#rambles??!

[kowaindar0u]

Hi... It's me again.

At least... I think it is.

I feel... different.

That's an understatement.

Something is wrong... but I don't know what. I feel exhausted and sick. Like deathly sick, like I may actually, seriously die. My whole body hurts, like... like every bone feels sore somehow.

I woke up, or came to, or... I don't know. I woke up walking down the street, I guess on my way home, just an hour ago. I don't know what happened, where I was the last several days.

Several days. Fuck. I've already missed four days of work-- I mean. I assume... For all I know, I went and just don't remember.

Either way, I can't work like this. I feel like I should be getting nice and cozy inside a grave instead.

But worse than that... I'm scared. Like I should be constantly checking over my shoulder, or that something real bad is going to happen real soon...

And... I feel... hungry. But the thought of actually eating anything makes me feel sicker than I already do.

I'm here, in my closet. I don't know why. It just feels like the most comfortable, safe place I can be. I don't want to leave.

I should probably go to a doctor with how utterly sick I feel but... I'm scared to do that, too. Maybe I'll just... rest...

I just woke up. Slept for like two hours. I had a nightmare, but I can't remember anything about it. Just...it was dark, and I feel sicker, and hungrier, and... now the side of my neck kind of burns.

Maybe... Maybe I'm having some kind of allergic reaction or something...

We both know I'm just trying to come up with possible excuses to try and keep from freaking myself out too much. I have no fucking idea what's wrong with me.

[a few days later]

I'm not dead yet. I feel like I should be.

But... I think I know why I'm not.

Saseki came over.

He said he hadn't heard from me in over a week and he was worried.

I... I told him I had just been sleeping too much again. It wouldn't have been the first time I just... Slept constantly because I couldn't handle being awake. The depression sleeps, you might say. And then I said I thought I might be coming down with something.

It feels awful to lie to him. But I didn't know what was wrong. What could I tell him? I don't want him to worry. Besides, he's supposed to be moving in in a couple of weeks.

I hope by then I can figure out how to be around him.

The whole time he was here, I kept getting distracted. I could hear his heart beating. I don't think he was nervous, you know?

Then he nicked his finger using a knife to cut a cake he brought, and... I could smell the blood. From across the room. And I wanted to taste it. Desperately.

I don't even want to write this. It sounds fucking ridiculous.

But I think I'm a vampire.

I finally got it up to check that spot in my neck that hurts sometimes-- not as much anymore-- and... It checks out. Two little scars.

It doesn't really explain what happened though. Why there are four days I just have... completely blacked out.

Why I'm still constantly afraid-- more than I was before.

I don't know what to do.

[about a week later]

I feel... better.

at least physically. a little.

I had always heard about this particular nightclub being a bit sketchy, and the alley behind it even more so.

The inside is loud and full of people. The alley is (supposedly) full of shady criminals with knives and guns.

I think I prefer the alley.

There had always been rumors of so-called black market dealings going on there. Turns out...some of them are true. Sort of.

I felt so out of place there. But one man seemed to clock me immediately. He seemed to be a vampire too, but I'm sure my tremors were giving me away, if nothing else. He sold me ten packs of blood at a discount because I was a first-time buyer.

I came home and drank one, and... and another one. And another one. I stopped myself-- even with the discount, they weren't cheap. But three of them seemed to kind of be... Enough.

I feel... okay. Still kind of sick. Still kind of hungry.

But okay.

I think I can deal with 'okay.'

[hollowboobtheory]

pro-abortion. pro-divorce. i believe we have the god-given right to give up

[goldensunset]

[milo-hypno]

I'm certain this is on Tumblr somewhere, but I haven't seen it around, so I'm sharing it myself

[tundrakatiebean]

I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.

[daringdoombringer]

hi here’s a cool bird I betcha didn’t know existed, ✨the wallcreeper✨

it literally looks like a monarch butterfly it’s so cute

[dragonbleps]

survived checking my bank account. i deserve a little treat

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

Love it when Rolling Stone puts out an article about the 25 most influential internet creators and I've only heard of 7 of them

[cottoncandysprite]

Does tumblr know about the animation union yaoi yet

[goblinbugthing]

im only a man when im a grown ass man and im only a woman when god forbid women do anything

any time other than that? im a fucking Echidna

[scorndotexe]

you will live and you will say the wrong things and make mistakes and people will love you anyways.

[jellyjamheadobb]

[hollowboobtheory]

hot take apparently but i think it's good for white people to relate to poc's art. i think it's good for straight people to relate to queer art. stop acting like we're different species who could never possibly understand each other what the fuck is wrong with you

[goldensunset]

you! tumblr user!

[muttmoxley]

sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me