#290424

[aashiquidreams]

After watching the Netflix show Baby Reindeer, I found myself wrestling with difficult emotions. It helped me recognize that the behavior portrayed in the show is termed trauma bonding. This realization shed light on my own experiences, particularly what happened to me in 2022/2023 with the person who sexually assaulted me during a first date. It’s worth noting that months before I went out with him, he seemed to constantly appear wherever I went in my neighborhood, leading me to question whether it was all just a coincidence. Looking back and considering what I’ve since learned about him, it’s clear that there may have been ulterior motives behind his presence. I’ve come to realize that I don’t believe in coincidences, especially after everything that happened.

Reflecting on the unsettling dynamics of my past encounters with him, one particular incident stands out vividly in my memory. After one of my attempts to break off contact with him, he unexpectedly appeared at my door three months later while delivering food. He knew there are only two restaurants that I order from. I wasn’t aware that he had started working at one of them, and seeing him brought back waves of fear and discomfort. Despite my shock at his sudden appearance, I found myself frozen, unable to react, pretending as if everything was normal. He started crying and asked me why I had ignored and blocked him, further intensifying my feelings of confusion and discomfort. His sudden appearance caught me completely off guard.

I never reported him to the police because I wasn’t sure if it was seen as harassment and sexual assault and was too ashamed because I froze during the assault. When I got myself tested after the assault, I even lied to the doctor about the reason for the test. I also never shared this experience with anyone, and when I tried to talk about it with one of my friends, his response was unsupportive. It made me feel invalidated and silenced, preventing me from opening up about the full extent of what had really happened. My other friend was often too busy and had a tendency to label her friends based on whether or not they were ‘drama-free.’ Feeling unsure of how she would react, I hesitated to confide in her as well. I also considered telling my mom since she knew I went on a date with him when it happened, but I held back. Her tendency to become verbally aggressive and use such information against me left me feeling unable to share the truth with her. During one of the breathwork sessions I did in March, I allowed myself to cry and grieve about the assault and all that happened around it. I felt like I grieved a part of me that died in that awful experience. However, despite this emotional release, I still couldn’t bring myself to talk about it when we were sharing afterwards. Perhaps it was because of shame and fear of being misunderstood. Writing about it here feels somewhat as a relief, and hopefully, in a way, it helps others with similar experiences.

After struggling with the emotional aftermath of the assault and struggling to find support from those around me, I found myself resorting to smoking weed every night before bed as a means to numb my emotions and ignore the reality of what had happened. Understanding this dynamic has provided valuable insight into my own journey. Quitting weed 111 days ago was a significant step for me, and the serendipitous discovery of this timing today fills me with surprise and affirmation, strengthening my resolve to quit and my decision to write about it. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made, and perhaps I wouldn’t have come to this point of realization if I hadn’t. I can now work on forgiving myself and letting go of the self-blame, understanding that freezing during the assault was a common reaction to the overwhelming situation.

Whenever he contacted me, I acted like nothing had happened. It took me over a year and a lot of dark secrets of his that I had found out to break things off for good with him. Looking back, I realize in how much danger I actually was – his brother is arrested and is a first-degree murder suspect, and he himself is suffering from mental issues as a war veteran and has a case against him for rape and assault. When I froze during the assault, it may have saved my life. Things could have gotten so much worse had I resisted. As I continue on my journey of healing, I hold onto the hope that I will never have to cross paths with him or endure his presence again.

Reflecting on the complexities of trauma, upbringing, and conditioning, and their profound impact on our behavior, I am reminded of the interconnectedness of these past experiences. It’s through understanding and acknowledging these layers of past traumas and conditioning that we can begin to unravel their effects on our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. By looking into the root causes and patterns that have shaped our responses, we gain insight into the ways in which past experiences continue to influence our present lives. This process forms the foundation for healing and growth, empowering us to navigate challenges with resilience and compassion for ourselves and others.

[xekah]

[camourdemavie]

[chrisfriel]

point of origin 290424

[coralynakawaii]

290424 segregation

[247tws]

TWS Hanjin

[290424] Weverse update

[coseulidi]

290424

[timetravelandgravityengineering]

Retro prediction

Some people could chew gum and change the world

This will change reality

Well thanks for reading I think the other one was more fun to write but this should work I work out the rest later ;)

Perhaps I put less of everything vol²

Well this way you can use a black holes surface though distant to create energetic exchange but also propagate backwards on the surface so the action would be retro predictive the mitigation should then be internal

To be honest I had reservations about entanglement until I seen the new 4 part entanglement fields. The level of syncopation from entangled particles is most compelling evidence of the nature of entanglement and it's uses.

Also seems to align with the ratios.

WSF Crull 290424

Or

Its below

You shouldn't then need pre-existing Entangled point to transfer information

[gedjub]

290424 Suis donc un pet qui pense ?

010524 Je ne sais plus où j'étais quand cette idée m'est parvenue, mais il y avait sûrement des immeubles et de la terre devant moi.

Valéry: "[...] tandis que le cône, l'hélice, la spirale, vont à l'infini sans aucun trouble, la coquille tout à coup se lasse de les suivre. (Mais pourquoi pas un tour de plus?"

Cette question m'avait marqué l'esprit,) et voilà que m'apparaît un mouvement similaire mais inversé, plutôt la tête en bas: plus les êtres constructeurs sont petits, moins les constructions de leurs habitats sont détaillés. De nos fenêtres et vitraux au sable d'une termitière, en passant par un exemple de nid d'oiseau. Est-ce vrai?

+ Croissant salade

+ "Le coeur consiste à dépendre." (dernières phrases, dernier carnet de Paul Valéry, dans un siècle d'écrivains, 1997) Il dit, avant ça : "je connais my heart, [...] il triomphe."

Triompher dans la dépendance. Jouissance jouée et gagnée.

070524 les mouvements de la vie. Contractions, ouvertures fermetures

080524 Qu'elle est lente

Et prenante

La danse des fleurs

Qui meurent

090524 Marcher vite à deux la nuit dans une grande étendue d'herbe en direction de quelque part en serrant contre mon nez un grand sac en plastique plein de graines de cumin.

100524 to find the right stranger

+ The heart is a verb (Jeanette), that is to say it is ready to be conjugated, to be submitted to certain tenses, tensions, foreign frequencies... But a verb with his very own, herited meaning, movement.

Tenses of time

Modes of life

Modes of love

Coloring the heart's first meaning

More or less suiting

Slowing, exciting changes

To the nature of the heart

The heart is a verb

Tension conjugation

Growing meaning

Life made out of moving beats

110524 playing with a heart is called

Conjugation

My heart is a verb and you

Gave it the tension

You're playing on a mode that you

Forgot to mention

Now we have to deal with ir-

-regular declension

120524 Je t'ai reconnue sous la forme d'une fleur, ton air inspirant ta tiède familière, les parties de toi au soleil, c'était clair et j'ai su que tu étais revenue, quelques jours après ta mort, dormante sous la forme d'une fleur.

Des pierres peintes autour de toi, celles que tu m'avais données, te rendaient la vie fraîche et colorée.

Approchant mon visage pour te voir, il n'y avait rien que le décor, mes yeux t'avaient bue en une goutte et mon cœur te digère.

Et quand je dormirai, tu seras revenue entre tes pierres, et tous les jours où je regarderai, avant de te boire je te verrai, dormant sous la forme d'une fleur.

130524 Les vues de la vie d'aujourd'hui peuvent être aussi belles que celles de mes trop précieux souvenirs.

[aashiquidreams]

I’ve compiled a list of the symptoms, emotions, and problems I’ve been dealing with since the beginning of the year. I’m planning to talk to my GP about it during my appointment this week. Looking at the list, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going through depression again. The idea of going through this all over is just too much. It’s always been such a lonely journey, and I can’t help but feel like it’ll be that way again. This time, it might be even lonelier since both Suzy and Tijgertje are gone. I don’t know if I have it in me to fight once more. I’m feeling lost again.

[sonhosdeescritor]

SEJA O SONHO SEJA A LUZ QUERO O BEM QUE FAÇA, CONDUZ DEVEMOS NOS ALEGRAR MAIS E SOFRER DE MENOS POR QUE A VIDA NÃO CORRE CONTRA A MARÉ A GENTE É QUE SE DESTACA ÁS VEZES AO CONTRÁRIO USANDO TODA FORÇA NINGUÉM QUER TE VER INFELIZ MAIS NÃO ESPERE AS FLORES QUE NÃO FORAM CULTIVADAS POR SUAS MÃOS E LÁGRIMAS POR QUE SOFRER TE FAZ CRESCER E ASSIM LEVAMOS TOMBOS E LEVANTAMOS ATÉ O FIM DE TUDO DO AMOR E DA VIDA.

030524………………. QUANDO A FOME BATE - Deus do céu, a crise se instalou de verdade na grande conquista da RECORD, tudo esta indo por ÁGUA abaixo, na base da soberana loucura.

Houve briga por tudo até por rodo, isso mesmo, dois participantes sendo um da casa azul e outra da laranja quase sai no tapa por conta do empréstimo de um rodo, já na casa verde, pau fechando entre o palhaço e o jornalista que com seu corpo trabalhado a horas de musculação em academias e uso de outras substâncias, jogou todo seu poder para cima do franzino palhaço SORRISO, palhaço bem mulherengo que mal entrou e já partiu com tudo para cima da BIFÃO. Pois é, crises, fomes, falta de comando, expulsões, quase homicidio, bem vindo A GRANDE CONQUISTA 2 da amada e deplorável RECORD. 010524................

NÃO TIVE TEMPO PARA ME PREPARAR QUANDO VI JÁ ESTAVA ALI TÃO LINDO NAQUELA PRAÇA DE ENSINOS RELIGIOSOS EU QUE PEGUEI SUA MÃO EU QUE TE CONFORTEI EM MEU COLO NÃO CONSEGUI, EU RESPIREI NÃO ME ATENTEI AOS DIAS EM QUE SOMENTE ME RESTARIAM SUAS LEMBRANÇAS VELHAS LEMBRANÇAS UM AMONTOADO DE COISAS SEM QUALQUER SIGNIFICÂNCIA A OUTRO SER SOMENTE EU OUVI AS VOZES ORIUNDAS DAQUELA TRIBO QUE SE CHAMA PRAZER, RAZÃO EU OUVI E DECIDI QUE NÃO MAIS TE DEIXARIA SER INFELIZ EM CONTATO TÃO BRUTO COMIGO AFINAL AGRESSÃO NÃO É AMOR DOR NÃO É PRAZER, DILACERA E DESTRUIR TUDO QUE SENTI POR TI.

290424………………..

O SAL CRESCEU ABAIXO DO MAR, AGORA VEJO POR QUE TUDO SE FEZ SALGAR, NUNCA SOBREVIVEREMOS INSONSOS, TEM DE HAVER O SAL EM NOSSAS VIDAS, É COMO UM MONTE A SE ESCALAR E UMA PAIXÃO PARA TENTAR DOMINAR, AMANHÃ VOU LEVANTAR MAIS ALEGRE, SALGAR OS OVOS MATINAIS, CORRER PARA A ORLA SEM NOÇÃO DOS DIAS TRISTES OU ALEGRES DESTE NOIVAR DE LUZES VIRIS.

290424………………

A AVE SERIA MARROM SE OS DIAS NÃO FOSSEM TÃO CINZAS A ALMA BEM QUE TENTOU, O PURIFICAR NÃO FOI O SUFICIENTE OS ALVOS JÁ ERAM FALADOS DENTRE A CRISE DOS 50 AQUI NÃO HÁ LUGAR PARA AMADORES DEBÉIS E PESSOAS SEM QUALQUER PROPÓSITO IMORAL NÃO SOMOS ANJOS SOMOS DEUSES DE UM OLIMPO QUE SE FINDOU AS VELAS DE UMA OUTRA DINASTIA SOCORRO, VIDA.

290424………………..

AS ÁGUAS QUE BENEFICIAM TAMBÉM MATAM RIO GRANDE DO SUL E SANTA CATARINA, HÁ FAMÍLIAS CHORANDO A PERDA DOS SEUS RIOS QUE TRANSBORDAM DIQUES QUE SE ROMPEM BARRAGENS AMEAÇADAS ATÉ QUANDO VAMOS CONTINUAR DISFARÇANDO A NATUREZA GRITA POR JUSTIÇA HÁ TEMPOS QUE NOSSO CLIMA DESANDOU OS ABALOS, ERUPÇÕES, TSUNÂMIS TUDO FORMA DE DEMOSNTRAR, GRITAR DO SEU FLAGELO ESTAMOS DESTRUINDO TUDO ATÉ QUANDO FICAREMOS TODOS ILESOS NESTE MAR DE GANÃNCIA SELVAGERIA GARANTIDA A MOTO SERRAS E GARIMPOS HOSTIS QUEM DERA OS INDÍOS TIVESSEM A VOZ E A TOGA POR UMA VEZ SÓ. 030524...................

[darnalila]

290424 elated by the aleatory the digital dialectic a driving of you back to me half the longing is the untying of an invisible thread and wondering if it has been between the two for a lifetime without awareness - you talk simply in terms of feeling of attachment and affection adjectives of drenched desire to me a diaphoretic edition of damnation that I plead with my wanton hands to be far away to not tempt all that grasping - I think lustfully of a mind free from the fragility of infatuation the farce of a dried-out tether a longing of leather damned to it's own decay like gums from unwashed teeth a foul mouth made nice to look at from before it could do all that speaking those confessions of attachment and elation - and yet you come to me; as those before who like bad news out of a pretty mouth that stinks out unbelievable truths and luscious lies supervised by oracle eyes to watch them on their way below

[twistedsoulmusic]

We can't seem to keep away! Our new Blue-In-Green:RADIO show goes all over the musical map, from Astrid Sonne's experimental electronic ambience to Jasmine Wood's contemporary classical harmony. We also travel further to the serene meadows of ambient folk with Love Is Yes. And, of course, we have a whole variety of other musical flavours to whet your aural appetite. Enjoy this musical trip with us!

[chrisfriel]

a new website 290424

friel.co

[nolut]

Jeff Burnige reports from the Den on Sunday evening following Millwall Lionesses hosting of Fulham Women. He also caught up with Liv McGregor and Club Captain Grace Seely post-match.

[247tws]

TWS Kyungmin

[290424] Weverse update