#rambling is cathartic sometimes

[a-little-bit-of-ravioli]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @the-real-azalea-scroggs! Had to wait until I was of my phone because doing these is a nightmare on mobile lmao

1. How many works do you have on A03?

18 as of a few days ago!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

157,937! Which is. Only a fraction of the word count in my Docs folder. Be prepared.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mainly write for The Legend of Zelda; specifically Linked Universe! In fact, that's all that's posted on my Ao3 currently, since my fall into that fandom began with me uploading there! Pre-Ao3 I wrote for Black Cat (Anime/Manga), Megaman NT Warrior, various Pokémon things, Assassin's Creed, Yugioh, Final Fantasy XIV and Octopath Traveler! Some of these I still write privately, but I haven't gotten around to re-posting any.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Whistling on Deaf Ears - My longest fic on Ao3, focusing on Wild and Twilight's friendship and how good intentions can lead to disaster.

Iconoclasm - Warriors deals with the room full of portraits in Cia's palace. The Chain also deals with it, but with a bit more fire.

Deserving - Twilight finally tells Rusl that he was the wolf in the village during TP, but that also means dealing with some heavier topics. Colin half overhears them and forms his own conclusions.

Something Greater - The start of the "Hyrule can see magical auras" series! In this one we deal with Legend and his many rings.

Ocean Magic - Mermaid Legend and Zora Time have a race and then fight one of the Big Octos from WW! Fun times.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Every single one!! I love comments, they give me an excuse to ramble about my fic more!! I am always down to ramble about every single insignificant detail of any line and/or section. If you ever want more background info about one of my fics, look to the comments!

So please, I adore comments, I treat them like treasures, not responding to them would be a CRIME.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

There's no contest; Inevitable, my (so far) only MCD fic.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmm, that's hard to quantify. I usually try to end fics on a hopeful note regardless. I'd say possibly either Deserving, where Twilight reconnects with his family, or Shimmering Blue, Striking White, where Time meets the Fierce Deity settled down on Satori Mountain and they both get closure.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no! I've been blessed with mostly amazing and patient readers, even when my upload schedule isn't the best.

9. Do you write smut?

No, not really. I've attempted it, but I'm too asexual for it lol

10. Do you write crossovers?

Very, very rarely. Mostly privately, and only very specific ones. Only a single one has had an actual plot, so far (more on that one in question 15!).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also a nope! I tend to write for smaller fandoms, where these things don't tend to happen a lot!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! But it's been a while. Over a decade, in fact! I tried to find the fic to link it here, but it was on the German fanfic website fanfiktion.de, and my friend who posted it back then must have deactivated her account, because it's nowhere to be seen (I still have the Word file though!). It was a Multi-Crossover that started as an RP in a forum, and we took turns turning the RP into prose one chapter each. "If a Hero Turns to Dark" was its title. We were edgy teenagers.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Hissssss. Bad question. Shoo. They are all equally important!!

But it's probably TenRose from Doctor Who.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of the very few crossovers I've ever worked on; a crossover fic between Assassin's Creed and Doctor Who, that I have mapped out in both chronological and timeline order, and yes, those are different. I only ever wrote about a quarter of it, since my primary audience of it disappeared when we graduated. I doubt I'll ever pick it back up properly, and if I do it'll probably go through heavy rewrites first since it's so old. Finishing it is a nice thought, but realistically, after 9 years it'll never be high priority enough for it to actually happen.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, especially arguments, and emotional impact. I've been told I do really well making characters feel alive and believable! Also I like to believe I'm decent at setting a scene and giving it the vibe I want it to have!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with dialogue tags when nothing much is happening besides the talking. I always feel it's too bland, and fall back on the same phrases. My scene transitions could use some work too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done this with Japanese phrases, because I was a massive weeb. Usually I followed them up with their own translations, though; I'm not the biggest fan of footnote translations, unless they are properly linked to. Simple dialogue tags are my favourite way of indicating a language switch.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Black Cat the Manga/Anime! It's a series about an assassin turned bounty hunter trying to live a life separate from his murdery past, but getting dragged back into things by still wanting to avenge his best friend's death. The series has a special place in my heart and my bookshelf, it left an imprint on 13-year-old me that will never leave.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Probably Jailbreak, uncharacteristically enough! It's one of the only fics I never got stuck in once. Writing it was a great feeling from start to finish. I love writing all of my fics, but that was a special few days.

Tagging @ahrva @nowhere-to-go-but-down @silvercaptain24 and @aeghina! And anyone who wants to do it, really, go wild

[steelthroat]

Guys I'm gonna be real here... I need a Jazz in my life. He can fix him or i can make him worse idk and idc, but I know that it would be great.

[gaylactic-fire]

It's scoliosis awareness month. It's also coming up on ten years since I had my spinal fusion surgery. I started writing a vent / retrospective / awareness of my surgery and life with disability but lads.. I don't know if I wanna post it it's actually so dark and upsetting 💀💀

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[pied-piper-pluto]

there's a billboard i pass sometimes for some sort of fundamentalist christian organization that reads "Anxious? Jesus provides rest" and every time i see it i wish promare was real so i could light it on fire with my mind

[stabyou]

been having so much fun making jewelry lately. i have so many pieces now that i can't feasibly wear all the things i've made in any kind of timely manner. got bracelets coming out of my ears

[comfortableinthesilence]

Today's the first day in a long while where I just feel a bit numb, like I think its a combination of tiredness, being abruptly off my meds, worrying over family and just feeling a bit lost with my personal and business goals recently! Managed to go get my meds prescription on my lunch but also just had a breakdown when I got back with bursting into tears randomly before starting back at work. Why, I don't know but I guess its just one of those days. Taken my meds, taking it easy on myself and just looking forward to getting into bed early tonight and hopefully getting a good nights sleep 🩵

[perchingominouslysmwh]

*✧･ﾟ:*List of cathartic things ✧･ﾟ: *

(for my sanity, in case I misplace it again heh)

Drawing/Art - for jumbled emotions, ones you can't label- the Vibes, if you will- the act of putting paint on paper or canvas regardless of the result is soothing, somehow

Singing - for restless emotions, the loud and angry or sad ones - takes more energy, so they can finally tire themselves out. Works well for nerves as well (Voice projection and all that)

Writing - for thoughts hanging around a long time with nowhere to go- they find a release in a place created specifically for them. (nostalgia in particular, the place it longs for doesn't exist anymore so you can make a place for it like this)

Exercising - the urge to do something when there's no clear idea of what to do- since "Actions are more clarifying than thoughts"

Baking - recently, it's been about connecting with people - watching them enjoy something you made and all that - it's warm and the process of making something like that is soothing too :>

Journalling - good for noisy thoughts that demand to be heard - or for putting the ones that buzz into corporeal form so you can fight them - to empty your head

Staring at the sky - good for that overwhelming feeling where everything's out of control- and that's okay cuz you're tiny and the sky's pretty so maybe it's not all your responsibility anyway

[st-highwind]

Ramble! That some might be able to relate to. It’s in the tags.

[maddisandy]

some day i will not cry over a scene in astarions romance hitting too close to home. today is not that day

[insecateur]

for the record i really think that. chasing after in-characterness(?) or however you define "as close to canonical as possible" in general but ALSO especially in a sprawling canon where 1) characters have like 50 lines of dialogue on average when they're "important" to the "story" (which contain 2 grams of backstory at most, if you're lucky) 2) there are like 3 canonical universes divided by media types that all contradict themselves and 3) the entire timeline AND some of the translation choices (like, to name a random one, deciding that team rocket is the italian mafia and not the yakuza) wreak total havoc into trying to make something coherent out of it without compromising at least a little but mostly a lot,

is kind of pointless, to be frank

do i think some portrayals of lysandre are "out-of-character"? i mean, i'd be lying if i said i didn't, but also, it ultimately doesn't matter to me because worst case scenario i can just avert my eyes (and that's not even getting into the fact that i'd argue that, say, animeverse lysandre is out-of-character based on his gameverse portrayal)

i like sharing meta and things like deep dives into translation etc because it's interesting and contributes to how i write him but i don't think that you have to like. know how french lysandre talks in order to understand his character or whatever. if it helps people take on new perspectives about him that's good!! i'm glad!! i want to inspire people and make them think about who lysandre is. but i don't think my posts about him are Advice people need to follow or whatever. he's just my silly little scrunkly blorbo meow meow and i want to talk about him and i'm just grateful anybody is even willing to listen tbh

[sampoenjoyer]

i think sometimes being a hater in a healthy isolated manner is underrated. LIKE THE IDEA YOU JUST WONT EVER FEEL ANGRY/HATE SMTH EVER IS DUMB TO ME, you can be a hater, rant to your friends or on an isolated tumblr or whatever the fuck, I THINK THE ISSUE WITH BEING A HATER IS MORE WHEN YOU PROJECT IT TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU/PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABT IT. LIKE IT'S ONE THING TO MAKE AN ISOLATED POST JUST GENERALLY TALKING ABOUT IT AND WHY YOU DISLIKE/HATE WHATEVER INANE THING IT IS (TALKING ABT FANDOM TO BE CLEAR) IT'S ANOTHER TO SEEK OUT AND COMMENT ON THE THING YOU HATE YKNOW? One is fine and normal the other is a dick move tbh.

[leopardheart27]

No one prepares you for vet school finals. At least at my school, they're cumulative for the entire year's worth of information. And it isn't even the material that I'm struggling with the most. It's constantly having to be "on." I've finished 6 of 9 exams and I have a week to go. But I barely know what day it is. I have no remaining energy for these last 3 exams. Thankfully, most of it is material that I'm mostly comfortable with, but I still have stuff to review. But after hours of staring at my computer screen for the last 3 weeks straight, my eyes and neck are killing me. I've had a migraine for 24hrs and my migraines come with dizziness. But I still have to keep studying. Six days until I'm home though, so that's what I'm going to focus on.

[iveneverseenthesebowlsbefore]

Family nonsense vent (don't read it yo it's depressing and grody)

Sometimes I think about spilling the beans to my dad. Like I wonder if it would even change anything yk? Like if I came up to him one day outta the blue and point blank was like 'So hey, your stepson full on molested me when I was 15, I came to your wife for help when I was desperate for it to stop and all she said was "Well. Sorry that happened to you. But it wasn't his fault." (Must have been mine i guess) And then: "Don't tell your father.” (Cuz he didn't do anything wrong but also don't tell anyone.)

"He'd never forgive him." she said.

And then, guess what dad? It kept happening! Not as bad as that first time, only because I was hyper-vigilant af (which resulted in tons and tons of cptsd but that's another story), but I couldn't avoid him entirely. We lived in the same house.

He'd wait for me outside the shower when I was in a towel. He'd try to corner me in the living room at night when everyone else was sleeping. He'd wait til we were alone and say 'hey lets play truth or dare'. He'd come up with innocuous seeming reasons to touch me around people and didn't care or stop when I asked him to. He'd say, 'let's go see a movie together' and try to feel me up in the theater. It was never not fucking gross. Can you imagine what it felt like, the anxiety, the fear that I felt every time I knew i had to come over? And with all the back and forth...can you even imagine how much that fucked me up as a kid?

And for the rest of my childhood i was alone with it. All alone. All alone in avoiding his advances. All alone in avoiding him. There was no one to help me. I had already come to her for help. And she had made it clear that protecting her and her son was more important than me. She made it clear she would do absolutely nothing. That i was on my own.

And then dad, you know what else? She made me apologize to him. Yeah! Because i didn't want to hang out with him. And risk it happening again. She knew what he did to me and she made me say sorry to him anyway. How fucked is that? Cuz it hurt her poor wittle rapey baby's wittle rapey feelings :(((

Remember when she said she loved me the same as her real kids? She's so good, great even at saying the right stuff.

Talk is fucking cheap.

And when i tried to just BEGIN to tell you about it, tell you that i didn't WANT to come back to that house, i didn't WANT to come back and hang out there, hang out in a place that was never anything but dangerous for me. Hang out with the guy who never stopped trying to get in my pants. Hang out with the woman who let it happen. Hang out with *you* who let me get hurt over and over again under your own roof and then acted like i was a horrible person for not wanting to live with my abuser. Hang out in a place where i had to still ALWAYS pretend I was, not just ok, but happy! Because I wasn't allowed not to be. What did you do? You didn't ask me why. You didn't stop to listen. You didn't even hear me. You just got so angry at me for suggesting you two weren't perfect parents. You were cruel. In a way you would never ever be to your other daughter. You sent me email after email. Telling me that i was a child and a piece of shit and a stubborn brat throwing a tantrum cuz she wanted her daddy all to herself. That bc karen fed me dinner she was a loving wonderful mother and how fucking DARE I and what about my half-sister what about her?? Fuck your own happiness and safely, you seemed to say over and over, it's about my wife and daughter's happiness and safety!

How do you think that made me feel dad?

I was your daughter too.

I was your daughter first

You were supposed to be my dad. You were supposed to love me, unconditionally. Why was I never worth protecting? Why were you their champion always, and not once for me? Even though I was the only one who really needed it?

Reread those email you sent me dad. You tell me if you would ever say those things to your only other daughter. And when you realize that, no, no way in hell you would then tell me how is it ok you said them to me? What makes her worth so much MORE than me?

And why don't you care? Why don't you care that you failed me as a father so very, very deeply?’

And the answer there is because he doesn't love me. Not really. He can't. He doesn't know who I am. Just the person i had to become in order to survive. The worst part is she's not even real but he'll always love her more than he ever will me. That goes for the rest of the family too. And why wouldn't they? She exists only to make everyone around her comfortable and happy 24/7 and only at the cost of her own sanity.

And the funny thing is, all that being said I honestly don't think he’d believe me anyway. She'd probably tell him it never happened and I'm making it all up and being the POS I am and trying to get his attention and blah blah any of the other hurtful things she's said about me a million times before. And ofc he'd believe her. He always has. It was always so easy for him to accept the idea that I was a piece of shit. And that one honestly still hurts.

But what can I do. Everything she says is gospel and everything out of my mouth is a dirty rotten lie meant to accuse and slander and attack my poor innocent perfect stepmother who has done nothing wrong ever. And then I'd have to watch him come to her rescue. Again. Because she's the victim. Always.

She slapped her 3yo kid across the face, she washed his mouth out with soap while he begged her to stop - a toddler! - she said i was just jealous of my step-sister cuz 'she's thin and you're not' when we had an argument, she called me spoiled and selfish and lazy and a brat and inconsiderate - let's be real, she verbally abused the shit out of us. At 36 years old, i have still never been spoken to, screamed at, the way she spoke to me as an 8 year old. Never before and never since.

Sometimes i think about a scenario where you and karen got divorced and you remarried a woman just like her - do you think if your new wife spoke to my half-sister the way you let karen speak to me that she would be ok with it? No fucking way. She would NEVER allow it. She'd lose her mind if some strange woman called her daughter the kinds of things she called me. Why was it ok for me? She wasn't my mother. Why was it fine for her to go in my closet and throw out my things, things my mother had bought me no less! But it was, it was ok for her to throw away any item of clothing that made me feel safe during the worst of my teenage years for no damn reason, only because she didn't like being disobeyed.

It was ok for her to holler and scream and carry on like a child whenever she fucking felt like it while we weren't allowed to have a reaction. It was fine that she yelled at me when i was sick or sad. Fine that she screamed at my friends, fine that she made my suicide attempt at 15 about her. Fine that she never stopped threatening to get rid of my dog, fine that she treated pets like they were things, fine that she said some of the most oblivious tactless things i have ever heard with absolutely no self-awareness. Fine that she manipulated me and treated me like i was an idiot and didn't think i could tell. Fine that i will be messed up for the rest of my life because of the way that you yet let her treat me.

I get it. It's soooo much easier if I'm just a piece of shit who hates him and his perfect family for no fucking reason.

But man it really gets to me sometimes. The fact that she knows. That she knows this is the reason I've gone NC and that every day she just. Doesn't say a word. She doesn't tell my dad or even my half-sister *anything*. Just lets them go right on believing that im just a Bad Person who hates them for no reason. Like that's. that's just fucked up man.

I used to think she was just protecting her son and even though it hurt to death I understood it. But lately I'm realizing that the whole time she's really just been protecting herself. Which is very on brand for her and I shouldn't be surprised but man. I still am. I truly truly do not know how she sleeps at night.

[inkykeiji]

hi, it’s the anon who mentioned nicole dollanganger before. if im messaging too much please let me know fr. i think im just happy to talk with you about ur work bc ive followed you for ages now silently.

completely understand what u said about nicole, there’s a lot of her songs that i have to be careful listening to bc they’d heavy. i understand if they’re too much for u too listen to but just wanted to say for me that the main songs that remind me of your touya and touya in general are dogwood, you’re so cool, angels have wings and my baby. some of them might be pretty heavy to listen to so understand if you can’t!

anyways, hope you’re having a great day!

hi hi!! <3 omg please don’t ever think that! sometimes it can take me a moment to get to them but i want you to know that i appreciate every single message you send i pinky promise!!! i’m literally in awe and so incredibly thankful that people read my work and discuss it with me and interact with me in general! it means so much to me, genuinely <33

yes!!! exactly!! ah so i’ve actually heard all of these before! dogwood is so touya-nii/his reader it’s actually unbelievable. i can’t remember who recommended this song to me but i was just blown away by it. i really want to listen to her newest album but i’m so scared >.< i can’t explain the way her work makes me feel, it just hits so incredibly close to home and i always end up with chest shattering sobs by the end of a listening session.

i talk about you’re so cool here (along with a whole dang essay on all the songs anon recommended EHEHE) & only angels have wings really really reminds me of tnii’s reader as well but even in a broader and more general sense just like, any relationship with dabi because i genuinely and truly do believe that ‘love’ with him would be so fucking obsessive and all-consuming and co-dependent to the point where you’d do anything to stay with him (and him you).

my baby has been recommended by at least two separate anons and i literally love it so fucking much like this is one of her songs that i can listen to without crying or feeling really emotional after!!! my baby reminds me of tnii for sure but it especially reminds me of tag!dabi;;;; possibly because he drives a cadillac HAHAHA but i also just feel like this song rly encompasses their whole relationship so well <333

WHEW i rambled hehe but thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, anon!!! i love music so much esp pieces that have such intense lyrics (as u can probably tell from my fic titles HAHA) <3 i hope your weekend went well!!! enjoy the week ahead <3

[harrylights]

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