#remembered I wanted to let myself post more messy things here so here's! design passes I got carried away with

[dragondawdles]

hi been noodling with designs for block guys have some sandy boys

[artificialqueens]

Sweet as Sugar (Branjie) - Athena2

Summary: Vanessa is a cafe owner who finds herself instantly crushing on the new bakery owner across the street.

A/N: Bakery au is finally here! Every time I was about to get this finished and ready for posting, I got distracted by another fic I wanted to write. It’s finally here, and I hope you enjoy! Thank you to Writ for betaing and encouraging me to finally finish!

Read on AO3.

It’s raining the day the new bakery owner arrives across the street, and Vanessa watches it all through the rain-splattered glass of her cafe windows. It’s cozy and warm in here, the customers chatting while they munch on their sandwiches, and Vanessa’s glad to be safe behind the counter instead of out in that mess.

She can’t ignore the little twinge in her chest as she watches the owner–a tall blonde woman–emerge into the pouring rain and sort through stuff in her trunk. She must be freezing, Vanessa thinks, watching the woman finish with her car and move to fiddling with the bakery door’s lock and a box she’s carrying, before finally setting the box down and using both hands to play with the lock. A minute later, the keys slip out of her hand and into a puddle, and Vanessa bites her lip.

“Someone needs to help that woman,” she says to A’keria, who’s busy stocking the case of to-go sandwiches. “She can’t even get her damn door open.”

A’keria blinks and looks down at herself. “You better not mean me,” she says. “You know how much I hate rain. Have Kameron do it. She has muscles.”

“I’m pretty sure her and Asia are up to something since they mysteriously went on break together.” Vanessa sighs, just hoping those two are back before the lunch rush. “I’ll just do it myself.” She grabs her raincoat and stomps to the door. Vanessa’s a helper, and she’s volunteered at too many church functions with her mom to just leave this woman struggling, even if she has to get rained on.

Vanessa’s boots squelch as she reaches the sidewalk. “Hey there,” she says to the woman, who jumps about a foot in the air.

“Sorry, just–you scared me,” the woman says, grabbing at her heart. Her sweater is soaked through with rain and she’s shivering, blonde hair damp and messy, but she’s still beautiful, with soft green eyes and wide lips that look like they might quirk up mischievously sometimes. Vanessa spends a few seconds just taking her in, heart racing.

“You look like you could use some help,” Vanessa says, remembering why she came here.

“Me? I’m fine.” The woman waves her off.

Vanessa puts her hands on her hips. “I could see you struggling from across the dang street.”

“I guess I was.” The blonde sighs. “I just can’t get this key to work,” she says, holding up a key ring soaked with dirty puddle water.

“Let me try,” Vanessa offers. The blonde’s hands are baker’s hands, their slight roughness smoothed over with lotion, a still-healing burn mark near her wrist likely from pulling a hot pan out of the oven, an injury Vanessa knows too well. They’re also shaking from the cold as she passes Vanessa the key, and Vanessa’s heart softens in sympathy. No wonder she couldn’t get her door open.

Vanessa plunges the key in the lock and twists and turns until it clicks, pulling the door open with a whoop of joy.

“I loosened it for you,” the woman says.

Vanessa shakes her head. “That’s for jars, not doors!” She laughs, scooping up the woman’s box and ushering her inside.

Vanessa’s eyes widen when she sees the inside of the place. This little building has been home to dog grooming businesses and then to pizza businesses that did nothing to mask the wet dog smell and then to shoe stores that not only did nothing to mask the wet dog and tomato smell, but also added feet to the mix. Vanessa watched moving trucks drive up and pull away through her cafe windows, wondering if the next person would stick around.

It seems this woman wants to, and she’s completely transformed the place. Gone are the muddled dog/tomato/feet smells, as are the cracks in the wall Vanessa remembers from when she went shoe shopping. Instead, everything’s been painted a soothing lavender, with black silhouettes of baked goods–cupcakes and cookies and donuts–framing the top part of the wall. There’s a big counter with a glass case waiting to be filled, and tables and chairs stacked along the walls.

“It’s beautiful in here,” Vanessa says.

The blonde blushes. “Thanks. And thank you for your help, um…”

“Vanessa,” Vanessa says quickly. “I’m Vanessa.”

“Brooke.” She takes the box from Vanessa and sets it on the counter, eyes roaming around the room and a grin breaking out on her face. Vanessa recognizes the feeling–it’s the same one she had three years ago, when she couldn’t believe her cafe was really hers.

“When do you open?” Vanessa asks.

“Two weeks, if everything goes to plan. Just need to get the rest of the equipment in and finish everything up.”

Vanessa nods, hovering by the door awkwardly. There’s no reason for her to stay, but she can’t quite make herself leave. She wants to keep talking to Brooke, find out more about her. She watches Brooke blow on her hands to thaw them and an idea pops into her head.

“Hey, why don’t you come to my cafe and have coffee or something and warm up?” Vanessa offers.

Brooke smiles. “Lead the way.”

—

Vanessa sits with Brooke at the corner table right below the heat vent, watching her sip coffee and eat Vanessa’s famous grilled cheese and tomato sandwich.

“This is really good, Vanessa,” Brooke says, and Vanessa beams. She can’t help it. Even after three years of having her little cafe, watching people enjoy her food still warms her heart like the first time she made her mom pancakes and watched her devour them all. Everything Vanessa knows about cooking comes from dragging a chair over to the counter and watching her mom make dinner, and now she gets to be the one cooking.

“Thanks,” Vanessa says. “So, how’d you get into baking?”

Brooke finishes the last bite of her sandwich. “I always liked it. My grandma and I would make something whenever she babysat for me.” She pauses, sips her coffee. “I never went to culinary school or anything, but I’d make stuff for my friends a lot. Somehow they convinced me to start a little home business, and it kind of exploded. I started saving to have my own bakery, and now I do.” She gives a shy little smile that makes Vanessa melt.

“What about you?” Brooke asks.

Vanessa grins. “I basically ran a sandwich shop out of my dorm in college. The dining hall food was disgusting, so my mom got me a little panini press, and I started making grilled cheese and stuff for me and my roommates. Word got around and suddenly I was cooking for the whole building!”

Those had been some of her best days in college—people lined up and down the hall waiting for their sandwiches, bopping to the beat of the radio she had blasting and talking to her as she worked, even bringing their own ingredients for custom orders. And the best part of all: watching them bite into their sandwiches, closing their eyes and groaning about how good it was, like they were in a fancy restaurant and not a cinder block college dorm.

Brooke laughs, and Vanessa would do anything to hear that sound again.

“Somewhere in all that, I realized I loved cooking. It was exciting and relaxing at the same time, you know? So I did a bunch of restaurant jobs until I could finally open this place.”

Brooke nods. “It’s really nice here. Did you do all the decorating yourself?”

Vanessa glances around at the wall of framed posters bearing her favorite movies and singers, the fairy lights lining the walls, the fuzzy pom-pom banner draped in front of the counter, and nods proudly. “And the menu too. All the sandwiches are stuff I came up with myself.”

Brooke whistles. “That’s a lot of sandwiches.”

“Tell me about it. Took me months to come up with them all.” Vanessa must have tested hundreds of sandwiches in those months, adding and taking away and re-adding ingredients so many times her friends and family would run the other way when they saw her coming with samples. But after hours remixing and experimenting, her kitchen transformed into a science lab, Vanessa finally had her menu.

“I like it though,” Vanessa continues. “Trying new things and testing them out. Doing my own thing, you know? You can’t really do that with baking. Tried to do my own thing making a cake once and the thing exploded. I was cleaning my oven for days.”

Brooke laughs. “I get it. I think I like baking because of the rules. There’s certain things you have to follow, yeah, but such good stuff comes from it. And it’s–it’s kinda amazing how some of the techniques haven’t changed in hundreds of years.”

“You’re right,” Vanessa says. “I never thought of it like that. Making stuff’s always been special to me. It’s like making someone food is—“

“It’s like saying I love you.” Brooke blushes at what she’s just said and Vanessa does too.

“Yeah.”

There’s a beat so silent Vanessa hears A’keria muttering to herself about Vanessa’s extra-long break while she wrestles with a pile of spoons. Brooke looks at her empty plate and stands.

“I, uh, I should go. Got a lot of work to do.”

“Right.”

Brooke pulls out her wallet. “How much for–”

Vanessa waves her off. “On the house.” She smiles. “I wouldn’t say no to a chocolate cupcake once you open, though.”

Brooke grins. “You got it.”

She heads out, and Vanessa does more staring out the window than working for the rest of the day.

—

The next two weeks fly by. A’Keria takes over Vanessa’s spot in the window when a muscled moving crew hauls in Brooke’s equipment. Vanessa chases A’keria away for the rest, watching Brooke pace around inside her bakery, rearranging chairs and tables more times than Vanessa thought possible, sweeping with the ferocity of a hockey player, and talking to two girls Vanessa assumes are her assistants. Vanessa imagines Brooke’s delicate hands carefully piping frosting onto cupcakes or icing intricate designs on sugar cookies and has to smile.

Brooke’s been so busy that Vanessa hasn’t seen much of her, and she tells herself the little ache in her chest is just two weeks’ worth of heartburn. Brooke does stop in and asks Vanessa if she can put business cards and flyers on her community bulletin board, and Vanessa barely breathes as she and Brooke tack them up between advertisements for dance classes and library events, their shoulders brushing all the while.

It seems that all the flyers and advertising worked—the day Brooke opens, there’s a line of people stretched down the sidewalk, and Vanessa beams with pride for her. She knows how hard it can be to have a cafe, knows how amazing and necessary the customers are. She wants Brooke to succeed just as much as she has.

She watches all day as the line moves and people come out with bright white boxes and even brighter smiles.

Vanessa is closing up for the day when there’s a knock at the door. Lord help her if these are people ignoring the clear-as-day Closed sign to demand that she serves them.

But it’s not a pushy customer—it’s Brooke, with a tiny box in her hand and a huge smile on her face.

Vanessa grins too, her heart leaping in her chest.

“Big day for you, huh,” Vanessa says, guiding her into the cafe.

“Yeah.” Brooke sighs, rubbing at tired eyes. “I’m exhausted, but in the best way, you know?”

“I do.”

Brooke smiles again, and she offers the box to Vanessa.

“Is this—“

“I keep my promises.”

Vanessa opens the box to see a huge chocolate cupcake with swirled chocolate frosting dotted with tiny buttercream roses. There’s a little fondant tag on top, with something written in impeccably neat red icing. It’s a phone number, and Vanessa looks up at Brooke in wonder.

“If you want it, I mean,” Brooke clarifies, pointing to the number.

“Oh, I do.”

Brooke’s grin reaches her ears.

“Wanna go out for dinner this weekend?” Vanessa asks hopefully.

Brooke can’t nod fast enough. “I’ve got dessert covered.”

[biblio-bitch]

Detroit Evolution Commentary Pt. 3 [FINAL]

It’s been a while, sorry. Life sucks ass sometimes and I had to do some transferring to my new laptop. I’ll write down some more fun facts as an apology. Disclaimer: This is all stuff I noticed, inferred, or interpreted. I didn’t write the film, anything I’ve interpreted is just that, an interpretation based on things I noticed using my experiences and knowledge. 

Fun fact #1: I have attempted to write in a proper novel style at least five times. After watching DE and watching @octopunkmedia ‘s script breakdowns and such, I've started writing scripts instead. I’m much farther along in those than I ever have been in books. 10/10 amazing for my visual based concepts.

Fun fact #2: My mental health was rapidly declining and I was losing interest in quite literally everything at the time the film was released. Watching the film and fixating on it for a month straight not only inspired me but helped me regain control of my life. Watching streams by the cast and Michelle while I worked for school made my productivity skyrocket.

Fun fact #3: I recently developed a tic that I now can’t get rid of. It was out of control for about twenty minutes right before I began writing this post. However, when I began re-watching the film (partially because it’s a comfort for me and I’m quite honestly terrified of what’s happening in the US right now) it stopped. So that’s fun.

As usual, spoilers and swearing under the cut! Quick note: If there should be a trigger warning on this or anything else I post, please let me know! I’m horrible at remembering to tag triggers. I’ll also be doing some quick posts on Umbrella Academy and my severe obsession with Jason Todd soon. Have fun!

As usual, here’s a list of people I know the users of in case you’d like to check any of them out. I’m likely missing people so feel free to let me know who I’m missing so I can add them!

Maximilian Kroger - Nines (@ maximiliankroger)

Christopher (Chris) Trindade - Gavin (@ trindabago)

Michael Smallwood - Chris Miller (@ michaelsmallwoodforever)

Carla Kim - Tina Chen (@ carlahkim)

Jillian Geurts - Ada (@ jilbobaggins_nyc)

Michelle Iannantuono - (@ octopunkmedia)

JJ Goller - Lazzo (@ quasar.cos)

Brett Mullen - Cinematographer (@ brettmullendirector)

Austin Butts - Sound Design (@ austinbytts)

Tiare Solis - Valerie (@ tiareleiana)

So I decided to put all of the rest into this post. It’s a long one. Not even that sorry about it bc I love this film with my entire heart. Warning for me getting sidetracked. I use a lot of Supernatural references but it’s because I’m visiting my dad and he’s binge watching the show. I like Dean and only Dean, don’t bully me for it.

The Wrist Grip™️ in the bedroom before Nines moves back

Shoutout to Maximilian Kroger’s muscles u go dude

Lighting Symbolism™️, big theme through the movie, honestly I think it’s beautiful and they did a wonderful job with it.

The little nod from Gavin as he starts talking about his nightmare 

You can see Gavin gearing up to move, like not in a normal way, in a “oh god I don’t know if I have the energy to do this” way and that’s Relatable™️

The little smile from Nines as they sit together

The SHARK PLUSHIE I LOVE HIM (THE SHARK HAS AN INSTAGRAM @ sharktreuse)

Nines being domestic, making coffee and breakfast, being Soft.

Shirt change??? Either I’m blind or he’s wearing a different shirt in the morning (He is. He’s wearing a t shirt at night and a buttoned collar shirt in the morning. Perhaps he changed? He’s wearing normal pants so he probably changed but he’s not wearing that same shirt in the next scene)

Ada eye rolling at them being passive aggressive dumbasses. Same. Apparently Jillian kept fucking with them which is,, so valid. 

The lighting in this scene (the office pt. 2) makes Maximilian look Android-white and outlined in the CyberLife blue-ish color. Very symbolic, I have no idea if it was intentional.

Another shoutout, this time to Maximilian’s eyebrows, the expressiveness is *chef’s kiss*.

“You can thank me later, Casanova.” Nines: *confused Android noises* 

Honorable mention to Michael’s Foo Fighters t shirt in the bar, it’s vintage.

Nines is in fact wearing a different shirt now. Not the same shirt from the morning bedroom scene. I also think he’s wearing a different jacket. Less of a peacoat and more of a leather jacket. Nice.

Shoutout to Tina’s (not irl) wife, Valerie! And her weird crush on Hank! I honestly can’t wait to see her in Seven Deadly Synths!!

Ada DODGING the questions that Nines is asking because she is SHADY. 

Also, he looks to Gavin when he talks about wanting to be more human. Recurring theme of him perceiving himself as lacking because of his ace-ness/android-ness, like he can’t give Gavin what he wants. Honestly I know that the android thing is a thinly veiled metaphor for race in canon but I kinda like thinking of it as a metaphor for being LGBT+ and in Nines’ case, specifically ace. Might not make sense but it does in my brain??

Gavin Senses Are Tingling and Nines is GONE. Leaving the bar for ur not-bf to try to talk things out like adults??? King shit.

Also electric lighter, fun, I genuinely didn’t know those existed

SHIRT WITH UNBUTTONED COLLAR

“You don’t want to help me, you want to fix me.” What a loaded line. Because in a way, it’s almost true? Like, Nines has this entire simulation of Gavin in his ideal world, and obviously that version of Gavin has probably been idealized at least a bit. Nature of humanity, and Nines might not be human but he’s got the Brain Things. And at that moment, it’s nearly true that Nines wants Gavin to be like that ideal Gavin. Obviously Nines wants Gavin as Gavin, but there’s the edge of that simulation there, still. 

But Nines does want to help Gavin, and that’s where he’s wrong. Nines wants Gavin to get better, wants to help stop the nightmares, etc. But by pointing that out, I think it’s partially why Nines can accept letting go of Simulation!Gavin when Ada attacks him. Because he knows that the simulation of Gavin will never be the real Gavin, and this line sort of helps him understand that he can’t really keep Sim!Gavin anyways.

Again idk if that’s legit but that’s definitely something I felt from that while watching.

Nines is constantly very controlled, but when he walks away from Gavin you can see him straining to keep that composure and not let his anger show. 

Ada looking So Done With This Shit when Nines comes back from talking with Gavin outside of the bar

“I’m sure this will be like...every other time.” Oh honey. Oh my sweet child. I am so very sorry. It most definitely will not be.

Ada’s exasperated Eyebrow Raise before taking a drink. If that ain’t the mood sis.

I love Ada’s bat wings on her outfits. 

Gavin being a stalker and putting his hood up. 

“I’m...certain that most of the credit can go to you.” IMMEDIATE ANGER. Must Defend Boyfriend.

I SO WANTED HIM TO SAY “WISDOM” WHILE TALKING ABOUT GAVIN’S SKILLS BECAUSE IT WOULD MIRROR HIM TELLING GAVIN THAT HE ISN’T WISE BEFORE THEY LEFT FOR THE STAKEOUT. He didn’t, but instinct is a better word for Gavin anyways.

Nines has Suspicion™️...press X for doubt... 

*Only vaguely related rant warning*

I do feel that we as a fandom tend to make Connor almost childishly innocent despite him being likely one of the least kind and least innocent characters. The characterization of Nines in this--and pardon me for the off topic rant--where he’s a fully grown man and acts like it is so much more realistic. Nines is a cop, as is Connor. 

Even post deviancy, they were designed and equipped to handle murder. Nines, in a lot of fandom content, tends to come off as an exasperated older brother or a gritty and mean detective, or even worse, essentially a sociopath who feels nothing in contrast to Connor’s childish and extreme innocence. I dislike both. Seeing Nines be a normal fucking person is so relieving, I’m serious. There’s still those elements of ‘oh he’s only been properly alive for like a year, right? He probably doesn’t get Chris’ Casanova reference.’ but it’s not to such an extreme that it overtakes all of his personality traits.

Like, yeah, ok, I get why a lot of fandom content does that. In order to balance what we see Connor do (and in order to further push the Hank as a father line) we over-emphasize the not getting references and such. Honestly I see the same in content for Castiel from Supernatural. Nines, when he’s added, often HAS to be a lot darker in order to make that seem not as jarring and unrealistic.

Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. If you do? That’s great, good for you, but I don’t like seeing those characters be portrayed as such one dimensional extremes. People aren’t like that. On the off chance that someone is such an extreme, there’s still other aspects of their personality.

DE has done an amazing job at not flattening their personalities. Nines and Gavin are three-dimensional and incredibly interesting characters I find myself invested in every time I watch it.

*Onto the commentary again.*

Gavin is still being a stalker

“Particular fascination with the RK line” AHAHA funny. She’s also an RK, and she likely knows more than Nines because her programming is based on information gathering. Her fascination begins and ends with what their programming can do for her.

The little computer details in Ada’s eyes as she copies Nines’ OS, and again in Nines’ eyes when he’s in the alley alone. I believe Michelle did all of that and I am just amazed every time I watch. 

The warped voice effect.

Gavin shifting to hold Nines as soon as he passes out

The ethereal colored lighting is very good for the mood, space hospital vibes

Shoutout to the latex suit they put Maximilian in! That’s not CG! He’s wearing a full body white latex suit. I’m so sorry.

Gavin looks so tired talking to Dr. Maria. His posture is defensive, pulled into himself. Shoulders hunched, arms pulled in. Eye bags, messy hair. Boy looked messed up. Somebody hug him.

Nines’ hair being disheveled and messy in the corrupted Zen Garden, rivaling his assertion that in his ideal world (Aka the normal Zen Garden) his appearance is polished, signifying the loss of control and the loss of the Zen Garden being a safe, ideal space for him. Same concept with Sim!Gavin being corrupted.

Nines: *wakes up in his mindspace*

Also Nines, immediately: GAVIN!!1!!1

Nines believes in CONSENT!! You do not go into someone’s program without asking, ADA.

Ada’s “poor widdle baby” face as Nines is freaking out because she trapped him. Mood.

Tina wearing a low turtleneck and a flannel is Peak Gay, especially next to Gavin “I wear the same leather jacket+hoodie combo every single day and probably the same jeans for a month” Reed, aka the most disastrous and chaotic bisexual I have ever seen. Again, a mood, I honestly felt that one.

The face when Nines realizes that Ada isn’t deviant yet. 

Gavin is blaming himself somebody stop this idiot. 

“Not without Nines.” What a softie.

“The last thing I said to him was ‘I don’t need you’.” BITCH WHAT THE FUCK MY HEART.

Gavin calling Tina “T” in that soft voice is so sweet omg

Ugh the bisexual LIGHTING is KILLING ME, ESPECIALLY as Gavin sits at Nines’ bedside

Tina encouraging Gavin. WLW/MLM solidarity. 

Fun fact: Chris Trindade told Maximilian not to react at all to the big speech but Maximilian literally started crying during it and there’s footage somewhere of the Dramatic Single Tear rolling down his face while he’s still ‘in stasis’.

Yes, I double checked the streams to make sure I got this right, I love the concept though.

Look I cannot get into the speech because I will write 1.5k words on it, but I will say this: It made me cry. The acting, the writing, it’s iconic. The amount of love and devotion they got without even saying the words “I love you” was amazing. Chris is so very talented. 

THERES A TAKE WHERE GAVIN FALLS ASLEEP NEXT TO NINES’ HOSPITAL BED AKSDGAKL IM SCREAMING

Tina is the best wingman ngl

The glitches in Zen Gavin are amazing. The sequence when he’s deleting the Zen Garden is also amazing. I use amazing a lot but it’s deserved.

Nines deleting the Zen Garden and Sim!Gavin is very symbolic of letting go of all of the fake stuff, letting go of the fear he was holding that kept him from confessing to Gavin and I love that

Nines sitting silently straight up. 

Gavin is highly intelligent and I’m so glad Octopunk embraces that. 

*another vaguely related rant warning*

Ok let me tell y’all a thing because this RUINS MY LIFE. People tend to take characters like Percy Jackson or Dean Winchester, whose intelligence isn’t outwardly obvious from the get-go, and remove it entirely. Percy is reduced to an idiot who can’t tie his own shoes and Dean is often shown basically unable to research without Sam. Both of those are bullshit. 

Percy has ADHD and Dyslexia, so when often we categorize smart as only book-smart, Percy’s intelligence as a battle strategist and his actual knowledge gets erased. Dean is usually the more physical and shoot-first-never-ask-questions type, and his intelligence is severely downplayed. He made an EMP detector from scratch. Made a shotgun, remembers how to kill things, is a very good hunter, especially on his own. But that’s thrown away because he’s not book-smart.

I despise when people take characters who are talented and smart in ways that aren’t just reciting the periodic table and reduce them to muscles and angst or drooling children. 

Octopunk having a scene where Gavin is working through a case, already having done the things that Chris, someone who was only recently promoted, suggests, is just affirming Gavin’s intelligence in a way I wish I could be not surprised by. Gavin is smart, and luckily I haven’t seen much downplaying that fact. He’s a detective for a reason. Unfortunately I think it might be because the fandom tends to turn Connor and Nines into actual children, but a win is a win.

Now I’m not saying I don’t love a good himbo character but I literally had to stop interacting with Percy Jackson content because people wrote him as incapable.

*Moving on*

“I think I can help with that.” Bitch why are you so dramatic I love him so much.

Nines’ t-shirt says “Detroit City Marathon” 

“You...undead asshole.” What an iconic line. I need a t-shirt. 

“I...hate you.” “You love me.” Harkens back to the beginning where the roles are reversed. Yes I used that unironically. Words are fun.

Gavin looking scared right before The Kiss™️ 

THE PULSE POINT!! THE SCENE WAS SUPER EMOTIONAL SO MICHELLE WANTED THEM TO DO YOGA ZEN SHIT TO PREPARE AND THEN THEY JUST DID THE THING BUT THEY PUT IN THE PULSE POINT 

ANYWAYS THAT’S WHAT GAVIN IS FEELING FOR ON NINES’ WRIST RIGHT BEFORE THE KISS.

I thought that was cute when I learned it in one of the streams.

Nines’ LED spinning blue when they finally kiss asgladkaf 

“What dipshit programmed you to do that?” “I’m the most advanced android ever made, detective-“ “oh you are such a fuckin’ prick!” “Takes one to know one.” I canNOT with them, I laughed my ASS off

The little broken laugh Nines does

Nines rubbing his hands over Gavin’s while they talk about Gavin’s jacket

Shoutout to Chris’ surprised pikachu face. (Tina is also there) That was a joke take, it’s in the gag reel, too. The face wasn’t supposed to make it into the film but Michelle added it. (In the gag reel, Carla yells “Let’s go to Denny’s!” At the end.) 

And Ada’s leather pants. Honestly?? She’s so pretty. I love her. They’re all really attractive it’s actually terrifying.

Nines and Tina being a part of the Gay Turtleneck Gang

Nines’ untucked turtleneck

Tina being a Smart Girl. (Nines calling her “Officer” and her replying with “I’ll make detective someday.”

Chris being Exhausted during the whole meeting. Me too dude.

Chris and Tina doing literally nothing while Gavin and Nines have a whole heart to heart

The WHITE COAT. Tina in her blues. Chris’ Foo Fighters shirt. They’re such icons but they absolutely look like a group of gay ppl who did NOT decide on a theme.

The fight sequence is impressive, considering that they’re literally not stunt actors. I’m not a fight choreographer or stunt person so That’s really all I have to say on that.

Chris patting Gavin’s gun after he explains what he’s doing. \

As a Jason Todd lover the crowbar is unfortunate (had to, sorry)

Nines’ smirk and the TURTLENECK as he spins away from Ada with the crowbar. Iconic. The Big Dick Energy. Especially for someone who doesn’t have a dick.

Chris being a Dad when Gavin runs off to go stop the body calibration

Ada just YEETS Gavin. Iconic.

Ada: *doing the villain “you won’t shoot me, you’re too moral” thing*

Chris: Shut the fuck up *shoots her*

Deviancy sequence, iconic

“You’re awake now” bitch get your own tag line, Markus became Robot Jesus for this shit

He’s HOLDING HER HAND while DEFENDING HER!! PLATONIC HAND HOLDING

Gavin trusting Nines’ decision immediately. Amazing. THAT’S LOVE BITCH.

The SMILES after Ada leaves!! They know they made the right choice!

Ugh the COLOR SYMBOLISM!! This is one thing that Michelle has touched on herself! Gavin isn’t wearing white in this scene because he’s not ‘fixed’, he never will be! He has trauma and he’s just barely beginning to heal from it with Nines’ help. He’s wearing grey, lighter than his usual, but still grey because they aren’t pure or innocent and they’re not perfect!! And that’s the fucking point!! It’s also a contrast against Sim!Gavin wearing white! Sim!Gavin was an idealized version of Gavin in Nines’ idealized world!! Real Gavin isn’t that!! So he’s wearing grey!!

Gavin immediately understanding that Nines is Ace and that it’s ok!! Beautiful!

“You’ve been a whole person since the day you woke up” YES!! YOU DO NOT NEED SEX TO BE WHOLE!! FUCK YEAH!!! (this is ace excitement. In the months since writing this I realized I’m aro-ace and trans so fuck yeah for ace rep.) 

Gavin being a dick and making Nines tell him about the skin thing

THE KISS!! They slowly move more into the light!! Because they’re getting better TOGETHER!!

Ok before I sign off, it’s only 3 am so I think I’m awake enough to talk about this, I like that they bring up that Gavin has like, actual issues that he needs to get through. Let’s be 100% honest here, I see Gavin as having ADHD, depression, and probably a form or symptoms of PTSD. He’s kinda fucked up and I’m gonna be real here he needs some therapy. He’s got trauma and needs to work through it. 

I like that at the end they explicitly have Nines understand and accept that that’s what needs to happen. As someone who has actually had relationships ruined because of trauma (on both sides) that we were unprepared to work through together, if I had seen something like that? Game changer. As it was, most relationships I had seen were idealized and seemed to “fix” those issues by way of just being in a relationship. Thanks major media. 

Now that the Detroit Evolution post series is over, I’m gonna be a bit sentimental and say that this film quite literally changed my life. Seriously. Michelle is such a big inspiration for me and I can only hope to be the same for someone else. 

If you ever have a chance to check out any of the amazing people who worked on this film, please do. To put into context how big this was: I changed my ideal college major from Forensics to Film. 

That’s it that’s all, ending this post at 3:24 am before I literally start crying over it. Thanks for suffering through my long-winded explanations, I hope you enjoyed. Have a wonderful day.

[ghostsofmemories]

Ocean in the Woods - Update #2

So, if you missed the first update or want a quick refresher (because it’s been over 3 months... wow), here’s the first update, which has a link to the WIP intro if you want to check that out.

Progress has been very slow, but hopefully now that I’m not in such a rut with a million things to do, it’ll move a little bit faster (no promises, though).

So basically, chapters 2, 3, and 4 are complete and I’ve worked my way up to 10k. It’s a little disappointing considering my original goal was 20k by the end of June and we’re already a few days into July and I only got halfway there, but I already knew that goal wasn’t realistic.

Chapter 2 is called Side Affects of Burnout and is sort of a bonding chapter between Arthur and his younger brother, Aiden. I like this chapter well enough, but I think I put this too early in the story and didn’t do enough to drive home the fact that Aiden and Arthur have a strained relationship before having them bond. However, I’m not all that worried about fixing that because no one is ever going to read this book. I was considering putting it on Wattpad in the beginning, but I’m actually perfectly content with, uh, not doing that. 

With that said, here are some fun little excerpts from Side Affects of Burnout, featuring Lance’s intro to the plot (not very many of the excerpts are well-written, I kind of gave up on editing as I went a couple weeks ago and have some passes to do before I keep going):

I had Lance in my first period, and I knew he wouldn’t notice that something was off with me. Usually, he was pretty oblivious to the rest of the world (in a very well-intentioned way) unless someone told him something was going on. He was the odd one out in our group of friends: the only one who checked the typical boxes. Cis, straight, and white. The rest of us were oddballs in school, but Lance was the oddball in our hearts.

He was folding paper airplanes out of post-it notes when I walked into the classroom. His hair was sandy blonde, uncombed, and he was wearing cargo shorts with a Darth Vader t-shirt. I was almost positive he had seen a maximum of two Star Wars movies.

“Hey,” he said, “what’s up?”

“The usual,” I said. “Sky. Clouds. Trees.” I sat in my chair next to him. Mr. Nelson didn’t assign seats, but everyone always sat in the same place. We were drawn to routine.

“That’s good,” he said, nodding, “if the sky is still up, then the world’s doing alright.”

I started out the story with Lance being somewhat of a comic relief, but I think I’m already beginning to feel some tension building up in regards to everyone labeling him as oblivious and stupid. He’s really sweet and I think he notices a lot, but just doesn’t say much about it. Here’s another section where everyone quips at Lance for being a himbo:

“Afternoon, lady and gent,” he said, sitting across from Maya and nodding at each of us respectively.

“It’s actually 11:30am,” Maya said, stealing another fry from my plate. “Labels and time in general are useless if you refuse to use them correctly.”

“Smartass,” Lance said through a bite of his sandwich. “I was just trying to be nice.”

“And I was just trying to spare you the humiliation of realizing you were wrong on your own,” she said. She started bouncing her leg after she was done stealing my fries, not knowing how to do nothing.

“He wouldn’t’ve realized on his own, Maya,” Ollie said, setting their tray down across the table from mine. “He doesn’t wear a watch or check the time.”

Vanessa, as usual, wasn’t far behind. “Lance, can you even read the time?” She was joking, of course. We always joked with Lance that way.

“Of course I can,” he said, sitting up straighter, “I just choose not to.”

And now, some of the Big Sad with Aiden and Arthur:

But the silence wasn’t horrible. I didn’t ask him to give back the water bottle I’d handed him, and I didn’t ask him why he’d been crying, and I didn’t ask him how he was tired enough to fall asleep sitting up (I also didn’t ask him to move when his head ended up on my shoulder). I wanted to be a good brother. I didn’t always need to know the details.

I love them so much and I’m kind of desperate to explore their relationship more, but so far all this book is teaching me is that I do not know how to manage all these subplots alongside the major plot of killing a monster. I’m pretty sure this’ll be the last fantasy book I ever write. Here’s a snippet of a one-sided conversation while the boys are waiting for water to boil so they can make mac n cheese.

“Hey, you can talk to me,” I said, trying to be gentle and quiet without letting my voice get pitchy. He didn’t look up, but he nodded again, his face lost in his sweater sleeves.

It was different, seeing him like this. I was so used to the Aiden that was always either smiling or sarcastic. I probably hadn’t seen him sad since he was a little kid, scraping his knees on the driveway and losing the watch he got for Christmas. He would breathe fast and panicky back then, when something went wrong. Now his breathing was slow and controlled, albeit shaky.

So yeah. At the end of this chapter, Aiden sees a girl out the window (who is Ocean, but he doesn’t know it yet) and he goes to talk to her and bring her water, and we move on to Chapter 3: River Runner. In which Ocean basically guilt trips Arthur into helping her fight the monster she brought there.

“I wasn’t mad about you not understanding my problems,” she said, standing up to follow me. I ignored her and kept walking. “I was mad at you for just sitting there and not knowing what to do besides ask stupid questions. I’m mad because you know there’s something wrong and you don’t care.”

“Why should I care?” I asked, walking faster. She would follow me all the way back to my house if she wanted to. “I don’t even know what’s going on. I don’t know you and I don’t care, so handle this on your own.”

“I don’t know how to do it on my own!” she shouted, cutting around a tree and walking beside me. “I don’t exactly dedicate my life to putting myself in danger and fighting evil creatures and saving the world.”

“So why do you expect me to do it at a ten minute’s notice?”

“You’re impossible.”

“All of this,” I said between my teeth, stopping in my tracks and closing my eyes, “is impossible. You—I was never supposed to meet you. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.”

“Well it did. And there’s no taking it back now,” she said, stepping toward me. I opened my eyes, then. She was right about my height, maybe a little bit taller than me. “There is no supposed to. There’s only did and didn’t, do and don’t. And you have to decide which one you’re going with, because there is a right answer. And if you choose the wrong one, I’ll find someone else. You’ll be the boy who did nothing.”

I didn’t like how she could twist words and use them to make me do things. I didn’t want to help, but I didn’t want to do nothing.

“Fine, then.”

Pretty much all of River Runner is these two idiots yelling at each other, minus the part where Ocean is trying to open a portal. I won’t be putting an excerpt of that because it’s still extremely messy and that scene needs to be rewritten.

I only just started Chapter 5: Her and the Sun, but I’m liking it so far. There’s a lot of Maya in this chapter, including another mini description of her. Maya might be my favorite character in the book, honestly. I’ll leave it to Arthur to explain why.

She was crazy in the best way a person can be, I think. Where my mom would call me a little over the place, Maya would be in a thousand places at once. She was everything and everywhere and she could be everyone, too, if she could be.

For almost as long as I could remember, Maya and I were partners in crime. She led us into dozens of disasters and got us out of each one, too. Like when she helped me shave my head after I told her I was trans (but before I told anyone else) and told my parents there was a huge wad of gum in my hair.

“Trust me,” she told my dad, fourteen with huge eyes and hair that could compete in size with anyone else’s in the neighborhood, “my sister tried to fix it and this is a huge improvement.”

Maya’s sister is a hairdresser, at the time, but she had no idea what we were up to. Maya was just so convincing that no one bothered to check in with anyone else.

So, that’s pretty much it. Not my greatest writing, but at this point any words are good words, you know?

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[johannstutt413]

“‘Morning, Bibeak.” The Doctor looked up from his paperwork to acknowledge her arrival. “Need something from me?”

“Good morning, Doctor. Um, if it’s possible...I wanted to know if I can make some clothes for you. I know you have your uniform, but something for casual wear, perhaps?”

He set down his pen and looked up at her. “If you want to, sure. Any particular occasion?”

“Um, not necessarily. I ask the other Operators if I can make something for them every now and again in the same way.” Her eyes were simultaneously analyzing and avoiding him; if he wasn’t a witness to it, it would’ve seemed impossible. “But you’re just the right person to bring out some ideas I’ve had recently. Would you be free for me to take measurements today?”

“I have them no- Yeah, I’ll be free after work. Do you have an office you work out of?”

She shook her head. “I haven’t been able to find one, so it will be in my room. Is that okay?”

“Definitely.” Maybe a little too enthused there. “Right after work, or after dinner?”

“Whichever works better for you.”

The Doctor nodded. “Alright, then I’ll make my way there when I’ve finished my last report for the day. Can I do anything else for you while you’re here? Maybe try and help you find an office?”

“Oh, I don’t need one,” she asserted, “but, um, I won’t say no if there’s space somewhere.”

“I’m sure there is. You do a really good job, and you shouldn’t have to keep all your equipment in your room just because there’s no other option. I’ll see what I can do before tonight.”

Bibeak nodded, blushing slightly. “Thank you, Doctor. Um, I should get back to my trading post duties, but um...Thank you. I’ll see you tonight?”

“I’ll see you then.” Once she’d left, he sighed, drumming his fingers on the desk. “Where am I going to get her a place for her stuff. Maybe Mayer knows where we have some ‘space...’”

- - -

“Good evening, Doctor. Please, come in.” The workday had passed, and finally she could resume her life’s purpose.

The Doctor accepted her invitation, glancing around. “Where should I put my jacket?”

“Um, on the couch, I suppose.” Bibeak sighed. “Sorry, I’m not used to organizing things for myself, but I’m learning...slowly.”

“It’s alright - can’t keep my room straight yet, either. Still haven’t sorted through what I want to keep and what I need to get rid of. Anyway, should we get started?”

She nodded. “Yes, let’s. Stand in front of those mirrors, please.”

“Will do.” He took his place in front of a quartet of mirrors. “How do you do this, by the way? Lasers?”

“I have a measuring tape.” She started unfurling it as she walked over to him.

He furrowed his brow. “A what?”

“This here.” Bibeak demonstrated before setting to work, beginning with his torso. “You’re taller than I expected. Do you know your height?”

“18...5? 186? I can’t remember the last number.”

She shrugged. “A centimeter shouldn’t make a difference with this design. How often do you go to the beach or swim, Doctor?”

“I get most of my cardio in a pool, so pretty often,” he replied. “Are you making me a swimsuit?”

“With a shirt to match, but yes. I’m learning to waterproof my designs so I can make rainwear for our Operators, and the other day I...Maybe I should save that story for later.”

The Doctor didn’t mind her deflection. “I have to admit, I didn’t know what to expect when you asked me to do this. How do you want me to pay you back, by the way?”

“Pay me back?” She shook her head. “You don’t need to pay me, Doctor. Allowing me to do this for you is more than enough.”

“I appreciate that, but I don’t think I can let it stand there. How about I take care of dinner tonight?”

Bibeak dropped the paper she was making her measurement notes on. “Um...If you want to.”

“Thank you.” He looked down as she recollected herself before winding the tape around his waist. “Are you alright? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine, it’s...it’s nothing, really.” Even as she said it, her hands quivered ever-so-slightly.

Well clearly it was something. “If that changes, we can finish this later. You’ve got as much of my time as you want.”

“I do?” Bibeak rewound her tape. “Maybe we should take a break. My next step is measuring your, um, lower half, after all...No matter how many clients I work for, I’m always awkward around that aspect of menswear.”

“Maybe starting with swim trunks wasn’t the best plan?”

She shook her head. “No, I need to be better with it. Besides, um...Shall we eat here or at a restaurant, Doctor?”

“Let’s order in.” He slid his phone out of his pocket. “Whatcha hungry for?”

“Something that isn’t too messy.”

The Doctor smiled. “I know just the thing, then. How much do you trust me?”

“Oh, completely.” Bibeak blushed. “That came out so easily...”

“I’m happy to hear it. Alright, it’ll be here in about an hour. In the meantime, would you be willing to tell me that story you avoided earlier?”

To her credit, she didn’t immediately burst into flames. “I-I don’t know if I was actually planning to tell you that story, but um...I went to the pool to swim myself one evening, and I passed by the men’s locker room as I was leaving.”

“Wait, did-” The Doctor groaned. “That was three days ago, wasn’t it? I heard someone gasp, but by the time I could see who it was, they’d left.”

“Oh, it was audible? I had no idea...Yes, that was me. It was um...a remarkable experience.”

He sighed, a little weak at the knees. “I’m a little curious how you can look at me with a straight face after that. Also why you haven’t made an HR report - that really should’ve been my first thought as HR manager, shouldn’t it?”

“I suppose you’re right.” Bibeak walked over to the couch and picked up his jacket, looking it over. “Once I’d made it to the women’s locker room, though, there were other things on my mind. Making you an outfit that was...worthy, as strange a word as that may seem, but that was what I began calling it in my mind. The emperor needs new clothes, and I as his tailor should provide them.”

“...Emperor?”

She was critiquing the stitching of his jacket, frowning. “Ruler of all he surveys, regardless of if he’s aware of it or not. This base is your throne, and the battlefield your territory. A leader of men should be dressed like one, and yet this design is so...plain. I want to improve it.”

“Is this all because you saw me with my pants down?” The Doctor, in spite of everything, felt a small surge of self-confidence. “I certainly don’t feel like some sort of ruler. A commander, maybe, but no ruler.”

“This is what I’m saying, Doctor: clothes make the man, and your clothes do not suit the man inside them.” Bibeak walked around the couch, moving a box of assorted objects off to sit down.

He took the seat next to her, watching her tut disapprovingly over his favorite jacket with, more than anything else, hope for what she could make of it. “If you’re suggesting you want to make an entire wardrobe for me, I can’t let that go unrecognized. That’s too large-scale a project for you to undergo with some kind of compensation.”

“But what sort of price can I ask for for this?” She turned to look at him. “It’s what you deserve, is it not?”

“Somehow I doubt that’s my call to make at this point...The real question is what you deserve in return, in my mind.”

She pondered it for a moment, neither averting their eyes from the other’s. “I’d like to see you more often, if that would be alright.” 

“That should be simple enough,” he smiled. “It’ll be nice to have someone to talk to at dinner...or perhaps during the day, if you’d rather act as my assistant.”

“That may be too much of a temptation. Direct access to someone in your position, given to someone like me?”

The Doctor cocked his head. “We’re both Infected, you realize.”

“Yes, I did notice that - it was rather hard not to,” she replied, blush returning in force. “But a seamstress and her liege, spending so much time together? Surely there would be rumors, no?”

“What sort of politics were you dealing with in your homeland?...And I wouldn’t mind rumors so long as they weren’t baseless.”

Bibeak’s eyes widened. “You mean...”

“Why not make something of this?” He looked at his hands, barren of oaths and promises. “If you’re going to put so much effort into this, certainly it’d feel lighter as a labor of love?”

“It couldn’t hurt...” She moved closer, slowly at first, but as the Doctor realized what was happening and put his arms around her, she completed the journey and settled against his chest, sighing contentedly. Their food would be there eventually, and she wanted to start on at least one garment before she went to sleep, but for the moment, she felt at peace enjoying his presence for the first of what she hoped were many evenings together.

[decaffs]

university note-taking 101 ~

one of the hardest things parts of adapting to life in university is finding a note-taking method that is efficient and easy for you and your learning style.

it took me 18 months at university, experimenting with different note-taking styles, to settle on a few that work best for me. i thought i’d share all of the different methods i tried and the pros/cons of each & hopefully it’ll help you land on some note-taking styles quicker than i did! :-))

SO...i’ll start by saying obviously not all note-taking techniques are going to be included in this post because i’m just one person and these are just the styles i’ve had personal experience with and not everyone will like or dislike the same methods, it will take a little bit of trial and error to find your perfect style :-))

i’m going to split the different methods into 3 separate sections (and i’ll highlight my personal favourites):

    ⇢ handwritten

    ⇢ ipad/tablet

    ⇢ macbok/laptop

starting with what we all know and (kind of) love! we’ve spent the majority of our school education making handwritten notes for high school so it makes sense to start here.

1. basic handwritten notes

this type of note-taking is the most basic of all basic note-taking techniques and it’s probably what you’re used to. it involves any kind of paper - lined, squared, plained, whatever you fancy - and a single pen or pencil. 

all this involves is writing down everything important you think is being said or discussed by your lecturer or your classmates! there’s nothing fancy involved, it’s all about getting down the most important points.

pros: 

- you’ve already been doing this for years

- no time wasted doodling or highlighting

cons:

- can be time consuming if you’re not a quick writer

- if you’re writing on loose paper, it’s super easy to lose

- not easy to work out what notes relate to what slides / what comments were being made

- you may end up trying to write down everything on the lecture slides - waste of time when you can view them at home and you might miss important adlib!

2. annotating print-outs (*fave*)

this is a technique i adopted in second year of university! all you have to do is print out your lecture slides beforehand and bring them along with you. you can write at the side of slides or right on top of them.

pros:

- less likely to repeat what is said on slides so you can spend time listening for the nuggets of gold from your lecturer

- having slides prepared before a lecture means you can read them and familiarise yourself with some content

- easy to know what notes relate to what specific slides

- super quick to make important and accurate notes!

cons:

- it can be expensive to buy a printer/ink or to use your university’s printing facilities

- again, you can easily lose loose paper if you’re not careful

- your lecture slides may not always be available beforehand

3. cornell note-taking

cornell note-taking is something you’re probably already aware for those who don’t know - it’s a note-taking system devised in the 40s by a cornell professor.

cornell notes have to look a particular way in order for them to work (see here) and they’re geared towards helping you pass your exams. 

you do your main note-taking in the right-hand box - these notes should be brief but include enough detail to act as a revision source. take these note in lectures or in classes and make sure to note down and highlight anything your lecturer emphasises.

use your left-hand column to write down potential exam questions you could be asked regarding the notes you’ve written on the right. these questions should act as test questions when you’re revising! 

finally, in the bottom box you should summarise the key points to take away from that page of notes.

pros:

- excellent note-taking method for exam revision

- can be super efficient once you’re used to the style

cons:

- can take a while to set up pages if you’re doing it by hand

- can take some time adapting to this new way of note-taking

- not a flexible note-taking system, no person wiggle room

handwritten notes general pros and cons:

- hand writing notes is the most reliable way to remember important information

- you can use personal abbreviations and symbols to make your note-taking quicker

- you might lose papers here and there meaning your notes are incomplete or totally make no sense anymore

- it can be time-consuming trying to decide what is the vital information and getting it down before the topic of discussion changes

1. goodnotes for set reading annotations (app link here) (*fave*)

goodnotes is an app designed specifically for taking efficient and nice-to-look-at-notes! i personally use it for note-taking and annotating set readings at university.

i create a checklist on the first page of each module’s notebooks and write down each research paper or journal article i have to read so i don’t lose track. i then important PDFs straight into the notebook and annotate and highlight over the top of them.

pros:

- it’s super easy to have all of your reading notes and annotations in one place

- no risk of losing papers as everything is stored electronically

- the app uses icloud to sync your notes across all your devices make everything super accessible 

- you can quickly share your notes with anybody through email/airdrop/imessage/pretty much anything!

cons:

- you do have to pay for the app (but it’s cheaper than printing out all of your readings)

- can be difficult to navigate at first 

2. onenote for in-lecture notes

onenote is a microsoft app that lets you type and draw in one place! it works in a similar way to goodnotes.

i used onenote in first year to take in-lecture notes because it also allows for audio recording (DISCLAIMER: DO NOT RECORD YOUR LECTURES WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM YOUR UNIVERSITY AND LECTURERS) and it was super handy to have my notes and audio stored in the same file.

pros:

- super versatile and allows for many note-taking method in one app

- syncs across your devices (if you have onenote downloaded)

- allows you to collate different methods of note-taking in one place

cons:

- can be hard to organise your information! pages are blank and there’s no end to them, there’s also no grid for your items to snap to so it gets messy very quickly

- i’ve experienced personal issues with the syncing feature

ipad tablet/notes general pros and cons:

- tablets are generally really lightweight and easy to carry around - making them preferable over heavy notebooks or laptops

- having access to the internet makes note-taking super easy when you need to search terms or find photos

- you do have to make sure your tablet is fully charged if you’re taking it onto campus

- tablets can be super expensive

now for my holy grail - taking notes on a macbook or (insert laptop of choice here)!

1. brief in-lecture notes (*fave*)

i use microsoft word or pages to take most of my in-lecture notes and i fleet between using my ipad and macbook - i’m sticking it in this section because 9/10 i’m using my macbook.

with these kind of notes i set myself a specific structure and carry that out through the whole module!

first i lay my title across the top of my document - i usually just use the title of the lecture / general lecture topic. I then use my first indentations for the titles of each individual slide and bullet points for important comments made about each slide i also note particularly interesting things written on the slides themselves!

i stick to one font and one size to avoid wasting time on formatting!

i usually print out these notes so i can annotate them with any research i’ve found so it helps with my finalised notes.

pros:

- super quick if you’re a fast typer

- easy to correct notes or go back and add more detail at a later date

- easy to share and sync between devices

- simple format makes it easy to follow and a good revision resource

cons:

- notes can look a little boring and uninviting

- not easy to use abbreviations or symbols because of autocorrect!

2. extensive revision notes (*fave*)

i also use my macbook to create my finalised notes that i use to write my essays and revise for exams.

these notes take more time to make because of the formatting but they’re super nice to look at and make a wonderful resource at the end.

for these notes i start by picking a colour scheme (usually one within microsoft word) and i stick with this colour scheme for a whole module. i allocate one colour to research names and dates, one colour to titles, one colour to highlight key information with. i also use a variety of fonts! i typically use 4 fonts: one for the title of the lecture, one for subheadings, one for researcher names and dates and one for the main body of text - the main body font is usually a standard Helvetica or Arial!

i really take time to flesh out these notes so they reflect all of my learning - lectures, seminars, set reading, extra reading and knowledge i already had! i print off the notes and stick them in a ring binder and this becomes my bible for the semester!

pros:

- really inviting to look at so it makes revision a bit more enjoyable

- gives you time to show off your knowledge and create an extensive revision resource

- easy to share with friends or lecturers to get feedback

cons:

- can take a while to make these notes

- if you’re printing, this can cost quite a bit!

3. mind-map notes

finally! mind-map notes.

i use SimpleMind Lite to create mind-maps as the last part of my learning. each lecture gets its own mind-map and the nodes represent the key themes within the lecture!

it’s super important you don’t just use slide titles for your nodes as your mind-map will get crowded easily and you won’t want to use it as a revision resource.

keep your branching-off nodes short and sweet - think of them as knowledge cues! by the end of your learning you should be able to look at a node and remember the information regarding that point. these cues are also easier to remember and jog your memory in exam settings.

pros:

- good to see information presented in a new way

- you can use bright colours to make it more exciting

- great way to prep for exams

cons:

- hard to print also your canvas within the app is endless

- can be hard to share with others

macbook/laptop notes general pros and cons:

- can help you create a wide variety of notes - from short and sweet to fleshed out and fuuuuull of all the detail in the world

- allows you to correct, add to and print off your notes however many times you’d like

- you do have to make sure your laptop is always charged / you always have a charger!

- laptops can be heavy and impractical to carry to university

- if you’re not saving to a cloud you could lose some of your work (don’t be silly like me, use an external hard drive or dropbox!!!)

you made it!!! congrats :-))

hopefully i’ve given you a good idea of some of the note-taking methods you could use in university and you fancy trying a couple out!

if you have any questions or note-taking tips yourself, leave a message in the replies below.

decaffs x

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[hopeworldfan]

permanent (1)

summary: there’s a new tattoo artist at the shop you frequent.

pairing: yoongi/reader

word count: 1k+

genre: fluff, angst, college!au, tattooartist!au

warning: some sexual themes, mention of death

Butterflies were running rampant in your stomach. Not because you were nervous, no, you were excited. Today was finally the day, you’d be able to scratch the itch that had been pestering you for the past two months. You were finally getting another tattoo.

Ever since you got your first one as a teenager you were hooked. The feeling of the needle on your skin was unmatched. Some of your friends thought you were crazy for enjoying it, but it was almost therapeutic.

“Hey Kookie!” You greeted cheerfully when you strolled into the tattoo shop you frequented. The young apprentice looked more frazzled than you had ever seen him, and his eyes widened when he turned to look at you.

“Shit, (y/n), fuck, I completely forgot to call you.”  

“Are you alright Kookie? What’s going on?” You couldn’t help but be concerned. You really liked Jungkook, he was really nice, and you thought it was so adorable that he looked like a bunny when he smiled. Not to mention he was super talented, he was a very promising apprentice. You even let him do one of your smaller pieces and it was fantastic.

“Rick quit two days ago.”

“What?” You squawked, eyes widening in disbelief. Rick had been your guy, he’d done all of your tattoos except the one Jungkook did. You had trusted him wholeheartedly with all of your pieces, and you loved all of them. “What happened?”

Jungkook sighed, stopping his frantic movements to lean on the counter and talk to you. “He had a big fight with Joon about this guy we hired. Didn’t want the competition or something and Joon refused to fire the other guy so Rick left.”

Your heart was crushed. You had really been looking forward to getting a new tattoo today.

“I had meant to call you to let you know but things have been so frantic! You had an appointment with Rick today, right? If you want, the new guy is here and free.”

Unease filled you. You knew Namjoon –the owner- wouldn’t hire anyone he didn’t think did good work, but you were comfortable with Rick, comfortable with his work. You didn’t even know this new guy, didn’t know his style didn’t even know his way.

“I don’t know Kookie-” You started but the younger boy was already calling for the mysterious artist.

“Hyung! Come here for a sec!” You sighed before Jungkook turned back to you with a smile on his face. “He does really cool work, he has an Instagram where he posts his works and they’re amazing, I think you’re really gonna like him.”

“What Jungkook?” Time seemed to freeze when the guy walked into the room. Your mouth dried up immediately and all conscious thought flew away. He was so fucking hot. Normally you had a thing for super tall guys, but this Yoongi was only a few inches taller than you and you were practically drooling.

He had sleeves on both of his arms, his mint green hair was mostly hidden with a beanie, his black skinny jeans accented his toned thighs, and you knew you had been staring too long but holy fuck.  

“This is (y/n), she was supposed to have an appointment with Rick today but..well…you know. Anyway! Maybe you could help her out instead!” Jungkooks’ cheerful voice broke you from your ogling and you blushed when you noticed the extremely hot guy smirking at you. He had definitely noticed you were staring at him. If a hole could suddenly appear and swallow you whole, you would be extremely grateful.

“I don’t see why not, what are you looking to get?” Your mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. Tattoo, that’s what you were here for, right. You couldn’t let the hot guy distract you.

“Oh, um, well,” You stuttered. Yoongi was very attractive, but that didn’t mean you trusted him. The piece you were planning on getting wasn’t just any old tattoo you just thought was cute. It was something that meant a lot to you. It was going to be your biggest tattoo to date, dedicated to one of your best friends who passed away almost a year ago.  

Rick had known all about it, he had helped you design the tattoo. Yoongi didn’t even know your last name.

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea, I don’t like tattooing first-timers.” Yoongi sighed with an air of dismissiveness around him. A flash of irritation flushed through you. You were wearing sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt because it was cold outside, so all of your tattoos were covered so you could understand the confusion, but it still annoyed you.

“I’m not a first-timer. I’m just hesitant since I don’t know if you’re any good at tattooing.” You shot back, crossing your arms in front of your chest.  

Yoongi scowled, it seemed you struck a nerve. “I don’t need to prove myself to you.”

“Oooooooookay guys!” Jungkook interrupted. “Noona, he’s the only one available to tattoo you today, Joon isn’t going to be back until tomorrow and I’m busy cleaning up Rick’s mess. Hyung, she’s a valued customer here that we all love. Please just get along.”

You deflated and Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

Though you weren’t going to let Yoongi handle your original piece, you’d be damned if you didn’t walk out without a tattoo. “Do you have a book I could look through?”

His eyes widened the slightest bit at your question. “You want one of my originals?”

You sighed, still a bit annoyed. “Yes. I’ve never seen your work and what I really want is really important to me. Before I can trust you with that, I need to see how you do with something smaller and I don’t have anything in particular that I want, so I’ll see if you have something cool in your book.”

“Follow me.” Jungkook gave you two thumbs up as you followed Yoongi. The excitement started to build again, despite the circumstances. You were going to get a tattoo. “Here.”

You grabbed the binder from Yoongi and flipped through his original tattoos. You were surprised to see that they were all gorgeous. After going through the whole thing, you went back to a particular one that caught your eye.

“See something you like?” He asked and you nodded before handing the book back to him.

“The jellyfish one.”  

“A good choice.” Yoongi complimented and you were a bit surprised at how much kinder he seemed. “Where are you getting it?”

You pondered for a moment, trying to remember everywhere you already had tattoos. It was just so hard to keep track, there were times you forgot you even had tattoos and were shocked when you looked down at your arms. “Hmm, left forearm.”

“Alright, you can have a seat and roll your sleeve up or take your shirt off, whichever works.” It was then that you remembered just how hot Yoongi was. The sleeves you had on were too tight to roll up properly. You had planned on taking your shirt off in front of Rick, he was like a father figure, so you didn’t mind.

Yoongi was not a father figure. (A daddy figure maybe.) You mentally slapped yourself. It wasn’t a big deal, you really didn’t have a lot of shame when it came to stuff like taking your shirt off, you just wished you had worn a cute bra instead of a sports bra.

Whatever. You pulled the shirt over your head and leaned back in the chair. The two of you went through the whole process of talking over the details –did you want color, how big do you want it-, you went through the slightly more embarrassing process of him shaving the area, and then he was finally sterilizing and ready to go.

You laid back in the chair and closed your eyes, the comforting sound of buzzing being music to your ears.

“Ready?”

“Yep.”

Yoongi didn’t know what to think of you. You were annoying at first, questioning his tattooing abilities, but then you wanted one of his own designs. It wasn’t common for people to go in and get one of the artists designs in them. Usually, they went in with a tattoo in mind already.

It was nice when someone chose from the book.  

And you had looked so innocent standing in the parlor, your hair in a messy bun, sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt. He had thought you were Jungkook’s girlfriend or something at first because certainly, you weren’t there for a tattoo.  

Then you took your shirt off and he realized how wrong he was. You had multiple tattoos on your arms, though not quite enough to consider it a sleeve, one on your collarbone, one on your ribs, another on your pelvis. He was certain if you took your pants off there would be even more (and he kinda really wanted to take your pants off because you were hot).

He was expecting some sort of reaction when he turned the tattoo gun on, he expected some sort of reaction from your; your muscles to tense, your jaw to clench, something. What he didn’t expect was the subtle clench of your thighs.

He was puzzled but started tattooing. Every now and again you would grimace the slightest bit, but the only constant reaction Yoongi noticed were your thighs clenching. He probably wouldn’t have noticed it if he wasn’t looking for some sort of reaction.

It wasn’t until halfway through the tattoo when Yoongi noticed that your nipples had hardened, that he realized why you kept clenching your thighs.

Holy fuck.

Getting tattooed turned you on. He couldn’t help but chuckle. You sure were an interesting one.

“And done,” Yoongi informed leaning back to grab the soap and a napkin. You sighed in disappointment before opening your eyes and peaking at the tattoo.

You were floored.

It was amazing.

“I’m guessing you like it.” He smirked as he wiped the excess ink and blood away.

You snapped your jaw shut. “It’s alright I guess.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “You mind if I get a pic of it?”

“Go for it.”

You continued staring at your new tattoo as Yoongi took pictures from different angles, wiping away the blood on occasion. It really was gorgeous, the details were so precise, and Yoongi had such a gentle touch.

“It really is gorgeous.” You admitted, unable to play the unimpressed role anymore. “Thank you Yoongi, really.”

Yoongi was rendered speechless by the bright smile on your face. You continued to surprise him, and he had only known you for a few hours.

“You’re welcome.” He wanted to get to know you better.

[its-r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s]

The Right Side of Wrong- Ch 1: W-I-C-K-E-D

Words: 2,435

Warnings: nightmares, mentions of gang activity, mentions of death and trauma, stress

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY!! I’m not sure how many of you were dying for me to start posting again, but frankly, I was. I missed getting feedback from you guys! I’m so very glad to finally be back and able to post actual writing for you guys. As you know, I spent quite a bit of time trying to perfect this story so I really hope you guys enjoy it like you did the first one!

(If this is the first time you’ve seen one of my stories: Hi! Welcome! Feel free to check out my first rewrite, “Call Me A Freak”, for a better grasp on what is going on in this one!)

Call Me A Freak- Ch 1 | Preview | Ch 2

~ ~ ~

I blinked, attempting to register my surroundings. It was just too dark. I could make out the low fog settled around my feet as I stumbled forward. It almost glowed, a light blue-ish, green-ish color.

There were murmurs up ahead. People.

In my hazy determination to find them, I ran directly into something. The top half of my body fell forward, catching myself on the edges of the cauldron.

The steam that emanated from it blurred my vision as I pushed myself away from it. The water inside bubbled and boiled, the same sickly color as the fog around me. As I rubbed my eyes, I approached once more, getting a better look inside.

Bobbing across the top, were dozens of ripe, red apples.

“W-” I could hear someone whisper in the distance. “I-C-”

I turned on my heel, but the sound came from everywhere, surrounding me.

“K-”

I tried to run away from the cauldron, but the minute I was around one, I ran into another.

“E-D.”

I kept running, doing my best to dodge cauldrons and skip over the fallen apples that littered the floor. In a blink, I found myself running through the halls of Auradon Prep.

They were empty. Along the way, a few apples were discarded on the ground, all with single bites in them.

Across the lockers that lined the school, in large purple letters, were the words: LONG LIVE EVIL.

That was my work. It had to be. And my paint.

“Mother always knows best,” the quiet voice came back.

I dashed out of the hallway and down the stairs towards the front of the school.

It was too empty. Too quiet. And too messy.

“Show her. Pass every test.”

The entrance to the school was a mess. Apples and papers everywhere. The Beast statue was defaced with spray paint.

“Hear her voice in your head.”

And flying high over the school was a new flag. An old design which I had long since discarded. A silhouette of my mother, the words ‘Long Live Evil’ in green on a purple background.

“Evil is the only real way to win,” the voice beckoned me.

~ ~ ~

My hands were holding me up, pressed against the Beast statue at the front of Auradon Prep.

I noticed multiple familiar faces within the crowd of paparazzi. Hadn’t they learned their lesson? Hadn’t any of them?

I had been known to shriek, break down, and run off while on camera. A result of sensory overload most often, but it could also be triggered by… uncomfortable questions.

All of my friends had become experts in the art of avoiding paparazzi specifically for this reason. They knew I was still healing and god was it hard to heal when you were also the girlfriend of the king.

So, sometimes, when I needed to be by myself, I wandered alone and that’s almost always where they found me. Photographers and interviewers all desperately looking for a brief word right when I needed space.

They weren’t the best on timing.

“Only three days to the Royal Cotillion!” a young woman exclaimed, shoving a mic at my face. I wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted me to say in response to that, so I nodded, smiling tightly.

“Ever think that a girl like you would be a Lady of the Court?”

I blinked, temporarily blinded by a particularly close shot at my face.

“How do you feel being the most envied girl in Auradon?”

I scoffed, but was bombarded with more questions.

“Okay! All right!” I could hear Ben exclaim, pushing his way through the crowd towards me. I sighed in relief, glad to know that someone would be able to get me out of there. “Excuse me.”

He held a half eaten apple in his hand, which looked suspiciously similar to the ones in my dream. That had been a common occurrence recently: deja vu.

He wrapped an arm around me the minute he reached me. He had on one of his signature blue suits with a gold handkerchief. I quickly turned into his shoulder to regain my composure while the crowd turned on him.

“Did you ever think you’d be with a Villain Kid?”

Ben and I both whipped around to look at the woman who had asked. I bit down tightly on the inside of my cheek as Ben chuckled next to me. Multiple people had gone silent, waving mics in Ben’s face to pick up his answer.

“We’re done here,” he responded politely, grabbing me from the opposite shoulder and leading me away from the cameras.

In a whirl, with perfect timing, as always, Fairy Godmother took command of the cameras, preventing them from following the two of us as we left and asking them to make their exit.

“You feeling alright?” he automatically asked, running a hand over my back.

“Fine,” I said, quickly. “A little overwhelmed, but I’ll be alright.”

“You sure?”

I nodded. “It gets frustrating at times. Sometimes I wonder if they say some of those things just to get a reaction out of me. They want to watch me break and be the villain my mother was.”

“Don’t pay any attention to them.”

“Well, that’s a lot easier said than done, right?”

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “You know, maybe we should do something. We should go somewhere. Get away.”

While I appreciated the suggestion, I was so tired that when I thought of getting away, that included getting away from Ben. I wanted to just have some time to myself again. Some privacy again. I hadn’t seen a moment alone practically since I had gotten off the island.

“Yeah,” I replied halfheartedly, but he didn’t even seem to notice, distracted by his own watch.

“I have a council meeting. I’m so late!” His face pinched in stress. I knew he didn’t want to leave me here, especially after just promising some time to ourselves, but he had responsibilities.

“That’s okay,” I told him. I had gotten really good at pretending like things were totally fine, the Auradon way. On the Isle, if I was upset, I would hide it underneath my anger, but here I had to smile and act like a feather when bricks were weighing me down.

“We’ll do it sometime!” He promised, leaning down to kiss my cheek, but he hadn’t made contact before someone else was dragging me away.

“If we don’t do a fitting for your gown right this minute, you’ll be dancing in your bathrobe, okay?” Evie insisted.

Turns out everyone was stressed, because Evie was never so forward unless something needed to be done. In fact, she was rather efficient nowadays, but all that meant was piling on more work than she needed because she could power through it.

“Hi!” She smiled at Ben, sort of an apology for stealing me away, but if I knew Evie, she was well aware that Ben had stuff to do anyways. “Let’s go. Let’s go!” she sang to me, dragging me towards the dorms.

“Bye, Ben!” I called.

“Bye.”

I stumbled after her, trying to keep up in my heels. Evie was so well adapted to the formal, princess life (mostly because her mother had been teaching her she was royalty since she was a girl) that I looked like peasantry in her presence.

Once we had made it to the dorm rooms, she pulled down the pieces she had made of my dress and had me start fitting sections on.

It was yellow, with blue sequins and accents across the top and down the skirt. Evie had chosen it so that I would match Ben and fit the “Beauty and the Beast” aesthetic of all the events.

Evie began the process of pinning and marking the edges of the dress to be hemmed, where she would close up the back of the dress and tighten the waist. I stood still, my thoughts drifting, as they normally did when Evie forced me up onto her dress stand.

The dress was huge. I couldn’t imagine getting out the door, much less dancing for hours in it. Evie was fairly accommodating to my needs when it came to her designs, but there was also a certain standard that my outfits were expected to meet. I couldn’t just wear anything to a ball like this. Eyes would be on me at all times and I had to look traditional. I had to fit in. The people of Auradon were just jumping for an excuse to make me look bad.

Evie pulled me from my thoughts as she forced my shoulders back, so that the dress would fit me correctly.

I squealed a moment, in shock, but I was cut off when Evie pulled the corset together in back and pinned it there, squeezing my rib cage uncomfortably.

“Okay, Evie? I cannot breathe.”

She stepped around me, going back to her work table. “Well then, you can breathe after Cotillion.” I glared at her and she shrugged. “It won’t stay up unless it’s tight, M.”

“I sincerely doubt that I’ll ever be allowed to breathe again,” I grumbled. “I have at least twenty events directly behind it and I can’t remember what a single one of them is.”

Evie walked around me, pulling out the bottom of the dress to get a good look at it in full.

“Impeccable,” she smiled to herself.

I was glad Evie was getting some sort of satisfaction for her work. I mean, she was constantly designing and sewing dresses now and they always turned out amazing. Everyone was thrilled with her efforts and she was getting paid.

Not to mention, despite all the stress it caused her, especially right now, with the Cotillion so close, she was happy. She loved making dresses for others. It brought her peace and made her feel like she was doing some good for others. And she got to hang out with her new boyfriend, Doug, as she worked.

My eyes drifted away and I noticed my old leather jacket on the coat rack by the door.

I’m not sure why I kept it. I didn’t wear it anymore. Frankly, I couldn’t. My outfits nowadays were kind of expected to reach a level of sophistication. But the two green dragons, twisted into a heart, left a familiar sense of calm.

“Evie?”

“Hm?”

“Do you ever think about what we’d be doing if we were back on the Isle right now?”

I regretted the words the minute they left my mouth.

These dreams I’d been having were unsettling to me. I had read up on reoccuring dreams and how it’s believed they are predicting something. And that terrified me. Not just the empty school and the vandalism and apples, but the fact that my mother was somehow involved in all of it.

“Why do you ask?” she said, seriously.

It was upsetting. Sometimes I felt like everything was going too fast and no one was giving me space. And then the minute I admitted this, I was being babied. My mother had died almost a year ago and still, no one dared mention her name around me.

I just wish I had some time to truly find myself. Once we had abandoned the Isle, the four of us had basically lost any sense of identity we previously had. We were no longer the leader, the thief, the flirt, and the snake.

Evie and Jay had truly found their calling. Evie could practically make a living for herself at this point and Jay was looking into universities to continue playing Tourney at. And Carlos wasn’t completely set yet, but he was relaxed, still messing around with different types of tech and looking after Dude.

I was just trying to survive.

“I’m fine,” I replied, stepping down from the pedestal.

Evie didn’t say anything, turning back towards her work table. I figured she was done at this point and was about to ask her to help me get the dress off when I saw a book on my nightstand, titled The Lady’s Manners.

I gasped rushing over to grab it. I was supposed to run through all of this a week ago, but it had completely slipped my mind. Ben had given it to me to prepare for the Cotillion, seeing as it would be a massively covered event and his parents would be present.

Luckily, my spellbook was also on hand and I had the precise spell for this already marked. “Read it fast, at lightning speed. Remember everything I need,” I recited.

Quickly, I transferred the spell on to the book of manners and began flipping through the pages, running my eyes down the lines to grab any information I could.

“I know Mal’s secret to fitting in and Ben wouldn’t like it one bit,” Evie scolded beside me.

I sent a quick glare in her direction, then continued my skimming.

“Haven’t you guys had enough secrets between the two of you already?”

I rolled my eyes. “What’s the harm, E? These girls around school have had their whole lives to study and learn the ways of a ‘lady’. I’ve had a couple of months. You saw how I was before I started to use magic and it wasn’t good. I was a disaster. I was a shame to Ben and everything his family stands for.”

“You were recovering,” she insisted. “But now, you’ve been talking to therapists, you’re getting your head back on your shoulders, and personally, I strongly believe that this spellbook-” she reached into my lap and took it from me, “-belongs in the museum along with my mirror.”

“Well, it’s hard to act like a person when no one treats you like one,” I grumbled.

“What do you mean?”

I shrugged off the question, changing to subject. “You don’t ever miss running wild?”

“Stealing, and lying, and fighting?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Don’t you miss the freedom of it all?”

“No!” she exclaimed. “M, why would we? Look at us! We’re happy! We’re in Auradon! Where is all of this coming from?”

I shook my head. “Nowhere. Just… wondering.”

“If that’s true,” she answered, briefly squeezing my hand, “then can we please just leave the past in the past?”

I looked into Evie’s eyes as she said that and deeply felt sorry for saying anything. Evie was doing her best to comfort me and make sure that I was alright, but she had some deep scars from the Isle herself. She didn’t want to talk about it unless she had to.

So, I just nodded solemnly.

[whats-the-story-tc]

17th of December, 2019

"The One with the Last English of the Year"

-------------------------------------------------------

Before I begin this post, I'd like to clarify a couple things.

1, My native tongue isn't English, neither am I, nor anyone mentioned in these posts, from an English-speaking country, unless specifically stated. Things I quote might get a bit lost in translation, or not mean the same thing as in English, so if something isn't quite clear, feel free to drop a message my way.

2, I learn the actual English language as a separate subject 5 lessons a week. We have them (and German) joint with the other class in our year, in mixed groups according to skill. Those are not what the posts are about.

3, I call V an English teacher, and her subject English so you understand me better. In reality, she doesn't teach this one subject to my class, but two. There's Literature, which Monday and Tuesday posts are about, and then there's Grammar separately, mentioned in Friday posts. These two are the same category, but separate subjects.

+1, Class system over here is way different from that of the US. Here, you get put in a class with random idiots when you're a freshman, and you see these very same idiots in every single class for the rest of high school. That's why I keep mentioning the same people. Every class has a designated homeroom teacher, who is responsible for that class. Ours is a bit of a messy person and not always here. V helps her (and us) out quite often, which is something she chose to do herself sometime around the end of last year.

And now that we're all settled, let's get down to business.

-------------------------------------------------------

Another day, another flannel. I've been waiting to say this a while.

The folks from the other class mentioned in the morning that V wasn't in today, which someone defended with "she wasn't here yesterday either", and I think my heart sunk into my stomach. The feeling scared me. It's only been a few days. Why do I already miss her so much? That can't be right. Yet as soon as I got out of my first class, I scanned the corridors with my eyes every half a minute to find her. And I did, a bit after the bell rang. If my heart could sigh, it would've.

After the second lesson was over, me and a friend of mine met V on the stairs as I was explaining the friend something. When we greeted her, she looked at us with this really gentle and peaceful little smile, like she actually liked seeing us around. That one look killed my weekend doubts of "Do I really want to do this? Shouldn't I just give up?" and I was sure yet again that even if I wanted to, I couldn't let her go just yet. As we reached our other friends, I hid my face away into my scarf. I wanted to keep that happiness for myself. Even in Physics, during Cynical Twat's presentation on something I didn't even understand, I kept thinking of that one smile. I don't understand how I write A-s from Physics most of the time, as I either fall asleep (the teacher's voice is very soft) or I daydream about V as the lab is next door to the teachers' lounge, and I usually see her before class.

When V swung into class the next period, I could already see that she was doing much better. She came in smiling, even though she had to start the lesson off with refuting some rumours circling around about her recent mood, that got back to her. She assured us, that no, she wouldn't be handing the class over to someone else, no, she wasn't quitting or leaving, no, she wasn't fatally sick and no, we wouldn't be free from her that easily. She also added that her moodiness and the crying before class (see: 6th December) doesn't have to do with us, "it just that when thing aren't on you, and the stakes are high, and there's a lot of money in question, it can get really frustrating." So those were frustration tears. I knew they were. I wish I didn't know the feeling so well. But I'm really proud of her for speaking out about this and addressing everything with her head raised high.

Although the friend from earlier (who I'll name Flower Friend) tried to convince her to talk about William Blake's "The Tyger", also included in our textbook, as she found it interesting, V quickly refused. "Not because I'm too stupid for it", she said, but explained that the poem contains a lot of period-specific symbolism which would be quite hard to understand, plus we've already passed the "abroad" part of the Age of Enlightenment's literature, so we went on with our curriculum.

During the lesson, V was all smiles and laughs, which inspired all of us to speak more, and sat in the strangest positions on top of her desk while speaking. I could barely contain my laughter when she spent a good couple minutes talking with her knee pulled up to her chest. This woman...

Towards the end of the lesson, she asked if anyone wanted to share the short essays we wrote yesterday. As time was running out, I was trying to explain mine quickly, but as I'm nearly not as eloquent in speech, and my approach was heavily psychological (and involved a bit of acting, which earned a few laughs from the class), I got a bit awkward. I'm proud I could hold eye contact with her pretty well for most of it, and only looked away at the acted out bits, but I'm not surprised that when I looked back, she was grinning, and told me "I got a bit lost by the end of it."

I finally managed to recite the poem I told you about (the love confession one) after class, and it went pretty well. I wasn't so nervous that I couldn't look at her, so... I guess I'm getting a bit more comfortable with her attention on me. Afterwards, I went up to Lesbian Friend and her (bi) friend, and she told me "That woman (V) will be the death of me.", to which I said "That makes the two of us. Or three?" I glanced at the other girl. She nodded sheepishly. Officially confirmed: V is irresistible. And at the end of that break, as I stood by the doorway talking to someone and looked outside, V was passing by at the very same time and looked at me. What's with all the looking today?

The last time I saw her, as she was leaving the other class after her lesson with them, she said goodbye with "Send my love to everyone." She's done an awful lot of quiet slipping-outside lately, so it felt pretty good to see her fully "back".

Today's what we call the "Christmas concert", and all faculty are expected to attend. If I didn't fuck up my throat last year, which I'm still trying to fix, I'd be singing in the choir with Debate Friend and Flower Friend now. Hope they have fun. I remember V attending last year and watching us sing. I think she was smiling. I hope she has fun, too.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff ~ Stray Thoughts: Steven Universe’s Movie

It’s high time I finally looked at this film. 100%, Monkey Style. Let’s roll...

Ah, a curtain raise. Fancy Schmancy.

Chance the Rapper! Good seeing him have a hand in the music, cause I doubt it’ll sound any different.

I wish the tale was more than just about Steven

Lucky she got planet earth, I guess.

*Holds onto the laugh* She latched onto Greg’s seed. HEHEEE KEK! 

That’s one way of putting it

You know, I would’ve preferred he was 18 instead of 16. It makes sense that he’s still a teen, but that is me

I guess this film wouldn’t have gone the way it did if Steven didn’t dox himself like that.

“Saving.“ That reminds me. What of the Cluster? “They’ll never mention it.“ I know. *sigh*

I’m so glad this time skip makes me ask more than accept, trying to make me compelled for season 6 to know what happened in between that time. You’re not slick here, movie.

“The White Power Hour will be right back“

Am I the only one finding this scene with the Diamonds creepy?

“Come on, Steven. You’re all that stands between me and doing the racism.“

Connie! Glad you look spry and well in your 65% of screen time.

Cheek peck! Lovely!!!

Shoot, they could make a whole episode about him being a guest at the space camp. I mean I’m saying this cuz I doubt they are.

Ah, the “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?” song.

Zach is quite the singer when he can sing more naturally

Come on Pearl, don’t make me believe Rose was a character

Oh the chest is open. Neat. Wish I cared.

Unconsenting head warp

1st Born Amethyst is adorable.

*sigh* Wonderful. It’s a shame I’m gonna forget this song.

Ah, the best character in the series has arrived

Real Talk tho: How did our antagonist get to Earth with that craft so quickly? Like, let’s say it took 10 real minutes at best between Steven giving his Homeworld speech to resting on that hill. She just had that injector, roaring to go, and knew exactly where Steven might’ve been all in that short amount of time? “You know logic is not this show’s strong suit.” Let me dream, damn it!

Again, none of this would’ve happened if Steven didn’t out himself

Ruining other people’s happiness. I love her already.

Why did Steven getting his face kicked feel satisfying?

“Pink Diamond“ Ah, the secret word.

While “Other Friends” is such a bop, one of the only good songs so far, I knew this movie would have it’s musicals take place every.... less than five minutes.

Wait. The villain has stretchy powers, so there's an in-Universe reason to be off-model all the time? Oooooh, they’re fucked.

It was at that moment the villain knew, he fucked up.

Again, Steven getting kicked feels so satisfying.

Reaper? Awwwww ye!

I’m telling you. She let him slice her. 

What? How can he not control his powers while he’s aware of- ugh.

Surprised he didn’t revert back to no neck Steven

Ok, that quick censor joke got a laugh outta me.

Two for two laughs, Greg is on a roll

How would gems know what seashells are?

Three minutes apart. Not bad.

Whaaat was that zoom?

Ah, the “For the Newbies/clueless” song

We’re doing the amnesia plot, Pearl, keep up a bit.

I’m somehow giddy and uncomfortable at Spinel’s presence.

Beautiful song. Sad I won’t remember this one.

Wonderful lip sync there.

Oh no, chekov’s scythe.

Heheheheheheh, Spinel’s dead eye stare

Ah Lapis, if only the show treated you better

That’s some morbid logic. I can dig it.

Seriously, if you are aware of your powers, then why can’t yo- ugh.

Ye, get the Diamonds. They could punt the injector out, everything could go as planned. Only problem would be having to listen to them.

I doubt Garnet would know what to do, honestly.

Spinel’s VA must’ve had a blast with the role

About five minutes apart. Doing better.

Song is better too. Not memorable, but it’s a fist pump worthy tune.

Dang it, Spinel, you’re precious!

I’m with Steven, I’m getting Cupcakes vibes with that pizza slicer

Ye, just let her pick up that weapon. It’ll conveniently advance the plot.

Oh a lovely constitutional for those two.

Rise of the Shield Hero!

Four minutes apart. Slightly better.

Weakest song by far, but the visuals were amazing.

Subtle moment here. I’ll express later.

Is Onion teleporting?

So sad Ronaldo.

Okay, that was a wholesome moment. “That’s why Amethyst and Steven ARE the best.“ You know it. *fist bump*

Ye, I think it’s best to get out of there?!

I doubt it’s gonna kill everything on Earth

Oh wait, what about the Clu- “It’s not gonna be mentioned.” The Cluster deserves better, man.

I honestly would’ve loved to see Steven lift that entire thing

Great, you made it worse.

But forget the end of the world. We got music to make.

A little over five minutes. Pretty good.

Why am I getting Pat Benatar vibes from this tune?

'Disobedient’ is bad btw

The look Steven and Greg gave before rocking out? I felt that. Now....

There comes a time in all forms of media consumption where you are so utterly bewildered by an event taking place that there are so many things wrong with it that you don’t have words and you simply laugh..... 

When I saw this sequence for the first time I wish I recorded it. I burst out laughing, struggling to compose myself, and I was fundamentally blown away at what in the world I was seeing. And the kicker? I wasn’t even entirely sure of why..... 

It’s like so many issues cascade on your brain at once, you are overwhelmed and you couldn’t possibly pass it out in the amount of time you have left before something utterly ridiculous happens on top of what you just saw.... 

So that is why posts like this exist, to collect and come up with a sensible way to exhibit one’s feelings about the sequence because.... what. the. fuck. Let’s roll back.

Chad Gem? Chad motherfucking gem.

Got a pompadour, super-sized mullet, potentially 8-pack, and a clean shave which surprised me the most. They just... *MWAH* pulled no punches with Multiverse’s design.

The powers however confuse me. Can he just fly now and make anyone fly? 

I get where people were coming from with their discomfort, but honestly this is the funniest thing in this entire movie. Nothing about this feels right and that just makes it hilarious.

I’m just gonna say it.... *DEEP BREATH IN* RULE 34 MUST HAD A FIE- *snap* Sorry, low hanging fruit.

Did Pearl just literally sploosh?

It’s Always Sunny honestly did this better.

Opal, you’re back for a minute! I forgot she could talk.

We All Float.

Damn Steven, you look like shit.

Steve-o, you’re not helping her situation. Comfort her, fool.

Oof, this is gonna be a painful number isn’t it?

Such a dear jester

A nice detail is that Spinel’s voice feels slowly exhausted and empty the more she shares of her memories. It makes that scene where she snapped at Steven make a lot more sense.

I also like that it isn’t clear if Steven sees what she’s envisioning but can understand what she might’ve remembered.

*taps the mic* Pink is a CUNT. That will be all.

'Drift Away’ was.. beautiful. Ugh, not gonna remember it though, which sucks.

That brings up a question. Was there never a message saying that Pink was “shattered”? Like you’d think news like that would’ve reached any and everywhere, Spinel especially. That certainly would’ve changed a few things.

Okay, ‘Found‘ was a great AND memorable song. That’s two out of.... ten. Not bad.

Greg is honestly the best in this movie.

Uh, Steven? You’re just leaving her there.

“Just Forget.“ How to make someone on edge feel worse in two words or less.

Welp, there’s Chekov’s scythe.

Pretty convenient he kept that around to further the plot.

I would say Spinel’s gone off the deep end, but.... uh, ugh I can’t help but side with her? I really just wanna give her a hug before the end of the world happens.

Garnet, are you gonna do anything? Were you this stagnant?

Ah, it’s the “Marketed like Let it Go” song.

I love that we got chill music in the midst of the apocalypse. It’s a good way to die.

Guess they saved the animation budget for the violence? Lovely.

Wait, that’s it? All that fluid and it doesn’t even look like it’ll destroy the world? Just Beach City? That kinda... kills the tension.

And why was everyone just standing there? Jesus, this feels messy.

It’s the final bout!

Tch, Get Dekt, Steven.

Shield hero’s back!

Spinel I love ya, and I don’t blame ya, but singing’s all they’ve done this entire movie.

Dead.

I got Mob Psycho vibes from that nuke. Don’t know why.

That reminds me. WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE MILITARY?! “Cause and Effect is not a stro-” Shut up!

Then stay with him, Spinel. Travel the world, be more than a single one’s friend and... oh, the Diamonds are here.

That’s a fate worse than death, dictators moving in with you.

It’s only been one night, White.... Seriously, this all happened in a day. It feels weird.

I’m with Yellow. That is sickeningly funny.

Seriously, their song is creepy. I don’t trust them like that.

I got a problem with Spinel’s ending deep down. Then again, if she can be happy... then I’m happy that she’s happy. That’s something, I guess.

Okay, I’m tired of the singing.

But when I think about it, I feel bad for Steven. All he just wanted was some time to himself where he didn’t have to deal with any bullshit. Had to teach whole dictators and remodel a whole empire. Yeah, he’s gonna change as he grows, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having “me time” so to speak. Can’t the kid have a chance to not have to worry about anything, actually live a life? No? Jerks?

Well that was a bit of fun. While the musicals and most of the characters felt like an afterthought, save for Greg, Spinel, and Steven, there were a few moments that honestly made the watch worth it, intentionally or not. I really have no interest in seeing this again, but I’m satisfied with the events that transpired and I’m glad the crew got to make this film. “What about the moral of the story?” 

Eh, it’s Steven Universe, morals are whatever.

[miamaroo]

Northern Migration- Chapter 21 (Notes + Preview)

We’re finally out of the Suffering Game, so you know what that means! We can finally move on with our lives and stop being anxious all the time in case someone else manages to get their souls kicked out of their bodies. But hey, let’s reflect fondly on our times here in Wonderland with our final set of notes for it. Like always, be sure to give the actual chapter a read but if that doesn’t float your boat then I guess you can just sink (jk).

Spoilers Ahead!

So since the previous chapter was a break from the slough that is Wonderland, I tried to make the opening scene a refresher of what’s going on, where everybody is standing, and what condition they all are in. Hopefully, I worked or else that fight scene got real confusing real fast.

I mentioned this a long time ago, but when I started this fic, I forgot that Avi is a massive jock. Like, he has two character traits and I completely forgot one of them. In order to convey my falsehood that he’s a nerd, I made sure to emphasized at every given moment that even though he has a sword, he has no idea how to use it. Now that I know better, I’m starting to incorporate the fact that he’s a jock back into the story. In this case, by having him jump onto a mob of mannequins and just brawling it out. I’m going to make the fact that he carried around a sword he did not know how to use a sort of character beat (that I’ll hopefully actually remember to go back to), but just know that I do notice when I make mistakes like that and there are times when I will do my best to reconcile my fic with canon.

In another instance of revisionist writing, I also did not realize that Maarvey is the leader of the Hammerheads until I was relistening to the Petals to the Metal a while back. Of course, I already wrote in a new boss for the gang, so I guess they’re married now. Guys, the Hammerheads are going to be so insignificant in the long run. Please don’t think about it too hard. I’m trying.

A whole lot of you were getting super excited to see Merle rescue Barry, and I was so sure you guys all forgot that Sloane was following Johann around. I don’t blame you guys for forgetting since it was actually months ago, but now I just feel foolish for not sticking a reminder somewhere in the story.

Lydia and Edward’s fighting styles as Lucretia and Taako are, of course, twisted versions of the magic the people they’re possessing are known for. I made sure to only have Edward use spells only Taako knows, which was actually super fun to write. I chickened out a bit with Lydia since some of the different ways I thought barriers could be used were a little bit too gruesome for my taste.

Also, I really hope that fight scene wasn’t too confusing to read. There were too many things that had to be happening at once for me to choose one character’s perspective to stick with, but a lot of the sequences were way too short for me to break up with lines. I tried doing this sort of long shot effect where I started with one person and used things from the environment as an excuse to track the camera to someone else. So for example: Julia in trouble > Davenport can’t reach her due to beam > Ren can feel vibrations of the beam. If it was too confusing to read, just say so and I will never use this format again.

Where do I start with Ren and Lup? Remember two chapters ago when Not Taako first appeared and the umbra staff flew from Ren’s hand into his? That was supposed to be Lup thinking that Taako had come back to her, so when she realized seconds later that this is a fake, she zapped him. No one seemed to have caught onto that, or at least no one told me they did. So in this chapter, when Ren senses Lup being upset, this is Lup essentially thinking that Taako is gone forever.

I imagine that the umbra staff’s ability to help Ren know where everything is in a given space is the same ability that Lup uses to spread her senses beyond the umbrella. Essentially, Lup handed over her sense of sight to Ren so that she could “see.”

I never mentioned Killian having different types of crossbow bolts before because???? I don’t have a good excuse?? So sue me???

I actually had to look up spells for this fight scene so I guess I’m officially putting more work into this than I first said I ever would.

I hope with Kravitz’s arrival in this scene is a good indicator of how differently time passes on the Astral Plane. His arrival also marks the spot in the story where I should have spilt this chapter into two parts but oh well.

When you really think about it, bardic magic sounds terrifying. Anything can count as being music, so like you really got to be careful not to insult those suckers or else they’re just gonna scorn you.

I apologize if the POV got really wonky for the second half of the Hammerheads scene. Again, there was a lot of things happening at once, and the moment Barry went unconscious, I was having problems finding a good perspective to anchor the rest of the sequence on, especially since I wanted to give Merle some kind of moment in this chapter but I also had to explain Johann’s plan. It got real messy and, once again, I am so sorry for that.

Okay, so I wrote the song Johann sings. And by wrote, I mean I threw some lines with a rhyme scheme together and called it a day. It’s like not good at all, and really it’s super bold of me to claim that it’s the most beautiful thing Sloane has ever heard.

We’re going to talk a bit more about Stevie and John because I still have more to say. Stevie and John’s subplot is my favorite to write, and I am very excited that I can now start giving you guys a real idea of where it’s going. Initially, when I first started writing this story, I knew that I wanted John to play a major role before the story’s climax and I knew that I wanted Stevie to be more than just decoration for her parents. Putting these two together has led to some ideas and plot points I can’t wait to show you guys and I really hope that you’re as down to see them as I am. Everything I said in the in-chapter notes about Stevie having a good ending is true. Right now I am on the fence about how this will end for John because I can either let it end with him redeeming himself like in the original show or I can make it an excuse to reinforce his villainhood. Tell me when you guys would rather see, and I’ll do my best to make it happen.

Also, you know how John says he forgot Stevie’s name, giving her the opportunity to say it again (and essentially introduce herself for the first time without her realizing) and how Stevie never catches on that she got played? I once watched a Harry Potter movie where something like that happened and I remember thinking to myself “damn, that one smart kid for realizing they’re something fishy in someone doing that” and that’s where this was born from!

Also, I hope Stevie’s choice at the end there makes sense because I didn’t want to overstate it since it really is a culmination of her character arc so far.

Julia hitting Not Lucretia with her prosthetic leg and yelling “horseshit” is the best moment in this fic thus far.

The ending of actually collecting the bell is really rushed but the chapter was getting really long I didn’t want to have to spilt it up into two parts. I hope it does work, and whatever you think needs more time to breathe will probably get more air in the next few chapters.

I debated if I wanted to let Taako’s line be the ending note for the scene because, on one hand, I had a completely different moment in mind where Taako reunites with Magnus and realizes that he’s missed out on so much. But that lined happened and, even though I don’t have Taako say that catchphrase a whole lot (since he doesn’t actually say it a lot in canon) it felt like such an emotional peak that I knew I could not do better than that. The chapter had to end there because Taako saying his own name just felt right.

So I’m going back to school in a couple of weeks, which means that updates are going to slow down to a crawl. I’ll do my best to keep you guys posted on how things are going writing wise, but please feel free to drop in and strike up a conversation about anything. I am a lonely person and I always like hearing from you guys. In the meantime, please enjoy this preview for the next chapter:

It’s been a long time since he’s had to mess with the gurney. It’s made from a light wood, carved from Magnus’s deft hands. Taako puzzles over it for a moment, trying to figure out how the intricate straps are supposed to work when the mystery woman interrupts his thoughts. “Just help me sit right there,” she says, pointing to one end. Both her teeth and red bandana are bright against her dark skin, and his eyes hurt to even look at her.  “Just sit opposite. I’m pretty sure it’ll balance itself out.”

“Yeah. Fine. Sure.” He’s not heartless, so he grabs her arm and drags her close enough to the gurney that she can pull herself on. It’s hard work, and the sweat that drips down his back is as unpleasant as he remembers it being. She shifts, makes sure she has her sword and shield strapped to her back. When he takes his designated spot, she tells her stone to lift them up. The ground disappears under his feet. From this high up, he can see all that remains of Wonderland—nothing but a pile of junk and rock. He spits down at it.

A second later, he hears Kravitz’s distant but still clearly disgusted shout. Taako cackles.  

[...]

When the gurney reaches the deck, the murky feeling from before comes back in full force. He jumps over the rail, feet landing on the familiar wood. It’s the same silver railing, same layout from stern to helm. After all this time, nothing’s changed. Sure, Lucretia is laying on the ground with Davenport still worrying over her, but that doesn’t count. Everything else—the scratches on the wood where battles had been fought, the carving of their names by the helm for future prosperity—is still here in mint condition. Nostalgia sweetens his lips, punctuating every step of movement as he spins and takes in the sight of home. This is home.

And there’s Magnus. He’s standing by the buttons that operate the gurney lift, eyes wide as he stares at Taako. He’s older—thicker in some parts, worn out in others like a bruised shield. But his smile is the same as he takes three large steps from the buttons and engulfs Taako in a hug. “Holy shit—Taako!”

Taako wheezes, every rib cracking. Magnus’s arms are thick and strong, and Taako can’t deny how great the feeling of being affectionately suffocated is. “Ey, big guy—”

“I thought I was never gonna—”

“Momma!” At the sound of a girl’s voice, Magnus drops Taako. Hug over. His hands stay resting on Taako as the little human girl who is peaking out from the steps below deck, hiding for a moment longer before racing up to the gurney.

Taako feels Magnus’s hands leave him. “Jules,” he says, his hand now brushing over the little girl’s head as he approaches Julia. His mouth agape, he tries to find a place to start. His hands hover over Julia under she takes one of his and presses it to her cheek. His other hand copies it, and Taako can see the gold glint of a ring on his left finger. “Jules, what happened? This is… what happened?”

Taako stares at the ring, then at the loving sadness in Julia’s eyes. He looks down at the child, and a part of himself he really hates can piece the narrative into a whole picture. “What the fuck?”

[chocolatemillkk]

Less Complicated II (JS)

A/N: So there were many requests for a part TWO and I couldn't decide on a "happy" or "sad" ending. SO I made both lol! The story breaks off after a certain point and there are two alt endings. Enjoy!!!! <333

A whole week goes by and Joe doesn't notice that I was avoiding him. But it was normal for things to get so busy that we would go a while without talking because when we caught up, it was like no time passed in between.

I'm at the local Tesco early Sunday morning because I had almost run out of groceries and it was time I stopped being lazy. While I'm choosing between my usual coffee or a new flavour, a pair of hands come up to my face and cover my eyes.

"Who-" I try to reach up but both my hands hold coffee and I hear a snicker behind me. "Joe." I could tell from his aftershave and the familiar rings on his fingers. My heart picks up speed as I realise I'd finally have to face him after purposefully avoiding him all week.

"How the hell did you know?" Joe exclaims while turning me around, his hands now on my waist. He wore his denim jacket and a big pair of sunglasses.

"I just can," I say smugly, not giving away his tell-tale giveaways. "What's up with the glasses?" I flick the bottoms so they fly up for a second before landing on his nose again.

"Ugh," Joe groans. "I've got the world's biggest zit right here."

Joe whips off his glasses and the world's smallest zit rests between his eyebrows. "I need a magnifying glass for that," I roll my eyes and look back at my coffee.

"Being indecisive again?" Joe knew me well enough.

"I can't decide between choosing comfort or being spontaneous." I examine the coffees.

"I use this one at mine," Joe reaches behind me to grab a jar. "You like it when I make it for you in the mornings."

It was a normal statment, one that wouldn't make me think twice. But hearing him say it-knowing how he felt, so casually in public brought on a furious blush. I grab the coffee and let my hair fall around my face as I study the description. My thoughts are racing. Did he remember that night or was he too sleepy to realise that I knew. How was I supposed to act with this information?

It wasn't that I didn't love Joe. It was comitting to him, and proabably screwing things up. Ironically, I always thought in the situation where our fwb relationship got complicated, he would be the first to run.

"You alright?" Joe snaps me back to reality with a hand to my elbow.

"Yes," I flash him smile before turning to the shelves. "Just blanked out for a sec."

"You really need some coffee then," Joe smiles. "I'll make your breakfast at mine?"

"I-" I wanted to decline but I couldn't think of a good enough excuse. "Sure."

I follow Joe around as he grabs what he came for and we take an uber to his place.

"You're really quiet, is everything alright?" Joe asks as he makes me breakfast and I sit at his counter scrolling through my phone.

"I'm just...figuring some things out." I say vaguely. Saying 'i'm fine' to Joe would just mean he would nag me later.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Maybe another time," I smile at him. He would be so easy to love, I think. Why was I so afraid?

"Well here's your breakfast," Joe puts down my mug of coffee and plate with a flourish. I laugh, pointing to the chives sprinkled on top and tell him how extra his plating was.

"I'm just trying to impress you with my chef skill," Joe hovers over me, smiling.

"Oh you don't need to impress me," I hit his chest gently. "I know you can cook very well."

"Still," Joe leans closer. "I enjoy it."

I knew the look in Joe's eye, he was leaning in for a kiss. Even though my head was racing I found myself unable to turn away; I wanted him just as much as I was scared of having him.

As soon as Joe presses his lips to mine, I close my thighs around his legs and kiss him back, in familiar territory again. When I woke up this morning, I'm pretty sure this was the last thing I thought would happen. And even though my brain was telling me to stop and to push him away, I was an addict who couldn't comply.

Good thing I was saved by the bell.

"Oh no," Joe leans his forehead against mine. "I forgot I invited-shit."

He straightens up and glances towards the door. He glances back at me and it's like time stands still for us as he gently brushes his thumb under my lips where my lipstick must have smudged.

"You should get that," I lean away and pick up the coffee to take a sip-that way I didn't have to focus on Joe. But as he walks away I realise I wasn't emotionally ready to face anybody so I rush to Joe's upstairs toilet and try to collect myself.

"Yeah I bumped into Y/N at Tesco we were just having breakfast," I hear Joe say downstairs.

"Why don't we get breakfast?" Josh asks.

"I fed Caspar enough while we were roomates," Joe responds.

"Where is Y/N?" Caspar asks and I press further against the door.

I close the lid on the toilet and sit down, trying to sort out my feelings. If I had a rose, I would use it to play he-loves-me, he-loves-me-not. Or maybe I-love-him-maybe, I-love-him-enough-to-tell-him.

A moment later I hear Joe at the door. "Y/N?"

"I'm in here," I answer.

"Everything alright?" Joe says as I open the door. He leans against the doorframe.

Ending One: "Yeah," I lie. "Not feeling too well."

"Well have the breakfast I made you!" Joe's like an old grandmother ordering me around. "Then you won't feel so sick-you need some food. Josh and Caspar are over."

"Okay," I follow Joe and greet the boys. Josh manages to eat half my breakfast anyway while Joe and Caspar discuss something about their channels. I glance at Joe as he talks and decide for the last time that we should be strictly friends. Anything more was too messy.

"How's things going after...." Josh pauses. "I know you had a hard time after your break-up. Are you feeling better?"

For a second I have a scare thinking Josh was talking about Joe and I but then I realise. "I'm a lot better. He was a dick I don't know why I was into him in the first place."

"Joe said the same thing," Josh laughs. "Do you two have the same opinion on literally everything?"

I force a laugh and look at Joe again, feeling sad but determined not to be. "Probably not."

I make an excuse about not feeling well a while later and escape home where I distract myself and clean my entire flat from top to bottom. By the time evening rolls around, I feel cleansed-like a new person. I would be alright, I decide. But a knock after midnight complicates things. I already know it's Joe before I open it and while I let him in, I cross my arms to remind myself to keep my hands to myself.

"You should've came," Joe sits at my kitchen table with a biscuit in his hand. "Jack and Conor did this whole thing and-they posted it to their story if you want to see it actually."

"I'll check it out later," I smile at Joe's disheveled appearance. "Did you want anything to drink?"

"I'm alright." Joe gets up and heads towards me. "Are we alright? I feel like I did something, you've been acting weird."

"Me?" My heart races. "No...I've just been thinking."

"Hm?" Joe's hands circle my waist and he dips low to leave a kiss on my jawline. "About?"

"Us," I manage to get out.

"Why?" Joe looks confused as he stands straight.

"I just think it would be better for both of us to stay friends. Just friends."

"Why are you saying that?"

"I've just been thinking!" I remove myself from his arms. "It's best."

"Why?" Joe asks again. "What happened? We're fine as we are!"

"No we're not Joe! You're my best friend and I'm sleeping with you! It makes no sense. We've blurred our boundaries too much-"

"So be my girlfriend," Joe takes my hand and I feel my breath catch. This was so not happening. I look at Joe's face which is open and eager and I hate myself for what comes out of my mouth.

"I don't want that," I whisper and I can see Joe deflate. His hand slips from mine back to his side and he looks away from me. "I'm sorry but-"

"Forget it," Joe doesn't even look at me as he heads to my door.

"Joe," I call out. He stops to listen. "This is what I mean. If we just stayed friends we wouldn't be arguing about something like this! Please don't be upset just...forget everything else."

Joe shakes his head. "Don't pretend this isn't about a larger issue Y/N-I'm not that stupid. If you were scared about where we were going we could have talked about it."

"I'm sorry," I say again because I didn't know what else to say. But Joe wasn't having any of it because he walks out and I feel the crack in our foundation just as pronounced as the loud boom coming from the door slamming behind him. I go back into my bedroom and huddle under the covers, wondering if I made the right decision. But seeing just not how easy it was for us to fall apart when things got more complicated, it had to have been the right thing. Otherwise, I just ruined the most important relationship I have. And I couldn't believe that.

Two weeks later: It was awful the way Joe and I were so formal around each other. In a group setting, we managed to be fine but the tension and level of awkward were suffocating when we were alone or just with one of the boys. So it's no surprise that Caspar invites me to his house one night and I find all the boys in his living room.

"What's going on?" I ask as I'm the last to join. My eyes seek out Joe's out of habit but he's staring at his hands. This was odd.

"Y/N sit down." Caspar points to my designated spot beside Joe. I take it with no other option. "This is an intervention. The boys and I decided we're sick of seeing Joe walk around like a zombie and Y/N suddenly become really quiet and shy. We want our real friends back and whatever argument the two of you had to create this tension, we're solving it now."

Shit. Joe and I exchange a quick glance. None of us expected this. Josh pipes in about Joe not even laughing at his jokes and Jack talks about what a drag Joe was the last few weeks. Mikey reminds me of the video I helped him film and how I was so distracted I didn't even film his intro. I feel overwhelmed.

"We appreciate your help but this is really between us two." Joe stands up.

"But it's bloody affecting all of us!" Jack says. "What the hell did you two even argue about? Maybe we should lock you two in a room until you figure it out."

Caspar perks up. "That's genius." So that's how Joe and I find ourselves in Caspar's messy room. Joe lays flat on the bed with his eyes closed and I gaze out the window, unsure of where to go from here.

"Okay," I break the silence. "This needs to stop Joe. We've been best friends for too long to let some nights spent together get in between us. I miss you."

"You don't get it, do you Y/N?" Joe sits up. "You hurt me. And you're the one shutting me out. We can't pretend like everything is fine. I can't be just your friend again when I know what something more feels like. And I want something more. I need time to get over this but we can't be the way we used to be. It's just...the way it is now."

Joe's not angry or sad. He talks in a clipped and direct tone and then he gets up and leaves. The worst part is I understood. He loved me and I broke his heart. I hear him open the front door and hear the boys protesting. Caspar comes to the room to investigate and I try to hold in my tears so I don't cause a scene. I make my excuse and leave too. Why did the best things have to end like this?

Ending Two: "Can we talk?" I ask, looking behind him to make sure no one followed him up.

"Caspar and Josh are over," Joe lets me know.

"I know-I just need to...talk." I say awkwardly.

Joe walks out to his bedroom, a place I was all too familiar with. Seeing where he dropped those three fragile words made this more uncomfortable.

"What's the-"

"Last weekend. When we-after we-" I take a breath. "When we were in bed and you were falling asleep. You told me you loved me."

Joe raises his eyebrows. "So that did happen! I couldn't remember. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I left because I didn't know what to do! Things became so much more serious." I continue.

"Wait Y/N. Alright. I do love you-I don't care that you know it. But I've known and accepted that a long time ago. I just never told you because I never wanted you to feel forced to feel the same way. Or I didn't want to put any pressure on us. Our friendship or....anything else."

"You always said you were afraid of commitment," I ask more than I say.

"I was. I am. But I realised I've been bloody committed to just you ever since I realised I loved you. And I'll always be committed to our friendship. So commitment isn't as painful as I thought."

I think about it and realise I hadn't seen Joe with a girl in months, how protective he was with me with my last boyfriend, or how he's always been there for me but never put me under pressure to give him anything back.

"Don't let this come between us," Joe pleads. "It's just three silly words. You mean more to me than them."

"Things are a lot less complicated without them though," I clear my throat as it cracks.

"I know," Joe whispers. "But does it help that they've always been there for the last-I dunno-seven, eight months and it never changed anything?" Seven or eight months? My mind has a will of it's own as it begins tracing my memories and I see them in a new light.

"I'm going downstairs before anyone gets too suspicious," Joe says. "I'll just say you have cramps or something." He kisses my temple and walks out and as soon as he does I sit on the corner of his bed and let my hair spill into my hands.

Maybe commitment was just saying yes and taking things as they came. Maybe commitment was less complicated than I thought.

I check my reflection in the mirror and then head down to where Joe is making his own coffee and Josh and Caspar look at something on a laptop. I forget they're there because my focus is on Joe only.

"Hey," I say as I reach him. "This might complicate things further but I don't care: I love you."

Joe blinks in surprise and then a slow smile spreads across his face.

"It doesn't complicate a thing," he murmurs as closes his hand around the side of my face and kisses me so intensely that I have to bend back into the countertop. It's not playful or heated like before. It's a promise that this would be worth it. That there was nothing to be afraid of because it would all be worth it.

"I fucking knew it," I hear Caspar shout behind us but we don't let it stop us as we smile against one another because it's just us that matters. It's all that would matter.

[undeservedfavor]

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The Bucketlist

Mini-Series of Short Stories

St. Valentines Day [EN]: Chapter 4

Two months has passed as they continued to work together until they finish the movie and gained so much awards and credit.

"Woohoo!!! Guys! Let's party! We all deserve it for all the hard work!" Director said.

"I think you guys need to talk about something. I don't know but while working with the both of you, we all feel sexual tension in the air." The celebrity Catherine said to Gisela when she noticed that Dorian is eyeing her from afar.

"H-he thinks he's so hot that he can get everyone. Though he told me he had indecent proposals in the past, 3 SMS, 4 Calls, 6 DMs, and 2 missed calls... He's not that hot." Gisela told the actress.

"Woah, so updated, are we?" Catherine gave Gisela a knowing look and a knowing smile.

"Can we talk?" After the Dorian's invitation, he and Gisela went to the nearest park.

"Whenever, I see that sand box, I remember Plage Solitaire. The most peaceful beach on the planet." Gisela just nodded to what Dorian said.

"I-im sorry." They both said in unison.

Then, they laughed a bit with embarrassment.

"L-listen-..." They said again in chorus.

"You go first." Dorian said.

"No. You should go first." Gisela said.

"Uhm, here you go... C-can we be together?" Dorian asked Gisela who shed tears immediately with the question.

"You don't understand. You don't wanna be with someone so-called 'Damaged Good'. I don't want you to regret it. You don't wanna be with me. You don't need to due to pity. You don't-..." Gisela's anxiety is overwhelmingly obvious.

"We do not know those things yet. Those are 'What ifs', you're far from a 'Damaged Good'. For me, you're a beautiful 'Work-in-progress' and hell, despite the controversies I had, I'm still in good condition, whatever you're going through, I will go through it with you. Whatever you're thinking, I'll help you overcome it. If there's someone who can try and understand you, that's me. For me, this isn't the time to waste time and fool around, this is not like the roles I play, this is real. You are real. I don't care how hard it is but no matter what, I wanna be a part of something so beautiful... A part of your plans in the future. Please. For old times' sake, let me be with you all the way." Gisela, lost for words nodded crying as Dorian also shed tears.

"Gisela, thank you. I love you..." Dorian whispered to Gisela as he caress the woman's hair, embracing her long and tight enough to make her feel safe.

"Let me drive you home." Dorian told Gisela.

They both started living under one roof at Dorian's condominium unit.

One morning, as they're lying on the bed, Dorian hesitantly asked about Gisela's list...

"Dear Piggy... A-are you still gonna continue with that list?" She showed him the list seeing number '6' crossed out.

"Back in the beach, I haven't really finished the list yet. Now, it's done. I actually skipped on number '6' and went straight to number 7, 8, 9 and 10. 'Cause you're not just any random guy... Technically you're my little Dino, but... You're the one." Dorian checked the list out due to his curiosity.

1. Earn a lot for the future. ✓

2. Quit the medical industry. ✓

3. Spend more time with the only family - Merian. ✓

4. Finish writing my novels and posting it to my writing/social platforms. ✓

5. Buy a house in Plage Solitaire at a chosen paradise to 'live and die' for. ✓

6. Have virginity taken by a random guy and leave him clueless afterwards. *Skip this part.* ✗✗

7. Get a writing job. ✔

8. Take care and fully pay insurance. ✅

9. Have the one closest to my heart, help me choose a casket and designs for the tomb.

Plus, choose a church for the blessing and perfect spot in the graveyard/cemetery.

10. Chose a great necrological service speaker. I want a great Eulogy.

Dorian just looked carefully at Gisela's face and embraced her tightly.

Then, she spoke...

"I know. I'm a weirdo." Gisela told Dorian.

"Piggy... You're kinda like scaring me with these things but if this is the way I can be with you, I'll understand, process and digest every single bit of it. I'm not even gonna ask you why you made this list in the first place but if you're ready to not give up on life, I'm gonna go with you if you decided to get yourself checked." Dorian said.

"I'll tell you when the time comes..." Gisela said.

The couple decided to go shopping.

No ordinary shopping but he's only doing it for Gisela even if he doesn't wanna consider the thought.

"You know what? I think this one will be okay. Ah! I know! Maybe I can also have a reservation my own. Same color as I've chosen for you. So when the time comes... We're still gonna go as a couple. Even if it's the after-life." Dorian joked a bit.

"Don't. Even though, couple shirts, couple rings and other couple stuff might be cute, I don't want you to think about a couple casket. You're a born villain. And villains don't die unless it's passed hundreds of years already. Plus, they don't even age. Time flies for them gracefully like a bloodline of a vampire." Gisela joked him back.

The next stop is to the cemetery.

They're choosing tomb designs.

"This is perfect, 'In loving memories of...-" Gisela was cut of.

"We can choose the designs Piggy but it's good to personalize those messages." Dorian said as he wrote things down on a paper.

You have lived a life full of love.

Soon, we'll meet and love again up above.

To the place where there is never-ending peace.

Love,

Your Dorian

Gisela smiled at Dorian and they went to the cemetery.

Gisela insisted to choose a spot.

"This spot is nice. The one near the tree." She said.

"I would already reserve those two spots next to each other. So that I can lie down with you forever when the time comes..." Dorian said Gisela shed tears and hugged Dorian.

"I don't wanna take you in this journey with me. You're not welcome this early to where I'm heading. Sorry for being so difficult but thank you for having number 9 checked off my list." Gisela said as she embraces her boyfriend.

A day after Dorian's shoot, he went home to Gisela and the house was empty.

Their things are scattered all over the floor.

The entire house was messy.

But...

There are no traces of Gisela everywhere.

She's missing.

"My dearest, why end up dodging the bullet once more? Running away and hiding again on me like that." Dorian whispered.

He searched everywhere for her and in a place he thought Gisela would go to.

"She's not here. She went through a deep trauma after she saw her parents died in the car accident. I know my cousin can be a handful, but please, don't give up on her." Merian said.

Dorian just nodded and headed off.

Dorian did not bring his car along to find Gisela in the hardest and most hidden places in the city.

As he was walking along the subway...

He found a cying woman.

With hands on her head and her hair covering her face.

Her hairs are tangled and all over the place.

Her skin's full of dirt.

When Dorian tried to look at the woman's face, he was shocked.

It was Gisela.

He brought the woman home and cleaned her up.

She fell asleep crying.

As soon as the woman woke up, she said she's gonna use the toilet.

"You sure you can stand?" Dorian asked. The woman just mindlessly nodded.

Dorian thought to check on Gisela when she's taking too long.

He did not lose hope until this sight.

He found Gisela lying unconsciously on the bathroom floor.

"Gisela!!!" He lifted the woman and brought her to the nearest hospital.

Dorian waited for hours for a doctor to come up to him and say that Gisela's okay.

"A-are you with her?" Dorian nodded as the doctor approached him.

"I'm doctor Ariel James Devant, Psychologist." The doctor introduced himself.

"We did not ask for a Psychologist, we need a Physician to have Gisela checked!!!" Dorian almost lost it.

"She's not physically sick. Not until now. We have pulled up a few counselling records of Gisela. In fact, I was her batchmate in Med-school, she quit and did not finish Med-school. So she just continued being a nurse. Because of her parent's car crash, her parents died in front of her in a car accident. She then became my first patient. I have checked on Gisela a few times and she never went back to the clinic afterwards. She's so indenial that something's physically wrong with her and insistent that she's nearing death, that she shuts down people who wanna have her checked by a professional or by any doctor. She has been diagnosed with constant fear of death that it lead to a severe case of anxiety." Doctor James said.

Dorian was not able to process what's happening and could not speak.

"People who has Thanatophobia, would not like to talk about death for it has caused them depression. On her case, it's different. For that's the only thing she wanna focus and talk about out of fear. Like her whole entire world revolves on the thought that she might, oh sorry, that she 'WILL' die. She already decided that for herself. Anxiety took a toll on her that her brain was mentally pausing because of too much stress, overwhelming worry, overthinking and unshown worry, sometimes this can cause nausea and problems with balancing." The same doctor continued talking.

"Maybe this is the reason why she 'slipped' in the bathroom. She lost consciouness in the bathroom because she might have hit her head on the floor. Now, there's internal bleeding, we need to have an operation ASAP to prevent brain mass. You have to prepare because the operation is risky, after that, she may go under a few days, weeks or even months in coma. Worst case is never to wake up." Another doctor spoke.

"My apologies, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is doctor Jessie Ulysis Voltaire. Neurologist and Physicist." He introduced.

After that, they all worked on Gisela's operation.

They spent hours to finish it and what they said was true...

Gisela fell into a coma for weeks now and counting.

Dorian held the woman's hand in his...

He got a Pig and a Dinosaur stuffed-toy that he put on the hospital bed beside her.

"Do you remember this Dear Piggy? You're Dinosaur's here to wake you up. You're my nurse. You shouldn't be lying there for a long time, at that bed. You're supposed to be the one who's taking care of me." Dorian said.

The woman was just unresponsive.

She was still deep asleep.

"You should have told me what you're going through. I should have understand. A-are you punishing me for loving you so much?" He said, sheding tears as he kissed the back of Gisela's hand.

[gary--martin]

cul-de-sac festival: reflections and feedforward

So I did it... or rather, we did it! I must admit, I was a bit of a nervous wreck throughout the event. I’ve stood at the front of classrooms full of both children and adults, led workshops and hosted installations, so public speaking is something I'm quite familiar with, so I'm not completely sure why I was so thrown by this. Part of it was obviously down to the stakes; let's face it I wanted and needed this to go well because it's for an assessment. But I also wanted this to go well because in that Zoom chat, were the vast majority of people I identify as being part of my local/regional network. And this is the largest public thing, and arguably most interesting, that I have done by myself (as opposed to with pyka, as a team). Which brings me to my other hunch; all the responsibility was on me here. There was no-one to share the nerves with, despite having collaborated with all the performers - they had there own thing to focus on! Was it successful? I've been thinking about the idea of success for while now. I remember in one of our first sessions in semester 1, we were asked about our definition of success. Which I really liked - it made me feel like my own success criteria was valued, which I feel is a rare feeling, ironically in our individualistic society. There's a lot of lip service around the idea of one determining their own ideas of success, but this question felt genuine, and has slowly started to have an impact on the design of my projects on a long term basis. In the creative industries, so often freelance practitioners have to chase the closest carrot to them to get funding (for projects that are having an increasingly shorter turnaround time but expecting larger impacts for the community/organisation). And this makes it difficult sometimes to take the time to ensure you're even chasing the right carrots in the long run. Because if you're not careful [insert clever carrot pun] one can end up taking on projects that seem exciting in the short term, but are not necessarily aligned with the core aspects of your practice. I mean, I can't be the only one that feels this, right? How does this tie in to success? Well I have certainly started projects because I've craved short term success, which sometimes has just been likes and comments; the millennial's favourite source of dopamine. And in honesty I think focussing on producing these short term works has held me back and prevented me from developing longer term strategies for my practice. Something I am certainly not going to be doing again if I can help it. I've decided that now this event has passed, I won't be saying anything publicly until I've figured properly what it is I have to say. I'll come back to this shortly though. Now though, let's take a look at some quantitate data, beautifully presented in the form of a gif I shared on Instagram as a look-back of the festival for those that attended and performed. It also allowed me to thank everyone involved

For me the only number worth discussing is the 44 attendees, which included many of the performers. As I officially started the event and commenced the Zoom call, I was wondering how many people would be logging in to join the experience. Before long I had 44 people logged in, and to my surprise that number remained the same right until the sign off for the end of the event. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean every account logged in had a person engaged the entire time; those with their cameras off could easily have got bored and wondered off but remained logged in out of politeness. But it felt like a big number, considering the aim of the event was to provide an intimate experience. In fact, had it got beyond 60 capacity (I thought half way through) this might have been too many. The 44 mark felt really nice, but it was the fact that they stuck around for the whole thing that was more important to me than the number itself. This suggests to me that the event achieved its other main goal of being engaging for people. I also had a number of really lovely messages from people after the event, some from people I knew and some that I didn't, that confirmed this further. In a time when people have denied access to their usual means of socialising and sharing works, this event seemed to be a good substitute utilising the resources available.

I guess the other measure of success for this event is the impact it has had on my own thinking and approach to my future practice. I have spent a lot of time on social media platforms over the past few months, researching other artists, learning about their mechanics, affordances and limitations, and how they facilitate communication between people. To keep a very long story at a moderate length, I have come to the conclusion that social media platforms are REALLY badly designed. Or, more accurately, they have clearly been designed and iterated with advertisers and those that profit from them in mind. Surprise surprise! This of course sounds completely obvious, and I've known this for a while, but until now I have been completely complicit of them because I felt I had to for the success of my career. During this semester I have stumbled across alternative social media platforms that exist on the periphery of the internet, like Yap.chat, special.fish, and Mastodon. And comparing these to the likes of Twitter, FaceBook and Instagram, you can clearly see that these have been designed and maintained with the user in mind. Instagram, for example, encourages you to be a prosumer; post content and consume content. And see it ALL in one feed. Whether that's photos of cats, brunch, a visual artwork, satirical meme, performance video, event poster, advert. They all come through one funnel, and therefore presented as equal. A cluttered highway of a mixture of content from people you may or may not actually want to follow (but have done so to reciprocate a follow). Doesn't this all sounds very messy? And what do I post? My food, my pet, my artwork? Do I keep it casual and share my process, or do I use this as a gallery and show my best work? Do I need to share anything at all? Well no, but that + button in the middle of the screen make me feel I ought to. And if I don't then how will people still know I'm an artist? etc. etc........ These are genuine thoughts I've had recently and quite frankly I've had enough. I'm tired of living my 'personal' life so subconsciously strategically in an effort to be perceived as actively doing stuff all the time. And I know no-one's asked me to do this, but it's happened to me gradually as social media platforms play increasingly important roles in networking for people in the creative industries. Particularly individuals who consider themselves freelancers and rely on these platforms to share what they're up to, and send gentle reminders (in the form of likes and comments) to others that they are still around. Carrying out this project has been super helpful in making me realise that I need to focus on working on projects that contribute to MY idea of success in the long term, and the small steps I take in that direction don't have to be celebrated publicly. It's easy to look at someone I admire like Louis Cole and get trapped into aiming for the type of success he has, because he's in show business and there are superficial markers for this success. But when I finish this MA programme, I want to be ready to carry on my practice in a sustainable way. Had I not done this project, I may very well have continued to work on future projects because they seemed 'cool' or been successful at a superficial level. I've realised that community and collaboration is really important to me and my practice. I have little interest in doing things unless I'm doing them with someone else, and for someone else. And I don't think social media platforms like Instagram and Twitter are going to play a significant role in achieving this. I'm aware this sounds like the rants of a techno luddite, but I'm actually feeling 'optimistically realistic', and more than ever appreciate digital technologies as tools for enhancing human experiences. I'm genuinely very excited to begin planning my major project, with a new set of skills as a systems thinker, and designing meaningful experiences with and for people, with a focus on why I do it rather than what I'm doing.

[spiderdevitt]

The Hardest Mistakes - Chapter 3

Synopsis: Greydene had a difficult upbringing. Born in the UK and adopted by American parents, her life in the system hasn’t been ideal. She was brought to the US at a young age and at 18, joined the Statesman, a spy organization in Kentucky. The rules were too much and she goes rouge, becoming an assassin. Her first job? Protect royalty with help from the Kingsman and her Uncle, Harry Hart.

Tags: Drama, Action

Author’s Note: Chapter 3 is here!!! Leave some feedback, reblog this, share it, love it, all that. I also have this posted on my FF.net account, which is linked on the page in my bio. If you’ve seen my small updates, I’ve been so busy and quite under the weather recently but I did my best to give you something and hopefully I can continue on soon. If you’d like to be tagged, LET ME KNOW!

Main Characters: OC, Gary “Eggsy” Unwin, Harry Hart.

Tag List: @ratthewmiddle @sunnyb99

A shake of turbulence woke me as the plane passed through a screen of dark clouds. I let out a long yawn and stretched in my seat, my arm hitting the suitcase next to me. Remembering the dress and the other contents inside, I looked at my watch and saw that we'd be landing in a little under an hour. I picked the suitcase up and went to the back of the plane to the surprisingly large bathroom. The room was also a cream color but had marble details, a toilet in the corner, a shower and a large sink. Closing the door behind me, I placed the suitcase on the counterspace and began to strip down from my clothes.  

I decided to take a quick shower before we landed. I smelled like sweat and dirt and couldn't consciously go into a party in that manner. As a Statesman, we were always told to look the part or we'd get caught. That mentality would work here as well. I quickly conditioned my hair and lathered some soap in my hands to run over my body. I let the soap and conditioner wash away under the hot water and relaxed there for a few moments, inspecting the marks on my body. That fucking chase at the tracks fucked my left leg up and there were black and blues everywhere from the way I handled the bike. I'd need to make sure the slit of my dress tonight was adjusted to the right side. I shut the water and stepped out of the shower, taking a towel and patting myself dry before wrapping myself in the soft, white fabric.

Opening cabinets in the bathroom under the sink, I was finally able to find a blow dryer. I plugged it in and did a quick semi-dry of my hair, making sure that it was still slightly damp to style the hair pins in more securely. I put my hair up in a high ponytail and began wrapping it into a more sophisticated looking bun, hooking the ends of my hair with the four hair pins, each donning a single white pearl. I pulled some baby hairs down to make the style look a little more messy-chic and began deciding on the style of the black gown.  

The dress itself was customizable. You could design it to look any shape or any way, and when synched with the pearl accessories, the black fabrics inner magnetism would turn it into a full body suit. I decided on a one shoulder look with a slit on the right side to cover my bruises. Putting on a fresh pair of undies and a strapless black push up corset that I had found in the suitcase, I started the fabric on my right shoulder and let it go over my midsection and fall down. I pinned the dress on my left side and let the fabric fall in the places I needed it to. I took what looked like a garter but was really a weapon holster out of the case and slid it up my right leg, just above where the slit ended. Rummaging through my clothes, I took my gun and my knife from my inside pockets and placed them in the slights on the holster and draped the material over.  

Last was the pearls. The pearl earrings, which were disguisers to make sure my weapons were undetectable went on first. Next was the bracelet, which had a built in taser on the biggest pearl. When the button behind it was pressed, the taser would fire. Lastly, I put on the necklace which controlled the dress and looked at myself in the mirror. Sighing, I rummaged through my jacket pockets again and took out a red liquid lipstick and dressed my lips with it, feeling like the look was now complete, and passable. I took the heels out of the case, packed everything from what I previously wore into the case and left the bathroom.  

"Nice of you to join us!" One of Vance's men said as another ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.

"I can only assume he gets sick when flying?" I responded, sitting back in my seat to put my heels on.  

"Yes, he does. He was in there most of the time while you were sleeping." the man stated. "Now, as for the rendezvous point after this party..."

"I don’t intend to have one. Everything I have is in this suitcase. I plan to plant the suitcase in a secure location, go into the party and do what I need to do." I stood up, making sure my heels were tight enough. "I will find these people your boss seems to be associated with and I will figure out my way from there. I'm more of a solo worker."  

"We have orders to-"

"And now I am giving you new ones. Sound good?" I said as I sat back down and buckled myself in as the plane landed.  

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I sat at the head of the Kingman table, sighing as Merlin and his girlfriend Ginger walked into the conference room. Lancelot was to my left and Harry was to my right. Ginger took the tablet from Merlin and began typing things as I took a sip of my tea and looked down at my watch. A picture of a young woman with pale skin, bright red hair and brown eyes showed up on the screen with her stats. Five feet tall, twenty-three years old and... a Statesman?  

"What's all this about?" I questioned putting my cup down. Ginger put on her glasses and looked around the table.  

"This is Greydene... Brooks. She's listed as a Statesman but yesterday evening went rouge and ran from the premises. She was a friend of mine." She began, looking back up at the monitor. "Grey was very rebellious as a Statesman. She's incredibly trigger happy but she's also a genius. She's been a Statesman since she was eighteen years old and has the best hit record in the past fifty years and-"

"So where are we going with this, Ginger?" Harry asked, folding his hands on the table. Ginger seemed flustered and looked at him.  

"I believe she's on her way to London. I've been led to believe she has some business here to tend to, and there is a strong possibility she will be at Eggsy's mission space tonight." Ginger continued before she looked at me.

"You are not meaning to tell me that this girl is going to try to kill my girlfriend at this party, I hope." I sighed, looking around the room. My fuckin' luck, being in a relationship with a princess.  

"No, I don't believe that. But I will say that it is your mission to bring her back here for questioning. I must know what is going on before the Statesman group gets a hold of her. She'll be killed." She responded in a quieter tone.  

"Hang on, my mission? Don't I make the missions now? You lot made me be Arthur after we found out Harry was alive. Why can't I choose anyone else to do this?"  

"Because you'll already be there, Eggsy. Being Arthur is a great responsibility. Sometimes, you'll just need to take on two missions at once. The missions are simple. Kill the person who is after Tilde and then pick this girl up." Merlin interjected.  

"Pick this girl UP? Tilde will have my head."  

"Well then you chose a shitty time to have a girlfriend, mate. Especially one who knows your real profession." Lancelot said without a thought.  

"Rox, really?"  

"Enough." Harry interrupted. "Eggsy, this needs to be done. If this is coming up on our feed, it means the Statesman group wants up involved. Find her and bring her here." He sighed and got up, leaving the room. I looked back over at the picture of the woman on the screen and shook my head.

"Alright. Tell me about her, Ginger."  

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Arriving at the party, I used my phone to scan for any easy entry points into the place. The right-side entrance was unmanned and led to the far hallways from the party. I could stash my things there, walk out and walk back in as a partygoer. I walked across the street with my case in hand and down the ride side alleyway. It was dark, quiet and narrow. I quickly took one of my pins out of my hair and began picking the lock on the door, finally getting it open on the third try. I put the pin back in my hair and slowly snuck my way in. Taking my phone out again, I scanned for the closest, but most out of range area where I could get my things. There was a door right down the hall that was unlocked but close enough to the ballroom.  

I hastened to the room and opened the door to look inside. It looked like a bedroom and had a window with easy access to escape if things went wrong. I placed my case by the door, took my clutch back which carried a cell phone, the party invitation, an extra knife and an extra gun and turned to leave the room. I closed the door behind me and exited the way I came, luckily not coming into contact with anyone on the way. I walked out of the alleyway and waited on one of the two the lines to get in, taking the invitation out of my clutch and the envelope.  

The line moved quickly and soon I was close to the front. I turned and saw everyone moving as a car arrived and two people got out. A man got out of the car in a perfectly tailored navy blue suit. His shoes were black and he wore black, thick rimmed glasses. His hair was short and well kept. He helped a woman, who was tall and beautifully blonde get out of the car. She was matching him with a navy blue gown. They walked up, the man walking on my side of the line.  

"Ah, Mr. Unwin. Princess Tilde. How lovely of you to arrive." The guard said. I studied the man's features as he spoke to the guard. He cleaned up rather well. "I'll need your invitations, if you please." The guard continued.  

"Ah, right. They're here somewhere." Unwin said as he checked his pockets. As he went to the inside pockets, I noticed a ring on his finger. It had the symbol Vance showed me back in New York. I made a mental note of it and looked away, waiting with my invitation. He handed his in and off he and the woman went. I handed mine in two people after and made my way in.  

The ballroom was lit by a gigantic glass chandelier in the middle of the room. People conversed in groups and you could tell they were according to class, if that was even still a thing. I walked further inside where a man asked if I'd like a drink. I asked for a Malibu Cranberry and waited for his return. If I didn't already stick out like a sore thumb, my drink order would have made it worse. I sipped from the straw as I walked through the ballroom, pretend mingling and waiting. And waiting. And waiting.  

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host for the evening, Prince Andrew!" Someone who sounded more like a town crier yelled. The ballroom jolted to applause and I followed suit. Prince Andrew. Why on earth does that sound familiar?  

"Thank you all so much for coming. As you all know, twenty-three years ago I was appointed to take on a stronger role in England and I have been proud to say that I haven't let you down since." His audience applauded. "We're flourishing as a country, our trades from our ports are strong and the Queen is in pure bliss of our growth. Tonight, we celebrate another well wished year!" Prince Andrew boasted. Isn't he the guy I'm supposed to protect? Maybe that Unwin guy has something to do with it.  

I looked around the room to see if I saw the man from earlier, and when I caught sight of him, I noticed he had caught sight of me. He was staring directly at me, and noticed that I had caught him, but didn't budge. I looked around the room and back in his direction but he was gone, the woman by his side sipping a glass of wine. The room began bustling and I noticed him passing people slowly through the crowd. As he passed a man, I noticed him slip something in the man's drink and make his way out of the crowd. An old Statesman trick when we were undercover at parties. Poison the bad guy through his drink. The man, who was incredibly tall and overweight took a sip of the drink. I looked at the Unwin man and noticed him with a pen in his hand and as he clicked a little bar, the man with the drink began to fall.  

"Well, isn't that just fucking clever." I mumbled to myself as I placed my cup down on the table and began to walk away. I knew what I was dealing with and needed to know further.  

I walked down the hallway in the direction of the room I had put my bag in. The hallway, which was empty earlier this evening was now lightly guarded. Three guards, all spaced out evenly. One on the far end, one by the door I broke into and one by my room. I walked forward and felt a presence behind me. I turned my head slightly and saw Unwin following in my peripheral. I walked over to the room and the guard moved forward.

"Can I help you miss? The party's that way." He sternly mentioned.

"Ah, yes. See, I know the party is that way, but I have a small thing to take care of in the bedroom, if you don't mind." I smiled, faking a British accent. "You could join us if you'd like." I remarked as Unwin came closer. I turned to look at him, his eyes wide.

"That won't be necessary madam." The guard blushed and returned to his post. I opened the door and ushered for Unwin to come in, and he followed soon after.  

Walking further into the room, I took a pin out of my hair and when I heard the door close, I forcefully flung it at the door, hitting the lock in place. Unwin jumped back and looked at me, brushing himself to make sure I didn't hit him or graze his suit. I rolled my eyes and walked over to him.  

"What? Don't like a little privacy?" I did my best to seduce in the fake accent.  

"Pr-privacy is fine." He cleared his throat. "I don't do things like this without a name though, love." I smiled, and looked down at the space between us. I slowly closed the space, moving my lips to his ear.

"I hardly think that'll be necessary. You already know my name."  

[sketchyscrolls-blog]

Jimin x Reader: Soulmate AU [I Knew it was You the First Time I Looked Into the Crowd]

1 (You’re Here!) 2

    I was walking down the street to the library, watching as the people passed by when I realized it. My wrist was glowing. It was glowing!

   For all my life I had never known anything as bleak as my own existence. I had always been that one person whose wrist never glowed. I became a laughing stock in school and nobody ever socialized with me because I had such a black hole for a marking.

   In this world, there was one person designated for each other person. You were born with this marking - much like a bracelet - on your wrist. The more complex the design, the more complex the partner. The idea of it was that you'd almost get to know your soulmate before you actually met them.

   I, on one hand, had the most complex marking anyone has ever seen. But on the other hand, it never glowed. Not once. Not even faintly. You see, when the marking glows, it means that your soulmate is near. Both your marking and your partner’s markings are the same color. The fainter the glow, the farther they are. And the indication reached far.

   For instance, if they were across the country, it would still glow, albeit faintly. Nobody knows what happens if they're in another country. At least, it's never been recorded.

   However, for me, I have always been gazing down at a black hole. The tattoo was always dark. And for that very reason, society began to reject me. They thought I was broken. Maybe I didn't deserve anyone. "If she doesn't have a soulmate, she must be a horrible person." That's how they thought of me.

    I just wished I got to meet them. Someday.

   I woke up to the sound of foreign words echoing throughout my room. My music taste wasn't as popular as most, but hey. It was pretty good. I mean, who doesn't like Korean hip-hop?

   I rolled over and picked up my phone, turning it on to switch off the alarm. However, when I turned it off, I began to fall asleep again. But before I drifted off into dreamland, I roused myself and got out of bed.

   I grabbed some clothes and a brush and got ready as fast as I could, and then I got on the bus. It was the last day of school. Or as I like to say, THE REIGN OF HELL ENDS TODAY. Either way is good.

   I shoved my headphones into my ears as I sat down in my seat, turning on some Korean bops. I opened my phone to twitter to see what BTS was doing today, and saw a new video from Jimin. My heart skipped a beat. For some reason, he just kind of... dragged me in.

   I shook my head at that. I had a soulmate, right? I shouldn't be distracting myself with Korean men who didn't even know me.

But then I remembered.

BTS was going on tour.

And next week they'd be near my hometown.

   I refrained from screaming as I quickly moved my stuff out of the way for my friend to sit down; it was her stop. She was the type who - no matter what was on the seat - would plop herself down without a word. So I rushed to move everything quickly.

   I quietly waved to her and saw she was - yet again - listening to Paramore. I rolled my eyes but smiled. We had our own different music tastes, so neither of us could judge. I'm not saying Paramore is bad, it's just not as appealing to me as the Korean bops.

   I turned back to my phone and closed twitter, choosing to go on instagram this time. I saw a few new posts from my friends as I scrolled through home, but then I saw picture upon picture of Jimin. Goodness, Australia friend. You sure do post a lot.

   I liked all the pictures I saw of Jimin and commented on the ones I thought were great, all while looking around me for people who might be looking at my screen. I was kind of embarrassed at the fact that I liked Jimin so much...

   Before I knew it, I was in school. The day was full of "Sign my yearbook!" and "H.A.G.S.!" and all I had to say was an affirmative answer and people were happy.

   My friend group was considered the outcasts. Not only were we all depressed as hell, but none of our tattoos glowed. Or at least, they didn't glow much. Which meant that our soulmates were far. Very far.

   Some of them, however, did have glowing wrists. Those who did had already found their soulmates, which also made them outcasts - jealousy is one hell of a motive. But hey. They gave us hope. Somewhat.

   I walked over to the main meeting place of our little group, and I hugged everyone there who normally hugged me. I said some greetings, complimented some outfits, and flirted a bit. We were a pretty laid back group.

   After a while, I got bored of hanging around with them and I tugged the sleeve of my best friend Jace. He looked over at me with a raised brow and I jerked my head to the left. "I'm bored. Let's go." He nodded once and we left.

   On the way to our first class, I openly freaked out about the tour that BTS was going on, and Jace merely laughed. "I don't understand your obsession with them. They're just... Korean," he said, smiling. I gasped theatrically.

  "May the Lord Christian Chim Chim forgive you! I cannot believe you just said that! Oh, have mercy on his soul, O God of mochiness..." I said, clapping my hands together and placing my head on them.

    Jace laughed more now, and he clapped me on my back. "You're crazy!" he chuckled.

    "That's why we're friends, man," I replied.

    "Touché."

By the end of the day, I had a full book of signatures - most of which I didn't even care about - and I was hyped for the tour.

   The week went by pretty quickly, since my days consisted of doing nothing but watching BTS' previous V Live videos. I still couldn't get over Jimin's little "Oh my God" during the episode where they had to guess the lyrics.  

   I sobered up at around 4:00 PM though. It was tomorrow. The concert. It was tomorrow. Since I was home alone at the time, I screamed very loudly while also jumping up and down. If anyone saw me they'd probably think I was trying to imitate a monkey.

   I ran around the house at a breakneck speed and then I ran out the front door, not forgetting to lock it behind me. I sprinted down the road and through the countryside until my heart was racing way too fast and my throat was in so much pain it hurt to breathe.

   I was finally in the main town. I decided I would head over to the library. But as I was walking, watching as people passed by around me, I noticed something.

It was glowing.

My wrist was glowing.

   I couldn't hold back a squeak of excitement at that fact, and I'm sure my soulmate couldn't either. It was slowly getting brighter and brighter, and I got the sudden urge to look up.

    There, way to the right of where I was, I saw an airplane. That has to be them, I thought. I smiled and did a small wave at the plane. This week was going to be interesting.

    Jimin woke up to Jungkook’s voice. He opened his eyes and glared at the maknae, who had unknowingly roused him.

    "Jungkook-ah," he said, in an irritated voice. Jungkook looked over at Jimin, surprised to hear him awake.

    "Oh, hello, hyung. I'm doing a V Live. Do you want to join?" he asked, smiling. Jimin groaned in response.

    "I want to be sleeping." He rolled over so his back was to Jungkook. Jungkook grinned maliciously.

   "I'm gonna make sure he can't go back to sleep," he whispered to the camera. He then bolted to the bed and tackled Jimin off it. "Are you awake now?! Huh? Come on, wake up and say hello to ARMY!"

   Jimin pushed Jungkook off of him, stood up, and walked up to the camera. "Aish, my face is so swollen. Why do I even do this, Jungkook-ah?" he asked, squishing his cheeks. "I need eyeliner. I don't feel confident right now. Where are the makeup noonas?"

   "Jiminie-hung, they aren't even here. We're not having a concert today, remember? We're going to be on an airplane to America." Jungkook ruffled Jimin's already-messy hair. Jimin growled and attempted to fix it.

   "Don't destroy my confidence even more, Jungkook-ah! Or I will mess up your hair right before the concert on Friday!" Jimin threatened, trying to be funny for ARMY.

   He sighed and walked over to the dresser to grab something comfortable to wear for the flight. He opened the top drawer and grabbed a black t-shirt with some skinny jeans and a light jacket and then he went into the bathroom to change.

   Once he was in the bathroom, he sat on the side of the bathtub and slumped over with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Will I ever find her? he thought. He took one hand off his head and stared at his wrist, dejected. It was still black.

    Maybe I'll find her in America. But then, if I did, would I even be able to hold a conversation? I don't speak English. Anguish filled him and his heart dropped. I guess Namjoon could help... But I would either eventually learn English or she would have to learn Korean. It would be a lot of hard work.

    He sighed. Why was he thinking of these things now? It wasn't like he hadn't thought of them before. All the other members' wrists had glowed at least once during this tour. They had all nearly found their soulmates, so why couldn't Jimin?

   He shook himself out of it and pulled off his clothes, getting into the shower. Steaming water would probably help, right? As he was shampooing his hair, though, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, she was doing the same. He smiled to himself at the idea. Maybe there was hope for him.

    Jimin stepped onto the plane with the other boys, excited to go to America. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's America. Either way, he was still excited.

   He sat down in his seat after shoving his bags up into the compartment. Yoongi was sitting next to him and Namjoon and Hoseok were behind him. Behind them was Jin.

   Jimin turned around to face Namjoon. "If I meet my soulmate in America... Would you be willing to translate for us? I know that if she's American I'll have to learn English anyway - or she'd have to learn Korean - but could you please do it? For me?"

   Namjoon looked at Jimin for a second, contemplating. But then he nodded. "I'll definitely help you. Because I know if I were in this situation I would ask the same thing."

    Jimin smiled and reached over the seat to try and hug Namjoon, who complied. "Thank you," he said into his ear.

The rest of the plane ride went smoothly. Jimin slept through most of it, but he woke up a half-hour before they landed. He didn't know what roused him, but he looked down from the plane. He was low enough to see some of the people, and he noticed something.

His wrist was glowing.

    He quickly looked down at the ground and saw a crowd of people. He felt drawn toward them. She must be there, he thought. Without warning, he shook Yoongi next to him awake.

    "Yoongi! Yoongi, my wrist!" he said, excited. Yoongi opened one eye and saw what Jimin was trying to show him. He smiled.

    "Good luck." He then re-closed his eye and went back to sleep.

   Jimin twisted and reached behind his seat to Namjoon, who woke up a lot easier than Yoongi did. "What, what is it? Jimin, your wrist is glowing!"

   "I know! She's here! She's really close, I can just tell!" Jimin felt like screaming but he had to preserve his voice for the concert. "If she's here and she's my soulmate she has to go to the concert. I don't think I'd be able to handle it if she wasn't an ARMY."

   Namjoon smiled. He grabbed Jimin's wrist and pointed to a certain part. "That looks like our symbol, doesn't it? I mean, if that's not proof I don't know what is. Fate clearly loves you two."

    Jimin nearly jumped out of his seat. "It does look like it, huh?! Yahhh, I can't wait to meet her!"

   In almost no time they'd landed. Jimin whipped out his phone and took a video of him and the others getting off the plane. "Touchdown!" he said, in English. He raised up his wrist to show the camera. "Hello! You're here!" he said. He thought he'd give his soulmate a little hint before the concert. He hoped she was going.

1 (You’re Here!) 2