#rat dog

[phirehazardz]

making my moms perfect pathetic rat dogs in spore (2008)

[kellynicole515]

A RAT!?

[amoodybun]

[95/100]

A Wizard Standard Schnauzer

The ball hold more secrets than he remembers.

All the Dogs so far!

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[vevletaire]

Commission for Keri and their Partners, bunch of rascals!

[grandmascokebag]

The Fushiguro's And Their Totally Super Platonic Dates

chapter 2

Megumi absentmindedly spritzed his $700 Dior cologne as he watched his reflection in the mirror. He noticed an abandoned Axe deodorant bottle in the back corner of the cabinet, remembering how he briefly started to use it in middle school before Gojo bought him expensive cologne and threatened to kick him out should he use it again.

God what a freak.

Megumi sighed as he remembered his date (it was not a date) with the new student, Yuji Itadori, after school. He might be cute, but he was also an idiot. As proof, Megumi’s new bracelet glinted in the bathroom lighting. He still remembered how excitedly Yuji shoved the gift in his hand, revealing a simple beaded bracelet saying “it’s OK to be sad” with a bunch of frowny faces. In the face of the pink-haired boy’s enthusiasm, all Megumi could do was smile and take it with an unenthusiastic thank you.

“How come every time you come around my London London bridge wanna go down -“

Gojo’s music drifted obnoxiously through the cracked door as he listened to his (stupid) playlist (link)

“Oh Megumiiiii” his utter buffoon of a guardian called. “Brekkie is ready! I made your favorite, blueberry pancakes with a smiley face since you’re sooooo saddddddd”

Megumi looked into the mirror, determinedly ignoring the crazed shouting. “One of these days,” he tells himself, before trailing off.

He reluctantly goes downstairs to see Tsumiki already sitting at the table, eyes glued to her phone. This isn’t too abnormal of an occurrence, but when she fails to greet her little brother, Megumi knows something is up.

“Who are you texting?”

“No one!” Tsumiki says too loudly, quickly turning off her phone and putting it down.

“Oooooooh who are you texting? A sordid affair, perhaps?” Gojo takes off his self-bought pink apron with the words “World’s Best Dad”.

“MEGUMI IS MEETING A CUTE BOY AFTER SCHOOL TODAY.” Tsumiki shouts to escape the attention.

“What the fuck-“

“MY SWEET PRECIOUS BOY IS BEING STOLEN AND IMPURIFIED? NONE OF THOSE LITTLE RATS ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR HEART, MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD. Except maybe that new kid; he’s chill, besides the trauma-dumping.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID WHORE. NO ONE LIKES YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH YOU AND YOUR HAIRCUT LOOKS LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER’S” Megumi screams, throwing a chair.

There’s a pregnant pause before Gojo slowly reaches over and rearranges the pancakes to resemble a frown.

“Well that's my cue to get going!” Tsumiki cheerfully side-steps the elephant in the room as she skips outside, pausing at the door. “Wanna come with, Megumi?” she asks, clearly taking pity on the boy.

“God yes,” he mutters and quickly follows, ignoring his guardian’s attempt at puppy-dog eyes.

“You know, you should really be nicer to Gojo,” Tsumiki admonishes as they buckle up. “He did raise us.”

“Badly,” Megumi mutters back. “Do you remember that time I almost asphyxiated because he didn’t believe I had peanut allergies because that ‘doesn’t run in the family genes’. Tsumiki, we’re adopted.”

Her answering giggle sounds like chimes. “Well, it was a little funny.”

“I almost died.”

“You were fine! You’re such a spoilsport sometimes, Megumi.”

“Whatever.” Megumi leans back in his seat, giving his sister the silent treatment as they drive to school before he remembers the original topic of discussion. “So, who were you texting this morning?”

“It’s seriously no one,” she says but Tsumiki’s light blush is answer enough. “He and I are just… friends.”

“He?” Megumi’s focus narrows onto the word. “I thought you were gay?”

“What? I’m bi but why did you think that?”

“Probably because there’s not a single straight person in this town that I know of.”

“What? That can’t be true; there’s…. Oh never mind I guess you’re right. Well anyways, he’s cute but doesn’t see me that way.” Tsumiki frowns, gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly.

Megumi reigns in his quickly igniting anger when seeing his sister dejected, but just barely. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, he buys me flowers and holds my hand and walks me to class and gives me his jackets and ties my shoelaces when they come undone and holds my books but he hasn’t explicitly asked me out on a date.”

“Are you serious? He clearly seems to like you, not to mention you’re literally perfect. Don’t put yourself down over some man!”

“Don’t you like men?”

“That’s besides the point. You should ask him out. If he breaks your heart, I’ll beat him up.”

Tsumiki laughs, a weight lifted off her shoulders. “Don’t do that,” she lightly admonishes, though her lips twitch in a smile. “You’re right. I’ll ask him out later today. Thanks, Megs.”

“Ugh just don’t tell Gojo I gave you good advice instead of sabotaging your relationship.”

The car slows as they pull into school.

“Promise.” Tsumiki winks, linking their pinky fingers. “And I also won’t tell him any more about Yuji, though you should take your own advice.”

“Shut up!” Megumi quickly leaves the car and his annoying but loveable sister behind.

——————————————————————-

AFTER SCHOOL

“Yo!” Yuji calls as he jogs over, his pink hair perfectly tousled and his brown eyes bright and stop THINKING STUFF LIKE THAT OH MY FUCKING GOD.

“Hey,” Megumi responds perfectly neutrally. “So where are we heading?”

“Don’t worry! I know just the place!”

Megumi feels his cheeks heat, wondering just how much Yuji has planned ahead, just how much Yuji has thought about him.

Not a lot, Megumi realizes as he walks inside a motherfucking Chuck E. Cheese.

“Man, I’ve missed this place,” Yuji sighs, looking around with nostalgia. “I haven’t been here since my grandpa died.”

Megumi softens despite his best efforts. “It reminds me of Disneyland.”

Yuji laughs brightly, grabbing Megumi’s hand to lead him to their table. “Haha really? When did you go there?”

Megumi freezes before quickly shaking himself out of his stupor. “When I was a young naïve little boy who still trusted his father. We went together to visit the happiest place on Earth, but it soon became the saddest place on my Earth…”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

FLASHBACK

It was a bright and sunny morning the day little Megumi’s world came crashing down. His father, with the ugliest rat dog sitting on his broad shoulders, held his hand as Megumi ate his ice cream cone.

“If you drop that, I’m not stealing another one,” his poor as shit father scolded the child who didn’t listen.

Tsumiki, meanwhile, couldn’t keep her eyes off of the crusty dog on her father’s shoulder. She finally pried them away, forcing herself to enjoy the day to the fullest, before she heard a gravelly whisper behind her.

“Your skin smells tasty”

Tsumiki whipped her head around. “Did you say something, Dad?”

“What? No. Are you stupid?”

“I guess I must have imagined it…” Tsumiki turned forward once again, but felt a stare prickle the back of her neck. She quickly split off from her family. “I’m just going to go to the restroom quick!”

Her father absentmindedly nodded while the dog on his shoulder shook and foamed at the mouth, its beady eyes following her.

Megumi, meanwhile, stared fixedly at a couple having a noisy argument in the distance.

“I don’t care if the mice make your fucking clothes; I don’t want them in the house.” The tattooed pink-haired man gestured wildly.

The blonde woman slapped his hand away. “I’m surprised you even noticed the mice considering your never at the house, but rather drinking and fucking those WHORES-”

As Megumi’s nosy ass leaned forward to listen better, his ice cream scoop peeled away from its cone and fell onto the street.

“Motherfucker.”

“Hey, who taught you to swear like that?” His father frowned at him. “Fucking Christ, did you seriousy drop your ice cream?”

Megumi recognized the annoyed tone his father adopted and quickly scrunched his face up like he was going to cry.

“Ah shit, don’t cry, people will judge me for being a shit father. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Tojir looked around wildly for something to appease his (not really) upset son. “Here! Look at those pretty princesses!”

Megumi glanced over, his bout of fake tears quickly forgotten. “I kind of prefer the princes.”

Everything stopped.

Both his father and the dog turned mechanically to face the young boy.

“Are you a fucking fa-”

“Is the dog seriously talking right now?” Megumi interrupted, frightened by the turn of events and the intelligent gleam in the dog’s beady, homophobic eyes.

“No, of course the dog did not fucking talk,” his dad lied. “But more importantly, are you… one of those?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You know what… I gotta go… make a phone call.” His dad took an awkward step back. “Can I see that napkin real quick?”

Puzzled, Megumi handed the tissue over while his father uncapped a black marker and scribbled something on it.

“OK kid, just wait here… I’ll be right back.” As Megumi gazed upon his father’s retreating back (for the last time, though he did not know that), the scraggly dog turned to look him in the eye.

It laughed, an awful squeaking noise that would haunt Megumi through his nightmares. He was shocked out of his pondering when a hand tapped his shoulder.

Tsumiki frowned at him. “Uhhhhh where did Dad go?”

“I don’t know, but he left me this napkin that I can’t read ‘cause I’m only 5.”

Tsumiki grabbed it and read aloud, despite the many spelling errors:

Yo Gojo if ur reeding this, I have abandoniene left my cids in ur qare. Take good qare of them! Or dont, I dont really qare, jyst dont kontact me again. Byyyyyyyyyyyyyy

-Toji and Lucy

There was a little paw print next to the message, though Megumi thought it seemed more like a threat than a goodbye.

Tsumiki’s eyebrows creased. “Why is the dog’s name signed? Actually, more importantly, who the fuck is Gojo?”

Suddenly, they heard a commotion in the distance and spotted an unreasonably tall man with sunglasses talking with the police.

“No, I already told you, I’m not trying to kidnap them; the dad left them with me for a super secret mission.”

“Sir, please calm down.”

“Unhand me, you pig!”

A brief scuffle came about, ending when the tall man was tazed by the officer. He shook sporadically, before his eyes met the two childrens’.

“Oh shit! Oh shit! Found them! Let me just get out of your hair.” The man jerked suddenly in what might have been a forceful handshake, before stumbling over to Megumi and his sister, crouching down obnoxiously.

“Hey little crotch goblins. I’m Gojo, but you can just call me papa.” The white-haired man shot them an award-winning smile.

What a creep, both kids thought, rearing back their fists.

In a true display of teamwork, Tsumiki’s fist cracked his nose while Megumi kicked his crotch.

The man fell back with a pathetic high-pitched scream of pain. “Damn, you guys really are Toji’s kids.”

END FLASHBACK

“And that's how Gojo adopted me and my sister.”

“Wow that’s… really sweet,” Yuji lied. “Wait, how did your dad even know Gojo?”

“Well, I asked Gojo once and he said…”

ANOTHER FUCKING FLASHBACK

One dreary night, as rain pattered the rooftops and froze the hearts of young couples, two men walked into a bustling bar.

The white-haired man, obviously tipsy, stared at the other. “You know, my ex also had dark hair. God, what a bitch.”

“Oh really?” Toji hummed noncommittedly, not really listening.

“No,” Gojo tearfully said. “Imagine God made a perfect angel and that angel happened to have dark hair and a weird kink for cults… That was my ex.”

Toji perked up at the mention of religion. “Man, I love God. I’ll drink to that.”

They clinked shot glasses and downed their respective liquors.

“Wait,” Gojo paused. “Isn’t alcohol a sin?”

“It’s only a sin if you get drunk,” slurred the clearly drunk man.

Gojo shrugged the comment off, not willing to waste his limited brainpower on the thought. “Hate the sin, love the sinner, I guess.”

“EXACTLY.” the older man clapped him hard on the shoulder. “You get it.”

“Sure, sure. It’s like the age-old question, y’know,” Gojo almost fell off the stool as he leaned back. “Gay son or thot daughter?”

Toji swiftly downed another drink. “I would sooner leave my stupid children in the hands of some stranger like you than deal with that fiasco.”

He shuddered with disgust but Gojo only laughed loudly. “Only if you buy the next round!”

Toji glanced up consideringly. “Shake on it?”

Gojo, clearly drunk and thinking this was a joke, shook hands all too eagerly.

Toji waved the bartender for another round. “I have this kid back at home, and I don’t even vibe with it for real. It’s so weird and gross and tiny. Like ew.”

Gojo morosely fidgeted with his empty glass. “My ex-boyfriend broke up with me to play soccer at another school. I mean, who does that? And right before nationals? Hella lame.”

“OK, you don’t need to rub your gayness all over the place. Like, tone it down. Anyways, I’m gonna ignore the fact that you’re a sinner ‘cause I really like you, kid.”

“Thanks, I guess.” The two men exchanged numbers before Gojo left to find a rebound (he didn’t) (he tried flirting and started crying) (it was pathetic) (he got kicked out of the bar).

END FLASHBACK

Megumi was interrupted from his visceral flaming of his guardian by the Chuck E. Cheese rat arriving with the pizza.

“Oh, thank you.” Megumi tried to grab the food but the mascot held firm.

“Your skin smells so tasty.”

“What?”

The rat cleared its throat, though it didn’t do much to help its raspy yet squeaky voice that somewhat reminded Megumi of Mechamaru’s stupid bitch ass whiny voice. “Your pizza smells so tasty.” It quickly left, but not before Megumi heard what seemed like strangely familiar growling.

“Yuji, did you hear that?”

“What? I was distracted by the pretty balloons.” Yuji pointed wistfully to a kid’s cheap birthday party in the corner. “You were saying something about Gojo?” He turned his pretty brown eyes back to Megumi and oh GOD FOCUS FOCUS.

“Yes… him. Well, even though he’s an annoying, irresponsible, pathetic loser who has almost killed me out of negligence multiple times, he wasn’t the worst. I guess. It was fun when he measured us against the wall growing up, or when we would watch horror movies that I totally wasn’t scared of even though they were rated R and definitely not meant for the sensitive eyes of children but, of course, sweet little Tsumiki never had a problem ‘cause she’s just sooooo perfect.” He paused. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

Yuji nodded along sympathetically. “I felt like I was in a horror movie when I saw my grandpa’s dead body,”

“Yeah anyway,” Megumi ignored his traumadumping with practiced ease. “I wonder what Tsumiki is doing now.”

MEANWHILE

Tsumiki sat with her notes spread out like a fan around her on the grass. As she read aloud her bundle of notecards, the man laying on her lap twisted daisies into a flower crown.

She scrunched her nose in annoyance as she got another one wrong. “Ugh this is so stupid. I’m totally going to fail Professor Geto’s quiz, and he won’t give me any extra credit ‘cause he doesn’t like me because Gojo has to ruin everything!”

“What, no,” the boy sat up to face her properly. “Miki, you’re literally the smartest person I know. If anyone is going to ace this test, it will be you.”

Tsumiki smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes as she looked away, clearly not believing him.

He gently brushed his finger against her chin, forcing her to look at him. With her full attention, he placed the flower crown on her head as her cheeks flushed a pretty pink.

“You’re perfect,” he breathed out, before realizing what he said as his cheeks burned a vibrant red. “I mean you’re- you’re obviously- I mean-”

Tsumiki’s answering smile was real this time, and all the sweeter for it, as she pulled his beanie down all the way and pushed his face back admonishingly.

“Yeah,” he said in a strangled and totally masculine voice. “The notes. We should get back to your notes. Haha. Totally.”

He made to lean back, to give her some more space because is it getting hot in here? Or is that just her? Oh shit it’s probably my beanie. He quickly pulled it off.

“Wait,” Tsumiki’s hand grabbed his shoulder, halting his escape and oh god even her hand is pretty I am so fucked.

“Do you… Can we…” The girl trailed off, looking slightly unsure before firming her resolve. “Ino, would you like to go out sometime? Romantically, I mean. On a date.” She coughed, her cheeks burning a more vibrant red at the awkward phrasing.

“YES!” Ino yelled, before coughing and looking away. “I mean, yes. Totally. That would be totally chill.”

There was a pause before they locked eyes and started giggling, their sweet laughter signifying a beautiful start to a beautiful relationship.

Tsumiki’s eyes caught on his watch. “Oh shit, I need to go home soon! Gojo is making us watch a new episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and he’ll totally freak if I’m gone.”

She smiled apologetically at Ino, but he had already packed up her things and started walking.

“Oh, I can carry-”

“Nope!” He smiled cheekily at her. “New boyfriend gets to carry his partner’s stuff!” His brown eyes danced in the sunlight before they widened in panic. “I mean- unless you don’t want to put a label on it- which is chill! So chill! Totally chill. I was just-”

“Ino.” Tsumiki leaned back onto her car as she smiled fondly up at him, chest brimming with adoration. “You’re fine,” she said exasperatedly.

“Oh, I’m fineee, huh?” His cheeks dimpled into a brilliant smile as he placed a hand next to her on the car, which was so fucking sweaty that he immediately slipped and almost headbutted her.

She caught him effortlessly, holding him up by his shoulder, faces inches apart.

Ino smiled dazedly. “Wow, you’re really strong-”

“Can I kiss you?” She cut him off.

His eyes softened. “Of course.”

They both leaned in, Tsumiki’s hands migrating to his neck and tangling in his soft hair.

Long story short, Tsumiki was late and, even though Gojo obnoxiously yelled at her the entire night, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

[soapywankenopy]

I love this guy

[bitter-sweetener]

[watertaxadermy]

Do any of your dogs look like rats or is that just me? The second photo shows my dogs compared to my cousins’ dog. I have two beagles.

[eekitseve]

The whole crew! More to come! (Rb>likes, click 4 better quality)

[hooved-menace]

Mah rat doggo mid-yawn I love my demonic bebe

[goldfishfur]

finally watched pussy boots i love that little rat dog

[billythephoneguy]

Chocolate Cherry Ref Sheet

[blue-caelus]

You can’t tell but he is VERY upset rn

[grandmascokebag]

Soccer balls, More Like Sock Her balls

Chapter 1

It was a brisk morning with clear skies and chirping birds. Yuji skipped down the concrete sidewalk, waving at his new neighbors as he left for school.

Wow, what a beautiful morning, Yuji thought to himself. It’s almost nice enough to make me forget my grandfather, the only parental figure I ever had in my life, dying this morning in front of me. I saw him take his last breath as his eyes clouded over and he passed on to the next life.

Welp, got no time to cry about that! Today is my first day at Jujutsu High, where I have a soccer scholarship!

Yuji walked into the gates. It’s times like these that I miss my grandfather’s ability to drive. Or be alive.

Womp womp, he cheered himself up.

Suddenly, a hot pink Corvette revved into the parking lot obnoxiously, blasting 212 by Azaelia Banks loud enough to shake the asphalt under Yuji’s feet.

“I guess that cunt gettin’ eaten. I guess that cunt gettin’ eaten. I guess that cunt gettin’ eaten.”

A boy around Yuji’s age sprinted out of the car before it fully stopped, slamming the door though it did nothing to lessen the noise.

The window rolled down and a white-haired man leaned far enough to jingle the pink dice hanging by the mirror. “Have a good day at school, sweetie!”

The boy flipped him off, not looking up as he walked over to Yuji.

“You must be the new student. Yuji Itadori, right?”

Now that he was closer, Yuji noticed how pretty he was, with long eyelashes fanning over his soft cheekbones, stylishly spiked hair, and eyes dark enough to get lost in. His eyebrows scrunched together in what looked like confusion and oh MY GOD SAY SOMETHING HE ASKED YOU A QUESTION YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

“Um what? I mean yes! That’s me! LOL.”

“Did you just say ‘el oh el’ out loud?”

The bell quite literally saved Yuji’s ego from answering the question as it rang. “Saved by the bell!”

WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING SAY THAT OUT LOUD.

“Yeah, I guess. My name is Megumi by the way.”

“Oh that’s such a pretty name!” Good job, Yuji, you saved it

“Oh, you’re calling it pretty because it’s a girl’s name? Next thing you know, you’ll be calling me pretty in an attempt to emasculate me 'cause I’m gay, right?”

“What no I-”

"You hate gay people, right?”

“No, no I-"

“You’re calling me a twink, right?”

“No, I’M ALSO GAY.”, Yuji exclaimed this all too loud, causing everyone in the courtyard to stop and stare at him.

The silence was deafening and excruciating.

Yuji wanted to join his grandfather in the afterlife.

A girl in the crowd started laughing boisterously, breaking the tense atmosphere. As everyone slowly returned to their previous business, she approached casually, throwing an arm around Megumi.

“Yo, fatherless. Are we still on to watch the Bachelorette later tonight?”

“Personal space, Nobara. Also shut up and no, just for that comment.”

The girl rolled her eyes and Yuji felt terribly awkward. To bond over similar situations, Yuji quickly said, “My parents are absent too! And my grandfather died just this morning! Also, my dog got run over.”

Nobara looked weirded out, but Megumi looked at Yuji in a different light, his expression softening. “Oh. I didn't know that. Sorry for taking out my bad mood on you, by the way. My guardian, Gojo, is being a real bitch; I wish he died this morning”

Yuji started laughing, with Megumi joining in softly later. The girl frowned as she left. “Fucking gay freaks,” she muttered as she walked off, joining a green-haired girl and kissing her cheek.

As the courtyard emptied out, only Yuji and Megumi were left, smiling softly at one another.

Megumi quickly cleared his throat. “So, the tour?”

“Oh, yeah, right! Lead the way!”

Megumi walked through the halls as Yuji quickly hurried to follow.

“So, you’ve already met Nobara. The girl she was with is Maki Zenin, her girlfriend. They’re both on the soccer team. Originally, girls weren’t allowed to play the sport, but they hatched a plan together last year to threaten the principal into submission. One thing led to another, and plans turned into dates. It’s the romance story of the ages, or so they say.”

Megumi rolls his beautiful eyes, tinged in starlight and oh shit I should pay attention to what the fuck he's saying instead of his eyes FUCK.

“Next is the band kids,” Megumi stated as they walked past a classroom filled with discordant music and yelling.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP,” a voice exclaimed and, miraculously, everyone did.

“Yeah, that’s Inumaki Toge. He doesn’t say much, but people listen when he does. There’s a rumor circulating that he’s half siren, but the reality is that he has blackmail on practically everyone in the school. Pro tip: don’t insult him. Or his boyfriend for that matter, Yuuta Okkotsu. Though you don’t need to worry much about him. He disappeared last year under mysterious circumstances. Supposedly, he got a scholarship to study abroad, but no one has heard from him since. Oh well.”

“Wait is he like OK-”

“Moving on, there are plenty of other people in band, like useless Miwa or ugly-ass rat-faced dumpster trash fucking Mechamaru.”

“Woah, do you have a grudge or something?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“Oh, uh, no reason!”

Megumi frowned. “OK anyway. There’s a huge betting pool on when Miwa and Mechamaru will get together. They both like each other a lot; Mechamaru even joined band just for her despite being in the robotics club. Many people think that’s a sweet romantic gesture, but personally, I think he’s a pussy who should grow some fucking balls.

“Oh, look there, that’s Todo and Mai. Todo is part of the soccer team. Don’t talk to him; he’ll ask for your type of woman and wrestle you to prove his superiority. Or something. He’s annoying.

“Mai is not really any better. She is Maki’s twin sister but they couldn’t be more different. Where Maki is gruff but sweet in her own way, Mai will bully you about watching Barbie until you cry in front of the classroom on show-and-tell in first grade while everyone, including the teacher, laughs at you, even though, objectively, Barbie and the Three Musketeers is a very masculine movie centering on war and friendship.”

There was a brief pause as Megumi turned to look at Yuji, clearly having forgotten that he was there. His cheeks dusted pink as he waited for Yuji’s reaction.

“Oh, I love Barbie and the Three Musketeers!” Yuji smiled wide. “Though personally, my favorite is Barbie: The Princess and the Pauper.”

“Really! I always loved that movie too! My sister Tsumiki used to make fun of me for singing along.”

“That’s so cool that you have a sister! My older brother left me when I was seven.” Yuji paused. “We should totally watch Barbie together!”

Megumi nodded excitedly before catching sight of Mai snickering behind her hand. “We should move on.”

The boys paused in front of a classroom. A vaguely familiar-looking white-haired man with sunglasses gestured towards a big contraption of metal in front of the classroom.

“Now class, what will happen when I smash this with a big hammer?”

He swung downwards without waiting for an answer. A fiery explosion rocked the school as the sprinkler system turned on. As the students clearly panicked while the teacher laughed hysterically, Megumi turned to Yuji with a serious expression.

“This is the worst teacher in this entire goddamn circus of a school. He constantly endangers his students with his dangerous and unethical experiments, never even teaching the physics material properly, and most of his tests consist of questions about his personal life. Never take a class with this fucking clown; spending time with him increases the urge to kill yourself.”

The teacher looked up, locking eyes with Megumi. “Oh, my sweet baby boy, is that you, my beautiful son?”

He rushed towards the doorway as Megumi quickly and efficiently closed the door, hearing a thud from the other side as the man faceplanted into it.

“He’s also my guardian, Gojo. Let’s leave quickly before he wakes up.”

Megumi dragged a concerned Yuji away.

“Last stop is Professor Geto’s history classroom. He’s pretty chill. All he does is try to discreetly recruit his students into his bullshit cult, so watch out for that. And don’t mention him to Gojo; you don't even want to know the number of times I’ve been subjected to a dramatic retelling of their breakup.”

A mysterious high-pitched growling started, and Megumi grabbed Yuji’s arm in clear panic. “Close the door, close the door oh my god.”

The boys slammed the door shut and sprinted away, Megumi dragging Yuji along by the hand. Though Yuji should have been very concerned over what just happened, all he could focus on was the warmth of Megumi’s hand in his. They finally stopped in front of another classroom, Megumi belatedly letting go of his hand.

Megumi shuddered, looking vaguely sick. The bell rang again and he snapped out of it. “Well, time to get you to class. Luckily, we share Professor Nanami’s English class together. He is nice, kinda boring, and drops weird traumatic lore once in a while. He also grades harshly, so I hope you’re good at writing essays.”

“Don’t worry, I’m an expert,” said Yuji, who was notorious for failing all his essays at his previous school.

The two boys nabbed seats together in the back as a young peppy man entered, wearing a beanie.

“Hey guys! I’m the TA for this class, Ino Takuma! Feel free to ask me any questions, as I'm usually the one grading your essays!”

The class remained silent as many students snoozed in their seats.

“OK awesome! Professor Nanami will be arriving shortly!” Ino discreetly checked his phone.

The door opened as a tall and intimidating blonde man entered. “Hello, class. I apologize for my tardiness,” the man, obviously Professor Nanami, began in a monotone voice, “the line at the bakery was very long. Let's start with a classroom exercise where we go around the class and state 3 fun facts about ourselves. I’ll go first, to give an example: my name is Nanami Kento, I like sandwiches, dislike tomatoes, and I know at some point this will come out, and will ruin the trajectory of the whole class, but I watched my best friend die in front of me when I was 14. Who wants to go next?”

Wow, that was dark. I hate when people trauma dump, it’s so self-centered.

“How about you, young man?” Nanami looked straight at Yuji.

Crap, what to say? I know!

“Hi! My name is Yuji Itadori! My favorite movie is Earthworm 3, I like Jennifer Lawrence and my grandfather died this morning.”

“Good good, just like that. We’ll proceed in a counter-clockwise fashion. You next, young lad.” Professor Nanami gestured towards Megumi.

“Good morning, my name is Megumi Fushiguro. I like tea and my favorite band is kind of underground; you probably haven't heard of them, but it is Radiohead.

“Shut the fuck up,” muttered Nobara, who Yuji had not noticed was behind them.

Megumi ignored her. “And lastly, I hate Gojo Satoru.”

Nanami slowly approached the boy’s desk, towering over him, before giving him a crisp high five. “A+, Mr. Fushiguro.”

The class continued in a similar fashion until the bell rang.

Better head to soccer practice, or I’ll lose my scholarship! That would be bad, because then I would be kicked out of school and homeless because no one is looking after me currently.

******************************

When Yuji arrived at the field, he saw the white-haired man from earlier- Professor Gojo, right?- yelling at a small group of teens gathered there.

Yuji quickly jogged over, not wanting to be late for his first practice. He found a familiar spiky mess of dark hair and went to stand next to Megumi.

“Alright guys. It is seriously not that hard to come up with a good team name and no, Megumi”- the teen next to Yuji put his hand down guiltily- “Team Kill Yourself is not an acceptable option. Oh, is that a newcomer I see?”

Yuji waved excitedly before Megumi grimaced and gently pulled his hand down.

The rest of the tram turned to look expectantly at him, and he recognized a few familiar faces: the blunt Nobara, intimidating Maki, pretty Mai, broad Todo, a few nameless faces, and a mysterious man in a panda suit.

“Um hi! My name is Yuji Itadori and I’m really excited to be helping this team!”

“Well, Yuji Itadori, do you have any name suggestions?” Gojo peered at Yuji over his glasses and Jesus Christ put some contacts on.

“Hmmmmm….. Maybe…..” Yuji clapped his hands together as an epiphany struck him. “How about the Jujutsu Sorceror Team?”

There was a brief pause as everyone digested the new information with considering looks.

“Wow…” began Gojo, “that was seriously the corniest shit I’ve ever heard of. I mean, even Team Kill Yourself is better than that. Hmm… Let’s just go with Team Sock Her Balls.”

A boy Yuji did not recognize shyly raised his hand. “Wouldn’t we get in trouble with the school-?”

“Shut up, nerd. I don't even remember your name, god. Anyways, actual relevant people, let’s begin practice.”

Everyone separated out into the fields as Yuji followed Megumi, who luckly didn't seem to mind.

A harsh poke on the shoulder caused Yuji to turn around, spying Todo towering over him.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Yuji Itadori. What is your type of woman?”

“Jesus Christ, not this again,” Nobara muttered from behind Yuji.

“Ha! I wouldn't expect you to understand, though I can ask your type of man later, if you would prefer.” Todo struck a pose flexing his muscles.

“First of all, me? With a man? You must be out of your goddamn pea-sized brain, you stupid oaf. Second of all-” Nobara reared her fist back and swung forward, straight into Todo’s nose.

Todo was knocked backwards, a stream of blood erupting from his nose. From the ground, he weakly said, “Oh, you’re gay? That’s cool too. What’s your type of woman..?”, before passing out.

“Ughhhh are you serious, Nobara? Soccer is about kicking, not punching!” Gojo complained. “Yuji, take Todo to the nurse’s office; no one else will do it.”

Yuji looked at Megumi with panic before the other boy sighed and gently pointed out the directions to “Nurse Shoko”. Yuji lugged the broader boy across the field, dodging balls that almost seemed to aim at the prone body before Todo woke up and only needed a little assistance.

Yuji eventually found the nurse’s office in a secluded corner of the school. He knocked gently before Todo waltzed in, seemingly familiar with its white wall already. Yuji followed closely behind.

A beautiful woman, Nurse Shoko, who was smoking in both ways, leaned against the wall lazily as they entered.

“Oh great, it’s Todo again,” she said, blowing a puff of smoke in their general direction.

“Is smoking allowed at school?” Yuji asked, perplexed.

“What are you, a tattletale? Shut up and get back to practice, weirdo.”

Yuji returned to the field, glancing back at Shoko providing Todo tissues lazily. As he returned though, he realized practice was over.

Well, better head back to gramp’s house to pack up my things to move into the dorms here. Man, I will miss my house. And my grandfather.

****************************************************************************************

Yuji arrived at his late grandfather’s house, pointlessly announcing “I’m home,” as he took off his shoes.

“Man, I will really miss this place. More than that, I’ll really miss gramps.”

Yuji jumped as a sudden noise upstairs echoed through the supposedly abandoned house.

“Who’s there? I have a knife,” Yuji lied.

Yuji crept up the stairs, only armed with his fists and his fear. He approached his bedroom door, slightly cracked open. As he tried to enter quietly, the door squeaked so fucking loudly that everyone and their dead grandfathers probably heard.

Crap.

“Sup baby bro!” A voice Yuji never thought he would hear again.

Could it be…

“It’s me, Sukunaaaaaa.”

Wow, it really is him!

Yuji fully entered the door, dropping his fists and defenses completely. “Wow Sukuna! I never thought I’d see you again after you left me nine years ago!”

“Yeah well, things changed; I got tattoos and gambled, grandfather died and supposedly had a huge fortune hidden away, haha you know, the usual. Speaking of which, where's that old decomposing dirtbag’s will?

“Oh, you’re still just as funny as you were nine years ago! I’ll go get it from the kitchen!”

Yuji and his long lost older brother walked to the kitchen together.

“Wow, your tattoos look pretty neat,” Yuji said, trying to start a conversation as he gestured to his brother’s facial tattoos.

“Haha yeah, I got them in prison.”

“Oh…”

Mercifully, they arrived at the kitchen. “Saved by the kitchen!”

“What?”

“Nothing! Let me get that will for you.” Yuji rummaged through the drawer before finding the very important piece of paper that probably should not have been in a kitchen drawer. “Well, let’s read it together!”

The paper read:

I, Wasuke Itadori, in good health and sound mind, dedicate all my fortune to my favorite grandson, Yuji Itadori, the light of my life, when he comes of age. I hereby declare that absolutely NONE of my fortune will go to my other bitchass grandson, Sukuna unless there is literally no other option, like Yuji dying or something idk. Peace bitches!

P. S. Choso can get $5.

“Haha wonder who that Choso guy is! Anyways, did that answer your questions?”

“... Yes. Yes it seems so. It seems that I need to get in contact with some old friends… HahahahahahHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHA” Sukuna starts laughing evilly, just like he did when chasing Yuji around with a knife when they were younger. Ah, the good old days.

What could possibly go wrong?

[soapywankenopy]

I love this guy

[saritawolff]

Phew. This one took, uh… a bit longer than expected due to other projects both irl and art-wise, but it’s finally here. The long-awaited domestic animal infographic! Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough space to cover every single domestic animal (I’m so sorry, reindeer and koi, my beloveds) but I tried to include as many of the “major ones” as possible.

I made this chart in response to a lot of the misunderstandings I hear concerning domestic animals, so I hope it’s helpful!

Further information I didn’t have any room to add or expand on:

🐈 “Breed” and “species” are not synonyms! Breeds are specific to domesticated animals. A Bengal Tiger is a species of tiger. A Siamese is a breed of domestic cat.

🐀 Different colors are also not what makes a breed. A breed is determined by having genetics that are unique to that breed. So a “bluenose pitbull” is not a different breed from a “rednose pitbull”, but an American Pitbull Terrier is a different breed from an American Bully! Animals that have been domesticated for longer tend to have more seperate breeds as these differing genetics have had time to develop.

🐕 It takes hundreds of generations for an animal to become domesticated. While the “domesticated fox experiment” had interesting results, there were not enough generations involved for the foxes to become truly domesticated and their differences from wild foxes were more due to epigenetics (heritable traits that do not change the DNA sequence but rather activate or deactivate parts of it; owed to the specific circumstances of its parents’ behavior and environment.)

🐎 Wild animals that are raised in human care are not domesticated, but they can be considered “tamed.” This means that they still have all their wild instincts, but are less inclined to attack or be frightened of humans. A wild animal that lives in the wild but near human settlements and is less afraid of humans is considered “habituated.” Tamed and habituated animals are not any less dangerous than wild animals, and should still be treated with the same respect. Foxes, otters, raccoons, servals, caracals, bush babies, opossums, owls, monkeys, alligators, and other wild animals can be tamed or habituated, but they have not undergone hundreds of generations of domestication, so they are not domesticated animals.

🐄 Also, as seen above, these animals have all been domesticated for a reason, be it food, transport, pest control, or otherwise, at a time when less practical options existed. There is no benefit to domesticating other species in the modern day, so if you’ve got a hankering for keeping a wild animal as a pet, instead try to find the domestic equivalent of that wild animal! There are several dog breeds that look and behave like wolves or foxes, pigeons and chickens can make great pet birds and have hundreds of colorful fancy breeds, rats can be just as intelligent and social as a small monkey (and less expensive and dangerous to boot,) and ferrets are pretty darn close to minks and otters! There’s no need to keep a wolf in a house when our ancestors have already spent 20,000+ years to make them house-compatible.

🐖 This was stated in the infographic, but I feel like I must again reiterate that domestic animals do not belong in the wild, and often become invasive when feral. Their genetics have been specifically altered in such a way that they depend on humans for optimal health. We are their habitat. This is why you only really see feral pigeons in cities, and feral cats around settlements. They are specifically adapted to live with humans, so they stay even when unwanted. However, this does not mean they should live in a way that doesn’t put their health and comfort as a top priority! If we are their world, it is our duty to make it as good as possible. Please research any pet you get before bringing them home!