#re-reading my writing from august was interesting tho

[rosyjuly]

If you’re still taking asks: Sebastian/Lewis and Jealousy?? Thank you!!

After the interview is finally over, Nico catches his elbow in an unexpectedly firm grip, his thumb pressing into Sebastian's bicep. Sebastian stays motionless, tries to school his face into something at least bordering on friendly. 

“He’s not going to fuck you, you know,” Nico says, tilting his head. On his lips, there’s a small smile declaring the axiom Nico has always held self-evident: I’m better, I know better.   

Sebastian looks around the corridor to check if there’s anyone that could overhear the conversation. There isn’t, thank God; it’s just miles of white walls. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he replies. He doesn’t pull his arm away, doesn’t want to give Nico the satisfaction of it.

Nico laughs, high and pleased with himself. The perfect pearls of teeth gleam under the fluorescent lights.

“Of course you do," he grins. "Lewis. He’s never going to fuck you, Seb.”

He already did, Sebastian wants to say. Twice.

He also doesn’t actually want to share that with anyone, least of all Nico. It’s something he’s tucked away deep within himself. 

“Lewis is my friend,” he says instead. “I don’t understand why you’re so jealous about us spending time together.”

Nico laughs at him again, throwing his head back, the tendons in his neck shifting.

“Jealous? I don’t have to be jealous, Sebastian. He would never go for you. Look at yourself,” he makes a show of looking Sebastian up and down.

“Not everyone is attracted to an entire tube of hair gel,” Sebastian says mildly. His mouth feels dry all of a sudden.

“Please,” Nico snorts. “If he was into the whole boy next door thing, he could have a Hemsworth. He has better taste than that, though.”

Sebastian snorts. “Better taste, as in you?”

Nico’s smile is, once again, self-evident. 

[kellyvela]

GRRM has said in interviews that he’s purposely played with the romantic tension between the hound and Sansa. What do you think the endgame purpose of the unkiss and that playing is meant to be for?

This is all what he said about the matter in question so far:

The Hound and Sansa, romantic or platonic? It could be very different things to each of those involved, mind you!

JUNE 24, 1999 THE HOUND AND SANSA

Moreta12: I understand, I’ve heard your opinion on that. In ACOK, it seems that the relationship between the Hound and Sansa had romantic undertones. Is that true?

GeoRR: Well, read the book and decide for yourself.

Moreta12: I’ve read the book and I’ve debated those particular scenes with a few others. Half say that it’s romantic and half say it’s platonic. I’ve taken the romantic stance.

GeoRR:  It could be very different things to each of those involved, mind you

Moreta12:Yes, but it seem like evidence points towards romantic undertones. Will the Hound appear later?

GeoRR: Yes, the Hound will be in STORM OF SWORDS. In fact, I just finished writing a big scene with him.

[Source]

When will Sansa be “legal”?  **ºª@”¡¿x<%$!&?

OCTOBER 05, 1999 AGE OF SEXUAL RELATIONS IN WESTEROS

The nature of the relationship between Sandor and Sansa has been a hot topic on Revanshe’s board. Sansa’s youth has been one focus of the discussion. What is the general Westerosi view as to romantic or sexual relationships involving a girl of Sansa’s age and level of physical maturity?

A boy is Westeros is considered to be a “man grown” at sixteen years. The same is true for girls. Sixteen is the age of legal majority, as twenty-one is for us.

However, for girls, the first flowering is also very significant… and in older traditions, a girl who has flowered is a woman, fit for both wedding and bedding.

A girl who has flowered, but not yet attained her sixteenth name day, is in a somewhat ambigious position: part child, part woman. A “maid,” in other words. Fertile but innocent, beloved of the singers.

In the “general Westerosi view,” well, girls may well be wed before their first flowerings, for political reasons, but it would considered perverse to bed them. And such early weddings, even without sex, remain rare. Generally weddings are postponed until the bride has passed from girlhood to maidenhood.

Maidens may be wedded and bedded… however, even there, many husbands will wait until the bride is fifteen or sixteen before sleeping with them. Very young mothers tend to have significantly higher rates of death in childbirth, which the maesters will have noted.

As in the real Middle Ages, highborn girls tend to flower significantly earlier than those of lower birth. Probably a matter of nutrition. As a result, they also tend to marry earlier, and to bear children earlier. There are plenty of exceptions.

[Source]

Unreliable Narrator

JUNE 26, 2001 SF, TARGARYENS, VALYRIA, SANSA, MARTELLS, AND MORE

[GRRM is asked about Sansa misremembering the name of Joffrey’s sword.]

The Lion’s Paw / Lion’s Tooth business (*), on the other hand, is intentional. A small touch of the unreliable narrator. I was trying to establish that the memories of my viewpoint characters are not infallible. Sansa is simply remembering it wrong. A very minor thing (you are the only one to catch it to date), but it was meant to set the stage for a much more important lapse in memory. You will see, in A STORM OF SWORDS and later volumes, that Sansa remembers the Hound kissing her the night he came to her bedroom… but if you look at the scene, he never does. That will eventually mean something, but just now it’s a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on.

[Source]

(*) It was Arya who misremembered the name of Joffrey’s sword tho…

Unreliable Narrator 2.0

OCTOBER 05, 2002 SANSA’S MEMORY

[Note: This mail has been edited for brevity.]

… this is an inconsistency with ASoS more than an outright error. In ASoS, Sansa thinks that the Hound kissed her before leaving her room and King’s Landing. In ACoK, no kiss is mentioned in the scene, though Sansa did think that he was about to do so.

Well, not every inconsistency is a mistake, actually. Some are quite intentional. File this one under “unreliable narrator” and feel free to ponder its meaning

[Source]

Unreliable Narrator 3.0

NOVEMBER 27, 2007 GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS

Here’s a really particular question (which I realize means it probably won’t get asked in a general interview): In A Storm of Swords, there is a chapter early on where Sansa is thinking back to the scene at the end of A Clash of Kings when The Hound came into her room during the battle. She thinks in the chapter about how he kissed her, but in the scene in A Clash of Kings, this actually didn’t happen. Was that a typo or something? —Valdora

GRRM: It’s not a typo. It is something! [Laughs] ”Unreliable narrator” is the key phrase there. The second scene is from Sansa’s thoughts. And what does that reveal about her psychologically? I try to be subtle about these things.

[Source]

Sansa may be dead but Alayne is alive

APRIL 15, 2008 FUTURE MEETINGS, POVS, ARYA’S ROLE, EASTERN LANDS, AND ASSASSINS

[Will Sandor and Sansa meet?]

Why, the Hound is dead, and Sansa may be dead as well. There’s only Alayne Stone.

[Source]

A lot more dangerous than romantic

AUGUST 2, 2009 AS SER JORAH MORMONT…

weltraummuell: The Hound Oh please don’t cast an old guy for the Hound, his scenes with Sansa are so romantic and erotic, I couldn’t bear if it’d feel creepy all of a sudden. Well, that’s me making demands. LOL

GRRM: Re: The Hound Old guy? No, but… the Hound is still a whole lot older than Sansa, and was never written as attractive… you know, those hideous burns and all that… he’s a lot more dangerous than he is romantic.

kestrana: The Hound Yeah its a “girl always wants the bad boy” kind of thing although Sansa seems to pull something else out of him. It feels so wrong sometimes but I want to see them together again tee hee.

weltraummuell: The Hound Hehe, George, maybe you didn’t intend it, but he turned out to be a very erotic character to female readers. Especially since he’s mutilated and dangerous. Makes him unpredictable and vulnerable which is the most explosive aphrodisiac for a girl’s fantasy. ;)

weltraummuell: The Hound And I know from discussions on other board other women feel just the same about Sandor. He’s an absolute favourite with the ladies!

halfbloodmalfoy: The Hound LOL, you’re such a man. To many of us women, dangerous *is* attractive.

GRRM: The Hound But no one has any love for poor old Sam Tarly, kind and smart and decent and devoted…

[Source]

I played with it but I didn’t get the answer I was waiting for

JUNE 22, 2012 SWORD & LASER VIDEO PODCAST

GRRM: I am sometimes surprised by the reactions, of women in particular, to some of the villains. The number of women over the years who have written to me that their favorite characters are Jaime Lannister or Sandor Clegane [the Hound] or Theon Greyjoy… All of these are deeply troubled individuals with some very dark sides, who have done some very dark things. Nonetheless, they do draw this response, and quite heavily, I think, in the case of some of them, from my female readers in particular.

Veronica Belmont: I’m a big fan of the Hound, myself, actually.

Tom Merritt: Of Sandor? Really?

Veronica Belmont: Yeah, the Hound… Maybe it’s not because I feel any compassion towards them, I’m not really sure what the attraction is. Ah, I’m not going to call it attraction, actually. Let’s just say it’s a fascination, perhaps.

GRRM: [Chuckles] Well, I mean, fascination is one thing, but some of these letters indicate that there really is like a romantic attraction going on there. And I do know there’s all these people out there who are, as they call themselves, the “San/San” fans, who want to see Sandor and Sansa get together at the end. So that’s interesting, too.

Tom Merritt: The TV show has sort of played with that a little, and probably stoked those fires.

GRRM: Oh, sure. And I’ve played with it in the books. There’s something there, but it’s still interesting to see how many people have responded to it.

[Source]

I played with it but I didn’t get the answer I was waiting for 2.0

JUNE 23, 2015 GRRM Q&A AT THE SCIENCE FICTION BOOKSTORE IN STOCKHOLM

Question: “Is there any fan reactions that you have been surprised by, like is there a character that’s more popular than you thought or have people been shocked by something you didn’t think we would be shocked at?”

GRRM: “I’m reasonably certain what people will be shocked by. I knew that the Red Wedding would provoke a big reaction and it did. I was pretty confident that, you know, throwing Bran out the window and then killing Ned in the first book would get reactions, and indeed they did. All of those worked exactly the way it did to the extent that things that have surprised me, they tend to be smaller things. I guess I… Maybe I should not have, I don’t know. How do I phrase this without getting myself in terrible trouble… I guess I don’t understand women, but I was definitely, you know, way back when, surprised by the number of women who reacted positively to characters like Theon and the Hound as dashing, romantic figures. The san/san kind of thing took me by surprise, I must admit, and even more so the women who, and there are some, who really like Theon. So that surprised me.”

[Source]

Unreliable Narrator 4.0

DECEMBER 2016 ASKING GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ABOUT S@N/S@N

My question is regarding Sansa Stark. Her sexuality has evolved through every book and yet the memory that seems to stick the more with her in this regard is the night of the Blackwater. So I was wondering if you can expand on your view on what this is, since as before that night her interactions with Sandor Clegane weren’t really physical.

The night of the Blackwater, yes. Ahhh… Well, I’m not going to give you a straight answer on that hahaha… Uhmmm, but I would say that ahhh… you know a television show and a book each has its own strengths and weaknesses; there a re tools that are available to me as a novelist, that are not available to people doing a television show. And of course there are tools available to them, that are not available to a novelist, I mean they can lay in a soundtrack, they can do special effects, they can do amazing things that I can’t do, I just have words on paper. What can I do, well I can use things like the internal narrative, I can take you inside of territories… thoughts, which you can’t do in a TV show… Ahhh… You just have the words they speak, you see them from outside because the camera is external, while prose is internal, and I have the device known as “unreliable narrator”… Ahhh… Which again, they don’t have. So, think about those two aspects when you consider that night of the Blackwater.

[Source]

Do with it what you will.

[jimlingss]

Hey Kina!! any advice about the LSAT exam you could provide? I’m about to graduate as well, and I haven’t taken the LSAT yet QQ, I’m starting to study now and planning to take it August. I’m in Canada I’m hoping to get a response by December after I finish my application in Oct.

LG and reading comp. literally traumatize me with the time limit and I feel so burnt out whenever I look at the books and plan my time for how many hours i need to study a week. I’m only really only a week in and my head pounds.

I would really appreciate the advice! I’m an absolute fan of all of your stories, i don’t know how you manage to juggle writing with school and upcoming graduation, what a god 🤯

you give me too much credit but hell yes I have advice regarding the LSAT. That exam is really something and it feels like I’ve went to hell and back so I’m happy to help others however I can with it.

I’ll break this answer down with my experience and then my recommendation.

Experience: I started studying for the LSAT six months before I took it. I went in completely blind and started with practice test LSAT 40 and scored about 143. ofc I timed it. When you take the practice exams, you have to simulate actual testing conditions as best as you can, so that means printing it out and doing it with the timing restrictions. The first 3 LSAT tests I did I scored in the 140s. 

I gradually improved and hit the 150s range. At first I did the entire test in one sitting (with breaks ofc) but it’s so time consuming that I started just doing one section a day. But on Saturdays, I did one entire practice test and on Sundays I would mark that + go through it. So on average, I did 2 practice tests a week. 

But then disaster struck when I was stuck in the 150s. 

From practice LSAT 43-70 no matter how much I went through it, how much I studied, I could not break into the 160s that I needed. At best I could maybe get 159, but typically I was scoring 155. Which clearly isn’t enough. I started to panic. I knew I needed to do something different. 

So I picked up The Loophole by Ellen Cassidy. During that time, I didn’t do any practice tests whatsoever. I stopped doing LSAT and went through the book a chapter a day. And while it’s focused in LR, a few chapters really helped me out with reading comp. I think there’s 14 chapters (if I remember correctly) so it took me around 2 weeks to go through it. Maybe I should’ve slowed down but I was running out of time. But the book helped me break into the 160s. I loved it.

I was pretty happy and relieved and from LSAT 70ish-89, I was scoring from 160-169 with an average of 164. 

COVID was a thing by then so the LSAT was online. I had saved the two practice tests they have online and practiced with those and when the day came, I did it in a quiet space without any interruption. I ended up with a 160.

A bit of a bummer considering I was scoring 164 consistently before that but it’s good enough, I can’t really complain. I decided not to re-take it.

Recommendation: Honestly if I had to recommend to someone how to approach the LSAT, I’d tell them to take the first 3 LSAT practice tests blind w/o any knowledge of what it is and without any prior textbook reading. Learn by doing it and get the gist of what it’s about. 

After the first 3 LSAT practice tests, pick up The LSAT Trainer by Mike Kim. I don’t have experience with it personally but I’ve heard great things about it from others. ((For me - I thought I didn’t need textbooks and I could study completely on my own but that was very dumb. I honestly wish I had more time, I would’ve picked this book up + the Loophole sooner)).

After completing The LSAT trainer (try to do it in a month? to not waste time? if possible). Then do a few more LSAT practice tests. I’d say 5 of them? 

After that, pick up The Loophole. Do that within a month. Then just keep rolling with the LSAT practice tests.

The most recent practice test released is your holy grail. That will be the test most similar to the actual test you will receive so make sure you save that one but make it one of your last tests. For me that was LSAT 89 (or 90?) but there might’ve been newer ones by now. There’s no point in studying LSAT 1-39 because they’re so old that it won’t be that similar to what you’ll take. 

ALTERNATIVELY - Sign up for 7sage. I know loooots of people do that. Don’t really know how it works since I haven’t used it but it’s advantageous if your LSAT will be online since 7sage is also online. 

I’d still pick up those two books I mentioned above tho. 

Other Recommendations - LSAT is sooo time consuming that your whole day is basically consumed by it. Not to mention you have to mark it and learn your mistakes afterwards. Look into doing a timed section a day? That’s only 35 mins so it becomes wayyy more manageable.

Also take marking very seriously. You learn just as much from what you did right and wrong as actually doing the timed section.

Another note, make a whole schedule to manage yourself. I made a google document on what I was going to do every single day. What section. What practice exam. What chapter of what textbook. Plan it all and then by the end when you have the plan, you’ll feel a lot more comforted. Like wow it’s not thatttt much + as long as I follow through with this and do a little a day, I’ll make it.

One more thing - take the exam when you start consistently scoring what you want to score. If you want to score in the 160s and you’ve been hitting that mark for the past 5-10 exams, you are probably ready. If you study too much, that’s a bad thing too. You want that sweet spot timing before you’re burnt out.

Also take breaks. Schedule them in. One day breaks. It’s easy to be burnt out.

((I got most of my practice tests for free btw on b-ok.cc)).

Now I’ll be a bit more specific in my advice....

LR - The Loophole helped me a lot with LR. Also I did a lot of LR practice questions and I naturally started to pick up on patterns. But this section fluctuated a lot for me. Sometimes I did well, sometimes I did poorly.

underline the ones you’re unsure about and move on. it’s better to just go back if you have time in the end then wasting time dwelling on it when you could be getting others right.

Reading Comp - At the beginning I fluctuated a lot with this section. But the first chapter of the Loophole really helped me improve and break down readings. The sentences in reading comps are very long winded and purposely written poorly, so keep that in mind. Just read slowly and soak in as much as you can the first time. I was never a fan of the advice of reading it over twice. It felt like a waste of time. Instead, the first time, as you read, try to guess what might be important or a question and underline it. That helped me. 

Games - My favourite section and the section that you can most easily improve on. Just do a lot of practice games and then watch the videos on how others do it. Once you master a game style, you’ll know how to replicate it in the future.

for some reason timing started to become an issue for me later on in the games section in spite of having improved on it, but I realized it was because I was dwelling and double checking when I didn’t need to.

In general: LSAT is a super interesting test as it’s unlike any other test. It’s not dependent on information that you’re supposed to know. It’s not studying info and being asked questions on it. It’s not regurgitation. It’s not memorization. And in that way, ANYONE can improve. It’s a test you can learn. So don’t lose hope!!

And good luck!

((edit - some things I forgot to mention. I tried to pick up Powerscore but their system was so complicated, I zoned out. some folks like the book tho. I’d still recommend the Loophole. also I hope this doesn’t make me seem like a know it all and that this is wayyyy too difficult - I literally started crying once while taking a timed exam. the test is stressful so its ok its understandable to have a breakdown. i sure did lol. so give yourself a break if you start getting stressed.)) 

[bisluthq]

What if illicit affairs was also inspired by gyllenswift? Not in the sense that she’s still into him or smth, but she was clearly re-elaborating old trauma with folkmore, and drawing from personal experience, and some lines after red TV hit differently… “make sure nobody sees you leave… don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby… look at this godforsaken mess that you made me… for you I would ruin myself…” but also something like august like “whispers of ‘are you sure’ ‘never have I ever before’…. You were never mine… wanting was enough… cancel my plans just in case you’d call….” What do you think?

Mmm look I think when we write fiction it’s often inspired by personal experiences, friends’ and family members’ experiences, and other media we’ve consumed. I think that the best fiction has like grains of truth to it right - which doesn’t mean we went through the exact story we write but like we can draw on interests and memories and worldviews. Last time I got very into roleplaying I had a character who was like a petty criminal/the muscle type dude with limited education but like a really good heart and whatnot. Now, obviously, I had very little in common with this character but he still did stuff I’ve done - like he and his love interest used to do these fun hypotheticals especially when she was anxious that he’d come up with like “if you were a type of food what would you be?” and that was something an ex of mine and I did. Dumb example, but like hopefully y’all follow in that I firmly believe we can and do make stuff up but the best fictional scenarios have nuggets of truth to them to like ground the experience for the reader. I’ll give a more recent example from my writing again, like all the shit Joe reads or talks about in my ~creative writing is stuff I like. I had him talk about Zadie Smith in a fic because I like Zadie Smith lol, and I had him quote Donne because that’s my favorite Romantic. It’s not absurd that a guy who likes like AM Homes and Donna Tartt likes Zadie Smith or a dude who inspired The Lakes and saves all his dirtiest jokes for her has Donne as his favorite Romantic but ultimately those are things about me lol and the little details make it more fun to read.

I think illicit affairs is a fictional story - she’s imagining an affair that goes to shit. But sure like when imagining how that can go wrong she might’ve thought of times people made her feel shitty and how feeling shitty feels. We also see it in Ivy - also a fictional story - where she throws in Joe’s eye color because I think when she sits around imagining stuff real life bleeds into it.

Personally I don’t see shades of Gyllenswift in august tho.

[janiedean]

Is it bad that I really enjoyed reading the kinda fandom history/fanw*nk history posts abt j*nsa? XD Tbf I'm also a bit addicted to fanlore articles. XD Anyway I think in the tags of one post you mentioned j*imexs*nsa starting as an antijb thing? Would you mind elaborating on that? Sounds like an interesting, albeit bonkers, story, too.

dw I don't think it's bad I mean... we all enjoy catching up on wank we weren't part of (and my friends the things I could tell you abt spn fandom or when I was around at the sidelines for the worst rpf fic ever..) but anyway *deep breath* SURE THING LET'S SAY IT I mean....... it's not like it hasn't been years and I can talk abt it so whatevs, under the cut because reasons, also I'm saying now that a lot of this was what I deduced from circumstances and you've got to take my word for it unless someone who was around then remembers it and can confirm my impressions bc it was a lot less obvious than the j*nsa stuff

but going from the premises again:

I got a tumblr in like may 2011, read asoiaf june-july of that year, started being active on the tags around august-september 2011 so it was before S2 aired and 95% of the people that were bnfs/around then aren't on tumblr anymore/are here rarely these days so you've gotta take me at face value

in the main asoiaf bnf group there was this one jc shipper who like... I mean she's still active on twt and blocks everyone shipping jb on sight but good bc let's just say she's a piece of work not to mention that she spent months/years writing meta abt how jb was like fanfic stuff and had no book basis and how if you liked j but not c you were a misogynists which was wildly popular

I would like to add that person is basically... let's say everyone in jb fandom who ever got harassed knows exactly who I'm talking about and I'll leave it at that and was not for ship and let ship let's put it like that

so basically this person was on my dash bc I followed ppl who followed her and I saw a lot of jaimes*nsa stuff from her

in the sense that like... she was doing with it what I did with jonc/brynden back in the day when I was wanting to convince the world they were the crackship that was promised as in posting abt it/spamming it/discussing how it made canon sense/more canon sense than jb anyway and the likes, and like there was a fairly numerous amount of stuff for that ship back in the day - like before S2-3 aired jaimes*nsa had pretty high fic numbers/fanwork numbers considering that in canon they haven't interacted once

and that went hand in hand with keeping on trying to burn ground around jb before S2 aired/before they met in canon with that meta

and like... it's not like it started as an antijb thing in itself bc I'm sure that there must have been someone into it before the show aired same as there were ppl who as I was reminded lately wrote brienne/loras hatesex and so on, but the explosion which was during S1-3 (then it lost a bit of traction I think mostly bc jb exploded and sansa/tyrion happened on the show and the ppl involved kind of went more on twitter and didn't produce that much content anymore tho it still has numbers™) was also continuously fanned by person above + her followers who most likely were like... genuinely into it but again the antijb meta was around quite enough at the same time, so

also like... let's just say that back in the day I was the main t*robb ship contributor and I also wrote jb though less but jb was smaller as a fandom so I did post when the ao3 tag was at like... 30 fics or smth so I separately had my foot in both ponds and like until S3-S4 any t*robb fic where jb was the sideship would get tangentially less views/reviews than ones where they were not which in itself wouldn't be a problem bc obviously maybe ppl wouldn't ship one of them, but then there was this uuuh specific case

where someone who followed me for the t*robb who also followed her at some point asked me in private if a 22k t*robb fic that was the sequel to... my most famous/popular jb one let's put like that had a lot of jb in it because they were die hard jc people and it was triggering to them (which... I mean fair enough but in retrospective using that term instead of 'you know I really don't vibe with jb and I'd rather not read it' felt a bit like they were trying to guilt trip me ngl), I said that they showed up together in two scenes and were in the background and at most it was 1k worth of fic and the answer was that it was way too much so they were going to have to skip and like again their prerogative but idk that conversation kind of left me like is this some kind of roundabout way to say that it'd be better if I didn't sideship them? idk but until S3-4 I had the distinct feeling that at least for my own stuff having both ships together meant less readers and ngl I didn't update the infamous t*robb wip fic for a year because I was planning to make jb fairly prominent as a sideship there and I was there like 'oh god what if I get wank over it' and I didn't but again I would like to state it wasn't just because of one person, it was... the general atmosphere that seemed unfriendly unless you stayed on the jb tag/kept both separate

and I would like to add that the moment S3 happened and it sailed anyway bc it was going to was when the targeted harassing of anyone who was active on the tag started ssssso :|

basically like... I have a lot less evidence to go on re ^^^^ than the j*nsa stuff because that is well-documented the rest is my very humble opinion about the background of when j*aimesansa started getting popular but like it also was v. prominent in between jc people (same with the jcsansa threesomes) who were also following that person - I would like to also add that a bunch of ppl who shipped both were absolutely lovely and nice to interact with in other situations and not harassing anyone about it and again nothing against ppl into it as a thing but the moment of its peak was in conjuncture to the burning ground around jb moment driven by that specific person so *shrug*

[46ten]

Henry Knox and Lucy Flucker Knox, part 1

Mini-summary of The Revolutionary War Lives and Letters of Lucy and Henry Knox by Phillip Hamilton. 

Historian P. Hamilton has transcribed and published the approx.150 remaining letters between Henry Knox and Lucy Flucker Knox, his wife. Part of the Gilder Lehrman Collection, the letters most extensively cover the period 1776-1778, with a few more from 1779 and 1781. Hamilton notes that alongside the letters between John and Abigail Adams, the Knoxes letters to each other provide one of the few opportunities to observe a written dialogue between spouses during the revolutionary war period.  If one wants to imagine the language in the letters Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton wrote her fiancé/husband, Lucy Flucker Knox's letters are a fantastic resource. There was only a year age difference between the women, and both grew up in established, wealthy families (Albany vs. Boston).  

Henry Knox was born in 1750 in Boston. His father was a financially struggling shipmaster who sailed to the West Indies and died in 1759. With the additional deaths of his two oldest brothers, Henry had to abandon his formal education and support the family at an early age. He got a job as a clerk in a bookstore; with an interest in books on military science and artillery, he joined Boston's Ancient and Honorable Artillery Company in 1768. Hamilton (the author) describes him as, "ambitious, eager to rise above the hardships of his youth, and supremely confident in himself....he always dressed in the most elegant suits he could afford, and he remained fastidious about his appearance throughout his life." Henry lost two fingers on his left hand in a 1773 hunting accident, but concealed this injury throughout his life with a silk handkerchief.  

In 1771, Knox opened his own bookstore, the "London Book-Store," possessing "a large and elegant assortment of the most modern Books in all branches of Literature, Arts and Sciences" according to an advertisement that year in the Boston Gazette.  He regularly engaged his customers with discussions on the topics of the books within; he especially liked to discuss military science and engineering, but he also began to learn other languages and kept himself au courant with the knowledge and ideas of the day.  As one can see, he was largely self-educated. He was also a "gentleman."  After his bookstore was raided and destroyed by British soldiers, he nevertheless made the final 1000 pound payment for a shipment of books from London that he never received, out of his sense of propriety and duty. 

Thomas Flucker Sr was the Royal Secretary for the Massachusetts Colony and a wealthy merchant who married Hannah Waldo, daughter of Brig. Gen Samuel Waldo*, in 1750. Lucy was born on August 2, 1756 (making her only a year and a few days older than Elizabeth Hamilton).  

It's not certain when the teenage Lucy Flucker first laid eyes on Henry Knox - she may have seen him in military demonstrations or at the bookstore, but in 1773 she began spending so much time at his bookstore that a relative commented that it seemed she was courting him.  

As Hamilton writes, "[t]wenty-three-year-old Henry Knox cut an impressive figure - physically large and fit, and officer in the city's elite militia company, and a witty and knowledgeable conversationalist on most subjects. Thus he seemed to be a dashing and attractive catch...Like most young couples in the mid-eighteenth century, love and physical attraction were increasingly important - indeed, vital - to a courtship's success...As [Lucy] most likely realized, the emotional and material quality of a woman's life was largely determined by the decisions she made during courtships. Therefore, beyond her obvious infatuation, Lucy surely considered Knox's ability to support her and any future children they might have together." Henry was industrious, ambitious, intelligent, and a gentleman - qualities that mattered more than being "well-bred." "Nor could [Henry] help but notice her family's lofty social position and considerable wealth..." Henry let Lucy take the lead in getting her father's consent to their marriage:

HK to Lucy Flucker, 7March1774

What news? Have you spoken to your father, or he to you upon the subject? ...I am in a state of anxiety, heretofore unknown. My only consolation is in you, and in order it should be well grounded permit me to beg two things of you with the greatest ardency. Never distrust my affection for you without the most rational and convincing proof. If you do not hear from me in a reasonable time do not lay it to my want of love, but want of opportunity; and do not, in consequence of such distrust, omit writing to me as often as possible. My love is, as it were, in its infancy. It will increase to youth, it will arrive at the most perfect manhood, it will grow with such a steady brightness that if the youth of both sexes do not esteem it their chiefest glory to come and light their tapers at it, want of discernment must be the reason...

Henry was 24 and Lucy was 17 at the time of their marriage on 23 June 1774, at Henry's house. Although her father had eventually consented (after encouragement from her other relatives), neither of her parents attended. Lucy and Henry fled Boston in April 1775; Henry joined the militia army, and the rest is history. (Or rather, if one is interested in Henry Knox's participation in military campaigns during the AmRev, wikipedia is a start.  One note though: Knox's famed artillery train from Ticonderoga occurred when Knox was a mere 25 years old - certainly such feats were in AH's head when he was approaching 25 and had no comparable glorious accomplishment.) Lucy's family fled to Britain shortly afterwards and cut off all contact with her. 

Henry wrote that Lucy made him, "the happiest of mortals" (to his friend, Henry Jackson, following his wedding to Lucy).  Lucy was also, "the animating object of my life." Besides being "My dearest Lucy," she's also addressed as: “My dearest hope, My dearest friend, My dearest tender friend, my dearest love, my lovely love, my best beloved, My dear dear wife, my dearest blessing of heaven, my charmer,” though once he writes, "I leave [off] the usual address at the head of my Letter because I can fix upon none the thousandth part strong enough to convey the Idea of the strength of my attachment & love to you,” HK to LFK, 6Apr 1777.

To Lucy, Henry was, "My only love, my only friend, My Ever Dear Harry, My dearest friend, My all."  

One of the themes P. Hamilton presents is that the challenges that spouses faced during the AmRev, especially wives with long-absent husbands, led to a sense of greater equality between men and women.  Lucy was left in charge of financial management of what she could obtain of her family's affairs - and manages without Henry.  At one point, Lucy decided on a course of action that Henry disagreed with (so much for the stupid thought that wives were absolutely obedient to their husbands); Henry pleads with her to follow his advice instead as, "your Best Friend, your Lover, and blessed by Heaven to be your Husband..."  They are certainly an example of the companionate marriage ideal: marriage as a partnership between best friends, strengthened by their attraction and physical intimacy. 

There's a lot of great information in their letters about American Rev activity, patriotism and American grievances re. Britain, smallpox inoculations, the ins and outs of other generals and their wives (Caty Greene is mentioned frequently), and eventually their children's education and Lucy's concerns about their financial stability. Henry shared a great deal of information with Lucy not only about his day-to-day life, but about military plans and ambitions (as was prudent - many letters mention the fear of miscarry and falling into enemy hands). There are more surviving letters from Henry to Lucy than the other way round  - Lucy's letters were likely lost by Henry as he traveled with the army. 

The below quote from Lucy summarizes as well as anything I've read why EH likely destroyed her own letters to her husband:  

29 or 30 April 1776. L to H

 I should long before this have indulged myself in the pleasure of writing to him who is allways in my thoughts, whose image is deeply imprinted on my heart and whom I love too much for my peace, but the fear that the language of a tender wife might appear ridiculous to an impartial reader (should it miscarry) has restrain'd me. Is my Harry well. Is he happy. No, that cannot be when he reflected how wretched he has left me. I doubt not, but the please of his little girl, as he used fondly to call me, must sometimes draw a thought from him tho surrounded with gaiety and scenes of high life. The remembrance of his tender infant must also greatly affect him when he considers it as so great a distance from its Father, its natural guardian in a place exposed to an enraged enemy and almost defenceless.  

2 May 1776. H to L 

I sigh for my love. I think of her night & day & I wish her here, but dread the fatigues of the Journey. I am extremely chagrin'd that I received no letters from her by the last post. What can be the reason? But my love did not know I am being at New York, she must have thought me on the road. 

28 Aug 1776 H to L 

Dear Girl, how much I love you. War will bring peace and bye & bye we will live together, enjoying the felicity & happiness of each other's society 'till time walk us to immortal happiness.  Kiss my babe for me & Believe me to possess a sincere affection for you as it is possible for a mortal to do.

In his letters, Henry also asks for, “intelligence concerning the dear pledge of our mutual affections,” [little Lucy Knox], and later refers to their children as, "dear little images.”

After rising to the position of Major Gen., Knox resigned his commission in 1784 and became Secretary of War in 1785, continuing in this position in Washington’s cabinet. Most of his duties revolved around "Indian Affairs."  At some point, he also comes to weigh over 290 pounds (Lucy reached around 250 pounds.) Tied up with his various business ventures (x, x), he did not participate in the suppression of the Whiskey Rebellion; AH became acting Secty of War in Knox's place.  [HK and AH were good friends - well, besides that matter of their rank in 1798. Their wives likely were also, or at least shared the same social circle. The Knox and Hamilton children shared tutors at times. HK is the author of the letter informing AH of EH’s likely miscarriage in 1794.] Knox retired the position in Jan 1795 and he and Lucy settled in the Maine frontier and were hated by most of their neighbors, to the point of armed conflict. (Maine settlers found Knox to be aristocratic - Henry Knox is the inspiration for Hawthorne's Col Pyncheon in The House of the Seven Gables. It's a useful reminder, in this age of Founders Chic, how rapidly the vision of the Founders was rejected by the American people.)  Henry choked on a chicken bone, developed an infection, and died in 1806.  Only three of their 13 children survived to adulthood, and Lucy lived alone in their home until her own death in 1824. 

To be cont’d

*Henry and Lucy eventually became landowners of part of her grandfather’s large patent of land, once called the Waldo patent, in what would become Maine. They later sold it to William Bingham.

[aelitademarte]

A year ago I was about to submit (or had just submitted) my MA thesis. In the introduction, which was on knowledge, insecurity, writing and taking care. Little did I know...

The intro had a fragment of this letter, which I encountered after watching Ted Fendt’s Classical Period. One of the characters, Eveline, is reading Denise Levertov and says: 

- I'm curious, but I don't want to get anything. I have too many books at home already. And then there are so many things I've read, but I'd have a hard time quoting anything to you. There are books and essays that I consider fundamental in terms of how I see the world, but I feel like I forget them so easily.

Shortly after, I read this letter: 

August 25th [1954]

Dear Dr. Williams:

(Or, as you signed this letter `Bill,' may I call you that? I hate to be presumptuous, but on the other hand I get bored by my own English-style formalities-they feel stuffy sometimes)—Your letters are unlike anyone else's—this one was a great rushing wind that blew me off the ground, sent my cap sailing into the trees—I had to hold tight onto the domestic details of the afternoon and try to get my breath again—Not because your praise makes me feel over-elated [in the margin: Tho' it does too—not over elated, but blessed & abashed.] but because I'm afraid—afraid to disappoint you and myself. You say one must know what one is doing and I feel that, while I do `know' better than X, Y, & Z, I don't know, and can't work, as you'd have me know & work. I depend so much on feeling (instinct?), on my ear, almost on luck. And you expect an intelligence of me that I either don't have or else haven't learnt how to use. You say you wonder what I'm thinking and that I never say. If I don't say it is because I'm afraid of boring you. I don't have an interesting mind. I presume I have an interesting something or I wouldn't be able to write poems; and I know some of my poems are good—I don't want to run myself down for that would only look as if I were looking for a pat on the back, & god knows I've had that—besides, it wouldn't be true, I do know I can write well. But it's so much a matter of luck, that's what oppresses me—the insecurity.—Like those dreams people have of arriving at the office with no clothes on--I feel as if any day I might write a really bad, a ludicrous poem, and not even realize it. Only intelligence--the kind Bob Creeley has—can give security not only from a complete faux-pas like that but from—from failure to learn, to develop, to know what one is doing.

Mitch says I am not so stupid as I make out and why should I worry since in fact I have `improved' (or developed) pretty consistently—but I go on feeling that I'm walking a tightrope.

Look—I hate to bother you but there is something I must ask you. You say I shd. cut the 1st line of one of those 2 poems--but you don't say which poem. Is it the 1st 2 lines of the poem called "In Obedience"? Or the other? I want to see how I can do it, before it gets printed—Cid has one for Origin & Bob the other for Black Mountain Review and as both are printed in Europe it takes a long time, so I'd like to get cracking on it.

Cid wants to do a book for me (in Paris)—I think he means to do a series, called Origin Editions, small, good-looking, & low-priced. If it comes off I'll try to prune, as you say. Even if I didn't it would be small though—I do so damn little. I let myself get bogged down by circumstances—i.e. by being a mother & housewife, which exasperates, defeats, & bores me most of the time. There again I guess it is a matter of intelligence—I don't organize my resources. But perhaps the answer is in your letter: "But in the end you must say whatever you have to say, without honesty completely outspoken you will not succeed in moving yourself or the world." That's the personal answer. Or part of it. And more generally there's a lot I can use in your statement and letter in Origin XII (which I've only just received).

God! I've only just—in writing this and re-reading what you wrote—only just realized how much of the answer for me lies in honesty. I've hidden (from myself) behind my intentions of honesty, my determination (since about 1946) not to be fanciful & rhetorical etc. etc.—and I have been honest in what I've written—but with what hypocrisy I have selected what I wrote! No-one knows but myself but you have discovered it. If I can only act on today's revelation (for it is really that) it will have been even much more of a red-letter day than I had thought. I've been saying for a long time, "I damn well won't write unless I have something to say, and months go by without my having anything to say because I don't have an interesting mind, I'm not intelligent, only erratically possessed," while in tact I didn't have anything I chose to say—perhaps for fear of revealing my boredom, bad-temper, and other things. So I stayed stuck in ditches of my own making. I take your word `move' in that sense—`to move yourself or others.' To move myself out of the ditch. I thought I knew this or something like it, & could certainly have learnt it from your example—but it seems to take such fortuitous conjunction of different elements to reveal anything to one in such a way that it becomes true & actually hits one.

Forgive me for writing at such length—and thank you.

Love from Denise.

[alittlebook-ish]

18 Book-ish Questions for 2018!

Ahoy there my fellow readers and book eaters! Welcome to 2018! 

I hope you all are having a marvelous year so far, and you are all buckling down trying to make progress on your reading goals! If not, don’t fret, there’s still a long year waiting for us! 

I’m posting this later than I intended because I’ve been so wrapped up in some winter cleaning! But here it is: a glimpse into my 2018! 

How many books did you read in 2017? What did you set your 2018 reading goal as?

I set my goal for 20 books this year, and I read 29. 

As for 2018, I set my current goal to 35 books, but it wouldn’t be surprising if I end up changing in. For my Spring semester alone I’m required to read 15 books, along with texts from the Shakespeare textbook (I just don’t know if they’re full plays). There’s at least 30 books I want to read on my own free time...so I’m interested to see where this year takes me. 

Thoughts about your year in reading?

I think overall I had a really good year! A majority of the books I read this year were either 4 or 5 stars for me, and I found two authors who’s books I honestly love with every inch of me! My biggest regret tho was my reading slump between September and November, where I had a hard time finishing anything because I just wanted to read a specific book that I couldn’t have quite yet. Also, it was a really big year for buying books....really big year. 

How many books are you planning to read this year?

Somewhere between 35-40 books. With school and my job I just don’t have the time or patience to read every book I want. Compared to 2017′s reading goal of 20 books, 35-40 seems ambitious, but I need to read about 16 of those for my English minor.

What are your goals in 2018 as a reader?

1. Read more diversely. 

2. Read different genres. 

3. Read through at least half the books I own before buying more.

4. Read the books lent to me that I’ve been holding onto for forever.

5. Finish the books I’ve abandoned.

6. Read more classics. 

What are the Top 5 books on your TBR for 2018?

1. All of Maria V. Snyder’s books (that I haven’t finished...counting these as one)

2. Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

3. Storm and Siege by Leigh Bardugo

4. Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor 

5. The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog  by Dr. Bruce Perry 

An author you’d like to read (that you’ve never read before):

Leigh Bardugo. I’ve heard nothing but praise for her work, and as a lover of all things fantasy I think I’d really be into her books! I always walk past her books while I’m browsing in Barnes and Noble, and 9/10 times I’m drawn to at least pick it up. I also couldn’t count the amount of times someone has recommended Six of Crows to me. Hopefully next year I decide to follow through and buy one of her books! 

A book you’d like to read:

Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas. SJM gets a lot of praise in the book community, and a lot of people recommend A Court of Thorns and Roses and the remainder of that trilogy (or is it a quartet? I can’t remember). While I can’t say ACOTAR is of interest to me at this point in my life, I was always drawn to the Throne of Glass series...but I never bought the first book because I didn’t like the cover (yes...I’m one of those people). However, the UK edition made me want to purchase at least the first installment in the series because I am a total sucker for that white aesthetic. 

A book you’d like to re-read:

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie. And Then There Were None has always been one of my favorite required readings, and it’s been seven or eight years since I’ve read it cover to cover. This past summer I picked it up several times to try and re-read it, but I always ended up putting it down in favor for another book. Hopefully this year, I’ll finally make it through. 

A book you’ve had for ages and want to read:

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein. I bought this book on Amazon in May of 2014. That poor book has been sitting on my shelf for over three and a half years, waiting for someone to pick it up and read it’s story. Again, this book is talked about a lot by some of my favorite Goodreads reviewers, and they hold this book in high regard. This will probably be one of my summer reads, but I’m going to try and make it happen!

A book you started in 2017 and need to finish

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. There’s at least a hundred other books I should read but this one...I kinda need to return. I love swashbuckling adventures, and my coworker lent me this book to read but school and life happened, and I was never able to get through the first few dozen pages. But...I kinda need to finish it before summer.

A big book you’d like to read:

Iluminae by Amie and Jay Kristoff. It’s not that big of a book, but it’s 599, which is probably one of the bigger books I intend on reading in 2018. Though Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas and The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss are up there too (it’s just a matter of if and when I get to them). 

An author you’ve previously read and want to read more of:

Agatha Christie. I’ve started collecting up her paperback books, because I honestly love a good detective story mixed in with all the fantasy I read! Whenever I go to the bookstore I tend to spot a lot of cozy mysteries, and I’m not necessarily into all of that side of mystery, thought they are fun to read. However, Christie was such a great writer, and a lot of her books are true classics. 

A book you got for Christmas and would like to read:

Wizard: The Life and Times of Nikola Tesla: Biography of a Genius by Marc Seifer. Before Christmas, I had an argument with my grandma about Einstein and Tesla, and how much better Tesla was. I guess that prompted her to buy me a biography on him (actually...two biographies). Regardless, I really want to try to read more nonfiction this year and to learn something new. 

A series you want to read from start to finish:

Avry of Kazan trilogy by Maria V. Snyder. Once I close the cover on Ixia and Sitia, I want to pick up Snyder’s other fantasy trilogy! I love how Maria explains her worlds and her magic system, so I can’t wait to start something new! (Book 1, 2, 3)

A series you want to finish that you’ve already started:

The Chronicles of Ixia series by Maria V. Snyder. The Study books are some of my favorite books of all time, and I’m three books from finishing the 9 book series! (Book 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Most anticipated 2018 release?

The Darkest Legacy by Alexandra Bracken. Set for release on August 7th! I’m so excited that Zu is getting her own standalone novel! The Darkest Minds trilogy is one of my favorite trilogies of all time, and I love everything Alexandra Bracken writes. 

Most anticipated book turned movie/TV show?

The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken. Set to be in theaters September 14th! I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to see a trailer for the movie, and when I finally see it I might honestly cry. 

Any New Year’s Resolutions?

I’m really trying to get my shit together this year. I spent the two weeks completely gutting my room, getting rid of all the old stuff that no longer makes me happy or no longer need. I must’ve had almost 20 bags of trash because I honestly just got rid of absolutely everything. I sorted out books and clothes for donations as well! It feels good to just relieve myself of all that clutter, and I intend on doing so for the rest of the year! 

I also want to work on some writing this year. I just finished a Creative Writing course and it was honestly so much fun being able to just let my thoughts flow, so I’m going to try and do some more this year. Especially with my camp season coming up!

[gentleacademics]

Weekly Update: August 27

(except not really, it’s monday morning. i would like to say that i was too busy to write this yesterday but then i’d be lying. i just couldn’t be assed tbh. haha)

the progress on my paper is kinda meh. i still have a good amount of essays that i could/should be reading for the theoretical part but so little of what i’ve read so far was actually helpful so i’m demotivated .... maybe i’ll do that parallel to actually writing the paper. i’ve done that before, that’s fine

i did a first re-read of my short story, but i didnt really make any annotations or took any notes bc i’m not sure which aspects i wanna talk about yet. i just underlined the parts that i thought were interesting

i was and still am dead-set on starting with writing today. at least the introduction. that can’t be too hard, right? one page? i can totally do one page

my flatmate and i have our workspaces side by side in our living room / office combination so we talk a lot about what we’re working on to each other. she’s also working on a paper that has to do with gender (tho for anthropology, not literary studies) and she gets so mad about a lot of the stuff she’s reading lmao. from the snippets she reads me i can also tell that that doesnt really have anything to do with her thesis paper..... but hey i certainly have done that before hahahahahaha..... sometimes stuff is just too interesting. anyway, it’s great that our topics are similar bc we can share the sources we find, it’s great

i love not doing translations for now, that’s an immense source of stress off my back. they can all kiss my ass until october. byeee

[seven-oomen]

I’m sorry you were feeling so shitty today, but I’m glad it eventually started to get better, and happy for you that you managed to surpass your writing goal for the day.

Omg, Chris as a cheerleader.  He would be so awkward, yet so determined.  Luckily for him I don’t remember the guys doing quite as much “dance-like” moves, at least at my school, they were more back-up and support.  We usually only had a couple of guys on the team, though.  Did Melissa ever do it, or consider it?  She likely had a similar gymnastics background.  (Did she ever lend Chris her uniform if she did?  Or if not did Peter or Noah just “borrow” an extra one?  Because I could equally believe it of either.  Do they ever gift him with one post-OUAT, just for the *cough*nostalgia*cough*?)  Did BH have a person in a mascot outfit?  Because if they did/do, I totally nominate Finstock to be the one running around like a maniac dressed as a cyclone.  And Jesus, they’d be bad enough with Chris as a cheerleader, but on the swim team?  Good grief.  How did none of them end up kicked out for inappropriate behavior?

I can totally see Peter on Student Council, too.  And I think Secretary (did someone mention roleplay again?) or Treasurer would be an excellent fit.  I can see him considering President, but deciding that it would take up too much time he could be spending with his mates, and working a power behind the throne angle instead.  Also, I think Student Council and/or cheerleading would offer an excellent lead-in for Natalie if you decide to add her, because I can easily see her participating in either or both.

I am never not here for more subtle MK nods, just saying.  And I love the idea of ROTC, especially because I’m pretty sure Boyd might have been in the ROTC, as well, and I’m always here for bonding potential between the parentals and teens.  (Also, I want to hug you just for remembering that he was in the military, because I swear 90% of fic authors seem to forget [even though it’s mentioned more than once].  It drove me nuts even years ago when I was just around for the Sterek, and only got worse when I came back and my preferences expanded.)  I also kinda like the idea of him doing track as a nod to Stiles doing that in the show (at least I’m pretty sure Finstock had them doing that in lacrosse’s off-season to stay in shape).  Poor Peter.  Between dealing with Chris mostly naked and soaking wet, and watching Noah in little shorts (it was the 90s after all) perpetually running away from him (and probably smirking at him every time he passed, lbr), he probably had to constantly carry a notebook or messenger bag to be sure he could cover up any “situations” that might “arise”.

I’m cool with whatever number you pick, if it even gets referenced.  I was mostly curious if I was just forgetting.  With the letterman jackets, I like to think that Malia has totally stolen Noah’s and wears it in the winter, because it’s warm and comfortable, and smells like him  (later on, she also enjoys wrapping Kira up in it if they’re out somewhere and it’s chilly).  If Peter’s has survived anywhere (the vault, perhaps?) I could see it going to either Jackson (as his mini me), or Allison (so she and her sister can match.)

Yeah, the yearbook thing happened because I was thinking about how some of my friends didn’t have a picture in the class listings, but did turn up in some of the filler pics.  I can see Chris skipping a regular photo (instinct to not be tracked), but ending up in team shots, etc.  And further bonus thought to that image - what if one of them knows someone on the yearbook committee (Lydia or Danny maybe?), and the kids all decide to do a similar pose to sneak into their own yearbook?  And surprise their parents when they’re going through the book with them later?  They could do Allison, Jackson, Malia, Stiles, Scott instead of Chris, Peter, Noah, Claudia, Melissa.

Looking forward to dance shenanigans for both generations.  And more fashion guru Peter.  I can see it now, Peter being like “I didn’t let your dads make these kinds of terrible choices for our dances, I’ll be damned if I let my kids do it"  "Scott if you even attempt to step out of your house looking like that I will show up as a chaperone and spend the entire night getting all up into not only your business, but that of all of my offspring, do not test me."  Him and Jackson basically acting out that "I have done nothing wrong ever.” “I know this and I love you.” meme.

And yeah, I mean, like most popular 80s teen flicks, Breakfast Club does have some great moments (there’s a reason it’s a classic), but it also DEFINITELY has some parts that have NOT AGED WELL.  I didn’t see it until probably at least late high school, and I don’t think I noticed as much then, but then saw it a few years later and was like “ooh, yeah, that’s super problematic in places."  For some visual assistance, here are a couple of group shots.  The line-up in the first one goes Bender (Noah [ironically the character’s first name is actually John, but I don’t remember if anyone calls him that, it’s been too long since I watched]), Andrew (Chris), Allison (Claudia, or Mel), Claire (Peter [I forgot how dark her skirt was.  Also putting him in pants would help with one of the more problematic parts of the movie]), Brian (Finstock).  Also, I’m including this image because I’ve seen it a few times, and it is both hilarious and startlingly accurate.

One thing I keep forgetting to ask about is a rough timeline.  If I remember correctly (I’ve also been re-reading some, and have realized some of my questions were answered, just several chapters previously), Chris moved to BH in 1992?  At the beginning of the actual year, or the school year (which would be August-ish)?  The kids were all born in early 1994, so they would have graduated in 1993?  Am I mathing right?  (If so that makes me sad because they would have been a little too early for "All For Love” from the 90s Disney Three Muskateers movie to have come out.  Such a great song for them, such a fun but inaccurate film.  [God, I loved it so much as a pre-teen.  Chris O'Donnell, Kiefer Sutherland, pre-crazy Charlie Sheen, Tim Curry, just so many things to enjoy.])  This is mostly just me trying to keep it straight in my head.

Also, unconnected to TW, but that post of Avengers memes that was 90% Carol and Bucky shenanigans gave me life.

As always, loving the preview, and the fact that I think any conversation between any two or more of the group could start out “Listen here you little shit” and still be completely accurate and in character.  I love how she apparently just shoves Noah down next to him (I’m surprised she didn’t just shove him in his lap.)  Speaking of, to flashback to the Christmas rant I’m pretty sure I went on at some point, may I also suggest inappropriate (would it really be, tho?) usage of the song “Santa Baby”, and perhaps a slight switch up to “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus”?  Because why not?

And, uh, thanks *blushes in social awkwardness*.  You are also awesome for coming up with all this in the first place, and being brave/generous enough to write it down and share it.  I’m pretty much always happy to talk fandom stuff and love finding other people as into my fandoms as I am, and this story is just so much fun and I love hearing all your expansions of my wild ideas and conversational segues.  I’m not really used to my weird interests being helpful, so I’m really glad to know this time they are.

I hope that you’re feeling better today (mentally and physically), and that work is overall easy (it’s almost the weekend, right? as a retail worker that doesn’t mean much to me, but seems to cheer others?) and allows you to make your writing goal.  Hugs and positive vibes!

I think I’ve been smiling at this for the better part of several days <3

And yeah honestly, I never really understood either how no one seems to mention Noah’s military background. Like the dude canonically served on the force before becoming a deputy. But you don’t really see it in the fics.

I for one would think Peter and Chris would absolutely try and find Noah’s military uniform (even just the ROTC one) and try and get him to wear it again.

Peter is def the secretary, I think Natalie (who’s one year ahead of them) would make a good Student body president though.

I think I answered the timeline one somewhere? Don’t have the energy to find it right now, but I know I probably tagged it with the usual.

[postmodernhardcore]

it’s August 15th, 2019

work has been good, but terrifyingly busy. my project re: alpha ejection has picked up massive speed. im making mounts and just as fast im running them on the micro CT and spending hours processing and matching on Blob 3D. it’s so fun though. i feel intensely satisfied with my work. I think it is a function of me finally feeling like I KNOW what I’m doing and why I’m doing it that makes me feel so proud.

After a full week with Eric in Denver at the USGS doing pretty uncessful FTIR on garnet and a day at Mines doing some sweet FIB/TEM on mesh garnet I literally haven’t done a thing for that lab. I’ll reach out to Eric to see if I can help lol.

And again, after scrambling to finish up landslides for a ESCO meeting I haven’t done any more work, although I have an assignment. I will go into that lab tomorrow.

I am finally finished with the GRE. I felt awful leaving, with a 154Q 161V, but I got my official scores back which were the same + a 6.0AWA!!!! Not retaking, officially. I feel good enough. Especially since I heard back from USCS, Princeton, and UCR! All positive!!! I’m starting the v fun process of ranking the schools for who I’m even gonna apply to. I should share my spreadsheet, it’s amazing. I still love Emily Cooperdock and still hate LA. Still feeling iffy abt Boulder bc staying feels weird. Still cannot wait for my interview with Davis, I feel like I could be happy there.

I had a minor freak out after my last nutrition appointment, I just don’t know how to take supplements and don’t want to. So I’m not. And the SIBO diet sucks dick. So I’m also not doing that. I had to have an extra therapy appointment. I’m glad I did. That same week I tutored a kid (unsuccessfully) in chem 2, but I did tell him I wasn’t a fuckjng chemistry tutor lol.

Saturday I got my hair dyed back to silver!!!! It’s so pretty I love it I love my silver hair sm. That night was weird tho. Went to the geobio picnik with Toby— best part was holding Ben Johnson’s baby! Weird part was going home with Toby and trying to keep her calm enough to sleep. I ended up giving her some meds and they seemed to help. But like, at the picnik, we pretended to be dating. Ellie was like “Weren’t you already dating” and we yelled “Yes! For months!” And walked away holding hands. She bought me baby’s breath. My favorite flower. That whole thing is a lot.

I’m still ‘dating’ Tiley and don’t wanna be at all. I tried to schedule smthing with them for next weekend but ??? they never responded to my Snapchat asking where we wanted to meet so. maybe they’re finally giving up on me. The worst part is that I’m really lonely and want to be dating a girl who gets me flowers.

Weirdly, my romantic life is a big reason I want to leave Colorado. Fresh start Spencer is best Spencer. Less than a year and I’ll know where I’m gonna be. Yikes!

I asked for letters of rec today for GRFP and grad school and Alexis and Becky and Jim responsed enthusiastically. Waiting to hear back from Lon. He’s my one “academic” reference so I neeeeeed him. Jim is my fave. We had a massive political rant at 9am and he made fun of me for being in the lab after he leaves and before he gets in :’)

Life is pretty good. Pain was bad today for no reason. I love Christie so much, Sue is very kind and helpful. I’m upset to be losing my health insurance so I can’t see them. Oh well. New beginnings and all that. The gym is good, signed up for 24 hour fitness last week and I’ve been pretty consistent about going even when I’m exhausted, which is often. Tia is good but annoying.

I saw Steph and Caitlin last week and they’re both good but I can’t help but feel like I’m not either of their priorities or friend but I know that la just my shit brain. Caitlin and I hung alone yesterday, we’re doing it again Sunday and Thesday. I know she loves me.

My first CSTPR article was published! Already got another one lined up!!!! Also writing GRFP! Fuck!

I keep thinking of new things but overall I’m ok. I’m busy. I’m good. Mostly busy.

Reading:

• Night Shift (finished The Stand!!)

Watching:

• Person of Interest (with Caitlin)

• Schitts Creek

• Mindhunter (season 2 tomorrow!)

Listening:

• Mindless self indulgence (??)

• Alt Rock/punk

• Grime/whatever the fuck Savage Ga$p is

• Casefile

[theconservativebrief]

Bad boys are over. Man-children are over. Lovable losers are over. The women of America are too busy being re-traumatized by the discourse of #MeToo over and over again to want to fantasize about doing the enormous emotional labor required to heal troubled men of their wounds and shape them from tortured frogs into perfect Prince Charmings.

No, instead, American pop culture has officially entered into the era of the wholesome bae. Which is to say that this is Noah Centineo’s universe now, and the rest of us are just living in it.

More accurately, it is Peter Kavinsky’s universe. Peter Kavinsky is the character played by Noah Centineo in Netflix’s breakout high school romantic comedy To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. He is the crush object of the summer, and like all great fictional crush objects before him — Jake Ryan, Jordan Catalano — he is known universally by his full name.

In the brief time since To All the Boys premiered, Peter Kavinsky has become iconic for his wholesomeness: his willingness to drive all the way across town to get Lara Jean her yogurt smoothies, his decision to drink kombucha at a house party because he’s driving and also it’s supposed to be good for your digestion, his instinct to keep the popcorn bowl from getting overturned in a middle of an impromptu pillow fight.

Peter Kavinsky is beloved because, unlike his predecessors, he is not actively a bad person, and that is still new and exciting in the world of teen movies. He is not performatively woke or intellectual or tortured or given to especially grand gestures, and that is what makes him appealing: He is most celebrated for reliably doing small things, for showing up, for exuding a sense of honest wholesomeness.

But Peter Kavinsky is fictional, and as such, his ability to spin out endless new content for the internet to sigh over is limited. Noah Centineo, on the other hand, is a real person who can fuel endless new GIFs, one who is taking full advantage of his rise to fame to energetically pursue the mantle of the internet’s most wholesome boyfriend. His media strategy since the premiere of To All the Boys seems to be pointed with military precision toward the archetype of the moment.

Like his most famous character, Centineo is not trying to be especially woke, or especially intellectual, or especially artistic, or especially cool. He’s going for a much more basic appeal, like a Tiger Beat cover star who is not entirely asexual: the emotionally healthy soft jock. The wholesome boyfriend. He is a hot guy who is also reliably nice. That is his whole thing, and it is damn effective.

When To All the Boys came out, Centineo picked up a million Instagram followers overnight. Within a month, he’d gone from 800,000 followers pre-To All the Boys to 9.5 million. Now he’s at 12.8 million. His fan base is so fervent that he had to devote part of an interview with Jimmy Kimmel to politely asking them to stop following him around in real life. “I love your love!” he said. “Just don’t follow me.”

Centineo’s rise to fame is a kind of case study in the appeal of the wholesome internet boyfriend, and why this archetype has taken on a particular urgency here in the draining final months of 2018. Here’s how you become the central crush object of the internet in record time, and where you go next.

The first stage in Centineo’s conquest of the internet’s collective heart was to create a certain slippage between himself and Peter Kavinsky. To All the Boys fans were all reliably swooning over the same three Peter Kavinsky moments — the time he has his hand in Lara Jean’s back pocket and then kind of twirls her around, the whole thing with the popcorn and the pillow fight, the time he bashfully splashes her from the hot tub — and within days of the movie’s release, director Susan Johnson had said in interviews that all three moments were Centineo’s idea. Peter Kavinsky might be fictional, the publicity narrative suggested, but the man behind his best moments was actually alive.

The To All the Boys press team also began to heavily imply that maybe Centineo and his co-star Lana Condor were in love in real life, too. (Lana Condor has been with her boyfriend for years and said so, but that didn’t stop a fun press narrative from building.) The adorable picture of Peter and Lara Jean cuddling that appeared in the movie was actually a behind-the-scenes picture of Centineo and Condor napping between takes, it was revealed. Centineo and Condor referred to each other as “the love of my life” all over social media.

“I love Noah. I think he’s the greatest guy in the world. I mean who wouldn’t?” said the prescient Condor to Elle. “He’s the internet’s boyfriend.”

BuzzFeed’s AM to DM morning show got to the heart of the question: Are people thirsting over Peter Kavinsky or Noah Centineo? “As a genius once said, ‘Why not both?’” responded internet thirst expert Nichole Perkins.

While the line between the Peter Kavinsky character and the Noah Centineo public persona became steadily blurrier, Centineo himself was busy on a press tour, giving interview answers that could have been mathematically calibrated in a lab as the perfect good-girl bait.

Asked to describe his perfect date, Centineo volunteered a story about a time he swapped books with a girl and just spent three hours reading with her.

how is this kid real??? like???? i mean???? i would die???????? someone take me on this date like today?????????????????? pic.twitter.com/jii46EQMPs

— Preeti Chhibber @ NYCC oh god too soon tho (@runwithskizzers) August 29, 2018

Asked how he got so good at flirting by Allison P. Davis for the Cut, he delivered this impromptu monologue on the nature of love:

“Am I flirting?” he laughs and leans and looks down at the floor. “I don’t know — I’m fucking so romantic. Like, such a romantic — it’s not even funny. I can’t help it. I swear to God, like, every day, the majority of my day is sentimental. You know, I’m thinking about past relationships I’ve been in, how I miss them so much or what I would do different, or why I wanna be with them again, or just moments I’d like to go back to or I know why I shouldn’t go back, and then you know, it’s just constantly love, love, love.”

Specific or even all that interesting? Not really. Kind of basic? Extremely. But that, after all, is part of the point: the wholesome boyfriend doesn’t have to rise above basicness. He just has to love love, without cynicism or irony. He’s the hot guy who is also consistently nice, who is aware of his emotions and unashamed of them.

Centineo kept hitting his wholesome boyfriend marks with the relentless force of someone who sees his route to superstardom and will not be stopped. He showed up shirtless to an interview and did it without coming off as a complete douche. He did a puppy interview for BuzzFeed, and a perfect boyfriend video for Elle that also had some puppies because look, why not. He became so relentlessly wholesome that not even a leaked nudes scandal could hold him back.

Currently, Centineo’s gone about as far as Peter Kavinsky can take him, and as with any star on the brink of overexposure, he’s facing a certain amount of backlash. The staff of Jezebel has formally dissolved their relationship with internet boyfriend Centineo — “Whatever we (the staff of Jezebel as a whole) had with Centineo (who has never met any of us, to the best of my knowledge), it’s OVER” — citing in part the extreme basicness of his social media presence (the boy loves an inspirational quote). In a recent New York Times profile, his single-minded push for attention was just on the verge of coming off as desperate rather than endearing.

At Lainey Gossip, Kathleen Newman-Bremang is reading the warning signs. “Internet Boyfriend is a designation you get on the come-up,” she writes, citing the previous examples of Michael B. Jordan and Tom Hiddleston. “You either leverage it in your favour (MBJ) or get so drunk off its power you try too hard and become a caricature of yourself (Hiddleston). Where will Noah Centineo fall?” Being the internet’s flavor of the month is not exactly a recipe for career longevity.

But for the moment, Centineo’s month is not over. He remains on top of the world, at the pinnacle of internet boyfriend-ness. The Cut has proclaimed him “the best thirst architect the internet’s ever seen,” lauding his “Stanislavski dedication” to playing “a simple, suburban-mall kind of crush.” GQ looked into what all the fuss was about and came to a simple conclusion: “America Is Horny for Wholesome.”

One of the side effects of the increasingly public gender struggles of the past few years is that they’ve made a lot of previously attractive romantic archetypes seem a lot less appealing than they used to.

How do you sigh over the Johnny Depp-like wounded bad boy when actual Johnny Depp maybe beat his wife? How do you swoon for the stalwart Mel Gibson-like action hero when actual Mel Gibson is on tape telling the mother of his child she deserves to be raped? How do you root for the sweet shy geek to get the hot girl to notice him when shy geeks are joining the incels because they can’t get hot girls to notice them?

In a time when the world is getting ever scarier, and a little romantic escapism would be a welcome refuge from thinking about whether we’re about to put a second man accused of sexual misconduct on the Supreme Court or we’re going to wake up to find that we are in a nuclear war with North Korea, it’s getting harder and harder to find a romantic fantasy that still feels safe.

That’s part of why To All the Boys, with its relentless tenderness and sincerity, became the kind of movie that people watch over and over again on a loop. (“I never rewatch movies,” people keep telling me, “but I watched it twice.”) Its entire ethos is that of nice, kind people working hard to be nice and kind to each other, and that atmosphere has immense currency in the Trump era; you want to live in it. And that’s the Peter Kavinsky fantasy: a boy who will never, ever do anything cruel and will always tell you that you look really pretty today. The hot guy who is reliably nice.

And that’s the fantasy around which Noah Centineo has relentlessly curated his public image. He has made an exact science out of being the internet’s most wholesome boyfriend, at a time when all people want is someone wholesome. So even if he isn’t able to parlay his current viral fame into career longevity, he’s still managed to be exactly what this moment in time needs.

Original Source -> Noah Centineo and the rise of the wholesome internet boyfriend, explained

via The Conservative Brief

[adventuresoffangirls]

Woman We Fangirl Over Wednesday!

This week’s Woman We Fangirl Over is Crystal!

I, Krissy, met Crystal in August 2002 when I started college. We instantly became best friends, even tho sometimes it was kinda tough. I was kinda mean, and I had never met anyone as sensitive as 16 year old Crystal. We’ve been best friends for almost 15 years now and will be celebrating our Friendship Quinceañera later next month. She is what I consider to be my Hetero Life Partner. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, and lord knows I’ve put her through a lot. She’s one of my best friends and will continue to be for the rest of my life.

Caitlin met Crystal in 2008 when Crystal was living in Fort Worth and came to visit me here in Houston. They, however, were not instant best friends. They competed a little bit over who was my best friend. Since then they have become best friends outside of me. Of course, they both must like me better than the other one tho. And now we are the three best friends that anyone could have.

Here are a few tidbits that we love about Crystal:

She is the knower of all things books and can recommend books to you based on your personality and things that you like. You will love every book she recommends to you.

She loves to cook. And is good at it too. She’s always cooking for us and more importantly catering to our likes and dislikes when it comes to food. And Krissy is a super picky eater.

She’s super crafty. She’ll make the best decorations for your birthday party/wedding shower/baby shower.

She loves gift giving and gives the best gifts. She plans that shit out and it’s always super well thought out and, of course, you’ll love it.

She’s one of our very best friends and we love her until the end of time.

Even tho she thinks we are crazy most of the time, she will let us fangirl for hours about our adventures and will be genuinely interested in what we have to say (even if she’s heard it already…about 5 times…from each of us).

Anyways…enough gushing over Crystal. Here are our questions:

1.) What do you fangirl over?

 Books, coffee coffee coffee!, music...did I mention books?

 It's an interesting question to think about because the answer now is different than it was 5 or 10 years ago. I've always had this deep love and appreciation for books and music, but for a long time, I fangirled over music more than anything. Listening to a great song on repeat endlessly, going to every concert I could afford...music was my favorite thing. Now that I'm older and I'm lucky enough to spend my days surrounded by books (and get paid for it), books have become the top thing I fangirl over. I have spent hours telling others (and my poor husband) the entire plot to countless books that they've never heard of and usually care nothing about. I talk constantly about books I've read, loved, hated, and books I haven't read, but really want to. It is not an exaggeration to say books are the biggest, most important objects in my life. And also coffee. I definitely fangirl over coffee at 6 am when I'm sleep deprived and have a long commute to work.

 2.) What do you love about you?

 I love that I've come to a point where I'm so comfortable with being myself. I love that I'm proud of who I am and I'm not ashamed or afraid to be that person (most of the time. Everyone has a bad day). 

 3.) What's your favorite thing about Texas?

 Texas is home. No matter where I go, or where I imagine I want to travel to or possibly live, I always find myself back here with my amazing friends and family.

4.) What are you passionate about?

 You had to know that the answer to this was going to be books. After all, I am a librarian (and I gave away this answer with the first question). I can't get over how much I love to read. I love to be entertained, to think, to feel, to get lost in these amazing worlds with characters who are complex and three dimensional. A good book does all of these things. A great book buries itself in your heart and your mind and you find yourself re-reading it again for the 10th, 12th, or 20th time regardless of the fact that your to-do read list has almost 500 books in it. I'm always looking for my next great book. 

 My passion for books has become such a force of nature and has evolved so far past my own love and enjoyment of reading. I find myself more and more becoming an advocate not just for literacy but for helping people find their own great book(s) that change their lives. As a young adult librarian and formally a children's library assistant, I have had extraordinary opportunities to share my passion for the written word with so many teens and children. It's such a rewarding and humbling experience to see a child or a teen find their own passion for reading. I get to see them fangirl (or boy) over books and I can't describe how amazing this is.

 5.) Who's your favorite female artist?

 I love Michelle Branch. She has been my favorite female musician since I was in high school. Her songs have this magical quality to them. She doesn't just write a standard break up or love song. She layers her story and emotions in these beautiful words that feel so genuine and relatable. 

6.) What's the best thing about being a woman?

 I consider the best thing about being a woman to also be one of the worse: being underestimated just because you're a female. It's complete bullshit that it's 2017 and there are still so many equality issues plaguing us, but there is one plus side to being underestimated and that's having the ability to surprise people and the opportunity to teach them something. As a woman, I love having the opportunity to show someone how smart and capable and resourceful women can be... Which is just as smart and capable and resourceful as our male counterparts. 

 7.) Tell us a music moment that means something to you. (This can be a song, lyric, concert moment, anything.)

 The music moment that means the most to me is very personal and comes from one of the worst events in my life, so bear with me. My stepdad Darrell committed suicide in April 2012. It goes without saying that my family and I were shocked and devastated. Recovering from this, or more accurately, learning how to manage a grief that never really goes away, tested all of us. I found solace in music. One of the songs that I found myself listening to over and over again was Marching On by OneRepublic. There was something about this song, about the message it carried that brought me such comfort. I'm not exactly sure when, but at some point after this, I went to a OneRepublic concert with Krissy. They played Marching On and I remember standing next to Krissy with my eyes closed and feeling the music vibrate in my chest with tears streaming down my face. This felt like one of the first moments that I could grieve in my own way that was just about my sadness and hurt and anger. It remains one of the most memorable moments of my life.

 8.) What inspires you?

 Good books, good music, and good people.

 9.) Tell us about a female you fangirl over.

 Emma Watson, hands down. There are so many things to fangirl over when it comes to this actress. She's a Goodwill ambassador for the UN,  an advocate for gender equality, a book lover... Also, she played Belle in the live action Beauty and the Beast and let's be honest, Belle is the best Disney Princess.

 10.) Tell us a random fact about you.

 I'm a hardcore daydreamer and spend a lot of time coming up with random, ridiculous stories in my head. 

We hope you’ve loved reading about Crystal as much as we did. Trust us when we say that if you knew her, you’d be fangirling over her too.

Until next time.

Dream Big Always,

Krissy & Caitlin