#rany talks about other things

[amxrany]

From the River to the Sea: Palestine Will Be Free

I know I'm not as active as I used to be in the past, but I want to use my voice to tell people to stand with Palestine. What is currently happening to them is the denial of human rights and a genocide still going on which is done by Israel. Lives have been lost and people still refuse to open their eyes that this problem, can lead to so many more.

What I am simply asking of you is to boost the voices of the victims, and treat them as humans not a statistic. If you cannot donate money to charities, there are still plenty of ways that we can help them.

Here are some of them:

Boycott companies who support Israel, such as not buying from them (the post included explains why trying to boycott all companies at once is not possible but if we focus on some then there will be more of a significant impact)

2. Repost anything that will help strengthen the voices of Palestinian people

3. When sharing news, make sure to check your sources to prevent the spread of misinformation and disinformation, because it will spread fast

4. DO NOT TREAT THIS AS A TREND, DO NOT BE A PERFORMATIVE ACTIVIST (like clogging up the tag #freepalestine with things not related to the situation), what Palestine needs is ongoing support from people who truly care; not support that will just last for a couple of hours from people who are looking for clout

5. DO NOT GUILT TRIP PEOPLE INTO SUPPORTING PALESTINE, it will just scare them and cause them to blindly support sources that possibly spread misinformation

6. You can also reblog/retweet the art made by artists all around the world who show their support for Palestine, as it expresses their sorrow and empathy about the situation

From our own little ways, what we are doing is strengthening their voices through various means such as the internet, I will also provide a link to websites/organizations where you can help aid Palestine; if you can do it, then go do it.

But I want to end this post the same way I started it:

From the River to the Sea: Palestine Will Be Free

[thewingedwolf]

one thing about hbo is that when they get a journalist coming up to them and going “man do i have a fucked up story i want to follow” they really do let that person go wild. i’ve mentioned the way the ronan farrow one really moved me emotionally and that’s just because ronan knows how to investigate and tell a story to get you righteously angry for who it is he’s defending. he’s good at his job!

but this one, quiet on the set, has genuinely made my jaw drop a few times, even if i think some of the framing could have been better in the last episode. of course i know about all the rumors about dan schneider and the abuse on set, it’s hard to have been into the teen nick scene and not notice, and it’s pretty easy to figure out which kids were being harmed through too much attention and which were being harmed through not enough attention, and there’s been all sorts of rumors floating around for over a decade!

but the build up to the drake bell reveal was well handled, i thought. i was initially skeptical because i think it’s hard to make a documentary about child sexual abuse without leaning into being exploitative in some way. and at first, where you have the actors who left early, like katrina, or who you remember but weren’t mega famous like giovannie, and they’re all saying “this set was so weird & inappropriate, i knew something was wrong but i didn’t have the experience or vocabulary to say what” it feels a little too schlocky. like, oh we’re just kind of speculating on the inappropriate nature of dan’s “friendship” with amanda bynes for two episodes? yeah it is fucked up that two pedophiles were on that set, but did they hurt anyone on set?

and then drake bell walks into the room dressed like timmy turner and says it was me. he hurt me.

i can’t stop thinking about the choice of clothes here and the way it helps drive home the point of the doc. he’s sitting there in fairly odd parents colors as an adult and can’t describe the sexual trauma he experienced as a child still, has never spoken about it, had his mom lie to his father over it because he was so screwed up. really driving home the point that he was just a kid who had a knack for physical comedy and it got him preyed on by dan, a man who should have protected him, set up and handed over to a monster who traumatized him for months and years.

but when that reporter said she got a judge to let them unseal the court documents because drake bell told her how much support peck had? my jaw dropped, like yeah this is reporting, this is someone who saw this story and finally fucking cared not about the salacious details but about who knew what and why they did nothing to stop this from happening. it’s not about forcing drake bell or katrina jackson or alexa to live through the worst moments of their life - it’s about how so many people knew what was going on and didn’t do a god damn thing to stop it. it’s about how these monsters, these convicted pedophiles, were given access to little kids to hurt and traumatize and everyone knew and didn’t just look the other way, they actively helped cover it up. THATS the story. Not that it was an isolated tragedy but that it was a clinical, purposeful environment built by people who wanted to harm little kids.

[natequarter]

totally silly pitch for a doctor who series:

the dalek toaster: the doctor discovers the daleks are manufacturing ordinary household items when he stumbles upon a dalek toaster in the house of his new companion

a taxing job: having put the dalek toasters behind them after investigations come to a dead end, the doctor and companion must stop an alien scheme to take over britain via tax fraud

it's behind you: some sort of fucked up psychological horror episode which makes sure you will never look at curtains the same way again

marvin (or, the second to last of the time lords): the doctor stumbles upon an accountant with a mysterious fob watch. the companion stumbles upon a plot to invade scotland (to mix things up). the two dovetail when it becomes clear that the guileless "marvin" is somehow at the centre of the scheme. things turn violent when marvin opens the fob watch, revealing that he is in fact narvin and the doctor is exactly as annoying as he's always been

god save the king: the doctor and companion go back to 1553 (quite by accident) to visit... well, they were going for elizabeth i, but hit edward vi instead. the doctor is trapped helping the dying king, whilst the companion must solve the problem of killer robots in tudor london themself

the dalek of the rani: the finale. the doctor discovers that the dalek scheme from the first episode is due to the rani genetically engineering daleks to be capitalists (by accident. she was actually just trying to make them more hateful). when it's over the doctor and the rani quietly agree they'll never talk about this or each other again

[BONUS MINISODE] braxolotl: the doctor's brother has been turned into an animal. can the doctor turn him back before it's too late?

[a-minke-whales-tale]

The Struggle of Misanthropy

I find myself often struggling with feelings of Misanthropy, they are to me not feelings I particularly like. I know where they come from and why they exist, and even though I do not like them, I understand where they come from and that it is not unreasonable for me to have them. (Continued below the break - Length: 2078 words)

I find that often the community has this push against misanthropy and for particular positivity of humans and humanity, even to the point of shaming those of us who have those feelings including from trauma and hurt. I have a couple friends on here who have expressed either in general or to me that feeling that they have to hide those feelings or worry I will react badly to it. I feel it myself worrying about expressing particular anger for things done to me.

I do think there are multiple types and levels of misanthropy, and it seems likely we are using the same word for different experiences, and perhaps I am using this word wrong. I had discussed this topic after some back and forth with Rani on the subject and determined that we were more or less talking about different aspects of the same word but maybe there is another word that better describes my own relationship with humanity.

There is that misanthropy that seems to take the form of ecofascism, of humans being a virus or particularly evil or destructive. There is misanthropy that takes the form mainly of a belief in superiority in themselves over the humans for various justifications. There is the misanthropy that stems largely from hurt from the actions of humans to the individual themselves that seems to come as fear and distrust and discontentment towards them. I am certain there is a lot of other varieties and there can be crossover between them.

I do not think humans are inherently evil or even uniquely destructive beyond their numbers and intelligence. Heck the penis worm may have ended the Ediacaran. Nor do I think the bad things humans have done to myself, and others, is something inherent to them. Humans are a very communal species who only survived off their collaboration between each other and other animals, but now live in a very stressful environment that encourages individuality and often rewards cruelty. Painted Dogs similarly are very communal and cooperative animals in their packs but confined to captivity can kill each other. A similar story exists for orca as well especially during the earlier days of captivity. Nor do I believe myself superior to the humans. I do find these first two types of misanthropy rather frustrating, but still like my own experience, it seems mostly to come from hurt people, people who have been abused by humans with power over them, people who have been isolated from their communities. I do not think most people come to hating humans just from the blue. My companion for instance does often echo the humans are a cancer idea from their own pain. It is at times frustrating, but I understand at least where it comes from, all the pain within them.

For myself I experience the third type. I do not hate the humans, but I do not particularly like them. I fear them. I distrust them. For me, the humans are in charge, and I have to obey them. They control the food; they control where I live; they control what happens to me and how much I hurt. If I obey them then things will be better for me. I am allowed to live outside of a hospital because I have been good and obedient. I am allowed to have my own life because I have been good and obedient. The humans have hurt me, and they continue to hurt me.

One of the common retorts to this is that it isn't fair to humans to judge them all for the actions of a few. The problem is it is not just a few, and it is not something in the past, it is something ongoing still. I still have to take pills I do not want that keep my body in this human form to be able to live outside a hospital, and if I did not take them I would be put away again and forced still to take the pills, and every step I refused to comply would only result in greater restriction until I complied or could no longer resist. It is true though only a few humans hurt me directly, only a few humans twisted my body into this shape and only a few humans did everything that was done to me in hospitals. But how many humans work in those hospitals supporting those doctors? How many humans enforce the will of those doctors and hospitals? How many people support what was done to myself and others, think that it is right and best for us, or sometimes even a gift? How many people think that what was done to me was necessary? How many think it is just how things are, maybe it isn't great but it cannot be changed? Not all of these people are equally culpable certainly, but the number of people who support this system which hurts us is really very high and I see it constantly all the time, even in just the small jokes people make. While only a few humans hold immediate power over me, in every human, or creature that fills the role of a human, for me is fear, is a need that I must obey, for they have an incredible power over me to hurt me if I do not give them what they want, and that if they do hurt me, even if they broke the rules of their society, no human would ever help me. For me, complete submission to the demands of the humans (at least externally) is the only way for my continued existence and my presence to be tolerated, and the pain I am given to be minimised.

Do not think therians are excused or immune from this; many therians do the same to us as well. I do find many therians extremely human. I find often their concerns, their desires, and their biases are often very human just with a little bit more. I know a number of people have described therianthropy as essentially human+. Therianthropy is a pretty wide spectrum of experience, and it is not inherently wrong to be on the more human side of that experience, I am simply unable to relate to it, but because of the biases many of them carry, they often hurt those like me, and you reading this may perpetuate things that do hurt those like me.

I have never really felt welcome in the therian community despite being here for near a decade now. It was not until around two or three years ago I felt comfortable to call myself a therian. I have schizophrenia and clinical zoanthropy (often shortened to CLCZ here), or those are at least the humans’ explanations of what I experience/d. The community has for a long time not been good to zoanthropes. I have been unwelcome in a lot of communities and it was often made clear to me over and over my experience was not the same as theirs. In order to be tolerated generally it had to be a fairly accepting community, normally of older therians, but with the caveat that if I ever described my experience I would have to play down my experience. I would have to always reassure everyone that I knew I was experiencing a delusion, and that none of it was real, not like their experiences were. I have been continuously isolated from what is ostensibly my own community, and in a community of outsiders, still an outsider, at best merely tolerated at the edge, but still an interloper in -their- space. In an almost mirror of a phrase I see often from therians of “too human to be with animals, to animal to be among human,” I am too human to be among my kind, but still too animal for many therians.

Things have gotten a bit better in the past decade, and particularly so on tumblr of people becoming more open with things like physical non-humanity. I am happy to have joined here, for one the relative anonymity means I can sometimes talk back, sometimes try to fight just a little bit and be heard, but also for the connections I have made, particularly with Dune, Sonar, Xem and Ike. I am very happy to have met other CLCZs. I do not feel so alone, there are others like me out there, and there are others like me on here, others I can connect with finally.

Still despite this, discussions of us not being welcome come up often. Anytime physical non-humanity comes up it does often come to demonising CLCZs as insane, dangerous, or needing serious help. Similarly, too many therians seem very eager to throw CLCZs under the bus when it comes to justifying their existence, particularly to the broader public and anti-kin. For the most part I can avoid it, but still, it keeps popping up. Even among those who do defend us and accept us, there is still a price for us to be tolerated. Many times, the justification why CLCZs are acceptable (particularly in the context of discussions of P-shifters) is that we acknowledge our experiences as delusion and that it is important that we tag our posts with unreality and delusion. Some people will say that those tags do not mean that the experiences are not real they just do not occur in -Reality-. For me at least I read it that the price of being tolerated is still to say my experiences are not real, my past and the things done to me and others is not real. I am tired of having to deny my own experiences as genuine for the comfort of others, I am tired of having to double bookkeep in every aspect of my life, including the places that are supposed to be safe and an outlet for me. I know what the humans think of my condition, and for that matter many therians, but I think I will stop tagging my experience with unreality and delusion, because they are not. I often think to drop the label for myself for feeling unwelcome and instead just use zoanthrope, even if that does not accurately capture myself either as it is still a word given to us by the humans for a delusion, but at least it is my community where I am welcome.

The truth is though, I do not hate the humans. I desire very much reconciliation. Still, as I am being actively hurt by the humans how -can- there be any reconciliation? I am very fortunate to have a few therians and even a couple of humans in my life I can be pretty open with about my experience. I know reconciliation is possible, but even with these close humans and therians (who for me fill the role of a human), I feel that I must obey them to be tolerated, not for their own actions, but for the scars on me from the actions of many humans.

Someday I will return to the water – I cannot survive in the wild – and likely I will go into a tank. I hope, when I do, I will be with my other cetacean friends. The humans did do me a number of kindnesses and made me clever enough that I can more or less fix my body and return to the water. I think only once there can reconciliation begin, with the main point of obedience removed and the cruellest damage the humans did to me, that of being forced to be human. I know that life as a captive cetacean would not be perfect and would carry with it many struggles and pain, and I have no doubt the humans will still hurt me some, I do not expect that others will never hurt me again – I will still often have to obey the humans, but now more as a cetacean than a human. But at least back in the water I could be myself, from the water I could look up at the humans on the edge of the tank and know that I survived and I persisted and I am free. Perhaps I may even bond with some kind trainers. In time those deep scars across me will start to fade – and with it that anger, that fear, that distrust. Though those scars will never fully heal, they will begin to look like the scars on many other captive cetaceans and we -can- reconcile at last.

Zwem ver, zwem vrij, kleine walvis, zwem voor altijd

~Kala

[haleigh-sloth]

All the Feelings

Yep. So manga didn't end how I wanted or anticipated, it's okay. Lesson learned lol. I will learn to live in fanon in my head lmao, it's an important life skill imo. I've never cared this much about a story, felt so much love for a story, I used to never even care how stories ended. MHA made me care about the stories I consume being good, actually. So I'm grateful, and MHA is good imo. I will just hold resentment for the last 15 chapters and pretend it ended differently lol.

That being said, I have no regrets. The impact this manga and fandom has had on my life is crazy. I've met solid online friends that have stuck around for years (wtf!) and I've met irl friends.

Like...2.5 years ago a group of online friends and I started a server. That server has been going strong ever since, it became a fun space for all of us to be goofy, be serious, vulnerable, whatever we needed at the time. And I'm so thankful! @mettywiththenotes @jecook @helga-grinduil @redphlox @transhawks @chocolate-biscuit @bootlickerhawks have been the best group to finish out this manga with. I can't wait to keep talking about all the manga to come in the future for us to gush over!

Julie (redphlox) and I met when we lived near each other in 2021 and have been super close friends ever since. Crossing state lines to visit each other, taking trips together, sleep overs, all the things. Best thing to come from this manga for me, life long friendships are precious.

@hamliet I've loved talking with you and Julie over the past couple of years! It's added so much to my life and I look forward to visiting in Boston one day. And squealing over Oshi no Ko in the near future.

Metty and Anya (helga-grinduil) sharing the Tomura and Izuku love with me until the very end. Metty and Cami (bootlickerhawks) having the best meme game, Hazel (jecook) and Cho (choco biscuit) having hilarious senses of humor and making everyone laugh.

Rani (transhawks), your humor is unmatched and your life perspective is always fun to hear. Watching Drops of God and Kids on the Slope together for weeks in a row is a core memory for me. Julie and I will see you in New York one day soon <3.

[mxtantrights]

Hellooooo, 🌬️ here back at it again :)

So, reader is walking home and she’s alone. It’s late, and the street she’s passing through is empty. All of a sudden a bunch of dudes appear from the shadows and start giving her crap. She’s pretty scared but, lo and behold, boxer!Jason materialises to save the day! (Or, well, night in this case but oh well-). Have i piqued your interest with this scenario? As always much love😚

a/n: back at it again with the requests!! thank you a thousand times over!!! you certainly have my interest I'm gonna twist it a bit but I think you'll like it <333333

You wouldn't be walking down this street but it's a hard situation you found yourself in. Boxer!Jason is waiting for you at the taqueria a couple blocks from his apartment. And suddenly decided to rain as you were on your walk.

While you didn't have an umbrella, you did have sense. You would cut through a few blocks instead of taking the long way and ending up more drenched.

Well, you did have sense. You just didn't realize other people didn't have sense.

On a street block that's way too empty, a few brazen idiots come up to you. Talking about how you should seek shelter until the rain passes, and of course that shelter being in one of their places. One told you you'd catch a cold with those wet clothes and it was best to take them off.

You, with your smart mouth and your quick wit, answer them. It's not like you didn't understand how scary the situation you're in is. There's four of them and one of you. But you figure you can curse and shout and also run at the same time.

And that's what you do. You cruse them. You flip them off as pick up the pace.

When one of them sends an awfully sharp whistle away, you turn back. They're all standing there egging you on. You forget to look back, and because of that you run into something. No, someone.

You look up.

boxer!Jason.

"Jay! Oh thank everything right now, I was on my way to you." you speak.

Boxer!Jason frowns, "What happened to sticking to main streets?"

"The rain!" you answer and point to the sky.

It's not like he couldn't see it. The rani is still coming down now. It's making his hair wet and stick down. And his clothes stick to his body. Your'e thinking unthinkable things, you are incorrigible. Just down right bad.

"You want me to handle that?" he asks.

"No, you've got a fight coming up next weekend. Save it for then. Let's go get food." you reply.

Boxer!Jason takes his jacket off and holds it over your head and beckons you on with him to the taqueria.

[a-dragons-journal]

Humanity and the Lack Thereof

This essay was co-written between Rani and Viridian; Viridian's text is in green and bracketed.

Humanity is an interesting thing.

I am otherkin. I am nonhuman, a dragon-in-human-skin, draconic to my core. I feel phantom wings and tail, the instinctive knowledge of how to breathe fire even though I don’t understand how it works, a bones-deep longing and homesickness for the sky, numerous instincts and urges tied to being something other than human. Many who are like me reject humanity entirely, don’t feel human at all. And yet, I am also human, deeply and truly. I am just as human as I am dragon - I like my human body, I love the things I can do with it (hands, dexterous hands, are a wonderful thing), I overall enjoy my human life. I am nonhuman, but I am not not human.

Viridian, who is watching “over my shoulder” as I write this, is a vampire. She is a fictive, from one of the Vampire: the Masquerade games that I play in, wherein vampires are typically considered to be… on the boundary line between “human” and “nonhuman.” Many vampires cling to their humanity and adamantly consider themselves human; I would go so far as to say this is the norm. Those who do not often become monstrous indeed, though often they do not.

[ I do not consider myself human. I am Kindred, vampire, Cainite. I am part of humanity, as a general populace - but I do not like being called human.

[ I think part of it is that being human is often put in direct opposition to being vampire as a personal identifier. Those who adamantly insist they are “still human” often mean as opposed to being a vampire instead. Being no longer human is, as Rani wrote, often considered a sign of becoming a monster instead.

[ But I worked hard for my Embrace, my being turned into a vampire. I worked to earn the right to call myself Kindred for nearly a decade. And yes, perhaps some of it is that I was taught by my original sire that the Embrace was an ascension above humanity, and that still colors my feelings on my own vampirism even if I acknowledge that he was wrong to consider us inherently above humans. But much of it is that being called human feels like a denial of my vampirism, a rejection of it, and for me that is not empowering - it is denying and rejecting something deeply important to me. Kindred is who I am. Human was only ever circumstantially true, a circumstance of birth - Kindred was something I actively sought out, pursued, chose. ]

Which is interesting, because to a certain extent, “human” is only circumstantially true for me, too. If I hadn’t been born human, I sincerely doubt I would identify as one in the same way that I identify as a dragon despite not being born into a dragon body. I could be wrong, of course - I have no way to prove it either way - but I suspect that if I am correct about reincarnation and I end up in another body after this one, I will not have the same “spillover” of humanity that I do of draconity from my dragon life.

And yet, I am human, and I actively dislike it when people try to strip that from me. Part of that, admittedly, is that the handful that try to see me as only dragon, and reject that I am human, are usually doing it because they’re violently misanthropic individuals, so it’s soured the whole thing for me because the reason they’re rejecting my humanity is so they can try to get me to shit-talk the rest of humanity with them. (If I have to hear one more dragon legitimately, whole-heartedly say that they think humanity should be extincted, I’m going to lose it.) But part of it is that my humanity is important to me, just as important as my draconity. I am both. I’ve written whole essays on this topic.

[ In that way, perhaps we’re not so different after all. I dislike being called human because it feels like a rejection of who I am, who I chose to be; you dislike being called not-human because it is a rejection of who you are. ]

Maybe so. Funny how different societal circumstances can yield opposite results from the same kind of pressures.

I think that part of the discrepancy between us is also that I’m a very physical person. Frankly, I am a chemical creature; I enjoy physicality, I enjoy affectionate touch, I enjoy the physical pleasures life has to offer. I enjoy food. I enjoy sexual pleasure. I enjoy the exhilaration of getting my heart going and my instincts fired up in a self-defense class. I live, I live, I live! is ever a cry of joy in my heart. And a lot of that ties into my animality! I am a dragon animal, yes, but I am also a human animal, and both of these things must be satisfied! The dragon yearns for the wind and the view when I climb up to a height, for the fire of battle I can get out of a sparring match; the human yearns for the taste of sun-warm berries right off the bush, for the warm press of bodies when I hug and cuddle with loved ones. Both of them love a good nap in the sun. I am a physical creature, I am an animal, and my animal-ness connects me to my body and thus to my humanity, rather than separating me from it.

[ Meanwhile, none of this has ever been true for me. Yes, of course I enjoy certain delicacies; I miss my brother’s cookies periodically, it’s true. But I’ve never loved these things the way Rani does. It’s not that I dislike the pleasures of life, but I’ve just… never really cared. It wasn’t much of a loss when I was Embraced, to trade food and sunlight and heartbeat for immortality and knowledge and power. It was almost convenient to not have to deal with the maintenance a living body requires - no excretion of waste, no inconvenient aches or pains or stomach cramps, a frankly much more manageable frequency of requiring sustenance. My body is just a tool, and the Embrace made it more efficient in most ways. And now, after twenty-three years of being dead, being in a living body again is overwhelming in some ways and just downright unpleasant in others. Even most of the physical matters Rani actively enjoys are either overwhelming or uninteresting for me. I am happy to leave the care and maintenance of the body to them. It’s not necessarily that I actively had a disconnect from my human body, originally, so much as that I didn’t have an active connection to it to make me identify with it, and thus my being “human” was, as I said, only ever circumstantial. My becoming Kindred overrode it, and I prefer to leave it that way.

[ Ironic, that the one whose nonhumanity is so human-shaped should be the one to reject humanity, but here we are. ]

Here we are.

[timeagainreviews]

Witnessing Greatness

Thinking about the most recent episode of Doctor Who, I find myself reminded of Roger Corman, who died last month. Corman was a producer and director of b-movies and television. He was also beloved by industry titans due to his work ethic and ingenuity as a filmmaker. What made Corman so unique is how he dealt with limitations. If an aspect of one of his films was lacking, he made up for it in other departments. If the effects were bad, the script had to be great. If the acting was hammy, he’d make sure the music gave it strength. Instead of spreading everything thin, he knew that giving a little bit more attention to individual elements would make for an overall better experience. If you’re not firing on all cylinders, make sure the ones that do are firing brightly.

“Rogue,” is an episode with many bright shining points, lighting up the sky of Regency Era Britain. But lost within that light are a few flickering bulbs that could stand to be turned a bit tighter. However, it’s not as though we’re poking around in the dark. Without a doubt, the brightest star in the Whoniverse at the moment is Ncuti Gatwa. In a stand-out performance from a series of stand-out performances, Gatwa has really outdone himself this week and I can’t wait to talk about it. The folks at Bad Wolf Studios have refused to spread things thin, but no story is perfect. For as much as I enjoyed this week’s episode, I didn’t have to reach far to find problems. But when I’m smiling this much, it’s harder to care.

It’s funny how a week ago I said I didn’t like fan theories and then promptly made one. Just as promptly, I am now abandoning that theory. After the trailer for next week’s episode, I no longer think Susan Twist is the Rani. I officially don’t know what I think. I kind of love that. I have seen the rumours of Susan Twist being Sutekh. Maybe the Doctor is in the Land of Fiction. The name S Triad is an anagram of the word TARDIS. Perhaps she’s the original owner of the TARDIS coming to retrieve it. The point is, she could be anyone, and I am not all that worried about it. Why that feels important is that I was often full of dread waiting for Chibnall’s next big reveal. I didn’t look forward to the ways in which he might next waste a concept by not properly exploring it. So being in a place where I am game for whatever feels zen.

Having two new writers this week was a major draw for me. I’ve seen what both Davies and Moffat can do, the good and the bad. This is the first time all season where I felt like we were truly wandering into the unknown. I did watch Loki season one, so I was familiar with Kate Herron’s work, but not as a writer. I was even less familiar with Briony Redman. But like I said, I’m game for whatever. The pair bring a metatextual reading to the Regency Era drama that fits Doctor Who’s brand of camp. I was reminded of Kate Beaton’s satirical comics from her “Hark! A Vagrant” series. “Rogue,” acts as a sort of love-letter to Jane Austen, so it’s only appropriate that they treat it with a playful touch. The Doctor and Ruby aren’t just visiting Bath in 1813, they’re cosplaying Bridgerton. But they’re not the only anachronistic party goers. This bash is about to go to the birds.

Leading up to this episode, an article in Doctor Who Magazine had given us random lines of dialogue from each story, including this one. However, the line “Psychic earrings. Choreography beamed into your motor system. Tap twice to choose your moves. It's like instant Strictly!” left me a bit nervous. We were fresh off of “The Devil’s Chord,” and part of me was wondering if they weren’t suddenly turning Doctor Who into a variety show. I’m joking a little, but I was rather relieved when the line turned out to be about dancing at the Duchess’ ball. The Doctor and Ruby are dressed to the nines in their period appropriate clothing. I love the idea of the Doctor wearing more from his wardrobe as it’s always been fun in the past. Tom Baker’s tartan tam o’ shanter in “Terror of the Zygons,” is one of his most iconic costumes. Ncuti said in an interview that he wanted his costume to make him look like he owned land. It’s a brilliant image to depict when you consider the Regency Era was merely four years away from the abolition of slavery in Britain.

The Regency Era also brought with it a change in men’s attire. Dandies like Beau Brummell popularised a look of comfort and wealth while simultaneously streamlining much of the frills from 18th century fashion. It’s funny to look at the ruffles of a dandy’s attire and consider it anything other than flamboyant, but it was a considerable shift toward more conservative styles. While women’s fashion continued to evolve, men’s fashion stagnated a bit. A standard had been established and you can still see its influence today with the basic suit and tie combo. No wonder the Doctors often dress like variations on Edwardian fashion.

The opulence of the period led to a lot of scandalising and gossip, which has given us centuries of great drama. While I’ve never read “Emma,” I have seen “Clueless.” I’ve never watched Bridgerton, but I can still get into the costuming and pomp. Basically you don’t need to be a fan of the genre to know the tropes. It was a nice change of pace that it was Ruby’s love for a tv show that puts things into motion. The Doctor and Ruby are tourists as much as the Chuldur, but with far less deadly consequences. Both groups are there to experience the emotional highs of the time, but the Chuldur don’t care who they hurt in order to do it. This of course is why Rogue, a bounty hunter, has also crashed the party.

You’ll be pleased to know I actually remembered to watch “Doctor Who Unleashed,” this week. Partly because I had some questions, but mostly because I wanted to hear them talk about the costumes and make-up effects. Davies mentioned that the season hadn’t yet had its baddie in a mask trying to take over the world, which I love that he considers. If you read my review of “The Witchfinders,” you may recall how much I appreciated the Morax being scenery chewing people in latex makeup. There’s something essentially Doctor Who about bug eyed monsters (sorry Sydney) and there’s something very RTD when those monsters have animal heads. Davies is now confirmed as a furry, I’m calling it.

The Chuldur share their appearance with birds, something we don’t often see in Doctor Who. I’m trying to recall bird villains from the show and I am coming up a bit short. There were the Shansheeth in the Sarah Jane Adventures, those bird people on Varos, that heavenly chicken from “The Time Monster,” and the Black Guardian’s hat. Considering all of the reptiles we get, I’m surprised we’ve gotten so few birds. If you also watched the Unleashed episode, you may have noticed that they digitally changed the bird version of Emily’s beak from black to orange. It’s the Vinvocci’s green faces from “The End of Time,” all over again! What’s funny is that this change in Emily’s beak gives her something of a penguin appearance. It’s not exactly the shapeshifting penguin I was hoping for, but I digress.

Speaking of shapeshifting, I rather enjoyed the Chuldur’s unique method of doing so. If you recall, when the Duchess spots her servant out in the garden, the bird form of the servant is played by the same actor as the servant. It’s not until she takes the form of the Duchess that her bird form also takes on the resemblance of Indira Varma. You don’t usually see that and I admire them for making two versions of the same makeup, if nothing else. Doctor Who has had its share of shapeshifters, so it’s nice to see them changing up the formula a bit. Unfortunately for the Duchess, this isn’t a Zygon type of body snatching where you have to keep the person you’re copying alive.

Ruby’s psychic earrings are doing a treat until they begin picking up interference from Rogue’s tech. A lot of people have mentioned that this episode seems to borrow a lot from “An Empty Child,” and so it’s only appropriate that the Doctor does a scan for alien tech. The source of the interference directs the Doctor toward the balcony where Rogue stands brooding. Meanwhile, the Chuldur version of Lord Barton has taken a liking to Ruby. The Duchess, still human at this point, attempts to introduce them, but Ruby is not impressed by the pompous dandy, referring to him as Lord Stilton. As Ruby strops away she notices a painting of Susan Twist’s character as an old matron. The Duchess refers to her as “the Duke’s late mother,” whose eyes still follow her around the room in judgement.

The Duchess takes her leave to the garden where she meets her fate with the Chuldur masquerading as her servant. We get a bit more of a look at what exactly the Chuldur do when they take over your body. What’s left of the duchess is little more than a desiccated husk. Meanwhile, in the study, Ruby has stumbled upon a rather intimate moment between Lord Barton and Emily. The bookcase obscuring her from the two frames them like a television screen. Ruby is unable to look away from the real life Bridgerton scene playing out in front of her. The Lord tells Emily that he will not marry her which would leave her ruined, but he is compelled by her nonetheless. However, before they can kiss, Ruby knocks a pile of books onto her head causing a disturbance. I rather loved this moment for Millie Gibson. It’s rare that women get to be portrayed as clumsy and that book definitely bonked her on the head. A great bit of physical comedy.

The Lord storms out of the room leaving Emily and Ruby to talk. Removed from the framing of the bookshelf, Ruby finds her compassion once more and comforts Emily. After all, Lord Barton was being a bit of an ass toward her. Emily is amused by Ruby’s modern sensibilities and lack of finery. You could tell this scene was written by two women as they actually take the time to let them have this moment. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Rogue take a stroll through the garden in order to size one another up. There’s a flirtatious energy between the two but a wary tension underlies the conversation. The Doctor muses about the stars, but on a terrestrial level. It’s not until he finds the Duchess’ shoe and then the rest of her that he gives away that he is not of this world. Rogue sees the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver and begins to suspect the Doctor is a Chuldur in disguise. The two confront one another as the culprit, but Rogue has the bigger gun.

Still comparing sizes, the Doctor and Rogue compare ships like they were Ten and Eleven comparing sonic screwdrivers. Speaking of sonic screwdrivers, it feels appropriate that the Doctor’s sonic would match his outfit. That’s so Fifteen. He’s a fashionable Doctor, so of course he would accessorise. It’s like they made his wardrobe and accessories with cosplay in mind. Rogue’s costume is also noteworthy. People have drawn comparisons between Rogue and Jack Harkness and it’s not difficult to understand. His long coat draws parallels to that of Jacks and he even mentions assembling cabinets in regards to the sonic. But what’s equally interesting is how Rogue’s gun resembles the type of handgun you would see in a Regency Era duel. Its barrel resembles that of a blunderbuss. He’s either deep undercover, or he’s got a thing for cosplay himself.

Rogue doesn’t get a lot of time for character development, but they do give him a few little moments, mostly through environmental storytelling. He has a striking birdlike ship fit for a heroic rogue, but inside it’s dirty and depressing. Possibly most telling on Rogue’s ship are the set of orange dice on his table. Rogue gets his name from Dungeons and Dragons, but beyond being a geek, these dice could tell us more about his personality. We learn that Rogue has lost someone, perhaps these dice belonged to them. Perhaps he is unable to move the dice from that spot because he didn’t leave them there. We also learn later that Rogue isn’t a very strong roleplayer. He’s quieter and more thoughtful in his improvisation. Perhaps his staged tryst was the first time anyone has asked him to roleplay since losing his partner. Either way, Jonathan Groff plays it with a vulnerable subtlety, and I loved it.

Speaking of loved it, we have now reached the portion of this article where I gush over Ncuti Gatwa. Now, I need to preface this by reminding you all that I have always been pro-Ncuti. I adored his portrayal of Eric Effiong in Sex Education. I never doubted for a second that he could pull it off. However, it wasn’t until this episode that his Doctor finally crystalised for me. We’ve seen that his Doctor could be flirtatious and fun, but we hadn’t yet seen the way in which he could use that to do Doctory things. We’ve had hot Doctors, but we’ve never had a Doctor who was so effortlessly hot. He’s hot in the same way the Second Doctor was bumbling, as in it’s almost a distraction from what he’s actually doing. It actually makes him slightly terrifying.

Even as his Doctor is standing in a trap, he’s able to use his charm to buy time. Also, once again the Doctor is stepping onto things that can kill him. An odd recurring theme. He maintains an air of authority even in the face of danger and that is so the Doctor. When the Doctor finds Rogue’s music playlist I think I may have melted. How could anyone incinerate such a beautiful person? How could you not want to dance right along with him? As much as I loved this scene and the meta reference to Astrid Perth, it does also buckle a bit under itself. First of all, wouldn’t the Doctor knowing an Earth song like “Can’t Get You Out of My Head,” make you question whether he was a Chuldur? Sure, they know Bridgerton, but it would be enough to give me pause. Furthermore, I’m not sure how seeing the Doctor’s many faces would cause you to not think he’s a shapeshifter. Kind of odd that one other face means shapeshifter but eighteen other faces don’t. Wait, did I say eighteen?

When I had first watched this episode, I didn’t immediately recognise Richard E Grant as the mysterious extra face in the lineup of past Doctors. We now have three extra faces in the form of Jodie Whittaker, Jo Martin, and David Tennant (again), but this extra Doctor wasn’t registering for me. At first I thought he was the Valeyard, and then I thought he looked a bit like Jim Broadbent, which is ironic considering “The Curse of Fatal Death.” It wasn’t until I got online afterward and saw people saying Richard E Grant that I could see it. I wasn’t even 100% convinced it was him, but I’ve heard they actually took new footage of Grant for that scene, so I guess it’s him. The more interesting question is which him is he? Is this the Shalka Doctor or the Fatal Death Doctor? Maybe he’s both. Maybe he’s neither. This wouldn’t be the first time they’ve given us retroactive Doctors. Moffat gave us the War Doctor to great effect. But despite a strong performance from Jo Martin, Chibnall did a piss poor job of establishing the Fugitive Doctor as a character. I’d love to get excited for this mystery incarnation, but I’m taking a Tim Gunn stance in the meantime- “Make it work.”

With Rogue now on his side, the Doctor takes him to his TARDIS so they can recalibrate his triform transporter to be non-lethal. Recently in an interview, Ncuti Gatwa mentioned he had gotten onto his agent about playing someone like the Doctor or Willy Wonka. It felt a bit like wish fulfilment for his Doctor to sing “Pure Imagination,” to Rogue as they entered the TARDIS. I really loved Jonathan Groff’s slow growing infatuation with the Doctor. I’m a big fan of “Mindhunter,” but it’s a very heavy show, so it was fun to see him in a more playful role. In many ways, Rogue feels like a bit of River Song and a bit of Jack Harkness. He’s something of a reboot and remix at the same time. I don’t doubt we will see him again, which would be a nice chance to give him some much needed character development, but for the time being, we’ve been given enough to work with.

The Doctor and Rogue’s plan is to draw the Chuldur to them by exploiting their love for drama and scandal. What better way to whip people into a frenzy in 1813 Britain than for two men to share a passionate dance together? Besties, I’ll be real, I was grinning from ear to ear. Watching Gatwa and Groff dance was very exciting. I’ve seen people complain that the Doctor and Rogue’s romance felt rushed compared to the “slow burn,” of Yaz and Thirteen. Slow burn is a funny way of saying “non-existent for two seasons.” And I would much rather see two men share a passionate kiss than two women share a passionate ice cream. What’s wild is that I’m not usually the kind of person who likes the Doctor to have romantic relationships. They managed without them for 26 seasons. However, due to Ncuti’s emotional availability, it works for me. I can buy that his time with Donna might have left him more open to romance. Furthermore, this is the antithesis of queerbaiting. Ice cream is not a payoff.

The Doctor ends the dance by staging an argument with Rogue and calling him a cad. But Rogue doesn’t respond in turn with the same volatile energy. There’s a hesitation on his end that feels personal. As I mentioned before, perhaps this is him working up the courage to roleplay again. Perhaps his lost partner was more the avid roleplayer between the two of them. Or perhaps Rogue simply has a softer approach. What I loved is that his marriage proposal felt equally as shocking, but in a more emotional manner. It even feels like it takes the Doctor by surprise. There’s a moment where it actually feels like a real proposal. The Doctor says he can’t and you almost believe he considered it. Or maybe the Doctor can’t even pretend to say yes because of his marriage with River song. If he undoes their wedding maybe it can revert us back to hot air balloon cars, Winston Churchill, and pterodactyls.

Not to be left out, Millie Gibson has gotten a lot of time to shine in this story as well. She does a fair bit of choreography, but there is one bit of her choreography of which I was a bit disappointed. After learning that Ruby is from the future, Emily reveals herself to be a Chuldur, and she wants to cosplay as Ruby next. However, Ruby’s psychic earrings come with a battle mode, which complicates things for the feathered fiend. My disappointment however, stems from the fact that they kind of phone in the fight choreography. They went through the trouble of hiring Bridgerton’s choreographer, Jack Murphy, for the dance sequences, but the fighting felt like a second thought. It could have been really cute to see Ruby do some “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon,” moves, but instead she clobbers her with a book. A bit underwhelming. Still a fun idea, though.

The Doctor and Rogue abscond to the garden where they are pursued by the Chuldur who reveal their numbers to be greater than anticipated. As baddies go, the Chuldur were little more than hand wringing monsters foaming at the mouth for a bit of mayhem, but I liked that about them. The way they speak to one another reminded me a lot of the Slitheen. The last time we saw Indira Varma in the Whoniverse, she was playing Suzie Costello, the best part of Torchwood. Here she chews scenery with a zest befitting her brilliant makeup. The only time that I felt they went a bit too far with the Chuldur is when they call what they’re doing “cosplaying,” as it felt a bit too on the nose. Otherwise, I loved the idea of evil birds going around and messing up planets all too satiate a dangerous appetite for excitement.

The Doctor sees Ruby acting as though a Chuldur has taken her form and it brings out the fury of the Time Lord. I wouldn’t be the first and I won’t be the last to point out the parallels between this and “The Family of Blood,” wherein the Doctor has some long term punishment in mind for the bad guys. Unfortunately, it also feels like a case of writers giving the Doctor weird morality again. Rogue wants to send the Chuldur to the incinerator, but the Doctor wants to send them to a dimension where they can live out the rest of their lives somewhere where they can’t hurt anyone. How is that any different from what the Weeping Angels do? It’s “Arachnids in the UK,” all over again. When the Doctor expresses happiness that the Chuldur will suffer for a long time, it begs the question- as compared to what? I’m fine with the Doctor losing his temper and going too far, but what about his plan actually changed other than his attitude about it? He was always planning on sending them into a dimension where they would suffer for 600 odd years. A line of dialogue or two could have fixed that.

The Chuldur’s big finale is a wedding between Barton and Ruby followed by a light bit of mass murder, but the Doctor has other plans. The Doctor’s objection to the marriage reminded me a lot of Tom Baker. I could easily hear Tom saying that line about it being hard to hear things through those heavy doors. Gatwa has that bizarre alien charm that feels correct. However, neither the Chuldur or the Doctor know the entire story as neither side knows Ruby is still Ruby. So when the Doctor traps the Chuldur in the triform transporter, he’s also dooming Ruby to the same fate.

I’ve seen some confusion as to how the transporter actually works, but I think I can piece together enough to understand it. They had calibrated the transporter to trap up to six humanoids. When Ruby is first trapped, there are five humanoids in the trap. Rogue throws Emily into the trap bringing the count up to six. We’ve established that the Doctor was able to throw his psychic paper from inside the trap, so things can leave its field. My thinking is that as Rogue pushes Ruby out from the field, he overloads it with seven humanoids giving Ruby just enough give to fall out of the trap. What got a bit confusing is why didn’t Ruby just step out of her shoes? If you can throw psychic paper, then it’s not trapped by the field. Therefore, her shoes would be the only thing molecularly bonded to the field. They could even say the shapeshifters can’t step out of their shoes because they’re actually part of their bodies. But then we couldn't get the big sacrifice at the end.

The aspect of this that I found harder to follow was why Rogue would sacrifice himself in the first place. Sure he and the Doctor have chemistry and there could be a romance brewing, but he barely knows the guy. Perhaps he couldn’t stomach the idea of watching what happened to him happen to someone else. It was a chance to stop the sort of thing he was previously powerless to prevent. I could buy that well enough, but it barely felt earned. However, it fits the tone of the rest of the episode which was one of over the top romance and drama, so I digress. Around here, fun is king and fun I had. It didn’t matter that I didn’t fully understand people’s motivations. There’s plenty of time for that in the future.

The episode ends with the Doctor sending Rogues ship to orbit the moon until it can be retrieved again (or until the moon hatches like an egg, whichever comes first). He wants to move on, but Ruby won't let him until he takes a moment to feel his feelings. This is classic Doctor/companion stuff. The Doctor has always benefited from having humans around and I am glad they took a moment to reestablish that. The Doctor pulls out Rogue's ring from the proposal and slides it onto his pinky finger. Fans of Amy and Rory will recall that rings can be used to find lost lovers, so there's a seed of hope there. It was a fitting end to an emotional and exciting episode. I got to watch the Doctor and Ruby do Regency Era dances to covers of Lady Gaga and Billie Eilish. I got to see Indira Varma hunt people while dressed as a bird. This wasn’t just my favourite episode of the season, it may be one of my favourite episodes ever.

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Before I go, I wanted to apologise for how long this article took me to write. I’ve been dealing with some pretty heavy depression as of late, and it’s been hard to write these last couple of reviews. Even though I enjoyed both episodes quite a bit, it’s been a struggle. Despite episodes dropping at midnight on Saturday now, I don’t usually get around to writing until Sunday or Monday. But I didn’t get any good work done on this article until Monday evening. These articles are actually very therapeutic for me. It feels like a lifeline to the outside world. You may not think it, but I read every comment and every hashtag. I appreciate them all. Thank you for taking the time to read my stuff. It means a lot.

[anteroom-of-death]

Teacher's Pet part 17

Synopsis: The Doctor muses on the nature of what he could do, the reader is a willing accomplice to her own life.

A/n: first off, I'd like to thank @queerconfusionthings on the slightly darker tone of this chapter and our long talks about 12, it changed this chapter. You get me in a way precious others do...and to all my readers, yall are best. To my mutuals, I'd die for you. Especially those who don't share my needs here. Love u.

It started to border on experimental. So many untapped valleys and choices he could make now that his pet fawn was solidly by his side, and now bound to leave him, no matter how dire the situation or how many red flags or fears the ghosts of his past could bequeath to her. (Y/N) was firmly in his grasp. Perhaps indefinitely.

There were certain thought experiments that were hypothetical that he was taught at the academy. How to not just bind a weaker species to your mind not just in mind, but in blood. The facets of addiction was the singular universal trait of all sentient life in the cosmos. He admitted that he was becoming as addicted to her as she was to him, and those nasty substances she would take.

He was of half a mind to remove their influence on her body and substitute them for him. As they walked through Kew Gardens, he mused on that. Take the urge that crippled her for drinks and cigarettes to the point of clouding her thoughts at times, bind those starved out brain cells to the idea of him. The swap from nicotine and ethyl alcohol to the Doctor would he fairly easy to do.

Ultimately, after she flashed him a smile and kissed him on the cheek before heading to the loo, he decided against it. For now.

She was getting beyond handsy…almost to the point of him being begged to fuck her in public. Maybe the switch was happening naturally. The addiction to the physical was clearly getting stronger…

Wouldn’t he be so lucky?

He’d have another full-scale rifle in her mind soon to assess the current situation!

Maybe he was more like the Rani than he’d previously assessed…

Wouldn’t that just choke the life from Missy? Her precious parallels dashed in the face if him ending up much more like their estranged friend turned mutual foe.

Whatever the case in this poorly-plotted and infinitely nailed-out love story he was crafting, the Doctor was sure of one thing. His reputation as the universe’s biggest savior, it’s self-inserted martyr needed to stay intact. Missy knew to some extent. Missy could feel and reveled in his own self-corruption at the hands of this mere human.

Missy would, even if she wanted to escape, keep this secret. Their rivalry and comrades and millennia-long bond, despite how fucked up it was, or how many times they’d kill or fight one another was iron-clad.

Honor among thieves or something…

The idea of some sort of vivisection briefly clouded his vision as he saw her exit the toilets. She was beaming. She held her jacket in her hand and her teeth caught in the light.

He decided against that idea.

There were opportunities endlessly flowing out.

“Hey, I’m absolutely starving!” She pulled him by the ties on his hoodie. “Do you want to go to a pub after this? There’s got to be a really good one that does a lovely roast dinner or something.”

Totally clueless, totally obvious to the danger she was in. So fine-tuned to weird shadows and knew when a human man on the street was up to no good. She didn’t know that the real predator was getting the aglets of his hoodie flicked around.

Poor her. Poor little fawn. Fully in the wolf’s maw and her neck was already snapped. Lost in the too-dark woods, separated from her herd. Only the guidance of that would come had made a meal of her. And was toying her corpse out further…

He felt his cock stiffen.

Maybe he would take her tonight. Just until bleeding. See how far her dependence on her would go. Maybe degrade her a bit.

If he could, he would. Wasn’t it his right?

He did own her, after all. Everyone from the team at UNIT to that last scrappy remnant of Torchwood saw her over-the-moon, fully-tethered ache for him…

They all picked up on something far more grasping than mere companion in their relationship. He wasn’t risking her life and breaking her spirit on planets far outside her home solar system. A dark, full-bodied compatriot. An equal lover. Perhaps they would arrive at the conclusion of his idea of settling down on Earth.

Not like their human opinions mattered in the end…

“Yes, of course.” He returned her eager, lavish smile with one of his own.

He slammed these thoughts back in the dark chest that was his mind. For now he’d just play with her hormones and her mind. Just put them at maximum. Continue this charade.

Keep everyone and everyone in the dark…

It was a great rest of the day, a butterfly landed on her arm. She delicately picked it up to rest on her finger and it stayed put as if she was her own form of magic. The little insect crawled around and she led it to rest on his jacket.

“He’s probably picking up the sugar scrub I used last night.” She rationalized.

“Or you’re just preternaturally sweet.” He let out the cheesy line as it flicked itself off his being and flew into the air. She shot him a bemused sideways glance. When she finally got it off her finger and it was firmly on his being she slightly shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Obviously, it didn’t take a liking to him.

It’s instincts were far better tuned.

He took her to the closest pub. It wasn’t doing a roast dinner that night. She was put out, but ordered chips with a gin and tonic and some little sandwich thing.

His Earth girls really loved their chips.

Maybe that was his type? Little, bold Earth girls with loud minds that could devour nothing but chips for all eternity and be perfectly happy doing so.

He could live with that…

She went out for a cigarette and he mentally made contact with Missy.

She ‘picked up’ the mental receiver.

‘How goes London, you filthy old man?’ The words shot into his mind like an icicle from a roof.

‘Fine, just curious, how much attention did you pay to Professor Hedflonhorzthenethar’s lessons on groove-making in lesser species?’

‘Rapt, Doccy. Why?’

‘Send me your memories, I’ll Amazon a tuba to my office.’

Another betrayal of the morals he started this regeneration with…

‘Let me see you do it. I’ll only do it if you do it now and let me look through your eyes!’ It was sharp, it felt like she was beside him shouting it.

He gave her permission to see through his eyes. He sighed and whipped out his phone, ordered a tuba and closed up the connect to his eyes.

The entirety of her memories regarding the lessons pinged into his brain like an email or perhaps a text notification…

His little fawn slid back onto the barstool next to him as Missy closed the line…

‘Don’t break her yet! I want to be her friend! I’m so lonely!’

He could still feel her teasing pout lingering in his brain. Perhaps she left it as a taste of his own medicine.

“The night’s getting cooler.” (Y/N) informed.

“Pity, you’ll need to cover up.”

Her mind was clearly projecting images of her taking him to the toilets and fucking him in the stall. Loudly.

Her mind was wandering, she kept admiring the line of his brow and the way his fingers crossed over as he held the glass of Fanta he was slowly sipping. She needed him in ways that would shock perhaps even Captain Jack Harkness or perhaps that smaller, dark shadow that used to follow him around, John Hart was his name?

A pathetic kicked dog that craved the Captain’s attention…

Just like him and Missy.

He shook his head at that particular parallel.

Probably the advantage of dating someone in her profession. She knew what was avant-garde in sex!

Or at least for a human of her time period that had never been off-planet…

The Doctor let his mind wander into hers. Despite her clear projection, he wanted to see exactly what the damage of the last night was. She was chattering on about a philosophy book she picked up for between clients and for downtime at work. She completed it and wanted to share her critiques of it and her ways she’d probably improve upon the messages. As well as what she liked from it- she wasn’t all kvetching, no appreciation, after all.

In all honesty, he loved the wild tangential spin she loved. He felt some remorse about how deeply he had rummaged in her brain. She still was, in a sense, her own. Just now permanently entangled in his web. Like a rat in a glue trap, but only she didn’t grasp how sticky the glue was…. She was fully mentally tethered. He’d have to be more careful, he didn’t want to lose her, or push these experiences too deep. Losing this spark of ingenuity and tired vivaciousness would be a sin worse than anything else.

He swallowed another sip of his Fanta.

It seemed a bit shaken, but he swept those away. Kept them as salacious afterthought. Bonded the memories from today that were pleasant to her already aching neurotransmitters. Amped up her hormones a tad bit.

Anyone around her, even a stupid human could probably hear her mind now. It was both very intrigued by the subject matter of the book but also so desperately needy for her Doctor. He could feel her aching cunt and body responding from here. Anybody with a pulse could probably get her drift.

He'd probably, if anyone was sensitive enough, have to start beating them off with a stick!

That could be fun, lure her further. Let her know that she was only safe with him…

He ran the possibilities and scanned the bar, seeing if he could play any games.

Sadly not.

He decided against that for the moment.

Especially since something told him that she’d have precious little trouble fighting for herself. Unless he purposefully put her mind in a state of freeze, he doubted that a pub brawl based on her appearance would faze her. She, like most human girls, had been numbed to that sort of violence.

She’d probably have to come in and save him, by the looks of a few of the other patrons here…

He dissolved that idea. He couldn’t risk breaking his promise to her and regenerating on the spot if she was frozen, meant to witness. His superior genetics and all that may come with was no match for a gone-to-seed ex-rugby player nor someone who clearly worked security. As he finished his assessment of the crowd in the pub.

His mind games would have to play out in other ways still…

Just adjust the plans that he had. And take in the information Missy had pinged him.

The illusion of free will still reflected true, right?

His old pal, Plato did some allegory with a cave…sadly he wasn’t paying attention when the man was speaking. Missed the point, invented a self-lubricating spatula for flapjacks.

Oops.

He’d never say he was depriving her of that outright, no too controversial. Too salacious. Guidance, yes. A dual corruption arc? Definitely.

Daddy knows best, rung through his skull. An old line he told Kate about the poison to kill the Zygons…

Paternalistic? Yes.

How could he not be? A human is so young and weak compared to most species out there. Let alone him and his!

After all, he was her teacher. Her educator.

These thoughts, mixed with how strong she was fantasizing about fucking him, and her natural allure…he was shocked that he wasn’t bursting through his trousers, exposing himself to all to see.

He'd fuck her tonight. Not only did she clearly need it, but if he didn’t give in, he would probably act out.

He had fully surrendered himself to current path he was on. Yes.

He’d not destroy her entirely. Take away what enchanted him to her. That would be a sin graver than killing her outright. She had goals and dreams. They had discussed at such at length. He’d let her have those. So long as she’d never stray from his clingy side.

He half-wished he could summon a past version of himself, or perhaps a future without risking too much. Just to confer and pass back ideas.

All he had was Missy.

Or to sneak off and search for the Rani.

And they’d destroy him with zealous help.

No! He was alone in this path. Only solace was Missy and her enjoyment of his fawn and petty need to be good and please reform for her release. He walked his path utterly alone.

The evening wound itself up. The Doctor had to pounce. To claim what little of his fawn lay left unclaimed. Ruin her forever. Claim her indefinitely…

He paid their bill and ventured into the night.

A pep laid in his step, his cock still semi-stiff. He’d destroy her to rebuild her.

Teacher’s Pet.

He’d have his fun next term. Make her into a professor’s aide. Push her servile nature to him into a possibly public place. Show her off, perhaps even.

But for now? He was about ready to explode. His balls ached, and his hearts were full.

All in the name of love, right?

Or obsession…

Either way, still to have someone as alluring with such a firm form like (insert a description of your body, reader…) and a mind as hard in her ideals, but so easy to toy with?

Ecstasy…

[princessamericachavez]

My thoughts about the Ted Lasso finale (no particular order)

The end montage was obviously Ted’s dream for the future and not even subtly so jot that down

Actually just gonna add that this is the show’s way of telling us the potential these characters have and what Ted wishes for them but without his presence it’s up to them now

Roy mouthing alone to Goodbye, Farewell broke me because he’s clearly the one who put together the choreography

Also Dani singing? My most beloved

Jaime and Roy clashing one last time might have pissed some people off but this was always a rock in their shoe that they needed to address and we see that their relationship can and will survive it

I like Rebecca’s romcom ending even if I wanted her to end with Ted.

Ted going back to his son was necessary and the whole point. He always blamed his father for abandoning them. When he came to Richmond he was all but running away from his family in hopes things would magically fix themselves. Instead, he put in the work and healed. But his biggest triggers were always connected to him missing his son’s life. In the end, Ted’s growth was the point so he could go back to them and be the best version of himself for them and for himself.

Ted not talking while Rebecca rambles was actually perfect. Old bitter Rebecca would’ve never opened up like that. But old Ted would’ve also rushed to reassure her or try to make a joke or cheer her up. This time, Ted lets her speak and then sticks to his guns, even if the truth is uncomfortable for others. He allows himself to do this for himself and not to please others.

Beard staying for Jane was foreseeable given the toxic codependent nature of their relationship. Happy perfect endings don’t exist. His story is still developing.

Furthermore, the real growth came from Beard letting himself choose something regardless of what Ted is doing and breaking himself free from a cycle of guilt and feeling in debt.

I know it was in the dream but god I hope Roy gets therapy. We did see the roots of him wanting to change and be better and accept the help he needs so he’s in the right path.

Keeley/Roy/Jamie is still endgame in my heart. Eventually. Once all three are in the right place.

The himbos singing made me cry. A lot.

Even if it was in the dream, if Jamie actually chose to reconnect to his dad somehow I think it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He would get to do it on his terms and only because he chose to have him in his life to some degree. Which might simply be being civil and talking from time to time, so long as his father keeps putting in the work to better himself and takes steps to make amends and apologize and acknowledge all his wrongs. Who knows. It’s an open ending.

Loved everything about the match.

Glad Van Damme got closure from Rani Dojas and that Dani acknowledged his part in what happened and tried to make amends.

CANT believe they made me feel sorry for George.

The cold open was a tease but I loved to see what could’ve been (and who says Ted and Rebecca didn’t find each other while running away from all that noise and one thing less t another…)

I wish we’d seen Sam’s restaurant and his cute chef one last time.

Actually wish we’d had a little bit of all the other himbos.

And finally

Finally

I… don’t think it was the series’s finale. I don’t know. I might be wrong but lately all interviews from the cast suggest deep down they hope something else will come and maybe they’ll be like “you know what, this story isn’t over” or something.

That last scene and the musical cue with Ted’s final shot felt so dissonant to me. Like there’s something still unfinished there.

I, like Roy Kent, have all my fingers crossed.

[firadessa]

it's boredom time, so i thought i'd make the rare personal thoughts on fairies write some propaganda for some of my rarepairs, especially the one i named this blog after lol

iridessa/fira (firadessa)

most people think it's self explained, these two are light fairies

however, these two have similar and yet slightly different personalities (to me at least. if you ever say fira and iridessa are basically the same character, or that fira's character traits are too vague from what we have on her its on sight)

fira is a character that is anxious like iridessa, but its implied at same time she is a bubbly character where iridessa is more mellow, fira can also be mellow sure but has a sunnier vibe

its slightly canon that fira over worries, iridessa also does this but her worries are more logical (fira thought the eclipse made the sun disappear, where dessa worries about things that are possible)

ive shipped this since 2021 when making my own blog (this one) but i think them <3 so you will too

rarepair but NOT a crackship because it makes logical sense as a ship, despite the few interactions they have in canon due to the book characters sometimes not being included in the "main canon" sometimes and not some other times. iridessa was also introduced in the books first, wearing a blue and yellow number similar to firas, and fira and iridessa have been written in books coexisting in universes leaning more book or leaning more movie (maybe) so its not exactly a book/movie ship, but it isnt exactly not a book/movie ship

canon to the book "iridessa and the secret of the never mine" (a book that never released in the us and is buried as a pdf so ill make sure to make it more accessible to everyone) that these two wont stop talking to eachother, to the annoyance of others. they start talking in the mine and they are told to stop and they are like "we'll pick this up at dinner" so precious

hc- iridessa is more likely to get angry that fira

half a hc- fairies have different glows, and i think they sometimes get warmth too- i feel like if iridessa is ever cold (she seems like the type to get cold easily despite the temp outside) she would hover near fira

hc- fira is the only one who can take iridessa's anxiousness

attentive to each others energy levels

elegant in their own way, glittering

but also silly, fun, and dorky

sun/moon sun is fira, moon is iridessa (who is ironically afraid of the dark)

they dont realize their dating until someone teases them for being a couple at dinner at the tearoom

attached to the hip, they go everywhere together

romantic & platonic as one thing meshed together (im thinking cute pining sweethearts and best friend bracelet sort of thing cause im alloace and i associate real romance with "sweetheart levels" of a cheesy greeting card- thats real to and lived to me okay), bff and sweetheart goals

they check up on eachother. constantly

sleepovers!

they cuddle in iridessa's bed from the book, its like a swan bed

their bedrooms, google em and look at pics of them side by side and youll get why i love this paring.

in fira's house they dont do any cuddling but giggle and do eachothers hair and stuff

they dont dress up when they are together, just dress casual

but they do play dress up, a little bit

they will face their FEAR-AS. together. of the dark probably.

fira has a firefly companion (canon) dessa loves. and the firefly has a secret language for them <3

met on a full moon type vibes

before they go out and hang out together they act like old besties "i havent seen you in forever!!"

please look at "fira's perfect tea party" on youtube or an audiobook of fira and the full moon and note the voice they use to her. contrast to raven's delivery of the worried and hesitant iridessa (unrelated but raven plays iridessa really well, and the other movie voice actors deserve more praise in the fandom)

bestfriends to sweethearts to lovers

not me being the founder of this ship cause nobody ships book/movie :(

vidia/rani or ranividia if youd like to call it that :)

actually feels more of a hear me out than the others. and i will call this a crackship

enemies to frenemies to lovers to dearest

okay i understand vidia is not the nicest character in the books, so many ships with her besides her and prilla dont really work. and she is a bully but hear me out...

i believe the first time it was that vidia felt sympathy, when they cut off rani's wings. and that she actually has a soft spot for rani, even though she has a superiority complex. vidia was intended to be a "wicked" or bad fairy, so i think her having some faith in others- maybe even a small amount, gives her a lot of complexity. she took pity on rani, even knowing rani could never fly as fast as she did

there is evidence to support her having a soft side and to her getting along with rani, when she snowboards and is greatful for the snow day. the second is in a comic on her with a scavenger hunt, and they actually work together

repression vs expression

if they became an actual thing it would be like vidia's getting revenge and "she asked for no poppy seeds" sort of thing

elonid from ok ko + cassunzel from rta.. hear me out utenaanthy from utena its an anime lmao the pity thing (its not in a savior way) im on an utena forum talking about this ship. another is a tiktok for "divorce but good together parings"

vidia- secret relationship or "don't tell anyone about this"

rani- "ily. i'll keep this a secret. everyone already knows but i wont tell you that cause i know you wouldnt be able to take it."

rani doesnt know any fairy swears, vidia knows all of them (the only fairy, learned them from pirates), and doesnt use them around rani

they dont get personal yet know each other emotionally

rani's not her therapist, vidia doesnt have a therapist and will never get one. yet rani soothes vidia's temper, and vidia actually listens to her because her reputation is being sensitive. vidia character arc because of rani. vidia motivated by rani to change.

vidia- "dont use pet names for me!" vidia "i love you my shell" (a real honest petname, because rani's thing is shells and its like her emotional shell came off omg... rani's is "feather"- no my)

vidia- reputation matters, rani- whats a reputation?

listen pridia is the GOAT but i think i need a vidia paring where the other one is just as a loner/introvert as she is...

they sleep on two leaves next to eachother, hands held

my tink/zarina from the movies

youd think they are polar opposites and they are! but they are not.

they dont do public displays of affection, for anything. at first it was vidia's reputation but honestly they arent comfortable with that and nobody really gossips or pays attention to their relationship

i said cassunzel earlier but i think its a lot of new dream as well, a lot of "getting to know you" that is precious like in Tangled

rani writing fancy letters, vidias are chicken scratch but still have effort put into them and decoration like hers, and its not like "she tried" she made her edgy masterpiece

edgy soft dynamic, not a personal fan of it- but i really like it here

sacred devotion

[amxrany]

YOUR GIRL JUST GRADUATED RAAAAAAAAAA. Finally moving to another chapter of my life, I remember starting my tumblr journey around senior high school and now here I am. I want to thank the mutuals, friends and other people that i interacted with for being a part of my life. Now that I'm going to college, I want to step forward knowing that there are people out there who enjoy the content I make. Even though I know that there will be a time where my tumblr won't be active anymore, just know that there is a part of my heart reserved for you guys 🩵

[box-dwelling]

There's honestly a really weird thing I've noticed with the legend of ruby in how it's dividing new fans. One part is new who fans feeling more cheated by not seeing Susan fully while classic fans are more excited about getting any information about her. But that's not really what I want to focus on.

The thing that's getting me is the difference between classic and new who fans on the Sutekh reveal. Classic fans have of course been hyped as hell.

But I've seen a lot of sentiment of new who onlys that honestly I think is really valid even though I do watch classic who.

RTD would pull this trick a lot. A finale episode would end on a cliff hanger of an old villain returning. See the master at the end of Utopia or Davros' reaval in season 4. And these worked. In part because they were already hyped up. But truthfully I think this seasons done that too. We have seen who scary the masetro and toymaker are. Even the trickster if you go before second reboot. This is the one they're scared of. His is the being that made them. He is big and intimidating and powerful and that's kinda all we got for the master and Davros' on a first watch too. Some general background context about why they're signifact and why they pose a threat.

But the reason I think this is hitting different is that well, if you were 3-4 seasons in, there was kinda the acknowledgement then that you were going to be missing some context. You would be brought up to speed eventually but still that context is missing and you knew that. If you wanted it you'd have to invest the time in classic who and if you weren't willing to put up that investment you adjusted expectations accordingly. And I want to say that's a completely reasonable thing to do. But everyone was kind of on the same page there. I was rewatching the first season of confidential recently (btw I highly highly recommended it, it's is some genuinely excellent documentary film making) and they'd spend large portions of the episodes talking about the shows history to bring new fans up to speed.

The thing is now, we're 14 seasons and nearly 2 decades in, the show is ment to be a reboot ala season one (which did not expect prior knowledge at all btw) and now the big bad is just some Egyptian god most new who fans have never heard of? I get how that's a let down especially because a lot of fans HAVE invested a ton of time in. They have invested time in 20 years worth of television. But that's still been proven to not be enough. I get why you'd be pissed. It's kinda how I'd feel if a reveal was based on a big finish property. Like I want to get to big finish but TV content comes first. And I don't have unlimited time to give to a show even my favourite show.

But the thing is, I don't know how we solve this. There are interesting bits of the classic canon that haven't been explored yet. Pyramids of mars is an iconic and beloved serial and it hasn't been touched on. I don't want the show to abandon the back catalogue of interesting monsters and charcaters. But I don't know how you thread that needle when new who fans also deserve a return on their time investment. Like if they bring back the rani or Romana they'd deserve so much fan fair and classic fans would feel cheated if it wasn't given. But it's not going to mean shit to new who fans.

Idk, I feel like there's nothing I would do to make the Sutekh reveal hit harder for new who fans. They built him up. They made him scary. They had him be related to other monsters we knew some of whom were entirely new, but I completely get why even that wasn't enough.

[thenugking]

that was just--we started off from a point of "going insane over an actor's name for the past several weeks," and I've been swinging back and forth between "it's just her name, she's a real person, it doesn't mean anything" and "rtd absolutely knows what he's doing here though" but look as much as I wanted Susan I didn't want to get my hopes up too high. I thought we might be getting the Trickster, possibly the Guardians, but more likely a new generic villain I had no reason to care about.

And then they IMMEDIATELY have the character be called Susan too?? And bring up the annagram of TARDIS?? And I'm sitting here going "Susan named the TARDIS, is this a reference, are they actually doing a reference????" and then they straight up NAMEDROPPED HER and brought up the possibility themselves and I had my mouth hanging open through the titles.

And look I got that it probably wasn't actually Susan! And I was vaguely worried that if it was, they'd make things I didn't want Decisively Canon. And then the doctor's talking about how Susan was his granddaughter but that didn't mean he'd had her parent which??? Are we making Lungbarrow TV canon here??? And I know showrunners love to disagree, but the Doctor metioned being a dad in russell's first run, in both Fear Her and the Doctor's Daughter, so.... was that about Miranda?? Is Miranda also TV canon??

And THEN we get to the end and the TARDIS has something evil going on with it--is it Zagreus? Is it anti-time?? Why is this theme music so similar to the Master's Sound of Drums theme, it can't be the Master, can it?? I'd almost decided it was the trickster (I was getting Vibes from ruby's bio mum) but then he gets namedropped, and then the Mara gets namedropped and then?? The Other gets namedropped????

I got it at Set. Literally went "is this Sutekh??" outloud. Spent the final few minutes laughing. Did anyone call this??? "What if it's Susan/the Rani/the Master/the Trickster/the Toymaker/River/Tecteun/Rogue/Roger ap Gwilliam/Iris/Omega/the fucking Carnival Queen?" Nope it's fucking Sutekh apparently. He's back now.

I hope Ruby's bio mum turns out to be the person crouched behind his throne and holding it steady. what the fuck.

[a-minke-whales-tale]

CLCZ and P-shifters

A bit of a rant over some frustration of just how things are.

Lately there has been a fair amount of discourse showing up about P-shifters lately particularly that of "reclaiming" the word (it is disputed if it is reclaimable) and some of it I just find distressing. I was reading Rani's blog (@a-dragons-journal) and some of the history they had written about P-shifters compared to CLCZ (clinical lycanthropy/clinical zoanthropy). With my memory as it is, much of my personal memory is missing, and really I cannot remember so far back, or even how long I have been in therian and later otherkind communities.

But I do remember how whenever I would talk about my experiences, or talk about them in any real detail, I would always have to preface it with specifying that it was a delusion, that I knew it wasn't real. That I had to play this game of "showing insight" and double bookkeeping what was real to me and what was real to others. I remember hearing over and over that if someone would claim to P-shift that they were either lying, purposefully manipulating others, or very sick. And so the "price of admission" so to speak to my community was to make sure others knew we knew that our experiences were delusion and hallucination, if indeed we were tolerated at all. But all this basically had the effect to say that our experiences were not real, not like "normal" therians, something I would be reminded of over and over.

I admit that when I look at quite a few of those who call themselves P-shifters and want to "reclaim" it (at least at the current moment and those that I see who are already much more likely in the CLCZ sphere and so there is likely selection bias), it often strikes me as not so meaningfully different to how I and others experience CLCZ, with the notable exception of one being medicalised, and one not. Almost all the CLCZs I see and interact with and describe their experiences, we will write about that this a word given to us by the humans to describe what we experience. But we almost universally reject the belief it is a delusion. It is real to us, but the humans, the doctors especially that give us various markers like psychotic and schizophrenic, they see it as a delusion. Why they cannot see it, or refuse to believe it, people have different reasons for that. But I at least myself believe that if I stopped my medicine, my body would turn back into that of a whale - I feel it, and see it as the medicine in me weakens.

But to use the term CLCZ for yourself, it implies a number of things about you, among which that at some amount you know that others believe your experiences are a delusion, and also very likely that you are dealing with some rather severe mental health problems. Rani notes on their blog quite a bit lately of people attempting to "reclaim" the term, and that it has a long bad history and that the term was not meant to describe CLCZs, and that at least some of these people in the past took advantage of CLCZs, so it is entirely possible that the people using the term now I encounter are either not the same people, or only a subset, or people taken advantage of by mentioned malicious actors. However, I do understand the desire why they would claim it. The term CLCZ itself says basically "hey I am crazy and my experiences are not real or valid". Similarly so much of the discourse when people talk about why they accept (or really tolerate) CLCZs but not P-shifters is that we acknowledge it is delusion, and so ultimately that we acknowledge our experience is not real, or at least not real to others. Similarly for when writing about our experiences as CLCZ outside talking to other CLCZs, we have to play the game of double bookkeeping, what is not real to others, or probably not real, and having to tag things with unreality. I really understand the appeal, that desire, to not have to preface every interaction with others that our experiences are not real. I feel it very strongly.

To be clear, this is not a callout post of Rani or the people in the posts, if I had a problem or disagreement with them I would just talk to them (Rani at least), I think we are both reasonable enough people. Reading their posts and thinking about it over the past week or two is just what prompted this post.

Nor to be honest do I know if there is a good solution. It is incredibly freeing to express my experiences as real and genuine and have them believed as such by others like me and not have to minimise myself, my experiences, my memories. I have a couple CLCZ friends like me and I am so grateful to have them and have that space to talk with them. But is it good for use to express what we actually feel, or does it hurt others: others the humans mark as schizophrenic and delusional? I do not know. Even if I did, I certainly doubt there would be a one size fits all approach. I may want to have my experiences, and see those of other CLCZs, expressed genuinely, without us having to essentially reality check ourselves to be tolerated, but would other CLCZs? I may not want to "recover" myself, having been through medical systems I only want to be functional enough the humans will not lock me away again. Nor would I blame others if they do not wish to "recover" themselves. However, some people may want to "recover", no doubt for some people these experiences cause a lot of distress and pain directly (rather than indirectly of how we are or have been treated) and they may wish to seek intervention. But then the question is where is drawing the line between "encouraging delusions" and "reality checking"? Is stating my experience openly without reservation "encouraging delusions" in others. Really I do not know, though I often think people that are commenting about this are often not the people affected.

I am really just rambling now. I have written this over the past couple days. It is a mess. It is just a shitty situation to be in, and maybe there is not a good solution. Maybe sometimes, things just have to be a certain way and there is not anything that can be done.

Please I do not want to debate the validity of P-shifters, nor am I reclaiming the term myself, I only wanted to express frustration that CLCZs are only tolerated if we make it known we know we are delusional, or others see is that way, and having to minimise our own experiences to be tolerated.

[viperwhispered]

Hot take: Overblot Jamil keeping the reader behind as a pet/slave is pre-relationship.

Jamil's whole thing in a romantic relationship is equality and freedom. He wants to spoil and be spoiled. He wants his s/o safe and happy. His biggest fantasy is them loving a blissful domestic life in their own little home away from all the obligations and troubles of the world.

Jamil spent his whole life being treated as lesser and being denied his freedom. He would drop dead before even thinking of treating his s/o the same way. This is the person who has fully accepted every bit of him and given every bit of themselves in return. No way would Jamil, overblot or not, ever try to abuse that. In his eyes, his s/o deserves the universe. They're his partner, his queen, his rani, his sultana.

And this goes triple for his Overblot. Jamil who's at that stage where he is 10000% comfortable and smitten by his s/o would rip his own heart out before daring to enslave his love.

Instead, OB Jamil is rejoicing at finally having the means to grant the luxury he feels his s/o deserves. He's crowning them the Sultana of Scarabia, hosting elaborate feasts with their favorites, dressing them in fine silk designs fit for royalty (aka not a harem girl). Jamil knows his s/o very well and does everything to keep them comfortable and happy.

And that's why it's so hard to want to reason with him. Not because of some porno "he's so mean but he's hot" situation. But because OB!Jamil is still Jamil. He still cuddles, pampers, teases, and shows his unyielding love for them. Only difference is that he no longer has any embarrassment or fluster holding him back. He doesn't care if all of Scarabia is watching him, if he wants to kiss them he gets to kiss them. Honestly it's kind of cute how he shamelessly pouts for their affection. Any manipulation towards them is a familiar and light hearted attempt at getting their attention.

The only consistent argument his s/o has for him is that the overblot will kill him and they can't stand the thought of loosing him.

Interesting 👀

My reply got kinda long again so putting it behind a read more again.

I feel like this depends a lot on where Jamil is as a person when the overblot happens. And, well, if we’re going for the canonical overblot, that was not exactly a high point for his emotional wellbeing and all - not that an overblot ever is. So by definition, it already is a point where the existing rules start to crack, and once the overblot hits, it really is arguable just how much they're in control of themselves at that point.

Though it is true that it is still their feelings and thoughts and desires moving them at least somewhat, just potentially twisted by the overblot itself and/or the emotional anguish they're usually going through at that point as well.

I’m curious, do you have any particular basis on saying that equality and freedom would be the cornerstones in a relationship for Jamil? Simply because (romantic) relationships are not talked about much in twst, and with Jamil especially I have a hard time figuring out what exactly it might be that he wants, what he’d come to value over time, and what might “do good” to him even if he might not recognize it or be aware of it himself.

Though I certainly agree, being on equal footing with his s/o would be good for him. Someone he can rely on and trust in, and where they can lean on each other. A true partner rather than someone who’s above or below.

But there is also that part of him that enjoys feeling powerful, that wants to climb that ladder to not being the one just taking the orders anymore. And especially with being under the influence of the overblot, I could see that extending to his partner as well. Like, at that point he really might think that what he wants is the adoration and the submission, to finally get those things he’s been craving, even from the person he’d normally consider his partner and equal.

Though yeah, this also really does depend on what would trigger the overblot in this scenario. Like with the right circumstances, I could definitely see him going for this more adoring scenario you described. I mean, for book 6 (I really hope this isn’t spoilers for you), we saw what an overblot is like when it is born from anguish over another, rather than from more “personal” issues. So it is not that the overblot has the characters necessarily acting in a purely selfish manner, even if most of them pretty much have. Idia, however, was very much doing everything in his power for Ortho after the overblot - selfish, still, in a way, but not in the same way as the others who were basically lashing out at everyone. So it definitely could happen.

And all this being said, I do absolutely love the idea of a Jamil who’s not holding back and is going all out pampering his s/o and letting the world know just how much they mean to him. I mean, it definitely would be the s/o's turn to be the one flustered in that scenario, and it indeed would definitely make it a little harder to give that all up and to persuade him that, you know, the overblot indeed is kinda deadly.

Just, him doing all those things he’s always wanted to do, but which he’s always stopped himself from doing (consciously or even subconsciously, or simply because it has not been practically possible). It really would be kinda sweet - if not also a little unsettling in some way to have him act so out of his usual character.

(Tho ngl, personally, I could also go for the “if evil why hot” approach because, well, that’s delicious too. So many potential avenues here.)

Also hadsf the thought of him in all his overblot glory and then just pouting because you’re not paying attention to him. An amusing image indeed.

Imagine this caring, shameless overblot Jamil when he thinks someone is threatening his s/o, tho. Ngl, I kinda love that idea, too (I mean, also concerning because even more blot, but you know).

I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m arguing against you too much with these, or anything like that. I feel like we approach Jamil from somewhat different angles, and so I kinda have to work my way through what I think is going on in his head before I can really start thinking about the scenario itself.