#questioning greyro

[amr2002amr]

romanctic attraction is thinking someone is cool, pretty, amazing, etc. and passionately desiring romantic things with said person and having this warm spark in you or butterflies in the stomach when you think about them or hang with them and desiring entering a romantic relationship with them. These feelings persist regardless of comfort level or compatibility. I am grayromantic and I have only experienced romantic attraction a couple times so I know what it feels like.

If you don't know, ask yourself, do you passionately want to do romantic acts with said person you're interested in, would that bring you fluffy joy and wonderous thrill or does simply being friends with them (or somewhere in between or any other tertiary attraction level) feel way better of an end goal to your passionate desires?

[will drop the term qpr, queer platonic partner/relationship here for your use if you don't know it already]

[hauntedaether]

.i think im a bi lesbian actually,

[arosnowflake]

[Image: Tumblr tags reading '#the feeling was friendship but neither of them had ever experienced it before'.]

what is it about the least canon-compliant aromantic headcanons that makes them the best. like when a character shows no romantic attraction okay that is pretty awesome. but when romance is a big part of a character/plot? oh now we're fucking cooking

[kokuyo-gang]

It's been a while since I last posted something personal around here but I really don't know where else I can talk about it so here comes a long post about my sexuality and general rant about it because I need to vent and get some advice maybe?

As far as my sexuality goes, I've always known I'm not straight and at first I simply identified as bisexual because that's what felt right to me at the time. However, as time passed by and I started to analyze my romantic/sexual relationships (or lack thereof) I sensed that there was more to it than just that. As I grew and learned more, I started to identify as asexual, because if I'm being honest, I never feel that attraction that people describe, every time I had ever had sex, it was me following someone's lead but I never enjoyed it or really cared about it at all. It wasn't like it was anything negative either, if anything I would say I'm neutral, like it doesn't even bother me or affect me in anyway if I have sex or not, and it's not something I seek either.

I started to research more into it, and changed labels in the ace spectrum for a while, really confused because at the same time I was pretty sure I had really liked some people in the past. One day I came across the split attraction model and it only made me question myself more, the aro spectrum was something completely new to me and I wasn't sure what to do with that information. I started to think that maybe I was actually alloaro, or greyaroace or something in between those lines. Romance is something I don't really understand, like, I enjoy it in media and I get the concept, but as for myself, I always struggled with really getting what it was like because I never dated anyone romantically until my late 20s, time in which I dated a guy who I really thought I liked at the beginning but then completely made me feel uncomfortable a week into dating and ended up things with him. And then she came along, a girl who I really really liked and that somehow reciprocated my feelings. We started dating and I'm pretty sure I felt what everyone always described as romantic attraction and love, however she ended things with me badly by ghosting me and disappearing from my life.

During her absence I felt nothing remotely similar with anyone else, nor was I interested in seeking another relationship, not because of hurt or anything, I was simply not interested in something like that. It was then that I learned more about aromanticism and, well, initially I thought that maybe I was greyromantic, like, I usually don't feel romantic attraction but when I do, it either lasts too little or the complete opposite of that. I did question it a lot though, because then the ace part of me was also in constant contradiction and I was starting to wonder if maybe I was in neither of the spectrums and was just, like, finding excuses as to why my relationships never worked.

With time I've come to a conclusion that feels right for me, at least at present time when I'm typing this. I'm an aroflux sex indifferent asexual. I mostly stay in the aro side of the spectrum, but if certain conditions are met, then I can feel romantic attraction, however the duration of it will depend on the person (regardless of their gender) and on how long those conditions are met.

So here's the thing.

That girl who ghosted me a few years ago came back into my life this past year and the residual feelings reawakened, she also treated me in a way that made me believe that maybe she wanted to give us another try, but she had a girlfriend at the time who she ended up breaking up with just to start dating someone else. I was really really hurt by this, because I am aware of how rarely I feel romantic attraction towards people, and the fact that the few times that it's happened it's ended up being unrequited makes me wish I were completely aro to begin with just to save me the pain. Added to this, there is this guy at work who I felt attracted to from the beginning (because aesthetic attraction is a thing for me and I can totally tell the difference between it and romantic attraction), but recently I've been feeling that initial attraction has moved into more romantic territory and it's scary because I can tell that he feels it too.

Then again, the problem here is that I care about him as a dear friend and colleague, and I wouldn't want to ruin that by trying to pursue something else not knowing how long the feeling is going to last for me, because I don't know if it's going to be a lasting or a fleeting thing like in the past, and he recently ended a relationship in which he was badly hurt and I definitely don't want to do him badly like his previous partner.

And that's the thing, I'm scared of my aromanticism. Like, I've come to embrace it, because that really is who I am, and if I never "settle down" with anyone I really don't mind, but whenever it fluctuates to alloromantic territory I panic, because I am afraid of hurting people, but at the same time I'm hurting myself by not letting me have the experience at all and feeling esporadic - albeith short - heartbreak every single time my feelings aren't reciprocated just sucks too, you know?

And don't get me started with my occasional gender identity problems... But I'm going to leave that topic for a different time.

[pomefioredove]

May I request headcanons of the Pomfiore boys reacting to a greyromantic reader?

No matter your answer, remember to drink water and eat good food!

OH...AFTER MY LITTLE ARO HEART!!! I love this one. I usually wouldn't take such specific requests, but since I'm aro myself, I'll make an exception

I headcanon both epel and rook as somewhere on the aro spectrum, and I included that here, hope that's okay :3

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ greyro reader

type of post: headcanons characters: epel, rook, vil additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is not specified to be yuu, short and sweet

Epel is... curious

listen, it's not that he doesn't know anything about that sorta thing, it's just that he hasn't really put a lotta thought into it!

so, he asks

and so, you explain

and he's...

...kinda underwhelmed

big "but doesn't everyone feel that way?" vibes

he is absolutely NOT prepared to hear that no, in fact, most people do not feel that way about romance

"hope this doesn't awaken something in me!"

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"ah, you too?"

does Rook use labels for himself? no

does he describe in perfect detail every feeling and experience you've ever had on the spot?

...

maybe

(way to steal your thunder, smh)

but, really, it's kinda nice being understood

even if he doesn't outright say it, you can tell that the feeling is mutual, too

he reassures you that nothing you are could make him like you any less, and that if you ever need him, he's always a shout away!

weird, but nice

very... Rook

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

unfortunately, Vil is more of a "in that outfit?" kinda guy to come out to

LISTEN

it's not that he doesn't care, or, Sevens forbid, doesn't approve

it's just that it makes no difference to him

he's going to treat you the same

and like you either way

(he's far more accepting than people give him credit for)

of course, after reassurance, there'll be some questions

some for clarification, some out of sheer curiosity, but all with the respect and elegance you'd expect from him

he really does care

he's a sweetie <3

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

does anyone know any signs that someone may be greyromantic? questioning if I am but i don't really know much as I feel like there's not a lot of representation or awareness.

@greyro-problems @greyromanticality-blog @our-grey-experience @our-greyromantic-experience

[chaotic-carnifex]

I just realized that most ppl who know I'm aromantic... don't know that I used to be alloro. And then greyro.

No, I don't mean I identified that way until I figured out I was aro, I genuinely was alloromantic until like, summer or autumn 2015? Then I noticed that I was getting fewer "casual" crushes (y'know, not those full-blown ones, but the ones that are like a spark of interest that you know could turn into something stronger under the right circumstances?) and that they were generally getting weaker. I found myself fantasizing less and less abt romantic relationships. And y'know those fictional crushes where you'd imagine being romantically involved with a character? Yeah, I started imagining more platonic scenarios instead. The romantic ones just... became less appealing.

Basically, over a span of several months my interest in romance diminished until, sometime in early 2016, it was just. Gone.

And I've been aromantic ever since.

The cool thing about all this is that 1) I knew about the aro-spec before then, so I never thought I was broken or mentally ill or anything, I knew it was okay to be greyro and then later aro and 2) I never had to question whether I was really aro, I never had the "how do you prove a negative?" problem, because I knew what being alloro felt like, I could feel the difference

The weird thing is that to this day I've never heard of anything like this happening to anyone else. But I guess that's why I'm posting this, so if anyone stumbles upon this post who has experienced this as well, they'll know that they're not the only one.

Now, I know a lot of you may be wondering: If my romantic attraction just went away one day, does that mean it might at some point come back?

And, well, it might. I don't know, I didn't know it could go away until it did. I can't see the future, but yeah, maybe one day I'll feel romantic attraction again.

I hope not though.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I'm questioning if I'm greyromantic or not and wondered for people who are, how did they realise/figure out they were? do you or anyone else know any signs that someone may be greyromantic?

Some big signs I've seen talked about are things like feeling romantic on some level, but still feeling alienated from other alloromantic people, or having experiences that don't seem the same as other alloromantic people. I've also heard of people talking about aromantic not feeling right but alloromantic not feeling right either.

I'll throw this out to any greyromantic followers who want to share. How did you realise/figure out you were greyro?

[skayafair]

I keep coming back to these lines because they're just this all-encompassing.

I'm amazed at how HG managed to create a character so relatable for so many minorities with seemingly no intention to whatsoever.

(a personal story under the more)

This is sort of personal, but. For the past ten years or so I've been untangling decades of trauma and broken coping mechanisms, misconceptions about myself and the world around, blindly stumbling on the way to my true self, the one that feels right. The last three or four years were full of revelations - I discovered I have ADHD, am very likely autistic, certainly agender, greyro and ace, which explained SO MUCH and made me feel infinitely better compared to how it was before, gave some clarity about how to live this life. I found the way I want to dress to look like myself despite never seeing the reflection in the mirror as "me" (and it was the way I always wanted to but had no means for that). And today my body of all things (my connection to which is very flimsy at best) brought an early birthday present: my whole life I wished my hair was wavy instead of straight, and today it turned out IT IS. Always has been, I just didn't know how to hadle it properly. Just another detail of how this being was supposed to be from the very beginning but never knew, always going the wrong way, fell into its rightful place.

I used to feel like an emply space while growing. No face, no one inside, no certain shape. Just emptiness, an observer following some vague average outline, searching for itself in vain, with occasional flashes of hot anger from the core personality hidden deep inside, of which I didn't know back then. One event back when I was 18 shattered me to the very core, demolishing even the mask that existed instead of me all this time and sending me to a new journey of self-discovery.

So feeling each little piece falling into place now feels like pulling a shattered being back together, repositioning, reassembling the pieces the way they were supposed to be to begin with, but into a totally new order at the same time.

I am trying to become the thing I should've been a long time ago.

And it doesn't come without pain indeed.

But every little win feels so great.

My chosen name is a promise to myself, a more certain shape, the person I'm trying to become, helping to move forward.

I started listening to Malevolent in fall of 2022 and it helped me so much since then. I can't even place my finger on how exactly, it was just so relatable on so many levels that became validating and encouraging? In any case, I'm grateful for John to no end. There's absolutely no question in why he became so important to so many people.

[ugly-anarchist]

Tumblr communities are now free to join! No more invite links required! If you're alloaro and want a community to talk about your experiences or just connect with other alloaros then please come in and introduce yourself!

Note: You can only join with your main blog, not your side blog. Please keep that in mind if you decide to join!

Because there's a community limit please don't join if you're not alloaro.

Questioning people or people who are allosexual and arospec (demiro, greyro, etc) are always welcome and included!

[saturnine-saturneight]

Writeblr interview tag

Tagged by @tragedycoded [here] 💕

I thought I was going to sleep a little longer this morning, but looks like I'm up for good, so off we go. Good time to answer this.

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels (working on one) or poems (used to write a lot of them). I'd love to try my hand at short stories, though!

What genre do you prefer reading?

I am not a voracious reader. I used to be, I'd like to be that again, but right now, I am not. Those posts that are like 'if you want to write you need to read'? Those are about me.

When I do read fiction, it's usually detective fiction. Easy to digest, no greater emotional investment. I also love horror, but haven't read much of it in the past few years.

Most of the things I read nowadays are nonfiction, generally medical or political (or a Wikipedia article in the middle of a conversation to clear up a question), though I also love reading about monsters and fables.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

I go back and forth on this question. I'm a planner in that I know what I want from a novel or a chapter, and then a write as I go-er when it comes to getting there.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Less of a specific genre and moreso just songs I know in and out so I don't pay too much attention to them! Often on repeat. This is even more extreme when I draw. I drew those chibis I posted the other day to the living tombstone's cat song, lmfao.

Favorite books/movies?

I love horror comedies. Beetlejuice, death becomes her, little shop of horrors. Things like that. Nope was also incredible and has stuck with me, but that's not a comedy.

Any current WIPs?

Just Reburial :) I like to focus.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

Oversized black T-shirt, grey jeans, black converse. Phone in hand, headphones always either around the neck or being worn. I'm boring 🤘

Create a character description of yourself:

Jules stands at average height, their blond hair reaching down to their back, their face caught in a permanent expression of mild worry. They talk too fast, always fidgeting.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Archetypes and ways of speaking/thinking/acting, yes. Whole people, no. I always mix and match traits I've gotten to know in others and myself, and I pay close attention that I don't write 'in attack mode', meaning portraying certain mindsets as negative after someone annoyed me.

Are you kill happy with your characters?

I'm not! Side characters die in Reburial, but I don't enjoy killing characters I like if it means that I can't use them in the same story again afterwards.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

I'm a tap water kind of guy ✌️ Caffeine gives me heart palps.

Slow or fast writer?

Medium? I don't make an effort to write fast.

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

The majority of my horror comes from things that I personally find scary. When I get scared of something, I start reading, thinking, and talking about it, trying to understand it from all angles. And then sometimes, that also includes writing about it to see what exactly makes that fear tick, where it comes from, and which components are important to elicit the emotions. Fear based special interests, hahaha.

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Some kind of imp or a puss in boots type of creature.

Most fav book cliche:

You know what, I have no idea. Nothing comes to mind.

Least favorite cliche:

I am, however, a little hater. There are a lot of romance clichés on this list, which is a genre I tend to avoid. (I'm fairly greyro ace and would count myself as that if I wasn't also engaged.) If I do read A Romance, it's always with something else going on, and even then I get annoyed often, haha. I want two or more characters to be profoundly, boundary blurringly weird about each other. I don't want to read that they locked eyes across the room and now I'm supposed to believe that they should be partners for life because they find each other attractive.

There are also countless fantasy tropes on this list. Chosen one stuff, holy wars against pure evil, stories with 'good kings', the list goes on. You have to be REALLY good to make me read fantasy.

Favorite scene to write?

I just really like writing dialogue. Banter, arguments, confessions, etc.

Reason for writing?

It's fun. 👍 I daydream about putting Reburial on Itch for free when it's done, illustrated and type-set, but that's as far as my publishing aspirations go.

Tagging @cowboybrunch @marlowethelibrarian @gioiaalbanoart @paeliae-occasionally @writingrosesonneptune + open !!

[drowninginredink]

Hello smoshblr,

So, I've written a couple aromantic fics lately and the response has been so, so much stronger than I expected. Loads of aros are coming out of the woodwork to say "hey, me too! It's so nice to be represented!" And it just makes me wonder how many of us there actually are in this community, because it's already way more than I would have guessed. So let's do a poll! Also if you're a bigger smoshblr account please reblog so I get more visibility.

(Please note: even if you're arospec and not "fully aro" you can say yes. I just wanted to have a third option in case some of you aren't comfortable with picking that. But as someone who is "fully aro" I think that's a bullshit term and arospec, greyro, demiro, etc is fully aro and equally deserving of answering yes.)

Also obligatory hey, if you're seeing this and going "wait someone wrote aro fics? I wanna read them!" Yes, I did. They're below. The first is aro (allo) Ian/platonic Ian and Anthony/past FWB Ian and Anthony/Anthony helps Ian figure out his identity, and the second is aro (allo) Spencer and his very sweet FWB relationship with Tommy. I like to self promote. Even though with the ridiculous hit and kudos numbers on the Ian one I'm not convinced there's anyone who hasn't read it.

[bacchanal-if]

if you don't mind me asking why is Butterfly a greyro? Just given their possesiveness over MC and the clear sexual attraction. What about their dynamic makes them grey rather than alloromantic? (Sorry if that sounds accusative I don't mean it to be).

Anon who sent the ask about Butterfly's romantic orientation and I'd just like to apologize because on reflection I think I was very insensitive, it's not for me to decide a characters orientation based off traits which I associate with alloromanticism especially when based off little more than intuition. So I'd just like to say sorry about that.

I'm personally not offended by any questions pertaining to my characters so long as they aren't deliberately rude, and it sounds like you were only curious! Butterfly is written as greyro simply because they don't normally experience romantic attraction.

[knifearo]

thinking about it harder it seems like alloaces might have the best ability to describe what romantic attraction feels like so. alloromantic aces (and greyro people. and anyone else who feels like they can explain it). if possible. do your aro friends a favor and describe what romantic attraction feels like in the notes... for the sake of all these poor questioning people... (everyone else feel free to complain about how hard it is to explain and reblog for reach :) )

[genderkoolaid]

can you be gray aromantic like gray asexual/demisexual? i like the idea of being in a relationship but when i am faced with actual romantic scenarios i dont know if i actually feel romance.

i cant tell if im gray aro, completely aro and all my online relationships dont rlly count, just rlly not interested in anything other than friendship with the friends i have romance moments with, or allo and just really neurodivergent about it

Yeah totally! People use the labels greyromantic/greyro and demiromantic a lot. There's also quoiromantic and arospec, which might interest you since they allow for more ambiguity & questioning.

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

questioning aspec culture is not knowing whether or not if you're fully aro or somewhere on the spectrum because you don't quite understand what romantic attraction is and so you can't judge whether or not you felt it before, either because its been a while ago that you actually had a "crush" or if your "crush" was actually just tertiary attraction. also bonus points if your feelings towards "crush" is less intense version of romantic attraction most allos seem to describe as, so you really can't tell. (am i aro? quoiro? cupio?? greyro??)

.