#This is all for Cassian btw i know a lot of people write that he broke his spine but i’m writing that it was mostly his hip and some—

[oatshow]

“haha oh yeah ill draw a quick post-scarif au comic” says local man who will proceed to spend the rest of his night drawing ideas for a cybernetic hip implant

[gwyns]

tbh with you after finishing acosf and the bonus chapter for the first time, all I knew was I didn't want Elain and Azriel to end up together. I wasn't remotely passionate about Gwynriel and Elucien but I definitely knew E/riel isn't going to happen.

Mainly bc through out the whole series even if 3.5 books of it was from Feyre's pov and first person I didn't felt any spark between them. between Nesta and Cassian? NO DOUBT I new they were mates. as casual reader you can feel they're mate material. but even that rescuing scene everyone keep talking about that it's the main reason they're going to end up together fell falt for me!! bc Lucien wasn't there and I'm sure if he was... no one could've stopped him.

like acosf was the last nail in their coffin! sjm could've made me believe that they're endgame specially when it's 3rd person but she didn't even try lmao. but still I was like well... she made me like Nesta! she made me fell in love with her and understand her in a way it felt personal. she made me fall in love with Nessian and Feysand so she can definitely write E/riel that I might change my mind about them... but I was unsure and I was trying to convince myself lol (the way I kept telling myself that it's gonna be okay lmao)

but then I read the bc and it was over... I was done! the way Azriel thought about Elain made me cringe multiple times. the way Elain felt so small in that scene made me uncomfortable and the way he questioned Cauldron as he has some claim on her? oh all I could see was red!!! so that's why I was sure E/riel won't happen and even if it does I was done with this series I'm not even kidding...

so yes this was my experience with the book! and I brought this up bc I saw one of the E/riels say that if they didn't join the fandom they would've known people shipped Az and Gwyn and their irl friends also didn't know that...

honey sorry to break it to you but you need to raise you standards. bc if you didn't notice how toxic that interaction was... I feel sorry for you</3

e/riel has always felt boring to me. like yeah they have some cute moments but where are the moments that make me grin, stop reading and squeal for a second because the chemistry is making me go insane? sjm knows how to write this very well so her not including it is a choice she made and it's a very telling choice

like even sjm ships i don't particularly care for have these moments, i'm not a huge manorian fan but that "i'll bleed whatever color you want me to" line is SO. GOOD. like it stops me in my tracks everytime i remember it exists. tell me, does e/riel have even one comparable line together? i can't think of any that aren't said by other characters. all the conversations they've shared (and that's not a lot btw) don't have anything with that kinda spark in it

that's something i don't see people bring up much... lucien wasn't present when elain was kidnapped. feyre wouldn't need to find a volunteer if he were there because you can bet your ass he'd do anything to help elain and feyre if we're being honest. the fact that az had to be goaded into even helping is hilarious, the only reason that man went was because nesta bruised his ego and he wanted to prove he was good enough to do it. that and, as i've seen others point out recently, it was somewhat of a culmination of feyre's arc with him. he taught her to fly therefore he was there when she first flew. that makes much more sense narratively than whatever garbage e/riels throw around

az has a lot to make up for in my opinion. his behavior in that chapter was... gross, to say the least. i was annoyed with him beforehand because of that side of the fandom, but his chapter was the first time i truly felt disappointed. it was there somewhat when he attacked eris at the high lord's meeting and made mor so uncomfortable but... idk his chapter was on another level. i felt so disgusting reading his parts with elain and rhys. his parts with gwyn tho? brought out the best in him and made me remember why i liked him so much in the first place. sjm wrote that chapter very deliberately and those who refuse to see it are just upset their predictions aren't happening

it's funny they say that when it's quite literally the opposite. my best friend who i've mentioned before is a very casual fan, didn't even see how elain and az could be shipped because in her words, "elain and lucien are mates". she's read a total of two and a half sjm books and already knows her formula lol

[jyndor]

My guess is that “this is a first for me” now refers to the fact that Cassian’s never been in prison while awaiting execution. He’s been sent to prison for crimes not punishable by death (not that prison wasn’t its own death sentence, at least on Narkina 5) but he’s never been locked in a cell knowing he could get a blaster bolt between the eyes within hours of being locked up. The Partisans were almost certainly planning to execute him, Chirrut and Baze; they just had to clear it with Saw first. As a secondary qualifier, it could also refer to the type of prison; it’s probably the smallest cell he’s ever been in, and it’s in a cave instead of an incarceration facility.

lol okay so i really went in on this as is my mo, not because anything you said is wrong or whatever lol it's your opinion. but it's sparked Discourse in my head rip

i feel like since the show aired i just haven't been explaining myself clearly with this but i'll try: i don't care what headcanon someone uses to handwave a thing that doesn't track 100%. i do it when something just doesn't track to ME or when i feel like telling canon to fuck off lol askdhasjdh but people will use their headcanon explanations to tell folks canon is still consistent. it's NOT lol it's a retconnnnnn

this is why i don't like retcons generally speaking. it just isn't that hard to stick to what canon already says, and while this one isn't really important at all (like it's a comment cassian makes offhandedly and can easily be handwaved like this) i think writers should try to avoid retcons (not always, sometimes things should be retconned because they're trash? but usually yeah retcons are meh). and then when you've got like a relatively small fandom like rogue one's that has been going along with what we all thought was canon until the show aired, it's extremely aggravating to be told that oh actually what we thought was true (even though until a few months ago it was) is not true anymore and aren't we crazy for not seeing that??? not that you have said any of that btw im not talking about you lol.

like i shouldn't have to qualify things to make them make sense with the main piece of media - which rogue one is. andor is a prequel to rogue one. rogue one is not a sequel to andor. andor has the responsibility to track with rogue one because it's supplementary material for rogue one. plus rogue one came out first. i shouldn't have to do mental gymnastics to make little moments in rogue one still make sense. and luckily i can divorce andor from rogue one pretty well and handwave shit and come up with my interpretations like yours and other fans' but we shouldn't HAVE to. it isn't a high bar to meet to be consistent.

when i analyze media, i always start with an out-of-universe (doylist) approach. i look for preconceived notions that might have influenced the writing, i look for motivations and at the history of the writers, etc. and then i can more easily take an in-universe (watsonian) approach. it's just hard for me to ignore inconsistencies, writer biases, real world context etc. probably because i have ocd and i am very literal. that's a personal problem lmfao.

so i can't even get there with things like this because it's obvious to me that tony gilroy, who did not write the film, wanted to tell a great story. he wanted to write what he wanted to write and wasn't super concerned with it lining up 100% with the film in a literal way. and he did. i mean all gripes aside andor is a fabulous show. easily the best thing i've seen all year. but i've still got my gripes lmfao.

in this case i think it's understandable that he'd do that because it actually doesn't make a whole lot of sense that cassian wouldn't have gotten caught by someone at some point. it is more reasonable that he would have. and for someone like the cassian in the show who is certainly anti-imperial, has politics despite what other people in the show say, but is not necessarily radicalized, yeah it makes sense that being sent to prison based on some bullshit xenophobic profiling would radicalize him. that is me doing some in-universe analysis btw.

but let's not kid ourselves. it doesn't fit with that line. before the show aired, not a single viewer thought he was lying or on some obi-wan bullshit with the "certain point of view" thing at that moment. yes, he's a liar. yes, he's a spy.

chirrut, who knows cassian is a captain not because cassian tells him he is but because of the force lol (this is why cassian gives him a weird look like 'how the fuck do you know that???'), takes him at his word and then says 'there is more than one sort of prison' meaning that just because cassian hasn't been literally locked up, it doesn't mean he doesn't have things that hold him back or imprison him metaphorically. that's the whole point of that moment - and lol it's actually kind of a more insulting retcon than I initially thought because chirrut reads cassian extremely well throughout the film with the force. but apparently he doesn't because he takes cassian at his word on jedha.

when cassian is about to go assassinate galen and he's avoiding jyn's eyes and being all shady lol, the camera keeps panning to chirrut looking away from the rest of the group but with a very disgusted expression on his face. he tells jyn that 'the force moves darkly around a creature that is about to kill' when she is like ??? the fuck do you mean by does cassian look like a killer?????

my point is that chirrut has a very good understanding of cassian's vibes in the force. chirrut takes him at his word on jedha but he is visibly disgusted by cassian on eadu. cassian actually being in prison before jedha changes chirrut's connection to the force for me. hmm now i'm mad LOL.

we were not intended to think cassian was lying on jedha. we were however intended to catch how shifty cassian was being on eadu - not making eye contact with jyn in a very overt way, not making a whole lot of sense to anyone, chirrut's callout, baze's deliberate use of "he has the face of a friend" but not that he IS a friend (although he is <333) because again. spy. mask. lying. that's what baze and chirrut call out on eadu, and what makes jyn realize that she fell for cassian's deception. it's really important that chirrut's connection to the force is credible because otherwise lol okay he's just some guy who fights well. he's not that - he's a guardian of the whills and his connection to the force is undeniable if not defined.

cassian's lying on eadu until he has his moment of truth. it's a different feel than his interactions with everyone else on jedha (although when he's talking to jyn about meeting tivik's sister he deliberately doesn't make eye contact).

cassian makes eye contact when he's being honest - the hangar scene, the eadu fight with jyn (which... lol im not even going there right now), definitely on scarif a number of times and most notably in the elevator. when he's lying, he gets avoidant.

that's a deliberate choice by the writers, director and diego ofc. in 2015/2016.

cut to 2020/2021 or whatever and tony gilroy, who did an immense amount of work on rogue one with the reshoots (allegedly mostly in the 3rd act of the film although that first scene with cassian is all him lol - also side note why couldn't he have cut the bor gullet smdh) to the point that he got a screenwriter's credit because of SWG(? the union idk) rules (totally fair of course, but i think a lot of people don't know that he didn't literally write the film or create cassian lol), is writing the best story he can and isn't really worrying about how much it tracks with minutiae from the film or like idk what pablo hidalgo wrote in guidebooks lol (pretty sure that's where the fest thing came from as well as him being 26 and jyn being 22? but also i mean im not sure if that hadn't been decided by the writers of the film).

i mean you'd have to ask him but im sure he'd say as much - that he wanted to tell a great story and as long as it was mostly consistent or could be considered consistent with who cassian will be in rogue one, it's easily handwaved or explained. and yeah that's true for most people but unfortunately for me i'm neurodivergent as hell with a hyperfixation on this dumb film and plus i have severe ocd so i notice discrepancies. and they annoy me.

i wanna be clear: i don't think this is the most egregious retcon of the show. not at all. but i'd like people to acknowledge that it is a retcon and that no, gareth edwards and chris weitz and gary whitta did not intend for cassian to be like "well actually what i meant is that technically, i have been imprisoned but i wasn't sentenced to death" or whatever reason we may now individually use to make it make sense. and i don't see a problem with doing that - i literally make headcanon all the time because canon ends in a way im sad about LOL. but this is headcanon. because canon doesn't track with itself.

also just a note: personally i think it's pretty clear cassian knows that narkina COULD be a death sentence. cassian understands narkina is dangerous as hell from the moment he steps his bare foot onto that metal floor. they fry people. he's smart, to me he knows it's a potential death sentence. but that's just my interpretation of the show.

i think the best way to handwave this retcon is to say cassian hasn't been imprisoned by rebels before or by alleged allies. or maybe in service of the rebellion.

*and cassian recognizes chirrut's force-ishness immediately, which is why he asks if he's a jedi. (it's why im like lol everyone just shut up about cassian not knowing what jedi are, i don't need an explanation for how he learns about them. i don't need them to make a big thing of whether or not cassian knows what jedi are because of course he does, jedi are in fact extremely well known in the galaxy and this is an area where im like tony gilroy stay on your lane XD)

[theladyofbloodshed]

So that anon's theory about Amren and babies made me think of a crackfic that I would love if you could do (it is however somewhat Amren centered and I'm aware you don't like writing her so you can refuse this-I completely understand)-

( I would like if this is set after your AU ACOSF cause that for me is the only Nessian story I find acceptable but again whatever you wish to do-you're the writer :) )

So basically Nessian's baby (daughter) who is now around maybe 1 years old (whatever age babies start crawling or moving and somewhat talking on their own) and has had some sort of attachment to Amren.But now that the baby is able to move around herself she's taken to trying to follow Amren everywhere.And no one is able to stop her or distract her.Maybe she even has a babbled random name for Amren as well that the whole NC finds hilarious.

So basically Amren spends a whole day hiding from the baby only to be found every single time much to her annoyance and the IC's amusement.Like she's just going around the river estate hiding from a 1 year old in random places only to be found each time.Maybe at some point she decides to leave to summer court but is again found by the baby when Nesta is also at summer to talk to Cresseida about the fund and has her daughter with her.Idk how this ends or what even happens.It's purely a crackfic idea in my mind so it doesn't have to be completely factually correct or anything.Infact I love the way you think up stuff so if you take full reigns over this idea then that's great too :)

Ofcourse I understand if you don't want to write an Amren centric fic since you don't really like her (same btw) and usually write Nesta centric fics only but it's something about her experiencing her own form of torture with having a drooling babbling baby cling to her lol.

I'm also the same person who had requested the hormonal and pregnant Nesta fic and I absolutely loved it.If you do decide to write it I think it would be interesting if this fic is a continuation of that one of some sort.Thankyou so much!

I love your works!!Infact you are the reason I joined tumblr and discovered so many other authors so really you were my gateway.I can't wait to read your original work when ( used when- because it will happen because you're obviously talented enough to get it) you get published in the future!!!

Awww that makes me so happy that you joined and found more fics. There are so many talented people on here!

I've written just a short one (1.3k) of Amren getting terrorised by baby Nessian!

The ancient one called his name over and over until her voice had grown hoarse. He cut his shower short to see why Amren was howling his name like a wounded beast. She’d been terrifying with power – now, she was just a tiny female who made lots of threats with nothing to back them up.

‘What is the problem?’

Amren stood on a chair, as far to one side as it could go without tipping. ‘It’s followed me again.’

A growl rippled from his chest. ‘My daughter is not an it.’

‘Take it – her – away.’

Phia had always had a strange fascination with Amren. As soon as she could focus her eyes on faces, they always searched the room for the female. It had taken all of them months of chipping away at her to even hold the baby – and then Nesta had needed to remove her after less than a minute because Amren panicked.

Cassian swooped down on Ophelia then whooshed her up into the air so a big, beaming smile came onto her face. It seemed that Amren had been working at the table when she’d been snuck up on. Since she learnt how to crawl, there wasn’t a room that Amren could go to for an escape. Nesta might have given her daughter a helping hand from time to time too.

‘Your daughter is terrorising Amren again.’

Nesta stretched out on the couch. There was a book beside her, but since having a baby, sleep was prioritised over any other hobby.

‘I know. I could see them.’

‘Didn’t you hear her calling?’

Nesta snorted. ‘I did. Phia was fine, just trying to pull herself up.’

‘Wait until she learns how to walk.’

Nesta grinned. ‘And how to fly.’

Poor Amren would have no peace. She had seriously asked Rhys about defecting to the Summer Court. Nyx had never been bothered with her – or she to him. Ophelia had different plans. And Nesta seemed to enjoy her torment.

Nesta scooped the baby to her chest then kissed the crop of dark hair. The wings were a welcome surprise; they were not entirely sure whether the Illyrian genes would be passed along. Cassian had already planned her flying lessons and all the places he could take his daughter once she’d learnt.

‘Can you believe we made her?’

Nesta threw him an incredulous look. ‘I was just the vessel. This is your child. Ten months inside of me to come out looking exactly like your father, you poor, sweet girl.’

‘When we have a boy, he’ll look like you.’

‘Oo, you ripped me from front to back,’ she said in a sing-song voice as she slathered the baby with kisses to make her giggle. ‘If your papa thinks I am ever letting him touch me again, he must be sillier than I thought.’

Amren stood in the doorway and shuddered.

‘Would you like to come with us to the park?’

‘I would rather spend another eternity in the Prison.’

Nesta gave her a sweet smile. ‘I shall inform Rhysand of your request.’

***

Sure enough, once Phia had learnt to walk, Amren was her go to person. Sometimes she’d even start to cry if Amren didn’t pick her up – then Amren appeared as if she might burst into tears as a result. And every time, Nesta would watch with a smirk. Cassian saw her exchanging vindictive grins with Azriel from time to time too as they delighted in Amren’s torture.

There was no escape. Ophelia had learnt how to walk and how to pull herself up to surfaces in quick succession so even if Amren was in a chair, Phia would go to her then haul herself into Amren’s lap before she had a chance to get away. Her wings were growing stronger so, soon, Amren would never be able to escape.

Sometimes she was brave enough to lift the girl back down before running away. Other times, she remained pinned to the spot, calling out for help. The only one who ran when she called was Varian. What didn’t help was how utterly obsessed Varian was with Phia either. She was happy to go to him and he’d play with her for hours, much to Amren’s torment.

‘I don’t understand what is enjoyable,’ she confessed over dinner when Ophelia had wheedled her way onto Varian’s lap and helped herself to everything on his plate.

Cassian had thought that Nesta might prickle more over Amren’s words, but she only ever shrugged them off. If their daughter was hassling Amren, it gave her a moment of space. Nesta enjoyed the peace where she could wolf down her dinner without interruption.

‘Are you telling me that cracked nipples and sleepless nights do not appeal to you?’ She asked between mouthfuls of food.

All of the males around the table winced.

Since having a child, Nesta had lost any reservations or propriety. Cassian had stopped trying to protect her modesty each time she whipped out a nipple to feed Ophelia.

‘Don’t forget cleaning shit out of her belly button when she explodes.’

Mor gagged. ‘Is this a topic for dinner?’

But Rhys had nodded with understanding at Cassian’s words. They had all been there the first time Nyx had woken screaming from a nap absolutely covered in his own filth. Feyre and him had some sort of deal where one of them could refuse entirely to be involved and Feyre slammed down her portion of the deal in record time leaving Rhys to manage it alone.

‘She’s trying to touch me,’ Amren hissed, leaning to the side to stop Ophelia from reaching her.

‘Varian, she’s going to cry if you don’t hand her to her favourite person,’ Nesta teased.

The Summer Court male panicked. He doted on that little girl and would never want to see her upset, but Amren would eat him alive. The former won out with her wobbling bottom lip – which was definitely inherited from her mother. She might have been Cassian’s double in appearance, but the personality coming through was all Nesta.  

Ophelia pressed herself to Amren. Her chubby, little arms went around the female’s neck as she imitated the same noise her mother made when she hugged her. The moment ought to have been sweet, but Amren looked to be in physical pain or as if somebody had a knife pressed to her throat.

‘What does she want?’

‘Hug her back,’ Cassian suggested.

Amren blew out a breath. Then inhaled. Blew out again. Her eyes screwed shut.

'I can't.'

Azriel burst into laughter, surprising them all.

‘She looks like we’ve asked her to hug the Attor. She’s a baby, Amren.’

‘I would hug Nyx,’ she said, straining her face upwards to keep away from Phia, ‘but there’s something not right with this one.’

‘Feyre, will you swap our babies over.’

Amren’s silver eyes went wide. ‘No.’

‘I think bonding with both would be good for Amren,’ Feyre replied, carrying Nyx over.

He’d been a lovely baby. A very easy one too, content to slumber in people’s arms or sleep solidly through the night from one month. As soon as he’d hit two, a different child had emerged. Cassian was happy to admit that his nephew was horrid. Nyx quite enjoyed biting. And kicking. And hitting. And hair pulling. And the word no. Rhys had even made a joke about dropping him in Windhaven early after Nyx had thrown his bowl of soup directly at Rhys’ face.

‘Please, not him. Please, Rhysand. Rhysand. I will quit. I will leave this court and join Autumn if I have to.’

‘She’ll give up all of our secrets if confronted by an infant,’ Azriel mused, another wicked smile flitting onto his lips.

Feyre was too kind and hauled a thrashing Nyx back to his seat - but the threat was always there.

‘Phia loves you,’ Nesta crooned.

‘Amam.’

Nesta grabbed hold of Cassian’s hand. ‘She said her first word.’

‘That was not a word,’ Amren seethed.

‘She said your name,’ Varian said with pure delight.

‘My name is not Amam.’

‘If you think we are calling you anything else from now on, you’re dead wrong.’

Amren shook her head. ‘I wish I had stayed dead.’

[kybercvnt]

hewwo i love ur writing so much i wanna INHALE it,,,, can i request cassian andor x inexperienced!reader who’s v nervous abt disappointing him 😳😳😳

YES YES YES!!!!!

This was such a cute concept to write about- thinking about the juxtaposition between a slutty Cassian and an inexperienced lover is so adorable to think about, but I fear I might've butchered it a little.

So for starters, I really hope you meant smut TwT because that's where my mind immediately went when seeing the word "inexperienced" lol. Secondly, I seem to write smut on two ends of the spectrum. On one end is totally slutty and on the other is an insecure virgin. As a result, there's a bit of unsureness about the reader exposing themself to Cassian, but hopefully, I reached the core elements of what you've requested.

This is my first request btw! I'm really happy about that and I'm super duper happy it's about Cassian! Also thank you so much for your kind words it means a lot to me to hear that people actually enjoy my work :') enjoy my lovely <3

Pairing – Cassian Andor x Inexperienced!Reader

Word Count – 1992

Warnings – Smut, AFAB reader (but I think I made hopefully all of the references to the reader–outside of anatomy–gender neutral), unprotected sex

Cassian Andor was a ladies' man. Considering his well-known affiliations with many Ferrix women, it was no surprise that he was a man of experience. You knew he and Bix had some history together, but even though they both had moved on, there was always that sneaking suspicion that there was more underneath the surface.

That’s why when Ferrix’s local womaniser ends up asking you out, you were rather taken aback. It was hard not to have a crush on Cassian Andor. He always knew just what to say to get someone going, it was in his nature. What was hard was just being friends with him. For all the times you spent time with him, that crush you developed for him continuously bloomed and blossomed, no matter how much you tried to squash it down and push it to the side, the thought of him always gave you butterflies.

He must’ve been having the same issue as you were, but he found no hesitation in letting you know about how you made him feel– he had done it so often that he knew when and how to go about these feelings. That’s why when you returned his feelings he was more than happy to turn his best friend into his lover.

Cassian was also a man of passion. He may be very compassionate for those close to him, but he was still a man with needs and desires. Normally he would turn to his hand or the local brothel to satisfy his cravings, but nothing felt better than being in the warm embrace of somebody he loved– someone he could show how much he cared for with more than just words.

Cassian was benevolent, strong, and resilient, you wanted nothing more than to do the same with the man you had great admiration for. He was so perfect. He was the perfect carer, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect man. Nothing about him strayed far from perfect. That’s why letting him down was the last thing you wanted to do.

On one of his many frequent visits to your house, you found yourself in a passionate makeout session with Cassian on the edge of your bed, his hands roaming over your clothes legs. When it became heated, they skimmed upwards and slipped under your shirt, as soon as you felt the contact of his skin on your bare own, you instinctively grabbed his wrist and broke away from the kiss. His face called for concern, but his hand was still firmly placed on your torso.

“What’s wrong?”

“Cass, I–”

“I’m sorry. Whatever I did I’m sorry.”

“No, Cass it’s nothing like that, it’s–”

“I overstepped my boundaries, I shouldn’t have.” He raised from his spot on your bed and you followed after. You cupped his face in your hands to stop him from moving any further away and to let you get your explanation in.

“I want you.” You told him. “Stars how I’ve never not wanted you.” His eyes only bore into yours asking then what’s the problem? “I just haven’t… I don’t want to disappoint you.” The corners of his lips turned upwards and he let out a brief chuckle.

“You won’t disappoint me, you never have.” His hands clasped over yours, dragging them from his face, “I love you, do you remember?” You nodded.

“I remember.”

“Then I’ll be here to help you when you need it.” He said and his mouth found yours again. It was only a brief exchange, one to show that he was there for you– to show he did love you. When he pulled away, you weren’t finished, so you reached for the back of his head and pulled him in close to smash your lips together. Cassian didn’t object to your advances– he embraced them.

His hands went back to caressing you, brushing over your neck, shoulders, your waist, although he was careful not to overstep again. He, however, did grasp the hem of your shirt and gently tugged it to show you what he wanted. You pulled away from him just so you could pull it over your shoulders.

Only a final layer of clothing prevented you from fully exposing yourself to the world, so you reluctantly reached around and unclasped the hooks of your bra and let the contents slide off your arms. You naturally covered your breasts to retain some dignity, Cassian thought it was cute. He softly clutched your wrists and leaned into your ear.

“You don’t need to be afraid,” he whispered. Your tenseness went away as your muscles relaxed. He always managed to do something for you. Your arms dropped to your sides and he glanced down for a brief moment to see you displaying yourself to him. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered and planted a warm kiss on your lips and trailed down your neck while his thumb traced around the mound of your newly-exposed flesh.

It was long before each of you had pulled the other’s clothing off. Cassian started to back you into your bed, but when the back of your legs hit the edge of the mattress, you fell backwards and sat back down on the cushioning. You would be face-to-face with his cock if it weren’t for the fact you immediately looked up at him. He was staring down at you with lust in his eyes– you were at his complete disposal. He didn’t want to see you as anything beneath him, so he knelt down to your level.

He touched your thighs and moved up your body, revelling at every sensation he felt from touching you. Then he pushed the rest of your body into the bed and hovered over you. “Will you let me take care of you?” he asked. You nodded and he pressed an affirmative kiss to your lips once more and slid back down.

Let him take care of you, you did. While you stared up at the ceiling, you let him lift your legs over his shoulders– letting him completely mould you into any way he pleased. How he pleased was how to please you, and you were willing to let him use his skills for your benefit.

The next thing you felt was his hot breath on your vulva before his tongue lick a fat stripe up your cunt. You lifted your head to swap your gaze from the boring ceiling down to your boyfriend whose face was busy devouring your pussy. He was wreaking pure havoc on your poor clit, producing so much spit that it started to spill over the edge of his mouth and leak down the rest of your pussy. He glanced up at you to catch your bewildered stare and shot you back a wink. Heat flooded through your body at the eye contact and your head hit the mattress again, unable to handle the embarrassment.

He was like the dog for the way he was lapping you up. He had a firm grip on your thighs while all you could do was squirm at the sensation, your orgasm building, while you had to endure those filthy, wet slopping noises Cassian was creating as he buried himself between your legs. Your squirming only added to the pleasure and soon your building orgasm released itself into Cassian’s mouth.

He laughed at your wriggling from the sensitivity and removed himself from his spot. Without your boyfriend’s warm mouth latched onto your pussy, the cool air quickly replaced it, so your legs snapped shut. Cassian could only chuckle at the motion as he stood over you, watching, with his cock resting in his hand.

His other hand planted itself on one of your knees and he carefully pried them open. He licked his lips before climbing over you and positioning himself at your entrance. “Just call out if you need to, baby.” He told you and left you a warm kiss on your forehead. The head of his cock poked and prodded your hole, collecting the mixture of bodily fluids that had accumulated on your cunt to slicken himself. Then you felt your walls expand to make room for Cassian’s girth, but your muscles had other ideas.

They didn’t like the unfamiliar intrusion, so your body reacted and tightened down on him. You whimpered while your body adjusted and Cassian lay frozen above you, not daring to move an inch until you gave him a reason to. Once the brief pain had subsided, you looked up to your adorned boyfriend who was staring intently at you with concern embedded in his eyes. You touched his shoulders and nodded, providing him with a concrete affirmative.

Cassian pressed soft kisses to your neck as he continued slinking himself inside of you. The activity on your neck was the comfort you needed for your body to relax into him as he slowly filled your insides with him. His thrusts might’ve been considered painfully slow, but you were both too enamoured in the neck kissing to give any further thought to what was happening below deck.

That was until he pressed himself deep inside of you, touching your soul and you let out an involuntary moan. It snapped him out of his trance on your neck and began picking up the pace. Slow and steady wins the race and Cassian certainly wanted to take his time with you. There you were, underneath him with no sense of where to be touching or what to be doing while he took the reigns.

He liked hearing your heavy breathing clash against each other, being the only other sound filling the room than the wet skin slapping. He liked seeing you willingly submit to him, letting him relentlessly pound into your cunt since he knew how to. Since he knew how to please his lover.

The pain was replaced with pleasure, and soon he was reaching every crevice of your innards, contorting your womb to fit him, to feel him. Nothing was more arousing than to imagine him and feel him, balls deep inside of you. He was nothing but a horny mess, aching to reach further into you and touch places he hadn’t already touched.

Those thoughts aroused you– thinking about him filling you to the brim with his cock, the ultimate form of intimacy. An act that he would do if he loved you, and he did. His incessant rocking, fondling, and kissing were building that tightness in your pussy once again. If he kept it up, then there was no way to dampen your growing orgasm. Cassian was a love-making connoisseur, so he obviously kept it up. In a sudden burst of electricity, heat sprung down your legs to your toes and your pussy gripped Cassian’s cock while he rode out your hefty orgasm.

Small beads of sweat began to form on his forehead and his hammering grew slewed and ragged. His eyebrows furrowed when he dug himself as deep as he could inside of you and let out the most vulgar growl you’ve ever heard a man release. His hips jutted while he emptied himself inside of you. He rested his head between your neck and your shoulder and his torso heaved as he was catching his breath, which was where he placed gentle kisses afterwards.

You both remained in this state with your boyfriend laying on top of you, acting like a complete puddle that had melted into the delicacy of your warm body. There was no moment in the universe to worry about letting your loving boyfriend down, especially while he was fucking you mad. If you didn’t believe in yourself, then Cassian was willing to show you. He wanted nothing more than to teach his beautiful partner what they wanted to learn, encasing them in a warm embrace of fondness and tenderness. Cassian would never have high expectations of you, he loved you too much to see any fault or flaw in your person.

[acourtofthought]

You agree there’s no evidence Gwyn is lying or hiding something but we know Elain is sneaking around. That’s the whole point. You are treating the situations like they’re the same when they’re not while also trashing theories that your fellow elucien shippers came up with btw. Just admit you hate Gwyn already it’s obvious you don’t have to pretend

Elain isn't "sneaking" around. Cassian noted she might not be going to the gardens like she said but that could mean so many other things.

She could be heading somewhere she's embarrassed to confess she's going.

She might not have needed to get up early in the first place and felt awkward at the dinner table because Az was there and she knew he'd been avoiding her so she made up a reason to excuse herself.

And Elain moving quietly isn't her "sneaking around" either (in a negative way). Just like Gwyn's "beckoning" song (which is the same language used when the Cauldron tried to lure Elain to it) doesn't mean her singing is manipulating people but you could see why some might make that case. I never said there wasn't evidence that could support Gwyn acting in a questionable way, I said I see how there could be (same as Elain based on one side of the fandom) but I personally don't agree with that interpretation. Cassian noted that he thought Nesta was lying to him but again, that didn't have a nefarious connotation attached to it.

A lot of the situations have similarities to them. And I'm noting what I feel are the similarities. You disagree but, are you telling me you're more the expert than I am? Should I not bother creating my own posts and simply defer to writing your ideas from now on? Or is it possible that we are both seeing different things and I'm also allowed to view things differently than you. I don't just randomly make up stuff, I usually have things from the book that I feel support my ideas. Without SJM confirming if I'm right or wrong, that's the best I can do.

Feel free to stop pressuring me into admitting I hate Gwyn anytime now. Because I don't hate Gwyn. I have been 100% honest that she's not my absolute favorite but I like her. Like I like Feyre or Mor or Amren. I probably like Nesta the least of all the females but I like her much more since the end of SF. And when you like one character and others don't, you definitely pick up on the negativity surrounding that character and how there are a lot of arguments against them. My defense of Elain and why I don't think others comparisons of her being terrible while Gwyn is great (because they're both good and decent females) is no different than when I see someone who likes Az then tries to tear apart Lucien as "less than" compared to him. I 100% hate how Az acts with Elain but I don't hate Az. What I do hate is when Az is made out to be better than Lucien and the arguments are unjust. So I then defend Lucien while giving examples of why I don't agree with Az's behavior. I don't dislike Gwyn at all but I do dislike when some super fans of Gwyn are really negative towards Elain which is no different than Gwyn fans hating how some E/riels attack her character in order to make Gwynriel less likely in their minds. And there's a huge difference between someone not being your favorite and completely trashing that character when there's evidence to support that the two actually share a lot of positive similarities.

[ialwaysgobacktoit]

Time to rest your weary head: The End!

FIRST AND FOREMOST; I KNOW it took me a DAMN LONG TIME to update this, but lemme explain: This was my first fanfiction ever written in english, my first Gwynriel long-fic and the first fanfic I ever published and I didn't want to finish it (although I knew it must come to an end)

I am so grateful for all the love, likes, kudos on AO3, comments and reblogs I've been getting since I first started posting it. You have NO IDEA how much it meant to me; I've always found myself a little insecure to post my own fiction work, but this one have payed off and it's all thanks to you guys!!!!

To @katiebellf the one who lovingly suggested WRITE A FANFICTION OUT OF THIS bday headcanon and i sure as hell did!!! To @madie2200 and @starbornsinger for being so supportive and always making sure I'd get feedback, and to @thecrispypotatochip for your constant reblogs with your opinions + to every kind soul out here in this crazy virtual space that made sure to make me feel loved! (i see you all, and i love you)

ANYWAY, that's it guys! <3 This chapter of my life is finally over (ik i'm being HELLA DRAMATIC but put up with me!!!!! i love gwynriel!!!!) and I can't wait for you to see what's to come :) (btw i know i'm technically LATE since here in my brazilian timezone it's 1AM but think on the bright side... I hope y'all have a great dinner/breakfast/lunch surprise :)

Chapter List here and my personal Gwynriel hymn that inspired the title of this fic RIGHT HERE

PART 15: FINAL.

Azriel knew what he had to do.

As he beheld the circle of people in front of him all gathered around the dining table, his family, he felt a sense of calmness and quietude he hadn’t for a long, long time. His eyes quickly landed on Gwyn, who was motioning for him to sit by her side.

It was dinner night at the River House, and he had it all planned out. His shadows bounced around his shoulders as he took the seat next to his mate. As she engaged in a conversation with Emerie and Feyre, Nesta and Cassian leaned on each other, Rhys played with Nyx while Mor and Amren discussed about something he couldn’t bring himself to care about, he felt at ease. Peaceful.

Gwyn held his hand under the table, and he let his shadows hung around her freely. It was almost as they belonged to her, and not him. They had started doing it a lot more often, so the Inner Circle was supposed to be more used to it by now. Still, Azriel ignored Amren’s inquisitive eyebrow and turned his gaze to his mate; those teal eyes were eyeing him, and she squeezed his hand, giving him an almost imperceptible nod; a go-ahead sign.

Just like they had previously talked.

“There’s something you should know” Azriel started, immediately earning the attention of almost everyone at the table, since it wasn’t every day he opened up like that. Only Gwyn kept staring at her lap, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Is everything ok?” Nesta was the one who asked.

“We’re mates.” She blurted out, startling him – and everyone around, for that matter. He looked at her, amused, and then at the confusion that reigned across the table. In a second, a squealing Nesta and Emerie lunched forward and embraced his mate in a tight and equally loud hug, while Cassian spitted his drink, Mor clapped and Amren muttered a “tell me something new”, quietly smiling and raising her glass at Azriel anyway.

Only Rhys and Feyre stood in silence at their spots at the table, knowing smiles mirrored on their faces quickly noticed by Nesta, still with her arms around Gwyn.

“Why are you two so quiet?” Her eyes missed nothing, raising her chin at her sister and her mate. Rhys merely took a sip from his drink.

“They already knew.” Azriel found himself saying, and Nesta’s stare darted to him, and then to Gwyn, who was still flushed from all the fuss.

“And you knew they knew?” She furrowed her brows; he couldn’t identify if her tone was menacing or curious, but Gwyn wasn’t the one to feel intimidated by it, given the way she chuckled in response.

“It was all me.” Rhys raised his hands. “It was an accident; I didn’t mean to pry.”

“I need to train more on my mental shields, apparently.” It was all the priestess admitted, but kindly smiled at Rhysand and Feyre from across the table. “The High Lo- Rhysand, I mean- kept it safe for me. He found out earlier than Azriel did.”

“You were the one to realize first?” Nesta sat again at her spot besides Cassian, and turned to her friend surprised. Gwyn smiled smugly.

“By a short amount of time” Azriel couldn’t help but grunt out, unconsciously falling into their usual banter.

Her warm eyes landed on him, and she winked, still with that Cauldron-damned smile on, causing shivers all over him.

“Still” She shrugged irreverently and smirked playfully. “I knew it before you. Quite the Spymaster, huh?”

If everyone else at the table stilled slightly at her words, all but Cassian, who bellowed in laughter, Azriel couldn’t notice. Not when his mate’s stare was unfaltering, with that challenging look in her eyes she knew he loved. He immediately found himself joining his brother, again not caring if it was the first in a damn long time his family even heard him laugh like that.

Some time passed between casual conversation and sips of wine. In that time, Azriel was secretly arranging his next words in his mind. Just like Gwyn and he had previously discussed, the news went well; as deep down, he knew it would. His family had understood and cherished them both, and Azriel reveled in the peace it brought him, quietly admiring those people around him.

When his eyes landed at Gwyn, though, deeply immersed in conversation with Rhysand, he took in a deep breath, determined. There was still one more thing he had to do, one more thing she wasn’t yet aware. Something he knew, in his heart, was the right thing to do. Was the best thing he could do.

“Rhys” He called, and Gwyn immediately turned her head to him, eyes shining with pure curiosity. “There’s one more thing.”

He leaned in closer to his brother, resting his arm behind Gwyn’s chair. Rhysand’s expression was equally intrigued, but his voice was calm and collected when he answered: “Shoot, brother.”

“I need a break.”

“Oh?” Rhysand’s eyebrows shot up with surprise.

“Oh?” Gwyn echoed quietly.

Her burning gaze made him tear his eyes from Rhysand and stare back at her; something was glimmering in her teal ocean eyes. He couldn’t discern what it was. The rest of his family was still talking to each other, though the conversation had dimmed a bit.

“I have well trained spies all over the country; I could spend the rest of this week getting them ready to take my place for a little while. I’d be back in two weeks, if you’d let me.” Azriel continued.

Rhysand smiled broadly and promptly retorted: “What about two months?”

Gwyn gasped beside him. Something stirred within Azriel’s chest. Two whole months, with Prythian in the verge of a possible war, didn’t seem wise at all, and he was well aware of the fact.

But Cauldron-damn him, he wanted that. Needed that.

Suddenly, a vision of a shining blue lake under the afternoon sun came into his field of view. In his fingers, loose strands of a long copper hair, like burning fire under the sunlight. The only thing he could hear was the chirps of birds and the soft breathing of the young priestess who rested against his chest. For whatever reason, he could see it.

He felt his brother’s claws against his mental shield, bringing him back from his reverie:

You deserve it, brother. You two deserve this and more.

He had to blink away the tears that he felt coming up, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Then he looked at Gwyn, that smiling, powerful force of nature sitting next to him. He finally understood what that was in her eyes; the same thing Rhysand showed in his.

Pride.

And he knew his answer.

EPILOGUE

A few years later

Azriel woke up to soft humming. He squinted against the morning light, and frowned when he found the other side of the bed empty. His fae senses discerned the familiar voice coming from the bathroom, a voice he always seemed drawn to.

He lazily got up and followed the sweet melody that woke him up and lived in his dreams; leaning against the door frame, he watched as Gwyn slowly brushed her damp hair, the smell of lavender filling up the air:

"Hey, you"

Gwyn turned around, and smiled softly at him. That morning sight still made his heart flutter, even if it's been years now since they shared rooms in the House of Wind.

"Good morning, love" She neared him and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "What are you doing up? Thought you weren't tutoring today."

"I'm not" He hummed, embracing her. "But the bed was getting cold."

His arms felt perfect around her back as she placed her hands behind his neck.

"Ha-ha" She pouted, rolling her eyes at his little drama "My Ilyrian boy is missing me already? It's been less than fifteen minutes"

"What can I do? I love my mate and don't want her to leave me just yet."

She looked thoughtful, a playful smile on her lips: "Well, I suppose I still got time before I hit the library..."

In a second, Azriel was picking her up in his arms and carefully laying her on their bed as she laughed, and he admired just how flushed she got after a hot shower. Gods, he could never get tired of that view. He started peppering her face with kisses, trailing down her neck and smirking against her skin as he heard her sigh and claw her hands on his hair.

"Az..." She murmured after a few seconds.

There's something.

The fact that his shadows had to alert him that made his head shot up and stare into those deep eyes in front of him. She was still smiling, but faintly, and gently stroked his hair as if to soothe him.

He straightened up, leaning on an elbow to face her.

"What?"

"I think we should discuss something."

She seemed nervous, but her tone left nothing to the imagination. Whatever something that was, Gwyneth Berdara was already set on it.

He nodded, brows furrowed.

"You know I love you, and I'm so happy the way things are going. But lately, with you training Ren to one day replace you as Spymaster and me opening up the public library in Velaris, well..."

He swallowed, feeling his heartbeat fasten. But she only smiled further:

"I feel like we should do it now. Accept the bond."

Seconds passed and Azriel didn't know what to say, as he scanned her face for any kind of discomfort or insecurity. There was none. A jest, maybe? Could it be...

"I'm not joking, Shadowsinger. In case you're wondering."

She interrupted his thoughts, and brushed her hands against his hair once more, pulling him closer to her.

"Gwyn, you..." He was speechless, something in his chest glowing brighter and brighter he felt it could burst out of him any minute now.

"I want this, Azriel. And have been wanting it for a long, long time." She breathed in "Do you still..."

"Yes. Yes." He answered in a breathless laugh; the reality of it hitting him. They were doing it. Mates. Forever.

"Mating ceremony and all?" She joined him in laughter now, they both beaming. Azriel felt his cheeks hurt.

"Whatever you say, Gwyn. I'd love whatever you wish. I just want to be with you for the rest of my life." The words came rushing out, but he didn't care. Not when his mate closed the space between them and kissed him intently.

-----------------

Gwyn didn't go to the library that day, after all. They prefer focusing on other more... Urgent matters after their talk.

As they lay in bed together a few hours later, Azriel felt utter peace. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of Gwyn's body tightly embraced in him, her hair soft against his chin, her breathing even on his chest.

He suddenly remembered this ancient tune his mother used to sing to him when he was no more than a kid. It was a sweet, tender lullaby about peace and tranquility. The one song he always remembered to sing against the darkness. One that seemed to originate from every cell in his body, intrinsic to who he was.

Lately, that song's been bringing him comfort and solace for one more reason. And he was singing it to her now.

And if Gwyn didn't move, nor shift her position, he knew exactly why. Moments in which he sang were rare, since he much preferred to hear his mate's powerful voice. And that song, that one tune meant so much to him, he knew she could sense it. He could feel her smile against his chest.

His shadows expanded and retracted around them both, cocooning them in darkness and playing around the room; temporarily set free.

He felt himself slowly giving in to a peaceful slumber as he went on:

And you would say

"Time to rest your weary head

Take your wings and go to bed

I know you want to show it all, my darling"

And I'd say

"Set me down and rock me, rock me to sleep"

All he sensed before sleep took over him was one, single kiss against his cheek, and a soft whisper against his ear.

He loved her too.

[nikethestatue]

So heres the thing that i found really confusing is why the hell some people call Az bonus chapter “uncomfortable and “ toxic”. The first time i read it i mean..that Elriel scene was hot 🥵🥵but toxic?? Thats the last thing i’d think of because u know why?? It is a freaking NA book.

For me the chapter compare to any other NA books i’ve read ( lj shen, rina kent, pen. douglas) is sooo vanilla like only the cherry on top. The antis do know right that now acotar being market into NA instead of YA so darker content is expected and there will be A LOT OF SEX, THINKING ABT SEX AND AT ONE POINT WILL DO SEX!!!

We’ve seen Elriel soft moment in the four books ( truth teller, “do u want me to show u the garden”, “i’’m getting her back atc..) like their feelings towards each other does not come from nowhere. Everything Azriel’s said or think abt is the same as what Nessian did in acosf.

For me in a NA book if two characters feel lust towards each other then that is a good thing like that what makes the book NA in the first place. Sjm wants to write abt Azriel kinky fuck thats why the crumbs that he’s a freak and Elain is aroused/ not a virgin were mentioned like if they would bang right away then its not surprising for the readers *cough*offer and permission *cough*. So the argument abt Az is toxic and etc makes me assume 3 things

1. They still in the YA zone

2. Their fantasy abt Az is diff from whats written in his chapter

3. Because it is Elriel

Your thoughts??

Hi,

I think I agree with all 3 points, but I also feel that the author herself has changed--she is older now, she is writing things that are different, and despite how people feel about ACOSF, she basically devoted an entire book to someone dealing with PTSD and self-hate. That's very different from TOG or even ACOTAR. Hence her writing would be different as well, and probably not as appropriate for the YA crowd. I don't like generalizing, but the majority of what *I* have seen out there, when it comes to Gwyn adoration, are younger women--teens, early 20s. Gwyn is a typical YA character--spunky, very young, determined and 'unburdened' by female characteristics, such as a family, children, running a household, cooking, taking care of life, taking care of others. What's the most common complaint about Feyre now? She is boring. All she does is stays home and is pregnant, and why did she have a baby at 21? and now she is a MILF. Perhaps, perhaps not, but she certainly isn't the spunky, adventurous 19 year old of ACOTAR. The YA crowd loves Gwyn, and it's understandable.

Elain is a more cerebral character. You already know that she is probably not going to swing a sword, which is great. Because there is a place for characters like that. But I think that's one of the reasons for the hate -- she is 'boring'. However, I think SJM wants to write characters like these now, because with them, she can explore a variety of different ideas, even what femininity is, how a non-fighting woman can make a difference--she already began that journey with Elain in previous books. Ultimately she writes books about her version of female-empowerment and the difference all women can make. She's written like 10 books with fighting females. Yet, some of her more interesting characters are people like Yarne and Elide and even like Amarantha and Maeve, because they don't rely on the swords, but mostly their knowledge, cunning, abilities.

I think sexually, SJM is also ready to explore other avenues. I don't see her writing the same as she did 7-10 years ago. I don't see her writing scenes like earthquakes and tumbling mountains and snapping palm trees when a male character orgasms. It's a little (a lot) ridiculous, but I feel like we'll see a lot more of Cassian-like sex, than Rhys.

I feel like what disturbed some readers, especially the younger ones in the POV, is the 'realness' of the thoughts. It wasn't 'prettified' with some fanciful language (btw, like the REST OF THE BOOK). Nothing at all different between Cassian and Azriel, both think of and ponder and want sex. But I feel like people, for some reason, aren't as emotionally invested in Cassian, or maybe he was always viewed as 'lusty'. Azriel is mysterious and less obvious, but suddenly reading purely sexual thoughts from him was a wakeup call. And thoughts about the 'boring' Elain and not the girl-boss Gwyn.

I think SJM wants to explore some more unconventional, 'weirder' sexual things with Az, and I simply don't think that he'll be doing that with a character like Gwyn. Not because of Gwyn, but of who identifies with her--teens, young adults.

Listen, for all I know, it might not even be Elriel--it might not be Elain and Az (though I highly doubt it), but it wont be Az and Gwyn either. Like, Az is NOT spanking or tying up Gwyn, and again, not because of Gwyn, but because of Az. Just yesterday I read some comment about someone arguing that maybe 'Gwyn is ready sexually' and all that. And I don't argue that, though I didn't see any indication of it in the books. But the question is, is Az ready? Because it takes two to tango. And it seems like everything revolves around Gwyn and her readiness in those canons. He is never mentioned--like he is just a stud put there to penetrate. But I don't see that interest or willingness in his character for her at all.

Let's remember that 'offer and permission' came from Elain. Elain willingly slept with Graysen before marriage. Elain has been putting gentle moves on Az. SHE is ready. He is ready.

I think it's definitely an amalgamation of things, but these will not be YA books going forward. And if the POV was so controversial, then yikes, I don't think that the actual book would be palatable for some readers.

[hacawijo]

Alright, If We’re Gonna Play with Az’s Bonus Chapter, Let’s PLAY with Az’s Bonus Chapter (Pt. 1)

I’m going to do a close reading of this bonus chapter, because this whole thing is stressing me out and I want to write out what I think I know what I definitely know and what I’m worried about. Here. We. Go. 

I’m not going to directly quote supporting info in this post, but I will be using a LOT of quotes in the next few weeks, so if anyone wants me to confirm a certain statement I’m making here just let me know and I’ll drop the receipts :)

Also this is super long but I had a lot of thoughts I’m excited about! My commentary is in bold italics!

The river house had finally fallen quiet after the raucous Winter Solstice party, the faelights dimming to cast little pools of gold amid the deep shadow here is an example of contrast between light and dark, which many have made salient points on regarding the counterbalance of Elain/Azriel and their relationship of the longest night of the year.

Amren, Mor, and Varian had finally gone to bed, but Azriel found himself lingering downstairs.

He knew he should get some sleep. He’d need it come dawn, for the snowball battle up at the cabin. Cassian had mentioned no less than six times tonight that he had a secret plan regarding his so-called impending victory. Az had let his brother boast. Especially since Azriel had been planning his own victory for a year now. Had been planning his own victory for a year now, and had one the past 199 years’ worth of fights.

Cassian wouldn’t know what was coming for him. And Az fully planned on capitalizing on the fact that Nesta likely wouldn’t let Cassian sleep much tonight.

Az snickered to himself, to the listening shadows around him. Note the differentiation between himself and the shadows around him - he snickers to them outside of himself, as they are not HIM, they are his companions.

Sleep, they seemed to whisper in his ear. Sleep.

I wish I could, he answered silently. But sleep so rarely found him these days. Again, engaging in a conversation with them. Though he does say that they SEEMED to whisper sleep, which is interesting. He seems to communicate with them beyond worded language, this is a case where he’s translating whatever that communication is into words.

Too many razor-sharp thoughts sliced him any time he grew still long enough for them to strike Yeah this guy needs some therapy for sure, love him but this feels very much like the state of avoidance that Nesta found herself in. Too many wants and needs left his skin overheated and pulling taut across his bones. so he slept only when his body gave out, and even then only for a few hours. This feels very much like an extreme, one that certainly didn’t exist all of the time with Mor (otherwise he’s truly not been sleeping for…ever). I have a very, very hard time believing he would have this reaction because of lust or a coveting kind of obsession.

Azriel surveyed the empty family room, presents and ribbons littering the furniture. Cassian and Nesta hadn’t reappeared downstairs, though that came as no surprise. He was elated for his brother, and yet...

Azriel couldn’t stop it. The envy in his chest. Of Cassian, and Rhys. This is almost exactly the sentiment expressed by Cassian in ACOFAS/ACOSF

He knew he’d be swallowed by it if he went up to his bedroom, so he’d remained down here by the dying light of the fire.

But even the silence weighed too heavily, and though the shadows kept him company, as they always had, as they always would, he found himself leaving the room. Entering the foyer. Entering the foyer for what? Entering in order to go to bed? Or was he drawn there, somehow knowing Elain would be there? I really don’t know the answer and I don’t have a preference as to whether or not they are mates, but it’s worth thinking about. Also important to note that the SHADOWS ARE NOT ENOUGH FOR AZRIEL. They are his friends, an important coping mechanism, but they are not the sum of who he is, nor do they even represent the part of himself that is most realized or fulfilled.

Soft steps padded from under the stair archway, and there she was.

The faelights gilded Elain’s unbound hair, making her glow like the sun at dawn. She halted, her breath catching in her throat. Again, imagery to highlight a contrast between the two of them, Elain as the sun at dawn. Note that it’s talking about dawn, not day. SJM has repeatedly used language about Summer, Dawn, Spring and such to describe Elain, which makes me wonder if her light is meant to transcend the courts - in the same way that the shadows are not the sum of Azriel, the sun (the Day, the Dawn, Spring, Summer etc.) is not the sum of Elain.

“I...” He watched her swallow. She clutched a small gift in her hands. “I was coming to leave this on your pile of presents. I forgot to give it to you earlier.” One thing I noticed on closer examination, she went downstairs to leave it in his pile, not to see him. I wonder if it hurts her to be around HIM as well. Elain has said several times in this book (either on the page or in second- or third-hand account) that she is committed to this court, and I wonder if that same commitment that had her going to the Hewn City is what also has prevented her from ending things with Lucien. It’s not in her nature to be disingenuous, and so she cannot fake certain feelings for him, but it IS in her nature to be selfless, and she probably understands what their mating bond means and how important Lucien’s alliance is. I wonder also if she is unsure as to Azriel’s feelings or if she knows somehow, as Azriel sort of implies she might below.

Lie. Well, the second part was a lie. He didn’t need his shadows to read her tone, the slight tightening of her face. She’d waited until everyone was asleep before venturing down, where she’d leave her gift amongst his other, opened presents, subtle and unnoticed. This is another instance in which Azriel sees her when no one else does, even when she’s not intending or someone to see her. Also, of course, important to note that he can read her without his shadows - a crutch that he uses in interactions with many other people.

Elain closed the distance, and her breathing quickened as she again paused, now a scant foot away. She extended the wrapped gift, her hand shaking. “Here.” Elain makes ALL the moves in this scene - she approaches him, she asks him to put the necklace on her, she leans in, she says yes etc. etc. I think Azriel is actually very respectful and restrained throughout this whole interaction.

Az tried not to look at his scarred fingers as they took the gift. Azriel is ashamed of his scars, and is ashamed of them with Feyre and Mor as well as Elain, this is an across-the-board part of his characterization. She hadn’t bought her mate a present. But she’d gotten Azriel one last year — a headache powder he kept on his nightstand at the House of Wind The headache powder: proof that Elain has been seeing him - specifically seeing him rub his temples. Not to use, but to look at. Which he’d done every night he’d slept there. Or attempted to sleep there.

Azriel unwrapped the box, glancing at the card that merely said, You might find these useful at the House these days, and then opened the lid. Elain is not a casual person, she can’t even handle it when Feyre (her sister) tries to talk to her and Nesta (her other sister) privately about High Fae menstruation. For every lack of flourish or formality that Elain gives Azriel, that is another measured degree of comfort she feels with him - she wouldn’t give an unsigned, familiar note to just anyone.

Two small, bean-shaped fabric blobs lay within. Elain murmured, “You put them in your ears, and they block any sound. With Nesta and Cassian living there with you...”

He chuckled, unable to suppress the impulse. “No wonder you didn’t want me to open it in front of everyone.”

Elain’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Nesta wouldn’t appreciate the joke.” Elain and Azriel have similar senses of humor. Not necessarily in content, but in the way it sort of crops up off-the-cuff and sometimes unnoticed. I like that Elain makes him laugh.

He offered a smile back. “I wasn’t sure if I should give you your present.”

He left the rest unspoken.  Because her mate was here, sleeping a level up. Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn’t stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much.

Elain’s large brown eyes flickered, well aware of all that. Just as he knew she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days. Alright so, this is really curious. Does this mean that they both seem to be aware of the other’s feelings AND aware that the other is aware of their feelings? I really do wonder if, in this case, Az is an unreliable narrator- maybe assuming more certainty of Elain than she actually has. Again, I don’t think he would have such a visceral reaction to Elain and Lucien being in the same room (and not even close to each other at all) if he was just infatuated or in lust with her

But tonight, here in the dark and quiet more juxtaposition, with no one to see... no one to see, except the two of them, who always see more than others and who always see each other more than anyone else He pulled the small velvet box from the shadows around him. Opened it for her.

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They’d always been prone to vanish when she was around. If Azriel is aware of the fact that his shadows disappear around Elain, and is still almost certainly in love with Elain, I think we can gather that it’s a positive thing for his shadows to give them privacy- which- btw, is what I think they are doing. The shadows feel to Azriel, to me, the way that the HoW feels to Nesta. The HoW doesn’t dislike Cassian, but also doesn’t need to be as diligent with Nesta when he’s around, because the House trusts Cassian with her.

The golden necklace seemed ordinary — it’s chain unremarkable, the amulet tiny enough that it could be dismissed as an everyday charm. It was a small, flat rose fashioned of stained glass, designed so that when held to the light, the truth depth of the colors would become visible. A thing of secret, lovely beauty. So I don’t think he’s saying that Elain is a thing here. I think he’s saying that HIS FEELINGS for her are a thing of secret, lovely beauty. It’s been made pretty clear that Elain’s physical AND inner beauty are decidedly visible and prominent. She is, the opposite of secret- though she is often described as lovely. I think what’s more interesting here is the time dedicated to describing this gift and the time dedicated to describing Lucien’s gift of pearl earrings (more on that later, but spoiler-alert, that’s the extent of the description)

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, lifting it from the box. The golden faelight shone through the little glass facets this word choice is notable because it’s an indication of layers and depth and different sides, setting the charm glowing with hues of red and pink and white. Azriel let his shadows he let them do it, again the way he interacts with his shadows does not make it seem like they ARE him. It would probably say “Azriel’s shadows whisked away the box” or “Azriel used his shadows to…” etc. whisk away the box as she said softly, “Put it on me?” Again, Elain is driving the action

His head went quiet. But he took the necklace, opening the clasp as she exposed her back sweeping her hair up in one hand to bare her long, creamy neck. That this situation is described in such slow, delicate detail evokes a sense of intimacy and gravity to the reader. Every tiny piece of this little bite of interaction means something to Azriel and probably to Elain.

He knew it was wrong, but there he was, sliding the necklace around her. Letting his scarred fingers touch her immaculate skin this word choice is admittedly a little strange, but the use of this and later of the word sacrilege is FAR from the first time SJM uses religiously-coded language to describe a romantic/sexual/intimate situation. In this very book, Cassian describes his sex with Nesta “as close to a religious experience” as he’d ever gotten - furthermore, there is often talk of the worship of bodies. More on this in another post! ALSO, of course he thinks about touching her in relation to himself. He is himself, for one thing, for another, one of the most reinforced aspects of Azriel’s character that has been made clear to us as readers is his belief that he is unworthy. This comes up not at all just with Elain, it comes up everywhere. It comes up when Azriel volunteers for the most dangerous assignments, it comes up with Mor A LOT, it comes up with Rhys and Cassian. I HAVE A LOT MORE TO SAY ABOUT AZRIEL SO I JUST NEED TO STOP TYPING RIGHT N. Letting them brush the side of her throat, savoring the velvet-soft texture. Elain shivered that’s hot and he took a damn long time fastening the clasp.

Azriel’s fingers lingered at her nape, atop the first knob of her spine SUCH precise language, so agonizing. Slowly, Elain pivoted into his touch. Until his palm lay flat against her neck.

It had never gone this far. They’d exchanged looks, the occasional brush of their fingers, but never this. Never blatant, unrestricted touching. Another important line in reiterating the fact that there are two people participating in this interaction and the broader relationship, with the use of ‘exchanged’ and ‘their.’ It could easily also say something like, “Azriel had never gone this far. She’d sometimes caught him looking at her and he her, and every so often he’d taken the risk of brushing his fingers against hers.” Elain’s agency in these interactions and this relationship is SO IMPORTANT! It is the difference between Az viewing Elain as a two-dimensional and unattainable figure and as a real person with wants and needs.

Wrong — it was so wrong. Azriel knows, just as well as Rhys, what is at stake in Elain’s relationship with Lucien. He also has reverence for the mating bond in the same way that many other fae and faeries do. Of course he thinks it’s wrong!

He didn’t care.

He needed to know what the skin of her neck tasted like. What those perfect lips tasted like. Her breasts. Her sex. He needed her coming on his tongue — There is literally so much talk in Feysand and Nessian of tasting and eating out. Both Rhys and Cassian make it very clear that they spent a lot of time thinking about what their partners would taste like and how they might go about finding out for sure.

Azriel’s cock strained behind his pants, aching so fiercely he could hardly think. He prayed she didn’t peer down. Prayed she didn’t understand the shift in his scent.

He had only allowed himself these thoughts in the dead of night. Because he knows it’s a fool’s hope. He never thinks about this as a viable path! Had only allowed his hand to fist his cock and think about her then, when even his shadows had gone to sleep again a recognition of the separation between him and his shadows. How that beautiful face might appear as he entered her, what sounds she’d make. See above: Nessian and Feysand are just as dirty and graphic (especially Nessian) and Rhys and Cassian are JUST AS WORSHIPFUL of their partners.

Elain bit her lower lip, and it took every ounce Azriel’s restraint to keep from putting his own teeth there.

“I should go,” Elain said, but made no move to leave. Again, they are BOTH cognizant, I think, of the risks and dynamics at play here.

“Yes,” he said, his thumb sweeping in long strokes along the side of her throat.

Her arousal drifted up to him, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head at the sweet scent. He’d beg on his knees for a chance to taste it Rhys’s WHOLE THING is that he kneels before Feyre in reverence. But Azriel just stroked her neck again. SJM repeatedly uses the scent of arousal as a way to confirm sexual interest beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Elain shuddered, drifting closer. So close one deep breath would brush her breasts against his chest. She looked up at him, her face so trusting and hopeful and open that he knew she had no idea that he had done unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their scars. I personally think this is Azriel being self-deprecating. I think that Elain is a seer, and probably has some idea of what Azriel does. Does this mean he puts her on a pedestal or that he views her as pure? It’s possible, but I think Azriel views most people whom he loves as pure compared to himself in one way or another— even Cassian. There is a line I’ll cite eventually where Rhys muses on the similarities between himself and Azriel, since Rhys is the only person Azriel allows to see the full scope of his rage. Ditto with the pedestal.

Such terrible things that it was a sacrilege same story as my point above on the word immaculate, but again I do totally admit that it’s a strange word. I just think that we have had so little of Azriel’s perspective that we can’t really say whether this is a perversion of his connection to Elain or if this is a regular sort of attitude for him for his fingers to touch her skin, tainting her with his presence.

But he could have this. This one moment, and maybe a taste, and that would be it. AND THAT WOULD BE IT. HE DOESN’T THINK IT WILL GO FURTHER!

“Yes,” Elain breathed, like she read the decision. You fucking go Elain get that ass Just this taste in the dead of the longest night of the year, where only the Mother interesting choice of words given Nesta’s association with the Mother and Nesta’s apparent tacit acceptance of Azriel’s feelings for Elain (more on that later) might witness them.

Azriel’s hand slid up her neck, burying in her thick hair. Tilting her face the way he wanted it. Elain’s mouth parted slightly, her eyes scanning his before flirting shut.

Offer and permission. OFFER AND PERMISSION. ELAIN WANTS THE SHADOWSINGER D!!!!!

He nearly groaned with relief and need as he lowered his head toward hers.

Azriel. And suddenly, the one time they both are comfortable with how they’re being seen (that Azriel is being seen by no one else BUT Elain, that Elain is finally being seen intimately, by someone, in the dark, namely, AZRIEL)

Rhys’s voice thundered through him, halting him mere inches from Elain’s sweet mouth.

Azriel. So if you were to ask me what the biggest sign of Elriel’s longevity in this chapter is, it is this: that they did not kiss. SJM built a very tightly worded and wound tension around this moment with her language, and.  the fact that it is not fulfilled is frustrating, right? We know that he touched the knob of her spine - we know that she shivered. For that level of intimacy not to end in a kiss, means something. Rhys could easily have interrupted them after their lips had already touched, and if this relationship were a device serving another, that’s what would have happened.

SJM knows that the tension is built and unfulfilled, and I think she also knows that this wouldn’t have been the right time for them to have their first kiss - which is what I think many readers have noticed in so many words. Where my thoughts differ is that I think SJM is walking a line between romantically coding the moment AND acknowledging that this moment is not ideal, and that it doesn’t deserve to be fulfilled satisfyingly, especially given Azriel’s self-loathing. MORE LATER :) Which should maybe be my catchphrase.

Also, them not kissing can’t just be about the fact that it’s a bonus chapter. You can’t make that argument about their not-kiss and then argue that the interaction with Gwyn is essential to the coming story. Which, I think it is significant, by the way, I’m just not sure how yet :P

Unrelenting command filled his name, and Azriel looked up. Rhysand stood atop the staircase. Glowering down at them.

My office. Now.

Rhys vanished, and Azriel was left standing before Elain, who still awaited his kiss. His stomach twisted as he pulled his hand away from her hair and stepped back. Forced himself to say, “This was a mistake.” UGH. The capital P Pain.

She opened her eyes, hurt and confusion warring there before she whispered, “I’m sorry.” See, this reaction makes me think that she is not as aware of his feelings as he thinks she is. That she later returns the necklace (or did she?) reinforces this. I think that if she was certain how he felt about her, she would be frustrated and maybe angry in the way that she has responded to Feyre’s comments about her mating bond with Lucien, not hurt and confused.

“You don’t — Don’t apologize,” he managed to say. “Never apologize. It’s I who should...”  He shook his head, unable to stand the bleakness he’d brought to her expression. “Goodnight.” But at least it definitely confirms her feelings to Azriel.

PART II IS BEING POSTED BACK-TO-BACK!

[breaking-shadows]

A writer’s perspective...

I’m an Elriel shipper and an avid reader but I’m also a writer, so I wanted to add a writer’s perspective. This wasn’t intended to provide clarity on Elriel or otherwise, just a few thoughts. I apologise in advance for the long ramble.

When we start to get the first interactions between Elain and Azriel in ACOMAF, the stakes are simply not high enough, or there at all. It would have been so easy to have the “quiet” sister paired with the “quiet” brother. But who would have really cared and what impact would it have had on the reader? Very little, I imagine. Graysen wasn’t an established character that anyone cared about so if Elain discarded him for a beautiful, brooding Illyrian, then who’d blame her.

Personally, I would not spend three books dropping breadcrumbs to hint at a build-up between characters if I had no intention of making them end-game. But would I make them suffer to get their happily ever after? Absolutely! Would I put them through the ringer to make them deserve it? Of course, my readers would expect nothing less.

Even if I first intended the two characters to be together and then changed my mind, I would have fizzled it out and drawn a line under it asap.  This hasn’t happened with Elain and Azriel, if anything we’ve had the opposite, and we’re at the stage now where this is a love they’re going to have to fight for, and as a writer and a reader, they’re the best kind.

 Obstacle 1 – Mor

While Mor was never really a barrier for Elriel to overcome, Azriel’s feelings for her are still something that needs to be addressed. We’ve had hints of it in ACOSF, Azriel’s gazes of pining and longing towards her are less, but this is an issue that still needs resolving in the upcoming books. For their well-being if nothing else. Plot wise, it adds very little tension because as readers we know it will never be, as a writer, it needs an honest conversation between these characters.

Obstacle 2 – Lucien

We’ve had the set-up of mates and all the importance that comes with it with Feyre and Rhys, and now Nesta and Cassian.

Lucien, a beloved character, who deserves the world, is introduced as Elain’s mate during a highly charged, fraught ending in ACOMAF. Now as a reader, my reaction was: Oh! I thought she’d end up with the quiet one. And as a writer it was: Oh! What of she ends up with the quiet one? Suddenly, the stakes are a little higher, we have a barrier, there is something in the way of an easy get-together. Especially when we learn more about mating and the Blood Duel which is still legal in the Autumn Court.

At first, when Lucien goes to the Night Court with Feyre, it is because his mate is there, and he is nothing more than a guest in their court. Elain isn’t interested in the mating bond with Lucien, so fine. Reject the bond and move on with Azriel, very little to overcome. Except, fast-forward to ACOSF and Lucien’s dynamic has changed with the Night Court. Court politics come in to play. He is no longer a guest, but an ally that ties several of the courts together. They cannot afford to lose the support of the other courts. Which leads me on to:

Obstacle 3 – Rhys

I have read lots of posts with people furious with Rhys saying he was OOC etc. For him and Feyre, the dynamic changed in ACOSF, therefore, he had to change with it. He has a pregnant mate; which instinct tells him to protect at all costs. They have just faced a brutal war that affected them all and can’t put his people through that again, can’t put the ones he loves through that again and there is a shadow of one on the horizon.

All great plot points aside, that one scene in Azriel’s POV and we’re hit with the forbidden love trope. We have longing, we have tension, we have a barrier in the form of someone Azriel loves and respects deeply. The stakes are not suddenly high, they’re astronomical. What a mountain to overcome!

Obstacle 4 – Azriel and Elain

Elain needs to become something to be reckoned with. I loved the glimpses we got of her on ACOSF, she was beginning to fight back, she had bite, but now we know there is more to come – and I for one cannot wait. And as character development – oh the places she could go. She has feelings for Azriel, that is established, so no qualms there.

Azriel – this boy is a mess. Personally, he needs to love himself before he can offer anyone anything, but what a beautiful journey that could be. I didn’t lose my shit at his POV, it was a snap-shot of a moment. No, it didn’t scream of love for Elain, but previous actions have shown feelings that go beyond sexual, sitting, talking with her until the early hours etc. The scene was designed to tell us how much he wanted her. A trait often described with SJM’s males. He needs to get his shit together.

Obstacle 5 – Gwyn

Now, let’s look at the addition of Gwyn (who I adore btw). This one seems to have the ability to make or break Elriel. From a writer’s POV she has amazing potential. Azriel already has feelings for Elain so she isn’t really something to overcome, but she has already caused tension. I don’t see her as a distraction, given her background, (poor girl has been through enough) I wouldn’t want her treated like that and nothing in Azriel’s POV indicated that. She could be a friend, a different type of friend he so badly needs, a confidante, someone to help him heal. Could be.

We also have the potential of misunderstandings, which can add immense tension to a relationship. Will Elain see Az and Gwyn together and have her heart broken because she thinks he has feelings for her when really he’s confiding in his love for Elain? Maybe. (Not even touching on that necklace!) At this stage, for SJM all things are possible, and that is incredibly exciting.

Let’s say SMJ does indeed intend Gwyn and Azriel to be end-game. We’ve had sprinklings of interactions between them ranging from polite to sweet to a little flirty.

The moment with Gwyn in Azriel’s POV, I’ll have to admit, knocked me for six. I can see it; I can see them together and how she would be good for him. But for it to negate four books worth of build-up, I don’t see it happening, from a writer’s POV, and as a reader, I’d wonder what the point was. But I’m not SJM and there is a possibility she could go down this route. For me, for this to be worthwhile in the eyes of the reader, their story is going to have to be EPIC, otherwise the pay-off isn’t worth it. But as a writer, what a journey that would be.

In compense, Elain would have to do something magnificent, would have to step into her own. She herself could become something to fear, the Persephone to Koschei’s Hades. (I hope not but look at the potential). The only thing here is the relationship between Az and Gwyn. His feelings for Elain are the only source of conflict. It’s possible Azriel has had enough conflict and just wants to love and be loved in return. Gywn could offer than, but I think it’s missing something.

 I think my main point, though poorly executed, is writing is a rollercoaster, and the readers are the ones in the carriages with white-tipped knuckles, gripping on tight. If it consisted of a 2-metre straight track, you’d wonder why the hell you bothered. So, however this ends, sit back and enjoy the ride and be kind to each other, whoever you ship. It will be heart-breaking and gut-wrenching, and emotional. It will hurt like hell, but by god it will be worth it.

 Didn’t expect this post to be so long – forgive me!

[algumaideia]

The ableism in the Acotar series

I was thinking about all the problematic aspects of the Acotar books, and I realized that they are pretty ableist. I don’t know if someone have already talked about it, but just in case I’ll do it. But before I start, I need to say some things:

1. I haven’t read the series for a while, and I don’t remember some stuff. So, I might write something that is wrong.

2. I’m not disabled myself. This post is based on my research about disabilities and how disabled people are represented in the media. I have a lot of interest in the subject, and I also researched about it because I’m writing a story with several disabled characters. I also did a school project about assistive technologies.

3. English is not my mother language and I’m still learning it. There are gonna be spelling and grammar mistakes. I’m sorry about it, but it is life.

4. I haven’t read the acosf book, so maybe SJM changed the story or some character in this book and therefore my post will be incorrect.

5. Besides the fact that I consider Emerie to be disabled, I won’t talk about her in the post. Because as I said I didn’t read acosf and I think that her appearance in the acofas has the same purpose that the other female Illyrians (since Idk how to write Illyrians this will be write wrong in the entire post, I’m sorry).

6. I forget the name of some characters and I don’t want to search it, so I’ll just give them new names.

Now let’s begin.

I’ll analyze the following characters in this post: Papa Acheron, Lucien, Cassian and Ianthe, the woman from the library and the female Illyrians, the female creature from the forest, the Illyrian soldiers that came back from the war and the girl who couldn’t fly. I think I forgot someone, but patience. In the end of the post I’ll talk about disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding.

I also would like to say that almost all her characters got their disability as a punishment, and the problem with this is that it always links disability with something bad.

Papa Acheron:

As I said Papa Acheron got his disability as a punishment, since he didn’t pay his debts, some people went in this house and broke his leg. I might be wrong, but I think that it didn’t healed well and because of that he has chronic pain. So, to better analyze him I’ll compare him to two other characters with chronic pain, Kaz Brekker and Melissa, one of my main characters.

Papa Acheron became useless after he became disabled. He thought he was useless and by extension Feyre thought it too. I’m not saying that internalized ableism doesn’t exist, but the narrative never calls it out. Feyre accepts this excuse, it is kind of implied that if he weren’t disabled, he would be able to help his family and get money. Now let’s look to Kaz (I haven’t read the second book of the duology, please no spoilers). He accepts his disability, not only that but he uses his cane as one of his symbols. He goes against the idea that a disabled person is stuck with a cane or a wheelchair or whatever. He feels free with his cane. Now, this doesn’t mean that every disabled character needs to feel okay with his disability. My character, Melissa, feels a lot of anger because of her chronic pain. It hurts her, it disrupts her plans, it makes her suffer. However, it didn’t stop her to live her life and she also is not seeking anyone’s pity, which is very different from the Papa Acheron situation. Mel has friends, a social life, she studies, she will have a job, she will date, get married and have children. She doesn’t feel mad because she is disabled, she is also autistic, and she loves that part of herself. What bothers her is that her disability makes her feels a lot of pain. Papa Acheron is just someone to you feel bad and angry about. He doesn’t do anything because he is disabled and believes that this makes his useless and the narrative kind of agrees with him.

Lucien:

Lucien doesn’t have one eye, and that’s what makes him disabled. He became disabled as a punishment for falling in love with a lesser fae and not only that, but he is only without his mechanic/magic eye when he is on his worse. He was without his eye when his family was torturing and banishing him. And then when he was UTM. Again, disability being connected with bad things. Now about his mechanic eye. The first time that Feyre describes his eye she says it is creepy. Which is bad. But also, why it had to be magic and give him the ability to see spells or something like that (this was never brought back btw)? Why can’t he have a normal mechanical eye? Why he needs a mechanical eye? Why does his mechanical eye need to compensate the fact he is disabled? He is as much complete with and without his eye.

Cassin and Ianthe:

I put this two together for one reason, their disabilities were cured. I’ll talk about Cassian first. When they invaded Hybrein (I also don’t know how to write the name of the country) they hurt his wings badly. And considering that to Illyrians the wings are as much a limb as an arm or a leg, he was disabled for a while. (I’m aware that to something be considered a disability it needs to be long lasting. But I think that the fact that it was cured is ableist, if I’m not wrong the text said it was a miracle he was healed.)Then we had Cassian in the floor with his wings all damaged, suffering a lot, what a horrible scene. But don’t worry! The next time he’ll appear completely cured, because being disabled is such a horrible thing and SJM never used deus ex machina to save her characters. So, this injured made him disabled for a while, and it could be interesting. The wings are the Illyrian symbol, the symbol of their toxic masculinity and their sexism. Cassian being disabled because of his wings would make him revalue his culture and his own idea of masculinity and it would be so amazing. But he was cured. I think that this makes Cassian falls in the disabled for one day trope. Just like Ianthe. First the way she became disabled was disgusting. Feyre invading her mind was such a horrible thing to do. I’m not denying that Ianthe is a terrible person/fae but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a horrible scene. I really dislike characters with telepathic powers, because for me their powers are crossing a line. They invade and control someone’s mind. They take off the person free will. They basically turn the person in a robot. If I remember correctly when Feyre made Ianthe broke her hand it was with the purpose to make it useless. And when she appeared again in all her glory she was, surprise, surprise, cured.

The woman from the library and the female Illyrians:

I put they together because their disabilities are used for the same two purposes. The first is that they became disabled as a punishment for being female, and the second it to show how FEMINIST Rhysand is. He isn’t feminist, so all these women suffered for nothing. Again, disability being linked with bad things. The symbol of the female Illyrians suffering is they becoming disabled. NOT GOOD AT ALL. About the woman from the library, she was there to also show how good Feyre is. She is there so we can feel pity of her. She didn’t deserve it.

The female creature who couldn’t see:

My problem with her is that it is implied/said that she has better senses because she is blind. And that’s not how it works?? People just pay more attention in what they hear, touch or smell when they are blind/visually impaired.

The girl who couldn’t fly:

I'm gonna call her Anna. First Anna is like the only character who just have a disability. No trauma, no war, no punishment. She just has. Then she is a great disabled character, right? Wrong. She has inspirational porn written all over her story. She is there to make Feyre feel better about herself and make other abled people/fae feel inspired. She is there so we can say: ohhh poor thing, but at least she overcame her disability and now can fly. So ableist. Anna is also only valued after proving herself useful. That is wrong. Disabled people should be valued because they are people. They don’t need to be amazing in anything to be treated with respect.

The Illyrian soldiers:

My problem with them is how their disability is used to reinforce sexism and make Cassian and Rhysand feel bad. But what about the Illyrian soldiers? How are they feeling? It seems this is not important. They also bother me because of worldbuilding questions.

Disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding:

First, why humans and fae feel the same about disabled people? Feyre has the same opinion the IC have. And the humans and fae were separated for 500 years. This doesn’t make sense. Every court think the same thing about disabled fae? Does something change if the disabled fae is a lesser or a higher fae? It should make a difference. A real world example of how social class affects the way disabled people are treated: the first school for deaf people created only taught children of the nobles.

And why the way people look to disabled fae didn’t change after the war? What about the assistive technology? You know what, it is unrealistic the fact that we don’t have any assistive technology in this world. But this happen in the antient times, how could there be any assistive technology? First, assistive technology is everything that helps a disabled person, a cane, a screen reader, a scooter. Everything can be an assistive technology. Second, assistive technologies exist since the antiente times. One of the oldest prothesis were found in a mummy. There is a painting of Hephaestus using a wheelchair. And considering that this series happens in what was supposed to be the Middle ages, it was supposed to have assistive technologies. Wheelchairs during this time were heavy and the user couldn’t use it by himself, but they existed. There are records of a king using a wheelchair during the middle ages. And I mean with the war something was supposed to change. The first place to blind people in the France was created because 300 soldiers came back from the crusades without their eyes. It was in the century 20 that disabled people started to be more included in the society. And one of the reasons were the soldiers that came back from WW1 and WW2 disabled. Not only that but in war times the technology improves, so a lot of new assistive technologies and materials were created during this time. The first record of guide dogs comes from 1819 in school in Vienna, but it didn’t work. Only after WW1 that guide dogs appeared again. And you know with what purpose? Help veterans that were blind due to the war. Braille was a system used for the French army during battles. Louis Braille only made it simpler. The war should change something.

Why is the world ableist?  The excuse that this is an antient society doesn’t work my friend. The Egypt was a very including country. Blind people could be part of any social class. Dwarfs were part of the society since they had a dwarf god. In antient Japan blind people were expected to be independent. They could work with music, religion, telling stories etc. And the work of telling stories was very important since it made the Japanese tradition to continue. The excuse that this is an antient society is just this, an excuse. Now she could have used to say something. Leigh Bardugo used the ableism of her world to criticize the ableism of our world. I’m doing the same thing with my story. SJM made an ableist world just because.

That was my analysis. I’m sorry this was very long. I know this was a little confusing, but it was very difficult to put all the stuff that was in my mind in text. In my mind everythig made sense, but when I was writing it I realized I wasn’t following a logical argument. If that makes sense. Anyway, thank you for reading it.

If you read the books and realized I wrote something wrong, please tell me. If you are disabled and think I said something offensive, I’d love to hear you. If you are non-disabled and want to comment and give your opinion, feel free. And if you don’t want to comment, don’t do it. You can do whatever you want.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. This is my first post in Tumblr, so I don’t know if I tagged it right, if you want to help, I would be really grateful.

[yazthebookish]

I know that the next books are going to be bad just like acosf. I remember everyone making such good theories about acosf before it came out. I was like "omg I can see that happening- this is so good!!", but then... Sarah just got worse in writing- idk why the hell she thinks she got better. Tog is a really good series and Acotar - Acowar are good too! What did we got from Acosf?! We all waited so long to know what Nesta's powers could do, how Feyre's and Nesta's relationship will turn out and much more- BUT WE DIDN'T GET THAT. Sarah just said "Btw Nesta's power is death" and "yeah Nesta saves Feyre and now they're good". All she cares about is the damn sex and I'm so sick of it! We don't know what Nesta can do but we were reminded over and over again of how big Cassian's dick is. I was so pissed when Sarah said that (I think her editor?) asked her if it was better to cut out a sex scene and she was like "lol nope"??!? Is she for real? The characters were so bad in acosf, the villain wasn't scary and was killed like a damn fly, all this talking talking and talking but never showing. Not to mention how everything was so rushed in the end because Sarah was too busy of writing Nessian sex than actually working on the plots, worldbuildung, characters etc. I have doupts now, even if hopefully Gwynriel is next, I don't think this book will be good at all. I see all the Gwynriel theories that are soo good, but I know Sarah is not capable of doing something that good anymore. I'm so mad and disgusted. Really.

I think I will finish Acotar and maybe CC (depends on the second book) and then I will never even pick up a sjm book again because I know that in 10 years, she will publish smutty books that have no plots at all. Chapter 3 and the characters are already fucking.

I don't mind smut at all, but too much of it is just boring.

• I don't think there is something wrong with smutty books that don't have a plot because thag genre has its own audience.

• I get why you're upset and I see all of your points and agree and disagree with some.

• I think there were very high expectations of ACOSF and I bet many thought it would top ACOMAF (I mean for some it did) I loved the book even with its issues. But it's true it has a lot of issues.

• I think Nesta and Cassian could've offered us more as a couple because we already saw the incredible dynamic between them since ACOMAF. I think lany wanted that whole pull and push to be rewarded in ACOSF but instead they were disappointed.

• I'm not happy that Sarah did not balance the book between Nesta and Cassian because there were other things about Cassian we wanted to know and we didn't or it's been brushed over.

• Briallyn was definitely not a compelling villain and was easily defeated.

• Some of Cassian's personality felt off than how he was in the previous books.

• She definitely did not handle Nesta's power well and we still didn't get an idea of what it was actually and it does. Her Cauldron powers were used as a plot-device for the Dread Trove.

A lot of the criticism ACOSF gets is valid but there are people that just hate the books because they think it's cool to hate Fae books.

I am concerned about how Sarah will handle Azriel because he is the most complex character in the series with the deepest wounds and secrets. Azriel isn't a charcater that you just brush over.

Let's hope it gets better from here on anon🤍

[musicallibrarian93]

Inside Azriel’s mind (moriel/elriel/gwynriel)

Okay so I know this is a hot topic atm, and tbh I can see it going either way. However, I think I’m more partial to Gwyn right now and like all the fics I’m writing atm are Gwynriel supporting, but like I said it could go either way. 

Anyway I kind of wanted to get into Azriel’s head a little bit, so here is my analysis. 

Azriel had an awful childhood, didn’t believe he was worth anything. Gets taken in by one of his mothers friends and slowly starts to build up some kind of family. 

He meets an extremely kind and beautiful girl (That’s Mor btw) and he’s besotted with her, as anyone who has met Morrigan would feel, and possibly around the time he was plucking up the courage to say something and perhaps start to feel like he was worth more. Mor decides that it’s Cassian who she wants to sleep with. 

Now, regardless if you think what Mor did was right or wrong (btw she’d entitled to do whatever she wants, and I personally think she chose Cassian more out of panic and wanting to get out of her predicament rather than to hurt Azriel) it still hurt him. He was bound to take it personally, no matter the intention behind it, and I think this is where a large part of his feeling of worthlessness comes from. 

We get told Azriel has been pining for Mor for 500 years. I think this is BS. I believe he loves her and she’s family to him but he’s more in love with the idea of family and relationship, which Mor and the rest of the IC represent to him. However, Azriel being Azriel and not confronting his feelings may just take it at face value and think he’s in love with her (Idk this is a grey area). 

In addition, Azriel is a freaking Shadowsinger, he knows to some extent that Mor is/ has been involved with females. He would respect her privacy and never out her, but he knows for sure that she’s attracted to females. Mor herself says in ACOWAR, that it confuses Azriel when she sleeps with males. Why would it confuse him if he thought she exclusively liked males?

In terms of Azriel’s pining for Mor, it’s split into two possible paths. 1) I think an element of Azriel’s self-loathing could be that Mor has kept this secret from him? Like maybe he feels like because Mor doesn’t want to share that with him yet, that she views there relationship in a different way than he does. Or 2) (which I find more likely) He’s protecting Mor’s secret from everyone else? So when he beats up Eris at the High Lord’s meeting, maybe that’s his way of saying, ‘I stand with you/ will support you no matter what’ - but it’s coming across as romantic feelings because apparently being territorial is the only way an Illyrian can show they care. 

Anyway, Elain comes along. We know she’s described as the most beautiful Archeron and we know that the two have numerous moments where they are fascinated by one another. That scene where he realises she’s a Seer. Gorgeous. When he gives her Truthteller. Stunning. Arguably there is some kind of connection between them. I believe during ACOWAR is when Azriel starts to see Elain in same way he's been seeing Mor, or at least thought he’d been seeing her. Here is this misunderstood, lost soul that he gets on with really well, and it’s the first time he saw a future with anyone. He’d been telling himself it was Mor but maybe this whole time it was supposed to be Elain? 

Az sees a very strange situation arising. Rhys and Feyre are mates. Nesta and Cassian are mates (You cannot tell me Azriel didn’t know about this way before ACOSF). But Elain is mated to Lucien. That doesn’t fit the pattern. He says himself that he doesn’t understand how that turned out. Thinks the Cauldron got it wrong. And I think a lot of his attraction for Elain stems from a ‘this is what was supposed to happen’.

Then we meet Gwyn. Glorious Gwyn. Their history is so interesting. We know that he’s the first one to show up at the temple and they talk about in ACOSF how Azriel just killed all the Hybern soldiers. Which was strange because he normally brings them back for questioning. I’ve already seen theories about this being the mating bond and I would not be surprised. We know that when Rhys’s parents met, his father misted the men who were handling her so it’s not unlikely. But Azriel at this point is a little lost. His brother has just returned after 49 years, he doesn’t know if war is coming, he’s apparently pining for Mor and everything is up in the air. So I think anything he might have felt (i.e. the pull of a mating bond) would have been pushed deep down. Rhys talks about how he’s seen Cassian throw up after killing someone but that it doesn’t seem to affect Az in the same way, therefore Azriel is good at pushing down his feelings. Shocking I know. So upon seeing Gwyn for the first time he doesn’t even register what she might mean to him. 

Fast forward to ACOSF and Gwyn sees Azriel in the training ring. Cassian notes that she stiffened, perhaps because it’s the first time in 2 years she’s seen the male who killed a room full of soldiers who were attacking and abusing her (this is more likely) or maybe she feels something too (I think it’s possible and I wouldn’t put it past SJM to be like -that was a clue- but it seems tacky and dismissive of her trauma) 

Azriel sees Gwyn grow and train. And I think there’s a part of him that’s like ‘damn this girl is cool’. And we all know what happens on solstice. With Elain and Azriel, I really would have loved it if we saw that kiss but I can’t shake the feeling that at this point they’re both just a little bit upset that all their friends are in relationships and they’re not. I know there’s more to their relationship than that and that Azriel can’t bear the scent of her mating bond but I think they’re both quite lonely at this point. 

Having said that I don’t think anyone acted wrongly on solstice. Regardless if Elain has strong feelings for Azriel she is well within her rights to kiss him and at this point Azriel isn’t flirting with Gwyn, his obsessive pining for Mor seems to have gone so he’s well within his rights too. And Azriel is damn hot. Good on them. Rhys also isn’t in the wrong, I made another Tumblr post explaining this :).

Azriel was hung up on Mor, Elain helped him see a different future. Or that a different future was possible so when Rhys forbids it, Azriel has found himself unattached, I guess, for the first time since he was 18. I don’t want to dismiss his feelings for Elain and say that he only used her but I think she was instrumental in making him realise what else he deserved. 

Azriel and Gwyn then flirt and Idk about you but that must have felt quite thrilling to him. Unashamedly flirting with someone, not worrying what someone else might think. Anyway the next morning Elain gives him back the necklace, whether she saying ‘I shouldn't be doing this’ or ‘I don’t want to do this’, it’s clear that for whatever reason she wants to forget what happened. And Azriel intends to return it but decides to give it to Gwyn. Now I know this is gonna cause tension somewhere but like I don’t completely hate him for this because he doesn't give it romantically, If anything him giving it to her triggers the romantic thoughts, and he gives it anonymously. 

We know that Gwyn and Azriel get closer after solstice, all the little. flirty bits with the ribbon. Ugh so cute. And we don’t know anything about Elain and Azriel’s relationship during those 3 months leading up to the Rite so for all we know they’re just getting on like they did before. But I think Azriel is enjoying flirting and being close to Gwyn. It’s a easy-going relationship so far without heavy demands and questions of fate, it’s just pretty normal. Yes they have a history to work through but we don’t know if they’ve confronted that between them. (BTW I would like to have a full version of ACOSF from Azriel’s perspective cool ) But I think regardless if Gwyn and Az are mates, they’ve found people they can just be themselves around and that’s kinda beautiful. 

In summation, Azriel is a complex individual. It might be that he doesn’t end up with either Elain or Gwyn, although I find it unlikely because the bonus chapter sets that up for some kind of love triangle. But I hope I made sense, I know it’s like word vomit but oh well :) I love Gwyn and Elain and I do not want them fighting over a male. That’s tacky and they’re both better than that. Personally I would love see Elain go on her own journey and heal and find her indepence. (I’m gonna make a post about this). But yeah I just want them all to be happy :) 

[cinaja]

any word on how btw!rhys becomes super extra shitty canon!rhys? 👀👀👀

Ohhh yes, lots of words!

So, there's little on btw!Rhys in the actual story (because I cut out his pov, because I couldn't stand writing him as somewhat nice), but basically, during his youth, it's considered cool for young Fae nobles to be very progressive in their mindset and with their plans for how they want to rule. It kind of goes hand-in-hand with the War. Everyone wants to change the world, abolish the class system, create equality. Basically, every Fae noble under 100 wants to be like Drakon. This never quite makes it into the story becuse the protagonists are all far more concerned with actually winning the War.

But well, Rhys is in the fortunate position of being friends with the people who are (without really noticing) at the head of this movement. This friendship is more of an accident (the only reason Miryam and the others ever noticed Rhys was that he is Mor's cousin, and close to their age, and they are never quite as close as Rhys later likes to pretend. They certainly aren't as equal. Miryam, Jurian and Drakon are arguably the most important people in the Alliance, each the best in their areas. Miryam started the war and led the Alliance. Even Mor, emissary to the Night Court and friend to all of them, held indefinitely more power than Rhys. He was just a common commander. But oh, how he liked to pretend he was just like them.) But anyways, Rhys enjoys the standing this gives him. He also kind of enjoys feeling rebellious against his father - being friends with people he hates, part of a movement that goes against everything he believes, is the very definition of rebellion for Rhys.

After the War is over, Rhys keeps the pro-equality mindset, partially because it annoys his father, partially because being able to say "I was friends with Miryam and Drakon" gives him a certain amount of standing (and oh, does he hate to always be only a footnote in their story), and partially because he genuinely believes in equality. However, his actions never quite match his mindset. Even during the War, he didn't try to earn the respect of the Illyrians he was to lead, didn't try to compromise and work with them, he commanded them through force. And after the War, the "blunt force" approach continues on. He never goes to university to the Continent, never learns their way of looking at things, he stays in Prythian and studies under his father, learns his way of ruling.

And then, about 150 years after the War, Rhysand's father dies and he becomes High Lord. Rhys mourns his family, but he also rejoices at finally, finally becoming High Lord, finally having real power. And oh, is he going to use it. (To his credit, he genuinely wants to be better than his father was.)

One of the first things he does is to visit Miryam and Drakon on Cretea (a visit only possible now that his father is dead). By that time, things on Cretea are working somewhat smoothly, and Rhys is... well, somewhat amazed. But above all, he decides that he is going to do better. (Outdoing Miryam and Drakon is something Rhys, whether he admits it or not, always wanted. 150 years of being a footnote, a friend to people who were so much more, now he is going to be the one to make history.)

He thinks he can do it, too. In his mind, he was always better than Drakon, who is largely the one responsible for making things on Cretea work. Rhys learned to value brute strength, cunningness and manipulation. Drakon doesn't have any of that, so in Rhysand's mind, it is clear that he is going to be better. (As for Miryam... well, Rhys always enjoyed being the most powerful and the smartest person in the room. With Miryam around, he was neither and even though she is the only reason he survived the war, a part of him always resented that.) So Rhys brushes off Drakon's offer for help, advice, anything he might need, and returns to the Night Court. Not without first boasting about all he is going to achieve.

The first thing he does is appoint his cousin and his two Illyrian brothers as members of his Inner Circle. When the other advisors disagree, he fires them. The Hewn City rises up in opposition. Rhysand, all brute strength (just like his father taught him), kills the rebels. Murder, as usual, doesn't lead to peace. He turns to the Illyrians. Not a hint of understanding, not a negotiation, he orders them to change their entire culture in a day. Women are to train. No more wing-clipping. Bastards no longer thrown out into the snow. (All good ideas, but none quite as easy as Rhys likes to think.) Within a months, the Illyrians rallied forces in opposition. Who is he to give them orders, this man who got so many of them killed in the War? ("But I put two of yours in charge," Rhys insists, thinking it representation and ignoring that the Illyrians never chose Azriel and Cassian to lead them.) Rhys, once again, answers with violence. Kills the leaders, forces the rest back into their camps. His next attempt to change things in the Hewn City (end forced marriages, give rights to women and servants) goes equally awry. Another rebellion, more deaths.

By the time it is over, Rhys is done. He signs a treaty with Keir, allowing him to largely govern himself. Pulls Mor back from the Continent where she worked as emissary and puts her in charge of the Hewn City. (Relationships with the Continent, previously good, get worse and worse. Mor, who had been friends with so many of the Continental leaders in the War, who had learned their ways, was respected amongst Continental royalty. The new emissary isn't.) Rhys bans wing clipping for the Illyrians, but goes back on all other demands.

The Night Court, he decides, cannot be governed with a soft hand. He keeps his Court of Dreams (oh, how ironic the name has become) and Velaris, spends most of his time in his City of Starlight where he can pretend to be the ruler he always wanted to be. He becomes, although he will deny it to his last day, just like his father was. Cold. Cruel. Uncaring.

He comes up with excuses, millions of excuses. He did his best. He could never have succeeded. Miryam and Drakon did it, but the Seraphim were always more open-minded than the Illyrians. They had the advantage of peace, of being isolated from the ouside, on their side. They didn't have to reform a corrupt court. If they'd been in his place, they would have failed as well. They had it easier. He knows, deep down, that they didn't.

He never returns to Cretea, forbids Mor from going. (Too risky, he claims. The truth is that if he goes, he won't be able to keep up his lies. Deep down, knows all too well that he never had it harder, that his way of ruling is wrong.) Nothing can ever be allowed to shatter his illusion. Some days, he even believes it himself.

Amarantha happens. Excuses upon excuses for actions he knows to be inexcusable. Most people think him crueller than his father now. Amarantha gets killed. Another rebellion, another swath of his own subjects he murders for treason. (He never learned to compromise, to listen. Never understood that rebellion doesn't happen without reason.)

Hybern's threat looms on the Continent and Mor suggests they go to Cretea, ask for help. It would be the logical course of action. It would mean an army far larger than their own, and a chance to rally the Continent. (It would mean having to explain 350 years of silence. All the blood on his hands. It would mean needing to explain the Illyrians and the Hewn City and the fact that he is just like his father. Having to explain that he married a girl of nineteen. He thinks Drakon might believe him he is wrong, but then, as he usually is, but Miryam was never one for excusing inexcusable deeds.) "They wished to remain hidded", he lies, thinking that he should at least be able to win this one war on his own.

When he looks at Tarquin, young and honest, full of plans he will surely manage to get to work, he thinks of Drakon. More excuses. "Tarquin with his neutral court will always have it easier," he says to Feyre. And she believes him. She looks at him and sees a good person in him. She believes his excuses, his carefully spun lies. She thinks he is good, and that anyone who says otherwise is wrong. He loves her for it.

During the charade that is the meeting with the queens, he has Feyre play Miryam (a young woman with ties to both the humans and the Fae, with unusual powers. He makes her emissary on top of it, thinking it's the closest he can come). Another War, that's the image he wants to send. He is going to unite humans and Fae, he will rally the Continent. Neither works. (He never understood.) The war effort crashes and burns around him. He can barely unite Prythian. But Feyre is there, worshiping him like a god, believing his every lie, never noticing all the ways he failed. His friends are there, backing him up. And he is fighting for the right thing, isn't he? Surely that makes him a good person. Deep down, he knows it doesn't.

[thehaemanthus]

Tagged by @hyena-frog. Thank you, lovely!

Last song: Dancing After Death- Stripped, Matt Maeson. I feel like everytime i do one of these I end up listing a song from the Vesriel Playlist and that just tells you how much time I’m spending on this stupid story

Last movie: Vice. A little late to the party. It reignited my drive to get into the national security sector, promote diplomacy instead of using the military as our main instrument abroad, reigning in war powers, integrating human rights into foreign policy, so that’s good. It also made me go back and listen to lectures on Clausewitz, like a nerd. 

Currently watching: Merlin. Yes, the old BBC one, lol. I was late to the party again. 

Currently reading: Re-reading The Wicked King, but I’m going to move to Axiom’s End next. I also got Call Down the Hawk for the holidays and I need to get to that at some point.

Physical books: Okay, no one knows what this questions refers to, but yes. I have a stack of physical books I need to read. I like physical books, but it’s also really nice to have an e-book. I get it on the day it comes out, it’s more transportable in some instances, it takes up less room, etc. 

Fics: Oh? You want a list of my fics? You want to look at my AO3 profile, VivereLibri? You want to hear about an angsty second son who must break the careful rules he’s created, the rules that say he must push everyone away, in order to simply survive and protect someone who is helpless and needs him? You want to hear about Sabina, a character who exists in only a few lines in Red Rising, a woman who is terrified and seduced by a fate that she cannot escape? Can I tell you about the Heir, the prodigy, who is so afraid of his own potential that he won’t even explore it? Or the youngest child, gifted with absurd amounts of power, who accidentally wanders into people’s minds, who projects her emotions, who had so much more trouble living in a crowded world and expressing any sort of vulnerability? How much do you want to hear about what lies beneath the tip of the iceberg and all the fics I don’t have published yet?

Or...was this question about other’s fics? Can I go on and on about @hushedhands and The Laws of Inheritance and The Thing with Feathers, which turns a meh series into something with better worldbuilding, better characters, real stakes, and Oldest Daughter feelings that routinely make me too emotional? Or @thespianbooks, who’s doing a ACOTAR fic about Rhys and Feyre and their first child and war, a turbulent mix of violence and conflict with the brightest moments people can experience when expecting a child? Or @duskandstarlight who is writing about Nesta and Cassian and revealing the characters to me and, truly, might end up producing something that is slow and meaningful and complete and dare I say it might transcend canon. I could go way back and tell you about the other fics that I can’t stop thinking about, Weave Me a Myrtle Crown for instance, where, well...where @weavemeamyrtlecrown comes from (that’s my main blog, btw).

I’ve ranted a lot.

I like fanfic. 

Currently craving: Sooooo, I was craving something sweet. So I made myself a mug cake. It was a lot of mug cake. That was a mistake. 

Tagging everyone up there ^^^, as well as @hoe-for-ares, @artemisausten, @fandomoverflow, @zeynohayta I would tag Astrea but like you’ve already been tagged my dude, you’ve been taken

[pikemoreno]

favorite writers on here?

alright alright, this’ll be fun and a long, long list. first off:

star wars characters

@tintinwrites- the best poe fics. i love everything of caitlin’s i’ve ever read. i have a terrible attention span for long series sometimes but hers are so easy to get into and just never stop reading??

@starryeyedstories- amazing poe and cassian fics. the fluff always makes my heart soarrrrr. such a natural at fluffy goodness.

@poeticandors- also really really nice poe and cassian fics!! (also writes for other characters but those are just the ones i’ve read) v good! i remember ‘didn’t mean it’ in particular? it breaks your heart and then puts it right back together

@beskars- hooo boy. one of the very few obi wan writers and woooow. *chefs kiss* love me some of elisha’s obi. but we all already be knowin elisha’s writing is quality.

@no-droids *screams* their din, cassian, and obi-wan are all EXCEPTIONAL i try not to put a lot of gratuitous smut on my blog so that’s why i haven’t commented on every single thing but like... this is THE STUFF. right here. sucks you right in.

@acomplicatedprofession- so, yes, lari IS a p*dro character writer, really. B U T. her cassian fic is one of the best fics my eyes have consumed. it’s cute and saucy and i’m in looove with it. 

p*dro characters

@rzrcrst- i’ve read a lot of kenzie’s one shots (mostly binged- need to go back and leave lots of juicy comments because i didn’t before like a terrible human) and they’re just chef’s kisses everywhereee. but her crowning jewel, sanctuary, is on my reading list and i can’t wait to read it.

@mandadoration- i made it through all her whiskey fics when i was on a whiskey kick a bit ago and hooooooo. i could read ‘you’re a fine girl’ 100 times and never get sick of it. looking forward to binging all the delicious mando content as well soon!

@longitud-de-onda- camila is just a gorgerous gem PERIOD. but her writing is so gorgeous and riveting. they’re all such wonderful studies of character and personality and what makes people tick.

@hopelikethesun- now... i do not search out javi fics generally. i love me some javi but eh he’s just not generally my first choice of fic for some reason. but mtmf is one of the few exceptions. it’s beautiful, it really is. 

@spacegayofficial - the headcanons are so fabulous, for one. but the first thing i think about with tori is their max phillips fics? they’re so good. one of the only people i’ve seen write max (and be AMAZING at it btw. that one fic... yanno that one... like i said before, i try to not reblog gratuitous smut to my blog so i need you to know now: that fic awakened something kind of terrifying in me.)

@madadlorian- i walked into a gilded lie a max lord hater and will i still probs hate canon lord? yeah. but am i in unashamed love with amber’s version? 100% (also really love ‘if you don’t love me now’ btw. i’ve read it multiple times)

@lesqui- les writes right from the soul. it’s all just beautiful and poetic. ‘m in love with les AND les’s writing.

@catfishingmorales- THE RANGER!VERSE. that’s all i can say. the ranger!verse is one of the best, most wholesome things on this godforsaken site. casualties made me feel things. i could read it another 50 times easily.

@hdlynnslibrary- jUST POSTED A NEW FIC AND I’M EXCITED. her writing is as sweet and lovely as she is. 

@secretpajamas wrote MARCUS PIKE smut like a BOSS. one of the few times i allowed gratuitous smut to be reblogged onto my blog. AHHHHHH. i’ve read it three times.

@keeper0fthestars- lovely lovely lovely person who writes an even lovelier frankie. SO SO good and real and perfect.

@marcusplke- my kindred spirit in writing for good ol’ pike. *squee* so nice. it broke me and i loved it

@softpedropascal- pragma is one of the series i’m reading that i’m most excited to see updates for. it’s gorgeous. so gorgeous. so complex and emotional. and NAILS frankie’s character.

@qveenbvtch i’ve read their shorter works/headcanon posts and WHEW BOY W H E W. it’s all so incredibly well written. exceptional. realllllyyyy excited to read funtimes in babylon soon. i’ve had my eye on it a while.

as a bonus:

on my list to read, so you should join me in reading them:

@dindjarindiaries - i’ve read her shorter things like headcanons yanno and they’re always sooo great, but i have molly’s masterlist on my list of things to binge and i’m very pumped about it. it all looks so good

@damerondjarin- loooove all the lil headcanons and things from taylor. a masterlist i’m reallllyyy excited to binge.

@murdermewithbooks- mmmmmm... i’ve read tidbits and i’m jazzed to read more!!!

@themandjalorian- *clappy hands* jeni’s reviews always get me amped to read other fics! amped to sit down and read hers too!!!

@sunshinepascal- is a sweetie!!!! i’ve read tidbits enough to know that i’m very excited to binge this masterlist

ALSO my tag /fic+rec has, well, fics i’ve recommended, in case i missed any here (don’t go past page like 10. it turns into a different fandom and i need to fix it)