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orv spoilers

tbh I'm so happy there is no explicit romance in orv (minus the brief stuff that happens with jhw and lhs) and because of that I feel like I've been able to appreciate kdj in such a profound way as a character

like sure i like joongdok and yoohankim but to me at least kdj has this level of asexuality to him that I don't usually associate him with anyone that romantically. And their relationships are still as complex and has such a great depth that they are like THE foundest of families and I can return to the kim dokja company at the end of the day as all of them being my comfort characters. you know that saying like 'i love you so much i'd make the world burn for you'? it's meant to be this dramatic line about how much you love someone (romantically), but kdj's company fully encapsulates this in a platonic way that just isn't cringey or anything like that

they are all so platonic but they love each other to such an unconditional way that they ALL decide to relive through all the scenarios again in the hope of finding kim dokja again. and later, they all help to write and spread a story - stories, the thing the reader loves - again, in hopes of bringing kdj back home. they aren't sure if it'll work, but it is through this love they all have that they don't give up and put their hope in this seemingly impossible method

and this is also what makes them fundamentally different from kdj. unlike kim dokja in the apocalypse, they do not have any sort of proof their methods will work. kdj has twsa - the novel he grew up reading, the novel he fantasized living in, the novel that he's spent 13 years following, learning every nook and cranny and probably even planning out his own way to survive the apocalypse from this lengthy novel. he has some sort of assurance his methods will work, with the amount of time hsy put into describing the settings (remember that twsa was not popular and one of the complaints was that tls123 put too much emphasis on the settings that deterred people from reading it, when really, that too was a way to ensure kdj survived the apocalypse later on). he has had time to reassure himself and plan for it, and probably had yjh case test them all

but kdj's company had no assurance - they did not grow up with a book that confirmed their methods of bringing kdj back would work. they did not have any 'third plans', no 'ressurections', no 'restarts', that kdj had in the apocalypse. all they had was their own hope - something kdj didn't have when he was fifteen sitting in that hospital bed after that failed suicide attempt, feeling like the whole world was against him. Until he searched up those three words on his phone. Those three words that were probably 'Ways of Survival'.

And then he found his hope in twsa. he found his hope in yjh, the protagonist made just for him. he found hope in the story that he believed in for the next thirteen years. the story that got him through high school, the CSATs, the military. his hope was in this tangible book that carried him through the apocalypse.

kdj's company had none of that. they only had their hope in kim dokja - the man they survived the scenarios with. they could only put their hope in their memories of surviving with the man that saved them, even though there was no evidence he lived in their world anymore. they had to put their hope in the fact that they remembered he existed, even though they had to acknowledge that they didn't know everything about him.

sing shong touches upon this idea a lot throughout orv - does something really exist if no one knows about it? or, in a more modern saying, did a fallen tree in a forest really fall if no one heard it? what proves the existence of something? what proves that something truly happened? sing shong seems to make it pretty clear that the existence of something can be represented metaphorically like a 'story', and stories need a 'reader', some sort of spectator that witnesses it, for the 'story' to exist.

for kim dokja, his final sacrifice, where he split into infinite little pieces scattered across the universe, was to ensure that everything existed. that open ending, as tragic as it was, was meant to be comforting. that his sacrifice was supposed to be so existences like you and me, are real. no matter how lonely we may feel throughout our lives, a metaphorical 'kim dokja' is looking at our own stories, spectating our own stories, even living our own lives himself.

and what i hate to say sometimes is that kim dokja is not really a character - he is an idea. he is an idea of some higher being affirming our lives, that it's real, that what we do from day to day, even something as simple as getting up in the mornings and brushing your teeth, or thumbing through a store catalog, matters. and this is why kim dokja sacrificed himself. for all the stories that may have not 'existed' if no one was watching it.

and it's out of love. this tragic, terrible love for the world, that eats away at yourself until you are nothing. but at least you exist.

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4149 highschool au (click 4 better quality)

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love a character that's like. i survived (<- not a brag) (<- this is a curse that weighs on me every waking hour)

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41 yoo joonghyuk x lee hakhyun

inspired by that smoking scene (it was so fruity)

they're married, your honor.

(On another one, what is this ship called? I feel like Joonghak doesn't specify which yjh it is.)

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Orv doodle comic time

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i have such a soft spot for side story 1865th turn flashbacks

1865 yoohan where yjh has guessed that hsy is writing a novel for kdj even tho this was supposed to be a secret between kdj and hsy

1865 yoohan where yjh tells hsy that he chooses to forget certain memories everytime he regresses and that's okay bcs kdj has a better memory than he does and he will remember those memories for yjh's sake

1865 doksoo where hsy apologizes to 49kdj and he forgives her, yet hsy chooses to forget that memory so that she can apologize to him again and again and again

1865 doksoo where hsy promises to die once for kdj and goes through with it

1865 joongdok where 49kdj isn't sure if he's ever tasted yjh's cooking before yet he eats the plate of rice he brings him like a starving man.

1865 joongdok has 49kdj at his most identity crisis yet yjh reassures him that he doesn't need to be anything since all that matters is what he himself wants to be. 49kdj wants to be anyone who's not kdj (he wants to be the only kdj ever) yjh tells him to not run away. (kdj does)

and lastly this 1865 yoohankim scene from lhh's pov

bangs my head against the wall at the way hsy understands she has spent more time with 49kdj than with his 100%. it doesn't stop her from wanting him to be that way

the way 49 is still fearing for his sense of existence and even after yjh's words and hsy's plea for him to trust his words, he can't bring himself to stop wishing to be the only one his companions want

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tis how targetted harassment (/lh) feels like

Can you imagine if the side stories end, and the ending is just like... Lee Hakhyun starts a tumblr or various accounts on social media trying to spread his story?

Because it's all happening in his dream? And in spreading it his characters live forever?

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i have such a soft spot for side story 1865th turn flashbacks

1865 yoohan where yjh has guessed that hsy is writing a novel for kdj even tho this was supposed to be a secret between kdj and hsy

1865 yoohan where yjh tells hsy that he chooses to forget certain memories everytime he regresses and that's okay bcs kdj has a better memory than he does and he will remember those memories for yjh's sake

1865 doksoo where hsy apologizes to 49kdj and he forgives her, yet hsy chooses to forget that memory so that she can apologize to him again and again and again

1865 doksoo where hsy promises to die once for kdj and goes through with it

1865 joongdok where 49kdj isn't sure if he's ever tasted yjh's cooking before yet he eats the plate of rice he brings him like a starving man.

1865 joongdok has 49kdj at his most identity crisis yet yjh reassures him that he doesn't need to be anything since all that matters is what he himself wants to be. 49kdj wants to be anyone who's not kdj (he wants to be the only kdj ever) yjh tells him to not run away. (kdj does)

and lastly this 1865 yoohankim scene from lhh's pov

bangs my head against the wall at the way hsy understands she has spent more time with 49kdj than with his 100%. it doesn't stop her from wanting him to be that way

the way 49 is still fearing for his sense of existence and even after yjh's words and hsy's plea for him to trust his words, he can't bring himself to stop wishing to be the only one his companions want

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The agonising feel when a character tag is full of shipping that you Simply Do Not Vibe With. The solution is, naturally, to keep scrolling. But the wince, the WINCE.

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「“Uriel. What were you thinking when you brought those 'lambs'?”」

Archangel Uriel still remembers that day.

「“Could it be that girl didn't know what the 'lambs' that the Scribe told her to bring meant?”」

The whispering voices of the Seraphim as she arrived with the lambs in tow. Uriel frowned at those guys and thought. Why try to understand what 'lambs' those 'lambs' meant? It's better to get another demon's head than waste time agonizing over something like that.

「“At any rate, I brought ten?”」

Her calling was to hunt demons and kill Demon Kings. Archangel Uriel was born solely for this. Countless beings of evil fell under her famed swordplay. Demon Kings. Demon Lords. Devils. Any star containing the character of 'evil' did not escape her blade. After hundreds or thousands of years passed, the light of the stars belonging to 'Absolute Evil' began to go out. During that unimaginable period of depravity, the universe she belonged to gradually darkened.

「“Why are you killing demons?”」

When was that question asked? Was it when she heard of rumors of a new Demon King at the border?

「“I've been ordered to.”」 「“Would you kill anyone if ordered to?”」 「“Mm.”」

As he said, Uriel had also killed the Demon King's lover. Because that was also an order she had received.

「“Archangel. You are like a demon.”」

Holding his lover who no longer breathed, the Demon King spoke a quiet curse.

「"Archangel who loves nothing. Someday you too will love something. When that time comes, the fire you have started will judge you.”」 「“Whatever.”」

Uriel jeered as she cut the Demon King's throat.

'demon-like judge of fire'.

her modifier, of which the archangels revered and absolute evil feared. she killed demon kings like her modifier. over and over and over, in so many ways. and after so long, she got a new order. "uriel. halt the 'demon hunt'."

too many demon kings had died. a ceasefire was signed, yet uriel thought it a joke. a year passed. a decade. after half a century, uriel finally realized.

this can't be right.

she was born to destroy evil. she didn't go so far just to end up with this 'peace'.

after going on a rampage and ending up restrained by jophiel, she's forced to swear on her name as an archangel to not touch another demon king without the scribe's permission. ■ck, what was she supposed to do now?

she's told to take care of the sheep.

seriously? an archangel who used to defeat demon kings, now forced to be a shepherd? as a sheep walks up to her, she reflexively hits it and as the sheep slumps over, a low rank angel runs up to her in shock. she no longer remembers the angel's name, but only their title— teacher yang.

(yang/양 = sheep)

there were so, so many sheep. the 10 lambs uriel had brought had multiplied, and at this point the lambs of eden are quite popular. those sheep that appear in dreams? they're from eden :) teacher yang says that this is all thanks to uriel. thanks to the peace she brought.

counting the innumerable sheep, uriel finally admitted that she had really been released from her mission 'temporarily'. what should an archangel who had dedicated her life to hunting demons do now? she can watch sheep for a while, but this can't go on forever—

it's then that she sees teacher yang watching someone on a portable device. later, she learns that teacher yang was a 'star stream broadcasting' addict. looking at the screen, a video was playing.

「“Calm down, Yoo Sangah-ssi.”」

and right after, she learned for the first time she learned of the 'lambs' metatron wanted were.

「“Think about it. We are in a game right now.”」

---

a lot had happened since then. the great war of saints and demons broke out, and <eden> fell. she watched metatron, the archangels, and the seraphim who had laughed at her die.

「“What about the sheep?”」

teacher yang's last words.

「“I was supposed to shear them today...”」

the low ranking angel died, leaving behind no story. uriel never learned their name.

after the scenarios ended, she spent a lot time in a small garden. she was left alone in <eden>, where not a single sheep was left. sometimes she descended to interact with the incarnations or gabriel, she danced and sang when she was in the mood, but most of the time she stayed in the garden. she slept in the garden, and sometimes she ate. and she watched a story.

「“Uriel, you know. This is just a story.”」

she watched as one star died once more. in this ruined world, this was the only story she managed to keep.

the main character of that story was gone. no one knew where he went. though she knew that— or maybe because she knew that, she continued to watch that story without doing anything.

and sometimes she thought about sheep.

she dreamed of a man who became a sheep, living somewhere unknown to her. in that world, that man will meet new companions, and gain a new history. a new family would have been formed, without her knowing.

someone starts speaking to her.

she recognizes the voice. but that can't be. the owner of that voice had found his ■■ and died. no, did he really die? she didn't know. she knew nothing of the last ■■ he had reached. and she didn't particularly care.

the voice continues to speak. commenting on how she was still interested in this story. asking if she was curious about the next chapter.

the next chapter?

there's a place she can see the next chapter. she couldn't intervene, only watch. and she'd new a new modifier.

but if she could see that star again.

and that was how uriel came to this 'scenario'.

with a temporary modifier of 'The One Who Brought Ten Lambs', under the role of 'teacher yang' in this academy scenario.

uriel was grateful for her history she was grateful she had brought ten lambs to eden at that time. she was grateful she met teacher yang. she was grateful that she was the 'demon-like judge of fire', that she was an archangel of eden.

"Thank you, Uriel."

as lee hakhyun spoke her name, the door to the teacher's office started to close. uriel stumbled toward the closing door.

"Dok..."

spraks fly. even if that name was allowed to be spoken in this worldview, the worldview had caught on. the name she had called was not just of this world's 'actor'.

it was the name of her favourite story. uriel shouted his name.

the door did not open.

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sobbing urielllll she used to be an archangel whos only purpose was to kill demons until the 'peace treaty' was signed 😭😭

with no more purpose she was given the task to watch over sheep. there were so many that if she started counting them she'd fall asleep

"oh archangel who loves nothing, one day you shall love something too. and all the fire you've caused will judge you"

she was watching these sheep when she saw the broadcast of seoul. kim dokja's story

he became the star whose story she loved the most. she wanted to see him again. so when she was invited to the recycling center she got the new name "the one who brought ten lambs" and entered the scenario.

she heard the man bearing kdj's face and name tell her "thank you, uriel" she ran after him and shouted his name. but the door didn't open

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when ysa in qipao is to kdj but kdj in sexy cat suit is to yjh

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Title: I Hope This Doesn't Awaken Anything in Me

welcome to the orv universe that lives in my head. here's how joongdok can still win (iykyk)

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💀💀💀💀

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unemployed people in my mentions

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we need to lower the retirement age to 27