#regular full time job
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i hate having chronic stomach problems because like . YES i will go through periods where it is so visibly debilitating because i will not be able to eat or retain food, i will be super dehydrated and lose tons of weight, i will look horrible and it will show but also like . more frequently than not i just have persistent stomach discomfort and upset . i have reflux almost constantly, i am queasy for no reason a lot of the time, i am exhausted all the time by this for a variety of reasons but it isn't just obvious to other people because im used to having to function while feeling like im about to puke or shit my pants !!!!!!! i just have to be normal about it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i shouldnt have to be normal about it though and people should take me seriously when i say i cant do something because my stomach is upset !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#i am constantly haunted by the fact that these more “minor” problems are super frequent for me and have essentially left me unable to work a#regular full time job#even part time jobs can be too much for my body to handle#like i just need something that is work from home but thats also surprisingly hard to find and land#especially because remote work was normalized and idealized following covid lock downs and so many places transitioning to remote work#i dont wanna feel like this period plz dont make me feel like this while standing for 8-10 hours a day dealing with other people#yodeling alpha
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Chapter 4 predictions?
honestly i have NO idea. ch4 is in what i like to call the thursday of the story – the part where all of the major players have been introduced but where we're still not quite at the height of the action yet. ch1&2 have set up our status quo, ch3 will likely kick the conflict regarding said status quo into full gear, and that leaves ch4 to be in a sort of odd place of rising tension before ch5 comes and that tension finally begins to snap. this is why i think ch3 will have a break in the established formula and be 100% tv world focused, while ch4 may briefly return to the light world intro > dark world gameplay > light world outro formula before it is done away with entirely in favor of the dark world taking center stage.
i don't think ch4 will be a full light world chapter (w/ some castle town on the side given the sweepstakes) at all, regardless, because 1. the light world does not have much in the way of gameplay and is extremely limited in your options for exploring/talking to people and 2. you cannot save your game in the light world, which would mean you would have to be stuck at your computer or game system until you got a moment to wander freely and head to castle town. i guess this could kind of be a metaphor for the archetypical player's neglect to consider any misery they cause kris or the other characters when prioritizing their undertale nostalgia (ie. sealing the fountains fast to see what the undertale characters are up to;) but it seems like it'd just be a poor way to execute that when there are other, far clearer ways to communicate that idea like the way the game uses the aformentioned fountain sealing idea. the dark world being the focus doesn't just make sense from the standpoint of it being a focus for the dehumanized characters or a focus for the characters who are going to get merch&therefore be the faces of the game, it's also mechanically the way to go. forcing someone to have one save point they have to trek back to over and over for a good four to five hours of gameplay isn't even something the undertale no mercy route does – you've got your save points there.
#ooc#deltarune#i also just don't want five hours of copdyne. or cop napstablook.#but wrt the light world. could you imagine a pokémon game where you have to spend five hours in#idk. vermillion city.#and you cannot leave vermillion city exept to save and go to a slightly more cool vermillion city#but. only sometimes.#and also slightly more cool vermillion city has a little guy whos whole job is to scold you for not doing your homework#and tell you to hurry on home to regular vermillion city#i do think castle town WILL become a fully explorable area but 1. not that soon#and 2. full light world implies you wont get to spend much time there anyways
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god artists really do just pass around the same $20 bill cause dude over half my clients are other artists 😭 and usually they're the ones that tip well!! i just wish i could afford to also commission other artists and buy stuff from their shops!
#as soon as i get my grants/scholarships im gonna buy some shit from artists i like#i gotta get some things for my wall cause i live in an empty white box#im going to a zine fest soon too so im excited to talk to local artists!!#gonna splurge on 1 big poster or something#i hope someone's selling sculpted magnets or other unique decorations#i gotta make a list of ppl i wanna buy from#idk if I'll commission anyone tho cause that's a whole other deal and more expensive#idk what i would commission#it'd have to be something from an artist who can draw that thing wayyyy better than i ever could#enough to justify me spending over $50-100 cause you know im not gonna pay pennies even if they're undercharging#i swear if i had a regular job id spend money on art every month#genuinely i think my ideal achievable life rn is working a head empty office job 30 hrs a week and doing art the rest of the time#building streams of casual income until i have enough to pivot to full-time art again MAYBE#but from what ive heard from post college full time artists... that shits hard and confusing and stressful...#these tags rly lost the plot huh...#just rambling#not art
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woag. vibeo game?
(very rough still)
(but now theres more colours)
#game dev#my art#murderhouse makeover#fuck it whatever im probably never gonna do the legal shit for this#slim chance i even make it to uploading on itch lmao#turns out game dev takes a REALLY long time when you dont know what you're doing#also i should not have waited this long to make the actual win state. how the hell am i gonna quantify decorating a house#since filming this video ive made the main menu buttons nicer and fixed the storage system#one of these days i'll actually put effort into the video#but also. i dunno#ive been telling myself id have enough to do a demo for the last two years now. im so tired and i keep not finishing shit#between making this and my full time job and also making regular ass drawings to put on this blog i kinda wanna throw the towel in#stop reading here if you dont wanna see my sad ass thought process#im not the kinda guy that gets Big Successes. like even if i finish and polish this fully it'll sell MAYBE a hundred copies#its kinda hard to keep going on this with that weighing on me yknow. like ive wasted months of work on this#this has been my free time for the past two years#i dont know#I DONT KNOW
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It's getting more and more certain that I'm gonna get straight As this semester. For the very first time in my college career. My persuasion class is entirely graded, & I got a 95.88% in it. My data governance class still has the final paper to grade, but we got a 97.33% on the presentation, so the paper probably won't be much lower than that, & my current running grade in that class is a 96.53%, so. We'd have to do Pretty Badly to get that below a 90%, so it's almost a guaranteed A. Then there's my gender communication class, which doesn't have a listing on the homework website (bc my professor in that class is real old-school) BUT I got full points on my final essay exam too, which means the Only thing in that class I got points taken off for was my presentation, which Even Then I still got a pretty good grade. So that one's almost certain to be an A as well.
Which leaves UX design class, which is still missing a grade for the project we turned in back at the start of November 😭😭😭😭😭 but they say they're grading them this week so. Sure, I guess. (Still don't know why they graded the more recent project before that one but Oh Well). Anyways, we've been getting really good grades on all our projects, bc it's a level 100 course and their grading criteria is really easy 😂😂😂. So really good grades on all the projects. Not as good grades on the class participation stuff bc I kept forgetting to do my reflections and the readings, but that's not very many points overall. So unless we do badly on the project that has yet to be graded (unlikely), I'm Proooobably going to get an A in this class too. At worst, a B. But I'm hoping for an A.
It'd just be really cool to have straight As for the first time in college. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll do it all over again next semester too >:]
#speculation nation#usually i have at least one class i struggle with more#but i Also have spent every semester before this also working a job.#which that's the key difference i think. it's Impossible for me to keep a job without making sacrifices.#and yknow my dad and my old advisor would tell me that school's more important#but when you gotta work to eat and pay ur way thru school. u kinda Have to prioritize work?#when it comes to staying in ur boss's favor and keeping regular attendance etc etc etc#there were a number of times i ended up so tired from work id get home and look at an assignment and go 'do i Really need to do this?'#check the syllabus to see how much it's worth. and if i think i can get away with it then i skip it.#but not this semester. i finished every stupid fucking assignment bc there Were no work conflicts like that.#(minus the One quiz i forgot which got dropped anyways. and then the readings and reflections i mentioned above lol)#and as it turns out. when u do Every damn assignment. well that directly translates to better grades.#and see even without working a job. full time school is still fucking punishing.#i kept at it but there were a number of times i felt myself cracking.#held it together thru determination alone. one foot in front of the other. i kept going. i finished. and i did a damn good job of it.#couldnt live that way for too long though. it's no wonder i kept having breakdowns in previous semesters#with me trying to do school while also working. full time school just does Not work for me with that.#and even part time school was more than i could handle well.#but i Can be a good student when i can actually Focus on it. my grades here are evidence enough.#so im feeling pride. and im feeling certainty.#i have 3 classes left to complete before i graduate. and im gonna.#i WILL do well on those classes too. and i WILL graduate in may. im speaking it into existence. i WILL do it.
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put this in my drafts because i expected spring break to be my time to lock into my shane and ryan hyperfixation, but i ended up locked into my stardew valley hyperfixation instead 😔✊
i said “i’ll just play for a few minutes!” and now i am at 98% completion in that game with apsolutely no shane and ryan compilations, edits, or fanart completed 😔✊ so upsetting.
#it’s the stardew valley update’s fault#i’m very happy about it!#don’t get me wrong#but i have a GHOUL BOYS BLOG TO MAINTAIN GODDAMMIT! 😔✊#my hyperfixations bring me much joy#but they feel like a full time job in a way#and most ppl would just simply stop being so obsessive about their interest#BUT I LITERALLY CANNOT 😭#i cannot engage with things in regular amounts#it is either ALL or NOTHING#idk any other people struggle with this???#prolly the neurodivergent brain ig but idk#aly rambles
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#super freaking out cos my friend who is a vet has offered me a job at her practice as a care assistant#so my job would just be to do all the little jobs. help looking after the animals. cleaning. sometimes calling patients etc#it's a fantastic opportunity but it looks so much more difficult then anything i've ever done before#and on the one hand i'm like ''yes! i love animals! i need a steady income! this is perfect!''#but on the other... i haven't been at my current job that long. so it feels like a dick move to up and leave.#i don't know if i'd be able to cope with the animals dying all the time. some of the stuff i'd have to do looks really technical#and i'm scared i'll do it wrong (eg put the wrong label on the wrong medicine) and it'll lead to an animal dying#like it's a proper full time monday-friday 9-5 kinda gig#which is great cos my current job is a ''are we gonna give you more than 2 days next week?? who knows! it's a supprise!!''#and that situation is stressing me out. so i do need something different#but this is like a proper serious job. and idk that's scary#plus my friend would be my boss. which i don't mind. but i dont want her to vouch for me and then i'm terrible at it...#cos that's not fair on her#they've offered me a trial shift next week. so i guess i could do that and just scope it out..#it also feels like nepotism which doesn't super sit right#but it's not a sure thing. the other vets and practice owners have to agree and they may not like me. it's not like i have experience#and it's only a low paid position so if its nepotism its not like... super beneficial nepotism...#sigh. i know i should go for it. just last time i went for a big different job like this it ended badly#and i ended up back in retail.#so i don't wanna go thru that all again#but i also dont wanna stay working in this shop forever. it wouldn't be too bad if only i had regular hours. .#and i knew what those hours were more than a week in advance#i know this is like.. a non-problem. i'm just stressing about it#plus its making me feel guilty whenever i go into my current job. like i'm cheating on them#i do need that regular income tho#screams in anxiety
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FFXIV modders wouldn't last a day in the Sims modding mines.
#it's hydrogen bomb VS coughing baby level shit#you try to pull the shit 95% of XIV modders do in the Sims scene it's as if you threw yourself into a ravenous mass of piranhas#yeah there's more perma-paywall modders than comfy in the Sims scene but it's not THE NORM(tm) and you can namedrop every one#in XIV you pay like 50 on the regular for shitty vanilla mashups that won't even get fixed with patch updates#on an MMO that literally says explicitly that mods and third-party addons are against TOS#I dunno if you put Second Life levels of scamming into it as your full-time job I'll laugh if you get banned#also you'd be out of a job eventually anyway because online shit eventually shuts down it won't be around forever#anyway get me a shirt that says I'm a proud XIV pirate because fuck that noise#I also wanna see skirmishes between perma-paywall modders that used to be alright like Anto and the XIV folks who pirate his CC to sell :)
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I’ve been baking so much recently and so many people around me endlessly compliment me on it. And every time I just endlessly think about how so many of them beg me to start up an at home business for it.
#like I want to but also…#imposter syndrome creeps up on me as well#I think the thing is. I barely have free time as it is#w a full time job and my regular chores for taking care of a house#plus just the fear of monetizing a beloved hobby….#right now I think maybe I am fine w the odd job of it#where sometimes people at work will order from me stuff for birthdays or celebrations for a small gathering#I do have a big order this year tho#bc my usual guy wants 3 dozen this time instead of his usual 2 dozen of my pumpkin pie cookies#and pumpkin pie cookies are already a whole ass job for just a regular dozen#and I always make it fresh#so I don’t make them a week ahead and store them until it’s time#I do then a few days before the order#tbh it allows me to charge more#this year I’ll probably be charging him $150-160 for the order
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“haha oh yeah ill draw a quick post-scarif au comic” says local man who will proceed to spend the rest of his night drawing ideas for a cybernetic hip implant
#The *implant* itself is pretty true to a regular hip replacement bUT#the part i took so long on was the idea for an external piece thats job is to manually stimulate the damaged/partially paralyzed muscles#This is all for Cassian btw i know a lot of people write that he broke his spine but i’m writing that it was mostly his hip and some—#—lasting damage to the back but not a full break.#in my au he gets in Bacta soon enough to save his back but his hip joint is absolutely fucked as are the muscles#Anyways i should get paid time off reason being ‘needed to draw couldnt go to work’
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#the thing is I'd also want to die in a regular job. lol. so what else would i even do if i dropped out#except rot in my parent's house#oh my god being in my parent's house full time... i didn't even consider that
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https://x.com/Maxpla1ning/status/1738186139259851126?s=20
your gifs are there if i'm not wrong right?
Mine along with several other gif makers on here, yeah. It’s very funny when twitter users steal gifs because they are sized for tumblr (which already forces them to be lower quality than what’s possible bc of 1. the ideal gif width to avoid them being super compressed on here and 2. actual file size restrictions), and when they get reposted again to twitter, they look sooo much worse on there. f1twt is just 80% stolen tumblr & reddit content, rage baiting for attention, and weirdo discourse about wags. what a place.
#ask#the best f1twt account by a mile is this daniel twitter account#(@mereeedithh i believe it is though i could be missing some of the extra letters)#who actually 1.) knows the rules of this sport#2.) puts out quality content about daniel and updates on his race and interviews and everything#3.) doesn’t steal people’s shit#she’s what f1twt could be#but sadly largely isn’t#this is very off topic from the gif stealing lol i just really hate f1twt at large#and took the opportunity to rag on it#anyway i appreciate you sending this along!#it’s annoying but i don’t even bother calling it out for the most part#bc so many people do it that itd be a full time job yelling at them all#i mostly work up the energy to be super pissed off when elon musk payers steal content bc they profit off interactions with OUR work#w these regular people i just hope i can find their tumblr and block them but it usually fails unfortunately
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#as it turns out if i work 2 full days in a row on the third day i will lose all ability to mask#which is very funny from an outside prospective#I'm usually so bubbly and sweet to my regulars and i bet they think i was really bitchy yesterday#I have such a hard time physically talking and my brain and body feels like static#it's honestly so incredible to me how my coworkers can do it everyday#pls i need the secret#i want permission to have silent days but i work in retail 😭😭#rip#anyway i love my job and I'm grateful for it#sorry to all my friends and fam who want me to be social with them it's been difficult to balance out but I'm working on it
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The next KNPS chapter will be up today but they've fucked my work schedule around again so I'm working a Sunday for the first time since February. It'll be later than usual. Might switch my update day to Monday for a bit since I'm working at least the next few Sundays. We'll see.
#ficblogging#in other news i wrote like 4500 words for the mata nui/ackar fic yesterday.#i have like 3 chapters of knps ready to go after todays so i figured i could take a bit of a break#not that i couldnt take a break if i just felt like it or whatever im not beholden to anyone this is a thing i do for fun#but also i like having a regular update schedule. makes me feel organized and accomplished#updates will likely slow thru the summer as well bc i have a full time job for a couple months so. thats fun#pays better than current job tho and its at a library working with kids. living the dream over here. yeehaw.
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Iron Man (1962) #62
#oh ok and there’s also a discordance in how Iron Man comes across and his actions#I’m assuming that it’s the Iron Man armor and not just his demeanor that’s making him come across as ‘distant formal… cold!’#that he’s ‘like a machine’#which is its own interesting layer because it is sometimes that Tony is the one framed as cold#and Iron Man as the one that’s more expressive#at least in that Iron Man can rage and be openly angry during fights#I think Tony’s often framed as cold in the businessman context and that he’s more human in the playboy context#but those aren’t completely seperate things#like I don’t think that Tony was behaving particularly cold when talking to this employee before this supervillain thing started#but that it’s sometimes framed that Tony is the cold one and sometimes that Iron Man is the cold one#ultimately evens out to that he’s essentially portrayed as repressed in both of his identities#but able to reveal parts of himself in each of them#but neither is the true or full picture#but it’s interesting that there’s no attempt to portray Tony Stark and Iron Man’s viewpoints as different in any way#and it’s something we’ve seen employees comment on before that Iron Man seems strangely as invested in the company as Tony is#he’s not putting on the guise that he’s just a regular employee and this is just a job to him and not his life like it is to Tony#and that’s taken as an admirable thing and oh we should all be that invested in Stark Industries#rather than anyone ever piecing the truth together#I wonder if how both Tony and Iron Man at times comes across as cold contributes to that#like you’d expect if that was his secret identity that he’d be a bit more expressive in one of them#but nope it’s definitely that this is the totality of what Tony is#and maybe that’s the case for Iron Man too#I don’t see much of an effort or even concept in people’s minds that there’s more to Iron Man that they could uncover#marvel#tony stark#my posts#comic panels
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have finally been inspired to start back on research to look forward to doing a phd in a couple years and what i missed and love about academic study is the bit where i’m two pages into an introductory text for a concept and am already distracted by daydreaming about how dope it’ll be when i basically know this whole field by heart because i’ll definitely finish this book and 20 others, how long can it take, like a week or something, and then i’ll write so many papers and get at least 5 phds and
#but this time i've decided to just actually do it#bc to be honest if i could get my BA while on the wrong meds for most of it and barely ever sleeping or eating#and my MA in that house with my horrible landlord and my untreated ptsd#imagine what i can do now that i have meds and regular mealtimes and a cute little apartment with a desk i just organised so nicely#and lovely friends who are so enthusiastic when i rubber duck debug my thoughts to them#(and also a full time job and many other hobbies so i'm trying to be REASONABLE about my time spending)#but like i could just read five pages a day and that'll add up#anyway back to actually learning what pragmatics is and not just thinking about how cool it'll be to know what pragmatics is
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