#psychologically my emotions are in such pain that the idea of physical pain inflicted by him brings some relief

[vvabbitt]

buy new vape or extensive tarot reading on him with a powerpoint and healing crystals advised??? its 55% off until the end of the month i feel like this will heal me i need someone to stab me in the heart cause my dumb brain has a hard time accepting that people will lie to me so i keep referring back to all the verbal love and attention i received like the dummy i am bitch !!! he **lied** but i am soft and sensitive about it so if she can just confirm with tarot and give advice on moving on faster that would help

[garden-0f-ed3n]

The magical horse got me. But it's not like I want to hurt my beloveds, maybe just suffocating them with a hug :3 What are your thoughts about violence as a way of showing affection, angel?

-Fizzgig.

I love it!!! I am a huge sado-masochist lover. I think that pain is such a raw emotion, something that is hard to experience around others. Being in pain around another person opens up a whole other layer of a relationship in my opinion. It’s.. freeing, I suppose. Makes you open up. I also just think that it’s awesome and great because I love pain. :3 i like being in pain, but i also like the idea of inflicting pain on my darlings. Physical or psychological.

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host today. 

Today I’m talking whump with the amazing @studyofwhump!

Welcome to the show! Do you mind starting with a fact or two about yourself?

I’m Kay and I just turned 26 a few days ago! When not torturing my ocs, I am studying planetary geochemistry and having fun playing with spicy chemicals. I also really enjoy cooking, jewelry making and pen pal letters!

And what does whump mean to you? 

I’ve often thought of whump as a facet of the hurt/comfort genre, with a greater focus on the physical, psychological, and emotional hurt and trauma inflicted on characters. Whump looks into not only characters experiencing intensely painful and overwhelming circumstances, but the hard road to recovery that comes afterward. There can be a lot of overlap with ‘angst’ in that regard, but it becomes whump when direct harm to the character’s well-being comes into play (for me that includes more of the physical harm).

How did you find the whump community? What made you want to join?

I followed the bad things happen bingo tumblr blog for a few years, writing down their prompts for my own story ideas as a little checklist. Then through that, I came across @whump-tr0pes Honor Bound series in its early stages and found the term ‘whump.’ Turns out, it was a concept I had enjoyed nearly all my life and had a flourishing online community! I decided to create a dedicated whump blog since a few irl friends followed my main and weren’t fans of fictional violence, and it’s been one of my favorite pastimes ever since!

That’s awesome as! Do you think your view on whump changed since you joined? 

I started out mostly making generic prompts and reblogging whump art, not really sure about sharing my own fics since I barely shared my writing with anyone irl. I enjoyed fandom whump more, but as I started reading more original work from other whump writers, I grew a greater appreciation for it. Sharing more of my writings for my alien sci-fi series Titan Guard brought some positive feedback, and I’ve felt encouraged to open up my stories to a growing community as well.

And now everyone’s favourite question: Favourite whump tropes? 

WHIPPING (favourite since I was a kid and whipped my Polly Pocket and Lego figures for the plot!), interrogation, used as bait, bound and gagged (again, tying up all my toys for the plot haha), manhandling, stress positions, slavery, POW situations, isolation, nightmares, forced to watch or choose, caretaker turned whumpee, whumpers who are cold and calculating and don’t hold back, and so many more!

Torturing your childhood dolls is such a universal whump experience! Would you mind sharing a favourite piece you've written? 

Ooh that’s a hard one…

Alek’s First Whipping was one of the earliest scenes I had for Alek’s backstory in Titan Guard that I was really excited to share. It’s one of the first instances of Alek experiencing intense and body-altering pain that is public and degrading. It was a fic I had written several years prior to sharing it, and while some minor changes were made as I developed the story more, it’s still largely the same as the original which I really enjoy. And of course, it uses one of my all-time favorite tropes!

The explosion arc I’ve been writing has also been a favorite because I wanted to use the circumstances of that arc to show how dire the situation for the Pax Rebel group stranded on Earth is, essentially showing one of their lowest points. This arc also is the most effort I’ve dedicated to laying out more of the actual plot for Titan Guard and what it’s about. With this, I’ve also tried including some morally gray situations where there’s no clear answer to dealing with a friend’s impeding death, and opening it to readers to think on what they think is ‘right’ in just a scenario.

Public whipping is so good! And I loved Alek’s reaction, the poor guy. Do you mind sharing what your writing routine looks like?

I try to write 200 words a day in one form or another (although the past couple of weeks I’ve definitely fallen behind), and usually like to work on one WIP to fill that quota. I’m not a morning person at all, so I’m writing mainly in the afternoon or evening. I’ve found that if I’m able to sit outside while it’s nice and dark, that’s actually the most productive time for me!

Do you find that your ability to write varies between topics?

I have the most fun writing dialogue, both spoken between characters and internally, and especially if the two contradict each other. The dialogue for a scene is usually the first thing that comes to me, revealing an oc’s inner feeling and fears that guide their actions through the rest of the scene. I’ve been writing more arguments between characters recently, which has been really interesting sorting out group dynamics and complicating relationships.

I’ve also been told I’m good at delivering soul-crushing angst suddenly during an already whumpy moment!

And is there anything you're working on at the moment? 

I’ve got a list of fics I’m trying to work on at the moment! Now that I’m over the hill on graduation and family stuff, I’ll hopefully have more time to get working on them. Alek and Lulan are in the line of fire right now, and the next few fics with them will be pretty pivotal! Some of their defining moments are coming up…

I’ve also tried to start focusing more on worldbuilding for my verse and the history of the main conflict leading up to the main story. Part of that is trying to get back into conlang, which is one of my favorite things!

Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today?

Of quartz I have good puns! As a geologist, I must never take puns for granite. And it’s always gneiss to spread smiles and laughter when schist happens and things get wacke. Not to get too sediment-al, but the whump community is like geology puns…

They rock.

I’m dying at that last line. That was awful but also very good! Is there any writing advice you’d like to share?

If you’re planning a larger project, let the ideas flow. I’m sometimes pretty rigid when it comes to sticking to the main canon of my own writing, but I still try to create alternate scenes for my own enjoyment and to help get through writer’s block. Even if you have a set plot or idea in mind for how you want the story to go, if a cool idea gets stuck in your head just write it out or take notes or do whatever even if it’s completely random! Write that AU, create alternate endings and any kind of ‘what if’ scenarios. You never know what random little ideas you’ve collected over time will become the answer to a writing block or a new idea you love.

Are there any blogs you’d like to shout out?

@whump-tr0pes @ashintheairlikesnow and @wildfaewhump for being the first few whump blogs whose original work I found captivating and inspiring as an introduction into the whump community!

@for-the-love-of-angst @noirineverysense @justplainwhump @aprilwaters @sableflynn @actress4him @tormentum-ab-intra @clockworknightmares @sweetwhumpandhellacomf @winedark-whump @straight-to-the-pain and @lektricwhump who are all amazing creators and lovely people I’ve gotten to know over the past couple of years. Go check out their work!

A special shout-out to @gritpyre, connoisseur of buff women and lycanthropic turmoil who I’ve commissioned artwork from in the past and is seriously talented! Frankie is truly amazing!

And while not whump specific, my two irl writing fiend friends @chaotic-tired-cat and @buggy-about-town who have enabled my whump obsession and found some connection to the genre as well! I love you both!!

And finally, anything you'd like to add? <

Just to say that the whump community has been there to help me get through some pretty tough times, and I am so, so grateful for it. I’ve met some truly kind and wonderful people here I can call friends, and I look forward to seeing what creations are coming in the future!

Thank you for joining us, @studyofwhump! 

And to all you lovely folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[zealctry]

Over the years, the way I viewed and portrayed Hidan’s religion has evolved drastically (welp, it’s been over a decade now, so it was inevitable), so I thought I’d write a small update concerning key elements and fundamental principles, in no particular order.

1. Indoctrination.   In all verses, Hidan’s relationship with Jashinism is based on cult-like brainwashing indoctrination and a direct result of purposefully-inflicted trauma. There was no cute pamphlet and deep conversation that led to a voluntary and effortless change in mindset. In all verses, Hidan’s introduction to and acceptance of Jashinism is a result of prolonged and relentless, physical and psychological torture that lead him to believe that pain is god and worship and that death is a blessing (and highly desirable). Dude was literally experimented on when he wasn’t even an adult. (also, he lives with PTSD every single day and doesn’t even know/understand the concept. would be highly offended by it, too.

2. Isolation.  Jashinism is highly isolatory and its belief system, in essence, serves to cut the practitioner away from any other potential associations, be they social circles, spheres of influence, or emotional entanglements of any sort (all of which may potentially threaten its principles). By setting the practitioner apart from others, it reinforces its own dogma (can’t be challenged if there are no possibilities for that challenge to even happen, you know).

Whilst not dissing other religious practices, it highly discourages emotional attachments to other people. . ..  including other practitioners of the same faith (you’re not allowed to trauma-bond, my pals, lest you suddenly have an epiphany and decide to revolt). You grow attached to another human being, either platonically or romantically? You gotta kill them – kill thy neighbourand all that. On the surface, this is the highest level of sacrifice you can possibly offer Jashin: what you most love. Deeper still, you’re basically further isolating yourself from others by either avoiding connections beyond the superficial (a very Hidan-esque thing! he’s quite sociable and pleasant, but he’s one of those people whom you realize you spent time with but don’t really know-know at all) or brutally severing them once they’re formed (also known as slaughter and human sacrifice!).

3. Jashinism & Suffering.  Similar to Buddhism, a precept of Jashinism is that (unenlightened) life consists of inevitable suffering. Birth is suffering. Aging is suffering. Sickness if suffering. Despair, pain, grief, attachment, desire is suffering. However, the release from suffering, in Jashinism, is death.

4. Pain is pure and good and grounding and leads to enlightenment. You should be thankful to and praise your pain.

5. Hidan doesn’t believe he is the bad guy. He doesn’t get his kicks out of just mindlessly skewering people (or himself, see the point above). In fact, he believes he is The Bestest Boi, and that his raison d’etre is holy and useful and good. He has surrendered his own death in order to serve humanity and Jashin, and bring enlightenment and, ultimately, death upon others. In that sense, he selflessly gifts his death to others. He’s such a good boi, Jashin loves him.

6. Immortality.  Hidan believes that he will be allowed to die only when he has accomplished all the tasks set out for him, and all of Jashin’s demands (he only has a loose idea of what these are, btw). He strives towards this goal. He’s not afraid of dying, but welcomes it. In the same breath, he doesn’t believe that anyone cankill him. . . .. except his god. Death is his fun lil’ treat and the carrot Jashin dangles at the end of the rope for him, so to speak.

7. Jashinism has many symbols and associations (as well as associated practices). A vague visual post can be found here.

8. Jashinism is absolutist in some of its commandments, but it is not monotheistic. Hidan will look at you oddly if you were to preach a monotheistic doctrine to him, or even insinuate it. He mayserve Jashin, but he does not acknowledge Jashin as the only deity to exist (and, in fact, Hidan will pray at various shrines and holds all faiths in high some regard).  Fundamentally, Hidan’s belief system is a mixture of Shinto, Buddhism, and Christianity principles/themes. I won’t really elaborate here, as if would take pages, but to understand Hidan’s beliefs, you must have some understanding of Shinto (a large part of his practices and beliefs revolve around it.)

In modern verses, Hidan’s parents are “born again” Christians. As a result, he is both well-versed in Christianity and, as a direct result of his upbringing,disdains it/holds it in contempt.

9. Jashism tag.

[shadowydazecg]

Naruto + Naruto Shippuden

In episode 162 of Naruto Shippuden, Pain’s backstory and transformation into a villain reflect broader global issues related to war and its consequences. In particular, Pain's journey starts when he suffers terrible losses in the Hidden Rain Village during his early years. His deep scars from seeing death, destruction, and battle inflict upon him a yearning for power and the ability to impose peace through coercion. He forms the Akatsuki organization with this goal in mind, seeking to end wars by imposing his vision of peace on the world. This example addresses the global issue of pain and suffering in war by portraying Pain's tragic backstory and his consequential transformation into a figure willing to inflict pain to achieve his ideal of peace. It resonates with viewers familiar with the devastation caused by violence worldwide and represents the larger idea that conflicts not only produce physical destruction but also severe emotional and psychological trauma. It resonates with viewers familiar with the devastation caused by violence worldwide and represents the larger idea that conflicts not only produce physical destruction but also severe emotional and psychological trauma.

In Naruto Shippuden episode 174, Naruto is on a mission to earn recognition and acceptance from his village. They once rejected him for harboring the Nine-Tails fox spirit. Despite this, Naruto is determined to prove himself and protect the community, even if it means endangering his life. His actions gradually shift the villagers' perceptions of him. This example demonstrates the global issue of identity and belonging through Naruto's struggle to be acknowledged and respected for who he is, rather than being defined solely by the stigma of the Nine-Tails fox within him. I can relate to Naruto in this sense. I used to want approval from certain family members. Once they realized I wanted their approval, they used that to their advantage. As time went by, I realized that these people weren't worth my time. I didn't need their approval anymore because I didn't care about what they thought of me.

Naruto was an interesting watch! I might actually start from the beginning!

[contentment-of-cats]

Weaksauce.

Weak this morning and tired even when I woke up. I did too much yesterday, even though I feel as if I didn't do anything at all. My stamina is for shit. I did note that the rehab doc is ordering PT 3 times per week at home once I am out of the hospital.

Better late than never.

It's reconditioning, meaning that since my surgery I have been deconditioning without proper care. What I could have done during recuperation, I have no idea since I had so many abdominal incisions and a new ostomy that I could barely get on or off the toilet or in/out of bed. Those incisions went through muscle. Hell, I couldn't shower standing up until six weeks later.

So. Legs. I'm trying for two 30 minute sessions on the bike, plus two 90 minute sessions with the TENS unit. I'm not dealing with this emotionally too well. I've always been someone who would rather walk than ride and now I can't.

Let's Talk About Trauma

Understand that I am not a professional, but a someone with trauma from childhood forward - for most of my life my experiences were not considered trauma. One of the most eyeopening events of my life was someone asking me, very gently, "Was this normal for you as a child?"

The basic explanation of trauma is an emotional response to situation that inflicts harm to your feeling of safety, your sense of identity, and even your sense of reality. It also hampers your emotional health and responses and makes it hard to have healthy relationships. The precipitation of trauma can come from a single incident, ongoing situations, or a complex timeline of multiple traumatic events. The resulting after-effect is known as PTSD or CPTSD.

I am not using the DSM-V definition because it is actual shit. I take psychiatric meds, they do have a place in treatment. These are twpo thoughts that can coexist.

The Three E's of Trauma

Event: Psychological abuse, physical abuse or violence, physical trauma including medical trauma, observing an event without being directly affected (witnessing a car accident as an example), neglect, or any event that puts one in fear of life or safety.

Experience: Relating to how someone responds to Event. What might traumatize one person might not traumatize someone else. How an individual perceives the event, labels it, and how they experience disruption is how it becomes trauma. Almost all trauma extends from a difference in agency, where the person experiencing the event has little or no ability to stop or alter the event whether it's inflicted by a person, group of people, force of nature, and so on. When the person experiencing the event feels powerless, they experience feelings of humiliation, shame, guilt, self-blame or self-doubt, and can even (personal experience only) gaslight themselves into believing that the event never happened.

Effect: So, the sneaky thing about trauma is that there may be a lag between cause and effect; meaning that you might not connect the effects you feel with the trauma and believe that you were not traumatized. Some issues arising from PTSD include memory and attention (brain fog, forgetfulness, obsessive thinking, intrusive thoughts, unable to focus as examples), unable to handle stress (don't get me started), unable to control or appropriately express emotions (includes being emotionally numb, being a rageball, internalizing emotions, self-harming and so on), being unable to trust, fatigue/exhaustion, and the maladaptions of avoidance and hypervigilance.

Fuck, that's a lot. Whoo boy. My main effect is maladaption - unhealthy coping mechanisms. I am QUEEN.

Crying It Out

For a long time, I was unable to cry. No matter how angry, or hurt, no matter how much grief I felt, I had no tears. Since roughly New Year's, I tear up very easily, and here is why that helps from Harvard Med.

"Researchers have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain. "

"Thinkers and physicians of ancient Greece and Rome posited that tears work like a purgative, draining off and purifying us. Today’s psychological thought largely concurs, emphasizing the role of crying as a mechanism that allows us to release stress and emotional pain."

Crying has been made taboo and taken as a sign of weakness and excessive emotion - you know, femininity or childishness. Men are taught (or traumatized) not to cry, and women taught to emulate male behaviors to earn the right to ascend the economic ladder. Even little kids are derided as 'crybabies.' So, methinks, if being unable to cry is a sign of trauma, maybe my tears are a sign of acknowledging trauma and being able to deal with it in a healthy way.

"Why is it incumbent on me to suck it up, be a bigger person, and not to cry instead of being incumbent on other people to not be assholes?"

Something to think about.

[devilruin]

a quick and easy way to explore and learn how i define my tags. please feel free to liberally block any tags that contain content that you are uncomfortable with. if you'd like anything else tagged, please let me know!

TRIGGER WARNING TAGS

— #tw amputation -  a surgical or crude removal of all or part of a limb or extremity

— #tw blood - anything involving blood

— #tw body horror - grotesque or "unnatural" transformations/alterations of the body that often blur the lines between human and animal or organic and inorganic bodies — including (but not limited to) physical decay, loss of bodily control, mutations, and parasitism

— #tw cannibalism - eating human flesh for sustenance or for enjoyment

— #tw captivity - held hostage by someone

— #tw death - major or minor character death

— #tw drugs - the use of legal (or illegal) substances with (or without) the consumer’s knowledge

— #tw dubcon - sexual acts with dubious consent

— #tw gaslighting - the use of psychological manipulation on a person in order to control them

— #tw gore - descriptions of gory scenes

— #tw graphic violence - graphic depictions of violence

— #tw harassment - behavior towards a person that causes mental or emotional suffering, which includes (but is not limited to) repeated unwanted contact without a reasonable purpose, insults, threats, touching, or offensive language

— #tw incest - romantic and/or sexual relations between blood relatives, including (but not limited to) parent/child, siblings, and cousins

— #tw mindbreak - a broken character, often due to the heavy influence of another person.

— #tw misogyny - degrading views, words, and/or actions towards women 

— #tw murder - anything related to murder, homicide, and/or manslaughter

— #tw noncon - non-consensual sexual acts

— #tw objectification - objectification of a person

— #tw stalking - act of following and/or documenting someone without permission

— #tw suicide - non-explicit mentions of suicide

— #tw pseudocest - romantic and/or sexual relations between people who consider each other as family, but are not blood related, including (but not limited to), stepfamily relationships, adopted family relationships, and legal guardian/ward relationships

— #tw torture - the action or practice of inflicting severe pain or suffering (often via physical harm) on someone as a punishment or in order to force them to do or say something

— #tw underage - work includes underage (teenage) characters/reader

— #tw yandere - general yandere tag

CONTENT WARNING TAGS

— #cw age gap - when a person in a relationship (whether sexual or romantic) has a large age gap between them and their partner(s)

— #cw breeding - sexual acts with the intent of impregnating another

— #cw bondage - being strung up or tied

— #cw choking - the use of external pressure on the windpipe to block or restrict normal breathing

— #cw corruption - arousal that stems from the idea of having someone ‘pure’ do bad things (often paired with #cw purity)

— #cw degradation - interactions where one person treats another in a way that makes them feel less dignified or debased

— #cw not sfw - not sfw (sexual) content

— #cw hybrid - a fully human being that has added animal features and/or characteristics (such as animal ears, tails, night vision, claws, etc.)

— #cw monster fucking - having sexual relations with a non-human entity

— #cw omegaverse - alpha/beta/omega dynamics

— #cw oviposition - egg-laying

— #cw petplay - sexual role-playing where the submissive party takes on the role of a pet (often a puppy or a kitty) whereas the dominant party takes the role of the owner

— #cw power imbalance - a situation (often sexual) where the dominant party is in a position of power over the submissive party (ie. a superior and their subordinate)

— #cw purity - anything related to purity, including (but not limited to) virginity, innocence, and "cleansing" someone of their sins.

— #cw religion - any mentions of religion and/or religious practices

— #cw somnophilia - sexual acts with a sleeping (or otherwise unconscious) partner

— #cw suggestive - contains slight/mild (including allusions to) sexual content

GENERAL BLOG TAGS

— #syl.sys - general rambles and announcements

— #special summons - answering asks about myself

— #devil's in the details - general tag for talking about any of my works

— #inbox - answering an ask

— #important - important posts

— #burning the midnight oil - my queue tag

— #phenomenal pieces - reblogs of other creator’s content

— #recommendations - general collection of creators/works that i’d recommend

— #playing with fire - tumblr game posts

— #little offerings - sweet messages from followers

— #my writing - tag for all of my written pieces

POST TYPE TAGS

— #concept - concept posts

— #interaction - interaction posts

— #profile - profile posts

[wolint]

WORDS HURT!

WORDS HURT

Psalm 64:3

 

Many people believe that words are insignificant. However, words have the power to hurt deeply. When used improperly, they become weapons of destruction, even leading to death.

The nursery rhyme says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me.” This is far from true. Physical pain from pebbles or sticks fades over time, but the wounds inflicted by words can have long-lasting effects, unseen to the naked eye.

While “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is not found in the Bible, the Bible does contain verses that relate to the idea that words can be hurtful. Ecclesiastes 7:21 advises not to take everything people say to heart, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Proverbs 7 illustrates how a seductress can use her words to tempt a man to commit adultery.

Words do hurt and can destroy. Although words are not the same as physical weapons, they often trigger the use of physical weapons. We have all experienced hurtful words, whether careless or intentional. Words used as weapons are painful. At some point, we have all spoken hurtful words that wounded the hearer, perhaps a thoughtless remark that became a piercing dagger to someone’s heart. Other times, words are spoken with the intent to sting the hearer, and they do.

Pain is pain, regardless of how it is inflicted. Pain may come from betrayal, neglect, abandonment, breaking a body part, or failing health. The result is always emotional or physical pain. Broken bones will heal over time, but sometimes we never recover from the crushing words spoken to us by others. Many people live in defeat and depression because of words spoken to them at a young age. They believe they are worthless, no good, and will never amount to anything because that is what they were told growing up. They are still suffering from the verbal abuse they received as children. These individuals are emotionally crippled because of someone’s insensitive and thoughtless words.

Research shows that exposure to verbal aggression can have lasting effects on psychological well-being, including low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and even suicidal tendencies. It is important for individuals to be aware of the power of their words in order to promote respectful communication and avoid causing unintentional harm.

James contributed to the Scripture’s warnings about the power of words when he said, “Not many should become teachers” (James 3:1). He wasn’t trying to deter those whom God calls to this kind of Christian service. Rather, he was urging all Christians to recognize how powerful and potentially hurtful our words can be if not kept under the control of the Holy Spirit.

Our words can be especially damaging when misleading words lead others into sinful attitudes and behaviours. Words might seem small, but they can steer others on a dangerous and destructive course. The words we speak affect the world around us. What we say and how we communicate with each other has lasting results. Our words can give life, hope, and love, or they can bring death, division, and destruction, as stated in Proverbs 18:21. Once a word is spoken, it is too late to take it back. That is why James says we are to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19).

If we are honest, we must admit that we too are sometimes insensitive and careless with our words, which end up hurting the hearer. As believers, we must learn to bridle our mouths and tongues and engage our minds before we speak.

Warning: Watch Your Words. The tongue is in a wet place, and it can easily slip and hurt someone.

PRAYER: Oh Lord, set a guard over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips. Help me not to use my words as weapons. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Shalom

WOMEN OF LIGHT INT’L PRAYER MIN.

[toxictoad]

(This is about my OC so feel free to ignore this)

Dawn is a secret clone of Anakin Skywalker

Palpatine created him after the rise of the Empire (Because psychologically tormenting Vader is the only fun he has)

I'm thinking that Vader actually likes him as a kid because his head is just so genuinely fucked up in his early years in the Empire that he can sort of pretend that Dawn is his kid. He never says it out loud because of the constant surveillance but he calls him "Luke" in his head (Granted, not even his head is safe from Palpy but like neither of them say anything because Vader is in denial and Palpy is playing the long game of "What is the maximum emotional pain I can inflict on this man")

Dawn has the fast aging thing like the Fett clones but I imagine that he ages normally from ~20 physical years on because I said so. He doesn't have a name at first and I'm torn between giving him some serial number (I'm thinking some fucked up reference like A-66 or something similar) or just having everyone call him "boy" and similar not-names.

I think as Vader sees him growing up so fast he goes from projecting his lost baby onto him to fucking HATING Dawn because he's becoming more and more like Anakin and if I know anything about Darth Vader it's that he hates himself (There will definitely be an arm getting cut off at some point because the only thing better than self-hatred is self-hatred + dismemberment)

I have no idea what I want Dawn's role in the Empire to be. I kind of want him to be a pseudo-inquisitor who's basically an assassin who takes out rebels. It's sort of cringey but I'm thinking that they nickname him "The Empire's Wrath" Or something of the sort.

It would be Palpy reminding Vader that he can be replaced (I'm thinking that he has backup clones and that maybe Dawn isn't even the first one which would be SO angsty because then Vader has repeatedly projected his dead child onto these clones and they all ended up dying UGH it's so SAD)

Basically Dawn exists to make Anakin suffer for the rest of his miserable life no matter what.

BUT as for Dawn himself he's just the saddest fucker ever. The thing is that he doesn't KNOW that he's a clone of Darth Vader.

So from his perspective it's like this; He is a child who grows up on Star Destroyers. Vader is kinda nice to him but the Emperor is the regular torture-happy asshat he always is. He learns how to be a fun-sized Sith and how to kill people good. THEN Vader just starts fucking hating him for no apparent reason and CUTS HIS ARM OFF. So he gets a wicked mechno-arm but everything still sucks, and he gets sent out to kill people and it's like "Well this might as well happen"

Dawn isn't as powerful as Anakin or Vader but he's still pretty fuckin good. He isn't as impulsive or as emotional as Anakin because he mostly just shuts down when faced with any significant amount of feelings (Trauma response yay) and he obviously has a different force signature. In my head he's like a blue giant star while Anakin is a supernova and Vader is like a black hole.

And THEN the Empire falls (I want Dawn to be on the second Death Star and escape somehow, but I'm not sure exactly how). I think he's going to end up on Endor and see his first sunrise and that's how he names himself. I will also make him "borrow" a starfighter to do adventures with.

I need some force ghosts to show up and give him hints to put together that he's a clone of Vader, but that could happen at any point after this.

I'm kinda stuck here because it could go in so many different directions: Do I want him to go on a solo journey of self-actualization and have him see a shit ton of force ghosts and learn about Anakin and become a weird kind-of-Jedi? Do I want him to end up with Luke and Leia and become their weird ex-murdery Dad/Uncle/Brother? Do I want him to get in with the Mandolorians and fuck around there and have Bo-Katan freak out? DO I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING?

Anyway I really like Dawn he's one of my favorite OCs right now. Also I have a scene in mind where Anakin's force ghost appears to him and Dawn is like "Damn I'm kinda hot tho" but I had no place to put that in this post.

[9zhang]

week one

During the in-class group discussion I had with Tony on the concept of 'Sublime’, we arrived at a concise definition. We perceived it as the profound connection we feel with something we consider truly beautiful, leading to a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. However, it's important to acknowledge that 'beauty' is inherently indefinable, making the topic open to controversy and subjectivity within different contexts.

Drawing from my personal experiences, I have found nature to be the most evocative source of intense beauty. The sheer scale and the enigmatic sensory experiences it offers have triggered deep emotions within me. Nevertheless, it is essential to recognize that comprehensiveness holds equal significance to physical magnificence when considering the ‘Sublime’.

After conducting a thorough investigation from both philosophical and psychological perspectives, several inspiring ideas for the project emerged.

The research began with a comparison of two renowned concepts of the 'Sublime’. Edmund Burke, in his 1757 essay ‘A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful’, offered a detailed definition of the concept. Similarly, Immanuel Kant also referenced a different perspective in his work ‘Critique of Judgment’.

In essence, Burke's exploration of aesthetics revolves around observing the disparities in human physiological experiences, specifically by discerning between "pleasure" and "pain" to define the sensation of beauty. While his theoretical framework might not be as profound as Longinus' theory of the Sublime, Burke argues that pleasure leads to the feeling of ’beauty‘, representing the realm of the graceful, a concept familiar to us and requiring no further elaboration. On the other hand, the Sublime corresponds to a "pleasure in pain," which is intriguing, aligning with our common understanding of an experience that is both "painful and pleasurable." According to Burke, this kind of experience constitutes the aesthetic sense of the Sublime.

The Sublime, in Burke's view, is not merely a response to great or extraordinary objects; rather, it emerges as a physiological experience when individuals encounter terrifying or psychologically distressing things, resulting in a 'pleasure in pain.' Burke dismisses the idea that physical pain can create aesthetic pleasure, as it contradicts common sense. However, the question arises: what constitutes psychological pain? This experience includes not only immediate suffering but also the recollection of past suffering, known as "reproduction." Therefore, psychological pain is confined solely to the mental realm, and aesthetics do not inflict genuine harm on us. Nonetheless, this explanation remains somewhat ambiguous. What precisely constitutes inner torment, and where lies the boundary between psychological and physical pain? For those terrifying things that cause us distress, what qualifies as aesthetic and what does not? Does experiencing aesthetic pleasure due to psychological pain imply that humans are masochistic?

The answer, according to Burke, is straightforward. As aesthetic subjects, we maintain an absolute distance, both physiologically and psychologically, from naturally terrifying objects during the aesthetic process. When we sense fear and psychological distress from those entities, we are well aware that our bodies or minds are not under any threat from the sublime object. The terrifying object can only be transformed into an aesthetic sublime object when it does not pose a threat to our lives.

Burke's explanation is reasonable and relatable to our daily lives. We can understand this by imagining our feelings while watching horror movies. It is the contradiction of wanting to continue watching out of curiosity or suspense while also fearing that a ghost might suddenly scare us. However, in reality, the audience is aware that the ghost is merely a character portrayed by an actor. This contradictory psychology drives us to experience the Sublime aesthetics of horror movies, where pleasure in pain arises while maintaining a significant distance between ourselves and the terrifying objects.

In summary, Burke posits that for something to become a 'sublime object,' it needs to possess terror-inducing qualities, which he breaks down into characteristics such as 

immense size, loud sounds contrasting with silence (extreme atmospheres)

vagueness, obscurity, and disharmony (as seen in the terror of ghosts)

roughness, disorder, and grandeur (as seen in oversized cathedrals or gigantic "ghost puppets")

the interplay of light and colour (e.g. lighting and darkness). 

In the context of Burke and Kant's perspectives on aesthetics, a fundamental distinction arises. Burke emphasizes the psychological aspect, while Kant views aesthetics as an expression of subjective freedom. Kant astutely observes that aesthetic emotions are not mere physiological or psychological responses but rather judgments of knowledge, which he terms "judgments of taste." These judgments evoke aesthetic pleasure through reason and intellect without generating new knowledge.

In contrast to Burke's notion of pleasure and pain in aesthetics, Kant's concept of the sublime delves into encounters with almost contradictory or extreme elements. However, for Kant, the sublime does not lie in objects that cause physiological pleasure, such as those mentioned by Burke. While experiencing both pleasure and pain when watching horror movies may resemble the sublime, it does not necessarily encompass pure aesthetic appreciation. The presence of reason in this experience gradually leads to cognitive implications, potentially undermining the sense of pleasure and pain.

According to Kant, the sublime's presence is not within the terrifying objects or horror movies themselves, but rather in the subjective anticipation of the thrill-seeker who finds aesthetic value in the terrifying spectacle. In essence, the sublime is a projection of the subject's attitude, where seeking novelty in the thrill aligns with sublime aesthetics.

Aesthetic judgments, as per Kant, do not solely affirm objective objects' beauty, but they affirm the subject's self-construction of beauty and the factors of beauty evoked within. Thus, aesthetic pleasure varies among individuals and may lead to fatigue upon repeated exposure to the same stimuli. The continuous process of self-affirmation may give rise to a contradictory element within aesthetics.

In conclusion, aesthetics revolves around the human subject and their intricate interplay with the objects and experiences they encounter, resulting in diverse and subjective expressions of beauty and the sublime.

Project Idea Brainstorms 

Project 1

Based on the skills and interests I mentioned earlier, I am drawn to the idea of conducting a project that explores the concept of the Sublime with a sense of terror. One approach could be through the Capitol lighting system, where I can create a simulation of lighting and thunderstorms juxtaposed with elements of the Sublime. This combination aims to evoke intense emotions and sensations in the audience, capturing the awe-inspiring power of nature and its ability to evoke both fear and fascination. Ultimately to create an immersive and captivating experience that showcases the sublime aspects of nature and its potential to leave a lasting impact on viewers.

One interesting artwork series that captured my interest while researching was ‘Sublime’ by Xinwu Xu. Xu's series of works emphasize panoramic and interactive spatial installations, and the selection of technological green, blue, and red colours also reflects the intangible digital curtain. As a fully immersive installation, it intrudes into our daily lives, hinting at a new sense of the sublime hidden behind the digital curtain. The use of rigid straight lines breaks through chaos and creates a confrontation between continuity and discontinuity, clarity and ambiguity. These elements occasionally intertwine, forming a concealed interconnection within the loops constructed by the paintings.

Project 2

In William Butler Yeats’s poem "The Gyres," the initial imagery presents a face without a body, communicating with readers through enigmatic references to ancient philosophy and mysterious tales. The deliberate absence of specific details creates a disorienting and hallucinatory effect, evoking the concept of the 'sublime' or, more precisely, Yeats' notion of 'tragic joy.' According to Yeats, 'tragic joy' embodies encounters with elements that are almost paradoxical or highly extreme. Throughout the poem, the recurring mention of the 'gyre' emphasizes that people are ceaselessly contemplating, seeking meaning within the realm of the meaningless, ultimately discovering truth in this state of perpetual cycles. The significance lies in embracing the absurdity of existence and finding meaning in the very senselessness that pervades eternity.

This poem gave me the inspiration to create a visual narrative that captures the essence of the poem. Utilize abstract and symbolic imagery to represent the face without a body, ancient philosophies, and mysterious tales. Experiment with visual effects that evoke a sense of disorientation and hallucination. Incorporate elements of contrast and contradiction to reflect the idea of 'tragic joy' and the paradoxical encounters.

Project 3 

Another idea that came to mind during class was to draw and map out visual motions that capture ‘Sublime’ through music/audio. By considering the intensity and dynamics of the music and how they translate into visual motions. I want to create abstract visualisations and use elements like lines, shapes, colours, and particles to represent the movement and emotion of the music.

Project 4

Another intense image I had in mind was a sublime volcanic experience. Volcanoes are inherently dramatic and evoke a sense of beauty and terror, making them a perfect fit for exploring the notion of the sublime. An interesting aspect that can be explored in this subject is to mimic heat and temperature to simulate the warmth and intensity of a volcanic environment through effects such as lighting/colour and other elements to create the rise in audiences’ body temperature.  

[crionic-dubs]

To those only passingly familiar with the Dwarves, the concept of Grudges can seem like a toxic one. To spend the lives of living Dwarves on the wrongs done to those long dead seems shockingly wasteful. But as you've become familiar with the Dwarves, you've come to believe that Grudges are not the cause of Dwarven troubles, but a bandage over them. The human mind is capable of letting the past stay in the past: leaving the past in the past, letting bygones be bygones, least said, soonest mended. To a human, a grudge is something that needs to be tended and nurtured, something to be constantly stoked lest those fires begin to die. But the average Dwarf, you suspect, is no more able to let the past be forgotten than they are to breathe underwater. To them, unredressed emotional pain is as strong decades later as it was the day it was inflicted upon them. A Dwarf who has been wronged and has no way to right that wrong will be forever haunted by it until it drives them mad, as inevitably as a river carving a valley through stone. In this way, a recorded Grudge is the mirror to the Slayer Oath: where a Dwarf that has wronged others and cannot fix it seeks to die for the Karaz Ankor, a Dwarf that has been wronged and cannot fix it seeks to live for the Karaz Ankor. Their Grudge being recorded is a promise that someday, somehow, the Karaz Ankor will take vengeance on their behalf, and this means that any act that strengthens the Karaz Ankor becomes an act of vengeance. But the cost of this is that even the canniest and most cynical of Dwarven leaders must still pay heed to the Grudges of the past, because the promises of a Book of Grudges might represent a titanic outlay of lives and resources, but it is also the mortar that keeps the battered souls of the Dwarven people from falling apart. To entirely ignore it would be to undermine their entire society.

- Boney, Warhammer Fantasy: Divided Loyalties, Mining Mount Drakenhof Part 1

well now I am curious what does she think the fundamental difference between dwarves and humans are? Most prominently unfading emotional memory, leading to the cultural institutions of Grudges to deal with unredressable grief and Slayers for unredressable shame.

- Woltaire & Boney, Warhammer Fantasy: Divided Loyalties

That - That has really deep implications, actually. Like, way the fuck deeper than yours and WHF's depiction of them would ordinarily permit. Were the Dawi not an engineered species, I'd call bullshit on them bearing even a slight psychological or physiological resemblance to humans, and just the idea of it sets my imagination flying. So, okay. Repeated stimulus gets tuned out. This is something that happens at every single level of your body, from physical nerve cells be they touch, hearing, sight related, etc - to pathways, to the neurons that receive those signals, to the brain talking to and making sense of itself. Monotonous repetition is something that gets muted, this is why fading of emotional memory is even a thing - eventually, the same internal reaction to the same memory will just get... tuned down. That's just how nerve cells and neurons work. They kind of have to, because all stimulus and activation is relative. If you couldn't de-prioritize a response to stimulus, you almost wouldn't be able to learn or sense things at all. That Dawi don't have fading emotional memory hints at something way, way more fundamental about how their... well, everything works, just calling it their brains is underselling it. But as a small example... in humans, our ability to tell the difference between two stimulus is more or less percentage/ratio based - our increments of perception are not absolute, the brighter a light, the greater a difference in lumens is required for a change in it to be perceptible. The heavier a weight, the more ounces or pounds have to change for us to tell the difference between it and another weight. This is a consequence of the same underlying mechanism of sensory deadening as everything else I've talked about. So if that just doesn't apply to emotional memory for Dawi, can they tell the difference in stimulus in absolute rather than relative terms, too? Certainly seems like it could be a major benefit for precision work, I'll say that much...

- Prime 2.0, Warhammer Fantasy: Divided Loyalties

It would also seem to imply that they have no reason to value novelty for its own sake, and that repeating a task they find engaging over and over while regularly realizing slight improvements would be the height of satisfaction to them, instead of something that they'd grow bored of. So they would likely default to somewhere between caution and suspicion towards new things. They wouldn't have the hedonic treadmill at work in their brains, so they'd tend to be rather spartan out of practicality, because they'd only need a certain amount of comforts and pleasures to be happy and wouldn't grow to see them as a new baseline requiring them to seek new heights to get the same sense of enjoyment. It would mean they'd value well-insulated, carefully-controlled environments to live in, and would highly value depressants to dull external stimulus, possibly outright relying on them. All of which sounds rather familiar…

- Boney, Warhammer Fantasy: Divided Loyalties

What is a Dwarf?

What is a dwarf, really? A bundle of grudges wrapped up in an ale-stained beard? A tiny Scottish man with impossibly bulgy forearms? It’s an interesting question to me, because I really don’t know what makes dwarves such an attractive archetype. To be fair, I prefer them in miniatures gaming rather than roleplaying, so the strong visual recognition is probably a core aspect. But at their core, Dwarves represent a culture every bit as vain, obsessive and greedy as ours. It’s not even taken to extremes, really. Dwarves dig too deep, drink too much and exploit their natural environment.

I think that humanises them, that they are so like us. But what about the differences? I have always pictured dwarf people to be very relateable on the battlefield, but extremely creepy up close. These aren’t humans. Are they even people? They spend all their time beneath the earth, listening to the world breathe in and out its furnace breath. Their eyes aren’t like ours. They have milky white orbs in their heads. On the surface, their senses are dulled. Their skin is stretched thin across strange bones. You don’t notice it right away. Some of them ingest elixirs and potions to shroud their subterranean bodies in petty illusions. Their beards aren’t soft, cuddly Father Christmas beards. They’re steel-wool and they help them navigate the labyrinthine confines of their tomb-like worlds. They are greedy, obsessive and vindictive. They are more spirits than people. Gold appeases them, of course, but what they seek is a true beauty they can never grasp. Many go mad with it, those suited to crafts, and countless others seek it in the dying breath of a surface-dweller or the blood-splatter of a green-skinned intruder. I like to think of Dwarves as multi-faceted. Sure, when they’re around you can be lulled into thinking they’re just grumpy, drunk grandfathers. But dig a little deeper and you will find something alien. Something that wishes, for the most part, to be left alone beneath the ground.

[thatgirl4815]

I don't know if you have discussed this previously... if you have , I apologize. But i have been enjoying the recent q&as you have been doing so i decided to go ahead.

Do we think that pete has harbored a crush on vegas for a long time? Because that teeth shattering kiss was... intense to say the least🤭 But honestly there really hasn't been any indication for that in the previous eps.

Or was it just wow this crybaby looks hot... which honestly i wouldn't fault him for it! (Have you seen his cheekbones?)

His cheekbones deserve their own fan club!

But yeahhh, I would argue that *the moment* Pete became attracted to Vegas is the blurriest out of all the couples, as it should be. Nobody else has the weight and trauma of being attracted to someone who once desired to inflict pain on them. I don’t know how you possibly reconcile that with your own feelings.

For the past few days, I’ve really dedicated myself to getting into Pete’s head, and this is what I’ve come up with: I think Pete is attracted to the idea that Vegas is a broken man who he can put back together (at least partly). Pete likes helping people. He likes sacrificing for them, almost too much, as we see here. There’s a lot of psychological stuff associated with that that I won’t get into here.

But Pete should have run away. Staying was about the emotional stability he could offer Vegas. I don’t think he ever intended for it to turn into sex. I’d argue he’s probably had a subconscious attraction to Vegas for a long time, but it’s stayed subconscious a) because Vegas was always his enemy, even before he was captured and b) Vegas has personally tortured and threatened him.

All of this is a long way to say that Pete probably always found Vegas physically attractive, but he never realized how much he craved it until this moment here:

They’re still enemies, but not like before.

That’s my take on it. But thank you for bringing this up anon because I’d love to get other thoughts on it as well to continue this discussion, because it can never be talked about enough imo…

Do you think there was a specific moment/scene where Pete realized his emotional and physical attraction to Vegas? When did it first click for you?

[scripttorture]

One of the central characters in a fantasy story I'm writing has torture as part of her backstory. She was captured by an evil race, and one individual in particular put her through a "training" regime designed to turn her into a useful/trustworthy slave. Specifically the goals of the training were:

- destroy her sense of self / agency

- overwrite her ingrained response of healing herself when injured (she has magical healing powers)

- an affectionate or worshipful disposition towards her captors

- immediate obedience to any command

I feel like both physical and psychological torture / mental conditioning are probably appropriate, though I'm leaning away from including sexual abuse. I honestly don't know much about torture at all and the only things that come to mind as producing a result similar to what I'm looking for are the Game of Thrones torture sequence and the use of obdience collars in the Codex Alera book series. The latter is very interesting to me because it is a magical device that inflicts pain in reaction to disobedience but also inflicts pleasure to reward obedience.

I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice for what kinds of methods would be good to include in a process designed to produce obedience, rather than torture for its own sake or to extract information, as well as if there are any common pitfalls I should try to avoid in writing about such a thing.

The training itself won't be in the book, but I need to be familiar with it for backstory purposes because later in the story this character encounters her torturer again, and is subjected to some further abuse before she finally overcomes her fear and kills him.

Alright well I’m going to be straight up with you: the scenario you’ve presented is a very common torture apologist trope. It’s incredibly unrealistic. And it’s unrealistic in ways that support torture by claiming it can be ‘useful’.

 Which probably means that you’re new to the blog and haven’t heard me give this talk before. That’s OK, we all learn sometime and it’s not my intention to shame you for the fact you’re not as obsessed with this stuff as I am or couldn’t afford to shell out for the books.

 Torture does not produce obedience. The best evidence we have right now suggests it encourages active resistance.

 If you got a lot of your inspiration from Game of Thrones then frankly I’m not surprised you came up with apologia. The torture in that series is incredibly badly handled. And a big part of the point of running this blog is that most people are getting their information on torture from shows like that. Which happens because the research is inaccessible and hasn’t been popularised the way fictional tropes (sometimes fictional tropes literally started by torturers) have been popularised.

 The important thing is what you choose to do now.

 I’m going to break down the problems here and make some suggestions for what you could do instead.

 Firstly: there is no torture or abuse that will guarantee obedience. Pain does not make people meek or compliant or willing to follow commands.

 Torture survivors are not broken.

 They are not ‘controlled’ by their torturers and the suggestion that they are is used in the real world to bar real survivors from treatment. It is also used to bar them from entering safe countries and to argue that they shouldn’t be allowed visas or passports.

 The best statistics we have for any sort of compliance under torture come from analysis of historical French data where torture was used to try and force confessions (something we know torture can sometimes do).

 The ‘success’ rate averaged at 10%. Under torture 90% of people will not comply long enough to sign their name.

 Secondly: torture does not and can not ‘make’ a victim feel ‘worshipful’ towards their torturer. The suggestion is kind of like asking if someone can tap dance immediately after removing the bones from their legs.

 Torturers have no control over a victim’s emotions. They have no control over their symptoms. They have no control over their beliefs.

 And there is no such thing as a torture that can change someone’s mind in a way torturers can control.

 Once again, this fictional trope is used by politicians and the media to justify marginalising real torture survivors.

 I have read hundreds, possibly thousands, of accounts from torture survivors. I’ve read historic and modern accounts. I’ve read accounts from all sort of people from all over the globe. I have never seen a survivor say anything positive about their torturers. I have never seen anything close to toleration.

 A lot of survivors are blisteringly angry at their torturers. A lot of them feel overwhelming levels of spite and some report literally putting themselves at risk of death in order to spite their torturers. And yes, a lot of them are afraid too. None of these emotions are mutually exclusive.

 Affection is impossible. We are not wired that way.

 Thirdly: I understand that ‘evil races’ are a long standing fantasy trope but it would be remiss of me if I didn’t mention the racism inherent in that idea. That some people are ‘born bad’.

 I’d strongly suggest you look up the Black, Indian and First Nations people that I know are on this site critiquing these kinds of fantasy tropes. Because they will be able to explain it better then I can.

 Fourthly: the term ‘psychological torture’ is a pretty common dog whistle for torture apologia.

 Most of the time tortures that people dub ‘psychological’ are things with real, physical effects that lead to lasting injury and death. They just don’t tend to leave obvious external scars. I use Rejali’s term ‘clean torture’ for these techniques. Researchers distinguish them from scarring tortures because they are harder to detect and prove in court.

 The majority of survivors today will have experienced clean torture. They will have no obvious physical scars. But they will still be disabled. They’re ‘just’ less likely to see any form of justice for it.

 Fifthly: torture is a terrible training method because it decreases a person’s ability to learn.

 Torture causes memory problems. It also often causes lasting physical injuries that make performing basic tasks more difficult. And it causes a lot of serious psychological problems which make performing basic tasks more difficult.

 A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture.

 I probably sound quite angry here.

 I write fantasy and I also write about torture a lot. But I can’t imagine that it’s just flavour for a fantasy world or some artefact of the past. Torture is a real, present threat in the country that I grew up in. If I was to return now I could, literally, be tortured and executed.

 If you want to include torture in your world, in your story then you are committing to telling someone else’s story. You are representing an incredibly marginalised group of people and you are presenting that representation to a third group, one that has never had contact with real torture survivors.

 Are you comfortable with the idea of telling your peers that survivors are still controlled by ‘the enemy’? That they’re passive? That they don’t have the capacity to make their own decisions?

 Are you comfortable knowing that the popularity of this message keeps millions of genocide survivors in refugee camps, blocked from citizenship, aid and safety?

 I understand feeling attached to a story and a character. And I understand that this information is hard to find. Hell I’m probably going to end up with the only English copy of one of the pivotal textbooks because I’m shelling out to get it translated.

 You say you want to write a torture survivor. With respect I don’t think you know what a torture survivor looks like.

 I think the most helpful, and kindest, thing I can do here is describe what torture does to people. Because I can’t tell you whether that’s something you want to write. I could try and rebuild this scenario for you (and if you decide you’re interested in that after reading all of this and all the links then I suggest looking through the blog tags for ICURE, torture as training, Black Widow and Overwatch.) But I think you need to decide whether you actually want to write a torture survivor first.

 Here’s a post on the most common torture apologia tropes.

 Here’s the post on the types of memory problems torture commonly causes. I strongly recommend picking at least one.

 Remember that this would never go away. Improvement and recovery in torture survivors means learning to live with symptoms. The symptoms themselves are permanent.

 It’s a hundred different alarms set up on their phone to try and make up for the forgetfulness that makes them miss appointments. It’s the little bottle of perfume in their pocket to bring themselves back to reality when they get intrusive memories at work.

 Here’s a post on the other common symptoms.

 You want something in the range of 3-5 of those, though more are likely if your character is held for years. Each of them should be severe. Every single symptom should have a large, negative, impact on the character’s daily life.

 Do you know anyone with chronic pain? It warps their world. Work can become impossible. Basic household tasks like getting dressed, cooking, cleaning the dishes are done through gritted teeth or not at all. Hobbies and ‘fun’ activities dwindle as they struggle to find a way to do them that doesn’t hurt. Interaction with other people, even loved ones, can easily become barbed.

 Because the pain makes everything more difficult. It means everything takes more energy, more effort. Which means that things fall by the wayside, whether that’s by a pile of mouldering dishes in the sink or snapping at a child. It means tears and the social judgement that follows them. It means the world narrowing as it gets harder to go out.

 Do you see what I mean? Every part of life.

 That’s an example for one symptom. You need to work out at least four. Then figure out how they interact. Then figure out what the character can do to make her life better.

 With chronic pain that can mean painkillers but it’s always more then that. It’s re-learning how to do things; how to put on trousers without aggravating the bad knee, how to sew with one hand. It means learning to cut down on what they do and it means learning a new sort of flexibility; accepting that there are days when the pain is too much.

 It can mean having the same conversation about disability over and over again. With family, with friends, with colleagues. ‘I can’t do that.’ ‘I can do that sometimes but not always.’ ‘That will hurt me.’ ‘I can’t use that chair.’ ‘I can’t get my arms that high above my shoulders.’ ‘I need help with this.’

 And that sometimes means learning a kind of patience that is really barely held back rage. Or perhaps I’m projecting a little with this last one.

 If you’ve never met a torture survivor, if you’ve never looked at a survivor’s work, then all this is difficult. You’re trying to imagine something from first principals with nothing to fall back on.

 So let’s bring some survivors into the discussion here. Some reality.

 Who’s listened to Fela? How about Bobi Wine?

 Fela Kuti was the father of modern Afro beats music. He was tortured multiple times and during one attack, which destroyed his home, his mother was murdered by the military. When he got out of jail Fela marched her funeral procession past the biggest barracks in Nigeria’s biggest city. He wrote two songs about this attack and he doubled down on his opposition to the military government.

 Fela’s music started causing riots.

 You can read what I have to say about him here. You can listen to his music on youtube.

 Here’s an interview with Bobi Wine, which was conducted shortly after he was tortured in Uganda. He talked about how he was determined to go back and continue fighting. Which he did. He even ran against the president.

 I’ve also got a short piece on Searle who was a cartoonist captured by the Japanese during World War 2. His drawings of what happened in To the Kwai and Back are worth seeing. Especially if you want to write atrocities on this scale. They will show you the scale and how to focus on the small, human elements despite that overwhelming scale.

 Alleg’s The Question is pretty much a must, it’s one of the most thorough accounts from the Franco-Algerian war.

 Monroe’s A Darkling Plain is also a must, it’s a series of interviews with survivors of various different conflicts and atrocities. Some are torture survivors. Some are not. It is essential reading because it shows the variety in survivors as well as giving a sense of their lives beyond the symptoms.

 Finally Amnesty International has literally hundreds of interviews and studies available for free online.

 The most important decision for any story with regards to torture is whether it should be there at all.

 So much of this topic is intimidating and so much of it is difficult to write. Not just in the ‘oh this is horribly effecting’ sense but in the ‘I have twelve things to juggle in this simple scene’ sense.

 Ask yourself what torture adds to this character and this story. What does this backstory actually give this character?

 Because if the point is to have her vulnerable and then ultimately triumphing violently over her attackers I don’t think you want a torture scenario. You could get the same thing from a bad guy trying to drug her and having the kidnapping fail when she fights him off, clumsy but effective nonetheless.

 And she could still come out of something like that traumatised.

 Right now I really don’t see this adding anything but torture apologia to your story.

 Handling torture well in a story means accepting that it can’t be the same story without it. It means watching the characters and narrative warp under the weight of it. It means lasting effects, for all the characters and for the world itself.

 I believe you are capable of writing that if you want to, pet. But this ain’t it.

Edit: I’m having trouble seeing the beginning of the answer here. Can anyone let me know if there are formatting issues again please? The first word in the htmal is ‘Alright’ but what I’m seeing on tumblr starts 8 paragraphs in.

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[emerald-amidst-gold]

OC Questionnaire

Thank you @1000generations and @rosella-writes for the tags! I love things such as this that allow me to flesh out Fane more! :D

I’ll tag: @oxygenforthewicked @the-dreadful-canine @varric-tethras-editor @noire-pandora @blueheaded and anyone else that’d like to give it a go! :3

----

THE BASICS:

Character’s name: Fane Lavellan/Aterian (The second name is one he’s rarely called until later on. Mainly post-Trespasser by those in his contingent of agents.)

Role in story: The Inquisitor (highly derogatory)

Physical description: Short, messy snow white hair and eyes that hold two colors instead of one (emerald and gold). Bears the vallaslin of Sylaise (full-face). Relatively angular face and holds features that are more indicative to ancient elves than the ones of today. Overall height is 6′1 and is far more muscular in build than other elves, but still slender enough that he isn’t mistaken for a Qunari. Entire body is littered with patch-work scars and has a singular, long scar upon his left cheek (inflicted by Solas) 

Age: Appears 24 (approximately 5,000 years old in actuality)

MBTI/Enneagram Personality Type: INTP-T (Logician). Fane is very much like me in the fact that he’s extremely analytical. He’s always questioning and trying to piece together ‘why’ or ‘how’. Sadly, social skills are lacking for him, and he comes across as proud or insensitive due to how he words things or his lack of understanding when it regards to why someone might be put off by his views.

INTERNAL LIFE:

What is their greatest fear? 

To be forgotten/Himself

Inner motivation: 

Rebirth. Fane wants to see the world restored to what he remembers (i.e. before the Veil was erected), and he wishes for his kin to thrive once more, to belong to no master but themselves. The birth of Yune (the last of Fane’s specific kin) awakens the ideal of ‘hope’ in his heart and allows him to believe that what he strives for is possible.

Kryptonite: 

Pride and Wrath. Fane has a volatile temper that tends to get him into trouble, on and off the battlefield. He is prone to bouts of proud behavior due to the fact that he’s lived for so long and believes he knows what the ‘absolute’ in the world is. 

What is their misbelief about the world? 

That everything terrible that has happened to him or that he has done thus far since awakening/being awakened is his fault, his choice. At the beginning of my story and in regards to the world as a whole, Fane believes he knows exactly how each person is (personality, motivations, ideals, etc.), even though he has no idea who he is.

Lesson they need to learn: 

That his existence is not a sin. That whoever or whatever he is doesn’t matter. He’s alive and he is loved, he is important. Labels do not need to define him.

What is the best thing in their life? 

Family (Solas, Mhairi, Cyfrin, Yune, etc.)

What is the worst thing in their life? 

That he had to betray family to support family. Fane will do whatever it takes to ensure Solas is never alone again and that his kin can be remembered for what they truly are, but in order to do that he has to make decisions, choices and those decisions carry a lot of pain and heart break. He’ll endure, however. He’ll always endure.

What do they most often look down on people for? 

Ignorance and faith. The faith aspect is mainly people wholly relying on that which they can’t see rather than the strength and independent thought that they possess. Fane despises those who use faith as a tool to manipulate or those who are willfully blind to the cries of the world and the suffering.

What makes his/her/their heart feel alive?

Primarily, Solas awakens the hidden or muted sides of Fane. Solas represents ‘the sky’ to him, and just a glimpses into the other’s eyes can make Fane feel as if he’s able to fly again. Having someone understand and know him for more than his rage and bluntness also makes Fane feel more alive when he’s used to feeling grey. 

What makes them feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? 

Intimacy of presence. Fane feels most loved when those he cares for is content to merely be around him, words or no words. Solas is the one that does this the most often, the two of them having had to use this level of communication in the past due to Fane being a dragon unable to talk or link up mentally with anyone other than spirits. However, Cole, Mhairi and Cyfrin also utilize this means of communication. Solas is merely the one that offers it the most. 

Top three things they value most in life? 

Devotion, Independent thought, and Support.

EXTERNAL LIFE:

Is there an object they can’t bear to part with and why? 

A crimson sash adorned with golden embroidery of halla and leafless trees. It was a gift from Mhairi, and it was given to Fane shortly after their father disappeared and the experiments upon his body ceased. Fane wears it either around his waist or as a scarf. He’s usually not one to accept gifts, family or not, but he kept this one because it offered a lot of comfort where it had been lacking for several years. Fane also adores his sister with all his heart, and to see that she chanced potential capture to gather the materials...how could he spit in the face of such love? He couldn’t, and that’s why he keeps it even Post-Trespasser. He rarely wears it as he used to during that time, but he keeps it safe and pulls it out when he’s alone to remember simpler days.

Describe a typical outfit for them from top to bottom.

Fane gravitates towards clothing that’s loose and practical. He refuses to wear any of the clothing that Josephine or Vivienne might choose for him. To start, Fane wraps his entire upper body in Elvhen wraps to cover the myriad of scars that litter his body. The wraps are usually dark brown, dark green, or black. Next, he opts for cotton tunics, short sleeved or long sleeves, but he’ll have tendency to roll them up to his elbow, and once again, they are either dark or neutral colors (black, grey, etc.). Plain trousers, somewhat form fitting, and most importantly; boots. Fane does not go barefoot unless he’s getting ready for bed or bathing. He also wears a small dagger that he keeps strapped to an upper thigh. Just in case. *winks*

What names or nicknames has they been called throughout their life?

Fae (generally by Cyfrin or Mhairi), ma’isenatha (’my dragon’ and is typically used by Solas), Blackened One (this is the translation of Fane’s ‘second’ name and is used both respectfully/derogatory), He Who Flew Above (used by the Elvhen agents in both Fane and Solas’ respective contingents), White One (Abelas generally refers to Fane as this once he drops the Inquisitor title, Wisdom also calls Fane this), vhenan or ma vhenan.

And last, but definitely not least, ‘Papae’ *whistles innocently* :3 

What is their method of manipulation?

Fane has draconic abilities that can warp emotions. In a way, he implements a form of psychological warfare, but he only uses it as a last resort whether the enemy is a piece of absolute trash or not. Fane has had his mind broken multiple times, died from it once even, and unless given no other choice, he will not break another like that.

Describe their daily routine. 

Fane wakes up at the crack of dawn. He doesn’t like to, but he usually has no control over it due to years upon years of waking up from nightmares and retching. If he manages to awaken without many issues, Fane strides right into his routine of training, with or without eating. Training helps quell his mind of lingering terrors, and establishes discipline to emotions that are volatile. Afterwards, Fane may eat on his own, but generally, Mhairi, Cyfrin or Solas have to acquire something for him and press him to eat. He always relents, even if he glowers and growls. Cole takes a more subtle approach and just leaves it where Fane can easily smell it, awakening the want. 

Mid-day Fane is usually doing his rounds, checking on companions, maybe entertaining a conversation or request, or begrudgingly diving into Inquisition business. (paperwork, letters, etc.) If he’s having a rough day, headaches, mental exhaustion, or physical pain, then Fane is less likely to get much done and that’s because Solas will demand that he take it easy. In those cases, Fane will fight and protest and declare that he’s fine, but a single look that says, ‘Enough’, and he crumbles, taking the offering of a pillowed lap and potentially sleeping for at least half the afternoon. When he wakes up, Fane lingers in the rotunda and with attempt some form of work until evening.

That’s when Fane indulges in more personal pursuits. He whittles wood, reads and writes poetry, tinkers with one of his gauntlets or plating, and lets himself want. He’ll sometimes go to the tavern to see Varric or the Chargers, even if being around Bull makes him a tad uneasy. Or he’ll seek out his sister and see if she wishes to do something with him. Fane doesn’t ask, of course, but that’s because Mhairi bombards him the moment he appears and he accepts and agrees without fuss. Sometimes Fane will visit Leliana in the rookery and go over what she’s heard or what he’s hear, or he’ll spend time with Cole until Solas comes to see where he’s gone off to.

Their go-to cure for a bad day? 

Usually, training or just outright destroying something. Fane has issues controlling some of his emotions, rage most of all, and the only way to get that specific emotion out is to physically take it out. Solas and Mhairi have attempted to help Fane diffuse in different ways, but the only one that seems to work the best is for a dragon to rampage. Thankfully, Fane retreats from Skyhold if that he feels his mind blackening. Solas or Cole will follow and keep an eye on him from a distance, but Solas will intervene if he feels Fane is close to spiraling beyond anger. Then, the go-to is words, soft, but firm.

GOALS:

How are they dissatisfied with their life? 

Fane’s life Pre-Inquisition and within Inquisition is...rough. Life with the clan was torture for him, literally being called a mistake and monster due to how he acted and how he looked. No one understood why and neither did Fane beyond knowing his father’s abuse had...awoken something in him. That lack of understanding infuriated Fane, to the point where he chose to just...ignore it, turn his back. Add that to the burden placed upon his shoulders unwillingly, and once again being labeled as every manner of being except what would make him feel complete...yeah, Fane was highly dissatisfied with his life. It isn’t until he and Solas reconcile and vow to never be apart again that Fane starts to find purpose and the will to try in his life. That satisfaction only grows Pre-Trespasser once Fane uncovers a lot of answers concerning himself and his kin after going on a little field trip to a place that shall not be name while Solas attends to the Qunari.

What would bring them true happiness or contentment?

Simply put? Fane wants Solas to be able to rest. That would bring Fane so much joy, to see his sky finally throw down the mantle and rest. All he wants is for them both to be able to be together and not have the world demanding their lives on a silver platter every second of every hour.

What definitive step could they take to turn their dream into a reality? 

Support. That is one of Fane’s guiding principles when it comes to Solas and what the mage has deemed he has to do. Fane helps to keep Solas on the path, but he knows when to step in if the fog rolls in. Fane doesn’t see right or wrong; he sees paths, choices. He supports what Solas wishes to do because he understands why the man feels the way that he does. Fane is Devotion and Tenacity, and he will die again and again and again before leaving Solas to walk this dark path alone, without support. Because that, all on its own, can change a person’s mind.

How has their fear kept them from taking this action already? 

Fane is only fearful that his support could be causing Solas grief, making him upset due to the fact that the mage feels as if Fane should condemn him. However, Fane presses on and doesn’t let fear shackle him in this. Fear is potent in Fane, that’s the truth, but it all washes away when Solas requires him. Devotion is stronger than Fear, Tenacity grinds Terror into dust, and a dragon will always guard the sky it calls home. 

How do they feel they can accomplish their goal while still steering clear of the thing they are afraid of? 

So, Fane’s main fears are being forgotten and himself. The supporting aspect is to combat the being forgotten aspect, partially, but when in regards to himself... That’s a whole other story. Fane grapples with madness coutnless times in my story and the allure of power, something dragons cannot yearn for lest they cause irreversible harm to the world, and he is fearful that eventually...the clock will strike, the hourglass will run out and that he didn’t do enough. For Solas, for his kin, and for the world. Furthermore, Fane is terrified that that madness will eventually harm those he cares for, those he’s vowed to protect and support. So, Fane does whatever he can to keep his spirit from warping, to keep himself from breaking beyond what can be repaired, and having Yune and Solas, and seeing the progress of their endeavors helps keep Fane on the cliff he teeters on.

[strawberry--cream]

Obey Me! Satan x MC

Title: Guardian

Pairing: Satan (and demon bros) / MC

Word Count: 1,633

Summary: MC is hiding something, and Satan wants to find out what.

A short story I wrote in the middle of the night (which is where most of my stories come from these days). It isn’t the greatest, but I just wanted to get the idea down before it left my head.

(y/n) = your name, (e/c) = eye color

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Today was a normal school day in the Devildom. Beel was eating anything he could get his hands on. Belphie was sleeping in the middle of class. Someone was angry at Mammon for selling something of theirs. A completely normal day.

Well, it would’ve been if it wasn’t for one factor.

“Oi, (y/n), why’re you wearin’ that mask?”, Mammon asked out of curiosity. She never wore masks, not unless she was going to a concert with Levi.

“Oh, um, I-I think I’ve caught a cold, s-so... I’m wearing this mask so I don’t pass it on to anyone else,” she said.

“Oh... okay.” While Mammon was suspicious, he knew she was also kind enough to do such a thing. It’s too bad he wouldn’t get to see her smile today, though. Of course, he’d never admit that…

(y/n) sat at her seat next to Satan, setting her bag on the table in front of her. Satan was suspicious, as well. But he wasn’t as dense as Mammon; he was thinking there was something more to what she was saying.

- - - -

When the brothers and (y/n) arrived at the House of Lamentation once the day was over, (y/n) wasted no time going to her room. Once she went in there, she didn’t come out, not even when they called her for dinner.

“What’s up with Resuri?”, Asmo worried. “Wasn’t she doing fine yesterday?”

“It’s not like her to act like this...”, Levi added. He sighed. “And we were supposed to play games today.”

“Why didn’t she just tell us she had a cold, huh?”, Mammon said. “We can take care of her if she needs it!”

Lucifer, Beel, and Belphie were silent, but you could tell by their expressions that they were also concerned. Beel wasn’t eating his food -- which was unheard of -- and it was rare for Lucifer to show so much emotion…

Satan suddenly stood from the table.

“I’ll bring dinner up to her since she’s not well,” he said. He grabbed the plate set for (y/n) and headed up to her room.

- - - -

Once Satan arrived, he knocked on her door.

“... (y/n)?”, he called. “I... brought dinner up for you. May I come in?”

He heard a clatter. He rushed in, then saw (y/n) on the floor. Her hand was over her left cheek, as if she hurt herself. When she saw Satan, she quickly grabbed her mask and put it on.

Satan set down the plate on a dresser and went over to help her up.

“Are you alright? What happened?”

“Um... I fell... I’m okay now, though, so... thank you for dinner. You can go back downstairs.”

He hesitated, but let go of her arm. She sat down on her bed, and Satan brought the plate over, putting it on her side table. Then, he sat beside her.

“(y/n)... I know you don’t have a cold. You’d show symptoms beforehand, and you’re perfectly healthy.”

He saw her face turn sad, and grew even more concerned. Then, she started crying.

Now he was angry. Who was causing her pain? He was going to make sure whoever caused (y/n) to cry would suffer.

Unless... he was making her cry. If he were ever to scare (y/n), he’d never be able to live with himself.

“Sorry, I... did I say something...?”, he said quietly.

“... No, it’s not you, it’s just...” She hesitated.

“... What happened, (y/n)?”

She shrunk down, as if embarrassed. But, realising there was no way out of this now, she slowly took her mask off. She turned towards him…

“What... Who did this to you...!?”

She had a wound on her face, from her left cheek down to her mouth. It was too big to be a scar or a scratch; this was inflicted by someone.

Satan was livid. Why anyone would want to harm (y/n), the nicest person in the world... that was unheard of to him. He was going to make them pay for doing this to the one he cared about the most in the world.

“Satan... if I tell you, can you promise not to hurt them?” Tears flowed from those beautiful (e/c) eyes of hers. How could she still be kind to someone who had hurt her?

It took everything Satan had to push down those angry feelings. He held her hands in his as a gesture of comfort.

“... I promise,” he finally said.

She smiled. That was the smile that melted his cold demon heart from the first time he saw it; the time he fell in love with her.

“Thank you, Satan... I know I can trust you.” She gently released Satan’s grip on her hands, then looked down. “... It... It was... the new transfer student...”

“... What? When did you...”

“... He asked to talk with me after school yesterday. He seemed really nice, and he said he wanted to know more about how I’ve managed to stay here for so long without getting killed or... eaten. But... when I went to meet with him, he had two demons with him. He started calling me names, saying I felt entitled because I live with the student council. That’s when he... p-pulled out the knife...”

She started crying again, unable to continue further. Satan hugged her, cradling her sorrowful form. He’d heard all he needed to hear. Even though Satan made a promise not to hurt the transfer student…

That only meant physically, right?

- - - -

Satan had read many books on different methods of torture; mainly because it was interesting, but also to give him ideas on how to prank Lucifer next.

There were many ways to mentally, emotionally, or psychologically torture someone, but he didn’t want to do something so damaging that (y/n) would notice something wasn’t right. He just had to scare him. He wasn’t sure intimidation from himself would work, however…

As much as he hated it, Satan only had one way to do this.

“Lucifer,” Satan said, causing Lucifer to turn his gaze towards him.

“... What is it, Satan?” Satan rarely ever talked to him so abruptly, so he was caught off-guard.

“Can I… talk to you about something? It’s… about (y/n).”

Lucifer’s expression turned serious.

“Of course. Let’s talk in my office.”

Once they reached his office, Lucifer closed the door. He crossed his arms, waiting for Satan to speak. Based on Satan’s tone, he could tell something wasn’t right. He had a feeling this was about (y/n)’s recent behaviour.

Satan sighed.

“Believe me, I didn’t want to tell you this, but I have to,” Satan said. “It’s about why (y/n) has been wearing that mask and hiding in her room. It’s because… someone hurt her.”

Satan could tell right away that Lucifer’s demeanour changed. He was trying not to change into his demon form with all his might, but this was the angriest Satan had ever seen him; it was even worse than when (y/n) told Lucifer about Belphie.

“... And who… is this someone?”, he said darkly.

“... The new transfer student.”

This made Lucifer even more angry. The transfer students were picked based on certain criteria. They had to be an upstanding citizen -- or, at least, someone with good grades -- and now one of them had gone and hurt (y/n)? They’d gone too far.

“Lucifer, wait.” Satan stopped him before he left the office. “(y/n) confided in me because she trusted me not to hurt him, but… I took that to only mean physically. I want to hurt him some other way, intimidate him. That’s the only reason I told you this. If there’s anyone in the Devildom who can intimidate a student, it’s you. That way, he’ll never hurt her again.”

Lucifer stopped, then calmed down a bit. He could see where Satan was going, and he wanted to be part of it. He smiled a devilish smile.

“... Very well, then. I will help you. We both wish for the same thing: to protect (y/n),” he said.

“Thank you for understanding,” Satan said with a smile. If there’s anything the two could agree on, it was how much (y/n) meant to them.

- - - -

The next day, (y/n) no longer wore her mask. Satan had helped her not feel embarrassed about it anymore, so instead of wearing something like a mask, she had put a bandage over the scar. Despite the scar being so large, it worked.

Whenever anyone asked her what had happened, she explained she had a mishap in the kitchen. She originally thought of going between multiple stories, but was worried people would trade secrets and figure out she was lying. She didn’t want any of the other brothers to find out, in case they decided to act rashly.

“(y/n),” Satan called in the school hallway. He walked up to her and smiled. “I’m glad to see you’re not wearing that mask.”

“Y-Yeah,” she responded with a smile. “Um… talking to you really helped. I’m not as ashamed of it anymore, but… obviously I don’t want to flaunt it, y’know?”

“Of course.” He paused. “I… talked to the transfer student about it.”

(y/n)’s expression grew concerned.

“You didn’t… hurt him, did you?”

“No, I only talked to him. He shouldn’t bother you anymore.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, she thought Satan had betrayed her trust.

“I’m glad. Thank you for honouring my words, Satan. I knew I could trust you on this.”

He smiled; he was happy he could finally see her smile again. It made him even happier that this smile was only for him.

The transfer student wouldn’t be bothering her, or anyone else, for that matter. If he did… he’d have to answer to Diavolo himself.

[princeescaluswords]

For the fanfic asks: F, M, and/or U? Thanks!

F: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?

My favorite hurt/comfort fiction has yet to be written, because I only read Teen Wolf fanfiction and there is a tendency to tilt the story in one direction -- only one person's hurt is focused upon, and that's not how Teen Wolf rolled. No single character had a corner on hurt, and so no single character had a corner on comfort (what little there was of it).

Of the unbalanced hurt/comfort stories, the one that is my favorite is Possible Still by rosepetals42. It's a post-Season 5A story that is written before 5B, and it tries to handle the aftermath with the same philosophy of the show that 'physical pain is manageable; real pain is emotional pain.' Stiles is the focus, as is pretty much guaranteed, but it shows that the physical pain is accompanied by emotional turmoil and the vast majority of it is self-inflicted. Stiles doesn't have to isolate himself and he doesn't have to bear the pain of his wounds alone; he chooses to do it out of his own burdens.

Of course, there are some significant flaws in the story, most of it taken straight from Sterek fandom: the Sheriff is a neglectful blind idiot, vigilante murder is completely okay with no psychological after effects as long as the victims 'aren't human' no matter how contradictorily evil that makes Stiles seem, and it gives him skills that Canon Stiles simply did not possess (which, perversely, lessens the hurt part of the hurt/comfort). But, for me, the most egregious flaw is it ignores what the rest of the pack went through and it does it on purpose. Stiles figures out -- even though he's exiled from the pack -- exactly how Scott defeated the Doctors, but he apparently either doesn't know or doesn't care about what happened with Malia, Braeden, and the Desert Wolf, Theo's zombie chimera pack, Lydia being in Eichen House, Kira's fate, or Scott's actual murder by Liam and Theo.

That's part of my problem with the vast majority hurt/comfort fictions -- the authors tend to focus on the main character so exclusively it diminishes the emotional payoff of the comfort part by reducing the comforting characters to one dimension. One of my personal rules of writing is "People don't cheer firemen for putting out fires. That's their job. People cheer firemen because they can get hurt putting out fires." The emotional reward of someone putting everything to the side to comfort a hurt individual can only be enhanced if the reader is aware of what they're putting to the side.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

That leads me to the second part of your question. Sitting in my WIP file like a malevolent gargoyle is the work No Conquest of This Conqueror, my attempt at grappling with a story about Stiles abandoning Scott and joining with Peter as well as the idea that somehow Stiles would pull away from the pack after the nogitsune. The idea that somehow Canon Stiles would ever decide that Peter's way of treacherous murder is best and that a Left Hand would somehow make Beacon Hills safer seems very, very popular in the fandom, so much so that I feel impelled on a certain level to write one, only with less glee in wholesale murder and with more an eye to the cost.

My major point is that for all Peter's ruthlessness, he was tremendously short-sighted. In Season 1, if he had managed to kill Kate and Chris and Allison and Jackson, what would come next? We know what would come next: Gerard. There would be just more slaughter and maybe Peter would win and maybe he would lose, but there would be a lot of corpses. Eventually, one of them would be the Sheriff. Or in Season 4, if Peter had managed to get the pack to kill Berserker Scott, what would come next? Peter would have killed Liam and then what? What came next? To be safe, no one but Malia would have been able to come out of that temple alive, only because he needed Malia's help to kill Kate. Another boatload of corpses for Peter's temporary pleasure. When they chose the spiral as Peter's theme, it was very perceptive.

If, by some stretch of the imagination, Stiles would have looked at Peter's short-sighted ruthlessness and said 'that's the path for me!' what would that realistically entail? Sure, the 'right' people would die, but what would Stiles get out of it? No family -- the Sheriff would not 'recognize' Peter's and Stiles's right to preemptive murder. What friend would he have? What future would he have? Peter doesn't care about the consequences because breaking toys is what makes him happy.

Weirdly enough, I keep thinking of something Sansa Stark said in game of thrones. "I'm sure cutting off heads is very satisfying, but that's not the way you get people to work together." What would be the realistically consistent long-term results of Stiles playing at being murder husbands with Peter? It's fascinating to me, but it's so out of character for Stiles that I have trouble building up steam.

As for your last question, I answered that here.