#qpr advice

[cheesemenace]

Does anyone have any advice for finding/getting into a queer-platonic relationship? Or just any advice related to the subject?

[smolldust]

OKAY SO

Me and my one friend (not my wife who divorced me, this is a different friend) started this long running bit where we aggressively flirt with each other. It was just a bit at first but we both enjoyed it.

ANYWAYS this started at the end of May but at a 4th of July party with my friends they were all telling me and this friend to just already get into a relationship cuz we were both single and lonely and desperate for a partner and we already had this flirting bit going so it made sense. We were both flustered and didn’t enter a relationship mainly cuz I wasn’t sure how I felt and they said they didn’t want to push me into anything cuz they knew I was aroace.

BUT now that I’ve been thinking about it I actually would really like to be in a qpr with them. We have a lot in common, we have similar interests, we bounce off of each other well, and we already aggressively flirt with each other so we’re already pretty comfortable around each other.

HOWEVER I don’t wanna ruin what we got goin on right now. I mean they HAVE said that they found me attractive but they also said they have a crush on someone else and I don’t wanna make things awkward.

Idk imma have to talk to my alloromantic friend (this friend and friend I wanna be in a qpr with are both ace so that’s all good) for advice and his opinions. Cuz right now my only plan of getting closer and flirting is asking them about their ocs

I’m kind of a disaster lmao

[qprstories]

Hiiii Can I have a little bit of advice?

( sorry if this is king pls feel free to ignore )

So my bestie and I are in a QPR, and only a few people know about it but a lot of their reactions to hearing about it is just them romanticising our non romantic relationship. My partner is very uncomfortable with the idea of being perceived as being in a romantic relationship and actually wanted to end the relationship. I feel like we can fix this problem though if we set proper boundaries with the people who know and educate them on what QPRs even are because a lot of them haven’t even heard of one. Do you have any advice on how to properly explain what a QPR is to someone who has never heard of one?

Hi anon!

Explaining a QPR to someone who might not be familiar with them is pretty difficult. In situations like these, my brain always falls back to metaphors—it allows people to get the basic concept down, at least. For QPRs, I’d describe it like this—if romance is an apple and friendship is a banana, QPRs would be an orange. They’re not quite apples, they’re not quite bananas, but they share similarities and differences with both. For example, both apples and oranges are roughly spherical, and both oranges and bananas have tough skin that you usually do not eat. To make the connection to QPRs, you could say something like “my qpp and i do x (something associated with romance), but we also do x (something associated with friendship).” Online sources like this article might also be a help.

Anyways, another important thing to address while explaining this is your qpp’s discomfort. Just, what, specifically, bothered them? Is it inappropriate comments? Incorrect assumptions? The more specific it is, the easier it will be to address. Be sure to tell the people you know that these things make your qpp uncomfortable (and they themself can tell them if they wish!). As long as you’re specific and non-accusatory (use “I” statements instead of “you” statements), you should get the point across.

Anyways, I hope this advice was helpful. I’m wishing the best of luck to you and your qpp!

[femboyhooters-cooters]

guys how do i tell someone i wanna be in a qpr with them? like i think theyve never heard of this term before (more info in tags)

[our-aroace-experience]

Hello, I was wondering if I could ask for some advice. I am aroace and I am very close to one specific friend , who is aromantic. I would really like to ask them to be in a QPR with me but I don't know how. what do you think I should do? Thanks

you could always start by seeing if being in a qpr is something they’d even be interested in, maybe by asking if they know what it is and their general opinions on them. after that you could decide if asking them would be a good idea, hope this helps!

[chasingravens]

Love is one of the most confusing situations to be in. everyone tells you something different about what love is and when you'll know you're in love.

It's why i adore stories that involve soulmates and ways to know that you are soulmates. In real life, you just blunder around in the dark, hoping you are making the right choice.

Do I love them? If so, in what way? Do i wish to be in a relationship with them? if so, what kind? What if they don't like me back? or worse, what if they like me back but just in a different way?

its an endless series of questions with little to no defined answer and people expect you to be ok with that. they /romanticize/ it for fucks sake. Maybe I just want god or someone to tell me if I am doing the right thing.

Maybe I care too much about the person I love to tell them because I fear i've missed my chance, I took to long to figure it out and everything will break down if I tell them.

Maybe I'm even more afraid of not telling him, because maybe he does love me back, in the same way, we're so similer after all, we practically can read each others minds, so maybe my love says something about their love.

Or maybe I'm kidding myself, maybe I don't love them like that, but the confession that they used to have a crush on me shook me to my core and now I'm trying to convince myself that I can do something I can't. That I can actually love them in the way they need.

Maybe there is no way to slice it in which the ending is alright. Maybe the RV and ghost hunting and frozen yogurt is a pipe dream that I'm going to ruin because /I just don't know/

[bloggingboutburgers]

hi! I have a relationship question I hope you don't mind me asking, you're pretty much my go-to blog for stuff abt qprs 😭 how do you and your partner navigate conflicting emotional needs? for example physical affection and date-like activities, things that one of you really values and would want in order to feel supported but that are too far out of the other's comfort zone. ofc communication is always key, but once you communicate both of your needs where do you go from there? how do you two find ways to balance both of your needs where each of you feels supported and that your needs are being met in a way that doesn't compromise the other's boundaries? I'm sure this is a thing in even romantic relationships too but in my experience this is a little harder to navigate in a qpr, and it's something I'm struggling with atm, so I'm grateful for any advice and experiences you would be willing to share! 🙏

Sorry you're having trouble in that sense TwT I'm sure it's an issue that happens in a lot of types of relationships indeed, but it doesn't make it any less difficult!

To be honest though... I guess I'm lucky, because my QPP and I don't have that many issues in that sense, I don't think? Our needs and wants typically align pretty well, and if one of them IS too much for another's boundaries, we typically have no issue communicating honestly and moving on from it fine. Maybe it helps us that both of us (especially them) have had to be extra-aware of our respective families' wants and needs more than our own growing up, and we're very aware of that, so we want to give each other room to vibe the way we both want to? (I'll say though, I kinda sucked at that on our early years. I'd sometimes throw stupid tantrums and be an ass about such insignificant things, but I want to hurt them and put pressure on them less than anything, so I guess I've quietly strived to become better at it year after year... Maybe time and self-reflection over time just helps sometimes?)

That said... Yeah, it's not happened often that we've found things we weren't compatible on that left us at a dead end. And in some rare cases where we don't really know yet how things are gonna go if it comes to this or that, we have a bit of a "we'll figure it out when we get there" approach, I feel?

No idea if that's gonna keep on fine like that or if it'll bite us in the ass in the future, but to be honest, the only way we'll find out is to go ahead and see. And so far so good. I guess that's the way I see it anyway? But... Yeah I'm definitely one of the lucky ones I feel TwT Even though I'm always afraid of doing things that hurt my partner without realizing and letting that sit for years... I try to take measures so I never do, and so, if anything IS going badly, I don't fail to notice it. Don't wanna make the same mistakes my parents did and stuff.

...Ofc that's just my view on that, my partner @civiart might have a totally different response to this so I'll let them correct/complete if they feel it's needed TwT But I hope I'm doing our case justice!

[remy45]

Guys I need help asap, my queerplatonic partner, best friend, companion (or whatever you like to call it, we dont really use any type of labels) is asexual and gay, he is currently in a relationship with his boyfriend, his boyfriend knows we are really close, but like he doesnt know about everything we do and how deep our relationship is, and Im kinda feeling uncomfortable with him and idk what to do.

So of any person here has a qpr with someone with a romantic partner or has any kind of tips to give me please drop them 🙏

Edit: He and his boyfriend have been toguether only for one month and a half, me and my qpr have know each other for 8 years, if this info helps yall.

[lavendertarot]

Here's my art for the @milgram-valentines-exchange! My giftee was @gravityidol I hope you like it!

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

I hate to do this, but I was advised to seek help before spiraling.

My boyfriend of 2 years came out as aroace to me and claims he wants to stay queerplatonic with me, but I've always been an "all or nothing" allo girl and don't feel comfortable at the thought of being qp.

But I don't want to:

1. Let him go, because he said that he doesn't want us to change. He said he just can't promise a future with me.

2. Come off as aphobic, or worst, BE queerplatonic-phobic.

3. Jump to drastic conclusions when I've never been in a qp relationship before.

So, I'm reaching out to ask: What do I do? Should I give up and part ways, or should I give qpr a shot? If I go with the latter, how do qprs work? How do I live in one? How do I love an aroace?

Okay, so first thing’s first: you have no need to be scared or apologise. Not to me and not ever for seeking advice from the community. That’s why the community is here. And you want to learn so you’re not aphobic or queerplatonicphobic. Aromantic relationships can be intimidating and it’s okay to be unsure. You’re not a bad person or aphobic.

First rule about queerplatonic relationships: it’s whatever the people in it want it to be. Alloromantic people can and do have QPRs. What is important is that the both of you can agree on the type of relationship you want to have, the dynamic you want to maintain with each other. A queerplatonic relationship can be whatever the people in it want it to be, doesn’t matter what it looks like to the outside world. The relationship is yours and it’s for the two of you.

With that said, if you truly can not find it in yourself to become comfortable with this shift in your relationship– no, I’ll need to interrupt myself here

Your partner coming out as aroace does not have to change anything. Like, I should’ve lead with that. Your partner coming out as aroace and wanting a queerplatonic relationship does – at face value – not require any changes besides taking what you have now and calling it queerplatonic. Slap the new label on and you’re good to go.

Okay, now, I don’t want to assume whether he might want other changes about your dynamic. If he doesn’t, you need to figure out if you’re comfortable with the new label or if that already is a hiccup. You’re continuing your relationship as is and just call it by a different name. A rose by any other name, etc etc.

Now, if you truly can not find it in yourself to be comfortable with this… let him go.

I’m kinda bad with relationship advice and already feel like I’m rambling but you reached out to me and I want to do a good job. So maybe tackling your 3rd point is the most pressing thing. Maybe you can research and learn more about what a QPR can be (e.g. that it can – among other things – be literally the exact same relationship you’re already having just called differently).

I know it sounds intimidating and “queerplatonic” is a big word and “platonic” usually forces a certain perspective. But it’s just a different coat of paint on the same thing you’ve enjoyed with him thus far. Promise.

Hell, I was okay with my ex-partners continuing to call it a romantic relationship because I felt it was on me that I couldn’t communicate clearly to them.

That’s the other big thing. Big Thing: COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Doesn’t matter romantic, queerplatonic, amical, sexual, alterous. Any relationship requires clear and open and honest communication! Ask him directly what he expects from you. Then think about that. Then tell him what you expect. Does that still match? Great. Done.

But keep your relationship a continuous dialogue. You can not be partners (romantic or queerplatonic) if you don’t communicate your needs and wants.

This is also the “how do I love an aroace”, you’ll need to ask him. Because no two aroace folks are the same. It’s probably weird but rephrase your own question: “How do I love [him]?” And either you can answer that or you need to sit down and talk to him about it anyway. As for the “he can’t promise a future”, yeah, well, could he before coming out? Not to be rude but people change, life changes, none of us really knows what tomorrow holds and while commitment is great it’s hard to promise things with certainty.

I sincerely hope I could help and lessen your worry.

Thank you for reaching out, although I hope you didn’t ask only me and i’ll accordingly tag a few blogs @aroacepositivityplace @aroace-people-are-lgtbq @simplyqueerplatonic @queerplatonicpositivity @no-thx-im-aroace

Folks, these tags are NOT a “tumblr wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope” but I am just one guy and my opinion is obviously biased so I want to help this anon best I can by bringing other people’s opinions in. So please do reboot this to give anon some nuanced opinions.

[leavethefrog]

Help please

So im in a QPR and im realizing i might be developing more romantic feelings for this person. Im not really sure on how to tell them because i dont want to ruin our relationship, but i also want to be honest because they deserve to know. if anyone in the queer community has any advice, please let me know because i am so lost. T-T

[hey-zagman]

I’m having trouble finding a community of polyamorous folks in long-term, monogamous relationships. Since I joined tumblr I’ve found a wide array of folks sharing their experiences and feelings, but no one who is or has been in the same boat as me. There’s such a variety of experiences among the poly, aroace and relationship anarchy tags that I’m hoping someone here might be able to point me towards some tags or similar resources that might align with my experiences.

[triptychofvoids]

Hey doc i dont really know how else to find the information about this other than..well you since you know a bit about QPR's and all, so the other day I found out my queer platonic partner, also has another partner they never told me about and I dont know what to think this of? i havent really said anything about it to them cuz i really dont want to make them feel quilty but is it classified as cheating?? like i told my friends about it and they said it is but i dont know/gen

it depends on the context of what you two have agreed upon for your relationship! qprs can also be polyamorous and its not completely unheard of for someone who is in a qpr to have or want another relationship alongside it that isnt queerplatonic in nature. however, because a qpr is still a committed relationship, if your partner is having another relationship behind your back without your knowledge and it breaks the rules of your relationship, then i would consider that to be cheating.... of course its up to you to decide if you are upset about it or not, if that is okay for your relationship or not, etc, but i would recommend you talk to your partner about it. its unfair of them to go behind your back like that regardless.

[stormbreaker-290]

Hhhjshsjd??

[qprconcepts]

How does this queerplatonic thing work, does a queer relationship with aromantic type involve kisses or something else?

i am aroace

First, Sorry I am so late to this!!!!

Second, Queer platonic relationships are relationships that two people enter that do not conform or constitute an entirely romantic or platonic relationship.

queer platonic relationships have and always will be defined by the people in the relationship like every other type of relationship. Only you and your partners can define what you will and will not do in your relationship. Some queerplatonics kiss, while others do not. It depends on you and your partner(s). For some reference me and my queerplatonic partners do not kiss, it’s what we’re comfortable with.

below are some resources that might be worth checking out!!!

!!!!

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….

I also encourage any other aromantic/asexual spec people to leave any advice they have <3

[our-polyamorous-experience]

Hello! I was just wondering if it’s okay to be a poly QPR?

absolutely dude you can be in whatever kind of relationships you want. anyone tryna tell you you cant put certain labels to a relationship is dumb and doesnt matter. you can be poly and in a QPR just the same as monogamous ppl can have QPRs

its all just random words we put together in a feeble attempt to define our existence, no need to adhere to arbitrary definitions if doing so doesnt make you feel happy and fulfilled