#really i cannot function without another person around

[housemdork]

house md rewatch: 1x19, "kids"

or the one where cameron's absence is so obvious that it causes a meningitis outbreak.

i'm qualifying this one as another stepping-stone episode for me, personally. i liked a lot of pieces of it, and obviously we get some major plot movement with cameron and house at the end, but i think we've entered Full Speed Ahead to the finale atp.

we open and close 1x19 with house and cameron, offering us a framed narrative that gets punched straight through at the end when cameron makes her shocking demand: a date! that's what it will take to get her back into PPTH. even without any foreknowledge, we can safely assume it's a loaded request with some pretty disastrous results incoming. but still, i have to say - i really hated this.

i see the plot and character resonance here. if i'm pretending like i haven't seen the resulting date (which i don't hate, despite disagreeing with the initial premise here), i still understand that a "date" will function more like a forced confrontation/dissection between 2 characters who have been struggling against the social norms of Having A Crush. it's not a role that either performs well, so good for cameron for trying to find a middle-ground, i suppose, but i sincerely can't get past the 2000s tv of it all. surely there could have been a more interesting way to do it. it's one house md's most daring attempts at breaking and/or redefining a trope, and i think this time it just falls flat.

i wish we didn't get to know cameron through this season-long dynamic with house, and i cannot wait for the deeper forays we get next season. i apologize for that negativity lol i just had to come clean about it. my patience has all but worn thin for this saga between them.

though i did like the visual representation of cameron being unable to progress forward by running in place on a treadmill to open the episode. she wasn't really going anywhere, was she?

as well as how house's acquiescence (HEAVY on the acquiescence) to her demands to come back mirrored how he asked her why she liked him. there are always bits and pieces to be appreciated, even amidst what i'd call rubble lol.

BUT! cameron's absence from this episode was very impactful in a way that i really enjoyed. after flubbing another attempt at soothing things between them, house is confronted with his worst nightmare: a clinic full of people who genuinely need his attention. watching chase and foreman fumble around, lacking the sensitivity that cameron carries so naturally in her practice, was an odd moment of solidarity between them, especially when they were so thrilled when house relieved them.

no such solidarity exists long term, however, since house dials his beef with chase up to 11. to me, it felt as if he was preaching cameron's noble high-road tendencies to chase, but vindictively, thus missing the point, when he forces chase to go through a medical glossary throughout the episode. of course it doesn't take - nobody can be like cameron, despite house's greatest wishes. house even dismisses the ingenuity of one of chase's ideas, which gets him the most upset, in the same way that cameron's ideas were often dismissed.

overall, he's clearly goading chase to crack and lash out in anger, like he's been so quick to do lately, and though chase gets increasingly aggravated, he maintains his cool.

i also really enjoyed the subtle callback to chase being raised catholic. he's replaced a bible for a medical textbook, replaced a stringent teacher and/or father with his surrogate father figure, who so happens to be the figurehead of chase's career in medicine, analogous to a church. good stuff.

it's wilson's preaching that breaks through to house on 2 fronts, both of which implicate cameron in the scene i've already mentioned. during fruitless interviews, it's very clear that house is looking for nobody but cameron, a way that he can a) preserve his normal and b) be around cameron, ofc, because he likes/cares for her. superficially, wilson is motivating house to be honest with cameron for once so he can stop indulging his habit of pushing people away.

but wilson also makes the point to broaden the conversational horizons (love you and your moralizing platitudes, honey). he clarifies that house has "a history" of pushing people away and that he's talking about "every woman you've ever given a damn about!" in the face of house's jabs over perfection, he warns that "you're gonna wind up alone, house."*

this speech doesn't solve the problem entirely, ofc, but it points house in the right direction, and he finds solace/confirmation of his next steps in the patient, mary. mary is steeling herself in the face of horrifying circumstances - being traumatically pregnant at 12 years old - and insists that her parents, her team, don't need to know what she's going through. house preserves her privacy, but sees her give in to her parents just before he goes back to cameron's house:

house sees the strength in mary and, due to this show's hilarious habit of equating life-altering medical trauma to petty interpersonal issues, is inspired to be honest and "ask for help" in his own way. with that in mind, i like what house brings to the table when he returns to cameron. he's reflected and grown and saved a kid's life along the way. the understanding that, though he may technically be strong enough to subsist alone, he doesn't always have to, is pretty profound. too bad he won't hang onto it lol.

i need to shout out cuddy, like always, for 1) managing this absolute hellacious situation in her hospital; 2) putting up with house and wilson's shit the entire time; and 3) immediately understanding the urgency when house explains that the patient is bleeding into her brain and forcing open an operating room for her. i love that cuddy's strong instincts are such an integral part of her character, such that i find myself taking them for granted sometimes.

overall? neat episode. again i apologize for the splurge of negativity in there. i like what the house/cameron arc says for them by its end, but it is Taking Too Long for me.

major hilson posting below (i would put another 'read more' section break if i could!):

*okay so what's crazy about the "you're gonna wind up alone, house" exchange is not that it ends up being just NEARLY true, but wilson's emphasis on women. idc if i'm grasping at straws that haven't even been manufactured yet because it's still season 1. in the conversation, they're talking around each other; wilson is trying to pin house down amidst all his attempts at obfuscating, but wilson is physically moving through the scene, working, driving the dialogue:

i have made MANY posts (lots during my live blogging era) of how house and wilson often invert visual shot compositions/dynamics. in their case, usually whoever is seated and looking up is in charge of the conversation, and the person trailing behind is usually the subject of the conversation (think 4x14). and here's how the conversation plays out (with some omissions for brevity):

"you always find some tiny little flaw to push people away."

"...when i do decide to push you away, i hope there's a small person kneeling behind you so you fall down and hit your head." this is crazy btw. think of all the people house subsumes in wilson's life.

"you had the perfect person. and you blew it."

"cameron is so not perfect."

"well nobody's perfect."

wilson being house's imperfect "good side" holds weight here. nobody is perfect, admitted by the faulty personification of that perfection meant to contrast house at every turn but, again, forever failing in that regard. even visually the roles have been assigned - wilson's prestine white coat vs. house's sloppy black coat.

we have also now firmly established that these 2 have seen each other thru many failed relationships, and in an episode defined by the loss of one (house's relationship to cameron), i think this is relevant. in a conversation about house's tendency to remove people from his life, the audience has a subtle laugh about how these 2 seem to be eternal friends despite that tendency, and it's wilson who genders things. wilson introduces the subject of women, even though they interviewed a male candidate earlier.

what i'm getting at is that wilson is house's perfect person, of course. i think 1x19 builds a funny, unimportant setup for this subtextual joke really well, actually, but if i break my own rules and invite outside context into this post, this joke stands the test of time.

[karmacharmeleon18]

I just went through your AFTG posts and may I ask: what are your feelings about Kevin?

Oooh. Oh. Oh, anon... idk if you're a Kevin Day fan or not, for the sake of things I'll assume you're a completely neutral party so I can tell it how it is without the need to mince words. If this alarms you then perhaps you are a Kevin Day fan and you should stop reading now 😂❤

If you’ve read my posts then you’ve noticed English isn’t my first language, so be prepared for things to make little sense at times😅 I’m trying my best, though, I promise ❤ I’m also autistic and not great at conveying the right tone, especially online, so I’m sorry if I sound mean or rude, it is not directed at you, and I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way ❤ This is SUPER LONG and I’m sorry if it’s not what you were looking for, but once I get going I can’t stop 😅 I’m not joking, this is literally over 20k words of Kevin Day analysis 🙃

In the shortest possible terms, my feelings about Kevin are... complicated.

I liked him as a character in AFTG, I do not like him now.

This might make no sense to you, but I kind of divide the character into two: AFTG Kevin and the New Trilogy Kevin. My feelings differ greatly between the two. Of course I know it’s always the same character, the brainrot hasn’t gotten that bad lol Nora writes him very consistently, and I noticed nothing OOC for him in these new books.

But the amount of info and insights we get about him is what changed between one trilogy and the next, and that is what made all the difference for me.

AFTG Kevin:

In AFTG I found Kevin fascinating.

An Exy prodigy who in the eyes of the public can do no wrong and yet falls from grace, finds himself in a team of misfits, bottom of the barrel, from riches to rags.

A guy so traumatized he can only function if another person devotes his entire life to his safety.

And yet he's endlessly arrogant, bitchy, self-centered and confident. Confident not as a person, but as an athlete, and for him that's the same thing, you know? He exists to play Exy and he's the best at it, and that's all that matters.

Which is why Kevin is so, so good at ignoring his own hypocrisy.

Because he's acing this Exy thing, so who cares if he's not acing this "being a human being outside of the Nest" thing. You get what I'm saying?

He gives everyone around him a hard time for being less than perfect. But he genuinely cannot see his own failings. Because as long as he's the best at Exy, Kevin Day is perfect and there's nothing you can say about him. You better keep your mouth shut and obey.

Kevin takes, and takes and takes from everyone around him and the only thing he's capable of giving back is his Exy expertise, which he doles out to the others with all the subtlety and gentleness of a rock to the teeth. I’d rather be in the passenger seat of the Maserati with a sugar-high Andrew behind the wheel going 100mph for funsies than train for an hour under Kevin Day.

(It doesn’t help that Waymack indulges him, because he doesn’t really care about his Foxes winning, he just wants them to play and find stability in the routine, the discipline it takes to be Exy players; winning is a bonus; to the anon from the other day, if you’re reading this: I agree with you so much that Coach Rhemann and the Trojans would’ve humbled Kevin real quick ❤ but Waymack just isn’t that type of coach, of person; for him the mere fact that the Foxes survive without killing each other is a miracle, hoping for more is just senseless wishful thinking… until Neil)

In the face of danger Kevin hides behind a guy who's 5ft tall and expects him to put his life on the line to protect him. Neil makes Andrew lift his promise to protect him when he knows he’s about to die, because he doesn’t want Andrew to suffer the consequences of a broken promise, and because he doesn’t want him to get involved and be in actual danger. But Kevin clings to Andrew and will always expect and want Andrew to put himself in danger for him. And when things go wrong, he's a defeatist, he sees no point in fighting, he just drinks. But gods forbid if someone around him indulges in junk food, that’s an unforgivable sin and you’re a terrible human being and a waste of oxygen and how can you sleep at night, go run some drills right now to make up for your useless existence, you worthless piece of--

At any other point in time Andrew would never tolerate someone like Kevin. Someone with a victim mentality (rightfully so, don’t get me wrong) and yet at the same time high and mighty and loud about it.

But Andrew is a giver and a taker. He gives promises and takes reasons to live. He’s always been far more desperate than Kevin. Desperate to have a relationship with his brother and cousin, willing to join the Foxes and go to college only on the condition that they be granted the same scholarship. Willing to endure years of horrible abuse to get a mother out of it. Willing to throw that same mother and all those years of enduring in the trash and go to juvie, all to spare a brother he doesn’t even know his same fate. He is depressed. He is apathetic except he isn’t, but no one sees that until Neil. I’ve never seen a character as suicidal and at the same time as desperate to live as Andrew Minyard. As hopeful – without even realizing it - for something better to come. Considering all he’s been through, Andrew should’ve given up on life a long time ago. And yet he keeps enduring, and he keeps searching for reasons to live and offering people deals that bind him to this existence, because deep down he is hopeful. And in this desolate landscape, Kevin Day is the perfect object to dump all of his protective instincts on. And so he gets a reason to live, and something to focus on, still enduring and subconsciously waiting for something, anything to get better.

What saves their relationship (not even a friendship, according to Nora) is that Andrew is completely immune to Kevin’s tantrums and orders. Andrew is in control, always, and Kevin does not have the capacity to challenge him.

(“If you tell him to submit, he will,” Kevin says of Jean, and the irony is in the fact that he’s exactly the same when it comes to Andrew; but luckily for him most of the time Andrew doesn’t care about submission, he only cares about peace and quiet)

The Foxes are the worst thing that could've happened to Kevin. The golden Son of Exy surrounded by misfits, criminals but worst of all: commoners. Peasants. A bunch of kids as far removed from the Ravens - the elite - as can be. And most of them barely have any interest in Exy.

Only Kevin, Andrew, Neil and Matt will go pro (and even then, according to the Extra Content, Matt will always put his family with Dan first, only choosing teams near her and giving a shot at Court but leaving when juggling two teams takes too much time away from her and their kids). Compared to the Ravens, brutal, driven, ambitious, all aiming to go pro and be Court, Kevin is very much living a nightmare during his first year at Palmetto, where on top of the Foxes being his new teammates, his hand is freshly shattered and he thinks he’ll never get to play again.

Kevin ends up with the Foxes out of necessity, they're his last resort, his last hope. And here's where the parallels with Neil really start. Because for him, too, the Foxes are the only chance he has to play.

But where Kevin is hellbent on making everyone around him miserable, because his whole life he’s been convinced that greatness is born from misery, Neil wants to make everyone around him better for the sake of being better.

Better Exy players, but better people, too. Neil understands you can’t have one without the other. But Kevin is so single-mindedly focused on Exy that he doesn’t care about the people, he only cares about the athletes.

Neil is resigned to the fact that he’s going to die, and he wants to see the Foxes get better for themselves, so that after his death, they can keep playing, keep winning, keep having fun, keep doing the game justice.

But Kevin wants the Foxes to get better for him. Because he is Kevin Day and he deserves a good team.

And that’s why, no matter how hard he tries, he ends up failing over and over again. It’s only when Neil joins the team that things get better, it’s through his meddling, the way he humanizes the Monsters in the eyes of the others and bridges the gap between the two groups, the way he gets Andrew and Aaron to begrudgingly “reconcile” under Bee’s guidance, the way he gets Andrew to care, care about Neil, and himself, and Exy, that the Foxes finally become what Kevin always wanted. Sort of.

Leave it to him and he will always resort to insults and Raven drills and hierarchy and he’s the Queen of Exy and you’re just a worthless peasant compared to him and--… you get it. The Foxes are definitely not at the level he wants them to be. Which is why Kevin is happy when the Trojans win the championship over them (in the Extra Content, which is ever-changing at the moment, so this isn’t canon). The Trojans deserve it. The Foxes do not. If there’s one thing I can say about Kevin Day, is that he is objective when it comes to the game (not when it comes to himself as a person lol).

Kevin’s relationship with Jeremy is fascinating to me (again, not a friendship according to Nora). In my opinion Jeremy represents all that Kevin wants to be. A golden child of Exy who joined an average team and made it the best there is (outside of the Ravens) without the brutality, the abuse, the misery of the Nest. Jeremy made the Trojans great, not a damn red or even yellow card in 4 years of playing a sport as violent as hockey, at a collegiate level. He’s never won a championship until now, but Kevin understands why and forgives Jeremy for it. Because Jeremy will always chose sportsmanship over victory, so of course they can’t win the whole thing. Because in a contact sport brute force and cheap shots will always prevail (if slick and perfected enough). But that’s a line Jeremy will never cross, and despite himself, Kevin admires him for it.

Another interesting relationship is the one between him and Thea. In AFTG and the Extra Content, Thea is a Raven™, a Riko apologist through and through, the type of person to tell Kevin to just get over his trauma and think of the game. On one hand, she’s the worst possible person for Kevin to be with. On the other hand, she’s the only person Kevin can be with.

I know most of the fandom hates Thea, but tbh I never cared about her, she’s pretty much a non-character to me and I don’t care who Kevin ends up with. But I acknowledge that being with someone like Thea means that Kevin will most likely never heal.

Here’s where my opinion differs the most from the general opinion the fandom shares: I think Thea is a victim too.

She too was in a cult. She too spent years in a brutal team were sex was a commodity. She is a woman, a woman of color at that. Her life wasn’t easy. She suffered as much as any Raven, as much as Kevin, or possibly even more, bar the hand.

But the thing about Thea is that she doesn’t see herself as a victim. The way all ex Ravens who graduated before Riko’s death don’t see themselves as victims.

They see themselves as the best, not despite the Nest, but because of it.

And until Riko shattered his hand, Kevin was the exact same.

He grew up in a cult, but he was never injured, never sexually abused, and in general, both him and Riko saw themselves as being above having sex with fellow Ravens. Thea was the only exception for Kevin because she was the best backliner and above all, she didn’t beg, she didn’t try to seduce Kevin to get a number on the perfect Court. As a matter of fact, she couldn’t care less about Kevin, he had to pursue her, and she only accepted to have sex with him because he was attractive and sex is a good way to let out steam, that’s the way things are in the Nest.

People are disgusted by the age difference (4 years iirc) and the fact that Kevin met Thea when she was a college Freshman and he was in high school. But although he was immediately attracted to her, she felt nothing for him. She probably saw him as a besotted puppy following her around, the same way she saw Jean (though I doubt they interacted all that much, she was living under the brutal regime of the Nest, she didn’t have the time or inclination to notice a boy drooling over her). Their “relationship” only started once Kevin was in the Nest, he was 18, and he was the one to pursue her. And she accepted his advances because, again, that’s the way of the Nest.

Their affection for one another comes much later, and will only concretize once they’re both out of the Nest, most likely only when they’re both on the same pro team and actually living their life together (from what I gathered from the Extra Content).

I know that a 4 year age gap feels like a big power imbalance in college, but lets be objective: in the Nest Kevin is the one who has power over Thea.

Jean and Neil were property, the Ravens (Thea) were assets, but Kevin was Riko’s brother.

We know how little brotherhood means in the world of the Moriyamas, but the point is: Kevin never saw himself as a victim. And he never saw the Ravens as victims either. When someone was being abused, he turned his head and ignored it, he didn’t intervene, he didn’t really care because it’s all for the game.

To this day, I don’t know if Kevin considers himself a victim of the Nest. A victim of Riko, sure, because of the shattered hand that almost ended his career. But had that not happened, Kevin would’ve kept training and playing with the Ravens, happily ignoring the abuse around him.

Because here are no victims in the Nest, only great players, and he’s better than all of them.

The only exception is Jean. Jean is property, he is treated as an object, as an animal. For the first time in his life Kevin has to acknowledge just how fucked up the Master and Riko are. He turns his head and ignores the abuse, he doesn’t intervene. But for the first time it takes something out of him. It weighs on him. Cracks start forming.

But he still asks Jean to teach him French, despite knowing full well what the consequences would be for Jean. And he still leaves Jean to die under Riko’s wrath. The cracks finally shatter along with his hand and he abandons Jean to be tortured to death.

So, in AFTG, I found Kevin insufferable but compelling. He is such a good character, and the whole story revolves around him (don’t tell him tho his ego is inflated enough as it is lol). He's Riko's brother, the traumatized prodigal son knocking on Waymack's door with a broken hand, he's the one that chooses Neil and sets the plot for the whole saga into motion. I never liked him as an individual, but I did like him as a character (as all the Foxes, and tbh I think that's exactly the point of the story: they are not good people, but they are compelling characters). Kevin had all the traits of a good character, all the complexities, the contradictions.

But in this new trilogy, I simply can't stand him lol the less I see of him, the better.

New Trilogy Kevin

I honestly don’t want to talk too much about this version of Kevin. That’s how little I like him. New Trilogy Kevin and Thea go hand in hand in my eyes.

They’re still victims of a fucked up system, they’re still doomed to suffer the consequences of their upbringing for the rest of their lives, not only in terms of being victims of abuse (Thea less so, because she’ll never see herself as a victim, meanwhile Kevin sees himself as Riko’s victim, but I still don’t know if he sees himself as a victim of the Nest in general), but in terms of social impairment.

Nora said Kevin doesn’t have friends. Not even Neil and Andrew (or Jeremy, they only text like three times a year, before Jean) count as friends right now, it will take years, when they are all pro and in the national team together. And maybe after he retires he’ll be able to make some acquaintances or even friends at the park or something and be a proper functioning adult. But for now Thea is the closest thing to a friend/companion Kevin has, simply because they share the same type of obsession with Exy.

Neil and Jean are obsessed as well, but it’s not the same type of obsession, and Nora said that Kevin’s betrayal has forever destroyed any chances of becoming friends with Jean. They are acquaintances, and at the moment Jean would like to see Kevin dead, especially when Kevin calls him “brother” after he left him to be tortured to death, especially when Kevin is such a hypocrite, telling Jean to get his life together while at the same time being a barely functioning alcoholic himself.

The Nest fucked Thea and Kevin up. They are both victims, and I still see them as such in this new trilogy.

But for the first time I’ve realized just how little Thea (&allRavens) cares about the abuse that happened in the Nest.

She saw a sixteen year old boy be passed around like a sex doll and she holds it against him, she blames him for the beating that almost killed him because he might have been “up to his old tricks” that he knows the Master doesn’t tolerate so seriously Jean, what were you expecting, what the fuck were you thinking, mh?, she considers him a slut, like all the Ravens do, when he was just a child and he was raped over and over again and was beaten black and blue and forced to play with broken bones and she knew, she knew, and all of them knew and still they blame Jean and think he deserved it and they tell him so.

And for the first time I truly, 100% realized that if Riko had not shattered his hand, Kevin would’ve become a Raven apologist with his whole being, just like Thea, just like all the other Ravens.

Kevin constantly pulls rank with Jean, he constantly acts like he knows better, like he’s owed everything he wants from the people around him. And the worst part is that the people around him bow to him. The narrative indulges him. Constantly. Kevin Day is perfect and if you don’t agree you are the problem.

Kevin likes having power over people. He likes that Jean “doesn’t know” how to fight back with him (or with anyone, in his opinion).

He thinks that’s the natural order of things: he is Kevin Day, the Son of Exy, the Queen of the Court, and you must obey his every order.

For the first time, I truly see the similarities between Kevin and Riko. What Kevin could have become, had he stayed in the Nest. And I don’t like what I see.

Someone please humble that bitch, I’m begging. I need Kevin Day to be humbled or at the very least to shut the hell up. I need the narrative to put him in his place. Instead he keeps getting what he wants, and public praise, he plasters on his camera-ready smile and persona and suddenly all he has done to Jean doesn’t matter (not only in the narrative, this applies to the fandom too, maybe even more so).

So if after AFTG I was like: Kevin and Thea deserve each other because they understand each other like no one else can, eventually they’ll realize they were both victims and find comfort in each other ☹️

now I’m like: Kevin and Thea deserve each other because they’re the exact same type of terrible person 🤢 and even if they realize they were abused, they will still think they are better, worth more than the other victims, because they are Thea and Kevin and if you don’t like it, you are wrong.

And if you are Jean Moreau, sold and shipped off at 14, raped from the age of 16, betrayed by the only man you ever trusted and left by him to die, shamed and blamed by the woman you looked up to, and you don’t forgive and forget, you are wrong.

At the end of the day, Kevin Day is the only one who matters. The Queen is the most important piece. Everyone else is a pawn, and is expendable.

And let me say, the way the fandom portrays Kevin doesn’t help. They water down his character so much. He’s a poor little meow meow that never did anything wrong in his life and everyone would give their life for him and Jean will 100% cheat on Jeremy to be with him and he is the best person to ever exist and the whole universe must bow down to him and Thea better stay away that Raven bitch 🔪

When Nora said that any relationship Kevin is in will have to account for his narcissism. When she’s made very clear that Kevin is a coward and a hypocrite and a traitorous bastard and a bitch that thinks his left pinky is worth more than all the Foxes combined and that will sacrifice anyone to stay safe.

Fandom took all the traits that make Kevin Day Kevin Day and watered them down, made them disappear, created a new, third version of him that doesn’t exist in any book of either trilogy.

Meanwhile Nora took those same traits and exasperated them in the New Trilogy, to the point that I don’t enjoy reading of and about Kevin anymore. I honestly want him gone from Jean’s life.

Jean can never heal if Kevin is around.

And it’s concerning that 90% of the fandom doesn’t care.

In my opinion KevJean shippers only care about Kevin.

😔

I want to reiterate that I don't think Kevin changed in this new trilogy. He's always the same Kevin. Nora is a consistent writer.

But the amount and type of information surrounding him has changed, and shown me a new side of Kevin that I do not like. This is Kevin Day with the sliders set to the max, and honestly? I've had enough of him. I don't want to see him again unless it's to properly apologize to Jean. And we all know that will never happen 🤷🏾‍♀️

Kevin and accountability are strangers.

I’m done, I promise. I hope this was a satisfactory answer, anon. Send me a little message or something if you’ve made it this far ❤

[hillbilly---man]

A list of the specific chronic illness/disability-related things in Saiki K that resonate with me personally

(Your mileage may vary, my experiences are not universal, I recognize that some of this is kind of a reach etc etc)

The limiters

Saiki’s powers have grown too strong for him to control, and before the creation of his limiters they were out of control and causing a lot of damage. Some examples cited include accidentally destroying his house in his sleep and having telepathy that reached all over Japan (something I imagine was many many times more distressing [disabling] than his current situation) The limiters weaken his psychic powers and keep them somewhat in check. It’s not perfect, and he still does have problems, but the situation is much worse without them.

This reminds me of the medication I take to keep my immune system under control. Before I started it, my immune system (thanks to MS) was causing lots of issues for me: it took the vision in my left eye, made it difficult to walk and use my arm for a few months, caused horrible leg spasms, et cetera. My medicine helps keep things in check and hopefully prevents future damage... But nothing is perfect. Of course, it’s a monthly shot instead of silly pink balls on my head! So that's a plus 👍

The way he struggles to control his body after Nendo removed his limiter unexpectedly

After being hit with a shock to his system at the sports festival, Saiki struggles harder than usual to control his strength. We see him frustrated with this as he’s eating, his hand trembling as he holds his chopsticks. He tries to power through, but the issues don’t resolve.

I’m fortunate to usually be pretty functional most days (I do have my bad days though lol). However, when I go through significant stress - either mental or physical - it makes a lot of issues pop up that usually don’t bother me. Balance issues, vision stuff.. And hand tremors. Like, I was at a sushi restaurant after getting overheated at the pride festival last year struggling a lil with my chopsticks laughing at myself like “this is just like Saiki at the sports festival…”

Developing new powers unexpectedly

A major source of stress for Saiki is being unpleasantly surprised by a new psychic ability. In the series, we see this a few times. The most notable to me is the time leap ability. He wakes up having accidentally traveled 20 years in the past (soon after it is revealed that his limiter has a defective part). Afterward, we learn when he’s stuck in the time loops with Nendo and Kaido that this time leap ability has been coming back randomly since then “As unexpected and frequent as getting the hiccups”. He spends the entire chapter trying to get control over this ability so he can continue his day as planned. In another chapter, his limiter is malfunctioning and he develops a series of useless powers that he cannot control. Clearly, the limiters are preventing new powers from developing (see my first bullet point!!)

So, another thing about conditions such as mine is that you really can just wake up one day and have some weird symptom you’ve never heard of before! I remember not long after my first big attack I was at Walmart and I just noticed that my index finger was completely numb, and it stayed that way for weeks. One time, my upper lip twitched constantly for like a month straight. Of course, more than just the relatively silly symptoms can and do pop up like that, too. For example, I had these really scary, uncontrollable spasms on my left side (paroxysmal kinesigenic dyskinesia) that happened several times a day for about a week. For a LONG time afterward I would be terrified of them coming back. It's still in the back of my mind but I'm not losing sleep over it anymore at least. Reading those panels above re: the time leap stuff reminds me a lot of that time!

Neuroplasticity and the power remover device

When Kusuke is explaining how the power remover works, he talks about how the brain rewires itself around damaged areas to compensate. The device is designed to more completely destroy the areas of his brain responsible for the psychic abilities. Of course, the device ultimately did not work permanently. The damage it did to his brain was quickly compensated for, and the abilities returned.

When small areas of the brain are damaged (such as… due to a neurodegenerative autoimmune condition), over time the brain can often restructure to work around it. It doesn’t mean that those areas are healed, and the process is often incomplete, but that rewiring can (completely or partially) restore abilities and function that was lost in the damage. They don’t say that explicitly in the series, but that’s surely what is happening to Saiki in the final chapters! Except, you know, in a magical shonen manga way.

Resistance to the idea of needing help

After Saiki uses the power remover device, he loses his abilities and is suddenly much weaker and less capable than he was before. He was used to being extremely independent, but this change has brought him to a place where he cannot do everything on his own anymore. In the library, he struggles to get a book off the top shelf and in the process is reminded of his new limitations. He says to himself “What am I doing…!? Just get used to it already!” After the bookcase is tipped over onto him and Nendo protects him, Saiki is upset about having to be protected when he never needed it before: “I’m so useless now…” Nendo helps him realize that getting help from others is normal.

Helping each other out is one of the most fundamentally important parts of being human, but it can be hard to accept that support sometimes. This is especially the case when you’re thinking about the prospect of needing more help than you used to. I'm fortunate to be relatively unaffected most of the time so far, but I'm still grateful for when the people I love are understanding and don't make a big deal out of it. I hate the idea of being burdensome so I'm just gonna cross my fingers and hope things don't get worse lol

Conclusion: Saiki is just like me for real and I'm DEFINITELY not projecting my own problems into him at all...

we're ignoring the 20k word fic I wrote where I blatantly projected my problems onto him for seven chapters

thanks @justmagicalgirl for encouraging me last week to post this 👍

[its-time-to-write]

Final one for today

This one is a little odder but I feel like a single parent story would be great for Jamie

Like maybe reader is a single parent and is out in the park where the child is playing alone with a football (maybe trying to do some tricks) and accidentally kicks it to far and it hits Jamie (Who maybe is jogging by) jamie brings it over and does some tricks and the kid is like omg can you show me how to do that! reader is like embarrassed but Jamie is like sure so they spend a bunch of time playing football. The kid is a fan of Richmond but tickets are expensive so Jamie invites them to a game (Free) and they get to meet the team and it becomes a regular thing

Jamie is trying to work up the nerve to ask out Reader (He has never dated someone with kids before) and he doesn't want to mess up the relationship finally the child is like please ask my parent out!

I can't wait to see what you do with these!!

Here’s another one that I’ve been sitting on forever! Finally got around to it. And in case you couldn’t tell, I freakin love Keeley Jones. I think she’s great. Enjoy!

if only love were true

Thank god that Keeley Jones is your friend and she promised you’d never have to go stag to a work function.

“Keeley,” you say over the phone, “I need you to be my date for this fancy dinner/gala/thing I have for work next Sunday. I absolutely cannot go alone.”

“Next Sunday?” she says. “Let me check my calendar.”

You wait a moment as she presumably scrolls through her phone, checking her availability.

“Sorry babes,” she says after a long moment, “I’ve got a work thing too. Otherwise I’d totally be down to go as your hot trophy date.”

You groan. “Is there any way you can get out of it? Out of all the things I’ve taken you to, this is the one I need you at the most.” 

Keeley’s silent. You can tell she’s thinking. She knows why this one is important.

“Alright,” she says finally. “I can’t go, but what if I sent you with a friend of mine?” She continues loudly over your beginning protests. “He’s really sweet and fit and funny, and he owes me favors pretty much for the rest of his life. You’d have a great time I SWEAR.”

“I don’t know,” you say. “Do you think he can go along with everything? There’s a 50/50 chance it’ll be a shitshow.”

“Absolutely,” Keeley replies without hesitation. “He’s fucking great. Can be a bit of a prick sometimes, but he’s learned how to use those skills for the greater good.”

“Uh huh,” you say. “Right. I’m trusting you on this one, Keels. If he’s as good as you say, I’ll take him. But I really, really need this to be good.”

“Trust me,” she says, “You won’t regret it.”

—

Jamie Tartt arrives at your doorstep, fully briefed by Keeley as to his responsibilities. 

Be a gentleman, make her laugh, don’t fucking leave her with Harry.

Keeley showed him pictures of Harry’s instagram so Jamie would know exactly who he is on the lookout for.

It’s funny and it’s weird, but he’s not uncomfortable standing at the door, waiting for some woman he doesn’t even know. He’d do anything for Keeley, well aware that if she’s asking a favor, it’s for a good cause.

This is far out of his usual realm of expertise, but he reminds himself that he’s a person outside of being a footballer. A regular person would be a blind date for a friend of a friend at an awful work function.

Right?

Jamie doesn’t have time to dwell on the normality of this situation because the door is opening and you’re standing in front of him in some long gown that he swears outshines the stars.

“Hi,” you say. “It’s nice to meet you. Sorry about this.”

You call a goodbye down the hall before shutting the door. Jamie assumes it’s to a flatmate or something, whoever the owner of the other car in the driveway is. He just smiles. 

“I’ve had weirder dates,” he says. “Don’t worry about a thing, love. Tonight’s gonna be fucking mint.” He offers you his arm.

You take it and feel yourself relax. It’ll be fine.

—

It is not fine.

Harry’s there, and god help you if you don’t want to kick him where it hurts. He’s surrounded by girls, shining that far-too dazzling smile and you’re pretty sure you’re going to throw up. Your grip on Jamie’s arm tightens, and he follows your gaze to your ex-flame.

“He’s fucking old,” Jamie comments.

“Yeah, well, that’s kind of how he gets you,” you reply. “Acts all charming and smart and shit and then next thing you know, you’re in his bed. Soon as that’s over, you’re done.”

“Twat,” Jamie responds with such conviction that you chuckle a little, despite yourself. That is, until Harry sees you and sheds his little entourage as he makes his way over.

“Shit,” you whisper. “How do I look?”

“Fuckin’ gorgeous,” Jamie replies without missing a beat.

The words are barely out of his mouth when Harry is upon you, leaning in for a hug that Jamie doesn’t allow. You’re grateful for his block as he pretends he was going for a handshake. You don’t want Harry touching you and the sentiment is reinforced as he gives you a once-over and says, “Didn’t expect to see you here, darling. What, are you neglecting your duties for the evening?”

That sentence must have some hidden meaning, because your teeth are bared and it’s gone over Jamie’s head.

“My duties,” you say through clenched teeth, “include being here at this gala because we both work for the same company.”

Harry tilts his head in mock sympathy. “Yes, but if I recall your priorities have… shifted.”

Jamie might be losing circulation in his arm and he may not know exactly what is happening here, but he knows enough. Keeley told him Harry was a right git without really saying why, but he is in no need of an explanation. In fact, he thinks that “a right git,” is too much of a compliment.

Harry turns his attention toward Jamie. “Has she told you?”

Jamie doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but he’ll be damned if he lets this prick win.

“Yes,” he replies forcefully.

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Ah, and that’s not a dealbreaker?”

Jamie shakes his head. 

“How…progressive of you,” Harry replies, meaning the exact opposite. “You see, I wouldn’t want someone who… well, you know.”

Jamie’s about to say, “No, I don’t know,” and also maybe punch Harry when more people come up, demanding your attention. As you both turn away, Harry calls, “Let me know when you get tired of the immaturity and need a real man. My bed is always open to you.”

Your face is bright red and you think you’re going to bolt. Jamie starts like he’s going to fight Harry and for a moment you wonder if Keeley sent him because he’s a little bit feral. 

Unfortunately for Harry and fortunately for you, he spoke a bit too loudly. 

You’ll find out later that he was heard by some higher-ups and removed from the premises. However, since that information is not made available to you until the next day, you spend the rest of the evening looking over your shoulder for Harry’s reappearance.

Jamie, god bless him, is a wonderful date. He goes the whole nine-yards, holding your hand, tucking your hair behind your ear, cracking jokes with you and others at your table. He’s making you look good, and feel relaxed in the process. By the end of the night you’re feeling confident and have made a good impression on several people on the board. 

You have new opportunities at your disposal, as well as a potential promotion. You put a reminder in your phone to send Keeley some daisies as a thank-you. You’ll send something for Jamie as well.

—

He walks you to your door, ever the gentleman. You thank him profusely for the night, and tell him you’ll be rooting for him next time Richmond has a match. He grins. “You a fan?” he asks.

You laugh. “Yeah, I am. Used to go to every match till… well, I just don’t get out much anymore.”

Jamie grins. “We’ll have to change that, darling.”

Darling. 

He says it so differently than Harry. It’s all… bubbly. Not condescending, not designed to make you feel small. 

“Good night, Jamie,” you say. 

—

You don’t really expect to see (or hear from) Jamie again, except you do. Because he’s texting you.

The content varies, from messages passed on from Keeley to gifs to memes to weird little stories from training. You think you’d like his coaches, even Roy. It already felt like you knew them from all their interviews that you’ve seen, but hearing the behind-the-scenes snippets solidifies the feeling even more. Your chatting is regulated to the early morning and your lunch breaks, as you’re not much of an evening person anymore.

Jamie doesn’t seem to mind, he’s up early to do extra training with Roy and you’re up early to prepare for the day. You enjoy hearing from him at 6am on the dot every morning.

Saturdays are nice, because you don’t have work. Keeley comes over sometimes, but today you’re on the Richmond Green. You’re sitting on a bench, watching a boy kick a small football. You’re so completely absorbed in the way he’s running back and forth that you are startled when a shadow casts over your face.

“Fancy seeing you here,” says a distinctly Mancunian voice.

“Jamie!” you exclaim. “What’re you doing here?”

Jamie points to his trainers. “Going for a quick run. Roy’s out of town, but he still makes me take laps. Fucking mental.” He shakes his head. “What are you doing here?”

You open your mouth to reply when the boy with the tiny football comes flying over. “Are you Jamie Tartt?” he asks.

Jamie crouches to his level. “I am. What’s your name, mate?”

“Liam!” he replies. “I have a football like you!”

Jamie smiles. “Good lad. Keep up with the practice, and you’ll be better than me someday.”

Liam’s bouncing up and down, so excited that he throws his ball in the air. Jamie catches it and does a trick. At this point Liam is completely enamored with Jamie, and you are as well. He’s giving this kid his complete attention, making his whole day. Anyone else would have just shooed him off, but not Jamie.

He’s good with kids, your brain yells. 

You tell your brain to shut up.

Jamie tosses the ball back to Liam. “Where’s your mum?” he asks. “Might have tickets to a match for you.”

Liam points. Jamie turns to look behind the bench where you’re sitting, as that’s where Liam is pointing. There’s no one.

“Which one?” he asks, turning back to Liam.

“Me,” you say. “I’m his mum.”

Liam climbs into your lap and holds your face in his tiny hands. “Mum, Jamie Tartt says we can go to a match!” he says.

You laugh. “Don’t get your hopes up, love, Jamie hasn’t made any promises.”

Liam settles into your lap, facing Jamie. He can’t see your face or the pleading look you’re giving Jamie.

Please don’t mess this up, you try to say with your eyes. Jamie must get the message because he keeps smiling and asks Liam if he wants to kick the ball around for a bit. You watch them go, dreading the imminent conversation.

—

Liam’s asleep in his little Richmond pajamas. He loves football, and you watch every single match the Greyhounds play. Tickets are expensive, and you promised you’d take him to a real game one day. Truth is, you aren’t sure when that will be. It’s not easy being a single mum, but as you watch Liam’s sleeping face, you know you wouldn’t trade him for anything.

You sigh and get out of the rocking chair. Might as well call Jamie and get it over with.

Please pick up, you pray, and he does; you’re in the dim kitchen lights, poking at a cup of tea.

“Hey!” comes Jamie’s surprised voice. “You alright? Need anything?”

You shake your head even though he can’t see. “No, I wanted to talk about today. And Liam. Harry’s his dad.”

“Figured,” Jamie replies. “Made his comments at the gala make more fucking sense.”

“Yeah,” you say. Harry is a fucking prick. “Harry… he doesn’t have any custody. He’s not allowed near Liam. He also doesn’t pay child support. Or want a child. Or anything, really. He just wants to fuck around and do what he wants with no consequences. I should’ve known better honestly, I’m not even one to go around like that. Figures the one time I do it ends up like this. Not that I’m complaining,” you continue, “Liam is the best part of my life. It’s just hard when I keep losing people because they don’t want him too. Keeley’s the only one who stuck around. Did you know she’s a surprisingly great babysitter? Even kicks around a football in the yard with him.” 

Jamie makes a surprised noise. It’s hard to picture Keeley in that exact situation, but not hard to imagine her doing anything that her friends needed.

“Anyway,” you continue, “I get if this makes things weird. You don’t have to get us tickets to the match. Liam’s still pretty little anyway… always taking bathroom breaks and needing snacks.”

“The owner’s box would be perfect,” Jamie blurts.

That isn’t the reply you were expecting, so you’re silent for a moment as he continues, “I mean… It’s easy to get in and out of, Rebecca’s got a fridge and a restroom…People bring their kids all the time. He’d love it. I’d love it,” he finishes.

You’re not sure. This is the longest anyone has ever stuck around when it comes to Liam, and you don’t really want to go to jail for murder if Jamie breaks his heart. All he could talk about for the rest of the day was how Jamie Tartt played football with him. Isaac McAdoo is is number one favorite, but you think Jamie is now a close second. 

“Alright,” you say finally. “We’ll be there.”

—

It’s past Liam’s bedtime, like way past, and he’s asleep with his head on your shoulder. Your arms are tired from holding him and your throat is sore from screaming at the Richmond match. Jamie was right, Liam loved it. He wore his McAdoo jersey and got to meet the whole team before the game. You have a picture of him on Isaac’s shoulders, smiling so big. It’s weird to think that he probably won’t remember any of this when he’s older. 

You’re waiting in a lobby of some kind for Jamie to come out. You’re leaning against a wall, feeling Liam’s steady breathing as he dreams. 

Meanwhile, Jamie’s in the locker room, freaking out. 

“Coach,” he says, wearing a hole in the floor, “how do you ask out a girl who’s got a kid?” 

“Well Jamie-” Ted says. 

“Are there some kind of rules I’m supposed to follow?” Jamie continues, oblivious. “I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to say?”

“I think-” Ted tries again. 

“Nah fuck it, I’m just going to ask,” Jamie says.

Ted grins. “That sounds like a good plan, son.”

Jamie smiles back. “Thanks, coach. You always have the best advice.”

Ted shakes his head, still smiling as Jamie leaves the locker room.

—

Jamie rounds the corner to find you half-asleep against a wall near some trophy case, with Liam breathing out tiny snores. He swears that he’s never seen anything more beautiful, and it freaks him out for a moment. It’s…domestic in a way he didn’t ever expect his life to be. 

He shakes off the weirdness and walks over. 

“Hi,” he says, unable to contain a smile. “D’you want me to hold him for you?”

“That would actually be amazing,” you reply. “My arms are killing me.”

The sight of Liam asleep in Jamie’s arms is enough to make your brain go oh shit. Because, oh. Shit. This boy is going to break your heart if you’re not careful.

“How’d you like the game?” Jamie asks as you begin to walk to the car park.

“I loved it,” you reply sincerely. “Haven’t actually been to a match since this one.” You pat Liam’s back affectionately. “Kid had a great time too. Talked about meeting Isaac McAdoo the entire match. He’s like some football aficionado in a four-year-old’s body, swear down.”

Jamie’s still smiling as he helps you get Liam into his car seat. “What’re you doing the rest of the night?”

You laugh. “Oh god, I wish I could say going to sleep. But I have to meal prep for the week while Liam’s asleep. Otherwise he gets his sticky fingers in everything. Gonna take a solid two hours, at least.”

Jamie hesitates. It’s now or never. “Could I come over?” he asks. “Can’t cook for shit, but I could keep you company.”

You pause. “Jamie- I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

But god, you want it so bad.

“I’m being serious,” Jamie says. “Not trying to mess with you. I like you. Think you’re fucking fit. I like being around you and I liked kicking the football around with Liam. He’s a good lad. I think it’s worth giving a try.”

You look at Liam. He’s still fast asleep, oblivious to his mum’s turmoil.

“Alright,” you say, still not looking at Jamie. “Let’s give it a try.”

Jamie grins and ghosts his thumb across your cheek, making you look at him.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” he says. “So now’s your moment to tell me to fuck off.”

You smile. “Can’t say that in front of Liam anyway,” you say as you crash your lips into his.

[jazeswhbhaven]

Hiiii, can I request some headcanons for the seraphim?? I absolutely adore these little evil angels o⁠(⁠(⁠*⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠)⁠o

Thank you for waiting anon! I love the angels just as much so I think I have a few hc's I can throw out there~

✝Even though all three seraphim sleep in the same room, they each react to each other as if they are intruding in their personal space each time

✝the reason they don't have their own rooms is out of choice, they hate each other but they also don't want to be separate from one another

✝Raphael is really the only one out of three of them that eats regularly. Gabriel and Michael fast regularly

✝All three of them absolutely cannot stand being touched by lower angels

✝Gabriel and Raphael are the only two who don't entirely hate MC, Michael however will never like them no matter what

✝When God was still in Heaven he only really liked speaking with Lucifer. He could never tell the others that he found them exhausting without breaking their spirit

✝Gabriel attacks Gehenna the most because he's upset that Satan got to MC first

✝Michael at one time had a small shrine of Lucifer, it's one of his 'sins' that he keeps secret

✝During the annual orgies, the seraphim do not participate but they do watch to make sure no one takes off their chastity belt

✝Raphael is the only one who takes his belt off secretly after interacting with MC. Michael doesn't think about anything regarding MC. Gabriel tries to figure out how to remove his, obsessed with thinking that God has greater plans for him that involve having it off

✝When the seraphim do eat together, it's usually in the same area like a makeshift family dinner. This usually ends up in arguments about how Lucifer isn't there to lead in prayer

✝Everyday each one tries to kill each other out of annoyance alone. They literally cannot function without big brother Lucifer around

✝As children, the seraphim used to be more affectionate toward one another. Holding hands when going to the bathroom, when sick they would take care of each other. Lucifer raised them to be that way, yet somehow when they were older...it vanished

✝Raphael is allergic to seafood. Michael is allergic to fake metals. Gabriel is lactose intolerant.

✝They used to race each other in the skies as a past time childhood game to practice stretching and using their wings. Michael would win every time and the others would say it's because of his wing on the back of his head

✝Raphael throws up a lot and quite easily, sometimes Gabriel will have medicine set aside for nausea but make it to where it looks like he didn't put it there for him to find

✝Michael secretly does not hate his brothers. He's just frustrated and upset that Lucifer is gone and can't regulate his emotions in order to deal with his brother's attitudes

✝Raphael wishes it was his mark that was on MC instead of Gabe's

✝Gabriel has every hymn in existence memorized in various languages

✝All three seraphim cannot stand Selaphiel collectively

[girl4music]

At this point in the show, Xena is starting to lose some of her stoicness and is starting to enjoy life with Gabrielle beside her. She has many more instances of happiness after the events of her near death in 'The Quest' and she's suddenly become someone so much full of life and is not repressed anymore. It's another reason why I think their relationship has moved into romantic territory. Because Xena now gets giddy around Gabrielle rather than just accepts that she's around her at all. There's suddenly so much more to it. Xena literally needs Gabrielle around her for her to function as the Xena you see in these gifs. The Xena that isn't constantly feeling guilty for her past. The Xena that is just a regular person like anyone else. Gabrielle provides that for her. In other words: so long as Gabrielle is around, the Xena that Xena longs to be is around. A Xena free of her mental slavery. A Xena not constantly tied to her redemption. A Xena that existed before Caesar's Cross. That's why 'Destiny’/‘The Quest' are such important episodes. It's like she's reborn when she comes back from the dead. At the start of 'Destiny' she visits Cirra and immediately the waves of guilt and regret crash upon her, but Gabrielle beside her, who immediately sees this change in her, can remind her she's full of life now, just like that valley is. And Xena responds that she wishes she could see it that way. And it's like after this 'Destiny’/‘The Quest’/‘A Necessary Evil' arc, she can because something has fundamentally changed. And furthermore, she embodies the spirit of someone who can as Yin cannot exist without Yang.

It’s just so damn beautiful to watch that change in her.

Makes the later episodes in the moments where she’s lost her memories or sense of self and says shit like…

“Softness and weakness are two different things.”

Completely justifiable for the character she becomes.

Why don’t we ever talk about her evolution as much as we do Gabrielle’s? It’s very significant to her storyline.

We really should talk about it so much more than we do.

[crusty-chronicles]

Airheaded S/O Headcannons #11: Luffy (One Piece)

I feel like Luffy would thrive with an S/O who's just as, if not more, stupid than him.

And he genuinely cannot tell you're not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Combined, you and Luffy have one semi-functioning braincell

And 90 % of the time, Nami has it

"LUFFY FELL OVERBOARD AGAIN!!!"

And there you go jumping right in after him.

"I'M COMING CAPTAIN!!"

Ussop and Chopper are standing by the railing horrified and screaming with everything they've got because 'YOU CAN'T SWIM EITHER!!!'

"How did their bounty increase by 20 million!?!?" Nami exclaimed having seeing your newest wanted poster.

Luffy, who was walking by and heard, suddenly had stars in his eyes.

"Really!?!? They're so cool 🤩"

And Nami is smacking the back of his head as hard as she can

"DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM, MORON!!!"

This man loves you with his whole heart and has known you since you were both children

Ace had found you sneaking out Dadan's shack with a huge pile of food and captured you.

"What do we do with them?"

"We could kill them." Sabo suggested.

"Excuse me, I really need to use the bathroom." You wiggled against the rope binding you.

"Like that's gonna work on us!"

"No, excuse me for being rude and leaving. You guys are funny but I really need to pee."

And they hadn't realized you'd already torn through the ropes until you got up and walked away.

They are completely dumbfounded and a little impressed.

Well except for Luffy who had been watching because he wasn't allowed to talk to the 'captive' during 'interrogations'. Whatever that meant.

He's getting up and chasing after you with a huge grin.

"Hey! Come back! I wanna be friends with you!!!"

And Ace and Sabo are the running after him before he can catch up, lecturing him about leaving weirdo people like you alone.

"I mean what kind of person just tears through rope and walks away all unbothered????"

"Me! I do that!"

Cue the screams because how did you manage to climb the treehouse without the ladder???

You meet up again several years after you all had set sail.

Ussop spotted something floating in the water shortly after the crew already left from thriller bark.

A person to be exact.

A person on a wooden plank.

And before he could inform anyone about it, Luffy was already stretching himself over to the castaway.

His eyes bugging out when he saw who it was.

"Y/N????"

Your expression matching his.

"LUFFY???"

"Long time no see. How have you been?"

And the crew is peaking over the Sunny curiously. Because who the hell was this that their captain seemed to be very friendly with?

Friendly than usual considering he his arms were wrapped around you several times, picking you up and swaying you.

"The pirate life is hard. My ships keep sinking. Say, mind if I hop on yours for a while?" You asked hopefully.

There was something even more hopeful in Luffy's as he set you down.

"I've got a better idea. Join my crew!"

"I don't kno- IS THAT A FREAKING SKELETON?!?! HELL YEAH I'M IN!!"

The crew warms up to you almost instantly considering you have the same bright personality as their captain.

And the ones weary of you (Zoro, Nami, and Ussop) become convinced when they see you fight and pull your weight.

"Hey, Luffy! Can we try that one move we used to do when we were smaller??"

All you get is a nod in return before he slingshots you towards a Marine ship.

The result?

You basically cannonballing into the side, only to reappear on the deck as it sinks. Reaching back for Luffy's hand as he lifts you up and flings you towards another. Jumping on after you to join the fight.

Your teamwork is practically unbeatable.

And the fact that you can keep up with Luffy perfectly cements your place on the Sunny.

It's no secret Luffy loves you.

And it's no secret you love him back.

The Pirate Empress Boa Hancock?

She's cool, he guesses.

Shirihoshi the mermaid princess? The most beautiful woman in the world?

She's a huge crybaby.

You? An idiot who broke the aquarium after tapping too hard on the glass to get the 'pretty fishy' to notice you?

You're his.

He doesn't make a big deal out of the way he feels.

He doesn't get all blushy or nervous around you

Instead he feels pure happiness and the most at peace he's ever been

Luffy will not try to court you the way a certain cook might court the ladies on the Sunny.

No big or grand gestures

Also not shy showing you affection.

He's known you for so long that gestures like that come naturally.

Holding hands to explore a new island?

Check

Wrestling with you on the deck of the Sunny?

Check

Sharing and stealing food from each other's plate?

Check

Trading around Shanks' straw hat on the daily?

Double check

The closest he'll get to confessing is at a time where the two of you are alone in the crows nest together.

"After I became the king of the pirates, let's keep having adventures together." And he'll put his signature strawhat on your head.

"Who says I'm going anywhere? This is the ship of dreams right? Well my dream is for us to stay together forever. So make it come true, captain."

It's at that point he realizes he'd follow you anywhere you asked him to. The same way you were following him now.

Will Luffy baby you?

You're insane if you think he will.

Because it's just the two of you encouraging each other to do stupid shit.

Actively trying to outdo each other

Luffy catches a huge fish?

You're jumping in the water because you saw a shark.

You broke into the kitchen at night to steal from the fridge?

Luffy is lugging it out so you two can have a midnight snack in the middle of the deck.

Both of you are being chased by Pacifistas?

It's a game to see who can destroy more.

"Do you think if I start training after I eat I'll throw up?" You asked.

"Let's test it out!" Luffy encouraged.

Only to find out that yes, you will in fact throw up training after eating.

"Well now we know!"

Luffy will call you the most bizarre nicknames he can come up with.

Get used to: Meat stick, pork chop, swimmy (because you cannot swim for the life of you), cannonball, and some messed of version of your name. (Think of how he calls Law and Kidd, Traffy and Jaggy)

But occasionally, in the rarest moments known to man, he will call you his treasure.

Luffy will get incredibly jealous if someone outside of the crew talks to you.

With the Strawhats, he doesn't care. You all need to get along anyways.

Brook wants to play you a song to see if it's okay?

Fantastic because you two have the same taste in shanties.

Zoro wants to train with you and see if he can make his attacks any stronger?

Hell yeah! Kick his ass!

You're Sanji's taste tester?

Sneak him something out will ya?

Franky and Ussop want to test out a new invention on you?

So cool!!!!! Tell him what it does when you're finished!!!

He's over the moon with you spending time with them.

But if it's a marine, another pirate, or just a random citizen, he's fighting them.

He's incredibly immature and will not let anyone get too friendly with you.

Luffy will bite, and he will not let go until that person apologizes and leaves.

Man or woman, doesn't matter.

He's throwing hands, gum-gum gatling all the way.

Second gear if he's pissy enough.

All in all, you two don't need a brain to be able to tell you love each other.

Next Up: Uryu Ishida

An: I'm back baby. 🫶 (Also yes I watch one piece in dub pls don't bully me 👉👈)

MASTERLIST

[vallification]

zeke jaeger headcanons!!!

notes: au/noncanon oriented, some apply to canon too, maybe a few mature themes!!!

let me know your thoughts!!!

zeke’s eyes are a pale blue-grey (#a1b0c6)

zeke plays the guiter— he taught himself how as a teen. he still has the guitar he learned to play with, he bought it for $5 at a thrift store

zeke played baseball from childhood to college, that game is the love of his life. he still frequents all of the games he can humanly attend.

zeke is basically legally blind. he cannot function without his glasses, his prescription is too high for soft contacts, and he REFUSES hard contacts. scary…

being shirt-pants is hereditary in the jaeger family. zeke is very partial to a heavyweight cotton sweatshirt and good quality jeans.

he likes the beard, but he keeps it for another reason. without the beard, he’s starting to look more and more like grisha as he gets older.

one time he tried a mustache, but someone told him it makes him look like a bad pornstar who also owns an overpriced brewery. it doesn’t stop him from wanting to try again.

zeke owns a lot of vintage things from mr. ksaver. clothes, things, furniture, jewelry, kitchen stuff— mr. ksaver had no one else to give his old stuff to

back in the day when mr. ksaver played ball, he had the same jersey number as zeke did when he played. it makes for a lot of cool pseudo-custom vintage items

zeke smokes cigarettes and weed, but doesn’t vape or use carts/pens. he likes to say that “the real thing is better,” but in reality he hit a cart once and it made him green out so bad he thought he was dying.

zeke’s taste in music is dad rock. ironic! he loves grunge, post-grunge, and alternative rock.

zeke has two cars; an older model ford mustang from high school and a mid-sized truck. they’re both shit on gas.

zeke has a lot of “beauty mark” moles everywhere. pieck referred to them once as “tortilla-like”

zeke loves to cook but doesn’t know how to cook single-person meals. he shares often.

he likes typical “male” crime dramas, most notably the sopranos, but really enjoys gilmore girls. it’s nostalgic and the ambience of the show is irresistible.

he wears a lot of baseball caps because he has an abundance of them, and he wears them well.

zeke is secretly sentimental and has a tendency to hold onto his old stuff. hidden in a storage closet is the gameboy he taught eren how to play games on.

he’s a pc kind of guy and plays a lot of simulator games. one of his favorite games is truck driver simulator (i got this idea from @/casualaruanienjoyer!)

he keeps a lot of pictures of eren around, and even has a picture of him holding eren as a baby in his wallet.

they’re not as close as zeke would like them to be, but he understands that it’s hard because of their age gap and family circumstances.

zeke coaches little league baseball and if it payed better, he’d do it as a career. he loves teaching and he’s fantastic with children (got This from @/jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd, go check out their stuff!!!)

being an older brother is a huge part of his identity and it’s hard to turn the older brother mindset off. he takes on that role any time he’s around people his own age and younger

zeke REALLY loves going to concerts. they’re so cathartic and he feels like they allow him to be a little emotionally vulnerable, which is something he REALLY struggles with.

zeke sleeps very deeply but wakes up very easily.

he’s a hilarious guy with a big heart but his sardonic and snarky humor get in the way of seeing that.

despite his resentment (hatred might be a better word) towards grisha, he holds absolutely no resentment towards eren or carla.

zeke would spend his last penny to help out his friends and, of course, eren. he’d honestly spend his last penny just to make them happy if they asked.

zeke loves summertime and does not like the cold.

[shantechni]

Leo the Leader vs Leo the Learner

I know almost every iteration of TMNT emphasizes that the boys cannot properly function as a team without everyone there, especially without their fearless leader.

In terms of cartoons and movies though (as much as I've had time to watch/rewatch), the '03 and '12 series are my personal favorites, with Rise and MM tying for a very close second, because they both acknowledge issues in the team that the characters work to fix. '03 Leo and '12 Leo both struggle to lead the team at significant points in their respective stories, but the manner in which they struggle and what they struggle with differentiate, in a good way mind you.

In the 2003 series, the very first episode opens with Leo already being in the leading position as he tries to keep his brothers from going off script or doing something irreparable while they work to find Splinter. And when they do eventually find themselves in trouble, he's the one to lead them through it and make it back to Splinter in one piece. We see this formula more or less repeat for almost three seasons with a few different variables to spice things up; the brothers look to Leo for guidance, think of a plan of action with their combined efforts, and go from there.

Until the S3 finale.

The boys had times where they wondered if they'd make it out alive, but this was the first where it genuinely seemed like the end for their little family, and Leo could do nothing but watch as they execute their plan to blow up with the starship.

Of course they survive, otherwise we wouldn't have another four seasons💀but that short amount of time was more than enough to scar Leo, physically and emotionally. When he begins closing himself off from everyone, April's the only one to get him to open up and he lays it all out: He feels like a failure of a leader. He wasn't strong enough to protect his family or stop the Shredder, their last resort was going out with a bang, and they had to be saved by the Utroms. It doesn't feel like they won and he doesn't feel like he accomplished anything.

His fears and frustrations manifest into an ever present anger, slowly going from cold to hot, that chooses its target at random. His brothers don't know what to do since they don't seem to know why Leo's behaving this way, nor have they ever seen him like this. And dear Mikey says something that so accurately sums up their team: "...it can’t be fun always being the responsible one, and we’re the ones who really benefit. Raph’s free to not think ‘cause Leo does all the thinking for him. Don’s free to dream, and I’m free to take it easy, all ‘cause Leonardo is busy being responsible enough for all of us."

Mikey knows Leo is cracking under the pressure of his role partly because they've become so comfortable in their own roles, and no one refutes him. They didn't intend for Leo to translate this dynamic into, "everything is on you," but that's how it inevitably turned out over time. One could even argue that them not knowing how to handle this new Leonardo is yet another downside to them getting too comfortable, and it doesn't help that Splinter is the only one (aside from Usagi on one instance) who attempts to help Leo, even when the young turtle is pushing him away.

Things finally boil over when Leo pushes a little too hard though and harms Splinter during training, a regrettable action that clears away the steely air he had around himself for so long.

It's not until Splinter sends him off to see the Ancient One that Leo finally pulls himself out of that bubble of negativity and he accepts that there was nothing more he could've done in their final fight against the Shredder.

He did all that he could, and he can continue doing all that he can for his family.

In a weird way, Karai's violent eviction notice was exactly what everyone needed.

Leo was told his family likely hadn't survived the attack, something he'd spent countless days trying to prevent through relentless training, but he believed they were okay and ultimately found them alive. He wasn't there to protect them, but he sees for himself that they made it out without his help, and this was also a learning experience for the others if you think about it. They've already been shown to be capable of handling situations on their own or in pairs, but this was the first time they had to deal with a huge confrontation as a team without the comfort of their leader behind their shells.

Raph is the one who takes the helm for a brief few seconds and dishes out instructions amid the chaos, telling everyone to split up, find their way out and meet back up on the surface, with one last demand for them to be careful. And when Leo finds him, his distress is palpable; he couldn't find the others and therefore had no idea if they were okay, let alone alive, while he kept himself hidden from Karai's forces. Before this, we see that Raph is willing to make his own plan of action in this series' version of City at War when he doesn't go with Leo's word. But this time, in Leo's absence, we see he's willing to fill in as leader when the situation calls for it, and he realizes he isn't quite cut out for leadership like Leo.

We don't see any significant shift in team dynamics after this, mainly because Leo's inner turmoil from their fight with the Shredder is what caused problems with the team in the first place, but that goes to show that outside influences are what gave birth to the team conflict. Despite me pointing out earlier how Leo shoulders quite a bit not just because of his role but because of his brothers' roles as well, we can see throughout the series that Leo doesn't buckle from the pressure until they're in a situation where he can't effectively perform his role to his satisfaction.

As I mentioned in the beginning, Leo had been a leader in essence and in name for many years before their first home was raided by the Mousers. It makes perfect sense for him and his brothers to be accustomed to it by now.

2012 Leonardo is not used to being a leader. He may undeniably be a leader in essence, and had the drive and desire to be one, but he definitely wasn't a leader in name. The very first episode doesn't even open up with Leo being a leader, let alone with the turtles being a team. Their first time fighting together is a train wreck, and rather than Leo's strong sense of ethics and honor being the catalyst for his recruitment (not at first at least), it's the beginning of their long battle against the Kraang that convinces Splinter to officially deem him the leader of a newly formed team.

Being leader doesn't automatically mean the team will follow or respect you, which is something Leo learns right away thanks to his brothers, with Raph in particular challenging him when they butt heads over their opposing plans and ideals. It's touched upon in Rise of the Turtles Part 2, but Raph's desire to lead isn't a major plot device until New Girl in Town where he gets a taste of how Leo feels everytime he's responsible for his brothers and their wellbeing. However, Raph makes it known that even though he's resigned himself to not being the leader, he still doesn't like being told what or how to do something. Even Donnie challenges Leo when they can't agree on the best course of action in preparation for the Kraang, but Donnie realizes arguing was pointless as the invasion begins without warning and makes the idea of a second base the more favorable option.

His brothers aren't his only test of will though, as there are a handful of times where Leo questions his ability to lead and wonders if Splinter chose the right turtle for the job. Throughout all of that though, the boys ultimately rely on Leo and follow his lead when all is said and done.

Where this Leo truly differs from '03 Leo is that he not only struggles with leading a team that isn't so keen on being led, but he also struggles to grasp that he leads a team.

There are many times in the series where Leo runs off on his own or makes the decision to tackle something himself rather than with help, and that's not out of the norm, especially in comparison to his own brothers and '03 Leo. The problem is that '12 Leo's solo decision making more often than not leads to trouble (we all know the tale of him trying to turn Karai to the good side without informing the team about her). One of the first major examples of this though was in the S1 finale when he takes Splinter's words a little too close to heart and gives his brothers the scare of their life. Granted, him holding back Kraang Prime kept it on the sinking Technodrome, but you get what I'm saying.

His family actively calls him out on this behavior on two separate occasions during S4.

After they'd spent six months with the Fugatoid fighting the Triceratons and racing to collect every piece of the black hole generator before them, Fugatoid reveals that he was the one who made the world ending device, a reveal that lights a flame of betrayal in everyone, especially Raph and Leo. Believing that they're being used by Fugatoid, Leo rides off in a stealth ship on his own and nearly gets himself killed, a move that has his brothers scolding him, with Raph being the most vocal about Leo's idiotic decision: "Leaders are called leaders because they're supposed to lead a TEAM!"

The moment isn't lingered upon for long, but they all make it clear that they're tired of Leo's one man missions. They're a team, so they should plan and function like one.

Then, in Broken Foot, Leo starts doing missions with Karai and Shinigami in secret to aid them in taking revenge against the Shredder, but, in an attempt to find out what Leo was hiding from them, the other turtles get caught up in their plans and Donnie gets hurt. Leo immediately abandons Karai (who later apologizes for what happened) and Shinigami to check on them and come clean.

He explains to Splinter later on that he didn't fill anyone in on the situation at first because he knew no one would've agreed to help Karai get revenge, and he acknowledges that it was stupid of him to think he could control the situation. Splinter expresses his disappointment, and April reprimands him for once again not trusting his own team enough for them to help him.

Leo apologizes to Raph and Mikey afterwards, even going so far to say he probably doesn't deserve to lead the team after this, something Raph just harumphs at while Mikey remains silent. He pleads for their help in stopping and eventually aiding Karai and Shinigami, and they go along with him to fix things as a team.

We no longer get any one man missions from Leo in S5 (there surprisingly weren't any in S3 lol), likely for a whole list of reasons ranging from leading in Splinter's absence to learning from his mistakes over time. But he makes sure that whatever they have to do gets done together, and he does his best to keep his brothers in line.

I suppose one could say that '03 Leo remembered what it meant to be a leader, while '12 Leo discovered what it meant to lead.

[crimeronan]

I feel like Luz “Separation Anxiety” Noceda would be a bit dismayed upon learning that Vee and her friends are going to graduate and go to college at the end of the school year (presuming that Freshman Sophomore Junior Senior are Human Realm Exclusive Terms)

Like “oh my entire social life actually revolves around you and your friends because I’m too awkward and different to know how to approach people and am too nice and accommodating to any and everyone because of The Horrors to tell anybody to back off if they get too nosy so truly I cannot fathom how I’m going to function in a school setting without you but it’s Fine :) I’m really happy for you and not at all going to cry about this :)))”

Maybe she’ll join the school band to try and become socially independent and then just get really sad cause she misses Raine :(((

baby girl :(

i think she'd have a kind of tough time in a school environment to begin with, honestly. i made a post to that effect earlier but decided it was too depressing and deleted it.... but! since i ended up thinking a LOT about how her school experience would be handled. the gist was:

she'd have a really good 504 plan in place -- 504 plans are written plans that help students with disabilities stay in a normal classroom. it would have accommodations like her getting pre-written notes about what they'd discuss in class, a slightly separate desk to avoid being unexpectedly touched by other students, blanket permission to step out into the hallway if she gets nervous, extra time on tests, etc.

she'd purposefully be matched with the friendliest teachers and the easiest graders, people who are Very willing to talk with her about her needs. and also to say "i'm not upset with you." probably the really relaxed english teacher from TTT is one of them. this occasionally does remind her of raine and make her feel incredibly guilty/sad :(

and i think she'd have a one-on-one aide assigned to sit with her and show her what she's supposed to do in a classroom and help her navigate between classes. most likely this person is with her all day except for during lunch periods, when she takes her break....

this definitely marks luz Other by the student body (as having a paraprofessional does for every kid in a mainstream classroom) but she actually does not mind it! it feels like being guarded & she's grateful to have someone telling her what to do.

(in my head the aide's name is miss delilah and she's an OC who exists purely to be really kind and understanding. because please god give luz this.)

even with all of this, though....

classrooms are not Easy for luz. in the canon, she has CRIPPLINGLY hyperactive ADHD and can't focus on anything going on. she's weird and offputting and exuberant and causes ten million problems.

here, she has a LOT of baggage from belos. not just the physical trauma, but also everything she's internalized about How To Behave. she's learned a lot about how not to annoy him. and school is a public-facing event, which means she's in full Gracious Princess Mode. trying to make herself as small and unobtrusive as possible

so all of her concentration goes into Sitting Still and Being Quiet. she can't anxiously stim without disrupting the classroom, she can't chatter without annoying people, she can't chew through pencils or rip up paper without attracting Concern.

this is. incredibly stressful!! for her!!

stressful enough that she can't really retain anything the teacher says in classes. her homework is always done and her notes are always neat, but her quiz and test scores are Abysmal. because she either can't process the questions or can't remember the answers. because being in the classroom is Hard

which just adds another layer of stress. luz is like. PLEASE don't tell my mom. please please please please please don't tell my mom :(

vee doesn't really understand this -- she Loves the classroom. loves to sit at a desk and participate in discussion. loves to do worksheets. loves to get good grades and be a pleasure to have in class. Behaving Normally is a lot less stressful for vee than it is for luz.

which makes luz even clingier, when she can have lunch with vee or see her between classes. she's microdosing on being in the company of someone who feels Normal And Fine. and who has friends who clearly feel Normal And Fine. and who don't mind if luz is weird around them

luz being like oh!! you're going away. i see :) um. congratulations!! i'll be right back. i need to lock myself in the shower and cry so hard i throw up.

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

I always disliked how Downpour introduced slugcat colonies, I always thought the base game interpreted them as a kind of nomads with the ability to adapt to their environment, which plays on the ability of the player to learn about their surroundings and utilize this knowledge to the fullest. Same with the whole theme of loneliness in the game, which the devs intended for you to experience. You have nowhere to return since only god knows where your family members are now, and you dream of strange presences calling for you from the void, as a new player you struggle to understand those things and what they mean. And giving a player a place to return, where all of your family defeats the point of the enlightenment you receive and the journey the world forces you to take. For me one of the main themes of Rain World is loneliness and how you deal with it, you are put in a strange place one that you almost cannot put words for its purpose, Joar puts it best in the devlog: "The main character is a creature that's somewhere on the edge between animal and human thinking, meaning that it can only almost make sense of what it sees around it. It can maybe understand that the symbols on the wall bear meaning, but it can't understand the meaning. It can see that one machine connects to another through pipes, but it can't decipher the functionality much beyond that. It can guess that this big place might have served some big purpose, but it can never quite reach a clear understanding of that purpose. We want to mirror this experience in the player." The slugcat interacts with the world and crawls between its machinery, aware of its complexity and current state as leftovers of something beyond. but it cannot grasp what it is, the same feeling a lot of players feel in their first playthrough, as the slugcats feeling mirror through the player. A colony of slugcats is familiar, it gives you a clear indication of what it is, and it echos the game's main ending which makes it lose its meaning to new players which I think is depressing. You struggle to find meaning to your place in the world as a little animal lost in it, and you cannot give the places you reach a concept that you understand, reaching the void and the unseen land is the ultimate conclusion since you reach a place at least your little animal can unite with others of it's kind. Outside of slugcat colonies, Downpour really introduces a lot of new concepts without understanding entirely the core of the main game. Which is fine, it wasn't intended to be a DLC and a continuation of the original game. And the original artistic vision of Rain World will always be superior to me anyway. But it always pinches me when people get into heated debates about whether slugcats are as intelligent as humans or animals. There is not a truth about it, everything that has been said before is a clear personal interpretation. Bringing up DP doesn't help because both DP and The base game imply different things. You could argue that Joar clearly calls them animals in the devlog, and the game emphasizes being an animal perceiving an industrial-like landscape, or you could argue that it is because of the colonies shown in DP, and the art some slugcats practice is what makes them intelligent. Going for the core game, the player is designed for you to relate to its confusion about the world, to its struggles to survive. You mirror yourself through this tiny bear creature but it is where you start to understand the greater purpose of the world it lives in that you start understanding this creature's experience less. This is what differentiates between you and the slugcat, since you have a mind that can connect the dots. A slugcat is a blank for you to apply your thoughts and experiences, but just because you now understand the themes and history of this world doesn't mean it understands.

.

[hero-israel]

Hi, if you don't mind answering, I have a question regarding Israel. I figured any Jewish person in Israel or not probably knows better than I could guess after occasionally reading Tumblr for a couple of months. What do you think is right/wrong about the Israel government, what should it be like and what should it do now? I would be thankful if you could answer.

Some context, if it makes any difference why I'm asking: I'm Ukrainian, and I was surprised first time I saw people comparing Israel with russia. It felt wrong to me from the start, cause it made more sense to compare terrorists with terrorists instead. Western leftists seem ignorant and delusional to argue with them, but I also saw this opinion from some Ukrainians on twitter, so I got interested to learn a bit more to get proper arguments against this comparison. Then I learned that quite a lot of Jewish people here are against current actions of the Israel government in Gaza, which at first looked strange to me cause it's a very different situation from what we have in Ukraine. I figured that Jewish people are the best source to learn "what's wrong with Israel government" without being flooded by conspiracy theories. I support Israel, but I don't want to support things that most of you guys actually disagree with. And another thing, personally I don't see how it's possible to get rid of hamas without harming civilians in Gaza, but I saw here Jewish people arguing that both Palestinian and Israeli civilians shouldn't be harmed. That's why I asked a few people on Tumblr what they think Israel should do to get some opinions, though perhaps my question among attacks was seen as an attack too. So this time I add this long clarification, sorry about that 😅

Thank you for the insight - I particularly appreciate hearing what this sounds like from Ukrainians as they face their own crisis.

I support actions that protect Jewish lives and Jewish rights, everywhere in the world, including in Israel. I want governments moral enough and strong enough to do that, everywhere, including in Israel. Sadly, Israel is really fucking it up for the last year.

No one should be happy with what is happening in Gaza. It is an appalling humanitarian disaster, exactly as Hamas planned it would be. Once they were able to stage their attack, Israel had no choice but to invade; to have done anything other than invade would have sent a message to all their enemies that they would just lie back and take it, and that is a message they cannot afford to send.

The current Israeli government is one of the most ultra-right-wing, revolting, criminal, and incompetent out of any democratic nation in the world. Their stupidity made the Hamas attack possible. Benjamin Netanyahu has been PM forever and kept winning elections because despite his ugly, crooked personality, he was good at the job, good from economic and diplomatic perspectives, and avoided major change with the Palestinians. As he stayed in office longer and got more crooked with age, his scandals and campaign crimes piled up until it really looked like he could face prison for it. For a cruelly, tantalizingly brief period, the more forward-thinking elements of Israeli society were able to oust the far-right parties, but eventually that fell apart for the dumbest and most aggravating reason ever and Netanyahu was able to come back. This time he boosted up fringe ultra-right-wing candidates who were too extreme to function in a "real" government but who promised to help him change laws so he wouldn't go to jail. The actual process of changing those laws - transparently to end the investigations of the MULTIPLE indicted or convicted criminals in this government - tore Israeli society apart. People were warning for MONTHS that military readiness was plummeting. The Hamas attack plan had been known since around 2015 and an even more detailed version surfaced last year. They were all just too busy working to legalize crime and settle old scores than on watching the border where the genocidal fascist militia lives.

I don't know what the proper plan at this point is. After 3 months, I'm still very much emotionally stuck on "what you are supposed to do is PREVENT THIS, YOU IDIOTS, THAT IS YOUR JOB, AND NOT A HARD ONE." I don't think I will ever get past that, it was so obvious and I had been losing sleep all year fully expecting something like this to happen. Within the first few weeks after the attack, I saw a message from former PM Naftali Bennett about how it would be relatively quick and easy to flood all the Gaza tunnels with seawater and that would solve the problem; kill off Hamas troops, destroy their weapons, collapse their bases. Clearly they haven't done that yet. Does that mean it can't be done? If it can be done, then I lean towards thinking the current campaign should go on until it is done. If it can't be done, then I'd like to hear exactly what the goal of this incursion is and how long they expect it to last. Are they going to kill 30,000 people in the course of disarming and expelling Hamas? Or are they going to kill 30,000 people and Hamas will still be a recognizable threat anyway? If it's the latter, why kill all those people, why not stop now? When do they stop? Those are fair questions.

Basically all Jews "support Israel," insofar as they want it to keep existing as a Jewish state. Basically all Jews who support Israel also truly have no ill will toward Palestinians. They see Palestinians' problems as being less severe than the problems Jews have faced, historically and recently, and not worth the risks to Jews if an Israel did not exist. They believe in peace and want there to be a two-state solution, either because they really want a better life for Palestinians or because they want to stop feeling vaguely guilty about the occupation, or a mix of both.

I hope this was in any way helpful and regret that I couldn't be more precise about what the future plan should be.

[actuallyadhd]

Why do my ADHD meds only help in making me able to get up every morning, instead of actually doing something for my ADHD symptoms?

After Ritalin didn't work at all, my psychiatrist put me on Vyvanse (50mg). I've been taking it for at least two years now, and it helped me beyond belief. But not in a 'aiding in concentration' way, instead, the only thing they do is not letting me go into a catatonic state all day.

Whenever I'm off my meds, I return to the same condition I was in before starting them: I can barely get up. It's a fatigue so intense I literally cannot do anything but the very basic, let alone study. I honestly cannot tell you how I survived so many years without it.

Yet, no matter how much they improve my quality of life (and though my sensory issues got more manageable), they don't do anything to aid in my studies. I still cannot focus on tasks, nor manage my hyperactivity (be it in a physical or mental level). I still get executive dysfunction, talk too much and too loud, can't sit still, have no restraint or self-control and am basically still the same inattentive, agitated person I always was. Am I just in a too-low dose, or there's something else wrong with me?

(Crossposted from Reddit. Sorry if this is too long, and feel free to take as long as you need to answer this!)

Sent December 8, 2023

There are a lot of different reasons this may be happening, and the first one that comes to mind is that your dose may be too low.

There is another aspect that's important, and that is the need to manage your expectations.

Medication doesn't make all of your ADHD symptoms go away. It doesn't make you neurotypical. It doesn't magically give you the skills you never learned due to ADHD stuff.

It sounds like you have quite severe ADHD (hi! Same here!), which makes every single little thing harder. But here's the Really Simplified Explanation about how meds help.

Let's say that a person's overall functioning can be rated on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is "completely neurotypical" and 10 is "completely non-functional".

Given this, your unmedicated ADHD is at a 7 or 8, and it sounds like your medication is pulling you to around a 5, or maybe a 4. This sounds awful, but what it does is give you the ability to actually learn the skills you need so that you stand a chance of being slightly more functional when you're off your meds.

The other part of this is that the Big Four (sleep, diet, exercise, & stress) also affect your functioning, and if any of them is out of whack then your medication won't be able to help as much. So having something screwing with you may put you at a 9, and then your meds will only be able to get you to a 6.

Things that may help with the issues you've listed here include active breaks, fidget toys, and lots of routines. We have lots of information about all of these here, but if you want specific information about any of it please feel free to ask.

Followers, what do you think about this situation? Do you have any advice?

-J

[secularprolifeconspectus]

Motherhood and Medical Primacy: pro-life reasons to not codify fetal personhood.

Hear me out. I've been writing this blog since 2018, and over the years many of my views have changed. My major stance remains the same: elective feticide is ethically impermissible. However, my opinions around the nuances of language and legislation have changed a lot, in particular about medically necessary abortions and life of the mother exceptions.

Most recently, I've changed my mind about codifying fetal personhood in the constitution. Many times before I have openly advocated for a fetal personhood amendment; over the past year, I have come to oppose this. My new position is that, while morally and metaphysically fetuses are actual and full people, and legally we should instate strong prenatal protections, it is short-sighted and oppressive to legally recognize them as equal individual persons.

For context, there is a strong push in the mainstream conservative Pro-Life Movement to establish fetal personhood under the 14th Amendment. Keep in mind that liberal capitalism treats people as isolated atomized units in order to commodify their productivity. Following this structure, neoliberalism rejects interdependency and collectivity. And legal liberalism, functioning under the same framework, legislatively defines persons strictly as independents.

As anti-abortion advocate Kristina Artuković explains in her article Erasing the Pregnant, pro-lifers trying to work within the pro-choice framework of liberal freedoms and autonomy often fall into the same trap, treating the prenatal person and the pregnant person as two individual entities in their arguments. This representation decontextualizes pregnancy in such a way that it erases the pregnant person while the prenate stands alone; this is unrealistic, and unjust.

Louise Perry, another anti-abortion thinker, explains, "Liberalism is really hard to reconcile with motherhood… if your unit of analysis is the individual, how on earth do you deal with motherhood?… Certainly in the early days, mother and baby are a unit… And if your understanding of society is of individuals… what do you do about the mother-baby dyad?" Rather than try to work within the pro-choice liberal framework, treating mother and baby as separate, we must recognize their unique social and biological enmeshment.

This also demands that we recognize the valid points pro-abortionists have made, even when made for the wrong reasons. Boone and McMichael argue, "If the law has no framework for two rights holders in one body, then the pregnant person must be something else entirely. She becomes less of a subject and more of an object—a reproductive vessel, merely the container for another individual rights-holder." And they're right. Fetal personhood is not coherent nor workable within a liberal framework, and it creates dangers such as mandating that a mother be sacrificed for a child.

To understand this, we must distinguish bodily autonomy from bodily integrity. Bodily autonomy gives us the right to do what we please with our bodies as long as it doesn't violate another person; bodily integrity is our right to not have our bodies violated. Pro-aborts frequently argue that the prenate's existence violates the integrity of the mother's body by instigating the ordinary changes and effects of pregnancy; I'm simply going to assert (without argument, as I have detailed this elsewhere,) that prenates do not violate the integrity or autonomy of their parents, and that mothers have an obligation to risk ordinary outcomes of pregnancy. However, they do not have a duty to extraordinarily sacrifice for their child. They should never be compelled to sacrifice to the point of impairment or death.

This means that the state cannot compel parents to donate organs to their dying children, as this is a violation of bodily integrity. However, if fetal personhood were codified into law, the prenatal person would gain the right to be kept alive, which could hypothetically conflict with, and ultimately trump, the pregnant person's right to bodily integrity. For example, the state might order a that a mother be put in a coma for the remainder of her pregnancy in order to preserve the life of her preborn child. Or, when a methotrexate abortion could save a mother from an ectopic pregnancy, the government could force her to get a salpingectomy instead and lose her fertility in order to avoid directly killing the baby. Or, (and this really happened,) she might be subject to a court-ordered c-section against her will in order to give her baby the greatest chance of survival. The condition of pregnancy would automatically deny bodily integrity, treating people as objects.

In a real-world case, Avery Davis Bell was suffering from complications due to an inevitable miscarriage – she was going to lose her baby no matter what, and she was hemorrhaging, but not enough to put her life in immediate danger. Her doctor told her that the standard of care in this case would be to terminate the pregnancy in order to avoid more blood loss and possible infection– but, because her baby was still alive for the moment, this would be an abortion, killing the baby before they died naturally. In Georgia, where Avery lives and was treated, abortion is banned when a heartbeat is detectable, unless the doctor can say with reasonable medical judgement that the abortion is medically necessary to save her from loss of life or substantial impairment. Avery's doctor couldn't prove that, so she was forced to wait. The next day the baby died. Avery then received the miscarriage care she needed and was fine.

As a pro-lifer, I initially had two dissonant reactions to this story, and it was distressing to me. On the one hand, the law protected the baby from abortion being used before last resort, which I saw as a success. On the other hand, it seemed so unjust to make Avery wait to become worse before she could receive standard care. This is exactly the kind of case pro-choice advocates have warned about, and I couldn't ignore it. If you feel conflicted hearing this story too, I'm happy to propose a solution that my astute friend Kristina Artuković came up with.

Kristina explained to me that the conservative pro-life framework places the mother and baby in opposition to each other, so that it's presumed that it is only ever permissible to abort in self-defense. This means that pregnant people must be in proportionate danger to justify abortion, and before reaching this point are forced to undergo substantial risks beyond the ordinary outcomes of pregnancy. This also incentivizes doctors to provide substandard care in order to avoid prosecution. We must recognize that this is oppressive. Pregnant people, like disabled people, are in a specific condition of vulnerability, and we therefore have a special obligation to protect them. But how can we do this while preventing arbitrary killing of prenatal people?

The answer is simple: we legislate medical primacy for pregnant persons. This means that, while medical professionals must acknowledge both patients in pregnancy, the pregnant person is treated as the primary patient. This does not mean the priority patient; this also does not mean the preborn baby is less of a patient. Morally, everyone's personhood is equal and remains the same. But procedurally in medicine, the baby's wellbeing will never come at the cost of the pregnant person. The pregnant person may choose to take extraordinary health risks to preserve the wellbeing of their baby, but they cannot be compelled to do so. Under this paradigm, abortion would only be provided when medically indicated by standard of care in a regulated hospital setting.

Unfortunately, as elucidated previously, legal fetal personhood and maternal medical primacy conflict with each other. Legal fetal personhood under our liberal framework treats the baby as divisible from their mother, ignoring their functioning as a collective and putting their rights at odds. But with maternal medical primacy, the nature of the baby and the mother are in harmony; the baby is recognized as a whole self, and their personhood is recognized by legal prenatal protections specific to the condition of pregnancy, so that their mother is protected too. We can legislate the right of prenatal people to not be killed without stripping the humanity of their parents. I hope you will consider and spread these ideas.

[alpaca-clouds]

How to survive the heat

Okay, let me talk about something else.

The climate is changing and it is getting hotter. The summers especially are getting hotter and hotter by the year and a lot of people are struggling with it.

As my American friends keep reminding me: The US - at least those areas, that have always been kinda hot - has usually ACs for most buildings. But someone sitting in Germany I can guarantee you: Most of us do not. At least not outside of commercial buildings like shopping malls and office buildings.

And still, we have temperatures over 30°C - at times going up to 40°C (that is like 86° - 104° in freedom units) - and somehow have to survive in here. So, as someone sitting in an attic flat with no AC in sight, let me talk survival.

Why heat is dangerous

Let me quickly talk about heat and why it is dangerous to us. And let me make it clear: Yes, heat is dangerous. Heat usually kills more people than any other type of extreme weather. Because while you can protect against most other weather, the heat is not that easy.

Our human fleshbags usually function best around 37°C (which is like 98.7°F) and to keep itself at around that temperature. When we are cold, our body burns energy to warm itself up. When we are hot, we produce sweat so that our bodies can cool of via evaporation.

The issue is, that our bodies are only able to do that in certain temperatures effectively.

And if we cannot cool off, our body will slowly fail. Additionally we might sweat so much, that we loose too much water through sweat, our bodies might shut off, too.

Just a quick graphic here. Just to make you aware. Because heat is dangerous.

So, let us talk about something.

How to survive the heat without an AC?

Let me talk about my best friend during the summer heat: The fan. With that I mean the nice electric fan that keeps the air moving. Yes, it burns energy and that sucks, but with the air moving, our sweat can better evaporate, hence cooling us down.

Another thing that might help as well, is a device removing air humidity - because this, too, helps with sweating.

Then, of course, there is the good one: Air out your apartments early in the morning or throughout the night. When it is still cool. Then close up the windows during the day and close and curtains and blinds. If you do not have blinds, you might consider putting something against the windows from the outside. I personally use medical foil blankets, that are made to keep temperatures regulated. But please, please, if you do that: Put them up outside. Because otherwise it might harm the glass of the window. (And yes, sadly I have to remind you, too that you need to check with your landlord if this is okay.)

Another thing that might help you: Fill bottles with water and freeze them. Then put them up in the highest place in your room. This can lower the temperature in your room for a couple degrees. It is a very easy hack that works quite well.

Now, you might have heard about that drinking cold drinks is bad and that instead you actually should drink hot drinks. The science behind it is basically, that cold drinks do kinda cancel themselves out. Yes, cold drinks and ice cream cool down the inside of the body, but with it, it will also tell the body not to sweat. Because of that, you win nothing, but you also loose nothing. The natural temperature regulation gets stopped for a while, but for the same while your body gets cooled by the cold drink. So... It's alright. Do it the way you like. And yes, even though sweating is a good and healthy thing in the heat... It also kinda sucks.

Most importantly though: Drink. And drink something non-alcoholic. (Because alcohol dehydrates the body.) Other than that, it really does not matter what you drink. If it is hot or cold. Just make sure you drink about 2-3 liters a day. To make up for the loss of water through sweating.

The last tip I have is not good for the introverted. But... You might wanna consider spend your days in a place that is climatized. I usually sit in the office even on my off days, because it has a passive cooling system (yes, fancy sustainable stuff even!) and during the weekends I often go to the university library, because it is nice and climate controlled there.

Would I love to lounge around at home instead? Yes. Yes, I would. But... Beggers can't be choosers. And even my autistic ass prefers sitting in the library to having a heat stroke. Because yes, I had a heat stroke once. I cannot recommend it.

So, that said: Stay chilly.

[eatonsleafs]

TOMMY EATON. boyfriend hcs

notes — starting off strong w/ my homeboy tommy eaton. i have a huge brainrot of him, and, i love my men girl obsessed!

oh boy…

out of everyone you could possibly choose — it has to be the horniest man that has ever existed.

tommy is the type of guy to fall in love with either a person completely out of his league, in which he will convince himself he can make them head over heels for him, or someone that’s like him. no inbetween, but, if you are inbetween, anything is possible!

starting off, i have an unpopular opinion that tommy is naturally smart. he has a knack for math, and can do it in seconds. if he really likes you, you might manage to make him do at least one problem on your math homework!

the king of sarcasm; we all see it in the movie. it’s toned down a bit whilst in a relationship, and his sarcasm seems to be more teasing rather than being rude and humorous.

touchy touchy touchy.

tommy cannot function without a hand on his partner. either holding hands, an arm draped around your shoulders or waist, anything works. he just needs to be touching his partner.

i believe tommy has an issue with trusting people. with his parents n’ all, and how he got slightly defensive when farraday told him to tell davey what his brother said about the dirt. if he tells you a secret, he’ll expect you to guard it with your life.

this man most definitely has an issue with communication. most of the time, he won’t even see an issue in what you complain about. whether its secretly checking another girl or guy, being rude to you, or totally ditching your plans without telling you. these are things tommy would have trouble with, after all, with his parents as his only figures of ‘love’ — he probably doesn’t know whats right or wrong.

settling down into the relationship is when tommy shows himself. his communication slowly gets better, and he starts opening up more.

deep down inside, even if he doesn’t see a problem with any of his actions that may deem harmful to you, he’ll try to talk it out with you as things go further into the relationship. i see tommy as a guy who has barriers around himself because of his family problems, i also see him as a guy who doesn’t want to be anything like them, but finds himself doing so anyway.

tries to be mr. tough guy. his attempts are truly funny, but also attractive at the same time.

absolutely adores dates, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. some places he’s fond of is ipswich lanes, a shitty 1960’s themed restaurant in which he stole money from his brother, kyle, and paid for both of your guys’ dinner, or even just walking around and getting slushies at the gas station.

i can see tommy taking inspiration from dallas winston, especially since the movie is set in ‘84, and the outsiders came out in ‘83.

will consistently brag about you.

“nah, he’s probably too busy smooching the love of his life.” “some people are just pissed they don’t have someone to hang off of their arm!”

yeah, probably the corniest thing tommy has ever said.

with tommy’s (obvious) past with the police, especially officer cole, it’s safe to assume he’s been caught stealing a few things. it’s his love language, he claims. he’ll steal a few things for you, whether its a magazine, a comic, makeup, or a new shirt, he’ll get it for you.

tommy is the definition of ‘actions speak louder than words’. as previously said, he has a hard time communicating. so while he might’ve been checking out other people, after the long argument you two had about it, you’ll find him slowly decreasing, until eventually his eyes are just laid on you.

hangouts are mainly at the tree house, well, that is until it gets taken down.

he will invite you to help take down the tree house along with farraday.

speaking of which, he won’t admit it, but he’d love it if you got along with his friends. his group is the closest thing he’s got to a family, and the only thing he thanks on thanksgiving. tommy doesn’t have a lot of things, so it’d be nice if his partner and his best friends got along.

this man has the biggest ego. can’t prove me wrong. he has a lot of talk for someone who hasn’t had a relationship before, has gotten rejected every time he’s spoken to a girl, and has one hookup that was on vacation.

if you don’t care if your man thinks he’s the shit, tommy eaton is the man for you.