#safeforaro

[klavierpanda]

As valentine's is two weeks away, are we all in agreement that we'll make aromantic trending for a 3rd year in a row?

[chaotic-carnifex]

No hold on I'm gonna make an extra post about this:

I wouldn't choose to be alloromantic

If I were given the choice to either remain aro or become alloro again, I would choose aromanticism.

And I think a lot of people need to hear that.

[depressedaro]

fewer characters who are jaded and against romance until they find that one person who fixes them, and more aro characters who don’t need to be fixed

[aros-ur-lovecore]

[ID: The text "This February, say NO to amatonormativity" in green, pink, and red letters. The background is a picture of red, pink, and white heart shaped sprinkles arranged to form a heart, with pink and glittery photo filters applied. End ID]

february is for the aros now

[saffigon]

Aromantic Census

Above is a link for a Google Form for a small Aromantic Census. As in the description within the form, this information is simply to gather some demographic questions about the aromantic community on Tumblr and Discord. It will be shared on this Tumblr, which may be spread to Discord, but the information will not be spread otherwise by the creator.

All questions are multiple choice with some multi-select, all with the ability to write in one's own answers. All questions are simple demographic questions and do not venture into typically triggering topics. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to use this Tumblr to communicate them.

[angled-aroace]

Being polyamorous and aroace is really super cool and fun I have so many partners to go on fun dates with and they just get that I experience the relationship a certain way that's unique and no less special than the way they do, and they love and celebrate that with me instead of thinking they can change me and THAT is what it's about to me

[actuallysafe-for-aro]

I'm so excited to be going out to dinner with my partner on Valentines day, even the fact that outsiders will perceive our relationship as romantic doesn't bother me. I feel happy being able to indulge in ourselves this day and have a nice dinner and exchange gifts.

Fuck Valentines day still tho that shit sucks

[potato--sauce]

I desperately need some irl aro friends if anyone knows how to do this I would love some advice

[omori-in-odd-places]

aromori

Exactly

[shinekittenace]

[ID: An aromantic flag with the words "This Valentines Day, as all Valentines Days, will soon recede into painful memory, fading with time until another foul Valentines Day is upon us again." The text is blood red and the font is a slightly scratchy faux-handwritten font, giving it a bloody appearance. End ID]

[klavierpanda]

Not aro as in "I'm still normal because I love my friends" but aro as in "I'm going to burn down the relationship hierarchy and the idea that 'love' or experiening any form of attraction is what makes us human". Aro as in "fuck you, I'm queer"

[chaotic-carnifex]

I just realized that most ppl who know I'm aromantic... don't know that I used to be alloro. And then greyro.

No, I don't mean I identified that way until I figured out I was aro, I genuinely was alloromantic until like, summer or autumn 2015? Then I noticed that I was getting fewer "casual" crushes (y'know, not those full-blown ones, but the ones that are like a spark of interest that you know could turn into something stronger under the right circumstances?) and that they were generally getting weaker. I found myself fantasizing less and less abt romantic relationships. And y'know those fictional crushes where you'd imagine being romantically involved with a character? Yeah, I started imagining more platonic scenarios instead. The romantic ones just... became less appealing.

Basically, over a span of several months my interest in romance diminished until, sometime in early 2016, it was just. Gone.

And I've been aromantic ever since.

The cool thing about all this is that 1) I knew about the aro-spec before then, so I never thought I was broken or mentally ill or anything, I knew it was okay to be greyro and then later aro and 2) I never had to question whether I was really aro, I never had the "how do you prove a negative?" problem, because I knew what being alloro felt like, I could feel the difference

The weird thing is that to this day I've never heard of anything like this happening to anyone else. But I guess that's why I'm posting this, so if anyone stumbles upon this post who has experienced this as well, they'll know that they're not the only one.

Now, I know a lot of you may be wondering: If my romantic attraction just went away one day, does that mean it might at some point come back?

And, well, it might. I don't know, I didn't know it could go away until it did. I can't see the future, but yeah, maybe one day I'll feel romantic attraction again.

I hope not though.

[depressedaro]

“love” is not a catch all word for connection and it is not the word everyone feels and it is not a useful descriptor for everyone’s feelings and it’s a word loaded in specific ways, please respect that people might not want to use it

[aros-ur-lovecore]

[ID: The words "I am whole without love" in green letters. The background is a matcha cupcake with light green icing topped with a small flower resembling a daisy. End ID]

There's nothing wrong with not feeling love! This applies to any and every kind of love. Don't let anyone tell you what feelings you "should" be feeling.

image source

[angled-aroace]

Hope the aros are having a nice nonromantic day today 💚 hope the aros doing romantic stuff for loved ones who aren't aro are also still having a great one 💚 we're all valid and good!! 💚

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

I hate to do this, but I was advised to seek help before spiraling.

My boyfriend of 2 years came out as aroace to me and claims he wants to stay queerplatonic with me, but I've always been an "all or nothing" allo girl and don't feel comfortable at the thought of being qp.

But I don't want to:

1. Let him go, because he said that he doesn't want us to change. He said he just can't promise a future with me.

2. Come off as aphobic, or worst, BE queerplatonic-phobic.

3. Jump to drastic conclusions when I've never been in a qp relationship before.

So, I'm reaching out to ask: What do I do? Should I give up and part ways, or should I give qpr a shot? If I go with the latter, how do qprs work? How do I live in one? How do I love an aroace?

Okay, so first thing’s first: you have no need to be scared or apologise. Not to me and not ever for seeking advice from the community. That’s why the community is here. And you want to learn so you’re not aphobic or queerplatonicphobic. Aromantic relationships can be intimidating and it’s okay to be unsure. You’re not a bad person or aphobic.

First rule about queerplatonic relationships: it’s whatever the people in it want it to be. Alloromantic people can and do have QPRs. What is important is that the both of you can agree on the type of relationship you want to have, the dynamic you want to maintain with each other. A queerplatonic relationship can be whatever the people in it want it to be, doesn’t matter what it looks like to the outside world. The relationship is yours and it’s for the two of you.

With that said, if you truly can not find it in yourself to become comfortable with this shift in your relationship– no, I’ll need to interrupt myself here

Your partner coming out as aroace does not have to change anything. Like, I should’ve lead with that. Your partner coming out as aroace and wanting a queerplatonic relationship does – at face value – not require any changes besides taking what you have now and calling it queerplatonic. Slap the new label on and you’re good to go.

Okay, now, I don’t want to assume whether he might want other changes about your dynamic. If he doesn’t, you need to figure out if you’re comfortable with the new label or if that already is a hiccup. You’re continuing your relationship as is and just call it by a different name. A rose by any other name, etc etc.

Now, if you truly can not find it in yourself to be comfortable with this… let him go.

I’m kinda bad with relationship advice and already feel like I’m rambling but you reached out to me and I want to do a good job. So maybe tackling your 3rd point is the most pressing thing. Maybe you can research and learn more about what a QPR can be (e.g. that it can – among other things – be literally the exact same relationship you’re already having just called differently).

I know it sounds intimidating and “queerplatonic” is a big word and “platonic” usually forces a certain perspective. But it’s just a different coat of paint on the same thing you’ve enjoyed with him thus far. Promise.

Hell, I was okay with my ex-partners continuing to call it a romantic relationship because I felt it was on me that I couldn’t communicate clearly to them.

That’s the other big thing. Big Thing: COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Doesn’t matter romantic, queerplatonic, amical, sexual, alterous. Any relationship requires clear and open and honest communication! Ask him directly what he expects from you. Then think about that. Then tell him what you expect. Does that still match? Great. Done.

But keep your relationship a continuous dialogue. You can not be partners (romantic or queerplatonic) if you don’t communicate your needs and wants.

This is also the “how do I love an aroace”, you’ll need to ask him. Because no two aroace folks are the same. It’s probably weird but rephrase your own question: “How do I love [him]?” And either you can answer that or you need to sit down and talk to him about it anyway. As for the “he can’t promise a future”, yeah, well, could he before coming out? Not to be rude but people change, life changes, none of us really knows what tomorrow holds and while commitment is great it’s hard to promise things with certainty.

I sincerely hope I could help and lessen your worry.

Thank you for reaching out, although I hope you didn’t ask only me and i’ll accordingly tag a few blogs @aroacepositivityplace @aroace-people-are-lgtbq @simplyqueerplatonic @queerplatonicpositivity @no-thx-im-aroace

Folks, these tags are NOT a “tumblr wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope” but I am just one guy and my opinion is obviously biased so I want to help this anon best I can by bringing other people’s opinions in. So please do reboot this to give anon some nuanced opinions.