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theeternalwombtarot · 3 years ago

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"Tips For Navigating Men That Aren't The One": Part 2

this is the second part of a blog post I made some time ago with the same title. If you haven't read that one please go read that here. The first post was both a satirical and basic set of rules that you can apply to help separate good men or potential partners from the rest. I fully intend to make this second one a more in-depth version of the first. Adding on to make a more complete and secure set of rules to follow.

Disclaimer: As stated in the first post, you don't have to follow these rules if you don't want to, these are what I believe helped/helps me. Thank you. <3

I hope that you're doing and feeling well and that all of your desires come to you effortlessly. 🤍

Rule #1: Please be aware that men will choose for their ideal life/ or dream.

As a woman, at least once in our lives, we may discover a man who cares for us or maybe even loves us but will choose someone over us who is completely different, looks different, behaves different, thinks different, or simply does not even fit into the same category we separate ourselves into. And this is okay, this is okay because we have to understand that men will always choose someone who fits better into the lifestyle they desire to live or the lifestyle they feel they want to live.

for example, a man who is wealthy and is looking for someone high maintenance or interested in the life that he is living is going to seek out someone who fits the criteria for what he feels is ideal. A man who is religious or has a pretty saturated cultural background and fully intends to remain that way may seek out someone of that same religious or cultural background.

Now, remember, stray away from subjecting yourself to a critical and harmful mindset that pushes you to believe that you are below someone or the issue. You are not. People will simply chase after what they think is ideal. But also, if you are a high-value woman yourself and believe that you are a prize, have a lot to offer, and anyone would be lucky to be with you in the first place, do not dwell on a man choosing someone who you may perceive to be not as well sorted out then you are or someone who lives a completely different lifestyle than you do. We often find that men will go to who they feel understands and reflects them. Whether he's a drug addict or a model for Ambicrombi and Fitch.

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Rule #2: Beware of men who do not truly respect you.

If a man can cuss you out, belittle you, refuse to validate your emotions, ignore your boundaries, apologize without change occurring afterward, lie to you, make fun of your appearance (physically or even your fashion), not prioritize your time together or communicating with you by choosing to put things above that, etc. He does not respect you. It is your responsibility as your own woman and your own person to immediately remove him from your space as soon as you notice that he doesn't respect you. Not only as a woman but as a person.

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Rule #3: If he can disappear or leave he doesn't deserve to be there.

A man who loves, respects, and honors his woman would never willingly disappear or leave his woman to be alone and all by herself or face the world alone. This could be as simple as him leaving you alone at a function or a party or in life by ghosting or disappearing.

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Rule #4: It's your responsibility to identify your triggers and your trauma.

The art of seeking out, attracting, and choosing a good and worthy partner if that's what you're looking for needs to start with healing and identifying patterns in your own life. You undermine the work of your spirit guides and ignore your own self-value by continuing to choose men or participate in bad habits because of your trauma. You have an unhealthy attachment style? Work on yourself and do what's necessary to change that so that you can securely be in a relationship. Have you forgotten to realize that your past relationships and partners may be a reflection of your parental relationship and parents? It's time to heal that trauma so that you can be attracted to better and choose better rather than being attracted to and loving a narcissist or someone who exudes narcissist behavior just like your mother or your father.

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Rule #5: See men for their actions and not for their words or their beauty.

Sometimes, and more often than not, we miss out on the crucial step of seeing people for who they truly are, the types of things that they do in comparison to what they say, and their behaviors. You have to do a better job at identifying red flags. Sometimes when we love people or are infatuated with people we become blind to the truth. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to identify red flags of people who come into my space." Remember this for later. We get caught up, confused, played, and mistreated when we don't do a good job at holding people to their actions and behavior and we just listen to the dream they're selling us instead. We must hold people accountable even if we love them or want to be with them. Because nobody else will do this for you.

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Rule #6: Remind yourself of the truth when recovering from breakups.

When you get out of a relationship with a narcissistic partner or someone who hurt you and didn't care, someone who didn't turn out to be the person you thought they were. Remember that it was your love that made them so special, so kind, so gentle. That they were none of those things at least not to you. Remember, "It was my love that made this person so special, not them." and "It is my responsibility to hold them accountable for them not being very kind or good to me." If that person loved you or cared for you the way you thought they had, they would not have done what they did to you.

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Rule #7: Activate your "dark-feminine" energy and preserve your "light-feminine" energy.

Your dark feminine energy is the part of you that protects you against anyone who tries to come in and do wrong to you, especially men. strengthen your intuition, be able to identify when someone has good intentions and when they don't, and do what's necessary to step into your dark feminine energy so that she can build boundaries that bad men and bad people cannot cross. Save your light feminine energy for those who truly deserve it, your compassion, your nurturing, and your soft interior for those who earn your love, and deserve your love. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to harness my power and look out for my heart and my peace."

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Rule #8: No more wasting your energy or your time on men who can't give you what you want, don't give you want, and don't offer anything for what you offer.

this one is quite self explanitory. Again, cannot. do not. and don't offer anything that you want. is a no go. Those types of people are a waste of time and space in your life. If you are manifesting marriage, a divine connection, true love, or a long-term partnership why are we sitting around wasting our time, energy, and love on someone non-committal and unhealed? Ladies, why? Do better.

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Rule #9: No more "but.. he changed." excuses or sympathizing.

I've just told you that it is your responsibility to identify red flags and bad behavior. Hold yourself to that, and hold the women in your life to that standard as well. "bUt He WaS dIfFereNt aNd hAd EveRyThINg BefORE I sAcRifICEd EvEryThInG aND nOW hES cRAzy, MeAN, aNd iNcApAbLE oF beHavInG LIkE aN adUlT!" Listen to how that sounds. We know that it is very difficult to unlearn bad and old behaviors so how do we come to the conclusion that after someone was "perfect" they suddenly began to behave differently or display outrageous expressions of behavior. It just doesn't make any sense.

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Rule #10: Be careful what you wish for.

This one can be kept short and sweet, don't manifest a partner, don't tell the universe you would like love...without being specific about what you're asking for. Set your intentions and desires straight.

"I'd like a partner." ✗ WRONG!

"I'd like a healed partner." "A balanced partner." "I'd like the right partner." ✓ WELL DONE.

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These are my ten rules, I hope these inspired you, or you found something useful here. Remember, what you put out into the world is what you get back, look out for yourself, and uphold accountability above all. I love you. <3!

#manifestation #self love #self expression #note to self #self discovery #self improvement #self worth #love yourself #self healing #standards #raiseyourstandards #boundaries #dreamgirljourney #dream girl #self care #pink

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justaaveragereader · 3 years ago

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I just want y’all to understand..I was legit squealing and blushing like a girl who just fell in love..may I mind you I’m engaged..I looked over at my fiancé with such disappointment in my eyes 😭🤣 and started ranting to him about being like this Choi San! Ladies..if he ain’t like this throw him away!

By Your Side || cs

"The quiet guy who lives next door to you hardly seems to notice you, but you can't help but notice him—he's gorgeous. You've given up all hope of striking up a conversation until he comes to your rescue one night after your ex shows up at your house, drunk and looking to take you back, whether you want him or not." - Prompt

🩹 Pair: San x Reader(f)

🩹 Rating/Genre: NC-17; Fluff, slight comfort, neighbor au, strangers to lovers

🩹 Word Count: 6.4k

🩹 Warnings: Minor injury (cuts/scrapes), small amount of blood, intoxication/drunk character, insinuating cheating, cursing

🩹 Author’s Note: This is my first non-BTS fic, so I’m nervous! Ateez has really stolen my heart. They’re now one of my ult groups, so expect to see more of them on my blog heh. I’m excited to start writing for them. I have more Ateez fic ideas in mind that I’m looking forward to writing in the future! As always, I hope you enjoy it.

Ateez Masterlist

The slope of his nose was perfectly leveled. His hair was straight and parted in the middle to expose some of his forehead. His lips rested in a slight pout; his brows furrowed as he struggled to slide his key correctly into the keyhole of his mailbox. You would have offered to lend him a hand, but he soon got the key in successfully. The view of his face was covered by the mailbox’s door.

You should have torn your gaze from his profile. If he caught you staring, it would be too awkward to extract yourself from the situation. You would stumble over your words as you tried to formulate an excuse. However, he was like a magnet. Your eyes stayed glued to him, scanning what little you could see now. Perhaps it was the fact his hair color had suddenly changed from a bright pink to a dark black. Although you enjoyed his magenta hair, the black hair made him more alluring. While the obvious change in his appearance caught your attention, you couldn’t deny that another reason why you were so fascinated with the man was that he was extremely handsome. From his soft eyes to his sharp jawline; it was difficult to ignore him.

San has been your neighbor for almost a year now. Recalling his move-in day brought a smile to your face. Not just because he was your gorgeous new neighbor, but because his friends came and helped him move his furniture and boxes. You were leaving your apartment to run a grocery errand and had stumbled upon yelling whispers. His friends were trying to stay quiet amongst their chaos, but it was clear whispering was not their forte. Although you didn’t stay for long, you had gathered they were arguing about how to get your neighbor’s couch through his door. Through the havoc, you had caught your new neighbor rolling his eyes with a smile on his face as he carried a box inside behind them. They were finished by the time you had come back from your grocery shopping. And even though you didn’t see your neighbor and his friends, you could faintly hear them through the door. Usually, the noise would slowly boil your blood, but it was hard to get irritated by the contagious laughing next door.

A soft click and the rattling of keys tore you from your memories. Much to your horror, you were still staring at your neighbor. You ripped your gaze to your own open mailbox and hastily grabbed what little mail you had to distract yourself. However, your stare didn’t go unnoticed as you swore you saw his lips curl into a small smile before he left without a word.

Your shoulders sagged when he was out of your vision, eyes dropping down to the two envelopes in your hand. You had never been the greatest with keeping up with checking your mail, but after your neighbor made himself a home next door, getting your mail was the highlight of your days. It became an excuse to get a glimpse of the eye candy living adjacent to you.

Eventually, you would grow out of this strange attraction you had for your neighbor. At least you hoped you would. You had realized trying to start a conversation was harder than you imagined. It wasn’t because he gave you the cold shoulder, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to say something to him. Every time you had built up the courage, your throat would close up and prevent any words from escaping. You wouldn’t be surprised if he thought you were a creep at this point. He never struck a conversation either. Maybe you had already scared him away.

The thought had a sigh leave your lips. You didn’t want to do that.

You shut your mailbox and twisted the key, locking it. You stared at the small, metal door. Today will be the last day for a while, you told the inanimate object. You were going to give your neighbor some space.

It was time to let go of the silly crush you had formed. It wasn’t going to go anywhere.

Choi San was a quiet man.

He kept to himself and was never the cause for any ruckus that occurred in your apartment complex. Well, he may have been if he was with his friends, but never alone was he any trouble. He was an enigma, and you couldn’t help but feel more drawn to him because of it. You wanted to know him for more than a pretty face.

Five weeks passed when you didn’t check your mailbox every other day. You had been accustomed to visiting your mailbox frequently, so it felt strange not to. Any time you had seen San, it was simply through passing. He would be leaving his apartment while you were entering yours or vice versa. You kept your gaze averted, forcing yourself to resist the urge to steal a glance. It wasn’t easy. Though, getting rid of any addiction was always difficult. No matter how weird it sounded, you had come to terms you were addicted to San. At least, you were addicted to the attraction you felt when you spotted him. You shouldn’t have been so down the first time you skipped going to your mailbox. Whatever trance you were lulled under in his presence was too strong to ignore.

You shook your head to yourself when you realized your thoughts were drifting to the man next door. Again. Goodness, you were hopeless.

You snatched your phone from the counter and strolled to your TV. You sunk into the cushions, pulling the blanket that was slung over the couch’s arm over your body. Despite it being the weekend, you had no plans on going out.

Last weekend was a friend’s birthday, and you were still trying to regain the energy you had expelled. The nights were fun, but you needed a few weeks to recuperate.

Twenty minutes passed before knocks at your door startled you. A quick glance at your phone’s clock informed you it was half-past eleven.

You were going to ignore the knocks as it was late, but the sounds persisted.

Sighing, you pushed off your blanket and shuffled to the door. You quietly glanced through the peephole and cursed inwardly when you saw who it was.

Normally, you would turn away from the door, but a part of you was worried about why your ex-boyfriend was knocking at your door so late. The relationship ended a little rocky, but you didn’t hate him. You hadn’t talked to him since and avoided his friends in case you would accidentally run into him. Because you didn’t dislike him enough to feed him to the wolves, you opened your door.

Hyunwoo’s eyes widen at the sound of your door opening.

“Oh, I’m sh-o glad you a-answered,” he sighed in relief, hand leaning against the frame of your door. Most of his weight was on that hand. You were sure if you moved it, he would lose his balance.

There was something off with him.

“Are you okay?” you questioned moving your hands slightly in front of you in case he was to fall.

“Peachy,” he answered. He tilted his head as his eyes took in your night attire. The long shirt and short shorts weren’t anything designer, but it had Hyunwoo smiling.

“You not occupied, are you? ‘M just wanna shee you. Was ‘bout’a go home, but Kwan dropped’e off here. I don’t remember telling ‘im that though,” Hyuneoo rambled, his other hand waving aimlessly as he spoke. His gaze dropped as his brows furrowed at his last sentence. He looked confused suddenly.

The more he spoke, the more you realized he was intoxicated. If it weren’t for his slurring, you would know from the smell of alcohol coming from his mouth.

It was late and you did not wish to spend your weekend taking care of your drunk ex.

You glanced behind him to see if his friend had come along too—hopefully sober. Unfortunately, all you saw was empty space.

“Where’s Kwan?” you wondered. Please say waiting in the car.

“Gone. Sh-aid ‘m betta’ off here.” Hyunwoo looked up at you again, face no longer scrunched with confusion.

“Is he coming back?”

Hyunwoo shrugged and looked down when he heard something drop. Following his gaze, you saw his phone on the floor. Before you could pick it up for him, he moved the arm resting against the door frame to grab it.

“Wait-” you tried to stop him.

“’S’kay,” he mumbled as he reached down. Barely a second later, he was losing his balance.

Your hands reached out to grab his shoulders, but his knees had already hit the floor.

“Owww,” he whined loudly, making you do a quick glance at the other doors around you. Great. Someone’s going to hear that.

“Is Kwan sober? I’ll call him and have him pick you back up.” You grabbed his phone and stuffed it in your pocket then pulled Hyunwoo up from the floor. You helped him lean against the wall outside your door.

“N-no!” Hyunwoo exclaimed and reached a hand to stop your movements. Your eyes widen at his fast reaction. “Not leaving ‘til you talk to me. Want’o talk.”

His head leaned back, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed harshly. His hand still gripped your wrist. Despite your wishes, it appeared you would have to babysit him until you could figure out what to do.

“Why ‘ou look sh-ad?” Hyunwoo pouted. The hand on your wrist slowly moved up to your face. You grabbed his hand and stopped it from caressing your face. You moved it back to his side. “Always hated sh-eeing you sh-ad.”

You ignored his words.

“Let’s get you inside while I call a ride for you,” you suggested and started to slowly move to your door. Your phone was inside, and you didn’t want to leave him outside alone. You could drive him back to his home, but you didn’t want to be responsible for him any longer than you had to. You weren’t sure why Kwan would leave him here like this, but you weren’t happy with that knowledge.

Forgetting he was unstable, Hyunwoo hastily pushed off the wall to stop you from going inside. Although you didn’t understand what he was fearful of, you guessed it was because he wanted to stop you from calling someone.

“Hyunw-” you gasped as you felt him grip your waist firmly and begin to stumble.

Unlike before, he fell with you in his hold.

You staggered to the floor.

“Shit,” you hissed as you felt the heel of your palms burn from scraping the concrete floor. There was also an aching pain in your ass from falling backward on the hard ground.

Suddenly, the sound of a door clicking open stole your attention from the stinging in your hands.

Standing with a startled expression was your handsome neighbor. His hair was wavy and fluffy, making you want to ruffle his locks. He wore black sweatpants with white stripes down the sides and a grey muscle tee. You wondered how such a cute face could be on a body like that. The contrast was eye-catching.

After four weeks of barely seeing him, you wanted to stay seated on the floor with your eyes glued to his. Unfortunately, or fortunately, you didn’t have the chance because Hyunwoo’s voice brought you back to your situation.

“Don’t worry,” Hyunwoo reassured your neighbor, hand waving him off as he tried to stand up. “Jus’a’lil accsh-ident.”

San’s expression soon turned into concern as his eyes darted from Hyunwoo to you. He quickly moved forward and held out his hand.

“Are you hurt?” he asked as he waited for you to accept. His voice was tender like the gaze he had cast toward you.

Even though now was your chance to feel his skin upon yours, part of you didn’t want to. You were too embarrassed at having been caught on the floor with your drunk ex somewhere behind you. You couldn’t even entertain your lingering crush on him at the moment.

Because you didn’t want to make the situation any worse, you took his hand anyway and allowed him to pull you up. His hand was large around yours and cool to the touch. You muttered a thank you as he lifted you. He was stronger than you imagined, and you accidentally stumbled from the strength he used to help you stand.

His hands rested on your shoulders to steady you while yours came to rest on his biceps. A slight blush bloomed on your cheeks at the feel of his bare skin, and you quickly retracted your hands.

“I’m sorry,” he said sheepishly then glanced behind you, not bothered with you having touched him.

“It’s okay,” you murmured. “I’m okay-”

Abruptly, San quickly held out a hand and grabbed Hyunwoo, stopping him from falling on you again and dragging you all to the floor. San’s other hand still rested on your shoulder.

He looked at you after studying Hyunwoo for a moment. “Can you walk?”

Once you nodded, San moved the hand that was on you to grab Hyunwoo. He could hold him up better.

“Did you want him in your home, or should I rest him against the wall?” San questioned, quickly assessing Hyunwoo’s state. Although you both have never spoken to each other, the only form of exchange were head nods, you had heard his voice on occasions. Sometimes while he was on the phone or if his friends came over. Nevertheless, his voice was as smooth as you remembered. You would have indulged in the way it comforted you if it weren’t for this particular situation.

“’M can walk!” Hyunwoo scoffed and attempted to push San’s hands from him. “Yn, tell ‘im to let me go.”

“Follow me,” you quickly said and ignored your ex’s whining. You didn’t want another neighbor to see what was happening. You stepped inside your apartment again, holding the door open as San helped Hyunwoo stagger in. You gestured to the couch then shut the door.

“Whatcha’ doing, man? I sh-aid ‘m can walk!”

San disregarded Hyunwoo’s pleads as he guided him to your couch. He eased your ex down on your couch, having to quickly push him back onto the cushions when Hyunwoo tried to stand again.

“You’ll be fine. Just sit for a while,” San said calmly to Hyunwoo, yet there was a firmness to it that made it sound more like a command than a light suggestion.

Hyunwoo huffed in his face but stayed seated finally.

“Yn,” Hyunwoo called. “He ca’eave now.” He gestured to San who was hovering near the couch in case Hyunwoo decided to kiss the floor again.

You glanced at San, wanting to tell him you were okay now, but part of you didn’t want him to go. Whether it be because you needed his strength if Hyunwoo were to fall again or if you simply wanted to be in his presence without standing near your mailbox.

As if San could sense your hesitancy, he offered, “I can stay if you want. I don’t mind.”

“But I do!” Hyunwoo protested.

“That’d be nice,” you sighed, a headache forming.

“It’s not ‘ike you’o ignore me,” Hyunwoo interjected; his body sagged against the cushions as if feeling defeated.

“May you give us a moment? Sorry. You can sit over there,” you asked San and pointed at your dining room across the room.

“Of course,” he answered politely and took a seat at your dining table. He pulled out his phone and averted his attention from you. You figured he did that more so out of courtesy than boredom.

You moved closer to the couch to grab your phone.

“Why did Kwan leave you here?” you asked Hyunwoo. One of his hands reached up to grab your forearm. He stared at you with half-lidded eyes, lips tugged down in a frown.

“Something ‘bout me bein’ annoying. Sh-aid I needed to talk’o you.” He tugged, rougher than you believed he meant to, but it caused you to fall next to him on the couch. For some reason, your eyes quickly glanced at San, but he was still looking at his phone screen.

“Okay,” you said slowly. “What did you want to talk about?”

As you waited for his answer, you scrolled through your contacts to find Kwan.

“Us-h,” Hyunwoo said and gently rubbed your forearm. When he noticed your attention was heavily directed to your phone instead of him, he placed a hand on yours that was holding the device.

You finally glanced in his direction.

“Maybe we should talk about it another time,” you lied and tried to keep your voice low. Even though it was probably best to talk about that topic when he was sober, you didn’t want to talk about it at all. You felt the conversation would be redundant as you’ve already talked things through. At least, that’s how you felt.

“Pfft,” he scoffed and pushed himself farther into your cushions. Maybe he thought he could embed himself in your furniture so he couldn’t leave. “You’re ignorin’eh too much for me’o believe that.”

“Hyunwoo,” you sighed and gently removed his hand from yours. “It’s been a year already. I thought you moved on.”

As discreetly as you could, you began searching through your contacts. When you found Kwan’s name, you sent a quick text telling him to pick Hyunwoo up if he was sober.

“A year?” Hyunwoo wondered. The look on his face showed he didn’t realize how long it’s been. You barely have seen Hyunwoo after the breakup–could count the number of interactions you had with him on your hands. Sometimes it was at a shared friend’s event or through passing at local stores since you both lived in the same city. Regardless, it was never more than 15 minutes at a time.

Hyunwoo’s shoulders sagged, eyes squeezing shut as if to erase that thought from his mind. “Right,” he mumbled more to himself.

A vibration in your hand turned your gaze away from your ex. Luckily, Kwan was fine to come back. A silent sigh left your lips as you felt relieved that you wouldn’t have to drive him home.

“Get some rest, okay?” you said. You wanted to say you’d talk about it later, but you knew you didn’t want to, so you refrained from the offer.

Hyunwoo’s energy must have decreased exceptionally. He simply nodded and let his head fall back. Gently, you adjusted him so he was laying down. You waited for a few minutes in case he woke up and became needy again. When he didn’t, you carefully got up, placed his phone next to him, and went to where San was seated.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with this, but thank you for helping,” you said as you sat down across from him.

San tucked his phone into his pocket and sent you a reassuring smile. Your eyes flickered to his small dimples. You never saw them too much, but they always had your heart warm in your chest. They made him look much cuter.

“You don't need to apologize,” San assured. “I’m sorry you had to get stuck with your drunk friend.”

You opened your mouth to correct him, but why should you? It didn’t matter if San thought he was your friend or your ex. The details were irrelevant.

Instead, you said, “I’m still grateful you helped me.”

“‘Course,” he murmured.

His gaze moved to your clasped hands on the table. You started to feel conscious of them under his stare and began to tuck them beneath the table. However, San was quick to stop the movement.

He slowly turned your hands over, palms up. You looked at him confused.

“You should clean this,” he instructed kindly and traced a small area on your hands.

You averted your gaze down quickly.

On both palms were red areas with scratch marks. The areas weren’t big, but you could still see the worry in San’s eyes.

The warmth in your chest spread at the fact he cared about your wellbeing even though he didn’t really know you and the injuries weren’t major.

“Come,” he said and carefully rose from his chair. The layout of the apartment must be similar to his because he navigated to the kitchen sink with ease. That or he saw it when he sat at the table.

Silently, he turned on the facet, checking the temperature several times as the seconds passed. You watched with more attention required. You had never imagined the neighbor you’ve been smitten with would be in your apartment. Let alone helping you clean a wound.

You took the time to stare at his profile while his focus was on the running water. He had small stud earrings and his skin was light honey. His hair fell in front of his face, the wavy locks concealing his eyes. You were partly glad for that so he couldn’t see you staring…again.

Once San was satisfied, he hastily washed his hands and then held out a hand. You quickly placed a hand in his. Probably a little too fast, but you didn’t want to be caught distracted.

He led your hand under the water. His movements were gentle as he cleaned your scrapes. For someone who was physically strong, he knew when to be tender. After he cleaned both hands, he dried them off with a clean towel you had handed him.

“Do you have band-aids?” he asked while drying your hands.

“I’ll be fine,” you brushed off his question. Not because you didn’t have any, but because you already felt he did enough. You didn’t want him to think you were totally useless.

San chuckled lowly and peered at your face through his hair. You had the urge to move his hair to see him clearly but resisted.

“I know,” he said, “but just let me play doctor for a few more minutes.”

His teasing tone caught you off guard and you lowered your head to hide the small smile forming on your lips.

“I-I’ll go get them then,” you replied and left to retrieve them before he could stop you. You could hear the faint sound of his laughter as you moved to your bathroom.

You wished you weren’t so nervous being in his presence but after months of admiring from afar, you couldn’t stop fumbling over your words and thoughts.

When you came back, San was leaning against the kitchen counter, hands resting behind him on the countertop. The position had his shirt stretch slightly across his torso. While he had broad shoulders, his waist tapered to give him an attractive figure. His gaze was on your ex sleeping on your couch. You couldn’t read his expression and part of you wondered what he was thinking.

“Band-aids, Dr. Choi,” you announced and held out the box.

San turned his head to you, a smile forming on his lips at your joke. He stood up straighter at the title and took the box from your hold.

“Thank you, Ms. Yn,” he played along. He pulled out some band-aids, picked the correct sizes, then started to open them.

“Now I’m not sure if you’re my patient or my assistant. I don’t think it’s appropriate for doctors to ask their patients to bring them items.”

You giggled at his dilemma and held out your hands when he gestured for them.

“I can be whatever you want me to be,” you teased, not taking the time to consider the multiple meanings that one sentence held.

Your response had San faltering in his movements, thumbs paused as he was in the middle of pressing the ends of the band-aid flat against your skin.

“I-I meant that I didn’t care if I was a patient or an a-”

You stuttered as you tried to explain yourself; however luckily for you, loud knocking interrupted you.

The booming sounds of the knocks startled San and he quickly jumped away from you, letting the second band-aid flutter to the floor and a small yelp escaped his mouth. You bit your lower lip to stop smiling at his reaction. You hadn’t even considered that San might be easily scared. Before you could go down the rabbit hole of thinking of his other traits, another knock emitted.

There was a groan near the couch, and you realized the knocking must be Kwan.

You quickly went to the door and swung it open, not bothering to look through the peephole.

“Long time no see,” Kwan said with a smile that didn’t seem genuine. You had met him through Hyunwoo and while he liked you initially, he started to dislike you after your and Hyunwoo’s breakup.

“Hey,” you greeted. “He’s on the couch sleeping. I can help move him to the car.”

You stepped aside to let him in. As you were about to guide him to where Hyunwoo was, he stopped you.

“What did he tell you?”

“What?” you questioned as you shut the door.

“Do you know why I left him here?” Kwan asked, not bothering to explain himself. His voice was pretty hushed. Maybe he didn’t want to wake Hyunwoo.

“Something about him being annoying,” you recalled.

Kwan scoffed. “That, but also because he’s been so pathetic lately. All he talks about is you and how you broke his heart.”

You gave him a confused expression; you didn’t like where this was going.

“The breakup was mutual. How could I br-”eak his heart? You stopped yourself from asking because there was no point. You knew Kwan would just formulate a reason that would make you feel guilty. Although you didn’t want to hurt Hyunwoo, you both ended the relationship in agreement. You were simply going in different directions in life.

“Look,” you sighed. “He isn’t my responsibility, and he needs to move on. We’re not getting back together.”

You stood your ground even when Kwan sent a cold glare in your direction.

“Even if we did, you think I would be happy? You think me being unhappy would make Hyunwoo happy?” you tried to explain.

“You could be happy if you just-”

“No,” you stopped him with a raised hand. “I’ve moved on. Hyunwoo is a good guy-” Kwan scoffed. “-But I don’t see a future with him.”

“You’re so-!”

“Kwan?”

Both you and Kwan moved further into the apartment at his name being called. Hyunwoo sat up on the couch and began to stand. For once you were grateful for Hyunwoo. You didn’t want to hear the rest of Kwan’s sentence; it was most likely filled with profanities.

“Hey, buddy.” Kwan moved to help Hyunwoo stand. “You ready to go?”

Hyunwoo hummed and then looked at you.

“Call me later, ‘kay?” He spoke slowly, voice a little groggy.

You stilled at the question. You would call if he wasn’t going to try to convince you to get back together, but every conversation after the breakup consisted of him dropping hints of wanting to be with you again.

You must have stayed silent for too long because Hyunwoo exhaled a defeated sigh. Kwan sent you another scowl, threatening with his gaze to say yes.

“It’s fine. Never mind,” Hyunwoo said and waved his hand as if to push away the question that was hanging in the air.

“Why can’t you just talk to him like an adult, Yn?” Kwan interrupted rudely.

“It’s fine, Kwan,” Hyunwoo repeated. “‘M not gonna’ force-”

“No, Hyun, you deserve a simple talk with her.” Kwan directed his attention to you again. “It’s the least she can do.”

You stared at him incredulously. He’s acting as if you cheated on Hyunwoo with ten guys, but you didn’t do such a thing. Why would Hyunwoo agree to break up if he really didn’t want to?

“There’s nothing else to say,” you argued.

“Evidently that’s a lie because Hyunwoo’s been moping-”

“How is that my fault?” you snapped.

“Are you serious, Yn?!” Kwan exclaimed.

“If she doesn’t want to call, then she doesn’t want to call.”

The new voice had all three of you turning toward the kitchen. You had forgotten San was still here in the midst of your personal chaos. San’s once calm demeanor turned fierce. You had never seen this side of San, but you had a suspicion he was holding back on saying more.

Kwan let out a dry laugh.

“Ah, I see,” he said and shook his head. “When did you find him? A day before you broke up with Hyun?”

San clenched his jaw, body tensed as he forced himself to stay put when all he wanted to do was kick him out. Maybe not with force... Unless he had to. He saw himself as a lover, not a fighter, but that didn't matter if you were in danger.

It was clear Kwan had made a false persona of you. You were sure he believed you had done something sinister to Hyunwoo that led to the breakup. Though, it also made you realize that Hyunwoo let him believe that. Did he even try to save your face?

“I think it’s time for you to go. Thanks for picking him up,” you said and disregarded Kwan’s gibe. You didn't need, nor want, to listen to him anymore.

You moved toward the door, but Hyunwoo and Kwan didn’t follow.

“Will you call him?” Kwan asked sternly. He wasn’t going to leave unless you agreed.

Exasperated, you opened your mouth to say fine, but San cut you off.

“It’s clear she has nothing more to say. Drop it and leave.”

“The question wasn’t directed to you, pretty boy,” Kwan said, rolling his eyes.

“Yet you’re meddling with issues they need to solve on their own,” San retorted. His eyes were glued to Kwan’s. If San had acted like this when you first saw him, you would have avoided him at all costs. Everyone has their dark side, per se, but San’s was much darker than you had imagined for someone who seemed like a loving cat.

“I have to because Hyun won’t gro-!”

“Let’s just go. M’ head’s killing me, man,” Hyunwoo said, body struggling to stay upright any longer. Although he wasn’t completely sober, the nap at least knocked some sense in him.

Kwan pressed his lips together but began to walk toward the door. You held the door open and watched as they made their way to the exit.

As they passed you, Hyunwoo tripped. You reached out to grab him, but Kwan held a hand to stop yours. The quick action had startled you and you pulled back. You could hear San’s hurried footsteps as he came closer. You weren’t entirely sure why he was suddenly by your side, but you guessed it was in case Kwan tried to do something.

“Don’t touch him,” Kwan snarled at you and led him out the door without your help.

The second they were out the door, you shut and locked it.

You pressed your back against the door and inhaled a deep breath. Your eyes stilled on the ceiling, trying to ease your tense shoulders as the seconds ticked by.

“Do they visit often?” San asked, pulling you from your thoughts.

“No. They haven’t been here in a long time,” you said and glanced down at your feet. Why did Kwan have to stir up unwanted emotions?

“If they come back, you can just call me and I’ll come over,” he said earnestly.

“They won’t harm me. I don’t need to burden you.”

“They are capable of it, though, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

You looked up at San, head tilting as you tried to force yourself to be rational. The sentence had butterflies flapping in your stomach that you tried to ignore. He was just being friendly–probably would say that to anyone. Knowing how sweet and protective he seemed to be could confirm that suspicion.

“Thanks,” you muttered. “But I still don-”

“What’s your number?”

You stuttered incoherent words as you tried to grasp his question. In the back of your head, you knew he was asking so you could call him if you needed his help. Though, you couldn’t stop the thought of him asking you this for another reason.

“Should I just give you mine instead?” San chuckled softly when you didn’t answer right away.

“No- I mean sure- No, wait, I can just give you mine.”

San laughed again and pulled his phone out. He navigated his way to his contacts and added a new one.

“Number?” he asked again.

This time, you gave it to him.

“I sent you a text so you have my number. I’m serious; let me know if they come back. You won’t be bothering me. I’ll probably come over if I hear them anyway.”

“Why?” you asked before you could stop yourself.

San gave you a small smile. “Because I can’t let my mail buddy get hurt.”

“W-what?” you gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. San laughed, a corner of his lips quirking up in a smirk. The sound of his laughter had you smiling involuntarily; however, they quickly dipped down when he continued.

“You’re not very discrete,” San said teasingly.

“What would I need to be discreet about?”

“You know, I kept thinking I had food or something on my face,” he started to say, “but then I just realized you simply enjoyed looking at me.”

San grinned wider, eyes turning into crescents as he watched your expression change into horror and embarrassment.

“I’m s-sorry!” you said. You were uncertain what else to say and you sure weren’t going to admit the reason why. The embarrassment you felt now would last a solid six months, even more. You didn’t want to add additional time. However, it seemed San was having fun seeing you flustered.

“Why sorry? Who said I didn’t like it?”

A small yelp left your lips, and you brought your hands to your face to hide your flushed cheeks.

“Why haven’t you been coming to the mailboxes lately? I was getting worried.” Although San’s tone was still light, you could catch the hint of concern.

“I went.” Not entirely a lie because you did go, but very briefly and at times that no one would be there. “Must have missed each other.”

San quirked an eyebrow up in disbelief. “I highly doubt that,” he said and gave you an encouraging smile to tell the truth.

“F-fine!” you huffed and pulled your hands from your face. “I didn’t want to creep you out.”

San stared at you long enough to make you feel awkward. You were about to apologize again when San spoke.

“Why would a pretty girl staring at me creep me out? I found it endearing.”

You were sure your cheeks were already pink. Now, they’re bright red.

“Don’t say that,” you said bashfully.

“Mhm,” he hummed as if in thought and kept a smile on his face. “Very cute indeed.”

His reply made you feel he was talking to himself. You hadn’t prepared for San to say such things. Even when you daydreamed of interactions with him, they never turned out like this.

“Would you be okay with hanging out together sometime? Not just when you’re in need of a knight in– Actually, I guess I would be a doctor in sweats instead of a knight.”

You laughed at his joke, recalling how he had tended to your wounds ever so carefully. The lighthearted tone had eased your nervousness.

“Yeah, I would like that,” you answered with a smile of your own.

San nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. How about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” you asked, surprised. You were excited to finally be able to learn more about San, but tomorrow felt too soon. You needed time to mentally prepare.

“About five? I would say earlier, but it’s already so late that I doubt either one of us will want to be up early.”

At the mention of time, you quickly reached for your phone to check. However, you had left it somewhere and from where you stood, you couldn’t see the clock in your kitchen.

“It’s two,” San said.

“O-oh wow. I’m sorry I kept you up.” You didn’t realize how long it’s been��how long you’ve been keeping San from sleeping.

“You apologize a lot, huh?” San observed to which you blushed again. “It’s okay, really. Don’t stress about it. I wanted to stay. So, what do you say? Tomorrow at five?”

“Where will we go?”

San shrugged. “I haven’t thought about that yet. Just wear whatever you feel comfortable in. I’m sure you’ll look b- I’m sure it won’t be anything fancy.”

San’s cheeks turned their own shade of rose as he quickly changed his sentence. Despite not knowing what he was going to say, you felt your heart beat a little quicker with the thought of what he had planned.

I’m sure you’ll look beautiful.

It may not be exact, but you let yourself indulge in what could be a false statement because it made you feel good. His pink cheeks were a good hint that you were probably correct, though.

It felt good to have him finally feel shy. It gave you some confidence.

“Okay then,” you said. “Tomorrow at five.”

San beamed at you. You couldn’t wait to see more of his smile.

“If they ever come back, call me. I don’t care if it’s four in the morning, okay? You have my number.”

“Okay,” you said and reluctantly moved off the door so you could open it.

“You mean it?”

“I do.”

And you did.

Because Choi San was such a caring person you could feel how genuine he was being. You hadn’t wanted to call him at first because you weren’t sure if he was just saying that to be polite. However, you could sense he was being serious with every fiber in his body. Plus, you believed him when he said he would come on his own accord if he heard anyone disturb you.

You slowly opened the door for him and watched as he stepped outside, hands digging into his pocket to retrieve his keys.

Before he stepped into his own apartment, he glanced at you.

“Sleep well, Ms. Yn,” he said sweetly.

You giggled at his reference. Playing along, you replied, “Goodnight, Dr. Choi.”

The warm smile on his handsome face was the last thing you could think of as you fell asleep, eager and anxious for tomorrow.

You weren’t sure where your and San’s relationship was going to go, whether it will be platonic or not. One thing was for sure, though. You wanted Choi San in your life simply because he brought a light you weren’t going to be able to replicate. And that alone was cherishable enough.

ATEEZ COMEBACK LET’S GO!!!!! I’M SO HYPED FOR IT. THESE PROMOTIONS ARE CREATIVE AND INCREDIBLE. I’m extremely amazed by the marketing strategies–unannounced posters, AirDropped codes??? These trailers for their movie comeback? Hello?! Stan Ateez lol. I love that they’re using their storyline to guide their promos. Also, my favorite stage on Kingdom was their Rhythm Ta performance, so I’m very anxious to see what all they’ve been working on. Anyway, I’m just excited to get more into the Ateez community. I need more fellow Atinys in my life! Please be my friend 😫 lol

Thank you for reading! 🧡

#san fluff #san comfort #ateez fanfic #ateez comfort #raiseyourstandards #never settle for less #if #he #ain’t like this #throw him away #bae if you #are reading this #step ur game up #Choi San is the standard

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