#reflecting as a coping mechanism

[karkatbug]

For the final day: hsday/birthday party @413countdown

HAPPY HOMESTUCK DAY!

And happy birthday, John! The older you get, the less you want to celebrate, but that's why your friends are here ♥

4/13/2023 || 4/13/2024

[cinnamonsikwate]

"why couldn't shuro have just been honest about what he felt with laios and falin it's not that hard" are you. are you White

[cjaus]

porky minch my beloved, i hate you, youre so beautiful, i want to kill you with a metal pipe,

[nocturnalnewsiestrash]

Okay guys so I know we all lightly tease Charles for seemingly never actually thinking through any of the emotions he ever has but it occurred to me, what if he has alexithymia?!? Between his very obvious ADHD and his apparent lack of ever addressing how he feels, alexithymia would explain a lot actually. I mean even in hell he's saying he needs more time to process how he feels and basically wants to NOT have to think about it in the moment on the stairs. Like that boy has alexithymia. He needs his reflective time Edwin, give him time.

Also also like he never wants to talk about himself, only address other's needs and feelings which is just so alexithymia?? I mean I know it's partly his trauma response but also it's such an alexithymia personality trait too. Alexithymia makes every choice he makes make sooooo much more sense. That and the adhd impulsivity, but it didn't really feel like it was the whole picture. Alexithymia was the missing key

[faunabel]

my fave form of what's basically friends to lovers is when two people meet and have all their own baggage and the connection they form together and love they have for each other forces them to unpack all that baggage if they want to make things work. the kind of relationship where you're forced to look in the mirror and stop avoiding ur own problems because that person forces u to confront all of them (and u force them to confront theirs, too) because the relationship will Not work if you keep up all these walls either from your person of interest or even from urself!!! and there's too much of something there to give up and move on because it's difficult

the kind of thing where there's romance but the real plot of it all is self transformation through loving another. like the focus is on two individuals w/ their own lives who come together and have romantic feelings for each other vs the romance itself being the plot.

and maybe in the end they don't even stay together! maybe it doesn't work out! but there's drastic change and an undeniable impact they both made in each other's lives that will live on. is changing for the better not love in its rawest form?

[controllerofthemist]

My thoughts on Skirk

With the way Skirk treats and talks about him, its no wonder Tartaglia turned out the way he did. A bright and naive 13 yr old boy with no combat experience falls away from the comfort of his home into a world full of monsters with no sun or safety and the only psuedo-caretaker he has won't even speak to him properly because she says him as too weak to bother with, and after 3 months of fighting his way through hell and losing his humanity, he returns to that home he was longing for, only to find that 3 days have passed since he left and he tells not a single person what happened to him. No wonder he lost his mind down there.

I miss the Skirk that I had made up in my head, the one I patched together from different fic writer and fan artists ideas for her, the one that had that same rambunctious and bloodthirsty personality that Tartaglia inherited, the one that took care of a child the best she knew how while hardening him to survive the abyss' dangers, the one that at least *tried*, because she *wanted too*.

I just feel disappointed, and I think a lot of other people are as well.

I think that, until we see her again, I'm just going to keep pretending that the one in my head is the real one.

[orviposition]

nothing good comes out of remembering yjh telling kdj that he didnt have a companion during his 3rd round in a futile attempt to get kdj to open up about his true feelings just for yjh to be the only one who still remembers kdj in the very next arc

[y-rhywbeth2]

Love getting that "world domination" conversation with Astarion.

Astarion: "I mean - I assume there's some device controlling these things, so we find that, murder some people, and... Look, I'm not a 'details' person, all right? But turning up and causing chaos has worked for us so far. I'm just saying that there's an opportunity before us. If we can control the tadpoles, we can keep ourselves safe and enjoy a little world domination on the side. You can't fell me that doesn't sound fun." Durge: "It does sound fun..." Astarion: "I knew I was right about you. It's so good to find a kindred spirit."

Also that bit at the start that goes "we're kindred spirits, what with our love of violence - but also maybe be a bit more subtle and stop leaving dead bodies around the house."

Durge wonders why it feels like they've had a slightly better planned version of this conversation before. Particularly the "murder and violence good, but be more subtle" bits. (And you had them at "murder some people".) And Astarion is literally conspiring with one of the people from Moonrise who controlled it all right now. I actually specialised him as an enchanter for the vampire-esque hypnotic gaze in my build-a-vampire plan, but I'm adding this to the list of coincidences that support my silly diviner headcanon.

They are ridiculous. And they'll only get worse when Minthara is in the party to join the "do crime, conquer the world" club.

[remyfire]

I cannot express to you the emotions that flood me every time we get an episode where Hawkeye is passing out where he sits, but BJ is still managing to truck along.

[bokutos-leggins]

[aashiquidreams]

After watching the Netflix show Baby Reindeer, I found myself wrestling with difficult emotions. It helped me recognize that the behavior portrayed in the show is termed trauma bonding. This realization shed light on my own experiences, particularly what happened to me in 2022/2023 with the person who sexually assaulted me during a first date. It’s worth noting that months before I went out with him, he seemed to constantly appear wherever I went in my neighborhood, leading me to question whether it was all just a coincidence. Looking back and considering what I’ve since learned about him, it’s clear that there may have been ulterior motives behind his presence. I’ve come to realize that I don’t believe in coincidences, especially after everything that happened.

Reflecting on the unsettling dynamics of my past encounters with him, one particular incident stands out vividly in my memory. After one of my attempts to break off contact with him, he unexpectedly appeared at my door three months later while delivering food. He knew there are only two restaurants that I order from. I wasn’t aware that he had started working at one of them, and seeing him brought back waves of fear and discomfort. Despite my shock at his sudden appearance, I found myself frozen, unable to react, pretending as if everything was normal. He started crying and asked me why I had ignored and blocked him, further intensifying my feelings of confusion and discomfort. His sudden appearance caught me completely off guard.

I never reported him to the police because I wasn’t sure if it was seen as harassment and sexual assault and was too ashamed because I froze during the assault. When I got myself tested after the assault, I even lied to the doctor about the reason for the test. I also never shared this experience with anyone, and when I tried to talk about it with one of my friends, his response was unsupportive. It made me feel invalidated and silenced, preventing me from opening up about the full extent of what had really happened. My other friend was often too busy and had a tendency to label her friends based on whether or not they were ‘drama-free.’ Feeling unsure of how she would react, I hesitated to confide in her as well. I also considered telling my mom since she knew I went on a date with him when it happened, but I held back. Her tendency to become verbally aggressive and use such information against me left me feeling unable to share the truth with her. During one of the breathwork sessions I did in March, I allowed myself to cry and grieve about the assault and all that happened around it. I felt like I grieved a part of me that died in that awful experience. However, despite this emotional release, I still couldn’t bring myself to talk about it when we were sharing afterwards. Perhaps it was because of shame and fear of being misunderstood. Writing about it here feels somewhat as a relief, and hopefully, in a way, it helps others with similar experiences.

After struggling with the emotional aftermath of the assault and struggling to find support from those around me, I found myself resorting to smoking weed every night before bed as a means to numb my emotions and ignore the reality of what had happened. Understanding this dynamic has provided valuable insight into my own journey. Quitting weed 111 days ago was a significant step for me, and the serendipitous discovery of this timing today fills me with surprise and affirmation, strengthening my resolve to quit and my decision to write about it. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made, and perhaps I wouldn’t have come to this point of realization if I hadn’t. I can now work on forgiving myself and letting go of the self-blame, understanding that freezing during the assault was a common reaction to the overwhelming situation.

Whenever he contacted me, I acted like nothing had happened. It took me over a year and a lot of dark secrets of his that I had found out to break things off for good with him. Looking back, I realize in how much danger I actually was – his brother is arrested and is a first-degree murder suspect, and he himself is suffering from mental issues as a war veteran and has a case against him for rape and assault. When I froze during the assault, it may have saved my life. Things could have gotten so much worse had I resisted. As I continue on my journey of healing, I hold onto the hope that I will never have to cross paths with him or endure his presence again.

Reflecting on the complexities of trauma, upbringing, and conditioning, and their profound impact on our behavior, I am reminded of the interconnectedness of these past experiences. It’s through understanding and acknowledging these layers of past traumas and conditioning that we can begin to unravel their effects on our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. By looking into the root causes and patterns that have shaped our responses, we gain insight into the ways in which past experiences continue to influence our present lives. This process forms the foundation for healing and growth, empowering us to navigate challenges with resilience and compassion for ourselves and others.

[krskrash]

The Venn diagram captures the core of therapy and growth, highlighting how "Flow" emerges at the intersection of "Discipline" and "Surrender," mirroring the balance that defines a truly effective therapeutic process.

Discipline, in therapy represents the structure, commitment, and the willingness to engage with challenging work. It’s about being open to reflecting on your thoughts, behaviors, and experiences with honesty, even when it’s difficult.

Surrender, involves letting go of rigid beliefs, control, and accepting that some things are outside your control. It's about being open to change and allowing the therapeutic process to guide you toward new perspectives without resistance.

Flow, the intersection of these two, is where progress happens. In this state, you're disciplined enough to put in the work but also able to surrender to the process, embracing vulnerability and change. It’s where a therapist’s role truly shines—validating your experiences while also challenging you to grow.

If therapy were just about constant validation (surrender) without discipline (guidance and challenge), you’d never reach that state of flow where genuine change and healing occur. The balance between these elements creates a dynamic process where you can feel both seen and motivated to transform.

[ruminate88]

When you come out of the “numb feeling” and allow yourself to actually feel the pain: Healing Song 🎶

so I had a ex ghost me and while I knew he was probably capable of doing something like that, some reason it still stunned me and I was surprised at how much it affected me…. I guess I didn’t think that it would bother me as much as it did. However, I was numb inside for so long. I was a walking zombie. I walked on without him because I felt like that person did not want me in their life. That rejection alone caused me to think that I’m a nobody. It made me feel like I am nothing. That’s a lie, though… coming out of the numbness is giving me opportunity to heal myself and to grow as well! This is legit growing pains at its finest. I wrote a song to express the journey I’m on. May the song help whoever needs it 🙏🏻❤️‍🩹

My song:

Lyrics: Verse 1. To hurt or to heal Either way I hate how I feel Don’t ask me what hurts more all this pain just seems unreal

But there’s growth in the rain and beauty brings you pain how beautiful is it if you can’t feel a thing

Hook. Though it hurts to feel it hurts more when you can heal

Chorus It hurts to heal that’s when you know that you can feel You’re not running from the pain But confronting what is real

You’re facing your fears no longer holding back the tears I know it’s hard to go through But it’s all that you can do To hurt or to heal

Verse 2. Beneath all your scars, a new hope is born And with each tear drop shed, it’s mending what is torn

I know you feel a sadness, that seems to last so long But It won’t always linger, believe that you are strong

Hook 2. I know it hurts to feel But it hurts more to heal

Chorus.

Bridge. It hurts to heal Now that you feel You’re getting through their lies Accepting what is real

You’re not alone But walk on your own The battle is in your mind And you’re not made of stone

You’re not made of stone

Chorus.

[jsietasphd]

[ink-on-paper]

Shards of Past Reflections: vol.1 act.2

Lost and alone, the room was no longer a safe place, the projects that once lived there were gone, now their broken pieces were scattered across the floor.

A masterpiece was what they needed. To regain all they were losing, they had to work harder. But nothing was enough.

Every correction was a new mark of failure, but they couldn't avoid revisions. Failed tests, dead words, costant delusions of expectations. Binded to their creations, the artist fell with them in the mud.

No one's voice could reach them anymore, too deep in the spiral they were running, desperate for an exit.

And they tried to reach perfection, they tried so hard their glass arms started to crack. Long black lines crossed their fingers and hands, holding the brush hurted so much. But they had to ignore it, the aching pain that followed the spreading of the splits as they continued to write.

They covered with bandages that ugly mess to save the beloved mask. But the mistakes multiplied with every try and the sorrow drowned them, lost in the reflection of the stranger in the mirror.

One night the solution became clear to them, they needed to destroy everything and start again from scratch.

Pages were trown in the air, numbers and symbols flied across the room, torn paper reigned on the floor, with the shattered glass and liquid ink of the inkwells. The corrosive tears that took their eyes left holes where they fell, burning scars on the cheeks. The bandages on the arms were cut by the glass shards of the cracks.

But in the end, covered in the remains of their failures, they knew it was useless. They would only mess it up again, ruin forever a perfect blank base for creators.

But once you've picked up your brush, you have to follow through.

Everything hurted them so much, from walking to taking, but they kept creating. And destroying. And creating again. And editing. And destroying again. Spilled blood and broken hope, that's what make a work of art.

But they couldn't hold on, they started losing faith and their grip on their world weakened, too.

When their feet started passing through the clouds, they knew it was over. The last mistake, they had failed their own nature.

The fall was long and painful, with winds so strong, their body was covered in cuts. The landing was worst.

Their legs broken in big glass pieces. It took months to put them back together, and even longer to use them again.

With clipped wings, now they're lost in a new world with nothing, not even themself.

[naokosona]

First, I wanted to share the post that prompted my friend to tell me to get a "diary":

Currently in that "having sympathy for your mother" phase and I don't know how to think about it.

Now that my frontal lobe is more developed (aka me getting older lmao) I can see the nuance in my mother's past actions.

I mean, what she did still sucks but I can understand what led her to do that (generational trauma) not that that is a good excuse but it explains shit.

In short, I feel like I act like her sometimes, and it's something I'm trying to work on. I didn't realize it until people started calling me "guarded" or "mysterious" (I know that's a corny term now, but you know what I mean) , and having trust issues, and a short temper that I can understand why my mom is the way that she is.

Kinda like that ending scene in Baby Reindeer. Where Donny realizes what led Martha down that path.

Second Slide (which I think is foreshadowing):

In short, I don't know the mix between oversharing too much and sharing too little. I don't know what I'm doing.

Reflective Thoughts (not from my CF story):

• I hope my idea to start this blog actually sticks for once. If so, it means that I'll finally be able to have a healthy coping mechanism.

• So my cf story on IG has all of my inner circle in it. I moved around a lot growing up, so Instagram is the only way I've been able to keep in contact with all of my friends. How should I proceed? Should I only tell a few select people about my Tumblr? Or remain completely anonymous?

• Currently experiencing embarrassment from my friend saying that to me. She's also my roommate. It is what it is. She's valid, though.