he nodded. "There's a safe-house, third floor, south of Minich Bridge, my teams waiting there!" He yelled to you as he began running and you nodded, preparing yourself for the company of the two men.

Hiding beside the entrance to the corridor you were just in you waited for them to run in. The older white guy ran in first followed by his younger partner, who you went for first, hitting him hard with the back of your sai. He fell quick and quiet, though not quiet enough as the older guy seemed to notice immediately. He turned quickly, pointing his gun at you and firing off a few shots though you threw down a smoke bomb of sorts, blinding the man. You waited, moving slowly behind his person to strike again though he had anticipated your attack, blocking you last second though not before you were able to knock the gun out of his hand. He was strong and well-trained but you've taken down men bigger than him. He threw a few punches that you'd dodged before countering, causing him to stagger as the smoke started to dissipate. Kicking him, he flew off to the side, hitting the railing of the balcony. Grabbing your sai's again you were ready to finish the job, pulling your arm back to ready yourself for your attack you were suddenly pushed from behind. You hit the railing, your Sai's falling out your hand. "Shit," you were quick to turn, kicking the younger guy down, how he got back up that fast you were unsure.

Moving quickly you fought the younger guy off, not forgetting about your older opponent who had recovered from his initial fall. You threw a punch at the younger guy who'd blocked it but you'd countered quicker than he thought. Punching him in his throat he fell to the floor struggling to breathe, giving you enough time to turn and kick the older guy in his knee, knocking him down as you used your leg and wrapped it around his throat, effectively knocking you both to the ground as you choked him out with the strength of your thighs. He punched your side but you held out long enough for him to stop struggling. As soon as he was unconscious you moved to knock out the young guy again who had weakly put his fists up to fight back. Smirking you hummed, "What a shame, you're kinda cute." He charged at you and you sidestepped him. He turned quickly just in time to get kicked in the chest making him fall on his back. Some might say you should never kick someone when they're already down but you say that's the perfect time to strike. Delivering one final kick to his head, you knocked the consciousness out of his body.

Sighing you looked at the two unconscious bodies before stretching, "Finally." You moved to grab the guns that had since been forgotten in the hand-to-hand combat that just ensued before leaving the way Ethan did. You doubt you'd catch up to him now so it was better to just try and find that safe-house he'd told you about.

Finding the bridge Ethan told you about wasn't hard though you were more than shocked to find Ethan there, above a woman who was now dead. Grace stood behind him, unsure of what to do. "Ethan?" you walked up the bridge, but his eyes never left the woman. "She's.." he muttered, not finishing his sentence. Looking at the woman you recognized her from earlier she was that former British Intelligence agent whose name you didn't even remember. Now though it's clear that she meant a lot to Ethan. Kneeling down to his level you hesitantly placed a hand on his back. "I'm sorry Ethan," Hearing a boat come down the canal you were quick to remove your suit jacket, delicately placing it over her as the boat neared.

Ethan stood, still looking down at the body before ripping his eyes away from the scene. You placed your hand on his back again, shocked when he leaned into your touch. "I'm sorry," Grace spoke up but Ethan quickly shut her down. "No, it's not your fault. It's Gabriel's." He stated matter-of-factly, anger dripping from his tone. The boat finally neared and stopped making both you and Ethan look up. "Benji," Ethan said, referring to the man driving the boat. "He's on our side?" You asked and Ethan nodded. The man now known as Benji seemed relieved that Ethan was ok but confused at your presence. "I'll explain who he is later, right now...let's just get back to the safe-house...I need to think," Ethan spoke to Benji who nodded before he urged Grace onto the boat. Hopping over the railing yourself you landed with a huff onto the speedboat, sitting in the tight space before Ethan sat next to you. He held a somber expression on his face as Benji turned the boat around. Bumping him with your shoulder, you offered him a smile, "We'll make him pay for this Ethan. I promise." You whispered and Ethan looked at you. You both gave each other a determined nod at the mutual agreement and he offered you a brief smile, but it quickly fell again One way or another you were going to find Gabriel and kill him.

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( I despise writing fights )

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